The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss – Détails, épisodes et analyse

#139. How's our big trip going so far? This is where you find out.

Welcome to The Silent Why - usually a podcast on a mission to open up honest conversations around grief and explore whether hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss - but right now, things are a little different!

If you've heard the previous episode, you'll have a good idea what this one is going to be all about. 

We (Chris & Claire, your hosts) are on an adventure halfway around the world, spending some time down under. In this episode, we update you on our trip so far via Singapore to Western Australia.

And since recording (just a few hours ago), we've already remembered plenty of things we forgot to mention; like how warm the sea was in Singapore, the unexpectedly delicious ice cream sandwiches (thanks Mel!), the luge rides, the different Maltesers, and the glorious abundance of Earl Grey tea over here. 

No doubt those stories, and many more, will make their way into a future episode. 

So far we've seen and experienced some amazing things, but we've also had some disappointments, and you know us - we love to share it all with you, so tune in, and join us.

Plus, for videos of the kookaburra and bobtail lizard we mention, find us on social media.

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#138. We're off on an Ozzie adventure!

But, first things first, as promised, the all-important anonymous form: 👉 https://forms.gle/LmFrrd4xvvnEhG5R9  👈  (it'll make sense when you've listened to the episode!)

Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.

This episode is a little different, because we recorded in an unusual location about a very unusual topic!

We (Chris & Claire) are embarking on an adventure. For the rest of this year, we won’t be releasing our usual fortnightly episodes - primarily because we’re heading down under for a while - but this doesn't mean we'll be Silent. Why? 

Listen to find out.

Oh, and about that ticking clock… no, you’re not going mad - I don't think you can hear it!

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

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#129. What are the most valuable things we've learnt - or think really matter - after 20 years of marriage?

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.

On 26 May 2025, we celebrated 20 years of marriage! It's a big deal for us as we love being married and find we don't have that much to celebrate in life! So we decided to sit down and discuss what we've learnt over the past two decades, and share what we believe have been the most important ingredients in keeping our marriage as healthy and strong as possible.

And since we host a podcast, we thought 'why not record it for you to hear too?'

So that's exactly what we did. No editing (just the music and usual polish), a Sunday afternoon chat - published on Monday night.

In the build-up, we each wrote down our top five things we think have made the biggest difference in our relationship, but we didn’t share them with each other in advance. Were there overlaps? Surprises? Disagreements? You'll have to listen to find out!

If you’d like to hear more about us, especially our story around infertility and childlessness, you can hear us open up in a similar way in Loss 3: Loss of Fertility - https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/492a29c1/loss-3101-loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-1

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Thank you for listening.

Well, January is here, another marmite-month for many (in England that means you either love it or hate it), so what can we learn from the first month of the year?

Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.

My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofjanuary

This My Why is number 11 of 12 blogs in the series ‘To every thing there is a season’, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year (which I started in March for some reason) I'm sharing lessons I’m learning from each month, and I've reached January.

January gets a lot of bad press and I can see why, but I'm finding it has a lot to teach me about choice, beginnings, endings, contradictions, extremes and getting safely through doorways. 

So if you're keen to see what you can learn from January - this blog's for you. 
If you've got the January blues - this blog's for you. 
If you're just a nosey creature that wants to know how on earth you can find anything good in January - it's also for you.

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

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#061. Dislike New Year's Eve? Don't get it? Don't want to be a part of it? Hate it even?!

Well allow us to show you how you can turn it from foe into friend.

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.

We (Claire & Chris) know New Year is hard and disliked by a lot of people, but as it's technically only a calendar change we also know a lot of these feelings actually stem from personal hurts and pains people have around their previous New Year experiences.

So we've got 6 top tips on how to find ways to enjoy New Year and make it into something helpful instead of hurtful.

We've also got 20 questions you can ask yourself and work through if you want to assess where you are right now and where you want to be next year. You can copy and paste them from the podcast transcript if you want to work through those (https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com/1799189/11953644-another-new-year-why).

And here's the link to the New Year song we mention and quote from - 'For all that you have done' by Rend Collective: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYelp1pMpVs 

Wherever you are, however you're feeling, we wish you a New Year filled with hope, because... 'Hope is being able to see that there is light, despite all of the darkness.' Desmond Tutu.

For more of our content on New Year check out these episodes/blogs:

Blog: Know Hope (read/listen):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/knowhope

Episode 13 - That weird time between loss of an old year and start of a new year:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4be504ec/that-weird-time-between-loss-of-an-old-year-and-start-of-a-new-year

5 short hopelet episodes for bursts of hope:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4c222f81/hopelet-1-when-your-hope-is-small

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

The Silent Why podcast is on a mission to seek hope in 101 different types of permanent loss.

We (your hosts, Claire and Chris Sandys) also love a good spin-off.

In this short episode Claire helps you find what you need.

Links to episodes/blogs mentioned...

Episode 13 -  ‘That weird time between loss of an old year and the start of a new year’. (Chris & I chat about that weird time between Christmas and New Year): https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4be504ec/that-weird-time-between-loss-of-an-old-year-and-start-of-a-new-year   

My Why: Christmas - friend or foe foe foe?:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/christmasfriendorfoe

My Why: A weary world rejoices:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/awearyworldrejoices   

Episode 12: 'Chris’ loss of Christmas Spirit':
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b23ecc3/chris-loss-of-christmas-spirit  

My Why blog - Where’s the rest?:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/wherestherest

My Why blog - What’s the worst thing about grief:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/worstthingaboutgrief

My Why: The season of December:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofdecember

Where’s your hope at? (5 short Hopelet episodes):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/wheresyourhopeat

My Why: Know Hope:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/knowhope

And lots of other blog topics available on the blog (www.thesilentwhy.com/blog) like: 

Permission to grieve
What is loss?
Living in the bittersweet
Are you lonely?
Disappointed with life
Sunshine doesn’t fix everything
When did we all get so fearf

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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com

Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#060. Christmas can be a tough time, right?

If your answer is 'absolutely not' then this festive special might not be for you. But if you feel a sad little 'yeah it is' voice inside, then come with us as we chat through why some find it hard and how we can find - and share - comfort through it.

We're Claire and Chris Sandys, hosts of The Silent Why podcast, lovers of deep conversation, building community and marzipan.

We're also childless (not by choice) which adds a layer of discomfort to this special time of the year.

This time last year we recorded a similar episode (Chris' loss of Christmas spirit) and  since then we've had a year of chatting to people who have been through loss, and found it has massively helped us to find our own ways to navigate and cope with grief, especially at tricky times like Christmas. So in this episode we reflect on that and how we're feeling about this Christmas.

We're also joined by a host of special guest voices, from previous Silent Why episodes, who share something short about what makes Christmas hard for them, and then something sweet about what is bringing them comfort.

Thank you to Sue Brayne, Virginia Solomons, Lori Alcorn, Alina Mavis, Sasha Bates, Lisa Newman, Peter Ellis, Elizabeth Leon, Jennifer Bute, Lis Whybrow, and Greg Williams.

Plus, a beautiful piano rendition of In the Bleak Midwinter was recorded especially for this episode by the very talented - Jon Sandys. Thank you, Jon!

We know not everyone's Christmas will be happy, but we are finding we can all have hope, so we're wishing you all a very Hopey Christmas instead.

To listen to our 'Chris' loss of Christmas Spirit' episode from last year:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b23ecc3/chris-loss-of-christmas-spirit 

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Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#059. What is the relationship between food and grief?

This Let’s Chat… episode is exploring the relationship between food and grief. Does it help or hinder?Heal or hurt?

These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has lived-experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.

In this Let’s Chat… I’m talking to Lisa Kolb Ruland, a food editor, writer and young widow who divides her time between Washington, D.C. and Brooklyn, New York.

Lisa was a full-time food editor when she went through her own very sudden loss; in 2014 her husband Erik was in a group of explorers who died in a mountain climbing accident.

Lisa manages the food website Unpeeled Journal and the ‘Food + Grief’ project that you’ll hear us speak about. She has a unique insight into both areas from a personal and professional standpoint.

With Thanksgiving just gone and Christmas ahead I thought it was a good time to explore the relationship we can have with food when we, or others around us, are grieving.

Food plays a huge role in our lives, and therefore in our grief too, whether it’s eating alone for the first time, big family meals, taking other 'griefy' people food, under-eating, over-eating, cooking recipes that link us to those we’ve lost, or avoiding foods too connected to those we’ve lost, there’s so much to explore.

For more about Lisa visit her website:
https://www.lisakolbruland.com

Or the Unpeeled Journal: https://unpeeledjournal.com

Or her Food + Grief project: https://unpeeledjournal.com/category/features/food-grief-project

Or her amazing food photos: https://www.instagram.com/unpeeledjournal

And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a tool shed (metaphorically) of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Lisa adds to my growing list of tools.

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

Because it is an art, not a science. Have you got someone coming to your family or group gathering and you're not sure how to include them and make them feel welcome?

Maybe they're single, childless, divorced, grieving, unemployed, or just having a really tough time and you're keen for them to fit in.

I'm here to help.

Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.

My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theartofmakingeveryonewelcome

As a childless woman I know it's hard in gatherings, especially with families. And not only for those of us that don't feel like we fit in, but also for those that are trying to help us fit in. So I thought I'd offer some tips on how to include someone in your gathering and make them feel truly at home.

Now, bear in mind this is only for those that want to expend time and energy on helping someone that might find fitting in a bit difficult at the moment. It's not really for people who don't have trouble socialising or feeling like they belong, or for those that don't want to invite people round and try to go the extra mile to make sure they enjoy themselves.

I'd also say that this isn't meant as a way of encouraging you to invite others round just for the sake of it either, that can do more harm than good.

But if you really want to help a friend or family member feel like they fit in this Christmas, or at a gathering another time, and you know they find it difficult because they're the only single person, or the only childless couple etc, then these tips will help you do that.

You can find the other blog I mention here - 'How to talk to the grieving': https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com

Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#058. How do you grieve a loss that others might be happy about?

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.

Loss #39 of 101 - Loss of riding a motorbike

Meet Mark Riddles, from Northern Ireland, who was hit by a car while out riding his motorbike in 2021. Despite only going 30-40mph the collision was enough to end Mark’s motorbiking days, a passion he’d had for as long as he could remember. 

Mark had two (very nice!) motorbikes and loved everything about the biking life. However, like many family members of bikers, not everyone was as encouraging of his potentially dangerous hobby, so when he had to give it up it wasn’t just sympathy he got but also a bit of ‘I told you so’. 

This episode opens a fascinating conversation about how sympathetic we are to other people's losses if we can't understand the love for what they lost. How we might put our own spin on their loss because of our opinion of what happened. An important example of how all losses contain grief.

In this episode Mark talks openly about his experience of losing something he loved, how he might have responded differently if he didn’t have a family, why he hadn’t really thought of it as a loss to grieve before, and what he wants others to know in similar situations. 

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com

Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.