Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast The Reverend John Wheeler Podcast

A grand American tradition turns 23 today.

There is a plot to make The State of Minnesota bigger.

John Wheeler and Chris Masimore are in on it.

It is in motion now, and you cannot stop it.

It is for your own good.

John and Zachy remember the dumb old days.

OJ Simpson was the Jackie Robinson of getting away with murder, and Obama was the OJ of being elected President.

John and Derek remember the good times.

Featuring Chris Masimore and Derek Zubich, this episode dives deep into the two most important news stories of 2024: That weird crappy Willy Wonka thing that happened in Scotland like a month ago, and some dude marrying a lady with two heads, right here in Minnesota!

This hour of ranting eventually ends in: AI is a tool that we will use to shoot our own legs off.

Of course by "we" I mean our corporate overlords- but we as a people will allow them to do it, and turn on each other rather than them, as usual, as is always the plan.

And no, screaming on Facebook about how no one should use AI image generators won't help anything either.

Screaming on Facebook never helps anything. More than anything it just makes people hate you and all the barely reasonable if not outright dumb stuff that you believe is so important.

What? You going to toss a penny into a wishing well and hope the guy on your truck gets to be your new daddy? That's beta-cuck nonsense. Be a real man and go start your own country!

Is he going to start The Adult Baby Wrestling Federation?

X-Hail and Reverend John think YES.

I hope not. Then I'd have to start watching football.

The main take away on this episode is that music, art, and entertainment are three different things. Art is definitely for laundering dirty crime money, and music is for fucking shit up.I'll just let you watch for yourself to see Greg's appraisal of the entertainment industry and who runs it.

Aliens have been coming to earth, and it's all because we have the best drugs. Specifically crack.

I don't make the rules, but it does explain why they were in Miami.

Sidney Oxboro AKA New Sid joins us by the fire as we go over the long list of disappointing and idiotic things you've all done over the past year.

Everyone is getting one of Donald Trump's used diapers for Christmas this year, and frankly that's better than a lot of you deserve.

John Wheeler and Chris Masimore do a Special Olympics coverage episode.

More than anyone in history, that's how much.

We discuss that and Beanie Babies.

I was originally going to call this one "Hot Homeless Pussy" but I chickened out.

Had a pretty good thumbnail and everything.

Ah well.

In this episode I sit with known industrial felon and old friend Tracy Setterlund.

I actually don't talk as much as usual in this one, so you're welcome.

John Wheeler and Derek Zubich do their civic duty.

And here is the story of how I got it fixed for free.

I think we are living in a time where the American Propaganda Machine is imploding. Chris "X-Hail" Masimore joins Rev. John on a real head scratcher of an episode.

We recorded this in a live theater and it devolved into political discourse about robots and aliens running the country. Jason Krueger was there.

John's friend and fellow comedian/weirdo, Sidney Oxboro, takes the bus to visit him. They both get incredibly faded and try to figure out the meaning of life.

It's an extra long one, so you know they succeed!

Big Top Pee Wee is hands down the worst movie ever made by anyone in any time period, for any reason.

We try to explain so you don't have to watch it, but you should watch it anyways because you hate yourself and you deserve to be miserable.

It died long before the flood.

Your beliefs are loose puppet strings waiting to be pulled.

Believe it or not, you can't believe everything you read, and believe me this story is unbelievable!

...Dead serious about project 2025! Ha, gotcha with an old school Simpsons reference! Seriously though, we kinda think The Heritage Foundation is actually trying to get him. Put on your Alex Jones official branded tin foil hat and join us, won't you?

What did it mean to be a 1990s Goth Kid? For me it meant subversion and violence and toying around with the idea of controlling the way others perceived me in order to leverage them. My therapist once told me that this was unhealthy, so I almost ate his liver with fave beans and a nice Chianti, but I didn't because he made a really good point.

In Minneapolis, the art of creating glass pipes, spoons, bowls, headies, whatever- was once a dangerous and illicit business.Now it's just a day job with a paid time off and insurance.This podcast sort of gets into that, but it's mostly about forcing myself to make an actual documentary about it before everyone dies.

We are merging into a better timeline and leaving some people behind.

Are you coming with us?

Chris @xhailglass and I will help you figure it out.

That's right, DEAD serious about going to Itchy and Scratchy Land! Andrew Danger Brungalson and I discuss our grim reality.

Barbbenheimer Grind-house! I don't recommend drinking and theater hopping to watch both of these movies. It's like when I saw Grind-house in the theater. I thought Death Proof was boring, but later when I watched it by itself and realized that it is a far better movie than Planet Terror. I'm also quitting caffeine and kinda losing my mind.

NPC streamers model their behavior after video game NPCs, often performing repetitive, almost robotic gestures and phrases.

It is the result of multiple years worth of personal data mining and social media behavioral studies to funnel as much money as possible out of users for the absolute least amount of worthwhile content.

It is a major sign of the apocalypse. I'm not kidding. Boiling human interaction down to the molecular level for maximum profit extraction has an end point, and it's not pretty.

On a flight to visit her home in North Korea, standup comic and far-right nationalist radio personality, Morgan Pearson, saw some kind of inter dimensional reptilian alien ghost thing. We have a long conversation about mental health in America, that will someday be used as “exhibit A” in a war crimes tribunal.

Because they are the elephants of the sea, and an elephant never forgets…

Prominent Butt Scientist, Peter Pepper, joins Reverend John Wheeler to discuss the impact of Big Bathroom’s corporate agenda, and the role they played in this most recent tragedy. The ocean is God’s toilet, and they are interfering in matters that mankind could never hope to comprehend…

Wasn’t that wild? Chris Masimore and I get violently high and drunk, respectively, and have a frank and straightforward conversation about the nonhuman spacemen from beyond the moon!

I couldn't think of a better title, but my actual dad was here so it's good enough. We didn't actually sing though. More like, spoke about the blues. Towards the end. Kinda.

And then they run for president. This podcast is manly about my most recent trip to Colorado wherein I discovered how sloppy, rude, stupid, and inconsiderate most of Minnesota is. Being in a big city where businesses were staffed, shelves were stocked, and people didn’t let their unruly kids run wild was rather staggering. I’m mad about it. But at least we are finally getting weed, so that’s fun.

I’ll tell you how: when you stay up too late, get too drunk, and do a sprawling aimless podcast about nothing, and are man enough to know not to put it on YouTube, and just put out the audio here. It’s the grown up thing to do.

For example, he claims to have a car that runs on wine. Actually, that’s probably the extent of what you need to know. Nevertheless, this week I am joined by Chris “X-Hail” Masimore of Blue Felix and Minnesota Legit fame, and we discuss the joy of monarchy.

Rather then forcing people out, robots are filling in the gaps left by a shrinking labor force. This is actually a pretty thoughtful episode about technology logical progress and society. Ya know, In between the rambling and yelling.

I’m seriously asking. I don’t think the official talking points have been sent out yet, and I love these golden times of listening to heavily propagandized simps shooting in the dark trying to come up with their OWN reasons for continuing to worship those who lie to them for profit. It’s usually pretty great stuff. Feel free to share!

People throw one beer away and buy another one owned by the same company to prove a point to no one about how they don’t like to have to look at certain kinds of people. We are doing great as a species.

It did for me. Adderall and ketamine helped a lot, and I explain the whole mess right here.

In this episode I explain why.

We review, rewrite, and plan several sequels for Cocaine Bear. Also our friend Jason Krueger joins us. He’s the art director for Fearless Comedy, and the sound engineer for The Monday Night Comedy Show. Also our first ever guest.

1. Remove reproductive rights. 2. Remove education. 3. Remove child labor laws. 4. Our Ponzi scheme economy that is based on constant population growth and exploitation flourishes for a bunch of rich people that are not you. 5. Your dumb ass celebrates.

Rev. John Wheeler and Chris "Xhail" Masimore attempt to stay on topic long enough to explain Dead Internet Theory, and god bless them, they almost do.

YES! As long as you tell your insurance company that you are depressed. Which, if you are me, you are not. Good thing you can also cross your fingers behind your back every now and again to gain access to the spiritual realm.

Reaction to Static X Terrible Lie Cover: it’s not good. It caused a train accident and chemical spill that no one noticed because Ohio is already a train wreck AND a chemical toilet.

Minnesota schools are closed! But who cares, because snow days mean remote learning, and by learning I mean hearing about fractions and other bull crap that will never help you get a real job, unless you count the high powered space scientist job your parents think math class will help you get, but that ish ain’t happening.

Listen. There are some weird smutty books out there for lonely weirdo in all of us, but I don’t know who this is for. I suspect it’s no one, and this is some sort of troll goof attention grab. We fell for it. Now so can you.