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	Titre	Date	Durée
	Sorry For Ghosting You	08 Aug 2023	00:21:27
Clarity is kind It’s been months since I’ve shared a podcast episode with you. I had to get clear with myself on how I wanted to move forward before I could communicate it clearly to you. Post-sabbatical, I still felt drained and like I had so little to give. I’ve spent a lot of time feeling discouraged by the results of my podcast. But it finally hit me that even if I make $8k on the podcast, I spent $7k on the podcast. As I told you in January, my vision for this year is “less is more” and “simplify.” In an effort to follow that vision and promise, this will be my final podcast episode (potentially ever). Here’s what staying in touch looks like moving forward… Patreon patreon.com/therefinedcollective You can join for $5/mo (or $5/mo if you want access to the book club) We have four events each month: Exclusive video (this month I’m talking about the Barbie movie) Coaching Q+A video (you ask questions, I answer them) Connection call (this month, we’re chatting about embodiment) Book club (this month, we’re reading Shameless by Nadia Bolz-Weber) Coaching I still offer coaching in my shop! You can purchase individual or bundles of coaching calls therefinedwoman.com/coaching. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	5 Things I’m Currently Loving	09 May 2023	00:22:48
I feel like I start every episode with “this week’s episode, I’m doing things a little differently,” and that’s because I’m really just playing around with what feels good! Since before my sabbatical, I’ve felt lost as to what to share on the podcast. So this week, I decided to do something I thought would be fun (and maybe you’ll think it’s fun too)... an episode where I talk about five things I’m LOVING right now. Are you ready? Resources Join Patreon here and sign up for book club! This month is Falling Upward by Richard Rohr. Go to link.primallypure.com/therefinedwoman and use code TRW10 for 10% off. P.S. if you want 25% off, follow me on IG and keep an eye out for a code on May 11th. The code will only be valid on May 11th! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	I’m Taking a Sabbatical + Here’s Why	17 Aug 2022	00:36:00
This is a big episode for me. Punch line first: I am taking a 4-month sabbatical from this podcast and ALL things The Refined Woman related starting September 1st through January 1st. I know you probably have a million questions (and concerns) so this episode is dedicated to explaining why I’ve made this decision, what this time will look like for you, and what I’ll be doing while I’m away. Get 20% off when you go to BedSTU.com and use code RC20 at checkout. The Risolve is offering our listeners 20% off when you go to TheRisolve.com and use discount code REFINED20 at checkout! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Dream Interpretation with Andi Andrew	30 Sep 2020	01:06:01
Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!! Andi Andrew is a dear friend of mine and I am glad to finally have her on the podcast! She is a wife, mother of four kiddos, pastor, author, and speaker. She and her husband, Paul, are lead pastors at the Liberty Church in NYC. She also launched She is Free in 2015, a movement that equips women to walk in freedom. Today we’re talking about dream interpretation, a prophetic dream she had in 2016, and we unpack a recurring dream I’ve been struggling to understand. “As if posting a picture on our social media channels alone solves the massive problems we see all around us. If we could intentionally put our phones down more often and be about our father’s business…we’d see the change + transformation we so eloquently post about on our feeds…I think we can all agree that the last thing a lost and dying world needs is an army of ‘cute entertainers’ who are only interested in saving ourselves while spouting our opinions and putting on a show with an impotent gospel that temporarily fixes our symptoms instead of healing the heart, soul + body.” – Andi Andrew, Fake or Follower A Prophetic Dream Andi had a dream back in the election season in 2016… a tumultuous time. She was walking down the street with her children. There was an angel on her shoulder. She noticed people taking selfies in front of piles of dead bodies along the road. Andi felt no fear in the dream and her angel told her to walk into the destruction. “God, is this a nightmare? Do I need to be praying for our city?” The Lord told her that no, it was the state of the church. God was telling her that the church needs its foundation to be rebuilt and that it will take longer than we want it to, but it will happen. “In this season, God is really stripping the layers back of the church and of our lives so that we can hopefully wake up and pay attention.” It’s time to go back to the simplicity of the gospel. Get rid of the bells and whistles and focus on devotion to God, each other, prayer, unity, and community. 4 Different Types of Dreams 1. Soul Dream This is your brain processing the day. If you watched a certain show or listened to a certain song that day, it could be weaved into the dream. 2. Demonic Dream (night terror/nightmare) These are not from God. The enemy is showing you his hand— use this to pray specifically to God. 3. Prophetic Dream They could be personal, for others, or for a collective of people. Discernment: when and where to share, or are you just supposed to pray for others during this time? 4. Personal Discipleship Dream If there’s something that you haven’t dealt with from your past, it could keep coming to you in your dreams. Common Dream Symbols Numbers and colors are important. If you remember small details of your dreams, write them down! Different types of buildings and vehicles have different meanings: towers, open fields, scary forests, cars, airplanes, motorcycles. “The word of God, the Holy Spirit, is going to be your greatest teacher.” How to Interpret Your Dream Stay in the word of God— read it all the time. You need to be able to discern if your dream is from you, from God, or from the enemy. Pray! “Holy Spirit, does this have a meaning?” Write down the details of your dreams first thing in the morning. If you’re receiving a prophetic message for another person, “Ask God: Am I meant to share this or am I just meant to pray for this person?” and always approach the person with humility. Resources Keep up with Andi at AndiAndrew.com and on Instagram at @andiandrew. Read more about Andi’s prophetic dream on this IG post. Andi has an IGTV Dream Series— you can watch part one here. Here’s where you can buy her books, Fake or Follower and She is Free. Check out her podcast, Coffee with Andi, here! Read The Divinity Code: To Understand Your Dreams and Visions. *Be careful which books you read and make sure they are Biblically based books. I am so grateful for my friend Stephanie May Wilson and he her heart to create content to help me walk into a place of God’s presence with trust. She has a new journal called* The Between Places: 100 Days to Trusting God When You Don’t Know What’s Next. It’s a prayer journal for seasons of waiting, uncertainty, transitions, and making big decisions. You can pick up your journal at smaywilsonshop.com and use code REFINED for 15% off! You know how they say it takes a village to raise a kid? Well, this podcast is like my baby. Did you know you could financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	[BONUS] The Messy Middle: When Your Shame Becomes Your Redemption with Mary Marantz	28 Sep 2020	00:57:32
“She kept going until she looked good on paper, but it never made her feel more real.” -Mary Marantz How human is it to want something, try and fit the bill, and then finally fit the bill and feel like you’re suffocating? Mary Marantz and I talk all about this on the podcast this week. She grew up in a single-wide trailer, then went on to go to Yale Law School. She recently shared her story in her book Dirt that just came out this month. It’s a story that reminds you that you never really know a person. Dirty Beginnings She shares how looking back on such small beginnings, it’s easy to romanticize it in hindsight or from the outside looking in. But when you’re in it, it’s anything but. God said to her, “This is muddy and it’s hard and it’s not what you wished for and you wished you had someone else’s story, but I’m not done writing.” When she was little, the thing she wanted the most was a real house with a real roof. She imagined a blueprint of a home trying to redraw itself to be perfect. “She kept going until she looked good on paper, but it never made her feel more real.” Chasing the Shiny Fairytale A large part of her always wanted to go to law school, but sometimes we chase things so grand like law school just to feel like we’ve redeemed our small beginnings. At the start, she was hoping to go to a more local law school, but in a movie-like scenario, her friend submitted her application to Yale and she got in. Later on, she decided to start a photography business with her husband (she met him online, y’all!!!) They took big risks in business— she never wants to live a life that is safe. Carrying Your Past + Honoring Your Dirt “Is it something heavy you’re carrying? Is it a burden? Or is it some precious thing you’re carrying carefully?... For me, it’s the second one.” “I would no more try to run away from the dust in my life that represents the creation of God than I would try to run away from the mud in my story that represents the genesis of my story.” Look at your dirt and see the power of where you come from instead of the shame. “There’s no amount of running where you can outrun you.” Resources Keep up with Mary at MaryMarantz.comand on IG at @marymarantz. If you want to hear more of Mary’s story, you can buy her new book, Dirt, at thebookdirt.com/refined(plus you’ll get some fun goodies!) Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdatingtips to check it out! You know how they say it takes a village to raise a kid? Well, this podcast is like my baby. Did you know you could financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	What If I Don’t Know Who I Am: Identity, Trauma and Stepping Into the Unknown with Jedidiah Jenkins	16 Sep 2020	00:57:35
Is it ok if I don’t know ‘who’ I am…we all want to be somebody. But what is a somebody? —Jedidiah Jenkins Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!! This week, I’m chatting with travel writer, public speaker, and my good friend Jedidiah Jenkins. A few years ago, Jed made the decision to leave his job to pursue his dream: bike to Patagonia and write a book about it. And he did it. The book, To Shake the Sleeping Self, made the NYT Best Sellers List. Multiple times! Fun fact: we used to be roommates, so we share some fun stories from the good old days. We also chat about people-pleasing tendencies, learning to be your truest self, what our biggest fears can teach us, and why it’s important to name our traumas. “When you start to step towards what feels true, you might ruffle feathers, but what you’ll find is people that look up and go ‘Oh my God, me too.’” Being Gay in the Church Jed was raised Christian, realized he was gay and was told it was bad. “It’s a horrible thing to wake up into a consciousness as a child and realize that something innately inside you, everyone if they found out would reject you… That is a horrible darkness.” This led him to try and be perfect. “If I’m not inherently good, then I must earn it.” When he got to be 30 years old, he decided to really live his life, despite his biggest fear of be Jed opens up about the complicated relationship he has with his mother throughout his journey of becoming who he really is. When Your Biggest Fears Become Your Reality I open up about when my biggest fear became a reality: my dad having a drug relapse—and found instead of destroying me; it became one of the biggest access points for growth in my life. “Being tested is the revelation of who you are, so I wouldn’t trade that for the world.”— Jed Jed’s worst fear was rejection by everyone, and the opposite happened. “I’m lucky because I have a mother who loves first and is righteous second.” If you don’t heal your past; it will haunt you. 3 Practical things to do to begin walking towards freedom from trauma: Identify + speak your trauma out loud in safe spaces. Only then can you start to see how even the darkest moments have led you to who and where you are today. Release it—if we don’t heal our past; it will haunt us. Jed shares a quote from Onsite, a trauma workshop experience based in Nashville: “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.” Even if we’re not aware of the trauma, our bodies and subconscious are. Growth doesn’t mean that the struggle isn’t there anymore. It means you now have the tools to handle the struggle when it pops up. “Walk in the direction of what feels right. If it’s not right, it will tell you.” Resources Keep up with Jedidiah at JedidiahJenkins.com and on IG at @jedidiahjenkins. You can buy his book, Like Streams to the Ocean, here. You can buy his book, To Shake the Sleeping Self, here. Check out my IGTV response to purity culture here. Check out Onsite, the therapist community in Nashville, here. You can buy the book we talk about, The Body Keeps the Score, here. Get updates for my book, Sexless in the City, here. As a 35-year-old, the one thing I wish I knew in my 20s is that it’s never too early to start taking good care of your skin. I’ve recently become obsessed with Beauty Bio. They have an incredible microneedling tool called the GloPro. It helps create firmer, smoother, and younger looking skin with tighter pores. It’s financially accessible AND time efficient! Go to beautybio.com and check out their GloPro microneedling regeneration tool. Use TRC15 for 15% off your first order. Are you using the right product for your hair? Function of Beauty is hair care that is formulated specifically for you. They create shampoo, condition, and treatments to fit your unique needs. First, you take a quiz telling them about your hair. Their team determines the right blend of ingredients, bottle your order, and send it all right to your door! Plus, they’re vegan and cruelty-free. Go to functionofbeauty.com/refined to take your hair profile quiz and save 20% off your first order. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	[BONUS] Why Are So Many People Leaving the Evangelical Church Right Now?	11 Sep 2020	00:41:45
On this special bonus episode, I’m sharing part two of my conversation with Addison Bevere. If you missed part one, listen here for our chat about first dates, vulnerability, and 3 practical ways to know if he’s ‘the one.’ This episode, we’re diving into a conversation about his book he just released called Saints: Becoming More Than "Christians." We explore the current climate of the Western Evangelical church. We’re in a mass exodus right now and to be completely real with you, there are times I’m embarrassed to be associated with Christian culture. What it Means to Be Saints The word “Christian” is only used three times in Scripture. The word “Saints” is used over 60 times. “Saints aren’t people who remove themselves from the struggles of our world, Saints are people who plunge into the messiness of this world. We are all called to be Saints.” We discuss how so much of the Western Evangelical church has ignored the Black Lives Matter movement. “We’re a family and a family isn’t whole and completely represented until every single person is at that table.” The early church (the Saints) took Jesus’ words seriously and shared a Gospel that disrupted the status quo and turned the world upside down. It was a message worth trading their lives for. Can we say the same about today’s “Gospel”? What Does it Means to Be a Christian We’re living a post-Christian world, aka they’re moving on to secularism or DIY spirituality. What does this mean for Christians? “People have reduced the Gospel to a transactional idea.” A sin is a violation of relationships, and Jesus came to restore relationships. “That’s where the kingdom advances… at the intersection of relationship.” The church is full of extremes. Some people think being saved is both the starting line and the finish line. However, other people make the finish line so far away that nobody can reach it. Getting Back to the Heart of God Is it possible to recover from feelings of embarrassment with the Christian culture? Addison shares that he no longer calls himself a Christian. Instead, he says he is a follower of Christ because he doesn’t like the baggage of identifying as a Christian. “We have to be willing to use new language.” “Saints” is never mentioned in the singular. That’s because it’s about the “we.” Resources Keep up with Addison’s work at SonsAndDaughters.tvas well as MessengerInternational.org and AddisonBevere.com. Follow Addison on Instagram at @addisonbevere. You can buy Addison’s book, Saints: Becoming More Than “Christians,”here. Listen to part one of this conversation with Addison here. Listen to TRC episode 98 “Why Black Lives Matter” here. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Is He the One?: 3 Practical Ways to Know if You’ve Found 'The One' with Addison Bevere	09 Sep 2020	00:45:15
Addison Bevere is the COO of the non-profit Messenger International and co-founder of Sons and Daughters TV. He also recently became a published author— he just wrote Saints: Becoming More Than “Christians.” We talked for SO long and about so many things that I decided to share this episode in two parts, so you’ll be getting a special bonus episode this week! In this episode, we talk all about love, dating, and relationships. He shares the story of how he got married young and had children right away, plus he gives practical tips to know if you’ve found the one. “There’s joy and meaning and opportunity to be found in every season.” How to Practice Vulnerability in Dating Clarity o “Clarity is a relationship’s best friend in every stage.” Remove the Pressure o Release the first date pressure of “Are they the one?” Instead, ask yourself “Did I enjoy my time?” and “Do I want to spend more time with them?” Chill out! o “We’re trying to answer questions we shouldn’t even be asking yet.” Dating Real talk from a Dude: Addison shares that for the most part, men can be oblivious to when girls are flirting and sometimes they’re just terrified of making a move. “Wisdom transcends nuance, so when we seek to have a heart of wisdom, then we realize that God doesn’t deal in transactions, He deals in relationships.” If you find yourself concerned about their spiritual journey, think more about if you’re on the same path rather than if you’re at the same point on the journey. “God is the only one who gets to exist in the past, the present and the future. We get to live in the present.” 3 Ways to Know if They’re ‘The One’ Peace Philippians 4: It’s a peace that transcends all understanding. Colossians 3:14-15: Peace is like an umpire. I share a personal story of a time I almost got engaged and how I look back on that time and recognize I did not have peace in that relationship. Sacrifice It’s important to ask yourself “Am I willing to lay down my life, in the context of marriage, for the rest of my life for this person?” People frequently think about their relationship by evaluating the other person. We all evolve in different seasons of life. We will always be navigating new strengths and weaknesses. Growth Does being with this person acknoweldge and encourage who you are today while inspiring you to be more? Both have to be true. “Open your eyes to the you that Christ sees.” Resources Keep up with Addison’s work at SonsAndDaughters.tv as well as MessengerInternational.org and AddisonBevere.com. Follow Addison on Instagram at @addisonbevere. You can buy Addison’s book, Saints: Becoming More Than “Christians,” here. You can buy Lisa Bevere’s book Lioness Arising, here. Check out Addison’s IGTV “Why God Won’t Give You Clarity” here. Get access to the conference Addison and I both spoke at here. As a 35-year-old, the one thing I wish I knew in my 20s is that it’s never too early to start taking good care of your skin. I’ve recently become obsessed with Beauty Bio. They have an incredible microneedling tool called the GloPro. It helps create firmer, smoother, and younger looking skin with tighter pores. It’s financially accessible AND time efficient! Go to beautybio.com and check out their GloPro microneedling regeneration tool. Use TRC15 for 15% off your first order. I am so grateful for my friend Stephanie May Wilson and he her heart to create content to help me walk into a place of God’s presence with trust. She has a new journal called The Between Places: 100 Days to Trusting God When You Don’t Know What’s Next. It’s a prayer journal for seasons of waiting, uncertainty, transitions, and making big decisions. You can pick up your journal at smaywilsonshop.com and use code REFINED for 15% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Healing Heartache: How to Overcome Rejection, Break-Ups, + Heartbreak	02 Sep 2020	01:02:55
“In the midst of chaos, there’s always a place where peace resides. We just have to find our way to it”. — Toni Collier Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!! I have the pleasure of talking to Toni Collier this week. She is a speaker, host, consultant, and the founder of a women’s ministry called Broken Crayons Still Color. She helps women process brokenness and move towards hope. (I spoke to her husband Sam Collier a few weeks ago on the podcast— you can listen here.) We had a wonderful conversation all about her process of healing from traumas, our daddy issues (shoutout to Beyonce), and how she moved from divorce to healing and love. “Our childhood wounds become the hurdles of our adulthood.” 4 Big Hitters to Overcoming Heartbreak Self-awareness Be honest and confront yourself. Too often, we just survive through traumas. We need to understand that those traumas are not okay and heal from them. We also need to realize that healing isn’t overnight. Lean in and do the work: what’s the bottom of your pit? Because of the pain she endured in childhood, she found herself in situations that caused further trauma and pain. “I turned into this extremely hurt, abused, bitter woman and it was leaking everywhere because our pain can just not stay silent.” Beth Moorewas instrumental in Toni’s healing journey. Go to the root of the trauma. Toni shares the success she had with EMDR and what it does to treat trauma. If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. Unhealed trauma manifests in the present. “Until we look ourselves in the eyes and become the healthy whole individuals that we want to date and marry, we’re going to perpetuate a cycle of single people roaming the earth.” 5 Quick Heartbreak Hacks Unfollow + Block on social. If you think you’ll be tempted to search them, block them! Community: invite trusted people into the process with you. What brings you joy? Self-Care Back to the basics: o Eat well o Sleep well. o Move your body. Replenishment Cycle The key here is to have a reserve of health that you can pull on. Ask yourself, ‘What brings my soul, emotions, and spirit joy?’ o Quiet time // Check out my 7-day devotional o Meditation // Check out my 30-day Bible study and meditation guide o Get in nature o Take care of yourself: nails, hair, get dressed. “The souls God gave us are inside of the bodies he gave us. We get to take care of them too.” o Working out Set up consistency within your replenishment cycle. Commit to the healing process. Now allowed: a text message from someone. “They cannot fill you up.” Resources Keep up with Toni on Instagram at @tonijcollier. Check out her work with Broken Crayons Still Color at BrknCrayons.comand @brkncrayons on IG. The Hopeful Woman Collectiveis a private Facebook Group and a space for women to be hopeful that you can join. The Hopeful Woman Courseis available here. You can buy Beth Moore’s book, So Long, Insecurity, here. Keep an eye out for Toni’s 5-Day Broken But Hopeful Challenge starting in September! Listen to Toni’s husband, Sam, on The Refined Collective Podcast here. Because I know it’s probably stuck in your head, here’s Daddy Lessons by Beyoncé. Onsite Workshops in Nashville is another great resource if you want an in-person deep dive into trauma therapy.https://www.onsiteworkshops.com As a 35-year-old, the one thing I wish I knew in my 20s is that it’s never too early to start taking good care of your skin. I’ve recently become obsessed with Beauty Bio. They have an incredible microneedling tool called the GloPro. It helps create firmer, smoother, and younger looking skin with tighter pores. It’s financially accessible AND time efficient! Go to beautybio.com and check out their GloPro microneedling regeneration tool. Use TRC15 for 15% off your first order. I am so grateful for my friend Stephanie May Wilson and he her heart to create content to help me walk into a place of God’s presence with trust. She has a new journal called The Between Places: 100 Days to Trusting God When You Don’t Know What’s Next. It’s a prayer journal for seasons of waiting, uncertainty, transitions, and making big decisions. You can pick up your journal at smaywilsonshop.com and use code REFINED for 15% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Why Does the Church Worship Marriage?	26 Aug 2020	01:02:59
Today is a big day, friends, because I’m chatting with Jamie Ivey! A few years ago Jamie had me on her podcast The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey. AND it was the first time I ever opened up about my faith and singleness. It was astonishing to hear the response to that conversation and it is part of the reason I am writing a book. Today, we chat about her book, You Be You, understanding our callings, how the church worships marriage, and how to maintain healthy boundaries in friendships. Does being single in the church feel like being JV to the Varsity of married couples ? Worshipping Marriage We talk about how some people feel their biggest calling is being a wife or a mother and the ways it can be a problematic feeling: The 3 Marriage Myths: Marriage will solve your problems, and fix you. i.e. eating disorder, body image, addiction, etc. Marriage makes you more godly. Marriage will jumpstart your purpose and calling. “This is on us as the church to quit proclaiming marriage as God’s greatest gift to us. It is a good gift, but I am not any more special than you because I’m married.” Can Men and Women Be Friends? (Ya we went there…again). We chat about how if you shut yourself off from any male friendships, you’re missing out on getting to know so many people. Jamie talks about the boundaries she and her husband stick to when it comes to guarding their marriage. #1 thing to keep in mind in guy/girl friendships: COMMUNICATION. If you’re developing feelings for a guy friend… SAY IT! Knowing Your Calling Sometimes we can feel so paralyzed when trying to identify our calling, but we tend to overcomplicate things. 3 Questions to ask yourself to figure out your calling (brought to you by: Tim Keller) to Know Your Calling: o Affinity o Ability o Opportunity (check the full article here) “God has equipped you to do something great.” Resources Keep up with Jamie at JamieIvey.com and on IG at @jamieivey. You can buy Jamie’s book You Be You here. Text FRIEND to 33777 and Jamie will send you a free downloadable print and talk to you about her book! You can listen to her podcast The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey here. Listen to my conversation with Jamie Ivey on The Happy Hour Podcast here. Watch Jamie’s family chat with Emmanuel Acho about being white parents raising Black children here. Check out Tim Keller’s Calling Exercise PDF here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	[BONUS] Stop Saying "Sorry": How to Lead Like a BOSS	24 Aug 2020	00:48:33
Dr. Sasha Shillcutt is a nationally renowned cardiac anesthesiologist and has witnessed gender-bias in her field. She’s also seen women withdraw and conceal their leadership. We ended up having a completely different conversation than we had planned because we started chatting about the idea of ‘bossiness.’ Do you ever stop and think of how many times you say “I’m sorry” throughout the day to make others feel more comfortable and diminish your own experience? We dive into why that is. It’s Okay to be Bossy We chat about how our tendency to apologize for everything dims our own light . “We constantly have to ask ourselves: do we have permission to be ourselves today?” Even if we call someone out on inappropriate behavior, we can fall into saying, “I’m sorry, but…” Dr. Sasha now says, “Can you repeat that?” You shouldn’t have to apologize to make someone else feel better about their inappropriate behavior. “Being bossy saves lives. Taking action saves lives.” Two Strategic Ways to Lead Like a Boss Leading statements When you’re going into an assertive position, this is what you have to do: for the next five minutes you’re going to clearly define where you see [whatever project you’re working on] and you’re doing it this way so you can share clearly your stance. If you anticipate getting emotional, say, “I’m not upset; I’m just super passionate about this.” The next time you’re in a room where a woman asserts herself, affirm her! Four Ways to Negotiate Like a Boss (Even When You Don’t Know What You’re Doing) Know your non-negotiables and your bottom line Get clear on the things that you will NOT do Be willing to walk away from something good because you know you’re worth something amazing Realize your power Start talking with women about how much you’re making Sallie Krawcheck, the CEO and co-founder of Ellevest shared, “61% of womenwould rather talk about their own death than talk about money.” Know what the other party wants from you How do you know what the other party wants? What are the 3 highest goals for me this year? How do you optimize yourself in those 3 areas? There’s power in being the candidate that negotiates As women, we just feel grateful we got the job Think long-term This breakthrough will support future women “I’m not just negotiating for Sasha, I’m negotiating for my family, my daughters coming behind me, my friends who are women. I’m negotiating for all of them and that empowers me.” Resources Keep up with Dr. Sasha Shillcutt at com and on IG at @becomebraveenough. You can buy Dr. Sasha’s book, Between Grit and Grace: The Art of Being Feminine and Formidable, here. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Is My Sexual Desire Sinful?	19 Aug 2020	00:32:03
I am so grateful to The Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!! I never thought I’d be talking about things like sexual desire and masturbation, but the masturbation series broke records for downloads. So many of you reached out saying it was what you had been needing to hear. So here I am, back to talk about sexual desire. My heart today is to unpack for you a biblical vision surrounding sexuality and desire and for you to walk away with clarity and practical tools to walk out your sexual desire well in whatever season you may be in. "You can't talk about sexuality without talking about how we were made. And that will inevitably lead you to who made us. At some point you have to talk about God. Sex. God. They're connected. And they can't be separated. Where the one is, you will always find the other.” —Rob Bell, Sex God God is NOT Afraid of Your Sexual Desire The rhythm and repetition of the Creation account is filled with erotic language. “The climax of creation is the creation of humanity.” Song of Solomon: Hebrew boys weren’t allowed to read it because it was so erotic. Anyone that says this is just a metaphor for Jesus and the church is dismissing the layered and blatant text. Psalms: And again, “I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you…your love is better than life…on my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night…I cling to you (Ps.63:1-8 emphasis mine). When was the last time you cried out to God with such visceral language because your longing for Him was so strong? “God is not shy or embarrassed or afraid of desire or erotic language.” What is Sexual Desire? “Spirituality can be described as a vast longing that drives us beyond ourselves in an attempt to connect with, to probe and to understand our world. And beyond that, it is the inner compulsion to connect with the Eternal Other, which is God. Essentially, it is a longing to know and be known by God (on physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual levels). This is why we are called to worship God with all that we are—body, mind and soul (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Mark 12:29-31)… …Sexuality can be described as the deep desire and longing that drives us beyond ourselves in an attempt to connect with, to understand, that which is other than ourselves. Essentially, it is a longing to know and be known by other people (on physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual levels). It thus forms part of what it means to ‘love others as we love ourselves’ (Mark 12:29-31)…Our deepest longings as human beings are to be in relationship with God and our neighbor—this really and simply is the human condition… —Debra Hirsch, Redeeming Sex, page 16 (parantheses quote from Alan and Debra Hirsch, Untamed Sexual Desire vs. Desire for Sex Sexual desire is the desire to connect outside of ourselves with others—this includes a natural desire for sex—but to say that our sexual desire is the same as our desire for sex is to take a multi-faceted 3-D experience and flatten it into 1-D stick figure. Sexual desire is way more expansive than just bodies touching and fluids exchanging. God didn’t say humanity is good…but your sexual desire is only good in marriage—he just said it’s very good. There has to be a way to embrace sexuality outside of marriage + outside of sex in a way that’s honoring. This is really good news! Especially for those of us who are single! Having sexual desire is one of the most common human experiences—in fact, if you didn’t have desire—that’s a whole other conversation. Ultimately our sexual desire is a shadow of our desire for God. Is My Sexual Desire Sinful? God put the penis on the man, and he put the testicles on the man, and he filled those testicles with sperm. He created all tissue—some that would expand, some that would secrete; he filled the man with testosterone to walk through all creation and name the animals, to exercise God-given authority. When Adam was done with that, before sin entered the world, God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’. I want to say it again: God’s the one who created and wire this whole thing. In Genesis 2, sin hadn’t even entered the world yet, and God said it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. So he knocked him out, pulled out a rib, and shaped the woman. And as he shaped the woman differently, he gave her larger breasts, rounder hips, and a vagina. He filled the woman with a different hormone, estrogen. The woman’s body was not the Devil’s idea; it was all God’s doing.” —Matt Chandler, The Mingling of the Souls, page 13 Genesis 1 teaches us that GOD CREATED HUMANS AS HOLISTIC BEINGS. Our sexuality and desires are not a surprise to God; it’s not shameful or taboo: He created it and then called it good. Something about it reflects an aspect of who He is. “God doesn’t make bad or gross or shameful things. All of who you are reflects the Genesis 1 God image in you.” Resources Listen to Purity Culture, Painful Sex + Debunking Shame Narrative with Dr. Celeste Holbrook Sign up for my How to Embrace Your Sexuality Course here:https://bit.ly/Trw-embrace Get your free guide 6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life here:ly/trw-datingtips Here’s my IGTV “4 Reasons Why Purity Culture is Missing the Mark” Purchase Matt Chandler’s The Mingling of the Souls Purchase Debra Hirsch’s Redeeming Sex Purchase Rob Bells’ Sex God If you want to stay in touch about my book Sexless in the City, click here for all updates. Thank you so much to this week’s sponsors of The Refined Collective Podcast!! As a 35-year-old, the one thing I wish I knew in my 20s is that it’s never too early to start taking good care of your skin. I’ve recently become obsessed with Beauty Bio. They have an incredible microneedling tool called the GloPro. It helps create firmer, smoother, and younger looking skin with tighter pores. It’s financially accessible AND time efficient! Go to beautybio.com and check out their GloPro microneedling regeneration tool. Use TRC15 for 15% off your first order. I am so grateful for my friend Stephanie May Wilson and he her heart to create content to help me walk into a place of God’s presence with trust. She has a new journal called The Between Places: 100 Days to Trusting God When You Don’t Know What’s Next. It’s a prayer journal for seasons of waiting, uncertainty, transitions, and making big decisions. You can pick up your journal at smaywilsonshop.com and use code REFINED for 15% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	What Dating in 2020 is Really Like…	12 Aug 2020	01:06:18
This week, I two guests…double the fun y’all! I have the pleasure of talking to Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick, the podcast hosts of The Dateable Podcast. When they began, it was a whole lot of ‘dating sucks,’ but they’ve transitioned out of that to focusing on getting to the bottom of why people do the things they do. We’re chatting all things dating during COVID, dating in the midst of the BLM Movement, and ALL the things. It’s Not Just You Everyone thinks they’re alone in their dating struggles, but if you talk to enough people you find that it’s pretty universal. “There’s so much looking outward at other people’s behavior that people forget to look at their own behavior.” One of the biggest struggles in dating is that for a long time, there was just a lot of bad advice out there. Lessons Learned from Hosting a Dating Podcast “There’s no formula. Love cannot be hacked. It just doesn’t work that way.” Julie and Yue share some of their own dating experiences— they even interviewed some of their first dates for their podcast!! Dating doesn’t always end in marriage, and that is ok! Sometimes the outcome of a date is just a platonic relationship, and that’s okay. What Dating in 2020 is Really Like… “This might not end for a while. We just don’t know. The only thing we can do is adapt to what we are given.” Mindset is everything, whether you’re using this time to video date or focus on yourself. “This could be a really great thing for our dating lives if we let it be.” We talk about how more and more people are putting their support of Black Lives Matter in dating profiles, and I share a personal story of ending a first date with a man. “A lot of times, we don’t know what’s important to us until we experience it.” “The key to modern dating is to trust yourself. There isn’t a rulebook.” Recourses Listen to their podcast, The Dateable Podcast, on iTunes and Spotify. Keep up with Julie and Yue on IG at @dateablepodcast, on FB at Dateable Podcast, and on Twitter at @dateablepodcast. Join their Facebook group Love in the Time of Corona here. As a 35-year-old, the one thing I wish I knew in my 20s is that it’s never too early to start taking good care of your skin. I’ve recently become obsessed with Beauty Bio. They have an incredible microneedling tool called the GloPro. It helps create firmer, smoother, and younger looking skin with tighter pores. It’s financially accessible AND time efficient! Go to beautybio.com and check out their GloPro microneedling regeneration tool. Use TRC15 for 15% off your first order. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Navigating Physical Boundaries While You’re Deconstructing with Alessandra Conti	10 Aug 2022	01:05:56
So your whole life you were taught to save sex until marriage from the church. You were taught it was ‘God’s best.’ But now you’re in a massive season of deconstruction. Your faith still matters to you, but it looks nothing like it used to anymore. Who + how do you date during this season? And what about your physical boundaries? What if you don’t know if you want to wait until marriage anymore? Well…today on the podcast alongside celebrity matchmaker Alessandra Conti, we go straight towards these questions. Conti is the co-founder of Matchmakers In The City, an old-school, personal matchmaking firm headquartered in Beverly Hills. Let’s dive into what she has to share! Get 20% off when you go to BedSTU.com and use code RC20 at checkout. Go to ZocDoc.com/Kat to download the app for free and start your search today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	What Does Being A Man Feel Like?	05 Aug 2020	00:58:50
I have the absolute pleasure of chatting with pastor, author, and host of the A Greater Story podcast, Sam Collier. He just released a book called A Greater Story all about turning messes into miracles and how God redeemed stories in his life. We chat all about finding our own miracles during COVID-19, his personal journey finding his family, and what it’s like to be a man in the church. Finding Miracles in COVID-19 “Every miracle is a reaction to the impossible.” Because of COVID-19, Sam has lost family, he has struggled with launching his book, and being a speaker has been made incredibly difficult. “Maybe this book can help people find the miracle that they need in this season.” For those of us who may struggle with comparison, sometimes the miracle is just learning to trust God rather than a specific result we’ve been waiting for. “When change happens, we tend to focus on the challenges. If you look there, that is all you’ll see. If you decide in the midst of the change to try to find the opportunity, then you may end up finding a miracle.” “God never promised us perfection, but that He would be with us in the imperfection and that if He doesn’t move the move the mountain He’ll give us the power to climb it.” Finding Family “Whatever lack I was supposed to be experiencing from the absence of my biological family, I just didn’t have” Sam shares his experience finding his biological mother and meeting her for the first time on national television. He talks about the discoveries he made about himself when he found his biological family and how those things helped him understand who he is. Being a Black Man We talk about the differences between how the church fosters men versus women. The male/female dynamics have shifted over the years, and we explore how we can find a balance of needing another person and being our own empowered individuals. Sometimes it feels like our only options are what culture says vs what the religious spirit says. But there is a third option: what Jesus says. “We want to feel strong. We want to feel like we matter. We want to feel like we’re important… like someone is proud of us.” Resources Buy Sam’s book at AGreaterStory.org(it just came out August 4th!!) Keep up with Sam on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. As a 35-year-old, the one thing I wish I knew in my 20s is that it’s never too early to start taking good care of your skin. I’ve recently become obsessed with Beauty Bio. They have an incredible microneedling tool called the GloPro. It helps create firmer, smoother, and younger looking skin with tighter pores. It’s financially accessible AND time efficient! Go to beautybio.com and check out their GloPro microneedling regeneration tool. Use TRC15 for 15% off your first order. Are you using the right product for your hair? Function of Beauty is hair care that is formulated specifically for you. They create shampoo, condition, and treatments to fit your unique needs. First, you take a quiz telling them about your hair. Their team determines the right blend of ingredients, bottle your order, and send it all right to your door! Plus, they’re vegan and cruelty-free. Go to functionofbeauty.com/refined to take your hair profile quiz and save 20% off your first order. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Is Married Sex Better Sex?	29 Jul 2020	01:11:44
“You can never say, do, or be the wrong thing to the right person.”—Hugette Montesinos Rodriguez Hugette Montesinos Rodriguez is the CEO of Disfunkshion Magazine and has worked with thousands of women worldwide spreading her message of living a delicious life as she moves from fear to freedom. She is the most colorful person I know and I’m so excited to be talking with her about sex, specifically married sex, and if it was better because she waited for it. A Non-Linear Love Story After 9 months of marriage to her high school sweetheart, Hugette discovered some heartbreaking things that led to divorce. She recalls turning to God in this season of heartbreak and healing. “You go from building a life and a future… to all of a sudden your entire foundation being completely destroyed.” Love Fast She remembers looking up at the midnight sky on New Year’s Eve promising that for the first 3 months of the year she’d turn all of her thoughts and hopes for love over to God. She went ziplining in Costa Rica “…and that’s where I met my delicious husband.” This was in the middle of her love fast, but she ended up connecting with him and he used a really smooth line on her. As they began connecting more online, she noticed he was committed to God. Realizing she was getting interested, she was honest with him and told him she needed to not talk to him until April. He respected it. Unlikely Love Hugette shares a moment when it felt like God was working in her life in a major way. After three months, they knew they wanted to get married. They spent a year and a half long distance dating and now they’ve been married for 5 years and have a wonderful 10-month-old baby girl. In that time, Hugette was clear with him that she wanted to wait until marriage to have sex and his response was what everyone dreams they would hear. Married Sex Hugette shares what it was like for her to abstain from sex waiting for marriage when she had had sex in your previous marriage. She is honest about the fact that sex with her ex-husband was painful and lacking compared to sex with her husband now. “Every part of it… it’s like a party. It’s a celebration every time. I know I can be free and I can enjoy every bit of it.” We chat about the difference between external and internal orgasm. The first time she experienced both was with her husband. “It’s this mind-blowing experience. There’s a reason why this is so sacred. There’s that physical, spiritual, and emotional connection.” Managing Expectations There’s so much pressure around the wedding night that their wedding night was actually terrifying. But they were able to have an open conversation about it. “Don’t go into marriage thinking you’re going to have mind-blowing sex on day one.” Hugette shares that it’s important to think of more than just attraction. “If life is this marathon that you’re going to run together, who is going to be your best teammate who is really going to be alongside you?” She stresses the importance of communication and vulnerability. Tell him what you like. “When a guy is really that into you, so much of his sense of pleasure and satisfaction comes from seeing the satisfaction in you.” Resources Keep up with Hugette at @disfunkshionmagand dsfmag.com Check out her FREE Radical Joy Toolkit here. Hugette will soon be launching her Radical Woman Roadmap, a coaching program where she helps women navigate all of these fears to step into a place of freedom. Listen to Dr. Celeste’s episode: Purity Culture, Painful Sex + Debunking Shame Narrative Listen to Stephanie May Wilson’s episode: Dating Tips, Deal Breakers and Myths Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Fight Fair: Do you want a healthy relationship or do you want to be right?	22 Jul 2020	01:01:52
This episode is really special, friends. I didn’t come into this episode with a real plan for a direction our conversation would take and I’m glad I didn’t because it naturally went to some amazing places. This week, I’m chatting with Todd McCullough, founder of TMAC Fitness. We spoke about conflict resolution, fitness, our backgrounds as athletes, but we kept coming back to the value of relationship and community over being ‘right.’ Who We Really Are As I read his bio, we chat about the fact that it’s so hard to keep them short and accurate. Todd acknowledges that bios only show our accomplishments, and never the failures that led us to those accomplish those things. We each share three bullet point failure moments that were pivotal to how we became the people we are shown to be in our bios. Being Okay With Conflict I tend to be okay with saying what needs to be said even if it’s going to ruffle feathers. We tend to surround ourselves with people who act as an echo chamber for us. But is the goal in life to be conflict-free or to have unity? “We would rather be right than actually find truth and I think that’s a breakdown right now in society.” Todd shares his experience growing up in a conservative community and then living in a progressive community He opens up about how he loves God, but he loves to listen to Sam Harris, who is an atheist, because it challenges him and helps him understand his faith on a deeper level. “Why do I believe this?” Black Lives Matter Todd believes it’s important to judge the individual rather than the group. And I share my thoughts on systemic racism and corporate sin. “The hard part about blind spots is that you can’t see what you can’t see.” Todd shares his experience as someone with family members who are police officers. He shares that he has had conversations with the Black people in his life about their interactions with police officers and they look different from the interactions he’s had. “If you believe that we’re all brothers and sister, then you should look out for those that are being treated poorly.” “Nobody wants to hear what you believe; people want to see how you live your life.” “Does Jesus love the people I hate?” Speed Round Number one thing you can do to propel your wellness and fitness? His focus has shifted over the years from working out, to eating well, to meditation, but it has always circled back to one thing: having a healthy identity as an individual. “God’s not going to love me anymore if I have a six pack” Is alcohol good or bad for your fitness? Depends on the individual. He shares his own drinking routine. How is physical fitness a manifestation of your spiritual life? “We have a personal responsibility to give our best each and every day to our loved ones and our community. Fitness is simply a tool to do that.” “Fitness is a tool to dive into the spiritual.” Resources: Listen to my thoughts on Black Lives Matter in episode 98. Check out Todd’s FREE at-home workouts at bit.ly/trctmac. Keep up with Todd at com and on IG at @tmacfitness. Who loves free workouts? Uhm, ME! Todd has a free 10-day at-home workout training plan. The workouts are 20 minutes, end with a meditation and prayer, and there is no equipment needed! How amazing is that? These workouts are for beginners and the more advanced. To get more info head over to bit.ly/trctmac. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Part II: Is Masturbation A Sin?	15 Jul 2020	00:33:41
Today is part TWO of a conversation on masturbation on the podcast. If you missed part one, check it out here before you listen to this episode. This week, I’ll be walking through what the Bible says about masturbation and if it is really a sin. Is Masturbation A Sin? Brokenness is the beginning of the gospel—David Kim. My honest answer is: yes, no, maybe. o Is it possible to touch myself and explore my body and experience pleasure and stay connected to myself, God, and others? I think so. All the way from Genesis to Revelation there’s this rhythm we see of death to life, brokenness to restoration, renewal and redemption.[1]Clearly there is some real brokenness with masturbation, but if Jesus came to make all things new, is it possible that He could have a redemptive vision for this too[2] 1 Corinthians 6:12-13; 10:23 o Paul says it twice: Everything is lawful, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. How Can Masturbation Be A Win? Pleasure God is for our pleasure. How do I know? Taste buds, sunsets, brownie sundaes, and the only purpose of the clitoris is pleasure. Practice Healthy Consent Consent in sexual encounters whether it’s a hug or sex is VITAL. But if we don’t know what we want or what feels good we won’t have the tools to communicate our wants and needs. Masturbation can be a way to: o Know your body. o Know what feels good and doesn’t feel good. o And have the ability to communicate that. Mutual Honor and Acceptance We put on other people a tenth of what we put on ourselves. If I judge, shame, dismiss my sexual desire and in essence don’t accept it, how can I accept my partner’s? Connection and Innocence To God: o Mark 12:29-30— love God with all of you. To self and others: o Matthew 18:3— be like little children. o If little children can masturbate in innocence, can we not get back to that as well? Practice Being Present: Sensuality Dr. Celeste Holbrook, the Christian sexologist, describes sensuality beautifully: it’s the act of being present. She talks about how toddlers are the most sensual beings because they’re in a constant state of discovery. Porn and masturbation are not mutually exclusive. Removes fear and shame around body, self, and sexual desire. Questions to Ask Yourself Am I addicted to porn? I am not here to shame you if this is your story. Masturbation for a person addicted to porn would be like a drunk living at a bar. Not a win for you right now. Phylicia Masonheimer has some amazing resources for you around this topic. Sexuality can be activated by abuse. If that is your story, I am so sorry and remember that it is never your fault. Your sexuality is not tainted and you have permission to work through this. Why am I feeling turned on right now? 50 Shades of Grey, porn, or a normal Wednesday afternoon? What am I really looking for in this moment? Connection? Intimacy? Release? How can I honor myself, God, and my future in this moment? Really take the time to answer this question for yourself. If shame weren’t a part of the conversation, how would I show up? Shame and fear is not the heart of God— Ephesians 3— rooted and grounded in love. Jesus came for the abundant life— not a spirit of fear, but of power! Is it possible to masturbate and stay present and not fantasize? Is it possible to remain in healthy community with myself, God and others and masturbate? Is it possible to experience self-pleasure and remain outward focused? Yes! Grace Alone: In every other area of our lives we’re willing to fumble, but sexually we’re so terrified. It’s like 1-strike you’re out and sent to the pit of hell. No! Just because some people may become alcoholics, doesn’t mean everyone will. Who am I becoming? (Jon Tyson) What are the actions, words, choices of your life propelling you towards? When to discern if this is problematic behavior? o Porn/erotica. o Isolation. o Keeping you from relationship. o Distraction from everyday activities. o Can’t work, go out, or sleep without it— like any addiction. o Fantasy land vs. real life. So is masturbation a sin? Yes, no, maybe. Where is your heart? I have masturbated in all 3 scenarios. Give yourself permission to search your heart, to explore, and seek God’s heart. If fear is a part of the conversation, reject it! Resources: Embrace Your Sexuality Mini Course. Sign up for one on one coaching with me here. Phylicia Masonheimer offers 7-day free content for those struggling with porn addiction. Celeste’s TRC episode: Purity Culture, Painful Sex + Debunking Shame Narrative Phylicia Masonheimer’s TRC episode: Who Should I Date? Jon Tyson’s TRC episode: Developing a New Vision for Christian Sexuality Get on my mailing list for my book launch! Books to Read: * Note: I don’t agree with everything in these books, but they are great resources* Redeeming Sex by Debra Hirsch Mingling of the Souls by Matt Chandler Sex God by Rob Bell Theology of the Body for Beginners: A Basic Introduction to Pope John Paul II's Sexual Revolution by Christopher West [1] Timothy Keller. The Gospel in All Its Forms. Acts 29, December 12, 2008. https://www.acts29.com/tim-keller-explains-the-gospel/. Accessed September 10, 2019. Another incredible resource on this is the book Every Good Endeavor by Timothy Keller. It’s a book I wish I would’ve read when I was in my 20s; it would’ve saved me a lot of heartache. [2] “He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” (New International Version, Revelation 21:5). Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 A HUGE shoutout to some of our newest Patreon supporters: Rhianna Duet, Cindy Chan, Chris Kottak, Mary Elizabeth, Mallory Stearns, Marina Mayer, and Nicole Magloire! We are so grateful for you! Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Part I: Is Masturbation A Sin?	08 Jul 2020	00:40:41
Today is Part 1 of a conversation I have been avoiding having with you guys in a solo show. I’ve been afraid of getting it wrong, and afraid of someone taking a sound bite out of context. But I don’t want fear to keep me from this dialogue. There’s also a reason I talk about masturbation in a workshop setting, in my online courses and with one on one coaching clients. It’s a nuanced conversation with a lot of grey areas which are harder to teach to the masses. However, I don’t think this information needs to solely go to people who have the budget for it. So today, I am diving right into Part I of a two part series on masturbation. Here’s what I won’t do: Tell you what to do. Give you a script to regurgitate to yourself and others to justify any of your actions. Shame or judge you for your past or your current decisions. Try to fix you or convince you of anything. What I hope to do: Point you to Jesus, to Scripture, and to nuance. Normalize a healthy conversation around sex, sexuality, desire, and yes— masturbation o The word alone can feel shame inducing, right? How many times do you say ‘masturbation’ out loud on a regular basis? o God is not ashamed of our sexual desire and sexuality—he created it (Genesis 1: 26-31). Give you tools to equip you to navigate your faith, values, and a dialogue around masturbation. Don’t take my word for it—I’m not God. This is where I am at after close to 7 years of researching, praying, doubting, trial and error, and tough conversations. God created you with a mind—use it! Finally, it’s ok if we don’t see eye to eye—we can still love, respect, and honor one another even if we come to different conclusions. My Personal Story: Before we move forward with vision and walk out today with clarity, we have to be willing to look backwards: how, why, and through what means did we get here? · Home: ‘It’s okay to masturbate.’ · School: Silence. · Friends: Silence, masked conversations, and shame. · Culture: ‘Do what feels good.’ · Church: All wrong, all the time, shut down your desire until marriage—only guys struggle with sexual desire. 4 Questions to Ask Yourself · What do you currently believe about masturbation and why? · What were you taught about masturbation at home, school, from friends, culture, and church? · Where and how were those beliefs formed? · Are those sexual scripts/beliefs rooted in fear or freedom? · Identify the shame agenda + the Jesus agenda. The Big ‘O’: The Power of the Orgasm · When we orgasm, dopamine and oxytocin are released in a surge in our bodies. o Dopamine is a neurotransmitter released from the reward center part of our brain associated with pleasure. o Oxytocin is a feel-good hormone. One of its sole purposes is to create deep bonds between people. This is like “soul ties.” The Harem Within: C.S. Lewis “For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself…and turns it back: sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides. And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival. Among those shadowy brides he is always adored, always the perfect lover: no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself . . . .After all, almost the main work of life is to come out of our selves, out of the little, dark prison we are all born in. Masturbation is to be avoided as all things are to be avoided which retard this process. The danger is that of coming to love the prison”[1] 1. My pleasure is #1 priority · Ephesians 5: Respect our husbands and husbands to serve their wives like Christ served the church. · Our sexual experiences with our spouses should be outward focused, let’s serve each other—not ‘I’m feeling turned on, get me off, and then roll over.’ 2. Ends on self · Sexuality = desire for ‘o’ others. · Gets us outside of our heads and into relationship and community with others. 3. No iron sharpens iron here folks · Conflict resolution. · Mirrors of each other. · Constant growth. · “Brides always adored” or “yes men.” 4. FANTASY LAND: Loving the prison more than real life · I don’t want to get so good at getting myself off that I don’t need another person. · 91% of millennials masturbate (19 and 36 for SKYN's 2018 Millennial Sex Survey, and found that 91 percent of respondents masturbated. https://www.bustle.com/p/how-millennials-are-masturbating-in-2018-9121392) · 2015—Pornhub site: 60% of its users were millennials. · Compartmentalized and scratching just of an itch that we don’t need to/want to take the risk of being in a relationship and dating. · Avoiding: heartbreak, awkwardness, conflict, rejection. · Is this why so many of us in the church are single? We’re getting just enough of our “itches” scratched that the risk of truly putting ourselves out there to be in a relationship is not worth it? Don’t worry, I won’t leave you hanging. Process what we’ve just gone through today and get ready for Part 2 coming next Wednesday. In the meantime, journal through the questions I ask above under “4 Questions to Ask Yourself.” Make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast so the next episode will download straight to your devices!! Resources: · Your Mind Matters by John Stott · How to Embrace Your Sexuality Mini Course · Sign up for one on one coaching with me here. · Get on my email list to get updates on my book launch. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! [1] C.S. Lewis. Personal Letter From Lewis to Keith Masson found in The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume 3: Narnia, Cambridge, and Joy 1950-1963. (New York: Harper Collins, 2007). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Breaking the Cycle of Sexual Exploitation: a Story of Restoration	01 Jul 2020	00:52:36
Victim of sexual exploitation turned UCLA honor student, Harmony Grillo founded the non-profit Treasures in 2003 to help women and girls entrenched in sexual exploitation find freedom. She has provided training for the Department of Justice and the FBI and has helped launch outreaches in 120 cities worldwide. She shares her story in her memoir, Scars and Stilettos. This week on the podcast, we chat about how God has redeemed dreams in her life, how she learned to acknowledge the trauma bonds in her life and find freedom from sexual exploitation, and now help others find that same freedom. Redeeming the Dream Harmony shares some moments, big and small, where her dreams didn’t play out the way she wanted them to. God redeemed the dream every time. “I’m living God’s promise of restoration.” Trauma Bonds Harmony’s history is full of abuse and trauma. Later in her childhood, an older guy friend who she thought of as a protector became her abuser and exploiter when she worked in strip clubs. Trauma bonds involve a power imbalance where there is erratic abuse and there are scattered times of good. Freedom From Sexual Exploitation She fondly remembers a girl she met at the time who loved her as she was and helped her on her journey to freedom. “I didn’t start making those changes because someone told me that I should, I did it because it’s what I desired and what I felt like I was being invited to do as I walked out my path of growing in relationship with Him.” She reflects on this time and realizes that she wouldn’t have had the same transformation she did if she was simply given a strict set of rules to follow. Treasures Treasures is Harmony’s faith-based organization, though it welcomes all religions. They meet everyone where they’re at and respect who they are as they are. “What are we being invited into?” “Sometimes the most therapeutic thing is a healthy, reciprocal relationship where you feel emotionally safe.” Resources: Check out Harmony’s websites iamatreasure.com and harmonygrillo.com Keep up with her on Instagram at @harmonygrillo and @treasures.la You can buy her memoir, Scars and Stilettos, and learn more about her story here. Resources on Women + Hyper-sexualization in Our Culture Boys and Sex by Peggy Orenstein Girls and Sex by Peggy Orenstein Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Insecure: Unpacking Attachment Styles	24 Jun 2020	00:55:56
Relationship coach and expert Amanda Blair Hopkins is on the podcast this week for the second time ever! She is a previous guest on episode 36: How to Pursue Wholeness Before Pursuing a Relationship. She is a relationship coach for Lacy Phillips’s To Be Magnetic (who is a TRC Podcast guest as well: episode 46: How to be 100% in Your Worth. It’s in the first few years of our lives that we learn how to relate and attach to the people we love. We learn patterns and behaviors that become so familiar to us they can be hard to identify. There are multiple different “attachment” styles in relationships. Do you know which one you are? Amanda unpacks what the four main attachment styles, and we both share personal stories as examples of our own. We also compromise in real time about the matching tattoo we’re going to get! What Are Attachment Styles? John Bowlby, author of Attachment and Loss, found the way you attach to your parents/caregivers in childhood is the way you attach to your romantic partners later in life. Essentially, your attachment style is built on what you learned love is. Changing your attachment style is possible, but it takes hard work and consistency. “Realizing what your attachment style is offers you a lot of freedom. It gives you a way to remember that at your core you are whole. You are love. You are divine. That idea that you could be broken is false.” Don’t let your type become an excuse not to grow. Breaking Down The 4 Attachment Styles Anxious (Insecure) When you were a baby through 14 years old, it was the way your parents attuned to you. They weren’t always meeting your needs, so you learned that love is unstable and untrustworthy. If you’re anxious, work through this exercise here. Avoidant (Insecure) The parent wasn’t getting their own needs met, so they didn’t meet their kid’s needs. The kid shuts down to their needs so they shut down their emotions to avoid rejection. They keep love at arm’s length to avoid being engulfed by it. Ex: They’ll say they’re very independent because they learned early on to shut down their needs. In relationships, they’ll have walls up, fail to be vulnerable, and they may come on super strong in the beginning and then as soon as it gets real, they pull away. Anxious/Avoidant (Insecure) A combination of Anxious and Avoidant. Secure Parents were attuned to the child, so their needs were met and there was a trust there. Then, in adulthood, they trust that people mean what they say and that they will do right by them. The Healing Journey “It is progress, not perfect. You have to look for the progress because that is what will help you along this path.” We talk about how sometimes you have to really run into the fire to learn your lesson, instead of going through a bunch of minor lessons that never really stick. Running into the fire could be an important part of your healing process. 6 Practical Ways To Become Secure Read Attachedand do more research on attachment theory. Take inventory of your last five relationships: what happened, how you felt, what you feel you did, what you feel they did. Notice any patterns and moments when your attachment style activated in those relationships. Walk through this process with a coach (Amanda takes one on one clients!) If you’re anxious, start speaking up, communicating your needs, understanding your boundaries, and holding your boundaries. If you’re avoidant, get out there, get seen, be vulnerable with friends or online. Support all of this work with the energetic work Amanda teaches with To Be Magnetic. Feeling Stuck? Work with someone along the process—we were never meant to go through life alone. We all need guidance. “If you have hit a wall, get someone to help you climb over it or see that there’s no wall there, or climb underneath it or walk over it. That help will get you so much further, because you could stare at that wall for three years.” A virtual ACA 12 Step rooms (Adult Children of Alcoholics) is a great place to start if finances prevent you from investing in the process. It is for anyone who experienced dysfunctional family relationships. What happens when you get triggered into old behavior? Awareness Self Care Practice Calming Techniques i.e. EFT tapping, breathwork (link to Jackie V. podcast), meditation (like to meditation blog post), + anxiety relief exercises (link to blog post) 8 Resources to step into more Secure Attachment Styles You can find Amanda on IG at @xoamandablairand her blog AmandaBlair.org. To schedule a coaching session, go to tobemagnetic.comand book her through the one on one menu page. She is not a Christian, but I trust her to coach me because she honors that part of me. Listen to Amanda’s first episode of The Refined Collective here. Listen to Lacy Phillips’s episode of The Refined Collective here. Buy the book Attachedhere. Interested in learning more about EFT Tapping? Listen to Jackie Viramontez’s episode of the podcast hereand check out her Etched Daily resources here. For a Christian perspective on attachment, check out How We Lovehere. Check out our resources for anxietyand meditation for beginners. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Are You Blocking Yourself From Love?	17 Jun 2020	00:53:45
Jillian Turecki is a NYC based certified relationship coach, yoga teacher and writer. For 20 years, she has been studying the body and the mind. Fueled by an insatiable curiosity about what makes a relationship thrive. Through her work, Jillian has helped thousands revolutionize their relationship with themselves so that they can transform their love lives. Jillian is sought out for her compassionate, direct, and very authentic style of coaching and teaching. Under the tutelage of Tony Robbins and world-renowned family therapist Cloe Madanes, Jillian is certified by the Robbins Madanes Center for Strategic Intervention. “Our entire experience of life boils down to relationship. From the intimacy we crave with a partner to the success we achieve through our work. None of it is possible without understanding our own psychology and the psychology of those we relate to. We never learned this at school, but it is learnable.” - Jillian Turecki What does it mean to be blocked from love? Your psychology determines your energy and how you show up in your life. “Just because you really want something, doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s coming to you as quickly as you would like it to come.” When we’re in a desperate place we’re blocking ourselves. 5 Ways to identify if you’re blocking yourself from love? Are you afraid? Maybe you want a relationship, but you also associate a lot of pain with relationships. Are you losing faith? Or maybe you’ve put yourself out there so much + are losing faith that it’ll happen. What’s fueling your desire? Anxiety, desperation, fear? Do you feel desperate for love? Maybe even obsessed with a relationship? Like your life, purpose, and calling revolve around getting married. (aka…my life will start when I meet my person)? How our beliefs impact our ability to attract love: “Whatever we believe, we’ll see evidence of it everywhere.” You have the ability to challenge your beliefs: Is this really true? Is it possible you could be wrong? We don’t do anything that doesn’t have a side benefit. Ask yourself these 2 questions: What’s the reward you’re getting for the beliefs? Why are you trying to keep yourself safe + protected? A Roadmap to Clear the Way for Love: 6 Practical things you can do today. Identifythe beliefs that are holding you back. Break freefrom the addiction of surrounding yourself with people with the same limiting beliefs. Talk to people who don’t share those beliefs about love and are able to offer you a different perspective. Identify the experiencesin your life that have led you here. Ask yourself:Is your perspective freeing you or choking you? Self-worth:When we obsess over love, it’s because deep down we doubt we’re worthy of it. Enough-ness:Where are your fears of not being enough getting in your way? #1 thing you can do to unblock love: Learn how to be secure in your worth and make yourself happy as opposed to waiting for someone to make you happy: Marriage is not the be all end all. Mixed Messages: if someone is uncertain about you—there have to be boundaries. “If a guy likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused.” How buying into the myth of the ‘independent woman’ could be keeping you from love: Are you independent, codependent, or interdependent? Codependence: I can’t be happy unless you’re happy. I don’t know what my needs are. I can’t focus on my life because I’m only focusing on yours. Independence:I don’t need anyone. If I’m vulnerable I’m weak. Interdependence:I love you, but I don’t need you to make me happy. Resources: Check out Jillian’s website here, where you can join her Conscious Woman Membership. Follow Jillian on Instagram at @jillianturecki Have any questions for Jillian? Reach out to her here! Or email her atinfo@jillianturecki.com. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 A HUGE shoutout to some of our newest Patreon supporters: Judy Mills, Amanda Curry, Jane Jackson, and LB! We are so grateful for you! Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	The Gorgeous Grey: Gratitude in a Time of Grief with Ty Alexander	10 Jun 2020	00:55:41
Today, I am chatting with the wonderful Ty Alexander! She is the author of Things I Wish I Knew Before My Mom Died, where she talks about how women of color need a space to discuss their mental wellness without judgement or shame. She has created a wellness community for women to do just that. In this episode, we chat about finding joy in life, how to approach grief and healing, how to care for yourself before others, and how to be a true ally right now. Finding Joy + Healing The Renaissance Woman: Ty talks about pursuing the things in life that bring her joy, recently that has been DJing. “So I’m supposed to live until 90 or 100 and I only have one joyful thing that I like to do? That’s absurd.” One thing that has always brought Ty a lot of joy is writing. She discovered the therapeutic effects of writing and journaling at a young age. Writing has helped her with both releasing her feelings as well as expressing them to others. “I am solely operating as God’s vessel, so whatever lane He wants me to be in, whatever conversations He wants me to be a part of, I just kind of move through that.” “I can be joyful and be sad too. They run parallel. You experience them both.” Recovering From Another’s Addiction Ty remembers the moment she realized her father’s addiction problems were resurfacing when her mother became sick. “That was the first time that 1) I realized I need to put myself first and 2) the first time I realized that my dad was a human being first.” Ty shares what forgiveness looks like for her, specifically when it came to forgiving her father who struggled with addiction. It didn’t bring closure. “Forgiveness just means that I acknowledge that something happened, I acknowledge that it was bad, and I’m going to move on.” “That baggage— while that’s my dad— that’s not my baggage. That’s your bag and should you need help figuring out how to unpack it, how to move it along, I can, but I can’t touch your bag.” She shares the guilt she felt from herself when she didn’t go see her mother in her final moments. She is able to look back now and recognize that she made the right choice for herself. Fighting Racism + Becoming an Ally At the time of recording this, not many people were discussing the murder of Ahmaud Arbery. Ty shares that she felt like the only one using her voice for the unheard. Ty shares that being an ally is more than just reposting on Instagram. If something she shares on social media inspires you, take that information and apply it to real life. Bring it out and use it at dinner table conversations. “You have to be able to be brave enough to gut check your family members or your friends.” Parting advice from Ty: “You really have to practice being able to serve you first in whatever capacity you need it.” Resources You can buy Ty’s book Things I Wish I Knew Before My Mom Died, here. Follow her on IG at @tyalexander and on Twitter at @lovetyalexander. Her wellness community is @selfcareirl and selcareirl.com. You can listen to her podcast, Self Care IRL here. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Why Black Lives Matter	04 Jun 2020	00:42:00
“For me, I believe that Black lives matter. That’s what I said. Anyone with a functioning brain understands that all lives matter. Anybody. But right now there is a portion of our community that is frustrated, and they are suffering, and they are hurting. So, as an empathetic Christian I’m gonna go and say I agree with the statement Black lives do matter. But I was glad some people disagreed with me, because I kept saying, do Black lives matter yes or no? yes but…I’m like there is no but. We disagree. Those are the same type of people that would have interrupted Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus would have been like, blessed are the poor…no Jesus blessed are all people. Since when does highlighting one issue disparage another? Are we not secure enough to be able to sit here and go issue by issue and talk about one without disparaging another? Of course all lives matter, but it’s okay to say Black lives matter. What’s wrong with you? This is not rocket science. All lives matter. No kidding. That’s why Black lives matter, because until all lives matter equally, we need to focus on this.” -Carl Lentz, 2016 This is the most important episode I will ever release. I hope you approach it with an open heart. Just recently: George Floyd was murdered by a police officer while three other police officers stood by and did nothing. Breonna Taylor was in her home in the middle of the night when police broke in, unannounced, and shot her to death. Ahmaud Arbery was out for a run when two men chased him and shot him to death. Christian Cooper was bird watching in Central Park when a woman threatened to call the police and say that an African American man was threatening her life. He was not. It doesn’t stop there. The following Black men and women have been murdered by police: Philando Castile Atatiana Jefferson Eric Reason Natasha McKenna Botham Jean Walter Scott Bettie Jones Tamir Rice Michael Brown Dominique Clayton Eric Garner Trayvon Martin Tanisha Anderson Sandra Bland Freddie Gray THESE ARE JUST THE NAMES WE KNOW. Do you know how hard it is to find a full list of Black people who have been murdered at the hands of police brutality? Here’s a brief history of the Black lives lost in our country over the past few years along with the #Blacklivesmatter gaining momentum: · 2013: #Blacklivesmatter first appears on twitter · 7/17/14: Eric Garner dies in NY after being arrested · 8/9/14: Michael Brown is killed during an encounter with police officer in Ferguson, MO. · 11/22/14: Tamir Rice is killed by police in Cleveland while playing with a toy gun · 11/24/14: Announcement that there will be no indictment in Michael Brown case · 4/19/15: Freddie Gray dies in Baltimore while in police custody · 6/17/15: Charleston church shooting kills 9 people · 7/13/15: Sandra Bland is found hung in Texas jail cell STATS · 99% of killings by police from 2013-2019 have not resulted in officers being charged with crime. · Unarmed Black people were killed by police at 5x the rate of unarmed white people in 2015. · Police killed at least 104 unarmed Black people in 2015— nearly 2x a week. · 1 in 3 young Black men will be incarcerated in their life (compared to 1 in 17 white men). · 13TH DOC: “The film’s premise is that while the 13th Amendment to the Constitution eliminated slavery and involuntary servitude, it in effect had an unintentional loophole that asserted “except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted.”” · Black people make up 6.5% of the American population but make up 40.2% of the prison population. · Our prison population went from less than 200k in 1970 to 2.3m today. This is what we refer to when we talk about mass incarceration. THERE ARE PROVEN STRATEGIES that significantly reduce police killings, but very few Police Departments have adopted them. These are: Requirements that officers use all means other than shooting (decreases death by 25%) Requires all use of force be reported (decreases death by 25%) Bans chokeholds + strangleholds (decreases death by 22%) Has use of force continuum (decreases death by 19%) Requires de-escalation (decreases death by 15%) Duty to intervene if another officer uses excessive force (decreases death by 9%) Restricts shooting at moving vehicles (decreases death by 8%) Requires warning before shooting (decreases death by 5%) You can call your local representatives and demand these 8 things be instituted with your local law enforcement. Want to learn more? Click here: https://8cantwait.org WHY DO BLACK LIVES MATTER? My Personal Reckoning: 2016 · I didn’t realize my own white privilege for a long time. I felt better than the other white people when it came to bias and racism because I grew up in a broken home filled with drugs, addiction, affairs, and even lived in a town where I was a minority. The reality is I have loved Black culture for most of my life, but I have done very little to be an advocate for justice for my Black brothers and sisters. I’m so sorry for this. · I received a DM from a Black woman who encouraged me to diversify who I was interviewing on The Refined Woman. Almost all of my collaborations and interviews for the first few years of The Refined Woman were with white women. I was a white girl blogger. · In 2016 I also wrote an All Lives Matter blog post that fortunately never went live. I didn’t understand what it meant that Black Lives Matter. As a Christian I assumed didn’t all lives matter?* Thank God I have a team, and thank God I didn’t go live with that painful article. I was very, very wrong. Black Lives Matter, and here’s why: Jesus was a 1st Century Palestinian Jewish man. He had brown skin and was hated by the religious, and beaten and killed by law enforcement. If he was alive today in America, he’d be a minority immigrant who probably wouldn’t step foot inside white evangelical churches except to flip over tables. The Western Evangelical Church in America has become a religion for rich, advantaged, and privileged white people—which is the exact opposite of the roots of Christianity and the life of Jesus. Jesus hung out with the oppressed people of society, those ostracized, those who didn’t feel safe in the church—those who were judged and cast off. He fought for justice, restored dignity and humanity from the woman at the well, woman caught in adultery, to touching people with contagious diseases and engaging with people outside of the Jewish law which would have made him unclean in Jewish circles. But he didn’t care, because He was on a mission to do God’s work. Friend, if you are a follower of Jesus and do not have a heart for justice, racial reconciliation and to see the systemic walls, pillars, and foundations of racism in our country to be dismantled, you are out of alignment with the heart of God. Who does Jesus care about? - Prodigal Son returns: the jealous brother instead of the father rejoicing over the return + safety of his son. But don’t I matter—OF COURSE YOU MATTER, BUT YOUR BROTHER WAS LOST + NOW IS FOUND. - Luke 15: Jesus leaves the 99 to go after the one sheep. He cares about the individual. It’s time to get back in touch with the heart of Jesus. Do all lives matter? YES. But until Black lives matter—we better go after that. Jesus went after the one. What can you do? #1: Acknowledge If we don’t heal our past, it will follow us. And ours is HAUNTING US. -Kat Harris 1. Until we acknowledge the experience of what it means to be a Black person in America there is no chance at healing. 2. When someone dies, you show up. 3. “I don’t know the full story.” You don’t have to. 4. “People are just reposting for attention…not for the right reasons.” You don’t know their hearts. And so what? Does that mean you get to stay silent? 5. Here’s what’s true: in 1619 was when the first wave of Black people were kidnapped from Africa to become slaves in Jamestown. July 4th isn’t a celebration of independence for Black people. They weren’t free when those freedom bells rang. America was built on the backs of terrorism and genocide and slavery of Black people, people of color and indigenous people. 6. If we don’t heal our past, it will follow us. And ours is HAUNTING US. 7. We have to look back before we can move forward. 8. One of the first things we can do is acknowledge our white privilege. What is white privilege and how do you know if you have it? Go through these statements. #2: Get Curious I STARTED NOTICING + GETTING CURIOUS: · Why did I have so few Black friends? · Why were there some Black people and people of color at my church but none on staff or leadership or in the decision-making rooms? · I changed churches because I wanted to be a part of a community with women in leadership, then I noticed almost every week at church I could count on one hand the number of Black people at my church…why? · Why were influential Black Christian people like Lecrae + Andre Henry leaving the church? · How come at my favorite salad place every single person in line buying was white and all the people working in the buffet are Black? · How come the expensive gym I had a membership to had mostly white members, and yet almost every single one of the people working there from front desk to maintenance are Black? · This started making me very uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do—so I’d talk with my friends about it…but really I didn’t do much about it. I deeply regret this. #3: PRAY + REPENT: · When have you been complicit, silent, and chosen ignorance out of comfort and convenience? Write it down, say it out loud, pray, and repent. · Psalm 13 is great to walk through lament. · Psalm 51 is great to walk through repentance. #4: ACTIVATE: · Sign petitions for racial justice. change.org is a great start for this! · Talk with friends and family. · When you see racism, call it out. · Post on your platforms. · Call your local representatives and demand justice. · Support Black-owned businesses. · Donate to Historically Black Colleges and Universities. · Go to https://www.grassrootslaw.org to find out how you can support policing and justice in America. · Read this: 75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice by Corinne Shutack #5: ORGANIZATIONS TO SUPPORT: · Equal Justice Initiative (Bryan Stevenson) · Be the Bridge (Latasha Morrison) and her wonderful resource page, “Where Do I Start?” · WhereChangeStarted.com has a great anti-racism starter kit · The Innocence Project · To help pay bail for protestors in NYC, money can be Venmo’ed to @bailoutnycmay. · City-specific bailouts. · ACLU · NAACP · UNCF #6: READ: “Stop asking us to give you books. Stop asking us to do research. Listen y’all were able to do mathematic equations through some Black women and then your own stuff and to be able to go to the moon, and put a flag in it and dance around and do the west coast strut. How in the world can you go from the earth to the moon and you can’t do research on the racial history that we need to fight in this country. I don’t want to be traumatized by teaching you history. I want you to grow up in your spiritual maturity, and grow up in your faith, and go on the sanctifying journey of overriding the patriotic way that we’ve learned history in America.” - Pastor Eric Mason 1. White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo 2. So You Want to Take About Race by Ijeoma Oluo 3. The Person You Mean to Be by Dolly Chugh 4. We Were Eight Years in Power by Ta-Nehisi Coates 5. How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi 6. I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown 7. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates 8. Woke Church by Eric Mason 9. The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander 10. Jesus and the Disinherited by Howard Thurman 11. Great Speeches by Frederick Douglass 12. Waking up White and Finding Myself in the Story of Race by Debby Irving 13. Ghetto by Mitchell Duneier 14. More than Just Race: Being Black and Poor in the Inner City by William Julius Wilson 15. Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi 16. A Testament of Hope by Martin Luther King Jr. 17. Prejudice and Racism by James M. Jones 18. Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People by Mahzarin R. Banaji 19. Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon to White America by Dr. Michael Eric Dyson 20. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou 21. All About Love by Bell Hooks 22. Well-Read Black Girl by Glory Edim 23. Go Tell it on the Mountain by James Baldwin 24. Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon 25. There Will Be No Miracles Here by Casey Gerald 26. Paradise by Toni Morrison 27. Healing Racial Trauma by Sheila Wise Rowe 28. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston 29. The Lies that Bind: Rethinking Identity by Kwame Anthony Appiah 30. The Very Good Gospel by Lisa Sharon Harper 31. The Prophetic Imagination by Walter Brueggemann 32. Prophetic Lament: A Call for Justice in Troubled Times by Dr. Soong-Chan Rah 33. Divided by Faith: Evangelical Religion and the Problem of Race in America by Michael O. Emerson and Christian Smith 34. Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson 35. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein 36. Human(Kind) by Ashlee Eiland 37. A Day Late and a Dollar Short by Terry McMillan 38. Kindred by Octavia E. Butler 39. Beloved by Toni Morrison 40. White Teeth by Zadie Smith 41. Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer 42. Detours: The Unpredictable Path to Your Destiny by Tony Evans 43. Unashamed by Lecrae 44. Believe Bigger by Marshawn Evans Daniels ARTICLE + WEBSITES 1. Code Switch: Race in Your Face 2. White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh 3. NYTimes An Antiracist Reading List compiled by Ibram X. Kendi 4. Goodgooodgood.co Anti-racism resources compiled by Sarah Sophie Flicker and Alyssa Klein 5. Buzzfeed’s An Essential Reading Guide for Fighting Racism by Arianna Rebolini 6. 1619 Project (NY Times) – an article series on the history and legacy of slavery in America (also a podcast below). There is a book project in the works to expand on what they’ve started. 7. The America We Need (NY Times) – a NYT Opinion series that touches on justice in the midst of the pandemic. 8. “Walking While Black” by Garnette Cadogan WATCH: 1. Pastor Eric Mason: Don’t Lose Heart: Why It’s Worth It to Fight for Racial Harmony Even When We Don’t See Progress 2. Pastor Carl Lentz: I said, “Black Lives Matter” 3. Dr. Robin DiAngelo’s talk on White Fragility at the University of Washington 4. How to Deconstruct Racism One Headline at a Time, TEDtalk, Baratunde Thurston 5. How Racism Makes Us Sick, TEDtalk, David R. Williams 6. Racial Reconciliation, Latasha Morrison’s sermon, National Community Church 7. The Privilege Walk 8. Jon Tyson and David Bailey, class, race, reconciliation, and the Kingdom of God 9. Becoming Brave: Reconciliation Rooted in Prayer – “why do we need the church?” by Rev. Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil Movies to watch on Netflix: 1. 13th 2. American Son 3. Dear White People 4. See You Yesterday 5. When They See Us Movies to watch on Hulu: 1. If Beale Street Could Talk 2. The Hate U Give Movies to rent: 1. Black Power Mixtape: 1967-1975 2. Clemency 3. Fruitvale Station 4. I am Not Your Negro 5. Just Mercy 6. Selma 7. The Black Panthers: Vanguard of the Revolution 8. BlacKkKlansman 9. Burden 10. The Color of Fear Listen to these podcasts: 1. NPR’s Code Switch 2. Season 2 of In the Dark 3. Hope & Hard Pills with Andre Henry 4. Her with Amena Brown 5. Truth’s Table Podcast 6. Fights and Feelings with Joseph Solomon 7. Anti-Racism with Andre Henry on The Liturgists 8. Pod Save the People 9. 1619 Project Podcast 10. Scene on Radio’s “Seeing White” 11. Why Tho The Refined Collective episodes on race: 1. Anxiety, Race, and Healing Community with Nikia Phoenix 2. I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness with Austin Channing Brown 3. Why Being a ‘Good Person’ Prevents You From Being Better with Jeana Marinelli People to follow: 1. @austinchanning 2. @theconsciouskid 3. @blackcoffeewithwhitefriends 4. @theandrehenry 5. @colorofchange 6. @rachel.cargle 7. @ibramxk 8. @mspackyetti 9. @blklivesmatter 10. @osopepatrisse 11. @reformlajails 12. @akilahh 13. @showingupforracialjustice 14. @tyalexander 15. @tiffanybluhm 16. @natashaannmiller 17. @thefaithfeast 18. @louisa.wells 19. @abigaileernisse 20. @jessicamalatyrivera 21. @thegreatunlearn 22. @laylafsaad 23. @luvvie 24. @pastorgabbycwilkes 25. @elevateny 26. @pastoremase 27. @lecrae 28. @whatisjoedoing 29. @sarahjakesroberts 30. @bishopjakes 31. @devonfranklin 32. @iammiketodd 33. @amenabee 34. @shaunking You don’t have to read all 44 books in one day. You don’t have to start a non-profit. BUT YOU DO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. I have not read every single one of these resources, but am making my way through them one by one. I am with you on the journey. What are you committed to? How are you going to ensure that you are no longer silent? It’s time for white people to do something. We are co-creators with God; it’s time to get to work. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Kat Spills the Tea: The One that Got Away	03 Aug 2022	00:50:21
I put a question box on IG stories for you to submit any and all questions about me for me to answer on the podcast and y’all did NOT hold back! These questions got deeply personal and I’m diving into all of it with you today. Am I in therapy? Will I ever abandon dating apps? Do I have a "one that got away"? Let's get into it. Get 20% off when you go to BedSTU.com and use code RC20 at checkout. Modern Fertility is offering $20 off your test when you go to ModernFertility.com/refined. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Soulmates = Codependency (And Other Dating Myths Debunked)	27 May 2020	00:58:51
I have the privilege of chatting with Debra Fileta of TrueLoveDates.com this week! She is a licensed professional counselor who specializes in dating, marriage, and relationship issues, as well as mental health disorders. She’s also the author of True Love Dates, Choosing Marriage, and Love in Every Season! We chat about everything from the dating mistakes that are holding you back to why it’s okay for a woman to initiate a relationship. “You’re not born knowing how to engage in healthy relationships; it’s something you have to work on and train and educate and grow.” 6 Reasons it’s Okay for a Woman to Initiate a Relationship Cultural Context. Mutually beneficial + reciprocal relationships are biblical. Healthy relationships are give and take. Pursuit is a human desire. Only responding to a person is not a two-way relationship. “Relationships are living, breathing things.” “The problem is, when we go into relationships with that mentality that a woman shouldn’t initiate, you end up creating a culture of passive women.” Soul Mates Debra shares where the idea of soul mates really came from. You are not half of a person until you meet someone. Soul mates creates codependency. “When we’re only responding, we’re not actually aware of what we want and need.” Top 2 Dating Mistakes We’re All Making Not taking the risk to start a relationship. The #1 thing holding you back in singleness: FEAR Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Desperate people make desperate decisions When you feel desperate, don’t go on a dating spree. Look in. Humans are magnetic. 2 Things Debra Would Tell Her Younger Self Work on your ish: Your past impacts your present if you don’t deal with it. Go to counseling. Do the work now— even if you’re single. Get whole. Save for a king-sized bed!! Resources Keep up with Debra at TrueLoveDates.comand on IG at @truelovedates. You can buy Debra’s books here: True Love Dates, Choosing Marriage, and Love in Every Season! Tune in to her podcast, The Love and Relationships Podcast, here. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	8 Ways to Activate Genuine Self-Love (For Free)	20 May 2020	01:03:44
Today on the podcast, I am chatting about wellness and self-love with Erin from Raw Beauty Talks. She shares what the heck self-love actually means, how to listen to your body, master your mindset, and understand what nourishes and energizes you. We also chat about body positivity, Beyoncé, and Erin’s own wellness journey and finding her voice in the body confidence conversation as a ‘skinny girl.’ What Does Self-Love Mean? “Self-love isn’t a feeling, it’s a verb.” We want self-love to be easy and comfortable, but it requires effort in order to grow. “Can you give compassion for the woman you are and can you make choices to align with what that woman needs?” 8 Ways to Activate Genuine Self-Love Get to know yourself— what make you thrive, what gets you excited? Honoring the individual— can you give yourself compassion and make decisions that are in alignment with who you are and what you want? Listen to your body— notice what helps you recharge. Practice saying no— it will bring you freedom. Routine— practicing self-love once won’t make an impact. Implement— as you get to know yourself and how you’re wired. Act like you love yourself NOW— the feeling will follow the action. Give yourself grace— it’s a balance; the goal is not perfection. 3 Ways to Get on the Same Team as Your Body Listen to your body— stop listening to these experts and tune in to your hunger and fullness signals, learn what type of movement your body is needing, maybe it’s a walk maybe it’s a workout. Master your mindset— are the thoughts you’re having empowering you or holding you back? Find an empowering belief that feels possible. Understand what nourishes and energizes you— make a list of things that make you feel high energy and another list of things that make you feel low energy. Resources Keep up with Erin at co and on Instagram at @rawbeautytalks. Listen to the Raw Beauty Talks podcast here. Do a high energy and low energy list, post to Instagram and tag @rawbeautytalks and @therefinedcollective so we can share them! Listen to my solo episode all about my eating disorder recovery here. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Who Should I Date?	13 May 2020	00:59:58
I am so thrilled to be talking with Phylicia Masonheimer this week! She is an author, speaker, and theologian who just released her book Stop Calling Me Beautiful. We talk about dating, if marrying a Christian really non-negotiable, what things we should be looking for in a partner, and a whole lot more. The Way They Met · Phylicia shares how she didn’t see her husband as her type when she met him, but he loved her so well and he loved God. · She shares the moment she decided to give it a shot with Josh, who is now her husband. Do I need to be led spiritually by someone else? · Do we need to be at the same place on our spiritual journey with the man we date and marry? · The church taught us that we need to be led my men who act as our spiritual leaders, but ‘spiritual leader’ isn’t mentioned anywhere in the Bible. · Phylicia shares the difference between complementarian views and the egalitarian views within Christianity. · “We’re after the leader heart… not just somebody who has collected a lot of Bible knowledge.” Questions to Ask the Guy You’re Getting to Know 1. Does he desire God? Does he desire to know God? Does he desire to go deeper? 2. Is he dependent on his friends or parents to be spiritual? 3. What are his sexual boundaries and standards? 3 Things to Look For in a Partner 4. Loves God 5. Works hard 6. Is teachable · “If he has those three things, then he can grow, he can change, he can develop + adapt. But it’s really hard to be tied to an unbeliever, a lazy man, or a stubborn man.” Why you should date someone that share your faith / worldview? · Phylicia recalls the time she was dating an unbeliever. She was unsure if she should move forward, so she asked God for a sign. She received three. · “You’ve known the truth all along.” · 2 Corinthians 6:14 — “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”…with fundamentally different worldviews you’re pulling in different directions—you want to be with someone who is moving forward with you. Resources · You can buy her book, Stop Calling Me Beautiful, here. · Keep up with her at PhyliciaMasonheimer.com or on Instagram at @phyliciamasonheimer. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	What is Sober Curious?	06 May 2020	00:56:35
Jen Batchelor is the co-founder and CEO of Kin Euphorics, which she created as a response to shifts in her own lifestyle, as well as the lifestyle of her co-founder. Kin is an alternative beverage company that will change the way you approach social drinking. Jen helps unpack the social drinking movement, how adaptogens and nootropics can give your body what it really needs, and how you can approach sober living. Why Do You Drink? When people are asked about their own drinking behavior, they never have a solid answer. There remains a stigma around choosing to be sober. Jen shares the moment when she realized that even though she was putting thought into everything she put into her body, her drinking would negate all of it. “I don’t want to break even on wellness.” The Basics Euphorics represent a new category of pleasure priming drinks. “You can have your cake and drink it too.” Adaptogens are roots and herbs that help you fight off those Sunday scaries. Nootropics help balance the chemicals of the mind. It helps with synthesizing thought, processing memory, and enhancing focus. Using all of this, Kin Euphorics helps restore balance in the body. What Holds People Back from Sobriety Fear of labels and stigmas. Fear of leaning into discomfort. Fear of what you’ll find out— but knowledge is power. “We all, in all facets of our lives, should be actively testing our limits so we can understand and feel the resistance and grow from that.” Being able to be vulnerable to human experiences and sharing it with others. 5 Practical Tips for the Sober Curious “Is this robbing me or hindering me from an opportunity or the energy I need to pursue my dreams? Is this getting in my way?” Take stock of your social rituals. Assess who you have around you and don’t be afraid to make some cuts. Are your habits in alignment with and pushing you towards your dreams? If not, be willing to try an ‘elimination diet.’ Get clear about your calling. What are your greatest dreams and how can you move towards that with clarity, integrity, and intention? Commit to your greatest potential and rise to that. Invite people into journey with you. Resources Check out Kin at KinEuphorics.comand @kineuphorics. You can buy Ruby Warrington’s book Sober Curious here. Check out this Vogue articleabout Kin Euphorics. Check out @therefinedcollectiveto enter a giveaway for some Kin goodies! Use code ALLBLISSWITHJEN for 15% off any order (plus free shipping!!) Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Invest Into Your Marriage (When You’re Single)	29 Apr 2020	01:00:10
This week, I’m chatting with Jeremy and Adrienne Camp. Jeremy and Adrienne are singers and songwriters who met while on tour. Jeremy is GRAMMY-nominated and Adrienne was the lead singer of the Christian rock band the Benjamin Gate and later recorded two solo albums. The two have been married for 17 years have 2 daughters and a son. Their movie I Still Believe was released in March— it’s about Jeremy’s marriage with his first wife Melissa. Jeremy and Adrienne just released their book In Unison. I drilled them, y’all. We talked about their story, getting stuck in the friend zone, and if sexual attraction can grow between people who start out as friends. Plus, in 17 years of marriage—how do you fight well? And how can we set ourselves up for our future today? Marriage They recall not seeing each other as their types when they first met. We talk about whether sexual attraction can grow or if it has to be there from the start. “There needs to be a relationship of depth and honor and respect there in order for me to love him with my body.” Fighting well: she needs to figure it out right away and he needs time to step back and process. “We had to learn those places of grace for each other along the way.” 6 Ways to Sow Into Your Marriage Stay connected to Jesus. “If things are dry in my relationship with the Lord, essentially they are dry everywhere else.” Adrienne prays: “Jesus, be new to me!” Choose to have a soft heart towards each other. It’s a choice. Be intentional about dating. Find things you both love and do them together. Create space for heart connection. Connect not just physically, but on a heart level. How is your heart? How are we doing? Are there things I’ve done that have frustrated you? What can we work on? Be willing to do the work!!! “We look ahead and we want the harvest, but we’re not willing to do the hard work today.” How to Invest Into Your Marriage (When You’re Single) Learn to deal with conflict in your friendships. Deal with your own issues. Be willing to do the work. Seek God. “When we’re seeking Him to find a reward, we’re not going to find that. He’s already given us the greatest reward.” Resources Watch the movie I Still Believe here. Listen to the movie’s soundtrack here. You can buy Jeremy and Adrienne’s book, In Unison, here. You can buy Jeremy’s book, I Still Believe, here. You can buy Adrienne's book, Even Me, here. Keep up with them at @adiecamp and @jeremycampofficial on Instagram. Check out their work with Speaking Louder here. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Why Being a 'Good Person' Prevents You From Being Better	22 Apr 2020	01:01:51
“I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me.” – Tracee Ellis Ross Jeana Marinelli is my guest this week and we are talking about racism, bias, white privilege, how to develop a growth mindset, and identifying the myth of the ‘good person’ and how it is keeping us stuck. Jeana is a leadership development professional. Jeana is always asking the important questions of ‘why are things the way they are?’ and ‘how can we be better?’ The Myth of the ‘Good Person’ “It’s this binary notion that is seductive and it’s misleading. You’re either a good person or you’re not. We know that humans are more complex than that.” We chat about how to confront racism within ourselves and understand our blind spots. The growth mindset involves acknowledging that you aren’t a good person but that you are always in the process of bettering yourself. “Women show stronger implicit gender bias against women than men do and it’s because of who gets to tell our stories.” 7 Ways to Foster a Growth Mindset Look at all the media you consume and look for ways to diversify, especially when it comes to race and gender. Take ownership to learn more about biases and topics that make you most uncomfortable. Notice your physical queues where your discomfort comes. Practice deep listening— listening to understand and not to respond. Thank anyone who points out inequities without seeking a cookie. Get better at noticing your own mistakes. Learning to pronounce someone’s name. Books to Read The Person You Mean to Be by Dolly Chugh How to be Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates The Memo by Minda Harts More Than Enough by Elaine Welteroth I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown Resources 10 Tips to Practice Growth Mindset and Notice Bias Take the implicit association test on Harvard website. Keep up with Jeana at Jeannamarinelli.com and on Instagram at @jeanamarinelli Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	The Fertility Series: Egg Freezing 101	15 Apr 2020	00:56:23
Welcome back to the fertility series! This time around, I’m chatting with fertility physician Dr. Natalie Crawford from Aspire Fertility all about egg freezing. She is also the host of As A Woman Podcast, which is all about fertility, female empowerment, and leadership. Personally, I have spoken on the podcast about feeling that biological clock ticking and have been thinking about egg freezing a lot so I was really grateful to Dr. Natalie for sharing her wisdom with us— let’s dive in. We answer questions like: When is a good time to freeze your eggs? Is freezing your eggs really a ‘fire insurance’ plan? Which is a more viable option: IVF or Egg Freezing. How long does freezing your eggs take + how to plan for it. How much it costs (b/c umm…that’s a huge part of this process). And lots more… Learning Your Body Dr. Natalie quickly realized how little women knew about their own bodies. “Every woman would say, ‘I wish I had known this earlier.’” Did you know 1 out of 8 women struggle with infertility— they just aren’t all sharing their stories. Most women ignore their infertility problems for a while because they feel a sense of failure, fear, and denial. Understanding the Process As you age, your eggs decrease in both quality and quantity. Dr. Natalie explains the value of AMH testing—a very affordable + often covered by insurance test that tells you how what your egg count + health is like. There are diet + lifestyle changes you can make to keep your eggs as healthy as possible like decreasing red meat and processed food (more on that in the podcast). “This whole process is stressful— we can’t make it stress-less. But how can you feel better about it? By feeling really well informed.” Resources Listen to Dr. Natalie’s podcast called As A Woman. Get more information from her site NatalieCrawfordMD.com. Keep up with her on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieCrawfordMD. Listen to the first episode in the Fertility Series here. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Why Self-Care Is More Crucial Now Than Ever Before	08 Apr 2020	00:48:09
This week I’m chatting with repeat guest Kate Eskuri from The Foundation Blog!! She was on the podcast last year talking about all things periods and it is our most downloaded episode EVER! (You can listen to it here.) Kate is a registered nurse and is currently getting her PhD. This time around, we’re talking about how to get grounded in the midst of overwhelm. Also, how do we even be healthy during this time? And practically speaking, are there certain things I should be doing or avoiding right now? Bottom line, though: there is no one right way to spend your time in quarantine. 5 Ways to Foster a Healthy Relationship with Food “Your nutrition may not look how it ‘normally’ does… nothing looks ‘normal’ right now.” Shop with intention—buy things that last a long time and are versatile. Cook with thought— do you have food that will go bad by next week? Eat that first. Get resourceful—really take stock of all the food you already have. What if instead of going grocery shopping you got creative? Donate any extra food you may have— some people aren’t able to stock up. Use healing ingredients—turmeric, ginger, garlic, echinacea tea, elderberry tea. Structure Creates Freedom: Rituals to Practice to Freedom The self-care question you need to ask yourself during this season: “What do YOU need during this quarantine?” Self-care is no longer an option— it’s a priority. Want to activate self-care? Write down five things that bring you comfort and joy. A self-care list! Practical Grounding Rituals What does it mean to be grounded: “It’s that inner sense of calm even though the outside world might feel a little scattered.” Journal through these 5 questions to shift from overwhelm to peace in less than 5 minutes: What are five things I can see? What are four things I can feel? What are three things I can hear? What are two things I can smell right now? What is one thing I can taste? 3 Ways to Practically Ground Yourself: Journaling is something you can do for even just a few minutes to ground yourself. Take a seat, close your eyes, physically place your hands on the crown of your head, and lightly press down. Take a few deep breaths and you will feel yourself settle. Eat root vegetables. It may sound weird and woo-woo, but give it a try. Resources Feeding America is providing food to those who need it, more info here. If you would like to donate to Feeding America, you can do so here. Kate’s blog post with 8 ways to ground yourself. Kate’s guide to healthy eating during a quarantine. Keep up with Kate at thefoundationblog.com and on Instagram at @kate.eskuri. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Is Love Really Blind? Everything I Learned From Love Is Blind	01 Apr 2020	00:36:55
If you aren’t using your quarantine time to watch Love is Blind, get on that right now! Basically, it is a Netflix reality TV show where all these men and women go on speed dates. At the end of 10 days there are proposals, and then another 30 days later are the weddings!! Ummm…crazy right? The plot twist: they do not see each other face to face until after they are engaged. There are major spoilers ahead, so catch up quick before listening if you don’t want things spoiled for you! 3 Things I love about Love is Blind: Intentions are Out in the Open: Everyone showed up to the show knowing why they were there. Ya, some people were probably looking to become insta-famous. But in reality, if you agree to be on the show, you agree that marriage is the outcome you’re looking for. Knowing what you want in a dating relationship, and communicating that is so freeing. Heart before the Physical: Sexual attraction is such a beautiful part of a relationship, but it’s not the only thing. Getting to know someone’s heart before the physical helps you discern if they’re a good fit or not for you. Clarity: Since the interactions are so focused and limited, people had to dive into some deep stuff early on. You have to know what you want. Knowing what you want gives you clarity to figure out quicker if the person you’re dating is a good fit for you or not. Lessons Learned from Love is Blind: When you’re in, you’re in: Lauren and Cameron taught me that when you’re in… You. Are. In. Men don’t want a mother, they want a partner. Don’t ignore the red flags. Give it a try, but if it’s not there, it’s not there. Work. On. Your. Ish. Be the person you want to attract. Go to therapy. Be willing to do the work. Be Clear + Surrender: Be clear about what you want and surrender to the process of getting to know someone. We put too much pressure on dating. Questions to Ask Yourself in Dating? Do you know what you’re looking for? Are you the type of person you’re looking for? What do you need to work on? Finally, I answer on the episode whether or not I’d consider going on the show…you’ll have to tune into find out my thoughts! Resources Remember the time I went on a blind date? And it was filmed? For YOUTUBE? Yep. That happened. Here’s the video if you missed it. Head over to @therefinedcollective on Instagram to share your thoughts on all things Love is Blind… we are dying to know! Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Work from Home (Without Going Crazy)	25 Mar 2020	00:25:56
Man COVID-19?!?! Ughhh… Am I right!? I know working from home can be a major adjustment in any season, but since so many of us have transitioned home in this season I had to talk about it! I’ve been working from home for 10 years, and promise you it’s possible to work from home, be productive, AND not go crazy. It’s just going to take some time, intention, and lots of boundaries! Today’s episode is all about my best tips for working from home (without going crazy). 8 Ways to Create Structure Leave your bedroom— let it remain a sanctuary free from work. Get dressed— even if absolutely nobody is going to see you. Set up an office space— setting is everything. Block schedule— it’ll keep you focused. Make a list each morning and prioritize a daily top 3. Schedule breaks and commit to that boundary. When you’re done, put it away. Structure creates freedom. Keep and protect normal business hours— I dare you to give yourself 12 hours away from email. Set Up Connection Points Throughout Your Day If you normally work in an office, do a virtual check in with your team in the morning to keep the natural rhythm. If you’re an entrepreneur, reach out to fellow entrepreneurs for advice. 3 Free Resources to stay Connected to your Team: Slack Google Hangouts Zoom 3 Productivity Boundaries Phone hacks: put it on do not disturb, turn off iMessage, download the app Freedom for social media, or even delete the social media apps off your phone! Check your email four times a day and block it in your schedule. I personally use the POMODORO Method. It involves working for 25 min, then taking a 5-min break. I do that four times and then take a 15-min break. Repeat. Bottom line, though: have grace with yourself. You may not get as much done, and guess what? That’s okay. I hope this has helped you work from home whether you’re always working from home or if COVID-19 is forcing you to develop a new routine. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	He Said / She Said: Who Should Pay for the First Date Though? with Shaun Galanos	27 Jul 2022	01:07:52
Guess who's back!? Shaun Galanos from The Love Drive! He is a love coach who teaches communication and intimacy skills! He is probably one of my top 5 favorite people to follow on Instagram— once you see his reels you’ll know why. The first time he was a guest on the podcast, we spoke about cheating, ghosting, finances, and sex. This week, we’re diving into more of your questions! Go to AmericanBlossomLinens.com and use code REFINED20 for 20% off your order. Get 20% off when you go to BedSTU.com and use code RC20 at checkout. Go to ZocDoc.com/Kat to download the app for free and start your search today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Own Your Voice: A Conversation on Consent	18 Mar 2020	01:03:37
TRIGGER WARNING: We share some stories of trauma we have experienced in the past. This may not be a good episode to listen to with kiddos around. Know that if you have experiences trauma, you are not alone! Tiffany Bluhm is the author of She Dreams and Never Alone; she also hosts the podcast “Why Tho” with Ashley Abercrombie (who was also on the podcast— check out her episode here.) Today, we are chatting about consent, whether it’s in the boardroom or the bedroom. We talk about the more nuanced topics like what messages clothing sends and are non-verbal cues enough? Power Dynamics + Consent What is consent? Vocalized agreement for something to happen between both parties, whether it is harmful or not. Consent involves concern and care also. There has historically been an abuse of power when it comes to consent. 4 Questions to Ask Yourself in an Uncomfortable Situation Is this okay? How can I be an active participant in this situation? What do I do to prevent this from happening? What is my role as a bystander, as a friend, to anyone else it’s happening to? 6 Ways to Own Your Voice Know your response to trauma: fight, flight, or freeze. Find ways to create boundaries with the person creating discomfort/trauma. Let go of the fear of seeming disagreeable. Don’t let the little things slide— those inches quickly turn into miles. Reporting behavior is hard and scary, but it is worth it and we owe it to ourselves. Document the situation in any way you can— even by taking a picture. Resources If you have more questions on these topics, visit org. The EEOC is a good place to report behavior if you are uncomfortable going to HR. Keep up with Tiffany at com and @tiffanybluhm. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How Meditation Can Change Your Life	11 Mar 2020	01:01:04
Do Christians meditate? What exactly is meditation and how do I practice it? What is mindfulness? And what about breath work? Today, Jackie Viramontez is going to share her answers to all of the above! We’re talking about practices you can implement into your life to help you heal from anxiety, trauma, and fear. Starting Young Jackie reflects on a major childhood trauma and loss that led her to develop anxiety as well as OCD. From there, she began her journey with therapy, EMDR and meditation and healing. “Our memories and thoughts are found all over our body.” Meditation Meditation is a way to interrupt the patterns in your life to center yourself. Jackie shares when the best time to meditate is (you gotta listen to find out!). “We are designed for our stories to change.” Breath Work Making your exhales just one second longer than your inhales will slow your heart rate and help so much. Bonus: rest your tongue on the floor of your mouth as you breathe. Jackie talks about how pressure points can release tension as well. “It’s very hard to be up in your head when you’re breathing like that.” Resources EFT for Christiansby Sherrie Rice Smith. Lord , I Want to Know Youby Kay Arthur. Check out @etcheddailyfor her resources in this area or Jackiviramontez.com. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	The Fertility Series: 10 Years of Infertility Led to This Moment	04 Mar 2020	00:56:52
We are starting a new series on the podcast all about fertility! We are going to cover everything from IVF, to egg freezing, to adoption, miscarriage, and everything in between. We are first going to chat about IVF. My dear friend Faith Ramos shares her journey through 10 years of infertility before IVF gave her two children. The Love Story Faith met her husband Angel at college when they were both 18 years old. After a few years of ‘not—not trying to have kids’, once they hit 30, they started to wondering what was going on.. She opens up about what it’s like getting questions about why they didn’t have kids yet. IVF + An Answered Prayer IVF involves putting the egg + sperm together in a petri dish to create an embryo. The price for this runs between $20k and $30k— so it is not really accessible to many. Faith + Angel struggled to find funds as new business owners (plus her mother was sick). In true God fashion—the money came in an unlikely and unexpected way. Getting Pregnant “Early on, Angel and I knew that this was God’s story.” She remembers shifting her mindset from “why me?” to a heart of gratitude. “God is faithful, however that looks.” Listen to the episode to hear Faith describe the moment she first met her son. Feeling discouraged? “The journey just might be different than what it seems. God is able to do anything, but his will is different for everyone.” Resources Keep up with Faith on Instagram at @ourfamilyisart and @18thamendment_. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	What Happens When Your Identity Is Stripped From You?	26 Feb 2020	01:03:40
NLP practitioner and certified nutritional consultant and coach to Olympic athletes and A-list celebrities Adam Cobb is on the podcast today. We started recording right in the middle of a vulnerable ‘clearing the air' moment between us personally. It just felt important to share some good ol’ conflict resolution with you. The crux of our chat was about ‘what happens when the thing we’re known for gets stripped from us.' Who do we become when our identity becomes rocked? Where do we turn to? How do we move through it? Loss of Identity Just a few hours before Adam was scheduled to give a talk on movement and mindset, he had a basketball accident and got an ACL tear and meniscus rupture. As an adult having to live back home with his parents with little mobility was completely humbling. Asking for Help He opens up about his decision to go to therapy and why he resisted it in the past. Even then, it took him three sessions to surrender to the process and really show up. He remembers a pivotal moment when he was standing with a bowl of chili in his hands because he couldn’t figure out how to bring it to the table while on crutches. Healing Physically + Emotionally “Real healing looks like asking for help.” He shares how his lack of vulnerability created tension in his romantic relationships. He was challenged by his peers to think “what does silence sound like right now?” “I was operating in my head then; I am operating in my heart now.” Resources Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg. Seven Thousand Ways to Listen by Mark Nepo. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. Keep up with Adam at @coachadamcobb and coachadamcobb.com! Struggling with online dating? Kait Warman of The Heart of Dating and I are hosting a live online workshop just for you on February 25, 2020. Grab your ticket here! Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	The Sex Talk: When, How, + Why To Have It In Dating	19 Feb 2020	00:46:43
Hi, friends! We’re having the sex talk on the podcast today!! Are you waiting for marriage to have sex? Not sure when to bring it up in dating? Or how? We’re going to chat about that today, because I watched The Bachelor on Monday and have quite a few thoughts on this! Peter is the Bachelor and it’s causing quite the commotion with Madison. We’re one week away from engagement and they still haven’t had ‘the talk.’ Why I was afraid to tell guys I wasn’t having sex until marriage: Fear of rejection I assumed if you were a Christian, you weren’t having sex—I also thought everyone wore purity rings too. I was shut down to my sexuality + desire—if I can’t accept my own sexuality, how can I accept another, and how can I enter into an adult consensual relationship if I’m unwilling to talk about this stuff? I didn’t know my why so I was afraid of bringing it up because I couldn’t really explain why except that’s what Christians do. 3 things to think before you have ‘the talk’ Know your why The difference between: I’m not a smoker + I’m trying to quit. Your decision has to be internally motivated What does sex mean to me? What is god’s heart for intimacy + sex? What is my heart for intimacy + sex? Why or why not is this a value for me? QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF Assume nothing Just because they share your faith does not mean you have the same physical boundaries. No kissing until marriage to everything but penetration—including anal—to some people who love Jesus + choose to have pre-marital sex. Zero shame Rejection is protection!! It may make my dating pool smaller, but it makes it stronger. WHEN: By date 3…although NYC dating culture moves quickly…so it’s not odd if I bring it up on the 1st date. 3 Reasons to Have the Sex Talk Early on Set yourself up for success If you’re not having sex before marriage — this may help set-up physical boundaries in dating. What didn’t work for me…getting naked on the first date. Be kind If I’m getting what I want—but if he thinks this is leading elsewhere it’s in a sense being dishonest. Create a culture of honesty + communication The only way a relationship can last + build trust is through communication. As a couple you get to decide what boundaries will work for you—It’s an ongoing conversation. A boundary might have worked in the past, but things may shift. I HAVE AN EASY OUT: I talk about this stuff professionally. However, the more I’ve shared, the easier it’s become. it’s a non-issue for me. Here is what I say: “Hey, I just want to be upfront. I don’t have sex until marriage + that’s not like a cute thing I say…I really mean it. So I just wanted to throw that out there + see where you’re at + what you think!” RESOURCES FOR NAVIGATING YOUR WHY? Dr. Celeste Holbrook The Bible: Flee from Sexual Immorality Kat’s ‘Why’ Kat’s conversation on God is Grey Struggling with online dating? Kait Warman of The Heart of Dating and I are hosting a live online workshop just for you on February 25, 2020. Grab your ticket here! Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How a Podcast Saved a Marriage	12 Feb 2020	01:04:22
This week, my real-life friends Jessie and Gerard Pepper are on the podcast! You may know them from their own podcast Marriage is Funny. They launched the podcast after they were having a serious discussion about divorce. (Spoiler alert: they are still married.) We chat about the vulnerability that brought them out of that dark time in marriage and they share some actionable steps to tend to the meaningful relationships in your life. Talking It Out Their podcast isn’t about marriage advice…it’s about creating a space to process through their own difficulties and problems. “The points of tension can be what draws you back closer to each other and strengthens the bond between you.” Growing in Understanding We talk about why it’s so scary to tell someone what you really want. Gerard opens up about his tendency to not share emotions. “It feels really dangerous.” “Beauty comes from complexity.” Setting an Example They wish the married couples in their lives had been more honest about marriage. Amen to that, because marriage even to the best person is going to be HARD! “Our marriage has turned into something that we are tending to and constantly learning about and constantly trying to enrich.” Keep Up With The Peppers Check out their website at com. Follow them on Facebook and join their podcast’s private FB group. Follow them on IG at @meetthepeppers and @styleandpepper. Watch their video series about the three marriage myths that nearly ruined their relationship— they gave you special access here. Struggling with online dating? Kait Warman of The Heart of Dating and I are hosting a live online workshop just for you on February 25, 2020. Grab your ticket here! Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Ever Feel Like a Fake? Tackling Imposter Syndrome 101	05 Feb 2020	00:52:02
Do you remember how much you loved Dr. Therese Mascardo on episode 58 of the podcast “How to Marie Kondo Your Mental Health”? Because I do. And I loved having her on. So guess what? We got her back on the podcast for you! She is a psychologist and the founder of Exploring Therapy. This episode, we are chatting about imposter syndrome, because the imposter syndrome can be so real sometimes, you guys! The 4 Elements of Imposter Syndrome Feelings of inadequacy; Second guessing yourself; Dismissing accomplishments and praise as luck, timing, or being deceptive; The thoughts you have lead to fear, anxiety, and perfectionism. What Causes Imposter Syndrome? We all have insecurities, but our environment, culture, and upbringing can make those insecurities stronger in our minds. We aren’t seeing other people’s insecurities, so we think we are wrong for having them. “Imposter syndrome is created out of the things you tell yourself.” #1 Thing To Do to Tackle Imposter Syndrome Identify your self talk and figure out what narratives need correction. “It’s not about succeeding 100% of the time, it’s just that you deserve as much of a chance, even if you fail.” “Those who are the first to do something often suffer from imposter syndrome the most.” The Importance of Community “If you can receive criticism, you need to be open to receiving praise.” Resources Listen to Lizzo— Dr. Therese’s orders!! It will seriously help you with self-talk. Join the Roundtable waitlist here. Check out Dr. Therese’s website and Instagram. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 I want to say a very special THANK YOU to our new friends in our Patreon community: Meg Poore, Justice Barker, and Francesca Pittaluga! You are truly the reason we are able to invest so much of our time and resources into this podcast! Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Confused by Enneagram? We're Breakin' It Down for You	29 Jan 2020	01:09:07
Enneagram is having such a moment. Chances are you either think “that person is such a [insert number here]” any time you meet someone new ,or you think “what the heck is this enneagram I keep hearing about all the time?” Well, today we have an EXPERT on the podcast: Beth McCord, the founder of Your Enneagram Coach. She helps explain the different types and how you can learn to grow and understand both yourself and others through this tool. What is the Enneagram? The enneagram suggests that there are nine different personality types. There are four core motivations for each type: fear, desire, weakness, and longing. The key is to learn the ‘why’ behind all of your decisions and use it as a tool for growth. “Real transformation means we have to take the time to look inward.” The 9 Types 1: Moral Perfectionist 2: Supportive Advisor 3: Achiever 4: Romantic Individualist 5: Investigative Thinker 6: Loyal Guardians 7: Entertaining Optimist 8: Protective Challengers 9: Peaceful Mediators Enneagram + Dating It doesn’t matter what number dates what number, the key to success is both being healthy in your own numbers. The biggest piece of advice: Look for someone who is willing to grow. “We don’t want to use the enneagram as a sword or a shield.” Resources Go to yourenneagramcoach.com to find out what type you are. Take Beth’s course “Discovering You” here for 50% off after you use her type-finder test. Go to yourenneagramcoach.com/coremotivations to learn your core motivations. Check out Beth’s 9 journals for each type here. Read the book Beth wrote with her husband: Becoming Us. Read The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron. Keep up with Beth on Instagram at @yourenneagramcoach. Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Dating Tips, Deal Breakers and Myths	22 Jan 2020	00:55:58
Sliding into DMs is my favorite. Basically Instagram stalk people and ask them to be on my podcast. But you know what? It works! And now I have loads of virtual friends. Bam. Today, I’m am chatting with Stephanie May Wilson. She has such a heart for single women, so I am so excited for us to walk through some of the top questions that women send us every day. DATING 101: Types + Deal Breakers We chat about how guys are often more attractive in real life than in their online photos BUT if they say they are 6 feet tall, they are almost certainly a full two inches shorter. We may have a type, but we have to stop making our searches so narrow—the perfect man may not be who you pictured him to be. DATING 101: It’s A Curb, Not A Cliff Real talk: we need to be as intentional about dating as we are with our career or fitness. We chat about the pressure to have meet cutes and the number one frustration women come to her looking for answers to. “You deserve someone who wants to be with you.” What do you do with all this hope and confusion? Live this season of your life to the fullest. Show up! DATING MYTH: There Are No Good Guys? “There are better things we can do with that focus that actually get us to where we want to be.” Find ways to put yourself out there more. Just get involved in your community. Disappointment is part of the dating process. It’s getting you ready for marriage, which is signing up to be disappointed by the same person for your whole life. Feeling discouraged? God hasn’t forgotten you. It isn’t too late. You are not less than others because you are single. You are not unlovable. You don’t have to figure this out alone. Keep up with Stephanie at StephanieMayWilson.com, where you can find her podcast (Girls Night) and her Instagram (@smaywilson). She has a prayer journal called Every Single Moment—you can find it here! Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Comparison Sucks + Other Thoughts About 2019	15 Jan 2020	00:44:38
Welcome back to The Refined Collective podcast! Did you notice our new intro music? We’re so excited about it. On this first solo show of the new year, I’m chatting about all of the lessons I learned in 2019 (because it taught me some big lessons), my vision for 2020, and of course before I do all of that I share all of my favorite pop culture tidbits with you! Lessons Learned Comparison sucks. My Challenge to You: What if you used someone else’s breakthrough as evidence of what’s possible as opposed to getting stuck in comparison, jealousy, and a victim mentality? How would doing that impact your life? Celebrate your wins. Life is busy. Often before we finish the one thing, we’re already chasing the next. I don’t know about you, but this feels exhausting. What if before rushing off to the next goal, we allowed ourselves to pause, acknowledge, and celebrate the wins—no matter how big or small. I can only change me. Much to my dismay as much as I try to change others, the only person I can truly change and take responsibility for is myself. Instead of spending so much time focusing on other people’s drama, what if you used that time to look inward, and noticed areas in your own life that needed some extra love? God lives in the space between. Life is a “both and,” not an “either or.” 2020 Vision (Get it? 2020 vision? 20/20 vision?) What if you had the courage to receive and believe that you deserved to be here? What if you were the girl for the job? What if you no longer let insecurity dictate your reality? I spent too long believing I didn’t belong on the tennis court or I didn’t belong as a writer. But guess what? I’m writing a freaking book. And then I’m going to write ANOTHER one. My new mantra: “Why not me?” Thank you Mindy Kaling for that. What if you spent more time thinking about how things could go well for you instead of always planning for and expecting the worst case scenario to unfold? How would your day-to-day life change? Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407 Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Sex Ed 101: (Spoiler Alert) Sex Isn’t Like the Movies with Dr. Celeste Holbrook	20 Jul 2022	00:59:39
Our favorite sexologist is back! Dr. Celeste Holbrook is here again this week to answer some of your sex ed questions. We talk about everything from the basics of understanding your anatomy to the complicated feelings that may arise if you want to introduce sex toys into your partnered sex. Get started now with 25% off a premium subscription by downloading the Abide app at Abide.co/refined. Go to AmericanBlossomLinens.com and use code REFINED20 for 20% off your order. Get 20% off when you go to BedSTU.com and use code RC20 at checkout. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Don't Take it Personal: Kat's End of Year Tell-All	11 Dec 2019	00:56:24
Hi, friends! Welcome back to The Refined Collective podcast—it is our final episode of the year! It’s a solo show so you bet there will be random singing and Beyoncé references! This week, I’m not asking the questions… YOU are. You guys sent in your questions over on Instagram and in this episode, I’m answering as many as I could fit into a single episode. You guys know how weird I feel about recording solo shows so please let me know your feedback and if you’d want to hear more of these types of episodes. How do you deal with unhealthy overthinking and constantly taking things personally? It’s important to let your community into your overthinking. When you find yourself taking something personally, think: “They have something coming up for them that has nothing to do with me.” How do I give space and patience towards my boyfriend who is struggling letting go completely from his past relationship? There’s an important conversation to be had here about recognizing emotional availability and standing in your worth. I’d love practical language on entering a conversation with a friend of mine who is a Christian and is dating a someone who is not. It’s important to check in with your own heart on what you afraid of happening in this situation. How long have you been a Christian? I went to a summer camp at 16 because all of the popular kids were going— but even from the very first night, this inexplicable thing ignited in my heart. This is not to say that there haven’t been hard moments—because there have. Highs and lows for 2019/What is your vision for 2020 and TRW?! My year started really painfully, but it gave me perspective to focus on spending the rest of the year enjoying time with the people I love. Biggest high of the year is very exciting: I signed with a publisher for my book! Best and worst date of 2019? Best: We went to a café, went hiking, and had a picnic. He kept surprising me! Worst: I liked a guy + thought we were on the same page until he went MIA. If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your favorite episodes are and always welcome any general feedback! It also helps us be more visible in the iTunes world. If you want to leave a review but don’t know how, head over to @therefinedcollective on Instagram and find the “Review 101” under story highlights. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	From Wall Street to Career Coach: Shifting Roles and Shifting Mindsets	05 Dec 2019	00:58:10
Jena Viviano is an ex-Wall Streeter turned career coach and entrepreneur who helps go-getter professionals articulate their personal branded career story to land their dream jobs. Stay tuned to hear us chat about Wall Street, faith journeys, shifting mindsets, eating disorders, and hear me drop Beyoncé’s name because of course! (Bonus: we have a quick chat about dating because Jena has an incredible boyfriend!) Wall Street · We chat about what happens when we achieve the thing we think is going to fulfill us… and turns out it doesn’t fulfill us at all. · “God, I don’t know if you are real, but if you are: get me out of here.” · During her time on Wall Street, she developed an eating disorder. · “Instead of trying to fix the things that are “wrong with me,” why don’t I just lean into the things that I’m really good at.” · Jena shares how she was able to make a career pivot. Integrating Faith at Work · “For a long time, I thought about my job being my provider, but really the reality is God is my provider. That mindset shift helped me take bigger risks from taking that side hustle to full hustle.” 1. Stay silent vs. Bible beating—it doesn’t have to be one or the other. Hear how Jena balances sharing her faith at work. 2. Are we using our gifts? Are we encouraging others to do the same? 3. Pray and put action behind it. 4. Take a redemptive lens to work. 5. How does generosity play into your work? 6. Instead of compartmentalizing, show up as a whole person. Battling an Eating Disorder · Jena sought counseling, health coaching, and rewired her thoughts. · The first step to healing was changing the environment she was in. · Bottom line: there is hope! Keep up with Jena at her website, podcast, Instagram, and LinkedIn. You can get her free devotional at www.jenaviviano.com/wordatwork. Single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! XO, Kat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Creating Space for Grief	20 Nov 2019	00:50:54
Today we are recording in Rockefeller Center a long way from my Brooklyn closet. I have my dear friend Carrie Gracey Lloyd on the podcast today! She has a podcast called “The Carrie On…” that you can check it out here. In this episode, we chat about grief, how to walk through it, how it can challenge your faith, and the importance of creating space for your grief. On Grief “I love redemption stories, but if we don’t look at the grief, we don’t know where the lord is going to show up.” · I have been walking through a lot of grief this year and Carrie’s podcast episodes on grief have helped me feel so seen and understood. · Carrie shares her experience with grief from losing family and friends from a young age. · We chat about the unhealthy ways we often cope with grief because it often feels our culture doesn’t allow us to grieve. Creating Space for Grief · She outlines her process of following a “grieving plan,” where she actually takes time out of her day to process, reflect, and work through her pain and grief. · “I’ve sometimes felt God weep with me.” · Just as children allow themselves to cry and feel, we need to allow ourselves to grieve. · Carrie describes the relief and release she felt after grieving. Grief and Faith · People tend to question their faith when they are grieving. · “I think it’s alright to ask those questions as long as we don’t stay there for too long because that therefore meant that our belief in God was based on circumstances.” The Other Side of Grief · We have to give ourselves permission to move forward. · “The heart holds onto grief until you actually process it.” · The process of healthy grieving will become quicker the more you go through it. Keep up with Carrie: at her website, her podcast, her book, her other book, and on Instagram. Single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! XO, Kat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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