Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast The Millennial Sandwich

Personally and professionally, Hitha Palepu wears a lot of hats. She's a mother of boys (but not a boy mom), a daughter of immigrants, and only child, a pharma CEO, a content creator, an author, a speaker...and that's not even an exhuastive list.

It's easy to look at someone like Hitha and wonder how she does it all. But here's the thing: She doesn't. 

Hitha talks us through how she makes her multi-hyphanted life work...and also, what she doesn't do. Because doing a lot is not the same as doing it all.

We discuss:

-The pressures daughters of immigrants face

-The systems that help her streamline her personal and professional commitments

-Why taking care of herself is so important

-How watching reality TV is cultural anthropology

Topics covered:

Aging parents, caregiving, sandwich generation, motherhood, reality TV, Love Island, boy mom culture, immigrant parents, south asian daughters

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Care work has value, economically and beyond — yet both our systems and our culture refuse to acknowledge this. 

Nobody understands this deep devaluation better than Elissa Strauss, who (literally) wrote the book (When You Care) on the true value of care. 

In this episode, Elissa, Anita & Zara discuss:

• The longheld idea that motherhood shouldn't "take over" your identity
• The interdependency of policy and culture where caregiving is concerned
• The biggest misconceptions people have about care work
• Our cultural obsession with independence and preservation of youth
• The caregiving secrets many of us keep
• How tradwife and girlboss narratives fail caregivers

Topics covered: Caregiving, care work, dementia care, motherhood, economic value of care, gender, feminism, wage gap

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Anita and Zara discuss the evolution of media representation of caregiving. From 'Leave it Beaver' and other depictions of 1950's suburbia, to the social media-driven landscape we're currently navigating, representation of caregiving has evolved...but has it really changed all that much?

The hosts dig into their opinions, share thoughts on the buzzy tradwife novel Yesteryear, reflect on the cartoon that raised us (Rugrats!), and end with a rapid fire round of "which social media mom archetype would our nostalgic TV faves embody today?"

00:00 Navigating the Millennial Media Landscape
03:06 The Evolution of Parenting Media
05:49 The Impact of Social Media on Caregiving
08:15 The Performance of Motherhood
10:50 The Double-Edged Sword of Social Media
12:54 The Role of Women in Modern Media
15:26 The Intersection of Caregiving and Mental Health
17:05 The Challenges of Aging and Caregiving
19:41 The Importance of Sharing Caregiver Experiences
21:53 The Shift in Conversations Around Women's Health
24:16 Rebranding Aging and Longevity
25:45 Rethinking Longevity and Functionality
28:45 Driving Independence and Safety in Older Adults
29:10 The Impact of Media on Aging and Family Dynamics
31:05 Navigating the Sandwich Generation
37:23 The Influence of Nostalgia and Social Media on Parenting

Topics covered: Social media, millennial motherhood, media representations of motherhood, sandwich generation caregiving, intergenerational conflict, tradwives, tradwife content

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Leah Ruppanner, a sociologist and the author of Drained, joins Anita and Zara to discUss the complexities of mental load.

In this conversation, Leah debunks common misconceptions and explains how emotional thinking work impacts burnout and gender norms. This conversation offers research-backed insights and practical advice for understanding and managing mental load in everyday life.

In this episode we cover:

• Mental load as emotional thinking work
• The eight types of mental load
• Gender differences in mental load
• Impact of social norms on mental load
• Strategies to manage and reduce mental load

Chapters

00:00
Understanding the Mental Load

04:44
The Emotional Aspect of Mental Load

09:13
Gender Dynamics in Mental Load

13:43
The Importance of Acknowledgment

18:36
Navigating Modern Challenges

23:14
The Future of Mental Load Awareness

26:10
Navigating the Mental Load of Modern Motherhood

29:49
The Impact of Social Media on Mental Health

33:38
Understanding and Managing Mental Energy

36:54
Intergenerational Perspectives on Mental Load

43:08
Finding Balance and Permission to Rest

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Dr. Allison Alford, PhD, a researcher and the author of Good Daughtering, joins Anita and Zara to discuss the concept of daughtering, its emotional labor, and its significance across generations. Discover how recognizing and valuing daughtering can transform relationships, foster resilience, and expand our understanding of womanhood.

Key Topics

• The concept of daughtering and its origins
• Emotional labor involved in daughtering
• Generational differences in daughtering expectations

Chapters

00:00
Introduction to Good Daughtering

02:55
The Concept of Daughtering

05:27
The Emotional Labor of Daughters

08:20
Generational Perspectives on Daughtering

11:01
Recognizing and Valuing Daughtering

13:55
The Role of Communication in Daughtering

16:40
Navigating Complex Family Dynamics

19:04
Parenting Daughters in a New Era

21:23
Exploring Immigrant Experiences and Cultural Identity

22:33
Creating Personal Rubrics for Daughtering

24:38
The Dynamics of Sibling Relationships in Daughtering

27:54
Navigating Changing Family Roles and Responsibilities

32:27
The Burden of Daughtering in a Systemic Context

35:02
The Essence of Daughtering Beyond Loss

36:39
The Lifelong Journey of Daughtering

40:56
Empowering Women Through Good Daughtering

Topics covered in this episode: daughtering, emotional labor, women, generational roles, family dynamics, recognition, mental health, identity, feminism, social support

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Saumya Dave, psychiatrist, author, and mental health advocate joins Anita and Zara to discuss the complex emotions of guilt, the importance of authentic friendships, and the societal expectations placed on women and mothers. She shares personal stories, insights from research, and practical advice on navigating mental health and relationships in modern life.

Key Topics

• The different types of guilt and their impact on women
• The importance of authentic friendships and social connection
• Societal expectations and their influence on women and mothers
• The role of vulnerability and honesty in mental health
• Strategies for managing guilt and fostering self-compassion

Chapters

00:00
Introduction to Saumya Dave

00:35
The Intersection of Psychiatry and Writing

04:25
Understanding Daughter Guilt

05:10
Exploring Guilt in Motherhood

09:08
Cultural Perspectives on Guilt

11:11
The Evolution of Dad Guilt

12:52
Challenging Societal Expectations

14:59
The Complexity of Maternal Instincts

16:37
Redefining Guilt and Emotional Awareness

19:02
The Guilt of High Achievers

20:32
The Mental Toll of Role Switching

23:05
Generational Conversations and Emotional Labor

24:04
Friendship Dynamics in Adulthood

26:55
Navigating Guilt in Social Lives

28:45
The Complexity of Boundaries

30:45
The Impact of Ghosting on Relationships

32:15
The Power of Vulnerability in Friendships

33:51
Influence of Childhood Literature on Women

34:09
The Babysitter's Club

36:20
The Dichotomy of Good and Bad: Sweet Valley High

38:58
Media Representation and Parenting Dynamics

41:47
The Importance of Friendships in Resilience

44:33
Connection Through Voice Notes: A Survival Tip

Covered in this episode: mental health, guilt, friendships, women, motherhood, societal expectations, self-care, emotional well-being, parenting, women’s health, eldest daughters, nostalgic book series for millennial women

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What happens when a journalist who covers parenting and a physician who cares for older adults enter the sandwich generation? If Zara Hanawalt and Dr. Anita Chandra's experiences are any indication, no amount of expertise can truly prepare you for what it's really like to be in the sandwich generation. 

Join longtime friends Anita and Zara they explore the complexities of the millennial sandwich generation, balancing parenthood, daughterhood, and personal identity. 

This episode offers insights, nostalgia, and community support for those navigating multi-generational caregiving and self-care.

Key Topics

• The concept of the sandwich generation and its challenges
• The impact of social media and cultural shifts on millennial parenting and daughterhood
• The emotional and mental load of multi-generational caregiving
• Nostalgia for the 90s and its influence on millennial identity
• The importance of community, friendship, and self-care in stressful times

Chapters

00:00
Welcome to the Millennial Sandwich Generation

02:20
Friendship and Shared Experiences

04:55
Nostalgia and Growing Up in the 90s

07:54
The Reality of Adult Responsibilities

10:30
Navigating Work-Life Balance

13:12
The Invisible Load of Caregiving

15:09
Understanding the Sandwich Generation

17:54
The Emotional Toll of Care Work

20:20
Redefining Care and Support

23:11
The Pressure of High Expectations

25:44
Finding Joy in the Chaos

27:51
Creating a Community of Support

36:34
Introduction to Nostalgia and Pop Culture

36:50
Millennial Moms and Dads in Nostalgia

37:37
Conclusion and Feedback on the Episode

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Millennials are preparing for their midlife era...and it's bringing up a lot of questions. 

For example...

• Does every generation feel this way at this age?
• Why do we feel so much younger *and* so much older than we actually are?
• What do I actually want to be when I grow up?
• I've done all the things I set out to do. Now what?
• And, perhaps most importantly...do women even get to have a midlife crisis?

Anita and Zara are getting into all of it...and exploring the wild identity shift that comes when you're 40-ish. Women in midlife are almost always denied main character treatment, but we're here to change that. 

Caregiving (for both our kids and our parents) complicates our ability to fall apart in midlife. We don't really have a roadmap for what a midlife crisis actually looks like in a woman, but we're setting the stage for what may come.

Key topics: Millennial midlife, middle aged millennials, pop culture, gender, marriage, aging, beauty, career, success, ambition

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Jessica C. Guthrie was your typical ambitious millennial. She had it all figured out: The big dreams, the Ivy League education, the clear path to the top. And then, when Jessica was 26, her mom's Alzheimer's Disease diagnosis changed the plan.

In this episode, Jessica, a caregiving advocate and consultant, joins Anita and Zara to talk about the realities of being a young caregiver.  

They cover:

• How Jessica realized it was time to go from long-distance caregiver to in-person caregiver
• What the medical community ought to understand about patient and caregiver experiences
• The effect becoming a caregiver has had on her friendships
• What it's truly like to be a woman of color in the caregiving community
• How her mother's constant presence shaped the way Jessica cares

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Jessica Guthrie's caregiving journey
01:03 Jessica's background and her mother's diagnosis
03:01 Evolving caregiving roles and routines
05:26 Physical dependence and hands-on care
07:50 Misconceptions about dementia progression
08:33 Clues and tools for long-distance caregiving
11:51 Advocating for diagnosis and early intervention
13:45 Communication and trust with healthcare providers
17:09 Reevaluating life goals and caregiving impact
20:16 The power of presence and relationship
22:49 Navigating racial disparities in healthcare
26:34 The importance of community and support networks
30:03 Language, culture, and underrepresentation in caregiving
34:21 Addressing stigma and biases in dementia care
37:45 What doctors often overlook in dementia diagnosis
43:22 The need for diverse voices in healthcare conversations
45:12 Stories of bias and misdiagnosis
48:49 Advice for caregivers and self-care tips
54:54 The importance of community affirmations
55:31 Millennial caregiving survival tips
56:39 Jessica's message of hope and community support

Topics covered: Caregiving, Alzheimer's, mental health, caregiving tips, Black caregivers, family support, dementia, long-distance caregiving, caregiver advocacy

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Grief doesn't always follow the five stages that have become a fixture in cultural conversations about loss. The reality? Grief can show up in a costume...and it doesn't always begin when someone dies.

Claire Bidwell Smith, therapist, author, and grief expert joins Anita and Zara for a conversation about the elements of grief we rarely discuss. It's a perspective-shifting conversation that may help you recognize surprising ways grief has presented in your own life.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Grief and Loss
02:54 The Shift in Grief Conversations
05:45 The Loneliness of Grief
08:34 Grief and Anxiety Connection
11:18 Navigating Grief as a Parent
14:00 Understanding Anticipatory Grief
16:46 The Impact of Grief on Millennials
19:40 Coping Strategies for Grief
22:30 Anticipatory Grief in Daily Life
25:16 Emotional Distance and Grief
28:35 Navigating Anticipatory Grief
31:43 Understanding Grief Beyond Loss
36:09 The Impact of Grief on Relationships
39:46 The Individual Nature of Grief
44:38 Finding Positivity in Grief
50:28 Coping as an Only Child
51:34 Self-Compassion in the Sandwich Generation

Topics covered: Grief, anticipatory grief, losing a parent, grieving as a child, supporting a grieving child, grief community, grief influencers, grief coach, aging parents

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One of the hallmarks of millennial parenting? Knowing so much (maybe...too much?) about raising kids, yet constantly feeling undermined by the people who raised you. 

Even the experts are experiencing this. See: Dr. Mona Amin, a pediatrician, content creator and podcaster who shares parenting advice with over 2 million followers across Instagram and TikTok, yet has stumbled through the complexities of maintaining intergenerational harmony in her own family.

In this episode, Dr. Mona speaks to Anita and Zara about:

• How to react when you hear your parents criticize your parenting
• Why boys are just as vulnerable as girls when it comes to body-shaming
• The importance of individualizing your approach to parenting each of your children
• Why parenting advice and content has become so extreme
• Her honest take on gentle parenting

It's an informative, relatable, and incredibly honest conversation about how millennial parents can maintain close — yet often imperfect — relationships with their parents...and undo some of the patterns that hurt them as children.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Dr. Mona Amin and her background
02:36 Parenting advice in the age of social media
03:29 The impact of information overload on parents
04:55 Balancing social media, family, and personal bandwidth
06:27 How being a pediatrician influences parenting
08:52 Perfectionism versus intentional parenting
10:32 The importance of understanding your child's unique needs
11:51 Navigating parenting advice and scripts
15:08 Discipline, boundaries, and family dynamics
19:38 Handling intergenerational trauma and boundaries
23:46 Dealing with societal comments and body positivity
28:33 Supporting children through societal and peer comments
31:11 Gender norms and societal expectations for boys and girls
34:08 Managing emotional reactions and communication styles
37:55 The ongoing nature of parent-child relationships across ages
38:44 Cultural Perspectives on Parenting
39:10 Shifts in Parenting Conversations
48:59 Navigating Parenting Styles
53:47 The Importance of Connection and Communication

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As a content creator and author of Honest Motherhood: Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, Libby Ward built her platform on radical honesty. In this conversation, she delivers just that. Come for Libby's story, which includes a lifetime of caregiving responsibility, and stay for Libby's sharp, unfiltered opinions about the state of motherhood today.

Libby speaks to Anita and Zara about:

• How being a caregiver as a child affected her in motherhood
• Why so many mothers feel invisible after giving birth
• What it's really like to break cycles in parenthood
• How she realized selflessness shouldn't be viewed as a badge of honor in motherhood
• Why ragebait content is so viral (and so dangerous)
• And so much more

Chapters

00:00
Introduction to Libby Ward and Her Journey

02:00
The Reality of Motherhood vs. Expectations

09:53
Breaking Cycles of Parenting

14:45
Navigating Caregiving Responsibilities

18:36
The Impact of Online Content on Motherhood

23:53
Positive Motherhood Content isn't Actually Positive

26:36
The Struggles of Modern Motherhood

29:58
Content Creation and Its Impact on Caregiving

34:13
The Gender Gap in Content Consumption

37:22
Navigating Relationships and Boundaries

41:43
The Illusion of Adulthood and Self-Trust

44:02
Radical Honesty as a Survival Tool

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There's no formal introduction to the sandwich generation. Chances are, you've been in it for longer than you realize — at least if your sandwich generation story is anything like our experiences.

Anita and Zara, hosts of The Millennial Sandwich, get deeply personal in this episode (yes, there were tears!). From how they each discovered they were officially in the sandwich generation, to what it's like to lose a parent and put your grief on hold in the name of staying strong for everybody else, to the loneliness of being an only child in the sandwich...they go there.

It's a deeply relatable conversation about an experience many of us are having, but few people dare to discuss.

Chapters

00:00
Introduction to the Sandwich Generation

01:48
Personal Experiences in the Sandwich Generation

04:53
The Emotional Toll of Caregiving

07:58
The Importance of Support Systems

11:18
Navigating Guilt and Expectations

14:43
The Unique Challenges of Being an Only Child

17:47
Cultural Perspectives on Family Dynamics

20:45
The Impact of Grief on Caregiving

24:02
Representation of the Sandwich Generation in Pop Culture

30:07
Millennial Child/Boomer Parent Relationships

Topics covered:
sandwich generation, caregiving, family dynamics, emotional support, cultural differences, grief, resilience, millennial parents

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Having kids is going to change your relationship — that's inevitable. But that doesn't mean your partnership is doomed after you have kids. Eli Weinstein, LCSW therapist, host of The Dude Therapist and author of From I Do to We Do is here to break down our most pressing questions about partnership as parents.

Think...

• Is marriage supposed to feel hard?
• Will we be okay without date nights?
• Is it normal for my marriage to feel different now that we have kids?
• How do I address issues in my marriage when I just don't have the emotional capacity for another tough conversation?
• Am I terrible person for losing my patience with the people I love the most?
• Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce don't fight...is that #relationshipgoals?

Anita and Zara talk to Eli about the way marriage and partnership change for members of the sandwich generation. 

Chapters:

00:00 Understanding Relationship Dynamics
02:10 The Impact of Parenthood on Relationships
04:06 Millennials and Relationship Challenges
06:40 Navigating Change in Relationships
09:30 The Reality of Disconnection in Parenting
10:03 Navigating Resentment in Relationships
12:32 The Importance of Communication and Vulnerability
13:29 Utilizing Journals for Relationship Clarity
16:32 Daily Check-Ins: A Tool for Connection
20:55 Understanding the Challenges of Marriage
22:43 The Balance of Kindness and Patience
26:44 Managing External Stressors in Relationships
29:40 The Myth of Fairness in Partnerships
32:17 The Importance of Acknowledgment in Relationships
35:06 Navigating Social Media Comparisons
37:50 Understanding Relationship Dynamics and Communication
41:36 Addressing Resentment and Building Connection
45:06 Creative Ways to Date Your Partner
49:38 Coping with Grief and Caregiving in Relationships
52:13 Millennial Sandwich Generation Insights

Topics covered: Marriage after kids, marriage, communication, therapy, millennial parenting, social media and relationship expectations, dating your spouse

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It's not in your head: Millennials really are fighting an uphill battle when it comes to finances. 

We're navigating astronomical childcare costs, an unstable job market, inflation, and more...and while still paying back our student loans. Meanwhile, we're being told the reason we're financially strapped is because we overspend on lattes and avocado toast.

On this episode, financial advisor, mom of two, and eldest daughter Bonnie Mangold joins Anita and Zara to talk about the financial realities of being a millennial in the sandwich generation. This isn't your standard financial breakdown — Bonnie gets real about the emotional nature of money, the uncomfortable nature of talking about money in families, and the importance of addressing generational cycles around finances.

She answers all our most pressing questions like:

• Should I create 529 accounts for my kids?
• What should I put in my 'if I die' binder?
• Are lattes actually the reason I can't afford a house?

Chapters

00:00
Introduction to Bonnie Mangold and her background

01:48
Target demographic: Millennials and their financial stressors

03:01
The impact of rising childcare costs and student loans

04:16
Starting with defensive financial planning

05:31
How to protect your cash cushion from inflation

06:50
The importance of legal documents and family financial planning

08:02
Supporting aging parents and long-term care considerations

13:33
Financial advice for parents on saving for children

14:44
The importance of self-care in financial planning

16:07
Creating a family financial binder and sharing information

17:52
Intergenerational financial planning and professional help

19:42
The value of delegating financial tasks

21:06
Bonnie’s personal financial situation and family planning

23:42
Using state incentives like Pennsylvania’s 529 plan

25:29
The basics of a secure financial position

26:23
Homeownership: emotional vs. financial considerations

27:56
Budgeting for a home purchase

29:50
Communicating about finances with partners

32:57
Supporting family and managing expectations

39:28
Practical steps to regain financial control

44:25
Common financial mistakes millennials make

44:44
College savings: overrated or essential?

45:04
Talking to parents about legal and financial planning

45:23
Are millennials doomed financially?

46:49
Balancing lifestyle choices and financial goals

48:03
The true cost of having children and family planning

50:32
The importance of financial security for generational health

51:54
Bonnie’s virtual practice and how to connect

52:23
Final thoughts: Self-care and financial independence

Topics covered: financial planning, millennials, family finances, emergency fund, long-term care, home buying, financial literacy, generational wealth, legal planning, savings strategies, emergency funds

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