I'm here to help you make peace with your body again. Listen to hear real world strategies (from yoga and mindfulness) to sleep better, lose a little weight and feel stronger.
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Do you eat healthy all day long but then go off the rails after dinner?
So many of us midlife women are beating ourselves up, feeling like we’re not measuring up because we blow the healthy eating by 7 pm. But honestly… once you understand WHY this happens, it’s a common sense fix. I’m not talking iron willpower or cleaning out all the junk food from your cupboard.
Let’s clarify what is actually going on when those cravings hit and give you 3 easy strategies for sailing through those nighttime urges.
My Nighttime Pattern… Sound Familiar?
For me, it’s green smoothie for breakfast, high fibre salad for lunch. Even at dinner I start carefully. But then it tastes really good. And I’m not supposed to eat after dinner, so I’d better tank up now. Wouldn’t want to be hungry or I won’t sleep. And then I finish it all and think good, I’m full.
But…. The night stretches out long ahead. I’m tired. But a little wired. My sweet tooth starts grumbling. What about a little chocolate??? Dark chocolate has antioxidants you know. Yup. That sure was good. Another little square won’t hurt. I sit to watch something on YouTube and next thing I know, half the bar is gone. OK, no more of that. This is what goes on in my brain, literally.
This is my night time struggle. Literally every night.
I feel shame for caving on the chocolate. That uncomfortable feeling niggles in the back of my mind while I’m trying to distract with more YouTube or reading. More shame starts piling in because it’s a shame spiral. The more the merrier, right?
“You should sign up for an exercise class at night. You will never fit into your clothes if you don’t tackle this weight around the middle.” And for me, I make a living selling healthy lifestyle. What kind of advertisement is it if I look dumpy????
“Yeah, and I should sign up for a continuing education class. That would keep me away from food at night. I do feel kind of tired after dinner. I put in full days. But if I were really ambitious or organized I would have energy for that” More shame, yay!
How Habits Perpetuate
Meanwhile, my habit brain, the part of my brain that organizes all my background processes, is becoming a little concerned. All this shame coming to the party leads to feelings of isolation, being left out and not measuring up. Wayyyyy back in the caveman days, being left out or ostracized from the tribe was fatal. My habit brain still holds to that notion. So these feelings of isolation are being read as a survival threat. We could die!!!!
Habit brain to the rescue! It has a plan for all potential survival threats. And it has been gathering programming for millennia for just this moment.
Unfortunately, my habit brain does not have room or any desire to embrace my goals, dreams and higher human potential. It’s only interested in basic survival. It doesn’t know that I’ve resolved to kick night time snacking or that I desperately want to fit into my beautiful clothes.
The habit brain steadily amps up the signals that we should do whatever it takes to calm the feelings of isolation, shame and loneliness. Historically, you know what has worked super well???? Eating a snack!
The Role of Dopamine
When we eat something rich in carbohydrates, like chocolate or popcorn or Oreos, the brain receives a strong dopamine hit. This is a pleasure hormone. We are wired, super hard wired, to go after dopamine hits.
Unfortunately, that dopamine hit just band-aided the problem. Logically, I’ve just added more fuel to the shame fire. The whole circle of hell starts again.
Hopefully, my story helps you understand how absolutely normal you are. This is a trap so many of us fall into. You are not broken. I am not shame worthy. It’s just an unmindful pattern that we can totally hack into.
Hack into the Habit Brain
There are several reasons why this night time snacking cycle gets away from us. In the SHE Mindfulness Program, we take a much deeper dive. And you have access to our private Community within which you can ask questions specific to your situation and share your own strategies with others like us.
1. Trying to “Bank Calories”
Days can be busy. Sometimes it’s hard to fit in proper meals. And I often don’t notice my hunger or cravings because my brain is so entertained by all that’s happening. Also, I might take advantage of that distraction and skip some meals. You know… bank my calories for later. It’s feels so virtuous to say, “Oh I forgot to eat today!” Or “I only had an apple for lunch”.
Meanwhile, that habit brain is getting more and more concerned. Depriving ourselves and ignoring hunger cues can create a panic response in your system. Even mild hunger can trigger stress hormones. You might not notice the build up of anxiety because you are stimulated by your activities. But when the distractions start to wind down, the anxiety hits full tilt.
Do you find you are nibbling while cooking dinner? Do the hunger pangs attack as you drive home to make supper? Do you get “hangry”?
Routinely ignoring hunger cues sensitizes our alarm system so it’s super hard to control eating to enough. There is a brilliant communication loop built into our system. But if we are not attuned, the system loses its calibration. In other words, the habit brain becomes even more of a drama queen and sends these big panic messages as soon as it can find our attention.
Here’s the solution: Eat when you are hungry. And stop eating when you’ve had enough.
How elegant. In Mindful Eating (you can get a FREE copy of the guide ), we study exactly how to read the body for hunger and full cues. It sounds so simple but, for me, it has been an ongoing practice to recalibrate.
This is a long term process of learning to deeply listen to your body again. You don’t have to give up chocolate or popcorn. I promise.
2. Stress and Cortisol
The next strategy is helping to address the hormones that cause unnecessary night time snacking.
Cortisol is a normal hormone that is commonly released in the system to help us feel energized and prepped for activity. It starts to rise about 4 am and steadily grows all day. There’s nothing wrong with cortisol in the system. It’s normal.
But here’s the catch. We sit down at dinner. We’re probably hungry. We’ve been busy. Our brains are tired. Do you know you have to make tens of thousands of decisions each day and each one is an energy gobbler?
The relaxation that comes into the system with food is like a roller coaster downhill. We crash. Our system so needed that relaxation that it doesn’t want it to end. Especially if after dinner, there’s a whole bunch of yucky stuff like laundry or feeling lonely.
The habit brain knows how to keep the party going. Keep eating! It’s simple. So we take a little more chicken. That’s healthy right? And maybe just a spoonful more pasta. It is so good tonight. Did you miss lunch? Well… have seconds of course. You can afford the calories.
The body doesn’t really need those calories. They will likely be stored as fat… For most of human history, famine was a very real threat. The bottom line… you torpedo your weight loss goals before you’ve even really settled in for the evening.
Does this resonate? “Well, I blew through my portion control at supper. I’ll start over tomorrow. But for tonight, I might as well blow it out with chips.” And then it’s the shame spiral all over again.
There is a wonderful solution! In the SHE Mindfulness program we talk a lot more about mindful rest. Rest breaks throughout the day relate to weight loss. Most people think they need to exercise more. So this can be really counter intuitive. But stick with me.
IF you don’t want to try and wrestle with that big tank in cortisol at supper tonight, wouldn’t it make sense to bring it down a bit during the day? This is scientifically possible by taking 5 - 20 minute mid day reset for the nervous system. A restorative yoga pose, a quick nap, a meditation…. There are many options to reduce cortisol production.
The second part to this solution is to plan for a pleasurable activity after dinner that will mimic that dopamine hit you normally get from food. A juicy novel perhaps? A cuddle with a loved one or pet? A relaxing evening stroll to gab with the neighbours? Not laundry! Not a high energy boxer fit class! I love seeing the amazing ideas our community in the SHE Mindfulness program shares about getting that evening sense of connection and calm.
3. And then there’s Rebel Eating
You might be a wonderful, giving person all day… never saying no and always patient … then night time comes… it’s quiet, no one’s around… it’s your time and you’re going to have a little fun by golly… that’s often the junk food.
I have a friend. She stills writes handwritten thank you cards! She has impeccable manners. Never misses a birthday, etc. Her house is immaculate. Very successful at her career. But simmering underneath, that nobody can see usually, she’s pissed. People forget her birthday. They don’t say thank you. They don’t finish the file properly at work. Why do they get away with that sloppiness and she has to clean up the mess???
That simmering resentment is damned uncomfortable to live with. The voices in our heads can get nasty. And we don’t want to be nasty. BUT if I just dip into that leftover cake…. It makes all the voices quieter for a few minutes.
This is what we call Rebel Eating. ‘“I deserve a treat because I had one helluva day.” I just don’t know where else to turn for comfort.
Girlfriend, you got this. Through mindfulness, you can learn to be your own best friend. To have your back.
When I first looked at this behaviour, I was stumped as to how to nurture myself without food, wine or shopping. What else was there???? It took some soul searching to uncover the ways in which I was being unkind to myself so I wouldn’t feel so, well, USED at the end of the day.
The solution is to look at setting boundaries. This is a lot harder than the word suggests. We all want to be strong, kickass women who stick up for ourselves. But in reality, we’re pushovers. Can you babysit grama? Can you bring a three layer cake to the pot luck? You don’t mind taking over Jane’s files do you since she’s having cancer treatment? We will do almost anything to make the people we care about happy. It’s called people pleasing. And it’s exhausting and ultimately unsuccessful. Review your relationships and obligations … what expectations do I have for myself that are ridiculously high? Where can you start setting clear limits on your own choices so you don’t feel like rebelling with food is your only way to find comfort.
In the SHE Mindfulness program, I advocate strongly for making daily plans. This supports you in seeing the whole picture of the day. Spot scheduling overlaps. Pack snacks for when food is inaccessible. Gather the materials you’ll need to get everything done.
I’ve personally also found a life coach incredibly helpful in learning more about boundaries and discovering the tools I need to follow through.
In Summary
We’ve looked at three of the ways that night time snacking gets the better of us. Even if you aren’t looking to lose weight, snacking is often less than healthy. Not many of us grab the veggie sticks for movie night.
1. Don’t skip meals! Skipping meals and depriving yourself aggravates your stress response, leaving you vulnerable to over eating later in the day. The solution is to eat when you are truly hungry and stop when you’ve had enough.
2. Rest throughout the day. The relaxation that floods the system when you finally sit down to dinner is addictive. It’s hard to control portions when you just feel so good all of a sudden. The solution we reviewed here is to watch your energy expenditure during the day. Rest breaks can help even out the hormones, insulating you from that roller coaster ride at night.
3. Set healthier boundaries. People pleasing is wired in to us women but setting healthy boundaries can help prevent rebel eating at night. You are definitely worth some time and energy to investigate where you can put limits in place. No one likes feeling taken for granted.
Access your free mindful eating guide. It gives more detail about how to feel hunger cues and details the hunger scale. There are also some great tips on planning and other effective practices.
And if you would like a more in depth study of mindfulness to lose weight PLUS feel so much stronger and rested, I would encourage you to look into the SHE Mindfulness program. It’s the protocol that I used to lose 25 pounds of menopausal weight and the same practices that are supporting me as I build a life I love. I honestly would never have guessed a couple years ago that I’d be hosting a podcast and hosting retreats. So much has changed due to mindfulness. I have so much more energy now, optimism, excitement for the future. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns as listeners to this podcast well know. But I feel like I can handle all the challenges that aging inevitably brings. I’m not scared now. I don’t feel like the show’s over. I’m not at the mercy of how other people think of me. It’s pretty empowering. And that’s what I want for you, my friend.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com
Is Your Body Sending You a Memo?
Épisode 65
vendredi 25 septembre 2026 • Durée 23:02
Are health issues popping up out of nowhere, stressing you out and sending you down the Dr. Google rabbit hole at 3 am? Me too! It might be TMI but I’d like to share with you the crazy digestive symptoms I’m having right now and what I’m doing about it. It’s not about a special exercise or new supplement. This is down to basics yoga and mindfulness tools that you can start today to feel more yourself.
Be forewarned… we’re going to be very good friends at the end of this. If you are a bit squeamish about bathroom talk, you may want to skip this one.
I help midlife women rediscover their strength, build their sleep back up and lose that fluffy weight without extremes or deprivation. I use the tools that I teach in my SHE Mindfulness program everyday. Hundreds of other women are journeying right along with me. I’m genuinely honoured that you are with me now.
Random Health Issues Cropping Up
What the heck is happening with us? As new things crop up, I feel like a delicate flower… can only eat certain things or go certain places. Am I weak? Am I getting old?
The truth is that our bodies feel everything but can’t escape the way our minds can. The body is in it, 24/7. So all those late nights in your 20’s? Body remembers. All those great parties on vacation last year? Body’s still feeling it. The sleepless nights with kids? Body’s keeping score. You get the picture.
Mentally, I’ve moved on. I maybe don’t even remember half this stuff. But my body still bears the imprint of the stress. The exhaustion. The unhealthy food. Maybe bad drugs in the 60’s …but I admit nothing.
Why Things are Different Now
Before menopause, we had this little helper called estrogen. She floated around binding it all together. I’ve talked before about how estrogen is a little like that mom in our family. She does all this background stuff -remembers doctors appointments, gets permission slips signed, buys toilet paper … we don’t really acknowledge all she does to keep us together. But then mom gets the flu and the house goes to s**t. No one knows where we keep the toilet paper. I think I’m building a theme here. Oh boy. Anyway… you get the idea. When mom goes down, the real cracks start to show. Someone should have been helping mom with the toilet paper all along but she just did it.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
Why Your Body Feels Stiff and Achey - Even If You Exercise
Épisode 64
vendredi 11 septembre 2026 • Durée 24:27
You’re stretching every morning. You’re doing your workouts. You’re doing everything “right.” So why do you still wake up feeling like you slept on a plank of wood?
Here’s the thing — I hear this from women in our community every single week. It’s not you. There’s an actual name for what’s happening in your body right now, and it has nothing to do with how hard you’re trying.
Here’s exactly why your body feels stiffer than ever — even while you’re doing everything you were taught to do — and here are three simple rules that will change how you move, starting this week.
I’ve spent almost 30 years helping women sleep better, feel stronger and find a healthy weight using the tools of yoga and mindfulness.
“I’m doing the stretches. I’m doing the workouts. So why do I still feel like the Tin Man before his oil can?”
Here’s what I want you to know first: this stiffness you’re feeling? It’s real. It’s not in your head, and it’s not because you’re “not trying hard enough.”
What’s Really Going On
There’s actually a term for it that’s gaining more attention in research and in clinical circles — it’s called **Musculoskeletal Syndrome of Menopause**. And once you understand what’s going on underneath the surface, this whole stiffness thing starts to make a lot more sense.
Here’s the short version. As estrogen declines during perimenopause and menopause, it affects way more than your hot flashes and your mood. Estrogen actually plays a role in keeping your connective tissue — your tendons, your ligaments, your fascia — hydrated and elastic. It also plays a role in how your joints stay lubricated, and how quickly your muscles recover after you use them.
You know how your skin is looser? Wrinklier? Drier? The inner layers of skin are part of that fascia. So what you see on the outside is happening inside too.
When estrogen drops, several things can happen at once:
- Your joints can feel drier, stiffer, achier — even first thing in the morning before you’ve done anything at all
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
Why Belly Fat after 50 is NOT a Willpower Problem
Épisode 63
vendredi 28 août 2026 • Durée 21:39
Have you seen a pic of you lately and thought “what happened?”. Did you get out the summer clothes and find nothing felt right? I know you’re eating healthy and walk every day. And the belly fat is still there — and growing. What if I told you it has absolutely nothing to do with willpower?
You’ve heard all this before: eat clean, exercise more, reduce your stress levels.
Yup. Check. But the weight keeps finding you. I know! The same thing happens to me.
I am active. I teach yoga and meditate daily. I eat fresh from my own garden. Yadda yadda yadda. And then I think, what does it matter? I’m 63… a grama. Just be happy with who you are. Right?
But there is a voice inside of me that doesn’t like this giving up. A part of me that feels abandoned when I just let the scale creep up week after week. And clothes don’t fit. And I feel more and more out of my own body.
You start avoiding picture taking. Beach trips. Anything with a belt. You bravely declare that you are body positive but inside, not so much. You know you felt better 10 or 20 pounds ago.
But it is a bloody mystery what it would take to get there these days. You just don’t have the energy to sort it all out, right?
Simple Answers.
There are simple answers. I promise. I found them in mindful eating. At the end of this episode, I’ll share details on how you can get your free guide and start your own journey toward food freedom today.
But let’s dive Into this episode. I want to share • what the fitness dudes totally miss for midlife women
• how pushing ourselves to be perfect = belly fat
• what to focus on instead of dieting & exercise
My approach is grounded in yoga therapy, mindfulness, and modern neuroscience—translated into real life for women in midlife.
🌿 You deserve understanding, not more rules.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
Why You Wake Up at 3AM Every Night
Épisode 62
vendredi 14 août 2026 • Durée 26:15
Who hasn’t found themselves wide awake at 3 a.m. with a racing mind?
You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re human, living in a culture that glorifies exhaustion and overstimulation.
If you’re a woman over 50 and waking up between 2–4am feeling wired, anxious, or restless, this episode is for you.
Midlife insomnia isn’t just a sleep issue—it’s often a nervous system and hormonal shift that most women are never taught how to regulate.
In this episode, I explain: • why sleep changes after menopause • how stress and cortisol disrupt deep rest • what actually helps your body feel safe enough to sleep again
I have nearly 30 years of experience helping women over 50 restore energy, calm their nervous system, and feel strong again—without pushing or extreme routines.
Resting is Not Wasted Time
Rest—even when you can’t sleep—isn’t wasted time. It’s medicine.
You’ve heard all the lectures about sleep and how important it is to your metabolism. Sometimes this just adds even more pressure during those restless nights. And anxiety and pressure are the opposite of what is helpful.
So many hormones naturally balance themselves during rest. If you are looking to maximize your energy, weight or strength in midlife, working with this natural system is key.
Busy-ness as a Badge of Honour
Somewhere along the line, busyness became a badge of honour. We say things like, ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Isn’t that crazy??? But the truth is, our bodies haven’t caught up with the pace of modern life. Twenty-four-seven stimulation, blue light, endless entertainment—our nervous system was never designed for this.
My dad was born in 1939 in a small handyman’s cottage on a farm. There was a wood stove for heat and a hand pump at the kitchen sink for running water. My grama had 3 babies in 4 years in that cottage with the help of her older sisters. Can you imagine???? I asked her once and she said, “it seemed busy at the time”. Anyway…. My dad grew up on that farm, rising with the sun and living in synch with natural rhythms. He went to a one room school house. Once, every three weeks or so, they would hitch up the horse and buggy and head the 5 miles into town. Buy the few things they couldn’t produce themselves on the farm. It was a big deal to expose themselves to the bustle of a town with almost 5000 people in it. Whew! Everyone was exhausted after that outing.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
3 Hormones Every Midlife Woman Needs
Épisode 61
vendredi 31 juillet 2026 • Durée 21:12
So what’s going on for you? Night sweats? Hot flashes? Tossing and turning at night? Belly weight from nowhere? How about the anxiety???
You might feel as though your body is in full blown crisis mode. Digestive issues crop up. Joints go out of whack. Life just feels… well, really hard now.
This is the biggest hormonal upheaval since puberty. And, girlfriend, there is so much misinformation and manipulation out there. We go to our doctor, thinking that’s where we’ll get the real truth, and leave feeling more confused than ever.
Today, my guest is a Nurse Practitioner who got fed up with seeing old, sick and frail women in hospital and doctors’ clinics. She KNEW that if she could get to them earlier, give them supportive hormone treatments to help bring balance back to their systems… their lives would be transformed.
In this post, we’re going to highlight three essential hormones, what their role is in your body and how to boost them in perimenopause and menopause. Our information will give you clarity on what the buzz is all about.
Welcome to the Midlife Reset. My name is Cheryl Gordon. As a yoga therapist, I have helped 1000’s of women create calmer, stronger and more meaningful lives through the tools of yoga and mindfulness.
So many women going through perimenopause or menopause do the right thing: they go to their doctor. They describe the night sweats, the hot flashes, the weight gain, the sleeplessness. And too often, they leave with a prescription for antidepressants or sleeping pills — but without answers, and without feeling seen as a whole person.
That gap in care is exactly what nurse practitioner Jenny Coffey set out to fill.
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A Healthcare System That’s Failing Everyone
Jenny’s path to hormone health wasn’t a straight line. She completed her undergraduate degree at McMaster University (Hamilton, Ontario) to become a registered nurse, spent nine years working in hospitals, then went back to Western University (London, ON) for a graduate degree to become a nurse practitioner — someone who can diagnose, prescribe, and order labs, functioning very similarly to a family doctor.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
"Are We Gonna Have Sex or What?"
Épisode 60
vendredi 17 juillet 2026 • Durée 27:11
Are we gonna have sex or what? This is the question that so many of us midlife women are asking. Desire has been lost in a haze of hormones, deadlines, sleep deprivation and relationship meltdown.
Let’s unpack what it will take to get you back to feeling pleasure again. And girlfriend… it’s not what you think!
Reclaiming desire is one part of your midlife reset. Watch a full masterclass on reclaiming better sleep, losing midlife weight and building strength.
Meet Dr. Julie Merriman, clinical therapist, author and podcast host. She has spent 25 years counselling high-achieving women over 50 on burnout, compassion fatigue, and nervous system depletion— including how this stress shows up as disconnection, shutdown, and loss of intimacy.
By the end of this post, you’ll understand that lacking desire is not a character flaw. You are not broken. This state of affairs is an adaptive nervous system response to decades of responsibility, care, and chronic demand. Let us help you start to unwind the mess right now.
Why Midlife Changes Everything About Desire
“Are We Gonna Have Sex or What?” is the title of Dr. Julie’s new book. This is a question that’s big on my mind. I’m actually going to turn 63 at the end of this week. I have always loved intimacy with my partner — it was a big part of who I am and who I was. Through my menopausal journey it’s been really challenging. Challenging to keep up the libido, to keep my parts functioning.
Hormones are an issue — at one time estrogen was flooding through our bodies. And estrogen plays a big role not only in reproduction but also in brain function, which I think we forget.
Here’s something most women don’t know: it doesn’t matter if you’re 25 or 65 — only about 10 to 15% of women experience spontaneous desire.
The rest of us — that’s 85 to 90% — depend on responsive desire, where we’re responding to our partner or responding to a context. As we age, it’s still there, but it might take a little longer to get her online. And our nervous system plays a huge role in this. Hormones are very important, but the full picture isn’t just hormones. You have to look at the person holistically.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
Why Willpower Isn't Your Problem: The Midlife Secret to Lasting Change
Épisode 59
vendredi 3 juillet 2026 • Durée 17:02
How many times have you bought into a course or book, hoping it would make things better? How many diets or cleanses have you jumped into thinking that this expert has that certain secret that will finally unlock the weight gain?
Only to discover that the end result is lacklustre at best… and sometimes the fall out ends up feeling like a failure yet again. Why can’t we stick to things? And how much longer will we beat ourselves up over it?
Is the solution to just give in? Admit we’re getting older. Accept life as it is?
In today’s post, I want to shout out a resounding NO. Let me offer the KEY reason why these fixes have not worked for you and three solid strategies for finding what will work.
Welcome to the Midlife Reset podcast, episode 59. My name is Cheryl Gordon. I guide midlife women to greater strength, happiness and energy without dieting, harsh exercise or rigid rules. I’m a yoga therapist and mindfulness coach with almost 30 years field experience with women just like you. If you’re looking to find a publication that distills all the noise out there into a doable plan… you’re home!
Marching to Your Own Beat
I don’t practice headstand. Are you allowed to be a yoga teacher if you can’t hold headstand for 20 minutes? I used to think no, but then I taught like 10000 classes and realized… I guess I’m a teacher.
But there’s a very good reason I never took to the pose. I have an anatomically unusual neck length. I’m very short but long necked. This makes headstand a risky pose to hold. It could crunch those delicate vertebrae.
What’s this got to do with why cleanses, diets and workout plans often fall flat? Stick with me.
If you go to traditional yoga classes, headstand is almost always part of the series. And for a lot of people, it’s a great pose. The ancient texts call it king of the poses.
What the ancient texts don’t talk about is anatomy. They talk a lot about meditation, spirituality, breathing. But nothing about spinal anomalies.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
30 Days to a Calmer Home and Mind
Épisode 58
vendredi 19 juin 2026 • Durée 25:46
What if the reason you feel overwhelmed… isn’t your hormones, your calendar, or your to-do list?
What if it’s your kitchen counter?
Or the drawer you avoid opening. Or the piles you’ve stopped seeing.
Midlife has a way of amplifying everything. The brain rewiring is real. The anxiety is real. And when our external world feels chaotic, our nervous system follows.
Here’s the truth:
Physical clutter becomes mental clutter.
Mental clutter becomes emotional weight.
And emotional weight becomes body stress.
That’s why this conversation matters.
In this episode of The Midlife Reset Podcast, I sat down with professional organizer Tracy Hoth to talk about a simple, doable plan:30 days to a calmer home — using just one 15-minute daily decluttering habit.
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about nervous system hygiene. And in midlife, that’s powerful.
The Shame Behind the Clutter
Tracy has been helping people create peaceful, organized homes since 2008. But her journey into this work began with something deeply human: shame.
She once met a family whose children weren’t allowed to have friends over because of the state of their home. The mother felt embarrassed and stuck. When Tracy offered to help, they worked together room by room — and the transformation was more than physical.
It lifted a weight.
So many women believe they’re the only ones struggling. They think everyone else has it together. Meanwhile, half the world is quietly drowning in paper piles, overstuffed closets, and mental overwhelm.
The isolation fuels stress. And stress fuels everything else.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
Your Doctor Might be Missing This
Épisode 57
vendredi 5 juin 2026 • Durée 21:25
You wake up tired after a full night’s sleep.
You feel anxious for no reason you can name.
Your joints ache. Your memory feels foggy. You’ve gained weight even though you haven’t changed anything. Maybe your heart races unexpectedly, or you feel hot and then cold, or you just feel… shitty.
And you go to the doctor, and maybe they don’t dismiss you right away. Maybe they run some tests, and then look at you and say — “Everything looks fine.”
I know. So many of my clients have exactly this experience.
Here’s what you need to know: you are not imagining it. You are not being dramatic. And there is a real, biological reason your body feels different. In this episode, you’ll get five strategies to get the treatment you need and start feeling yourself again.
It’s Your Hormones.
In your 40s — and for some women even earlier — your body starts producing less estrogen and progesterone. This is called perimenopause, and it can begin 8 to 10 years before your actual last period. I didn’t clue in at all that I was in this stage. Despite the heavy periods, sleeplessness and joint pain. Many women don’t.
But here’s the thing about estrogen that most people don’t know: it’s not just a “reproductive hormone.” It affects your brain, your heart, your bones, your joints, your sleep, your mood, your metabolism, and your skin.
So when estrogen starts fluctuating — not disappearing, but wildly fluctuating — it can affect all of those things at once.
And because the symptoms are so varied, and because they often look like other things — depression, thyroid issues, anxiety, chronic fatigue — many women spend years going from specialist to specialist, never getting the full picture.
You might have been told: “It’s just stress.” Or “This is just part of getting older.” Or “Your labs are normal.”
What is Normal?
Normal labs don’t always capture what’s happening hormonally, especially when you’re in perimenopause. Hormone levels can look “normal” on a single blood draw and still be causing real symptoms. Because hormones fluctuate constantly. And, in this stage, wildly.
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This is like our bodies when estrogen goes down. It all goes to s**t. There I go again with the unintended puns. I warned that this episode is a bit down the toilet. The point is that the stuff we got away with in our 20’s, 30’s, even 40’s will now catch up with us. It’s not a personal failing but biology. Unavoidable.
Even if you exercise. Eat super healthy. Do yoga every day. Trust me. I know this from my clients but more intimately from my own experience.
Lessons from the Restroom
Recently my body has decided to send a stern memorandum that I need to make some changes. After returning from a trip in April, I thought I had a parasite. Fast forward through doctor’s visits, antibiotics, herbal remedies and cutting out dairy and gluten… blah blah blah… I’m pretty sure that my newfound desperation to always be by the loo is IBS.
We had some significant family stress in February (normal stuff for women our age) that I think pushed me over the edge. The routines of self care I had no longer were sufficient.
This is Common at our Age
Have you been hit with a health issue out of the blue? One of my clients just shared with me that she’s start bleeding after 10 years post menopause. Another developed a rash with no clear cause. Another client has started waking up at 2:36 am every morning for no reason. She’s exhausted. Another client got slammed with sciatica. Very painful, derailed her whole summer… no discernible cause.
The doctor will have some help for all these problems but as a yoga therapist, I see a common thread amongst all of us.
Stress.
Specifically, the cumulative load of a life lived in overdrive for decades.
Just a quick clarification here: WE DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG. A lot of times when people get diagnosed with a chronic disease that is exacerbated by stress, we blame ourselves. I should have retired earlier or left the marriage or been better somehow.
The truth is when you are in the weeds, you don’t know you’re in the weeds. Maybe it’s a bit of arrogance but we think we can handle it. And we did. But the body kept tally. And now the debt is being called in.
And because of what I do for a living, I’m particularly vulnerable to beating myself up for not recognizing the patterns earlier. But that is not helpful.
Look to Yoga and Mindfulness for Help
What is helpful is knowing simple adjustments and tools to employ to pay off the deficit and get us back into the game of life again.
Let’s talk about 3 simple shifts that you can start today to reassure your body, and your nervous system, that you are serious about getting better. These are really helping with my symptoms. I can get through teaching a whole yoga class now without rushing for the facilities. I’m back to eating cheese and pasta. Thank heavens because I love cheese and pasta. You obviously will assemble many things from your health care team like supplements, prescriptions, creams, dietary changes and other lifestyle habits… all this forms a puzzle unique to you and your healing. But these habits will accelerate your progress.
* Mindfulness Snacks
Ever been on a trip, using your phone for maps and photos and watching YouTube videos and it almost dies half way through the day? Your nervous system needs recharging when there’s a heavy load on it in that same way.
A mindfulness snack is 3 - 5 minutes segregated from normal activities to recharge the batteries.
This can be a quick “legs up the couch”, a short guided meditation or one of my favourite is the 3 minute breathing space. It’s a classic mindfulness tool that can be utilized almost anywhere. If you’re not driving or operating heavy machinery while you listen to this, let’s try it together.
* orient to present moment experience
* Focus on purpose on movements of breath in the belly
* Expand awareness to include breath but also full present moment experience.
2. Technology Boundaries
With smart watches and computer phones a part of our minute to minute lives, I see the nervous system toll for my students. They are getting buzzed and binged even through yoga class. The one place I would hope they could take a break from the outside world. I guarantee that our bodies were never designed for 24/7 connectivity with the entire universe. It’s just overwhelming.
Dumping the tech for long stretches can be even more stressful, or perhaps not practical. And turning off all notifications permanently might not even be safe or desirable.
The first step is just to be more aware of how often you are responding to notifications or prompts. Or how often you are checking the news headlines. Can you set boundaries around that? Be aware that every time you look at your device, your nervous system is getting a jolt. It’s burning through battery power, in other words.
Do you ever close apps on your phone to save the battery? You get the picture.
My suggestion is that you start with limits around bedtime. Maybe a one hour moratorium on devices before bed. No scrolling when you wake up at night. Then try creating sacred silence around mealtime. No devices. And another time of day that is precious real estate is first thing in the morning. So many of us reach for our phones to open our day. Consider creating another sacred space when your brain is fresh and the day is full of exciting new possibilities. Conserve your battery power for your own thoughts and plans.
Which segues to #3
3. Journal more
If you do decide to put the devices away in the morning, you could use that time to visit with the most amazing and fascinating person in the world… YOU.
Journalling can be complicated. But this doesn’t have to be.
Many of my clients who are more visually stimulated start with a blank page and a doodle. I love colour so sometimes I just draw a rainbow and let that start the juices flowing. Remember, you’re not writing a book report. It doesn’t have to make much sense.
There are so many compelling reasons to journal but in this context, it’s just about scheduling a little time to invest in the relationship you have with yourself.
Do you remember those pen pal letters we wrote in school? Hi. How are you. I am fine. Today we have a spelling test. Do you like spelling? Simple stuff. But it was pretty cool when the pen pal wrote back. And said the same stupid stuff. But you felt important right?
Carving out 10 minutes, or more, to write to yourself is a way to say to your body that you matter. You exist. Your feelings and experiences are worth writing down.
You can save them or burn them in a ceremonial fire. Doesn’t matter. You put in the effort and your body is keeping score.
So to recap:
You are not falling apart. Life isn’t in the toilet (another zinger for you!).
You’ve lost one of the most important buffers you had to all the s**t in life, your estrogen. Even if you are on hormone therapy, it’s a fraction of what your body produced in your heyday.
You are going to have to get more serious about self care. Today we talked about 3 little things that can start you on the road to feeling better right away.
But this is a bigger conversation for many of us. Setting boundaries. Eating healthier. Exercising more consistently and without punishing ourselves. Prioritizing sleep and rest. Basically undoing decades of the habitual pushing and forcing that kept life humming along.
If you would like to tackle this within a supportive group of women just like you, and with my expertise as a yoga therapist, please check out my SHE Mindfulness program. There are online and in person options so all are welcome. I’ll put a link to a free masterclass in the show notes that will give you a little taste of our approach.
You don’t need to suffer through this alone. There are supports waiting for you. And asking for help, for me, is the hardest part.
Please share this episode with a friend who could use a boost. It’s the best way to grow this podcast and help more women out there. Until next time, namaste.
- Your muscles may take longer to recover after exercise than they used to
- Your fascia — that connective webbing that wraps around every muscle, bone and organ in your body — can lose some of its natural glide and elasticity
- And you may notice new aches in places that never used to bother you — hips, shoulders, hands
This is why so many women tell me, “I’m doing the same workouts I’ve always done, and somehow I feel worse, not better.” It’s not that you’re doing something wrong. It’s that your body’s underlying chemistry has changed, and the old rules don’t automatically apply anymore.
You Didn’t Invite This
I want to be really clear about something here: this isn’t about scaring you, and it’s definitely not about telling you there’s nothing you can do. It’s actually the opposite — once you understand why this is happening, you can work with your body instead of constantly feeling confused by it.
What About Hormone Therapy?
If you haven’t already, this might be a really good moment to have a conversation with your doctor about hormone therapy.
I know — for a lot of us, that phrase used to carry some baggage. Maybe you heard scary things about hormone therapy years ago, or maybe your mother’s generation was told to avoid it altogether. But the research and the medical guidance around this has evolved a lot, and for many women, it’s worth an honest, individualized conversation with a doctor who’s up to date on the current research — ideally someone who specializes in menopause care.
I’ve had some great conversations with experts like gynaecologists and nurse practitioners and naturopaths here on the podcast. It might be worth a listen before you go to your doctor.
I’m not a doctor, and I’d never tell you what’s right for your specific body and your specific health history. But what I will tell you is this: you deserve to walk into that appointment informed, and you deserve a provider who takes your symptoms seriously instead of brushing them off as “just part of getting older.”
So if stiffness, joint pain, or these musculoskeletal changes are something you’re dealing with — bring it up. Ask specifically about how hormone therapy might relate to joint and connective tissue health. You are allowed to advocate for yourself in that room.
What Does Work Now
What you can actually do — starting today — to work with your body instead of against it. I’ve got three rules for you. Write these down if you need to.
Rule #1: Don’t Stretch
What kind of craziness is this??? I teach yoga, right? I know this sounds backwards. Your body feels tight, so your instinct is to stretch it more, right? Pull a little harder, hold a little longer?
Here’s the problem. When your fascia has already lost some of its natural elasticity, aggressive or forceful stretching can actually create more stress on that tissue — not less. Instead of gently encouraging the tissue to lengthen, you can end up creating micro-stress, which your body then responds to with more tightness, almost like a protective clench.
So here’s the shift: gentle, sustained movement — not forceful stretching. Think slow, breath-led movement that invites your fascia to soften, rather than yanking on it and hoping it gives.
In practice, this means less grabbing a toe in a pose or pulling with a strap. It means stopping the movement before you feel a big sensation. It means smaller, slower, more boring movements. What you are doing is creating a sense of sensitivity and safety for your body. Not overriding its signals. This has a longer term effect of easing discomfort.
It’s like if every time you rounded a corner, you stubbed a toe. After a few times, your body would begin to brace for impact. Your jaw might tighten, Your digestive system might brace. A headache might pop up. If you walked more mindfully, and didn’t stub your toe for a few days, those symptoms would abate. Sensation is your body’s love language.
This is actually one of the core principles we build into every session inside the SHE Mindfulness program — movement that respects where your body actually is today, not where it used to be ten years ago.
Rule #2: Allow Adequate Rest Days Between Workouts
This one trips up a lot of high-achieving women, because so many of us were raised on the “no days off” mentality. But remember what we just talked about — your recovery time isn’t what it used to be, because of those hormonal shifts.
If you’re doing strength training or more vigorous movement back-to-back with no rest, you may actually be working against your own progress. Your muscles and connective tissue need that recovery window to actually rebuild and adapt. Skipping rest days doesn’t make you tougher right now — it can just leave you more inflamed, more stiff, and more exhausted.
So build in real rest. Not guilt-laden rest. Real, intentional recovery.
I know this is so hard for me. It’s like a badge of honour to say I hit the gym today or rode my bike to work. I don’t want to admit to how many injuries it’s taken to teach me this hard lesson.
How does this look for your weekly fitness plan? Strength training twice a week lower body and twice a week upper body. You can combine these into one workout, if you have the time. Which means gym 2x weekly. Or working a muscle group 2x weekly. That allows 3 days recovery. You need that much, girlfriend. To really build the muscle.
For cardio, it means 3 bike rides a week maximum. Or 3 runs a week. Get the picture?
I love to move and I can’t just sit still all week. So fill in the recovery days with very gentle yoga (remember rhythmic, breath centred movement), slow walks in nature, easy swimming, tai chi, etc. So many of the SHE clients have seen scales move and bodies lose their fluffy aspect by incorporating more rest time. This is reflective of what midlife womens’ bodies need.
Rule #3: Balance Slow Strength Training With Vigorous Movement in Mini Doses
This is where a lot of women get stuck in an all-or-nothing pattern — either they’re doing slow, gentle stretching every day and nothing else, or they’re going hard with high-intensity workouts and wondering why their body is rebelling.
The sweet spot is a balance: consistent, slow strength training to protect your bone density and muscle mass — that’s non-negotiable as we age — *combined* with short, vigorous bursts of movement in small doses. Think 5 to 10 minutes of something that gets your heart rate up, rather than an hour-long, high-intensity session that leaves you flattened for two days.
This combination — slow and steady strength, paired with small doses of vigour — tends to work *with* a menopausal body instead of depleting it.
What I love about this rule is that it is so time saving. Remember we always thought 60 or 90 minute CrossFit classes were the ticket to getting in shape? Forgetaboutit. On your exercise days (remember there are multiple rest days per week), add in a little jumping, skipping, plank walks, push ups or some similar movement.
I can feel you cringing when I say this. What about my knees? What if I break something???? I know. This is the thing as we get older. The fear of movement starts to control our lives. The goal is about 10 minutes but what if you tried a little sprint just til the stop sign ahead. Build up the tolerance in your joint to handle the impact of sudden movement. We run into problems when we try to sustain that joint jolting for more than a few minutes. But a little wake up call? That builds tissue, muscle, proprioception and confidence.
Of course, if the movement causes sharp pain in the joint- abandon ship. Let’s find an alternative. But I think you may be pleasantly surprised that us old girls can still run, jump and play when we go about it carefully.
The Takeaway
If you’re feeling stiffer than you used to, even while doing “everything right” — please hear me when I say, it’s not a personal failure. Your body is going through a real, physiological shift, and it deserves a new approach, not more punishment.
Have that conversation with your doctor about hormone therapy. And start applying these three rules — gentle movement over aggressive stretching, real rest days, and a balance of slow strength with small bursts of vigorous movement.
There’s a Comprehensive Solution
Looking for a little more guidance on how to implement this in real life? I have a couple suggestions.
First, there is a free online course called “The Miracle Cure for Sore Joints”. There are 4 versions of a simple, five minute stretching routine (including one in bed and one in a chair) that I myself use every day. My clients love the simplicity of this. Gets them “juiced” up for whatever activity comes that day.
We go deeper into this topic within the SHE Mindfulness program. It’s where these principles come to life in real, guided sessions, so you’re not left guessing about how to apply any of this on your own.
Until next time — be gentle with your body. It’s not working against you. It’s just asking you to listen a little differently.
If you found this podcast interesting, please consider sharing with a friend. Let’s help more women discover this common sense approach to their health.
#1. Should you exercise harder and longer? It isn’t going to help you shed that belly fat. It’ll probably equal a new injury and we have enough of that already, right?
I still believe these old myths. I notice the scale go up a couple pounds and the first thought is… gotta get serious! No more snacking! And tomorrow, I’m doubling my walk time. (Check out this previous podcast on cardio myths)
Even after YEARS of study and proving this in my own body (I lost 25 pounds in 2024 with Mindful Eating)... those old thoughts still haunt me. So you’re definitely not alone in this struggle. We’re all feeling it.
Here’s something that got my attention.
The total daily expenditure of energy (your calorie burn) is a good fundamental concept to understand when it comes to metabolism and weight management.
Basically it’s the total amount of energy your body burns in a day. It’s made up of four parts:
Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) – This is the energy your body needs just to keep you alive—breathing, circulating blood, and even thinking! It makes up the largest chunk of your TDEE. about 70%
Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis (NEAT) – This includes all the little movements we don’t think about—fidgeting, walking to the kitchen, even talking with our hands! Which makes up about 15% of the total
Thermic Effect of Food (TEF) – This is the energy your body uses to digest and process food. Protein-rich foods actually burn more calories during digestion! This uses about 10% of TDEE
Exercise Activity (EA) – This is the energy burned during intentional movement, like workouts, yoga, or a dance class. 5% Just 5%! So it’s not just about the gym! In fact, NEAT can make a bigger impact than you think. Small daily movements add up over time, and understanding your TDEE helps you make smart choices for sustainable energy balance.
So all the diets we’ve been on that calculate our Basic Metabolic Rate plus the calories I’m burning in exercise are - well - pretty much bogus. Well maybe not completely bogus, but definitely incomplete. Most diet plans focus only on BMR and workouts, ignoring NEAT and the Thermic Effect of Food.
Which means, we’ve been missing two key pieces of the puzzle.
If you only focus on exercise, you’re overlooking the 10-15% of calories burned through daily movement. Plus, digestion itself burns calories—especially when you eat protein and fibre-rich foods. The problem is, most diet plans don’t factor in how your body uniquely uses energy.
Sustainable weight management isn’t just about burning calories in the gym—it’s about working with your metabolism all day long.
Myth #2
And this is why going for a run or a zumba class, while great exercise and hopefully lots of fun, doesn’t give you a free pass on calories for the rest of the day. It just doesn’t affect total burn that much.
So if you have been frustrated because you are tracking everything and pushing the calorie burn with extra cardio, but belly pudge won’t budge… now you know why!
Ditch the Smart Device Tracker
And a shout out to the rooftops that all that data on your smart device about calories burned is probably hurting your progress?!!! It can really distracting from mindfulness. Which, in a few minutes, we’ll talk about how essential that is for weight loss.
Eat less = Lose Weight?
Let’s myth bust some more around why calories in and calories out is not an effective model. Eat less and lose weight right? It’s just math. NOT! You’ve tried that so many times and where are we now?
1. The body is a super efficient machine. For most of our existence as humans, starvation was a reality. For the first few minutes of an activity, the body might kick in extra energy but very quickly, it adapts and minimizes energy expenditure. So this phenomenon is not reflected in calorie counters on your smart device.
2. Even if you did burn 500 calories on the treadmill, eating one store bought muffin blows that away.
3. All that time pushing yourself into more and more km or calorie burn means you get pressed for time in other areas. This creates stress. Which inhibits weight loss.
4. Long periods of steady state cardio exercise can actually reduce muscle mass. And losing muscle mass is not where we need to go. Because muscle is like a metabolic engine—it keeps your body burning energy efficiently. But as we hit midlife, things start to shift.
Midlife Metabolism Doesn’t Have to Slow Down
* We naturally lose muscle mass—starting as early as our 30s. As women, we can lose up to 2% per year, and this loss speeds up in our 40s and 50s. Less muscle means a slower metabolism, which can lead to weight gain, less energy, and even a higher risk of injury.
* Hormonal changes—declining estrogen, progesterone, and even testosterone can make it harder to maintain muscle and easier to store fat.
* We often move less—life gets busy, stress increases, and we might not prioritize movement like we used to. Less movement = fewer calories burned daily.
And that’s why it feels like your metabolism is slowing down. It’s so discouraging when you try to do everything right. Are you sometimes tempted to just give up? And maybe you feel like you have thrown in the towel. That you’re too old to fight this any more.
Of course, that’s normal. So much of what we’re sold around healthy eating and weight loss is - if not just regurgitated programming from some dude’s sports workout - it’s not designed for a mature woman’s needs.
Here’s the good news
Honestly, it’s not that complicated.
It’s a combination of prioritizing muscle building in fitness, focusing on protein and fibre each meal and investing in meaningful self care that shifts the needle… NOT cutting out food groups, starving yourself or doing killer workouts!
This is why I recommend Mindful Eating. As I mentioned earlier, it really helped me tame menopausal weight gain. And, honestly, I had fun doing it. It is a total plan for not only attuning to what I really want and need to eat but also figuring out where I need authentic self care. All this supports my nervous system and builds my energy naturally. Without forcing, restricting or harsh rules. I do have a free guide that I can send you so you can get started today. Be sure to check the show notes for the link.
This is not about quick fixes—it’s about making small, sustainable shifts that work with your body.
Natural Metabolism Reset
Move More – Prioritize strength training and increase daily movement (NEAT) to preserve muscle and keep your metabolism active.
Fuel Smart – Eat protein and fibre at every meal to support muscle maintenance and boost the Thermic Effect of Food (TEF). In Mindful Eating, planning your fuel is a big part of the protocol.
Recover Well – Stress management, quality sleep, and self-care all help regulate hormones that impact metabolism.
When you put these together, your body starts working for you instead of against you!
I still find myself a little panicky that I didn’t get my “k’s” in. And feeling guilty when I’m putting up my feet mid day. But I look at my scale with a big grin and know this is the secret sauce.
Bottom line:
Midlife weight gain is not a failure… you don’t lack willpower. Pushing or forcing yourself may work in the short term but will eventually wear you down. And it will be harder than ever to bring back balance. Try Mindful Eating. It’s natural, completely individualized and leads to so many other benefits.
I feel lighter hearted, more open to fun during the day. I feel like I’ve discovered a new best friend in myself. And my confidence is so much higher.
If anything here resonates, please share with a friend and subscribe so you don’t miss next episode. It’ll be another chance to sort through the noise out there and get some tools that you can really use.
That was how my dad’s nervous system was programmed. Quiet country living. Most of our grandparents or a generation of so back were raised the same way. Seeing very few faces over the course of a day and travelling just a few miles from home. Not too exciting by today’s standards.
Think of the number of faces you saw today. The number of images, books, online stimulation, grocery items, etc. Your brain struggles to process all that stimuli. It’s not really wired for that. Our ANS is the same as generations of humans… the cave people really… maybe even dinosaurs. It can’t evolve at the pace of modern change. Do you remember getting a coloured tv? Your first home computer? How about the smart phone? We’re old enough to have experienced that pace of change first hand. It’s dizzying right?
It’s such an overwhelming pace of change and stimulation that our brains just default to auto pilot a lot.
Brains are super big energy gobblers. The biggest calorie burn in your body can be the brain. Your super intelligent body has adapted by shunting a lot of thinking and decisions to habits. Saves energy which is smart as most humans over the course of history didn’t have enough to eat.
But here’s the kicker: If you want to lose weight, feel energized, or learn something new, your brain needs more energy to change old habits. Which means rest isn’t optional—it’s the foundation.
Why Sleep is Less Stable Now in Midlife
This was easier, at least for me, when I was younger. A lot of kids can sleep anywhere if they’re tired enough. I used to sleep… wait for it… ten hours a night! Loved my bed in those days. Every person is wired a little differently but I bet most of us noticed sleep changes as we hit perimenopause. The dramatic change in hormones makes sleep much more challenging.
Here’s why. Your nervous system talks through neurons. Neurons tell your glands what hormones to release. Hormones tell you when to pee, when to eat, when to sleep… even when to feel angry.
In perimenopause, progesterone and estrogen levels drop. These hormones are an essential part of the cocktail that creates a relaxation response. That’s why sleep, mood, and energy often feel unpredictable.
When we skid into bedtime with high cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and insufficient melatonin (the circadian rhythm hormone that responds to increasing darkness), releasing into sleep is more difficult. AND we’re more likely to wake up after that first wave of sleep ie 3 am.
Knowing about cortisol and the changes in sex hormones is one thing. I want to give you solid strategies to start the shift to more natural rhythms. You do have power over hormones and using these tricks are part of your power. Video/audio resources to support you are available in the Sleep Solutions Course. Use promo code sleepbetter to get $10 off.
The Real Story on Sleep
How many of us wish we could get a solid 8 hours? What if I were to share that this goal isn’t necessary or even really worth it? Here’s why.
There are different stages of sleep.
* N1: dreamy, relaxed, drifting.
* N2: light sleep, body is letting go.
* N3 or Slow Wave Sleep: the deep physical recovery zone, critical for healing and learning. NB 20% of sleep is N3 for 20 yr olds, only 5% for 60 yr olds.
* REM: where your brain is wildly active, dreams happen, emotions and memories get sorted.
* We think waking at night is a failure, but it’s normal. Sleep is a series of waves. The first wave has the most deep sleep. Later waves carry more REM. So yes—you may pop awake between cycles. That’s biology, not brokenness. The pineal gland releases 4 hormones (melatonin, serotonin, epithalamin - a naturally occurring polypeptide extract from the pineal gland, known for its anti-aging (geroprotective) effects. It normalizes bodily functions, boosts stress resistance, and works by activating telomerase (to lengthen telomeres), increasing melatonin production, and acting as a powerful antioxidant, potentially slowing cellular aging and improving healthspan - and vasopressin - controls urination) from 9 pm - 2 am.
* Iron processing also changes so nerve signalling is more restless = harder to calm… and there’s just more inflammation in general in our bodies due to circulatory changes …. Which means being more wakeful is NORMAL.
It’s what we do and how we view the wakefulness that makes all the difference.
Turning the Bus Around
When we change behaviour, even in tiny ways, we can calm the all those imbalances. Systematically and patiently, we can train our ANS to “sleep through the night” just like we trained the babies.
That’s why small, sequential shifts are powerful. Sweeping changes? They alarm the habit brain, which just drags us back into overwhelm.
So the secret isn’t more effort. It’s more rest.
When we’re not sleeping, it’s nasty. Super frustrating. We get mad at ourselves. We do feel broken, even embarrassed to keep complaining about it. I was a yoga teacher, for heaven’s sake! How mortifying to drag my sorry butt to a morning class, bleary eyed and promising bliss to the masses. It was unacceptable so I did a deep dive into sleep science, yoga tools, and put them to the test in my own bedroom.
Here’s my most important finding. You don’t need to sleep solid for 8 hours in order to wake rested, focused and positive. What you need to do is find a way to self soothe during those wakeful times.
I know this first hand. I do not sleep solid. But I feel sooo much better since working through these tricks.
Most of us panic. We have to get up in the morning. Not another bad night?!!!
Picture this with me. It’s 3 am. Witching hour, right? You wake up. You could panic OR you could stay in bed where it’s warm and cosy. You need rest above all and you can still get that even if you’re not unconscious. Using the tricks we’ll share in just a few moments, you can self soothe.
Solid Strategies for 3 am Wake Ups
These tricks are based on the science of Non-Sleep Deep Rest, or NSDR. It is intentionally putting your brain into a relaxed, restorative state—without actually being asleep. It restores energy, calms hormones, primes learning. Think of it as plugging your phone into the charger. Research suggests that one hour of NSDR is equal to 4 hours of regular sleep cycles. That’s a super power if I’ve ever heard of one.
Strategies for the 3 a.m. wakeup:
* Acceptance — instead of fighting wakefulness, breathe and remind yourself another wave will come.
* Eye Relaxation Protocol— soften the gaze or close eyes gently, signalling safety to the brain.
* Backwards Breath — breathe in time with counting backwards
* Restorative Pose — even if you don’t fall back asleep, your brain still benefits.
You can get audio and video guidance for all these strategies, as well as further tips for how to set yourself up with a better morning routine too in my Sleep Solutions course. Use this code for a $10 off coupon (sleepbetter). This is the kind of work we do step-by-step inside my SHE Mindfulness Program.
When your nervous system feels safe, your body can heal. When your body heals, your brain learns. And when your brain learns, midlife becomes a season of possibility, not decline.
So tonight, when you wake in the wee hours, instead of panicking, try rest. Non-sleep deep rest. Because even when you can’t sleep, you can still restore.
Her goal was to help people earlier, before they arrived at the hospital with fractures, diabetes, and UTIs.
What she found instead was a system built to manage disease, not prevent it. In all her years of training, she doesn’t remember a single class on menopause, hormones, or even how to keep people healthy.
And it wasn’t just her. Primary care, she’ll tell you, is a tornado. Fifteen to twenty minutes per patient. Piles of prescription refills. Stacks of forms. There’s simply no time to sit with someone and explain the *why* behind their symptoms, let alone explore alternatives to medication.
The system, she’s quick to point out, isn’t just failing patients — it’s failing healthcare providers too.
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The Turning Point
Jenny eventually opened a practice with her sister Camilla, initially focused on medical aesthetics. But they kept hearing the same refrain from clients: *sure, I’ll take the Botox, but what about these night sweats?*
For a while, Jenny didn’t know what to tell them. She had almost no training in it. But the pattern was impossible to ignore.
She started slowly, taking a course here and there, before completing advanced training under physician Dr. Neil Rousier. It changed everything.
“Every time I attended a lecture, my head would just pop off. Wait — what? We can prevent *that*? Why isn’t everybody doing this?”
She came home from each training weekend more fired up than the last. Things, she decided, had to change.
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What Women Are Actually Missing: The Hormone Conversation
When women arrive at Jenny’s clinic, they’ve usually tried everything else. Many believe they’re choosing between hormones and breast cancer risk — and some are so desperate they say they don’t even care anymore.
The first thing Jenny does is untangle that fear.
When we talk about menopause and perimenopause, the hormones in question are the ones made in the ovaries: **estradiol, progesterone, and testosterone**. Much of the fear around hormone therapy stems from studies using *synthetic* versions — the kind found in some birth control pills and older hormone therapies — which behave differently in the body. Bioidentical hormones, by contrast, are structured the same way as what your ovaries used to produce. Your body simply knows what to do with them.
And almost all women, Jenny says, are candidates — even those with a personal or family history of breast cancer.
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Progesterone: More Than Just a Sleep Hormone
Progesterone has remarkable effects on the central nervous system. Jenny has helped women come off Ativan and sleeping pills by simply getting their progesterone to a therapeutic level. The results speak for themselves: better sleep, fewer night sweats, improved mood, no more heart palpitations, no more 3 a.m. racing thoughts.
Beyond that, progesterone has been studied for its protective effects against breast, ovarian, and uterine cancers. It reduces inflammation. It helps regulate mood and anxiety in ways that antidepressants simply don’t address at the root.
One of the most common frustrations Jenny encounters: women who’ve been told “hormones didn’t work for me.” More often than not, it was a dosing issue, not a hormone issue. Some women need very little; others need quite a bit. Getting that calibration right takes time, attention, and the right questions — none of which the current system is set up to provide.
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Estradiol: Protecting Your Future Self
Estradiol is a specific form of estrogen — estrogen being a broad umbrella term, the way “vacation” covers everything from road trips to cruises. Estradiol is the form your ovaries used to make, and it’s what the clinic uses.
Most women wait out their hot flashes thinking that once they pass, they’re done. But that’s actually the moment to pay closest attention. Once the ovaries shut down entirely, bone density begins to break down rapidly. The brain changes. The skin changes faster. And the risks that quietly accumulate — hip fractures, heart attacks, strokes, dementia, serious urinary tract infections — become much more real.
Estradiol is protective against all of these. That’s not a small thing.
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Testosterone: Not Just for Men
Hormones, as Jenny puts it, are for humans — not for genders. Women produce testosterone too, and its absence is felt everywhere.
Testosterone supports muscle mass, energy, mood, and libido — both physically and mentally. It improves the pelvic floor. It maintains the health of vaginal tissue, the bladder, and the urethra, which is part of why UTIs become so common in older women.
One of the most quietly devastating symptoms of menopause is what’s known as genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM) — where the anatomy of the vulva and vagina actually changes, tissues thin and shrink, and sex becomes painful or impossible. Many women are told to just relax, or drink more wine. Most eventually stop having sex altogether.
The answer isn’t lubricant. It’s restoring the hormones that kept those tissues healthy in the first place. Lubricant has its place, but it can’t rebuild what hormones built.
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Thyroid: The Missing Piece
One more thing that often gets overlooked: thyroid function. Changes in the thyroid frequently accompany perimenopause and menopause, but because doctors are trained to look for *disease*, a thyroid that’s simply becoming less efficient often goes unnoticed and untreated.
A sluggish thyroid affects metabolism, energy, joint pain, hair, and body composition — all things women are often told are just part of getting older. They don’t have to be.
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A Different Kind of Care
At Jenny’s clinic, Font Health, new patients go through a 16-week program — because that’s roughly how long it takes to get hormones dialed in, address the misinformation people have absorbed, interpret labs in context, and truly move the needle. After that, many choose to stay on a maintenance plan, because their family doctors often don’t know what to do with a carefully individualized hormone protocol.
The results are striking: body fat reduction (particularly visceral fat), significant improvement in joint pain, reversal of diabetes, people coming off antidepressants and sleeping pills, and a general reclamation of energy and quality of life.
But the vision is longer than that. The goal isn’t just to get rid of hot flashes. It’s to protect bone density, keep blood sugar stable, support brain health, and prevent the cascade of conditions that quietly accumulate when hormones are left to decline unchecked.
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Access Jenny’s clinic to learn more: https://fonthealth.ca/contact/
What to do with your new found energy? Once you start sleeping better and have a greater endocrine balance, I have a great program to help you assemble a life filled with passion, purpose and peace. It’s called the SHE Mindfulness program. Hundreds of women just like you have lost weight with mindful eating… stopped people pleasing with mindful self care… and gained strength & confidence with mindful movement.
Think about women over 50. A lot of us came up with the superwoman myth — you can have all the jobs, raise all the kids, take care of the house, and how dare you say you’re tired.
You have to stay thin and sexy, keep a perfect house, remember everyone’s birthday, get all the kids to the doctor’s appointments, and be ambitious at work.
And we were told, if you weren’t doing that, something was wrong with you. That was a myth — we cannot do all of that. But we arrive in midlife completely fried. Our nervous system has been in a pressure cooker for 20 or 30 years. There’s an allostatic load that builds — it’s not just one stress cycle, it’s decades of unfinished stress cycles.
When our nervous system is dysregulated — when we’re over-functioning and holding everyone’s emotional load — we cycle through three states. There’s the ventral state, where we’re regulated and social, and that’s where intimacy feels wonderful. There’s the sympathetic state, where we’re in fight or flight, which is where many of us live. And then there’s the vagal state, where we’re dissociated from our body entirely.
Our nervous system’s job is to keep us alive. So it tells our brain: you are in survival mode, and I’m taking pleasure off the table. We just need to get you through this day.
After 20 or 30 years of this, we’re living on adrenaline and cortisol.
And coffee.
It’s become quite habitual. I call it the habit brain running the show. Because when we’re going through those busy years, we didn’t even have time to think about it. Kids hanging off of us, gym, laundry — and then at night, husband winks at us and we’re like, no way, buddy. Resentment builds up. He got to go to hockey, or golf, or guys’ night out. All of that has been building for 20 or 30 years.
There’s a myth that we can’t pour from an empty cup — except we’ve done it for years, to the point that we’ve become the empty cup.
We bring forward from childhood the belief that our worth is tied to our performance. The idea of not doing, or even receiving, is deeply uncomfortable.
Dr Julie works with women where she’ll give them an assignment: just colour for 10 minutes this weekend. Something completely unproductive. And the client comes back and say, I nearly crawled out of my skin — I couldn’t just sit there without feeling guilty.
So yes, we have years of unmet needs, and of course it leads to resentment.
Chakras, the Vagus Nerve, and Sacred Resentment
It can be helpful to use chakra psychology alongside somatic psychology. If one has their neuroscientist hat on, one talks about the vagus nerve through neuroscience language. If one has a yoga instructor hat on, one talks about it through chakra language. They’re the same thing — our vagus nerve runs right through our chakra system. And for my clients, that framework is often more tangible than an anatomy chart.
What it reveals is this: for years, we’ve swallowed our truth to keep the peace — and that lives in the throat chakra. The unexpressed accumulates and moves down into the heart and solar plexus as resentment. I think of it as sacred resentment, because if we’ll slow down and listen to it, she has a lot to tell us about the needs we need met.
Until we make our body a safe place to live, desire cannot return. When we’re in a constant state of fight or flight, our body doesn’t feel safe. And pleasure really depends on a safe body to open up to. Sex is wonderful, but it’s a very vulnerable place to be.
From a very basic biological point of view, there’s no point in procreating if lions are about to eat you.
It’s so fascinating that the chakras line up with where the vagus nerve is most active. The vagus nerve is a long-wandering nerve that activates our rest-and-digest response. It’s attached to the parasympathetic side of the autonomic nervous system — and it has branches in the groin, the gut, the heart, the throat, and the face.
I usually start with the root chakra, because that’s where safety lives. The root chakra runs from the sits bones down to the tips of the toes. Right above it is the sacral chakra — that’s where our sensuality, creativity, and emotions live. Those two need to be balanced and talking to each other. When we’ve been in a state of functional freeze with a dysregulated nervous system, those two areas are completely depleted.
And I want to name something about the self-care industry.
It can be very gaslighting to say, just go get a massage. Or just meditate. When you are in a dysregulated state, your frontal cortex isn’t available to settle into meditation — and then we feel like we’ve failed at that too. Which just dysregulates us a little more.
Defrosting — Practical Tools to Regulate and Re-Embody
Grounding, above everything else, is the place to start. I want clients to start with a walking meditation — going outside without a phone, just birds, leaves, vitamin D from the sun. Five to ten minutes. That’s it.
Because a walking meditation starts at the root chakra, and it begins the process of re-embodiment. We are floating heads of competence, completely disconnected from the fact that we have a body.
The next tool is shaking. Dr. Julie lives on a cattle ranch in Texas, and after a ride, her horse will shake from nose to tail. That’s the nervous system completing its cycle. So she has her clients do full body shakes, especially when something has activated them.
Then hip circles — so many women carry trauma, shame, and tension in the hips and the sacral area. Just gentle hip circles, placing a hand on the sacral chakra, inviting movement and groundedness.
From there, a full body scan — approaching your body with curiosity and self-compassion, noticing any physical sensation. We have told our bodies for years: shut up, I don’t have time for you. We have to invite the body back online.
People overlook these tools because they seem simplistic. They’re looking for complicated solutions because life feels so complicated. But baby steps, getting back to nature — these have always been part of the human experience. We’ve just sanitized them out because we’ve become floating heads.
And here’s what’s interesting — as my clients start to defrost, pain starts coming back online, because they’ve ignored it for so long. Dr. Julie had one woman who started a walking meditation and her feet began burning like they were on fire. Her doctor couldn’t find anything wrong — he thought it was a nervous system response. They worked on helping her hold space for the pain rather than immediately trying to make it go away. To sit with it, get curious, ask what wisdom might be there. And sure enough, over time it became minimal.
I see this in yoga classes all the time. People say yoga isn’t working for them because their shoulder or hip started to act up. And really, things are just waking up. Communication channels are opening. We have so many tools to bring the vagus nerve into activity, to invite natural healing — rather than running away again.
And in that healing, your desire lives. We bring things back online. Think about bracing — when we’re in a dysregulated state, we’re braced everywhere, including the pelvic floor. You’re starving your genitals of blood flow. Softening is very important. You cannot force desire back. She has to be invited back through a soft and connected place.
Reclaiming Pleasure — The Homecoming
We also have to be honest with our bodies. How much obligatory sex have we had through the years? How many orgasms have we faked, just to get to sleep?
Our body has been lied to for so many years. So we really need to help ourselves remap pleasure — just for us, first. Dr Julie always has her clients start with a pleasure map with themselves.
They get a new vibrator — but we can’t use it on our genitals for about a month. The first thing we do is run it in various places on the body to discover where pleasure actually lives, because we’ve completely lost track. It’s wonderful for the vagus nerve too. We need to find where pleasure lives for us now, without any rules and without pressure to perform.
As we age, things feel different, and that’s okay. Dr Julie had breast cancer a few years ago. She had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. An area that used to be highly pleasurable for her is very different now — but there are other areas that are very pleasurable. She has to start mapping that for herself, just for her.
Then, slowly, as you have that map, you can invite your partner in — but sex and intercourse are off the table for a good month. Just be together. Connect. Because desire is about connection. Intimacy is about connection.
Get Dr. Julie’s free somatic signature quiz at www.juliemerriman phd.com/quiz. It gives you a good idea of what’s going on in your body and where you need to start.
I would really encourage all of our sisters to reclaim pleasure again. Don’t let decades of taking care of everybody else deprive you of something so fundamental to the human experience — pleasure and intimacy.
You know why? Because yoga was shared 1:1. Often, a student would live with their teachers for years, yes maybe in caves. But in this intimate arena, poses were adapted to each individual as they needed them. Text books didn’t have to cover this stuff because it was understood that the teachings wouldn’t be doled out to 10, 20, 50 students at a time in a group setting.
So in here is your first clue.
What worked for your neighbour, sister-in-law or instagram star is not necessarily right for you.
The ancient yogis knew this. And we’ve lost that wisdom somewhere.
As the guru developed the student’s program, it was a two way conversation. There was constant adaptation. Adjustment. Listening.
When you jump into a solution that comes from an external source, it’s a one way conversation. You’re the one listening to that external source.
Here’s my point.
Unless you have intimate access to an enlightened, wizened teacher in your house (my dog comes pretty close to be honest and I do learn a lot of yoga from her), seeking generalized advice will always lead to disharmony and ultimately abandonment of your goal.
The key problem is that you are looking outside yourself for answers. You are the world’s expert in you. No one, not a guru with a million followers or the doctor with lots of letters after her name, knows you better than you.
And girlfriend, we have not been encouraged to trust our own instincts.
How Did We Get So Far Off Track?
I remember working so hard in high school to fit in. I think all teenagers do, don’t they? Painfully conscious of every zit. Whether our jeans were the right brand. Did we really just blurt that out???
The need to be liked and accepted by the tribe started way before high school was even invented. As a human species, it could be fatal to be shunned by our people. And this hard wiring is still very real today.
Add to this fact… most of us were parented by emotionally immature and less than full formed humans. They passed along to us, along with grandma’s gravy bowl and those beautiful eyes, all their insecurities and worries about not fitting in.
I remember coming home from school after having an accident wetting my pants. This happens to a lot of little kids but at the time, I only knew it happened to me. And it was a rough day. My mom’s reaction? Don’t do this! The kids will make fun of you! Which of course they had. Which made my nervousness worse.
You can see over time, we clearly get the picture that we need to fit in, be accepted and conform. So if Susie has a red coat, I want a red coat. If Debbie takes ballet, I have to take ballet. If Bonnie is sad, I have to act sad too.
A lot of this is that hard wiring. It’s called mirror neurons. And it’s a part of our deep survival adaptation.
Anne’s Story
I had a client who sustained a painful hamstring injury. She came to me, as a yoga therapist, to help her get back to running. She wanted to know how to stretch the muscle and reduce the pain.
Which I can help clients do.
But yoga therapy goes deeper than that.
As we worked together, it came out that she didn’t actually love running that much anymore. She started because her former partner was part of a club and in order to spend time with him, she ran. And then, even though it was getting more painful every year, she kept pushing for longer and faster runs because the club members (who were a big part of her social group) did that.
Her injury had necessitated a change in her habits. Now she was ready to address the fear of not fitting in… of being left behind… of being alone…on a deeper plane.
She went on to take up pole fitness. Don’t laugh. It’s a big growth sport these days and she loves it. She feels alive when she’s dancing and loves the strength challenge of lifting upside down.
The moral is that you don’t have to wait for a catastrophic injury to start dancing to your own beat.
Carving Your Own Path
Sometimes it’s just so hard to see the path ahead. There is so much noise in our complicated universe… so many products and advice.
This is where the SHE Mindfulness program really shines. It is a comprehensive, step by step guide to resetting midlife. It takes all the aspects from physical to mental to spiritual and puts it all together in a customized plan.
We’re not in the jungle fighting for survival anymore. We have time and resources to evolve to higher pursuits. It is safe, and definitely desirable, to define our individuality. To trust our individual instincts regarding what is supportive to our goals.
So how do we break free from this conditioning? And it goes deep. In some circles, it’s called people pleasing.
Here are three ways you can start marching more fearlessly to the beat of your own drummer:
Journal
So much of our behaviour is unconscious. Some research suggests 95%! And our behaviours are driven by our emotions. We feel something and we do something in reaction. Experiencing boredom might lead to scrolling my phone. I didn’t plan to scroll but it was an habitual reaction to having a few open minutes. Boredom might also lead to wandering toward the pantry to choose a quick snack. It’s not mealtime but it just occurred to me that I feel peckish. I’m not truly hungry but actually just reacting to that open space in my day. Emotions drive behaviour whether you register it or not.
When you sit down in front of a blank page and commit to writing a certain amount or for a certain time, your brain will draw the emotions out from the habitual part of your brain into the pre-frontal cortex. It makes your subconscious - well, conscious.
This method of journalling is not about complaining, dreaming or fixing. It’s about illuminating what is actually going in at that moment.
Am I bored? Lonely? Hopeful? The first three sentences are the hardest. After that, the words flow more easily.
Handwriting is more powerful than typing for this.
And remember, you are not writing for any other reason than to give voice to your hidden brain. No one ever reads this. You can burn it or rip it up right after. It’s the exercise of journalling that produces the results.
I journal morning and evening. Every day. Consistency is key.
2. Makes dates with yourself.
I bet if you promise to meet a friend for lunch, you’re right on time. I bet if you commit to leading a project at church, you rock it. But how many times do you put yourself off? Too busy. Too tired. Something came up.
I have a client who loves yoga. She’s my biggest fan really. But she misses most of her classes. Because she prioritizes everyone and everything else. She can’t relax in yoga if there is a babysitting request or someone’s moving or a good sale is on.
My client MUST start marking her yoga dates in her calendar and giving them the same power as any other appointment. If you cancel your dental cleaning, there’s a charge. So you don’t cancel it. Maybe try assigning a penalty if you skip out on yourself. Become your own rules master.
This is way more important than just getting to yoga class. It’s about the relationship with yourself… taking responsibility…. Not waiting for external circumstances to perfectly align.
The universe reads your cavalier attitude toward your needs and provides many chances to abandon yourself. It seems that’s what works for you. So don’t let it work for you anymore. Put down your foot.
Which brings us to #3:
3. Boundaries
This is really a whole podcast on its own. But for today, let’s just practice how to say no, lovingly, when you have something scheduled, like a yoga class, and a dear one offers you something else to do.
Let’s practice together. Here’s a real life example from my world. I love my grandsons and would love to spend more time with them. I get a last minute text that there is a baseball game tonight at 6. BUT I work till 5:30 and have a healthy dinner to cook when I get home. And I take a 30 minute walk after dinner for digestion. I COULD grab takeout on my way home and make the game, skip the walk. And then spend time with my kids. BUT that means abandoning my healthy habits. What does it matter? Just this once!
Hmmmm. This is a tough one that gets me right where it hurts. There is no right answer. And many of you will judge me for the one I choose.
I choose me. My healthy commitments to myself.
My kids are amazing. My boy will kill it at the game. They don’t really need me there. And as much as I would love to be part of their world, at the end of the day, I face myself … just me alone…. In the mirror. Am I looking tired? Is my digestion upside down again? My choice is to wait until a time with the family that works for everyone. And look after my own wellbeing as a number one priority.
It feels scary just saying that out loud. Selfish. But this is hard won wisdom, my friend. Continually putting others first is draining, unrewarding and lonely. You wait for your turn and it never really shows up.
The Next Step
Make your own rules. Run your own life. Stop copying what someone else does or what the celebrity of the week says is life changing.
When you start taking back your own life, you invest in activities and projects that are meaningful to you. And you have confidence that you will complete them because you know how to prioritize and set boundaries.
If any of this resonates, I would love to talk more about applying this in your life. I have a masterclass you might find interesting that called “Midlife Weight, Sleep and Confidence without Diets, Drugs or Burning Out”. I’ll get you started on three basic steps that will help you reset your life. Get free, instant access.
Until next time, please share this podcast with a friend who needs a boost. Like and subscribe so I know what content inspires you.
As I’ve learned through building my SHE Mindfulness program, chronic stress — especially in midlife — isn’t just emotional. It’s biochemical. Elevated cortisol levels affect sleep, weight, mood, and energy. And here’s what’s fascinating: research shows that clutter can raise stress levels even when we say it doesn’t bother us.
Your nervous system knows.
Small Shifts Create Big Change
One of Tracy’s clients was caregiving for her husband, raising a teenager, and working full-time. Paper had taken over her home. She felt frozen.
Instead of attacking the whole pile, Tracy gave her one small commitment:
Sort five pieces of paper a day.
That’s it.
Five.
The client’s thought shifted from “I’ll never get through this” to “I have a plan.” Over time, she sorted every piece of paper in her home. She created systems. She built confidence. Her entire family felt the difference.
Energize means maintaining your space by tying it to something you already do.
Every time you put laundry away, you tidy that drawer. Or before bed, you clear one portion of the counter.
One of Tracy’s clients committed to keeping just a small section of her countertop clear. She did 10 minutes before bed every night. Then she added a second section.
Momentum builds energy.
And energy builds identity.
You begin to see yourself differently.
In the SHE Mindfulness Program, I call this self-leadership — stepping out of survival mode and into intentional action. In midlife, we are less tolerant of chaos. That’s not weakness. That’s awareness.
Our nervous systems are more sensitive. Visual clutter becomes constant micro-stress. Creating systems is a form of nervous system care.
You cannot meditate your way out of a chaotic environment. But you can build structures that support a calmer brain.
Organizing as a Practice
I loved something Tracy said: organizing is a practice — just like yoga.
You don’t do yoga once and call it done.You don’t regulate your nervous system once and never revisit it.You don’t declutter once and expect life to stop happening.
It’s a rhythm.
And part of that rhythm is celebration. Ideas to celebrate wins include:
* post before-and-after photos in community groups.
* write down wins in a journal.
* do a five-second happy dance.
* One couple even keeps a glass jar and adds written “wins” every Friday, then reads them at the end of the year.
In the SHE program, I encourage colourful sticky notes on the fridge — just like we celebrate children’s artwork. We deserve visible reminders of our progress, too.
Celebration wires the brain for repetition.
The Legacy Piece
There’s another layer to this conversation.
At some point, someone will have to go through our things.
One of Tracy’s clients recently lost her father after caregiving for him. She shared something powerful: “Just don’t stop telling people to take care of their stuff before they go.” Grief is heavy enough.
Decluttering isn’t just about aesthetics. It’s about legacy. It’s about lightening the load — for yourself now, and for those you love later. Letting go can be generous.
Decluttering the Mind
Perhaps the most powerful takeaway from our conversation was this:
The same five steps work for your mind.
Sort your thoughts.Purge what isn’t needed.Assign homes to tasks.Contain them in calendars or notebooks.Energize by reviewing and celebrating.
When you walk into your kitchen and drop items on the counter, ask:
Does this have a home? Or does it not have a home yet?
Same with your thoughts. Do your worries have a place to land? Or are they just piling up in your nervous system?
Decluttering your mind and decluttering your home are deeply connected practices.
If you’re feeling paralyzed by clutter, start here:
* Choose one small area.
* Set a 15-minute timer.
* Follow the SPACE steps.
* Celebrate the win.
Repeat tomorrow.
You don’t need a mountain retreat. You need a timer and a drawer. When you reset your space, you reset your nervous system.
That is midlife magic.
Resources
Tracy offers a free 15-minute Declutter Challenge that walks you through the SPACE steps, plus her Organized Life Academy for deeper, structured support.
And if you’d like to explore how decluttering your environment connects to regulating stress, improving energy, and finding clarity in midlife, I invite you to watch my free masterclass on the SHE Mindfulness program.
Because a calm home supports a calm mind. And a calm mind supports a vibrant body. And you deserve all three.
This is not a personal failing. This is a gap in how medicine was designed. Research on midlife women was woefully inadequate until very recently.
I hear this from my clients all the time.
They’re in perimenopause.
They’re not in perimenopause.
Based on some sort of lab test. But the doctor didn’t even really look at them! Or spent five minutes asking about their lives!
And so many of my clients are like Norma. She did not have hot flashes. However, her mom had osteoporosis. And she was experiencing severe allergies, lethargy and weight gain. But because she didn’t complain of the hot flashes, her doctor didn’t investigate any further regarding hormone therapy. MHT can be really helpful for Norma’s other symptoms. Life saving even, in the case of bone density. But there was no curiosity or education. So Norma came away thinking hormones weren’t for her. And maybe they aren’t. But the question hasn’t been thoroughly explored, right?
Symptoms your Doctor May be Missing
Let’s walk through seven symptoms that are genuinely connected to hormonal changes — and that are very frequently dismissed or misdiagnosed. Now you’ll know when to push a little harder at the doctor’s for the answers you need.
Number one: Brain fog.
Difficulty concentrating, forgetting words mid-sentence, feeling like your mind just won’t cooperate. This is real. Estrogen plays a direct role in memory and cognitive function. Research shows that brain fog peaks in the transition phase and often improves afterward.
Number two: Anxiety and mood changes.
Many women describe developing anxiety for the first time in their lives in their late 40s or 50s. Others notice they feel tearful, irritable, or emotionally reactive in ways that don’t feel like them. This isn’t a personality change — it’s neurochemistry. Estrogen influences serotonin (a hormone that boosts a feeling of safety and connection), dopamine, and GABA (a neurotransmitter that assists concentration, calm and focus). When it fluctuates, so does your emotional regulation. In addition, the amygdala, which is the gland that decides whether you are under threat or not, gets trigger happy. Due to these chemical changes, the coating on the brain part literally gets thin skinned. Anxiety can show up differently at this stage than it did when you were younger. Maybe more anger. Insomnia. Or a generalized confusion or uncertainty. Every decision feels above your pay grade.
Number three: Sleep disruption.
Not just hot flashes waking you up — but the inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, or reach deep sleep. Progesterone, which drops significantly in perimenopause, is naturally calming and sleep-promoting. When it falls, sleep often suffers. Because we are bombarded with warnings that sleep is so important, the anxiety (see number two!) Ramps up creating a vicious loop of exhaustion.
In the SHE Mindfulness program, we deal with this problem in detail. There are videos to help you understand morning and evening routines as well as other lifestyle changes to set you up for smoother sleep (in other words, naturally boost progesterone production). And I show solid ways to deeply rest when insomnia is stubborn. These are the tools that I use almost every night to cope.
Number four: Joint pain and muscle aches.
This one surprises a lot of women. Estrogen has anti-inflammatory properties. When it drops, many women experience new aches — in the knees, hips, hands, even the jaw. If you’ve been told “it must be arthritis” but it started around the same time as other symptoms, keep pushing. It’s called the musculoskeletal syndrome of menopause. The puzzle pieces only came together a few years ago so many doctors are unaware that it is a medically verified condition.
And a nod back to number three. Most of my clients report shoulder or hip pain getting worse at night when they try to sleep. A major contributor to insomnia. Rather than sleeping pills, maybe we should be looking at the root cause????
Number five: Weight changes — especially around the belly.
Estrogen influences where your body stores fat. As it shifts, fat distribution tends to move toward the abdomen. I’ve done a number of podcasts on this. I’ll include some links in the show notes. Metabolism also slows due to muscle loss. This can happen even with no change in diet or activity — and it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
Number six: Heart palpitations.
Unexpected racing or fluttering heart. This is common and often alarming. In most cases during perimenopause it’s benign — but always get it checked. Once cardiac causes are ruled out, know that hormonal fluctuations can absolutely cause this.
Number seven: Painful sex and urinary symptoms.
The tissues of the vagina and bladder are estrogen-sensitive. As estrogen drops, these tissues can thin and dry — leading to discomfort during sex, increased UTIs, or urgency and leaking. This is called the genitourinary syndrome of menopause, and it’s very treatable — but many women are too embarrassed to bring it up, and many doctors don’t ask. For goodness sake, let’s talk about it!
Vaginal estrogen (either a cream or insert) is basic health care for midlife women. It is extremely safe because the hormone stays locally in the vagina. And the symptoms will not get better with time. In fact they get worse. My grama had constant UTI’s as she aged. With the risk of sepsis, these infections are not only embarrassing and painful but deadly. I went off the cream because I went on full hormone therapy. But then I got a UTI. Back on girlfriend.
In the SHE Mindfulness program, we have these kind of conversations in our group calls. It’s a supportive community where us women can get real answers.
What to Say at the Doctor’s
First: track your symptoms. Before your next doctor’s appointment, write down everything — not just the big ones, but the subtle ones too. When they happen, how often, how disruptive they are. Doctors respond to patterns. A list is harder to dismiss than a conversation. And I don’t know about you, but that brain fog makes my memory less reliable. My dad used to say “a short pencil is better than a long memory”. If you feel reluctant to have a laundry list for the doctor, pretend you’re appearing on behalf of your daughter or best friend. We can often find the assertive energy we need if we’re protecting someone we love. Of course, I would love you to be part of our SHE program so you learn to love and protect yourself in that same way.
Second: ask specifically about perimenopause. Don’t wait for your doctor to bring it up. Say: “I’ve been reading about perimenopause and I think some of my symptoms might be connected to hormonal changes. Can we talk about that?” You are allowed to direct this conversation.
Third: consider seeing a menopause specialist. Very few general practitioners have deep training in menopause management. Organizations like the Menopause Society — formerly NAMS — have directories of certified practitioners. And some excellent patient papers that explain these symptoms is greater detail. You deserve someone who takes this seriously. And I know that when you’re feeling exhausted and embarrassed the last thing you need is going from appointment to appointment. But you deserve answers.
Fourth: learn about your options. Treatment isn’t one-size-fits-all. For some women, lifestyle changes — sleep hygiene, strength training, reducing alcohol, managing stress — make a significant difference. For others, hormone therapy is a game changer. The research on MRT has evolved a lot since the early 2000s, and many of the fears around it have been revisited. This conversation comes up in our SHE group all the time.
Fifth: be your own advocate. You know your body. If you leave an appointment feeling dismissed, you are allowed to get a second opinion. You are allowed to push back. You are allowed to say “I don’t think this is just stress.”
Because here’s what I believe: a woman who understands what’s happening in her body is a woman who can make informed decisions for her own health. And that’s exactly what you deserve.
And in closing….
For too long, women’s health experiences — especially in midlife — have been minimized. Symptoms have been attributed to anxiety, to aging, to “just being a woman.” And so many women have internalized that. They’ve started to doubt themselves.
If that’s you — please hear me say: your experience is valid. Your body is communicating something real. And you deserve care that takes that seriously.
You are not falling apart. You are going through one of the most significant biological transitions a human body can experience. And with the right information and the right support, you can feel like yourself again.
I would love to be part of your transformation. The SHE Mindfulness program is a comprehensive, step by step approach. We have education, community, support and practical tools all arranged for busy, exhausted women.
If this video helped you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. Leave me a comment and tell me — which symptom resonated most with you? I read every single one.
PS: Please consider joining Norma and hundreds of other women who have used the SHE program to rediscover their strength, confidence, energy and joy again. It draws from the time tested practices of yoga and mindfulness to provide solid solutions for menopausal hormone challenges.
