Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast The Generous Husband Daily Rant
| Titre | Date | Durée | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Farewell to The Generous Husband | 28 févr. 2025 | ||
On Sunday July 15, 2001, I did the first post for The Generous Husband. Today, some 8,000 posts later, I write this last one. It’s certainly bitter-sweet, but I’m not giving up blogging, so it’s okay. (If you want to follow the new blog it’s https://doingmarriagewell.com – and I start Saturday.) Doing this blog has been a big part of my life for a very long time. I’ve enjoyed getting to know many of you online, and some of you in person. It’s been a blast, and a blessing. My thanks to all of you. The image here is the original top banner for the blog. I’ve thought a lot about what I want to leave you with. I’m rerunning the first post about prayer at the bottom, because every marriage needs prayer! Beyond that, I want to talk about getting help. Lori and I have worked with a great many marriages over the years. We now coach online, if you want to connect with us. We’ve had plenty of couples tell us that third party help has improved or saved their marriage. We’ve also had couples say it made their sex lives better. You have to be willing to do the work, but if you are, a bit of skilled guidance can make a huge difference. When I was young, Christians didn’t go for help. It was as if seeking help was admitting to a horrible sin. Couples suffered in silence, and marriages died in silence. God is clear that we’re supposed to seek wise counsel, and we’re commanded to help others in the body of Christ. If you need help, please get it. If you don’t need it, but would benefit from it, please get help. Do you find it difficult to pray for your wife because you aren’t sure what to pray about? Try praying based on the first letter of the day: Sunday pray for her Spiritual walk Image Credit: © The Generous Husband The post Farewell to The Generous Husband first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Redefining Sex So It’s Easier And Better for Both of You | 27 févr. 2025 | ||
On Tuesday, I said your wife’s needs are valid, even though they’re different. What about her sexual needs? Even if a woman is all about sex, it’s not as high on her list as is the case for most men. Usually, sex doesn’t make a woman feel loved. Rather, she wants sex because she feels loved. Beyond that, if you have the higher drive, she may rarely get to full desire. Perhaps she says yes out of love, or obligation, when she’s not feeling it. Or she says no initially, and then says yes as soon as she is close to wanting it. This is very different from your reality. Can you imagine what it must be like for her? Can you see how it would affect her sexually? Something else, what if she feels she’s supposed to orgasm every time she has sex? What if you expect this of her and have made it clear it’s not good sex if you’re the only one who comes? The real problem is most of us have a small, skewed view of what constitutes sex. If we had a broader view, sex would be easier and better for both spouses. Sex should be an activity done by a couple that includes contact of a sexual nature. It could last a minute, or an hour, or anywhere in-between. It should include as many orgasms as each spouse wants, with zero being a valid number. And each spouse should be free to decide at any point during sex if they do or don’t want an orgasm on that occasion. If this was how your wife saw sex, and she knew you saw it the same way, it would be easier for her to say yes to sex. It would also be easier for her to initiate sex; even if she was just doing it for you. Is how you define sex limiting or hurting your sex life? Image Credit: © themorningglory | stock.adobe.com The post Redefining Sex So It’s Easier And Better for Both of You first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Different, Possibly Confusing, But Totally Valid | 25 févr. 2025 | ||
Today, I want to impress on you that while your wife’s needs are different from your needs, they are just as valid. When I say needs, I mean what she needs from you to feel loved and cared for. You do want her to feel loved and cared for, don’t you? We tend to dismiss our wife’s needs because they are different. We don’t understand why they’re important because we don’t understand what’s behind them. We may not consciously dismiss her needs, but odds are we don’t see her needs to be as valid as our needs. And that hurts her and damages our marriage. Even if her needs are based on fear, trauma, or lack from her childhood years, they are valid. Failing to meet those needs won’t make them go away. She may stop asking, but that doesn’t mean she is less hurt by not having the needs met. On the other hand, if you meet needs that are based on her past, you put her in a better place to deal with what’s behind those needs. Over time, some of those needs will fade away. And new healthier needs may arise. Either you meet her needs, or you do not. And why you do or don’t is irrelevant to her. Image Credit: © alfa27| stock.adobe.com The post Different, Possibly Confusing, But Totally Valid first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| The Lasting Impact of Small Acts of Love in Marriage | 24 févr. 2025 | ||
As this is my last week of posts on this blog, I want to hit a few important concepts before I move on. For the last nine years, most of my Monday posts have been simple, easy to do things to make your marriage better. Small things can make a real difference, and a steady diet of small things can be huge. The power of simple acts is they don’t cost you much in terms of time or energy. This means you can do a couple of small loving things even when you have an impossible week. Giving her occasional bright moments during a dark time shows that you’re still thinking of her, and still love her. Grand acts are great when you can pull them off well, but they should not take the place of the steady drip of love that comes from doing simple things often. You can see all the simple idea posts here.
Image Credit: © patpitchaya | stock.adobe.com The post The Lasting Impact of Small Acts of Love in Marriage first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Navigating Sexual Boundaries with Love and Patience | 22 févr. 2025 | ||
At the start of this year, I suggested that you Honour Your Wife by Letting Go of Sexual Preferences. I said if there were a couple of things you wanted that she keeps rejecting, you should stop asking for those. I proposed your wife is more important than those sex acts. Then someone asked, “What if she has a lot of things she doesn’t like?” I’m assuming this is about a wife who’s willing to have sex, but only does a very few things. So the issue is boredom, not refusal. It’s tempting to say there are men who would give anything to have regular boring sex, but I realise that doesn’t make anyone feel better. The problem is pushing such a woman for more will turn her off. She’s doing what works for her. Other things are a problem either because they don’t arouse her, turn her off, or in her mind they’re unacceptable. My suggestion is to become very skilled at what she’s okay with. And thank her regularly for being there for you sexually. Give her time to feel secure in what you now do. Then suggest something just across the current line. Don’t ask, just say it might be interesting to _____ sometime. This is the best path to doing more. There’s no guarantee, but if you can be loving and patient, odds are it will eventually move the needle. NEW FEED: As I gear up to move to Doing Marriage Well, I’ve set up a Bluesky account that will run the blog posts and a few marriage positive “tweets” a day. @doingmarriagewell.bsky.social If you want to follow by email, you can sign up upper right on Doing Marriage Well. You will receive the last week of posts from Lori. Image Credit: © vera7388 | stock.adobe.com The post Navigating Sexual Boundaries with Love and Patience first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| FF: Applying the S-Curve Model to Strengthen Your Marriage | 21 févr. 2025 | ||
Whitney Johnson, a Harvard Business Review blogger, has some interesting ideas I think apply to marriage nicely. In Throw Your Life a Curve Johnson talks about the S curve model for understanding how we learn new things. You start to do something new to improve some aspect of your marriage, or just to make your wife happier. This could be a change of habit, trying to listen better, a new approach to sex, whatever. You start at the lower left of the curve, in the yellow area of the chart above. You are unsure how it’s going to work or exactly what to do. After you struggle for a while, you get the hang of it, and you start to improve rapidly. You get positive feedback from your bride because she is seeing the rapid change; this is the green area. Finally, you have almost mastered what you’re doing, which means there’s not much room to grow or improve. Your wife may stop bragging on you; you may start doing whatever out of habit without much thought, or you may get bored with it. This is the red area. Each phase has dangers:
Do you see any of this in your past when you tried to improve your marriage? Do you tend to drop out in the yellow zone? Do you think too much of yourself in the green zone, or think she owes you? Do you get to the red zone and drop what you are doing to start a new curve? [This post first appeared Nov 29, 2012.] Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly The post FF: Applying the S-Curve Model to Strengthen Your Marriage first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Freedom in Marriage: God vs. What Others Think | 20 févr. 2025 | ||
I trust God will understand. I’m not so sure about the neighbors. ~ Papa to Yentl It’s been over forty years since I saw the movie, but I still remember this line clearly. Yentl’s father teaches the Talmud to the boys in his small Polish town. At that time, Judaism forbade teaching the Talmud to women. But behind locked doors and closed curtains, Papa teaches it to Yentl. The quote above is how Papa answers when Yentl asks why he is careful no one sees him teaching her. The Bible talks about the weaker brother, and admonishes us to refrain from behaviour that would offend those weaker in their faith, even if the action is not sin. But what we do in the privacy of our homes and marriages is not seen by the weaker brothers and sisters, and we are free to do anything that is acceptable to God. This applies to what we eat and drink, how we raise our children, and what we do sexually. But while God will understand, some of your Christian neighbours may not. Be careful lest you offered those of weaker faith. So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. ~ Romans 14:22 NIV Image Credit: © Midjourney The post Freedom in Marriage: God vs. What Others Think first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| The Root of All Marital Strife and the Path to Healing | 18 févr. 2025 | ||
I’ve come to the conclusion that there is one single cause for all divorces and unhappy marriages: We fail to do what we should because of selfishness. We do things we should not because of selfishness. We withhold grace and forgiveness because of selfishness. We may blame what we do wrong on our wife’s selfishness. And while that will often be valid, we could instead deal with our selfish response to her selfishness. The good news in this is the way to a better marriage is simple: work on being less selfish. Do please note that generosity is the opposite of selfishness. Image Credit: © https://www.brandcrowd.com The post The Root of All Marital Strife and the Path to Healing first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Beyond Valentine’s: Showing Your Wife Love Year-Round | 17 févr. 2025 | ||
Valentine’s is over. But the need for your wife to know you love her is not. This week, buy her flowers or candy. Send her a loving text. Take her out for the evening, or serve her breakfast in bed. Do this no matter what you did or did not do for Valentine’s. It means even more when it’s not expected. Image Credit: © rocketclips | stock.adobe.com The post Beyond Valentine’s: Showing Your Wife Love Year-Round first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Evolving Intimacy: Embracing Change in Your Marriage Bed | 15 févr. 2025 | ||
The other day, I talked about the need to let go and move on, and what we can miss when we fail to do that. Today I want to apply that to sex. No, I am not suggesting you need to let go of sex! Far from it. We generally hold on to what works. And we often keep holding on to it even when it’s not working. And we tend to be especially bad about this when it comes to sex. If you struggled to find a way of having sex that worked for both you and your wife, it’s understandable to feel you need to guard that. But our minds and our bodies change, and what was great then may not be great now. What was okay then may be not okay now. I’ve been having sex with the same woman for forty years. It’s still great, and far better than when we started. But it’s not the same. It’s changed over the years many times in big and small ways. Some changes were finding something better, others were finding something that worked because what we’d been doing wasn’t working very well. And those changes are why we both still want and enjoy sex. If you want to enjoy sex for the rest of your lives, you have to be willing to let go and move on. Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai The post Evolving Intimacy: Embracing Change in Your Marriage Bed first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| FF: Decoding Her Desire: Stop Shooting Blind | 14 févr. 2025 | ||
Have you ever tried the “ask for sex every night” approach, figuring the more often you ask, the more often she will say yes? Or, maybe you have no idea why she says yes or no, so you figure you should ask all the time so you don’t miss an occasion when she might say […] The post FF: Decoding Her Desire: Stop Shooting Blind first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Beyond Average: God’s Plan for Your Marriage | 13 févr. 2025 | ||
Some folks worry about what’s average, and if they measure up. Here’s the thing: the average person is overweight and not getting nearly enough exercise. The average Christian is falling short of what Jesus called us to do. The average number of lifetime sexual partners in the US is 10.7. And the average couple is […] The post Beyond Average: God’s Plan for Your Marriage first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Letting Go and Moving on… To Something Better! | 11 févr. 2025 | ||
The end of this month, I will stop doing The Generous Husband blog, after almost 24 years. I know it’s time, but I’ve still had a hard time letting go and moving on. I made plans for the next thing, but didn’t initially feel much passion for it. Slowly I made peace with the change, […] The post Letting Go and Moving on… To Something Better! first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Valentine’s Day: Navigating Love and Expectation | 10 févr. 2025 | ||
Here it comes again, guys, that day known as Valentine’s Day. Dislike it, hate it, or fear it, it’s a fact of life. You can’t run from it, and ignoring it is not a good plan. I know some of you fear you can’t get it right, and some of you know from experience that […] The post Valentine’s Day: Navigating Love and Expectation first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Enhancing Sexual Intimacy: A Pastor Talks “Sex Tools” | 08 févr. 2025 | ||
Recently, my dear wife said to me, “Thank you for thinking about lube and vibrators.” I recall that when I first suggested a “sex toy” she was hesitant. And that’s putting it kindly. I get it, we were taught that good people don’t use such things. We also got the message that using them would […] The post Enhancing Sexual Intimacy: A Pastor Talks “Sex Tools” first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Embracing the Whole Package, Quirks and All | 07 févr. 2025 | ||
My wife puts up with me. It’s not that I am a horrible person, but I know I can be a challenge. I see life as an adventure looking for a place to happen, and I feel obligated to make room for as much adventure as possible. In addition, I figure if something is worth […] The post Embracing the Whole Package, Quirks and All first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Lessons from Coaching: The Importance of Readiness | 06 févr. 2025 | ||
Change is difficult, and it can be costly. It takes a commitment of time and energy. If you’re not ready to make that commitment, seeking help is a waste of time and money. If you’re too busy to give it the time it will take, that’s also a waste. You also have to be in […] The post Lessons from Coaching: The Importance of Readiness first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Lessons from Coaching: The Power of Good Will in Marriage | 04 févr. 2025 | ||
As Lori and I have been doing coaching, the importance of being good-willed has been driven home to me. If both spouses are good-willed, the couple will almost certainly move towards a better marriage with just a bit of help. If either one is not good-willed, the chances of success are very low. Merriam-Webster defines […] The post Lessons from Coaching: The Power of Good Will in Marriage first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Build a Stronger Marriage One Little Thing at a Time | 03 févr. 2025 | ||
On Mondays, I try to offer something small and simple you can do for your marriage. Small can be big, if you stick to it. And a number of small things you keep doing can, over time, be huge. It’s like the straw that broke the camel’s back, but with a good result. All too […] The post Build a Stronger Marriage One Little Thing at a Time first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Your Marriage’s Sexual Issues May Not Be About Sex | 01 févr. 2025 | ||
On Thursday, I talked about taking a holistic approach to marriage. I said we ask coaching couples things well beyond the issue they bring to the table, and that this is especially true when the presented issue is sexual. It’s rare to get a couple with big sexual issues who don’t have non-sexual issues too. […] The post Your Marriage’s Sexual Issues May Not Be About Sex first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| FF: Why Can’t She Be The Way My Girlfriends Were? | 31 janv. 2025 | ||
A comment on a recent poll read, “If only my wife treated me as well as my sinful high school girlfriends so many years ago”. I suspect many men who did more than hold hands with someone before their wife have had similar thoughts. If you got more, or better, when you were single, it’s […] The post FF: Why Can’t She Be The Way My Girlfriends Were? first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Holistic Marriage: A Wider Focus is Better | 30 janv. 2025 | ||
As I’ve been thinking about the next iteration of marriage blogging, which will start March 1st, I realised my approach to marriage has become very holistic. When Lori and I coach a couple, we ask about things well beyond the issue they bring to the table. This is especially true when the presented issue is […] The post Holistic Marriage: A Wider Focus is Better first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Unmasking Your True Self For a Better Marriage | 28 janv. 2025 | ||
Unfortunately I feel the opposite, my mask is on at home just to keep the peace. As soon as the door opens my authentic self is gone, and I try not to make waves, stay in the background, etc.. I am more myself in front of friends and people that I know love me unconditionally. […] The post Unmasking Your True Self For a Better Marriage first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| 40 Years Strong: How God Defied the Odds in Our Marriage | 27 janv. 2025 | ||
Today, Lori and I celebrate forty years of marriage. Her comment to me about this yesterday was, “And they said it wouldn’t last”. And I suspect there were more than a few who thought if not said that. Honestly, there was good reason to think that way. She was too recently divorced from a bad […] The post 40 Years Strong: How God Defied the Odds in Our Marriage first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Her Pleasure: The Importance of Foreplay and Position | 25 janv. 2025 | ||
Foreplay matters. It matters a great deal. If you want her to enjoy sex, good foreplay is a must. A well done study found that manual and oral foreplay increased the odds a woman would orgasm. Oral was a bit better, but either will do it. It was found that good foreplay was especially important […] The post Her Pleasure: The Importance of Foreplay and Position first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| FF: Understanding Her Sexuality: A Guide to Pleasuring Your Wife | 24 janv. 2025 | ||
Men are straightforward sexually. Our bits are on the outside, they respond dramatically to stimulation, we climax easily, and we usually give good indications by sounds, movements, and words when we are enjoying what is being done. Additionally, men are fairly similar in what we want and enjoy. Yes, there’s some variation, but not a […] The post FF: Understanding Her Sexuality: A Guide to Pleasuring Your Wife first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| How Marriage Coaching Could Have Improved Our Early Years | 23 janv. 2025 | ||
The other day, I closed my XY Code post by saying I wish on-line Christian marriage coaching had been a thing when Lori and I were newly married. I thought it might be useful for me to ruminate here how that might have gone for us. I used to say that when we got married, […] The post How Marriage Coaching Could Have Improved Our Early Years first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| When Hyper-Spirituality Threatens Your Marriage | 21 janv. 2025 | ||
From time to time, I see or work with a man on the verge of his wife filing for divorce, who responds by becoming hyper-spiritual. He proclaims that her actions and choices are due to either his wife falling away from the Lord, or demonic activity, or both. In some cases, this is just an […] The post When Hyper-Spirituality Threatens Your Marriage first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Appreciating the Unseen: Rekindling Gratitude | 20 janv. 2025 | ||
When did you last thank your wife for doing something that’s “her job”? It’s easy to stop being aware of things she does if she does them well. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say. Take a moment to think about the things she does so reliably you’ve stopped thinking about them. Then […] The post Appreciating the Unseen: Rekindling Gratitude first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||
| Christian Sex Coaching: Finding Help for Sexual Problems | 18 janv. 2025 | ||
A few days ago, I suggested you get help for your marriage if you need it. Today, I want to give you the same advice for your sex life. When we were newly married, Lori and I could have used some help in this area. But we couldn’t find anyone with a Christian world view […] The post Christian Sex Coaching: Finding Help for Sexual Problems first appeared on The Generous Husband. | |||