Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast The Confident Swinger Podcast
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A lot of people struggle with the concept of reconciling the LS with their religious or spiritual beliefs. So today, Jo shares her thoughts about religion in the LS.
In this episode, Jo talks about how to reject someone with kindness. We all know that rejection IS a part of the LS, and a lot of people struggle with that. They struggle with rejecting others, and also with being rejected themselves. The key to rejecting with kindness is to be clear and concise, and to do it with the intention of freeing them to find a better fit.
Last week, we talked about uncut penes. Everybody has preferences and turn offs, that's totally normal. And, sometimes people cross over into body shaming territory. That's what we're talking about today.
There was a post recently about someone being turned off by uncircumcised penises (penes!), and since a friend had literally JUST talked to me about the topic a day before, I thought it was a sign that I should do an episode about it.
So today, I talk about the reasons people may avoid, or seek out, an uncut penis. And I share my own personal preferences.
In this episode, Chad goes solo for the first time, and shares his jealousy struggles. He shares what helped him get through it, and shares some tips for others.
Today, Jo talks about being successful in the LS. And really, your definition of success is really going to depend on your why, on your reason for being in the LS, and on what you want to get out of it.
Jo is publishing an episode she had previously published only on Patreon. In it, she goes through a Making the First Move workshop she had been working on.
Today, Jo talks about her struggles with dealing with Chad's negative emotions, and how her trying to "fix" it, trying to "manage" it, actually made things way worse. You can be loving and supportive AND let your partner deal with their own negative, uncomfortable emotions. In fact, they aren't going to be able to move past them if they aren't allowed the freedom of dealing with their own emotions.
Jo is joined today by her best friend Steph. They went to Westport, Washington to check out the Westport Hotel Takeover hosted by Club Sapphire out of Seattle. We wanted to share our thoughts and experiences while we were there. Enjoy!
Jo is joined by Chad this week (yay!), and they talk about the times when you OVER communicate. Or you talk things to death, instead of actually taking action and moving forward. Communication is important, or course. And sometimes, there comes a time when talking more isn't effective, and it isn't moving you forward. There are times you get stuck in a holding pattern because of fear. Moral of the story... don't let the fear stop you.
You see a lot of cockiness in the LS... people bragging about their sexual skills or prowess. Today, Jo talks about some possible reasons why that happens, and how it's actually NOT about confidence at all.
Chad recently sort of hosted an impromptu party at our friend's house while they were out of town, and apparently, it was a great time! Today, we talk about why, and we talk about planning things versus letting them just play out.
Disappointment is bound to happen, even in the LS. It happens when things don't work out the way you want them to, and you're left dealing with those emotions. In today's episode, Jo talks about disappointment, some causes and situations, and then she talks about tips for managing disappointment, and some ways to avoid it in the future.
Last week, Jo talked about people finding themselves in "natural" D/s dynamics. Staying on the D/s thought train, this week, Jo talks about how thoughts and emotions are ALSO in a D/s dynamic. Thoughts are the Dom (usually); they are in control, or they think they are, and emotions are the sub, the more submissive ones that do as they are told. Or, that's how we WANT to believe. But just like in any kind of D/s dynamic, it's REALLY the sub that has control, and in our bitchy little brains, it's REALLY the emotions that have control.
In this episode, Jo talks about basic Dom/sub relationship dynamics, and how they can and often do show up in everyday vanilla relationships. She talks about the benefits that could come from embracing a more structured D/s dynamic.
If you are already an overthinker, the LS can kick your bitchy little brain into overdrive. In today's episode, Jo talks about overthinking and gives some tips to help you manage it.
This is a short mini episode about self-love, and the things that get lost, the things that hide and keep you from the happiness and healing you are seeking.
Today, Jo interviews Lisa, who has a different Lifestyle why. Lisa has some medical issues that affect her sexually, so she and her husband use the lifestyle to not just enhance their relationship, but to ensure that sexual needs are met.
There is no one right way, or one right reason. This episode highlights the many dynamics that are possible, and is a reminder that sometimes, that guy that plays alone really IS for real.
Let's talk about sex (baby, let's talk about you and me....). Today, Jo is talking about getting better at sex, about being more CONFIDENT about sex. Sex obviously plays a big part in the Lifestyle, and we ALL want to believe that we are good at sex. So today, Jo talks about what she believes make someone good at sex and offers tips for getting better.
Chad was asked to be a guest on the Open Bedroom Podcast with Jennifer Kaylo. She interviewed Chad and her partner, Scott, in her episode, "Husbands of Podcasters."
So today, Chad talks a little bit about that experience, and then we share the episode.
Check it out! https://youtu.be/vy2y7qwolIw?si=mCikaTBVs9hVIafQ
You have a good relationship. And now, you want to enhance your relationship by getting into the LS. You want to bring that added excitement, that extra spark. But NOT at the expense of your relationship.
Basically, you're worried about f-ing up your relationship.
In this episode, Jo talks about slowing down in your flirting game. Or, what she likes to call drive by flirting. It's when you don't focus your attention on someone for a long period of time, but you keep coming back to flirting with them throughout the evening.
It can be a super helpful tool for people who struggle with being put on displace.
This week, Jo is talking about slowing things down. It's pretty likely that one, or both, of you will want or need to slow things down at some point in your LS journey. And that's ok. It's an important part of building trust in your relationship so that eventually, you both WANT to move forward again.
It's important to remember to honor the feelings of both people during this time; the person NOT wanting to slow down is just as important as the person that DOES want to slow down. Yes, you should slow down or stop if and when someone needs that. AND you should respect that both people have feelings that deserve to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Chad and Jo went to Michigan to check out a party, and they share their thoughts and experiences with you today. Plus, during that trip, Jo talks to three lovely ladies, who share their thoughts with you about the lifestyle.
We all know the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Or, treat others the way you would want to be treated. It's a great concept.
I took it a slightly different route with the Golden Pineapple Rule. Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.
When you're feeling wonky, it's helpful to have some tools for managing those feelings. This is a tool you can use. It's called Give 5, and it's designed for you to ask yourself what you need in that moment, and to give it to yourself. To focus on that giving energy, out of love for yourself.
I recently started a new job, and I couldn't help but notice the similarities between being uncomfortable in starting a new job and being uncomfortable in new LS events. So many people REALLY try to avoid feeling uncomfortable, because it's hard. But, LIFE is uncomfortable! Today, I give you some tips for dealing with uncomfortable situations when you are in them, when you are neck deep in the uncomfortable weeds. AND, I give you some tips for learning to GET comfortable with BEING uncomfortable.
Recently, I read a post from a man who had spent a lot of time building up his confidence, only to have it beaten down when someone labeled him as creepy and harassy (my word, not his, or hers). He has since built himself back up, but is still in what he considers the Stalemate of Confidence, where he feels good about himself, but is still unable to approach new people.
I thought this was such an interesting situation, and one that a lot of people find themselves in. Confidence has many layers, and it can be difficult to get past those blocks. Difficult, but definitely doable, and very much worth the effort, and hopefully this episode will help with that.
Chad joins me this week, and even takes the lead as we talk about sexual performance anxiety. It's something that most people struggle with at least occasionally, and it can really get into your head. On this episode, we talk about some ways to deal with the dreaded sexual performance anxiety and give you some tips for getting out of your head.
Yeah, so, I was wrong. A couple of weeks ago, I did an episode about why being selfish was a good thing. It was titled, Want to be Confident? Be selfish.
And in theory, yes, my premise was that it is important for you to focus on yourself, and your own needs. And THAT is why being selfish is a good thing. but I was wrong. I was wrong about being selfish being a good thing. Because when you are being selfish, you are really not FULLY committing to yourself and your own needs. You are being self-ISH. And you are never going to be really confident, fulfilled and happy if you DON'T focus fully on yourself and your needs.
So today, I'm talking about why instead of being selfish, it's better to practice SELFation.
In this episode, Jo talks about goal setting and why it's important. And she talks about some goals that she had set, and how some of those have been met.
In this episode, Jo talks about how being selfish is REALLY not the bad thing that everybody thinks it is. And further, she talks about how being selfish is really the key to being truly confident.
Jo shares more about an incident that she a few weeks ago with a woman and her coffee and the NO OUTSIDE FOOD AND DRINK rule. And she shares why this triggered her so much. Spoiler alert... it's not really about the drink, it's about respect and consent.
Consent is kind of like trying to bring outside food and drink into a place that doesn't allow it. Some people are going to respect that; actually, MOST people are going to respect that. But you're going to have some people who get angry, and pushy, and complain, and think the rules don't apply to them, and COMPLETELY disrespect and disregard the rules, because THEY don't want to follow them.
Jo shares a situation she had while playing with a friend that got pushy, and how she didn't deal well with it at the time.
For a lot of people, especially people who struggle with confidence and insecurities, it's really important that people like them. It's something they spend a lot of time worrying about; what if people won't like me.
In this episode, Jo talks about why you DON'T want everyone to like you. This is a great episode if you are a people pleaser, because it just might change your perspective about the people in your life.
Happy Tuesday! In today's episode, Jo talks about why she thinks it's important to be a selfish lover. Sure, you may think she's crazy for believing that. And maybe she is, but maybe she's not. She breaks down why she believes it's important for you to focus on YOUR wants and needs, FIRST. It's really the only way to truly BECOME a great lover. So, yes, be selfish. Do it!
Today's episode is sponsored by the Pineapple Lifestyle 101 Facebook group. Join today: https://www.facebook.com/groups/625734898831937/
Chad's sick, so I'm doing a super quick episode today, so that I can focus on taking care of him. So I present, Jo's Cardinal Rules of Relationships. Enjoy!
In this episode, Jo gets deep into why it's important to listen to your body. And she talks about what makes that challenging, and of course, she gives some tips to help. It really can make all the difference between getting the results you want, like, you know, connecting with other people, and getting left behind, swimming in disappointment.
Get on the waitlist for the upcoming NEW & IMPROVED Get Out of Your Head program: https://www.theconfidentswinger.com/signup
One of the things that a lot of couples struggle with in the LS is finding that elusive 4-way connection. The one where both couples are attracted to each other, and the dynamics line up, and everyone has a good time.
I have some thoughts, some things to consider, to hopefully make finding that 4-way connection a little easier for you.
Check out the Yes No Maybe list for Swingers: https://www.theconfidentswinger.com/opt-in-1dfce6cc-e4c0-46aa-9ab1-981128ba29fb
Check out the Ice Breakers Guide: https://www.theconfidentswinger.com/opt-in
Send Jo some panties to wear on her podcast, and she'll give you some on-air love. Size large or XL. Send to PO Box 294 Strafford, MO 65757
Jo's a little drunk, but today, she's talking about the dangers of setting an expectation. And why setting an intention is a much better idea. You'll get better results in the lifestyle if you set an intention, because YOU are in control, and you are not dependent on other people.
Communication is important, we all know that. AND, we all know it's difficult, for various reasons. BUT, I think the real reason that communication is hard is because the real breakdown in communication is between you... and you.
Self-images are like assholes... everybody's got one! It's how you self identify, how you see yourself, the roles that you play. But unlike your asshole, you're not just "stuck" with the one you've got. You get to decide!
It's easy to get really attached to our self-image, and that can be dangerous. Because it can hold us back from exploring different possibilities. Even having a "positive" self image can be detrimental if we hold to it too tightly.
In this episode, Jo talks about some parts of her self-image that she had been holding too tightly to, and how that affected her.
Jo, and Chad, talk about new beginnings. It's New Year's day, and it's a great time to reset and talk about new beginnings. We all get complacent and stuck in a routine from time to time, so we took this opportunity to talk about how WE both want to start the new year, and how we want to embrace the Lifestyle in 2024.
Bonus episode My son's dog, Maya, is a pain in the ass. She also happens to be my spirit animal, and in this bonus episode, I tell you why. Happy Holidays!