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Today, Jo talks about her struggles with dealing with Chad's negative emotions, and how her trying to "fix" it, trying to "manage" it, actually made things way worse. You can be loving and supportive AND let your partner deal with their own negative, uncomfortable emotions. In fact, they aren't going to be able to move past them if they aren't allowed the freedom of dealing with their own emotions.
Jo is joined today by her best friend Steph. They went to Westport, Washington to check out the Westport Hotel Takeover hosted by Club Sapphire out of Seattle. We wanted to share our thoughts and experiences while we were there. Enjoy!
This is a short mini episode about self-love, and the things that get lost, the things that hide and keep you from the happiness and healing you are seeking.
Rejection is a part of life, and a part of the lifestyle. There will undoubtably be times when you aren't interested in someone, and you need to tell them that. It's hard for a lot of people to tell other people they aren't interested in them. Jo talks about why it's hard, but also why it's so important. She also gives you some tips to make it a little easier.
Connect with Jo on Facebook at Jo Leavitt | Facebook Or email her at jo@theconfidentswinger.com
In today's episode, Jo talks about the fear of being rejected. She talks about the fact that acceptance is needed for connection, and connection is a basic human need. And that means the fear of not being accepted leads to the fear of being rejected. This is true in everyday life, and it's true in the Lifestyle. Swingers want to connect with other swingers, but often that fear of being rejected stops them from doing things they really want to do. Jo gives you 10 tips to manage that fear, so you don't let it stop you from making all your sexy Lifestyle dreams come true.
In this episode, Jo explores what happens when your body shuts down when it turns to sexy naked time. She explores some reasons why this could be happening. And she offers some tips to help. Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk
Jo continues talking about communication in the Lifestyle. In this episode, she talks about how to communicate after trust has been broken, or boundaries have been crossed. According to the book Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown, trust has 7 elements, boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, non-judgment, and generosity. Jo explores each of these elements as it relates to the Lifestyle. And she offers tips to repair and grow stronger in your relationship after trust has been broken. Download the FREE 3-day confidence course at The Confident Swinger – Get out of your head, and into their bed! Connect with Jo, email her at jo@theconfidentswinger.com or connect on Facebook at Jo Leavitt | Facebook Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk
Jo continues talking about communication in the Lifestyle. This week, she talks about communicating with your partner when you aren't on the same page. Sometimes, people have different wants, needs, and desires. When that happens, it's important to come together and find a compromise that is acceptable and agreeable for both people. She talks about the 4 levels of communication, and gives some tips for effective communication.
Unf*ck Your Intimacy by Faith G. Harper, PhD Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk Connect with Jo on Facebook Jo Leavitt | Facebook Email: jo@theconfidentswinger.com Website: theconfidentswinger.com
Jo continues the communication series by talking about communicating your wants, needs, and desires with your partner. Exploring your wants, needs, and desires with your partner is an important part of your relationship, especially in the Lifestyle. Jo talks about why it's so important, the different communication styles, and she offers tips for navigating this conversation in a safe, healthy way. Connect with Jo at jo@theconfidentswinger.com or on Facebook (2) Jo Leavitt | Facebook Visit her website, The Confident Swinger – Get out of your head, and into their bed! Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk
Jo talks about communication. This is the first episode in a series on communication. She talks about the whole communication process, and why it's important. She also talks about why communication is so difficult, and what effective communication looks like. Then she gives some tips on effective communication. Connect with Jo on FB Jo Leavitt | Facebook Or email her at jo@theconfidentswinger.com. Check out the website, www.theconfidentswinger.com Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk
Jo talks about the importance of understanding body language. It is important in understanding the messages that you are sending to other people, and it is equally important in understanding what other people may be telling you. If you want to connect with other people, and if you want that connection to lead to sexy naked time, you need to be able to read and understand body language. Jo gives you some tips to get you started.
Connect with Jo Leavitt on Facebook at Jo Leavitt | Facebook You can send a Messenger message or email her at jo@theconfidentswinger.com. Visit the website for a free Body Language 101 guide, www.theconfidentswinger.com.
In this episode, Jo talks about putting yourself out there. That means letting other people know your wants and desires, and letting them know you are interested. It's an important part of making connections with people, especially in the Lifestyle. She breaks it down into 4 different levels of putting yourself out there, and gives you tips to help you be more successful at each level. Find Jo on Facebook, Jo Leavitt | Facebook or email her at jo@theconfidentswinger.com. Or visit her website at theconfidentswinger.com. Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk
On today's episode, Jo talks about feeling confident in the Lifestyle at your current weight. She talks about her personal struggle with weight loss and confidence, as well as some reasons why so many people focus on their weight, and why weight is so tied to confidence and self-esteem. She also gives tips to feel confident at your current weight.
Contact Jo at jo@theconfidentswinger.com, or find her on Facebook at Jo Leavitt | Facebook
Today, Jo interviews Lisa, who has a different Lifestyle why. Lisa has some medical issues that affect her sexually, so she and her husband use the lifestyle to not just enhance their relationship, but to ensure that sexual needs are met.
There is no one right way, or one right reason. This episode highlights the many dynamics that are possible, and is a reminder that sometimes, that guy that plays alone really IS for real.
On this episode, Jo talks about how having a positive attitude can get you laid. She talks about the difference between a positive and a negative attitude, and the behaviors of each. She also gives you some tips to cultivate a positive attitude, and how it can benefit your life. Reach out to Jo on Facebook-Jo Leavitt, or email her at jo@theconfidentswinger.com. Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk
In this episode, Jo talks about respect in the Lifestyle, specifically how important it is to show respect to the partner of someone you want to play with. She talks about ways to show respect, reasons why it's so important, and the consequences of not showing respect. She also leaves you with some questions about respect to think about and talk about with your partner.
Connect with Jo Leavitt on Facebook or email her at Jo@theconfidentswinger.com.
Jo talks about comparing yourself to others, particularly in the Lifestyle, and why it can be detrimental to your self-confidence. She talks about the reasons why we do it, and the reasons why it's sometimes a good thing, and the reasons why it's usually bad. And she gives you tips to stop negatively comparing yourself to others, so you can feel better about yourself, and hopefully get laid more! Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk
Jo talks about bed notchers in the Lifestyle. Bed notchers are people who like to have sex with a lot of different people, and some people have negative perceptions about that. Jo unpacks those negative beliefs, and offers different perspectives and ways to think about it. She also talks about accepting differences in others, and in yourself. Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk
In this episode, Jo talks about flirtation. She talks about why it's important, and she focuses on the perception of flirts. She also gives some tip to improve your flirting skills, and also to recognize when someone is flirting with you. Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk
Jo talks about boundaries in the Lifestyle. She digs deep into why it is so important to establish and hold your boundaries, to first figure out what you want and don't want, and then to communicate that to others. She also gives you some steps to create and hold strong boundaries in the LS. Intro music: X Ray Vision by Slynk
Jo talks about negative self-talk, particularly as it relates to the LS. She talks about why it is so damaging to your sex life, and she talks about some things you can do to overcome it.
Jo talks about attraction in the lifestyle, and why you are attracted to some people and not to others. She talks about normalizing not being attracted to people, so people don't take it personally. She also gives some tips to increasing your attractiveness to other people.
Jo talks about the challenges of making the first move in the LS, or the final move that leads to play. She talks about why making that first move is so hard, and gives you some tips for what to say or do to make it easier,
Let's talk about sex (baby, let's talk about you and me....). Today, Jo is talking about getting better at sex, about being more CONFIDENT about sex. Sex obviously plays a big part in the Lifestyle, and we ALL want to believe that we are good at sex. So today, Jo talks about what she believes make someone good at sex and offers tips for getting better.
In this episode, Jo talks about sexual confidence in the lifestyle. She talks about reasons we feel so insecure about sex, and what we can do about it.
In episode 1, Jo talks about all the great things about the lifestyle, and some reasons you may have gotten started. She also offers some tips to start building your confidence today.
Chad was asked to be a guest on the Open Bedroom Podcast with Jennifer Kaylo. She interviewed Chad and her partner, Scott, in her episode, "Husbands of Podcasters."
So today, Chad talks a little bit about that experience, and then we share the episode.
Check it out! https://youtu.be/vy2y7qwolIw?si=mCikaTBVs9hVIafQ
You have a good relationship. And now, you want to enhance your relationship by getting into the LS. You want to bring that added excitement, that extra spark. But NOT at the expense of your relationship.
Basically, you're worried about f-ing up your relationship.
In this episode, Jo talks about slowing down in your flirting game. Or, what she likes to call drive by flirting. It's when you don't focus your attention on someone for a long period of time, but you keep coming back to flirting with them throughout the evening.
It can be a super helpful tool for people who struggle with being put on displace.
This week, Jo is talking about slowing things down. It's pretty likely that one, or both, of you will want or need to slow things down at some point in your LS journey. And that's ok. It's an important part of building trust in your relationship so that eventually, you both WANT to move forward again.
It's important to remember to honor the feelings of both people during this time; the person NOT wanting to slow down is just as important as the person that DOES want to slow down. Yes, you should slow down or stop if and when someone needs that. AND you should respect that both people have feelings that deserve to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Chad and Jo went to Michigan to check out a party, and they share their thoughts and experiences with you today. Plus, during that trip, Jo talks to three lovely ladies, who share their thoughts with you about the lifestyle.
Jo is joined by Chad this week (yay!), and they talk about the times when you OVER communicate. Or you talk things to death, instead of actually taking action and moving forward. Communication is important, or course. And sometimes, there comes a time when talking more isn't effective, and it isn't moving you forward. There are times you get stuck in a holding pattern because of fear. Moral of the story... don't let the fear stop you.
We all know the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Or, treat others the way you would want to be treated. It's a great concept.
I took it a slightly different route with the Golden Pineapple Rule. Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.
When you're feeling wonky, it's helpful to have some tools for managing those feelings. This is a tool you can use. It's called Give 5, and it's designed for you to ask yourself what you need in that moment, and to give it to yourself. To focus on that giving energy, out of love for yourself.
I recently started a new job, and I couldn't help but notice the similarities between being uncomfortable in starting a new job and being uncomfortable in new LS events. So many people REALLY try to avoid feeling uncomfortable, because it's hard. But, LIFE is uncomfortable! Today, I give you some tips for dealing with uncomfortable situations when you are in them, when you are neck deep in the uncomfortable weeds. AND, I give you some tips for learning to GET comfortable with BEING uncomfortable.
Recently, I read a post from a man who had spent a lot of time building up his confidence, only to have it beaten down when someone labeled him as creepy and harassy (my word, not his, or hers). He has since built himself back up, but is still in what he considers the Stalemate of Confidence, where he feels good about himself, but is still unable to approach new people.
I thought this was such an interesting situation, and one that a lot of people find themselves in. Confidence has many layers, and it can be difficult to get past those blocks. Difficult, but definitely doable, and very much worth the effort, and hopefully this episode will help with that.
Chad joins me this week, and even takes the lead as we talk about sexual performance anxiety. It's something that most people struggle with at least occasionally, and it can really get into your head. On this episode, we talk about some ways to deal with the dreaded sexual performance anxiety and give you some tips for getting out of your head.
Yeah, so, I was wrong. A couple of weeks ago, I did an episode about why being selfish was a good thing. It was titled, Want to be Confident? Be selfish.
And in theory, yes, my premise was that it is important for you to focus on yourself, and your own needs. And THAT is why being selfish is a good thing. but I was wrong. I was wrong about being selfish being a good thing. Because when you are being selfish, you are really not FULLY committing to yourself and your own needs. You are being self-ISH. And you are never going to be really confident, fulfilled and happy if you DON'T focus fully on yourself and your needs.
So today, I'm talking about why instead of being selfish, it's better to practice SELFation.
In this episode, Jo talks about goal setting and why it's important. And she talks about some goals that she had set, and how some of those have been met.
In this episode, Jo talks about how being selfish is REALLY not the bad thing that everybody thinks it is. And further, she talks about how being selfish is really the key to being truly confident.
Jo shares more about an incident that she a few weeks ago with a woman and her coffee and the NO OUTSIDE FOOD AND DRINK rule. And she shares why this triggered her so much. Spoiler alert... it's not really about the drink, it's about respect and consent.
Consent is kind of like trying to bring outside food and drink into a place that doesn't allow it. Some people are going to respect that; actually, MOST people are going to respect that. But you're going to have some people who get angry, and pushy, and complain, and think the rules don't apply to them, and COMPLETELY disrespect and disregard the rules, because THEY don't want to follow them.
Jo shares a situation she had while playing with a friend that got pushy, and how she didn't deal well with it at the time.
For a lot of people, especially people who struggle with confidence and insecurities, it's really important that people like them. It's something they spend a lot of time worrying about; what if people won't like me.
In this episode, Jo talks about why you DON'T want everyone to like you. This is a great episode if you are a people pleaser, because it just might change your perspective about the people in your life.