The "Cake Doesn't Count" Podcast – Détails, épisodes et analyse

Oftentimes on the intuitive eating path, we can get stuck in the old "but I need to lose weight NOW" mindset. When things don't happen fast enough or progress is slow, it can be hard to not get tempted to diet. How do you balance the desire for weight loss with intuitive eating? 5 tips to help! 

I often talk about the diet pendulum around dieting and bingeing. But it can be a powerful metaphor to help you navigate life! 

This is a short and sweet episode to give a quick bit of inspiration!

Written by Jenn Hand, Holistic Nutritionist, Board Certified Health Coach, NBC-HWC

If you search, "how to stop the binge and restrict cycle", google gives you over 4.4 million entries in just under 4 seconds. That means there is A LOT of information to sort through to understand what would actually help. I've compiled the most useful information, that has helped both me and my clients, in one place for you to help you move forward and know where to focus :)

When we diet, we are restricting calories and typically depriving ourselves of calories, fuel and/or the foods we deem "bad".

Our bodies need a certain level of fuel. Even if we are sitting on the couch all day, our body is burning calories to circulate blood, beat our heart, and run all the systems of our bodies.

So if we are caught up in the sneaky diet mindset or trying to adhere to a specific plan (or calorie count), it ends up backfiring.

Not eating enough typically ends up causing us to overeat. This can happen at night after a day of low-calorie eating or after a few days of "good" eating.

Over time, it can lead to spikes of hunger and a ravenous appetite (since our bodies need fuel and we don't give it enough!), and may end up in a binge.

The body eventually rebels and wants MORE fuel.

When we're not eating enough, it can feel almost impossible to use willpower or discipline, since we are essentially trying to override our body's natural signal for fuel.

Dieting in any form is usually one of the main causes of a binge.

Stress, boredom, anxiety, depression, and hard emotions can all be a trigger to binge.

Eating can be a way for us to numb out, distract ourselves and deal with the challenges that life throws at us.

Typically, those of us who've struggled with food grew up learning that food was a way to deal with life.

We don't learn how to move through difficult feelings, express our wants/needs, and deal with the hardship that life can throw our way.

So as adults, this pattern has become ingrained in us.

And as we grow, life gets harder.

We have more obligations, responsibilities, financial worries. We need to navigate the challenges of relationships, parenting, a career and the ups and downs of life.

Food becomes our way out and can create a pattern of bingeing.

Sometimes when we are in the hum drum of life, we lack pleasure. Life becomes one endless to-do list after another, with obligations, responsibilities and chores to finish.

Food becomes a way to add pleasure and enjoyment to our lives.

This doesn't always end up in a binge, but many people turn to food to add excitement and it can spiral into overeating.

Desserts, carbs and sweets add "delight" to the routine elements of raising kids, working a 9-5, taking care of a house/apartment, paying bills and managing all of life's tasks.

Often times a deep desire for more pleasure, fun, adventure and enjoyment in life can be manifested in a binge.

If you'd rather listen to the podcast, you can find it here:

One of the hardest parts of this path is the "how LONG will it take?!" question.

I asked this 1800+ times over the course of my healing.

The diet world trains us to expect instant results so we come in to this path with a sense of impatience.

We want "results" fast and we want them now.

The problem is, if we've spent years, decades or a lifetime in the diet/overeat cycle, it takes time to heal and normalize the body.

You can find the full ins and outs (with dates and how long each stage took) here.

Early on, I convinced myself that I "shouldn't" need help in dealing with food issues.

After all, children were starving in Africa, people dealt with serious tragedies, and the world had bigger problems.

How could I wrestle with something as simple (or "dumb") as food?

Honestly, I felt ashamed. I was embarrassed that I had no "real" problems...I had a good family, great friends, and life was good.

Except I deeply struggled with food and my weight.

And I couldn't get a handle on it on my own. Admitting this was huge.

Getting help changed my life. It allowed me to shift perspective, gain clarity and make faster progress.

There are free and low cost options like support groups, 12 step groups, sliding scale therapists, counselors that insurance covers.

There are paid options like coaching, books, retreats, programs, and in person or digital group therapies.

Truly there is no right or wrong! I did Overeaters Anonymous for many years (which was free).

I didn't resonate with all of their principles (they promoted abstaining from sugar and flour, but I wanted to have a relationship to them, not a termination of them), but I got a sponsor and worked the steps for a bit to help me in the emotional part of it.

For a few years I did therapy which catapulted my healing into a new level.

Both were instrumental in helping me overcome the binge and restrict cycle.

Admitting that I needed help was a huge burden lifted from my soul. Support (in whatever form that resonates with you) is the fastest way forward!

The very first step of my healing was pairing a protein and a carb every 3-4 hours.

I focused on this for the first few months as it was crucial to getting out of the diet cycle.

The most helpful part of this was that it gave my brain something to focus on. I knew I wanted to learn to listen to my body eventually, but it was so far from where I was (I was either following a diet or overeating).

I worked to eat in this way and challenge my brain when it freaked out that I would gain weight.

Like most people who get trapped in the diet world, we think that we should be dieting in order to find the control we seek.

So my brain was not too happy that I was eating "so much". (or so it told me).

While I was working to stabilize my blood sugar and get out of the extremes of the pendulum, I also worked to retrain my thoughts so I didn't freak out :)

But the protein + carb pairing every 3-4 hours was my main focus at first; this helped to normalize my body's rhythms so I COULD focus on some of the mental and emotional pieces.

One of the challenging parts after a binge is the immediate desire to "start over" the next day.

We feel terrible, hate ourselves for what we "did", and are comforted by the fact that we can start over to get back on track.

A diet or eating plan feels like it's an easy answer to our problem (we feel disgusting and a diet gives us the illusion of control).

I knew that "starting over" would keep me trapped in the cycle, so I worked diligently to learn from my binges and nourish myself after so that I could resist the temptation to keep starting something new.

I wasn't always successful, but every time I binged, I'd get out my journal, and examine what was going on that led me to the food.

My journal helped me explore what I needed to feel balanced again (I reframed "starting over" to "feeling more balanced").

I experimented with support, hydration, moving my body, meal planning, mindset & emotional work, and other things to bring me back into balance.

Working to reframe the need to start over helped me slowly but surely, come back to the middle of the pendulum.

With dieting, we expect big results. We deprive and punish ourselves with the promise of the great reward at the end: weight loss.

On this path, though, we need to take a different view of success. (If we aren't measuring pounds lost, how do we view success?)

Looking at our small victories helps us see progress as it's happening.

Often times, we overlook the small wins because the big thing we want isn't happening fast enough.

But truly, this path IS the result of 1,000 little wins that add up to the "big" thing that we want.

It's easy to gloss over expressing an emotion instead of eating, going one day without bingeing, or going out to a restaurant and being able to eat without anxiety.

We don't think these are "big enough" things to be proud of.

But all of those wins are the start of progress over time.

I worked hard to remember the small wins (especially when I wanted to give up or thought it wasn't happening fast enough).

This kept me grounded during the ups and downs of this path.

Although there were many many nights that I DID want to give up, there was always a small glimmer of hope that if I just kept going, I WOULD find freedom and become a normal eater.

The more I grew on this path, the more I knew I couldn't go back to the world of dieting.

Over time, it didn't ring true for me anymore (and my body rebelled--I literally couldn't last a day or two on a diet).

Deep down, I knew there was another way to eat (and live), so I stayed the course.

This sounds simple, but not easy.

I got tempted to diet (and did) many times over the years.

Even though I knew diets didn't work, I still secretly tried them "one last time" to lose the weight and THEN deal with my eating issues.

Through tears and frustration, despair and thinking "I had it" (but didn't), I kept going.

I am so glad I did, as my eating wouldn't be where it was today if I had given up.

One of my favorite mantras is "take what resonates and leave the rest". With everything that I write about or discuss on the podcast, if it doesn't resonate, leave it.

If it does, take it in and make it your own.

My main intention is to help you learn how to hear YOUR own guidance from within to find out what works for you :)

Some things may resonate, others may not. There is no right or wrong, it is all about what works for YOU!

Here are some things to try:

Instead of trying to "listen to your body" use the clock to help you reset your body.

Schedule in times to eat a meal or a snack every 3-4 hours in your day.

This can help give your mind a focus and some guidance.

Whether you do better with bigger meals or smaller meals/snacks, set up your days so you are eating frequently (use the 3-4 hour mark as a start).

Experiment with what type of structure works for you: do you need to set a timer? Do you want to do any meal planning? Would you rather be more spontaneous?

Play around with what you prefer. I was very scheduled and ate every 3 hours to the minute.

Over time, I relaxed and started to hear hunger/fullness.

But in the beginning, it was 3 hours on the dot. Other people feel more relaxed and can be a bit looser.

Start with what you feel comfortable with :)

When we're working to get out of the binge and restrict cycle, it can be confusing whether to give in to a craving or not. 

The million dollar questions:

WHAT do you eat if you're not on a diet or not bingeing? 

Are you supposed to follow a rule or give yourself permission? 

Is it better to focus on eating what you "want" to eat and what you "should" eat? 

To begin, I usually like to say do half and half.

Every time you eat, pick half of what you think you "should" eat and half of what you want to eat.

For example, for lunch your mind says "salad with grilled chicken".

But what you really want is a piece of pepperoni pizza.

So pick half and half! Have half a salad with chicken and one piece of pizza (or whatever combo works for you).

This allows some permission mixed in with some "safety" with what you think you should be eating.

Over time, you can refine this as you get to know your body better!

When we're immersed in the diet world, we learn that every food is either good or bad.

The good? Vegetables, lean proteins

The bad? Sugar and carbs

There are some gray areas, but not many.

So when we are working to eat in a more balanced way, we struggle with those labels.

How to allow pizza when we think it's bad?

This is where it can be helpful to soften our labels.

Can you think of food not as good or bad, but as more or less energizing?

Or more or less nutritious? More or less nourishing/satisfying?

Pick words that carry less baggage (and judgement) than good or bad.

(Helpful posts related to this topic are here and here).

Usually after a binge, we think we can hate ourselves into change.

We blame and criticize ourselves, drowning in the guilt we feel for overeating.

But what if you practiced compassion instead?

When you can lean first into a mindset of curiosity, it helps lead into compassion.

We can get curious about what we're doing and why.

Instead of our criticism leading into another diet, then an inevitable binge, we can use curiosity to move into awareness of habits and patterns (which is the first step towards change!)

If you eat something you didn't have planned, go to food over a stressor or something emotional, or eat more than you intended, see if you can get curious first to help practice compassion!

(Because it's always THIS that leads to change, never punishment. ♥️♥️♥️

Instead of beating yourself up (#4), ask "what happened" that led you into a binge?

If we can use our binges as lessons, they hold powerful messages.

Learning what sent us to the food can be so helpful in working on the "real" issue (vs just trying to start a diet to get back on track!)

Here are some helpful questions:

• Did I go too long without eating? 
• Did I eat enough protein? 
• How much allowing vs not allowing am I doing? 
• Were my meals satisfying? 
• Was it an emotional need? 
• How was I feeling all day before I binged? 
• What situation, person or feeling did I want to run from? 

Jenn Hand has been helping women like you become normal eaters since 2015. She’s worked with thousands of women, helping them to balance their bodies, end bingeing, stop obsessing over food, and start feeling amazing again!  As an accredited health coach with a background in nutrition, she knows how to support you into making real positive change that lasts. If you’re ready to finally see a lasting change and experience true freedom, click here to schedule a free 20-minute introductory call to see how she can help you become a normal eater!

Written by Jenn Hand, Holistic Nutritionist, Board Certified Health Coach, NBC-HWC

When I was in the throes of dieting and bingeing, I remember sobbing in endless frustration and despair over not being able to stop eating. As I began to heal my food issues over the years, I stopped binge eating and want to share with you the way I got there.

I was 26 and had just broken up with my boyfriend of almost four years. Although I knew it was for the best, I was still heartbroken.

I'd been through years of healing on this journey but still couldn't resist the pull towards cookies and Reese's to soothe my aching heart.

If you had told me then I'd one day be "done" bingeing, I wouldn't have believed you. But fast forward to today and here I am.

If you're feeling stuck, frustrated, angry at yourself for not being able to "just stop eating", I get it.

This path is mind numbingly frustrating at times, as it feels like it should be easy to do what we know we should: just stop eating.

But if you're reading this, then there is a part of you that still believes, you CAN stop bingeing.

Hold on to that quiet whisper inside--that is what kept me going when I had my darkest moments of wanting to give up.

If you prefer to listen at the podcast, do so here:

This might sound counterintuitive, as we're "supposed" to be in touch with hunger and fullness and eat according to that.

The problem is that when we first start, we are so far from hearing our body's signals that don't know how.

So I used the clock to guide me. (BTW--there is more on this in the first two chapters of my book: How to Be a Normal Eater)

I began eating every 3 hours, like clockwork. It was terrifying.

But it also felt good to have something to guide me--I wasn't left to my own whims of hunger/fullness.

Every 3 hours, I would eat. My meals were small, as I was still in the diet mindset, but I worked to let my body normalize her rhythms.

This is a crucial step, as it worked to stabilize my blood sugar after years of all over the place eating.

I was fueling my body in a way that was steady and even throughout the day--I didn't go long hours without eating and I wasn't ravenous at the end of the day because I hadn't eaten much.

Explore what works for you--is it every 3 hours? Are you more in touch with hunger to use that to guide you? Do you do well with 3 meals a day?

Look at how to begin stabilizing your blood sugar by eating regularly and often (this gives you more balance mentally and emotionally, as well, so you can dive into the deeper reasons behind bingeing)

The amount of rules ingrained in my mind around food was astonishing.

• • Carbs are bad
  • I can't eat after 7 pm
  • Sweets are off limits during the workweek
  • I can only have oatmeal or yogurt for breakfast
  • Cheese is fattening so don't eat it
  • I have to eat a salad for lunch

That was only the start of my list!

I knew these were hindering my progress, because it only set me up for rebellion.

The more rules I had, the more I ended up rebelling in a binge.

So slowly, but surely, I chipped away at the rules. I began with easier ones and worked to expand them.

For example: I had a "I shouldn't eat bread" hard rule.

Carbs were easier for me than desserts (I binged more on dessert than carbs), so I began with that.

I intentionally had a piece of bread with my salad 3x a week for lunch. That felt doable for me--scary ("uh oh, if I eat bread will I gain weight?!) but not so far outside my comfort zone, that it felt terrifying.

I used self-talk and mindfulness to help me "allow" myself to eat the bread.

And I was pleasantly surprised! I didn't spiral out of control and it didn't end up in a binge.

I actually felt MORE satisfied with my salad when I ate a piece of whole wheat bread with it.

It takes diligence (and of course, it won't be perfect!) but it can be so helpful to chip away at the old tapes--we often binge in a response to the diet tapes going on in our minds.

What are your diet and food rules? Begin with a few of the less scary ones to see where you can experiment with relaxing and challenging them :)

Once I started relaxing my diet tapes and eating more regularly, I realized emotional eating was a big issue for me.

I ate when I was happy, sad, anxious, disappointed, lonely, bored and (insert every other feeling here).

A big part of my healing came from exploring my emotions and how they triggered my eating.

Every night, I sat with my journal on my couch, writing and exploring what I was stuffing down, hiding from, and avoiding that sent me into the food.

I explored questions like:

• • What do I not want to look at? 
  • What is really bothering me? 
  • Why am I unhappy? 
  • What do I really really really want? 
  • What am I afraid of? 

And other bigger life questions.

I wrote and cried and wrote again. I started meditating and experimented with sitting in the discomfort of silence. And I tried my damnedest to work through emotions that I was terrified to feel.

It was not easy. But the payoff was huge. I realized that as I explored emotions more, I ate over them less.

I wasn't an "expert" at feeling my feelings instead of eating, but I did notice that as I shed more tears (that was my only emotional release at first--I didn't know how else to express anything!), my binges were fewer and farther between.

Take a look at where your emotions send you into the food. Explore journaling, breathwork, yoga, EFT, and other tools to help you process it rather than eat over it.

One of my biggest triggers was my family. My sister sold Herbalife at the time and it was immensely triggering for me.

She would lose and gain weight and her cycles triggered me. When she did lose weight, I envied her and got tempted to drink shakes instead of eat meals (even though I never would have lasted more than a day!)

I had friends who were triggering (they were super thin naturally, had no eating issues and didn't seem to think about food).

Being out of my routine was also a big trigger. I felt out of control when I went on vacation, had a social event or was out of town for the weekend.

Because these triggers were right now a part of my life (family, friends, etc), I knew I needed to work through them.

I wanted to be able to see my sister and not binge or go away for a weekend and come back feeling "normal".

So I identified all the people, places and things that sent me to the food.

And I made a plan for each of them (I did the big triggers, ones I knew were a big deal for me).

Before I saw my sister, I would make a plan of what I would do when she made a comment or her weight made me jealous.

Plan:

• • Grab my journal and vent my frustrations if I could
  • Go for a walk if I wasn't able to escape to process it
  • Vent to my other sister (about how I was feeling...not about blaming my little sister, as I knew triggers were about ME)
  • Make sure I got 5-10 minutes by myself every day to feel centered while with family

Other plans were made for a vacation or a weekend away with a boyfriend.

I wrote out responses on index cards to express to my friends how I was feeling if I needed to say why I was triggered/what was wrong.

This was SO helpful for me, as I experimented with what would help me take care of myself as I moved through the triggers. (I like to think of triggers as a pointer into where we need to 'work' on ourselves...it's always about OUR own insecurities and fears, reflected back by what someone else is doing or saying).

By coming in with some sort of plan, I felt more prepared to know how to handle my emotions so I didn't turn to food.

What are your big triggers? Identify them and come up with a 2-4 step plan of what support you'll need in the moment!

This was a huge one for me (and one I work on with almost every woman who I coach!)

We think in black and white: we're either good, we're adhering to something and doing it perfectly.

Or we've failed and there's no point in trying.

This either/or mindset is a big stumbling block on the path to healing.

Why? Because inevitably, we are not perfect and life happens. We planned to eat a salad but go to lunch with a coworker instead. Or we swear we'll cook dinner every night this week but end up being so tired we order out twice.

Our promises to ourselves don't always happen (especially when a binge is seemingly out of control--we eat over an emotion, we're rebelling against something, or there is a deeper reason why we turn to food).

Softening the all or nothing mindset into the "gray" area is key on this path. 

I did A LOT of self-talk and worked on softening my critical tapes in my mind. 

(And boy did I have a lot--I had the most negative thoughts about my body, my self-esteem, my worth, my imperfections, everything).

I started by just catching myself when I was thinking this way (things like "oh you blew it, you might as well just finish the whole tray of brownies" or "you ate a handful of chips with your lunch, so you ruined the day already")

I also challenged and talked about to them (yes, it sounded like a lot of different voices in my own mind :) )

It required awareness and persistence, but knowing that those thoughts didn't serve me was a huge inspiration to keep moving forward.

I WANTED to feel like I could have a positive, balanced view of how I ate. I hated feeling trapped in the black or white mindset.

Slowly but surely, I would challenge those thoughts and they shifted over time.

(My favorite mantra was "pretty good is perfect"!)

Where does this mindset trip you up? Bring awareness to those thoughts and begin to challenge them!

To explore it in a different context, to see how it would look for someone else, meet Jayme:

Jayme came to me, desperate and lost, after having gained 45 pounds during covid. She felt defeated and mortified, that she couldn't handle this weight gain on her own.

She hadn't left the house in a while, and was ashamed of her body after gaining so much weight. She wasn't seeing friends, her family lived in a different country and she said no to almost every social invite. She used to enjoy dancing, but wasn't doing that either.

"I just can't stop bingeing," she confessed to me during our discovery call.

"I know what I'm supposed to do to lose this weight. I know I should be eating healthier foods and moving my body more, but I just can't seem to stick with anything. And I desperately do not want to diet. I've lost weight before on diets but they make me miserable and I can't stick to anything for very long. I feel lost and am afraid I'll spiral out of control with my weight if I keep bingeing."

Food seems easy to "fix". And we bang our head against the wall trying to do it on our own.

Jayme and I began working together. We started exploring food journaling to look at habits, patterns, and where her sticking points are.

(**many women opt not to do food journaling, as for some it feels very triggering. For Jayme, she wanted to do it to see where her sticking points were during the day).

1. 1. She was in the "I've got to eat super healthy" diet tape during the day, which led to overeating at night
   2. She was afraid to "allow" any non-healthy foods since she had weight to lose and "shouldn't" be eating them
   3. Fullness was super challenging for her to hear in her body.
   4. Often times, she was eating emotionally over stress and unhappiness with her body.

These were the biggest sticking points for her, so we began there.

We worked to create a better rhythm of eating during the day, so she felt more balanced after dinner and didn't feel that rebellion from not eating much during the day.

This was a process of experimenting, learning and refining.

She wanted to allow more foods (she had a very long list of "I'm not supposed to eat because I'm overweight") that we tackled.

We explored adding in foods that she found more satisfying so that she didn't need to rebel on the weekends (or at night) from eating too many 'good' foods.

To work on fullness, Jayme started a conversation with her body--she began to look and listen for cues her body gave her when it was full, too full, or approaching full.

She began to discern the subtleties of her body's signals and continued to deepen the conversation with her body.

Her binges began to subside and she went longer and longer without having a binge.

We'd been making steady progress, and then after about 7 weeks, she seemed a bit off during one of our sessions.

"Is everything okay?" I asked her.

She sat quietly for a minute and then her words spilled out.

"I just am not sure if this is working. I had a huge binge the last two nights. I thought I was done with bingeing forever. I haven't binged in 7 weeks and I'm so angry at myself. What if this never works? What if I never stop bingeing?"

Emotions poured out of her; her angst and despair was tangible.

"I totally get it," I told her. "This process is not linear. It's a few steps forward and a half a step back. It's mind numbingly frustrating at times. It is even more frustrating when you know what to do and just can't seem to stop it in the moment. When I say "I stopped bingeing", what I mean is I "let go of it" as it no longer served me. I began to take care of myself and my needs at deeper and deeper levels and no longer needed food as a coping mechanism. This is exactly what you are doing. You're letting go of food, bit by bit as you no longer need it."

She paused to reflect on this and we worked through this big block. She was so discouraged at having binged again and she was thinking about giving up.

It took a lot of courage for her to express that to me: she told me after that she wasn't sure if she should bring it up.

I'm so glad she did because it was a huge turning point for her.

She really dug deep into why she was doing this work and the next few months were transformational because she did stop bingeing.

Months earlier, she wasn't sure if she believed she could actually be binge free.

Often times, this path requires blind faith in the process. That spark of hope is so important, as it gets you through to keep going so you CAN move through to the other side!

Working with a coach can help you get unstuck from the mind numbingly frustrating diet and overeating cycle. If you’re ready to finally see a lasting change and experience true freedom, click here to schedule a free 15-minute introductory call to see how she can help you become a normal eater!

Jenn Hand has been helping women like you become normal eaters since 2015. She's worked with thousands of women, helping them to balance their bodies, end bingeing, stop obsessing over food, and start feeling amazing again!  As an accredited health coach with a background in nutrition, she knows how to support you into making real positive change that lasts.

Written by Jenn Hand, Holistic Nutritionist, Board Certified Health Coach, NBC-HWC

Ever wonder about those people who just go through their lives, not worrying about what they're eating? They're the "normal" eaters; the ones who just eat when they're hungry and stop when they're full. If you struggle with obsessing over eating, here's how to stop thinking of food and what to do instead! 

When I was in high school, I had a close friend who was naturally thin and didn't have any eating "issues" like I had. Debbie was tall, slender and ate like...well, a normal person!

I was desperately struggling with weeks of bingeing, followed by weeks of restriction, so I looked to Debbie for inspiration. How did she eat? What were her behaviors around food?

I studied her closely. When our group of friends hung out, she would indulge in whatever we all had: chicken fingers and pizza, cookies and chips. (<--how high schoolers eat ;) )

The difference was that she didn't eat a lot of anything. If we had a pasta party for track (the night before the event, the team gets together to "carb load", a sports tradition), she wouldn't only eat garlic bread, spaghetti and cookies. She had some salad, some veggies, and a variety of the food that was offered.

And because she was a close friend, I knew she didn't THINK about food all day the way I did. She ate at the pasta party and didn't give it another thought after the evening ended.

Me on the other hand?

I agonized over how to "save up my calories" leading up to the pasta party, fretted over what to eat when I got there, and hated myself for eating too much post-party.

Whereas she didn't think about food at all, I spent all of my waking hours worrying and obsessing over what to eat or not eat.

Over the years, I studied "normal" eaters. I learned how they approached food and how they developed a very non-chalant attitude towards what they ate or didn't.

If you prefer to listen to the podcast, do so here:

One of the reasons we think about food is when our bodies actually NEED to eat! When we're trying to control our food (or looking to lose weight), we often don't eat enough.

Those sneaky diet tapes in our mind think it's better to eat as little as we can and go as long as we can without eating.

We may try to be "really good" and not have an afternoon snack, but then arrive famished to dinner (and end up overeating).

I did a post on what I eat in a day and many people emailed me to say they were surprised and how MUCH I ate.

And my old diet brain says that too :)

But that's where my hunger was and I was honoring my body.

Our minds very easily can tell us "no, you shouldn't be hungry" or "no, you don't need that snack", when in reality our bodies actually need fuel!

Pay attention to how much you're eating and make sure the sneaky diet mindset isn't dictating what you eat :)

One helpful tip to ensure your body is balanced is to add protein to every meal and snack.

Adding in protein (any kind: lean meat and poultry, dairy, vegetarian protein, beans and legumes, protein powders, etc) helps you digest your food more slowly and reduces cravings.

Protein is what enables your body to regulate your blood sugar (it prevents a quick spike and crash when you just eat a simple carb) and then helps you feel more even-keeled.

You can experiment with different proteins and see how they impact your hunger/satiation levels. I still notice that when I eat more protein (i.e. eggs and toast for breakfast vs a bagel with butter), I'm way less cranky, can last longer without another meal, and feel much more balanced.

This is the cardinal sin when you're in the diet world.

Being satisfied with what you eat is non-existent (you follow a plan or regime no matter what it tells you to eat) and is almost blasphemy.

I did a talk a few years ago at a gym and I remember many of the people in the audience were so perplexed at this concept.

They didn't understand why it was so important.

When you're satisfied with what you're eating, you can leave the table and not think about food again until you eat next.

But when we eat according to rules and strict do's/don'ts, we are eating from our minds, not our bodies. (And usually we aren't very satisfied).

When you eat things you like, it's a game changer.

I did a retreat a few years ago and one of the women said to me, " I have no idea what I like to eat. I've spent my whole life following rules, I literally don't know what I want".

This is normal when we've spent a long time NOT knowing what we find satisfying.

Explore this concept to see what you find satisfying. Some questions to help:

• What do you like eating?
• What feels energizing to your body?
• If you didn't have a rule about what to eat for this meal, what would you pick?
• What do I find satisfying? (And if that word doesn't resonate--explore nourishing, nutritious, enjoyable, energizing, etc!)

Often times we think we're being "really healthy", when in fact, we're restricting or eating too much from a rule based mentality. 

The mind is a sneaky little devil :)

When we restrict in any way, our bodies always end up overcompensating (we overeat, binge or end up eating more, later).

I still find this naturally in my life: when I'm sick and don't eat much, my appetite comes back like a lion when I'm better.

When I've been busy with a day or outside on a weekend and don't eat as much, I find I'm extra hungry later in the day.

It's just our bodies balancing themselves out.

So if we restrict on purpose (or because we have that sneaky diet mindset embedded in our brains), it can make us think about food MORE than we normally would.

Explore what rules you're following or where your mind is telling you to eat less. This helps bring awareness so we can soften and release those rules :)

One of my favorite analogies on this path is the concept of a pendulum.

When you're dieting (using willpower, restricting, being super disciplined) you're on one side.

It's too much effort to keep it there, so it swings to the other side (overeating or bingeing).

Once we are there, we want to reign it back in by swinging it again to the dieting side.

But this is where the breakthrough can happen!

If we work to move towards that middle instead of going back on a diet (where we're working on finding our "normal"), it leads to less and less obsessing over food.

The middle can be scary, as it's unfamiliar and new.

But this is where the magic happens--by continuing to work to find the "middle" (where you're not swinging in between the extremes), food starts to become a lesser part of your day (instead of the entire focus).

One last note to explore...

Can you think about food, but in a different way?

When we're always obsessing and worrying, that can lead to emotional eating and bingeing.

But when we think about food in a way that is a gentle exploration, it can be very helpful.

For example, you can "think" about how much you need to plan your meals for the week.

That helps you plan trips to the grocery store so you don't end up with nothing to eat after work.

You can think about how to approach food when you go away for the weekend.

This helps you prepare snacks or look ahead at restaurant options.

You can "think" about food in a way that helps you take care of yourself and your body in a loving, kind way.

Jenn Hand has been helping women like you become normal eaters since 2015. She’s worked with thousands of women, helping them to balance their bodies, end bingeing, stop obsessing over food, and start feeling amazing again!  As an accredited health coach with a background in nutrition, she knows how to support you into making real positive change that lasts. If you’re ready to finally see a lasting change and experience true freedom, click here to schedule a free 20-minute introductory call to see how she can help you become a normal eater!

When we swear off signing up for any program that promises weight loss (aka not dieting and eating normally), we try to banish the weight loss topic from our minds. But if you're not dieting, how do you lose weight?

That question often looms in the back of our minds, like a secret desire refusing to be extinguished.

We don't want to obsess over weight loss (because we know our old way of dieting/cutting out/following a specific plan doesn't work long term)...

So what gives?

Is it possible to have the weight loss conversation alongside the "trying to not diet" one?

Yes, indeed, it is.

Weight comes up in almost every 1:1 conversation I have with clients.

Why?

Because we typically diet in order to control our weight.

Whether it's for health reasons, for comfort reasons, or for body image reasons, size is never far from our minds when we're dieting.

At some point on the journey, though, we realize dieting isn't sustainable so we work to "listen to our bodies".

And then the desire for weight loss gets squashed, because we don't know how to hold it in tandem with the "trying to eat normally".

Well if you struggle with this one, you're in luck!

PS--the Audiobook is now available! Grab it on over on Audible or Amazon. 

This is the million dollar question in our day to day lives: should you eat what you want or follow a rule?

You may think I'm a big advocate of "eat what you want, screw the rules!" but it's not quiiiiiite as simple as that :)

Because food is complex and how minds are even more complicated!

You know how the food battle goes.

Mind #1: "Just allow yourself to have the cookies. You know you want them!"

Mind #2: "But you know cookies aren't healthy! Don't do it! You'll get mad at yourself after!"

(***I swear there are 27 different minds all within my main mind and it gets damn confusing in there sometimes 🤣)

So which mind do you listen to?!

Enter today's podcast.

It'll give you the "how to" of figuring out whether to eat you want or follow a rule.

So let's dive in to the podcast and get you on your way to figuring out which one to choose next time you eat!

PS--I have a very in depth "How to Make 'Healthy' Food Decisions" series if you want to explore more!

I turn 40 today and for some birthday reflection this is part two of the "Decade of Reflection: 40 lessons learned at 40" blog post series. 😉

Part one is here.

Part two is below.

(If you prefer the “extended” version that’s more in depth, check out the podcast below)

21. You can never get it “wrong” because you can never get it done. You’ll always be eating, growing, learning, and evolving, so there is no wrong way to do it—only lessons to be learned. ♥️

22. You are enough. Always.

23. You are enough even if you’ve gained weight, can’t lose the baby weight, eat emotionally or ____________ (fill in the blank with whatever you think you need to change to be enough. And see #2 ♥️ )

24. Release the “should’s”. They get in the way of those whispers deep within.

25. Feeling in "control" around food isn't learned through more rules, willpower or discipline. It's learned in baby steps, as we learn to trust ourselves our food. When you trust fully, you feel in control. (I know, the paradox!)

26. You are allowed to say no (*still working on this one!!)

27. This journey requires immense courage, as it is the path less traveled. Dieting is the "easy" solution to a very complex issue. But the payoff to this lesser traveled path? Deep, lasting change (and a never having to rely on a diet program again!)

28. The biggest paradox on this path is that we don’t change and THEN accept. We accept and then we change.

29. Life keeps giving us the same lessons until we learn what we need to learn from them.

30. The only way out of it is through it (an emotion, a challenging time, a hard conversation, etc)

31. Expressing emotions can feel vulnerable, terrifying, liberating and chaotic all at once. But learning to express them is a huge part of learning to let go of coping with feelings by using food.

Want my 3 best resources to end emotional eating? Click here for all the goodies

32. Our fixation on weight/food/body is always a mask for something deeper. Our food "issue" is black and white--we know how to fix our problem (diet, lose weight, etc). But the bigger issues (eating when we're stressed because we're so busy, feeling overwhelmed with what's on our plate, relationship not working out, a terrible career, etc) are harder, so we distract ourselves with a fixation on controlling food, losing weight, etc.

33. There is no one right way to eat (or to live). The "right" way is what works for YOU.

34. We don’t have a happy ending to an unhappy journey. We don’t hate our bodies every step of the way, get to the “end” and magically love ourselves (even though this is what we learn in the diet world!)

35. We listen too much to our minds and not enough to our hearts: if that incessant critical voice of "should" in your head quieted down...what would you eat? How would you live?

36. We're taught to run from pain and seek pleasure at all costs. But some of the greatest shifts happen when we stop, pause, and face the thing we've been desperately running from.

37. Doubt means don't. If you feel doubt, pause, breathe and see where you're being guided instead.

38. Our busy-ness can be a distraction from....ourselves. We can be terrified to be alone with our thoughts and feelings so we distract (food, phone, etc). But the courage to be alone in silence is one of the greatest gifts you will ever give to yourself.

39. We are all secretly afraid we are not enough; this is the human condition. We're all feel imposter syndrome, we all worry what people think about us (or our weight, our parenting, our clothes, etc) (But see #2 and 3!)

40. Happiness isn't something we "reach" or "get". It's something that happens in the little moments, day in and day out

I turn 40 in two weeks and with that comes much reflection :) For whatever reason, this birthday is making me think and reflect on my life more than ever before. It may be because my life looks different than I thought (more on that in perhaps a different post!), but I'm not sure.

Regardless, I wanted to share some short and sweet lessons I've learned thus far (many of them related to this food/body/weight journey).

(If you prefer the "extended" version that's more in depth, check out the podcast below)

1. You will never not be afraid when you reach the edge of your comfort zone (and if you’re living as a human on earth, you will be led to the edge again and again...)

1. That voice that whispers inside your soul that won’t go away? Listen—it’s your intuition speaking.

1. When you’re spiraling around in your mind with indecision (around what to eat, what job to take, where to move, etc), pick ANYTHING. Deciding and doing will always give you feedback for next time.

1. Listening to your heart rarely makes sense to your mind. Follow it anyway… it always knows.

1. If you wait to reach your goal weight before you’re happy with yourself, the goal inevitably changes.

1. People will judge you. It’s ALWAYS about them, not you.

1. The battle with food is the doorway into some of life’s greatest discoveries about yourself. (I know, so annoying when you’re struggling. And so deeply true)

1. There will never be a time when you “fix” your body on the outside so that you like what you see in the mirror. It always comes from within first.

1. Dieting will never bring us what it is we desperately seek: a deep level of trust with ourselves around food.

1. Always question the status quo and how “things have always been done”.

1. Your one job on earth is to keep becoming more of who you really are.

1. True joy comes from creating YOUR own life path; not following someone’s expectations of you.

1. Bingeing is always a pointer into “what is it that I’m hoping this food will do for me”?

1. We always want to just “get there” already. Except there isn’t any there to get to.

1. Don’t ask for permission, just go for it. So often when we wait, we overanalyze, we wait for permission and then… that choice may pass. But what if you didn’t ask for permission and just jumped in instead? Go on that trip, book the class, sign up for the thing that scares you. I’ve never regretted something I did—only what I didn’t do.

1. So much of anxiety comes from an internal misalignment—a not being true to YOU. It’s a sign, a guidepost for you to see where you aren’t being authentically yourself.

1. Emotions are not good or bad, they just are. What if you looked at sadness, happiness, fear, loneliness, passion, and anger all as just the emotional experiences of being a human being?

1. Foods are not good or bad, it’s just what works for YOUR body. The less we judge and label our foods, the less we judge and label ourselves.

1. Asking the question “what do I really, really, really want” can (and will) change the trajectory of your life.

1. Criticism and self-loathing never changes our habits. We are convinced we have to have more discipline, more willpower and more rigidity to change, when in reality it's kindness, curiosity and compassion that shifts us towards what we deeply desire.

Part two coming next week!