Meet your new co-hosts, Erin Findley PsyD, and Matt Lowry, LPP! We talk about who we are, the Autistic Accent, Opera, Superman, Autistic Centered Therapy, Weird Al Yankovic, and stimming. It makes more sense when you hear it than this synopsis would suggest.

We're back and better than ever!

In this episode, Erin and Matt talk about the causes of Autistic Anxiety, Expectation Sensitivity, Cross-Neurotype relationship therapy, and ask the age-old question, "Is it anxiety, or did I just eat at [restaurant redacted]"

In this episode, we talk about Cassandra Syndrome - what it is, why it’s a problem, and how it shows up in cross-neurotype relationships. We get into the double empathy problem, developmental trauma, and the kinds of anxiety that come from being chronically misunderstood. We also go off on some very real tangents about:
- Trains and chicken nuggets

- Interoception, alexithymia, and emotional gummy bears

- That feeling when your body’s sending signals but your brain’s on mute

As always, it’s part theory, part lived experience, and completely real on purpose. We’re glad you’re here.

This week's episode, we’re diving headfirst into autistic identity—what it means, how it differs from a medical diagnosis, and why the DSM criteria kind of miss the point. We’re also calling out the neurotypical gatekeeping that makes getting a diagnosis way harder than it needs to be.

Here’s what we get into:

• Why you’re still autistic even if no doctor has given your identity their stamp of approval
• How the DSM is loaded with ableism—and Matt’s affirming way to reframe it
• Echolalia, stimming, and our love of routines (yes, even Taylor Swift on repeat)
• Comic-Con vibes to Pedro Pascal as Mr. Fantastic

As always, it’s part theory, part lived experience, and a whole lot of geeky tangents—because we’re not here to fit into neurotypical boxes.

In this episode, we dig into what autism actually looks like outside the narrow DSM lens—and how trauma, masking, and sensory life shape our identities and relationships. We call out the biases baked into the system and talk about what an autism-affirming perspective can look like in practice.

We also wander into some very real, very relatable territory about:

• Why “congratulations, you’re Autistic” can be the most affirming diagnosis experience ever

• Stimming in all eight senses, from toe-curling in your shoes to rubbing your feet on sandpaper

• How bullet-point thinking, special interests, and fictional best friends change the way we communicate and connect

As always, it’s lived experience, blunt honesty, and a few nerdy detours—because that’s how we roll. We’re glad you’re here.

This was a story I wrote for my son. It's largely biographical, and it's why we have presents delivered by The Christmas Dragon each year!

This is the legend of the Autistic people. It features a mighty warrior, a dragon, and people being forced to make small talk. Who will save them?!

A while back, I wrote some stories about dragons and the Autistic people. I recorded two of these stories on other podcasts, but now they're here, uninterrupted and free of commentary! Enjoy the Legends of Autistica!

In this episode, we pull the lid off the “just two genders” box and set it on fire—politely, with data, and some Weird Al references. Matt, Erin, and guest Dr. Kade Sharp dig into:

• Why autistic folks are 6–9 times more likely to be trans
• How bottom-up processing makes “two boxes” thinking look absurd
• The messy overlap between gender, sex, and what the medical system forces people into
• Dysphoria, euphoria, and the “phantom uterus” moment
• Why community feels like home (even if you’ve never been there before)
• The exhaustion of masking both your neurotype and your gender
• Acceptance vs. belonging, and why safety changes everything

Also: Pedro Pascal, Noah’s Ark logistics, Girl Scouts in rural towns, and how to find your people without having to explain yourself every 30 seconds.

It’s gender, autism, and culture without the neat little boxes—because we don’t fit in them anyway.

Matt, Erin, and returning guest Dr. Kade Sharp tackle the messy intersections of self-knowledge, love, and trauma. We break down why RuPaul’s “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell [are] you gonna love somebody else?” isn’t the full story, how neglect can be invisible until you see what other people had, and why kids aren’t “too sensitive”—they’re exactly as sensitive as they are.

We dig into:

• Love vs. limerence vs. appeasement
• How developmental trauma warps our sense of safety and connection
• The difference between guilt (“I did bad”) and shame (“I am bad”)
• Why kindness can feel scarier than chaos if you grew up expecting bombs—literal or metaphorical
• Vulnerability, English’s terrible one-word problem, and redefining love as accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement

Also: Frozen’s autistic coding, sewing your pockets shut, Superman’s team dynamics, and what to do when someone hands you a muffin basket and you’re not sure if it’s a trap.

Links Mentioned:

• Autistic Clinical Insights: ⁠www.autisticclinicalinsights.com⁠
• Aces Up Your Sleeve podcast: ⁠www.neurokink.org/auys⁠
• Spectrum Counseling: ⁠www.kadesharp.com⁠
• Neurokink: ⁠www.neurokink.org

Matt, Erin, and guest Hunter Hammersen go deep into why Murderbot Diaries is peak autistic representation—both in Martha Wells’ books and Apple TV’s adaptation. We compare notes on Murderbot’s layers of literal and figurative masking, its deep loyalty to a few trusted people, and its preference for fictional drama over real-life feelings.

We cover:

• Murderbot’s pronouns, agender identity, and the ongoing struggle to get them right
• Why supportive relationships (and other autistic friends) are the key to unmasking
• How eye contact, awkward speeches, and “patrolling the perimeter” all hit home for autistic viewers
• The socialist utopia planet that raises humans who actually try to meet Murderbot’s needs
• Special interests as friendship currency—and why Sanctuary Moon is the perfect one

Also: audiobook narrator hot takes, the perils of full-cast recordings, Alexander Skarsgård’s flawless autistic accent, and why every autistic person deserves their own Dr. Mensah.

Matt and Erin go full “autistic agenda” this week — planning breaks, managing meat-body needs, and calling out the diagnostic nonsense that’s been gatekeeping autism for decades. From James Gunn’s echolalia table moments to the staggering scarcity of autistic clinicians, we dismantle how bias, racism, sexism, and outdated stereotypes warp who gets diagnosed (and how).

We dig into:

• Why self-identification isn’t just valid — it’s essential
• The racist and sexist diagnostic “pipelines” that mislabel Black, brown, and female-presenting kids
• How bad assumptions (“girls can’t be autistic,” “autistics can’t have kids”) still show up in clinical settings
• The real differences between PDA, general demand avoidance, and ODD
• The need to factor lived experience — not just external checklists — into diagnosis
• Spoons, crash recovery, and why autistic professionals can’t (and shouldn’t) mask as neurotypicals to do the job

Also: sarcastic mule metaphors, Happy Meals as special interest currency, placenta previa as connective tissue trivia, and the stunning .00017% of professionals who are both autistic and legally qualified to diagnose.

Matt and Erin are back for Part 2 of the identity conversation — diving straight into how to autistify your life so you can function in a world that was definitely not built with you in mind. From dismantling bad assessment practices to designing LEGO-level organizational systems, we get into the nitty-gritty of scaffolding your environment, your routines, and your relationships.

We cover:

• Why self-identification is valid, hard-earned, and not “everyone’s a little autistic”
• The RAADS-R, the CAT-Q, and the autistic joy of writing a dissertation-length personal history
• How allistic assessors dismiss self-reports — especially from women — and why that’s ableism in action
• The difference between recognition and recall (and why “you did it yesterday” is not a helpful reminder)
• Scaffolding as a survival tool: operational definitions, visual examples, step-by-step coaching
• The dopamine hit of a perfectly labeled LEGO bin system
• Why habits don’t stick, but systems and routines can save your sanity

Also: Cybertrucks vs. DeLoreans, Dan Harmon’s shelved Lego Batman 2, diesel locomotive small talk, and the Professor X method of finding every autistic in a three-mile radius.

Matt and Erin along with Kade Sharp, PhD, LCSW; Rachel Kraus LCSW-C; Stacy Greeter, MD; and Kat Flora, MA - all Autistic and all professionals, discuss the recent declaration that Tylenol causes autism. Spoiler alert! We disagree.

Matt and Erin dig into the everyday architecture of autistic life — routines, habits, systems, and the sacred chaos buffers that keep us from falling completely apart when the coffee runs out. We unpack why neurotypical “just make it a habit” advice fails us, how to tell the difference between Herculean and Sisyphean tasks, and why living well often means burning the rulebook (and maybe the lawn mower).

We cover:

• The fragility of “The Order” and how a missing step can nuke your whole day
• Menu vs. strict-sequence systems (and why both are valid)
• Externalizing executive function with whiteboards, magnets, and chaos-time planning
• Rejecting useless expectations (separating laundry by color, wearing socks, ironing, etc.)
• Sensory preferences as valid life-design choices
• Internalized ableism and the lie that you “should” try harder
• Settling for good enough, baby steps, and wobbling toward your goals

Also: Dino nuggies as the pinnacle of predictable joy, clover lawns for zero mowing, Peppa Pig house tours, and why Marie Kondo changed her tune after having kids.

Matt, Erin, and guest Tiffany Hammond (of Fidgets and Fries and A Day With No Words) are here this week — and we dive into the Tylenol conspiracy circus, the politics of distraction, and why autistic advocacy has to push past dehumanizing narratives. We talk about balancing anger with connection, what happens when parents are left isolated in “severe autism” groups, and how telling stories with dignity changes the conversation.
We cover:

• The absurd scapegoating of Tylenol as “the cause” of autism
• How political smoke bombs distract from gutting Medicaid, Medicare, and education
• Why dehumanizing language (“low functioning,” “destroyers of lives”) harms both kids and parents
• The trap of socially “acceptable” suffering vs. authentic autistic needs
• Using stories instead of slogans to actually shift hearts, minds, and policies
• Tiffany’s book A Day With No Words and the family practices behind it

Also: fangirling, Peppa Pig echolalia, the Bachelor as cultural proof, and why “awareness” without action is just noise.

Matt and Erin sit down with psychiatrist and fellow Autistic professional Dr. Stacy Greeter to talk about what it’s really like navigating healthcare — as both the patient and the provider. Together they unpack why medical systems feel so broken, how shame and burnout shape the doctor–patient dynamic, and what it takes to actually be heard when you’re Autistic and chronically ill.
We cover:

• The physical side of autism — fatigue, pain, and “meat body problems” doctors often overlook
• Why medical culture trains doctors to hide uncertainty and disconnect from compassion
• How to talk to healthcare providers when you know more about your body than they do
• The reality of insurance burnout, accessibility guilt, and trying to do good care in a broken system
• Tools that help, including the ASPIRE healthcare toolkit and practical communication scripts

Also: moral injury, firing bad doctors (when you can), and learning to protect your energy while still getting the care you need.

Matt, Erin, and guest Shawn Coots (creator of the webcomic "Future Emails") are here this week — and we get into the weirdness of algorithms, the curse of self-promotion, and the joy of making art just because it feels good. From time-traveling emails to the autistic creative process, this episode dives into why making things matters even when capitalism says it doesn’t.
We cover:

• Shawn’s webcomic *Future Emails* — time travel meets autistic processing and therapy homework
• The paradox of autistic self-promotion (and why “clear invitations” help)
• PDA profiles and autonomy — when “you should” hits the nervous system wrong
• AI “art,” capitalism, and the myth that nobody likes making music
• The difference between art as process vs. product
• Crows, Peacemaker, and the eternal vengeance of birds (yes, really)
• Sunburns, medieval plague masks, and SPF for sensory-sensitive folks

Also: nerdy tangents about Lego riverboats, opera rehearsal flow states, and why Matt might one day become a bobblehead.

Matt, Erin, and guest Dr. Stacey Greeter (psychiatrist and fellow autistic human) get real about the chaos of telling your doctor you’re autistic. From medical gaslighting to communication breakdowns, they unpack what happens when autistic patients meet a healthcare system built for everyone else.

We cover:

• When (and whether) to disclose autism to medical providers
• How medical invalidation creates trauma and avoidance
• Why pain scales and vague advice don’t work for autistic or chronically ill people
• The gender bias baked into medicine—and why we need more autistic and nonbinary clinicians
• Misinformation, disinformation, and shark boobs (yes, that’s a thing)

Also: rheumatology jokes, medical trauma bingo, and Erin’s new Autistic Clinical Insights conference for neurodiversity-affirming care.

Smokescale meets what appears to be a small human, until the Dragon saw through the mask.

Matt and Erin are back this week talking about mixed-neurotype relationships — what happens when one partner learns they’re autistic, and the other isn’t. They get into the messy, funny, and very real ways brains collide (and connect) when communication styles, sensory experiences, and love languages don’t quite match up.
We cover:

• The shock of realizing your partner *does* (or *doesn’t*) have an internal monologue — and what that means for communication

• How masking, burnout, and unmasking impact long-term relationships
• Power balance and privilege in neurodivergent/neurotypical pairings
• The “mismatch of salience” — why autistic love languages (like reorganizing your library) often go unseen
• Learning to ask for help, name needs, and bridge the gap *from both sides*
• Why autistic euphoria and shared enthusiasm are relationship superpowers
• The Addams Family as the original model for healthy neurodivergent romance

Also: cat pictures, hyperphantasia vs. aphantasia, moral-failing eyeballs, and why holding someone’s purse at the roller coaster absolutely counts as love.

Matt, Erin, and guest Becca Lory Hector are here this week — talking about what it means to rebuild your life after a late autism diagnosis, why “shoulds” are poison, and how self-compassion can literally save lives. Becca shares her story of getting identified at 36, how autism gave her the information she needed to stay alive, and what she’s learned about self-defined living along the way.
We cover:

• What happens when you finally get an autism diagnosis after decades of masking and burnout
• The difference between self-esteem and self-compassion — and why the latter matters more
• How internalized ableism and “shoulding” ourselves lead to depression and suicidality
• Redefining success for autistic people: comfort, safety, and authentic connection
• Becca’s book Always Bring Your Sunglasses and why honoring your sensory needs isn’t optional
• Her course Self-Defined Living and how it helps late-identified Autistics rebuild life on their own terms
  

Also: Mexican Coke supremacy, wearing pants on Zoom, the myth of “high functioning,” and why a good autism eval is as refreshing as an ice-cold Coke.

Matt, Erin, and returning guest Hunter Hammersen (of Tiny Nonsense) are here this week — and we dive straight into the joy of doing small, “impractical” things that make the world softer. Hunter talks about the sensory comfort and connection of knitting, why autistic joy matters, and how choosing authenticity over “palatable” professionalism changed her life.
We also get real about burnout, capitalism, and the audacity of charging what your work is worth — even (and especially) as a disabled creator.

We cover:

• Knitting as stim, sensory joy, and social scaffolding for autistic folks
• The power of breaking complex tasks into approachable steps — and why that’s an autistic super-skill
• Letting go of “normal better” and embracing your own autistic brilliance
• How valuing your work helps you create from abundance instead of exhaustion
• “Autism sparkling,” or being one step weirder on purpose to find your people
• Why tiny nonsense, like knitted acorns or handmade clocks, keeps us grounded in joy

Also: garlic bread vs. white bread as a metaphor for authenticity, the politics of good zippers, and why scissors that don’t snick properly are a personal betrayal.

Matt and Erin come in hot this week after a 30-minute derailment caused by YouTube’s brand-account labyrinth. Which, of course, turns into a very on-brand deep dive into autistic executive dysfunction, bottom-up processing, and why chaotic systems wreck us more than most people realize.We cover:

• What executive functions actually are, and why autistic brains struggle when systems make no sense
• Signposting, scaffolding, and why clear structure helps reduce overwhelm
• The Google/YouTube “brand manager” disaster as a real-time case study in autistic frustration
• PDA (persistent drive for autonomy), emotional regulation, and the gremlin-with-an-air-horn analogy
• Invisible disabilities, judgment around “messiness,” and why demand avoidance is not defiance
• When executive dysfunction shows up in daily life: emails, cooking, home tasks, and shutdowns

Also: Godzilla as a non-mouse, ketchup as a sensory buffer, Lego bag numbering, microwave dinners, and Matt’s kid using “Oh, people!” as the ultimate curse word.

Matt and Erin are back this week with a Thanksgiving episode that’s… honestly, a lot. Food sensitivities, MCAS, sensory overload, historical truth-telling, and why beige food is basically an autistic love language. We also get into the real history behind the holiday, the weirdness of family gatherings, and how to make eating day actually work for your nervous system.

We cover:

• Why Thanksgiving foods can be a sensory minefield (taste, texture, histamines, executive functioning)
• Family chaos: noise, politics, racist Uncle Bob, and the pressure to “just suffer through it”
• Autistic food stories: McNugget platters, stuffing experimentation, bread-only buffets, and the rise of the Soft Taco Era
• MCAS, histamine responses, estrogen shifts, and why your throat might randomly decide “nope”
• Environmental overwhelm: hardwood floors, too many people, wrong-size spoons, and bringing your own silverware

Also: Snoopy’s questionable turkey ethics, preschool plays involving the USS Enterprise, Samwise running through a field of potatoes, Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathons, friendly dogs, biker ninjas (allegedly), and Matt almost getting run over by his own car.

Take what you need this eating day. Skip what you can’t. And if all you manage is bread and cookies, you’re doing fine. This is the way.

Content note: This episode is heavier and much longer than usual. It runs about an hour and a half, and it covers medical trauma, chronic illness, and the grief that follows years of being dismissed. If you don’t have the spoons for that right now, it’s completely OK to skip it entirely or come back when you have more capacity.
Matt and Erin are here this week — and we start out thinking ahead toward Christmas traditions and Krampus, but then everything drops into the reality of bodies that are breaking down while everyone else thinks we’re fine.
We stay with the medical gaslighting, the fear, and the kind of pain you can’t perform loudly enough for anyone to take seriously.
We don’t tidy it up; we tell the stark truth because too many Autistic people are carrying this alone.
We get into:

• Invisible disability as a daily negotiation that no one notices until you collapse
• Medical dismissal that turns “take some Advil” into decades of preventable harm
• Estrogen, histamines, MCAS, POTS, and the weird constellation of symptoms no doctor connects
• The difference between “bad cramps” and organs bound together by scar tissue
• How pain that looks calm from the outside gets treated as imaginary
• The emotional damage of managing crises alone while coordinating your own care
• The quiet grief of losing years of functioning before anyone believes you

We’re steadier now because we pushed, insisted, and found the few people who could actually hear us. If you’re going through anything like this, we hope the episode helps you feel less alone while you fight to be believed.

Resources Mentioned:

Autistic Connections: The community Facebook group associated with this podcast, offering autistic-led support and connection.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/619732285448185
Buoy: Electrolyte hydration drops that offer a lifetime chronic illness discount.
https://justaddbuoy.com/pages/chronic-illness-support
UCSF Endometriosis Center: The specialty clinic where Erin received expert surgical care.
https://www.ucsfhealth.org/clinics/endometriosis-center
Nancy’s Nook Endometriosis Education: A Facebook-based learning library with medically vetted information and surgeon listings (not a support group).
https://www.facebook.com/groups/NancysNookEndoEd/
Disney Disability Access Service (DAS): The accommodation system discussed in the episode and its recent policy changes.
https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/guest-services/disability-access-service/

Matt and Erin are back this week, and we’re taking on the zombie myth that refuses to stay dead: the claim that vaccines cause autism. It’s blunt, it’s necessary, and yeah—we’re not being cute about it. This episode breaks down where the lie came from, why it keeps resurfacing politically, and how it harms autistic people, public trust, and actual human lives.

We cover:

• Where the vaccines-cause-autism myth actually started (Andrew Wakefield, 1998, 13 kids, bad science, revoked license)
• The difference between misinformation and disinformation—and why intent matters
• Why vaccine injury ≠ autism, and how increased distress gets mislabeled as “more autistic”
• How this narrative quietly frames autism as worse than death or disability—and why that’s dangerous
• Why science revises itself, how retractions work, and why that’s a feature, not a flaw
• How to find reliable public health information right now, including why Your Local Epidemiologist is worth your time

Also: dry sarcasm disclaimers, Mexican Coke as the unofficial sponsor, bleach enemas being an absolute hell no, Bob from Tulsa (we love you), and practical ammo for surviving holiday dinners with Uncle Ted and his Facebook medical degree.

This one’s direct on purpose. No euphemisms. No soft edges. Vaccines don’t cause autism—and autistic lives are worth defending without apology.

• Your Local Epidemiologist: Vaccines don’t cause autism. So what does?https://yourlocalepidemiologist.substack.com/

Matt and Erin are back just before Christmas, talking honestly about why the holidays are often overwhelming instead of joyful for Autistic people. This episode names the stress, the sensory overload, and the impossible expectations—and offers realistic ways to get through it.

Highlights of the episode:

• Why the holidays are a perfect storm of sensory overload, social pressure, and emotional burnout
• Food expectations, texture aversions, and why chicken nuggets, fries, and safe foods count as real holiday meals
• PDA, demand overload, and why traditions don’t get easier just because they’re “traditions”
• Navigating toxic, racist, or unsafe family dynamics—and when not going is the healthiest option
• Practical survival strategies: leaving early, doing dishes to escape conversation, and creating sensory retreat spaces
• What to do if you’re alone during the holidays, including online connection, pets, comfort media, and making the day your own

Along the way: Charlie Brown as autistic canon, green bean casserole slander, potatoes as a reliable food group, Bluetooth meat thermometers, and a reminder that you’re not imagining how hard this season can be. There’s no right way to do the holidays—only what actually works for you.

Matt and Erin sit in that strange in-between space after Christmas and before New Year’s, where everyone’s supposed to feel hopeful but most of us are just tired. This episode is a grounded, funny, very Autistic conversation about why New Year’s expectations don’t work the way people think they do—and what actually does help.

Highlights from the episode:

• Why New Year’s resolutions rely on dopamine, not sustainability—and why that backfires for autistic nervous systems

• Systems over habits: menus instead of time-blocking, meds placement, and designing life around how your brain actually works

• Process complexity, perfectionism, and needing to see the whole plan before starting anything

• Preparation as regulation: go bags, multi-tools, and why being ready reduces anxiety about the unknown

• Letting go of “fresh start” pressure and focusing on survival, scaffolding, and realistic support

There are also clocks (a lot of clocks), Daylight Saving Time joy, lightsabers that must be perfectly level, Batman toasts “to survival,” barking dogs, cat food reminders, and a reminder that you don’t need a new personality in January—you need systems that meet you where you are.

You made it here. That counts.

We’ll see you in the new year.

Matt and Erin are back this week with returning guest Arielle of Dance Life Studio and Fitness, and the conversation goes exactly where Autistic conversations tend to go: movement, joy, systems that don’t fit us, and what actually helps people thrive.We talk about belly dance, autistic nervous systems, and why building a life that works for your body isn’t indulgent—it’s survival.In this episode, we cover:

• *Growing up with an autism-affirming secure base, masking as a survival skill (not a moral failure), and why the problem was never the kid
• Belly dance as stimming, regulation, and community—movement hunger, finishing the stress cycle, and why joy matters as much as recovery
• Accommodations, cinnamon metaphors, and how “the world won’t accommodate you” is usually just unexamined trauma talking
• Teaching and moving in ways that work for autistic bodies, including hypermobility, EDS, chronic pain, and seated adaptations
• Culture, colonization, and why understanding the roots of art—and not selling orientalist fantasy—actually deepens connection

Also: finger cymbals, butthole jokes as a legitimate teaching tool, autistic euphoria, “this is the cutest day of my life” energy, and a reminder that if you can move any part of your skeleton, you can dance.Everyone in the Autistic community is welcome here.

This week, Matt and Erin are joined by Arielle Juliette—autistic creator, studio owner, and justice-sensitive human living very online in a very loud world. We talk about trauma, visibility, and what it actually costs autistic people to speak up right now.

This is a wide-ranging, honest conversation about justice sensitivity, burnout, online harassment, and why “keeping the peace” so often means silencing ourselves.

Highlights from the episode:

• Autistic justice sensitivity, trauma exposure, and why the current social and political climate hits so hard

• What it’s like to be an autistic, queer content creator navigating hostility, trolls, and pronoun panic online

• Burnout, body signals, flow states, and why autistic people tend to shine hard—and crash fast

• Why “politeness over truth” protects systems, not people

• Finding (or building) your own herd when institutions and hierarchies were never built for you

• Using privilege strategically to speak up—and why your voice matters even without a huge platform

Side note: there are tangents. Superman vs. Superman. Advent calendars eaten incorrectly. Aliens. Keeping the peace at Thanksgiving. Also, a lot of real talk about fear, safety, and why speaking up can still be worth it—even when it’s hard. Exactly. Exactly.

Matt and Erin are joined this week by longtime colleague and friend of the show, Maisie Soetantyo—an openly autistic, multiply neurodivergent advocate with decades inside the autism service system. This episode is a slow, honest unpacking of what it means to start inside ABA, believe you’re helping, and then realize the system itself is doing harm.

We talk about visible “progress,” invisible trauma, and the moment when following the protocol stops making sense—especially when you’re autistic yourself and keep asking why. This one ends on a cliffhanger, because it has to.

Highlights from this episode:

• Maisie’s early work in ABA at UCLA, why it looked effective at first, and what those “successes” missed

• What happens when compliance replaces connection—and why masking is demanded from both autistic kids and therapists

• The long-term impact of training kids to be invisible, including burnout, shutdowns, and after-school collapse

• Moral injury, burnout, and why so many well-intentioned providers eventually walk away

• Parenting autistic kids after leaving ABA, including sensory-specific eating, regulation, and respecting a real “no”

We stop here on purpose.
Part two is about what comes after—what actually supports autistic people across a lifespan, and how unlearning the system is sometimes the most important work.

Matt and Erin are back with returning guest Maisie Soetantyo for a deeper, wider conversation about what happens after diagnosis—inside families, across cultures, and over a lifetime. This episode shifts from systems to home, from protocol to relationship, and from “fixing” kids to protecting connection.We talk about parenting autistic kids without shame, why reward systems and compliance fall apart in real life, and how culture, gender, and family expectations shape autistic identity in ways the system rarely acknowledges.

Episode highlights:

• How early masking is taught at school and reinforced at home—and why it sticks for life
• Parenting neurodivergent kids without reward charts, coercion, or constant outsourcing
• The quiet harm of being labeled “easy,” “good,” or “low maintenance” as an autistic child
• Cultural shame, disability myths, and why many autistic people in Asian communities stay hidden
• What actually helps autistic kids grow into regulated adults: safety, interest-based lives, and a home that feels like refuge

This is a grounded, human conversation about raising autistic people—not to perform adulthood, but to survive it with dignity. Real talk, lived experience, and tools you can actually use.

This week, Matt and Erin slow things down and talk plainly about stress — what it actually does to autistic bodies, and why it hits so hard. From shutdowns and migraines to doomscrolling, snacks, and dogs who run bedtime, this is a lived-in conversation about surviving a loud world.

We cover:

• Why autistic stress isn’t just “in your head,” including interoception, shutdown, overdrive, and burnout
• How bodies give clues when stress is too much — and how many of us were taught to ignore those signals
• Practical, real-world supports: automated routines, snacks-as-care, sleep scaffolding, and letting animals (and people) help

Also included: vestibular migraines, perimenopause realities, surprise chicken strips, revenge bedtime procrastination, vagus nerve tools, cheese as coping (with rules), Google-induced rage, and why silence + snacks is a legitimate love language.

This week’s episode is heavy. Matt and Erin slow things down to talk plainly about safety, community, and what it means to stay human when systems built on control and cruelty become more visible. This is a grounding conversation about fear, responsibility, and why autistic ways of seeing the world matter right now.

We cover:

• What it feels like to live under threat — and why many white autistic people are only now feeling what Black and Indigenous communities have lived with for generations

• Why autistic justice sensitivity, bottom-up processing, and pattern recognition make this moment especially destabilizing (and clarifying)

• Balancing staying informed with protecting your nervous system — including permission to rest, dissociate, distract, and come back

• Community vs. rugged individualism: why survival has always been collective, not transactional

• Practical ways to engage that don’t require burning yourself out (calls, mutual aid, creative support, resource-sharing)

• Repair, accountability, and why changing your mind actually matters — but only if you do the work

Also: snowstorms, go-bags, echolalia, Batman canon, Abed as an autistic icon, consensual licking (yes, really), and a reminder that you don’t have to do everything — just something, when you can.

Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. That’s not fluff. That’s the point.

This week is a mailbag episode, and Erin and Matt take on two common questions from allistic listeners that come up constantly in real life. Both questions sound simple. Neither one is.

Episode highlights:

• If ABA is harmful, does that mean all discipline or behaviorism is bad — and what discipline is actually for
• Why punishment fails to teach, and how it damages trust, learning, and regulation
• The difference between misbehavior driven by dysregulation vs. misunderstanding
• Why discipline should mean teaching, modeling, and guiding — not control or compliance
• Why Autistic people can be deeply literal and deeply sarcastic (aka snarkolepsy), and why that confuses people so much

Also: this episode includes refrigerator magnets, cuckoo clocks, air fryers, AIC buttons for dogs, Amelia Bedelia logic, Hannah Gadsby wondering how she a box, and a penguin are related, Back to the Future, and a very firm rejection of authoritarian parenting. Matt and Erin don’t get to the rest of the mailbag — including PDA — because these two questions needed the space they took. And honestly, that’s kind of the point.

Note from Erin:

If you're interested in getting started on AIC buttons with your animals, I highly recommend checking out Fluent.pet and HungerForWords.com. They have lots of great info and free resources, even if you don't buy their buttons.

Some of my favorite button-pushers to watch:

Elsie at Elsie wants... (Human: Mary Robinette Kowal who is an incredible human all-around, but also happens to be a Hugo Award-winning author, celebrated narrator, and professional puppeteer)

Twiggy, Odin and Freya at Twiggy and her Cat Cat Friends (Human: Janine Marie Skunk, talking about how she got started here)

Bunny at What About Bunny (Human: Alexis Devine, who is also one of our Autistic neurokin! She tells her story and Bunny's in the book, I Am Bunny)

And, we can't forget the O.G. of interspecies button learning - Stella at Hunger4Words (Human: Christina Hunger, the speech and language pathologist who first noticed the similarities between her puppy and the pre-language toddlers she was working with. You can learn more about Stella's learning process in the book How Stella Learned to Talk)

Matt and Erin are joined this week by Kate McNulty, LCSW — therapist, teacher, late-identified Autistic human, and one of our own. We start with “special interests”… and end up square dancing, grinding coffee beans, and dismantling white supremacy. So. You know. A normal episode.We talk about:

• Kate’s late diagnosis at 60, the “lost generation,” and how stereotypes shaped by Rain Man left many of us masking for survival
• What a “special interest” actually is: intensity, flow state, intrinsic motivation — and why these passions regulate our nervous systems and anchor our purpose
• How engaging our interests (from pouring water to vibe coding to repairing clocks) can be acts of agency and even justice in overwhelming political times
• Why movement, pleasure, humor, and connection aren’t trivial — they interrupt freeze, restore hope, and help us stay human when systems are designed to make us feel helpless

Side note: Yes, we talk about cornflakes. Yes, we talk about masturbation. Yes, we connect it back to dopamine and regulation. This is what happens when Autistic therapists follow their associative thinking all the way down.If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, immobilized, or disconnected from the things that used to light you up — you’re not broken. You might be disregulated. There’s a difference.Come back next week. We’ll pick up the thread we almost started.

Matt, Erin, and returning guest Kate McNulty are back — and this one moves from burnout to shame to safety, with stops at birds, clocks, and emotional support cheese.

We’re talking about what happens when your spark goes out… and how to find it again without shaming yourself into motion.

We cover:
• How to rebuild momentum in burnout — from “skip a step” strategies to using curiosity as fuel
• What shame actually is, how it forms in dysregulated relationships, and why it disconnects us from safety
• Fawning, appeasement, and nervous system survival — and why victims aren’t “choosing” compliance
• Why reclaiming autistic joy, collections, and special interests is resistance — not selfishness

There’s honest conversation here about re-parenting yourself while raising autistic kids, being shamed for what you love, and why honoring your natural cycles matters more than burning out in glory.

If you’re feeling stuck, flat, or ashamed of the very things that light you up, this one’s for you.

And yes — we still want to see the cats in cosplay.

Matt and Erin flip the script this week — Erin takes the lead, and Matt talks about living as a PDAer. It’s direct. It’s personal. And yes, there are breadsticks.

We’re talking about what PDA actually is (and isn’t), why “pathological demand avoidance” misses the point, and what changes when we reframe it as a persistent drive for autonomy.

Highlights from this episode:

• Why “pathological” says more about the system than the person — and why autonomy isn’t a disorder

• What PDA feels like on the inside: the spike, the interruption, the hierarchy aversion, and the need for safety

• Low-demand parenting in real life — negotiating poop schedules, air fryer independence, and yes-and dinner planning

• The difference between situational demand avoidance and the constant push-pull many PDAers live with

• Why trust changes everything — and how offering real choices (not fake ones) builds flexibility

• Boundaries still matter. No hitting. No harm. But how we approach limits makes all the difference

• Respect over compliance. Personhood over productivity. Humans over resources

We also cover: Gmail login meltdowns, silent phones, corgis in human suits, community mental health productivity bonuses, black roses, Johnny Cash train sets, and why sometimes the fastest way to connection is an Olive Garden breadstick.

Side note: If you’ve ever wondered, “Isn’t a low-demand approach just enabling?” — we talk about that. Directly. Safety isn’t indulgence. It’s oxygen. And when PDAers feel safe and respected, they can do hard things. Not because they were forced. Because they chose to.

We are not defiant. We are not mean. We are wired for autonomy and safety. And when trust is real, flexibility grows.

This week’s episode happened fast. Matt and Erin pulled in returning guest Dr. Kade Sharp to talk through a situation unfolding in real time—and why it matters far beyond one state.

We talk about the sudden policy in Kansas invalidating driver’s licenses for many trans people, what that actually means in everyday life, and why community support and mutual aid matter right now.

Highlights from the episode:

• What the Kansas policy means in practice—how invalidating IDs can affect driving, voting, pharmacy access, and safety for trans people
• The overlap between autistic and trans communities, and how systems often gatekeep gender-affirming care through letters, bureaucracy, and barriers
• Practical ways to help: mutual aid, organizations like Rainbow Sanctuary and the Resilience Postcard Project, and how allies can show up even without money

Side note:
This episode moves between serious policy discussion and very real Autistic tangents—because that’s how conversations actually work. We talk about activism, community care, workplace small talk scripts, reality TV social games, and why sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is simple: show up, support people, and make sure nobody is facing this stuff alone.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Autistic Connections: Available on Facebook and Discord, Autistic Connections is a community space where listeners can connect and continue conversations.

Rainbow Sanctuary (Emporia, Kansas): Queer-led multi-faith sanctuary supporting LGBTQ+ people and organizing practical support for trans residents affected by recent policies.

Resilience Postcard Project: Community effort sending supportive postcards and messages to trans people and trans youth who may be isolated or unsafe.
https://transresiliencestudy.com/resilience-postcard-project/

ACLU: Civil liberties organization currently involved in legal challenges related to discriminatory policies.
https://www.aclu.org

PFLAG: Longstanding advocacy and support organization for LGBTQ+ people and their families.
https://pflag.org

Van Ethan Levy Gender-Affirming Care Training and Provider List: Training and provider directory for clinicians who write gender-affirming care letters with reduced gatekeeping.
https://www.dosomethingidentities.org

Aces Up Your Sleeve Podcast: Podcast co-hosted by Kade Sharp focused on sexuality, neurodivergence, and identity.
https://neurokink.org/auys

Bonus Resources:

These weren't mentioned in the show, but came to our attention afterwards. Since we want folks to have as many resources as possible, here they are.

Trans Continental Pipeline: Volunteer network helping trans people relocate to safer states, including housing coordination and relocation support with a focus on Colorado.
https://tcpipeline.org/

Trans Continental Pipeline – Additional Relocation Projects: Page listing partner relocation efforts helping trans people move to states beyond Colorado when safety or legal access to care is threatened.
https://tcpipeline.org/notco/

Small talk is weird. Especially when you’re autistic.

This week, Matt, Erin, and returning guest Dr. Kade Sharp dig into why neurotypical small talk revolves around scripts like weather and sports, while autistic conversations often jump straight into deeper topics, shared interests, and joyful info-dumps.

Highlights from this episode:

• Why small talk works as “social lubrication” for neurotypicals — and why it often feels pointless or exhausting for autistic people

• How parallel play and shared activities (like gaming) can be a more natural way for autistic folks to connect

• The surprising lesson from a game where small talk is literally just a button you push

• The difference between helpful structure and overwhelming social guesswork

• Why autistic conversations often center curiosity, depth, and special interests instead of scripts

Also in this episode: IKEA instructions as a metaphor for autistic life without clear signposts, guild dynamics in online games, and why an enthusiastic info-dump might actually be the most honest form of connection.

Real talk. Autistic joy. And a reminder that connection doesn’t have to look like weather updates and sports scores.

This is the way.

Matt and Erin take this one straight on: why autism “awareness” looks the way it does—and who built it that way.

This is about power, bad science, and what happens when non-autistic voices control the narrative.

Highlights from this episode:
• Why outdated theories (like “lack of theory of mind”) still shape diagnosis, services, and public understanding—and why they don’t actually hold up in real autistic lives
• How research built on young, white, cis boys created a distorted definition of autism that leaves most people out
• The difference between self-identification and medical diagnosis—and why one is about knowing yourself, while the other is about access and gatekeeping
• How capitalism shows up in autism: “functioning levels,” ABA, productivity, and who gets labeled valuable (yeah… we go there)
• What gets missed when clinicians only trust what they can observe—and ignore lived experience entirely
• Real examples of how autistic joy (like deep interests and repetition) gets mislabeled as a problem instead of understood as regulation and meaning
• Why listening to autistic people isn’t optional—it’s the only way this starts to make sense

There’s also some real talk about burnout in the field, misdiagnosis, and the quiet harm of “bad reports” written inside broken systems.

And yeah—this one gets a little chaotic (on purpose). Because the system is chaotic. And trying to force simple answers onto complex autistic lives? That’s part of the problem.

This week, we’re talking about chaos—the real kind. The kind that shows up in your body, your routines, your relationships, and your nervous system. Matt and Erin break down what it actually means to be a bottom-up processor in a world that expects you to “just wing it,” and why autistic people aren’t overreacting to unpredictability—we’re responding to a lack of usable data.

Highlights:

• Bottom-up vs. top-down processing—and why autistic brains need more data, not fewer expectations

• How chaos shows up in real life (inventory week, disrupted routines, missed plans) and why it hits so hard

• The cost of constant calculation—burnout, illness, exhaustion, and why it’s not a personal failure

• Flow state, interruptions, and transitions—why being “pulled out” can feel like something breaking

• Predictability, consistency, and safety—from daily routines to why sameness (yes, even food) matters

Also: Batman as a chaos-fighting autistic icon, why “winging it” is not a neutral skill, and what it means to build systems that actually support autistic lives. This is a grounded, honest look at why chaos isn’t just inconvenient—it’s a full-body experience.

Matt, Erin, and guest Jamie Roberts sit down to talk about autistic teen girls—the ones who get missed, mislabeled, and pushed through systems that don’t fit. This is about what’s actually happening underneath the behaviors adults dismiss.

Highlights:

• Why teen girls are overlooked in diagnosis—especially when they’re labeled with anxiety, depression, or “typical teen behavior” instead of being understood as neurodivergent
• Harm reduction as a real, non-shaming approach to self-harm—what it is, why it works, and how teens use pain to regulate overwhelming or absent emotions
• The pressure to conform during adolescence—and how masking, school systems, and social expectations create impossible standards for autistic teens

We also get into sensory needs, emotional regulation, and why “just deal with it” isn’t a skill—it’s a setup. Plus: tangents on capitalism, school systems, and the quiet ways autonomy gets denied to teens (especially girls).

Matt, Erin, and Jamie Roberts are here this week—and we get into identity development for autistic teens, the pressure to turn yourself into something “useful,” and what it actually looks like to figure out who you are when the world keeps handing you scripts that don’t fit. It’s real, a little chaotic, and very recognizable.

We cover:
• Why identity gets tangled up with productivity, money, and “what are you going to do with that?”—and how to separate who you are from what you earn
• The role of interests (yes, even YouTube, gaming, makeup, or “too much time online”) as actual data—not distractions—and how adults can either shut that down or build from it
• Using “experiments” instead of pressure—trying things, gathering information, adjusting, and trying again without making it a pass/fail identity crisis
• The difference between “this is hard because it’s new” and “this is hard because it doesn’t fit me”—and why that distinction matters
• Representation, visibility, and why seeing someone like you (purple hair, special interests, all of it) can shift what feels possible
• Jamie’s book Neurodiversity for Teen Girls and the six “gem” archetypes—how different autistic teens navigate identity, masking, relationships, and self-advocacy

Also: Lord of the Rings name drops, musical theater brain tangents, Lego reward systems for finishing a book (yes, really), and a solid reminder that “sucking at something” is part of learning—not a sign to quit.

Side note:
This one stays with the same core message we keep coming back to—there’s no clean, linear way to figure out who you are. It’s messy. It’s iterative. It’s a lot of “try this, nope, not that.” And yeah, that’s frustrating.

But it’s also how identity actually forms.

This is the way.

Matt and Erin are joined by Eleda Towle, an Autistic store owner whose lifelong focus on model horses turned into a business—and a gathering place for other Autistic people. This one moves the way Autistic conversations often do: tangents, deep dives, and a lot of “wait, that connects to this.”

It’s about discovery, community, and what happens when people finally find their thing—and their people.

We cover:

• Eleda’s late autism discovery at 52—and the moment everything started to make sense

• Building a business around monotropic focus (yes, plastic horses) and accidentally creating Autistic community space

• Why Autistic conversations “maze” instead of staying linear—and why that’s not a problem to fix

• The deep (and very real) Autistic roots of toy culture—from model horses to My Little Pony lore

• Intrinsic motivation, PDA, and why “just try harder” doesn’t work for Autistic people

• Self-directed learning, reward systems, and a nonprofit using play to support neurodivergent kids

Side note: yes, we go from horses → Ninja Turtles → Brainspotting → electric towers → taxes → government frustration… and it all makes sense if you’re following the thread. That’s the point.

This is what it sounds like when autistic people talk to each other. A little chaotic. Very real. And honestly, kind of the best way to understand how our brains actually work.

Matt, Erin, and Eleda get into special interests, collections, and what it means to have a space where Autistic joy isn’t hidden—it’s the whole point. This one’s about building community through the things we love, and why that matters more than most people realize.

We cover:

• Turning a business into a place where people come to connect—not just buy things

• Why collections matter (and what happens to them when we’re gone)

• The shame people are taught to feel about joy—and why we reject that

• Autistic joy, special interests, and being “too much” for other people

• Finding your people—whether that’s a shop, a hobby group, or this podcast

Also: unicorn collections, tiny horse economies, estate herds, and the real work of building (and protecting) a personal museum of the things you love.

This episode gets into perimenopause through an autistic lens—what it actually feels like, why it hits differently in autistic bodies, and how little real guidance exists. Matt, Erin, and Eleda talk through the biology, the lived experience, and the frustration of trying to make sense of something that affects so many people but still isn’t well understood—especially when you add autism into the mix.

We cover:

• How sensory differences can amplify menopause symptoms (hot flashes, sweat, fatigue, migraines) into something much more intense
• The overlap between hormones, histamines, and autoimmune conditions—and why everything can spike at once
• The lack of research, missed diagnoses, and why so many autistic people are left figuring this out on their own
• Real, often overlooked symptoms (phantom smells, joint pain, anxiety surges) and what it’s like not knowing what’s happening to your body
• What it takes to advocate for care, find informed providers, and experiment with supports like HRT

There’s no clean roadmap here. Just real talk, shared experience, and a starting point for conversations we should’ve been having a long time ago.