Smarter Parenting is moving in wonderful ways to help families. In order to do that we are making some changes in how we present the lessons and skills we share on the smarterparenting.com website. To do this, we are going to be taking a break from producing new podcasts and from coaching to focus our attention on making these changes happen.    Smarter Parenting is working to make it easier for parents and families to use and to find the resources we teach. During this time our podcast episodes will remain available and we highly suggest you visit the Smarter Parenting website for access to our free parenting resources, lessons,  and skills. Feedback about your experience with smarter parenting, both positive or constructive, is welcomed. You can email us at info@smarterparenting.com.   We would like to thank our active listeners for your patronage and look forward to a bright future!  

There are so many skills that contribute to managing your child's behavior. One that often stumps parents is what to do the moment your child acts poorly. The skill of Correcting Behaviors is built to support that. You can access free tools and resources to help you use this skill our website www.smarterparenting.com

Siope discusses the new challenge for parents that previous generations of parents have not had to deal with, namely, electronic devices. More and more children are acting out when asked to stop using electronic devices. What can parents do to help their children navigate their use of devices and the need for a positive environment in the home? Using the skill of Decision Making, parents and children can learn how to set up productive ways to work through the challenges of children using electronic devices. 

Understanding how the Teaching-Family came about and how it's been used to change children and families helps parents better understand the Teaching-Family Model's power in their lives.

In this episode, Eric Bjorklund, President of Utah Youth Village, talks about how the Teaching-Family Model came to be, the research that's gone into proving its effectiveness, and how it's used worldwide. He shares stories of how he's used the Teaching-Family Model as a dad and the difference it made in his relationships with his kids, and the success that Utah Youth Village has witnessed. 

Smarter Parenting is a division of Utah Youth Village and was created to help families worldwide access the power of the Teaching-Family Model.

The Teaching-Family Model was developed in the 1960s to deal with children who had challenging behavior. The researchers found that they could teach children how to be successful long-term by teaching them specific behavioral skills that allow them to learn, grow, and change. By focusing on the good a child is doing, you will start to see incredible results.

Since the 1960s, the Teaching-Family Model been used by agencies, schools, and parents worldwide to address all types of behavior.

The Teaching-Family is not only for kids with problematic behaviors; any child and family can benefit from using the behavior skills you will find on SmarterParenting.com. 

The success of the Teaching-Family is due to its focus on relationships and helping the child do better by teaching them what they should do and allowing them to change. 

For a short video of the history of the Teaching-Family Model, watch this video.

For more information on the Teaching-Family Model, we hope you'll check out the resources available on SmarterParenting.com.

For help implementing the Teaching-Family Model in your family, sign up for parenting coaching.

Creating family routines that work are tricky enough during the best of times. With the constant changes to work and school schedules brought about because of the pandemic, it can be hard to feel like you're finding a routine that works for your family.

When determining a schedule, take into consideration the needs of your family and their personalities. Does your family do better on more or less structure? Do your kids do better when given some freedom? Are they more of a morning or an evening person?

Understanding your family's needs will help you create a schedule that works for how your family functions. If your family likes a lot of structure, a routine with very little structure won't be effective.

Because of the different needs of your family, you may need multiple schedules. That's okay. The purpose of a family routine is to help each family member in a way that works for them. 

Don't feel guilty if your family routine doesn't look like popular routines. It's okay to have more or less structure than someone else or do things differently. Remember, no routine will be useful if it doesn't make sense for your family.

Helping your child understand the routine and what is expected of them is crucial in making that routine work. The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching helps you do just that. When a child understands what is expected of them and how they need to respond to certain things, they are more likely to do it independently.

You can find the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching on the Smarter Parenting website.

Don't forget to join the Smarter Parenting Club. You will have access to incredible parenting resources that will help make your life easier.

Have you ever given a consequence that hasn't worked? We know we have.

Implementing consequences that work to change behavior can be difficult for many parents. Often, we continue to give consequences repeatedly that don't work, which only increases our frustration level.

Learning how to give consequences that work is made easier when parents use Effective Negative Consequences. Effective Negative Consequences gives parents the 5 elements they need to make a consequence work for their child.

Giving consequences that work is difficult because no two children or situations are the same, even though we often treat them the same.

Parents may struggle with consequences because consequences are often given as an emotional response where "grounding them for a year" seems like a good idea. Consequences given as an emotional response don't tend to be as effective because they are often too big.

When you give consequences that are too big for the behavior, often you aren't able to follow through. That teaches your child that their negative behavior doesn't matter as they will not truly get a consequence for their behavior. Which only leads them to repeat the action. 

When parents use the five elements of Effective Negative Consequences, it signals to their child a few things.

First, it signals that you are disappointed in the behavior and not in them. This distinction is crucial as it allows you to strengthen your relationship even when you're giving them consequences.

Second, it allows them to see that you value them as a person. When you give tailored and essential consequences to your child, you are signaling that they matter to you. 

Third, it helps them know you're interested in helping them change and be better. The purpose of a consequence is to teach and not to punish.

If you need additional help learning how to give consequences that work, sign up for parenting coaching. Both the gold and platinum tier of the Smarter Parenting club provides coaching.

This podcast relies on donations. Please donate. 

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Children with ADHD often deal with other issues, including anxiety. The combination of both ADHD and anxiety can make it doubly hard for them to effectively handle situations where they're expected to behave a certain way.

Teaching them anxiety management strategies allows them to plan for and deal with situations in a way that reduces their anxiety. Anxiety management strategies don't have to be complicated. The most successful calming strategies are those that your child can do no matter the situation.

Some calm down strategies include breathing techniques, visualizing feelings, and physical grounding. 

When teaching them calming techniques, it's essential to work with your child and model what you would like them to do. By modeling what they need to do, your child understands what is expected, removing confusion. 

Using the ABC's of Behavior, you can find ways to address situations before, during, and after. The more you can help your child address situations early using anxiety management techniques, the more successfully your child can handle their anxiety.

You can find the ABC’s of Behavior on the Smarter Parenting website. 

If you need additional help dealing with your ADHD child’s anxiety, sign up for parenting coaching. Both the gold and platinum tier of the Smarter Parenting club provides coaching.

This podcast relies on donations. Please donate. 

As parents, we want things to be fair when we give rewards or consequences. Fair does not mean the same, however, as no two children or situations are.

 

Individualizing rewards and consequences improves their effectiveness as it shows your child that you are interested in what they value. It also makes sure you're giving a reward or consequence that matters to your child. For example, one child may see not playing with friends as a consequence, where another might see that as a reward. 

 

If the reward or consequence doesn't matter to your child, it will not help them learn.

 

The goal of rewards and consequences is to teach your child what you expect. They should never be used to punish your child. Punishing always goes to the extreme, which is less effective than starting small and adding consequences as needed. 

 

When you focus on teaching your child, it helps your child move forward and know what to do next time. This knowledge increases their self-confidence and ability to make wise decisions.

 

Giving rewards and consequences that are different can be a struggle. By following the five components of Effective Positive Rewards or Effective Negative Consequences, you are better able to find individualized solutions that work for your child.

 

You can learn more about Effective Positive Rewards or Effective Negative Consequences at Smarter Parenting.

Giving more effective consequences and rewards require parents to understand the difference between values and interests.

Values and interests are separate and serve different purposes, especially when helping change your child’s behavior using either Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards.

Values are what you believe and what you want your child to learn—things like confidence, hard work, honesty, kindness, and integrity. Interests are things that you like to do—such as playing sports, music, or travel. 

Parents should use interest to help teach values when giving an Effective Negative Conseqeunces or an Effective Positive Rewards. For example, parents can use the interest of time with friends to teach the values of purpose, hard work, honesty, accountability, or responsibility. By combining both values and interests, you will be more successful.

Effective Negative Consequences and Effective Positive Rewards are two sides of the same coin and can both be used to change behavior. Which one to use will be determined by what you need to teach. For some situations, a consequence may be the best course of action for a particular behavior. For many children, though, Effective Positive Rewards are more effective in changing behavior than consequences. Many children may be more motivated to earn extra time if they come by curfew than by losing time if they’re late. 

It’s essential to sit down and evaluate the values you want to teach your children, as this will give you a better game plan for using their interests to do so. 

If you’re struggling with using interests to teach values, we recommend joining the gold or platinum level of the Smarter Parenting Club. Both of those levels allow for coaching and individualized help and solutions.

Please help us continue to provide this podcast. Donate or join the Silver level in the Smarter Parenting  Club. 

If there is one podcast we recommend listening to in the wake of what is going on globally, this is it.

We hope you will share it once you have listened to it.

Many have lost the ability to discuss topics they feel strongly about with someone who doesn't share their viewpoint without it turning ugly. Cancel culture, name-calling, fear of retribution, and lack of civility are alive and well. 

This lack of civility is dangerous because it doesn't encourage growth or moving forward. Instead, we become even more passionate about what we believe.

We don't have to agree with someone, but we can learn to communicate openly and safely that fosters understanding. We must teach our children how to do this as we want a world where our children can express themselves and allow others to do the same.

Our view of the world is shaped by what we have experienced, and we view those experiences as sacred. When those beliefs are attacked, it can feel very personal, which creates an emotional response.

When someone believes something different from us and presents that viewpoint, it creates internal feelings of conflict as we don't like having what we believe challenged. This is called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance makes us feel uncomfortable when a different viewpoint is presented. There's inner turmoil to figure out where this person is coming from and why they believe what they believe, so often, it is easier not to wade into, but rather to become defensive and dismissive as we see it as a way to protect what we believe.

What parent doesn't want their child to feel comfortable coming to them and talking about sexuality and sex, what they believe (even if it's different than you), cause and movements, politics, and life-choices? If you haven't created a place where understanding can occur, these will not be productive conversations. Instead, these conversations could lead to a breakdown in relationships.

Effective Communication breaks down barriers and the emotional response we have, which allows us to get to a place where we can find solutions and understanding. Effective Communication will enable us to create a safe space to discuss difficult topics without it getting personal or argumentative. 

Stephen R. Covey said, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." 

 

Effective Communication shows us how to listen and understand where the other person is coming from. Remember, you don't always have to agree with what they say. When you know where someone is coming from, you are more likely to find solutions and understanding. 

Let’s use Effective Communication to create connections instead of division. 

To learn more about Effective Communication, visit the Smarter Parenting website: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-communication/

The Smarter Parenting Club wants to help you take your parenting to the next level!

https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

With three tiers, you will find the level of help your family needs.  The Silver Tier is our self-coaching where you will have access to recorded coaching sessions, the Smarter Parenting course, weekly Q&A sessions, as well as exclusive club content.

The Gold Tier gives you access to everything in the Silver Tier plus one coaching session a month with our Parenting Coach.

The Platinum Tier includes everything in the Silver Tier plus 3 coaching sessions a month with our Parenting Coach.

We can't wait to see you in the Smarter Parenting Club. Join today!

https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

Not on the same page as your partner when it comes to parenting? You are not alone. How do we get on the same page is one of the most frequently asked parenting questions we receive. 

No two parents’ parent the same. Because of life experiences, including how they were raised, it’s not uncommon for parents to have different parenting styles and priorities. The goal is to find ways to work through parenting differences and find solutions that both parents are happy with and implement.

If you and your partner can’t agree, it leads to inconsistent parenting practices. Inconsistent parenting practices are problematic for children as it sends mixed messages, and they are never entirely sure what they are supposed to do and who they should follow. For example, if you believe that your child must do chores, but your partner doesn’t, how does your child know what to do?

When dealing with conflict resolution, Harvard University’s course on conflict resolution recommends the following things: (https://www.pon.harvard.edu/daily/conflict-resolution/conflict-resolution-strategies/)

1. Recognize we all have biases
2. Overcome the "us vs. them" mindset
3. Look beneath the surface to identify deeper issues
4. Separate pseudo-sacred from sacred issues

When parents use these strategies, they can find solutions that work for both parties. Using these strategies in conjunction with Effecting Communication and Decision Making (SODAS Method) helps parents do just that. 

Effective Communication allows you to feel heard and understood, while Decision Making helps you find solutions that work for both parties.

You can find the skills on the Smarter Parenting website: https://www.smarterparenting.com/

If you need specific help finding solutions for getting on the same page, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

Most children don't like being corrected. For some children, that correction can be difficult and paralyzing. Children who struggle more than normal with being corrected may be suffering from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria means that they don't handle rejection well and get very upset if someone criticizes them, often to the point of focusing only on the criticism. For example, you could give a hundred positives about something they did well, but all they will remember is the one small criticism in a 100 positives. 

Children with ADHD tend to be more prone to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and can believe they are a problem instead of having a problem.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is real and can cause difficulties in relationships, school, and jobs. They tend to blame themselves, focus on the negative, or have trouble believing any praise given to them.

Correcting Behaviors' goal is to help them see that the correction doesn't mean they are a terrible person as the Teaching-Family Model skills are relationship-focused.

By being faithful to the steps, your child can see and understand that correction doesn't happen willy-nilly, but rather you are on their side to help them learn. It also helps them to realize that you are not here to punish them.

Correcting Behaviors can be incredible in helping your child deal with their Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

If you're struggling with knowing how to correct your child best, sign up for coaching in the Smarter Parenting club and let us find tailored solutions for your family.

For full show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Continuing our mini-series of breaking down the Smarter Parenting skills is skill number 4: Effective Communication. Communicating with your child or even your partner can be improved by practicing this simple skill. Often we hear parents AND children report that the other person just doesn't listen. This skill helps both sides feel heard and valued, allows you time to process your thoughts fully before speaking, and helps you work together on solving problems.

As parents, we have limited time to invest in our children. We can, though, make our investment count--even with limited time. How? By focusing our energy and efforts on the areas that will create the most return by using Effective Praise.

 

Effective Praise helps you focus on what your children are doing well, no matter how small, and letting them know what you saw. 

Using the skill of Effective Praise builds your relationship in multiple ways. 

1. It signals to your child that they matter. When children feel like they are valued, they are more likely to respond positively to correction.
2. It focuses on the positive instead of the negative. Where we focus our energy is what will grow. The more positive interactions we have with our children now, the more positive interactions we will have with them in the future. 
3. It helps your child understand what is expected of them. By pointing out the positive, you are encouraging them to repeat that behavior in the future.
4. It strengthens your relationship. Your child will trust, respect, and love you because they will understand that you are there to help them grow and be successful and they will not want to disappoint you.

Effective Praise doesn’t require huge effort or time, but we promise the return will be incredible. 

Learn how to give Effective Praise by visiting SmarterParenting.com: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-praise/

If you need one-on-one help to implement Effective Praise, join the Smarter Parenting Club: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

Following Instructions builds the foundation for a successful life.

 

Following Instructions reduces frustration, arguing, and talking back. It keeps kids focused on what is expected of them while preparing them for the future.

 

Following Instructions helps parents build and repair relationships with their child as it reduces conflict and helps the child achieve success.  

 

Learn more about Follow Instructions: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/following-instructions/

Under the best of circumstances, children can have a hard time staying focused and staying on task. What kids--and families--are experiencing during this time is not normal. 

Having to frequently check-up on your child and correct their behavior can exacerbate the pressure you're under. When parents feel overwhelmed, it can be easy to respond in ways that we can make the problems worse, so it's important to learn Correcting Behaviors' skill.

The way we correct our child can either damage or strengthen our relationship with them. Because of this, it's essential to be strategic in how we address problems.

When a correction is given with love and trust, your child will grow up feeling that way. If corrections are given from a place of anger or frustration, your child will grow up feeling that they are the problem instead of believing they have a problem that needs to be solved.

If you are struggling with addressing certain behaviors, we recommend creating a script of what you will do or say. Having a script allows you to stay focused on what needs to happen and not get distracted.

If you are struggling with helping your child during the pandemic, this is the podcast for you!

If you're looking for individualized parenting help, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

 

As parents, we want to teach our children to function without us. We want them to know what to do in any situation. We want them to be able to be an advocate for themselves. We want them to be successful at school, work, and in their relationships.

If we want our children to know what to do when we are not around. We have to Role-play it, and then Role-play it repeatedly until they are comfortable and know how to do it. Without practice, it is hard for children to remember what they are supposed to do as our brains only remember so much information at a time. It’s the practicing that makes something real to a child, not the words we tell them.

Role-playing is an often underutilized skill, but it is one of the most important ones in preparing our kids for the future. You can Role-play with both young children and teenagers. You can Role-play any situation, from making friends, knowing how to interview for a job, or what to do when someone is mean.

Role-playing doesn’t require any fancy equipment; it just requires us to be consistent. 

If you're looking for help, we have the Smarter Parenting Club. Join today!

Welcome to episode 100! We are so grateful for all of you and look forward to the next 100 episodes!

We are excited to announce the Smarter Parenting Club. We know that families have different needs. The Smarter Parenting Club aims to meet families where they are, with three different levels. You will have access to exclusive content, podcasts, videos, coaching, and so much more in the club.

Sign up today! We can't wait for you to join us. Club.Smarterparenting.com

Giving consequences that work can be tricky. Frequently when giving a consequence, parents tend to go to the extreme, which leaves parents nowhere to go if it doesn't work.

A consequence aims to teach our child. Consequences are not punishments. When giving a consequence, parents should ask themselves, "What is the least amount of consequence to get my child to stop the negative behavior?"

Consequences must meet the five components of Effective Negative Consequences.

• First, the consequence needs to be immediate and should happen as soon as possible after the negative behavior.
• Second, it needs to match the inappropriate behavior. 
• Third, you need to be able to follow through with consequences every time the negative behavior happens.
• Fourth, you shouldn't give the same consequence for all negative behavior.
• Fifth, the consequence should mean something to your child. If the consequence doesn't mean something to your child, they have no motivation to stop their negative behavior.

Learn about Effective Negative Consequences on SmarterParenting.com

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

We can’t wait to see you in the Smarter Parenting Club!

One of the best ways to create connections with your kids is to acknowledge what they are doing. We all want to feel that someone sees us.

Observe and Describe is a beautiful tool to help parents deepen connections with their kids as it allows them to describe what is happening without judgment or emotion. This is especially helpful when children struggle to communicate or if communication tends to be hostile.

When you use Observe and Describe with your child, or anybody for that matter, it signals to them that you are present and that what they are doing matters to you.  This knowledge will strengthen your relationship as they will feel that they can come to you about anything, and you will be there for them.

The more you use Observe and Describe, the more your children will reciprocate and show you the respect and understanding you are showing them. Which will help them to better understand and communicate with all people they come in contact with. 

The world can be a challenging place for children, but knowing you see and appreciate what they are doing will go a long way in helping them feel secure with themselves and their place in the world.

Even though Observe and Describe is simple to do it holds so much power. For more information on Observe and Describe visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

We are excited that we will be launching the Smarter Parenting Club. Stay tuned for details. Sign up today.  https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Helping kids go back to school, whether in person, online, or a hybrid, is different this year.

Knowing how to best deal with all the new challenges and unknowns can feel overwhelming. How do you keep your kids safe from Covid-19? How do you balance online learning and work responsibility? How do you keep kids focused?

In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini tackles those very issues and shows parents what they can do to find solutions that work for their family and their situation.

You can prepare and help your child find success this year. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean that it can’t be a great year.

This is a podcast you don’t want to miss!

For additional resources, full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting club and get access to exclusive content. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

You can feel hopeful for the future. Yes, even in trying times, it is possible to feel that the future has incredible opportunities.

Every generation has faced struggles and challenges that have required new thoughts and preparations. Those who thrived were those who learned how to prepare for future challenges.

You can do the same. You can help your child do the same too. 

Think of yourself as an airplane pilot. When you're able to predict and prepare for what is happening ahead, it's comforting to your child. Not only do they see that they can trust you, they also feel empowered because they have things they can do to weather what is coming up. 

It's exactly what the skill of Preventive Teaching does. It allows you to prepare your child for anything that may happen in the future and gives them strategies that they can use that will work. When children feel prepared, it will reduce anxiety and increase their confidence.

You will love this podcast. You will feel comforted by the fact that you can help your child and have a bright and beautiful future.

Sign up for a coaching session through the Smarter Parenting Club and be filled with hope for the future of your family. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting Club!

It’s only natural for children to seek out situations where they feel confident, competent, independent, and autonomous. As discussed in the previous podcast, many children turn to video games to help fulfill these needs. Parents can counter the positives children receive from playing video games by using Effective Praise.

Effective Praise can increase your connection with your child as it teaches you how to validate the good things your child is doing. When children feel approved by their parents, it increases their confidence, competence, independence, and autonomy, which strengthens the emotional bond you have with them. 

Getting praise signals to your child, “Hey, my parents are proud of me. My parents see what I’m doing well. I like it when they notice it. I want to keep doing this so they continue.”  

As that bond strengthens, the benefits will be that your child listens to you more. They will spend more time with you. They will seek out your advice. 

We can’t stress how important giving Effective Praise is. 

One of the steps of Effective Praise requires parents to give their children a reason why they should continue the positive behavior. This step is hard for many parents. Most of us, when giving a reason to behave a certain way, give a reason that’s meaningful to them and not always to the person they are talking to.

When parents are able to give their child a meaningful reason, they are more likely to repeat that behavior as they feel like they are getting something out behaving that way. It can take some trial and error to figure out the things that are important to your child. If you’re struggling to figure out what is motivating your child, look at how they spend their free time or money. Those tend to be things that matter to them.

This podcast will be so insightful in helping you create a better bond with your child.

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

One of the questions Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini gets asked frequently is how to help kids deal with video game addiction, and in this podcast, he shows parents how they can help their child by using Effective Praise. 

Why are video games so addictive? They are designed to fill four psychological needs in your children, trust, confidence, mastery, and autonomy, and fulfill these needs time and time again. The more kids play, the more they want to play because playing video games makes them feel good. It's also why kids can have a hard time when they are required to quit as they may not be getting the same level of reinforcement in the real world as they are getting from the virtual world.

A study on why video games are so addictive can be found here.

http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2010_PrzybylskiRigbyRyan_ROGP.pdf

Effective Praise fulfills your child's need for trust, confidence, mastery, and autonomy, which, in turn, allows them to thrive in the real world. Parents who use Effective Praise consistently give so much to their children and their children thrive.

For many parents, the hardest thing about using Effective Praise is knowing where to start. Sign up for Parenting Coaching session through the Smarter Parenting Club and let Siope Kinikini help you come up with a game plan. https://club.smarterparenting.com/ For full show notes and transcript, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Role-playing can make parents nervous. In this episode, we talk about ways you already see Role-plays at work and how easy it can be to use them. It's amazing to see some of the immediate changes that can happen after a parent Role-plays an expectation. Think about it, would you bring your child to the soccer playoffs without ever practicing? No way. So why do we expect them to behave in certain ways without any practice?

How do you communicate with a child who doesn’t want to talk? In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini answers what parents can do when experiencing tension in communication.

When our children are having difficulty communicating, it’s our job to help them learn how to do it. Often that requires us to reframe our thoughts on what is happening. It can be easy to take their lack of communication as a personal slight, do not. Instead, see it as an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Children can be resistant to communication because they don’t know how or don’t feel comfortable giving their opinions because they’re afraid of how someone will respond.

Creating a space when they can communicate will be difficult for many parents as they will want to feel that space with their thoughts instead of allowing their children to express themselves. But the best thing you can do is to create this space as it will allow your child to open up and truly express themselves. This podcast will show you the steps you need to take to make this happen as it won't always be easy or natural.

Your child can learn to communicate and do it well. For full show notes and transcript, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Sign up for the Smarter Parenting Club https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Most of us communicate to be heard, not necessarily to be understood. 

Think about that for a second. Think about how much time and frustration we could reduce if we changed HOW we communicated. We would no longer spend as much time arguing or fighting, and we would see our relationships improve and our kids--and others--would like being around us. 

What parent wouldn’t want that?

It’s not easy to change how we communicate. The behavior skill of Effective Communication gives parents the steps they need to communicate in a way that allows for comprehension. 

This is so so important. When someone feels genuinely listened to and heard, they are more likely to open up about issues, come to you for advice, and seek solutions.

Comprehension doesn’t mean that your child will always agree with what is being said, but they will understand why something is in place.

When everybody feels heard and understood, incredible things happen.

Learn the skill: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-communication/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Sign up for the Smarter Parenting Club and  let Siope Kinikini help you improve your communication. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

In this episode, we continue our discussion on how Role-playing creates change and increases confidence in children and adults. If you haven’t listened to Part 1, we recommend you go back to episode 91.

https://adhd.smarterparenting.com/e/ep-91-creating-change-while-increasing-confidence-part-1/

All of us have biases based on our life experiences. These biases can make it hard for us to see another person’s viewpoint, which can hinder communication. One of the benefits of Role-playing is that it allows us to feel empathy for another person which helps us break down our biases. By understanding where someone is coming from, we can focus on building better relationships as we can improve and positively address things. This is especially important for helping your child with ADHD as they tend to see the world differently, and understanding how they see it goes a long way to understanding and finding solutions.

These biases also come into play in how we process the good or bad that someone is experiencing. When good things happen, we believe that it’s because of something we’ve done, and when bad things happen, it’s due to external forces.

Using Role-playing to increase empathy and understanding will have a ripple effect on your family and your relationships. If you are unsure how to use Role-playing, we hope you will join the Smarter Parenting Club where Siope Kinikini will be able to walk you through Role-playing and what you need to do to help your family find success. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Let Siope Kinikini help you find solutions and create success. Join the Smarter Parenting Club!

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Have you ever expected your kid to behave a certain way and then got frustrated when they didn’t?

We have.

Just because you know what to do at a restaurant or greet someone, doesn’t mean that they do. Kids act up because they don’t know how to act. If you want them to behave a certain way, they need to be shown how, and they need to practice.

It’s why Role-playing is so helpful for children. Role-playing allows them to know what is expected and helps them practice until they feel comfortable doing it. Feeling prepared will increase their confidence and reduce feelings of anxiety or frustration.

We can teach behavior skills on Smarter Parenting, but without Role-playing, they won’t be successful.

In part one of our podcast on Role-playing, Parenting Coaching Siope Kinkini helps parents understand three benefits children will gain when using role-playing.

The first benefit is that they will gain an understanding of social situations and how to respond. They will know the difference in interacting with friends versus interacting with a teacher.

Second, they will learn what vocabulary to use in different situations. The words we use will be different when talking to our friends’ verses when we speak to a teacher or a boss.

Lastly, it will teach them empathy and understanding. When a child can see things from the other person’s point of view, they are more likely to create solutions that benefit both sides.

Role-playing is so powerful. We can’t wait for your family to use it and harness its power.

In the Smarter Parenting Club we walk you through making Role-plays successful. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting Club and let us help you better respond to frustrating situations.

When parents are dealing with frustrating situations, their ability to make decisions is reduced. In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shares with parents how to use Observe and Describe to minimize decision fatigue.

We all have the same amount of energy to spend on making decisions. As the day goes own, we have less energy to spend on decisions, creating decision fatigue. This decision fatigue is especially true for a child with ADHD, as the choices they make throughout the day require more energy.

How can Observe and Describe help? Observe and Describe takes that decision-making equation out of a situation. Knowing that you will be using Observe and Describe is one less decision you need to make, which allows you to spend the energy where it’s needed. 

Observe and Describe is excellent for allowing parents to take a step back and focus on what is happening while giving them a moment to make the best decision about the situation instead of just reacting.

For complete show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/observe-and-describe/

If you need help with implementing Observe and Describe, join the Smarter Parenting Club.

In this special episode, Siope Kinikini discusses how parents can help their children navigate what is happening in the world.

Giving your kids the tools they need to handle what they are hearing, seeing, and experiencing is vital. When kids have tools, they can thrive and make a difference, despite what is happening around them. These tools will be one of the most important things you can do as a parent.

Children will have a lot of feelings about what is going on and the skill of Effective Communication allows them to process and express those feelings in a healthy way. Siope Kinikini gives you three essential things to do that will make this communication effective and powerful.

Take a listen. And then listen again and again and involve your kids. 

For full show notes and more information about Effective Communication, visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

 

It’s never been easier to get parenting help from the comfort of your own home. Join the Smarter Parenting Club and let Siope Kinikini help you find solutions. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

When dealing with frustrating situations where our kids misbehave, it can be easy to become emotionally engaged and default to yelling, annoyance, or anger. When we respond that way, it only makes the situation worse and often creates additional problems.

Wouldn’t you like something that would keep you from becoming engaged in that way? What if we told you a simple skill could help? 

The skill of Observe and Describe is something that you can do today. Instead of engaging in your child’s negative behavior, you observe what is happening and calmly state what you see without judgment. For example, if your child is rolling their eyes and making faces at you, you would say, “You are rolling your eyes and making faces at me.” When you state just the facts, it allows your child to understand what they are doing. It also keeps you from getting emotional.

Remaining calm allows you to lead the dance instead of reacting to the situation. How powerful is that? Powerful. By changing how we respond to situations, we change the outcome and improve our relationships. 

We teach our kids that there is a better way to respond that doesn’t have to be driven by emotions.

Observe and Describe can be used on everybody we have interactions with. 

You can find the skill on the Smarter Parenting website. https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/observe-and-describe/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Struggling to figure out why kids act the way they do? Join the Smarter Parenting Club.  These Parenting Coaching sessions are a safe place where you will get answers.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/ In today’s episode, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini continues the discussion of The ABC’s of Behavior and how it can help you create a happier family life.

When you can understand why behavior happens, it is easier to take steps to prevent it. Sometimes though, it can be hard to figure out why behavior happens. In those cases, Siope Kinikini recommends looking at five things that could have contributed to the meltdown.

Are they sleepy? Are they getting enough good sleep? Are they hungry? Are they eating a healthy diet? Do they have a disability? Was there a change in their environment? Was there an interruption to their schedule?

Understanding that these things could lead to tantrums allows you to make changes before the tantrums even happen.

If they’re tired, you could have them do quiet time, nap, or watch a TV show. If they are hungry, you could give them a snack and set up a snack schedule. If they have a hard time processing things due to a disability, you could provide them with space and understanding that allows them not to become overwhelmed. If there is a change in the environment, you can acknowledge that it can be difficult and help prepare them before changes happen. If there’s an interruption to the schedule, you can reduce interruptions, set a timer for transitions, or finish certain tasks.

All of these things take less work and energy than dealing with a tantrum once it’s begun and allows you to have the energy to spend on creating a relationship. If you’re not spending as much time dealing with tantrums, you can play a game, or read a book, or go out with friends.

The ABC’s of Behavior is incredibly powerful in helping you understand your child. It’s even more powerful when applied to yourself. You can use the ABC’s of Behavior to determine how you react to certain behaviors and what you can do to change it, you will be happier and more in control of situations.

Applying the ABC’s of Behavior to ourselves can be uncomfortable. If you are struggling to figure out your antecedents, join the Smarter Parenting Club. Our coaching sessions are a judgment-free zone where we help you figure out individual solutions.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For complete show notes and transcript visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

We want to answer your parenting questions! Join the Smarter Parenting Club.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Do you know why your kid acts up? Understanding why they do allows you to intervene and address behaviors beforehand.

When our kids act up, we become so focused on the behavior and outcome that we often forget that something happened before the behavior to cause it.

Are they tired? Are they worried? Are they hungry? Was someone being mean?

Being able to focus on things that happen beforehand and addressing them is incredibly powerful. It sends a message to our child that we care about figuring out what is happening in their life and not just about punishing them.

The way to figure out what happened that contributes to a behavior is by using the ABC’s of Behavior.

The A stands for antecedent. This is what happened beforehand that contributed to the behavior. There can be multiple antecedents that contribute to specific behavior.

The B stands for behavior. This is the behavior your child is doing. This behavior can be good or bad.

The C stands for consequence. The consequence is what happens after the behavior.

Sometimes the antecedent may be clear, like when their sibling takes their toys. In other situations, it may not be so obvious. An antecedent can happen hours or even days beforehand. There can also be multiple antecedents that contribute to a behavior.

The more you can focus on addressing antecedents, the more behavior will decrease. For example, if you know that your child refuses to do their homework when they are hungry, you can easily prevent the issue by making sure they have a snack before beginning.

Using the ABC’s of Behavior will make your life easier. In general, it takes less work to address behaviors in the antecedent stage than in the consequence stage.

Join the Smarter Parenting Club where we can help you figure out antecedents and how you can address and prevent them.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Let us help you figure out how to use Effective Negative Consequences—join the Smarter Parenting club.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Figuring out how to give Effective Negative Consequences can be tricky as many parents struggle with implementing all five elements that make a consequence successful.

The goal of a consequence is to teach them what they should have done instead and to encourage them not to repeat the negative behavior.

Consequences are only so successful and should not be a parent's sole focus when it comes to changing behavior. Parents that focus exclusively on consequences will damage their relationship with their child long-term.

In addition to consequences, parents should be looking for ways to acknowledge and increase positive behaviors. Focusing on the good can be hard for so many parents because when our children are misbehaving it’s hard to recognize that they are doing anything right. Or we feel that by rewarding them instead of punishing them, they will not learn their lesson.

Using Effective Positive Rewards in conjunction with Effective Negative Consequences allows for positive and sustainable change as kids tend to be more motivated by positive interactions than negative interactions.

Effective Negative Consequences has its place and should be given when the behavior warrants.

Knowing when to use Effective Negative Consequence and Effective Positive Rewards takes some skill and understanding. If you are struggling to figure when to use Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards, sign-up for coaching within the Smarter Parenting Club. During a Parenting Coaching session, we can discuss your unique situation and come up with individualized answers that fit you and your child.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Many parents give a consequence expecting it will stop the behavior and are surprised when it doesn't. 

Giving an effective consequence isn't easy. In fact, for a consequence to work, it needs to include five key elements: Immediacy, Size, Frequency, Importance, and Varied.

The best way to teach a child isn't through consequences. Because consequences focus on the negative, they can damage your relationships with your child and cause them to have issues with self-esteem and self-doubt. The best way to get a child to create lasting change is through rewards.

Rewards give a child power and encouragement to change because it focuses on what they will receive. Rewards build relationships and set your child up for success. 

For more information about giving consequences or rewards, visit SmarterParenting.com

Struggling with giving consequences? Join the Smarter Parenting Club. 

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Parents often give a lot of consequences, but consequences are not always the best way to change behavior. 

While consequences have their place, there are limitations to the effectiveness of consequences to change a child’s behavior. In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shares with parents what those limitations are and what they can do instead.

If parents only use consequences, it could create this environment where they internalize the negative behavior and believe that the reason they are getting all these consequences is because they are bad. 

The best way to create long-last change is to focus on the positive things that your child is doing by creating an environment where we can recognize kids for what they do well and reward them when they do. For many parents, this is a mind-shift that takes some getting used too, but creating an environment where you have more positive interactions than negative with your kids will strengthen your relationship and create a happier home environment. Focusing on positives helps a child reach their full potential.

Giving kids rewards and consequences isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Children learn at different rates, and what works for one child will not work for others. It’s okay to switch up the rewards or consequences to fit your child and their needs.

Figuring out what behavior we can reward our children for and what action needs a consequence can be tricky. We encourage you to sign up for a free Parenting Coaching session where we can help you work through your specific situation and individual needs.

Our coaching sessions will help you get to where you want to be faster as they show parents exactly what to do. If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting Club and let our expert show you how to change behavior. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

When a child is acting up, parents want to know how to give a consequence that works. But, usually, what they want to know is how do they provide a punishment that will stop the behavior. There is a difference between consequences and punishments. Punishments are meant to scare a child into doing what you want, while consequences are meant to help a child make better choices. 

Learning how to give consequences that reduce a child’s behavior doesn’t always come easy. The reason that the consequences don’t work is that parents don’t understand how consequences can be used to help a child make a better choice, and so give consequences that don’t matter to a child. Consequences work when they show a child what they gain by reducing the behavior. 

Five proven elements make consequences work. If a consequence isn’t working to reduce a child’s negative behavior, it’s because one of the elements isn’t working and needs to be modified. The skill of Effective Negative Consequences shows what those five elements are and how parents can use them to find success to change behavior.

The five elements of Effective Negative Consequences are:

• Immediate
• Degree/size
• Consistent
• Important
• Varied

In this episode, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, shows parents that when they can use the five elements of Effective Negative Consequences, they will find success in helping their child make positive changes.

Our coaching sessions will help you get to where you want to be faster as they show parents exactly what to do. If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting Club and learn how Preventive Teaching can help you find more clarity and time while reducing stress and frustration.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Parents only have so much time and energy in a day. Preventive Teaching helps parents use their time and energy wisely instead of spending it addressing and fixing problems. This keeps parents from feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

When parents use the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching, they can address problems before they become bigger—the bigger the problem the more energy required to deal with it. By addressing them before they get out of hand, parents have the energy to spend on things that enrich and rejuvenate them; activities such as reading a book, meeting up with friends, going for a walk, exercising, or watching TV. 

When parents aren’t spending their time dealing with negative behaviors, they can channel that energy into building a stronger relationship with their child, which is incredible. Instead of fights over homework or chores, you’re able to spend that time talking, playing a game together, going for a walk, what will that do for your family? 

We can tell you what it will do. It will increase cooperation, understanding, empathy, and trust. Your child will start to see that you have their best interest at heart and that you are there to help them be better. They will see you as an ally and not as a foe.

We love Preventive Teaching for what it gives parents. By making small changes and addressing problems before they start, you and your kids will gain so much.  If you haven't listened to episodes 80 and 81, we recommend you do as they will help you understand what you will gain from using Preventive Teaching.

 If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

 

Let ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini help you be the parent you want to be. Join the Smarter Parenting Club.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching isn’t just for kids; they are FAMILY skills.

In part two of our Preventive Teaching journey with Dawn, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini teaches how behavior skills are just as powerful when parents apply them to themselves. That’s the strength of the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model. The behavior skills can be applied to kids; the behavior skills can be applied to adults. It doesn’t matter. They will work.

The goal of Preventive Teaching is to help prepare us for situations that may arise. If we do the prep work before we cook, or paint, or pack for a vacation, the actual cooking, painting, and packing are easier.

In Dawn’s case, Preventive Teaching helped her deal with a self-soothing behavior from her son that annoyed her and lead to decreased patience and increased frustration.

Because the self-soothing behavior wasn’t going to go away, Dawn needed ways to prevent her reaction to it. She didn’t want to be this parent who was frustrated and upset every time the behavior happened. With guidance from Siope Kinikini, she implemented strategies that allowed her to remain focused and calm when the behavior was happening.

Implementing Preventive Teaching helped her be a better parent. It helped her be the parent she wanted to be.

Admitting that we need help because our children’s behaviors are beyond our abilities doesn’t mean that we are a bad parent or that we don’t love them. Understanding that you need help is a sign of just how much you do love your children. When we are in the thick of a parenting struggle, it can be hard to see solutions or improvements. We need someone else to offer us guidance and reassurance. That’s what a Parenting Coach does. From their unique position outside of the problem, they can guide you. They help you see what needs to change and gives you to behavior skills you to make the change happen. They will encourage you when it gets tough or overwhelming. They are your ally in parenting. They want you and your family to improve!

Parenting Coaching helps parents set goals for their specific needs and situations. It is very individualized and customized to your family.

It can be scary to admit that you need help, and we applaud parents who do. These coaching sessions will help you get to where you want to be faster. They will remove the trial and error that can be frustrating and exhausting. If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Let us help you take Preventive Teaching to the next level. Join the Smarter Parenting Club.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Do you feel frustrated with your child’s behavior? Do you find yourself reacting to situations in a way where you feel like you’re a terrible parent? Do you wish there was a better way that would help you be the parent you want to be?

The magic tool is the Teaching-Family Model. The Teaching-Family Model has incredible power to show you how to become the parent you want to be!

When parents have skills and tools, they can be proactive instead of reactive. When a parent is proactive, they are in charge and can guide their child’s behavior. When a parent is reactive, the child is actually in charge, and we’re just reacting to their behavior. When we are proactive, we can reduce feelings of frustration. We can spend less time dealing with problems. We can help our kids successfully navigate the world. We can put our time and energy into strengthening relationships.

For parents who are always feeling frustrated, Preventive Teaching is life-saver.

Parents can regain control. Preventive Teaching helps families prevent problems before they arise as it allows parents to teach expectations in a way a child understands.

This idea is so important. Many parents believe that children should know how to act how they want them to act. Spoiler alert; They don’t. Children need to be taught and they need to be taught at their level.

At their level means keeping it doable for them. It means breaking it down into steps and practicing with them until they can do it before adding more steps. Our goal is to help them find success.

By teaching what it is we want, and then making sure they can do what it is we want, parents can reduce the majority of the problems they face.

Preventive Teaching is used on behaviors both big and small. While Preventive Teaching requires work at the beginning, the payoff is less work down the road.

In today’s episode, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shows parents how to reduce those feelings of frustration by making meaningful changes in how they teach their children. There’s no better time than now to become a proactive parent instead of a reactive parent. Doing so will change the trajectory of your family.

For full transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

 

Let us guide you on how to make Role-playing effective for your family. Join the Smarter Parenting Club!

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

If you want a behavior to stick, you have to Role-play again and again until that behavior becomes ingrained in your child. While the idea of Role-playing continually may sound overwhelming, we can promise that doing it will pay off huge for your child. 

Role-playing helps your child transition ideas from the abstract to the concrete. It moves them from just hearing something to understanding something.

Cued practice allows you to see if your child can apply what they have practiced in real life. Cued practice is when you tell your child you will be practicing at a later time to see how much they understand. It takes a lot of practice to change behavior and your child may struggle in the cued practices. That’s to be expected. Praise them for what they did well and then continue practicing. They will get it eventually.

Role-playing is so essential that it is used in every behavior skill taught on Smarter Parenting. We recommend getting a good handle on what Role-playing is and how you use it.

If you haven’t checked out the Role-playing skill lesson page, we advocate that you do. There you will find a video lesson that walks you through the steps as well as resources that will help you teach the skill to your child. The more comfortable you are with the behavior skill of Role-playing the easier it will be to teach your children how to Role-play.

https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/role-playing/

ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini has discussed the importance of Role-playing in previous podcast episodes. We recommend listening to them again.

Ep #71: Changing the brain through Role-playing

Ep #48: What it takes to change behavior

Ep #13: Why practice leads to success

We know that Role-playing can feel awkward at times. Stick with it. It will get better and it will change your family. Start by Role-playing situations that are comfortable before moving up to more difficult situations. We can’t stress enough how much power there is in Role-playing. For full transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Creating a growth mindset for kids is one of the greatest things parents can teach their kids. A growth mindset is helping kids understand expectations while allowing them not to be perfect. Effective Praise helps parents do just that as it shows a child what they are doing well and why continuing that behavior would be beneficial to them.

Harnessing the power of praise isn’t just for when kids are doing it all right as parents’ expectations don’t always match their child’s ability. By using Praise Approximations, parents are able to meet them where they are at, which encourages kids to grow and learn even when they fall short of parents’ expectations. 

Praise Approximations are especially helpful when kids are throwing a tantrum or feel overwhelmed as they help pull kids out of what is happening and gives them an off-ramp for their feelings.

Effective Praise, and Praise Expectations, are powerful tools to help teach our kids. We recommend listening to podcast #76,77 to learn more about how Effective Praise creates a growth mindset for kids.

Sign up for a free 15-minute mini-session: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

To learn more about Effective Praise visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-praise/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

As parents, we may love our child, but not always like them. We may think they are a “bad” kid who only does wrong. We may believe that the only way to change them is by punishing them.

While this type of thinking is common, it isn’t helpful and will end up doing incredible damage to our relationship with them.

We get that some children can be hard. They know how to push our buttons. Once we start seeing the bad in our children, it can be easy to continue to see all they are doing wrong.

Learning how to parent isn’t easy. The good news is that the behavior skills taught on Smarter Parenting have been proven to repair relationships.

In today’s podcast, Eric Bjorklund talks about how the skills of Smarter Parenting and the Teaching-Family Model changed how he parented and how those changes made an incredible difference in the relationship with his son. 

Before Eric started using the skills of the Teaching-Family Model, he didn’t like his kid with ADHD. All he could see where the “bad” things his child was doing. He thought that he could make his child good by “punishing them.” What it was doing was creating barriers between him and his child, and he didn’t like where it was going.

By learning Effective Praise, he was able to see the good in his child. Once he started seeing the good, he started liking his child. That shift set his relationship with his child on a new and positive path.

You can come to learn to like your child! 

If you need guidance on how to do it, reach out to Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini; he can show you how to turn around your relationships.

Sign up for a free 15-minute mini-session: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

To learn more about Effective Praise visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-praise/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Giving Effective Praise is one of the best things parents can do to improve behavior.

What is Effective Praise? Effective Praise is specific (not general) praise that allows a child to know exactly what they did well and a reason why they should continue that specific behavior.

An example of Effective Praise would be, “I am so proud of you for putting away your backpack. When you put away your backpack, I don’t have to interrupt your playtime to have you put it away.”

General praise, on the other hand, doesn’t help a child understand what they did well and why they should continue doing it. General praise sounds like “Good job.” “I’m proud of you!” “You did awesome.” 

It can be challenging to switch from general praise to Effective Praise, but doing so will pay big dividends.

When you use Effective Praise, you are building self-esteem in kids as it gives them the confidence to continue to grow and learn. Effective Praise can be used for any positive behavior. Effective Praise can be especially helpful during a tantrum as it allows parents to focus on the positive and deescalate the situation.

Giving Effective Praise takes work to become natural. When it does, you will find yourself creating a stronger bond with your children. 

Visit SmarterParenting.com for the Effective Praise lesson video: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-praise/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Dealing with angry outbursts or tantrums can be frustrating and exhausting. 

 

The skill of Correcting Behaviors helps parents respond to negative behavior in a way that keeps the problem from escalating.

 

Correcting Behaviors gives parents the steps they need to help their child understand what is happening and gives them a way to channel their anger or frustration.

 

Children have outbursts or tantrums because they are feeling large emotions and don’t know how to process them. Common emotions that lead to outbursts include being frustrated, worried, scared, tired, hungry, or overwhelmed. 

 

An angry outburst or a tantrum is your child’s way of letting you know they need help to deal with their emotions. Instead of making the problem worse, using Correcting Behaviors gives a child an off-ramp for their behaviors and emotions.

The steps of Correcting Behavior are:

 

Get your child's attention 

Express empathy

Describe the negative behavior

Deliver a consequence for that behavior

Describe what you want instead

Give a meaningful reason why they should do the new behavior

Role-play the new behavior until the child is comfortable

In this episode we walk through how to teach these steps to families. When making behavior changes most parents think that they’ll find the most success by focusing on changing their child. In reality, the greatest change happens when the parent first makes changes. By changing one part of the system (how a parent responds) the entire system changes.

 

Learning behavior skills isn’t a quick fix, but it is a lasting fix.

 

To learn the skill of Correcting Behaviors, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/correcting-behaviors/

 

For full transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini answers more parenting questions about children who struggle with out-of-control behaviors. Such as why it takes a child with ADHD so much time to do simple tasks. How children with ADHD are motivated differently than neurotypical children. Concerns about the future of children with ADHD. 

In episode 74, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini talks with Dr. Gray and Dr. Crohan about the importance of getting the right diagnosis and how behavior skills can help kids with ADHD.

Preventing temper tantrums is a question that ADHD Smarter Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini is asked frequently during coaching sessions.

While there are many behavior skills on Smarter Parenting that can address tantrum behavior, the best way to deal with temper tantrums is to prevent them from happening using the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching.

The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching helps a child understand what they need to do in a specific situation. Knowing what to do beforehand allows a child to make corrections and deal with emotions and frustrations before they get out of control. Preventive Teaching gives your child confidence that they can handle any situation. 

When teaching the skill of Preventive Teaching, you need to focus on what you want their child to do and not what you don’t want their child to do. Focusing on what we want a child to do, helps our child rewire their brain, and adopt the new positive behavior. Talking about a new behavior isn’t enough. The real change comes when we Role-play or practice. We recommend that parents practice the new behavior as many times as needed until both you and the child are confident in your ability to do it. 

Using Preventive Teaching to stop tantrums before they start isn’t a quick fix. It’s a lasting fix that will take time and effort to implement but will pay huge dividends. Preventing temper tantrums will change the dynamic of your family and improve your relationship. 

If you are looking for specific help for tantrums, sign up for a free mini-coaching session. During the session, our ADHD Parenting coach Siope Kinikini will be able to dive deeper into the situation and will give you tailored information that will help your family find success. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

To learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/

For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

A lot of how we communicate is done by nonverbal communication. How we position our bodies, how we use or arms, or our facial expressions all send a message to those we are communicating with.

Understanding how we are communicating nonverbally goes a long way in increasing our relationship with our children. This is especially important when we're having difficult conversations as our nonverbal communication can be making the situation worse.

Things like standing over our child, or facing our child, or standing too close, can send signals of dominance or aggression, especially if feelings are running high. Parents can get a good idea of how a child is feeling by watching their nonverbal communication. Are their arms folded? Are they moving away? 

When parents have a grasp of nonverbal communication and the importance of body language, they can focus on shifting problems and difficult conversations "in front of you." What do we mean by this? When we shift our body language, we can shift the message we are sending our child. Instead of a problem being between us and hurting our relationship, the problem is in front of us. Now, together we can solve the problem, and the problem won't damage our relationship. That is powerful! 

The behavior skill of Effective Communication on SmarterParenting.com helps parents increase their communication skills.

We offer free 15-minute parenting coaching mini-session to help parents with nonverbal communication. Don’t put off healing your family! Sign-up today. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

To learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/

For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/