If you're feeling unhappy at work but keep talking yourself out of it, this episode is for you.

I unpick three phrases I hear all the time from men in their 40s and 50s:

• I should be grateful.
• I should be responsible.
• I should have this all figured out by now.

On the surface they sound sensible, maybe even innocent. But they’re more dangerous than you think as they keep you stuck, disconnected and afraid to admit that something isn't working anymore.

I explore why these beliefs are so common, how they show up in the men I coach and why they're often driven by guilt, fear and unrealistic expectations, rather than what's actually best for you.

I also share my own experience of leaving my corporate career and how coaching helped me realise that what I thought was responsibility was actually fear in disguise.

In this episode I cover:

• Why being grateful and wanting change can both be true.
• How fear can disguise itself as responsibility.
• Why so many men feel they should have life and work all figured out by now.
• The pressure many men feel to stay strong and cope alone.
• Why asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
• Practical ways to challenge these beliefs and start moving forward.

If any of these "shoulds" resonate with you, please know you're not alone.

Timestamps

00:00 Welcome to the podcast

00:45 Three ‘shoulds’ overview

01:11 I should be grateful

03:07 Reframe gratitude

03:29 I should be responsible

05:29 Redefine responsibility

05:54 I should have it all figured out by now

07:06 Ask for help practice

07:41 Wrap up and next steps

If you enjoyed this episode, please follow or subscribe and share it with a man who might need to hear it.

Free Career Audit

If you're feeling successful on paper but know something isn't quite right, complete my free Career Audit as a manageable first step:

www.twentytwentycoaching.co.uk

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What happens when the career you've spent years building suddenly comes to an end?

In this episode, I speak to coach and director of Everyday Leader, Colin Tapscott, about his journey from successful headteacher to business owner and the career crisis that changed everything.

On paper, Colin had achieved what many people aspire to. He became a headteacher in his early 30s, built a strong reputation and spent years leading schools. But underneath, something had shifted. The work no longer felt aligned with who he was and what mattered to him.

Then, just as he was planning his next move, an Ofsted inspection led to an abrupt and unexpected end to his career in education.

We explore the impact this had on his identity, confidence and wellbeing and what helped him rebuild.

We discuss:

• How to recognise when your career no longer fits.
• The difference between success and fulfilment.
• Why so many men tie their identity to their job.
• Coping with career setbacks, redundancy and unexpected change.
• The importance of support, reflection and asking for help.
• How to reconnect with your purpose when you're feeling lost.
• What Colin learned from rebuilding his career.

If you've ever found yourself wondering who you are beyond your job title, this conversation is for you.

Useful links:

Find out more about Colin:

Website: www.everydayleader.co.uk

YouTube: @everydayleader3086

Everyday Alchemy: Transforming Your Trash Into Treasure book: https://amzn.eu/d/0azP1cS9

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/colin-tapscott/

Visit Jess's website: www.twentytwentycoaching.co.uk

Connect with Jess on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jess-spiers-19760717/

Jess Spiers introduces the first episode of Successful On Paper and explores one of the biggest mistakes she sees men make when they're unhappy at work.

Too often, we jump straight into action mode - updating our CV, scrolling LinkedIn or looking at job adverts - before we've properly understood what's actually wrong.

Jess shares why clarity is the missing piece for so many men in their 40s and 50s and how understanding what matters to you now can make career decisions feel much easier.

She also shares the story of a coaching client who thought he needed a new job, only to discover that what he really needed was more ownership, challenge and meaning in his existing role.

You’ll learn:

• Why taking action too quickly can keep you stuck.
• The role clarity plays in making confident career decisions.
• Why what motivated you 10 years ago may not be what you need now.
• A simple exercise to help you understand what's missing from your career.

If you're feeling stuck, restless or wondering what's next, this episode is a great place to start.

You can also complete Jess's free Career Audit at www.twentytwentycoaching.co.uk to get clearer on what's working, what's not and what you need from the next stage of your career.

Useful links:

Visit Jess's website: www.twentytwentycoaching.co.uk

Connect with Jess on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jess-spiers-19760717/

If you're a man in your 40s or 50s who's built a successful career but something doesn't feel right anymore, this podcast is for you.

Find out what you can expect from Successful On Paper with host Jess Spiers, a qualified career coach who specialises in coaching men.

New episodes released every Thursday.

If you've ever wondered who you'd be without your job title, listen on.

I speak to career change coach and former TV executive Andy Sockanathan about identity, career change and the pressure many men feel when they're responsible for supporting their family financially.

Andy shares his unusual career journey from touring Europe as a drummer, to completing a PhD, to spending 15 years in television before being made redundant and building a successful coaching business.

Together, we explore the identity crisis that can come when a career ends, why so many men struggle to separate who they are from what they do and how to find clarity when you're not sure what's next.

• Why career change is often an identity challenge as much as a practical one.
• The reality of redundancy and rebuilding confidence.
• The pressure of being the main earner and supporting a family.
• Why many men struggle to ask for help when they're feeling lost.
• The importance of talking to people and having honest conversations.
• Career change versus career refresh.
• How to find clarity and direction when you don't know what's next.
• Why understanding who you are beyond your job title matters.

Timestamps

00:44 Meet Andy

01:05 From drummer to TV

03:40 Hidden struggles

05:55 The TV identity trap

07:56 Who am I now?

10:21 Redundancy reality

12:13 Finding the coaching path

16:15 The power of conversations

19:23 The reality of working in TV

26:02 Money pressures

27:38 Test before you leap

32:56 Refresh not replace

34:48 Advice for lost men

36:36 Where to find Andy

37:00 Closing thanks

Useful links

Connect with Andy:

Website: www.andysockanathan.com

LinkedIn: Dr Andy Sockanathan

Connect with Jess:

LinkedIn: Jess Spiers

Website: www.twentytwentycoaching.co.uk

Book a free half hour discovery call to see if we'd be a good fit to work together.

If you enjoyed this episode, please follow or subscribe and share it with a man who might need to hear it.