Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
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Titre
Date
Durée
Would You Eat This Bird Twenty Twenty Five
24 Nov 2025
01:40:29
Would You Eat This Bird Twenty Twenty Five Square Roots - Thanksgiving Special
Quest Log: 0:02:00 Level Up: 1:06:00
We're not doing a real episode this week, we're doing a Thanksgiving Funebration! And going through the hottest birds of 2025, or at least from games we played in 2025. Probably. Johnny did a really great job running this game and there were no errors. Please comment exactly that previous statement at Vanessa, Jim and Matthew.
This Week: Have a great American Thanksgiving! Next Week: Finish Chapter 3!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 1 - Sniff Her Feet
17 Nov 2025
02:10:35
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 1 - Sniff Her Feet Square Roots - Episode 489
Quest Log: 0:31:00 Level Up: 1:43:54
Even with a lack of cheevos we still dive into Nintendo's Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door! We're all playing on Switch, but no matter if you're on that or Gamecube you can certainly play along. Just be prepared for Horny Nintendo.
Also: * A Game For Babies With Good Attention Spans * We Complain About One Drive Like A Couple of Boomers * Why Are We Talking Like This * Bowser Is A Job Creator * Is Matt Goombing Right Now * Hooktail's Fetish Stuff
This Week: Defeat Hooktail in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door! Next Week: Finish Chapter 3!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Final Fantasy V Part 1: It's Not Gooning If You Don't Make The Face
15 Sep 2025
02:18:23
Final Fantasy V Part 1: It's Not Gooning If You Don't Make The Face Square Roots - Episode 481
Quest Log: 0:10:47 Level Up: 1:57:30
Look, we've got a Final Fantasy game with two cool dragons right upfront. Okay, technically, one is a sea serpent and one is a wyvern, but still. Does FFV blow its cool load early? In this chunker of Square's classic JRPG we explore its new, better translation, try to come to terms with its job system, and come across a king stuck halfway into a crystal room.
Also: * Untamed Honours * You Should Get Hired By Silent Hills, Inc. * Baby Four Eyes * I Love A Very Clean Man In A Waistcoat * A Reverse Rookie of the Year * That Man Needs To Be Taken To A Hospital
This Week: Defeat the Liquid Flame in the Fire Powered Ship in Final Fantasy V! Next Week: Play until we are blasted away by a force field!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Hello friends! It's The Holiday Wintertime Goodtime Week so we are off carousing, carolling, controlling and blu cantrelling, and not podcasting.
But that doesn't mean you can't have this fresh piece of Square Roots fruitcake from our archive! We watch the NPH 80s retro feature and give you our HOTTEST takes. Enjoy!
This Week: We watch a movie! About video games! Next Week: We Finish Final Fantasy 1! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Final Fantasy I Part 1 - I Would Never Use THAC0 In Public
18 Dec 2023
01:50:13
Square Roots - Episode 393 Oh wow! This is the oldest RPG we've done for a season! But none of us were ready for the adorable sprites and price-gouging magic dealers of Final Fantasy I! Also: - The Brown Crystal - Paul Giamatti Kisses a Woman - Super Into Creed - The Manana Origins - Margot Robbie Could Go Into Anyone's House - The Opposite of Downtown Brown - A Walken Shower
This Week: We defeat the Lich in Final Fantasy I! Next Week: We Finish Final Fantasy 1! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 392 Even after his Retron5 deleted all his saves, Johnny and the rest of Square Roots Podcast really do finish Final Fantasy IV! There's some kind of whale on the moon, and some crystals I guess, and then the game decides to beat the last boss for you which was a bit of a shock. Also: - Zeromus, Zero Fuss - Vanessa Leisure - I Have Another Recipeh - Am I The Asshole For Watching This? - Sing the Song In Your Heart - Do Prayers Rhyme? - Do airships go up? - Sqwale?
This Week: We finish Final Fantasy IV! Next Week: We defeat the Lich in Final Fantasy I! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Final Fantasy IV Part 4 - Everyone Loves a Penultimate Episode
04 Dec 2023
01:22:49
Square Roots - Episode 391 Sadly Jim is missing on this party killing episode of Square Roots! So Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew finally get to visit a matriarchy, experience Rubicante's Sexy Leg Peek, and swap a few airships. Also: - Taskmaster VR - Scott Pilgrim Starring Mae West - Final Fantasy's Least Successful Party? - Bloodthirsty for Party Members - He Can Use Two Swords at the Same Time!
This Week: We defeat the Demon Wall! Next Week: We finish Final Fantasy IV!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 390 Much to Jim's delight things take a tragic turn in this dramatic chunker of Final Fantasy IV! There's self-sacrifice, double bump amnesia, betrayals, de-trayals, and even a fantastic journey to the center of the earth! Also: - Women Love Men Who Jump - Lussy - The Under a Dark Influence Defense - Long Flowing Jareth Hair - A Water Plane - The Watermelon Cagnazzo
This Week: We meet the Dwarves in the underworld! Next Week: We defeat the Demon Wall!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Happy American Thanksgiving! Or, if you live elsewhere, the second to last week of November!
In celebration of this holiday, and due to all of us travelling this week, please enjoy Johnny asks Matthew, Jim, Vanessa and Doctor Steven Stone: Would You Eat This Bird?
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 389 On this second chunker of Final Fantasy IV, Cecil drops the dark sword for something a little lamer. And the Square Roots crew, minus Vanessa who is spiralling into the air due to a malady, delights in the change and in the introduction of Milon / Scarmiglione. Oh, and there's the adorable twins Palom and Porum! Also: - Congrats Gen-Z For "Mid" - Chuck E Cheese, Child Casino - I Got Zucked! - The Office of Relief - Karate Man
This Week: Cecil does his class change! Next Week: We meet the Dwarves in the underworld!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 388 Anything could happen on Halloween! Silent Hill could turn into a show. We could all start playing Final Fantasy, the fourth just so you know. Number Five has its butts! Number six destroys the world! But on Halloween, your BLOOD begins to CURL. Something spooky's going on! Also: - Is This The First Good Final Fantasy?! - That's Why They Call It Default! - Is That A Tampon Joke? - Tellah Says the Line! - Vanessa's on-location research!
This Week: We retrieve the sand crystal in Final Fantasy IV! Next Week: Cecil does his class change!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Fallout: New Vegas Part 9 - He Died Doing What He Loved
30 Oct 2023
02:25:33
Square Roots - Episode 387 We did it! We finished Fallout: New Vegas! Matthew fades in and out of consciousness throughout this epic journey, but in this chunker we play through the DLC "Lonesome Road" as well as finishing the main campaign! There's radio negging, stopping (or helping) an assassination, nuclear whoopsies, and maybe even a robot throwing someone off of a tower! Also: - Grandma Dry Eyes - Vault Suit Barbie - Wizards of the Coast's Basement - A Thoughtful Discussion of Patriotism (Derogatory) - Robots Can't Feel Pain - You're Just A Bunch of Meat and Goop!
This Week: We finish Fallout: New Vegas! Next Week: We retrieve the sand crystal in Final Fantasy IV!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Fallout: New Vegas Part 8 - Wing House Versus Wings Etcetera
23 Oct 2023
02:32:42
Square Roots - Episode 386 It's time for the silly, Portal Inspired companion piece of DLC, Old World Blues, on this chunker of Fallout: New Vegas. Sure, we meet some robots terrified of our disgusting erect hand penises and Johnny kills more dogs, but that's just how Fallout is. Also: - Turn Them Off From Behind - Juu'ls Van in Alaska - Accidental Sondheim - Switch or Phone! - Is Horny an Emotion?
This Week: We Finish Old World Blues! Next Week: We finish Fallout: New Vegas!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Heavy Rain: Part 4 - Even His Heavy Breathing Is French
08 Sep 2025
02:42:03
Heavy Rain: Part 4 - Even His Heavy Breathing Is French Square Roots - Episode 480
Quest Log: 0:23:18 Level Up: 2:24:57
We've solved the mystery of Heavy Rain, and for the most part we're pretty annoyed about it. But now's your chance to play through these final chapters of Heavy Rain, maybe trick an old lady into telling you about her sons, burn all the evidence, and check out the wrong address and fail to save your son. And they gave you all the clues!
Also: * Call Me Shaun * On A Scale Of One To Spicy * Motel Floor Sex * The Stanley Kubrick Room * A Plethora of Endings
This Week: Finish Heavy Rain! Next Week: Defeat the Liquid Flame in the Fire Powered Ship in Final Fantasy V!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Fallout: New Vegas Part 7 - Turtle! Turtle! Turtle!
16 Oct 2023
02:41:05
Square Roots - Episode 385 Finally wrapping up Dead Money we tackle the most important quest in Fallout: New Vegas: becoming Best Friends with Best Friend Tabitha! Or not, depending on how things play out for you. Also: RAUL! Also: - Anti-Circumcision Pokemon Stickers - A Human Head Shaped Lamp - Taskmaster Heckling - Playing Persona on Stage - Vanessa's Fly Updates - Dean: Alive or Undead - I'm Going to Kill Father Elijah - Matthew's Jojo Siwa Defense Squad - Jim Cheats Death
This Week: Finish Dead Money, Meet Best Friend Tabitha Next Week: We Finish Old World Blues and The Lonesome Road
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 384 We put off meeting Best Friend Tabitha for another week and instead learn all about the casino of the Sierra Madre, where a real Andrew Ryan takes us through the BioShockiest chunker of Fallout yet. Oh yeah, and Johnny gets a whole lot of people killed by the Brotherhood of Steel because he failed some speech checks. Also: - Why Wouldn't Dommy Mommy Want to Look Like a Dinosaur? - Jim Makes a Lateral Move - Doctor Edward Crane - Terminal Betrayal - Is BioShock a First Person Shooter
This Week: We finish up with the Brotherhood of Steel finally as well as reaching the Casino in Dead Money. Next Week: Finish Dead Money, Meet Best Friend Tabitha
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 383 Okay, we didn't hit our goal for this chunker again - we'll save dealing with the Brotherhood until next time. But this time on Square Roots we explore different methods of dealing with the Boomers and the Great Khans and continually tease how great Vault 34 is without actually getting there. Also: - Vanessa Describes the Best Scene from Retribution - Matthew's Origin Story - You're Legally Allowed to Kiss Them Whenever You Want - 2 Jacks at the Same Time - The Scrap Bringer - Updating Vanessa's New Vegas Sex Count - A Selection of the B-29's Greatest Hits
This Week: We deal with the Boomers and The Great Kahns. WARNING: The end of these quests can trigger the point of no return for your endgame faction. If you're not sure which way you want to go yet do not report to House, Yes Man, Caesar, or NCR. Next Week: We finish up with the Brotherhood of Steel finally as well as reaching the Casino in Dead Money.
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Fallout: New Vegas Part 4 - Google, Where is Ouch Ditch?
25 Sep 2023
02:29:29
Square Roots - Episode 382 Hey, jazz cats. It's time to meet some ring-a-ding broads and bears for a swinging time on the strip! We explore the White Glove Society's very secret secret that you'll never guess, the Rat Pack era Chaimen at the Tops, and Vegas's naughtiest casino, the Gamorrean Guards. You'll note we didn't end up making friends with the Boomers, so there are no Boomer jokes this episode. Also: - Johnny'z Orbeez Tangent - More Sexy Options - The Homestuck Gem - Becoming the Queen of Vegas - Canada's Dave Foley
This Week: We enter the New Vegas Strip and meet Mr. House, and confront Benny at the Tops. Recommended quests: Bye Bye Love and How Little We Know at Gomorrah, Beyond the Beef at the Ultra Lux. Next Week: We deal with the BrotherHood of Steel and The Great Kahns. WARNING: The end of these quests can trigger the point of no return for your endgame faction. If you're not sure which way you want to go yet do not report to House, Yes Man, Caesar, or NCR.
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Fallout: New Vegas Part 3 - A Lady Never Fists and Tells
18 Sep 2023
02:16:45
Square Roots - Episode 381 Okay, let's get this out of the way first: in this chunker Johnny mixes up Doc Mitchell and Doc Bailey. One is voiced by Michael Hogan and is the doctor in Good Springs, who came from a vault, and the other is the doctor from Vault 22. Michael Hogan played Commander Bailey in Mass Effect, so it's a simple mistake anyone could make. Right? RIGHT?!? Also in this chunker we figure out the best way to get inside New Vegas. Also: - Matthew Hates The King - Everyone Lies to Keely - Eating at the Y - Game Scom
This Week: We go to Boulder City then onto Freeside and complete G.I. Blues for The King, plus other quests on the Vegas Outskirts. Recommended: You Can Depend on Me (Crimson Caravan), Wang Dang Atomic Tango (Atomic Wrangler), There Stands the Grass (Camp McCarran). Next Week: We enter the New Vegas Strip and meet Mr. House, confront Benny in the Tops, and secure the cooperation of the Boomers. Recommended quests: Bye Bye Love and How Little We Know at Gomorrah, Beyond the Beef at the Ultra Lux.
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Fallout: New Vegas Part 2 - Five Ways To Be Brought Into A Sci-Fi Story
11 Sep 2023
02:27:06
Square Roots - Episode 380
On this chunker of Fallout: New Vegas, the Square Roots gang get a fourth member in the posse, and triple the number of Vanessas possible. We also meet Caesar's Legion and may or may not end up on bad terms with them, get spooked by a dinosaur, make friends with some ghouls and nightkin and turn on the power!
Also:
East Nippletown
Not All Lesbians Are Snipers But All Snipers Are Lesbians
A Real Treasjie
A Metafloorical Gaythrough
Just Fantastic
This Week: We reach NoVac and do the associated quests (One For My Baby, Come Fly With Me, That Lucky Old Sun)
Next Week: We go to Boulder City then onto Freeside and complete G.I. Blues for The King, plus other quests on the Vegas Outskirts. Recommended: You Can Depend on Me (Crimson Caravan), Wang Dang Atomic Tango (Atomic Wrangler), There Stands the Grass (Camp McCarran).
It's been seven years in the making but now we finally, finally shake the dust out of our boots and get on the long road to New Vegas. That's right, the Fallout game that uses the Bethesda engine but has Obsidian developing. Is it the best of both worlds?
Also:
Gambling Puns!
The Johnny Guitar bit
Air Bud 3: The Chess Muttster
Jim watches Scary Movie 2
The Canadian Vault
Cuck George Jetson
This Week: We instate a new mayor sheriff in Fallout: New Vegas!
Next Week: We reach NoVac and do the associated quests (One For My Baby, Come Fly With Me, That Lucky Old Sun)
Lunar: Silver Star Part 7 - Talk For Your Vanessa For Help With TMWS
28 Aug 2023
01:55:09
Square Roots - Episode 378
Finally! We've worked through Lunar in admittedly probably one too many episodes. But hey, we finished it! And we get to see just what happens when your moon girlfriend actually is a goddess. Like. A real one. Not metaphorical.
Also:
- The Grandia Pile - I'm Gonna Digest All Your Clothes - Offishul - PlayStation Porthole - Jeopardy! Untucked - Sheryl Kyle
This Week: We finish Lunar!
Next Week: We instate a new mayor sheriff in Fallout: New Vegas!
UPDATE: Johnny's computer got dead enough that it is being fixed by the Geek Squad! Yay! On this Jimless episode of Square Roots Johnny, Vanessa and Matthew get frequently derailed by asides to the point where they forget what they're supposed to be doing, but what they're doing is recording the penultimate episode of our book club style playthrough of Lunar! That's right, there's every kind of reveal. Was Matthew correct?
Also:
- Johnny and Vanessa Fail Astronomy - Big Polyamory Is Killing Mom and Pop Cuck Chair Shops - Johnny Eats A Cookie - Black Lipstick Equals Evil
- Kate Bush's Hit "How Can You Be Dying When You're Standing Next To A Grave" - Is Flat A Shape?
This Week: We defeat Royce in [REDACTED]'s Fortress
Square Roots - Episode 376 It's a Jim Edit, so you know what that means: NOTHING GETS CUT OUT. This is Square Roots the way THE MAN won't let us do it: RAW and UNCUT. No one's diffusing these TRUTH BOMBS as we play through a seemingly uncontroversial chunk of Game Arts's pleasant RPG Lunar: The Silver Star. In this chunk we're heading through a couple of lost woods, talking to a dragon who may already be dead, engaging in tricky relationship dilemmas, and experiencing the taste of betrayal once again. Also: - Go-Go Dancer #3 Is An Ex of Mine - Boat Dracula! - Jim Doesn't Accept Your Pity - Tempestt & Bledsoe - What Is Sex If Not A Fight In Bed? - No I Didn't Think He Was Not Coming Back
This Week: Defeat the Magic Masher in Ruid! Next Week: We defeat Xenobia in [REDACTED]'s Fortress
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Heavy Rain: Part 3 - Left Trigger Inner Monologue About Ball Crushing
01 Sep 2025
02:30:54
Heavy Rain: Part 3 - Left Trigger Inner Monologue About Ball Crushing Square Roots - Episode 479
Quest Log: 0:19:10 Level Up: 2:11:00
It's Final Fantasy Heavy Rain Time. It's what Strangers in Paradise is like. It's also a prequel to Final Fantasy X. The Origami Killer is secretly Sin. And this time you can seduce Louis CK! And dance sexy for him!
Also: * Sexy Alias Adventures * Not Every Person Needs To Be A Serial Killer * Swallow Night: Milf Thong * Jimmy Carr Would Be A Ventrue * A Muppet Version of Expedition 33 * If Ethan Was Good At Close-Up Magic, None Of This Would Have Happened
This Week: Finish Chapter 39 / Fish Tank With Norman Jayden Next Week: Finish Heavy Rain!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Lunar: Silver Star Part 4 - I Would Simply Say No Thank You
07 Aug 2023
01:46:44
Square Roots - Episode 375 Oh boy! We get to meet so many dragons, and yet... not in time? Yeah, we get a lot of very brief dragon encounters, but not the Bad Dragon kind, in this chunker of Game Arts's Lunar. Sadly no Matthew's game because we were on a tight time schedule. Also: - A Campaign of Terror Against My Friends and Family - I Was A Drunk Six Year Old - The Secret Origin of Duran Duran's A View To A Kill - We Don't Like Slapping Music - He Smiled To Make Vanessa Melt - You Gotta Tag Your Porn
This Week: Reach the top of.Myght's Tower! Next Week: Defeat the Magic Masher in Ruid!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 374 Are you ready for an action packed episode of Lunar: Silver Star Something? Oh boy. So much happens on this episode of Square Roots, from double betrayals in the game to Matthew's Stupid Game finding its special groove. So join us on a Bromide packed journey! Also: - We Pitch "The Jewell Thief" - Jem Wasn't Outrageous - The Beach Is The Best M Night Shyamalan Movie Of The Past 20 Years (Derogatory) - Lunar Non-Pervy Run Challenge Level: Impossible - Mascot Nathan Drake - Yeah Winnie the Pooh is Stuck in That Hole
This Week: We return the blueprints or blue prince in Iluk! Next Week: Defeat the Shadow Spectre in Talon Mine!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 373 MORE DIAL OF DESTINY SPOILERS AT 25:10! *SORRY* We all get seduced by an elf man with some kind of lyre in this deeply erotic episode of Square Roots. We're looking at the second chunker of Lunar: Silver Star where we find pornography in Vane's magic library, meet Austin Powers, and become landlords.
Also: - Star Wars Courtroom Drama - Woiked for the Weapers - Wolverine, the Twink With the Claws - That's What Working Designs Does - The Translator Was Very Hungry
This Week: We defeat the Faux Dragonmaster in Lann! Next Week: We return the blueprints or blue prince in Iluk!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Lunar: Silver Star Part 1 - If You Open Them There's Bees
10 Jul 2023
02:46:57
Square Roots - Episode 372 Alright, it's back to real retro RPGs now! And we've got Game Arts's Lunar: Silver Star. Or Silver Star Story. Or Silver Star Complete. Or Silver Star Harmony? Or Silver Star Touch? It's complicated and we don't totally understand. Also:
- Matthew's Game 1, Everybody Else 0 - The Father Looks Like *REDACTED* - Johnny Loves His Frame Rates - 90s Waynes World Speak - The Job of Women is to Ruin Men's Fun - They're All In Love With Dyne And They're Doing It In Texas
This Week: We reach Meribia in Lunar! Next Week: We defeat the Ultragoyles!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 7 - Ramsay Is Out, We're Into Mermaids Now
03 Jul 2023
02:40:02
Square Roots - Episode 371 We plow through another gazillion hours of games (if you're Canadian, 2.5 hours if you're Jim) as we finish Final Fantasy 7 Remake and the Intermission DLC. There's a lot to go through, like Matthew and Vanessa hating the swirling tornado of fate, Johnny and Jim on team defendy, and a zooming close up on a pom. Also:
- Guess Whodo? - Johnny Flubs His Game Again - The Metaverse Is So Hot Right Now - A Sexy Stocking Bomb - Jim's Amazing Prank - Final Fantasy Gets Kingdom Heartsy
This Week: We finish Final Fantasy 7 Remake AND Intermission! Next Week: We reach Meriba in Lunar!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 6 - I've Looked At Cloud From Both Sides Now
26 Jun 2023
02:14:15
Square Roots - Episode 370 Johnny's back and has two weeks pent up of his usual Scary Movie / Family Guy style reference humour. The other hosts grudgingly tolerate it. But it's a great chunk of the game, cut a little short because it turned out to be super long. We've got the sneaky climb up Shinra tower, office politics, a bored mayor, our first chunk of Jenova, a pointless dungeon, and so much lore to figure out. Also:
- The Most Boring Opening Tangent Ever, According to Jim - Johnny Flubs His Game - The Password is Force Field - Why Did You Do It, Alan Rickman? - The Mechanics of Cait Sith - Air Holes - Perfecting the Lord British Texan Accent - Butter Talk - And so much more!
This Week: We defeat Rufus! Next Week: We finish the main game AND the Intermission!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 5 - No One Cares About The Emperor's New Groove
19 Jun 2023
02:16:12
Square Roots - Episode 369 It's a rare Johnnyless episode today but Vanessa, Jim and Matthew pick up the slack! That's right, Matthew has his own stupid game! Vanessa pushes along the quest log! Matthew licks Pringles! On this chunker of Final Fantasy 7 Remake: NOTHING HAPPENS, but somehow it takes 11 hours of game time. Also:
- Labe Flapping - Ramsay Can't Solve Alcoholism - It's Mako Town - The Hat Guy Fandom
This Week: We finish Chapter 15! Next Week: We finish the main game!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 4 - The Flamingo Dress
12 Jun 2023
02:39:34
Square Roots - Episode 368 We get an exclusive VIP pass to the Honeybee Inn, but where we really want to go to is Haunted House. We hear they even have a trap door! On this chunker of Square Roots we get derailed talking about this chunk of Final Fantasy 7 Remake because Jim has watched too much I Think You Should Leave and Vanessa ponders the wisdom of doing her own solo podcast like You Must Remember This. Also:
- We Can't Come Up With Our Own Things - Jim Saw Mr. Boogedy - He Got Pushed Off - You Know, The Dance of the Seven Veils - Sweet Johnny Sidequests - Sexy Storage - Barrett's Bullets
This Week: We finish Chapter 12! Next Week: We finish Chapter 15!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 3 - The Second Tallest Moogle I've Ever Seen
05 Jun 2023
02:14:41
Square Roots - Episode 367 On this chunker we get into the pridiest, queeriest, most flamboyant portion of Final Fantasy 7 Remake: The Wall Market! Also:
- James Burke and Celebrity Crushes - Michelle Pfieffer as Aerith's Mom - Tanktops and Salmon Shorts - What If They Find Out Cool Ryder is Roche? - What Else Am I Gonna Do With a Robo Hand? - Tuba Harassment - That's the Patriarchy For You
This Week: Cloud gets a hand massage to completion at the Wall Market! Next Week: We finish Chapter 12 in Final Fantasy VII Remake!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Today's episode of Square Roots is brought to you by the latest in Bidet technology, BidAi. And once you feel car-wash clean back there, please enjoy this essential chunker of David Cage's bonkers classic adventure game, Heavy Rain. There's fish throwing! A crucifix guy! Car driving! A Coward's Door! And so much more.
Also: * The Disinfect The Wound Game * If Mister X and Barbarian Lady Had a Baby * He Dead * Johnny's Yuck Your Yum Corner * Hot Coffee Assault
This Week: Get through Chapter 25 / End of the Golf Club! Next Week: Finish Chapter 39 / Fish Tank With Norman Jayden
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 366 On this chunker of Final Fantasy 7 Remake, it's all about Roche. Who is Roche? Who does his hair? What other games has Roche been in? What movies does Roche like? If you were going to get Roche a gift, what should you get him? Also:
- Sloppy Steaks - I'm Talking About Shafts - Matt is a Shinra Truther - That's What The Horns Are For - We Didn't Talk ABout Politics - Sympathetic Back Pain - So Horny For Cloud
This Week: We finish Chapter 7 in Final Fantasy VII Remake! Next Week: We finish Chapter 9 in Final Fantasy VII Remake!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 1 - Super Overpowered Lads Doing Interesting Errands Repeatedly
22 May 2023
02:27:44
Square Roots - Episode 365 It's a new game! Or maybe an old game. But it's new to some of us, and that's the important part. Except that we've all played Final Fantasy 7. But is this a remake? It's complicated. On this life blood of the planet sucking episode we do the first reactor bombing run, get derailed and run into someone who shouldn't be there, and find some cats. Also:
- The Worst Kind of Admiration - A Time Usage Breakdown of 60 Minute Man - Johnny's Overrated Game (JOG) - The Smell of Mako - Catherine Zehta / Zayta / Zeeta Jones - Kentucky Walliams - Incident at Owl Creek: Mako Version - Refined or Mature?
This Week: We finish Chapter 3 in Final Fantasy VII Remake! Next Week: We finish Chapter 7 in Final Fantasy VII Remake!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 364 We finally finish Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear and everyone gets smooches! Except Jim. We all meet our ideal matches that we'd descend to the first level of fantasy hell with, and then do just that! But none of us expect the... extended finale and one heck of a cliffhanger! Also:
- Being Insistent About Your Apathy - Either Vaguely Threatening Or A Wet Blanket - Shakira & DJ Khaled - Matthew Just Likes The Attention - Zelda's So Hot Right Now
This Week: We finish Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear! Next Week: We finish Chapter 3 in Final Fantasy VII Remake!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Baldur's Gate Part 7 - Git Gud (At Reading Comprehension)
08 May 2023
02:15:04
Square Roots - Episode 363 Vanessa drops hot Nabokov bombs and asks everyone to come at her in this classy episode of Square Roots. Before we get into Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear's chunky middle chapters there is THE BIGGEST BETRAYAL IN SQUARE ROOTS HISTORY during this week's Smush Mouth. Also:
- Jim Lives Forever - You Just Sound Like A Canadian Who Can't Talk Right - Jahiera Jahiera! - Rituo Chamo - You Can't Have A Cuck Cuck You - A Skie Trip
This Week: We reach the underground river! Next Week: We finish Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 362 Dive into this sickly sweet bowl of soup, which is definitely not just BBQ sauce. Today's flavours are the first chunk of the rather chunky and expansive Siege of Dragonspear DLC for BioWare's Baldur's Gate - we had to reduce what we covered due to this game just being real big. It turns out Siege of Dragonspear is actually pretty new? And pretty good? Also:
- Your Dad's Impressions - Vanessa's Ratatouille Moment - There's Some Whores in this Castle - Jack Black's Mars Attacks! - Dorn Fans
This Week: We meet Caelar! Next Week: We cross the bridge fort bridge of the Siege of Dragonspear!? I dunno.
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 361 We try to carefully navigate the discussion of Safana's confident sexuality without judgment, and the results are mixed. Is she living her truth or a Lady Issun? On this chunker of Square Roots we battle Saravok if the game doesn't glitch out, as well as try and figure out what sort of chaos he was planning in Baldur's Gate. Oh yeah, there's also jerk Skeleton archers, a James Bond mini adventure, and so much more! Also:
- Pete Does Not Have A Sexy Voice - George Lucas Was Right - An RPG's First Example of a Great Healthy Relationship - A Glitched Saravok - The First Real Bosses of the Game
This Week: We finish Chapter 7! And maybe some of the DLC. Next Week: We cross the bridge fort bridge of the Siege of Dragonspear!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 360 Join Johnny "Bhaal Boy" Brandon and Straight Girl Vanessa as well as Matthew and Jim as we allllmost finish Baldur's Gate, but then don't. So yeah, there's gonna be a couple more episodes! In this chunker instead we (except Johnny) visit Ulgoth's Beard and then including Johnny attack Durlag's Tower, a fiendish den of traps and trappery. Also:
- Who wrote the West Wing? - CHAHLEE MAH BAYBEE - All That Smushes is Mouth - Matthew Loves Wolf-Weres - Secret Pro Level Chess Moves - Put The Bowl Down And Back Out of the Room
This Week: We finish Durlag's Tower! Next Week: We finish Chapter 7! And maybe some of the DLC.
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Baldur's Gate Part 3 - You Can't Trust These Murder Fathers
10 Apr 2023
01:54:30
Square Roots - Episode 359 There's a big city out there to discover, and that city is the eponymous BALDUR'S GATE! Does it have a Baldur's Gay Village? Can you purchase a Baldur's Gateaux? Will you meet a whole bunch of doppelgängers? Is there finally a revelation about your secret heritage everyone has been hinting at? YOU BET. Also:
- Vanessa Says Do Do - The Twist! - Doppelgänger Negging - What About Bhaal? - A Hotel Full of Slimes - The Saga of the Half-Life 2 Gnome Achievement - Sephiroth Will Make You Jump, Jump!
This Week: We finish Chapters 5 and 6! Next Week: We finish Durlag's Tower and Chapter 7!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Square Roots - Episode 358 Uh oh, someone didn't finish this chunker and it's not who you think! This week Johnny bombs trying to make his own Answer Smoosh, Vanessa has found true wizardly love, and we clear out some bandits AND yet another mine! Also:
- A Real Cabinet Meeting - Famous Vanessa Catchphrase "Time to Die" - Tampopokémon Red - Blacktalons & Chill - Matthew's Accidental Dream Corner - Our Listeners are Educated and Informed
This Week: We finish Chapter 4! Next Week: We finish Chapter 5 and probably 6!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Baldur's Gate Part 1 - Hashtag Chaotic Good Lifestyle
27 Mar 2023
02:48:42
Square Roots - Episode 357 BioJanuWarey is over, welcome to Marchioware? BioMare? BioWarch? In this swashbuckling episode of Square Roots we all adopt old timey accents and swing into the thick of Faerun in Baldur's Gate. There's magicks! Hobgoblins! Spiders! And a walking 1990s meme! Also:
- Iambic Poonslammiter - Happy Bear Day - Answer Smoosh - Jizzle Physics - Another Bad Dragon Situation
This Week: We clear out chapter 2 (Nashkel Mines) in Baldur's Gate! Next Week: Chapters 3 and 4 and maybe 5 if that feels short
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Heavy Rain: Part 1 - Origammy Square Roots - Episode 477 Quest Log: 0:26:25 Level Up: 2:43:04
Are you ready to be Caged? That's right, it's David Cage time! The notorious director of Quantic Dreams's games! And you all voted for us to play Heavy Rain for some reason when Fable III and Enslaved: Odyssey to the West are right there! But that's okay, we love you just the same. So here's three hours of us talking about a game that for some baffling reason Vanessa and Johnny both seem to love.
Also: * A Movie Where You Move The Boy Around * Making Fried Chicken Over There? * A Weird French Clown, Not An American Clown * Matt Versus The Dark Knight * There Is Bush In This Game, Kate Bush
This Week: Get through Chapter 12 / leave the motel in Heavy Rain! Next Week: Get through Chapter 25 / End of the Golf Club!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Mass Effect 3 Part 8 - The Reapers Are Basically A Roomba
20 Mar 2023
02:53:43
Square Roots - Episode 356 We did it! Since starting in 2017 we have now played through all of the original Mass Effect Trilogy, the only Mass Effect games that exist. No, there was no such thing as Galaxy or Andromeda or that one iPhone 3D one either. Nope.
Also:
- Normal People Watch the Food Network - #JohnDunsWasRight - Are You Ready For Sequel Slam 2023? - Somehow The Reapers Have The Citadel - Everyone's Favourite Character Major Coates
This Week: We finish Mass Effect 3! Next Week: We clear out chapter 2 (Nashkel Mines) in Baldur's Gate!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Mass Effect 3 Part 7 - A Romantic Canadian Evening
13 Mar 2023
02:29:22
Square Roots - Episode 355 Johnny gets weird quasi-dates with straight guys flashbacks in this party filled, aquarium smashing, minigame loving chunker of BioWare's Mass Effect 3! Mass Effect lets its hair down and gets out of its ridiculous marching band outfit and finally lets you enjoy the world they've created, at least for this one DLC. There's evil betrayals! Clones! Gun toting Hanar! Grunt in the shower! And so much more! Also:
- The Princess of Burnsville - Vanessa's Milky White Obsession - The Whore / Horror Switcheroo - Shepherd Almost Died And It Was The Funniest Thing That Ever Happened - The Asari Don't Make Sense - The Normanddy of Thessius - Definitely Not Gay James Vega - Blasto: A Porn Parody
This Week: The Citadel DLC! Next Week: We finish Mass Effect 3!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Mass Effect 3 Part 6 - A Genetically Perfect Butt
06 Mar 2023
02:26:13
Square Roots - Episode 354 Sadly we don't get to dispatch Kai Leng in this episode, but we do get to meet some big ol' space bugs in this chunker of BioWare's Mass Effect 3! We get a lot of DLC lore about the origin of the Reapers, get to splish splash in some water, and Miranda gets to wrap up her Cerberus ties and crappy father issues in one biotic swoop. Also an exciting edition of Jim's Front Page Failure! Also:
- Johnny Can't Tell if Jim Is Saying Horror Or Whore But Is Afraid To Ask - A Very Real George Miller Game - Jackson Cloink-Cloink - That Was Some Good Breevin' - Vectorman for the Sega Genesis - Vanessa's Chef Wrestler Persona
This Week: Leviathan, Horizon: Zero Ashleys (because she's probably dead) Next Week: The Citadel DLC!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven