Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast Song of the Dakini Tantras

How do you feel? No, I mean, how does one do it? 

how does feeling happen? flavored energy movement through the body with sound, like prayer, emotion, sensation, images, 

contractions of perception, and roots of karma all influence. 

what are we feeling? Maybe response to a current moment, 

experience, interaction, or maybe one from the past, 

memory of a feeling, Who is the one who feels? The human self, emotional body vibrates, this vibration is necessary. It is aliveness. 

We bring it into coherence, clarify the frequencies, there are no good feelings and bad feelings, we thin the veils so we feel 

each moment directly with unconditional love and acceptance

The essence of space, the nature of mind, is beyond color and shape. 

I offer, offer, offer my treasured illusory body, so desperately searching for meaning. But first we go down to the river to pray, 

which has no meaning only body, hold my hand, make me real. 

It has only water and feeling. Serpents in the dark mud are family. 

The one eyed cat cannot hold her urine.

Passion is the bridge that leads from the smaller truth,

that suffering is needed for healing, towards the larger richer experience of life as the lovemaking in all things. All things. 

Even the accounting, charting, and explaining, 

even when it does not seem practical or make sense. 

I raised the serpents in the night and it was a flood 

of karmic unwinding, sickness, and compressed red death, 

difficult to keep my focus on the love, the light and the pleasure. 

Shiva, dark blue of the night, bless your beauty and your vow, 

your sleek muscularity and potent trident, we draw the shapes and thickness up and through. I ride upon you as the red dakini. 

The flow of the waterfall of my shakti has the power to focus your energy in my mind, Silence and song, stillness and dance

then such a need for evacuation, my buffalo angels, 

your compassionate hooves to trample, to shatter suffering structures, 

my black jaguar lover, my red spotted jaguar sister, to gobble up large chunks of raw flesh. star people, your dark hands weeding my garden. heaving sobs from my innards, my core. Sometimes it does not seem 

as though my shadow material is diminishing or nearing completion, 

I pray for more encouragement, to keep moving forward and cultivating myself as Queen in union with my King, Goddess as one with my God. Wayshower of the path of manifestation through passion, compassion,

safe and true. Which means I feel myself from head to toe, 

the succulence of sexual desire for my secret lover blossoms, 

it destroys me, Angels of mercy. I can feel the beloved waiting, 

Pulsing me, pressing close and it feels unbearable, this love, this bliss.

I offer up the one who cannot bear it.

Holy Mother beneath my feet, in my heart, I spread my fingers and toes upon your body, warm stone, we breathe, we bless

Holy Father in the sky, grandfather sun and cloud people, my star families through the blue Stargate in my heart, we breathe, we bless, 

Holy Child that I am, birthed in my heart, innocent and pure, 

all my desires laid bare, we breathe, we bless,

I know myself to be a cherished holy child of the Creator  

with my life unfolding according to generous grace, 

I surrender all obstacles to my fulfillment now, 

I am blessed with joy and merciful compassion, so be it

how long does it take to touch a tree?

standing figure 8 unites Medicine Wheels of Earth and Sky, all things 

in creation simply want to fulfill the purpose for which they are created...

In the center, there is no center or circumference only space, 

stillness and silence, rich and primordial, undying, unborn

becoming the center of the atomic configuration 

dynamic emanations issuing forth shapes, colors, unearthly sounds 

the I Am Union, a core of inter-penetrating Bliss 

with all of separation consciousness moving through, 

implosion and compression into the red death, depression 

explosion and flinging outward into white glare, anxiety

stay close, so close. When there is trauma, it is shocking 

to open to feeling, threatening. squirming discomfort. settling down into practice requires great courage and cultivation of safety. 

I offer, offer, offer to my protectors, the Buddhas, 

dakinis and archangels, my sustainers, the luminous ones 

and Stone people, stay close. Hold me close.

You, my child, are beloved of God. 

Spirit of all life, bear witness. Amen and Amen...

The death has been so strong these two days , Dark Angel, 

I am still not fully back to life, adjusting to the light 

and my new body, still tender but more alive , all that has died 

is the deadwood , I am still practicing the golden nectar yoga,

my belly quakes each time it passes through. 

I feel strong but uncertain love for my parents, my sister and daughters, 

I feel disarming and fearful love for the man, my secret lover 

unacknowledged in the outer world, everything on the inner,

when Love wants to reside fatly in the center of the garden, 

there is no denying anyone or anything.

Jikuri, peyote medicina, sacrament of the blue deer and the Christ Light, I take you into my mouth, my body, the body of Christ, 

thank you Medicina, thank you, and then emotion arises, 

I want to scream at him, it is personal, I am a woman of flesh 

and blood and feeling, I know all your secrets and hidden shame,

I pray to forgive,

I return to the original state, embrace with emptiness.

Unborn is the nature of awareness, Undying

thinking I am so intelligent, letting go of thinking that 

either way it is the death of me, no textbooks read in medical school, my brain simply doesn’t work that way, it wants to read 

from right to left from back to front, skip words, sentences, 

whole paragraphs,  It is a mystery. What is intelligence? 

no smarter than the worker in the field, clarifying the view.

I am humbled by the bearded woodsman, 

who stands in the forest and touches trees, sharing tactile wisdom. 

when I open my voice to the song of the spheres, feel deeply, and sway my hips in the natural rhythm that unites all things in harmony, 

then I am shown all things. from nothing to everything.

Beloved master of infinite compassion, rise up inside my heart, 

bestow your blessings, white OM in my head center 

red AH in my throat center, blue HUM in my heart center, 

Violet flame that cleanses all obscurations of body, speech and mind, 

our Violet flame, the union which eliminates all need for purification...

Hands, healing hands, soothing, stroking hands, clapping hands, slapping hands, but only gently on your hips 

holding hands, hands that are free and open for holding

hold my hand, make me real.  The gift of manifestation,

 I am a manifestor, I manifest  beauty and skill, 

I manifest bitterness and resentment, I manifest passionate desire and compassionate sacred neutral, I manifest poverty and  wealth, 

I manifest through my choice and awareness.

It is the lot of initiate, goddess, yogini and twin flames 

to feel all disharmony and separation intensely, in the bones and blood 

The victory is assured, despite all appearances, 

come mother, come daughter, come lover, we will rejoice together.

the more I straighten my spine, speak a mantra, and resurrect, 

the more I die , dissolution of the elements, dissolving 

of concrete reality, priests and priestesses of my body, angels of mercy. I raise the light through my tissues, cultivate the staying awake 

and just sitting, even though I squirm and sway and the rash inflames, my buffalo and reindeer angels, kindly snuffle me here. 

Letting the heart and belly be soft, Ultimate practice of reverence 

for self and no self. There is a death in each atomic configuration,  

in each alchemical center. Beloved, press close, so close.

it is the speed that kills, speed of movement and thought 

even speed of mantra. speed that comes from fear and aggression, 

the left thumb is swollen from gripping too tightly the glass jar.

If the masculine receives too much tenderness, 

he may feel smothered, as if by the mother 

come to my table, come drink at my well, although you think 

you have another plan for your hunger, search deeply into your heart, into your soul, and you will find the invitation from me 

that you have long waited for

I allow my Great Desire for liberation to blossom, 

I embody the Divine mother's capacity to feel emotion 

without judgment, I live fully in this world, courageously naked

He opened again and did not follow through,

he opened and revealed, denied parts of it, cut and run,

shakti awakened with no consummation smoke and mirrors,

he is in control, he is the master. I bow to him,

my system gets frantic when it starts to feel him

slipping away again, I just want to be close to him.

smoke and mirrors, Mirror-Like Wisdom, Vajra family,

I see through a glass darkly, I see through a glass clearly 

only love, which has no meaning, only sound.

I see reflected in him my deepest polarizations

and the brilliance of 1000 candles

floating down the Ganges

 Mother-Father Creator God, give us what we need this day 

in nourishment and wisdom for each next step

of this human life, 

with what is ours to do within the sacred circle,

earth beneath our feet and earth elements within the body animated by your Love, by my Love.

Help me with the death fields that want to move upon me 

and separate me from you. help me reclaim the peacefulness 

I felt before I saw that which had been taken from me.

When I nurture myself as the loved one, lovable and loving, 

then my loved ones gather close around me.

If I indulge separation, I feel desolate, 

looking around with these eyes I am all alone

Do the dakini tantras and then do nothing, 

Sahaja, spontaneous wisdom

Cultivate bliss and sexual energy to balance feminine intuition 

and masculine intellect in the union of polarities

We have the same wound. the wanting to put a piece of chocolate 

in the mouth because of anxiety, emotion or a desire frustrated, 

the wanting to have sex . It is the same oral impulse.

Patience, patience, the healing progresses, 

we foster intentional nourishment in the anguish of core wounds, 

not being seen or acknowledged and at once being violated, 

the impulse to be invisible is strong. 

The master came to me in the cave, while sitting in meditation. 

We vibrated together, swam in the ocean of love 

and torrents of karma, shame, fear and conflicted emotion 

poured out of me, and off me, like a monsoon rain. 

If there is no self, then where does the wanting come from, 

the motivation for anything, the prayer for more life? 

There may be no self on the level of the Absolute, but way in deep, 

so close to the no thing of God, there is an oversoul, 

the fractal which manifests down along the chain of density from 

the very subtle finally into the human self, which must be considered

and navigated through, it’s profound captaincy on the relative level.

Dried brown pointed leaf, poked me through an opening 

in the sandal of my left foot, as I danced upon the body of the Mother in the fading evening light, stay awake! Eight offering goddesses, 

all dancing beautifully, we offer to the protectors 

to send back the negative energies, to keep the way open 

for sustenance and wisdom and fruition of deepest desires.

Matcha latte, it is so emerald green, like the swift savioress, 

like the tablets of Thoth the Atlantean, like drinking fresh spring grasses foamy with your milk,

like the foam on the sand as the waves reach up, shake vigorously and then let go,

leaving their ghosts behind

Things are only forbidden when we try to take without asking, 

so we humbly bow and request to turn the wheel, 

we travel into the heart and make offerings, freely and generously

There is the experience of fever, terrible pain in the face, 

teeth and eyes, the crucifixion, and then there is the terrible fear 

of being incapacitated, no ability in this moment to engage 

with the outside world, people, places or things. 

Angels of Mercy. 

everything is either a preparation for the union or the union itself. 

now just walking. Every moment is an initiatory portal

I shake when I pick up the texts, I shake with my love, my devotion. 

I can’t believe that I have the text right here. I received it 

in the proper way. I can see how the teachings were stolen in the past, taken without being given.  there is fear, guilt and shame, Some misuse. Somehow he and I participated together. Secret teachings gone awry.  confessing and  atoning, that is complete. now I walk in the light of day with my love of the teachings and my love of him. 

I request the blessing to turn the wheel of dharma 

my pure intention for this, for the union with him

the fire of the dakini in the belly melts the concrete view of reality 

in the head, and the lotus of compassion grows 

in the lake of emptiness that results 

every dakini is an electron, orbiting around 

the central nucleus of true essence, inchoate Plenitude, 

every Buddha has four dakinis, or 10,000, implacable peacefulness, generous guru. 

I am guru, I am dakini , the yidam, secret lover, 

the one who loves, the one who is beloved, the truest love story

Coming into alignment is an automatic detoxification, purification, 

a kind of clash, as the darkness emerges and meets the light, 

it comes out swinging and spitting, hitting and grabbing. 

More learning, letting it arise without taking over. 

Peace, be still, and know that I am God.

I am the ladder of Jewels for the Buddha’s descent from heaven, 

I am the Buddha descending on the ladder down to earth 

to offer compassion and the teachings, I am the beings 

in each of the six realms of Samsara, who immediately 

apprehend each other and are deeply stirred to awaken

I am receptive to a full spectrum of light. I am cross pollinated 

by many wisdom teachings disseminated by the wise ones 

who come and go like the wind, I honor all perspectives. 

I appreciate all the various names that the one God-goddess 

has acquired through time and human cultures

I am remembering the golden spine inside of its bony housing. 

I always reside  in the temple of my body. I make offerings of myself. 

I made these offerings to him when he came to me here.

my protection is in discernment, discriminating awareness wisdom, 

Padma family of the west, Lotus flower, Kali the red, Magdalena. 

my protection is in the respectful honoring of my own unique needs, 

in the filling out of my light body, in my protectors, 

peaceful and wrathful deities, and Archangels with whom I share a vow my safety and protection and supreme peacefulness are 

in the center of the mandala, the center of the four directions 

in the center of the Merkaba shared with the Stone people

with attention the performance of automatisms, 

actions that are unconscious, begin to fade and disappear. 

so do thoughts and images, desires, and ideas, memories, 

associations, similarities, and differences

freeing myself from the contracted reality that says 

I just have trauma. We can work on that level, tend to it kindly, 

we must, but even the heart and dakini bliss opening, 

and inner sanctum of mind flooded with light, 

can be experienced as suffering when we abide in samsara

The higher we go on the ascension spiral, the deeper we must travel into the underworld to balance the energies. 

I do this, and I find him here, we have done this before  

We have descended together, and we have risen up 

through the pillar of light in my body and his,

into the heavens together before the altar of the holy of holies, 

he does not want to make it real on the relative, 

but that does not erase my remembering, my recognition, 

I let him go, and I grieve, Everything else seems bland and uninteresting

I pray to find the color and sparkle of my own aliveness 

without the taste of him. I am, I feel, I need, 

I want, I speak, I move, I show myself in safety. 

he spoke of the Nature of Mind.

Year of the fire horse, manifestation, and completion, 

completing patterns, karmas, illness, old ways of being in confusion, completing projects, steps of projects, small movements forward 

free from expectation, Completing relationships,

the form of a relationship.

Going out of business sale, everything must go

the vow does not complete, or does it? relative, Absolute 

wisdom is the thread that continues to run through it all, 

the love is eternal, it is not finished, it evolves, the form of it evolves

Better a coyote ruckus, howling across the ridge, 

than the sound of rats squealing, in some kind of death throes, 

on this night of the full moon completely eclipsed at 3:33 am, 

Jewel Moon, Jewel Moonlight

Wisdom initiation in the heart center, seed replaces bodhicitta , 

atomic configuration, desire riding on life force, 

the dynamic of this Mandala is joy, most intensely felt in the gut 

“You love that medicine.” “Oh, I wrestle with it.” 

Yeshua  the master said, integrated, resisting delusion 

are those who long clearly for a foundation of peace 

between the warring parts of themselves; they shall find 

all around them the materials to build it

Sucking Angels, I call on you to suck on my fingers and toes 

the tip of my tailbone, the tip of my nose.  

draw dark substances from inside of face, lips, 

channels, the petals and mouth of the lotus

vacuum the Persian rug at my back and under my feet. 

suction me out, clean and holy, original goodness, unsullied 

the pressing and drawing out, drawing through, are exquisite, 

exchange of oxygen, electrons, hummingbird wings, 

thick trunk and earthy pelt of the Medicine bear

Angels of purification, my intimate places, remembering the mandala 

ripe and fertile, in readiness for liquid light and seed, hold me close

Yeshua the Master said, You are loved, even that shadowy self 

who still practices arrogant separation and has not yet opened the door to our Father-Mother's hearth and the nourishment found therein

water tiger, fire dragon, fire horse, this is the year

the answer to your prayers.

your protection, your awakened activities

can happen much more quickly through the dakini than just the buddha 

I dare to speak about the fire dragon out loud. my intimacies with him, you’d better have your protectors in place 

Om benzar ratna tsita raga rage hung phet so ha

you’d better make sure that you are speaking absolute truth. 

Wakinyan, thunderbeing, the raw energy from my eye 

cleanses the vision of the human

When one has been annihilated and comes from a place of deficit, 

it is easy for the mind to want to think that it is special and smart, puffed up like toad, he was so ready to decimate my inflation

The wrathful protectors destroy and magnetize, 

the peaceful protectors pacify and increase. 

the One of the Generous Reprieve of the Judgment 

is wealthy enough to have a pair of boots. 

Fire dragon, water lotus, water tiger

I lie on my bed with my feet to the east 

Place of the rising Sun and the masculine, 

my head to the west,  place of the Buffalo, inward, and the feminine. 

On my right, the south, King and Queen of the earth element, 

the jaguar and the red Bindu which is normally at the root, 

but on the right side, it helps to free and offer up 

the white glare of the masculine and the future. 

On my left is the north, green Tara, the destroyer, 

place of the reindeer and the white bindu which is usually

at the Crown, but here it frees and offers up the red death 

of the feminine and the past. I lie on the cross for the Crucifixion 

and I know I am not alone. There is such sweetness and rejoicing. 

I swoon with Birdsong, the dweller whispers to me 

of my ancient origins so I remember who I Am.

I Am She who Creates.  I Am the One who Loves All Things

songs of sorrow, songs of jubilee, 

your children taken and sold into slavery, you grieve with your family you are not alone, we sing. When the violation rejection and negation 

happen within the family, it is unspeakable, we sing. 

we come into the human experience slaves to our suffering, 

hot faggots are being applied to my limbs, 

slaves to the habits of the dark ages, we come to wake up to it, we sing.

When human understanding has been obliterated, 

we must embrace and sanctify, restore it to sanity, 

before we liberate it completely and let concrete reality dissolve . 

The relative must be made real. 

make me real, beloved, through your love, 

through my love, our love, we sing

I try to meditate, but I hear the cries of the hungry ghosts 

and the ones in the hell realms, while the others are off having fun, 

I stay and tend to them , knowing that it is their view 

that all the others are having fun, and still I make a prayer 

for my happiness and theirs, and the causes of happiness

Gospel choir of the Earth elements of my body, we sing  

It is easy to love the sweet, deep purple grapes on the vine 

with translucent skin shimmering in the afternoon sunlight, 

easy to sing them a love song, but what about 

the swollen, red and painful skin on the hand and the foot 

that mind blames for losing everything? 

when the grapes are sour, we need the love song more than ever. 

Karma ripens, it does not just disappear. 

Six kinds of faith that are really three, 

lucid faith, the faith of conviction, and inspired faith . 

Faith is a treasure, the supreme of all there is 

like a wish fulfilling jewel it fulfills all needs.

skin, hair, teeth and nails, the outermost packaging 

of this fear suit, this love suit, how do I look?  how do things appear?

I walked through a fairy forest on wooden planks with my daughter, 

my heart aquiver.  sun filtered through the mist just like in the movies 

hand of God reaching through from the formless into form 

still learning how to let all that love for her just be  

without stumbling and freezing with Shame for having it 

and fear of not knowing how to do it.

In fractal progression, the shape of the pattern is the framework, 

the difference within the framework 

is our particular energetic signature for life

I am the warrior, I am focused, determined, disciplined, and devoted. 

Ground, path, and fruition. Hunger for the firm masculine.

When the vow is broken or given back 

it feels like your soul is being ripped out of your body . 

visceral like the stomach flu. when you are being woken up 

from a comatose sleep by the heaving in the belly 

that has a mind of its own.

The states are so extreme, now I am in separation, 

glazed and numb and harsh, 

now I’m in my body, falling into the pit of agony, 

the pit of dark suffocation and flaccid men, still separation

we draw the root up and let the shakti spin the wheels 

of alchemical fervor, press against me, beloved, a new life is born

free from ignorance, grasping and aversion

Enlightenment happens with the eyes open

Wind is breath, it is prana, life force, 

we want the channels breathing well, flowing well, 

not too much, not too little,

rhythmic alterations of heat and bliss . 

Melted bindus, drops of light through channels.

Small boy with dark hair and sawed-off tennis racket swings wildly, 

he sometimes hits the pink fluorescent ball 

and sometimes just combs the air, now he swings so strongly 

that he flings himself to the ground, he gets up unconcerned

Lama Khyen, Lama Khyen, Guru, watch over me

Let the view be as vast as the sky, descend with it, 

let the conduct be as refined as the finest barley flour, ascend with it

We listen to the words of a teaching, thank you

they are someone else’s interpretations but steady, steady

no need to let the mind fixate or projections gain power 

we still bow to the Inner Guru 

the blessing of having a rich sexual yogic practice with your partner 

the sacred consort who is a good match, 

this alone does not bring you to enlightenment 

but it is the profound fulfillment of one aspect of life in form

Yuthok, my deepest desires…

mind training, Lojong , body training Lujong

we can spend the day training in breath, breath in the body, 

feeling in the body, the desire body, 

breath in the belly, breath in the emotions, gentle here

I receive the Four Empowerments through the strength 

of my commitment, the Samaya, and I pass out 

of the two witnesses hold the principal one

it may all be illusion, but it is holographic 

every cell, every emotional frequency of this vehicle 

that’s what the body is for, blessed service

faint sunlight on new green shingles on the roof next door

my friend in the sauna yesterday said, 

I’m sensitive, but I’m glad I’m not as sensitive as you. 

extra slab of flesh on my belly, too much popcorn and chocolate 

impulse to try to soothe through the mouth, 

which only seems to inflame it. except for one thing  

smell touch taste, sharing tendrils of light. 

though my mouth did not inflame, my desire for him did, 

a thousandfold, so be it. now I suffer the loss

the mouth thinks it wants to be filled 

the hole thinks it wants to be filled, but then they feel sick. 

They don’t want to be filled. They want to be soothed. 

They want the movement of the milk, of the nectar, through them

but not filled up like a closed container , movement through

seed essence through Mandala, fill my chalice with elixir 

it overflows and then shatters, hanging onto nothing.

The shadow parts hide in the holes, but they want to be found. 

The hands want to touch from the hole, 

the eyes want to look from the hole, but they will never be satisfied. We take the eyeballs for a walk around the sacred circle 

with the Rapid Awakened Protector, 

with the pink Medicine Buddha. Supreme Glory Free from Sorrow, 

with the Swift One of Heroic Glory, with the Immortal Yogi, vase body  

and everything starts to drain, we empty out, 

empty out all the channels and holes

shame perpetuates the unconscious trance of acting out the karma

protector, partner, lover, and sexual consort, father to children, intimate friend , the holy vow, Medicine Husband, 

respect of man and woman for each other, Reindeer Husband, 

crystal rod in my spine, Christ Light between the antlers. 

unrelenting grief and shame that he does not want me for his wife, understanding this makes no sense, it was never a possibility. 

the romantic projection of a one and only everlasting true love dissolves in the embodied awareness 

that I am already inseparable from my Twin Flame Beloved.

but what about my love story Magdalena?

the stomach tries to not feel the pain, 

thereby shutting down the pleasure

Bhakti of unconditional love and devotion 

direct transmission of lavender-scented honey

stars and serpents in the Tree of Life, pinecone in the brain

Taku Skanskan, Holy Breath, all that moves

I played more music for us and the lovemaking, hours at a time 

than I have played for myself in the past nine years 

forgiveness for self that the listening to music 

can be so evocative of sorrow and unfulfilled longing 

pulsating rhythms, medicine songs in Spanish 

tender melodies, and everything in between

they inhabit the God realm in my mind 

his beautiful smell and muscled arms 

their perfect yoga and diets with green drinks and tea of the right kind their perfect life of prayer and ceremony 

and spending time at the ocean 

all projected illusion from snippets of images I have seen 

I liberate the God realms inside of myself 

and my having fallen from them 

and the hungry ghost and hell realms who are so tormented 

by what they perceive is happening in physicality 

my loss, someone else’s gain

in the dark, there is less fear of being seen 

my loved ones actually come closer, there is no shame of them 

pressing against me, breathing with me, my hunger can show itself 

my passion can open, the blue hung can easily glide down 

to touch the red seed essence, and up to touch the white 

so they can join their virtue 

when I feel obstacle it is best if I draw close to myself 

lift the pelvic floor and press the diaphragm down, vase body

offer up the eyeballs so the gripping can relax 

energies settle and breath softens again 

tender allowance for the eyes that don’t want to look up 

when the sun is bright or there is glare 

connect through the Heart, Torus Tube

remembering my shamanic origins as Santa Claus 

Saint Nicola, Saint Catherine, flying reindeer

though I don’t need to ingest the medicine, I Am the Medicine

courage to stay present in these places 

with the autonomic contractions in my body 

to let the sickness pass through, there is ease, there is challenge

I have the skill, I have all the help, I remember my reindeer husband 

my Medicine husband, in this place and it looks like him  

I continue to cut roots of confused presentations 

and honor what is True 

birth of the Christ Light between the antlers of the reindeer 

Yeshua the Master and his Magdalena, as shaman, as yogin

they did not have to take the mushrooms either

we can transmute all words and sounds through the throat chakra 

even those that we hear or read, though we may not be speaking them 

all sound is mantra 

I come into my sensuality to come into practice, 

to be ready for my yidam, my secret lover

pile of spiral silver earrings, glitter and pearl 

behind the post in the bathroom stall

when we meet everything that manifests on the inner and outer 

with unconditional love and acceptance 

then we can change our destiny 

it is not fixed or predetermined, we choose it every moment

Yeshua the Master said, it is not about praying to me as your savior, come into my arms and together we align 

with the Mother-Father Creator God, the giver of Life, 

which is already yours, eternal and sweet as the morning dew. 

Let your longing soften you, for that which you think you cannot have but is already yours.

cultivate your light body and know the One directly 

hang onto your hats, it is the season. It is the moment

everything you hoped for, everything you feared 

it comes in the dark of night, 

so dark you think you will die of suffocation, terrible and wondrous beginnings and endings at this time of the year, 

the birth of the Christ light so wrathful 

the birth of the Christ child so tender, 

it comes in a storm, whirlwind in the dead of the season

steady wisdom of the sure-footed creatures of the North

my reindeer and buffalo angels come to snuffle me, snuffle the baby

there is no holding on to anything but your beloved 

and he is not who you thought. 

the birth of the Christ child is the cause of happiness, 

but it must result in human happiness, joy in the dark of the night, 

not alone, my family, my loved ones, we press close together,

 we affirm each other and the sacred together 

we sing praises in the dead of the night, 

even in deep depression and despair 

we look for the causes of happiness, know them and become them 

the victory of the Peace that is so implacable 

that the mind cannot comprehend. 

Alien Star Orchid Dakini. I came here to be human 

so confusing and disorienting, valiant struggle to learn 

Tree of Life, Breath of Life, humans hurt each other 

they ignore each other and insult each other 

they deprive each other of what is needed and wanted 

all of samsaric existence, when we experience life through samsara

Hathor Star Nation, shared Merkabah 

humans seem to get together and talk about things 

but there are so many other things going on beneath the surface 

so many energies in multiple other dimensions

I never understood how to focus just on that most surface level 

I am the One of Supreme Peacefulness 

I am the One who proclaims the sound of HUM

lover and beloved as Father,

not father to me, but Father in himself

spine and the wings, stem and the bowl

Father and Mother, masculine and feminine in the Union 

the roles disappear, but are not diminished 

I see you, I am seen, it is personal, it is cellular 

we ride on the golden wings of the hawk 

against the back, hold me so close, 

up in the sky, protecting the eyes and the corridor to Heaven

the Mother and Father are One 

Indestructible Bindu of red and white seed essences 

eternally wed in the Heart 

the Light and Will of the Father, the Love and Devotion of the Mother

Love of the body, of the Earth elements 

the physicality must come from the Mother, she is that

the body and the Love of it

The Precious Treasury of the Basic Space of Phenomena 

is the depth of mind of the omniscient lama 

that beautifully reveals the meaning of Dharmakaya, 

Genuine Mind itself, to be Naked Awareness 

with nothing to be added or dispelled

I possess the slow seeing of Owl, measured turning of the head Medicine of discernment, wisdom, and destroying deception

Truth of the Garden, Truth of the hell realms 

lighting the way through death with shared Light and cultivation

to liberate the suffering ones, following Yeshua and Magdalena 

but he has forgotten, or maybe not 

yet he is choosing something else 

in this moment of eternity and I am grieving 

I pray to be shown the highest good that is in this 

I especially pray to know my own happiness 

the Causes of Happiness, and my deepest desires fulfilled

one part leaking energies and one part pristine absolute Truth

tantric, shamanic, and indigenous

we travel into the celestial realms through my voice, 

then root into the body of the Mother, fingers touching lightly, 

sinking bare toes into warm sand, sun kissing shining faces

man and woman on this earth walk, witnessed by the medicines, 

creatures, angels and other humans in the light of day

letting go of him from ceremony, from the womb of purification 

I took him in so deeply with the spoken prayer 

the smoke, earth and sky, grandfather Tabaquito 

letting go of him from traveling 

through astral realms and the underworld,

where I already knew him

we have been there before many times together 

he does not want to do this with me now

Master Alchemist, I am assigned the task of transmuting 

every elemental energy and emotion without judgment or reactivity, 

Sacred Neutral, every step I take is leading to my happiness

I practice as the yidam even though I feel like an undeveloped fetus 

like a raw peeled shrimp from the lower realms

the alchemical centers are the glands of the endocrine system 

the chakras, they are the autonomic foci of the nervous system 

portals from the subtle dimensions into the physical body

fusion of sun and moon in each one 

Master Alchemist, the knowing of this 

the need to balance it with development of the human 

the paradox of needing to practice in these profound secret ways

just to tolerate being in this body 

and in contact with other humans and form 

forgiveness of the looking forward to new sweaters and crystals 

and things that I don’t even really want

we do our deity yoga first, manifest as our yidam 

and then command the protectors to protect us 

from that point of view 

they are part of our spiritual Sangha, expressions of Buddha activity  

they are our spiritual immune system

commanding the elements and the miracles, 

commanding the orders of angels and the protectors 

commanding from my God self 

from the place of union and inseparability

I must activate the bellows to be in my body 

difficult when in ordinary non-ceremonial life

but necessary if I am to be in Presence in every moment 

a cleansing mental, physical and spiritual shower 

somehow, I need Protectors for this 

I must ask and receive, but somehow use my volition 

maybe nectar up, as the rain pounds on my body, the dead body 

the shame is hard to bear 

I stay inside, I stay deep inside with the writhing 

I cut the roots of the glaring projections 

I cut the roots of the ones who are drawn to them and grab for them egg on the face

the passionate holy camels tenderly eat it off with their swimming lips 

the accidental running into them 

without eye contact or acknowledgment is painful 

since confusion is due to afflictive emotions

it is held that freedom comes 

from making emotions themselves the path, this is fortunate

hatred for her face, rage for his profile, 

as they waited for their hamburgers 

Angels of Mercy, Dove of Shekinah‘s Grace  

fractured souls,  fragmented psyches, grief and devastation

I submit to the cleansing shower, like a shivering dog in a bathtub

when the dark night of the soul persists do not resist

the rebirthing process, stay connected, that is the key

all spiritual approaches must culminate in the approach 

of the Vajra Heart Essence, being impossible 

to attain Buddhahood without perceiving this doorway

I made a vow to him one night as we were still damp 

from sweat and heat, I said, I pledge you my Truth

he spoke of the Nature of Mind

allowing boundary to arise from adoring care of self and other 

free from aggression

when there is discomfort or negativity in the dream 

the practice is to bring Love to it

I understand the fractured soul, the fragmented psyche

the kind where the mother tries to destroy the child 

or the mother kills herself 

it makes for a very different kind of life and practice 

we take care with the story and positionality

the fear of the softness, of the reverence, the vulnerability 

the fear of being seen in that place 

the shame of previous profane thinking and acting 

the fear of remembering the connection with him and the reverence the sacred opening, remembering, remembering

the words, the prayers, the songs, they penetrate me, I am split open

my passion shows on my face, and in my body, my deepest desire

sacrifice, to make sacred, everything that I think is, or was, profane

my teeth are pearly white, I sing the Song of my Highest Destiny 

I want to be lying down when the serpents come alive 

and start to dance. Vase Body

my Father, the Creator, gives me what you hear me say 

and what you see me do 

the Mother of Wisdom, Shekinah-Sophia, the Holy Spirit of Truth 

bears witness to this

becoming aware that I was in the death process for years 

continually resisting the rebirthing, the initiations 

I did not realize what was happening, or know how to do it 

I did not know how to let concrete reality dissolve gracefully 

and safely at the time, while raising two daughters