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So Castaway 2000 is now long behind us, and bereft of new ideas of things to do we decided to just go back to doing great bad films. And what a way to start off!

When an industrial mangle/steampress develops a taste for human blood only one cop, one old man and guy that possibly was in Pink Floyd can stop it. Starring Buffalo Bill and Freddie Krueger what we have is some of the most insane nonsense. And its great.

You'll hear all about antacids, lathes and what constitutes a morgue.

Our time on the island has come to an end and about halfway through this we decided to write down what we thought happened to the castaways once they left the island.

Some of it is true.

Normal service will resume soon but if you have anything you want us to possibly cover you can get us in all the usual places yeah?

And just like that its all over.

After a year on the island, our beloved Castaways are leaving and we get another sort of highlights package of the time they spent together as well as some new stuff about the lovely Christmas they had (minus the ham) and some other bits and pieces. We also get to see them leave the island for the last time and honestly, it's all very very emotional.

Thank you all for coming on this journey with us, its been informative, fun and educational (like 30 thousand dead English)

If you do want to watch along with us, this is where we watched and you honestly really should too.

https://youtube.com/@horgabostorbust?si=WKVnyD5At5LlzPHP

Thank you

The end is in sight for our castaways as they prepare to leave Taransay for the last time and we get some greatest moments, some behind the scenes bonus footage and Ray pops up to do some... Ray things.

We also find out about teabags, kebab talk and the mysterious Taransay 5 is revealed!

Were still hovering about the clips sadly, because Lion TV are terrible at their job. but we manage to wangle a few laughs out of a dire situation.

We get old faces returning, Plantys hatred of old people and sheep transplants.

Our time on the island is coming to an end and the production team have got NOTHING to put in these shows so its a lot of old clips spliced in with some new stuff. The TV show that is, not this.

We find out all about the dirty dirty love loves of some of the younger castaways as well as some behind the scenes footage of caffeine related assaults. The Ghost of Ray makes an appearance and there is some lovely footage of the island but yeah.

Its gets better I promise

Things are winding down on the island now and everyone just seems to be mucking about and having a laugh. We get two episodes of Through the Pod-Hole with Toby from Leeds and Trev and Ben takes us on a tour of the Posh house.

There is also great sadness as Lady the cow leaves the island with her baby cow (or calf if you will) but on the other side, all the booze arrives for one last big hurrah!

The day we have all been waiting for has finally arrived!

Yes, that's right, the first annual Castaway Booze Tournament is in full effect. Who will win, who will lose and who will get very drunk and make an idiot of themselves.

We also get a good bit of info on island life, how they all keep clean and a great bit of toilet fun.

There is no homebrew contest this week because the usual amount of chaos has once again descended onto the island.

Its Bens birthday and Col and the lads try to explode him, there's deer based moral conundrums and the islanders welcome another among them. On a full moon.

Also, be sure to eat your calcium kids!

A sense of calm has descended on our castaways this week as the most exciting thing that's happening is a homebrew contest. That's it.

There's also talk of illicit trysts, job descriptions, kitchen related hijinks, a weird Through the Keyhole game and the Children in Need song what they done.

Its visitors week on Taransay and everyone has visitors come to stay a while.

There's talk of toilet etiquette, Poly Tunnel Tours and actual pig murder.

There's some bittersweet moments too as we have more people leaving the island, some of them more well known to us then others.

Another week on the lovely island of Taransay sees yet more Castaways leaving as well as horse and her wobbly child.

Yes, despite all his previous tantrums and that, Ron finally agrees to leave much to the delight of everyone else on the island.

There's unpaid vets bills, vets cutting of bits and other stuff that doesn't even have a vet in it!

Planty & John are walking 25 miles in one day for Teesside Hospice in the memory of listener James Allen

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Trigger Warning: This Episode deals with issues of homophobia, racism and domestic violence. If this may be in anyway upsetting to you, please skip and we will see you down the road.

Things are coming to a head on the island with everybody annoyed at everyone else for reasons both real and imagined. We get dog death, kitchen yelling and Peter getting a telling off.

There's Dodgy bands, dirty baths and MR PIPES!

Planty & John are walking 25 miles in one day for Teesside Hospice in the memory of listener James Allen

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Ahoy there!

Yes we are still doing Castaway 2000 and yes, it is getting better. While Ray may have left the island in disgrace, his tarnished legacy lives in in the burning of a wicker man that causes concern. There is also exciting horse news, a trip to the mainland and a lot of door slamming.

Also Uncle Planty reads us a horrific story about pipes, welks and sheep. So just be aware.

Planty & John are walking 25 miles in one day for Teesside Hospice in the memory of listener James Allen

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It is with a sad heart and a damaged liver we say goodbye to the first castaway to leave the island of their own volition.

But do not be too downhearted dear listener because the rest of them now have pigs, paint and a mirror called Jolene. We get more Tales from Grandpa Planty, Lofty facts are still very water based and there's a lovely poem to see us out.

Planty & John are walking 25 miles in one day for Teesside Hospice in the memory of listener James Allen

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100thingswelearnedfromfilm.co.uk

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Patience is running thin on the island, with Ray abandoning his meatballs, the school being to moist for humans and Ben lying about his beard growing abilities. Yes we are back with episode 7 of Castaway 2000, the only show that has weather as a featured guest. We also get introduced to Storytime with Planty

Planty & John are walking 25 miles in one day for Teesside Hospice in the memory of listener James Allen

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Castaway 2000 continues with the aftermath of Rays drunken outburst, Peter gets on everyone's nerves with aggressive minute keeping and animals arrive on the island. Cows, sheep and a pony to be exact and lets see how long they last. The housing pods are nearly finished, the doctors are inbound and Ron is threatening children with a fun time.

Its getting really good.

Planty & John are walking 25 miles in one day for Teesside Hospice in the memory of listener James Allen

If you can spare a few quid please donate at:

justgiving.com/page/100thingspod

or

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We're still on our Castaway 2000 jaunt and now near enough everyone is on the island, ready to go. Except the Doctors family, Ron and some others who are stuck in a haunted Toby Carvery for some reason.

Ray continues to slide into drunken madness, we get the first of the Video Diaries and tensions are running high over minor squabbles. The islanders also celebrate Burns Night and tempers spill over into an almost ruck between.... well you'll have to listen. (its Ray)

Planty & John are walking 25 miles in one day for Teesside Hospice in the memory of listener James Allen

If you can spare a few quid please donate at:

justgiving.com/page/100thingspod

or

100thingswelearnedfromfilm.co.uk

Thank you

Thank you for joining us once again as we struggle on through Castaway 2000 with Episode 4 where both groups of chosen get together for the first time and immediately fall out over contracts and beard assignment.

But they're all on the island now. Right? Right?!

Planty & John are walking 25 miles in one day for Teesside Hospice in the memory of listener James Allen

If you can spare a few quid please donate at:

justgiving.com/page/100thingspod

or

100thingswelearnedfromfilm.co.uk

Thank you

We plod ever onwards with our misguided attempt at doing something new with episode 3 of Castaway. We are introduced to "The Other Group" of miscreants and ne'er do wells who are competing for a space on the Scottish island of Taransay with the rest of them.

You'll get Lofty wisdom (and Lofty Facts!), the worst assault course ever, mans conquest of fire and we find out the cracks are already beginning to show on the island.

Planty & John are walking 25 miles in one day for Teesside Hospice in the memory of listener James Allen

If you can spare a few quid please donate at:

justgiving.com/page/100thingspod

or

100thingswelearnedfromfilm.co.uk

Thank you

Things are heating up this week as our intrepid would-be wilderness survivors must learn to operate tarpaulin, kill a chicken and fight each other (not to the death sadly)

King Lofty spins his unique wisdom while contemplating becoming a king of the frontier and badger causes mild chaos. We also find out who has been successful in their application, who has not and what they would bring to the island as a "luxury item" .

All the episode we will be covering are available here

https://youtu.be/nccfWjdT0LM?si=w5LCYkIKnWAFm9ox

so get them watched and tell us who you think is going in the wicker man first!

This week and over the coming weeks we are going to take you through the rightfully forgotten BBC reality survival show Castaway 2000 for no other reason then we really love it apparently.

That's right, for the next few weeks/months/until we get tired and forget you're going to hear all about a show that is a quarter of a century old. But don't let that put you off, this is some the absolute best television even made in the history of humanity.

30 odd people dumped on a remote Scottish island trying to build a community in a blatant afront to all the gods.

Episode 1 deals with a whole bunch of people trying out to be selected including a very angry Tom Baker-a-like, the oldest man in the world and some posh families.

Its a wild ride, so please join us.

Come fly with me, lets fly, lets fly away. But please do remember to bring an in date passport yeah?

We're back to maximum strength this week as we take you through the "best" of the late '90s fly on the wall shows, the mighty Airline. While most of the show is people angry that they aren't allowed onto actual planes without legitimate documents there are also genuine nuggets of gold in there and our new favourite person, Notorious tennis enthusiast BJ who is absolutely glorious.

Get it in your ears

James is away this week so Planty and Joe are left to their own devices and choose to take you through the short lived and incredibly confusing "quiz" show Shafted! hosted by everyone's favourite whammer Robert Kilroy-Silk.

Its a bewildering game where nobody seems to know what's going on and cant really be bothered to make an effort. No wonder it only ran for 4 episodes eh?

Normal service will resume shortly we promise

Happy New Year!

We are back on our reality TV nonsense this week with a delightful episode of Don't Tell the Bride where idiot men are given money to plan horrible weddings for the supposed love of their lives.

In this episode a man who's whole personality is Army and Carling plans a WW2 themed wedding for his fiancé who is a.....beautician? Yes us neither.

Find out about wooden planes, drunken bulldogs and excessive use of the word "Vintagey"

We got into the sweet sherry a bit early this year so here's our slightly tipsy review of the new Netflix nonsense The Merry Gentlemen, the classic Christmas story of taking your top off to save a witches music venue.

You'll hear all about improbable career roles, impractical short term goals to raise money and Joe gets weirdly obsessed with nobs.

We were a little bit drunk when we recorded this (its Christmas) so yeah.

Have a very Happy Christmas or whatever you celebrate and we shall see you soon

Yeah, we know everyone else is reviewing it but in the words of the late, great Dolores O'Riordan "everyone else is doing it, so why cant we"?

This week we dip our toe back in to the slime filled Gordon swimming pool as we take you through a Cher-Tastic episode of Hotel Hell. It's Kitchen Nightmares but with a lot more semen apparently.

You'll find out about plastic plaster, the least successful hotel coup in existence and what you should always have for breakfast.

Awooga!

This week to complete our Craig Charles triangle were taking you through the much loved cyborg gladiator nonsense that is Robot Wars (season 9 episode 2) purely for a reason that becomes apparent.

If you are not familiar with the concept, teams of nerds, mechanical wizards and for some reason children build and then battle huge armoured robots in an arena that has spikes and fire and that. It's honestly really good.

You will learn all about secret voices, Italian hands and why Noel Sharkey is a big fat liar

As its the scary season we thought we would bring you a terrifying moment from our childhoods in the shape of the 1992 absolute masterpiece Ghostwatch with Parkie and Lister and Greeny and the other bloke.

Broadcast as a live ghost hunt on actual Halloween night, this is tale of duplicity, horror and wanking in the high backed chair at a reasonably price hotel chain.

Happy Halloween yeah

Welcome stranger!

This week as part of our "people with stuff on their head failing basic tasks" series we bring you a classic episode of the fondly remembered and rightly so kids show Knightmare. A simple premise of youths guiding their behelmeted friend through a sort of non union D&D dungeon to win a prize or most likely die by falling off a ledge.

Its honestly brilliant.

You can hear all about Barry The Brave, confusing cubes, HobGoblin facts! and the only protestant march in the seven kingdoms!

All of this is on youtube and we cannot recommend it enough.

Shut up Cyber Phil!

This week we take you back to 1993 then Virtual Reality was the future and you could legitimately make a gameshow based on that alone. We are of course talking about Cyberzone the short lived but fondly remembered Craig Charles technology based "Adventure" game where the rules don't matter and the points matter even less.

You will hear all about fringed jackets, pointless Wii games, correct helicopter uses and the worst prize we have ever seen.

The episode we reviewed is up on youtube if you want to watch beforehand but honestly, its better if you dont.

This week we take you all the way back to 2003 with an episode of the fantastic and weirdly forgotten Time Commanders. Its sort of a bit like Risk but with way more shouting and abject failure.

You will hear all about Milton Keynes infrastructure, polo shirt envy, dead 50s rock stars, being unable to see the wood for the trees, Archers, The Archers and Jeffery Archer and some actual historical knowledge from James.

Still ploughing our way through the reality TV world and this week its a "fan" request, as we take you through a classic week of the daytime B&B squabble fest Four in a Bed. Imagine Come Dine with Me but its people that own weird hotels and want to be YOUR friend.

You'll hear all about egg contraptions, the worst game to play with strangers, the cost of 1 fly, creepy ringmasters and how much technology is too much technology?

If you have any suggestions for shows you want us to cover let us know by all the usual methods. Or just yell them at us in the street like everyone else does yeah?

Continuing on with our reality TV theme were doing for some reason we bring you this week Season 43 Episode 8 of the long running cookery bastard show Come Dine with me where 5 random people have to host consecutive dinner parties in the hope of winning a grand. A simple enough premise but its always an entertaining watch due to the misguided dreams of the contestents.

This episode is all about Claire who serves everything on a plank, has only a wok to cook in and makes possibly the worst chips we have ever seen.

There are clips of the show on YouTube and it is on the 4 app if you live in the UK.

Prawns

Something a little different as a temporary filler until we are all back together as we take you through a classic episode of Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA as its something Joe and Mark love greatly and its something we have wanted to try for a bit now.

You'll hear all about floor food, Marks virginity and the best off brand Ghostbusters theme you never heard.

The whole episode is available on here https://youtu.be/pHchw-J91qE?si=6CPmyBycfIGG1JZK

and if this is something that you like we can do more of them. We probably will anyways

James & Joe are back after a prolonged Genie related incident to take you through a proper Hallmark for the first time in a long time, the 2024 classic Paging Mr Darcy.

The story of a dull woman, a dull man and the most annoying sister in the world. You'll hear all about catering biffers, James experimental one man show and the formation of Mansfield Chunk

This week we are joined by the fantastically talented Mr Pat Veil to go through the 2008 classic Punisher: Warzone or The Most Violent Marvel Film to Date as it should be known.

You will hear all about bullet sprinklers, Dennis Nedry facts, tales of Pats dashed boyhood dreams and Plantys one impression he can do.

Its a little more relaxed in the edit this week simply because talking to Pat is lovely experience and he definitely classes up the joint.

Go follow his social media but most importantly listen to his music, he's really really good.

https://linktr.ee/patveil

Joe has been abandoned but thankfully the lovely Jay has stepped in to take him through another Hulk Hogan film, this time the 2009 classic Little Hercules in 3D although it wasn't in 3D. Starring Terrible Terry, The Big Show Tall Paul and the little buff boy you all remember from them memes a few years back. Its a simple tale of Hercules, Socrates and somehow Draculas wife going to Burbank to win a decathlon or something.

You will hear all about toilet phones, the worst teacher yet, hoarding children and the best special effect we have ever seen.

You can find Jay over on The Untitled Wrestling Podcast or if you don't like wrestling he also does One Nation Under Ted: A Ted Lasso Podcast that is.... well you can work it out i'm sure.

Planty is back and we go all moody as we take you through the 2006 sort of goth classic The Covenant starring a load of high cheekboned lads of indeterminate faces in a film that's a bit like The Craft if you remove everything that is good and replace it with old tiramisu.

You'll find out about imaginary spiders, the coolest mum in the world, CROTCH ROCKETS, the best chores for a growing boy and if the mayor finally got the upgrade.

As people are away on holiday, getting married or have been drafted into the French Foreign Legion we decided to do a little mini series of peoples favourite bad movies and what better way to kick off then with the daddy of them all, Jean-Claude Van Dammes video game masterpiece Streetfighter.

Were joined by the John from Dammit Vacant and the lovely Ethan Edwards as we find out how much JCVD got paid, the dangers of actual knives, evil Youtube, correct stealth visor usage, the Bison Price Index and what happened to Kylie in her 3 lost days!

THIS CONCLAVE IS OVER!

Welcome to a very very special episode of Hallmark of Greatness where we celebrate the upcoming wedding of James and Katie by watching the 2017 Masterpeice "Cronus" live and in my front room. The audio may be bad but the joy is real as we take you through the story of a man who loses his mind or does he?

Joined by terrible audio guy Brother James we take you through the delights of white vinegar, abandoned airfields and the delights of GRANERY BAPS.

If for some reason you want to watch along heres a link. you maniac

https://youtu.be/bDnx2cBrSq4?si=alNC6Xz4kgfs6ouw

We got confused over the bank holiday weekend but we are back bringing you a slice of fried 80's gold with Star Slammer. The story of a woman sent to a spaceship prison for putting a mans hand in jam after he exploded a wizard and pinned it on her. There is all the usual nonsense you have come to expect as well as Non-Union Sandpeople, the worst canteen in the world, crotch truncheons ahoy and an ending nobody really understood.

Get it in thine ears

Come join us in our St Patricks day special as we lead you by the hand through 2024s Irish Wish starring The Lohan and Jane Seymour.

The simple tale of an unrequited love, a lakeside menace and one cool knee to the groin.

We are joined by Monorants again who tell us everything we need to know about Irish fast travel , the saints that made us and mono pooing near a cliff.

Sláinte

Its another sequel but its not intentional, the follow up to Bronx Warrior leads us down a filthy path of bad genocides, really familiar actors and obscene motorbike abuse.

Come listen to the tail of Trash, that Joey Ramone looking guy as he fights the man, himself, his parents and several planks of wood.

Back on the sweet sweet Hallmark trail, this week we bring you the 2020 classic Nature of Love, the simple tale of a daft lass and rugged man. Plus so many Simpsons jokes its not even cool anymore.

You will hear all about Kiss Chase the Camp Butler, A.I. bear attacks, horrible big salads, Welsh rapping and Mr Stevens the lake pike.

This weeks synopsis machine is sponsored by Cheese.

We got a twofer in this episode with our first ever sequel and first ever returning guests, the lovely folks from Monorants as we take you through the Kevin Sorbo vehicle Tales of the Ancient Kingdom which is a sequel to The Sword and the Sorcerer.

You will find out about overuse of flashbacks, cardboard cities, forbidden sexual practices, cloak pass the parcel, christmas decorations and rug based pratfalls.

The gangs all back together for our first Hallmark film of the year, the 2015 classic "Hello, It's Me".

The simple story of a woman who's husband is lost at sea and still gets great cellphone reception. Also features annoying kids, the worst superhero ever and that fella that looks like a melted Steth Mcfarlane.

As a little break before we plough back into the fetid quagmire of our usual subject matter, we decided as per the tradition to have a small break and play James' Quiz of the Year which relies on us being able to remember things about the films we have reviewed this year.

It goes about as well as you would expect really (that is, James tries his best and everyone else just mucks about like daft kids)

As a Christmas treat to ourselves we decided to cover a film that should be terrible but is surprisingly great with 2023s Its a Wonderful Knife. Its not just a terrible pun!

We would also like to say thank you to everyone who has listened, shared or helped us out in any way this year. It's been tough but we made it to the end.

We also know that Christmas is a rough time of year for a lot of people and so if you are feeling low or whatever just know that there are services out there that can help you, not just at this time of year but whenever you need them.

Samaritans Open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year

Call: 116 123

Papyrus

Hopeline UK for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide and anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide.

Call: 0800 068 4141

Calm Open 5pm – Midnight every day

Call: 0800 58 58 58

Shout Crisis Text Service

A free confidential number you can text any time – day or night. Text SHOUT to 85258 to get text support

Switchboard – LGBT+ Helpline

Call: 0300 330 0630

Open 10:00 – 22:00 every day

Or if none of that appeals and you just want to talk bollocks with some idiots, both ours and Marks twitter DMS and stuff will be open so get us on there.

Have a Happy and safe Christmas you lovely lovely bastards