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Redefining Consent for Every Area of Life with Tiffany Braxton
27 Aug 2026
00:21:04
In this follow-up conversation, host Shaun Dawson reunites with Tiffany Braxton, author of Consent Comics, to unpack why traditional cultural messaging around consent often turns men off—and how to reframe it productively. Moving past narrow sexual contexts, Tiffany presents consent as an accessible, everyday framework for living that centers on recognizing, enforcing, and respecting healthy boundaries across time, personal space, and relationships. Shaun and Tiffany discuss her book’s visual roadmaps, such as "Navigating Consent" and "What a Consensual Yes Feels Like," exploring how these tools empower both children and adults to honor their own boundaries and those of others. Together, they explore the nuance between coercion and encouraging curiosity, the danger of living in a boundaryless world of mistrust, and why enforcing boundaries is an essential mark of healthy masculinity. This episode offers a refreshing, empowering guide to practicing consent as a holistic lifestyle.
Key Takeaways
Consent Extends Far Beyond Sex: Consent applies to time, space, personal belongings, and emotional boundaries, offering a complete roadmap for everyday life.
Rules Are Too Rigid: Teaching consent through rigid rules fails across nuanced situations; instead, consent must be built on genuine curiosity, trust, and emotional safety.
A Consensual Yes Creates Safety and Mutual Joy: Enforcing boundaries ensures that saying "yes" brings feelings of freedom, security, excitement, and certainty rather than pressure.
Self-Respect Is Part of the Equation: Respecting a decision includes respecting your own internal "no," even when you feel societal or social pressure to comply.
Healthy Boundaries Define True Masculinity: Enforcing, protecting, and respecting boundaries—and creating a culture where others can do the same—is a foundational pillar of healthy masculinity.
"When you look at someone as a valuable human being capable of controlling the thing within their life, then you realize that you're also the same." — Tiffany Braxton
"Consent isn't rocket science. Consent is something that we can all understand... for me, consent is so much more than just a yes or a no. It's a way of living." — Tiffany Braxton
"You are invited and you are not the problem—you are 100% a part of the solution, and the solution is for all of us." — Tiffany Braxton
00:00 Welcome back and reframing consent beyond cultural messaging 00:40 Viewing consent as enforcing and respecting healthy boundaries 02:13 Introducing Consent Comics and navigating the decision tree roadmap 03:22 Why consent applies to time, belongings, and space rather than just sex 05:42 Explaining the "Navigating Consent" flow diagram for kids and adults 07:40 Respecting your own decision when you need to say no 08:14 Defining what a true consensual yes feels like 11:04 Encouraging friends versus pressuring them to cross boundaries 13:34 Why genuine curiosity beats rigid rules in relationships 17:17 Inviting men into the conversation on the Consent Comics website 19:39 Enforcing and protecting healthy boundaries as healthy masculinity 20:58 Wrap up
Navigating Consent Decision Tree: A simplified visual roadmap asking "Is it mine? Is it yours? Is it ours?" to determine boundary permissions.
What a Consensual Yes Feels Like: A resource mapping out the emotional benchmarks (safety, certainty, freedom, joy) required for genuine consent.
Curiosity vs. Pressure Framework: Distinguishing between pressuring someone into compliance versus asking curious questions out of care and trust.
How Parents Can Teach Respect and Boundaries at Home with Tiffany Braxton
24 Aug 2026
00:53:47
In this episode of Raising Men, Shaun Dawson sits down with author, activist, and educator Tiffany Braxton to explore consent, personal power, and respect. Overloaded with cultural baggage and zero-sum framing, the conversation around boundaries often alienates men and boys by painting them strictly as aggressors. Tiffany reframes this dynamic through her book, Consent Comics, which uses layered storytelling to present consent as a universal principle of mutual care, relationship safety, and human dignity rather than a set of rigid rules.
Together, they discuss moving away from shame-based narratives, the power of active parental modeling, and the importance of teaching young boys to respect boundaries without sacrificing their emotional openness or spontaneity. Tiffany shares personal insights on establishing safety within relationships, helping children express autonomy, and creating a culture where a clear "no" is met with respect and zero negative consequences.
Key Takeaways
Consent is built on mutual respect and safety, not rigid rules or us-versus-them antagonisms.
Framing boys purely as potential aggressors causes them to withdraw or embrace toxic narratives.
Respecting a boundary without consequences is the baseline of any healthy relationship.
Children learn boundary setting and enforcement best through daily parental modeling.
Effective consent preserves spontaneity by prioritizing an empowered, enthusiastic choice.
"I want each and every one of us to feel like we have the space that is safety around our bodies and ultimately our decisions, regardless of who we are."
"When you make it where someone feels respected when they are not in the mood and they don't want to do these things, then all the other moments are so much better."
00:00 Framing the consent conversation 02:24 Me Too culture 05:39 Practical problem-solving 07:51 Balancing spontaneous intimacy 09:23 Reaching male audiences 20:38 Why traditional consent discussions alienate young men 23:07 Using comics and gender-neutral characters to show boundaries 28:46 Healthy mutual consent versus over-complicated rules 32:32 Defining healthy masculinity through safety and respect 41:09 Recognizing nonverbal ways people express a no 54:09 Modeling boundaries and autonomy for younger children
The Different Ways People Say No (Resource Framework)
How Manly Are You?
23 Jul 2026
00:35:16
What does a healthy vision of masculinity actually look like, and how do we measure our progress toward it? In this episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson is joined live by Don Ross, creator of Manhood Tribes, to take and dissect Don’s “How Manly Are You?” questionnaire.
Together, they walk through Shaun’s live self-assessment—covering everything from emergency eye-flushing home repair mishaps and physical capability to time margin, male friendships, and standing up against power abuse. Don breaks down the underlying framework of the quiz: the 5 Marks of Manhood (Strength, Courage, Skill, Honor, and Allegiance). They unpack why strength is built for service, how honor requires relational depth within a male tribe, and how true allegiance means aligning daily time and mind share with core values. This conversation provides an honest, practical mirror for any man looking to track his growth and show up better for his family.
Key Takeaways
Strength Is Built for Service: True masculine physical strength is not about vanity or aesthetic perfection; it is about developing a capable body that can handle daily demands and step up during emergencies to protect and serve others.
Courage Means Moving Toward Fear: Courage is not the absence of fear or bravado, but the active choice to lean into discomfort—whether facing physical danger or initiating a hard, necessary conversation.
Honor Is an Inherently Relational Trait: Honor cannot exist in isolation. It is earned horizontally within a trusted tribe of peers who share your values, challenge your shortcomings, and hold you accountable.
Allegiance Requires Mind Share and Margin: True allegiance is demonstrated through how you manage authority, habits, and time. Overcommitted schedules and lack of margin rob men of the ability to live intentionally according to their core principles.
Masculinity Is Dynamic, Not Static: Growth in manhood is an ongoing journey rather than a single destination. Periodic self-assessment helps men identify seasonal blind spots and continuously level up across different life chapters.
Transcript Summary
00:10 Introduction to Don Ross and the How Manly Are You Questionnaire 00:46 Shaun begins rating himself on home repairs and shares a water heater disaster 04:32 Assessing physical strength, reliability, emergency readiness, and work relationships 05:35 Shaun reflects on male friendships and the origin of the Raising Men project 07:12 Evaluating personal influences, harmful substances, and workout consistency 08:50 Discussing time margin, overcommitment, and lessons from a family ski trip 11:59 Evaluating body confidence, service to others, and standing up to power abuse 13:50 Rating skill collection, working with partners, and personal honesty 15:13 Quiz completion and introducing the 5 Marks of Manhood 16:37 Defining Strength and Courage beyond cultural stereotypes 20:41 Exploring Skill and the impact of relational mentorship versus YouTube learning 22:46 Deep dive into Honor, peer pressure, and the necessity of male tribes 28:11 Defining Allegiance, next steps, and wrap-up
The 5 Marks of Manhood: A framework defining the core baseline characteristics found across historical male culture:
Strength: Physiological capability cultivated to serve and protect.
Courage: Moving toward physical, emotional, or social fear rather than avoiding it.
Skill: Developing and passing on practical abilities that add value to the community.
Honor: The horizontal relational currency earned within a peer group sharing high moral standards.
Allegiance: The vertical orientation to authority, core spiritual/philosophical principles, and self-mastery over time and vices
Why Every Father Needs a Tribe with Don Ross
20 Jul 2026
00:47:37
Together, Shaun and Don dive deep into the cultural confusion surrounding modern masculinity and the isolation epidemic trapping today's fathers. Don shares his raw, personal journey of overcoming an addiction to pornography by bringing his struggles out of the dark and into the light with a trusted brother. This conversation serves as a powerful tactical guide for any father wanting to build a life-changing brotherhood for himself while modeling authentic, honorable connection for his sons.
Key Takeaways
Willpower Alone Fails against Vices: Modern vices like internet pornography and sports gambling are psychologically designed to hijack the male brain, meaning raw discipline and willpower are rarely enough to break free.
The Isolation Epidemic Is Real: Men are currently facing a widespread isolation crisis. While many do not explicitly identify it as "loneliness," they lack even a single trusted friend they can turn to during a personal crisis.
Shame Drives Struggles Underground: Shaming behavior—whether used by a parent toward a son or by a man toward himself—festers toxic habits in the dark; true freedom requires bringing hidden struggles out into the light.
The Three Pillars of a Tribe: Building a transformative brotherhood requires three critical components: a clear vision of manhood, deep camaraderie that goes beyond surface hobbies, and an intentional pursuit of personal freedom.
Honor Is Taught through Peer Circles: True honor is about carrying your own weight and doing right by your peers. Boys naturally seek the approval of their friends, making it essential to guide them toward healthy, value-aligned friend groups.
"The missing piece to overcoming their toughest challenges isn't willpower, it's not discipline, it's not even prayer—it's community."
"We have a weird kind of paradox in our culture for men where we don't want to ask for the help that we would willingly offer if we were in our own shoes."
"Shame thrives in darkness and in hiddenness. The moment that you start to bring it out into the light with another human being... those lies don't make sense anymore."
Ted Lasso (TV Show): Mentioned by Shaun and Don during a discussion on male intimacy, noting the benchmark connection between Ted Lasso and Coach Beard, as well as the dynamic of the "Diamond Dogs".
Grief Legacy and the True Cost of Waiting to Have Kids
16 Jul 2026
00:10:12
Thirty years ago, Shaun Dawson sat by his mother's bedside in Albuquerque, New Mexico, watching her take her final breath. In this deeply moving and intensely personal solo episode, Shaun looks back at the raw reality of that loss and the decades of grief that followed. He unpacks the complex emotions of a young college student wrestling with anger, resentment, and a profound sense of impending loss—emotions that still spark moments of shame and reflection today. Shaun shares the beautiful, funny, and deeply human moments of his mother’s final days, including the invaluable guidance of hospice care and the legacy left behind in a series of cassette tapes. Ultimately, this episode is a contemplation on legacy, the choices we make as parents, the biological cost of starting a family later in life, and how we can consciously choose to honor those who shaped us.
Key Takeaways
Grief is an active choice: While the pain of early loss is imposed upon us, over time we can consciously choose how we engage with and process our grief.
The mythologizing of parents: Over decades of absence, we tend to turn lost parents into mythological figures, but rediscovering their raw, messy humanity is where true connection lies.
The double-edged sword of older parenting: Waiting to have children offers the advantages of wealth, wisdom, and patience, but it comes with the painful risk of missing out on their adulthood.
Forgiveness over resentment: Confronting youthful anger and the shame of how we treated loved ones during stressful times is a necessary step toward healing.
Hospice care is an essential bridge: Hospice workers serve a dual client system, gently guiding both the terminal patient and the grieving family through the threshold of death.
"I realized that this was inevitable and I could fight it and make it worse or I could try and make it as wonderful as I could." — Shaun Dawson
00:00 - Shaun reflects on the thirty-year anniversary of his mother's passing 01:00 - The indispensable role of hospice care for patients and families 02:00 - A backlit nurse raises the question of angels at the bedside 03:20 - Shifting from fighting the inevitable to making the end wonderful 04:30 - Reflecting on a risky three-week road trip before her passing 06:20 - Facing the anger, resentment, and youthful shame of those final months 07:50 - A mother’s quiet act of absolute grace and unconditional forgiveness 08:30 - Rediscovering a mother's raw humanity through inherited audio cassette tapes 09:50 - Pondering paternal legacy and how technology prevents parental mythologizing 11:40 - The painful trade-offs and biological costs of starting a family later in life 14:30 - Watching children grow from seeking closeness to wanting independence 15:50 - Recognizing the unconscious triggers of annual grief and honoring her legacy
Concept:The Mythological Parent vs. The Human Parent — Understanding and accepting parents as real, flawed human beings rather than flawless archetypes.
Concept:Unconscious Grief Triggers — How seasonal anniversaries manifest as physical and emotional stress before the conscious mind connects them to past trauma.
Resource:Hospice and Palliative Care Services — Referenced for their vital dual support of terminal patients and their grieving families.
Healing The Past To Protect Your Son's Future with Steve Biddulph
13 Jul 2026
00:58:40
In this deeply moving episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson reunites with world-renowned psychologist and bestselling author Steve Biddulph to pivot the conversation from raising sons to transforming fathers. Moving past cultural caricatures, they dive into the profound psychological realities shaping modern masculinity. Steve explores his seminal concept of the "river of manhood," explaining how masculinity is a learned virtue that must flow into a boy from a community of good men rather than an innate quality. The discussion tackles the pervasive "father wound" that impacts up to 90% of men through estrangement, criticism, or emotional absence. By balancing the raw gravity of life with the necessity of emotional flexibility, Steve provides a generational roadmap for fathers to dismantle their emotional armor, engage in healing, and embrace active, soft-eyed presence.
Key Takeaways
Masculinity is a River that Must Flow: True manhood is not an inborn trait; it is a flexible, learned software passed down through thousands of hours of deep, exposed connection with healthy male role models.
The Illusion of Ego Fantasies: Every boy carries a "dream dad" and every father carries a "dream son," but these mental projections never align in reality. Forcing a child to act as an ego badge is a parenting catastrophe; true fatherhood requires loving the real person in front of you.
The Pervasiveness of the Father Wound: Statistically, only 10% of men report having a close, nourishing relationship with their fathers, leaving the remaining 90% struggling with wounds of estrangement, hyper-criticism, or duty-bound distance.
Three Timeless Truths of Male Initiation: Grounded in ancient rites of passage, young men must internalize three inner realities to transition into true adulthood: accept that they will die, realize their life is not entirely about them, and let go of the illusion of absolute control.
The Generational Power of Presence: Children live entirely in the present moment. A rich childhood is built out of thousands of individual "todays" marked by a father's eye-to-eye connection, full-bellied laughter, and gentle, un-harsh boundaries.
“Getting your ego fantasy of a kid in a real shape is a disaster. No kid is supposed to be the ego badge to be worn by their parents.”
“If you can feel your own wounds, then you will not wound your own children.”
“A good childhood is made up of 9,000 todays. Presence—if you can do presence, then your parenting and your partnering will work really, really well.”
00:00 Introduction: Shifting the Focus to Fathers 02:31 Navigating the Changing Tides of Masculinity 05:05 The River of Manhood Explained 11:07 Breaking the Father's Ego Fantasy 16:26 Understanding the Father Wound 21:57 The Three Types of Damaged Fathering 25:22 Traveling from Boyhood to Manhood 36:43 The Power of Ancient Male Initiation 42:05 The Three Inner Truths of Growth 47:00 Managing Tension: The Bowling Ball Analogy 52:45 The Principle of True Presence 54:46 Shaun’s Personal Experience with Presence
The 90/10 Father Relationship Breakdown: A diagnostic tool indicating that 30% of men are estranged from their fathers, 30% have a "cactus" (prickly) relationship, 30% operate strictly out of duty, and only 10% share a close, nourishing bond.
The Three Inner Truths of Male Initiation: A framework popularized by Franciscan monk Richard Rohr stating that true adulthood requires accepting mortality ("you are going to die"), shifting focus away from the ego ("your life is not about you"), and surrendering outcomes ("you can't control anything").
Father Time Studies: A field of university research tracking the exact minutes fathers spend in direct conversation with their children, historically averaging just six minutes a day.
The Bowling Ball Analogy: A behavioral tool used to manage parental tension, illustrating the importance of focusing deeply on your inputs before letting go and releasing your control over the ultimate outcome.
Q&A: Initiations & Navigating the Digital Landscape
09 Jul 2026
00:17:20
Navigating the threshold of modern adolescence requires more than passive autopilot parenting; it demands intentionality, real-world action, and an unyielding commitment to relational connection. In this powerful Q&A episode of the Raising Men Podcast, host Shaun Dawson steps into the breach to address the deep cultural noise and heavy transitions facing young men today. Drawing from the collective wisdom of past guests—including former Navy SEAL Eric Davis and men’s leadership pioneer Dan Doty—this session tackles two of the most pressing anxieties keeping fathers awake at night: engineering a meaningful, challenge-based rite of passage for a 13-year-old boy, and effectively countering the cynical grip of "black pill" algorithmic masculinity without resorting to counterproductive authoritarian tactics. Discover how to lower your son's defensive drawbridge, model healthy vulnerability, and present a high-definition version of masculinity right inside your own home.
Navigating the threshold of modern adolescence requires more than passive autopilot parenting; it demands intentionality, real-world action, and an unyielding commitment to relational connection. In this powerful Q&A episode of the Raising Men Podcast, host Shaun Dawson steps into the breach to address the deep cultural noise and heavy transitions facing young men today. Drawing from the collective wisdom of past guests—including former Navy SEAL Eric Davis and men’s leadership pioneer Dan Doty—this session tackles two of the most pressing anxieties keeping fathers awake at night: engineering a meaningful, challenge-based rite of passage for a 13-year-old boy, and effectively countering the cynical grip of "black pill" algorithmic masculinity without resorting to counterproductive authoritarian tactics. Discover how to lower your son's defensive drawbridge, model healthy vulnerability, and present a high-definition version of masculinity right inside your own home.
Key Topics Covered Modern Rites of Passage: Navigating the critical 13-year-old threshold intentionally rather than letting it pass on autopilot. Resilience as a Trainable Skill: Shifting away from passive digital consumption and building a boy's "bias towards action" through real-world outdoor adventures, physical challenges, and safe framework failure. Deconstructing "Black Pill" Masculinity: Understanding why boys turn to hyper-cynical online gurus (like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson) to resolve identity crises amidst a cultural male vacuum. Connection over Authoritarianism: Why blocking sites or playing the authoritarian enforcer backfires, and how to use relational equity and high-definition masculinity to compete with screens. Model the Struggle, Don't Just Be the Expert: You do not need to have every clean answer figured out. True leadership is being willing to stay in the room, sit in the discomfort, and model how to handle fear, power, and connection directly in front of your son.
00:00:01 Introduction and Listener Mailbag Q&A 00:00:23 The Power of Example and Counterexample 00:02:28 Modern Rites of Passage 00:03:07 Stepping into the Breach: Overcoming Default Parenting 00:04:41 Updating Parenting Models for the Digital Age 00:05:22 Training a Bias Towards Action and Resilience 00:06:23 Introducing Intentional Discomfort and Real-World Consequences 00:07:53 Countering "Black Pill" Masculinity 00:09:37 The Gateway Drug: Where Online Gurus Get It Right 00:11:53 Understanding the Male Identity Crisis and the Algorithm Vacuum 00:13:48 Shifting from Authoritarian Enforcement to Real-World Competition 00:17:41 Modeling the Struggle
Key Topics Covered
Modern Rites of Passage: Navigating the critical 13-year-old threshold intentionally rather than letting it pass on autopilot.
Resilience as a Trainable Skill: Shifting away from passive digital consumption and building a boy's "bias towards action" through real-world outdoor adventures, physical challenges, and safe framework failure.
Deconstructing "Black Pill" Masculinity: Understanding why boys turn to hyper-cynical online gurus (like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson) to resolve identity crises amidst a cultural male vacuum.
Connection over Authoritarianism: Why blocking sites or playing the authoritarian enforcer backfires, and how to use relational equity and high-definition masculinity to compete with screens.
Model the Struggle, Don't Just Be the Expert: You do not need to have every clean answer figured out. True leadership is being willing to stay in the room, sit in the discomfort, and model how to handle fear, power, and connection directly in front of your son. (Note: This aligns with Shaun Dawson's core podcast principle: "Excellence is failure.")
Resilience is not a static personality trait that you either have or you don't have. Resilience is a skill and it is a functional skill trained by maintaining and restoring your ability to act under stress." — Eric Davis
"Our culture has effectively clear-cut the traditional forests of modern masculinity... leaving a massive male vacuum." — Dan Doty
"You don't argue with the screen, you compete with it." — Shaun Dawson
In this episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson sits down with Jody Hill, a best-selling author, speaker, and parenting sidekick, to unpack the transformative power of a parent’s words. Jody, the author of The Parent's Secret Superpower, shares a simple yet life-altering message: the language parents use daily directly shapes how children view themselves and navigate their futures. Moving past the pressure to read every parenting book or attend endless courses, she reminds parents that their greatest asset is already within them. Through powerful real-world stories and practical strategies, Jody explains how to resist the urge to constantly rescue children from minor struggles and instead build their long-term confidence. This deep dive explores how to intentionally construct a safe environment for kids to fail, shift our defaults from criticism to affirmation, and raise self-aware, independent adults.
Key Takeaways
Your Words Establish Your Child's Identity: The beliefs children form about themselves dictate how they show up in the room, face challenges, and navigate adulthood.
Equipping Over Rescuing: Swooping in to solve a child’s problems or struggles robs them of building real resilience and silently communicates that they are incapable.
Praise the Effort, Not Just the Result: Shifting the focus from final outcomes to hard work and persistence helps manage performance pressure and prevents kids from equating perfection with self-worth.
Create a Safe Place to Fail: Utilizing techniques like the "compliment sandwich" to affirm before correcting teaches children that mistakes are learning opportunities rather than moments for shame.
Parent Beyond the Immediate Moment: Pausing to reflect on the long-term goal of raising self-reliant adults stops emotional escalation and overrides the natural default to react with control or irritation.
"Your words are the greatest tool and the greatest asset that you have to change the trajectory of your child's life."
"When you see something that you want to speak to that could be a little bit better, pause and be like, 'What can I affirm first?' before I offer that correction out of a kind heart."
"Equipping and empowering them—it's slower and it's longer... You gotta think about the end result, the long-term goal, not the in-the-moment."
Transcript Summary
00:00 – Resisting the parental instinct to do everything for your child.
Masaru Emoto's Water Crystal Experiment – A scientific study exploring the impact of positive and negative intentions on water structures.
The Compliment Sandwich – A communication framework where a correction is placed between an initial and final affirmation.
Sherlock Brain vs. Conan Brain – An emotional regulation metaphor used by Shaun to describe moving past immediate, survival-driven reactions into calm logic.
In this powerful and deeply personal solo address, Shaun Dawson marks the 250th anniversary of the nation by examining the "quiet crisis" surrounding modern masculinity. Moving past polarized cultural narratives, Shaun argues that the current friction and pressure surrounding what it means to be a man is not bad news—it is a rare, pressure-testing opportunity to strip away performative habits and forge a healthy vision of manhood for the next generation. True masculinity isn't learned from a screen or a public performance; it is caught through proximity, intentional presence, and an unwavering commitment to show up. Shaun challenges parents, educators, and mentors to realize that when they choose to stand as a steady anchor against the virtual firehose of social media, they aren't just raising their own sons—they are holding the line for an entire generation.
Key Takeaways
Pressure Tests Reveal True Value: When foundational cultural values or standards of masculinity come under pressure or are contested, it creates a unique relief to see what is actually worth keeping.
The Signal-to-Noise Ratio is Degraded: Modern boys have access to more opinions in a single afternoon than past generations heard in a lifetime, optimized for their attention rather than their long-term growth.
Masculinity is Learned Through Proximity: True character cannot be absorbed from online or on-screen performances; young men require real, close-up access to fathers and mentors who model how to handle anger, exhaustion, and mistakes.
Difficulty is the Price of Significance: Raising boys in today's environment is undeniably harder than it was decades ago, but this lack of a clear, pre-set path means a father's presence and daily decisions matter more than ever.
The Blueprint Rest on Four Core Pillars: True, timeless masculinity across any era is anchored in four explicit practices: telling the truth, keeping your word, staying in the room when it gets difficult, and actively modeling repair.
“Difficulty is not the same as bad. Difficulty is the price of significance.” — Shaun Dawson
00:00 - Marking a historic milestone and reflecting on modern American values 01:30 - Why facing cultural friction and threat reveals what is truly worth fighting for 03:15 - A global perspective on social mobility and the standard set by the Constitution 05:05 - The background assumptions of masculinity over the last fifty years 06:30 - Navigating hijacked narratives, internet grifters, and angry reactions 08:00 - Pressure testing our ideals to strip away performative costumes and habits 10:15 - Three core reasons why raising a man is harder today than thirty years ago 11:30 - The degraded model of digital entertainment versus close-up presence 13:10 - Broken scripts and why modern fathers struggle with uncertainty 15:15 - Moving from a referee to a steady anchor holding the line for a generation 17:00 - How an imperfect group of everyday people shapes history by showing up 18:40 - Unpacking the four timeless structural pillars of modern masculinity
Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned
The Timeless Curriculum Framework: A foundational four-part matrix outlined by Shaun to evaluate masculine maturity: Tell the truth (especially to yourself), Keep your word, Stay in the room through discomfort, and Initiate emotional repair.
The Attention Optimization Trap: A conceptual model contrasting media algorithms designed to capture a boy's immediate screen attention versus mentors optimizing for his real-world development and trajectory.
Proximity Learning Principle: The developmental concept that masculinity cannot be integrated through passive performance viewing, but must be battle-tested and refined through close proximity and relational feedback.
Raising Elite Athletes Without Losing Perspective with Jonathan V. Last
29 Jun 2026
00:38:56
In this compelling episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson sits down with Jonathan V. Last (JVL), editor of The Bulwark and father of four, to navigate the complex and rapidly evolving landscape of youth sports. Drawing from twelve years of experience parenting a high-level collegiate baseball pitcher, JVL unpacks the delicate balance between fostering an elite athlete's drive and maintaining strict perspective.
He shares powerful, practical insights on why parents must actively deemphasize outcomes—such as winning weekend tournaments—and instead fiercely protect the process, where true character and resilience are forged. From discussing the modern pressures of early sports specialization to highlighting why the ride home from practice is a sacred space for meaningful conversation, this episode serves as an essential, grounded roadmap for fathers striving to raise well-adjusted, independent young men.
Key Takeaways
Deemphasize Outcomes, Value the Process: In youth sports, individual plays, innings, or weekend tournament wins ultimately do not matter; what matters is the athlete's approach, conduct, and how they manage both success and failure.
The Car Ride Home is Sacred Space: The drive home from practices or games is a precious window where parents have their children's full attention as they wind down, making it the premier opportunity for meaningful connection and life lessons.
Expose Kids to Sports, But Let Them Choose: It is highly valuable for children to experience team sports, but parents must explicitly communicate that their love is not tied to performance and that kids are free to pivot to other passions like music or drama.
Elite Talent is Obvious Early: Real elite athletic potential—enough to play at the collegiate level—is usually unmistakably apparent by age 10 to 12, meaning parents should avoid placing crushing performance pressure on kids who are not at that baseline.
Sports Concretize Abstract Life Lessons: Properly understood, sports act as a tangible classroom for the human condition, teaching kids how to handle physical limitations, adapt to things being taken away as they age, and manage internal expectations.
"There are only two reasons to do sports... for money or for joy and pleasure and growing. If you're not having fun and you're not growing, why bother?"
"The most important part of any sports experience with your kid when they're young is the ride home... because the ride home is where you have each other's attention."
"Even if you play in college and get drafted... you will have more time of your life to figure out what it is that you want to do to contribute to this world without baseball in it than you will have had with baseball."
00:00 - Introduction of Jonathan V. Last and the elite youth sports landscape 02:04 - Defining the levels of elite talent and collegiate pathway 05:56 - The true purpose of sports as a classroom for the human condition 07:51 - How physical injuries like Tommy John surgery build life-long toughness 09:15 - The critical role of coaches as positive masculine role models 0:59 - Navigating parental ego and caging the instinct to live through your child 12:28 - Deemphasizing game outcomes to focus heavily on player approach and process 14:22 - Why the ride home from practice is a sacred space for connection 16:45 - Using car rides to pass down music traditions and build family memories 19:11 - Cultivating a child's natural passion without forcing performance 21:58 - The modern structural shift toward early sports specialization and club teams 26:52 - Recognizing elite athletic talent early and handling the "non-sports" child 32:40 - Teaching young men to turn the page and healthily manage failure
Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned
The Bulwark: The online publication focused on preserving freedom and democracy in the US where Jonathan V. Last serves as editor. https://substack.com/@jvlast
The Triad: JVL's newsletter and writing platform hosted via The Bulwark.
European Soccer Club Model: A sports structure framework referenced by JVL to contrast the historical multi-sport high school approach with modern, early single-sport athletic specialization in America.
Heisenberg Principle / Birth Parity Framework: A sociological concept noted in the discussion highlighting that every child is born into an entirely different family dynamic because parenting styles and household environments organically shift with each subsequent birth.
The Socratic Method: A classical framework of dialogue based on asking and answering questions, humorously referenced regarding parental communication styles during long car rides.
Raising Men Through Sibling Conflict and Identity Cries
25 Jun 2026
00:17:45
In this direct Q&A episode of Raising Men, Shaun Dawson tackles two intense family dynamics that keep parents awake at night. Drawing from the collective wisdom of past guests, we break down how to transition from a frantic "referee" into an active coach when sibling conflict boils over, using the proven framework of storming, norming, and performing. Then, we dive into the deep psychological terrain of adoptive fatherhood, exploring how to answer heavy identity questions with a steady, regulated presence that builds an unshakable foundation of belonging.
Key Topics Covered
Sibling Conflict Resolution (Moving from Referee to Coach): Dismantling the outdated "slug it out" approach to backyard sibling fights, which prizes short-term compliance over long-term character development. It highlights why acting as a frantic, rescue-mechanism referee keeps boys from learning how to navigate friction.
The "Storming" Phase of Brotherhood: Applying team-building methodologies to the living room, allowing boys to experience the discomfort of a broken process so they can organically negotiate and build real-world communication skills.
Adoptive Fatherhood & Identity: Overcoming parental insecurity when an adopted child asks about their biological father. Reframing these questions not as a rejection of authority, but as a healthy, necessary quest for identity.
Testing the Structural Integrity of the Present: Understanding how deep behavioral outbursts or grief from adopted children are actually tests to see if a parent can handle their heaviest emotions without abandoning them.
Books:
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman
Tools & Frameworks:
The Storming, Norming, and Performing Framework: A team-building concept used to let boys experience and self-correct through interpersonal conflict.
The "Redo" Strategy: Forcing children to sit down once regulated, restate their needs calmly, and take complete ownership of a win-win resolution.
Attachment Theory: Grounded in the research of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, highlighting a child's fundamental need for a "secure base" to explore both the outer world and their inner psychological history.
The Repair Framework: A formal 4-part recipe for parental apology—explicitly owning your mistake, explaining how your reaction impacted them, saying sorry, and committing to doing better next time.
Websites:
One Big Happy Home (onebighappyhome.com) — Co-founded by featured guest Ryan North. https://onebighappyhome.com
Reconnecting Boys in a Disconnected World with Andrew Reiner
22 Jun 2026
01:05:26
In this deeply insightful episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson sits down with Andrew Reiner, a teaching professor at Towson University, cultural critic, and leading voice on the emotional lives of boys. Drawing from his books, Better Boys, Better Men and the upcoming Boys Reconnected, Reiner unpacks a quiet epidemic: why boys are disproportionately falling through the cracks of our educational system and struggling with an invisible mental health crisis. Andrew and Shaun dismantle the damaging cultural rhetoric that treats gender advancement as a zero-sum game, proposing instead a "both/and" approach where both young men and young women can thrive simultaneously. From the seduction of online fringe figures to the biological and systemic roots of male isolation, this conversation serves as an essential, compassionate guide for parents navigating the complex landscape of raising healthy, resilient men today.
Key Takeaways
The "Both/And" Proposition: Helping boys thrive does not mean taking the spotlight away from girls. Gender advancement is not a zero-sum game; society excels only when both young men and young women are supported to reach their full potential.
The Illusion of Total Independence: Boys absorb a deeply flawed script dictating that they must solve all their problems entirely on their own. This extreme notion of hyper-independence prevents them from building community safety nets and ultimately breaks down their mental health.
The Academic and Mental Health Crackdown: From early elementary school through higher education, young men are falling behind on nearly every educational metric. Furthermore, traditional diagnostic metrics fail to accurately capture male depression, which often manifests as anxiety, irritability, or total withdrawal.
The Seduction of the Manosphere: Digital fringe figures succeed not because boys inherently love misogynistic rhetoric, but because these platforms are the only spaces offering community, baseline discipline, and validation for young men who feel vilified elsewhere.
The Power of Bearing Witness: Real parental influence relies on continuous, curious, and non-judgmental presence. When a boy pushes his parents away the hardest, it is usually a defense mechanism signaling that he needs their steady anchor the most.
“When you look at it and say it's an either-or proposition—one has to rise at the expense of the other—then that's going to have ripple effects that affect us all across the board culturally, not just in terms of gender. It's got to be a both-and.”
“I think if we would find ways to make boys feel safe and have conversations with them about this, we would learn a lot if we would just shut up, let them talk, and lead with curiosity.”
“The more that boys push us away, the harder they push, the more they need us. Because there's so much dissonance within boys.”
Transcript Summary
00:00 — Introduction of guest Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men.
02:00 — Unpacking the two polarizing schools of thought around modern boyhood.
04:15 — The alarming educational metrics showing young men falling through the cracks.
07:00 — Why standard psychological metrics fail to accurately assess male depression.
10:15 — Moving past the zero-sum mentality of the cultural gender war.
14:00 — Deepening isolation: How covert messaging in classrooms causes boys to withdraw.
17:40 — The presence of a community safety net and its impact on academic resilience.
19:40 — Dating and confusion in the post-#MeToo era for young heterosexual men.
25:10 — Vicious cycles: Why boys retreat into unhealthy spaces when their masculinity is shot down.
29:30 — Understanding the manosphere: Distinguishing between basic lifestyle advice and toxic content.
35:00 — The biological reality of the frontal cortex and parental responsibility.
48:30 — Redefining suffering: Moving past the "lone wolf" mindset toward emotional processing.
Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned
Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency by Andrew Reiner
Boys Reconnected: The Growing Epidemic of Alienation and How to Stop It by Andrew Reiner
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Frameworks
The "Both/And" Proposition: A communication and systemic framework prioritizing mutual development over zero-sum, competitive social metrics.
Community Safety Net: A psychological concept measuring a peer group's capacity to offer positive emotional reinforcement and accountability without formal therapeutic intervention.
Long-Term Horizon Vision: A cognitive development state mapping the prefrontal cortex's capacity to override immediate emotional reactivity in favor of future outcomes.
Performative Strength vs Authentic Power
20 Aug 2026
00:11:57
In this solo episode of Raising Men, Shaun Dawson explores what it truly looks like to protect the people relying on us. Drawing from the historical covert trip President George W. Bush took to Baghdad in 2003, Shaun contrasts performative thumping of the chest with the quiet, risk-absorbing nature of genuine protective masculinity.
Shaun outlines how modern culture floods young men with performative dominance games, and reframes true strength as quiet, deliberate, and grounded. Bringing these lessons into the home, he provides actionable strategies for parents to manage their own power, regulate their reactions during conflict, and protect their children's dignity both in private and across public platforms.
Key Takeaways
Protective Masculinity Absorbs Risk: Genuine protection means taking on personal risk to minimize danger for others, rather than exposing them to harm for personal glory or photo opportunities.
Conan vs. Sherlock Brain: The reactive amygdala ("Conan brain") relies on posturing and noise, while the regulated prefrontal cortex ("Sherlock brain") focuses quietly on achieving the actual goal.
Strength Beats Posturing: Teaching boys performative dominance makes them anxious and brittle, whereas modeling quiet competence builds resilient character.
Protect Your Child's Dignity: Exploiting a child's vulnerable moments online for public validation sacrifices their trust to feed the parent's ego.
Regulation Requires Space: Utilizing tools like a three-second pause prevents reactive emotional outbursts and models controlled, healthy authority.
"If you expose your people to danger just to prove how brave you are, just to satisfy your own ego, you're not protecting them. You're using them." — Shaun Dawson
Transcript Summary 00:00 What does it actually look like to protect your people 00:53 George W. Bush's secret 2003 Thanksgiving trip to Baghdad 02:28 Performative politicians vs quiet risk absorption 03:52 Serving food in pitch darkness without demanding applause 04:30 The Conan brain versus the Sherlock brain 05:39 Posturing insecurity vs grounded strength 06:34 The crisis of performative masculinity facing young men 07:42 Handling parental authority with Sherlock brain 09:00 Protecting children's dignity in the social media age 10:05 Practice the three-second pause during household conflict 11:01 Correcting behavior quietly in one-on-one safe spaces 11:24 Building men who carry the weight without being loud
Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Steven Stosny's Adult vs. Toddler Brain Model (Referenced via Shaun's Conan the Barbarian vs. Sherlock Holmes Brain framework)
Will Storr's Status Dynamics Research
The Three-Second Pause: A behavioral regulation framework where a parent steps into the prefrontal cortex ("Sherlock brain") before responding to conflict.
Reclaiming the Generational Rearview Mirror with Ted Dawson
18 Jun 2026
00:41:43
In this special Father’s Day edition of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson sits down for an intimate, deeply personal conversation with his own father, Ted Dawson. A former high-profile television sports broadcaster who navigated major media markets in the 1980s and 1990s, Ted shares his reflections on the immense cultural weight of being a primary financial provider.
Together, the father and son look through the generational rearview mirror to discuss the evolving dynamics of fatherhood. They explore the stark contrasts between Ted’s traditional, career-focused approach—which relied heavily on Shaun's mother to manage the household—and Shaun's modern, connection-first parenting style. From childhood memories of strict discipline and elite sports opportunities to incredible family history and the timeless value of unwavering parental support, this episode offers a poignant look at what it truly means to guide the next generation.
Key Takeaways
The Provider Dilemma: Traditional models of masculinity often equate manhood with being the primary financial provider, a focus that can inadvertently shift a father's presence away from daily family emotional needs.
Evolving Discipline Styles: Parenting approaches have undergone a massive generational shift, moving away from rigid, fear-based physical punishments toward natural consequences and maintaining emotional trust.
The Power of Unwavering Support: Believing in and supporting a child's passions, even when they may lack elite natural talent, builds a foundational sense of security and confidence.
Teamwork Beyond the Field: The true value of youth participation in sports or music lies not in achieving perfection or elite status, but in learning to collaborate, communicate, and rely on a team.
Praise Over Perfection: The most impactful gift a parent can give is consistent praise that recognizes incremental improvement and effort rather than demanding flawless outcomes.
“There's no question in my mind I did the right thing by supporting you and pleasing you and pushing you.”
“Support your child. Support them no matter what they do. Support their drive. Support their passion.”
Chapter Markers
00:00 – Intro and setting boundaries for parent-focused discussions.
03:12 – Welcoming elite sports broadcaster and father, Ted Dawson.
04:28 – Unpacking the cultural mandate and internal toll of the provider role.
06:16 – Generational divides in balancing career drive with home life.
07:36 – Reminiscing on 1980s childhood discipline and the fear of the work phone number.
11:00 – The "death row" spanking routine and Brother Matt's infamous punishment.
13:49 – Modern discipline alternatives: shifting from physical punishment to natural consequences.
15:29 – Rebuilding trust and navigating the addictive loop of morning screen time.
19:19 – Embracing high-intelligence children and the challenge of smart parenting.
20:05 – A transformative day in the Dodger Stadium bullpen with the pitching coach.
25:51 – Honoring a mother's legacy, ancestral history, and final parental principles.
Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned
Natural Consequences Framework: A modern parenting method prioritizing logical outcomes and accountability over physical or arbitrary punishments.
The "Level of Trust" Percentage Metric: A collaborative tool used by Shaun to help children conceptually measure and rebuild family trust after a boundary violation.
The Three-Count Rule: A emotional regulation and boundary discipline practice involving counting to three to give children a transitional pause before a room time-out.
Seeing the World Through My Son’s Eyes with Lake Dawson
15 Jun 2026
00:09:52
Joined by his very own son and the original inspiration for the podcast, Lake Dawson, Shaun explores the world directly through a child's eyes.
Filled with humor, heart, and a highly coordinated effort by Lake to secure some studio donuts, this Father's Day episode serves as a powerful reminder that presence and authentic connection always outpace perfection in parenting.
00:00 Introduction to Raising Boys 01:04 Understanding Good Role Models 02:29 Navigating Technology and Screen Time 03:55 The Two Brain Theory 06:12 Lessons and Traditions at Home 07:43 A Father's Pride and Joy 09:14 Celebrating Special Moments Together
Reclaiming a Vision for Young Men with Shaun Dawson
11 Jun 2026
00:15:47
In this solo episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson wrestles with a heavy and deeply honest question brought to him by a friend: What do you do when you want to support your teenager's passions, but their only apparent passion is doing drugs?
Key Takeaways
The Modern Environment Amplifies Temptation: Unlike past generations who had to seek out vices, today's teenage boys face an inescapable, highly potent "virtual firehose" of pornography and pure THC vapes directly in their backpacks.
A Perceived Cultural Disconnect: Many young men feel the current cultural landscape has turned its back on them, creating a sense that the game is rigged and leaving them feeling like they have nothing to offer that society values.
The Danger of Digital Grifts: Frustrated and isolated in basements, many boys turn to online figures who seem to voice their pain, only to find that the promises of quick wealth or easy help turn out to be a grift.
Vision Must Be Intrinsic: To find the strength to choose the uphill path, a young man must create a vision for his own life that is rooted in personal inspiration rather than shame, and it cannot be imposed by parents or coaches.
Mindset Controls the Outcome: True success and resilience are dictated by how the mind reacts to challenges; tools like structural directive affirmations can organically reprogram internal scripts to achieve major life goals.
“I am not an expert on this... but I do want to think through a strategic perspective with you.”
“It feels maybe like the game is rigged, like our culture cares more about making sure that a girl who was born with a penis feels included... than it does about a young man literally having nothing to give the world that the world seems to value.”
“Our culture has turned its back on young men... But at the same time, it needs healthy young men to thrive. Our culture thirsts for healthy young men.”
00:00 Welcome back and addressing a heavy question from a friend 01:14 Shaun clarifies his lack of expert tactical experience with addiction 02:28 Contrasting the inspiring upswing of the past with today's culture 03:30 Exploring how a 16-year-old boy views a shifting world 04:34 The inescapable donut shop metaphor for modern sensory overload 05:41 Limitless pure THC and the virtual firehose of isolation 06:40 Turning to online gurus and the reality of the digital grift 08:18 A profoundly difficult time to be a young man today 08:56 The culture won't change but it thirsts for healthy men 10:54 Why young men must forge an intrinsic vision for their lives 12:12 Lanny Bassham's Olympic origin story and mental performance study 15:36 How to write a structural directive affirmation to change your mind
Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned
Book:With Winning in Mind by Lanny Bassham https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Mind-3rd-Ed/dp/1934324264
Song: "If You Want to Be Someone Else, Change Your Mind" by Sister Hazel
Framework: The Directive Affirmation — A specific card-writing structure that outlines a goal with a time limit, personal pay value, and a concrete action plan, written in the present tense and read six times per day.
Practical Tools for Navigating Big Behaviors with Tosha Schore
08 Jun 2026
00:51:33
Tosha Schore is a parent educator, author, and the founder of Parenting Boys Peacefully. She specializes in helping parents navigate the "bad guy myth" by reframing boy aggression as a signal of fear rather than a character flaw. Tosha provides practical tools for building deep connections and setting loving limits.
5 Key Takeaways:
Reframing aggression as a communication of fear or lack of safety.
The transformative power of the "Special Time" practice.
Identifying patterns and signs before meltdowns occur.
Setting "loving limits" rather than using punitive consequences.
Using strategic, rough-and-tumble play to breed connection.
"Aggression... it’s not a sign of a bad kid, so to speak, but a signal of a frightened one."
"I’m a big like 'zip your mouth shut' coach... 99.9% of the time when we try to like name the feeling... it doesn’t land."
"Our strategy is let’s start with our own sweet boys inside our own four walls. If we can create change there... that has a ripple effect."
00:00 — Why Shame Stops Working
00:36 — Shame Is Not a Parenting Tool
01:14 — Welcome to Raising Men
01:43 — Why Aggression Triggers Fear in Parents
02:14 — Aggression as a Signal, Not a Character Flaw
02:54 — The Fear Cycle Between Parents and Kids
03:03 — Parents Must Regulate First
03:43 — You Can Change Your Parenting Patterns
04:54 — How One Dad Broke the Aggression Cycle
05:37 — When Yelling Makes Everything Worse
06:00 — Empty Toolboxes Lead to Harsh Reactions
06:23 — Aggression as Communication
06:50 — Responding With Curiosity Instead of Control
07:17 — Start With Yourself First
07:49 — “Good Enough” Parenting
08:35 — Building Support Before Crisis Hits
09:02 — Strengthening Connection With Your Son
09:19 — Boys Are Treated Differently From Birth
10:25 — When School Punishment Escalates
11:00 — Safety First, Relationship Second
12:19 — Repairing Relationships After Conflict
13:11 — Why Repair Builds Resilience
14:02 — Special Time Builds Connection
15:16 — Why Special Time Works
16:46 — Letting Kids Lead During Special Time
17:42 — When Kids Start Asking for Connection
18:40 — Connection vs Independence
19:25 — Identifying Aggression Patterns
20:01 — Aggression Is Never Random
20:49 — Screen Time and Aggression
21:26 — Setting Loving Limits
22:35 — Giving Kids Choices Around Limits
23:41 — Why Punishment Often Backfires
24:32 — Stop Lecturing During Meltdowns
25:34 — Conan Brain vs Sherlock Brain
26:33 — “He Can’t, Not He Won’t”
27:34 — Treat Emotional Injuries Like Physical Ones
28:16 — Is There Ever a Place for Shame?
29:00 — Why Chronic Shame Makes Things Worse
30:00 — Supporters as Accountability, Not Punishment
In this insightful Q&A episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson dives deep into the complex personal growth challenges that modern fathers face on the playground and at home. Drawing from the collective insights of previous conversations, Shaun addresses two powerful, listener-submitted questions regarding early childhood cultural conditioning and the struggle for verbal emotional intimacy. He unpacks how deeply emotional boys are at birth and how quickly societal frameworks, like the "man box," begin to systematically restrict their emotional vocabulary. Through a breakdown of modeled behavior, presence, and practical frameworks, this episode challenges fathers to expand emotional permissions within their own households. Shaun candidly shares his own parenting missteps, illustrating that true resilience does not come from flawless perfection, but from a father's willingness to stay regulated, remain present, and learn alongside his children.
Key Takeaways
Emotional Conditioning Starts Early: Cultural scripts and the rigid boundaries of the "man box" begin influencing boys by the time they are three years old, often correcting their natural emotional expression and replacing vulnerability with a tough exterior.
The Danger of Archetypal Imbalance: Playground cultures heavily favor the aggressive traits of the warrior archetype while suppressing the lover archetype, which is the true source of empathy, connection, and physical affection.
The 60-30-10 Parenting Model: A parent’s impact is divided into 60% modeled behavior, 30% emotional presence and stability in the room, and only 10% from the actual words spoken.
Presence Communicates Value: Truly showing up by putting down devices and offering undivided attention builds an unshakable sense of self-worth in a child, proving they are valuable without needing a word spoken.
Authentic Vocabulary Bridges Gaps: Fathers who struggle to say "I love you" can bridge the intimacy divide by using low-pressure, true observations to validate their children, which naturally shrinks the emotional gap over time.
00:00 Technical parenting versus personal growth 01:00 Cultural scripts condition toddler boys 02:27 Tony Porter man box framework 04:00 Balancing warrior and lover archetypes 05:30 Practical ways expanding emotional literacy 07:06 Shaun shares personal parenting story 08:30 Addressing verbal intimacy divide difficulties 09:25 Introducing sixty thirty ten model 11:00 Modeling healthy equal household partnerships 11:52 Eve Rodsky fair play system 14:17 Presence metric regulating baseline energy 15:30 Transforming words metric using observation
Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned The Man Box Framework conceptualized by Tony Porter King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette The 60-30-10 Parenting Model shared by Todd Adams Fair Play System by Eve Rodsky Men Living (Organization led by Todd Adams) Todd Adams Raising Men Episode: https://raising.men/episodes/mindful-masculinity-for-modern-dads-with-todd-adams
From Reactive to Radical: The Journey to Intentional Fatherhood with Jon Hord
01 Jun 2026
00:53:31
Jon Hord is the founder of the Engaged Father Project. A former high-achieving corporate VP who walked away from a 100-year-old family company after a health-induced epiphany, Jon now coaches dads to move from "reactive survival" to "radical intentionality."
5 Key Takeaways:
The "Provider Trap": Connecting your value solely to your income.
The "Deathbed Scenario" as a tool for major life decisions.
Responding vs. Reacting: How to handle high-stress "Playbook 2" moments.
Measuring backwards: Focusing on the "Gain" rather than the "Gap."
The "Peace Frog": A practical tool for family feedback and emotional regulation.
"If you ask them, 'Hey kids... what would you rather have? A more expensive vacation, or I’m around more?'... [they'd say around more]."
"It is so hard for us as human beings to be aware of what’s actually going on in those moments for ourselves, because we’re just reacting."
"For there to be an old dad, it means there has to be a new dad. And in that is my progress."
00:00 — Excellence Is Making Smaller Corrections
00:36 — Steering the Car, Not Letting It Drift
01:25 — Welcome Back to Raising Men
01:40 — When Providing Becomes a Trap
02:28 — High Achievement at the Cost of Family
03:05 — The Family Pays the Price
03:58 — What Kids Really Want From Dad
04:46 — The Collapse of Old Institutions
05:33 — Work From Home or Work Takes Over
06:15 — The Slippery Slope of Overwork
07:04 — Ego, Status, and Success
08:01 — When the Perks Disappear
08:38 — Choosing Presence Over Prestige
09:10 — Panic Attacks as a Wake-Up Call
10:02 — Searching for Help in Crisis
10:27 — Discovering the Sedona Method
11:01 — Gaining Awareness of Inner Mechanics
12:01 — From Survival Mode to Choice
13:10 — Questioning the Path You’re On
14:31 — Taking Time Away to Decide
15:09 — The Deathbed Test
16:16 — Choosing the Uncertain Path
16:54 — A Partner Who Already Knew
17:44 — Becoming a Life Coach
18:10 — The Birth of the Engaged Father Project
19:04 — You Can Engineer Your Life
20:18 — The Power of Supportive People
21:22 — Having the Right Partner Matters
21:57 — What the Engaged Father Project Is
22:45 — Parenting Is Taught Through Action
23:07 — Two Playbooks for Life
24:00 — Stress Reveals Who You Really Are
24:41 — Defining the Dad You Want to Be
25:33 — Why “Good Dad” Isn’t Good Enough
26:36 — Choosing to Be an Incredible Dad
27:18 — Turning Feedback Into Growth
28:38 — Letting Kids Hold You Accountable
29:59 — Empowering Kids to Speak Up
31:04 — Defining the Standard
32:24 — Measurement Creates Change
33:17 — Knowing If You’re Doing It Right
34:12 — Asking Kids for Honest Feedback
35:17 — Measuring Progress Backwards
36:23 — When Kids Notice the New You
37:26 — Excellence Requires Constant Correction
38:00 — Lessons From the Blue Angels
39:15 — Small Corrections Beat Big Swings
40:12 — Responding Instead of Reacting
41:03 — Building a Community for Dads
41:59 — The 30-Day Light Your Fire Challenge
43:03 — Listening Creates Deeper Connection
44:14 — Learning From Other Dads’ Experiments
45:00 — Why the Community Is Free
46:09 — One Principle of Excellent Fatherhood
46:41 — Vulnerability as Strength
48:04 — Authenticity Builds Real Connection
49:26 — There Is No Connection Without Vulnerability
50:22 — Masculinity and the Connection Gap
51:01 — Why Human Connection Will Matter More
52:02 — Final Reflections on Intentional Fatherhood
In this mailbag edition of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson addresses two critical parenting dilemmas: emotional withholding and managing high-energy boys. Shaun unpacks the phenomenon of "emotional narrowing," explaining how rigid, fear-based discipline can inadvertently turn a home into an emotional desert. Drawing on insights from trauma-informed parenting, the episode highlights why genuine authority is built on relationship and trust rather than compliance. Later, Shaun shifts to the neurobiology of young boys, validating the developmental gaps driven by prenatal testosterone that often leave boys behind in verbal and fine motor skills. He frames rough-and-tumble play not as misbehavior, but as a biological necessity for prefrontal cortex development. Finally, fathers are challenged to abandon the "project child" mentality—the habit of catastrophizing a child's future based on current behaviors—and instead remain fully present with the child standing in front of them today.
Key Takeaways
Authority Relies on Trust, Not Control: True paternal authority is forged through relationship and safety rather than demanding high-pressure, fear-based compliance.
The Trajectory of Emotional Narrowing: Shaming or stonewalling a young boy’s vulnerability causes him to narrow his emotional expression, limiting his psychological vocabulary to silence or anger.
The Biological Male Development Gap: Driven by testosterone surges in the womb, boys experience a distinct biological development gap that frequently places them six to twelve months behind girls in language skills and fine motor capabilities by school age.
Rowdy Play Builds the Brain's Control Center: Physical roughhousing and high-energy boundary testing are neurobiological necessities that actively develop a boy’s prefrontal cortex (the "Sherlock Holmes brain"), which is essential for long-term impulse control.
Ditch the Project-Child Mentality: Parents must break the destructive habit of plotting a child's current flaws on a future timeline; fatherhood requires staying present with the boy standing in front of you right now, rather than fighting a future version you fear he might become.
Chapter Markers
00:01 – Introduction: Diving Back Into the Mailbag Q&A
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
The Male Brain & The Female Brain by Dr. Louann Brizendine
Frameworks & Concepts
The Emotional Desert: A psychological dynamic where cultural or parental shaming forces a young boy to internalize and narrow his emotional expressions down to silence or anger.
Connection Before Correction: A relational rule stating that structural discipline will trigger defensiveness and withdrawal unless a baseline of felt safety and empathy is established first.
The Biological Timeline Gap: The developmental reality that prenatal testosterone exposure naturally delays speech and fine motor development loops in early male brains relative to female peers.
The Sherlock Holmes Brain: Shaun’s signature metaphor for the prefrontal cortex—the neurological command center governing logic, emotional regulation, and intentional impulse control.
The Consultant/Graphing Trap: An analytical parenting pitfall where a parent maps a single negative childhood behavior along a linear progression curve to catastrophize who the child will be at age 26.
Raising Men Under Hard Circumstances with Lisa Johnson
25 May 2026
00:50:35
In this episode of Raising Men, Shawn sits down with Lisa Johnson, a high-conflict divorce strategist, certified domestic violence advocate, and co-founder of Been There, Got Out. After enduring a decade-long legal battle with her ex-husband—including more than 100 court appearances—Lisa transformed her painful experience into a mission to help parents navigate high-conflict divorces and protect their children from emotional harm. She shares the lessons she learned about parental alienation, emotional resilience, and how parents can stay grounded and supportive for their children even when a former partner becomes an adversary.
Key Takeaways
Children in high-conflict divorces often express anger or aggression as a fear response and a test of whether their remaining parent will stay emotionally present.
Defending yourself when a child repeats accusations from the other parent can deepen the conflict, while validating their feelings helps preserve trust.
Protecting children sometimes means shielding them from the legal and emotional chaos while seeking support and therapy for yourself.
Consistent connection rituals—even just ten minutes of focused attention—can strengthen the parent-child bond and provide emotional security.
A strong, judgment-free relationship with your child is the best long-term protection against alienation and manipulation.
Top Quotes from Lisa Johnson
“One of the worst things you can do when your child repeats accusations from your ex is try to correct the record immediately.”
“Kids usually love both parents, so when they hear two completely different versions of the truth, it creates cognitive dissonance.”
“The most important thing is building a relationship with your child where they feel they can tell you anything without being judged.”
Chapter Markers
00:00 — When Kids Parrot the Other Parent
00:35 — Parenting Through a High-Conflict Divorce
01:14 — Meet Lisa Johnson
01:54 — Discovering a Double Life
03:07 — Staying to Protect the “Intact Family”
04:10 — “This Will Be a Really Bad Divorce”
05:29 — Representing Herself in Court
06:20 — When Divorce Never Really Ends
07:01 — A Father Walks Away
08:20 — The Fear of Father Absence
08:55 — Scrambling for Support
09:45 — Finding the Right Therapist for Her Son
11:02 — Aggression as a Cry for Connection
12:13 — Why Kids Test if You’ll Stay
12:51 — Aggression as Fear Response
13:45 — When the Fighting Finally Stopped
14:28 — The College Battle
15:35 — Financial Abuse Through the Courts
16:47 — Why High-Conflict Cases Defy Logic
18:15 — Why People Don’t Believe These Stories
19:06 — Turning Trauma Into Advocacy
19:50 — What She Would Do Differently
21:54 — Why Coaching Matters in High-Conflict Cases
The 10-Minute Rule (Child Psychiatrist Strategy) A simple method to strengthen connection with your child:
Spend 10 minutes of undivided attention with your child.
Let the child lead the activity.
Show curiosity about their interests.
Give them both control and attention.
Repeat consistently to build trust and emotional security.
Q&A: Raising a Gentleman with a Backbone
21 May 2026
00:12:39
In this special mailbag edition, Shaun dives deep into two core questions that surface at the very beginning of the fatherhood journey: how to establish foundational non-negotiables for raising a son of character, and how to navigate the intense emotional mirroring of toddlers.
Relying on the collective wisdom of past guests—such as Sean Harvey, Emily Huston, Ryan North, and Paul Kix—Shaun maps out what it truly means to raise a "gentleman with a backbone." He unpacks why character must always trump performance and how true kindness serves as an expression of raw strength. Moving into the "mirror principle," Shaun breaks down the neurobiology of toddler meltdowns using the "Conan the Barbarian" vs. "Sherlock Holmes" brain framework.
Key Takeaways
Excellence Through Continuous Failure: Raising a son with a backbone requires modeling that true excellence is born from effort and the willingness to get back up after failing, rather than maintaining a rigid veneer of perfection.
Identity Over Performance: In a culture obsessed with statistics and social media validation, fathers must anchor their son's identity in core character—what he does when no one is watching—rather than tracking external achievements.
Kindness is Tensile Strength: True masculinity blends raw strength with empathy and kindness. Like a bridge built with tensile strength to flex without breaking under pressure, a strong man possesses the backbone to apologize and make things right.
The Primal Mirror Principle: Children, especially toddlers, absorb emotional rhythms and environmental stress through mirror learning as a core survival mechanism. If a parent is vibrating with stress, the child interprets the environment as inherently unsafe.
De-escalating the Conan Brain: A toddler's emotional meltdown is governed entirely by the amygdala (the "Conan the Barbarian" brain). Meeting a meltdown with parental anger only introduces a second barbarian to the room, whereas staying in the prefrontal cortex ("Sherlock Holmes" brain) allows for calm, curious problem-solving.
00:00 – Introduction: Welcome to the Mailbag Edition
01:44 – Defining Healthy Modern Masculinity: A Gentleman with a Backbone
02:29 – Non-Negotiables: Modeling Excellence Through Failure
04:55 – Shifting the Focus: Character Over Performance & Kindness as Strength
07:21 – The Mirror Principle: Decoding Your Toddler's Emotional Rhythms
09:46 – Moving from Judgment to Curiosity & Final Parent Reflections
Books mentioned
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst by Robert Sapolsky
Frameworks & Concepts
The Mirror Principle / Mirror Learning: The developmental process by which children subconsciously absorb behaviors, moods, and emotional rhythms via their parents' nervous systems.
Two-Brain Theory: A psychological metaphor contrasting the Conan the Barbarian brain (the survival-driven amygdala) with the Sherlock Holmes brain (the logical, regulating prefrontal cortex).
Tensile Strength Metaphor: The structural engineering concept used to describe a man's capacity to flex with life's pressures and express vulnerability without shattering.
Rocks in a Rock Polisher: A closing metaphor illustrating how community members and parents intentionally refine, smooth out, and polish one another through shared growth.
Episodes mentioned: Sean Harvey: https://raising.men/episodes/no-perfect-dads-allowed-the-truth-about-love-and-showing-up-with-sean-harvey Emily Huston: https://raising.men/episodes/feminism-men-and-the-future-of-raising-strong-boys-with-emily-huston Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst: https://raising.men/episodes/fathers-sons-and-the-lost-language-of-emotion-with-dr-gloria-vanderhorst Paul Kix: https://raising.men/episodes/how-storytelling-helps-us-raise-men-with-paul-kix/ Ryan North: https://raising.men/episodes/what-trauma-informed-parenting-looks-like-at-home-with-ryan-north
The Gap Between Ideal and Reality with Jordan Ritter Conn
18 May 2026
00:48:26
This episode of Raising Men features an intimate deep dive with Jordan Ritter Conn, a senior staff writer at The Ringer and author of the groundbreaking 2026 book, American Men. After spending five years embedded in the lives of four vastly different men, Jordan discusses the "missing roadmap" of modern masculinity and the internal struggle men face when they fail to meet inherited ideals.
1. Key Topics Covered
The "Masculinity Crisis" vs. The Reality Gap: Discussion on how men don’t necessarily lack a "roadmap," but rather struggle with the internal "gap" between the cultural ideal of a man and their actual lived experience.
The Provider/Protector Obsession: A look at the "Joseph" vignette—how a simple car engine rattle can spiral into a man’s feeling of total inadequacy as a protector. This aligns with data showing 86% of U.S. men believe being a "provider" is a defining trait of manhood.
The Myth of Male Emotional Silence: Jordan rejects the idea that men are unwilling or unable to talk about feelings; instead, he argues they lack "safe spaces" free from judgment or social repercussions.
The "Weight" of Raising Sons: Both Shawn and Jordan share the immediate "weight" felt at the birth of their sons—a unique responsibility to prepare them for a world where traditional rites of passage have vanished.
The Performance of Success: Exploring "Gideon," the star athlete and West Point graduate who felt like a "trophy," illustrating how even those who "typify the ideal" still face profound internal insecurities.
The difficulty arises when they're confronted with the ways that they don't feel like they're living up to the ideal that they're holding in their own heads.
We need to be given like kind of a permission structure for opening up because we do kind of inherit these messages that showing any kind of vulnerability... is showing weakness.
Ultimately I think what kind of defines our relationship to masculinity is how we kind of navigate that failure [to live up to the standard].
00:00 - Hidden Knowledge: Seeing Childhood Through Your Son 01:12 - Meet Jordan Ritter Conn: Author of "American Men" 02:19 - Why Five Years? The Motivation Behind Immersive Journalism 05:54 - The Myth of Silence: Why Men Actually Crave Deep Connection 09:10 - Joseph’s Story: The Engine Rattle and the Protector Complex 14:12 - The Masculinity Gap: Navigating the Failure to Meet the Ideal 16:35 - The Weight of Fatherhood: Jordan’s Personal Shift 20:43 - The Missing Roadmap: Rebuilding Modern Rites of Passage 24:42 - Adolescent Power: The "Semi-Truck vs. Miata" Experience 30:49 - Legacy & Upbringing: How Fathers Shaped the Men’s Struggles 41:25 - The Radical Act of Being Known: Sharing the Stories Back 44:05 - The Final Principle: Empathy, Curiosity, and the Gift of Being Seen
Books, Tools, and Websites Mentioned
American Men: Stories of Modern Masculinity: Jordan Ritter Conn’s latest book (Hachette Book Group, 2026). https://jordanritterconn.com/
The Ringer: The sports and culture outlet where Jordan serves as a senior staff writer.
Why Parenting Boys is Harder Than Ever with Jennifer L. W. Fink
17 Aug 2026
00:40:28
Jennifer L.W. Fink returns to Raising Men to explore why raising boys today feels increasingly complex and how parents can guide them with clarity and intentionality. Bringing decades of experience as a nurse, mother of four sons, and author of Building Boys, Jennifer addresses the cultural pressures, pathologized narratives, and digital environments shaping young males.
Together, Shaun and Jennifer unpack the developmental differences between boys and girls, highlighting how misunderstandings about male growth often lead to unnecessary friction at home and in school. They discuss the unique challenges of modern parenting, from hyper-scrutiny on social media to the loss of traditional community institutions, and offer practical ways mothers and fathers can foster real-world connections. Ultimately, Jennifer shares why looking past idealized expectations to truly connect with the boy right in front of you is the most powerful principle for raising great men.
Key Takeaways
Developmental Timing Matters: Male developmental progress often differs from female timelines, and expecting young boys to sit still or perform academically too early can lead to unnecessary pathologizing.
Connection Over Absence of Sickness: True health and positive growth require active, forward-thinking support rather than simply trying to avoid negative outcomes or misbehavior.
Role Models Don't Need Perfection: Male influences and mentors do not have to be flawless to provide valuable guidance, life lessons, and positive examples for young boys.
Digital Pressures Require Vigilance: Modern boys face intense online environments, making intentional offline experiences and real-world relationships crucial for their growth.
Mothers and Fathers Face Distinct Pressures: Parents carry intense societal expectations regarding their sons' performance and behavior, making clear communication and patience essential.
Chapter Markers
04:39 Why Building Boys was written and released in paperback 08:17 Health vs absence of sickness in raising boys 10:30 Expectations vs reality and developmental differences 14:17 Navigating school systems and male teacher shortages 19:48 Why parenting boys is harder today than a decade ago 22:23 Social media algorithms and permanent digital records 27:20 Crumbling community institutions and parental pressure 31:01 Finding masculine role models for sons without fathers in the home 34:10 Embracing imperfection in mentors and role models 38:47 The danger of seeking perfection over good guidance 40:51 The one principle for raising excellent men: Connect with the boy in front of you
Suffering Model: Suffering occurs when expectations do not match reality, which can be used intentionally to drive growth or unintentionally through misunderstandings.
Q&A: The Refining Fire of Fatherhood
14 May 2026
00:14:29
This episode dives into the "refining fire" of parenting, where Shaun Dawson explores the collective wisdom of past guests to answer two heavy-hitting listener questions about balancing strength with warmth and navigating the silent guilt of new fatherhood.
Questions:
"I want my son to be resilient, but I don't want to be a 'cold' dad. How do I provide comfort without making him 'soft'?"
"I’m a new dad and I’m struggling to feel that 'instant connection' everyone talks about. I feel guilty, like I'm failing already. Is something wrong with me?"
Key Topics Covered
The Myth of the Lone Wolf: Deconstructing the cultural idea that resilience requires being cold, silent, or unfeeling.
The Castle and Drawbridge Metaphor: Redefining a father's role as a "safe castle" where heart-level connection acts as the drawbridge, allowing sons to explore and return for restoration.
Conan Brain vs. Sherlock Brain: Navigating the struggle between the reactive, survival-based "Conan" brain and the observant, analytical "Sherlock" brain.
Paternal Bonding Timelines: Addressing the biological reality that for many men, the "oxytocin hit" of bonding often peaks later (3–6 months) than it does for mothers.
The "Redo" and Presence: Shifting focus from perfection to presence (the absence of distractions and performance) and using mistakes as opportunities for a "redo."
00:00 - Introduction: Raising Ourselves to Raise Our Sons 01:15 - The Refining Fire of Fatherhood 02:30 - Q&A: Balancing Strength and Warmth 03:45 - Breaking the Cycle of "Man Up" Culture 05:00 - The Castle and Drawbridge Metaphor 06:30 - Navigating the Nervous System: Conan vs. Sherlock 07:45 - Q&A: Addressing the Silent Guilt of New Dads 09:15 - The Reality of Paternal Bonding Timelines 10:30 - The Power of the "Redo" and True Presence 12:00 - Key Resources: Internal Weather Reports 13:30 - Episode Summary and Guest Credits 14:15 - Principle: Fatherhood is a Mirror
The Wild and Tender Work of Fatherhood with Dan Doty
11 May 2026
00:37:39
In a culture that has "clear-cut" the traditional forests of masculinity, 40% of young men now report having no one to turn to for guidance. We are navigating a landscape where traditional rites of passage have vanished, leaving parents to choose between "toxic" archetypes or the empty alternative of no masculinity at all.
In this episode, Shaun sits down with Dan Doty, a pioneer in men’s development and leadership with over 20 years of experience in wilderness therapy and emotional intelligence. Dan breaks down why we are facing a crisis of "arrested development" in men and provides a practical roadmap for parents to cultivate "old growth" maturity in their sons—balancing fierce strength with radical heart.
Key Topics Covered
The Erosion of Rites of Passage: How the disappearance of the church, Scouts, and civic institutions has left a vacuum in the transition from boyhood to manhood.
The Function of Initiation: Defining initiation not as a "toughness test," but as a mechanism to give a boy his place within a value-aligned, intact community.
The "Old Growth" vs. "Clear-Cut" Man: A metaphor for modern masculinity—where we lack the deep-rooted, mature mentors (old growth) needed to provide shade and wisdom for the next generation.
Arrested Development: The reality that without intentional growth, many men remain emotionally and spiritually undeveloped well into adulthood.
The Integration of Masculinity: Moving beyond the "man box" to a model that balances traditional strength and wilderness skills with heart-based communication.
"Traditionally there's no such thing as an initiation without an intact community."
"We have a society that is fundamentally full of undeveloped and immature men, point-blank."
"I've been kicking the shit out of that [man] box for two decades... Let's make a bigger box because this one sucks."
00:00 - Introduction: Meet Dan Doty 02:46 - Dan’s Journey: From Wilderness Therapy to MeatEater 05:32 - Beyond the "Man Box": Creating a Bigger Definition of Masculinity 09:15 - Old Growth vs. Clear-Cut: The Metaphor for Modern Men 13:40 - The Disappearance of Traditional Rites of Passage 18:55 - What is Initiation? Community, Belonging, and Purpose 24:10 - Solving the Crisis of "Arrested Development" 28:45 - The Parent’s Dilemma: Balancing Strength and Softness 33:20 - Dan’s 6-Month Leadership & Facilitation Program 37:15 - Raising Strong Boys: Navigating Modern Cultural Challenges 41:30 - Digital Landscapes and the Search for Real Connection 44:50 - The Final Principle: Surrounding Your Sons with Mature Men
Books, Tools, and Websites Mentioned
Dan’s primary platform for leadership training and fatherhood coaching. https://www.dandoty.com/
Raising Strong Boys: Dan’s online course designed for parents of sons.
Richard Reeves: Referenced for his research on the systemic challenges facing modern boys and men.
Q&A: Heart-Level Connection Strategies for Dads and Sons
07 May 2026
00:12:08
Key Topics Covered
Moving from inherited parenting patterns to helping sons build their own operating systems for life
Balancing reactive responses with logical and empathetic thinking through the Two-Brain Metaphor
Redefining masculine strength as a drawbridge of trust rather than a wall of armor
Understanding why boys adopt social masks and silent postures in public settings to feel safe
Prioritizing heart-level connection to open the "drawbridge" to a child’s inner world
Using the power of repair and "redos" to teach healthy ways to handle aggression and nervousness
Chapter Markers:
00:00 - Introduction: Our Sons are Becoming Us 01:04 - Q1: Is the "Suck It Up" Playbook Outdated? 02:45 - Updating Your Parenting Operating System 04:15 - Conan vs. Sherlock: The Two-Brain Metaphor 05:50 - Why Vulnerability is True Leadership 07:12 - Q2: Why My Son Becomes a "Silent Statue" in Public 08:40 - The Social Mask: Masculine Rituals of Safety 10:15 - Connection Before Correction: The Castle Metaphor 11:20 - Modeling Repair: The Power of the "Redo" 12:11 - Closing: The Power of Presence & Final Thoughts
Books, Tools, and Resources Mentioned
Equimundo: Source for the State of American Men 2025 report on provider roles and masculinity pressures.
The Fatherhood Project / Fatherhood.org: Statistics regarding the impact of father absence on youth development.
CDC/AECF Statistics: Data on adolescent depression, anxiety, and the "flourishing" indicators for boys.
Prison Policy Initiative: Data regarding disproportionate incarceration rates of boys in the juvenile justice system.
The Two-Brain Model: Understanding the "Conan the Barbarian" vs. "Sherlock Holmes" mental states.
How A Father's Self-Ownership Shapes A Son's Strength with Ralph Brewer
04 May 2026
00:44:34
In this episode of Raising Men, Sean Dawson sits down with Ralph Brewer, founder of the Help for Men Brotherhood and creator of Dad Starting Over. Ralph shares his journey from divorce and single fatherhood to building a global community helping men navigate relationships, masculinity, fatherhood, and personal growth. The conversation explores the hidden struggles many men face—from sexless marriages and identity loss to the importance of brotherhood and taking ownership of one’s life.
Key Takeaways
Many men struggle silently with insecurity and anxious attachment in relationships, which can erode intimacy and self-respect.
Confidence and emotional stability—not passivity or aggression—are the foundations of healthy attraction and strong relationships.
Divorce, while painful, can sometimes create healthier co-parenting dynamics and stronger relationships with children.
Men often lack strong support networks, making brotherhood and male community essential for mental and emotional health.
Taking ownership of one’s life instead of blaming others is the first step toward rebuilding identity and purpose.
Top Quotes from Ralph Brewer
“Maintaining a healthy sexuality inside a long-term relationship is far more difficult than most people are ever told.”
“The more secure you become as a man, the more willing you are to leave behind relationships that are unhealthy for you.”
“It’s okay to ask for help. Every great man I’ve ever known built networks of other men who support and challenge him.”
Chapter Markers
00:00 — Putting the Kids First After Divorce
00:38 — Welcome to Raising Men
01:16 — The Quiet Crisis of Male Passivity
01:43 — Starting With the Man in the Mirror
01:43 — The Book That Started It All
02:08 — Life After a Nasty Divorce
02:31 — Why Writing About Sex Got Attention
03:10 — When One Topic Dominates Everything
03:39 — Why Sex Resonates So Deeply With Men
04:03 — The Myth That Marriage Is Effortless
04:49 — Why Dead Bedrooms Aren’t Talked About
05:00 — What Men Are Never Taught About Marriage
05:38 — The Feedback Loop Between Sex and Connection
06:05 — Data on Sex and Relationship Satisfaction
06:25 — What Actually Fixes a Dead Bedroom
06:36 — The Anxious Man Pattern
07:03 — Attachment Theory in Relationships
07:36 — Codependence and Over-Pleasing
07:54 — Why “Happy Wife, Happy Life” Fails
08:50 — The Real Killer of Long-Term Desire
09:16 — Confidence vs. Being a Jerk
09:48 — Neuroticism, Anxiety, and Attraction
10:22 — Building a Secure Male Identity
10:53 — Why Men Don’t Know Who They Are
11:27 — The Nice Guy vs. The Asshole Trap
11:32 — The Delicate Balance in Marriage
11:44 — Emotional Vomiting and Safety
12:29 — Where Anxious Attachment Comes From
13:10 — Repeating the Patterns We Grew Up With
13:39 — Therapy and Pattern Recognition
14:19 — When the Marriage Can’t Be Saved
14:55 — Becoming Secure May Cost Relationships
15:49 — Divorce as a Turning Point
16:14 — Why Divorce Isn’t Always Financial Ruin
16:50 — When Fatherhood Improves After Divorce
17:39 — Limited Time Creates Intentional Parenting
Awareness – Recognize anxious attachment patterns and relationship dynamics.
Identity Building – Define personal values, purpose, and boundaries.
Security – Develop emotional stability and independence.
Action – Make decisions aligned with self-respect and long-term well-being.
Brotherhood – Surround yourself with other men who provide accountability and support.
Q&A: The Inner Battle of Masculinity and Digital Parenting
30 Apr 2026
00:17:20
In this episode of Raising Men, Shaun Dawson explores the complex topics of masculinity, consent, and digital influence in parenting. He offers practical advice on teaching boys emotional sensitivity, consent through play, and building internal discipline to navigate social media algorithms.
Questions:
"I’m terrified of my son being a 'predator' or 'toxic.' Should I be teaching him consent now, or wait until he’s older?"
"He’s always on his phone. I feel like he’s living in an 'algorithmic miseducation.' How do I build an 'internal compliance department' in his head?"
Key Topics
Masculinity is not toxic but under construction
Teaching consent through play and wrestling
Building internal discipline to manage social media influence
The importance of modeling humility and self-regulation
Understanding the emotional sensitivity of boys
"Toxicity doesn't come from being a man. It comes from the rigidity of being a man who's not allowed to feel anything but anger."
Books, Tools, & Resources Mentioned
The Fragile Male by Sebastian Kramer (published in the British Medical Journal).
Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields.
"Power Over vs. Power With" (Luke Entrip) and "Agreements vs. Rules" (Tom Hobson)
Mindful Masculinity for Modern Dads with Todd Adams
27 Apr 2026
00:49:21
In this conversation, Todd Adams — Executive Director of Men Living and co-host of Zen Parenting Radio — unpacks what “conscious masculinity” truly means when you’re raising boys today. From the man box, to modeling emotional literacy, to partnership dynamics, to navigating conflict and consent, Todd brings grounded, practical wisdom for parents who want to raise strong, emotionally capable young men. This episode is about presence, modeling, and doing your own work — because our sons learn far more from who we are than what we say.
Key Takeaways
1. The Man Box & Conscious Masculinity
Todd explains the framework of the “man box” — narrow cultural expectations that boys absorb — and why conscious masculinity expands beyond toughness into nurturing, emotional presence, and integrity.
2. The 60–30–10 Model of Parenting
Todd breaks down his parenting philosophy:
60% modeling
30% how you show up
10% the actual words
This becomes the foundation of how boys learn behavior, responsibility, and emotional regulation.
3. Emotional Literacy, Empathy & Letting Boys Feel
Todd highlights how boys are naturally emotional — even more expressive than girls early on — until society trains it out of them. He talks about naming feelings, body awareness, and letting boys feel deeply instead of distracting or shutting them down.
4. Partnership, Emotional Labor & Conflict Styles
Todd discusses how marriage dynamics shape a boy’s understanding of masculinity, equality, and emotional safety — including emotional labor, conflict styles (fight, freeze, flee, fawn), consent, and role modeling in the home.
5. Men Living, Connection & Why Fathers Must Do Inner Work
Todd shares why men lose deep friendships, how he built Men Living, and why dads must take responsibility for their personal growth — instead of passing unresolved baggage down to their sons.
If you want your son to be kind, be kind. If you want your son to read books, read books. Modeling is 60% of parenting.
Our kids are here to teach us. We’re not just here to teach them.
Most men only allow themselves to feel anger. But boys come into this world deeply emotional — we just shut it down too early.
Timestamps / Chapter Markers
00:00 — What We Can Control as Fathers
00:33 — Welcome & Meet Todd Adams
01:05 — What Is Conscious Masculinity?
02:01 — Boys Are Born Emotionally Expressive
03:23 — The “Man Box” and Its Limits
04:29 — The Four Male Archetypes
05:45 — Why the Lover Archetype Matters
06:25 — Parenting Is More About Being Than Saying
07:10 — The 60–30–10 Parenting Model
08:45 — Be the Man You Want Your Son to Become
09:45 — Are We Sure We Turned Out “Fine”?
10:38 — Raising Kids in a Radically Different World
11:55 — Screens, Addiction, and Honest Modeling
13:34 — Why Kids See Everything
14:03 — When Men Lack Emotional Role Models
14:55 — The Golf Weekend Wake-Up Call
16:28 — Men Already Know How to Feel
17:15 — Naming Feelings and Listening to the Body
18:08 — When a Child Feels Everything
18:37 — Humor as Emotional Avoidance
20:17 — Why Men Need Intentional Community
22:21 — Creating Male Spaces on Purpose
24:19 — Adapting Masculinity to a Changing World
25:50 — Modeling Equality at Home
27:05 — Emotional Labor and Invisible Work
29:16 — Total Ownership in Partnership
30:52 — Making the Invisible Visible
32:30 — Recognition and Unequal Praise
33:40 — Healthy Partnership as a Teaching Tool
34:14 — The Real Secret to a Strong Marriage
35:07 — Understanding Conflict Styles
36:44 — Excellence, Joy, and Struggle
39:05 — Why Avoidance Costs More Long-Term
40:44 — Where Fathers Get Stuck
41:10 — The Five Principles of Men Living
42:30 — Protecting Boys’ Emotional Openness
43:02 — “Let Me Feel What I Feel”
44:30 — Rethinking Affection and Masculinity
45:40 — Consent Starts Early
47:17 — One Operating Principle for Raising Boys
48:20 — Let Your Kids Teach You
49:09 — Closing Reflections
Supporting Content
1. King, Warrior, Magician, Lover — by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette
Todd uses this to explain the four male archetypes and why boys need the “lover” archetype encouraged, not erased.
In this episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson reflects on a powerful conversation with Deland McCullough. Shaun shares a poignant story about a young entrepreneur in Chicago who built a thriving barbershop but nearly lost everything because he lacked a permit—and, more importantly, because his "default mindset" told him the world was designed to take his success away. This narrative serves as a backdrop to explore the resilient spirit of Deland who faced NFL-ending injuries only to rebuild his life as a coach. Shaun discusses the critical role parents play in teaching their sons two vital lessons: that they are worthy of the fruits of their success and that they must not fear starting from scratch. It is a deep dive into how we can instill the "superpower" of resilience in the next generation.
Key Takeaways
Mindset Dictates Success: A "default mindset" of defeatism can cause individuals to give up on their goals when faced with obstacles they don't understand.
The Power of Rebuilding: True resilience is the ability to start from zero and reach "unimaginable heights" regardless of previous setbacks.
Worthiness of Success: Parents must ensure their children feel worthy of life’s challenges and the rewards that come from surmounting them.
The Risk of Starting Over: Success requires a willingness to risk what one currently has to achieve something greater, including the courage to ask for raises or start businesses.
Fighting for What is Yours: Children should be taught to "fight tooth and nail" for their success rather than accepting an unfair world as an excuse for failure
"The way of the world is you go and you create a business and you start creating value and you get to reap the financial rewards of that."
Chapter Markers
00:00 – Introduction to Deland McCullough and the Power of Authenticity 01:00 – The Story of the Chicago Barbershop 02:24 – When the City Inspector Shuts You Down 03:57 – The Landlord’s Lesson: Navigating Permits and Rules 05:00 – Understanding the "Default Mindset" 06:12 – Deland McCullough's NFL Journey and Rebuilding 08:34 – Instilling Self-Worth and Resilience in Our Sons 10:15 – Taking Risks and the Courage to Rebuild
The "Default Mindset": A psychological framework regarding whether an individual believes they deserve success or are destined to fail.
Navigating The Strong-Willed Path to Manhood with Kirk Martin
20 Apr 2026
00:47:19
In today’s episode of the Raising Men podcast, we sit down with Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm and host of the Calm Parenting Podcast. For more than two decades, Kirk has helped over a million parents stop the power struggles and build stronger relationships with their children. In this conversation, we explore how traits that make boys “difficult” today—arguing, stubbornness, intensity—can become the very strengths that lead to leadership, creativity, and resilience in adulthood. Kirk shares practical scripts, powerful reframes, and a refreshing perspective on parenting strong-willed kids.
Key Takeaways
The traits that frustrate parents today like stubbornness and arguing are often the same traits that create strong leaders later in life.
Parents should stop trying to control their children and instead focus on controlling their own reactions.
Strong-willed and neurodivergent kids often possess powerful skills like pattern recognition, creativity, and entrepreneurial thinking.
The quickest way to calm a child is not through punishment but through connection, movement, and giving them a sense of control.
Modeling humility and emotional regulation teaches boys more about masculinity than any lecture ever could.
Quotes from Kirk Martin
“Stop taking things personally. You're a grown man. Why are you reacting to a four-year-old like it's a personal attack?”
“The quickest way to change your child’s behavior is to first control your own.” "
Humility is leadership. It’s listening, problem solving, and being gracious with people.”
Chapter Markers
00:00 — Stop Taking Kids’ Behavior Personally
01:37 — Difficult Traits Create Strong Leaders
02:29 — Reframing Stubbornness as a Strength
03:23 — Skills Hidden Inside Arguing
04:54 — Questioning Authority Is a Life Skill
06:01 — School Rewards the Wrong Skills
08:09 — When Boys Are Treated as a Threat
10:00 — Conan Brain vs Sherlock Brain
11:34 — Change Your Behavior First
13:09 — Parent Like a Leader, Not a Boss
14:12 — Curiosity Calms Conflict
15:50 — Discipline Through Direction, Not Punishment
1. Control yourself first - The parent regulates their own posture, tone, and reaction.
2. Give the child control - Offer a task or choice they can own.
3. Introduce movement - Physical activity helps regulate emotions.
4. Offer connection through invitation - “Come join me when you're ready.”
5. Validate intensity without excusing behavior - Example: “If I were you, I’d be frustrated too.”
Helping Boys Express Feelings Without Defaulting to Anger
16 Apr 2026
00:16:04
In this Q&A episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson dives into some of the most pressing parenting challenges shared by listeners. Drawing on insights from past guests like Steve Biddulph, Eric Davis, Ryan Walton, and Devin Kuntzmann, Shaun unpacks why boys often express emotions through anger, how parents fall into reactive patterns when exhausted, and what it really takes to raise resilient, emotionally strong young men.
Key takeaways
Boys' nervous systems react more intensely to stress from infancy.
Anger in boys often masks vulnerability and fear.
Suppressing emotions can hinder a boy's purpose and passions.
Parents should model healthy emotional expression and leadership.
Taking breaks and declaring fatigue can prevent reactive anger.
"Yelling damages long-term connection."
"Pull over when your engine overheats."
"Reprogram your childhood programming."
Chapters
00:00 Forging Men: The Blueprint for Parenting 01:24 Understanding Anger: Boys and Emotional Expression 08:12 Breaking the Cycle: Managing Parental Anger 16:27 Tactical Wisdom: Learning from Past Mistakes
Steve Biddulph https://raising.men/episodes/why-boys-are-falling-behind-and-what-we-can-do-about-it-with-steve-biddulph/transcript Eric Davis - https://raising.men/episodes/beyond-the-battlefield-a-navy-seal-s-guide-to-raising-good-men-with-eric-davis Ryan Walton - https://raising.men/episodes/raising-brave-boys-in-a-fearful-world-with-ryan-walton/transcript Devon Kuntzmann - https://raising.men/episodes/from-chaos-to-calm-devon-kuntzman-on-thriving-through-toddlerhood
What Boys Need Now: A Mindful Parenting Framework with Hunter Clarke-Fields
13 Apr 2026
00:45:52
In this episode of Raising Men, Shaun sits down with mindfulness teacher, author, and parenting expert Hunter Clarke-Fields, bestselling author of Raising Good Humans and host of the Mindful Mama Podcast. Together they explore what it really means to raise a “good human,” why parents’ emotional regulation matters more than perfect parenting, and how mindfulness can transform the parent–child relationship. Hunter shares honest stories from her own parenting journey—including struggles with anger, learning to regulate herself, and repairing relationships with her kids—while offering practical tools parents can apply immediately.
Key Takeaways
The most powerful parenting tool is modeling emotional regulation rather than telling kids how to behave.
Children absorb the emotional climate of the household, so parents’ nervous systems directly influence their kids.
Yelling is usually an unconscious stress response, not a conscious parenting choice, and can be retrained over time.
Repair after conflict—apologizing and reconnecting—can heal relationships even years later.
Parenting works best when we balance guidance and influence rather than relying heavily on power, punishment, or rewards.
Top Quotes from Hunter Clarke-Fields
“The best parenting we’re ever doing is in modeling. We can’t just tell our kids how to be—we have to live what we want them to learn.”
“No parent wakes up and decides they’re going to yell at their child today—it’s an unconscious stress response.”
“Our kids don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who mess up, repair, and show them how humans recover.”
Chapter Markers
00:00 — Compassion for Parents Comes First
00:36 — Meet Hunter Clark-Fields
01:07 — What Is a “Good Human”?
01:47 — Comfort in Your Own Skin
02:32 — Parents Shape the Emotional Weather
03:48 — Kids Learn Regulation by Watching Us
05:10 — When a Parent’s Anxiety Derails a Child
06:01 — Why Slowing Down Saves Time
07:32 — Imperfect Parents Are Enough
08:27 — Why Yelling Shuts Down Learning
09:40 — Yelling Is a Nervous System Reaction
10:22 — Training the Nervous System Over Time
11:37 — Conan the Barbarian vs. Sherlock Holmes Brain
12:44 — Why Raising Good Humans Resonated
13:38 — Skill Breaks Down When We’re Activated
15:28 — Mindfulness as a Parenting Foundation
16:40 — Parenting Without Enough Support
17:14 — Why Humans Were Never Meant to Parent Alone
18:33 — Practice Changes the Brain
19:35 — A Skillful Way to Express Anger
20:29 — Anger Isn’t the Problem, Damage Is
21:20 — You Can Always Begin Again
22:11 — “I Didn’t Ruin My Child”
23:53 — Repair Matters More Than Perfection
25:54 — The Power of Apologizing to Kids
27:31 — Two Kids, Two Parenting Eras
28:22 — A More Relaxed Parent Changes Outcomes
30:43 — A Father’s Escalator Dilemma
34:05 — When Fear Gets Worse Instead of Better
35:20 — Why Rewards and Bribes Backfire
37:15 — Intrinsic Motivation Builds Character
37:48 — Carrying Your Own Baggage as a Parent
39:45 — Power vs. Influence in Parenting
41:12 — The Messy Middle of Gentle Parenting
42:28 — There Is No One-Size-Fits-All Approach
43:50 — One Principle: Slow Down and Protect Childhood
Hunter’s approach centers on a simple but powerful sequence:
Regulate yourself first – calm the nervous system before reacting
Pause before responding – create space between trigger and reaction
Respond skillfully – choose communication that teaches rather than shames
Repair when needed – reconnect and apologize after mistakes
Guided Meditation with Marc Krusin
13 Aug 2026
00:17:58
In this live short episode, host Shaun Dawson sits down with mindfulness expert Marc Krusin to step away from the standard interview format and experience a live guided meditation. Addressing his own daily struggles with staying relaxed and present, Shaun invites Marc to lead a five-part foundational mindfulness exercise designed to quiet a racing mind. Together, they explore box breathing, thought observation, and sensory awareness.
Key Takeaways
Box breathing serves as an incredibly effective, accessible tool to instantly soothe the nervous system and relax the physical body.
Actively observing and counting your thoughts automatically slows them down by creating distance between your identity and the mental noise.
Genuine mindfulness means training an awareness muscle to consistently return to the present moment without passing judgment on your mental state.
Shifting attention away from specific content to focus on the physical space around you gives an overstimulated mind a rare opportunity to rest.
Intuitive solutions, professional efficiency, and deeper relationship connection emerge naturally when we stop chasing every passing thought.
We think we are our thoughts. We think that what we're thinking is literally us. But when we start to have the intention to observe them, that means that if we're observing them, they can't be us.
Presence allows us to just be infinitely more efficient and effective in terms of our thinking and in terms of our tasks and in terms of our workflow.
00:00 Welcome 01:15 Four-count box breathing exercise 01:42 Live breathing 03:29 Watching the mind exercise 04:43 Observing and counting internal thoughts 05:34 Tracking racing thoughts 06:04 Consciousness observing our thoughts 11:21 Shaun’s mountain ski lift metaphor 15:30 Practicing sensory awareness 22:54 The costs of context switching and the benefits of mindfulness
Framework - Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts.
Framework - Watching the Mind: The intentional act of observing and counting thoughts to build an awareness muscle and separate identity from mental chatter.
Framework - Spatial Awareness Rest: Intentionally shifting attention from specific objects or content to rest on the physical space between yourself and your device, or the space within the entire room.
Q&A for Parents Raising Boys: Sensitivity, Defiance, and the Father Figure Gap
09 Apr 2026
00:14:25
In this solo Q&A episode, Shaun Dawson answers some of the most common and emotionally charged parenting questions from the Raising Men community. Drawing on insights from past guests including child development experts, military leaders, and veteran fathers, Shaun unpacks how to raise boys with both strength and emotional health. This episode covers how to respond to a sensitive son, how to handle defiance without crushing a child’s spirit, and whether a surrogate male mentor can help fill the gap when a father is absent.
Key Takeaways
Toughness is not built through emotional coldness but through secure attachment, challenge, and recovery.
A sensitive boy is not weak — he may simply need guidance learning how to regulate and direct strong emotions.
Defiance in young boys is often a test of agency, and leadership works better than coercion.
Parents should aim to build a disciplined will in their sons rather than break their spirit.
When a biological father is absent, intentional male mentors can still play a powerful role in shaping a boy’s path to manhood.
“Strength is built through recovery, not through struggle.”
“You do not want a son with a broken will. You want a son with a disciplined will.”
“You’re not just raising a kid. You are forging a man.”
00:00 Welcome to Raising Men 00:35 Question 1 — Should I toughen up my sensitive son? 01:05 Stoicism vs emotional shutdown 02:00 Why boys may be more emotionally fragile early on 03:00 Masculinity, purpose, and emotional strength 04:10 Why numbing emotions creates passive men 04:50 Intentional discomfort vs emotional abandonment 05:35 Question 2 — My 4-year-old is defiant. What do I do? 06:05 Why defiance is often a test of agency 06:45 Play, connection, and boundaries 07:15 Respect, leadership, and family drills 08:20 Don’t break his will — discipline it 09:05 Question 3 — Can a mentor replace a father? 09:40 Why male role models matter 10:20 The “general manager” role in parenting 11:10 What to look for in a surrogate father figure 12:15 Why boys need mentors before adolescence 13:00 Final encouragement for parents 14:00 Closing thoughts and call to action
People / Guests Mentioned
Steve Biddulph Referenced for his work on boys’ emotional development and the mentor phase in adolescence.
Eric Davis Referenced for ideas around modern masculinity, intentional discomfort, earned respect, and dad-shaped leadership gaps.
Ryan Walton Referenced for emotional avoidance, discipline, and framing struggle as a gift.
Devin Kuntzman Referenced for the idea that play and connection outperform coercion in parenting.
Lt. Gen. Mark Hertling Referenced for the “general manager” model of fatherhood and leadership from a distance.
Emily Houston Referenced for the importance of finding male mentors who navigate the modern world with integrity.
Book Mentioned
Raising Men by Eric Davis Mentioned as a book written to address the “dad-shaped hole” many boys experience growing up.
Navigating the Masculinity Crisis with Deland McCullough
06 Apr 2026
01:39:17
In this episode of Raising Men, Shaun sits down with former NFL player and current Las Vegas Raiders running backs coach Deland McCullough. Deland shares a powerful journey that began with adoption, fatherlessness, and adversity in Youngstown, Ohio. Through football, mentorship, relentless work ethic, and a deep commitment to helping young men reach their potential, Deland built a remarkable career as a player, educator, and coach. His story explores masculinity, emotional development, mentorship, and the generational impact men can have when they choose to lead with purpose.
Key Takeaways
Masculinity is not about suppressing emotion but about learning how to express feelings in healthy ways.
The environment you grow up in may shape you, but it does not have to determine your destiny.
Hard work often unlocks talent that people don’t initially see in themselves.
Mentors and role models can completely change the trajectory of a young man’s life.
The most meaningful success comes from helping others realize their potential.
3. Top Quotes from Deland
“Football wasn’t just a sport for me. It was a structure. It was an outlet.”
“You may not be looking for a father, but I’m going to treat you like you’re my son.”
“Hard work unlocked the talent.”
Chapter Markers
00:00 — The Poster on the Wall That Set the Vision
01:05 — Believing Bigger Before It Was Possible
02:12 — Early Coaching Dreams at Miami
03:18 — Letting Life Unfold Without a Master Plan
04:25 — Parallel Paths Without Knowing It
05:38 — Both Starting in High School Coaching
06:45 — First College Job at the Same Program
07:58 — Moving Through the Big Ten Separately
09:10 — Reaching the NFL on Different Roads
10:28 — Both Making It to the Super Bowl
11:35 — Losing to Tom Brady
12:30 — When Your Nemesis Becomes Your Boss
13:32 — Realizing the Pattern Was Too Similar
14:45 — Deciding to Search for His Biological Family
16:02 — Adoption Records Finally Opening
17:25 — Discovering His Mother’s Identity
18:40 — Learning His Father Was Right There All Along
20:05 — The Weight of Telling the Truth
21:24 — Calling the Man He’d Known as Coach
22:48 — “Your Biological Father Is You”
24:12 — Processing the Shock on Both Sides
25:58 — Agreeing to a DNA Test
27:05 — Waiting for Confirmation
28:22 — The Test Comes Back 99.9%
29:30 — Talking Every Day After the Results
30:52 — Seeing Himself in Old Photos
32:10 — Meeting His Biological Mother
34:05 — Recognizing Yourself in the Mirror
36:00 — Ten Minutes Was All It Took
37:48 — Driving to Meet His Father as a Son
39:10 — “My Son” at the Door
40:42 — A Moment That Changed Everything
42:05 — The Pain His Father Had to Carry
43:50 — Turning Pain Into Purpose
45:24 — Becoming the Father He Never Had
47:10 — Four Sons as the Ultimate Blessing
49:02 — Refusing to Repeat the Past
50:40 — Fatherhood as the Crown Jewel
52:31 — Raising Grounded Men With Privilege
54:18 — Intention Over Perfection
56:02 — Building a Mental Library of Counterexamples
58:10 — Teaching Boys Through Presence
01:00:21 — One Principle for Raising Excellent Men
01:02:32 — Detailed, Dependable, Disciplined
01:05:10 — Discipline Matters Most Under Pressure
01:07:30 — Excellence Is Failing Less Over Time
01:10:05 — Knowing the Standard Before You Measure
Deland describes the idea of emotional DNA as the patterns we inherit from how we were raised. These patterns influence how men handle emotions, masculinity, relationships, and fatherhood. Recognizing these inherited behaviors allows men to break negative cycles and intentionally raise the next generation differently.
Beyond the Battlefield: A Navy SEAL’s Guide to Raising Good Men with Eric Davis
01 Apr 2026
00:42:09
In this episode of the Raising Men podcast, Shaun sits down with former Navy SEAL, master sniper instructor, and author Eric Davis, whose book Raising Men helped inspire the very foundation of this show. Eric shares the deeply personal story that drove him to explore masculinity, fatherhood, and the role men play in shaping the next generation.
The conversation explores the modern masculinity crisis, why traditional models of manhood are failing many young men, and how fathers can intentionally raise resilient, purpose-driven sons. Drawing on his experiences in SEAL training, entrepreneurship, and parenting, Eric introduces his framework for modern masculinity and explains how fathers can lead their families with clarity, purpose, and example.
Key Takeaways
Traditional masculinity is failing not because it was wrong but because the modern world has changed and requires new strengths.
A man’s role is to use his passions to harmoniously fulfill and care for his personal, financial, and professional purposes.
Resilience is not a personality trait but a skill that can be trained by maintaining and restoring the ability to act.
Fathers must lead from the front by living the life they hope their children will one day emulate.
Intentional parenting requires clarity of language, purpose, and example rather than vague ideas about what manhood should be.
Quotes from Eric Davis
“Traditional masculinity didn’t fail because it was broken — it failed because the environment changed.”
“The role of a father is to use his passions to harmoniously fulfill and care for his personal, financial, and professional purposes.”
“If you’re living a good intentional life, your children will eventually follow it.”
Chapter Markers
00:00 — Why Strong Families Make a Strong Country
00:46 — Introducing Eric Davis and the Philosophy of Raising Men
01:37 — The Masculinity Crisis and Why This Podcast Exists
02:09 — Losing His Father at 16 and Searching for Male Guidance
04:06 — Is There Really a Masculinity Crisis?
05:00 — The Problem With “Traditional” Masculinity Online
07:49 — Defining Modern Masculinity
08:33 — Using Passion to Fulfil Life’s Purposes
11:01 — Why Purpose Helps Young Men Avoid Distraction
12:00 — Lessons From SEAL Training for Raising Sons
13:03 — Discipline, Consequences, and Teaching Responsibility
14:00 — Adventure and Outdoor Challenges as Parenting Tools
15:00 — Why Resilience Is Central to SEAL Training
15:33 — The Difference Between Perseverance and Resilience
16:16 — How SEAL Training Builds Resilience
18:00 — Why Some Candidates Secretly Quit
19:03 — The Mental Game of Enduring Hardship
21:27 — Don’t Borrow Suffering From the Future
22:05 — Turning Outdoor Experiences Into Life Lessons
23:05 — Parenting With Intention and Clear Outcomes
24:10 — Teaching Kids Identity Through Shared Experiences
26:41 — Why Boys Need Modern Rites of Passage
28:13 — The Importance of Serious Responsibility in Manhood
29:12 — Why Clear Language and Definitions Matter
30:00 — How Families Create a Strong Nation
31:10 — Why Old Work Models Are Failing Modern Fathers
32:00 — Defining Purpose in Life
34:16 — Why Personal Life Often Gets Sacrificed for Work
35:00 — Aligning Your Life Around Your True Purposes
36:13 — Purpose Already Exists—You Just Need Awareness
37:16 — Designing Life Around What Actually Matters
39:05 — The One Principle Every Parent Should Follow
40:03 — Lead From the Front as a Father
41:06 — Final Thoughts on Raising Sons
41:55 — Podcast Outro
Books, Links, and References
Raising Men: Lessons Navy SEALs Learned From Their Training and Taught to Their Sons – Eric Davis
A father’s role is to: Use his passions to harmoniously fulfill and care for his personal, financial, and professional purposes.
Key Components
Passion Living authentically and using personal strengths and interests.
Purpose Understanding and caring for the key domains of life.
Harmony Balancing life domains so no major area breaks down.
Leadership by Example Fathers must model the life they want their children to build.
Resilience Development Building the capacity to maintain and restore the ability to act under stress.
Feminism, Men, and the Future of Raising Strong Boys with Emily Huston
25 Mar 2026
01:03:38
In this deep dive, Shaun sits down with lifelong friend and former professional athlete Emily Huston to discuss the silent crisis of identity and mental health facing boys and men today. From the high-pressure world of elite sports to the "cliff effect" of retirement, Emily shares her journey through depression and professional burnout to build Home Team—a marketplace and community designed to bridge the systemic gaps in athlete care.
Key Topics Covered
The Masculinity Crisis & The Zero-Sum Game: Why empowering women and girls doesn’t have to come at the expense of boys and men, and how "us vs. them" mentalities prevent true progress.
The "Cliff Effect" in Sports: How the sudden loss of structure, community, and purpose at retirement leads to a profound identity crisis for athletes as young as 22.
The Impact of NIL and Social Media: The modern pressures on young athletes to be "influencers," which forces them to be "always on" and fuels toxic comparisons and performance anxiety.
Training vs. Exercising: The psychological hurdle athletes face when transitioning from a militaristic "no pain, no gain" environment to learning how to move their bodies for health and joy.
Preventable Tragedies: A discussion on the rising suicide rates among NCAA athletes and the critical need for better information transfer between institutions (e.g., the case of Marshawn Neeland).
Retirement for an athlete isn't stepping down—it often feels like falling off a cliff.
Just because you’re struggling does not mean that you’re weak... but when you’re performing, you can't be weak. It’s difficult to unmask.
I have been a fierce advocate for women and girls... but if we women aren’t helping [men], it just continues to get worse. We truly need each other.
Resources & Links Mentioned
Home Team: Emily’s platform centralizing athlete-centered care, community, and vetted mental health providers. https://hometeamgo.com/
Always an Athlete by Hilary Knight (or similar teammate): The book that illustrated the "mountain" of an athletic career and the "cliff" of retirement.
NIL (Name, Image, and Likeness): The NCAA policy change allowing college athletes to earn compensation, discussed here regarding its impact on mental health.
Raising Brave Boys in a Fearful World with Ryan Walton
18 Mar 2026
00:56:00
In this honest and wide-ranging conversation, Ryan Walton of Daring to Dad joins Shaun to unpack why so many men find themselves coasting through life — and what it really takes to show up with courage, presence, and emotional integrity for our children. Drawing from fatherhood, personal failures, and deep inner work, Ryan challenges modern dads to confront the parts of themselves they often avoid, cultivate resilience in their sons, and reclaim joy as a masculine virtue. This episode invites every father to stop drifting and start daring — in small daily decisions and in the deepest parts of their lives.
Key Takeaways / Topics Covered
1. Why Men Coast — And How to Recognize It
Avoidance, addiction, distraction, and numbness as modern forms of “coasting.”
How culture profits from keeping men disconnected and passive
2. The Power of Awareness & Intentionality
How “the deep knowing” inside you reveals when you’re living beneath your potential.
The Conan-the-Barbarian brain vs. the Sherlock Holmes brain
3. What It Really Means to DARE as a Father
Facing yourself instead of fixing your kids.
Stepping into presence, responsibility, and honest self-examination.
The cultural shift: modern fatherhood expectations vs. past generations. raising-men-podcast-recording-w…
4. Joy, Vulnerability, and Masculine Emotion
Why joy feels “uncool” to grown men — and why reclaiming it matters.
How our kids coach us emotionally, often in the moments we least expect.
Allowing boys to feel their full spectrum of emotion
5. Practical Tools for Cultivating Courage & Action
Community over isolation: why men need other men.
Daily reflection questions that build resilience.
The power of accountability, feedback, and honest self-inventory.
“Face the parts of yourself you’d rather avoid. What we hide in the basement finds its way out — and the bravest work a man can do is confront his own shadow.
Isolation is the man-killer. Being with other men who want your success — that’s where real change happens.
The struggle is a gift. Don’t steal it from your kids. Let them wrestle, fail, and rise.
Timestamps / Chapter Markers
00:00 — Why Emotional Control Is a Masculine Strength
00:32 — Meet Ryan Walton
01:56 — Why Men Coast
03:43 — The Difference Between Rest and Avoidance
05:44 — How Numbing Becomes the Default
07:26 — Technology Profits From Men Being Numb
09:03 — Isolation as the Silent Killer
11:04 — Systems Matter, Responsibility Still Counts
12:25 — What Daring Looks Like in Fatherhood
13:12 — Becoming the Man Your Kids Need
15:17 — Training a Bias Toward Action
16:45 — Anxiety Shrinks With Action
18:48 — Why Breaking Things Down Works
20:16 — A Driving Range Lesson in Joy
21:58 — The Vulnerability of Joy
23:50 — Reclaiming Childlike Wonder
25:48 — Why Men Hide Their Excitement
28:02 — When We Steal Joy From Ourselves
29:02 — Daring Means Feeling Everything
31:16 — Accountability Changes Everything
32:42 — Three Questions to Break Coasting
33:47 — Where Are You Not Telling the Truth
34:59 — The Power of Receiving Feedback
37:35 — A Moment That Changed Everything
39:49 — Why Repair Matters More Than Perfection
42:36 — Asking Kids for Feedback
44:55 — Teaching Resilience Without Stealing the Struggle
Mental Health as Mental Flexibility Ryan reframed “mental health” as mental stamina, resilience, and flexibility — a framing more intuitive for many men.
Daily Self-Reflection Questions (from Ryan)
What am I avoiding?
What am I pretending isn’t heavy, but really is?
What one thing can I do today to move the needle?
Where am I not telling the truth — to others or myself?
Concepts Discussed
Accountability groups / Men’s circles
Doomscrolling & the “numbing economy”
The Conan-the-Barbarian brain vs. Sherlock Holmes brain (an analogy Shaun shared)
Letters From War: What One Father Wanted His Sons to Know About Courage with Lt. Gen. Mark Hertling
11 Mar 2026
01:08:54
In this episode of Raising Men, host Shaun sits down with retired U.S. Army Lieutenant General Mark Hertling, a leader who spent nearly four decades commanding soldiers in some of the most challenging environments imaginable. But beyond the battlefield, Mark is also a father who once wrote a series of journal entries to his young sons while preparing for war during the first Gulf War—letters he hoped would guide them if he didn’t make it home.
Years later, those handwritten reflections became the foundation for his book If I Don’t Return: A Father’s Wartime Journal. In this conversation, Mark shares the story behind the journal, the lessons he hoped to pass on to his sons, and what military leadership can teach fathers about character, courage, humility, and raising boys to become thoughtful, resilient men.
Key Takeaways
True masculinity begins with character, self-awareness, and respect for others rather than biology or bravado.
Leadership and parenting both require helping others discover and polish the “diamond” within themselves.
Words and intentions mean little without consistent action and discipline behind them.
Facing fear honestly and accepting both victory and defeat with humility builds lasting character.
Fathers shape their children most powerfully through the example they live rather than the advice they give.
Quotes from Mark Hertling
“Masculinity is based on your character and how you influence others—not on biology.”
“Within each one of us is a diamond that has to be polished.”
“You don’t have to be loud to be a great leader.”
Chapter Markers
00:00:00 The journal of a young father heading to war 00:03:03 Character as the foundation of leadership 00:06:06 Quiet leadership vs bravado 00:09:09 Why General Hertling decided to write the book 00:12:10 Lessons from the Iraqi Army and early military experiences 00:15:13 Rediscovering the wartime journal years later 00:18:13 Teaching resilience and responsibility to children 00:21:14 Historical lessons from World War I and II 00:24:15 Learning to admit mistakes as a leader 00:27:17 Striving for excellence and elite standards 00:30:18 Leadership lessons from elite athletes 00:33:19 Developing young leaders in the military 00:36:20 The importance of physical fitness in leadership 00:39:22 Building discipline and standards in teams 00:42:24 What fathers can learn from military leadership 00:45:26 The role of adversity in shaping men 00:48:27 Mentorship and modeling character 00:51:29 Leadership under pressure and uncertainty 00:54:30 Teaching courage and accountability 00:57:32 Preparing the next generation of leaders 01:00:34 Advice to fathers raising boys today 01:03:36 Final reflections on service, leadership, and family
Michael Jordan Quote on Practice Referenced during discussion about discipline and mastery.
Frameworks Mentioned
The “Polish the Diamond” Leadership Concept
Mark uses the metaphor of a diamond to describe personal and leadership development:
Every person contains a “diamond” of potential.
Growth requires intentional effort and discipline.
Leaders and parents help others refine their strengths.
Self-reflection and feedback are the tools used to polish that diamond.
This framework ties together Mark’s approach to both leadership and fatherhood.
From Chaos to Calm: Devon Kuntzman on Thriving Through Toddlerhood
04 Mar 2026
00:48:08
If you’ve ever had a toddler throw themselves on the floor because you cut their toast the wrong way, you know how intense those early years can be. But what if toddlerhood isn’t something to survive? What if it’s one of the richest seasons for growth—both for our kids and for us? Today on Raising Men, Shaun sits down with Devon Kuntzman, parenting coach, author of Transforming Toddlerhood, and the leading voice helping parents move from chaos to connection. Devon brings practical tools, mindset reframes, and compassionate strategies that help parents decode behavior, regulate themselves, and raise confident, emotionally healthy kids.
Key Takeaways
1. Reframing the “Terrible Twos”: Why culture primes us to expect chaos, and how fear shapes our experience of toddlerhood.
2. Behavior as Communication: Toddlers aren’t being “bad”—they’re expressing needs, emotions, and limitations in brain development.
3. Emotional Regulation for Parents: How to avoid jumping on your child’s “emotional roller coaster.”
Observe & Describe — Nonjudgmental narration to interrupt assumptions.
Recipe for Healthy, Effective Discipline:
Connection
Limit
Follow-through
Teaching skills
Four-Step Repair Process (from Devon’s book, pg. ~49):
Take ownership
Check in on impact
Apologize
Redo (state what you’ll do next time)
Concepts Referenced
Younger vs. Older Toddlers (ages 1–2 vs. 3–4, differences in language + brain maturity)
Collaborative Problem Solving — Inviting toddlers to generate solutions.
Emotional Contagion — Why parent regulation is the first step in child regulation.
Logical vs. Arbitrary Consequences — And why toddlers don’t connect punishment with behavior.
Grounding Strategies for Parents — Breathing, sensory check-ins, movement or stillness based on temperament.
What Trauma-Informed Parenting Looks Like at Home with Ryan North
25 Feb 2026
01:05:19
Ryan North, co-founder of One Big Happy Home, shares his journey raising six children—four of whom were adopted from the child welfare system—and how those experiences shaped his trauma-informed approach to parenting. This episode explores the "connection-first" methodology, the essential balance between nurture and structure, and the vital distinction between raising "nice" boys and "good" men.
1. Why Trauma-Informed Parenting Matters for Every Dad
Ryan explains why trauma-informed principles apply far beyond adoption and foster care — because every child faces adversity, stress, and emotional wounds in today’s world.
2. Connection vs. Control
Ryan breaks down why traditional discipline focuses on control, but healing and strong fatherhood come from prioritizing connection — without sliding into permissiveness.
3. The Power of “Yes When We Can, No When We Must”
He shares the philosophy that shaped his home: saying yes when it builds relationship, and saying no only when it’s truly in the child’s long-term best interest.
4. Raising Boys in a Digital, Post-Pandemic, AI-Distracted World
From screen addiction to AI “companions,” Ryan reveals why today is the hardest era in 100+ years to be a child — and how dads can anchor their sons in stability, presence, and emotional safety. r
5. What It Means to Raise Good Men (Not Just “Nice” Ones)
Ryan draws a powerful distinction between “nice” men and “good” men — and how fathers can raise sons who protect, provide, and lead with courage and compassion.
Quotes by Ryan North
“Authority isn’t about control — it’s about trust.”
“The point of parenting is not to make my life easy — the point of parenting is to develop another person.”
“We’re not trying to raise nice men. We’re trying to raise good men — the kind who run into the burning building, not film it for likes.”
Timestamps
00:00 — Holding Kids to Adult Standards
00:30 — Welcome & Meet Ryan North
01:10 — What Drew Ryan Into Trauma-Informed Care
02:10 — Parenting Adopted and Biological Children the Same Way
Fathers, Sons, and the Lost Language of Emotion with Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
18 Feb 2026
00:53:01
In this episode, Shaun sits down with Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, a psychologist with decades of experience working with preschool boys often mislabeled as "problematic". They explore the "emotional desert" many boys are forced into by a culture that unintentionally shames their natural sensitivity. Dr. Vanderhorst explains how parents can move beyond surface-level behavior to address the root emotional needs of their sons, ultimately helping them grow into men of both strength and tenderness.
Key Takeaways
The Myth of the Stoic Infant: Contrary to popular belief, boys are born with a broader range of emotional expression than girls. However, because mothers and nannies often have a narrower emotional range, they may unintentionally discourage a boy's intense reactions, leading the infant to "narrow the room" and limit his own expressions for safety.
Comfort vs. Brittleness: Shaming a boy for crying (e.g., telling a three-year-old to "stop being a baby") does not make him strong; it makes him "brittle". Providing comfort and strategies for handling injury or loss builds genuine resilience, allowing him to experience emotion without being overwhelmed by it.
The "Conan" Brain vs. The Modern World: Society often trains boys to remain in a "Conan the Barbarian" state—aggressive, brave, and cut off from fear. While this was once adaptive for survival, it is maladaptive in modern life, making intimate emotional relationships nearly impossible for men who can only access irritation or anger.
The Masculine Ritual of Safety: Unlike women, who often dive directly into emotional sharing, men typically require a "ritual" of posturing before feeling safe. They often need to establish their status or success in the room before they feel comfortable enough to bring their sorrows or worries into the light.
Decoding the "Root Cause": Behavioral outbursts are often signals of underlying needs. For example, a child obsessing over a cell phone or a specific shirt may actually be expressing a powerful need to "belong" or feel included with their peers. Addressing the root cause can "flip the switch" and resolve the behavioral conflict immediately.
Pull Quotes
"Infants are emotionally brilliant—it's their only survival mechanism. So they read the room perfectly."
"The culture that we live in tells us that boys are to narrow their emotional expression... We rob them of that capability, and we do it intentionally."
"If you don't do it on purpose [reflection], it'll happen accidentally in ways that are usually bad."
Timestamps / Chapter Markers
00:00 — Therapy Is More Accessible Than You Think
00:40 — Meet Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
01:20 — The Emotional Desert Boys Grow Up In
02:02 — Boys Are Born With a Broader Emotional Spectrum
03:15 — How Caregiving Shapes Emotional Expression
04:17 — A Classroom Example: Male vs. Female Emotional Response
05:46 — Emotional Correction Starts in Infancy
07:40 — Playground Parenting Reveals the Pattern
08:18 — Emotional Sensitivity Is a Male Strength
09:25 — When Culture Mislabels Emotion as a Problem
11:05 — The Caveman Model of Masculinity
11:48 — Conan the Barbarian vs. Sherlock Holmes
13:44 — The Cost of Losing Tenderness
14:12 — Anger as a Secondary Emotion
15:36 — Why Anger Doesn’t Solve Modern Problems
16:20 — The Core Emotional Wound in Men
17:01 — Divorce, Prison, and Emotional Silence
18:03 — Why Men Don’t Disclose to Other Men
18:15 — Masculinity, Power, and the Fear of Softness
19:37 — You Don’t Lose Strength—You Add to It
20:45 — Introducing the Book: Read, Reflect, Respond
21:39 — Why Words Aren’t Enough for Healing
22:37 — Scribbling, Drawing, and Emotional Truth
23:14 — “Are You Your Own Con Artist?”
24:33 — When Unprocessed History Hijacks the Present
25:51 — The Danger of Justifying Pain Instead of Healing It
27:23 — Therapy Beyond the Couch
29:06 — Men, Therapy, and Community
29:58 — Posturing Before Vulnerability
31:45 — Rituals of Emotional Safety for Men
32:52 — Emotional Safety vs. Physical Safety
33:34 — First Steps for Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys
35:20 — A Story of Shame at the Playground
36:05 — Why Suppressing Emotion Creates Fragility
36:45 — Suicide and Emotional Suppression
37:57 — Is Emotional Progress Happening?
38:44 — The Hidden Cost of Screens
39:45 — The Uncontrolled Experiment on Children
41:03 — Limits Aren’t Enough—Engagement Matters
42:34 — Creativity as Emotional Nutrition
44:24 — Addressing the Root Need: Belonging
45:07 — Meeting Needs Without Giving the Device
46:00 — A Shirt, a Buffet, and Emotional Insight
47:23 — Belonging as a Core Emotional Theme
48:31 — Helping Kids Reframe Differences as Strengths
49:41 — One Operating Principle: Expand Feeling Vocabulary
Internal Family Systems (IFS) – A therapeutic process for understanding the different "parts" of oneself, now increasingly accessible to the public through online workshops.
Social Media & Connections
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst: Follow her weekly blog and access resources through her official website at https://gloriavanderhorst.com
Regulate Before You Relate: The Inner Work of Raising Men with Jonny Miller
11 Feb 2026
00:57:34
In this episode, Shaun sits down with Jonny Miller, the founder of Nervous System Mastery and host of The Inner Frontier Podcast. As a tech leader and father of two, Shaun explores the messy reality of staying regulated when kids push every "magic button" we have. Jonny reframes the nervous system not as something to be "beaten into submission," but as the primary lens through which we experience our relationships, our creativity, and our capacity to lead our families.
Key Takeaways
The Nervous System is the "Upstream" Lens: Your nervous system dictates the quality of your attention, relationships, and creativity. Rather than a victim-to-villain dynamic where you must "grind" through stress, mastery is about befriending the system and understanding that your kids' nervous systems are often a direct reflection of your own.
Interoception is the Lead Domino: Most men are "numb from the neck down," missing the internal data (heat in the chest, sweating palms) that signals rising anger. By noticing these sensations when they are a "2 or 3 out of 10" rather than an "11 out of 10" rage blackout, you gain the agency to intervene before reacting.
Reducing the "Half-Life" of Reactivity: The goal is not to never be triggered, but to reduce how long you stay in a hijacked state. Instead of carrying unprocessed grief or anger for days or weeks, nervous system skills allow you to move back into your "window of tolerance" in minutes.
Bottom-Up vs. Top-Down Regulation: While we often try to "think" our way out of stress (top-down), there are four times more neurons going from the body to the brain than vice-versa. Leveraging "bottom-up" tools like breathwork, humming, or cold exposure is a high-leverage way to signal safety to the brain when the mind is racing.
Paying Off "Emotional Debt": Repressing emotions to "get the job done" (the Clint Eastwood model) builds a debt that eventually leads to burnout or health crises. Shifting from "grinding" to "courageous curiosity" allows men to metabolize this debt and reclaim a sense of aliveness and joy.
Quotes from Jonny Miller
"The nervous system is quite literally the lens through which we experience life."
"Joy is the matriarch of a family of emotions, and she won't come into a house where her children aren't welcome."
"All leadership is ultimately self-leadership."
Timestamps / Chapter Markers
00:00 — Kids and Emotional Fluidity
00:27 — What Is Nervous System Mastery?
01:53 — Grit, Hustle, and the Problem With Suppression
03:59 — Reducing the Half-Life of Reactivity
05:51 — Leadership Starts With Self-Regulation
07:09 — When Kids Trigger What We Can’t Control
09:09 — Why We Try to Fix Other People’s Emotions
10:57 — Interoception: Awareness of the Inner World
12:48 — Interoception vs. Introspection
13:30 — The Daily “Internal Weather Report”
15:48 — Parenting in the Weeds
17:40 — Curiosity Without Judgment
19:06 — Emotional Fluidity vs. Emotional Manipulation
20:44 — Kids Learn What We Model, Not What We Say
21:30 — Teaching Children to Trust Their Inner Signals
22:48 — Practicing Awareness Throughout the Day
24:45 — NSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest)
26:07 — Where to Learn NSDR
28:03 — Top-Down vs. Bottom-Up Regulation
29:36 — Why Body-Based Practices Work Better
30:46 — Outside-In Regulation: Designing Your Environment
32:18 — Co-Regulation: Why Connection Heals
34:16 — Anxiety as Constriction
36:13 — Emotional Debt and Burnout
37:37 — What Changes for High-Achieving Men
39:34 — Deep Somatic Work and Emotional Excavation
41:18 — Making Time Creates More Time
41:33 — One Practice for Immediate Regulation
43:34 — Boundaries, Calendars, and Spaciousness
45:08 — Presence as a Competitive Advantage
47:06 — Distraction, Rage Bait, and Emotional Hooking
49:21 — Interoception as an Antidote to Screens
51:36 — The Opportunity Hidden in Modern Overstimulation
53:13 — One Operating Principle: Embrace Emotional Intensity
54:23 — Regulating Kids by Regulating Ourselves
55:14 — Making Space for Anger
56:33 — Screaming Together: A Story of Co-Regulation
57:25 — Closing Reflections
Resources, Tools, & Concepts Mentioned
NSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest): A guided body scan popularized by Andrew Huberman that provides the recovery equivalent of two hours of sleep in just 30 minutes.
State Shifts: An app featuring recordings for nervous system regulation.
Physiological Sigh: A breathing protocol used to rapidly down-regulate the system.
Orienting Practice: A quick grounding tool: name three things you see, two you hear, and one you feel.
Yoga Nidra: A restorative practice for cultivating high-definition internal awareness.
People to Follow:
Andrew Huberman: For the science of NSDR and the physiological sigh.
Ally Boothroyd: Recommended for her Yoga Nidra recordings on YouTube.
Joe Hudson: Creator of the "Joy as the Matriarch" metaphor.
Navigating the Pink Light with Mayra Clay and Marc Krusin
10 Aug 2026
00:38:32
Modern parents face the ongoing challenge of raising children in an "always on" world saturated with digital noise. In this episode, host Shaun Dawson sits down with London-based meditation teachers Mayra Clay and Marc Krusin to discuss how emotional awareness, stillness, and presence can transform family dynamics.
Myra and Mark share how Bright Path Ascension Meditation techniques offer a practical way to quiet the mind without requiring hours of isolated retreat. They emphasize that true strength lies in internal awareness rather than mere external composure, shedding light on the distinction between inner peace and outer stillness. The conversation explores how parents model emotional regulation for their sons, navigating intense childhood triggers through calm presence rather than frustration. By shifting away from control and embracing simple daily practices, parents can help their children develop long-term internal resilience.
Key Takeaways
Inner Peace vs. Outer Stillness: True meditation and presence address internal mental turmoil rather than forcing an artificial state of external quiet.
Leading by Example: Children absorb emotional regulation by watching their parents remain calm and fully present during challenging moments.
Flexible Integration: Ascension meditation techniques can be practiced with eyes open during daily interactions, seamlessly fitting into a busy schedule.
Separating Frustration from Correction: Addressing a child's unkind or dangerous behavior from a state of pure presence is far more effective than reacting out of personal anger or embarrassment.
The Limited Window: The timeframe during which children are deeply open to parental guidance is short, making daily presence essential.
"It's not about escaping from daily life, it's about becoming fully present within daily life.
"Children are so present, they're often not really the ones that are a problem... it's really us that try and control them.
"There is a fundamental distinction between inner turmoil and outer freneticness."
00:00 Digital noise and raising sons in an always-on world 01:05 Introduction 02:08 Explaining the foundations of Bright Path Ascension Meditation 03:40 Shaun on levelheadedness, triggers, and childhood anger 06:33 Inner turmoil versus outer stillness in active children 08:33 Modeling emotional presence and self-regulation for kids 13:30 Using prefrontal cortex awareness over reactive emotional states 19:20 Practicing eyes-open meditation techniques during daily routines 22:28 The origin and message behind The Boy in the Pink Light 27:03 Cultural perspectives on masculinity between Mexico and the UK 31:46 How internal emotional stress affects young boys beneath the surface 34:48 One principle for parents: getting present and honoring the short window
Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned
Bright Path Ascension Meditation: A simple meditation practice based on praise, gratitude, love, and appreciation, adaptable for eyes-closed or eyes-open daily use.
The Boy in the Pink Light: A children's book by Mayra Clay designed to guide kids and parents toward internal heart-centered awareness.
Conan the Barbarian vs. Sherlock Holmes Brain: Shaun Dawson's neuroscience metaphor contrasting reactive amygdala responses with logical prefrontal cortex processing.
Why Boys Are Falling Behind (and What We Can Do About It) with Steve Biddulph
04 Feb 2026
00:42:48
In this episode, Shaun Dawson sits down with Steve Biddulph, a world-renowned psychologist, educator, and author of the global bestsellers Raising Boys and The New Manhood. With over three decades of experience, Steve explores the "quiet crisis" facing boys today—from school environments that disadvantage their slower biological development to a digital landscape that is rewriting the rules of adolescence. This conversation is a roadmap for parents who want to raise emotionally healthy sons of character, courage, and conviction.
Key Takeaways
The Biological Development Gap: Testosterone in the womb slows male development; by the time boys reach school age, they are often 6 to 12 months behind girls in speech and fine motor skills.
The Case for "Holding Back": Many boys benefit significantly from starting school one year later, allowing them to match the maturity of their female peers and avoid a lifelong trajectory of restlessness and academic discouragement.Mirror Learning & Masculine Virtues: Qualities like patience and kindness are "caught, not taught." Boys need thousands of hours of male company to absorb these complex, nonverbal skills through their nervous systems.
Combating Digital Miseducation: Parents must actively counter the harmful "algorithmic" effects of social media and the "miseducation" of pornography by setting firm boundaries—such as no devices in bedrooms and supporting under-16 social media bans.
The Father as a Safety Anchor: A father’s most important role is to be a "safety go-to guy". True strength lies in a father’s ability to manage his own strong feelings so his son never feels the need to protect himself from his own father.
Quotes
"You give a man the right help, he will turn around."
"I made sure he knew what a good man looked like because you can't turn into one if you've never seen one." (Quoting a single mother’s wisdom on role models)
"A good kid is a still kid... but his body's screaming." (On the physical difficulty boys face sitting at desks in traditional classrooms)
Timestamps / Chapter Markers
00:00 — “That Book Saved My Life”
00:34 — The Quiet Crisis Facing Boys
01:12 — Meet Steve Biddulph
01:56 — The Family Therapy Breakthrough
03:59 — Fathers Who Loved but Couldn’t Connect
4:47 — Personal Grief and the Awakening
06:11 — When Men Don’t Know How to Support Each Other
07:28 — Why Boys Start School at a Disadvantage
08:26 — Testosterone Slows Male Development
09:45 — Boys Are Born Vulnerable
10:38 — A One-Year Developmental Gap
11:55 — Language, Fine Motor Skills, and Shame
12:28 — “Just Hold Him Back a Year”
13:33 — Sean’s Story: Skipped Grades and Silent Anxiety
15:30 — The Power of Repeating a Year
16:23 — When Big Bodies Create Unrealistic Expectations
17:44 — How Boys’ Bodies Develop
18:28 — “Move Me”
19:29 — What Boy-Friendly Schools Do Differently
20:58 — Father Absence and Modern Reality
21:26 — Single Mothers Have Always Raised Good Men
23:05 — “He Needs to See What a Good Man Looks Like”
Father Hunger / The Father Wound: The deep psychological impact of an absent or emotionally distant father
Mirror Learning: The process by which children absorb behaviors and emotional rhythms by observing role models
Core Strength vs. Fine Motor Development: The biological difference where boys develop from the "core outwards," meaning finger control for writing often develops last.
Heads Up Alliance:https://www.headsup.org.uk/ A movement encouraging school communities to delay giving children smartphones.
Battles Before the Battlefield: Aaron Blaine on Becoming the Father He Never Had
28 Jan 2026
01:20:18
Retired Green Beret and Wild Ops Box founder Aaron Blaine joins Raising Men to talk about the battles he faced long before combat — growing up fatherless, angry, and adrift — and how pain, discipline, and purpose forged him into the man and father he is today. In this conversation, Aaron and Shaun unpack lessons from military life, the transition back home, and the inner healing that led to his mission of helping fathers and sons reconnect through Wild Ops Box. From men’s circles and emotional breakthroughs to teaching his kids the power of boundaries, Aaron shows that leadership at home begins with self-awareness and service
Key Takeaways
Pain can be a catalyst for growth — our response determines whether it breaks us or builds us.
Kids mirror our emotions — a calm home starts with calm parents.
Boundaries are love — saying no teaches children self-respect and limits.
Connection needs structure — rituals, shared experiences, and written family values keep a home aligned.
Service above self — true masculinity means protecting, guiding, and serving before leading.
Pull Quotes
“You get to choose what it does to you. You get to choose how you react — that’s an active choice that can propel you forward.”
“We make vows to our wives, but maybe we should make vows to our kids — that’s the most permanent relationship we’ll ever have.”
“Discipline without direction is just control — but discipline with purpose changes lives.
“Kids don’t care what we say; it’s what they see and feel us do that really matters.”
Timestamps / Chapter Markers
00:00 — Leading From the Front at Home
Why allowing kids to shape the vision of the household builds accountability and leadership.
00:31 — From Fatherless to Green Beret
Aaron Blaine’s early life, losing his father, and the path that shaped his resilience.
02:03 — Trauma as a Catalyst for Growth
How pain, loss, and chaos became fuel instead of a life sentence.
05:57 — Choosing Growth Over Destruction
Why adversity can either break you—or make you great.
07:18 — Legacy Lives Beyond Presence
How parents continue shaping us long after they’re gone.
09:16 — Birth, Death, and the Urgency of Time
A powerful reflection on life’s brevity and what truly matters.
11:11 — Service Above Self
Why volunteering, slowing down, and gratitude change everything.
13:00 — Redefining Wellness: Body, Mind, and Spirit
Why true health goes far beyond fitness.
14:22 — What Becoming a Green Beret Teaches About Discipline
Autonomy, self-mastery, and learning to embrace discomfort.
18:52 — Anger, Fatherhood, and Emotional Regulation
How Aaron learned to manage anger while raising young children.
20:54 — The Men’s Group That Changed Everything
Vulnerability, emotional awareness, and breaking lifelong patterns.
23:32 — Kids Mirror Our Energy
Why parents must regulate themselves before correcting behavior.
25:12 — Guilt, Overcompensating, and Boundaries
Why saying “no” is part of being a good father.
26:52 — Teaching Boundaries Is Teaching Respect
How limits help children navigate the real world.
28:44 — Learning to Love the Ketchup
Choosing meaning over irritation in everyday parenting moments.
30:39 — Discomfort as a Superpower
Why learning to embrace discomfort creates growth and resilience.
33:13 — The Birth of Wild Ops Box
How lost institutions inspired a modern solution for fathers and kids.
35:18 — Leaving the Army and Losing Identity
The hidden struggle many veterans face after service.
37:43 — Survival Skills as a Path to Connection
Why outdoor education builds confidence and family bonds.
40:04 — Betting on Purpose, Not Ego
Building something meaningful without burning everything down.
43:32 — A Father’s Proud Moment
When Aaron’s son confidently joined an interview—and what it represented.
45:19 — Becoming a Girl Dad
How having a daughter softened and strengthened him at the same time.
49:33 — Raising Boys vs. Raising Girls
Masculinity, protection, and emotional presence.
52:51 — Vows to Your Children
Why fathers should commit publicly to their kids, not just spouses.
55:46 — Wild Ops Box as a Ritual, Not a Product
Using skill-building to create meaningful family conversations.
57:42 — Letting Kids Define Family Values
Why ownership creates accountability.
58:49 — Connection vs. Independence
Helping kids balance closeness with autonomy.
01:01:59 — Modeling Matters More Than Teaching
Why kids follow what we do—not what we say.
01:04:33 — A Message to Disconnected Fathers
Start with intention, presence, and small daily actions.
01:06:45 — The Critical Window: Ages 7–14
Why these years shape who children become.
01:08:56 — When Kids Handle Conflict
Why parents sometimes need to step back.
01:12:30 — Guidance Without Shame
How to correct behavior without damaging trust.
01:16:07 — “Eat Last” as a Life Principle
Service, discipline, and modeling leadership at home.
01:19:24 — Community, Responsibility, and Legacy
Why men must guide not just their families—but their communities.
01:20:05 — Closing Reflections
Turning pain into purpose and raising men who lead with strength.
Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males with Jennifer L.W. Fink
21 Jan 2026
00:58:00
In this episode, Shaun sits down with Jennifer L.W. Fink—writer, nurse, mother of four boys, and author of Building Boys. Jennifer brings decades of lived experience and research to help us understand what boys really need: space, presence, and parents who see them as they truly are. Together, they explore why boys are often misunderstood, how parents can respond with calm instead of fear, and what it means to raise great guys in a world full of mixed messages.
Topics Covered
Developmental differences between boys and girls – Why boys aren’t behind or broken; they simply develop on a different timeline.
Why boys are often misunderstood – From poop drawings to impulse-control moments, adults misinterpret normal development as misbehavior.
Parenting through fear – How cultural narratives (MeToo era) cause parents to overreact to boy behavior.
How to respond with connection – Curiosity over punishment; presence over panic.
Paul Kix built a career telling powerful human stories—from ESPN to bestselling books. But becoming a father pushed him to rewrite the narrative of masculinity itself. In this conversation, Paul shares what he’s learned about raising boys to be strong and gentle, confident and vulnerable. We go deep on identity, authenticity, inner courage, and why sometimes the bravest thing a dad can do is admit he doesn’t have all the answers.
Key Takeaways / Topics Covered
Masculinity must include kindness, empathy, and emotional presence, not just strength.
Modeling repair, not perfection — kids learn by watching how we handle mistakes.
Vulnerability is true tensile strength — like bridges built to flex without breaking.
Therapy, reflection, and emotional self-awareness are part of modern fatherhood.
Raising biracial sons means helping them define identity from the inside out, not from labels society imposes.
Saying no to broken systems (raffles, rewards, status pressure) teaches kids integrity and independence.
Authentic storytelling builds connection — peers relate more to flaws than achievements.
Reinvention is possible — pivot your skillset instead of clinging to dying industries.
Courage = pushing past fear while staying grounded through reflection and spiritual guidance.
Pull Quotes
“If all you do is project strength, you become brittle. Vulnerability is what keeps you from breaking.”
“We connect more to each other’s flaws than to each other’s victories.”
“Remember that the kingdom of God is within you — live out the purpose planted inside.”
Timestamps / Chapter Markers
00:22 Official Introduction (Introducing Paul Kix, journalist and author)
00:54 Storytelling and the Narrative of Fatherhood (Holistic masculinity, kindness, and modeling repair)
02:44 Pivoting to Partner: A Wife's Need
04:20 From Farmer to Modern Man (Embracing therapy and vulnerability)
07:51 The Tensile Strength of Bridges (Flexibility vs. brittle tension)
11:21 Performative vs. Quiet Confidence (The ultimate flex: Barry Sanders)
14:55 Reinventing Career After Corporate Media (Starting the newsletter/digital course)
20:29 Staring Down Fear and Catastrophizing (The path to true self)
24:05 The Power of Authenticity and Chronicling Flaws (Finding "the gripe")
28:34 Raising Biracial Sons (Identity, the "one-drop rule," and the shift in discourse)
35:36 The School Fundraiser Dilemma (Principled stand vs. bullying)
38:57 Similar Stand in Little League (Questioning the raffle)
44:36 The Decision: Legoland and Life Lessons (Minimizing hardship)
46:58 Kids Absorb What You Do (Henson quote)
47:51 One Principle for Raising Men (The Kingdom of God is within you)