Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast Polyamory Weekly

How do you handle moving, job loss, death, and other relationship changes?

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• We’re heading to Croatia for a vacation!

The gap between people’s stated positions and what they actually vote for.

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com and copy polyweekly@gmail.com.

Dan and dawn have been a lifestyle couple since 2001 and have presented at over 100 events around North America. Not only do they enjoy teaching workshops and classes, they also share via books, specialized events, and fun consent negotiation playing cards! They were last on Poly Weekly in 2014 on episode 400: Poly for introverts.

They are also the co-hosts of the Erotic Awakening Podcast, an educational show that explores “all things erotic” since 2011; co-founders of the Columbus Space, an alternative community center; 2016 MAsT International Member’s Choice Presenter of the Year Award winner; Great Lakes region title holders (2010); creators of the Scarlet Sanctuary and Path of the Qadishti (sacred sexuality spaces); featured educators on both Kink Academy and Creative Sexuality; and mentioned in a number of books, articles, and other media.

• Embrace the power of “I don’t know”
• Balance appreciating what you have with mourning the loss of a partner or lifestyle
• Understand that emotions happen
• Change is a type of loss. Don’t avoid that grief; lean in to it.
• Update your partner before your Facebook status

Find Dan and Dawn at Erotic Awakening, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Find their polyamory toolkit here.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

A listener writes in asking for advice on continuing a romantic relationship. She was poly but agreed to marry her now-husband P with the idea that they would open up the marriage later. She has a friend of seven years, J, with whom she recently connected and wants to pursue a romantic relationship. She is anxious every time J goes on a date with someone else, fearing he’ll dump her for someone who will be monogamous with him. How does she avoid getting hurt by love?

• You don’t. To love is to risk vulnerability. You minimize risk by minimizing joy and intimacy.
• Take the Buddhist approach: embrace love, accept the pain that comes with it.
• If you really want to minimize pain, have some difficult conversations. Where is P in all this? Does he support you? Talk through best and worst case scenarios with P and J.

Herbalwise recommends the 2014 movie The One I Love as semi-poly-friendly.

Welcome NS to the Poly Weekly playmates!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Leanne is a bisexual, autistic, Asian poly polyamory educator, influencer, comedian, blogger, community mentor, and founder of Poly Philia, the largest page dedicated to non-monogamy education in the UK.

If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com

Leanne was on the British version of Fox News talking about polyamory, and she ran circles around the host!

A white cis man’s view on abortion. Our big mistake is loading abortion with value and framing it as a women’s issue. It’s an issue of civil rights and bodily autonomy for all of us.

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com and copy polyweekly@gmail.com.

Leanne is a polyamory educator, influencer, comedian, blogger, community mentor, and founder of Poly Philia, the largest page dedicated to non-monogamy education in the UK. She created the #PolyamoryTipoftheDay series, and has narrated several polyamory audiobooks. Her polyamory advocacy is influenced by her experiences as a bisexual, autistic, Chinese woman.

• Her poly origin story
• Why she started the PolyPhilia blog
• How to meme (Minx asks for a tutorial!)
• On being Asian and poly
• On being autistic and poly (her own experience only)
• How the hell do I use TikTok?

She offers peer support to non-monogamous individuals and couples worldwide, polyamory merch, Ko-Fi (like Patreon) with exclusive content for supporters, and narrates audiobooks about polyamory. All her links in one place.

Her blog is here, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok channels.  

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

Thanks to David for writing in with such nice compliments, including “Your show has been nothing but truly enlightening to me.”

Lusty Guy shares his own happy poly moment!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Emily Blake and Gabriel Figueroa share their goal with their new animated sex ed series, Welcome to Kinkyville. Support their Kickstarter here!

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• The empathy gap and why it’s hard to predict your behavior in a hot state when you’re in a cold state. Related to our idea of “experience shock.” Hidden Brain podcast The Empathy Gap
• A group at Harvard Law School, PLAC (Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition, which is an initialism), is working on legal protections for poly folks. The Harvard Law article.

This issue was settled definitely by the Supreme Court in 1905 with Jacobson V Massachusetts.

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com and copy polyweekly@gmail.com.

We interview Gabriel Figueroa and Emily Blake about their new animated sex-ed series, Welcome to Kinkyville.

Emily and is a polyamorous switch and screenwriter who over the last three years has been developing Welcome To Kinkyville. She has been on more than one list of writers with great potential who almost sold a screenplay.  She's a script supervisor, an obsessive Dungeons and Dragons player, and a geek fashion designer. But mostly, she's on a crusade to rid the world of sexual shame and abuse brought on by years of oppressive societal conditioning. She is on Twitter a LOT.

Gabriel is was born and raised in Puerto Rico. He now lives in Hollywood where he is a professional trailer editor who's created commercials for Hollywood studios, streaming platforms and independent productions. He uses Twitter to raise awareness about polyamory and kink. Above all, he is known for his serious collection of hats and BDSM accoutrements.

Back their Kickstarter campaign, check out the Kinkyville Facebook page, their Kinkyville’s Twitter, the Kinkyville’s Instagram, their YouTube, and Emily’s Twitter account.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

The guy from episode 432 writes in with an update!

S shares an NRE happy poly moment.

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

A listener falls in love with a relapsed, suicidal alcoholic and asks how to move forward when her husband hates this new relationship that makes her so happy.

If you’re under 18, visit www.scarleteen.com

The next time you’re wondering about what side of any given political debate to adopt, consider the track record of the folk advocating for each given side. If they are among those who think the 2020 election was stolen, say, you can reasonably assume they have a long track record of being wrong. And, as we all know, past behavior is the best predictor of future performance.

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com and copy polyweekly@gmail.com.

A married listener is dating a relapsed alcoholic. When her husband asked her to stop seeing him, she tried, but he was too drunk to understand and then threatened suicide. A while later she took up with him again and tried to get him into a facility, and then she started not telling her husband when she was seeing him. How do you go forward when your husband hates the new relationship that makes you happy?

• Loving an addict is hard
• What does N’s wife have to say about his behavior?
• Forming feelings before meeting someone face to face is a warning sign
• This is why addicts lose everyone before they bottom out
• Put yourself and your safety (not your feelings) first

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

In response to episode 485, Kate says that aromantic folks call that emotion “squish”

A happy v in Montana!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

A listener in a hierarchical relationship with her nesting partner asks how to start the conversation about moving to a more egalitarian one.

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• In episode 189 of the Normalizing Non-Monogamy podcast, the guest Brea said they used Eight Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory Before I Tried It and Frakked It Up!

Folks are getting serious about creating a new poly flag

White people don’t always know what racism is, and saying “I don’t see color” or confuse intentions with outcomes are signs that you don’t understand. Whites should listen to the Black voices around you and read How to be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi to start understanding.

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com and copy polyweekly@gmail.com.

A listener has a nesting partner, and when they started, they agreed to a hierarchy. Now she has a boyfriend, and she feels forced to make her boyfriend feel like a secondary partner. How does she open up a conversation with her nesting partner about moving to a more egalitarian model?

• Be brave and bring it up! Ask for what you want. Hear your partner’s needs without taking them personally.
• Maybe a theoretical And then what? exercise and start doing regular check-ins, if you’re not already.
• Equal or egalitarian? Equality or fairness? Equal respect, not equal outcomes.
• Define “hierarchy.” Get specific about new desired behaviors.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

• Politics corner should be its own podcast, redux
• Feedback on the Israeli-Palestine conflict from episode 599

Elbereth shares a happy poly moment from Europe.

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Michelle Hy is from Portland, Oregon and runs the page Polyamorous While Asian, which seeks to normalize non-monogamy through an intersectional lens and amplify the voices of other people of color.

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Livin’ it up in Hawaii!

We ask Michelle her poly origin story, how her poly and Asian identities intersect, why she started Polyamorous While Asian, the pitfalls she warns against, and dating during the pandemic. We talk about how allies must consider Asian inclusion from the beginning rather than tacking it on.

“All relationships are political, whether or not they feel political. Because politics is just us deciding how we relate to one another, and how we feel that power should be distributed.”

Michelle Hy is from Portland, Oregon and runs the page Polyamorous While Asian, which seeks to normalize non-monogamy through an intersectional lens and amplify the voices of other POC. She offers non-monogamy peer support sessions and also touches on topics related to body confidence, sex positivity, and more. Follow her on Instagram @polyamorouswhileasian and learn more via her website at polyamorouswhileasian.com

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com and copy polyweekly@gmail.com.

• Friggin’ Limey likes our use of “relationship orientation”
• Politics corner should be its own podcast
• Jen thanks us for episode 598; it was frighteningly similar to what ended her relationship

G shares a camping happy poly moment!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Meagan is queer and married a cis man to fulfill family and societal expectations. She’s had mind-blowing sex with a new partner as is questioning her desire to stay in her marriage and be a wife. Meagan isn’t sure they can commit to the hierarchical poly their husband wants.

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Next episode will be from Hawaii

On the Palestine-Israeli conflict—it’s OK to admit you don’t know enough. Recommended reading, anyone?

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com and copy polyweekly@gmail.com.

Meagan is queer and married a cis man to fulfill family and societal expectations. The past year (2019), her husband H and she moved to a new city and have been dating a lot. She’s had mind-blowing sex with a new partner as is questioning her desire to stay in her marriage and be a wife. Meagan isn’t sure they can commit to the hierarchical poly their husband wants.

• If you’re not sure who you are or what you want, focus on your most important relationship: the one you have with yourself. Take time to understand yourself, your needs, and your shame through counseling, journaling, meditation, or whatever method works for you.
• Uncharted territory can be seen as an opportunity.
• If you’re close to your mom, it’s likely that she will even accept your queerness and poly, in time.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

Yubi wrote in to object to our “date your species” advice and our reluctance to date poly newbies.

We hear from our old friend Greedy Paul about discovering a poly rideshare driver!

Thanks to new Poly Weekly Playmate Samuel!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Mathias' husband vetoed Mathias' feelings for and non-threesome sex with his new partner. Should Mathias end his 13-year relationship or stay but resent his husbands' veto?

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy are doing Navigating Consent classes

Romper published a 4,000-word feature with the arresting title The Nonmonoga-Moms Next Door

Lusty Guy defines fascism and comments on its consolidation within today’s Republican party.  

• Fascism
• Liz Cheney ousted from leadership role for refusing to support the false claim that the election wasn’t legitimate
• Republican efforts to suppress voting following the 2020 election

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com and copy polyweekly@gmail.com.

Mathias and his partner have been together 13 years, married just over three. They’ve had threesomes. Then Mathias met Markus, dated him independently, and fell for him pretty hard. He did bring Markus home for a reportedly amazing threesome followed by breakfast! Mathias kept dating Markus independently, came home later than expected (by 30 min) one night, and the hubbie vetoed both feelings for and independent sex with Markus. They have continued to date and enjoy a romantic friendship, but Mathias wants more, so he proposed polyamory.

• This is a permission model of relationship, which is putting you in a parent-child dynamic
• Think of this as a mutual renegotiation of the rules of engagement to provide security for him and honesty for Mathias
• Those who force the choice lose the choice
• And then what exercise to deal with insecurity
• If this does spell the end of your marriage, resist the urge to think of it as a failure; it’s a successful relationship that came to a conclusion.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

Chloe from episode 359 Being out, poly, pregnant, and judged gives us an update.

From Instagram

Thanks to new Poly Weekly Playmate Brian!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

SAF's first poly experience outside her marriage was the best sex she's ever had. How does she address the ho-hum sex with her husband?

If you’re under 18, visit www.scarleteen.com

Poly community builders Christopher Smith, Robyn Trask, Marina Reiko, Ruby Bouie Johnson and others did an impressive job for more than an hour on Areva Martin's influential online talk show The Special Report

Today’s politics corner is the argument for D.C. statehood. The over 700,000 inhabitants of Washington, D.C. pay their taxes and have no voting representation in Congress. The arguments against: it’s unconstitutional (it’s not); you could shrink the size of D.C. to encompass just the White House and government buildings. Others have pointed out the inherent racism, since D.C. has a large percentage of Black people, and there is the partisanship, as D.C. is likely to vote Democratic. When Rep. Mondaire Jones (D-N.Y.) pointed that out, his words stating the racism of the opposing view were against the rules of the house and had to be removed from the record. Please support D.C. statehood!

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

After eight years of marriage, Stressed as Fuck and her husband opened up their marriage. Stressed quickly had sex with another guy. She says, “the problem is, when I had sex with this other guy it was fucking incredible. Most amazing sex I’ve ever had. It made me realize I haven’t enjoyed sex with my husband. I should also add that he doesn’t want anyone else for sex. But I’m feeling a lot of pressure and just am not feeling like being sexual with him. I feel a lot of guilt. Am I horrible? Is this normal?! Help!”

• You can’t respect boundaries that aren’t yet defined, so keep that discussion ongoing.
• It’s not unusual or surprising that the second person you’ve ever had sex with is good sex. It’s good because it’s different, so don’t assume it’s love. And if sex with your husband was mediocre, explore your emotional connection and sexual desires with your husband. And yes, it’s normal to feel guilty.
• Poly doesn’t fix or destroy relationships, but it does shine a spotlight on issues. You can see as an opportunity to explore ways to improve your sex life. Tons of books will help you explore role play, BDSM, porn, public sex, or other fantasies that could help.
• For the guilt, try the And then what exercise.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

Cory, another fan of LustyGuy’s politics corner, writes in.

Kristen writes in to share a happy poly moment of the first weekend she, her husband, and metamour spent together.

Thanks to new Poly Weekly Playmate Ben ($1.99)!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Two topics this week! What does post-pandemic poly look like, and how do you keep your boyfriend from surprising you with new partners when you've asked him not to?

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• We’re in top 20 podcasts about polyamory! https://blog.feedspot.com/polyamory_podcasts/
• Minx is fully vaccinated, pending 10 more day’s wait. A massage and travel are on the horizon!

• 3500-word BBC article quoting Dossie Easton and great to show to relatives who think it’s just you: https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/major-bbc-article-rise-of-multi-partner.html
• COVD and poly https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/at-one-year-mark-polyamorys-many-sided.html

Most white U.S. citizen don’t know about the MOVE bombing, in which when the Philadelphia Police Department bombed a residential home occupied by the militant black anarcho-primitivist group MOVE, and the Philadelphia Fire Department let the fire burn out of control. Five children and six adults were killed. More links:

• The Guardian’s article on reconciliation
• NPR’s recent coverage of losing the children’s bones
• Our take on the Chauvin verdict

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. If you want to pitch yourself as a guest for the podcast, please read this first.

K started her poly journey during the pandemic and has only had socially distanced dates with her new partner. How do you act when you all get together in person so it’s not awkward?

W is in a relationship with her husband and has a boyfriend, who is also married. He has repeatedly casually dropped that he was going to have an overnight with someone else on her last-minute. She has asked him for advance notice to process, but he continues to bring up his dates last-minute. She wants to know what her “recourse” is, and if she’s overreacting.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

Matt from 593 shares an update! Emma ghosted him shortly after he sent it, but says, “While I didn't hear your advice now back then, I did essentially come to terms with a lot of what you said. I think you both were accurate with how you looked at things (as usual!) and with hindsight being (not gonna say it), it was tough for a while but I definitely got through it and am feeling good about a lot of things, minus the pandemic that happened since then and still continues. You are not however going lose a follower! You two are absolute gems and I appreciate so much the work that you both do as educators to so many different people. I love learning from you and I hope I continue to take a great appreciation for the awesome work you do. I hope that all is well and continues to be well for you.”

Thanks to Andrew ($69) and Gabriel ($96) for your donations!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

A listener wants to know if it's OK to consider nesting with a partner if she's not sure she'll be comfortable hearing them have sex with someone else.

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Thanks to L for taking the dog so we could record! And forgive Baloo saying hello a few times in the episode. J
• D asked for our poly pet peeves, so here they are:
  • Sex negativity in the poly community. Nothing wrong if it IS all about the sex!
  • Folks who describe polyamory as “more evolved.”
  • Poly gatekeepers.

Three best poly 101 articles: https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-3-best-poly-101-articles-to-share.html

We all need to listen to BIPOC voices with respect to U.S. history. Watch the Netflix series Amend: The Fight for America, executive produced and hosted by Will Smith.

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

E and her partner of two years are moving in together but concerned about hearing metamour sex and having private space. She asks if being completely okay with hearing one’s partner getting down with a meta a pre-requisite for being good nesting partners? What are your thoughts on ways to progress to this point of compersion/okay-ness?

• Don’t borrow trouble. You don’t know how you’ll react, and your actual reaction will probably be different, anyway.
• If it turns out that you don’t, own your shit. It’s your issue to address, not your partner’s.
• What would monogamists do? When monogamists are concerned about living together, they do test runs--a weekend away, a week or two vacation—to experiment with domesticity.
• It’s a two-way door decision: if you don’t like it, you can go back to living apart.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

Mica encourages us and you to continue the hard work of being allies to BIPOC.

Gigi writes in with a happy poly moment about community. Even though her local meetup hadn’t met since February, she wanted to build community by giving back and adopted a family for the holidays. The group jumped at the chance, got every item on the family’s list, including four bikes, and more! A great demonstration of building community by giving back.

Welcome Ivo to the PW Playmates!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Ashley Robertson, child care provider and sex-positive educator, makes her podcast debut to answer questions about age-appropriate sex education.

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Same ole’ same ole’ pandemic, just waiting for the vaccine

• Three Dads and a Baby
• Caroline Rose Guiliani is a poly unicorn!
• Cambridge, Massachusetts passes new poly domestic partnership legislation

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Ashley identifies as a feminine, bi-curious, ethically solo-polyamourous, sexual submissive. With over a decade of experience in the BDSM community, she isn't shy of perverse topics. She is a liberated, ethical slut who wishes to share with others the freedom of sexuality without shame.

Ashley is an expert question-asker. With three teaching degrees, she's an educator who is fed up with the idea that learning comes from a teacher. Instead, she crafts workshops and activities that invite introspection and curiosity while accommodating for all learners. She's at her happiest when working with youth; demonstrating consent, guiding them towards comfort surrounding condoms, and providing honest answers to questions about sexuality. She's trained to facilitate the Our Whole Lives curriculum and adapts the workshops to fit diverse audiences.  Her workshops have reached local audiences for parent education events and audiences far and wide via virtual workshops hosted by educational, outreach organizations. Ashley's non-coercive, comprehensive approach to sex ed is what we all wished we had growing up. You can find her group on Facebook, Let's Talk About Sex Ed with Ms. Ashley.

• How do you approach sexual topics with kids?
• Our Whole Lives

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

Fun story about the wife offering protection and safety tips to the metamour!

Welcome Ivo to the PW Playmates!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Matt writes in to ask what to do after a partner asks to be platonic while she figures things out. Lusty Guy and Minx give advice.

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Let’s talk about snow and the polar vortex. Seattle snow was fun for us and our puppy, but Minx was worried about her family in Texas.

• We all learned about the pilgrims founding America to enjoy religious tolerance, but it’s not true. They decamped England and went to Amsterdam and then Leiden, where they faced no religious persecution. They stayed there for 10 years and ran for office in order to try to impose their religious views on everyone else. They weren’t fleeing religious persecution; they wanted to establish it. Smithsonian Magazine reference, the pilgrims’ time in Holland
• A primary reason the US government forbade membership in a specific church to run for office was because no one could agree on which church that should be. Want to find out more? Watch Stephen Fry in America or read the book.

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Matt had a preexisting relationship with A.J., and Emma fell into that relationship. Emma realizes she needs to spend time on herself and wants to shift the relationship to a platonic friendship.

• Minx suggests seeing this as unrequited love and treating the shift in the nature of the relationship as a breakup.
• Lusty Guy also suggests taking time apart to do that healing from the breakup. He’s also concerned that Matt might have a white knight or “nice guy” syndrome and be wishing for a transactional nature to the relationship.
• Consider that waiting for her sounds a lot like wanting to change her, so do take the time to heal and put yourself first instead.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

This week’s feedback is an appreciation of Lusty Guy’s politics corner.

R wrote in to share that she uses Poly Weekly to redirect her anxiety. She expected to be anxious when her partner asked to bring a date over to their place for the first time, and she was pleased when she discovered it didn’t kick off her anxiety. She believes she can be healthy and poly!

Shout out to Jenn and Catherine with love from Tammy on their three-year anniversary!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Dr. Eli Sheff joins today to share her new project, The Bonding Project, in which she seeks to help people understand how they bond.

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Minx was down for a week with horrible symptoms of menopause, but feeling better now. Hoping to get Heather Corinna, author of What Fresh Hell Is This: Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities, and You, soon!

• Chris Smith and Ben Schenker's have proposed legislation to the Washington, DC, City Council to expand domestic partnership and anti-discrimination laws to include multi-partnered relationships. More info from Chris on how to participate.
• Amy Dickinson finally gives good poly advice! Ask Amy: Polyamory creates an extra family challenge. Alan’s blog post.

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Dr. Elisabeth “Eli” Sheff is a researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, and educational consultant. With a PhD in Sociology (University of Colorado, Boulder, 2005) and certification as a Sexuality Educator from the AASECT (the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, 2012), Dr. Sheff specializes in gender and sexual minority families, consensual non-monogamy, and kink/BDSM. Sheff is the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children, and her 20+ year Polyamorous Family Study is the only longitudinal study of poly families with children to date.

Find her at https://elisabethsheff.com/, on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. Check out https://www.bondingproject.com/ and her blog on Psychology Today.

In this new segment, we provide space for guests to rant about anything they like, big or small. Today: why are anti-maskers so anti-abortion but also apparently anti-life?

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Dr. Liz Powell and Kevin Patterson share insights from their new online course, Unf*ck your polyamory

If you’re under 18, visit www.scarleteen.com

BBC 2 has a new drama called Trigonometry centered around black poly folks

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Kevin Patterson has practiced consensual nonmonogamy since 2002. In 2015, he started Poly Role Models, an interview series and polyamory's most inclusive platform. This has led to the writing of the book, Love's Not Color Blind and along with co-writer Alana Phelan, the sci-fi novel series, For Hire.

Dr. Liz Powell is a licensed psychologist (CA 27871) and coach who specializes in helping you build your most fulfilling, authentic life. They teach, write, and consult on areas of sexual diversity and pleasure, non-traditional relationships, and sexual empowerment.

Unfuck your polyamory is a 6-week course covering polyamory 101, boundaries, couple privilege, jealousy and compersion, metamours, and power dynamics that will give you easy, guided practice to put your skills into practice right away.

Kevin is at PolyRoleModels.tumblr.com, on Twitter at http://twitter.com/PolyRoleModels, Facebook at facebook.com/PolyRoleModels, Instagram at http://instagram.com/@PolyRoleModels. For Hire is on Facebook at facebook.com/ForHIreMag or you can order For Hire: Operator directly at tinyurl.com/ForHireMag1.

Dr. Liz is at www.sexpositivepsych.com or www.drllizpowell.com, on Twitter at https://twitter.com/sexpospysch, Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/sexositivepsych, Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/drlizpowell. Their book is at http://buidingopenrelationships.com and YouTube channel is at http://youtube.com/c/sexpositivepsych.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

R shares a story of her anxiety NOT getting the better of her!

Welcome new Poly Weekly Playmates Theresa, Rebecca, and Jillian!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

How to experience and nurture compersion in your relationships

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• The Book of the Kiss is a fantasy romance sourcebook designed to be system-agnostic. Poly Weekly listeners can get half off the cover price here.
• Love is Polytical was a conference in Berlin last weekend.

Both sides are not the same. If what you are looking for deep, systemic reform to systems, yeah, they are similar. But with 300,000 new cases of COVID in the U.S., the response would have been different with a Democrat in office. If you’re a woman seeking an abortion, an economist, a climatologist, or a trans person, you can see the difference.

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

If you don’t feel compersion, how do you develop the capacity to experience it.

• Compersion is the non-sexual joy you feel in seeing joy in others. It’s empathy, and you likely experience it all the time. If you’ve ever been happy for a friend at their wedding or joyful that your kid won their soccer game, you’ve felt compersion.
• Start noticing and naming the compersion you feel already. If insecurity or jealousy are blocking you from feeling it in your poly relationships, try some of our jealousy/insecurity exercises, such as Discuss, Distract, Do and And Then What.
• Consider compersion a muscle that you can exercise. Practice it mentally. For example, try experiencing feeling empathy/compersion when your metamour wins a video game.

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

• A listener in Vancouver, Canada calls in to support Lusty Guy’s politics corner
• David Wheeler provides an audio review of the Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory

• S shares a story of her metamour saving their life
• R finds strength and courage to pursue polyamory

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Worried and her roommate are seeing the same long-distance dom, and her roommate started dating him and then put restrictions on Worried's time with him. Should they move in together?

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• The surprising obstacles to polyamorous marriage

Lusty Guy provides insights on expertise: what is it, when do you have it, and what to do in its absence. To start increasing your expertise on U.S. politics, LG’s suggests reading Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States.

Worried has a roommate, and they have both been playing with the same long-distance dom for two years. The roomie and the dom began dating, and the roomie began “putting restrictions” on the dom’s play with Worried. Worried thinks that the roomie is fabricating issues to enforce her girlfriend status. They are talking about moving in together.

• Don’t move in until this is resolved
• Why are you blaming the roommate instead of the person performing the unwanted actions, the dom?
• When you have a conversation with your roommate, go in seeking to understand and with vulnerability
• Claim your autonomy; it’s your choice whether to obey your roommate’s rules
• This smells like a relationship by crisis model in which whoever has the biggest crisis gets the most attention. So just ask your dom for what you want, regardless of crises. Ask for what you want!
• Are they a good roommate, outside of the dom issue? Can you easily share household chores or choose a restaurant for dinner?
• Put yourself first

Welcome to our listeners in the US, Canada,  Germany, Australia, UK, Netherlands, Poland, and New Zealand. Shout out to that one person listening in Belize, Tunisia, Luxembourg, Ecuador, and Chile! 

• From S in Mexico on her family accepting her polyamory and her partner participating in her
• A COVID story from L!

Welcome to our new PW Playmates, Ivo, Erin, Laurel, Monica, and Nathanael. Thanks to all our PW Playmates! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

Why we didn't produce an episode for eights months and what to expect from Poly Weekly moving forward.

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com

• Puppy!
• COVID pandemic left me frustrated, helpless, and unmotivated to podcast
• Stay-at-home had a negative effect on our relationship for a while
• Lack of access to coping strategies. Swimply is the app to rent outdoor pools by the hour.
• George Floyd, BLM, CHAZ/CHOP, federal stormtroopers, kids being tear gassed

We’ll be talking more about politics when it’s relevant. We believe it should be OK to talk about politics, like we believe it should be OK to talk about sex. The personal is political. And we’ll be making calls to action like this one: volunteer with the critical senatorial runoff election in Georgia, donate to Stacey Abrams’ Fair Fight, or donate or volunteer for the candidates Jon Ossoff and Reverend Raphael Warnock.

And the name of the show is still Poly Weekly, so we’ll still be giving relationship advice, sharing happy poly moments, and addressing your feedback. We’ll just also be sprinkling in more politics when it’s relevant.

If that isn’t your thing, we invite you to subscribe to the Multiamory podcast or listen to Esther Perel’s sex podcast or any other poly- or sex-oriented podcast.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

Thanks to all our PW Playmates! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

How do we practice poly responsibly during a pandemic? Is it OK to move my metamour in with me rather than not see her for the duration of enforced social isolation?

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Found a new poly podcast, Pod Pod Cvlt Cast, with 34 long episodes!
• We’ve got a new puppy to keep us company during #stayathome!

• Elisabeth Sheff’s four-part series on monogamy in Psychology Today: CNM is not a good choice as a method to fix a relationship that is broken, Four tips for heteroflexible couples who are considering opening their relationships, Three reasons why consensual non-monogamy will not work for people who are monogamous, and her latest, Monogamy by Orientation.
• Alan’s Friday Poly in the news roundup, covering primarily the coronavirus pandemic.
  • How coronavirus is impacting polyamorous relationships
  • How a polyamory expert is dating during the coronavirus pandemic
  • What it’s like to isolate with your girlfriend and her other boyfriend
  • Is it irresponsible to date around during a pandemic
• Minx’s advice
  • Use Zoom or Amazon Chime to host a virtual dance party or cocktail hour to stay connected
  • Use your webcam to see facial expressions
  • Try watching movies “together” over Zoom. Or send dinner to them and Zoom each other to chat during!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

If you’re considering cohabitation that you wouldn’t have considered due to coronavirus social isolation requirements, some advice:

• As always, make sure your existing relationships are relatively healthy first.
• Ask everyone involved what they need to be happy and healthy in a communal space. Consider personal space, alone time, sexual, and physical needs.
• Discuss how finances will work in terms of rent, groceries, and other bills.
• Discuss expectations for chores and other responsibilities.
• Ask your kids how they feel about your metamour moving in.
• Have the pets been introduced? Is there a danger that they might attack each other?
• Set up regular check-ins after the move-in. These provide opportunities to bring up what it working well, what isn’t, to express gratitude and appreciations, and to bring up issues before they become bigger.
• Take a break from news coverage if it increases anxiety or feelings of depression.

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

• S from the Boston area calls in to share a personal neologism, “schmeeling.”
• Phenom calls in to ask how to get her partner to date more and make sure everything is OK. She keeps encouraging him to date, but he’s not getting out as much as her.
  • There is no issue here except that maybe you feel guilty. Deal with your own guilt and stop pressuring him to date!

Oops! Accidentally skipped this one: Perverted Illinois bald eagle threesome threatens sanctity of marriage. What’s next, hawk orgies?

Finding unexpected commonalities with your metamour!

Thanks to all our PW Playmates! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

What do you do when you have one romantic partner and your partner has none?

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• What were your favorite shows of 2019?
  • 569 Building open relationships with Dr. Liz Powell--March 18--17,397
  • 572 When your partner’s jealousy precludes your polyamory--April 28--14,392
  • 568 A framework for consent--March 3--13,440
  • 576 Will poly help emotionally unavailable partners--July 1--13,019
  • All-time downloads: 7,261,446

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Oliver is in his first non-mono relationship with S. S had said she wouldn’t date him if he were monogamous, so he gave it a try. Now he is in a relationship with T, and S has decided that “meaningless sex with strangers” aren’t what she wants. Oliver is afraid S will ask him to stop seeing T, since S has no relationship partners.

Has anyone of you ever come across a situation where you've been frustrated with non-monogamy? How can you manage a situation where one partner has other partners while the other one doesn't?

• It’s the people involved, not the relationship style you should question.
• Relationships don’t have to be equal; they only need to be fair. Your polyamory isn’t contingent upon your partner having a certain number of relationships/partners. 
• Relationship ruler: is it making you a happier and healthier version of yourself?
• You can be gay and not dating. You can be poly and only dating one person (like Minx)
• You get to decide who you date and how you date them. So does she. She doesn’t get to say who you date (although she can certainly establish a boundary that if you date other people, she won’t be with you).

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

C writes in to share a happy poly moment about opening her relationship due to a long-distance move, and things went well!

Thanks to our new PW Playmate, Tom, for his subscription! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Advice from six different therapists, relationship coaches, and body workers on navigating family events as a poly person over the holidays

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• My Thanksgiving Happy Poly Moment

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

• 6:30 Ruby Bouie Johnson, Brené Brown’s BIG
• 10:45 Libby Sinback
• 15:00 Karen McDowell, Anxiety is an asshole course
• 21:00 Spyce
• 25:55 Anne More, email annemore@gmail.com, Facebook
• 28:45 Nolan Lawless, Facebook

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

Thanks to our new PW Playmate, Tom, for his subscription! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

I have abandonment issues, but I don't know what I need when they come up. How do I ask my partners for what I need?

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Thanks to the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon!
• Poly for the Holidays contributions

• November 23 was National Polyamory Day, and other poly holidays
• Discrimination in poly pregnancies

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Katie has abandonment issues and asks how to better cope with them when poly. She knows she has them but doesn’t know what to ask for when they arise.

• Knowing and identifying is half the battle.
• Explain to your partners what you shared with me—how it feels. Ask for their help with comfort might you need in the moment. Do the full analysis when you’re not in the midst of the issue.

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

Joe writes in with additional advice to the listener in episode 567 on how to find poly community near you.

Thanks to our new PW Playmate, Tom, for his subscription! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

We interview a munch organizer and field audience questions at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon

• If you’re under 18, visit scarletteen.com
• We’re at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon!

Lessons learned include:

• poly and kinky people are everywhere
• it’s important to destigmatize a stigmatized group
• “Square up; what you want is fine; fuck ‘em all!”

• What advice would you give to solo polys?
  • net
  • Off the Relationship Escalator
• 12:45 How to come out to folks who aren’t familiar with poly?
  • Anticipate questions, be prepared, be calm, don’t take it personally, give them a year to freak out
  • Folks will match your tone, so adopt one of calm, easy compassion
• 16:00 How has poly changed in the last 14 years?
• 17:45 And now there are terms for everything!
  • my Poly Living keynote How Polyamory Became More Mainstream Than Peanut Butter
  • all the poly recommended reading
• 19:05 How do I bring up the birth control discussion?
  • Be brave and bring it up. Or leave a birth control pamphlet in the toilet for leisure reading! J
  • Use regular relationship check ins as a space to bring up any issues
• 22:15 What is your take on hierarchies?
  • If it works for everyone involved and it’s transparent, fine. But it doesn’t work for everyone (or me).
  • The challenge with hierarchies is that it sets up a permission model.
  • Be aware if you are talking about power structure or entanglement levels? If the latter, “nesting partner” might be more useful than “primary.”
• 26:15 My mom thinks my polyamory is a phase. Do you know folks who have lived out their lives as poly?
  • Allena Gabosch, Oberon Zell-Ravenhart, and many others.
  • Just as with child-rearing, having an extended network to help you in your old age is valuable.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

After four years, listener Newseeker is tired of asking her husband's permission every time she wants to go on a date with her partner of three years. How long should she accommodate his slow pace?

• If you’re under 18, visit scarletteen.com
• We have new FAQs!
  • The Discuss, distract, do exercise to help deal with event-based jealousy
  • When to come out
• We’re slowly uploading episodes 1-40 on our LibSyn page to the archives of 2005

• Poly parenting in the news - roundup
• Show your parents

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Newseeker (married 10 years, open for four, with a partner of three years) writes in to say she is tired of the objections her husband has to how she practices poly. He’d prefer she have more random sexual partners and not be in another loving relationship. Even though opening the relationship was her idea, it’s taxing on her to constantly have to ask when she can see her partner and wait until the last minute to make plans to accommodate hubby.

• The permission model doesn’t work for adults, only with kids
• No one can maintain an unnatural pace indefinitely
• The Relationship Bill of Rights refers to agency: you have a say in how many partners to have, which ones, and how often you see them.

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

This week’s HPM is from a gay triad with no one feeling left out!

Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

A listener is engaged to her fiancée, who just came out as straight. How does she cope with not having sex with her soon-to-be wife?

Content warning and why you can’t find our podcast on Apple Podcasts in India.

Let’s celebrate Dixie De la Tour, Bawdy Storytelling, and the Bawdy Storytelling podcast that you can subscribe to on Apple Podcasts. There is also a Facebook group of Bawdy fans that is super fun.

Couple-centric and non-diverse article in Cascadia claiming Portland is the center of Pacific NW poly

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Emily writes in to say that her fiancée recently identified as straight and will no longer have sex with her. She says they are poly, so it doesn’t mean that there won’t be any sex for her, but she is confused. She says she their love is unconditional, so it shouldn’t matter, but what does this mean for their relationship?

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

This week’s HPM is multinational and tech-assisted!

SLT writes in in response to episode 519 on the issue of poly-friendly housing and

Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan, coauthors of For Hire: Operator and the soon-to-be-released For Hire: Audition, talk about why they write a queer poly superhero universe.

Thanks to Anita Wagner for introducing me to the term “petamour”

Vice has a great new article about poly families and poly parenting

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan join us to talk about their next soon-to-be-released queer superhero book, For Hire: Audition. You may remember their last interview with us on episode 563 around For Hire: Operator or Kevin’s interview around his book, Love’s Not Color Blind.

• Harlequin is putting out a queer line of romance novels. Submit using Harlequin’s Romance Includes You mentorship (scroll down the page) runs until October 15, 2019.
• The Broken Earth Triology by N. K. Jenisin
• If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann
• Find Kevin A. Patterson on his website, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Find Alana Phelan on her website, Twitter, or Facebook.
• For Hire Audition’s IndieGoGo
• Gail Simone’s Twitter

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

A listener asks what to do when love does feel like a zero sum game; his wife took a lover, and our listener felt like he got even less sex than before.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

• Minx recorded an episode of D&D Dads podcast with J.R. Blackwell, but the podcast hasn’t yet launched. Stay tuned!
• We had fun in Copenhagen!

• Polyamory Works for Them in the New York Times
• “TV’s Most Interesting Polyamorous Relationship,” says TV Guide about Siren

Listener Micah writes in to ask what to do now that his wife brought up the idea of poly, started dating someone half her age, and is now having much less sex with Micah.

• If we are painting a rosy, easy picture of poly, we need to change, because the emotional development required for polyamory (or any relationship) takes time and effort.
• Lusty Guy wonders about the use of the word “affair”—is this a reflection of your jealousy, or do you feel she wasn’t being honest?
• The issue is likely some preexisting issue in your relationship (perhaps the libido difference, perhaps something else). This sounds like “relationship broken, add more people.”
• To strengthen your relationship, have an honest conversation with your wife. Stop comparing before and after the metamour and start talking about the behaviors you want to see to feel better in your relationship. And ask for the same of her.

A monogamous listener writes in to share a happy not-poly moment about not panicking when her fiancé shared that he was attracted to a colleague, and our listener could accept it without jealousy or drama!

• Soft Shell Crabby wrote in a follow up after we address her question in episode 574 Is it OK to ask to meet my metamour (spoiler: it helped, and they are better now!)
• Reama says some really nice things about the quality of our content.

Thanks to our new Poly Weekly Playmates, Mirjam, Syncione, Quinlan, and Melvin!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

A listener asks if her new boyfriend is emotionally unavailable, will poly help?

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

• Unicorn hunting spreads as Vice gets it
• Four clear glasses frames that say “I haven’t tried polyamory, but I’ve watched Vice documentaries on it”
• Google Calendar is down, which means you can do anything you want, according to Twitter

A listener writes in to ask if polyamory is possible when her partner seems to be currently emotionally unavailable. Our listener  met a guy five months ago, when she was a newly-single mom not looking for commitment. They never talked about what their relationship was, but our listener knew she wanted something casual and honest. Then he planned an all-day romantic date, felt relationshippy, which followed up by not reading her text messages, which led her to feel insecure and question her own behavior. They talked, and he mentioned he didn’t want to replicate a previous codependent relationship, and things were fin for a while. Then polyamory came up in a dinner with friends, and he mentioned it might work if she was his primary, but he wasn’t involved with any others.

• Good for you for realizing both you and he have boundaries and needs that need to be considered
• Short answer is no, a relationship can't be healthy if both you and he are more concerned about enforcing boundaries than letting the relationship develop organically
• This falls into the "relationship broken; add more people" paradigm, which typically does not work out well
• This is a great opportunity for both of you to negotiate the relationship you each need. Ask for what you want (not to negatively affect your daughter but to still feel appreciated) and listen to what he wants (to have good quality time and lots of space). 
• Both of you should ask for specific behaviors--what specific things can he do make you feel appreciated? what specific things can you do to make sure he has "space"? 
• And one last thing--relationship conversations are best in person. Avoid having these discussions over text if at all possible.

Laura from episode 588 When to give up on polyamory wrote in to give us a happy update, a year later!

• Laura ends up her feedback by sharing a generous happy poly moment on the part of her husband
• A poly newbie in Germany shares a happy poly moment about her partner and metamour providing a bathroom shelf and toothbrush for her!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Celebrating the amazing sex-positive activist Allena Gabosch, who gave us a big scare last week.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

Last week, we nearly lost an amazing sex-positive educator to cancer. Allena Gabosch has pulled through, so this week’s episode is a replay of my 2010 interview with Allena.

In Bawdy Storyelling podcast episode 78, Dixie de la Tour shares her feelings about nearly losing Allena Gabosch.

The lovely and talented Allena Gabosch, director of Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture, shares the origin story of the Center in its current state and her own experiences with polyamory. Recorded in 2010 from Paradise Unbound!

• Modern Family: More Courts Allowing Three Parents of One Child
• Polyamorous parenting: the surprising benefits of the ultimate modern family

Welcome Camilla to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

My boyfriend and I transitioned from a don't-ask-don't-tell relationship to full honest, transparent polyamory. Now I want to meet my formerly DADT metamour when she comes to visit him next month. Is that OK?

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We’ll be in Copenhagen next month; let us know what we should do/see!

• Studies showing the best stats on how many people have practiced non-monogamy at some point in their lives. Around 20-21% have practiced consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives; 4% of relationships are open in some way; and 4-5% of the population of the United States was currently involved in a CNM relationship
• Keep in mind that 5% of the current US population identifies at GLBT, with 8.2% of millennials self-identifying at GLBT

Soft Shell Crabby writes in to say she’s 43 and her boyfriend is 42, and they’ve been together for four years. They did a don’t-ask-don’t-tell (DADT) style of nonmonogamy for a while, but they ended up becoming so deeply involved that they talked about being more open, honest, and transparent with each other. He confessed that he’d been poly before but had avoided bringing it up to avoid the tough conversations that would inevitably follow.

He also has a pre-arranged sexy-time visit set up with a girlfriend who was flying in from New York, and Soft Shell Crabby now wants to meet that metamour. She asks if it’s unreasonable to ask for to meet her formerly DADT metamour, and by the way what should she do about the fact that the metamour is cheating on her husband with SSC’s boyfriend? SSC feels like her boyfriend gets to call all the shots.

• Everything you feel is reasonable and OK.
• He isn’t getting to call all the shots. You get to call your shots; your boyfriend gets to call his shot; your metamour gets to call her shots.
• It’s not a good idea to ask a partner to deliver a message to another partner. Direct communication is better.
• It IS a good idea to ask for what you want (to meet her), with the understanding that she has the right to say no.
• Is there something within the power of your partner to give that would alleviate your feelings? Do YOU want a threesome/group sex like he’s having with her? Ask him to arrange it for you!
• How do you forgive your boyfriend for this unethical behavior? First, focus on your limits, not his behavior. Can you be in a relationship with someone who facilitates cheating? If not, you have the right to leave. Second, the way you “forgive your man for conducting his relationships in an unethical manner” is to exercise understanding of the pattern of behavior (he also hid his desire for poly from you) and to exercise compassion. Third, most people have cheated at some point. Consider exercising more compassion and less judgment.
• This is a good time to decide what you need at the very minimum in terms of contact from your metamours. You may need a higher or lower level of contact, but this is a good time to explore that and figure out what you need to be happy.

Johnny shared a moment in which he picked out his girlfriend’s birthday gift with his wife. And his girlfriend’s husband reached out to Johnny as a poly newbie to see if Johnny needed anything for the big birthday get together!

Jessica gives feedback on episode 573 about using the term “nerd blackface.” We address two concerns: (1) that by using the term “blackface” to refer to nerds, we devalue the power of the original term, which we agree with and (2) that the term doesn’t apply to The Big Bang Theory, which we disagree with. The latter is based on a large group of people who self-identify as nerds and do find the term applies, and we are not comfortable dismissing the critique of that group of people.

Welcome Camilla to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

My metamour and I get along great, and I need a roommate. Will it muck things up if I ask them to move in?

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• Who really practices polyamory? In Rolling Stone
• Leonard’s mom goes poly on Big Bang Theory

Olipoly writes in about the possibility of living with her metamour; she doesn’t want to live with her partner and gets along with them great. She’s considering asking her metamour to move in to the room that her roommate is moving out of.

• Don’t ask us; ask them!
• Ask them all the questions you just asked us and think through the possibilities to discover hard limits.
• Practice by spending a weekend together.
• Treat them professionally, like a client you need to keep happy.
• Get a dishwasher.

Bunz in Knoxville originally had a negative impression of polyamory. But she and her husband read, talked out it, did exercises, and even started a meetup group in Knoxville!

Mike gives feedback on episode 572 about one person not taking responsibility for someone else’s emotions.

Welcome Susan to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

What do you do when your partner gets so jealous that you feel compelled to give up your boyfriend, while your hubby happily dates away?

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Study could explain why people choose to have multiple relationships

Debby writes in to ask what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple. She and her husband are in their 50s, four years into their second marriage, and did the research before opening up 18 months into their relationship. He was into no-strings-attached sex but got very jealous when Debby would date. She finally had to dump her boyfriend (in a poly marriage of 15 years) due to her husband’s inability to cope with his jealousy. She asks what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple.

• We both think it DID work—he liked the sex, and you loved your boyfriend. The question is, does monogamy work for you?
• Debby might be confusing behaviors with relationship labels. You’re still having to deal with all the risks and tasks of polyamory—jealousy, scheduling, emotional issues—but you somehow don’t get to date and experience the benefits.
• What steps did he take to address his jealousy? It was a mistake to stop giving him the opportunity to practicing his jealousy coping mechanisms.
• There must be a middle ground between “I must live half a life” and “we get a divorce.”
• Someone else’s emotions require for them to change behaviors, not yours. It’s not for Debby to take responsibility for her husband’s jealousy. His emotions are his and require action from him, not from her. Don’t let your partner’s emotional reactions control your actions.
• So now it seems that Debby feels forced to give up a perfectly healthy relationship due to her husband’s inability to deal with his jealousy. If they do revert to monogamy, how will she take steps to avoid resentment?

Katie gives feedback on scheduling from episode 565—no one with kids has that kind of availability!

Heather wrote in to share when one of her partner's besties said to her about Heather (who is happily married) today, "can't you two just be together forever? She is so perfect for you!" Good validation!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

On the launch of their new book, Koe Creation shares what it was like growing up in a polyamorous household. 

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

We had fun at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK!

On the opposite site of the earth, is poly on the rise? Collection of media coverage in NZ over the last few years

We talk about Koe’s new book, This Heart Holds Many, and the challenge of writing a semiautobiographical book about growing up in a poly family. Find them online at their website, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram as @koecreate.

• Kim writes in to share TWO happy poly moments about her metamour getting married (One Family Podcast)
• Olivia writes in to share a Thanksgiving happy poly moment with her asexual partners

Welcome to our new Poly Weekly Playmates, Chris and Alisha!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

We chat with Laura Zielinsky, author of a new poly erotic novel

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• We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th
• #sopoco2019 Soly Poly Unconference is happening in San Francisco, CA May 4-5, 2019

We interview Laura Zielinksy, author of new poly erotic novel We Three: One and One and One Makes Three.

Book summary: Eric and Elena Tanner have been enjoying their lifestyle membership at the Club Caliente for years. Swinging fulfills their desire to meet new people and engage in group sex.

When the new bartender, Jess, flirts with them and agrees to play in a threesome, Eric and Elena make plans for a single night of pleasure. All three are satisfied, so Jess is invited to come again. And again.

For months Elena, Jess, and Eric meet up for lots of sex, and dinners. There are casual nights in Netflix and chilling. It's heady, addictive and no one wants it to end.

However, they all know that's the deal in the lifestyle. Swingers move out of each other's lives all the time. Complication is the enemy. So what happens when they start to fall in love?

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Sex therapist Dr. Liz Powell rejoins us to talk about how she became a sex therapist and why she wrote her new book, Building Open Relationships.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th.

Non-monogamous relationships are normal, and the stigma needs to end

Dr. Liz Powell shares how and why she got into sex therapy, including her stint and internship in the army dealing with combat stress and families, moonlighting in private practice in Savannah, GA serving the LGBTQIA community, and continuing to do sex therapy work afterwards.

Misconceptions about sex therapy: it’s not all about the sex. It’s about the relationship people have with their own bodies, with their partners, and to the stories of sexuality and pleasure. Many therapists only get two days of training on sexuality issues, if at all.

What is the most common communication issue that you see? Expectations of mind-reading and letting things go unsaid rather than communicating your wants and needs openly and honestly.  

Why Building Open Relationships? It’s less about theory and more nuts and bolts of how to make a relationship successful with full respect for individual autonomy and consent. For example, think about how your message will land or be perceived rather than just the way you want to say it.

Find it at www.buildingopenrelationships.com or www.sexpositivepsych.com or www.drlizpowell.com. Find her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Her previous episode on this podcast was 554 Grief and loss in relationships.

Geoff and Sylvie share happy poly moments.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Joseph Pred shares the Consent Framework, a tool for community organizers to get and enforce consent at events.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

• Did you enjoy February 28 National Metamour Day?
• We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th

• There’s a dark side of polyamory that nobody talks about
• Seven polyamory myths it’s time to stop believing
• Polyamory on the rise on NPR!

• Download the consent frameworks
• Email address: consentframework@gmail.com
• Website: consentframework.org
• Twitter: @consentframewrk
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/consentframework/

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Do families have to live together? My partners and I agreed to live together and have kids, but now I'm not so sure.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

• We took a two-month break to figure out what this podcast will be moving forward. We’re excited about new guests and will be moving to a biweekly format.
• NCSF has declared February 28 National Metamour Day
• The Iron Realm podcast is an audio drama dungeon crawl RPG adventure.

Is there such a thing as poly-dar? Do poly folks have certain recognizable traits?

Lewis has a male partner and a woman partner, Sally, and the three of them have discussed living together as a family and fathering kids with Sally. However, Lewis says their communication has not been great and their relationship was pretty dysfunctional until recently. He also values his own space and privacy. Is it OK to father kids if you don’t intend to live together as a family?

• Good instinct to get counseling when the relationship isn’t already pretty healthy
• You decide what’s good for you, not what’s good for anyone else

A listener calls in to ask how to find poly folks rural Pennsylvania.

• Danielle shares a snow day happy poly moment.
• Lusty Guy shares a surprise happy poly moment!

Thanks to Shelly for the donation, and welcome Laurel and Terra to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Kevin Patterson, Chris Smith, Lusty Guy, and Minx discuss what we mean by "toxic masculinity" and how we should respond to both the term and the thing itself.

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Kevin Patterson, creator of the Poly Role Models blog and author of Love’s Not Color Blind and For Hire: Operator, Chris Smith, a doctoral student at Howard University, author of Open to Love: Polyamory and the Black American and relationship researcher, and Lusty Guy, our cohost and producer.

What is toxic masculinity? Setting absolutes on how gender can present and act. What makes it toxic? Anything in too great a quantity can be toxic. How toxic masculinity really relates to sports: if emotions are so key to teamwork, how can masculinity?

What do we want “masculine” to be? It’s not inherent. Why is there a negative reaction to the idea of “toxic masculinity,” as in any other instance where too much of something is toxic? First response should be to do a self-assessment.

How does this relate to polyamory? We need to beware of harem fantasies driving all the media representation of polyamory and of societal scripts of jealousy meaning love and other men being enemies. Everyone’s a little bit toxic.

Find Kevin Patterson on email at PolyRoleModels@gmail.com, online at PolyRoleModels.tumblr.com, on Twitter at @PolyRoleModels, on facebook.com/PolyRoleModels. Oon Instagram at @PolyRoleModels, and his new fiction work For Hire: Operator is on facebook.com/ForHIreMag or on the web here: tinyurl.com/ForHireMag1 We talked with Kevin and Alana about this new work on episode 563 and about Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamory and Other Alternative Communities on episode 545.

Chris Smith in on Instagram at @SmithChristopherN or via email at Tenabilitymovement@gmail.com. We talked with Chris about Poly and the Black American on episode 528.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

What do you do when your long-distance partners move into town, and you find yourself with too many partners and too little time?

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

What is polyamory? This is what it’s really like to have multiple partners. Heath Schechinger is one of the leaders of the new Consensual Non-Monogamy Task Force within the American Psychological Association. They're getting stuff done to advance professional understanding of us and our needs.

Paul writes in as a relative poly newbie who finds himself with more local partners than he can manage. We advise that it’s OK (and in fact, usually required!) to take time for yourself and love yourself first, figure out how you would ideally spend your time (putting your own needs first), and then share that information with your partners to see if that meets their needs and let them decide if they can live with that.  

• Heath Schechinger writes in to share a happy poly moment about bringing up relationship orientation as part of the intake process at his clinic.
• Jim shares a fun story about his teenage son feeling comfortable enough to ask for personal lubricant—and to ask for his mom’s boyfriend to come by (and no, those two things aren’t related!)

Welcome Abraham, Jim, and Eric as our newest Poly Weekly Playmates!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Lawyer Melissa Hall shares exciting news about the new parentage act being enacted in Washington state and hopefully, beyond.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat and announcements

Let’s talk about the new Netflix show, Wanderlust. **SPOILERS FROM 4:30-9:30**

Teen Vogue hits it out of the park again.

Melissa Hall shares updates to parentage laws in Washington state and adoptable throughout the U.S. The Parentage Act makes possible third-parent adoptions and establishes rules for de facto parentage. This enables third- (or fourth!)-parent adoptions. “Uniform law” means they’ll push to enact in all 50 states.

New definitions of de facto parenting mean that the court can recognize people as parents when both the adult and kid see the kid as a parent, even if they aren’t a legal parent. Find Melissa on Twitter at @vrimj, online at www.Smol-law.com or via email at Melissa@smollaw.com.

Alana writes in about episode 560 Poly and pregnant, saying that they had to revert to monogamy during her pregnancy due to hormones, stress, and the insecurities that surfaced.

Louise in the U.K. writes in to share a story of going from being lonely and polyunsaturated to being in the middle of a long squiggly polycule and full of NRE.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan have come out with a new superhero novel in which queerness, polyamory, and people of color are normalized.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat and announcements

Poly Big Fun, an annual workshop and retreat for people who identify as polyamorous, will take place virtually on November 10th, 2018. Franklin Veaux will be presenting “My abuser is Woke: Recognizing abuse when an abuser is skilled in the language of social justice.” Joreth Innkeeper will be presenting “Breaking up in the poly community.” Visit www.polybigfun.com to register and find out more.

Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan give us a taste of their new book, a superhero novel in centered on queer, poly people of color. Finally, a love triangle in which the existence of the triangle isn’t the source of conflict! In this world, “operators” are the dirtier, heroes-for-hire in a world where law-abiding superheroes get all the press. What happens when a superhero and an operator are in a relationship?

Release is October 12, 2018 on Amazon; release party is October 24 at 6:00 in Philadelphia at Amalgam Comics and Coffee House. Alana is The Polyamorous Librarian online, on Facebook, and Patreon. Find Kevin as Poly Role Models on Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Patreon.

Follow For Hire on Facebook and Twitter.

Thanks to Miryam for becoming our latest PW Playmate!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

If my partner wants to date a long-time monogamous friend without her partner's explicit consent, how to I object without imposing my ethics on my partner?

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2:00 Where do my ethics end and my partner’s begin?

Kate calls is uncomfortable with her partner’s new person of interest (POI), who is a lifetime friend and in a monogamous relationship. The POI says she is bringing up poly with her partner, and Kate, her partner, and the POI are currently negotiating physical contact for an upcoming meeting to discuss Kate’s partner and the POI’s relationship. Kate is worried about violating the POI’s relationship agreement with her mono partner.

• We both see this essentially as cheating, and we don’t think it’s a good idea for your partner to ask you to watch him cheat.
• Having meeting that doesn’t include the POI’s partner is duplicitous (or “skeevy”, as Minx calls it)
• Can you trust a partner who is willing to violate someone else’s relationship agreement?
• You can’t tell a grown-ass adult what to do, but you can control your own behavior. You can choose not to participate in the meeting, to insist on talking to the POI’s partner before the meeting to ensure transparency and consent, or you can choose to leave your existing relationship.

15:45 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

If our relationship is healthy, and I want more sex and to explore my bisexuality, will poly work for us?

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

• What’s been going on with Minx, why we went on an unexpected hiatus (physical therapy for osteoarthritis).
• We’re leaving for a 10-day vacation in Paris!
• And we’ll be in Hawaii in January

9:30 Can poly work for a sexual mismatch?

Bryan is a bisexual man in Germany who loves his healthy relationship with his girlfriend of four years, except for one thing—he wants sex daily; she wants sex once a month. Can poly work for their sexual mismatch of their otherwise healthy relationship?

• Yes, it can, if your relationship is otherwise healthy.
• Unless what you really want is not more sex but more sex with your girlfriend--that won’t work.
• Keep aware that even if you say you just want sex and no love/relationship—life doesn’t work like that.
• Consider sex workers if you really just want more sex with no danger of anyone falling in love with anyone else. German FKK clubs are wonderful.
• If you decide sex workers aren’t for you, take some time to discuss what you’re afraid of. Explore these discussions over time and while you’re in different moods, over weeks or even months.
• Do your research, find more books to read. Find your community.

22:30 Happy Poly Moment

R shares a cookie-baking happy poly moment.

25:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Chloé is pregnant and now feeling possessive of her husband. Should she ask her metamour to find someone else to date so she's not so in love with Chloé's husband?

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

2:00 Poly in the news

An article came out in TIME Magazine, What Monogamous Couples Can Learn from Polyamorous Relationships, According to Experts, and it’s amazingly good! Here’s how poly folks can school monos, according to the article:

• Communication
• Defining the relationship
• Practicing safe sex
• Managing jealousy
• Maintaining a sense of independence

Read Alan’s writeup of this article as well as his exhaustive roundup post of similar past articles.

14:00 Poly and pregnant

Chloé and her husband each have a long-distance relationship outside their own, which they see a few times a year. She is now pregnant and feeling more territorial about her husband. She’s finding she wants her metamour not to be so in love with Chloé’s husband and to find her “own” primary.

• Your feelings won’t change if your metamour finds someone else, because they are YOUR feelings. Your insecurity is yours to own and manage.
• Try the And then what jealousy exercise as well as reviewing the other content we’ve done on jealousy.
• Look inwards to your own feelings instead of outward at your metamour.
• Your instinct to find a poly support network. Look both in life and online; we recommend the Poly Families Yahoo group.
• Phone, video, or in-person are the best media for relationship conversations.

22:30 Feedback

Friggin Limey wrote a response to episode 558 on deciding when to give up on poly. He has given up on poly and decided that monogamy is what he needs.

24:30 Happy Poly Moment

Kimberly writes in with a happy poly moment about her partner moving in with the family! She also asks about when and how to come out at work with her new job—should she bring her poly family to the “bring your family” event occurring before she starts?

31:15 Thank you!

Welcome to Matthew and Jeff as new Poly Weekly Playmates!

32:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

How to cope when your partners buy a house and consider adopting a teenager with little to no input from you.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

• Thanks toMiss Fisher Con 2018 for hosting us. You should sign up for next year’s mailing list!
• Listen to episode 558 to find out more about our sex-positive panel at Miss Fisher Con 2018 and more about the event itself.

2:00 My partners are making life decisions without me

A listener wrote in to ask what to do. He is a queer male in a quad. Seven years ago, he and his partner T moved to be in the same city as W and E. They had talked off and on about cohabitation, and recently W and E decided to get a bigger house that would accommodate the four of them. W and E decided on budget and location and showed their final choice to our letter writer and his partner, which left him feeling excluded from the decision-making process. Later on, he asked about some jokes W and E were making, and it turns out they were considering adopting a teenager, which until recently would have been a deal-breaker for him. He shut down and curled into a ball. He wants to confront them, but he fears losing the relationship.

• It’s helpful not to think of this as a confrontation but instead a transparency session where everyone gets to say what they think and feel in a safe space.
• Focus on behaviors, not on assumptions about what those behaviors might mean. When you were bothered by your perception that W and E thought that the final home tour would be sufficient, own that you are talking about perceptions instead of actual communication.
• Own your own sh*t and ask for what you want. You never indicated that you actually told them how and when or even that you wanted to be involved in the home-buying process—it’s your job to ask for that participation in so many words.
• Assume goodwill all around. If you haven’t specified what you want, it’s best to assume others’ intentions are good.
• This is a great time to begin the habit of full disclosure. Communicate early and often. State expectations expressly instead of keeping them to yourself.

16:30 Happy Poly Moment

Alan writes in about trying poly because his wife wanted to date an old college boyfriend. He found a special friend at a poly event and they spent a lovely weekend together during which he got to meet his metamours and had a fun poly family experience.

18:30 Thank you!

Welcome to Tara, Christopher, Katherine, Nicola, Kerry, Elizabeth, Tony, and Heidi as new Poly Weekly Playmates!

19:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Allison Moon cohosts this episode offering advice to a listener who wants to know when to give up on polyamory that is making everyone unhappy.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

• Welcome to today’s cohost, Allison Moon, author of Girl Sex 101 and Bad Dyke. Their new podcast is Artgasm.
• Allison, Liz Powell, Bianca and I did a fun panel on sex-positivity at Miss Fisher Con 2018! We had such a fantastic time and learned a lot. So grateful for that opportunity, and we learned a lot! You should sign up for next year’s mailing list!
• And listen to the Miss Fisher Philes podcast if you’re also a fan of the show; their Tumblr is here.

11:00 When to give up on polyamory

A listener wrote in to ask when to give up on polyamory. They had been married for 10 years and opened up because they both liked the idea; they read all the books; already made all the mistakes; wrote their user manuals; and they both love the idea. But they have yet to feel compersion and now often go to bed sobbing or angry, and the husband is going through depressive episodes. When do you give up on polyamory?

• In general, if a relationship structure isn’t making you a happier and healthier version of yourself, it’s OK to go back to one that is
• If your reason for trying polyamory isn’t extremely compelling, maybe it isn’t right for you—don’t try to force something that feels wrong to you
• How are you measuring success? Consider measuring success by lessons learned or happiness rather than by ability to “get” a partner or by the absence of jealousy.
• All the emotions you feel are OK. Quit judging yourself for having emotions and instead use them to increase your self knowledge. Try the And then what
• Ignore the “sunk costs” fallacy—everything you’ve done so far will make you better at any relationship, so don’t continue only because you feel you’ve invested so much in poly. You’ve invested that in YOU!

25:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

We chat with Kat Stark, blogger, podcaster, and author of Yelling in Pasties: the Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

• Episode 555 intro music has been fixed—thanks to those who wrote in to let me know of the error
• Thank you to everyone who bought our books—we’re coming to Paris this fall, thanks to your purchases!
• Come to the Life on the Swingset LGBTQIA+ takeover of the Desire Resort Riviera Maya in Cancún, Mexico! There will be live nude karaoke, demos of pegging, fisting, and flogging, speed dating, orgies and gang bangs and more! Find out more at com

5:45 Interview: Kat Stark

Kat Stark is a blogger and sex toy reviewer for OnTheWetCoast.com, they co-host the On The Wet Coast podcast, and have lent their voice as audiobook narrator for Cooper Beckett’s novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity.  They are a genderqueer, sex-positive, geeky, non-monogamous, Canadian, queer, bisexual, deviant, slutty, feminist pervert.

We talk about why they wrote their new book, Yelling In Pasties: The Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut and what it’s like to open up a relationship, question one’s gender identity, and deal with anxiety in one’s mid-40s.

You can find them on Twitter as @WetcoastKat on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/WetcoastKat and on Instagram as kat.stark.

28:30 Happy poly moment

Lala writes in about a wonderful experience with a person whom she’s been dating for six weeks.

30:30 Thank you!

Thanks to new Playmates Stacy and Kimberly, and thanks to Ulrike for the one-time donation!

31:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

A listener writes in to ask why she was surprised with her partner's dating someone else, even with shared calendars.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

The Netflix Party Chrome plugin lets you watch the same Netflix show simultaneously at different locations, and it has a chat feature!

3:00 Are shared calendars enough?

A listener is in a closed triad of eight months, joining a married couple (D and Y) of eight years in everyone’s first poly relationship. They only started sharing calendars two weeks ago, and our listener saw a date night on their shared calendar on our listener’s regular Friday date night. It turns out it was a couple D and Y had met previously, decided to have drinks with, and decided not to invite our listener. Our listener felt surprised and wanted to know how to handle scheduling with multiple partners.

• It’s not unusual to feel bad about having someone else’s date night sprung on them as a surprise. Calendars are no substitute for communication.
• Since you just started sharing calendars, let’s assume goodwill all around and chalk it up to a communication glitch. D and Y might just have fallen into their old couple communications patterns. Minx has had a hard time breaking her solo-poly decision-making patterns, so let’s take this as an opportunity to address a habit that might need to change.
• Never assume; always ask.
• If you want a standing date night, ask for it explicitly and ask for how you want it changed when changes are necessary.
• Calendar changes are great opportunities to do relationship check-ins to see how everyone is feeling about the current relationships.
• You get to have a say in dates and relationships that affect you. The Relationship Bill of Rights.
• It’s generally better to give someone the option to say no rather than to assume the answer would be no and not invite them.

13:45 Happy poly moment

Natalie writes in with an adorable happy poly moment about her anniversary!

16:15 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”