How do I stop living in fear of failure? Why can't I stop overthinking? When will I feel good enough? Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I self-sabotage? Will ruminating + catastrophizing ever end?
There's a BETTER Way to Perfectionism, that's empowering highly driven, Type-A, ambitious perfectionists to OWN their perfectionistic tendencies instead of being owned by it. Perfectionism Rewired host Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) illuminates this in every episode.
Listen for fierce insights for perfectionists on exiting victim mentality, what self-sabotage *really is*, how to stop people pleasing without compromising kindness, overthinking, catastrophizing, ruminating and black and white thinking, so you can quit fighting against your perfectionistic tendencies and start enjoying the life you've worked so hard to create.
Perfectionism Rewired podcast provides answers to questions like:
- Self worth vs self esteem
- Why am I overthinking
- How to increase self confidence
- What causes perfectionism anxiety
- Why am i so hard on myself
- Am I A Perfectionist
- WTF is Interoception? Does It Build Resilience?
- how to rewire your brain
Being a perfectionist is very powerful. But only if you know how to leverage it. For more on optimizing your perfectionism go to https://courtneylovegavin.com
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How To Feel Your Feelings (So They Stop Controlling You)
Épisode 254
jeudi 8 mai 2025 • Durée 31:54
What if feeling your feelings didn’t mean falling apart — but actually gave you more control, not less? If white knuckling or pushing through is the best way you know how to feel your feelings. You’re not alone.Discover the hidden mistake keeping perfectionists stuck feeling on edge, why you can never outthink your feelings and the right way to feel your feelings.
Want to bring rewiring into your reality? Where being confident, certain and playful is just how you roll? Perfectionist Solutions 1-1 coaching is your next step.
00:00-Your thoughts create your feelings LIE #1 01:53-Can't Feel Your Feelings Without This 04:14-Knowing how your brain actually works 05:24-"What is Wrong With Me?" Explained 06:37-Feelings Are Psychological LIE #2 07:16-Feelings are Emotions LIE #3 08:56-Where Feelings Actually Come From 10:08-How Depersonalizing Feelings = Freedom 12:46-Turning Mom Meltdown Moments Around (Manon's Story) 14:35-How To Control Your Feelings 16:01-Rational Thinking + Decisions LIE #4 17:32-Striving For Excellence Without Pushing Through 18:29-What Your Person Account Has To Do With Feelings 19:41-How To Identify Your Feelings Fast 21:12-How To Feel Your Feelings Visual Tool 22:33-Why Meditation + Deep Breaths Don’t Always Work 23:58-Thoughts Drive Your Feelings LIES #5 25:57-Perspectacles How Feelings Shape Your Perceptions 28:37-Turning Your Mood into Useful Fuel 30:07-Where Sense Data Fits Into The Equation
How To Feel Your Feelings Q&A
Q: Why does “changing my thoughts” never changes my feelings—especially as a perfectionist? A: This episode breaks down the myth that thoughts drive feelings (hint: it’s the other way around!). Discover why “thought work” is a torture device for perfectionidtic people and how the “CTFAR Model” does not actually work for any human with a brain
Q: What’s really going on when I’m overwhelmed by emotions even if everything looks fine on the outside? A: You’ll learn the neuroscientific difference between feelings and emotions, plus why this distinction puts an to the cycle of overthinking feelings and asking “what is wrong with me”
Q: What's the biggest misconception high-achievers have about feelings? A: Most of us have a totally backward understanding of where feelings come from (and it’s not just psychological!). Courtney reveals the real, science-backed answer.
Q: How can I feel my feelings without getting “lost” in them or falling apart? A: Tune in for a client success story and discover a practical tool—the “mood meter”—to help you regain control and function, even on tough days.
Q: Does thinking rationally mean I can escape feelings? A: Logic and rationality can’t bypass feelings. Find out why every decision (yes, even the “rational” ones!) are shaped by your mood — and how to use this...
Access Your Abilities in a Way Burnt Out You Could Never Compete With
Épisode 253
mardi 8 avril 2025 • Durée 18:36
You’re doing everything right. You’re ambitious, successful + driven. So why is it your energy is nonexistent, patience is razor-thin + your mind can't stop overthinking? If your days are starting with dread and ending in exhaustion — this episode is your wake-up call.
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or accessing your abilities in a way burnt out you could never compete with, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire
In this Episode You’ll Learn:
How pushing through dewires your brain into survival mode
What caffeine, people pleasing + Top Ramen have in common
16 surprising signs your brain is starving
Why ruminating and indecisiveness are symptoms—not problems to solve
How a healthy Person Account™ allows you to access your abilities in a way burnt out you could never compete with
Neuroplasticity [Neuroscience Series #4] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 251
TIMESTAMPS: Citations/Sources:
The #1 Thing That Stops Perfectionists from Growth
Épisode 252
vendredi 28 mars 2025 • Durée 16:58
Feel like you're working hard but not seeing the progress you want? It's NOT YOU or your PERFECTIONISM – it's your Person Account™ . Discover my proprietary framework that’s changing the game for Perfectionist Solution’s clients, and will do the same for you.
In this Episode You’ll Learn:
How ruminating + running a 10k impact you the exact same way
Why perfectionist brains work overtime + cost more to operate
How to tell if you’re operating in a constant state of depletion without realizing it
What Cortisol actually is (it's NOT a STRESS HORMONE)
The hidden reason therapy + personal development don't work
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire
0:53-Why You're Not Making Progress Despite Trying Harder 02:15-Allostasis: How Your Brain Allocates05:07-The Hidden Reason Therapy Isn’t Working06:30-Why Perfectionist Brains Cost More to Operate07:25-Living in a Depleted State Without Realizing It09:31-Stressed out: Eustress vs. Distress10:29-Truth about Cortisol + Stress Response12:35-The Slow Drip of Perfectionist Burnout15:17-How to Tell if You’re Running on Empty
Citations/Sources:
Neuroplasticity
Épisode 251
lundi 24 mars 2025 • Durée 07:20
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire
In this Episode You’ll Learn:
How neuroplasticity works and why it’s crucial for perfectionists
The surprising difference in brain flexibility before and after age 45
Real-life coaching breakthroughs that prove brain rewiring is possible
Why *use it or lose it* is the key to changing perfectionist tendencies
The fastest way to stop rumination, self-doubt and overanalyzing mistakes
00:00-Why Age 45 Is a Brain Plasticity Tipping Point 01:07-Analogy for what is neuroplasticity 02:52-Rewire your brain with Perfect Start Session 05:29-Framework for Rewiring Perfectionism Inside Out 06:10-Transformative Effects of Cognitive Flexibility
Citations/Sources:
Cramer, S. C., Sur, M., Dobkin, B. H., C. O'Brien, Sanger, T. D., Trojanowski, J. Q., … Haber, S. (2011). Harnessing neuroplasticity for clinical applications. Brain, 134(6), 1591–1609.
Can’t Stop Ruminating? Here's Why
Épisode 250
samedi 15 mars 2025 • Durée 21:52
"Part of the reason I stay super busy is bc if I stop to rest l'll ruminate. And if I ruminate, I start spiraling. And if I spiraling I'm like a nosediving plane" Sound familiar? Discover the ANSWER to WHY you get stuck in your most annoying perfectionist tendencies, like ruminating, catastrophizing, overthinking every small mistake etc.
Plus the 6 reasons your perfectionist brain holds on to outdated habits, how chronic stress impacts your brain’s ability to change, the role of back and white thinking in reinforcing unhelpful neural pathways, why past experiences trick your brain into seeing danger everywhere and how to stop your worries from becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire
TIMESTAMPS:
00:00–How to finally take charge of ruminating 02:16–Missed the last episode? Here’s a quick recap 04:06–What happens when your brain gets it wrong 06:09–Why perfectionist brains resists learning from mistakes 07:40–6 sneaky reasons your brain ignores new info 08:23–How chronic stress keeps your brain stuck 10:20–Why your brain clings to old patterns 11:42–The hidden reason you avoid discomfort 12:51–When your brain blows things out of proportion 13:49–How black-and-white thinking is like wearing blinders 15:19–Why past experiences warp your reactions 19:34–How to update your brain so you can get unstuck 21:09–One small shift to start seeing change today The first step in rewiring
Constantly overthinking? Still ruminating over that convo with your boss? You're not alone. Uncover how perfectionistic tendencies like being super rigid, people pleasing, over-preparing, excessively worrying — are actually signs your perfectionistic brain is misfiring. Plus, learn the neuroscience-backed solution to take charge of your perfectionist tendencies + start feeling better.
TIMESTAMPS:
00:00-What Makes Perfectionistic Brains Unique 04:02-How Perfectionist Tendencies Operate 07:32-Neuroscience Behind Overthinking 09:25-Catastrophizing Your Way to Chronic Stress 10:37-Ruminating + Other Perfectionist Tendencies 11:58-Neuroplasticy to rewire the brain 14:03-What Gets In The Way of Rewiring 15:59-Black + White Thinking
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today!
Braem, S., Coenen, E., Klaas Bombeke, Bochove, van, & Wim Notebaert. (2015). Open your eyes for prediction errors. Cognitive Affective & Behavioral Neuroscience, 15(2), 374–380.
Tired of Feeling Overwhelmed? Start Here
Épisode 248
lundi 17 février 2025 • Durée 22:06
Feeling overwhelmed? Stressed out? Anxious? Being vague about your emotions is like saying you're "craving food" for dinner—utterly unhelpful! Your perfectionist brain needs precision to create the right action plan for you. Learn why labeling your emotions accurately is crucial for regulating your body's responses and the essential skillset all perfectionists need to understand their emotions.
TIMESTAMPS:
01:08-Controlling of emotions 03:13-How to stop feeling overwhelmed 05:28-Muffin-Cupcake Experiment 07:54-Why Words Hold Physiological Power 09:48-Emotional Regulation skills 12:14-What the skill of emotional granularity buys you 14:23-How to rewire your brain 15:27-Becoming an Emotional Sommelier 18:52-How do you construct your emotions more accurately?
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire
It’s impossible to stop self-comparison as a perfectionist. You.Are.Going.To.Compare.Yourself and here’s the best way to do it! Discover 6 empowering ways to rewire unhealthy self-comparisons, perfectionism trash trades, how to tell if you’re fear-based striving, live coaching on 4 IRL examples of comparing, the only skillset you need for this to work 100% of the time and a tool to instantly upgrade comparing yourself
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or becoming JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire
TIMESTAMPS:
01:26-Choosing Your Response to Comparisons 03:07-The Skill Set of CAKE 05:41-Trash Trades in Perfectionism 06:55-Healthy vs. Unhealthy Comparisons 08:47-How to Reframe Self-Critical Thoughts 09:25-Breaking Free from Fear-Based Striving 10:49-Living in the Present, Not the Future 15:52-What Self-Comparisons Actually Reveal 17:39-Tool to instantly upgrade comparing yourself 21:48-How Tiny, Mighty Progress Fuels You
Tactical "stop it" approaches to self-comparison DO NOT WORK for perfectionists. Find out WHY along with the hidden costs of comparing yourself, why the approach you’ve taken to stopping self-comparison hasn't worked, what you actually need to do and scientifically what causes perfectionists to have an even harder time than non-perfectionistic people in rewiring this habit.
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or becoming JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire
TIMESTAMPS:
00:00-Why self comparison tactics fail perfectionists 01:41-The hidden costs of comparing yourself 06:31-Recognize self comparison as a type of self punishment. 10:11-Why intellect isn't enough to rewire perfectionist tendencies 12:13-Developing skill sets over gathering knowledge 15:00-Why it's scientifically harder for perfectionists to stop unhealthy self-comparison 16:08-Acceptance vs. judgment in rewiring perfectionism 18:00-What Silver vs. bronze medalists show us about comparing yourself to others 21:30-Choosing growth over fear of failure
Comparing yourself all the time? Tired of feeling like you never quite measure up...no matter how much you accomplish? It's not just YOU! Discover the sneaky specific ways self-comparison shows up for perfectionists, the difference between self-awareness + self-coaching, why self-comparison is not your fault but is your responsibility to change.
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or becoming JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire
TIMESTAMPS:
00:00-How you can stop comparing yourself to others 02:32-The Annoying Problem with Surface-Level Self Comparison Tips 03:46-Self Awareness vs. Self Coaching: What's the Difference? 05:34-Dangers of DIY Approaches to Rewiring Perfectionism 07:25-Why “How To Stop COmparing Yourself To Others” tips backfire for perfectionists 12:10-Comparing Insides to Outsides Never Adds Up 14:13-Moving the goalposts 17:49-Punishment vs. Discipline: Changing Behaviors without Pain 19:31-Understanding the Why Behind Your Perfectionistic Tendencies
02:09-Why Perfectionists Need More Fuel for Our Brains 04:10-MYTH: You Have to Stop Being a Perfectionist 06:24-Clues You’re on the Path to Chronic Stress 09:32-Burn Out is Not the Price of Ambition 10:25-Case Study: How Stacey found Clarity, Energy, Peace 12:43-I Ruminate Over Decisions bc I Need to Make the Right Decision 14:05-Why You’re Choosing Instant Relief (and Paying Later) 16:11-A Healthy Person Account™ = Liberation 17:32-How to Always Know How Your Person Account™ is Doing
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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.
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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.
Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.
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Sirois, F.M., Monforton, J. and Simpson, M. (2010) "If Only I Had Done Better": Perfectionism and the Functionality of Counterfactual Thinking. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , 36 (12). 1675 - 1692. ISSN 0146-1672 https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167210387614
Stoeber, J., & Diedenhofen, B. (2017). Multidimensional perfectionism and counterfactual thinking: Some think upward, others downward. Personality and Individual Differences, 119, 118–121. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2017.07.009
Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.
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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.
