Owning Your Sexual Self – Détails, épisodes et analyse

Welcome back for another episode of the Owning Your Sexual Self podcast! This week I've got on a familiar face (or voice) Jordan D'Nelle! She's here to talk all about women's hormone testing. This is definitely in Jordan's wheelhouse, and I'm so impressed by her knowledge and I know you will be too!

In this episode:

• Why hormone testing is essential for women’s health
• A breakdown of key hormones like FSH, AMH, progesterone, and more
• Tips for preparing for your next doctor’s visit with a personalized testing list
• How to identify signs of perimenopause and menopause through hormone levels
• The importance of checking in with yourself daily to track how you’re feeling

Thank you so much for listening!  Don't forget to share on your social media and tag me if you loved this episode!

Resources
My Everlywell Link!
Dr. Lo
In the Flo by Alisa Vitti

Connect with Jordan
Instagram @JordanDnelle
Podcast: Vaginas, Vulvas, and Vibrators

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com

Hello! We're back with another episode of the Owning Your Sexual Self Podcast! I've got Dr Alison Ash back this week to talk about one of the most substantial relationship ruptures; affairs. If you're looking to understand why affairs occur, how to prevent them, or how to rebuild trust after a betrayal, this is an episode you want to listen to.

In this episode:

• Reasons why affairs are often more about the individual’s needs than the relationship itself
• Why open and honest communication about fantasies and desires can prevent relationship ruptures
• Some unexpected ways an affair might impact the person who has been cheated on
• How to keep the spark alive by bringing back fun, excitement, and newness to your relationship
• How to know when it’s time to let go of a relationship after an affair and what to consider when making that decision
• The importance of seeking professional support to navigate the complexities of infidelity. You don't need to do this on your own

Thank you so much for listening!  Don't forget to share on your social media and tag me if you loved this episode!

Resources
Check out Dr. Aly's upcoming Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills course at www.TurnON.love/intimacy. Use the discount code "sexualself" for $100 off!

For on-demand workshops visit www.TurnON.love/workshops and for her Sustainable Intimacy course visit www.TurnON.love/sustainable-intimacy

For intimacy coaching, visit www.TurnON.love/coaching

Connect with Dr. Aly
Instagram, Tiktok, & Facebook: @TurnOn.Love
Website: www.turnon.love

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com

Hello! I'm back with another episode of the Owning Your Sexual Self Podcast! This week I've got on amazing guest, Dr. Moali. She is a sex and relationship expert, clinical psychologist, and host of the Sexology Podcast.  With her expertise as a certified sex therapist, educator, and speaker, she has positively impacted thousands of couples worldwide. We'll be talking all about how to reignite your spark and connection in long-term relationships!

In this episode:

• Some issues long-term couples face with sexual intimacy and why these struggles are often ignored.
• Practical strategies for initiating sex in a long-term relationship.
• How to communicate with your partner about sexual needs and desires outside the bedroom to foster a healthier connection.
• The differences between spontaneous and responsive desire and how to navigate these dynamics within your relationship.
• The importance of giving positive feedback and having post-intimacy discussions to reinforce successful experiences and encourage more frequent connections.

Thank you so much for listening!  Don't forget to share on your social media and tag me if you loved this episode!

Connect with Dr. Moali
Sexology Podcast
Instagram: @SexologyPodcast

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com

Bri Carey is here to talk about helping couples stay connected and keeping their relationship a priority through pregnancy.
Bri has two little ones, a 6 year old and a 2.5 year old. She’s been in the sexual health and wellness field for almost 14 years. She’s been married for 15 years. 
In her coaching work she primarily works with couples and one of the toughest things that comes up for couples is the conversation around intimacy during pregnancy and even after with postpartum. 

What are the common struggles that women or couples go through when it comes to intimacy during a typical pregnancy?
You’re growing another human, you’re having morning sickness or body aches and pains, and you’re basically becoming this whole different person in 10 months. You're having to deal with that and you’re taking care of this child in your womb, and having to navigate working, maintaining your house, and also your partner on top of that. It’s a lot of not feeling well, feeling bloated and swollen, not feeling sexy, or feeling like you don’t know this body you’re in.
When working with couples, we talk about things like how to feel confident in your body, and appreciating your body for what it's doing.
 
What are some ways for couples to make sure they’re making their relationship a priority?
Find different ways to be intimate that isn't sex. Baths together, massages, just opening up communication and talking. 
Scheduling creates consistency. When you have consistency your body will crave it more, and you feel a lot more connected. 
Date night, especially before baby, getting as much 1 on 1 time as possible. 
A little getaway just to refresh before the baby arrives.
Using communication cards to connect on a deeper level. 
Making intimacy and your relationship a priority during pregnancy will definitely help make things easier postpartum. 

What about  women who might be interested in solo pleasure, or if their partner isn’t around?
During the second trimester, you’re having a surge of hormones and that’s when a lot of women really feel the most arousal and want to have sex more. So take care of it sis, get your vibrator, use your hands, just enjoy that. Enjoy it, don’t feel like because you’re pregnant you can’t masturbate. 

What are the challenges people might face when they’re just a couple weeks postpartum?
When Bri had her son she had some tearing. When she went to her six week appointment her midwife gave her the all clear. It was maybe a couple of weeks after that appointment when they first tried to have sex again, and Bri immediately knew something isn’t right.  She went back to her midwife and the midwife said that everything looks great, told Bri to have a glass of wine and use more lubrication. It’s bullshit that this is what women are told. We start to internalize and feel guilty that we don’t want to have sex with our partner because it’s painful. 
When we give birth there is vaginal trauma. Your body can remember that trauma and you may have to retrain your body to enjoy pleasure.
Get comfortable touching yourself again.  Using vibration is helpful to wake up those nerve endings in a different way.  Have your partner join in with you, have them hold the vibrator on you,  or guide their hand. Work your way up to penetration with a small toy,  then your partner. 

Advocate for yourself. Use your voice and speak up. If the doctors have a checklist, you should have your checklist too. If you feel like your doctor isn’t listening to you, find a new one because you don’t have to suffer. 

Connect wit

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com

I know you’re probably wondering wtf is a Dripstick? Is it something I’m going to use for my car? Is it something that is sexual? I mean, this is a sex podcast so it has to be something sexual, right? Well in this episode, I’m going to tell you exactly what it is. Forewarning, things do get just a touch personal and graphic.
As you all know, my husband and I have decided not to have children. And as of November, we were giving the all clear that everything was good and successful with his vasectomy. Which means that our sex life really changed moving forward, we no longer have that worry that I could end up pregnant.
As a lot of women know, the feeling of having cum inside of you is just not the most comfortable thing in the world. (At least in this podcaster's humble opinion.) 

How did I find out about this thing called a Dripstick?
My friend had talked about it in a group chat! She basically said that these things are amazing and that we needed to try them out. I remember seeing it and thinking wtf is it and why are you using it after a sexual encounter?
Now that I’m experiencing the uncomfortability of cum dripping out hours after a sexual encounter, I definitely get it. So I went over to awkwardessentials.com and I look up these Dripsticks.

What is a Dripstick?
It is an aftercare sex clean up product. It is actually the first ever sex clean up product out there.  It’s made out of a soft medical-grade sponge and will clean up excess fluids so you can move on with your day or night. No more perpetual gooey feeling, dripping, or ruined sheets. Dripstick is not a form of birth control, it is not an std or sti protection, and it is not a menstruation product.

How do you use one?
Once you open up your package, you’ll notice that it does kind of look like a tampon. It has a soft sponge on one end and a small plastic handle on the other. You want to make sure you’re peeing before and after using this, you will also want to make sure you store it in a cool dry place, and avoid direct exposure to light. So what you’ll do when it’s time to use it, you want to make sure you don’t touch the sponge to keep everything as clean and sanitary as possible. So, you’ll grab that little handle, then while seated you want to slowly and carefully insert the sponge into the vaginal canal and maintain a grip on the handle. If insertion is difficult, wait a few minutes for the fluids to reach the vaginal canal. Then you’re going to gently twist the Dripstick around as it is still inserted vaginally, and twist as necessary. You don’t want to leave the sponge in there for a long period of time like you would a tampon. The great thing about this is how soft it is, it’s not going to feel like a dry tampon. It is also not meant for reuse. You will remove this from the vaginal canal, put it back in the package and then dispose of it. If you feel like you still have fluids in the canal after using one sponge, use a new one to get the rest.

This has absolutely been a game changer for us in our sex life. Before I had Awkward Essentials in my life, I was sometimes thinking like “I don’t really want him to finish inside me, I’ve got plans tonight, I’ve got stuff to do today. I don’t want to be like dripping and squishing around for the rest of the day.”
I’m so grateful that there's a company out there that's creating products like this for these awkward times in our life.  

Referral link:  http://www.awkwardessentials.com/discount/Rachel10
Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/Well

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com

 Today I’m going to share with you a look into my women’s circles. I want to share the journey from my first women’s circle to my last one, how it started, what it is, what you do, what the point is, the energy that comes from it, and some stories from the circles we’ve done.

What is a women's circle?
For thousands of years, women have been coming together and holding space for one another to create magic, intention, emotion, and vulnerability. The outcome from these circles is incredible, and so powerful. Not only the feeling  when you’re actually in the circle, but the things that you’re then able to put to rest, or set intentions around. It's about knowing you’re supported, loved, and exactly where you’re supposed to be right now.
Women’s circles are done around either a full moon or a new moon. For both new and full moons, you can observe them day before, the day of, and the day after.

New moon
It is when the moon is at its darkest and is sometimes called the dark moon.
From here is where it gradually builds in strength towards the full moon.
It is a more introspective time and represents new beginnings as we plant seeds for the future.
It’s a good time to set clear intentions for the month ahead, clarify your goals, start new projects, and acknowledge your growth.
It’s also a good time to let go and release what no longer serves you so that you can welcome in the new.
Full moon
Is the phase where the sun illuminates the entire moon.
It represents completion, fertility, abundance, and transformation.
It can also be a time of friction, polarity, and more intense emotional energy.
Everything is in full illumination. Which means it’s a good time to look honestly at the full spectrum of what is or is not working for you.
With this higher energy also comes more outward connection and celebration, plus your psychic abilities may be more fully awake, so listen  closely to what you intuitively want to shed, let go of, and release.

How do women's circles go?
With every moon we start by dropping in, introducing ourselves and saying what is present for us, what are we feeling right now. We’re able to get to know each other, we set the agreements to the circle, and what our expectations are of ourselves and each other. We want to make sure everyone feels respected and everyone’s boundaries are being met, and that people are getting the support and the love that they came here for.

What can you do for a new moon?
When I held my circle for the new moon, we set intentions for 2022, we talked about the things that may have held us back or things we wanted to let go of, We did an exercise for the things we wanted to let go of by burning some paper. Then we were able to plant the seeds for 2022 by writing our intentions on a bay leaf, and planting it inside a small succulent. 

What can you do for a full moon?
This full moon was all about putting things to close and letting go of things that have been holding us back, or things we have been struggling with. We created some energy with water, by using herbs and essential oils to indicate things that were holding us back. We dissolved those things with sea salt and then we were able to stand on my canal, be under the full moon, and then dump our bowls of water into the canal to be washed away.

I’m not sure what this is all going to evolve into but I’m excited. I’m excited to see the transformation that comes from our circle.

Noell Grace for Numerology: noell.grace8@gmail.com (Tell her Rachel Maine ref

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com

One of my favorite activities when working with couples is allowing them to describe to each other what their needs and wants in the bedroom. Oftentimes couples aren’t having this conversation with each other, which can leave someone being unsure what their partner likes or if they’re enjoying themselves. Couples are just trying to feel connection with their partner, and being able to share fantasies with your partner can be such an erotic yet, spiritual connection for people. 

What exactly does fantasy mean?
Fantasy is a fanciful mental image typically one on which a person dwells at length or repeatedly and which reflects their conscious or unconscious wishes.
There are some things that we fantasize about that we don’t necessarily want to happen in real life. Sometimes your fantasy can present itself in real life, and in that moment, you can decide no, this isn’t what it looks like in my fantasy or this isn’t what I thought it would feel like. Some fantasies are meant to stay fantasies. 

I want to give you three steps on how to comfortably share your fantasies with your partner.

Step 1-  Get comfortable with your fantasies on your own. It’s really hard for you to ask your partner to do something with you in bed if you don’t feel truly comfortable with what it is you’re asking for. Practice having these conversations in front of a mirror, or just saying the words out loud to yourself in the car.
Step 2- Use leading and open ended questions. If you’re really feeling shy about talking about your fantasies, it can really be helpful to use these leading questions to gauge your partner’s response. Introduce the concept of the fantasy without specifically saying you’re interested in trying it. For example tell your partner “I was listening to this podcast today and the girl mentioned mutual masturbation. Have you ever thought about doing that together?”.
You’re keeping it a little vague, you want their opinion, and you want to hear what they have to say about it.
Step 3- Tell your partner directly why you want to explore your fantasy with them. There’s always a possibility that hearing your fantasy may bring up an insecurity for your partner. One way to get around this, to avoid that insecurity your partner might be feeling, would be to share why you want to explore that fantasy with them specifically. The reality is that most people want to explore fantasies because they enjoy connecting with their partner, not because the sex that they’re currently having is terrible.
Credit to Vanessa Martin, Sex Therapist for these three steps.

If you are sitting here thinking I don’t even know what my fantasies are, or what I want to explore, I would invite you to go to my website, and check out the masterclass that I did on this. It will walk you through one of my most favorite exercises for couples, the Want, Will, Won’t List. With this purchase you’re going to get my downloadable version of the list, and you’ll also get the replay of me walking through exactly the step by step on how to complete the Want, Will, Won’t list. 
The list has so many things that you or your partner may be fantasizing about so it’s a great tool for couples to walk through together.

I’m hoping this fantasy episode left you intrigued and  thinking that there are definitely some things you want to share with your partner. But also curious about what you might be missing out on. What other fantasies or types of things are out there that other people are doing that you might want to incorporate into your own sexual life. 

Link to Mast

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com

We’ve definitely talked foreplay before, but today I want to get a little more detailed and dive specifically into breast play. This really stemmed from when I was revamping my program Sexual Confidence Academy, and going through the foreplay module. 

Breast play is a really great tool for the majority of people when it’s done right. It can be very soft, sensual, and subtle, and it will really set the right mood for you.  If you go right into sex before the foreplay process, it can make penetration feel very uncomfortable for us. And it has to be enjoyable foreplay, if it’s not enjoyable, that 15 to 20 minutes basically will not have even happened. If you’re not enjoying it, your body is not responding in the way that you want it to to move from desire to arousal. 
You all know what I’m talking about when I say that so much of the time men just love to honk our breasts, and that’s all fine, fun, or cutesy here and there. But when done right, breast play can be such an incredibly fun and engaging tool for foreplay.  So how can we make breast play so much more intimate and enjoyable for everyone?

Where should you start?
We all know what breasts look like, and we all know what bras look like, so if you can focus and you want to start stroking and touching around the bra line, that’s really the best way to start.
If you can cup your hand into a U shape, and put your thumb right into the middle, on the sternum, so if you’re making the U shape and pushing up against the breast, you can then gently squeeze your hand.
Then you will start working your hands around the side, to the top, being gentle and sensual. We’re exploring around the breasts, and not pulling and flicking and honking, or just focusing on the nipples.
Another great way to make this a little more erotic for you during your foreplay is by kneeling with the person receiving the breast play in front and the person that’s giving the breast play behind and do all the bra line stroking, touching, and sexual caressing because that then allows the person receiving to see all the things their partner is doing. It also allows your vulva area to be exposed or touched, or have a toy be used.

What about the nipples?
If you're wanting to start some nipple stimulation make sure you ask your partner about it, not everyone enjoys it. Some people have very high sensitivity when it comes to nipple stimulation. You can ask in a very sexual way, by saying something like
'I would love to explore your nipples. Is it okay if I rub your nipples?" "Is it okay give your nipples some attention?" "Is it okay if I touch here?" 
When you do get the okay, you don't want to just flick or pull at them. You can trap the nipple between your index and middle finger, almost the same feel as nipple clamps might do. A very soft pinching feel or even just gently rubbing over the nipples. 

There are so many things that we can incorporate into our foreplay, and having conversations with our partner about what feels good, is so important. If you haven't listened to my 3 minute game podcast episode, it is truly a great tool. It can help you bring up with your partner the things you do want to explore or try in the bedroom.  You can also try my Relationship Regroup and pencil in trying breast play for the sexploration, and spend 30 minutes solely focused on breast play. 

Connect with Rach

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com

Today I’m super excited to be talking to Joli Hamilton an AASECT certified sex educator about creative monogamy. It’s all about finding the right relationship style for your unique self.

Who is Joli?
Dr. Joli Hamilton is the relationship coach for couples who color outside the lines. She is a research psychologist,TEDx speaker, and AASECT certified sex educator. Joli’s also the author of the best-selling book Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur's Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love. She has spent the past two decades studying and reimagining what love can be if we open our imaginations to possibility. Joli helps people create partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves, no more shrinking, pretending, or hiding required.

How did Joli get started in creative monogamy?
She got there by making all the mistakes, like so many educators find themselves having to study out of their own problems first. She was married to someone, fell in love with someone else, and had no idea what to do. So she started studying, but she couldn’t find a guide to help craft a creative monogamous or non monogamous agreement that would work for her.
She’s just out here being what she wished had existed in the world.

What is creative monogamy?
It is a process that two individuals enter into that involves thought experiments, discussions, conversation, fun, and a lot of experiments to come to agree on exactly what we are doing in this relationship together, and where we’re allowing for expansion and things that might not be exclusive. It’s about creating the relationship that you want to have. 

What does the process look like?
First each person needs to enter a dialog with themselves. Ask yourself, what are your values, what do you want, how did you learn about relationships, what is impacting you in relationships in patterns throughout your life.
Get clear about what we actually want, and what our boundaries are.
Then you  go through what the wants are and go through prioritizing and figuring out not necessarily what the most wanted is but more what feels safe to explore now. 

What are the challenges that can come up when the negotiation process is happening?
Some of the stuff that comes up is going to trigger your partner. It’s just inevitable.  Learning to accept that you might not get a positive answer opens up space for you to bravely vulnerably share, and then wait and see, figure out where this might go, or reclaim it and figure out how you can meet  it yourself. If you can prioritize growth over comfort, you will come out of this leveled up, excited, passionate about growing and learning together.

Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur’s Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love
She wrote this book  because she knew she wanted to have something in this world to point to and say “here are some basic tools to be really helpful for you to have the relationship you wish to have”. She didn’t write it specifically for non monogamy, or to solve any one problem. It’s a 12 step action plan for adding tools to your tool kit for how you do relationships.

If you’re not happy with where you’re at right now, or even if you are happy, there’s still so much more available to you. You don’t know what you don’t know. 

Resources
Ethical Slut

Connect with Joli!
Website: www.ListentoJoli.com
Book:

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com

I’m talking today with Chris Connelly about how ADHD affects sexuality and intimate relationships. I have a feeling that this episode is going to be very relatable to so many of my listeners, and myself included. You might hear some of the things Chris has to say, and think to yourself “Hm, this sounds a lot like me.”
Chris started her sexploration in high school as a peer sex educator at the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective. She went on to receive her degree in Community Health from the University of Maine and to work at the Center on Halsted community center in Chicago as a Health Educator. In 2013 she began her research to hack online dating which bloomed into her current 5 step dating course that she has now customized to serve the ADHD community.

What has Chris’s experience with ADHD been?
When she was tested in the 4th grade, she was told it definitely was not ADHD, but instead that it was dyslexia. When she was in college, she had a therapist suggest that she try ADHD meds to see if that would help her. Before the meds, her head was like a keg party, and then all of a sudden on the meds, it was like all the people at the party were waiting in line to talk and not just a mess of noise.

What changes did she start to notice after getting diagnosed and being put on meds?
Meds do make it easier for her to finish a sentence and focus on something, as long as she's interested in it. People often think that having ADHD means you can’t focus on things, but it’s so not the case. For example; that bird outside the window is way more interesting than the teacher in front of the class. I can focus on that bird for 45 minutes just fine, the attention we have just isn’t going where other people want it to. It’s about being able to drive your attention instead of the attention driving you. 

The biggest challenge that people have is not believing their self worth.  Or not having the right tools that will work with an ADHD brain. We just need to be authentic and honest, to be able to have self acceptance without being self critical, knowing that I’m am perfect just the way I am. Maybe my brain can’t connect all the sentences in the right way, but my brain can take a bunch of information and make connections that other people wouldn’t be able to make.

How does ADHD affect sex?
It can be like listening to a boring lecture, “Where else can my brain go that’s more interesting?”. If we know what’s going to happen, we’re left thinking how can I get novelty back into my sexual life and stay connected?  When you tell an ADHD brain we have to get there instead of seeing if we can get there, the brain is going to throw a fit and say no. We need to thinking about the journey being the destination, or the destination is connecting with yourself or connecting with another person. 

What can we do to change this?
Try thinking of sex like a game. Things like, touching for 10 minutes, but the bikini area is off limits.
Maybe keep the sexual sessions shorter.  You can focus on something for 30 seconds or 1 minute, then allow yourself to get distracted, take a few deep breaths, and then come back, or maybe not.
Maturbate curiously, maybe you don’t start with doing things with a partner. Notice yourself, notice when you come and which ways you touch yourself is useful.

"I’m not worried about diagnoses. I’m worried about making sure people loving themselves, knowing they’re not broken and being able to have fulfilling lives, relationships and sexuality with themselves and others." 

Connect with C

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com