Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.
Site
RSS
Apple
Données mises à jour le 23/10/2026
Classements récents
Dernières positions dans les classements Apple Podcasts et Spotify.
Liens partagés entre épisodes et podcasts
Liens présents dans les descriptions d'épisodes et autres podcasts les utilisant également.
You're Not a Hypocrite for Feeling Jealous in Non-Monogamy, EP. 167
Épisode 167
jeudi 22 octobre 2026 • Durée 32:40
Can you be non-monogamous and still get jealous? And if you love dating other people but struggle when your partner does the same thing, does that make you a hypocrite?
Come on. Can we stop acting like jealousy means you're bad at polyamory?
Here's the thing. Most of us grew up with some pretty deeply ingrained ideas about love, being chosen, and what makes us worthy of a relationship.
And then we start practicing ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and somehow expect all those insecurities to magically disappear?
Yeah, that's not how that works.
In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I'm sharing a story about the time my partner started dating a friend of mine, and my brain decided she was better than me in basically every possible way.
Spoiler: She wasn't the problem. The stories I was telling myself were.
We're talking about jealousy, comparison, fear of abandonment, and why your partner being attracted to someone else doesn't automatically mean you're not enough.
Plus, I'm sharing five questions to help you figure out what your jealousy is actually telling you.
And just to be clear, this isn't about learning to tolerate things that don't work for you so you can prove you're good at non-monogamy.
It's about learning to trust yourself enough to know the difference.
💬 Have you ever felt like getting jealous meant you weren't cut out for non-monogamy? Tell me in the comments. I want to hear about it.
Want to work on the comparison stuff?
If you're a woman who keeps finding yourself comparing yourself to your partner's other partners, that's exactly the kind of thing we work on in Beyond Compare.
Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237
My Marriage Ended.... That Doesn’t Mean It Failed, EP. 166
Épisode 166
jeudi 24 septembre 2026 • Durée 15:55
I’m back. And my life looks pretty different than it did a few months ago.
I took most of the summer off from podcasting while I remodeled, moved, and navigated a pretty big life change: my husband and I split up.
I’m sharing a little about where I’ve been, but this episode isn’t really about the details of my separation. It’s about a question I’ve been thinking about a lot:
Does a relationship ending mean it failed?
In this episode:
Where I’ve been and why I took most of the summer off
A little about my separation and the changes happening in my life
Why we equate relationship longevity with relationship success
Why an ending doesn’t automatically mean a relationship failed
What non-monogamy can and cannot protect us from
Letting relationships change shape instead of forcing them to stay the same
The pressure to prove that polyamory “works”
Why I coach the people in a relationship, not the relationship itself
Choosing honesty and alignment over preserving a relationship at all costs
What I’m excited to explore in this next chapter of the podcast
If you’re in the messy middle of figuring out what you want, questioning the shape of a relationship, navigating non-monogamy, or realizing that the life you’ve built might not fit anymore, you don’t have to have the answer before asking for support.
Sometimes the work starts with finally having enough space to hear yourself.
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237
Rewind: Your Best Sex Isn't Behind You | Susan Bratton
Épisode 165
jeudi 10 septembre 2026 • Durée 01:15:36
Some conversations stay with you long after you hit stop recording.
This is one of those conversations for me.
I'm bringing back my interview with Susan Bratton, and I am not exaggerating when I say this is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done.
Susan is a sex educator, author, and longtime consensually non-monogamous person who is incredibly passionate about helping people have more pleasure, better communication, and satisfying sex throughout their lives.
And she has a LOT to say.
We talk about her life with her husband and boyfriend, what it looks like to build a family around honesty and connection, and why being fully expressed in your relationships can be so damn freeing.
But we also get into something I think so many of us need to hear:
Your sex life doesn't have to get smaller as you get older.
You can keep learning.
You can discover new kinds of pleasure.
You can get better at asking for what you want.
And you can stop treating intercourse as the only thing that counts as sex.
Susan shares her approach to arousal, why she has certain non-negotiables around her own pleasure, and how understanding what your body needs can change the entire experience.
We also talk about sexual wellness as we age, including hormones, changes in genital tissue, and some of the treatments and products Susan has explored personally and professionally.
And then we get into a conversation I really don't want you to miss: STI testing, herpes disclosure, and how we can create more honest, less shame-filled conversations about sexual safety.
Susan shares her own experience living with herpes, and we respond to a listener who is struggling with disclosure and feeling rejected by their community.
Rewind: Jealousy, Compersion & the Messy Truth About Non-Monogamy with Dirty Lola
Épisode 164
jeudi 27 août 2026 • Durée 01:11:38
Some of my favorite conversations on this podcast are the ones where we stop trying to make non-monogamy look perfect and just talk about what it's actually like.
This is absolutely one of those episodes.
For this Rewind, I'm bringing back my conversation with sex educator Dirty Lola, and ohhhh, there is so much good stuff in this one.
Lola takes us through her journey from experimenting with non-monogamy before she even had language for it, to marriage and monogamy, swinging, polyamory, divorce, and eventually building relationships that feel much more aligned with who she actually is.
And we talk about the messy parts.
Jealousy. Resentment. Agreements that don't work. Agreements people say yes to and then don't actually follow. Feeling unheard. Learning how to ask for what you need. Figuring out what information you actually want about your partner's other relationships.
And, of course, compersion.
One of my favorite parts of this conversation is how honest we both are about the idea that compersion is supposed to be this magical gold standard of successful polyamory.
Sometimes Lola feels it.
Sometimes I feel it.
And sometimes neutral is fucking fantastic.
Because healthy non-monogamy isn't about never feeling jealous or being delighted every time your partner falls in love with someone new. It's about knowing yourself well enough to recognize what's happening, communicate about it, create boundaries that actually support you, and take responsibility for what you do with your feelings.
We also get into something I wish more people understood about agreements: don't say yes to something you don't actually agree to.
A reluctant yes followed by broken agreements isn't healthier than having the uncomfortable conversation in the first place.
Say no. Keep talking. Get curious about what each of you actually needs. Find the version that works for everyone involved.
Rewind: How to Build Secure Polyamorous Relationships | Jessica Fern & David Cooley
Épisode 163
jeudi 13 août 2026 • Durée 01:04:46
Some conversations are just too good to stay buried in the archives.
This week I'm bringing back one of my absolute favorite episodes with Jessica Fern, author of Polysecure, and David Cooley, co-author of Polywise. Even three years later, this conversation feels just as relevant, thoughtful, and practical as it did the first time we recorded it.
If you've ever struggled with jealousy, conflict, emotional triggers, or wondered how to build relationships that actually grow stronger through hard conversations, you're going to want to listen to this one.
What I love most about this conversation is that Jessica and David don't just teach relationship theory. They share the messy, beautiful reality of living it. They talk openly about opening their relationship, divorce, becoming life partners again, raising a child together, repairing after conflict, and the emotional work it took to get there.
We explore what emotional intelligence actually looks like in everyday relationships, why slowing down often creates more freedom than rushing ahead, and how conflict can become one of the greatest pathways to intimacy instead of something to avoid.
One of my favorite moments comes near the end of the episode, when Jessica and David turn the tables and interview me about my own journey through jealousy. Looking back now, it's fascinating to hear that conversation knowing how much my work has continued to evolve around helping people move through jealousy with compassion instead of shame.
If you're newer to non-monogamy, this episode will give you practical tools for navigating the inevitable challenges that come with growth.
If you've been practicing for years, I think you'll still find yourself nodding along and maybe hearing something in a completely new way.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why relationships don't have to fit an all-or-nothing model
What emotional intelligence actually looks like in healthy relationships
How to recognize when repair is needed before resentment builds
Growing Up in a Polyamorous Family | A Conversation with Koe Creation
Épisode 162
jeudi 30 juillet 2026 • Durée 58:38
What is it actually like to grow up in a polyamorous family?
There are plenty of opinions about how non-monogamy affects children, but very few of those opinions come from people who actually lived it.
In this re-released episode of Nope, We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with educator, author, and activist Koe Creation, who grew up in a polyamorous family and now helps people navigate conversations around relationships, gender, sexuality, and chosen family.
Together we explore what childhood was really like, how parents can create emotionally safe homes, and why honesty, trust, and communication matter so much more than whether your relationships fit traditional expectations.
We also talk about navigating judgment from the outside world, introducing partners to children, "meta parents," and the importance of giving kids age-appropriate information without making relationships feel secret or shameful.
Whether you're already raising children in a non-monogamous family, considering opening your relationship, or simply curious about what healthy alternative family structures can look like, this conversation offers a thoughtful perspective that challenges many of the assumptions our culture still holds.
In this episode we discuss:
What it was like growing up in a polyamorous family
How children experience non-monogamy differently than adults often assume
Talking with kids about relationships in age-appropriate ways
Creating emotional safety through honesty instead of secrecy
Navigating schools, extended family, and social stigma
The role of chosen family and "meta parents"
Why communication matters more than family structure
The Platinum Rule: treating people the way they want to be treated
What today's media still gets wrong about polyamory
Timestamps
00:00 Why people misunderstand polyamorous families
01:25 Meet Koe Creation
Rewind: Wilder on Closed Triads, Poly Families & Living Authentically, EP. 161
Épisode 161
jeudi 16 juillet 2026 • Durée 01:07:28
Some conversations are simply too good to leave in the archives.
This week I'm re-releasing one of my favorite early episodes with my dear friend, Wilder. Even years later, this conversation feels just as relevant. We dive into what it actually looks like to build a life outside of traditional relationship norms, from joining an already-married couple to creating a thriving polyamorous family together.
Wilder shares her experience of living in a closed triad, navigating the assumptions people make about triads, unpacking monogamous conditioning, and raising children in a loving, intentional polyamorous household.
Whether you're curious about polyamory, already practicing ethical non-monogamy, or simply interested in questioning the relationship scripts we've all inherited, this conversation is full of honesty, vulnerability, and hope.
Wilder lives in Olalla with her partners, their children, and an ever-growing collection of chickens, ducks, adventures, and beautiful chaos.
In This Episode
What a closed triad actually is - and what people often misunderstand about them
Why labels can be helpful...and where they can become limiting
The emotional journey of transitioning from monogamy to polyamory
Authenticity, self-love, and creating relationships that fit who you really are
Unlearning monogamous programming
Navigating jealousy with curiosity instead of fear
Raising children in a polyamorous family
Imagining new possibilities for love, family, and partnership
The difference between control and trust
Choosing authenticity over societal expectations
Timestamps
2:19 – What is a closed triad?
4:20 – Labels and identity
8:24 – Transitioning into polyamory
15:03 – Authenticity and self-love
18:59 – Monogamous programming and triad dynamics
What Nobody Teaches You About Polycule Dynamics with Red DeRooy and Stacey Smith?
Épisode 160
jeudi 2 juillet 2026 • Durée 46:36
Most conversations about non-monogamy focus on opening a relationship, navigating jealousy, or finding new partners.
But what happens after that?
How do you navigate a polycule where relationships are constantly evolving? How do you manage different expectations, conflicting needs, shifting priorities, and the very human reality that not everyone connects in the same way?
In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I'm joined by Red DeRooy and Stacey Smith?, co-authors of Nonmonogamy and Group Dynamics, to explore what it really takes to build healthy relationship communities.
We talk about why polycules function more like communities than relationship structures, how many of the skills you already use in friendships can help you navigate non-monogamy, and why curiosity is often more valuable than certainty.
Whether you're part of a large polycule, have close metamour relationships, or are simply trying to build stronger connections with the people you love, this conversation is packed with practical insights.
In this episode, we discuss:
Why romantic groups function differently than one-on-one relationships
How to manage different expectations without unnecessary conflict
The difference between fairness and equality in non-monogamy
Why communication starts with knowing what to talk about
Managing conflict without destabilizing an entire polycule
Why every relationship is still built one connection at a time
The importance of one-on-one connection, even within group relationships
Different approaches to metamour relationships and why there isn't one "right" way
Building found family and community through non-monogamy
Navigating breakups with compassion and preserving meaningful connections
The surprising relationship skills you probably already have
One of my favorite moments from this conversation was the reminder that most of us already know more than we think we do.
The Courage to Show Up: Sex Positivity and Finding Your People with Jamie Love, EP. 159
Épisode 159
jeudi 18 juin 2026 • Durée 33:27
What if the thing you're craving most isn't another dating app, another relationship book, or another set of rules?
What if it's community?
In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, Ellecia sits down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the power of finding spaces where you can show up authentically, explore with curiosity, and realize you're not as alone as you thought.
They dive into what sex positivity actually means beyond the stereotypes, why community is essential for people navigating non-monogamy, kink, and alternative relationships, and how play can become a pathway to deeper intimacy and self-discovery.
Whether you're brand new to this world or you've been practicing non-monogamy for years, this conversation is a reminder that you don't have to have it all figured out before you find your people.
In This Episode, We Discuss:
What Sex Positive World is and the work they're doing to make sexuality education more accessible
Why community matters so much when exploring non-monogamy and kink
The courage it takes to attend your first event alone
How shame keeps us disconnected and what happens when we let ourselves be seen
Why observation is participation and why you never have to do more than feels right for you
Boundaries, consent, and learning what your wants, needs, and desires actually are
The role of play in intimacy, pleasure, and connection
Pet play, primal play, cuddle spaces, and expanding your definition of what intimacy can look like
How sex positivity intersects with advocacy, belonging, and creating cultural change
Why finding your people matters now more than ever
Learn more about Sex Positive World's online classes, community events, and educational offerings
Compersion Isn’t Mandatory, EP. 158
Épisode 158
jeudi 4 juin 2026 • Durée 27:17
Do you ever feel like everyone else in polyamory got the compersion memo except you?
Like you're supposed to be thrilled when your partner is excited about someone else... and if you're not, maybe you're doing non-monogamy wrong?
In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we're talking about compersion, what it actually is, what it isn't, and why forcing yourself to feel it often creates more harm than healing.
Because here's the truth: You don't have to be ecstatic. You don't have to pretend you're okay when you're not. And neutrality is a huge win.
Inside this episode, we explore:
→ why compersion isn't mandatory
→ the pressure to be the "cool" polyamorous person
→ how comparison and scarcity keep us stuck
→ the social fairy tale training that taught us love equals exclusivity
→ why your partner's joy doesn't erase your value
→ how emotional safety creates space for genuine compersion
→ why forcing compersion is often self-abandonment wearing glitter [laugh]
Because real compersion doesn't grow from pressure. It grows from trust. From self-worth. From emotional security. From knowing that somebody else's happiness doesn't automatically threaten your place in their life.
If you've ever wondered why compersion feels hard, or felt like you were failing because you weren't happy enough for your partner, this episode is for you. 💜
If this episode helped you feel seen, please like, subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it.
Take what resonates and leave the rest. Your emotional journey gets to be uniquely yours. 💜
Podcasts Similaires Basées sur le Contenu
Découvrez des podcasts liées à Nope! We're Not Monogamous. Explorez des podcasts avec des thèmes, sujets, et formats similaires. Ces similarités sont calculées grâce à des données tangibles, pas d'extrapolations !
I love this part of the conversation because it gets right to the heart of what ethical non-monogamy asks of us.
Not pretending there's no risk.
Not shaming people for having an STI.
But learning how to talk about our health, our boundaries, and our choices so everyone has the information they need to make decisions for themselves.
In this episode, we talk about:
Susan's decades of experience with consensual non-monogamy
Her relationship with her husband and boyfriend
Building a family around honesty and authentic self-expression
Why sex can get better as we age
Expanding our definition of sex beyond intercourse
Understanding arousal and communicating what your body needs
Susan's bedroom non-negotiables
Pleasure, body image, and getting out of your head
Sexual wellness and changes that can come with aging
Hormones, regenerative treatments, and Susan's personal experiences
STI testing and sexual safety conversations
Herpes disclosure without shame
Why “clean” and “dirty” aren't helpful ways to talk about STI status
Making informed choices about sexual risk
How sex-positive communities can do better at supporting people through difficult conversations
This episode is full of curiosity, laughter, and the kind of candid conversation that makes me remember exactly why I started this podcast.
Because we deserve to talk about sex like it's a normal, important, pleasurable part of being human.
And we deserve to keep learning about it.
Enjoy this Rewind with Susan Bratton.
Note: This is an archival conversation. Susan shares personal experiences, opinions, and information about sexual health products and treatments. Some medical claims, recommendations, and product details may have changed since recording. Please consult a qualified healthcare professional for individualized medical advice.
Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237
That's collaboration.
In this episode, we talk about:
Lola's journey from monogamy to swinging and polyamory
Discovering non-monogamy before having language for it
What happens when one partner identifies as polyamorous and the other doesn't
Jealousy as information instead of something to eliminate
Recognizing the unmet needs underneath jealousy
Rules, boundaries, agreements, and what happens when they're broken
Why saying yes when you really mean no creates resentment
Learning how to disagree and collaborate instead of fight
How being heard can completely change conflict
Breaking old relationship patterns in healthier relationships
Compersion, jealousy, and why neutrality is a perfectly wonderful place to be
Knowing how much you actually want to hear about your partner's other relationships
Why it's okay to want some moments to feel like they're just yours
The very human reality of polyamory
Why not every form of non-monogamy is polyamory
Lola's simple, free practice for getting out of your own head before a difficult conversation
There is so much laughter in this conversation, but there's also a ton of wisdom about what it really takes to build relationships where you can be honest, messy, imperfect, and still deeply loving.
If you're navigating jealousy, trying to figure out your boundaries, opening a relationship, or wondering why you don't feel that mythical nonstop compersion everyone keeps talking about, this episode is absolutely worth another listen.
Because you don't have to be perfectly polyamorous.
You just have to be willing to know yourself, tell the truth, communicate, and keep learning.
Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237
The role conflict plays in creating deeper intimacy
Working with nervous system regulation during difficult conversations
Why curiosity is one of the greatest relationship skills you can develop
The power of slowing down while opening a relationship
Healing attachment wounds and building lasting security
Whether polyamory is an identity, an orientation, or a relationship choice
My personal journey from overwhelming jealousy to emotional freedom
Whether you're just opening your relationship or you've been practicing non-monogamy for years, this conversation is full of the kind of wisdom that only comes from people who've done the work themselves.
I'd love to hear what stands out to you after listening. Come find me on Instagram and let me know what resonated most.
If this episode supports you, please share it with someone who could use a little more compassion, clarity, and hope on their own relationship journey.
Thanks for being here, and enjoy this Rewind episode.
This Heart Holds Many: My Life as the Non-Binary Millennial of a Polyamorous Family by Koe Creation
Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá
❤️ If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who could use a little reassurance that there are many ways to build a loving family.
If you're navigating jealousy, opening a relationship, or trying to create healthier, more secure connections, you can book a free Clarity Chat with me at elleciapaine.com/chat.
About the Podcast
Nope, We're Not Monogamous explores the real lives of people creating love outside traditional relationship structures. Every week we have honest conversations about ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, attachment, communication, sexuality, and building relationships that feel authentic instead of automatic.
Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237
33:24 – Jealousy
44:49 – Raising kids in a polyamorous family
52:44 – The possibilities of the future
54:41 – Control versus trust
1:00:08 – Living authentically
If you enjoyed this conversation, I'd love for you to share it with someone who's questioning the relationship "rules" they've always been taught. Every time we hear real stories from real people, it becomes a little easier to imagine that there are many ways to build a loving, connected life.
❤️ Thanks for listening to Nope, We're Not Monogamous.
Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237
You've probably navigated friendship groups, family conflict, difficult conversations, changing relationships, and competing needs long before practicing non-monogamy. Those same skills are often the foundation for creating thriving polycules.
Connect with Stacey and Red - Grab a copy of Nonmonogamy and Group Dynamics wherever books are sold, including audiobook format.
Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237
Polytopia Conference in Portland, Oregon
Jessica Fern and Polysecure
Connect with Jamie Love
Jamie Love (she/they) is the Executive Director of Sex Positive World and an educator, facilitator, and community builder passionate about creating spaces where people can explore sexuality, relationships, consent, and connection without shame.
