To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.

Successful intimate relationships don't just happen by themselves. Building a life together requires us to solve hundreds of everyday problems that all couples encounter. Love for your partner means it's natural to go to great lengths to help them to be happy, to work with their quirks, to be understanding of their limitations, and personal struggles, but what about your own needs? Your own happiness? Are you giving so much to your partner that your're neglecting yourself? Are there areas of your life or your relationship where you feel resentful or unappreciated?

During this episode, Paul Micallef from Autism From the Inside will explore the importance of self-care and boundary setting in order to set you and your partner up for success.

To learn more about Paul Micallef's work or his amazing YouTube channel, Autism From the Inside click here.

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.

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Eva Mendes is an autism and ADHD specialist, couples counselor, and psychotherapist. She facilitates worshops and training at various universities, mental health and medical centers. Eva has a private practice where she works with clients from all over the world.

During this presentation, Eva talks about the critically important things that can contribute to a happy and healthy relationship. She also recently published a new book titled "Armchair Conversations on Love and Autism-Secrets of Happy Neurodiverse Couples". If you haven't had a chance to get a copy of this book I highly recommend it. I was honored to have been asked to write the foreward for the book and I know that many of you will enjoy reading how other couples are successfully navigating the ups and downs in their neurodiverse relaitonship.

You can contact Eva at: https://www.eva-mendes.com/

To learn more about the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.

If you would like register for the 4 week workshop series that Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. and Sarah Swenson, LMHC will be co-facilitating titled " How Can I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together" that begins on July 9th, 2024 at 7:30pm EST click here.

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During this episode, Margot Alexis and Chelle share information about the long-term effects of Cassandra syndrome. Many NT women endure chronic isolation, anxiety and depression. Others have difficulty sleeping, digestive disorders and serious autoimmune diseases. Some exhibit persistent anger, severe resentment and feel helpless to change the situation. Almost all will experience a loss of self. 

In this episode, Margot and Chelle discuss what Cassandra Syndrome is, it’s effects and how you can heal from it. They also share information on the following topics:

• Why NT women have a difficult time getting support from friends and family?
• The first step in recovery.
• What healthy emotional detachment looks like.
• How letting go is different than giving up.
• The support that is available,

To learn more about Margot and Chelle please check out: www.healingcassandra.com

The Neurodiverse Love Virtual Conference will be held on February 14th and 15th, 2023 and tickets go on sale on 1/2/23. If you are interested in learning more about the conference presenters, please visit www.neurodiverselove.com.  If you want to get access to more information about the conference, please sign up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter . ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Janelle Homan has been doing therapy with families and couples in Brisbane, Australia for many years.  She is also an AANE certified therapist and shares lots of valuable information during this episode.  Janelle has viewed family therapy as a 3 part process: psychoeducation; acceptance and realignment of expectations and understanding uniqueness; and as an opportunity to be more effective and work as a team.  She also uses system theory to help guide her work  and looks at ways to create a better emotional climate so that all family members can improve performance.  Some of the other topics discussed include: Understanding the relational experience and the patterns. How the process becomes the problem, not the partner. Embracing neuro-minorities We need a "curiosity" to understand difference. Attachment theory. Capacity for emotional experiencing and expression. Calming our nervous system and understanding our own triggers. The importance of problem solving in a calm state. Understanding coping styles that might create a reactive cycle. Both partners have different capacities and need to be willing to do the work. Understanding that emotion trumps logic and how to give empathy. The value of play and fun in therapy. Externalizing the problems. Secondary trauma and neurodiversity. Communication roundabout. You can contact Janelle at: www.janellehoman.com ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off  the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

The Neurodiverse Love Conference Virtual Conference will be held on February 14th and 15th, 2023 and tickets go on sale on 1/2/23.  

If you are interested in learning more about the conference presenters please go to www.neurodiverselove.com.  If you want to get access to more information about the conference, please sign up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter .

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During this episode another AANE certified therapist, Dr. Rahimeh Andalibian shares about her personal trauma experiences and her neurodiverse journey, as well as the path she traveled to begin working with neurodivergent adults and neurodiverse couples.  Rahimeh talks about the importance of working with a therapist who has expertise in neurodiversity and how a therapist without this knowledge can cause "flooding" for the  neurodivergent client.  Most of the people who contact the practice that Rahimeh owns called "Spectrum Services", are in pain.  Rahimeh and her team work with each client to gain a better understanding of the source of the pain.  Through assessment, diagnosis and/or therapy, clients are given an opportunity to find the path that will help them gain clarity, as they work to live their best, most authentic lives.

Some of the other topics addressed include:

• How trauma, race, culture and religion can cover up neurodiversity.
• Executive function and emotional reciprocity differences in parenting that can create challenges.
• The "dance" in therapy, when there is unknown neurodiversity.
• When one partner is autistic and the other is ADHD, the source of the challenges may be misunderstood.
• Understanding triggers that actually may be sensory sensitivities.
• The impact of trauma on emotional regulation.  Traumatized reactions can stay within our body!
• Getting coverage from your insurance for the evaluation/diagnosis process.
• The value of on-line screening tools to begin the self-assessment process.
• How a "strength-based"  diagnosis can help partners understand the language they speak and determine how they can connect.
• What it means to "Feel it", "See it", and "Help/Understand it".
• It is critical to knock down and get through the shame...We are all here to walk each other home! 

You can contact Dr. Andalibian at: www.spectrumservicesnyc.org or at www.rahimeh.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off  the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. 

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love  

You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com 

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Dr. Carrie Mitran has been in a neurodiverse relationship since 2007 and for more then 15 years she has been on a journey to discover the most effective tools and methods to help individuals and neurodiverse couples better understand themselves and each other.  Dr.  Mitran is an AANE Certified Therapist who has developed her own model for working with neurodiverse couples.  The Mitran Model is a culturally responsive approach that moves away from the medical and diagnostic model and instead views neurodiversity as a culture.  Specifically, looking at social-emotional learning and relational culture theory. The Mitran Model includes the following steps: 1) Identify target; 2) Implement a plan; 3) Define what support looks like; 4) Implement your plan with ongoing guidance. Dr. Mitran believes all people can design the life they want when they take time to understand themselves with knowledge, self awareness, and compassion.    During this episode Dr. Mitran addresses the following:  Why understanding neurodiversity is critical to therapy with ND couples.  Building more competencies for helping professionals who are working with ND couples.  The importance of understanding identity development stories.  Core issues ND couples seek therapy for: misunderstood communication; perspective taking; high levels of anxiety that aren't recognized.  Understanding complexities within each individual and within the intimate relationship and the foundation your relationship is built on.  Supporting growth and development of each partner's identity with a new sense of awareness.  Moving from acceptance to affirming!  The importance of exploring and investigating our personal values, biases and stereotypes.  How micro-aggressions can lead to contempt and  resentment and the value of "micro-interventions".  How breakdowns are opportunities to restart.  Reconciliation and affirmation.  The importance of  understanding each others values and social context.  Self-regulation-managing inner emotions and sensory overload.  Moving away from "performance goals" in an intimate relationship.  Having a curiosity based mindset.  The value of "radical openness". You can contact Dr. Mitran at: www.neurodiversetalk.com 

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 If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.  

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love 

 You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com  Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Tim Donovan is a licensed certified social worker who has been in practice since 1992.  He is also  an AANE Certified Therapist who shares how important it was for him to update his approach to therapy to include a neurological lens. Tim shares some of the knowledge and strategies he learned from the AANE training and talks about how he has integrated this information into his therapy practice. Tim also provides examples of how the AANE certification gave him the confidence to address neurodiversity in counseling sessions.

Tim also addresses:

• The overlap in diagnoses.
• Figuring out which issue is doing the speaking.
• Helping couples see the bigger picture.
• How to incorporate AANE concepts when there is reluctance to accept neurodiversity.
• Using "QAAA" (Question-Answer-Answer-Answer) as a connection tool.
• The value of "connection codes".
• Perspective taking and the "duck/bunny" picture. 
• Understanding the impact of sensory sensitivities.

Tim also conducts  therapeutic "weekend intensives" with couples and he provides an overview of this modality.

You can contact Tim at: www.tcdonovan.com, or by email or phone at tcdonovanlcsw@gmail.com or 410-583-2622.

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee. 

To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Remy Springer is a new mom and another AANE certified therapist who shares how parenting and pregnancy may impact a neurodiverse couple.  More specifically, we discuss how communication challenges can increase and how sleep deprivation and changes to routine can lead to more anxiety.  In addition, we address the importance of understanding what each partner needs to be fully present for their partner and family, and the importance of making time to recharge to reduce overwhelm. 

We also address the following:

• Strategies for helping with the transition from work to home.
• Communicating the expectations when transitioning from work to home.
• Mirroring to make sure both partners are in-sync regarding expectations.
• Understanding sensory sensitivities that neurodivergent women may experience during pregnancy.
• Some health care challenges that neurodiverse couples may experience and the importance of both self and partner advocacy.
• Preparing both partners for the birth process.
• The importance of tone, semantics and the need to be more concise, concrete and precise.
• The need for more resources about co-parenting as a neurodiverse couple.
• The importance of remembering that you and your partner are a "co-parenting team".

You can email Remy at: remy@remyspringer.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I have a very important conversation with another AANE Certified Therapist, Dr. Alix Mansbach.  Alix provides a summary of the diagnostic evaluation process she conducts with those who are seeking an autism diagnosis.  The evaluation includes a 2 hour interview, 2 hours of testing and a 2 hour feedback session.  We discuss the importance of having an opportunity to talk to family members, or the intimate partner of the person seeking a diagnosis.  By learning more about this comprehensive assessment process it can help neurodivergent individuals and their loved ones understand the evaluation process before moving forward on finding an experienced clinician who can conduct the evaluation.  While a formal diagnostic evaluation isn't something everyone wants to pursue, some people move forward on this process because they want and/or need accommodations at work or school, or they want to better understand themselves and their relationships.  Those who want ongoing support through therapy or counseling are referred to clinicians with expertise in neurodiversity. Alix can also conduct comprehensive "neuropsychological" evaluations which include an evaluation of the following: academic achievement, intelligence, language, memory, attention, emotional functioning, executive functioning.  These evaluations include 9 hours of testing , 2 hours of interviews and a 2 hour feedback session. During this episode we also discuss how many autistic females Alix has worked with may have had a lot of "treatment resistant" anxiety and depression before realizing they are autistic.  However, many may also be able to leverage their cognitive skills to make sense of the social world, but unfortunately, this often comes at a great psychological cost!!  Alix shares some of the things her female clients have told her as they describe how they have felt in a neurotypical world.  She also shares how many highly intelligent women can mask her autistic traits and score as a neurotypical on the ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) which is one of the widely used assessment tools. We have a long way to go to better understand how our society can support both autistic and non-autistic individuals to better understand themselves and their partners, however it is important to know that there are skilled clinicians and diagnosticians available who understand how neurology can impact well-being, daily life and  relationships and are working to ensure that the best assessment tools and processes are used to help each person live their best life.. You can contact Alix at the Center for Assessment and Treatment in Chevy Chase, Maryland at: www.caatonline.com  or by calling: 240-424-0184 ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please sign-up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Warning: During this episode we talk about masturbation, sex and porn addiction, and betrayal. 

Julianne Cusick is a therapist and betrayal trauma specialist in Colorado and is also an AANE certified therapist.  Julianne shares a little about her personal story through betrayal trauma early in her marriage.  She also talks about how discovering her adopted daughter is autistic led her down another path in her marriage, as she and her husband also learned they were a neurodiverse couple.  

During this episode we talk about how it feels to watch your partner excel in all areas of his life and repeatedly find that there are challenges that only seem to exist in your intimate relationship.  As expectations inside the relationship increase, anxiety can grow as partners try to meet requests made of them.  A unique set of challenges manifests and we address them during this episode.  Julianne also describes the assessment process she goes through to determine if a couple is neurodiverse.  It's not about blame or shame, it's about understanding, compassion and growth.  Traditional couples counseling can be very damaging when there is "unknown neurodiversity' and it is critical to have an experienced therapist or coach who can serve as an interpreter and investigator, and provide a path forward that is healing and hopeful.

Some of the other issues we address in this powerful episode include:

• Co-dependence
• The impact of low self-esteem and self-worth
• How IQ can drop when anxiety is present
• Developing self-resilience
• The importance of understanding each other's difference perspectives (Duck-Bunny picture)
• Holding space for each other
• Using addictions and compulsions to numb trauma
• The Minwalla Method for treating betrayal 

This is a powerful episode that I hope will help many individuals and couples who are experiencing challenges with betrayal trauma or addictions.  Suffering in silence, or alone, and not being able to find the help, support and the healing tools needed-can be devastating.  I hope this episode brings some light, hope and understanding to others. 

Please visit Julianne's website to learn more about her work: www.restoringthesoul.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please sign-up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, another wonderful AANE certified coach and therapist, Barbara Grant, shares how both her personal and professional experience have helped her better understand the strengths, differences and challenges in neurodiverse relationships.  She talks about her first marriage that ended after 20 years, and how unknown neurodiversity impacted that relationship  She also provides excellent tools and strategies that she uses to help neurodiverse couples and individuals on their unique journey's.  Barbara shares an overview of the 5 stages of change and talks about how each stage may look for neurodiverse couples.  Barbara also takes the audience through the process she helps couples navigate as they move from "education" about the neurodiverse paradigm, to "energized", as they work together to understand each other's unique strengths and differences and learn effective tools to  reduce challenges.    In addition, Barbara talks about the trauma that may occur for each partner and within the relationship.  

Other important issues that Barbara addresses include:

• The ABCDE's of Couple Burnout
• Anxiety and depression
• How a neurodiverse relationship is like a "3 legged race"
• The different types of presentation of neurodiversity 
• The process and benefit of "active listening" 
• How good communication is like a game of "catch"
• The importance of "discernment coaching/counseling"  

Barbara offers free 25 minutes consultations and she can be reached at: www.bg-hc.com or www.hopeforcouples.net

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Karen Watson is an AANE certified therapist who provides insight into her professional experience working with neurodiverse couples and her personal experience in a neurodiverse relationship.  During one of her therapy sessions, Karen's therapist suggested that she might be married to an autistic man and through that new lens, the way she viewed her marriage began to change.  Because of her personal experience, Karen knows how important it is for neurodiverse couples to work with a therapist who understands neurodiverse adults and neurodiverse couples.  Many "invisible challenges"  may be present that  couples (and therapists) may not understand.  These invisible challenges that are due to neurological differences can present as sensory difficulties, theory of mind challenges and cognitive differences.   In addition, Karen talks about how the current system creates challenges for obtaining a formal diagnosis for those who want to move in that direction. Karen also addresses many other important issues including: Asking for what you need. The importance of perspective taking. Changing the way we look at our partners...be curious, rather then hurt. The impact of trauma for both partners. Understanding and preparing for "life transitions". Learning about the cycle of shame. The value of taking "time outs" and using "code words". Accommodations that may need to be made in a therapists office, when working with neurodiverse couples. Believing your partner when they say "I don't know" and understanding this is not an excuse. Both partners adapting and understanding when a "relief valve" is needed.  You can contact Karen at: www.creativewisdomcounseling.com _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I have an opportunity to talk with another AANE Certified Therapist, Stephen Robertson.  Stephen talks about his own neurodiverse journey and some of the lessons he learned after his marriage ended.  He also shares how it took him a lifetime to get his Autism diagnosis and some of the challenges he had with therapy...until a therapist suggested he might be autistic.  His graduate thesis was on "what it is like to be an autistic person in a Master's program" and during that process he learned a lot about himself, and why he and his ex-wife had such different perspectives on marriage.  

When working with neurodiverse couples Stephen takes time to meet with each partner separately.  He has learned that their stories about the challenges in the relationship can be SO different.  Stephen also stresses how important it is for both partners to understand each other's perspectives and he talks about how he uses several of the tools and techniques he learned through AANE to help address this: the Duck/Bunny picture and QAAA.  In addition, Stephen provides lots of valuable information about his own personal journey and his commitment to helping neurodiverse couples thrive.  More specifically he discusses:

• The value of slowing down, listening and validating each other.
• Determining if the patterns in your relationship are serving you and your partner.
• Understanding what your anger is telling you (ie: unmet need?)
• Grieving for the relationship you thought you would have.
• Creating trust and genuine interest in your partner.
• The importance of remaining curious.
• How some of our coping mechanisms are destructive.
• The way things changed when he and his ex-wife moved in together and how much she taught him.
• Don't expect you partner to read your mind.
• How "understanding" has been a gift.
• The "work" will continue throughout our lifetime.

You can contact Stephen at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center in San Jose, CA.

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

If you would like to register for the 4 week workshop series titled " "How Can I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together", with Sarah Swenson, LMHC and Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. ⁠click here.

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.
__________________________________________________________________ During this episode, Dr. Ali Arena Perkinson shares information about the 4 communication styles she has identified to help individuals and couples better understand themselves and each other. The goal is for you and your partner to learn more about your different styles and how you can better understand each other and communicate more effectively.

The 4 communication styles are:

• Purposeful
• Captivator
• Listener
• Facter

To learn more about Ali and the work she does, please check out her website at: https://www.connection-squared.com/

During this episode I have an opportunity to talk with Laura Schreiner, another AANE certified therapist.  Laura is also in a neurodiverse relationship and when her and her spouse discovered he was on the spectrum, she began to ask herself "What About Me?"   That question led her to create a support group called "What About Me? (WAM) for neurotypical partners.  The group has been meeting for about two years and Laura shares a little bit about the work she is doing with the group.  

In addition, Laura shares some of the answers she came up with as she began understanding so much more about her own marriage.  She  also talks in-depth about how she helps neurodiverse couples gain a better understanding of whether they are in each other's universe, galaxy or solar system and how they can visit each other's planet and communicate well when they come from different planets. Astronomy is a shared interest between her and her husband and that helped guide her to create this assessment process.

Laura also addresses many other important issues including:

• The Communication Roundabout.
• Conversational intimacy.
• The importance of repair.
• What is "burden"?
• How each partner may be different inside and outside of their love relationship.
• Understanding and being aware of where you are in you relationship.
• The importance of relaxing your nervous system.
• How can both partners get their needs met?
• Stay present in the moment.  Don't focus on the past before you knew you were neurologically different.
• Creating a system to address executive function challenges.

If you live in Illinois, and would like to contact Laura about therapy, or her support group, her website is: www.laurasnc.com and her email is: lucid@laurasnc.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. 

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode you will hear from another AANE certified therapist, Constanze Schwaerzer-Dutta.  Conni lives in Germany and shares her own self-discovery journey and what made her wonder if she might be autistic.  She shares about the challenges she was having in a training for family therapists that made her move forward on pursing an autism diagnosis.  As a trainer, consultant and therapist Conni works to understand each person's perspective.  When she is counseling neurodiverse couples she serves as a translator and provides a safe space  for both partners to learn tools that can help them reduce conflict.  During this episode, Conni shares important information about her personal and professional experiences including: The value of combining problem solving and nurturing. The importance of neurodivergent individuals trusting their own perception. Understanding the fluidity of  "gender identity". Practicing "solidarity" as a way to show empathy. The impact of cognitive empathy. How things change when couples do "daily life" together. Spoon theory and having an empty "social account". Cognitive resources change when the relationship progresses. Conversation and language can mean different things to each partner. Learning what makes daily transitions smoother. Speaking under pressure, overthinking and thinking too much and doing too little. Being afraid to ask, guess or get it wrong. Why neurodiverse couples have the same conversation 3 times! Knowing that it is okay to do things in the order that works for you and your partner. You can contact Conni through her website at: https://autistic-love.de/ or at: https://www.constanzeschwaerzer.de _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this bonus episode of the podcast, 23 year old autistic filmmaker Louis Bennies talks about his neurodiverse journey.  He shares a little about some of the gifts and unique differences his parents saw in him that may have contributed to them moving forward on his ASD/ADHD diagnosis. Louis also shares how his college thesis focused on how autistic people are portrayed in film and tv.  Part of his work as a writer, filmmaker and producer is to show the world the many dimensions and strengths of autistic individuals.  It makes him sad to see only the stereotypes of autism that are portrayed in film and tv.  So he is using his many creative talents and skills to help change that and increase understanding of neurodiversity. Last year, Louis released a wonderful short film called "SIGNALES" that was produced with German speaking actors, but has captions in English.  The film is a wonderfully honest example of what a first love can look like, when an autistic young man is interested in a fellow student who is not autistic.  Through his film Louis wants people to know  how autistic people feel and think in various life situations, including romantic relationships.   Louis is a gifted writer, filmmaker and producer and is working on making his short film into a feature film.  In the expanded film, he wants to delve deeper into the main characters and show how they deal with more of life's challenges and difficulties.  Louis hopes to one day be a studio film director and loves making dramas that show real-life situations, that include conflict that is told in an honest, realistic way.  He loves to be moved by movies---and I think anyone that watches "Signales" will be moved by the young couple that is navigating their unique differences and strengths with kindness, compassion and grace. Check out the short film Signales on Louis Bennies YouTube Channel.  You can also follow Louis on IG @mindmaster58    If you are interested in helping to fund the feature length version of Signales, please check out the fundraising page.  Thanks everyone:-) _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to contact Mona you can e-mail her at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or you can follow her on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also check out the resources available at: www.neurodiverselove.com Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I talk with another AANE Certified Therapist, Kory Chase, LCSW.  Kory worked for the school system for 20 years before she started her private practice.  She specializes in conducting autism assessments and working with neurodiverse couples and individuals.  Kory shares a little bit about her family history with neurodiversity and the journey she was on to find a professional she could trust to conduct an autism assessment for her daughter. During this journey, Kory took a deep dive into gaining more understanding about autistic females, so she could better understand how to support and parent her daughter. We also talk about how to communicate about neurodiversity with other family members and the strength based suggestions she has.  In addition, we discuss a lot of other very important topics including: Trusting and believing when someone shares they are autistic and asking "what is the cost of me believing what I am being told"? That autistic individuals are often misdiagnosed many times before getting the correct diagnosis. The importance and value of a diagnosis, or self-identification, and that this is SO much bigger then the DSM! How it may feel after finally getting the correct assessment. The value and importance of psycho-education and defining and understanding what success and connection look like to each partner in a neurodiverse relationship. Understanding how your partner processes hard things and accepting that some things are not intentional. Neurodiverse couples can become "Power Couples" when they recognize how differences can enhance their relationship. Defining & understanding "Emotional Connection" and understanding each others love languages. Importance of knowing & understanding "expectations". Finding overlapping interests. The role of solitude in creating calm. Differences in sex, physical intimacy and relationship dynamics. Rules in the beginning of a relationship and how they change over time. The impact of understanding intimacy through the lens of movies and porn and the impact of changing sensory sensitivities. The best thing we can do is ask questions and find people that understand and get us! You can contact Kory at: www.korychase.com. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Catherine Pfuntner is a certified AANE therapist, a licensed therapist in Hawaii, Massachusetts and New Hampshire and a coach.   During this episode Catherine shares the importance of both partners understanding they are "different" not "better" then each other. In addition, we address so many other  important issues that can help "build trust and connection" or lead to "misunderstanding" including:

• What communicates contempt--even when that isn't the intent?
• Antidotes for contempt.
• When partners think the other is too logical or emotional.
• How to create a culture of appreciation and how each partner may feel about appreciation.
• Different ways that each partner may show empathy.
• Emotional differences.
• The importance of understanding frameworks!!!
• Why your partner may view compliments through a "suspicious lens".
• How different filters can change the way things are perceived and how perspective impacts SO much!
• What "the aftermath of a regrettable incident" is and why repair is so important.
• Trigger management is an individual responsibility!
• The importance of understanding and appreciating "approximation".
• Making "positive" requests for changes.

To contact Catherine you can reach her at 978-674-8539 or at: www.couplestherapyinc.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page.

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If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Laurie Budlong-Morse, another AANE certified therapist,  shares how she uses the Collaborative Therapy Model to help neurodiverse couples better understand each other and move toward creating a successful relationship. This model focuses on the importance of dialogue with respect and understanding for multiple voices, so that new possibilities can emerge that wouldn’t have happened without understanding and valuing each persons unique perspective.   Other topics discussed are:  Mapping the communication and interaction patterns between the partners. Creating an opportunity for both partners to understand each other’s perspectives-using a neurological lens.   Using Dialogue to create Relationship Rubrics that can provide an opportunity to get clarity about what each partner wants, needs, prefers and expects from the other and then they can work together to  create a new, more intentional rubric that works for both partners.   Unspoken wants and expectations don’t automatically get fulfilled, so creating rubrics can help reduce challenges.   Social construction is based on the belief that all of us are operating out of language and frameworks for understanding the world that society has given us and some of them can be flawed and may not apply in neurodiverse relationships. Some frameworks can create shame for both partners because standards are being created by neurotypically trained therapists. Sometimes these tools that are supposed to help couples, can lead to creating more division and anxiety.  Some of the issues that can present during therapy and may be a sign that you’re a neurodiverse couple:  Different recollections of the same event.  Each person is using a completely different "map" based on their neurology.  Differences can get hard to reconcile  Prioritizing information differently, based on what’s important to each partner.  One partner saying "If you would “JUST” and the underlying meaning is: "What I’m asking you to do is easy for my brain, so why can’t you do what would come easily for me?  In addition, because you're not doing "IT" that must mean that you really don't love me!!!  One or both partners feel like they are on two different teams. In a neurodiverse relationship instead of passing the ball back and forth it looks like you’re both playing on side by side courts.  Unique challenges that make occur with family or parent responsibilities.  Sensory issues may not be recognized because the neurodivergent partner may not have been given language for sensory sensitivities. Instead, they may have found ways around the sensory issues, without having the language to describe what they are feeling.  If you would like to contact Laurie, you can check out her website at: www.Lauriebmorse.com  If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist or coach, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com and use code NeurodiverseLove25 for 25%off the registration fee. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don’t miss an episode. Check out the Neurodiverse Love website at: www.neurodiverselove.com, or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   For more information about the workshops or online support groups Mona offers for either neurodiverse couples, or neurotypical/non-autistic partners, you can send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Christa Marvenko-Athas is an AANE certified therapist,  licensed to provide therapy in Maryland.  Christa also provides coaching for neurodiverse couples and pre-marital coaching worldwide.  During this episode, Christa provides so much valuable information about how she uses the "development model" to help neurodiverse couples better understand themselves and each other.  More specifically she provides information on:

• How we need to understand that the only person we can change is ourselves.
• How to bring up the issue of "neurodiversity" in your relationship, when your partner is not willing to acknowledge it.
• Dealing with grief because some things in the relationship are not going to change.
• What it means to take a time out without walking out.
• The negative impact of creating a parent-child dynamic in your relationship and how to change this dynamic.
• Understanding how both partners use ineffective behaviors-- where they come from, and how to change them.
• How to use the "initiator and inquirer" tool to improve communication.
• What types of defense mechanisms are creating challenges.
• Understanding and reducing triggers.
• The importance of expressing empathy and compassion.
• Understanding what limerance is at the beginning of a relationship.

If you would like to contact Christa about therapy or coaching you can e-mail her at: christa@christamarvenkoathas.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters" training available through AANE for neurodiverse couples, or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  In addition, please use the discount code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.

If you are looking for an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, or want to learn more about AANE, please check out their website at: www.AANE.org

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• If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode. 
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.
• If you are interested in joining one of the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/NT partners, please send Mona a DM or send an e-mail to neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. 
• Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples. Please send an email to get info on the cost & meeting dates.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Greg Fuqua came into the counseling profession a few years ago after spending more then 20 years working as a professional artist and teaching at 10 different schools.  He is an AANE certified therapist and has been on his own neurodiverse journey for the past few years.  During this episode, Greg shares how Internal Family Systems has made a difference in his life and how he uses it to help guide others on their healing journey.  Greg also talks about:

• His autism discovery and his relationship with himself and how he has reworked his narrative and life.
• Some of the challenges he experienced in his marriage and how his wife knew he was autistic, but didn't tell him as she thought it was his journey to discover.  
• How he had less capacity for perspective taking and empathy because he was stressed out and needed things a certain way.
• That the most important thing is your relationship with yourself and how his "self-identification" led to self-empathy.
• Letting go of rigidity allowed him to have more space for his emotions.
• How his group and family therapist have been resistant to his autism identification.
• That you can't change the past, but you can work on growing and improving the way you show up in your relationships with your partner, children and family.
• How art and soccer helped him find himself.
• The impact of relational trauma prior to identifying as autistic.
• That IFS is a relational model for working with yourself and your history and it is the most important tool he has for his autistic clients, as it helps teach relational skills with yourself and others.
• That IFS has also helped him create a dialogue and deeper understanding of himself.  Including "radical acceptance" of the good intention of his "parts". 
• Teaching people how important it is to know their bodies and understand when they feel differently and are being "triggered"  and their "protective parts" are taking over.
• Autistic people being overprotective because of difficulty they may have had fitting in and not being able to read social cues.
• Understanding how to give your "parts" enough "space" to be a compassionate witness and learn what is happening inside, and how this can also be applied to other relationships.  
• Once you have self-empathy, you can have empathy for others.  Perspective taking, availability, self-awareness and flexibility can start happening.
• How symbolism, metaphors, art, fantastical and spiritual thinking can be helpful.
• Neurodiverse couples can begin to reimagine their relationships and create a window of understanding for each other's internal experiences.  Creating more compassion, curiosity, and depth of understanding for each other's differences.
• Neurodiverse relationships require constant renegotiation with yourself, your romantic partner, and your family.

You can contact Greg at: www.lifeworksdm.com or through his profile on Psychology Today.

If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist or coach, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com-Use code NeurodiverseLove25 for a 25% discount.

If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.  If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.

If you are interested in joining one of the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/NT partners, please send Mona a DM or send an e-mail to neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples. Please send an email to get info on cost & meeting dates.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Margy Wakefield, AANE Certified Therapist & Coach shares the steps neurodiverse couples can practice to improve communication by implementing "Island Visits".  This tool can be used after "de-escalation", when both partners have a relaxed nervous system.  The key principles and steps are provided below:

• Understand that on each island we speak "our own language".
• Each island has its own neighborhoods.  Each neighborhood focuses on a different area of life: ie: work, family, etc.  
• In some neighborhoods we both may feel emotionally safe, however in others, we may need to work on creating more emotional safety.
• Visit only one neighborhood (issue) when you visit each other's island.
• Between the islands there is a space where we "live" and if often gets polluted by stress and our individual behaviors.
• The "space between" partners is "sacred" and both partners have a responsibility to keep it from getting polluted.
• We can consciously build a "bridge"  from one island to the other.
• The island host is the the one who wants to discuss an issue with their partner and they invite them to their island.
• As a partner "crosses the bridge" to make an island visit, it is important that they become "fully present", so that they can hear and understand what is being addressed.
• Use "I" messages during island visits.  No naming, blaming or shaming of your partner when you are visiting their island.
• Speak in short, concise sentences.
• The visitor repeats back what they heard the island host say.  They "mirror" what they heard and then can ask: "is that correct?" or  "is there more?" or "can you share that in another way, so I can better understand?"
• If we get "defensive" or "reactive" we have gone back to our own island and are not fully "present" for our partner.
• It takes courage to invite your partner to your island and we have to respect each partner's communication style and processing speed.

If you would like to contact Margy you can check out her website at: margywakefield.com or email her at: margywakefield@gmail.com.  Margy also offers two monthly support groups for neurotypical partners.  The groups are offered through Zoom and take place on Tuesday afternoons or evenings. 

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If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

On this episode of the podcast, AANE certified therapist, Daniel Dashnaw, from Couples Therapy, Inc. provides important information about how the stories and narratives we create, impact our neurodiverse relationships and our nervous systems.  He also addresses how partners may experience a polarity in emotional styles that can lead to a clash around the stories both partners "tell" themselves.  Daniel talks about how he helps both partners "slow down" and unpack the stories and narratives to create better understanding and reduce conflict in their relationship.  He also shares how he creates structure in conflict and provides couples with concrete tools that can be used to reduce nervous system overwhelm and flooding.

Daniel also addresses:

• The challenges of marathon emotional sharing.
• The value of "soft start-ups"
• How a clash of expectations impacts both partners.
• How trauma impacts our brains.
• The importance of special interests for re-regulating the nervous system.
• Understanding the impact of mind-blindness.
• Finding ways to increase understanding of both partner's perspectives.
• Cognitive empathy.
• The importance of asking: "What kind of relationship do you want to have?; "What kind of partner do you want to be?"; and "What is the distance between the two?"

If you are interested in contacting Daniel you can reach him at: www.couplestherapyinc.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters" training available through AANE for neurodiverse couples, or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  In addition, please use the discount code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee. 

If you are looking for an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, or want to learn more about AANE, please check out their website at: www.AANE.org

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If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

If you would like to register for the 4 week workshop series titled " "How Can I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together", with Sarah Swenson, LMHC and Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. click here.

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships click here. _________________________________________________ Although the global awareness of autism continues to show signs of growth, little empirical research has been done on the way in which neurodiversity impacts romantic relationships. The existing body of knowledge points at a severe state of distress in women who are in couple relationships with men on the autism spectrum. However, the literature is mainly based on personal accounts of these women, in many cases, without their partner being formally diagnosed. Most professionals aren’t trained or lack the experience to recognize or diagnose ASD in adults. Hence, they fail to provide efficient help for neurodiverse couples and women in neurodiverse relationships. Aiming to raise the awareness, change the existing situation and help these women and couples, Dr. Pnina Arad conducted an extensive quantitative study about the physical and mental well-being of women in neurodiverse relationships. During this episode she describes her research, shares the findings, and discusses the conclusions and implications of her study results. To learn more about Dr. Pnina Arad, please check out her website.

Welcome to Episode 1 of Season 4 of the Neurodiverse Love podcast.  During this season, Mona will focus on a series of in-depth conversations with AANE certified therapists and coaches.  Mona is partnering with AANE and the Director of the Peter M. Friedman-Neurodiverse Couples Institute, Grace Myhill, so that more neurodiverse couples, and individuals in neurodiverse relationships, will have access to even more helping professionals throughout the world who understand how "neurology matters". During this episode you will learn why Grace and her colleagues at AANE created the "Neurolology Matters" training and certification for therapists and coaches. You will also learn about the training available for neurodiverse couples or individual partners. 

Grace provides information on:

*The Myhill/Jekel Model for Working with Neurodiverse Couples Therapy

 *The 3 Core Components of the Model and an overview of each: 

Component #1-Recognize

Component #2-Understand 

Component #3-Treat

*The length of the training and certification process, as well as the modalities used.

*Who should consider taking the training? 

*The type of ongoing support offered to therapists and coaches who complete the training and certification. 

*How to find an AANE certified therapist or coach. 

*Other resources offered through AANE.org.

If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist or coach you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  In addition, please use the discount code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee. If you want to contact Grace her e-mail address is: grace.myhill@aane.org 

Other AANE certified therapists and coaches that have been guests on the Neurodiverse Love podcast during Season 3 are: 

Jill Corvelli-S3-episode 31 

Stephanie Holmes-S3-episode 21 

Kathy McMahon-S3-episode 25 

Michael McNulty-S3-episode 28 

Cheryl Rhodes-S3-episode 32 

Robin Tate-S3-episode 29

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love 

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com 

Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group. 

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During Season 4 of the Neurodiverse Love podcast Mona is partnering with AANE.  She will be interviewing many of the therapists and coaches that have completed the AANE "Neurology Matters" training and certification through the AANE Peter M. Friedman Neurodiverse Couples Institute.  We hope you enjoy hearing from therapists and coaches in the US and Europe who are helping neurodiverse couples increase understanding and connection in their romantic relationships.  For more information about the AANE training and certification, please visit: www.AANE.org

Mona is going solo for the last episode of Season 3 to introduce "The Neurodiverse Love Relationship G.P.S. (Gaining Perspective for Success)"; Most of us use a GPS in our cars to help us get to our desired destinations.  However, even though we may know where we are headed, there may be traffic jams,  constructions zones, or accidents, that prevent us from getting to our destination on time, and by the route we had planned. Oftentimes, the relationship we thought we were in may change "a lot", as we learn more about how neurology impacts our relationship.  As we get to know each other, there are many opportunities for us to better understand ourselves and our partner.   Each of these opportunities is a "route" we can choose to travel. When we understand how each "route" can help us increase understanding, awareness and acceptance of the differences, strengths and challenges in our relationships-it can be a game changer!  However, even though both partners may want to get to the same "destination, (a successful relationship) the "routes" to navigate may look very different for each partner. The 12 "possible" routes in the Neurodiverse Love Relationship GPS can be used to help couples think about which roadblocks (misunderstandings) or slow downs (differences) they may want to address to get to their final destination.  Through the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, Mona will be providing more in-depth information on each of the 12 routes in the GPS.  So if you haven't subscribed to the newsletter please do so at: www.neurodiverselove.com The 12 routes in the Neurodiverse Love GPS are: Understand that each of you can have different perspectives and both be right. Appreciate and value your partner every day. Don't take things personal. Communication means different things to each of you. Understand each other's socializing needs. Sharing and understanding emotions can be challenging for anyone. Get together with your partner on a regular basis to plan, schedule and check-in. Understand and respect any sensory sensitivities you each may have. Make decisions together that will impact both of you. Share and schedule household responsibilities. Understand each other's physical and sexual intimacy needs and desires. Follow through and be consistent. The GPS can help neurodiverse couples answer yes to..."Can you see me? Can you hear me? Does anything I say mean anything to you"-Oprah Winfrey  _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group. Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Dr. Theresa Regan is a neuropsychologist who has extensive experience working with autistic individuals and neurodiverse couples and she has been trained to work with adolescents, adults and aging adults.  During this episode she shares both her personal and professional experiences to help us better understand how to navigate the different seasons of a "Neurodiverse Love" relationship.

The topics we address include:

• How does the dating relationship change when couples move in together, get married or have children?
• How relationship roles and structure can change through dating and beyond
• How scripts from tv and film help shape the dating process.
• How does masking affect relationship changes?
• When a romantic partner becomes a special interest and then another special interest becomes more important.
• What is a "just right" state and why can it be such a challenge?
• The importance of diagnosis for "self" and "other" awareness.
• Understanding roles and what it means to be "wired differently".
• Grieving for the relationship that was and accepting what is.
• Emotional and sensory overwhelm and understanding and supporting each other's needs.
• Being a "detective", rather then a "police officer".
• The importance of regular huddles.
• Self awareness and body changes as we age in our neurodiverse relationships.

You can contact Dr. Regan at: adultandgeriatricautism@gmail.com or follow her on Instagram at: regan_autism

For information on scheduling an ASD diagnosis appointment, call OSF Healthcare: 309-655-7378.  Listen to Dr. Regan's podcast: Autism in the Adult  or checkout her website at: www.adultandgeriatricautism.com

You may also want to purchase her books: Understanding Autism in Adults and Aging Adults, 2nd Edition or Understanding Autistic Behaviors

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If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

On this episode of the podcast, Mona is joined by one of her best friends, Michelle.  They both share some of the experiences they have had with men they met on various dating apps who may have been neurodivergent.  A recent article in Psychology Today titled "The Rise of Lonely, Single Men. Men Need to Address Their Deficits to Meet Healthier Relationship Expectations", by Greg Matos, PsyD, addressed how women are expecting more emotional intelligence from men.  

During this episode, Mona and Michelle discuss how some of the issues addressed in the article may be related to "undiagnosed adult autism".  Meeting lots of men in their 40's, 50's and 60's, who have never been married, or are recently divorced and have been in 1 or more marriages with a lot of social and emotional challenges, made us wonder if dating apps make it easier for men "on the spectrum" to date.  However, does this also create more challenges for non-autistic/neurotypical women?  More specifically, when you both have lots of social and emotional differences, how can you go from misunderstanding and judgment--to curiosity, awareness and acceptance? The conversation takes us down many paths including:

• Learning how to "not take things personally"
• Communication differences including: slow responses, long well-written texts and temporary ghosting
• Black and white thinking 
• Passion about special interests
• Rules and requirements in sexual and physical intimacy
• Sensory sensitivities
• Mind-blindness
• Social quotas
• Broken promises
• Not engaging in personal or emotional discussions
• Why are so many men seeking "no drama"?
• Compassion needed by both people

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If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode you will hear a little about the beautiful love story between Jennifer Cook and Brett Banks.  Jennifer Cook was identified as being on the spectrum in 2011.  She is the author of 9 bestselling books, the on-camera autistic expert in Netflix's Emmy-nominated series, "Love on the Spectrum-US" and has given presentations at the White House, the National Institute of Health and to royal audiences in Europe.  Brett Banks is a Nuclear Licensing Engineer who learned that he was on the spectrum a few years ago, although his ex-wife and daughter had shared this with him many years ago.  Brett now knows that "fairy tales" do come true and is living the life he only saw in movies:-).  Together, they have 7 kids, a lot of love and understanding and sometimes feel like the same person in two bodies.  In their marriage, they both feel safe to be their authentic selves with each other and they are thriving in their "Neurodiverse Love" relationship.

During this episode we talk about:

• How Jennifer and Brett met
• Their autism identification journey
• The "family of origin" connections 
• Feeling things "SO DEEPLY"
• Shifting perception
• The importance of curiosity
• Impact of mind-blindness 
• Not understanding social cues
• Understanding and dealing with triggers
• Hope and grace

If you would like to reach out to Jennifer or Brett, feel free to contact them through Jennifer's website at: www.jenniferotooleauthor.com or on Instagram @jennifercook_author 

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If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Mona and Larry Siegel have an in-depth conversation about ways to better understand and communicate more effectively with your partner about sexual needs and desires. Larry is a Clinical Sexologist and Certified Sexuality Educator and Supervisor, who has been working in this field for over 35 years.  He is also the co-host of the YouTube show called "Sex Talk with the Siegel Brothers".  During this discussion, we had a very open conversation about SO many topics that neurodiverse couples may be experiencing, but haven't been given the tools to address.  This is an episode that you and your partner may want to listen to together, as we get real on the issues below... and many more.

• Understanding why and when your sexual relationship changed.
• How sex becomes the casualty when others needs aren't being met.
• Understanding and explaining how important sex and physical intimacy are when communication styles are different.
• The importance of defining explicitly what you both need and want.  
• Using safe and code words when something doesn't feel good or work well.
• Sensory sensitivities and physical & sexual intimacy. 
• The importance of understanding your partners sexual history.
• Masturbation, porn and fantasies.
• Sex is supposed to be fun!!!!

If you want to contact Larry Siegel you can email him at: proflasiegel@gmail.com or follow him on Facebook at: SexTalkWithTheSiegelBrothers/

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If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Mona talks with Charles, who is a social worker who works in the field of alcohol and substance use.  Charles is 27 years old and recently discovered that he is autistic. He shared that he calls himself an "intuitive autistic" and talks about how those gifts and talents help him better understand the clients with whom he works. Charles also talks about how his life might have been different had he known he was autistic. Charles shares how he is looking at various life events and social situations through a neurodiverse lens, to help gain more understanding of why people have responded to him the way they did.  Charles also talks about some of the challenges he has experienced with reading social cues and the nuances of social communication, and how important it is to be able to gauge and understand peoples responses and reactions when he communicates with others.

If you are interested in talking with Charles please feel free to send Mona an email, at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com, and she will forward your message to Charles.

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If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Mona joined Natalie Roberts and Heather Parks from the Loving Difference Online Community on their "Myth-busting" podcast to bust some myths we may have all experienced in our neurodiverse relationships.  During this episode we discuss debunking the following myths:

1) We don't just have to "survive", we can "thrive" in our current relationship, (or choose to move on and create a life in which we can thrive with another partner...or by ourselves).

2) We don't all communicate in the same way, or at the same speed.

3) We don't need to have a happy relationship to be happy.

4) A change in (or lack of) sexual and physical intimacy may not mean your partner is not attracted to you.

5) Relationships should be easy.

If you would like to connect with Natalie and Heather, you can check out their on-line community and podcast at: www.lovingdifference.net

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If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Cheryl Rhodes has been an LMFT for almost 40 years and has spent many years working with families with autistic children and neurodiverse couples. During this episode, she talks openly about her neurodiverse family (her daughter is autistic) and how critical it is for us to understand the history of the term “Neurodiversity” and to focus on both the strengths and differences in everyone...and she talks in-depth about both. During her career, Cheryl has worked with many couples in “high conflict” relationships and she shared that she was in a high conflict marriage that ended.  She also understands the stress that these relationships can cause on partners and the family, and how important it is to use the best strategies and tools to reduce conflict. Cheryl addresses the social communication challenges that might occur in a neurodiverse relationship and how important it is for both partners to regulate emotion and anxiety.  In addition, Cheryl talks about the ways she helps partners learn how to speak the same language.  "Social Pragmatics", which includes non-verbal communication and cues, can create many communication challenges for couples.  Both the receiver and the sender need to understand each other and determine the most comfortable way for them to receive and deliver communication.  Both partners need to learn how to state explicitly what they want or need, however, sometimes one partner just doesn't know how to give the other partner what they want (or need) and Cheryl works to bridge that communication gap. When we can’t "Perceive, Receive or Process" information take a time out. Come up with a code word and make an agreement to stop when one partner uses the code word.  Processing speed can be very different for both partners. Slow down the speed of your communication and limit the number of concepts or sentences you are each using. Cheryl also addresses how some intimacy issues are actually sensory issues that may not have been addressed through a sensory lens.  Being able to shift your perspective and understand that the other person may see (and feel) something different, or have a different view is critically important. Understanding each other’s thoughts, feelings and intentions and being able to read each other’s cues can be a game changer! Cheryl discusses the importance of respecting the other persons perspective without judgement and how this can lead to a softening, or a shift, in your partner's response.  We also discuss the importance of recognizing the traits that are based on neurology, and which are part of your personality, or other health or mental health issues. Cheryl briefly talks about gaslighting. addictions, and abuse and how dysregulation and anxiety may be an underlying factor for some of these issues. If you want to reach Cheryl and learn more about her practice "My Rhodes Map", her phone number is: 470-956-0500 or you can email her at: Cheryl.rhodes22@gmail.com You can also get more information about the support groups Cheryl offers at Spectrum Partner Support Groups.   If anyone listening to this podcast is experiencing abuse, please contact the local domestic violence agency, or call the national hotline at: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) _____________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com  You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love  If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!  

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships click here.

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Professor Tony Attwood and Dr, Michelle Garnett have learned through their many years of clinical experience that there are some unique challenges to being in a love relationship as a female autistic partner, and yet much of the literature on relationships where one partner is autistic focuses on the male autistic/female neurotypical experience. In this session, they both describe some of the experiences they have discovered to be challenging for autistic women in love relationships, and give some ideas about how to manage these challenges. This session will be helpful to both autistic women and their partners. If you would like to learn more about the workshops and resources that Tony and Michelle have available, please check out their website.

Dr. Jill Corvelli has created "The Corvelli ND Compass", and she talks about how this model guides her work with neurodiverse couples, as well as how she is using the “Compass” to help neurodiverse couples better understand how they both navigate through time and space.  The model focuses on three core components and each is critical to moving from misunderstanding and challenges, to understanding and acceptance.  During this episode, Jill shares how her Compass helps couples increase "education" about each other, so they can come up with a playbook that helps them bridge different styles. How "Niche Construction",  helps both partners better understand the rituals, behaviors and practices that are important in their relationship. Increase understanding of "Developmental Change" and how couples move from "bonding", during the initial phase of their "love relationship” to "differentiation", where they are often activating each other, as they work on making space for their differences. Jill also talks about how challenging it can be when "reactivity" becomes an ongoing issue and then partners are chronically going into "flight, fright or flee" mode.  She provides ways in which to address this and talks about how triggering this can be to both partners. We also talk about the challenge of "pseudo-motivation", when one partner is not fully committed to working on themselves, or the relationship, and how Jill can help address and possibly change this.  Jill also talks about how important it is for her take a leadership role when she begins working with a neurodiverse couple and how she works to ensure that the couple is skilled at using the most valuable techniques and tools because they have educated themselves, engaged in niche construction and understand the developmental changes that have occurred in their relationship.  She also talks about the importance of both partners doing work between sessions, so that small and consistent changes can occur. We also review some of the assessment tools and processes Jill uses to better understand each couple she works with; the importance of understanding each other's values; and getting a better understanding of how each partner contributes to making it difficult for their partner to give them what they want.   We end this outstanding episode with a brief discussion about sexual intimacy and with Jill sharing how important it is for neurodiverse couples, and the therapists and coaches working with them, to have hope that neurodiverse couples can thrive and learn how to have a healthy relationship that can meet the needs of both partners. To contact Jill you can check out her website at: www.jillcorvelli.com.  On her website you can also find more information about her self-study courses, her 12 hour intensives and the groups she offers on 6 different topics. You can also purchase her self-study courses at: www.neuroific.com.  

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If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com 

You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com 

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!  

Jen Malia is an author, professor, autism advocate, wife and mom who received her autism diagnosis on the same day as her daughter.   She writes about this experience in her New York Times article.  Jen shares openly how challenging it was for her to get diagnosed and unfortunately, so many other autistic women will probably relate to her story.  Jen had done lots of research, seen various professionals who dismissed her requests for an assessment, however her persistence paid off when she met with a caring, knowledgeable clinical psychologist who properly assessed and diagnosed her.  

Jen shares openly and honestly about how her husband responded to her and her children's diagnoses and how they have worked together to create balance and happiness as a neurodiverse family.  Her and her husband give each other a lot more space and grace, and have learned how to focus on their own strengths and self-care needs.  In addition, they have created access to resources and opportunities for each of their autistic children.   

Jen also shares how she suffers from migraines and prior to her diagnosis she ended up hospitalized with a potentially life threatening medical issue.  After her diagnosis she realized that "autistic burnout" may have been a contributing factor to the hospitalization, which required a month of recovery.

If you would like to follow Jen her handle on Twitter and Instagram is Jenmaliabooks.  You can also connect with her on LinkedIn or check out her website at: www.jenmalia.com.  Her children's book  "Too Sticky: Sensory Issues with Autism" is available wherever books are sold:-)

Note from Mona: No one should have to go through life fighting to be heard, understood and accepted, however this challenge is one that so many undiagnosed autistic adults (and especially women and non-binary people) experience.

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode,  Mona talks with Life Coach-Robin Tate.  Robin shares how important it is for her to continuously compliment the successes and strengths of the neurodiverse couples she works with and to remind both partners how their brains are "equal and different". She also discusses communication differences and the importance of addressing "perspective taking" during arguments and for both partners to remember their "on the same team".  Robin also shares how literal language and weak central coherence can sometimes cause unintentional misunderstandings and flooding that can lead to shutdowns or meltdowns (flight or fright response).

We also address how physical, emotional and verbal abuse can become a reality in some relationships because of continued flooding, misunderstanding and unresolved conflict.  We also discuss how codependency and addictions can look in neurodiverse relationships and how each can impact both partners.  

We address some very emotional, but important issues throughout this episode.  I hope this discussion can give couples an opportunity to address the importance of understanding themselves individually and in relationship to their partner, so they can both work to reduce misunderstanding and conflict and increase understanding and appreciation of each other's differences.

Some of the issues we discuss in this episode may be triggers for some of our listeners, so we want to make sure that those of you who do not feel safe in your relationship know that you can contact the national domestic violence hotline at: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).  In addition, if you need help getting treatment for an addiction please call SAMHSA's National Helpline at: 1-800-662- HELP (4357). 

In addition, there are several white papers on neurodiverse relationships that may be of interest to some of our listeners. They can be found at: https://mixedneurological.com/white-papers/

If you are interested in learning more about the research Dr. Pnina Arad has done regarding the physical and mental well being of women in neurodiverse relationships you can download her recent article at: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/359343205_Physical_and_Mental_Well-Being_of_Women_in_Neurodiverse_Relationships_A_Comparative_Study

If you want to contact Robin you can e-mail her at: RobinTateLLC@gmail.com, connect with her on LinkedIn, or check out her website at: www.robintatellc.com

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

This is another fantastic episode for both partners in a Neurodiverse Love relationship to listen to.  After 40 years of research, John and Julie Gottman have helped thousands of couples better understand each other and implement tools and strategies that can help them move from surviving to thriving.  During this episode, we talk with Dr. Michael McNulty, a certified Gottman Therapist and Master Trainer of the Gottman Method, to understand how some of these research-based strategies and tools can help you and your partner better understand each other and thrive!

Many of you may have heard of "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling" and how each can have a negative impact on any relationship.  During this episode, Dr. McNulty, guides us through the "anecdotes" for each of the "Horseman".  In addition, you will learn more about ways to create "soft start-ups" instead of criticizing your partner.  How important it is to "take responsibility" for the things that you have said or done, rather then reacting and being defensive.  We also discuss the value of talking about yourself, your needs and feelings, rather then speaking badly about your partner and treating them with contempt.  In addition, you will learn how important it is to "take breaks" when one of you is feeling overwhelmed and flooded.  This can help prevent "stonewalling" and what others may call "shutdowns" or "burnout".  We also talk about important ways to forecast or plan "re-entry back into the home" after a day of work.  Using this Gottman strategy can help reduce or prevent meltdowns and shutdowns.  In addition, we talk about the importance of a weekly "State of the Union" meeting with your partner, to discuss what has gone well, what needs improvement and ways in which to address things differently.  This tool can help couples better understand each others needs and differences.

Dr. McNulty also briefly introduces the concepts the Gottman's developed called  the "Sound Relationship House" and "Love Maps" and why they are important for every couple to understand.  

You can reach Dr. McNulty by email at: mikemcnultyphd@gmail.com or through his website at: www.chicagorelationshipcenter.com

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode Matthew shares a little bit about his career in writing and the work he is doing in film and tv.  In addition, he talks about the path he took to get an autism diagnosis in his 40's.  He shares how his literal communication style has been both a strength and a challenge in his relationships and why his doctor once called him an "extrapolation engine".  Matthew is divorced, has 3 children and shares a little about how he managed some of the aspects of family life and the experiences he has had with some of his other romantic relationships.  Matthew also shares how he was diagnosed as hyperactive in elementary school and received many other diagnoses along the way, however autism had not even been a passing thought, until a friend (and her mother) suggested that he might be autistic.  Mathewt began to read more about autism and then went to see several therapists who both told him that that they thought he was autistic.  Matthew shares openly how his autism journey unfolded, as well as the advice he would give to others who may be on their own neurodiverse path.

If you would like to contact Matthew, you can reach him on Instagram @the_other_tin_dog (The Disaster Autist)

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Moshe and Tobi didn't know that Tobi was autistic when they first met and they couldn't make sense of some of the challenges they were experiencing in their marriage.  While still newlyweds, Tobi has been officially diagnosed and they are now expecting their first baby this month. 

During this episode, this loving couple talk about how Tobi's diagnosis has changed everything for the better.  Their communication has improved exponentially, they focus on each other strengths and are always trying to find ways to better understand themselves and each other. In addition, they have learned that Tobi's sensory sensitivities have been very heightened during pregnancy.  Conversations with her OB/GYN about her needs during pregnancy and childbirth have not been well received.  We talked about how this is an area that requires further education and advocacy, so that physicians understand (and believe) the needs of their autistic patients.

Moshe also shares how understanding more about their neurology helped him understand then when Tobi didn't want to process her day it wasn't because she "didn't care", she just didn't have anything to share, so she didn't ask about his day.  On the other hand, Tobi didn't understand that spending hours on the couch in "parallel play" was not enough for Moshe and he needed some type of interaction together (ie: playing a game) to feel that his needs were being met.

Tobi also talks about how emotional and sensory overload can lead to a non-verbal shutdown and now that Moshe understands what is happening and why, he can make sure that Tobi's needs are met until she is able to verbally communicate with him again.

Together, Moshe and Tobi are addressing the best way to make decisions that impact them as a couple, how to divide up the household chores that can create sensory overload for Tobi, and the best way to create a work/life balance as they prepare for their newborn to join their lives.

It is always wonderful to hear how neurodiverse couples are able to increase grace, compassion and understanding to create hope, joy and a life filled with love and patience.  No relationship is ever going to be perfect, but "when we know better, we can both do better":-)

NOTE: The phone app that Tobi uses when she is non-verbal is called "Tell me" and is available for Android users.  The "text to speech" app may also be another option for I-phone users.

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

This is another fantastic episode for both partners in a Neurodiverse Love relationship to listen to together.  Dr. K. is a Board Certified Gottman Therapist and talks about the importance of knowing that Dr. John Gottman's research has shown that 69% of our challenges in romantic relationships are due to things that won't change.  However, understanding ourselves and our partners better can help us learn which problems are "perpetual" and which are "solvable".  She shares how important it is for both partners to know when they have reached their limits socially, emotionally or in other areas of life.  Dr. K. also provides valuable strategies for managing triggers that may lead to meltdowns or burnout.  She also talks about the strengths of neurodiverse relationships and how both partners will need to adapt and change and have better social and communication skills.  Dr. K. also talks about how factual, clear communication can be helpful for both partners to learn and grow and how important it is for partners to respond positively to attempts to "turn toward" each other when one wants more time together.  You will also learn about how all relationships have "poop in the pipes"  and there are proactive, healthy ways of dealing with that.  Since Dr. Gottman's research has shown that 69% of the things that bother us and cause challenges in our romantic relationships will never go away, how can you and your partner learn to value each other's strengths, accept and understand each other's differences and move beyond the immovable issues to make for a healthier relationship. Dr. K. provides some great tools for helping couples do exactly that!

You can reach Dr. K. at: www.couplestherapyinc.com

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this fantastic episode, Mona has an opportunity to talk to two amazing researchers who are in the UK doing groundbreaking work to better understand autistic adults intimate lives.  Monique Huysamen and Marianthi Kourti share some of the findings from their phenomenal qualitative research study that is focused on learning what autistic adults want and need in their intimate lives.  This study included an analysis of a multitude of government documents on autism, interviews with 20 autistic individuals and on-line focus groups with 50 autistics individuals.  

Learn more about what the autistic adults shared: what they like, what they want to be different and what some of their challenges have been. Many of the adults shared how they didn't know how to do relationships or intimacy because they had no guidance.  Unfortunately, as autistic children become adults they may feel more isolated and begin to lose some of the supports they had through school and government agencies.  Some of the participants talked about both the challenges and joy of sensory differences and understanding both.  Others addressed how they might be more comfortable exploring in different ways in their intimate lives.  In addition, others shared the importance of finding a community where they could feel safe and comfortable.  For some, this might be in the BDSM or Kink community, where the communication patterns were more direct and the boundaries clearly stated.  

In the future, Monique and Marianthi will be creating toolkits for the autistic partners and non-autistic/neurotypical partners to help more autistic adults and their partners live their best intimate lives.

Note: we apologize for the technical challenges we had during this episode.  We were also disconnected from one of the guests at about 1/3 of the way through the episode, but were able to reconnect with them.   

You can contact Monique and Marianthi through the SAAIL website at: https://autlives.wixsite.com/research  or on Twitter @autspace

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Candice and Chris have a special, deep love for each other and couldn't understand why they kept having SO many communication challenges and misunderstandings in their relationship.  As Candice began to get feedback from Chris and her colleagues, she realized that she needed a way to communicate better.  Based on a look back at some of her past and current challenges she began to suspect she was autistic and moved forward on a formal diagnosis. After her diagnosis, everything changed for her and her husband Chris.  Candice calls Chris her "special interest" as she shares some of the things she not only understands better, but that she and Chris have worked on improving individually and in their marriage, so that they can thrive in all areas of life.  

Working from a place of grace, compassion, and curiosity Candice and Chris have learned so many positive strategies for better communication and implemented lots of effective tools and strategies that have helped them create a healthy relationship, that is filled with lots of humor and understanding. Candice is a therapist and Chris is a coach who is working on getting his Ph.D. in psychoneuroimmunology.  Together, this amazing couple are shifting the paradigm for neurodiverse couples by inspiring hope, providing training, coaching and therapy and sharing information through "Fabulously Candice-The Sexiest Podcast About Neurodivergence".

Both Candice and Chris have done IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy and understand how their "parts" have impacted their lives and their relationship. They are also Gottman certified and use both of these therapeutic modalities and the tools in each, to create a thriving, healthy relationship for themselves, as well as many of the individuals and couples they work with at "Namaste Center For Healing.

We end this episode discussing porn addiction and sexual sensitivities and the ways in which Candice and Chris work with couples to heal from betrayal through porn.  We also address how they can help couples move forward to create a healthy sex life and a trusting relationship.  This is definitely another important episode that can be very helpful for both partners to listen to individually and/or together.  It was such a pleasure getting to talk to this awesome couple and I hope you will check out the services and resources they have available by checking out the websites below.  

To contact Candice and Chris go to: www.namasteadvice.com

You can also learn more about Candice at: www.candicechristiansen.com

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If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast.

For more information on Neurodiverse relationships or to purchase a deck on the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards please check out:

• The Neurodiverse Love website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• The Neurodiverse Love Instagram page: @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please send a DM on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail.

Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Many of us would love to turn our special interests or passion into paid employment, however that isn't always possible.  During this episode, Mona, Heather and Natalie talk about the challenges they experienced in school and employment and how they have worked to create ways to use their gifts and talents through paid employment, volunteering or hobbies.  They also share some of the challenges and experiences their partners/ex-partners have experienced, as well as their children. They address the things they wish employers and our society could do differently to support everyone's strengths and meet their needs, so that more people could be successful and supported in school and in the workplace.

Whether you are unemployed, underemployed, employed at a job you like (but don't love) or have been able to turn your passion or special interest into paid employment, this is a don't miss episode.  Knowing your needs and being able to ask for them in your personal and professional relationships can be the key to success.  However, how do you begin to understand your needs and be able to effectively communicate them to others in a way that you will be heard and understood, rather then ignored, judged or misunderstood? During this episode we talk about all these issues!

Your well-being is SO important!  Learn how to become the CEO of your own "Department of Well-Being" and take small steps to do the things you love and are most passionate about.  Share this information with your partner, friends, family and mentors and hopefully one day, more people in the world will be doing what they love, sharing their gifts and talents with the world and living lives that are filled with the things that bring them peace and joy.

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If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast.

For more information on Neurodiverse relationships, please check out:

• The Neurodiverse Love website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• The Neurodiverse Love Instagram page: @neurodiverse_love
• The Loving Difference on-line community at: https://www.lovingdifference.net

If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please send a DM on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail.

Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

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To understand yourself, your partner and your neurodiverse relationship better, invest in the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, Workbook, and the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos. In addition, check out the other resources available to help you find guidance as you move forward on your Neurodiverse Love journey. ———————————————————————During this session from the Neurodiverse Love Conference, Dr. Harry Motro shares how "Trauma Informed Neurodiverse Couples Therapy" can help create a path to lasting healing.

When one or both partners has been traumatized by relationship patterns that are rooted in their neuro-differences, the partners must overcome two distinct challenges:

1. Heal the trauma, and 2. Understand and build bridges across the neurological differences.

Unfortunately, most approaches to Neurodiverse couples counseling do not adequately address the trauma. As a result, couples get stuck in trauma-fed reactive behaviors that keep them stuck.

This is another fantastic episode that neurodiverse couples may want to listen to together!   Stephanie and Dan Holmes have known each other since they were 10 and have been married almost 30 years. After their daughter was diagnosed with Asperger's in the mid-2000’s, Stephanie read about adults on the spectrum and realized that her husband was autistic too (he already suspected he was). Prior to learning about their neurodiversity, Stephanie thought a lot of their miscommunication and struggles occurred because Dan is very intelligent. However, once they learned he was autistic, so many challenging things started to make more sense.  Through the years, Stephanie and Dan have learned that they don't have to stay in gender roles to have a healthy relationship and instead have focused on using their individual strengths and complimentary skills to help their family thrive.  Dan says he is more like a crockpot and Stephanie is more like a microwave and because they understand each other's differences, they are able to give each other grace and kindness as they navigate life together.  During our conversation, Stephanie described a neurodiverse relationship like a game of "Chutes and Ladders", rather then chess or checkers and that made so much sense!  Although there may be lots of unexpected ups and downs, when you both understand they will occur, the end result can be very positive.  Stephanie is a therapist and Dan is a life coach and together they work with neurodiverse couples that can benefit from both of their perspectives.  To add credibility to his work with neurodiverse couples, Dan got an official diagnosis and sees that as tool to help other autistic partners who want to improve their love relationships. Stephanie talked about the importance of trust in a neurodiverse relationship and how trust can be broken when partners don't understand each other.  In her work as a therapist she has learned that the process of rebuilding trust has to involve learning new skills to avoid creating more trauma.  Repetitive positive behavior is critical, otherwise the past is not the past, it is still the present!  Dan talks about how important it is to see the the action behind the desire. He no longer believes people when they use the words “I want to” unless he see’s the action follow the words.  

Dan and Stephanie founded the International Association of NeuroDiverse Christian Marriages, LLC to bring hope, help and possible healing to neurodiverse Christian marriages and they use the a three phase process to help 1) Educate, 2) Equip and 3) Provide Effective Strategies to neurodiverse couples who are looking for support and resources on their neurodiverse journey. To learn more about Stephanie and Dan you can check out their website at: christianneurodiversemarriage.com or listen to their podcast: Neurodiverse Christian Couples.

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase. If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com. 

Also, if you liked this episode, please rate it and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don’t miss any future episodes. 

If you would like to learn more about the resources we have available for neurodiverse couples, please check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com 

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

If you haven't read "The Autism Relationship Handbook and The Autism Relationship Workbook by Joe Biel and Dr. Faith Harper" you will definitely want to order copies of both after this episode.  Joe is the founder of Microcosm Publishing in Oregon and Faith is a therapist is Texas.  Working together for a number of years, they have partnered on several books and even have the same birthday.  Joe shares his lived experience and expertise as a coach, mentor and business owner in a healthy Neurodiverse Love relationship and Faith shares her lived experience as a parent of a neurodiverse child and her expertise as a therapist and sexologist.  

During this episode, we talk about the importance of presuming "best intent" in your neurodiverse relationship and how critical it is to name and get granular about your boundaries and needs.  We also talk about the 4 levels of communication and how each couple is usually getting stuck in one (or more) levels. Getting clarity about this and shifting perspective can reduce the "communication roundabout" some couples find themselves in.  We also talk about physical intimacy, dealing with sensory differences and how to move from masking, struggling and being misunderstood to striving and thriving with a partner who truly appreciates and values you.

Whether you are the autistic or allistic (non-autistic) partner in the relationship, this is a "don't miss episode.  Joe and Faith provide SO many nuggets of gold that you may want to listen to this episode twice!

WARNING: This episode is labeled "explicit" because at the end of the episode we talk about sexual intimacy and some books that have titles that may be considered explicit to some. 

If you would like to contact Joe Biel you can follow him on Instagram @joebiel or check out his website at joebiel.net or Microcosm Publishing at: www.microcosmpublishing.com

If you would like to contact Faith Harper you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @theintimacydr or check out her website at: www.faithgharper.com 

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode Mona and Manecia talk about a topic that may be difficult for both the autistic and non-autistic partners to hear, but is important to address, because it is something that has happened in both of their relationships (and may be happening in yours).

No one wants to feel like they have to parent their partner, however acknowledging that this may be happening and talking about ways in which the non-autistic/neurotypical partner can ask before stepping in to help (or parent) can be SO helpful. Some people might call this type of "support" co-dependency or enmeshment, however in a neurodiverse relationship, when support is valued and provided because of challenges with executive function, social and emotional differences or sensory sensitivities, it can also create a partnership that helps both partners thrive.

Mona shares that when her and her ex were talking outside the courthouse as they were planning to file for divorce, her ex said to her that she had two children, even though they only had one child.  Mona's response was that she hadn't wanted to be her ex-husband's parent, she had wanted to be his partner!  This conversation was both sad and enlightening at the same time.

Mona and Manecia talk openly about how important it is to let go of assumptions and the need to "help" when we haven't been asked and how sometimes our embarrassment, does not mean we need to solve a problem that is not ours to solve.

How can we stop parenting our partners, when we think they are awkward, anxious or angry and instead offer to help without "needing" to help?  Mona and Manecia share the lessons they have learned on their neurodiverse journey's and hope this episode brings some "aha" moments for the listeners.

The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!