Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast Movie Mastery

A horror comedy that forgets it's supposed to be comedic until about the last 10 minutes of the movie. At least the sloth puppet is kinda fun. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A kid buys a magic dirt bike that helps him save the local hot dog restaurant by doing things that have nothing to do with riding a dirt bike. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A literal afterthought of a movie that manages to survive mostly on being so weird that you can almost ignore how bad and boring it is. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/08/movie-mastery-hulk-2003.mp3 Before Ruffalo. Before Norton. After Ferrigno. There was Bana. In the role he was hired to play: A very boring scientist that turns into Shrek and fights his dad who is also a cloud now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/07/movie-mastery-existenz.mp3 Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Total Recall and The Matrix got all Cronenberged up? Here it is but it’s kind of strange you were wondering that at all. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/07/movie-mastery-america-3000.mp3 Neggy more must you wait for us to scan this hot plastic movie. It’s a new tomorrow and we are here to guide all you plugots and frals to a new comb. Words! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/06/movie-mastery-monsturd.mp3 I’ll spare you a description riddled with poop jokes since that’s pretty much all going to happen in the podcast. It’s a low budget horror movie about a poop monster, there’s not a lot else to say. For bonus TV Mastery content, head over to https://www.patreon.com/posts/38619168 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/06/movie-mastery-knights-of-badassdom.mp3   You might think that a movie like this is going to cater to our specific interests. The truth is that it is mostly laughing at nerds instead of with nerds. And that’s our job, so back off. Also be sure to check out our new bonus content over at our Patreon page here Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/05/movie-mastery-bmx-bandits.mp3   It’s the 80’s in Australia and there is nothing cooler than riding BMX bikes, stealing shit you find that is obviously someone else’s, and having the worst imaginable hair. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/05/movie-mastery-clockstoppers-2002.mp3 Go back in time with us and see the pure distillation of early 2000’s culture into a single movie. This one checks all the boxes of what a movie aimed at kids would have and also gets to drag around poor French Stewart. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/04/movie-mastery-cool-as-ice-1991-1.mp3 Like most other movies starring a celebrity that isn’t an actor, this is mostly just a vanity project that has no redeeming aspects. Plus, as a romantic(?) comedy(?), the main character gets to be a super creepy asshole and the love interest thinks it’s endearing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/04/movie-mastery-descendants-2015.mp3 Over a year ago I was at a Baskin-Robbins with Jef when I saw a cake theme in their book of birthday cake options that was apparently themed around Disney villain children going to high school together. This confounded me and now I can say that seeing it is no less baffling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/04/movie-mastery-bee-movie-for-reals.mp3 Barry B. Benson is no ordinary bee.  He’s a shitty bee you immediately hate.  Let’s follow along with his entitled crusade to become a lawyer and sue for all the honey he never worked for anyway, and sort of kind of falls in love with a human?  Also was this movie just made to throw a few paychecks to NBC alumni? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's another Full Moon Features picture which means low budget kills and the absolute bare minimum of thrills. Unless you find extremely slow back-and-forth reaction shots between actors and puppets thrilling, in which case you might want to pace yourself on this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/03/movie-mastery-bee-movie-2007.mp3 Barry B. Benson is no ordinary bee.  He’s a shitty bee you immediately hate.  Let’s follow along with his entitled crusade to become a lawyer and sue for all the honey he never worked for anyway, and sort of kind of falls in love with a human?  Also every time we say “Bee” the review starts going faster. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/03/movie-mastery-captain-america-1979.mp3 Since we were supposed to go see a superhero movie in the theaters this week but couldn’t because of global pandemic, we decided to finally sit down and watch Reb Brown in all his glory as Captain America. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/03/movie-mastery-shock-treatment.mp3 The black hole of shitty musicals has yet to release us from its gravity well and has instead dragged special guest Claire down into the muck with us. This is the sequel(?) to Rocky Horror kind of and also just bad. Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/02/movie-mastery-sonic-the-hedgehog.mp3 After a much-hated initial design, Sonic is back with a less horror inducing look and a strange obsession with preaching the inherent superiority of “small town ideals”. Also, I guess he has lightning powers now so there’s that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/02/movie-mastery-repo-the-genetic-opera.mp3 It’s the musical movie with a cult following that I can only assume likes it ironically. I literally cannot fathom why anyone would choose to watch this more than once. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/01/movie-mastery-cats.mp3 You did it. You made us go see Cats. I hope you’re proud of yourselves. Now reality has lost all meaning and Jon can’t seem to stop introducing himself as Jauntypine the Podcast Cat. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/01/movie-mastery-winters-tale.mp3 What if stars are miracles left by people when they die and we wish on the love of those who have gone before with heaven’s wishing love miracle? What if every person has a miracle inside them but also is a miracle in and of themselves? What if a horse was actually a dog? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/12/movie-mastery-fred-claus.mp3 Jef has been allowed to take over the movie decisions for the month and has decided it’s “A Very Vince Vaughn Christmas”. First up we find out out Santa’s deadbeat brother and also there are just so many questions about the world building in this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/11/movie-mastery-doctor-sleep.mp3 In a surprising twist, this sequel to a novel/movie that is 30 years old isn’t just some random garbage thrown together for a cash grab. But is it good? You’ll just have to listen to find out. Or watch it yourself. Or I guess read some other review. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/11/movie-mastery-future-cops.mp3 When the past needs saving, you call the Future Cops! They’re…well, they’re just Street Fighter guys with a flair for the slapstick. This still might be a better Street Fighter movie than the one we actually got, though. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Not every cartoon movie funded by a country can be as absolutely bonkers as Sir Billi or Millionaire Dogs. Sometimes you just get a mid Shrek/Disney pastiche. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/movie-mastery-countdown.mp3 October comes to a close and so too must Horrortoberfest but first one final treat from these tricksters. We said we weren’t doing an In Theaters episode this month but we totally are! Enjoy a movie that definitely isn’t quite as bad as the premise might lead you to believe. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/movie-mastery-return-to-horror-hotel.mp3 This horror anthology runs the gamut of topics from the subversive quality of platonic male touch to the charming and lovely nature of middle America that we all still seem to look down on. No, wait, sorry. That’s just the bits we’re doing. The movie is about finding out how low budget you can make short movies. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/movie-mastery-await-further-instructions.mp3 Have you ever thought, “You know what? Maybe technology isn’t great and we rely on it too much”? Well then you should watch Black Mirror. Have you already watched all of Black Mirror? I guess you could probably watch this then. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/09/movie-mastery-it-chapter-2.mp3 The end of the clown saga is here. With a fairly bloated run time of just under 3 hours; can Chapter 2 capture the magic from the first one? Or will the story of a bunch of 40 year olds remembering when they got scared as kids not hold up as well? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/09/movie-mastery-mom-and-dad-save-the-world.mp3 Imagine if someone with no sense of humor decided they wanted to make a movie like Spaceballs. Now imagine they decided to make it a Jeffrey Jones vehicle. Now imagine you had to watch it for a podcast. Ok, now imagine an elephant with six legs. Imagination is fun! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/08/movie-mastery-dora-the-explorer.mp3 In this children’s TV show turned teen adventure movie, the entire thing seems to have been dipped in a layer of magical realism where talking monkeys are simply nonsensical but talking, bipedal foxes in masks are hardly noteworthy.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/08/movie-mastery-twin-peaks-fire-walk-with-me.mp3 Content Warning: David Lynch kinda went all in on the rape stuff in this movie. It’s just one more bit of awful in the sea of garbage that is this awful, boring movie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/07/movie-mastery-crawl.mp3 A movie about alligators attacking during a hurricane is actually getting some pretty decent critical reviews. But can a well crafted horror movie penetrate Jef’s tough, scaly hatred for the genre? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/07/movie-mastery-scorpion-king-5-book-of-souls.mp3 Technically we randomly rolled The Scorpion King as our movie this week. However, after seeing that a Scorpion King 5 existed; we simply needed to know what was going on with this franchise. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/06/movie-mastery-dark-phoenix.mp3 It’s time to review the final installment in the X-Men franchise under Fox. Is it going to be more of the same and end on a real wet fart of a movie? Golly, that would be sad! Let’s hope not! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As requested, we are doing the follow up to the Madame Web watch with a look back at the first sign that maybe Sony just doesn't know what the hell it's doing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/06/movie-mastery-the-crow.mp3 Were you a little gothy kid in the 90s? Then you don’t need us to tell you about this movie. Or, actually, you probably do because this one gets some serious goth tinted glasses. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/movie-mastery-detective-pikachu.mp3 We went to go see Detective Pikachu after I messed up and only put 3 options on the available poll for the month. Oh well, now you can learn all about how we don’t know anything about Pokemon and how Jef continues to find theaters with the worst people in them. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/movie-mastery-gravy.mp3 Three cannibals take a small restaurant hostage for their annual Halloween feast. But don’t worry, it’s light hearted and jokey. But don’t worry, it’s also incredibly gory. But don’t worry, none of it works and the whole thing sucks. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/movie-mastery-avengers-endgame.mp3 It’s an extra long episode about an extra long movie. Over 20 movies in the making and now two idiots from the internet get to nitpick minor quibbles. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/04/movie-mastery-spice-world.mp3 It’s time to dive into the spicy world of girl power and see if somehow a movie based on and starring a band can in any way be good. Almost certainly not but we are obligated to watch it none the less. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/04/movie-mastery-the-item.mp3 Any time you find a movie that is written, directed by, and starring the same person you know it is either going to be a true masterpiece or a pile of self-indulgent garbage. Given the fact that you’ve probably never heard of this and the plot revolves around a dick-worm puppet; I’ll let you decide which. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/03/movie-mastery-captain-marvel.mp3 It’s time to go back to the mid 90’s which means it’s right in our wheelhouse. Is this the feminist icon we’ve all been waiting for or have the SJWs ruined everything by allowing movies to have speaking roles for women in them? I feel dirty even having typed that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/03/movie-mastery-hard-ticket-to-hawaii.mp3 Some sort of agents of some sort of agency run around Hawaii shooting weird thugs and taking their tops off.  Come for Jef’s ebullient love of good old fashioned boob movies, stay for the rocket launcher. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/movie-mastery-what-men-want.mp3 Barely winning out in the poll for the month, this sequel(?) to an almost 20 year old movie raises a lot of questions. Questions like “Who cares?” and “Why are we watching this?” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/movie-mastery-jupiter-ascending.mp3 With a movie that was universally panned when it came out; will this turn out to be a sleeper of a hit? Or were the critics right and the whole thing is a ridiculous pile of nonsense? Maybe both? Find out on today’s Movie Mastery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can this movie truly be as bad as they say? Do we have another Morbius? Can we convince them to release this again in a couple months? One of these questions answered and more in the triumphant return of In Theaters Now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/movie-mastery-spiderman-into-the-spiderverse.mp3 You asked for it (like a month ago), you got it! We cover the animated sensation of the year. Nay! The decade! Does this new Spider-Man live up to the hype or are we so dead inside that joy can no longer penetrate our thick and scaly hides? Find out! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/movie-mastery-truth-or-dare.mp3 This week’s review is a little different as we go off from the normal format and Jon picks the movie. It’s a film so insidious that it has haunted his very existence for the past several months and it’s time he inflicted it on other people. Enjoy this double length episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/12/Movie-Mastery-Babes-in-Toyland-1986.mp3 A Christmas movie from Jon’s past comes back to haunt Jef. This fever dream of a movie with no budget and a big name cast will meander around for about a half hour’s worth of content. Just like we do! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices