Are you exhausted, overwhelmed, or wondering whether you're doing anything right as a parent of little ones? You're not alone — and you're not crazy. In this refreshed and expanded episode, Mike and Alicia revisit their classic "Survival Zone" conversation with new insights from another decade of parenting and now grandparenting. They unpack why the early years are so intense, what's normal (hint: your exhaustion), how marriage is stretched during this season, and how moms and dads can support each other through the chaos. You'll hear practical advice on setting realistic ideals, finding community, leaning on others for help, navigating time traps like social media, letting dads step up in their unique way, and prioritizing your marriage in the midst of diapers and dishes. Whether you're in the trenches right now or reflecting back on that season, this episode offers encouragement, perspective, and a reminder: this won't last forever — and it will make you stronger.

1. Reassess ideals 

2. Consider getting outside help - isolation hurts this

3. Dads have to step in  - great opportunity for men to gain confidence 

4. Get out alone together

5. Beware of "time traps"

6. Get some good routines going that work for you

7. This is training for your life.  If you can do this, you can do anything

1. How can we support each other during this time? 

2. What are the greatest lessons that we are learning?

🙏 If this ministry has blessed you, please consider supporting the Messy Family Project! https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give

📋 Take our 2025 Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MXKQLYW

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

In this honest Q&A episode, Mike and Alicia answer real questions from listeners about the struggles every couple faces – feeling distant, managing conflict, and staying united when life gets stressful. They talk about what to do when your marriage feels dry or disconnected, how to rebuild emotional intimacy, and how humility, forgiveness, and shared prayer can bring healing. With humor and wisdom from decades of marriage and mentoring, they offer hope for couples who want to grow together, not just stay together.

Couples Discussion Questions

What should I do when my spouse seems emotionally distant? How can we reconnect after a big argument? How do we stay close when life feels overwhelming? What if I'm the only one trying to fix our marriage?

Whether you're newly married or in the thick of family life, this episode will remind you: every marriage has hard seasons, but grace makes growth possible.

We'd love your feedback! Take our 2025 Listener Survey and help us serve families better: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MFP-2025 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Summary

Every family inherits a legacy, both the blessings and the struggles, yet God calls us to build something new with Him. In this episode, Mike and Alicia reflect on the importance of having a dream for your family that goes beyond survival mode and day-to-day busyness. Drawing inspiration from the film Field of Dreams, they explore how couples can discern God's vision for their home, create a legacy of love, and take bold, countercultural steps together. Whether you're just starting out or sending kids off to college, this conversation will encourage you to pray, dream, and act with faith that "if you build it, HE will come." 

Key Takeaways

Legacy Matters: We inherit patterns from our families of origin, but we can choose what to keep, redeem, or leave behind.

Dream Beyond Today: God calls us to think not just about survival, but about a vision that shapes generations. 

Unity in Marriage: A shared dream unites spouses, strengthens families, and becomes a witness to others.

God Provides the Tools: He uses the gifts, circumstances, and desires already present in your life to shape His vision for your family.

Practical Step: Pray together, journal your inspirations, and start with simple habits that align with your family's God-given dream. 

Couple Discussion Questions

What legacies from your families of origin do you want to keep—and which ones do you want to leave behind? If you looked five or ten years into the future, what would you want your children (or future children) to say about your family? Where do you see God already giving you the "building blocks" for His dream for your family? What small, concrete step can we take this week to begin living into that dream together?

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

"The point is that neuroses don't have to ruin a marriage. If you can accommodate each other's "crazy" side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive." ― John M. Gottman

Many people are good at functioning in their marriage, getting along, caring for kids, paying the bills… but are they really thriving?  How can we get more out of the most important relationship we have - the one we have with our spouse? In this podcast, we look at the book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, and explain how to use these ideas to make your marriage grow.  Though the expression of these ideas are new to us, the truth contained in them is not. We have found that we have done many of these things in our marriage over the years!  Listen in for some great relationship advice for anyone who wants to move from a marriage that is surviving to thriving.  

• Review 7 principles

• How can we Honor each other 

• Start a Gratitude challenge 

• When is our Daily connection and weekly date night

• Do the Family Board Meeting

"Behold the Heart which has so loved men that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting and consuming Itself, in order to testify Its love" - Jesus to St. Margaret Mary

How can we love like Jesus?  What is His love like?  Answering these questions is the role of devotions in the Catholic world.  They help us learn more about God and how He relates to us.  The Sacred Heart of Jesus teaches us to love as God loves and this is a lesson that all families need to embrace fully.  In this podcast, we interview Emily Jaminet of the Sacred Heart Enthronement network and author of the new book Holy Habits of the Sacred Heart.  Our conversation explains how both of our families have been impacted by this devotion and how it has given us a way to proclaim Christ as King, and also to have a place to go as a safe refuge in times of trial.  As we pray to the Heart of Jesus, He can change our hearts to make us more like Himself!  When we learn about how He loves, we can imitate that love which is a path of holiness itself.  Learn more about this devotion, what the Nine First Fridays are, how Jesus blesses families with the 12 Promises of the Sacred Heart and why the Enthronement is a means of evangelization and transformation.  

• This devotion gives "spiritual stability", focus, and a way to understand the love of Jesus in a concrete, defined way.  It prevents us from making Jesus into our own image, but instead reveals to us how He truly loves.

• Jesus wants a relationship of love with each one of us and He wants to transform our hearts to be like His.  A great way to reconcile with children or those with whom we have conflict is to say, "I am allowing Jesus to change my heart".

• Forgiveness means that we are coming up against "cancel culture" which says that once someone does something wrong they are cut out of one's life.  By following the Heart of Jesus we learn practice forgiveness in our home and communities.

• The devotion of Nine First Fridays and the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart in the home give families concrete ways to understand and come closer to the Heart of Jesus.

• How can we increase our devotion to the Sacred Heart? 

• Emily mentioned that giving up control and trusting in Jesus is a first step to being docile to Jesus.  What does that mean to us? 

• How can we practice forgiveness in our home?  Is there anyone in our lives that we need to forgive? 

• https://welcomehisheart.com/

• https://www.emilyjaminet.com

We need to take a sacramental view of ordinary life - Mike and Alicia Hernon

We often say that family culture is the secret weapon of Catholic families.  Why is this?  Because the culture within your home is more powerful than any written word.  It communicates expectations, beliefs, and values to everyone in the family.  In this podcast, we tackle some questions that listeners have sent into us about the culture within their homes. We answer questions like "what do I do about kids always fighting?", "how do I take care of individual kids in a big family?", "how do we handle birthdays?", and "Help! I feel like I'm drowning!" (which isn't exactly a question, but it is a common email we get!).  In all of these situations, the issue comes back again and again to the culture you are fostering within your home.  When you see all that you do in light of that, all the other issues will fall into place.  Listen in and learn about this powerful tool that every parent should develop.  

Getaway: https://catholiccouplesgetaway.com/
Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

Christ is present in a special way when a couple prays together.  They not only renew their yes to God, but also achieve a deeper union with each other, which springs solely from the union of hearts and couples in the sacrament of marriage. - Fr. Henri Caffarel

How can couples move their marriage from surviving to thriving, or from good to great? By making couple prayer a normal part of our marriage. Christian marriage is a supernatural endeavor, so that means that it is really not possible to have a successful marriage without Jesus!  Prayer between spouses isn't just something you do, it is a gift from the two of you to Christ Himself.  It is acknowledging that Christ is the "glue" that keeps you together.   In this podcast we talk about how to incorporate prayer into your marriage, why it is so important, and how prayer can help you forge a deeper unity than you have ever had before.  Much of this conversation is discussing the writings of Fr. Henri Caffarel, founder of Teams of Our Lady. 

Getaway: https://catholiccouplesgetaway.com/
Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

The indissolubility of marriage…should not be viewed as a 'yoke' imposed on humanity, but as a 'gift' granted to those who are joined in marriage…  God's indulgent love always accompanies our human journey; through grace, it heals and transforms hardened hearts, leading them back to the beginning through the way of the cross. - Pope Francis

The marriage sacrament is meant to heal and transform us into who God wants us to be!  But sometimes that journey is not what we would expect.  In this interview, David and Margaret Bereit share their story of marriage and David's conversion - the two are completely intertwined!  Listen in as we talk about how they walked together in freedom though they were in different places, how they loved each other and their children in the midst of their different faiths, and how David came to join the Church and what that meant for them both.  There is some great advice in this interview for those in mixed marriages and for anyone who wants to know how to deeply love friends and family who are in a different place than yourself.  

https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/

www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:30

Back by popular demand, this is another interview that we did with Michele Doman, Alicia's mom and mother of 10 grown children, grandmother to over 55, and great grandmother to more than 7!  In the last interview, we talked about Michele's life as a young wife and mother.  In this conversation, we talk more about being a parent of a large family and how she was able to do that successfully over the last 50+ years of marriage.  Listen in and get some wisdom on discipline, relationships with teens, and managing a large household.   You will hear that the struggles are real, but so are the joys and blessings of marriage and family life. 

https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/
www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com  

Watch here: https://youtu.be/Zd_I6cwvcRM 

Of course your children don't get along. They don't know how to get along! That's kind of what you are doing as parents, teaching them what they don't know - Mike and Alicia

All of us struggle to live in a community.  That is the human condition - we need other people but we also find it hard to live with them!  This is true for children, but also for adults. In this episode, we answer some questions that our listeners had about what to do when your kids fight with your friends' kids, how to handle dividing up household responsibilities with your spouse, and what to do with adult children who are living at home.  It's hard for kids to learn, but  it's also hard for parents to know how to teach in a way that can be received. Listen into this conversation and take some time to discuss these important topics with your spouse. 

https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/

www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com  

"Healing is an essential dimension of Christinaity.  It expresses the entire content of our redemption." ~ Pope Benedict XVI, Jesus of Nazareth

Some of us think of healing as being "for other people", those with trauma, abuse, or mental illness.  But that is not the way that Dr. Bob Schuchts sees healing. As you will hear, he believes that healing is part of the story of every Christian because we all have been damaged by our own fallen nature and we all live in a broken world!   There is an anointing in our Church right now for healing ministries like this and we believe healing is essential for every parent so they can be who God is calling them to be in the lives of their children.  We have been personally blessed by Dr. Bob's teaching and ministry through the John Paul II Healing Institute and we are very excited to share this interview with him. Listen in to this conversation about why we need healing, how to be healed, and the role that Christ wants to play in each of our journeys.  

https://www.restoretheglorypodcast.com/

https://jpiihealingcenter.org/

"Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate." ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

God did not create man in isolation, He created man to live in community with others.  This is the best path for the full development of the human person!  Men need other men to push them, support them, love them, and let them know they have what it takes.  In this touching interview, Mike talks to John Doman, Alicia's dad, about his experience as a young Marine in Viet Nam and the events that set the course of his life.  They cover John's marriage to Michele, his wife of 50 yrs, his struggle with PTSD after the war, and how the brothers God gave him throughout his life saved him again and again - physically and spiritually. Listen to this very important conversation about the importance of relationships and how God can use them to show us His love over and over again.  

Family Board Meeting - LIVE! : messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/

Watch here: https://youtu.be/FIT6s7szDlU

"This is a book about love; more exactly, it is about the love that knows no end, the love our hearts yearn for. The love that consumes, that reverberates, that heightens—it is a love that costs everything—yet offers everything. - Theresa and Peter Martin, The Rule

When the young priest Fr. Karol Wojtyla was living in Poland, he wrote a "rule" for married couples, similar to the protocols that religious orders follow for their way of life. His suggestions were born out of his deep friendships with young married couples who he observed and who helped him see what married couples need to do to find true life within the married vocation. We heard about this book and were immediately intrigued, so we invited Theresa and Peter Martin to share with us more about their book, how it came to be, and about The Rule itself.  In this podcast, we talk about the challenges of married life and how the Church can help us live a life of grace, the role of children in this quest of holiness, and what a life of prayer looks like in the home.  Most importantly, we talk about community and how essential it is for families to support each other in their common life. Listen in and see how you can join in this movement of married couples living the Rule outlined by St. John Paul II.   

https://www.wojtylaci.com/

Watch here: https://youtu.be/QT9SqsDCxR8

The family is where children discover how to be human. - Archbishop Charles Chaput

In this episode, Mike and Alicia tackle some of the toughest family challenges with honesty, humor, and hope. These questions were submitted to us at the Midwest Family Conference, but we never got to them! We talk about things like how to respond to a loved one with a temper or a dysfunctional family that seems to fight constantly. What practical steps can parents take to guard their family culture when outside influences pull in the opposite direction? Mike emphasizes the irreplaceable role of fathers—especially in having honest conversations with teenage sons about life's toughest issues. Alicia offers encouragement for wives supporting their husbands as spiritual leaders, even in the messiness of daily life. Together, they share practical strategies for cultivating virtue—reminding parents that even when kids bring out our weaknesses, God uses family life to make us holy.

• We always need to start with ourselves when we come up against difficult relationships in the family. 

• All of us are to work on helping other family members - spouse and children - to grow in holiness. 

• Your family culture needs to be strong to inoculate your children against the culture of the world.

• Parents' love for each other and joy in their relationship is essential in bringing peace and positivity to the home. 

• The father's role in the life of his teen son and in the spiritual leadership of the home is irreplaceable. 

• It is not your job to make your kids into saints - its their job to make you into a saint! 

• What do we need to work on in our marriage to bring more love and joy into our home?  How can we be a better example for our kids? 

• Are there issues with our kids that we need to discuss?  What do we need to improve in our family culture? 

• Anger in Parenting https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-076-anger-in-parenting/

• Preparing for Adolescence: https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-005-preparing-your-tween-and-yourself-for-adolescence/

• Women Wonderfully Made Webinar

Catholiccouplesgetaway.com

"When an army retreats on the battlefield, it doesn't mean that they are giving up. It can mean that they are taking time to reassess and regroup so they can come back stronger. This is the essence of a Family Retreat." ~ Mike Hernon

The concept of a family retreat is something that we have developed over the years for our own family.  It grew out of our desire to regroup and reconnect with our kids outside of the daily chaos in our home.  To do this, we have taken our children to vacation homes, retreat houses, and occasionally to a hotel, to take some time for family fun, team building activities, teaching and prayer.  We don't use a set program, but we do have the same principles that we use over and over.  In this podcast, we share these principles with you so you can develop your own retreat for your family.  If you would like more than what is just offered on this podcast - check out our Family Retreat Guide found on our website!  Even if you don't do a retreat this year, listen in so you can talk about it with your spouse and develop a strategic "retreat" for your family.  

Family Retreat Guide: messyfamilyproject.org/guides/

Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/A5pQ-qaJ9vY

We love hanging out with Chris and Natalie but in this interview, we found out something else we have in common. Both of us had honeymoons that were epic fails! Is the last time you got away, your honeymoon? Hear from all four of us as we talk about the first time that we got away as a married couple without our children and why we think it's so important. Parents have a lot resting on their shoulders. Work, the busyness of family life and the strains of our world need to be relieved by taking time to get away from ordinary life to be reminded of who we are and our first priorities. Getting away has a price but the return is unbelievable! Listen in as we chat with Chris and Natalie Stefanick about the first time that they got away, some crazy failures on our honeymoon and how you can make the most of the time when you go away. 

More infomation at catholiccouplesgetaway.com

"Christian marriage is the school of love, where despite the limits of our own love, we can discover Christ's presence and power to teach us to love one another with the Love that never fails" - Peter and Debbie Herbeck

When we offer date nights, we try to pick topics that are fun for couples but also useful and thought-provoking. That's why we are so excited to share with you this interview we did on our June Date Night with Peter and Debbie Herbeck.  They have been in ministry together most of their adult lives and are the authors of a book that expresses much of what we believe and teach on marriage: Lessons from the School of Love: Cultivating a Christ-centered Marriage.

Listen in to this conversation and hear from this wise and authentic couple.  When Peter and Debbie married, they had the challenge of coming from two different faith backgrounds, two different family dynamics, plus the challenge of two very different personalities! You will hear how they tackled forgiveness, learned to be vulnerable, how they handled the differing roles of father and mother, and most of all, how they helped their children encounter Christ.  You will love listening in to this conversation!  

Lessons from the School of Love: Cultivating a Christ-centered Marriage: https://stpaulcenter.com/product/lessons-from-the-school-of-love-cultivating-a-christ-centered-marriage/

Join us for future Date Nights by getting on our mailing list here: messyfamilyproject.org

"Teaching is an essential part of our faith that reminds us that following Jesus Christ transforms every part of our lives, from our attitude toward money, to the choices we make at the doctor's office, to the way we build our families." ~ Nancy Bandzuch

Parents are charged by God to be good stewards of their children and caring for children includes forming them in the faith and teaching them!  This is especially important in our culture where there is widespread confusion about some of the most essential issues, in addition to issues where Catholics can disagree.  Nancy Bandzuch has taken on this challenge to help parents discuss these issues with their children clearly in the book Catholic Social Teaching for Youth available through her ministry Catholic Sprouts.  In this interview, we talk about why this task of the formation of children is so important, how to use this book for a variety of ages, and what is covered.  Listen in to be empowered to embrace the task of forming your children in the truth. 

www.CatholicSprouts.com 

www.CatholicCouplesGetaway.com 

Watch here: https://youtu.be/zse3JrTzNuU 

"Words of affirmation are simply true statements affirming the worth of another person" ~Gary Chapman

Parents need to take time to consider how they are intentionally calling out the good in the lives of their children because it is within the family that people have their identity - who they are - confirmed and then affirmed over the years. This is just as essential to children as food, clothing, or education! One of the ways we have instilled affirmation in our family culture is the practice of "honoring". We usually do honorings on someone's birthday or times of transition like graduations. Listen to this podcast to find out how to start this practice in your home, why it is important, and the effect it can have on your family. 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Watch here: https://youtu.be/tHK1vP_SOXE

"Mothers are the strongest antidote to the spread of self-centred individualism… It is they who testify to the beauty of life". - Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia

The life of a mother is hidden and powerful at the same time, but the message of our culture is that you only matter if you have a strong resume, evidence of your worth, and an education to back it up. This is simply not the way God sees the vocation of motherhood! In this interview with Christine Hanus, author of the book Everyday Heroism we discuss the reality that the "hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" even when we don't feel like it. This conversation is full of tears, laughter, and real stories about real moms who deal with the ups and downs of raising children. We hope that this podcast inspires all moms to be the best person they can be for their kids, but also for themselves. Embracing motherhood means embracing personal growth and holiness on a whole new level. 

Buy Christine's book here: https://amzn.to/3J5kcwN

Getaway - Early bird ends 6/30 - catholiccouplesgetaway.com

New and Improved Website - Check it out! - messyfamilyproject.org

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. " – Mark Twain

All families need to play together.  Why?  Because this is how you lay the foundation for your child's belief in God, his self-esteem, and this is how you communicate to him, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you love him.  In this podcast, we dive deeply into the importance of doing an intentional Family Fun Day and give some practical tips on how to do it so everyone wins.  This month's Play and Pray Challenge is a great excuse to think about how you can grow closer as a family through play and fun!  

Play and Pray challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge

Getaway - Early bird ends 6/30 - catholiccouplesgetaway.com

MFP 091: King of the Home - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-91-king-of-the-home/

MFP 205: Nine First Fridays to Change the World - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-205-nine-first-fridays-to-change-the-world/

"Do a date night! It's cheaper than marriage counseling."

This is an oldie but goodie podcast for you. We released this one way back in 2015 when we were just starting out but the content in it is something that even we need to be reminded of! When we have gotten into "slumps" in our marriage when we don't feel like we are connecting, working together, or in sync with each other, that is when we need to take a look at our date nights. Are we spending intentional time together? Are we having fun together? Are we making room in our lives for our spouse? Listen in to this podcast where you will get some inspiration to not just get out of the house, but to also make your time together effective and impactful for your relationship.

Play and Pray challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge

Website - www.messyfamilyproject.org

Date Night Herbecks - 6/15 - www.messyfamilyproject.org/programs/date-nights/

Getaway - Early bird 6/30 - catholiccouplesgetaway.com

Watch episode here: https://youtu.be/r6NACXjUaVs

"If all fathers fulfilled their duty of watching over the discipline of their children, we should have but few crimes and few executions." ~ St. Alphonsus Ligori

If you haven't listened to MFP239 on the foundations of discipline, you should do that first.  This podcast will give the practical steps for those principles.  Once a parent has clear in their mind why they are discipling and they have made a plan on following through, they need to actually work that plan!  In this podcast we give the practical things to keep in mind as you work to discipline, or form the hearts and minds of your children.  There are six questions you should ask yourself when evaluating your child's actions.  Not all behavior is a child acting out or defying you.  How do you know the difference and how should you respond?  Listen in! 

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/    

Watch here - https://youtu.be/vl0t6KbGJok  

One thing that we at the Messy Family Project are passionate about is family culture. We call it "the secret weapon of the Catholic family" because it can be so powerful! In this interview, we talk to Elissa Tiprigan of Catholic Family Crate, a business that is in the business of Catholic culture. We talk about how and why she started her business, the importance of beauty in the home, and the elements of what it takes to bring a family together. This episode is full of great ideas of how to engage your children from toddlers to teenagers and bring them into closer relationship with you and with the Lord who is the source of life. As a special gift, we are also including this download on Building a Catholic Culture at Home that you can use to look at your family culture and get some ideas to strengthen it. In addition, Elissa gave all our listeners get 20% off sitewide by using the code MESSYFAMILY!

And here is their website: Catholic Family Crate

And a link to all their free resources: Free Downloads

Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/RZdxVvyDGmw

"Discipleship isn't about perfection—it's about intimacy with Jesus. He is drawn to our weakness, not our strength." - Jake Khym

In this deeply insightful episode, Jake and Heather Khym explore one of the greatest challenges facing Catholics today: true discipleship. They share how the heart of a disciple embraces God as a good Father who desires intimacy over perfection. You'll hear powerful wisdom on parenting—letting go of the lie that we must "save" our children—and embracing our need for God. The Khyms also unpack how to navigate emotional overwhelm by slowing down and seeing ourselves through God's eyes. Learn practical tools to build empathy and connection in marriage, like listening without judgment, advice, or blame. Finally, discover why we all need spiritual community throughout every stage of life. This episode is packed with grace, truth, and encouragement—don't miss it!

• The most significant challenge among Catholics today is discipleship. The heart of a disciple believes that God is a good Father.

• Jesus is not looking for us to be perfect or do everything right; instead, He desires intimacy with us.  He is drawn to our weakness. 

• Parents need to be aware of the heresy that we are our children's saviors.  We are not. They need God more than they need us. 

• When we are overwhelmed by our emotions, we need first to slow down.  Then see ourselves as God sees us. 

• In building connection and empathy with our spouses, ask them to share with us their story, and then we need to hear that story without JAB - no judgment, advice, or blame. 

• We all tend to be self-reliant, and that is why we need community at every stage, every season in our lives. 

• On your next date night, take some time to hear the story of your spouse. This may be something that you think about ahead of time and prepare for.  Sharing hearts and vulnerability in this way is key to a deeper relationship. 

• How can we work at seeing ourselves and each other with the eyes of the Father?  How can we see as God sees?  

To become a better parent, I need to become a better person ~ Mike and Alicia

One of the subjects we are most often asked about is discipline.  We know how hard it is to form the will, heart and mind of a child!  Though every child is different and every parent is different, there are some principles that we can give you to help you make a discipline plan that works for you and your spouse.  In this episode, we start with the foundational points..  First, we need to get our hearts right and recognize why we are taking the time to discipline in the first place.  Then, parents need to speak with confidence, set clear boundaries, and do so keeping in mind that your role in affirming your child is essential.  Listen in as we start this essential conversation.  

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/    

Watch here - https://youtu.be/vmEzF1MCvPE 

"When we're able to put most of our energy into developing our natural talents, extraordinary room for growth exists. So, a revision to the "You-can-be-anything-you-want-to-be" maxim might be more accurate: You cannot be anything you want to be—but you can be a lot more of who you already are."

― Tom Rath, Strengths Finder

Very often parents focus on improving the weaknesses in their children, but actually the opposite is more effective.  The best way for any person to grow is to focus on their strengths - virtues, talents, or what they are naturally good at.  Using those strengths builds confidence and actually can then make up for the weaknesses.  Listen in as we discuss how to empower children through "strengths-based parenting".

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/    

Watch here - https://youtu.be/TTV85m_tlp0 

"You know that feeling you get after a good night's sleep?
Yea, me neither." - Every Parent Ever

If you feel like you are living in a state of almost constant exhaustion, you are not alone.  It's not just the sleepless nights and crazy days - that's a reality that parents have always had to deal with.  We believe parents are more exhausted today because  there are certain elements of our culture that do drain our energy more than parents in the past experienced. In this podcast, we pinpoint those elements so you can see them, recognize them for what they are, and learn how to manage them.  You do not have to be worn down all the time!  Managing the stressors of parenting is possible and hopefully we can help you with these tips and tricks!

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/    

Watch here - https://youtu.be/inI8NPgFzsg 

 "Men do not fear a powerful hostile army as the powers of hell fear the name and protection of Mary." -St. Bonaventure

One of the questions we ask parents as an icebreaker for our in-person events is "How many of your childrren have used rosaries as weapons?" This is a common experience of families with young children as parents try to pray.  We get it.  For a long time, we found it hard to encourage devotion to the rosary with our children, but we have grown and learned a lot over the years! As we launch into the month of May, we wanted all our listeners to take some time to reflect on why the Blessed Mother is so important to families.  In this re-release of an earlier podcast, we talk about devotion to Our Lady, how to pray the rosary as a family creatively, and how she can inspire us in our family life.  Listen in and be encouraged and inspired!

Find all this and more at www.messyfamilyproject.org

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ 

"Before we began the adoption process, before we could be the parents our children needed us to be, I had to grieve those losses.  I had to offer my broken dreams to Jesus, and trust He would not permit me to carry the cross of infertility unless He could bring something beautiful out of it." - Emily Stimpson Chapman

This interview with Emily and Chris Chapman is an amazing conversation about some deep and painful topics, but sprinkled with laughter and joy!  Emily Stimpson Chapman is an accomplished author and Insta personality, but she is also a wife, mother, and friend to us!  Through their own journey in the ups and downs of single life and then marriage, Chris and Emily have learned many lessons that they share with us in this podcast with wisdom and humor.  It's amazing to hear how you can go from living alone, to living with a husband, to living with 3 babies in a very short amount of time.  Add to that a basement flooding with sewage, ailing parents, and adjusting to family life overall makes for some interesting conversations!  Join us for this visit with the Chapmans and be encouraged on your unique journey with the Lord.

Find all this and more at www.messyfamilyproject.org

Watch here - https://youtu.be/QBesLrHJ4vw

"How can there be too many children? That's like saying there are too many flowers." - St. Theresa of Calcutta

There is great confusion in our world, even among good Catholics, about the purpose of marriage and even the purpose of having children. Catholics do not "discern having another child".  Instead, our default is that we are always open to new life in our families, but in grave circumstances, we can postpone pregnancy for the overall good of our family.  In this episode, we discuss how we can form our conscience to come to a deeper understanding of the role of children in our marriage that includes, but also goes beyond, financial considerations. Discerning this area of marriage can be tricky, so we called a lifeline for this one, and invited Jonathan and Amanda Texiera, founders of WalletWin, to come on and help us to navigate this issue and give couples good questions to discuss with each other and options to consider.  

Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/x_vnTYkxO9Y

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

"Its better to be wrong together than right alone" - Mike and Alicia

There are many things that spouses need to navigate in life - finances, educational choices, work issues, in-laws - and for all of these issues there is an "X factor" that makes all the difference - UNITY.  Without unity, even the most perfect of scenarios will not bring peace, but with unity there is nothing that life throws at a couple that they will not be able to handle.  The question is, how do you forge that unity with each other when you have two different visions of what your family should look like?  In this episode, we tackle this difficult question by encouraging couples to "push up"; to look at your life from the 50,000 foot level.  Instead of starting with the details, start with the big picture.  Those are the conversations that are most helpful.  Listen in as we give couples some concrete questions to discuss with each other to build that unity that is absolutely essential to a flourishing marriage and family life. 

Find all this and more at messyfamilyproject.org

Watch episode here - https://youtu.be/q365bqR8NTI

"Dream big, plan simple, act now." - Mike and Alicia Hernon

Dreaming is an integral part of living a life to the fullest.  But dreams that take us away from our vocation are fantasies and actually detract from living an abundant life.  What is the difference and why is it important? Dreaming in the best sense is an essential skill to have. Not everyone is a natural dreamer, but we can all learn to be!  In this podcast, we discuss having a Growth mindset versus a Fixed mindset and how that affects our family life. We also give some tips for how to rise above the everyday work that we do and create a vision for your family that will motivate and inspire you to grow. 

Watch here: https://youtu.be/Sh-X0FGePeo

Find all this and more at messyfamilyproject.org

"Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting." - Brene Brown

The emotions of young people can be overwhelming to us, but we have to realize that they are overwhelming to them as well!  How can parents help children to regulate their emotions in a healthy way?  Not every emotion needs discipline, sometimes kids need understanding and empathy to assist them in learning how to move through their own feelings.  In this podcast, we give some practical steps for parents to help their child to recognize, express, and get in control of their strong emotions.  This is an issue that can be tough for parents, especially if they have never learned this skill themselves, but it is essential for the well-being of every child. 

Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/

Find information on this and more at https://messyfamilyproject.org/

Watch episode here - https://youtu.be/ZGS5dMBEMCc

Children are really the supreme gift of marriage and contribute in the highest degree to their parents' welfare. - Gaudium et Spes, 50

Listener questions are back!  We had a wonderful time visiting with listeners all over the East Coast and as we traveled we collected questions from them.  Here are a few of those questions including how to emotionally handle the mess and chaos that inevitably comes with young children, getting kids to behave at mass, and family of origin issues.  We also talk about bringing the Montessori philosophy into how you view your children and the importance of living with purpose.  Listen in to our conversation with Katie who asks us these questions from the perspective of "every parent" who deals with these issues on a daily basis. 

Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/ICRiQC2bftA

"If we want our children to be happy and successful, if we want them to reach their highest potential in self-transcendence, then the most important thing we can do is replace screens with activities that turn their focus outward." —Clare Morell

It's no secret that addictive digital technologies like smartphones and social media apps are harming a generation of kids socially, mentally, and even physically. But a workable solution seems elusive. After all, don't kids need phones, and won't they be vulnerable or socially isolated without them? In this interview with Clare Morell, author of The Tech Exit, we discuss the lies parents have been sold about parental controls, screen-time limits, and even the effectiveness of screens in the classroom. There is another way!  If you need a shot in the arm to make the break from tech, listen in and see how digital technology is anything but necessary for children to live happy, healthy, and socially full lives.  

• Putting limits on something immediately implies harm. Why are we choosing to expose our children to something that is harmful? 

• Dopamine that is released when a child uses screens affects the brain like a drug and produces cravings, not satisfaction.  

• Since screens have been in our schools, math and reading scores have hit an all time low.  

• Replace screen time with responsibilities and tasks, as well as hobbies and play. 

• Screens make us all feel like we don't need other people.  It decreases community inherently, 

• Life is not about being constantly amused and entertained.  We all need time for reflection, activity, and boredom.  

• Are we happy with the screen time use in our home right now?  Are we happy with our own screen time?  How can we be better? 

• How have screens affected our family life?  What do we want to change about this? 

Resources

• thetechexit.com 

• clare.morell.substack.com

• Messy Family Guide to Tech:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/

When we look at the lives of those who have faithfully followed Christ, we are inspired with a new reason for seeking the City that is to come and at the same time we are shown a most safe path by which… we will be able to arrive at perfect union with Christ, that is, perfect holiness. - Lumen Gentium, 50

One of our great gifts as Catholics is the "older brothers and sisters" that God has given us in the saints.  There are saints for every personality, vocation, and even job type!  In this episode, we interview the creators of the podcast "Saints Alive!" who tell dramatizations of the life stories of the saints.  This is a great tool for parents in this digital age when we are all looking for good media to put in front of our children and into their minds. We hope this will be a valuable resource for parents looking to fill their children's minds with good and holy things!      

Saints Alive Podcast - https://www.saintsalivepodcast.com/episodes

Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBVi8fszH6k

Since parents have given children their life, they are bound by the most solemn obligation to educate their offspring and therefore must be recognized as the primary and principal educators. This role in education is so important that only with difficulty can it be supplied where it is lacking. ~ Pope Paul VI, Declaration of Christian Education

 Educating children is one of the most important and daunting tasks parents must face.  For some parents who have good resources at their disposal, the choice may be easy.  For other parents, the choice is agonizing - charter school, Catholic school, homeschool, or public school…. What is the best thing for my child at this time?  But the needs of your child are not the only thing that you need to consider.  In this episode, Mike and Alicia give parents a framework for the conversation they need to have with their spouse on educational choices for their children.  There is not only one answer!  Listen in to this reboot of a classic conversation on marriage and parenting. 

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/zK3fPkNt2Oc

Children have not been given to parents as a present, but as a trust for which, if lost through their negligence, they must render an account to God. ~ St. Alphonsus Ligouri

Raising teens is an art, not a science.  It takes finesse, subtleties, and nuances to get it right. Children are pushing back and trying to become independent adults while they are still not yet ready for the responsibilities of adulthood.  How do you slowly give them more freedom while making sure you don't give them TOO much?  In this episode, we interview Bill and Tanis Merimee, parents of 9 children and founders of the ministry Marriages of Grace.  Bill and Tanis have a unique perspective also because they are both musicians and have children who are particularly artistic.  Teens who are artistic have special challenges and needs because they have a great gift to give the world - their art!  How can parents nurture this artistic temperament while avoiding the pitfalls that can come with the godless culture that is growing in the art world.  Listen in and join the conversation!   

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/eRnjftj7r5w

Each day be conscious of your duty to be a saint. — A saint! And that doesn't mean doing strange things. It means a daily struggle in the interior life and in heroically fulfilling your duty right through to the end. ~ St. Jose Maria Escriva

One of the things we teach couples all the time is that marriage and family life is your path to holiness.  So the celebration of Lent and Easter should look different if you are a married person!  Sacrifices and commitments that take away from your vocation should be avoided because the first step in discerning anything is to consider your state in life. This means that you and I can become holy by not just having an hour of adoration, but also by playing with our toddlers!  Or taking your teen out to coffee, or having a weekly date night with your spouse. Catholics need to explore more of what it means to be a saint in our homes.  Listen in to this webinar we did on the Monday before Ash Wednesday to explain our Cana90 program for couples and families. 

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms, Dads, and Family Board Meeting Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/9XXXCgvrRgI 

"When she's in your company, your daughter tries harder to excel. When you teach her, she learns more rapidly. When you guide her, she gains confidence. If you fully understood just how profoundly you can influence your daughter's life, you would beoverwhelmed, or both." ― Dr. Meg Meeker

All girls have a certain pattern of physical development that will change them into women, but these changes need to be guided, nurtured, and shaped by loving parents.  The genius of womanhood is a great gift to the world and parents are the ones who help a girl realize this gift. We did this podcast to help all parents encourage the feminine qualities within their daughters.  Not stereotypes, but honest, strong, and true womanhood.  Listen in as we give some insights, inspiration, and practical advice.  

Read more on masculinity and femininity - https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/gender-differences-taking-the-risk

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 
 
For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/Al0Wlyat9iI

Manhood isn't something that simply happens to boys as they get older. It's an achievement – something a boy accomplishes, something that can easily go awry. If we ignore the importance of this transition, and fail in our duty as parents to guide boys through it, then we will learn the hard way why traditional cultures invest this transition with so much importance. - Dr Leonard Sax

In today's world we cannot assume that all boys will grow up to be masculine men.  But this is the task of every parent of a boy!  Parents need to recognize that boys need to be guided on the road to manhood.  It doesn't just happen all by itself.  To give this guidance well, parents need to first realize that boys and girls have been created with different gifts.  Though a truly balanced man finds within himself both masculine and feminine qualities, parents need to start with encouraging a boy's strengths, his masculine qualities.  Listen into this conversation as we discuss how parents can take an active role in encouraging masculinity in their sons.  

Read more on masculinity and femininity - https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/gender-differences-taking-the-risk

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

 For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

 View the episode here - https://youtu.be/yFwQIagpisg 

"Creating informal rituals when you can connect emotionally is critical in a marriage" ~ John M. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Dating your spouse consistently is the easiest thing you can do to keep your love alive - and its fun too!  We have been challenged recently to spend more time with each other and just have fun.  Because our work puts us in each other's orbit all the time, it can be easy for us to think that we don't need MORE time together, but we do.  Date night reminds us that our relationship must come first because it is the foundation of our family.  Listen in as we give some encouragement, ideas, motivation, and inspiration to always, no matter what, date your spouse. 

Family Board Meeting Webinar - https://messyfamilyproject.org/our-events/date-night/2023-family-board-meeting-webinar 

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/dAwqkXM3UMg 

"Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can be."

For some reason, dealing with sons and daughters can bring out anger in a person who has been mild mannered and easy going their whole life!  Why is that?  What we have noticed is that children do not create our weaknesses, they reveal them. It is good to understand why we react so strongly to certain situations in order to grow in virtue.  In this podcast, we shed some light on the truth about anger, give some tools and ideas for handling anger, and share some of our own experiences and difficulties.  If you struggle with anger you are not alone!  Listen in and join the conversation.  

Family Board Meeting Webinar - https://messyfamilyproject.org/our-events/date-night/2023-family-board-meeting-webinar 

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/aYv3whGxIdo

"The sacrifices our parents made to give us brothers and sisters is one of the greatest things they have done for us." - Mike and Alicia Hernon

We usually talk about family life from the perspective of parents.  But for this podcast, we are going to take some time to talk about what it was like growing up in a family of 6 for Mike and a family of 10 for Alicia.  We didn't realize it as kids, but our parents' lives were really hard and they made a lot of sacrifices having the large families that they had. We see now that although our parents had difficulties, they were not prevented from giving us the greatest gift that they could - our brothers and sisters. Our siblings haven't blessed us just as children, but we have been able to benefit from those relationships into adulthood!  Our brothers and sisters have colored in the outlines that our parents traced for us.  We hope that all parents listening will realize that more than money, premier schools, or fancy clothes your children need brothers and sisters.  Those relationships are riches they will have for the rest of their lives! 

Get your Messy Family gear -  jacket, pullovers, and Yeti at : https://messyfamilyproject.org/give 

View the episode here https://youtu.be/3Ely0kr-Ifw

The holidays are a perfect time for families to have game nights or even game days!  Games teach children invaluable lessons about strategy, logic, and skill but also about how to get along with others, what consequences mean, and how to be a good loser and a gracious winner.  Taking time to invest in games for kids is a great activity for parents and you may actually have fun too!  See our list of games for families below to enjoy!  

• Support our mission and choose a great thank you gift: https://messyfamilyproject.org/give
• Games list mentioned: https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/games-we-love 

Parenting teens can feel like navigating a storm. Emotions run high and mistakes are inevitable. In this updated reflection on our original 2017 episode, we dive into the art of disciplining teenagers not just to manage behavior, but to raise mature disciples of Christ.

We share what we've learned from parenting our ten kids, what it means to move from control to connection, and how to maintain strong relationships during the most challenging years. Whether you're in the thick of adolescence or preparing for it, this episode offers encouragement, clarity, and practical tools.

Topics include:
• Building trust and fostering independence
• Avoiding the trap of control or punishment
• Communicating values in a way teens can hear
• Creating rules that actually work

In what ways do we tend to default to control instead of connection when our teens challenge us?

How can we help each other start with our own hearts before reacting to difficult teen behavior?

What opportunities can we create this week to invest in one-on-one connection with our teen(s)?

Are there any household rules we need to revisit or simplify to better serve our teens' growth?

What does it mean to us to parent for Christian maturity rather than just obedience?

If curiosity is a trait that can lead to the development of healthier, deeper, and more intimate relationships, then it could be another vital feature of the life of the child. - Maggie Hernon

Did this title cause you to look?  Do you wonder what it is about?  Is it causing you to click to listen?  That is because you are curious and that is a good thing! Curiosity is something we should all be encouraging in our children and there are numerous benefits.  People who are curious have better mental health, are more successful in life and relationships, and have a more highly developed sense of wonder and awe in the world.  Children are born curious, and it is up to parents to encourage them through the tools we give them, the environment we provide and how we model curiosity ourselves.  Listen in to find out how to help your children be curious about the world and themselves and why this is an essential skill.

https://messyfamilyproject.org/

"When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things—not the great occasions—give off the greatest glow of happiness." - Bob Hope

The holidays are an important "memory making time" for children because these are the years in which their impressions are sometimes bigger than life, bigger than reality!  Parents need to be very intentional about the messages that they are sending to their children through the way that they spend their time, energy, and money.  In this podcast we take some time to review the importance of family culture for the formation of identity, belonging and mission.  But then we get into the practical side of the holidays and give some tips and tricks that all parents can benefit from!  Listen in!

"Money touches every aspect of our lives and colors our interactions with others. If we don't get our relationship with money right, our relationships with others hardly stand a chance." ~ Jonathan and Amanda Teixeira

Boy do we have a treat for you!  One area in which we have always been hesitant to talk about is family finances.  But we figured, when you know what you are not good at, you outsource!  This is why we are bringing in Jonathan and Amanda Teixeira, founders of WalletWin, a financial-success program and podcast that help everyday Catholics get intentional with money.  In 2012, they were $24,500 in debt, but in less than eight months, they had paid off all their loans and closed the doors on debt forever. Since kicking debt to the curb, they've focused on saving, investing, and giving, and they're now teaching others how to do the same.  We have found their advice to be very balanced and helpful to couples who desire to learn how to work together and manage their money in a way that brings peace and stability to their home.  Listen into this crucial conversation!