"21% of teens said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents. Only 8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids." ― Meg Meeker

After 13 years of marriage we had six children and were pretty confident in our parenting. But when our oldest daughter became a teenager, we felt like we needed to learn how to parent all over again!  This sweet 12 year old seemed to begin changing before our eyes and we had to pivot pretty quickly to learn what it was that she needed and what our new role was as parents.  The teen years do not need to be horrible.  In contrast, it should be the flowering of all the parenting you have done and an exciting time for you and your child!  The question for parents is how do I learn how to love my child during this turbulent time of change from being a child to being an adult.  In this episode, we give you some principles to remember and some practical things you can do to REALLY love your teenager.  

• If you want your teen to grow in virtue and maturity, you must give them freedom.   Parents of teens move from being a protector to being a coach.  

• For teens who are forming their identity in relation to the world, their interests are equal with who they are.  So if you learn more about their music, games, friends, and trends, they will receive the message that you like them, not just love them. 

• Teens need to be encouraged to take appropriate risks. Failure is a part of learning.  They won't succeed at everything they do and that is OK.  This is the best time for them to learn these lessons.  

• Invite them into spiritual adulthood.  Give them the opportunity to make the faith their own.  

• Looking back on your teen years, do you love your "teen self"?  How can you grow in this? 

• List the names of your tweens and teens.  What do you love about them? Share with your spouse and add to the list together. 

• What are your concerns about your teens?  Does your spouse have the same concerns?  Why or why not? 

• In what areas are you giving too much freedom?  Where can you help your teen grow in independence?

• The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

IGen by Jean Twenge

Happiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock

All of us come into our vocations with expectations.  We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions.  We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way.  The problem is, we can't always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses.  In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow.  We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today.  This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.  

• Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.

• Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse.  They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness.

• Don't lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage. 

• No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude.  There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.  

• What were my expectations coming into our marriage?  

• Which of these were fulfilled?  Which has led to disappointment? 

• What am I grateful for?  

Article on Expectations and Happiness

Our parents made us sisters, but God made us friends.  

One of the greatest blessings of Alicia's life is that God gave her 9 brothers and sisters to laugh, play, fight, create, and pray with most of her life! This conversation is from a girls getaway weekend with the five Doman sisters.  Now, because all the Doman siblings are practicing Catholics  in good relationship with each other and their parents, people may put them in a category of "the perfect Catholic family".  But that is far from true.  As you will hear, each one of these sisters has lived through tragedies and difficulties that were completely unexpected and not chosen by them at all. It is by God's grace that each one of them has grown into the woman God is calling her to be and it is through that relationship with Christ, as well as the accident of birth, that we are able to have true sisterhood together.  Listen in as we talk about God's faithfulness through the difficulties of life and how true sisterhood with those in your family and friends are essential to our survival.  

• Life is not always easy, but God is near

• We can learn from those who God gives us, even when they are different from us.  Don't get frustrated by differences, embrace them!

• When we are joined together by common faith in Christ, we can develop true friendships

• What relationships can we invest more in to develop sisterhood and brotherhood? 

• Are we happy with our relationships with our siblings?  Why or why not? What can we change about this? 

• How does sharing values with others change us? 

The vocation of marriage and the vocation of consecrated life beautifully work together and we think this interview demonstrates that fact!  In this podcast we have a conversation with Sr. John Paul, from the order Mary Mother of the Eucharist, a Dominican congregation in Ann Arbor MI.  She is a fellow Franciscan University alum and principal of St. Michael School in Columbus OH. Like parents, she is in charge of the formation of virtue in young children, but she sees this formation from a different perspective.  During our conversation, she explains how to discuss the virtues in daily life and gives us some language to use.  Sister also demonstrates how to spot virtues in children and call them out and shows why this is so important.  Join in this recording of our member date night with a very special sister.  

Dominican Virtue Tree: https://openlightmedia.com/online-learning/interactive-virtue-tree/

Family Board Meeting course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Moms and Dad Webinars & Courses: https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

We love it when our listeners dictate what we talk about!  In this episode we tackle some great email questions and voice memos that parents have sent us.  A mom asks if its ok that her 2 yr old is wearing his sister's dress up clothes and another mom is overwhelmed at another child on the way. Does this make her not "open to life" or a bad Catholic?  We also had a wife share with us her heartache at her husband's lack of faith in the home.  How can she honor the Lord and honor her husband at the same time when he is not interested in living the faith?  Listen in as we talk about these questions and the issue of keeping life in balance.  How do we make time for it all?  Our answers are empathetic, but also practical and we believe they can help many parents out there.  Join the conversation!

Don't miss the virtual Family Board Meeting in August - https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Fly down to the Catholic Couples Getaway on Cozumel island - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/

Join us for a Fatima Pilgrimage and Portugal Cruise - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/

"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." - G.K. Chesterton

As we celebrate the founding of our country, we want to take time to salute and honor those families who serve our country. The decision to serve affects not only those serving in our armed forces but also the spouses and children.  In this podcast, we discuss with three military families on the joys and crosses of this vocation they have chosen to live. This conversation is really beautiful because much of what they share is applicable to any and every family. Important principles like trusting the Lord in everything, investing in your community and constantly pursuing your spouse are applicable to every marriage. We also ask about the virtue of patriotism and how to pass this on to our children. We hope this podcast will inspire you, it has inspired us! 

Want to hear more on this topic? Check out our latest blog post on raising patriotic kids: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/raising-patriotic-kids/

Don't miss the virtual Family Board Meeting in August - https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Fly down to the Catholic Couples Getaway on Cozumel island - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/

Join us for a Fatima Pilgrimage and Portugal Cruise - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/

"You know what my bedtime routine was when I was a kid? Darkness!" ~ Jerry Seinfeld

We love our listeners.  And we love answering their questions!  In this episode, we are joined by our Program Coordinator, Katie (Hernon) Gamboa who represents the "every-mom" and gives us some great topics to talk about.  The first issue we tackle is sleep!  Since few young parents ever get enough of it, we help out by giving some tips and tricks as well as perspective.  One of us is good at getting kids to lay down and one is not.  We explain how this happens and how to make sure it doesn't happen to you.  Another great question is in regards to big families.  The more kids you have the more the humanity and brokenness you will experience as a family.  Bringing children into the world isn't just a matter of another pregnancy, it is another life that you are tied to for the long haul.  Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint!  How do we soberly decide our family size?  How do you know when and if you should take on a stewardship of another life?  And the last question is in regards to fun.  What does the Hernon family do for fun?  The answer is simpler than you think!  Listen in and join the conversation!

"It's better to be wrong together than right alone" - Michele Doman

Every couple argues.  Or at least they should.  The reason is that arguing can be a path to unity which is what marriage is all about.  Some couples argue in measured tones with carefully reasoned ideas, while others argue with raised voices and emotional exchanges.  Every couple is different, but there are some principles that we all can follow to make our "discussions with emotion" more productive and focused on bringing spouses closer together.  Listen in as we give you Five Ways to Win Every Argument….  Just kidding.  That would not be a very good marriage podcast!  We will actually give you some tips to help you forge that unity in a manner that is healthy, holy, and good for both of you.  This podcast is a re-boot of "Arguing in Marriage" from March 2015.

"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." – Augustine of Hippo

We want our community of messy families to be above average.  Intentional. Vibrant. Better than all the rest.  One way to do that is to be very thoughtful about how you spend your leisure time with your family this summer.  Every family and every trip is different, but no matter what the length is or where you go, families should be sure to make the most of their time with their children. Vacations strengthen your family culture, help you and your children grow personally, and are good for mental health! But this will only happen if you are sure to define your "why" and then make a simple, flexible plan. Listen in to this podcast when we share some of our vacation experiences and give some tips and tricks for making the most of this special time with your family.

Every family has an anointing and in order to walk in that anointing we need to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. - Deacon Larry Oney After Jesus ascended into heaven the apostles had the Eucharist.  They probably celebrated mass together, they had the Blessed Mother with them, and surely they prayed and fasted.  But they did not go out and evangelize, heal the sick, or preach the word.  Why?  They were waiting for the Advocate, the Breath of God, the Power from on high - the Holy Spirit.  Often we forget that we need the power of the Holy Spirit that lives within us to do any good work.  He is the one that enlightens our minds when we don't know how to respond to a child, He gives us the courage to be vulnerable with our spouse when its hard, and He enables us to lift our hearts in prayer.  Join us for this interview with Deacon Larry and his wife Andi.  They have two very different stories of walking with the Lord and their marriage is an unlikely match on many levels.  But God brought them together and now they are serving alongside each other in preaching and teaching about the love of God and the joy they have in serving him.  

https://hopeandpurpose.org/

https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

"Love is never something ready made, something merely given to man and woman, it is always at the same time a task which they are set. Love should be seen as something which in a sense never 'is' but is always only 'becoming'..." ~ St John Paul II

What is one of the most important things you can give your marriage?  TIME.  We build relationships with the material of time - no time spent means nothing is being built. It is very easy for all of us to push time spent with our spouse to the back burner because although our marriages are Important, they are rarely Urgent. Think about it - there will always be something more urgent in life than spending time with your spouse. But there is nothing that is more important. Couples must intentionally take time to prioritize time with each other or it simply will not happen.  Daily connection, regular date nights, and weekends away are all different types of time we can put aside for our marriage. You need to take time for your spouse, but you also need to spend it wisely. In this podcast, we discuss some common stumbling blocks for couples, practical ways to make this time for each other and even some conversation topics for you and your spouse. 

So many of us don't have a healthy relationship with our emotions and don't have the boundaries that we all need to protect ourselves appropriately.  We get caught up in the things we can't control and wind up ignoring what we can control. In his book, "Own Your Past, Change Your Future" Dr. John Delony draws on his two decades of work as a therapist and crisis responder to teach parents how to take extreme ownership for themselves and their children.  We were thrilled to be able to interview John and go even deeper into his thoughts on how we can be healthier people who can then be more effective spouses and parents.  The lessons that he gives in this interview and in his book are timeless.  Listen in as we discuss the real definition of "trauma" and "grief", ownership of emotions and thoughts, the epidemic of loneliness and the need for friendship, and the role that parents play in all of this. 

• Always communicate that you are on their side as a mentor, teacher, and guide. 
• Expect mistakes
• Be willing to risk giving your child freedom - beware!  It's not easy! 

• How can we give our kids more freedom to make good choices? What are my fears about this? 

• Do my teens see me as a mentor?  Why or why not.  Plan some time to talk to them about this.  

• Where do we need better boundaries in our home?  What are the areas in which our children need more training? 

 "For a Christian, joy isn't what happens when life is going perfectly; it's what happens when you know you are loved perfectly, even when life is a mess." ~ Chris Stefanick

Sometimes we look at other couples and think, "Those people have it all together. It must be easy to be married to that person.  We are the only one's struggling." Nothing could be further from the truth. This interview starts with fun questions like "What's the best part about being married to Natalie?" and "How did Chris pop the question?".  But then, true to the brand of "Real Life Catholic", Chris and Natalie quickly opened up their marriage to us to share the very real pain and suffering that they have journeyed through together.   All of us have our own battles to fight in our lives, and often we bring these battles into our marriages.  The question is, do our spouses come alongside us and fight FOR us, or do they themselves become another "battle to fight"?  In this conversation, we discuss the process of healing from sexual abuse within marriage, the effect on both spouses, how you can help your spouse through their struggles, and how to lean in to all the grace that the sacrament of marriage has to give.  This is a raw and real conversation that we believe will speak to the hearts of husbands and wives who take the time to listen. 

We've all been there. You're trying to calm a crying infant, the toddler is crawling under the pews, the seven year old is drawing in the missal, and you wonder if your teenager is getting anything out of this at all. What are we talking about? Taking kids to mass! The mass is the font and summit of our faith but so many times we wonder if our kids are Pay attention at all. Does standing in the parking lot with a crying infant or chasing a toddler through the vestibule count as your Sunday obligation? In this podcast, we talk about the challenges and importance of bringing our children to Jesus in mass. The world that children live in is completely different than ours psychologically and spiritually. It is absolutely vital that parents recognize this in order to nurture the child's growing relationship with Christ. Listen in as we share our stories and insights on encouraging participation in this most important family prayer, Holy mass. 

Funny "Post Church Press Conference" YouTube Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om-qeqwcF8g

Catechesis of the Good Shepherd Parent Resources: https://www.cgsusa.org/discover/cgs-approach/cgs-in-the-home-parent-resources/

Special Catholic Couples Getaway next January: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/ 

Take our listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/messyfamilysurvey2022

Host Hijack!!  Alicia's brother Paul joins Mike for some manly conversation (but don't worry, Alicia jumps in at the end!) This conversation will be helpful to anyone who is looking to have a great marriage - whether you are a husband or wife.  It's clear that there are many roles that men play in our world, some big and some small, but no other role comes close to the significance of being a good husband.  Instead of just talking theory, Mike and special guest Paul Doman discuss very real ways that husbands can and must love, serve, protect and lead in the home. This topic is essential for both men and women as we consider how we are being called to take extreme ownership for the way in which we lay down our lives for our wives and embrace our sacred calling. Representing the ladies, Alicia joins the end of our conversation to pose some questions from wives about their husbands.  Join in our conversation to laugh, be encouraged, and empowered in the role of a Catholic husband in a marriage.  

Special Catholic Couples Getaway next January: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/ 

Guide to strengthen your marriage: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/marriage/

Living life with infants and toddlers is no joke.  And the more you have the crazier your life is!  We all know life is more than survival, but there were plenty of times that all Alicia could think when she woke up was "I just have to make it till nap time". In this MFP classic episode which first aired in 2015, we talk about living life with kids under 5 without losing your mind. We give some practical tips for managing your children, ways to keep your marriage alive at this time, and how to act as a team in these crucial years.  Even though the "Survival Zone" is in our distant memory, we now have grandchildren who remind us regularly how much energy kids take!  Listen in for these essential tips in getting through these difficult times with grace and joy. 

"Instead of trying to protect yourself through your fear, learn to live dangerously! – by doing and saying what you think, know, and believe to be right, by not caring that you may be mistaken at times" 

~ Dr. Conrad Barrs, Born Only Once: the Miracle of Affirmation

Unfortunately, we live in a Pinterest-perfect, commercialized, consumerist culture that is looking for the top of the line in everything.  What happens when that attitude bleeds into our parenting? How does it affect our kids when we start demanding perfection from them instead of delighting in who they are?  In this podcast, we dive into the concept of "affirmation" and examine how essential it is that our children receive affirmation from us.  When a person is affirmed, they are not afraid to take risks, to be vulnerable, or to fail.  They know they are loved for who they are, not what they do.  They are delighted in and they know it.  Childhood should be a process of a person receiving these messages from their parent so they can become who they were born to be. Listen in as we discuss the effects of affirmation, practical ways to affirm children, and what affirmation is NOT.  The reference for this podcast is the book Born Only Once, by Dr. Conrad Barrs.

"One earns Paradise with one's daily task." ~ Saint Gianna Beretta Molla 

Chores, laundry, meal preparation, etc, etc…. It never ends!  But even this part of family life is an area in which God wants to enter into our lives and teach us to be holy.  Yes, there are very practical aspects of family life that we need to just get done, but HOW we do them will effect our growth as a Catholic family.  Listen in to this podcast where we discuss how we do chores, laundry, and our family's schedule.  Things change over the years and its important that we realize that being flexible is one of the keys to keeping family life peaceful.  Finding new chore charts, routines, and assignments at home is one way that parents can keep themselves and their kids on their toes and learning how to serve each other.  The home is the training ground for life! 

Stefanick Date Night Sign Up: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-chris-natalie-stefanick/

Over the years, we have met many couples, ordinary people, who have been able to come to a deeper understanding of God's love for them and the importance of their marriage because of the challenges that have come up in their lives. Many of these stories are inspiring, so we decided to share some of them with you.  We interviewed three couples from our Messy Family Neighborhood who have faced challenges in their marriage that they have been able to learn from by God's grace.  Billy and Lori are a young couple who needed to learn how to operate as a family and not as "married individuals".  David and Erin are a military family who dealt with the dangers of military conflict as well as long deployments.  Bill and Lisa have three children with various special needs who forced them to adjust their expectations of family life and prioritize each other even when their children's needs seemed overwhelming. We all need to hear stories of God's grace acting in the lives of other people to be inspired and encouraged. Listen in and enjoy.

The world says husbands and wives have the same or even interchangeable roles.  Some fundamentalist Christians and even Catholics say wives should let their husbands decide everything (even in regards to sexual intimacy!) and wives should obey as long as it is not immoral.  This way of thinking does not reflect the rich, intricate, dynamic teachings of the Church in regards to men and women.  A true Catholic marriage calls men and women to act in complementarity so they both become who God is calling them to be. Listen in while we unpack this controversial but essential topic on the role of a wife in a marriage.  (podcast on a husband's role in marriage coming soon!)

The most important challenge you can take 

What does it take to be a great parent and have a joyful family? We think it all boils down to three essential elements. We have turned these three elements into the Play and Pray Challenge!  More than ever, we need to celebrate the love of Jesus in the month of June, because it is HIS love and lordship that will truly fulfill all our deepest longings!  What is the challenge? In the month of June do these three things with your family -  Organize and execute an amazing FAMILY DAY, plan and go on a DATE NIGHT, and proclaim Jesus Christ as the KING OF THE HOME by placing the image of the Sacred Heart in their house and "enthroning" Him as King.  We want to make this a fun and rewarding experience for families, so we have created some resources to help you out. Go to our website messyfamilyproject.org/challenge to get our Play and Pray Challenge Kit.  There are even promo materials for you to put up at your parish or school!  

Get the free download and let us know your family is taking the challenge - https://messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Related podcast episode: 

MFP 091: King of the Home - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-091-king-of-the-home/

 MFP 257: How to Change Your Heart  - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-257-how-to-change-your-heart-lessons-from-the-sacred-heart-of-jesus/

Key takeaways:

1. One of the greatest assets we have in parenting is the ability to choose how we spend our time.  Protect your yes with 1,000 no's

2. Your children need to be known and loved by you. Joy must be alive in your home.

3. Your marriage gives you the grace to be a parent. So invest deeply in your marriage!

4. Devotion to the Sacred heart is a game changer for families

5. If you want to pray with your kids you need to play with them.  

Couple Discussion

1. How do we waste time with our kids?  How do we lavish love on them?

2. What brings joy to the hearts of our children? How can we do more of that? 

3. What is my understanding of the love of Jesus flowing from His Sacred Heart?  How can I express this love to my children?

You try your hardest to raise your teenagers with patience, honesty and good manners, but they still end up being like you.

– Anonymous

There is much confusion among teens today around the crucial questions of life and we believe it is because too many parents are not taking up their essential role in their children's lives.  During adolescence, the parent-child relationship is crucial especially for the parent of the same sex. Fathers teach boys how to be men, and mothers teach girls how to be women.  It's never too early to start thinking about how to handle this period of transition from childhood to adulthood.  We have seen over the years some families who do this transition very well, and unfortunately some that don't. Listen in to this podcast as we discuss things we have done with our teens, five of whom are now adults, and how we continue to learn about this wonderful stage of parenting that brings its own joys and challenges.  

We discuss these resources in our podcast today:

• Why Gender Matters
• Preparing for Adolescence
• Wild at Heart
• Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters
• Bringing up Boys
• Passport 2 Purity

After attending our niece's wedding recently, we had some time to reflect on the significance of marriage not only in our own lives today but how being married prepares us for our eternal unity with God.  The church teaches clearly that marriage is a foreshadowing of the unity between Christ, the Bridegroom, and the Church, His Bride.  This reality should impact our marriages greatly!  We need to allow this truth to change us and make us even more serious about deepening our relationship with our spouse.  Listen in for some inspiration about marriage, weddings, and even religious vocations.  This conversation will inspire and encourage you!  

Family Board Meeting Workshop: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Lenten program for couples: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/

Mother Daughter course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/women-signup/ 

Dads vs Wild course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/

"Teaching kids how to handle money is more than dollars and cents, it's about character and responsibility" - Dave Ramsey

Handling money is a subject that can bring about strong emotion in couples, but it's a life skill that we need to teach our children!  How we use money reflects our values, and if we want to intentionally train our children and instill in them our deeply held beliefs, then we need to teach them how to use money.  Like most things we do as parents, teaching isn't just talking.  Children learn by example, they learn by asking questions, and most importantly, they learn by doing.  In this podcast we take some time to explain how we have taught our kids how to use money and how they have taken these lessons into adulthood.  Although we don't propose to have all the answers, we do share how we have handled allowances, paying kids for chores, children contributing to the household, and children taking care of their own expenses.  Listen in for some fun conversation and inspiration!

The family is a kind of school of deeper humanity. But if it is to achieve the full flowering of its life and mission, it needs the kindly communion of minds and the joint deliberation of spouses.  Gaudium et Spes 52.

How do you live life intentionally?  You plan for it!  And when you are a family, that plan starts with taking some time to have a "deep dive" conversation with your spouse.  A tool we have designed to guide this conversation is called "The Family Board Meeting".  Think about it this way, your family is your own little corporation and you are president of the board.  Well, maybe not exactly, but you and your spouse are the partners in running your home, and how can you do that effectively without a plan?  Once a year it's a good idea to get away, dream a little and set some goals.  The most important part of this conversation is not making the perfect goals or having the ultimate budget or schedule.  It's actually about having a unified vision as a couple for what you want your family to be. That's what it's all about.  Listen in as we discuss this valuable tool for you and your family.  (This podcast is a throwback to 2015!)

Free Webinar and Worksheet: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/

Family Board Meeting Workshop: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Mother Daughter course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/women-signup/ 

Dads vs Wild course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/ 

Having all our adult children along with our grandchildren at our house over the holidays reminded us that all the sacrifices we have made over the years (and continue to make!) are all worth it.  We thought our listeners would enjoy hearing from our kids' perspective what worked for them and what didn't, what we taught them intentionally or unintentionally, and how these lessons affect them now as adults.  We tell parents all the time that is so important to imagine what you want your kids to look like when they are adults, and we have tried to live that out ourselves.  Some topics we discuss in this conversation are the importance of forgiveness, "adulting", managing teens, allowing kids to fail, and communicating respect for children so they know their voice matters.  We hope you enjoy listening to this conversation because we enjoyed having it! 

New MFP Guide to Screens and Your Child: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/screens-and-your-child-guide/

Family Board Meeting: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/

Lovers do "for love" what never would be done for a reason, or a rule, or a doctrine or a law. True love "loves" and needs to suffer — not for suffering's sake alone, but for the sake of what we know is only gained on the other side of suffering: Joy.  - Damon Owens

Damon and Melanie Owens have been serving couples throughout most of their 27 years of marriage and now they have launched their own marriage ministry called Joyfully Ever After.  Damon has been the executive director of the Theology of the Body Institute and, with Melanie, they have trained over 20,000 couples in marriage, NFP and in the beauty of the Theology of the Body.  In this interview we discuss some of the greatest needs they see in marriages today, what to do if your spouse is unwilling to work on the marriage, and how to increase intimacy in marriage.  Like us, they offer practical tools for living Catholic life with authenticity and joy.  Listen in as we dive into our conversation with this inspiring Catholic couple.  

Damon and Melanie's ministry to marriage: https://www.joyfuleverafter.org/

New MFP Guide to Screens and Your Child: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/screens-and-your-child-guide/

*** Support our ministry: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

The Advent season is more than just a countdown to Christmas. It is a time of preparation for the coming of Christ –  His coming at Christmas and His second coming. The Church gives us many beautiful traditions to help us lead our children to focus on more than just presents and treats, but instead on the true celebration of the gift of Jesus! In this podcast we share some ideas and inspiration on what we do for Advent and how to inspire your family in this journey to Bethlehem.

Download our free guide to Advent and Christmas at : https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/advent-2021/ 

Previous podcasts of interest:

• MP 036 : Holidays with In-laws and Out-laws - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-036-holidays-with-in-laws-and-out-laws/ 
• MP 021 : Visiting Family - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-021-visiting-family/
• MP 074 : Busy-ness - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-074-busy-ness/

Jeff Cavins is the author is the Bible Timeline, the tool behind the hit podcast "The Bible in a Year" with Fr. Mike Schmitz.  Jeff and his wife Emily have studied, taught, and led thousands of people into a deeper relationship with the Word of God through their books, talks, and guided tours.  They have a heart for families and a desire to teach parents how to teach their children!   On this podcast, we discuss teaching scripture to our children and learning why it is so important that parents do this.  Not only do the Cavins have great insight, but they also have developed tools for parents to use in their own homes!  Listen in as we learn more about their work and how they are continuing to serve the Church by helping families fall in love with the Word of God. 

If you would like to  the video recording, sign up here: messyfamilyproject.com/date-night-with-the-cavins

Advent Email Campaign Sign up: messyfamilyproject.org/advent-2021/

Cruise Info: messyfamilyproject.org/cruise/ 

Jeff's Website and Pilgrimage Information: https://www.jeffcavins.com/

We love interacting with our listeners and one way we do this is by taking your questions!  Katie (Hernon) Gamboa joins us again to sit in as the "Every-mom" and ask us the questions that our members have sent in to us to be answered.  Per usual, there is a variety of subjects that we cover in this episode.  One mom is struggling with spiritual desolation and a husband who is agnostic.  A dad dealing with addiction reached out for encouragement and advice on relating to his wife during recovery.  We also touch on lighter topics such as laundry routines, having fun with your kids, and navigating the secular Christmas trappings that are all around us.  And we always have questions about toddlers, so that topic is in here too!  Thank you to all who sent in their questions - we hope we have done them justice!

Link to FANOS:  https://hopehousehealing.com/learn/fanos

Link to Cruise: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cruise/

All of us need community and having people in your home is a great way to make them feel loved and to experience a little bit of heaven.  But so many of us have "hostess anxiety" and feel like our home, our cooking, or our kids aren't good enough to be exposed to others.  The reality is that we all need to practice hospitality, but not everyone has been trained how to be a good host!  In this episode we do just that!  After giving some inspiration, we go through some practical tips that we have found over the past 30 years for entertaining large groups, small groups, people with kids, or a group of couples.  Getting together is worth it!  Listen in and then subscribe and share!

In this next part of our series on tech, we talk about the specific challenges that tech use brings to boys and girls.  Just as men and women have different gifts, they also deal with different temptations in their tech use.  Because of this, parents must be proactive in teaching boundaries to their children so they can use tech with freedom when they leave your house and enter the world of adulthood. During this conversation, we give you some principles that you will need to discuss with your spouse to make a tech policy of your own. Every family must have some boundaries, because if you don't define them, then the reality is that Big Tech will be calling the shots in your house. Their goal is to control your kids and they have the means to do it.  

• Because of the genius of men to create and subdue the world they are more tempted to be addicted to video games.  Because of women's gift of relationships they are more tempted to be absorbed in social media.  

• Parents must know the symptoms of addiction and immediately respond if they believe their child has an addiction.  Their child's future success in life depends on it. 

• The best filter is a well-formed child who knows how to respond to toxic online content. 

• You must teach and model healthy tech use for your kids - nothing is private, have a healthy skepticism of any online content, and learn good manners.  

• Are we aware of the symptoms of tech addiction?  Are any of our children in danger of this addiction?  If so, what are we going to do about it? 

• Do we have a written tech policy?  Plan a time to discuss with your spouse and create one.  

• What is our plan for social media use for our children?  

• The Messy Family Guide to Technology - https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/

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In this episode, we continue the conversation on spiritual freedom with Matt and Jen Lozano from Heart of the Father Ministries and we get practical!  Matt and Jen walk us through the process of defining the lies of the enemy and breaking their power over us.  This all begins with repentance and forgiveness.   Then, we have to renounce these lies, just like we do in confession, and engage in the grace that is there for us.  Last we need to receive the blessing of the Father, which is the deepest longing of our hearts.  In this podcast, all of us share examples of how this process has transformed our relationship with God and we talk about the importance of blessing our children, which creates in their heart a place to receive the blessing of God the Father.  Listen in to the conversation!

Parents feel like failures almost every day, but this is the lie of the enemy!  We are so excited to share with you this interview with Matt and Jen Lozano, speakers and teachers for Heart of the Father Ministries. They have worked with people all over the world, hearing their stories, praying with them, and leading them to freedom.  In our discussion, we talk about some essential spiritual issues which are so vital to parents' ability to pass on the faith to their kids.  In this first part of our conversation, we talk about recognizing the lies that we believe, renouncing them, and choosing the good.  So many of us believe lies from our past which keep us trapped in a "small story" but when we allow Jesus to free us, He brings us into a larger story, the story of truth.  Please listen in to this powerful podcast. 

When families act as they were created to be they can be a powerful force of transformation and renewal in the world because the Catholic family has what the world is looking for.  Every person has a deep need for belonging and relationship, which is naturally found within family and ultimately satisfied by God the Father. In this presentation, we will discuss how to cultivate these relationships and give an uplifting vision for how the family can be fully alive and change the world. 

We all realize there is a war on the family, right?  But do you understand where it is coming from?  And what the goal is?  You can't fight a war when you don't know who the enemy is and what they want.  In this podcast we identify the enemies of the family as socialism, feminism, and sexual radicalism.  The ultimate goal of these "-isms" is the separation of children from their parents.  Make no mistake, we do not fight against physical kingdoms, but against "principalities and powers" as it says in the scriptures. This fight is being waged in the world of philosophy and ideas which have been infiltrating into our society, our politics, and now even our education system.  These roots are deep and have been growing for years, but we are just now seeing their ugly fruit.  We would like you to take some time to understand how your understanding of the roles of mothers, fathers, children, and the family as a social unit has been effected by these philosophies.  It goes deeper than you think!  This podcast was inspired by and draws from The Invincible Family by Kimberly Ells.  Listen in and join the conversation. 

Forgiveness is becoming a lost practice in our increasingly secular world which we believe is one reason for the fracturing of our society. We are always going to offend each other. People are always going to sin against their fellow man. Those offenses and sins cause distance between us. How can they be repaired? Forgiveness. In this podcast, we define what it means to forgive someone and the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. We also discuss having good boundaries when you forgive and how to make sure those boundaries don't become a wall between you and those in your community. And last we give you all a challenge, a forgiveness challenge, set out by one of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal,  which promises to set you free and draw you closer to Christ and others.

Join us for a special date night with Jeff and Emily Cavins: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-the-cavins/

 Events calendar: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/

We talk a lot on our program about the "messy-ness" of life, but we thought it would be good to take some time to unpack why exactly we use this term and why it's so important to every family.  Every family is a messy family because we live in a broken, fallen world and we constantly are trying to repair relationships and situations that have ruptured.  Why is it so important to recognize this?  Because if we deny or ignore this reality, or try to control our situation and make it neat and perfect, we will only end up frustrating ourselves and making the situation worse.  Families need to embrace the mess knowing that they are exactly where God wants them to be.  

All of us deal with fears in life and overcoming them is the key to living in freedom in your relationships.  People have anxieties about all sorts of things, but within your spouse you should be able to find a safe place. Within marriage is where you should be able to admit your fears, have them be seen in the light of truth, and then overcome them through action.  Listen in while we discuss how you can recognize ways in which fear is holding you back from true connection with your spouse and ways to conquer that fear.  

For more on this and other topics related to marriage, parenting and family life at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Divorce is so common in our culture today that the effects of it on children can easily be dismissed. Almost every couple who gets married has a family member whose life was affected by divorce, so we can think it must not be a big deal. But those people who are adult children of divorce will tell you that it is.  It is a wound they carry their whole lives, but because of Jesus and His power over sin and death that wound can actually be transformed and become a life-giving wound.  Dan and Beth Meola are the founders of the ministry "Life Giving Wounds" which serves those adults whose parents have divorced.  Their compassion, wisdom, and vulnerability in sharing their own stories is inspiring and encouraging.  Listen in to this conversation even if you are not an adult child of divorce.  It will give you insights that you have not considered before regarding this pervasive issue in our society.  

Links:  https://www.lifegivingwounds.org/

Parenting kids in a tech age; Teaching kids virtue in an age of tech; Is it possible to use tech with virtue?

"It is your responsibility to train your child in virtue and slowly move from protecting their innocence to building Christian maturity.  This is true for many areas of life, including use of technology" - Mike and Alicia Hernon

We have talked about the harm that the overuse of screens can do to kids and especially teens, but in this podcast we give parents some ways that they can be proactive in this world of Big Tech.  Screens are here to stay, so parents need to take them on as another area in which they need to train their children in virtue.  Do not lose heart!  It is possible to have virtuous kids who are on social media, play video games, and interact with others online.  Listen in as we show you how.  

Referenced in this episode

Catholic Youth Summer Camp - https://cysc.com/

Messy Family Membership - https://messyfamilyhood.com/join-neighborhood/ 

Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ 

Family Dance-Off: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/dance-off/

At the suggestion of our members, we talked MONEY with Sam and Rob Fatzinger, parents of 14 and authors of the new book A Catholic Guide to Spending Less and Living More. This conversation was insightful and full of great ideas for you and your families!  Money is a hot button topic for many couples and we need to find ways to use our resources wisely especially when you have a larger family and live on one income.  Rob and Sam show us that it is possible!  Plus, living simply has other benefits such as the lessons it teaches our children, care for the environment, and a greater respect for the goods of the earth.  Listen in to this fun conversation with the Fatzingers and the members of the Messy Family Neighborhood.  

• Join us in the Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ 
• Family Dance-Off: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/dance-off/ 
• Find out more about the course for dads: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/
• Book - A Catholic Guide to Spending Less and Living More - https://amzn.to/3pH2811
• Fatzinger blog: http://fatzfam.com/

The destructive effects of video games are not on boys' cognitive abilities or their reaction times, but on their motivation and their connectedness with the real world.

~Dr. Leonard Sax

Technology can be a blessing or a curse. It can be used for great good and yet it can expose people to grave evil. Helping our children learn how to responsibly navigate the use of technology, especially social media, is one of the immense parenting challenges of our age.  In this podcast, we look at the unique challenges that technology presents to parents and why parents must meet this challenge head-on!  We talk about how to discern your tech use as a family and why just locking down every device is simply not enough.  Like most areas of parenting, we need to first train ourselves and then take the time to train our children.  

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Don't be naive. Stay on top of what your kids are watching and what they are engaging with.  It is our responsibility to prepare and guide them. 

• Discern your tech use as a person and as a family. Walk them through the seven keys to empower them to make good choices because tech is a powerful gift of God and should be used for good.

• Seven keys the church gives us to guide us in using technology

• Does it communicate a balanced worldview?

• How is the creator's attitude oriented towards the subject?

• Does it dignify the human person?

• Does it speak the Truth?

• Is it inspirational?

• Is it done with skill? 

• Is it motivated by experience?

• Train your children to use it as they grow. Like driving a car, prepare them to use it as they mature and are old enough to use it wisely and virtuously

COUPLE DISCUSSION

• In what ways have we been blessed by media and technolgy?  How has it helped us? 

• How can we discern our media use as a family?  

• If our goal is to form our children to become adults who can make good media choices, how and when can we give our children appropriate freedom?  What does that look like for our kids today? 

Resources: 

Infinite Bandwidth: Encountering Christ in the Media. By Dr. Eugene Gan

https://www.afterbabel.com/p/algorithms-hijacked-my-generation

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2799042

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/are-video-games-and-screens-another-addiction

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/03/teen-childhood-smartphone-use-mental-health-effects/677722/?gift=9xPqLPcwLfFbf_nnCRecvKJ-3gklcv6nZX-Hliug6W4&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-your-son-addicted-to-video-games

In this podcast, we answer listener questions in a new format - our new Program Coordinator, Katie Gamboa joins us to present topics for us to discuss. She did a great job! We may be biased since she is our most amazing oldest child (but we aren't - she DID do a great job!) With Katie's help, we tackle some sticky questions such as how to handle a sister who is coming out of the closet? How should this be handled with kids? Families are also struggling with the strong emotions of their children when the parents have big feelings themselves!  Listen in as we discuss socializing young children, physical intimacy and the "desire discrepancy", and expectations in marriage and family.  Thank you to all our listeners who contact us with questions.  We love to hear from you!

Part of our message at the Messy Family Project is that parenting is a path to holiness. But the question many couples have is how much parenting is God asking of us? Within the bounds of the Church's teaching, there are many prudential judgements that couples have to make - when to abstain from sexual relations, how to give birth, how many children to have, how long to wait in between births, and how to incorporate this new baby into your family. In this podcast we share some of our birth experiences and the values that we have come to embrace through the ten children we have brought into the world all in the context of the gift that it is to be a parent. Children are the supreme gift of marriage - they are not only good in themselves and good for the world - children are also good for us! Listen in as we take on this important discussion of infants, childbirth, NFP and more. 

Join us in the Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ 

Find out more about the course for mothers and daughters: https://messyfamilyhood.com/maidens-signup/ 

Find out more about the course for dads: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/

April 22 is Earth Day, but maybe we Catholics could call it Creation Day and celebrate the loving Father who gave this world to us to "till and keep".  Maybe we were thinking of this because Mike was chopping down old trees on our property and we all have sore backs this morning!   But seriously, some may look at the extreme environmentalists and be tempted to move to the other extreme and not take seriously their stewardship of the land and animals that are part of our world - but that is not a Christian response!  Time and time again our Church has encouraged people to take responsibility for creation around us, be it plants, animals, or the earth itself.  We are supposed to take care of it and use it well.  Listen in as we talk about teaching and modeling for our children the correct way to care for the gift of creation. 

For more information and resources visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/