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Hell's Rebels, episode 29: Blind the unconscious dead person 20 Sep 2022

In which harsh pragmatism ensues.

#

The poorly-drawn map proves the biggest challenge of this level, but we eventually work out where we can move. The Silver Ravens say "Nope" to regeneration and to ridiculously excessive DCs. We play with a doggie, and have a nice read by the river.

I'm somewhat uncomfortable with The Lout in this part of the adventure. This is an 'ogrekin' (half human, half ogre, I think?) who got captured by some evil priests, magically controlled for a while, brainwashed and is now a loyal lackey. He's presented as abused, deformed and 'breathing through his mouth and drooling'. It all feels a bit dubious to me.

Part 29 of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 029: Blind the unconscious dead person

Direct Links
  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
  3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
  4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
  5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
  6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
  7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
  8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
  9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
  10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
  11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
  12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
  13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
  14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
  15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
  16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
  17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  18. Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost
  19. Episode 018: A lot of f*cking birdseed
  20. Episode 019: Real things said by real people
  21. Episode 020: It's like Casper the Friendly Ghost
  22. Episode 021: Hit points is a state of mind
  23. Episode 022: Is this going to be another Mal versus Door?
  24. Episode 023: Faceful of zombie crotch
  25. Episode 024: Woo! Capitalism!
  26. Episode 025: What kind of tricks do you have up your sleeve? A gun.
  27. Episode 026: I promise it's not cursed
  28. Episode 027: Enormous tiefling, obvious gnome
  29. Episode 028: Back away from the door, book boy
  30. Episode 029: Blind the unconscious dead person
Hell's Rebels, episode 28: Back away from the door, book boy18 Sep 2022

You thought paper cuts were the worst that could happen?

#

Our attempt to find the secrets hidden under the Phantasmagorium runs into problems, as an obstinate book bars the way (a great betrayal, for Zim at least).

That's basically it.

Part 28 of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 028: Back away from the door, book boy

Direct Links
  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
  3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
  4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
  5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
  6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
  7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
  8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
  9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
  10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
  11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
  12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
  13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
  14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
  15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
  16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
  17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  18. Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost
  19. Episode 018: A lot of f*cking birdseed
  20. Episode 019: Real things said by real people
  21. Episode 020: It's like Casper the Friendly Ghost
  22. Episode 021: Hit points is a state of mind
  23. Episode 022: Is this going to be another Mal versus Door?
  24. Episode 023: Faceful of zombie crotch
  25. Episode 024: Woo! Capitalism!
  26. Episode 025: What kind of tricks do you have up your sleeve? A gun.
  27. Episode 026: I promise it's not cursed
  28. Episode 027: Enormous tiefling, obvious gnome
  29. Episode 028: Back away from the door, book boy
Hell's Rebels, episode 27: Enormous tiefling, obvious gnome17 Sep 2022

Neither mummified apes, nor poisonous spiders, nor almost total inability to hurt anything, will stay these messengers about their duty.


Creative solutions abound. We debate the rules for readied actions. That damned spiritual weapon gets its comeuppance. Obviously evil statues are obviously evil.

Part 27 of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 027: Enormous tiefling, obvious gnome

Direct Links
  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
  3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
  4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
  5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
  6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
  7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
  8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
  9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
  10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
  11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
  12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
  13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
  14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
  15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
  16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
  17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  18. Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost
  19. Episode 018: A lot of f*cking birdseed
  20. Episode 019: Real things said by real people
  21. Episode 020: It's like Casper the Friendly Ghost
  22. Episode 021: Hit points is a state of mind
  23. Episode 022: Is this going to be another Mal versus Door?
  24. Episode 023: Faceful of zombie crotch
  25. Episode 024: Woo! Capitalism!
  26. Episode 025: What kind of tricks do you have up your sleeve? A gun.
  27. Episode 026: I promise it's not cursed
  28. Episode 027: Enormous tiefling, obvious gnome
Hell's Rebels, episode 26: I promise it's not cursed27 Feb 2022

"For a gunslinger sitting in a tank of water might not be optimal." - sage advice from Zimgallar, there.


Features spiders.

With courage in our hearts, we delve further into enemy territory - which is to say, we move into the second room. Caution proves to be more difficult that you might think. We discover the lack of Pathfinder rules for handling critters that are actually just on you.

Part 26 of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 026: I promise it's not cursed

Direct Links
  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
  3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
  4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
  5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
  6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
  7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
  8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
  9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
  10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
  11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
  12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
  13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
  14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
  15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
  16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
  17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  18. Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost
  19. Episode 018: A lot of f*cking birdseed
  20. Episode 019: Real things said by real people
  21. Episode 020: It's like Casper the Friendly Ghost
  22. Episode 021: Hit points is a state of mind
  23. Episode 022: Is this going to be another Mal versus Door?
  24. Episode 023: Faceful of zombie crotch
  25. Episode 024: Woo! Capitalism!
  26. Episode 025: What kind of tricks do you have up your sleeve? A gun.
  27. Episode 026: I promise it's not cursed
Hell's Rebels, episode 25: What kind of tricks?25 Feb 2022

Update: fixed some audio issues where parts of Nathan's track were stripped out.

It's too long since we did any impersonation.


The Rebellion continues to gather steam, by which I mean, we maintain our proud record of appalling dice rolls and bare survival. We go for a nice walk that isn't any kind of casing of joints, no sir. Subterfuge ensues as Cassia infiltrates a museum, for a further attempt at conquering the damned thing. Hellknights discover the consequences of f*cking around with hulking semi-demonic chefs. We finally, finally take control of... part of the ground floor of the building. Woo!

Part 25 of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 025: What kind of tricks do you have up your sleeve? A gun.

Direct Links
  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
  3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
  4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
  5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
  6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
  7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
  8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
  9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
  10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
  11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
  12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
  13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
  14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
  15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
  16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
  17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  18. Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost
  19. Episode 018: A lot of f*cking birdseed
  20. Episode 019: Real things said by real people
  21. Episode 020: It's like Casper the Friendly Ghost
  22. Episode 021: Hit points is a state of mind
  23. Episode 022: Is this going to be another Mal versus Door?
  24. Episode 023: Faceful of zombie crotch
  25. Episode 024: Woo! Capitalism!
  26. Episode 025: What kind of tricks do you have up your sleeve? A gun.
Hell's Rebels, episode 24: Woo! Capitalism!31 Oct 2021

Update: fixed some audio issues where parts of Nathan's track were stripped out.

Bridge taxes are up! Outrageous!


I don't honestly remember what happened in this episode, apart from lying to NPCs because gnome. We purchase huge numbers of scrolls (OK, within the limited budget of a low-level party). Shopping occurs. We examine the rules for crafting alchemical items. Not the most action-packed of episodes.

Part 24 of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 024: Woo! Capitalism!

Direct Links
  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
  3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
  4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
  5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
  6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
  7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
  8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
  9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
  10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
  11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
  12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
  13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
  14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
  15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
  16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
  17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  18. Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost
  19. Episode 018: A lot of f*cking birdseed
  20. Episode 019: Real things said by real people
  21. Episode 020: It's like Casper the Friendly Ghost
  22. Episode 021: Hit points is a state of mind
  23. Episode 022: Is this going to be another Mal versus Door?
  24. Episode 023: Faceful of zombie crotch
  25. Episode 024: Woo! Capitalism!
Hell's Rebels, part 23: Faceful of zombie crotch29 Oct 2021
Hell's Rebels, episode 22: Is this going to be another Mal versus Door?20 Jun 2021
Hell's Rebels correction, ep. 2118 Jun 2021

Roger has kindly pointed out that the start of Episode 21 contains 13 minutes of dead silence. This is in no way part of an elaborate Kuthite occult ritual designed to lure our innocent audience into the path of shadow and pain. Especially now that someone's noticed.

I have replaced the file on Archive.org.

Hell's Rebels, episode 21: Hit points is a state of mind14 May 2021
Hell's Rebels: episode 20, It's like Casper the Friendly Ghost23 Apr 2021
Hell's Rebels, part 19, real things said by real people01 Apr 2021
Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 1818 Feb 2021
Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 1712 Feb 2021

There is no beginning; no end; only podcast.


We continue our suboptimal attempts to evict - with extreme prejudice - interlopers* in our beloved home** bent on depriving us of (in no particular order) life, liberty and our worldly wealth***. Tragedy strikes in our midst. The DM accidentally foreshadows next session's calamities.

*yes, yes, technically "duly appointed representatives of the law"

**illicit secret insurgent headquarters

***numerous crates of abandoned contraband and about eighty percent of a smoked alligator

Part seventeen of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost.

Direct Links
  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
  3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
  4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
  5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
  6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
  7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
  8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
  9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
  10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
  11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
  12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
  13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
  14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
  15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
  16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
  17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  18. Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost
Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 1628 Jan 2021

For loyal podcast listeners, hoorah! Another episode!

This episode begins with my apology for losing half of the previous session, and a brief summary of our fairy-mangling exploits. Due to being dim, I managed to download the same recording twice and fail to record the second one at all... sorry.


In which we do a remarkably poor job of keeping our secret rebel base secret, in the face of terrifying rolls from the GM. Violence is the last resort of the, uh, people who roll badly, I suppose.

Part sixteen of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at

  • Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it.
  • Direct Links
    1. RSS feed for all episodes
    2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
    3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
    4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
    5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
    6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
    7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
    8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
    9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
    10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
    11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
    12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
    13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
    14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
    15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
    16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
    17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 1521 Jan 2021
    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 1414 Jan 2021
    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 1307 Jan 2021
    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 1208 Dec 2020

    For loyal podcast listeners, hoorah! Another episode!

    For loyal readers, sorry, I haven't had much time or inspiration for posts recently. I do have some ideas on the back burner, but work and general Life Stuff isn't exactly leisurely these last few months.


    In which we feign artistic differences and our distraction is counter-distracted. If this rebellion business doesn't work out, though, I have a fallback plan now.

    Part twelve of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 012: I think we found our bass player.

    Direct Links
    1. RSS feed for all episodes
    2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
    3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
    4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
    5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
    6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
    7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
    8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
    9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
    10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
    11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
    12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
    13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 1101 Dec 2020

    After feedback from a kind listener (thanks Roger, we love you) I've gone back and redone the audio for episodes 5-10 to get a better balance of volume for people's voices. Hopefully they'll all be clearer in future. Feedback is great, please leave comments!


    In which our GM appears to be underwater and/or possessed but it's just the audio, he assures us. We embark on a chase, resulting in an increasingly elaborate series of lies and impersonations in an attempt to extricate ourselves from the previous lies and impersonations. The words "I'm going to have to ask you to make another Bluff check feature prominently.

    Part eleven of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence.

    Direct Links
    1. RSS feed for all episodes
    2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
    3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
    4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
    5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
    6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
    7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
    8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
    9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
    10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
    11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
    12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 1024 Nov 2020
    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 917 Nov 2020
    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 810 Nov 2020
    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 703 Nov 2020
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