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QUESTION:

Salaam, I have a question regarding this 'optimal spouse' thing. Can an optimal spouse be one that brings you closer to Allah through the difficulties you have to deal with due to them? As a reult of there behaviour/character? Or is it only if you are content with them and everything  more or less 'clicks'? What is the interpretation of an 'optimal spouse'?

ANSWER: 

For context, the sister asking this question has been married for decades and has a good number of children - some fully grown and some still young.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings upon him) was not concerned with his followers falling for literal idolatry. 

The Oneness of Allah just makes far too much sense and it's unthinkable that anyone who believes in the Quran would literally start intentionally worshipping something else. 

However, subtle forms of idolatry, like showing off (i.e. valuing what other people think more than Allah) and other diseases of the heart can be devastating to the soul. 

Perhaps one of the most subtle forms is what I call, "Psychological Idolatry".

There is one insight that I've been blessed to discover and that I've introduced thousands of people to, that has perhaps made the biggest impact on my personal life. 

I call it, "The Psychological Switch", and when you discover it for yourself, you'll find yourself experiencing much, much more: 

Inner freedom, presence, peace, joy, happiness, courage, attractiveness and confidence.

The goal for the believing Muslim is to purify our hearts. 

The way to do that is by clearing from our minds any thoughts of anything but Allah, the Transcendent. 

In other words, we want to be in a constant state of mindfulness of Allah - aka. "Zikr Allah".

After over 15 years of full-time coaching with people from all walks of life to overcome all kinds of challenges that the nafs presents - in their professional, personal and spiritual lives - I can safely say, the answer is a resounding... "YES!"

Clients who had life-long patterns of self-sabotage, or seemingly irreconcilable marital issues - completely dissolved them. Forever. All thanks to spontaneously and permanently dropping ego-patterns. (In fact, you can check out a few of their testimonials on the page linked below). 

It turns out that there are a handful of specific teachings, methods, insights and techniques that work for everyone and that make a HUGE difference in the 'battle' against the ego.

Today marks the 21st anniversary of 56 totally innocent Londoners being killed for absolutely no logical reason, by 4 misguided and frankly, really, really bad Muslims, who detonated bombs in 3 underground tubes and one double decker bus. 

I say 'really bad' Muslims, because you don't need to be a genius or a saint to read the Quran and realise that killing innocent people will lead you into Hell… NOT Heaven. 

52 people of 18 nationalities were killed and nearly 800 were injured in the attacks. Plus the 4 attackers who committed suicide as part of the attack. 

Take a moment to let that sink in.

Most of us are walking around all day long, tuned in to Radio Station NST (Non-Stop Thinking).

We're constantly playing a soundtrack and watching mind-movies in our heads. Some of these mind-movies and day-dreams seem innocent enough… but they often turn dark and soon become nightmares that fill us with anxiety, worry, sadness, anger, guilt and other forms of negativity.

Trying to out-work, out-pray or out-recite your nafs-based thinking is a losing battle, because your nafs is right there with you as you do those activities - trying to sabotage and distract you at every turn.

Question: 

I've been practicing the presence techniques you teach, but I'm only able to stay in that state for a few seconds. Maybe for a minute if I try really hard. How can I stay present for longer?

The so-called "techniques" I teach to become present are simply doorways or portals into a profoundly deep spiritual state. 

There are two main reasons that explain why our minds are so noisy that it seems hard to stay in this beautiful state of "Thoughtless Awareness".

There are a lot of mindset techniques that you can learn that are designed to help you feel better when you're feeling bad.

What they all have in common is that they involve changing your thinking when you feel bad.

Obviously, a negative feeling comes directly from negative thinking, and if you change the way you think, you'll automatically change the way you feel.

As someone who became obsessed with personal development in my late teens and early twenties, I came across a lot of techniques on how to clear up or change negative thinking and feeling.

I learned about:

• neuro-linguistic programming

• neuro-associative conditioning

• Gestalt therapy

• family systems therapy

• Logo-therapy

• Cognitive behavioral therapy

• and many, many more modalities

One of the most powerful methods I've ever learnt (and now teach all of my coaching clients), which makes the biggest difference for everyone is…

"The Inner Salam Method". 

The Inner Salam Method is a way of channeling your presence and awareness into a negative feeling, no matter how intense it is, as it arises. Within a few minutes, the feeling has literally completely disappeared.

As soon as clients start getting good at becoming instantly present at will and at using the "Inner Salam Method", some variation of the following question almost always comes up:

"I can't seem to stay present when [insert mean relative's name] is in the room and starts saying things like [insert mean comment]..."

And that should come as no surprise.

Now, the simplest solution to this is obviously logistical. If there's a mean person around, it's usually a good idea to be somewhere else and not interact with them at all.

Have you ever lashed out at someone when you're angry? 

Or shouted at the kids or other people when you're really upset? 

Here's a way you can deal with these situations more elegantly in future… 

Let me start by saying not all emotional outbursts are "bad" or "wrong" or need to be eliminated. Sometimes the most heart-felt truths come out in moments of intense emotion. 

Plus, there's nothing intrinsically wrong with any feeling.

There's a classic scene from one of the best movies of all time.

In "The Terminator" (the original one), Kyle Reese, who was sent back in time to protect Sarah Connor, has a little dialogue with her where he's trying to explain the gravity of the threat and danger she's in. 

Kyle Reese: "Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead!"

Sarah Connor: "Can you stop it?"

There are a few different ways you can define and compare the different types and levels of the Nafs.

I prefer to keep things super simple and relatable.

Here is how I break down the three levels of the nafs as inspired and defined by Quranic terminology.

Waswasa has to be one of my all-time favourite Arabic words. Because it sounds exactly like what it is. It's a demonic, satanic "whisper".

We are taught in the Islamic tradition that not all of your thoughts are your own. In fact, there are four sources of thoughts:

1. Rabbani (Divine) - those thoughts that Allah blesses you with - where you feel suddenly compelled to do something good
   
   

2. Malakani (Angelic) - these are beautiful, angelic inspirations. I believe all writers and artists completely depend on these.
   
   

3. Shaytani (Satanic) - these are demonic suggestions, or 'waswasa'. ie. Really bad thoughts about doing really bad things.
   
   

4. Nafsani (Egoic) - these are compulsive thoughts that come from your own ego.

Tomorrow, I'm going to be teaching the first Nafs Mastery Session. 

But it's okay, please relax... You don't need to panic!

There's still plenty of time for you to sign up if you want to attend the session live ;O)

The theme of tomorrow's session is "The 7 Portals into Presence".

One of the biggest problems with the spiritual path, and with self-improvement in general is that it's really hard to measure your level of progress. 

How do you know if you're actually any closer to Allah than you were yesterday? 

We usually try to judge it by our behaviour… and then pretty soon end up either beating ourselves up or feeling superior to others (...aaaand the nafs wins again!) 

That's why I've created a super-easy Nafs Mastery Assessment. It's not perfect, but it asks you questions that you probably hadn't thought of that gives an indication as to how much your ego/ nafs is running your life, without you being aware of it. 

www.mamoonyusaf.com/nafs

A couple of weeks ago, to Piers Morgan's delight, a clip of him interviewing Russel Brand went viral. 

Because it was hilarious. 

The poor guy seems to be experiencing the 'new convert energy' syndrome, where he's super enthusiastic about his new found (Christian) faith, but also a little insecure and eagerly wanting to share the word of God with the people. 

He brought his copy of the Bible with him to the interview and Piers asked him if he'd like to share the verse he was reflecting on while in court. 

Brand eagerly reached for the Bible and started flicking through pages, searching for the verse he wanted to share.

After over 15 years of coaching, I'm going to let you in on a secret. 

There is something that happens in almost every single coaching session, at the moment the client has a breakthrough: 

They drop their nafs. 

For real.

"Insight is when the ego collapses over a particular subject", as mentioned in the book, 'Inside the Soul of Islam'.   

What does that look like in real-life?

Therapy and coaching can be useful tools for self-improvement. However, the biggest challenge with them is the fact that most people - especially the ones who need it the most - will never do it. 

And this is not entirely without reason. 

There is a lot of distrust of psycho-therapists, particularly those trained only in western Freudian models of the mind, devoid of religion, spirituality and sometimes even common sense. 

Besides, if this therapy 'service' was not needed for thousands of years, why is it suddenly so fashionable now? 

There are 2 types of people in this world: 

Spiritual Warriors and "Normies". 

"Normies" are normal people. 

There's nothing wrong with being a "normie". Most people are. They do fine. They go through mental and emotional suffering - much of it needless. They get freaked out when 'big things' happen in their lives and in the world. They're plagued with anxiety and bouts of depression, completely vulnerable to their circumstances. 

Ultimately, they usually don't contribute much to the elevation of the consciousness of humanity most of the time. 

Here's a question that recently came up in a coaching session:

Client: I've been trying to be present and I've let go of a lot of thinking about the past… but now I'm constantly thinking about the future.

Me: If you want to gain any insight or clarity into deepening your level of presence, it has to start with presence. So, right now, are you fully present, with me, in this moment? Bring your full attention into the Now. Clear your mind. Take a deep, conscious breath.

Client: I can't. My mind jumps to what's next and issues with my work and family.

Me: That's okay, tune into your breath and your body. Do you notice any feelings in your body as your mind tries to run away?

Client: Yes, I feel really bad.

Q: "How do I get rid of guilt and stop beating myself up after I sin?"

After you mess up and realise you've done something wrong, the temptation is to become Judgy-Mc-Mufti Pants and start beating yourself up and drowning in guilt.

I say 'temptation', deliberately.

It is, indeed, your nafs (ego) that leads you down this dark, self-denigrating path of self-sabotage.

Most people never become aware of this fact and foolishly believe that they feel guilty because they sinned.

I recently had a question from a client: 

"The other day I was out with my family and I saw the mother of my ex-fiance. I gave her the nicest smile and she gave me the meanest, most horrible look like she wanted something really bad to happen to me." 

At this point the client was on the verge of tears just recounting the event. 

My response: 

"Awwh, it must be really hard to live in your head."

She quickly snapped out of it and became curious about what I meant. 

Here are a few reasons why I got so excited when I saw that 'MY People' (email subscribers like your good self) voted for the name of my next coaching program to be, "Nafs Mastery"...

• All of our relationship, mindset and spiritual 'problems' are manifestations of the nafs (ego) playing its games on us, without us being aware of it
  
  
• The essence of all spiritual growth comes down to the extent to which we are aware of (and not falling for) the tricks and traps of our nafs
  
  
• "Nafs" is not an English word… but it totally should be! It is perhaps one of the easiest-to-pronounce Arabic words that I hope will one day make its way into the Oxford dictionary

A question came up on a group coaching call recently:

"How do you parent when you have no example? The way we grew up, with Pakistani parents who were really strict and didn't really connect with us or do any of the things that we now know we're supposed to do… things that are better for the kids in the long run… and more Islamic - like, how do we not just flip out when we see our kids doing something wrong?

In one of the greatest movies of all-time, Kyle Reese tries to explain to Sarah Connor how dangerous this thing called "the Terminator" is:

Kyle Reese: Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead!

Sarah Connor: Can you stop it?

Kyle Reese: I don't know. With these weapons? I don't know

The battle against the nafs (lower, egoic self) isn't a joke. 

Your eternal life and worldly life depend on it. 

Fortunately, in my travels I have come across some weapons that have aided me on my personal spiritual journey of being much more aware of the tricks my nafs is trying to play on me. 

As a result, I've dropped a load of psychological suffering, much of which I wasn't even aware existed, until it was gone. I never realised it's possible to go for hours and even days with virtually no thoughts - certainly none that create anxiety, anger or depression.

What is true 'Islamic Spirituality'? 

It could be described and understood in a few ways:

• To surrender oneself fully to the will of Allah. 

• To embrace Allah's constant, eternal Presence. 

• To use the outward rituals of Islam as catalysts to deepen our awareness of Allah's Presence. 

• To exchange one's own mind-made fantasies for the beauty of Allah's Reality. 

• Put most simply, it is 'Zikr Allah' - to bring Allah to mind.

• To clean one's heart, by quietening one's mind; removing thoughts of anything, thereby finding the One Source of everything.

People are trying to manipulate you all the time. And when you're unconscious (meaning, unaware of your thinking and feeling), you sometimes try to manipulate others too. 

Here are some common examples that we all face every day

If you've had the misfortune of turning on the TV or doom-scrolling over the last few weeks, you might have noticed the planet slowly slipping into insanity and rolling the dice on starting World War 3.

As if it wasn't enough to see a genocide unfold in Gaza, our politicians seem hell-bent on making sure that level of destruction stretches out as far and wide as possible.

Oh, and were you getting too comfortable with those affordable gas prices and cheap food in your local supermarket? Well, our politicians are determined to fix that too by choosing violence over diplomacy at every turn.

You remember that TV show called, "Catchphrase"?

It was fun for all the family on a Saturday night before the A-Team and Nightrider would come on. (Woops… I just lost all of Gen-Z, didn't I?)

Anyway, the host would ask a question like "Name a kitchen utensil" and the player would name the first word that comes to mind, like "spoon".

But you only win if the majority of an audience who was surveyed before-hand gave that as one of their top 5 answers. If your answer was 'spatula' or something random that didn't make the general public's top 5, you would hear a loud 'eh-ehh' buzzer sound, and lose.

Anyway, now that Gen-Zee-TV is up to speed, are you ready to play?

One of the hardest things about fasting is entering the last phase of the day, a couple of hours before the end of the fast. 

Often at this point, you're tired, hungry, drained after a full day of work (often with far too little sleep) and struggling to do anything but zone out. 

And somehow, just when you want everyone to leave you alone, a sibling or parent or child or spouse - or all of them together - will stmake demands, or say or do things that make you just want to SNAP! 

The Quran tells us exactly why we're ordered to fast during Ramadan. Here's my translation of the verse: 

"Prescribed for you, like those before you: fast!

Perhaps your increased consciousness will last"

[Quran 2:182]

The ultimate purpose for fasting is to increase our level of consciousness, or 'taqwa'. This begs the question: 

What is your level of consciousness and how do you know if it's increasing?

A couple of weeks ago I shared a 'Ramadan Gift' - the opening chapter of the Quran in rhyming verse. 

Due to tons of very positive feedback, I'm going to share a few more verses with you. Again, don't get too excited - I'm not claiming that I'm able or that it's even possible to translate the whole Quran like this. 

Also, please keep in mind that this is a first draft. It has not been thoroughly scrutinized by scholars as the final version would be if it were ever to be formally published. I'm sharing it with you to gauge your feedback and to see if it would be something worth taking further. 

I was recently talking with a client who said that he has a friend who was trying to re-connect with Islam this Ramadan and thought, "What better place to start, than the Quran?" 

Granted, this person will have to read a watered down English translation and not the original, inimitably beautiful Arabic, but still, it should be all good, right? 

The problem with Quran translations is that even one word misplaced can completely change the experience of the reader and their connection with Allah. 

And there are a lot of bad English translations of the Quran out there. And, in recent decades, there have been some really good ones. But even the good ones translate some words in ways that can be very misleading to a native English speaker and someone who 'thinks' like a Westerner.

Honestly, at this point, it feels like the esteemed Shaykh is on my email list, a member of The Spiritual Switch program, and is secretly spying on all of my coaching sessions. 

"Okay, what are you talking about now, Mamoon?"

Over the years, I've shared a lot of insights with students that I honestly never heard from anywhere else - some of which occurred to me completely randomly in a state of prayer, or when reading the Quran… and some while I was writing the book "Inside the Soul of Islam".

And recently, some of those same ideas - even the exact same insights into the same verses - have mysteriously been coming up in Shaykh Hamza's talks. I kid you not!

Ever notice how it's almost always during Ramadan that Israel or the US decide to suddenly conduct illegal wars against Muslim populations? 

You think that's a coincidence? 

I don't. 

I think it's full-on spiritual warfare. 

The materialist world-view would have you believe that your state of mind and spirit has nothing to do with governments, politicians, bombs, media and wars in the 'real' world. 

I don't buy it. 

We're rapidly approaching the halfway point of Ramadan, which means if your Ramadan or Quran goals were unrealistic, it's starting to show up right now.

I'm as guilty of this as anyone. 

My original Ramadan goal was to read all of Muhammad Asad's "Message of the Quran" commentary, which it turns out takes over two hours per juz (chapter). That's a lot of time to be reading the Quran in English, and that's before even reading it in Arabic.

So, I adjusted to my favourite Ramadan Quran strategy.

There is a mufti, who hides in the inner-recesses of your mind.

Any time it sees anything, or anyone, it gives a 'legal' verdict.

Right or wrong. Good or bad. Positive or negative. One of us or one of them.

As soon as it gives its verdict, it judges and blames... leaving another part of you, the inner-victim, to suffer the consequences.

Now I can almost hear you thinking…

The deepest, most important work I do with people results in 3 big changes happening:

1. Deepen your connection with Allah

2. Become your best self

3. Improve your relationships

The way that happens is by 'flipping' your Spiritual Switch.

Ramadan Mubarak! 

I've been playing around with something in my spare time and I want to share a little piece of it with you. 

You might have experienced that the beauty and majesty of the Quran is sorely lost in translation. 

There are better English translations today than when I was growing up, so the message may be more clear now, but it still requires a lot of 'hard work' to get through an English translation. For the most part, I find myself needing to read at least 3 translations before I can really appreciate the message and find a blend of meanings that fits my understanding.

I have the feeling that my Ramadan this year is going to be AWESOME, insha'Allah. 

And after you implement this quick guide, God-willing, yours will be too.

I'm super excited about this Ramadan in particular, for 2 reasons: 

1. The timings of sunrise and sunset make each day relatively easy to get plenty of adequate sleep

2. I have a Quran plan I'm super-excited about implementing. 

It seems like everyone in the world is waking up to the fact that evil exists… and it's a lot worse than they thought it was. 

Suddenly all of those horrifying verses in the Quran about what ultimately happens to really evil people doesn't seem so extreme, eh?

Recently, as I was doing my Quran recitation, I came across a phrase that made me realize that there are a LOT more Epstein files than the 3 million that have been released and the REAL Epstein files are a lot clearer and more telling than the random emails that have gone back and forth between him and other well known people.

Ramadan is a gift from Allah, the Most Loving Guide. 

(And it's only a WEEK away!)

That means we're about to experience a month of spiritual training designed for us to increase our level of consciousness.

However, as the Prophet, peace and blessings upon him, said:

"One may fast and get nothing from their fast but hunger.
One may stand in prayer at night and get nothing from their prayer but a sleepless night."
[Collection: Ibn Majah]

How can we ensure our level of consciousness rises with each passing day during the blessed month?

A couple of years ago, I taught a live event called, "Meet and Marry the One", and as a framework for the event, I realized that there are a handful of powerfully transformative qualities that - if we embody them - we actually BECOME 'the One' that everyone is looking for.

And it turns out the "becoming" the One, is actually the secret to attracting the one.

The best month of the year is coming up.

Originally, I was thinking I would keep the doors of the Meet Him & Marry Him program open until February 14th, because, ya know, I'm a hapless romantic at heart.

But the voices of my better angels took over and told me this is a completely made-up Hallmark occasion, and Ramadan is coming up pretty soon afterwards, and there are far more pressing things to talk about. 

After coaching hundreds of people on this, I think it's fair to say that the one of the hardest things people find about trying to use online marriage websites and apps like MuzzMatch is the time wasters.

Sure, the creeps are bad too - but you can just delete and report them. 

But the Time Wasters are like wolves in sheep's clothing. 

They appear to be decent guys. And you think you're doing the right thing by going along with them, waiting for them to make the next move, BUT… 

…There is no next move.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… Back when I was at university, there was a guy who was part of some kind of weird political Muzlamik organization. (Muzlamik is a made up word - it means kinda' sorta' tryin' to be Muslim or Islamic but not really). 

And, one day the Muzlamik political guy got really clever.

When the UK and the US had just gone to war with Iraq, all the students on campus (including the vast majority of the Muslim students), joined the "Stop The War" campaign and organized the 2 Million man anti-war march in London.

But for some reason, this particular character didn't like the way we were all going about it - campaigning side-by-side with all those lefties. Something had to be done about it.