For our Season 4 finale, we watched the new Nicholas Cage movie The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (Elena’s idea) and talked about it for more than two hours. Also: acting methods, Michael Syrah, Bob Dylan, email signatures, Goodreads, bad date movies, David’s recent experience on a TV set, the Nic Cage of sports, knuckleballs, Nick Cave, Elena sings some hits, Dracula, Elena’s going on tour, Justin drops his laptop near the end, Elvis hair, and (lots) more!

This week, we’re talking about revision. We discuss a chapter of Stephen Koch’s The Modern Library Writer’s Workshop that’s one of the better nuts-and-bolts revision guides, common drafting issues, the role of feedback and workshops, why revision is often taught poorly or not at all, and what our processes look like. Also: our recent appearance on a more professional podcast, some sports talk, Mary Karr, Ecco Homo, Van Halen, and more!

Some things we mention:

Book Fight! – https://bookfightpod.com 

Justin’s interview with Tim States for Words & Sports: https://www.wasquarterly.com/offseason/tailgating-with-justin-st-germain# 

Stephen Koch’s The Modern Library Writer’s Workshop (we read Chapter 7: Working and Reworking): https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/94583/the-modern-library-writers-workshop-by-stephen-koch/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

This week we discuss the biggest news in the entire world since our last episode—Elena's appearance last week on Jeopardy!

Elena’s episode (until it gets taken down):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExlEesN4Sl8 

Elena’s J-Archive.com contestant page: https://www.j-archive.com/showplayer.php?player_id=14301 

“The Jeopardy! Essay” by Mike Garabedian: https://www.academia.edu/44462679/The_Jeopardy_Essay 

A clip from Mike’s appearance on Jeopardy!: https://www.facebook.com/WhittierCollege/videos/how-smart-are-our-librarians-theyre-jeopardy-smart-heres-a-flashback-to-collecti/1056618957686460/ 

Elena’s Twitter thread about being on Jeopardy!: https://twitter.com/elenavox/status/1458131831308500993 

River City News article re: wrong question:  https://www.rcnky.com/articles/2021/11/10/jeopardy-contestant-fail-clue-about-roebling-bridge

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In our Season 4 premiere, we discuss what we've been up to since last season, a reader email, Big People Fashion, AI voice prints, and the recent Anthony Bourdain & Val Kilmer documentaries. Also: Elena does her best Christopher Walken impression, and we tackle the eternal question: is Val Kilmer a good actor?

Links:

Roadrunner: https://www.amazon.com/Roadrunner-Film-About-Anthony-Bourdain/dp/B09BB55XXX

The Vanity Fair article on Bourdain and Argento: https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2021/07/anthony-bourdain-asia-argento-roadrunner

Helen Rosner's New Yorker piece: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/annals-of-gastronomy/the-ethics-of-a-deepfake-anthony-bourdain-voice

Val: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt14731254/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In our season 3 finale, we discuss documentary/nonfiction theater. Elena explains the subgenre, and David joins us to discuss “The Laramie Project,” a nonfiction play. Also: a stapler anthology update, a stapler anthology cocktail, some true crime talk, a theater-themed lightning round, our worst performances, and more! Thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next season.

“The Laramie Project,” full text: http://www.harringtonartsalliance.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/The-Laramie-Project-Script.pdf 

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

This week, we’re re-recording the lost episode from two weeks ago, about Eula Biss’ 2020 book Having and Being Had. We discuss its main topics—capitalism and class—as well as whether it’s a book-length essay and why or why not. Also: other books we’re reading, a creaky chair, the hottest day in Oregon history, how much money we’d cut our thumbs off for, and more!

Links:  The upcoming (7/5) Essay Daily Salon with Justin and Jana Larson: http://www.essaydaily.org/p/the-essay-daily-salon-series.html 

Jana’s book, Reel Bay: https://coffeehousepress.org/products/reel-bay-a-cinematic-essay 

Stacey Swann’s novel, Olympus, TX: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/608671/olympus-texas-by-stacey-swann/ 

Ottessa Moshfegh, My Year of Rest & Relaxation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/561517/my-year-of-rest-and-relaxation-by-ottessa-moshfegh/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

This week, our special guest, longtime friend, and fellow nonfiction professor Dave Madden joins us to discuss two essays about fucking: Samuel Delaney’s “Ash Wednesday,” and Kristen Dombek’s “Letter from Williamsburg.” Also: Father’s Day presents, workshop models, a debate about sentences, Sizzler essays, and more!

Links:

Dave’s website: https://www.davemadden.org 

Dave’s web designer, Beth Sullivan: https://bethsullivan.com 

Samuel Delaney’s “Ash Wednesday”: http://bostonreview.net/arts-society/samuel-r-delany-ash-wednesday 

Kristin Dombek’s “Letter from Williamsburg” (subscription required for full essay): https://www.theparisreview.org/letters-essays/6236/letter-from-williamsburg-kristin-dombek 

The audio version of “Letter from Williamsburg”: https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2013/07/26/kristin-dombeks-letter-from-williamsburg/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

Our episode for this week failed to record (thanks, Zoom!), so we're going back to the archives. More than a year ago, back when the pandemic was still young, we recorded an episode about Val Kilmer's memoir I'm Your Huckleberry. It has the fewest downloads of any of our episodes, for some mysterious reason, so we decided to dig it out and re-post it to hold you over until we can get our shit together and finish Season 3. Also: other parts of the Kilmer corpus, including his poetry, art, and music; the movie Tombstone and related trivia; David's Old Western cocktail; Frank Stallone; fake memoirs; and much, much more.

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

This week, we discuss the 1993 Canadian/French Canadian film “Thirty Two Short Films About Glenn Gould,” which we think is essayistic in many ways. Also: breath mints found in orifices, the thesis circle of life, writing too-long essays, apocalyptic media, Hamlet 2, “Canadian stakes,” lyric vs. narrative, accessibility, Graham Gano, and more!

Links: The full movie on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iv7nPiZHKy4 

Gould’s radio documentary “The Idea of North”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szgnGV4hOKU 

Justin’s essay from Territory: http://themapisnot.com/issue-iii-justin-st-germain 

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In this week's episode, we discuss two "The Art of ..." interviews from the Paris Review: one on the essay with Hilton Als, and another with Geoff Dyer about nonfiction in general. Also: our mutual love of Mrs. Dalloway, Elena’s study abroad experience, our rocky resumption of vaccinated socializing, Val Kilmer has a documentary, a couple of weird bird stories, one sad cat story, a lightning round about celebrities, lots of interviewing talk, and more!

Links:

“The Art of the Essay” with Hilton Als (subscription required): https://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/7178/the-art-of-the-essay-no-3-hilton-als

“The Art of Nonfiction” with Geoff Dyer (same): https://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/6282/the-art-of-nonfiction-no-6-geoff-dyer

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In this week's episode, we're talking about our generations. After Justin's mini-generation was dubbed Geriatric Millennials, we decided to read two examples from Donald Hall's book Essays After Eighty. Also: a Uhaul story, teaching 9/11 essays to Gen Z, a little baseball talk about the "yips," times we biffed it in public, an old-themed lightning round, and lots & lots of old-person complaining about the kids these days.

Essays After Eighty: https://bookshop.org/books/essays-after-eighty/9780544570313 

“Out the Window” isn’t available in full online, but here’s a brief excerpt from the New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2012/01/23/out-the-window 

“Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr.” (account required): https://www.narrativemagazine.com/issues/stories-week-2014-2015/story-week/dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-donald-hall  A Fresh Air interview with Hall about “Out the Window”: https://freshairarchive.org/segments/donald-hall-poets-view-out-window 

Rick Ankiel getting the yips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDZX525CSvw

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

This week, we discuss the Texas Review's All-Essay Issue from late 2020, including two specific essays by Wendy C. Ortiz and Vincent James. Also: a virgin fake-gin cocktail, Godzilla vs. Kong, terrible jobs we've had, times we've gotten fired, an alarming amount of Will Smith content, and more!

Links:

Texas Review All-Essay Issue: http://www.thetexasreview.org/issues/

Seedlip non-alcoholic gin: https://www.seedlipdrinks.com/en-us/shop/?gclid=CjwKCAjwqIiFBhAHEiwANg9szlLXeKgBYIgMBhVevVOy1k5ZvO7TBpKnn4q-54ihA48uesXAxa7L5hoCMlYQAvD_BwE

Godzilla vs. Kong: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5034838/

Will Smith's 5-minute story on becoming the Fresh Prince: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_WoOYybCro

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

This week we’re checking in with March Faxness again, now that the field has narrowed to four songs/essays (including David’s!). We discuss the recent games, preview the semifinals, and make our picks for who’s going to win. Also: Elena takes up a new instrument, we’ve met a lot of Xness writers since our last episode—one of whom, Tim States, we include a mini-interview with—some AWP Philadelphia/Tucson Book Fest talk, a long tangent about the worst movies we’ve ever seen, David’s day on the Indigo Girls tour bus, Neil Gaiman’s wardrobe, and more!

Some things we mention:

All March Faxness essays are available on the site: http://marchxness.com 

Follow March Xness on Twitter: https://twitter.com/marchxness 

Follow David on Twitter: https://twitter.com/elturk7 

Follow Tim States on Twitter: https://twitter.com/epmornsesh 

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In this week’s episode, we discuss a new(ish) collection of Joan Didion’s previously uncollected essays, including a few about writing, two of which we picked to focus on. Also: Elena’s cat mishap, large-text editions, why we were all born in the wrong era for making money off of writing, a Didion-themed lightning round, and more!

Links to some things we mention:

Didion’s new book, Let Me Tell You What I Mean: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.ca/books/666038/let-me-tell-you-what-i-mean-by-joan-didion/9780593318485  Didion’s “Why I Write”: https://lithub.com/joan-didion-why-i-write/ 

We couldn’t find a free full online version of “Telling Stories,” but here’s an article with excerpts: https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/02/19/joan-didion-telling-stories/ 

Tracy Daugherty’s Didion biography: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250105943 

The audio galley of Justin’s new book (password: Capote): https://oregonstateuniversity-my.sharepoint.com/:u:/g/personal/stgermaj_oregonstate_edu/Eaet3zFf23lMvWKhwIGjUbgBYrPpC1gPKoYCc-M48GoPeA 

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In our first episode of Season 3, we discuss Zoom dance parties, Arlo's new theme song, our forays into magazine writing, the essays and essayistic things we've been reading/watching/etc. in 2021, and two specific essays: Sergio Troncoso's "Literature & Migration," and Hanif Abdurraqib's "I Would Like to Give Merry Clayton Her Roses."

Links:

The Sergio Troncoso essay we discuss: https://literalmagazine.com/a-third-culture-literature-and-migration/

Hanif Abdurraqib's new book, A Little Devil in America: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/592315/a-little-devil-in-america-by-hanif-abdurraqib/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In our episode previewing the March Plaidness final, we discuss the two remaining essays/songs, the outcomes of recent games, some favorite fallen essays, and our post-Plaidness playlist. Also: Justin’s hot tub experience with Skrillex, pickup truck pools, our plans for a PodVan, a very 90s conversation about what’s cool, and more!

Links:

March Xness tournament site, with all the essays: www.marchxness.com

The post-March Plaidness Spotify playlist Elena made: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3oCUXkIdZQ8hGYw3mREmsO?si=VdHkUZxuRm-qTvGjs_YtFQ&nd=1

John Melillo's band, Algae & Tentacles: https://algaeandtentacles.bandcamp.com/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

in our penultimate March Plaidness episode, we start with a confession before moving onto a discussion of G.K. Chesterton's problematicness; our plans for building a multimedia shitpost empire; our first foray into cinema; David's vision for a "Pepper" video; Arlo's production company; Dead Moon; Rusted Root; voting bots; Justin's book's release date; how wrong Elena was about Throwing Muses; whether Hootie would, in fact, have won; Local H kicking ass; lots of Plaidness essay shoutouts; Daylight Savings shenanigans; our picks for the rest of the tourney; Billy Joel vs. Huey Lewis; Justin makes an early plea for what song he wants to write about in March Faxness; and more!

March Plaidness: http://marchxness.com/elite8-buttholesvseverclear/

Link to "Pepper" video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1Kei03inkk&t=25s

Justin's book: http://www.igpub.com/truman-capotes-in-cold-blood-bookmarked/

Excerpt of Justin's book in CrimeReads: https://crimereads.com/murder-tourism-in-middle-america-the-world-of-truman-capotes-in-cold-blood/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

We ran into our first recording snafu and lost the entire episode, so we enlisted the help of robot actors to help us reconstruct it from memory. In this episode, we cover the Round 2 matchups for March Plaidness, the annual essay tournament. Enjoy, because we're probably gonna have to take this down once we get a cease & desist.

Go vote for Pepper here: http://marchxness.com/sweet16-alicevsbutthole/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In Episode 2 of our special March Plaidness mini-season, we recap most of the first-round games (including David’s win with “Pepper”). Also: lots of Better Than Ezra imitations, Arlo gives a Gen Z take on grunge, Elena tells a story about meeting a member of Nirvana, Denry makes his pod debut, we discuss March Princeness, our wah-oh contest, a mailbag, Jurassic Prom, and more!

Links to some things we mention:

March Xness tournament site: www.marchxness.com

The March Plaidness Spotify playlist: https://t.co/1hu1IrEJOh?amp=1 

Cracker, “Big Dipper”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kxCe5CCx_0 

Cracker, “Another Song About the Rain”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8zuQH27Qjk 

Cracker, “Eurotrash Girl”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38Vun2LYnoY 

Nirvana, “Verse Chorus Verse”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgaTzaZbSG4 

Soul Asylum, “Sexual Healing”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-3cSPuy3nI 

Jamison Crabtree’s statistical analysis of Plaidness: https://twitter.com/jammy_jax 

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

To kick off Season 3, we discuss March Plaidness, this year’s grunge-focused version of the annual March Xness essay competition: past years, this year’s matchups, and David’s entry this year on the Butthole Surfers’ “Pepper.”

Links to some things we mention:

March Xness tournament site: www.marchxness.com

PJ Harvey live in Syndey in 2001: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwr4M1Al5cE 

The March Plaidness Spotify playlist: https://t.co/1hu1IrEJOh?amp=1 

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In our season finale (really this time), we debrief about season 2, discuss our essayistic Christmas plans--including what books we’re going to buy as gifts--reflect on how much we enjoy interacting with listeners, and do a holiday-themed lightning round. Also, send us your flash submissions and nominations for anthologies! See you in Season 3.   Episode links:   Elena’s cat sweater (sorry, it’s out of stock): https://vipoutlet.com/product/fifth-sun-mens-ugly-christmas-cats-in-lights-with-led-lights-long-sleeve-pullover-sweater-xl-red-60-cotton/

Pre-order Justin’s book: http://www.igpub.com/truman-capotes-in-cold-blood-bookmarked/ 

Melissa Faliveno’s TOMBOYLAND: https://www.melissafaliveno.com/tomboyland

Donovan Hohn’s INNER COAST: https://wwnorton.com/books/9781324005971 

Christopher Smart’s “Jubilate Agno,” the cat poem: https://poets.org/poem/jubilate-agno-fragment-b-i-will-consider-my-cat-jeoffry 

Oliver Soden’s book Jeoffry: The Poet’s Cat: http://www.oliversoden.co.uk/jeoffry-the-poets-cat.html 

Matthew Gavin Frank’s forthcoming book, Flight of the Diamond Smugglers: https://wwnorton.com/books/9781631496028 

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In our Season 2 finale (probably--we haven't figured it out for sure), we welcome our friend Tracy Daugherty, the author of many books of nonfiction and fiction, to discuss his recent books in both genres, as well as a trio of short essays he selected. Also: the Sixties, West Texas, a West Texas cocktail, country music, the return of our resident mixologist, another mystery guest who stays mostly off-mic, and a lightning round.   Episode links:   Tracy Daugherty’s website: www.tracydaugherty.com    The three essays we discuss: https://www.dropbox.com/s/uoq5co0vjk4215j/3%20essays%20for%20Podcast.pdf?dl=0    Tracy’s most recent book, the novella High Skies: https://redhenpress.org/products/high-skies-by-tracy-daugherty   Tracy’s recent nonfiction book, Dante and the Early Astronomer: https://yalebooks.yale.edu/book/9780300239898/dante-and-early-astronomer    Tracy’s biography of Billy Lee Brammer: https://utpress.utexas.edu/books/daugherty-leaving-the-gay-place    Tracy’s most recent essay collection, Let Us Build Us a City: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780820350813   Tracy’s bestselling 2017 biography of Joan Didion, The Last Love Song: https://www.powells.com/book/the-last-love-song-9781250105943  Send us your submissions for Elena's flash anthology, and your essay nominations for BAE & the Pushcart! We're at @essaypodcast on Twitter, contact@essaypodcast.com, or in the comments section of our website: http://www.essaypodcast.com/contact/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In what is probably our penultimate episode of Season 2, we Zoom about the brand-new edition of Best American Essays, edited by our old friend from Season 1, André Aciman. We cover Robert Atwan’s intro, Aciman’s preface, and two selections from the anthology itself: Alex Marzano-Lesnevich’s “Body Language,” and Barbara Ehrenreich’s “The Humanoid Stain.” Also: reader mail, an update on our flash anthology, and we solicit listener suggestions for what essays we should nominate for Best American Essays and the Pushcart Prize. Episode links:

Alex’s essay: https://harpers.org/archive/2019/12/body-language-genderqueerness/ 

Barbara Ehrenreich’s essay: https://thebaffler.com/salvos/the-humanoid-stain-ehrenreich 

Send us your submissions for Elena's flash anthology, and your essay nominations for BAE & the Pushcart! We're at @essaypodcast on Twitter, contact@essaypodcast.com, or in the comments section of our website: http://www.essaypodcast.com/contact/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

This week we’re talking about possibly the best essay-related week of the year: March Faxness round 1, in which 64 essays about cover songs faced off in a tournament. We try to touch on our favorites—although we probably missed some—and discuss the bracket and upcoming games. Also: Elvis Costello gets spicy on Twitter, we all get spicy about the Mountain Goats, dork rodeos, community college bowl, Denry’s back(!), Drake’s reading list, Kamp Kilmer, Justin tries to understand NFTs, Elena explains the Chicken Van, some country music talk, is the shopping cart a dance?, roof-raising techniques, and Elena does mini-covers of Evan Dando, Snow’s “Informer,” and Tom Jones’ “Sex Bomb.”

Some things we mention:

All March Faxness essays are available on the site: http://marchxness.com 

Follow March Xness on Twitter: https://twitter.com/marchxness 

March Faxness Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3rNwexRZ9dmA0nvssrPlDK 

Denry’s March Fadness essay on Snow’s “Informer”: http://marchxness.com/snowvsedwinmccain

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In Grab Bag Part 2: Grab Harder, we discuss DIAGRAM’s new tarot deck anthology to commemorate its 20th Anniversary, and Elena uses it to give us all a tarot reading. Also: an album Elena wants to nominate for the Essay Prize, we tackle the question of who’s weirder: poets or playwrights, Bonnie mentions her mother’s famous McDonald’s career, we learn the future for ourselves and our podcast, and more!

DIAGRAM’s 20th anniversary tarot deck: http://www.thediagram.com/nmp/anthologies.html

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In Part 1 of our first grab-bag episode, we answer a reader question about memoirs and, in honor of MFA application season, offer unsolicited advice about MFA programs. Also: more regional-accent conversation, an appropriate cocktail, Arlo’s inappropriate song, and more.

Episode links:

Sound Tribe Sector 9, the jam band from Elena’s high school: https://sts9.com/ 

The grab bag version of a Long Island Iced Tea: ½ oz Triple Sec (we used Bols) ½ oz gin (we used New Amsterdam) ½ oz light rum (we used Bacardi) ½ oz vodka (we used a pint of Prazska Justin’s brother brought back from Poland in like 2003) Sweet & sour (we made our own: 1 cup mixed lime & lemon juice, 1 cup water, 1 cup sugar dissolved) Coke Zero Add the liquors to a shaker over ice, shake--spilling a lot of it on your countertop--pour into highball glasses with ice, then top off with sweet & sour and a splash of Coke Zero. Drink too fast while you talk shit about memoirs, then record a double episode by accident.

Our questioner Harrison’s essay: https://gay.medium.com/the-blood-essay-9ef2310efb74 

Eileen Pollack’s essay on MFA applications: https://forge.medium.com/an-mfa-admissions-officer-on-making-your-writing-stand-out-2af00d71dd06

Matt Bell’s Twitter thread about what he looks for in MFA personal statements: https://twitter.com/mdbell79/status/1189271370498297858

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In this episode, we discuss selections from the 2019 anthology Shapes of Native Nonfiction, co-edited by Elissa Washuta and Theresa Warburton. Also: Elena does Pennsylvania accents, we issue a warning about robots taking over college campuses, we honor Pennsylvania’s contribution to saving democracy with a Philly cocktail, a Philly-themed lightning round, and more! Episode links: Shapes of Native Nonfiction: https://uwapress.uw.edu/book/9780295745756/shapes-of-native-nonfiction/  Sasha LaPointe’s craft essay, “Fairy Tales, Trauma, Writing into Dissociation”: https://therumpus.net/2016/10/the-saturday-rumpus-essay-fairy-tales-trauma-writing-into-dissociation/  Toni Jensen’s essay “Women in the Fracklands”: https://catapult.co/stories/women-in-the-fracklands-on-water-land-bodies-and-standing-rock  Elissa Washuta on Twitter: https://twitter.com/elissawashuta  Elissa’s list of recent Native lit on Bookshop.org: https://bookshop.org/lists/books-by-native-indigenous-writers-forthcoming  The new issue of Territory: http://themapisnot.com/issue-12-alaska  Justin’s essay from a previous issue of Territory: http://themapisnot.com/issue-iii-justin-st-germain  The Citywide Special, or at least the way we drank it:

1. Open a can of shitty beer.  
2. Pour a shot of cheap bourbon. 
3. Drink them both.
4. (Optional) Repeat 4 times, then start a fight with a Mets fan

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In this episode, we welcome our friend, colleague, and local Victorian expert Megan Ward to discuss Old Ass Essays: what that means, how old we’re talking, and a few examples from the 1830s by none other than Charlie Dickens himself. Also: our spelling bee failures, a special lightning round, a dog in a unicorn costume, and an authentic (sorta) Victorian cocktail that we light on fire!

Episode links:

Megan’s faculty profile: https://liberalarts.oregonstate.edu/users/megan-ward

Megan’s book, Seeming Human: https://ohiostatepress.org/books/titles/9780814213759.html

Dickens’ Sketches by Boz (free online edition): https://www.gutenberg.org/files/882/882-h/882-h.htm

The Dickens Punch recipe, as much as we can remember:

1. Peel a lemon and a raggedy-ass orange and put the peels in a basin (we used a dutch oven with some leftover Indian food in the bottom).
2. Dump a shitload of light & dark rum into the basin, along with a lot of sugar.
3. Float a few bar spoons of Everclear on top and light on fire.
4. Let it burn for a minute, then cover to extinguish.
5. Squeeze the lemon and citrus into the mixture, add some hot tea, and ladle into whatever mugs you peasants have laying around.

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In this episode, we continue the flash conversation from last week, along with our resident barkeep (not “mixologist”) David. He makes us an essayistic shot, and we all discuss Sex and the City, our shared Italian heritage, the flash equivalents of the drama world, David’s Instagram animal searches, where we’re all absconding for the rest of the pandemic, and, eventually, even more flash essays: Bernard Cooper’s “Live Wire,” and a bunch that Elena put together for a lightning round.

Episode links:

Bernard Cooper’s “Live Wire”: https://www.google.com/books/edition/Maps_to_Anywhere/SN53b7BqmUkC?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=bernard+cooper+live+wire&pg=PA67&printsec=frontcover

Sei Shonagon’s “Pillow Book” (the whole thing, because I couldn’t find the essay Elena picked): http://faculty.sgc.edu/rkelley/the%20pillow.pdf

Ann Carson’s “On Homo Sapiens,” from Short Talks: https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=sites&srcid=ZGVmYXVsdGRvbWFpbnx5d3djcmVhdGl2ZW5vbmZpY3Rpb258Z3g6NjliMjQ3ZDA4YzkxMTc3Yg

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In Episode 6, we discuss very short essays, AKA “Flash,” a term and genre we have mixed feelings about. First we try to figure out what flash means, and then we discuss two (possibly) examples: Jamaica Kincaid’s “Girl” and Scott Latta’s “On Sequencing.” Also: near-death experiences, we continue to demonstrate our ignorance of Canadian geography, Glenn Gould’s appearance in two different versions of Joy Williams’ essay “Hawk,” Squirrel burgers, chicken grease coffee, which Muppets we’d be, and more.

Episode links:

The article about rigging Apple Podcast rankings: https://www.theverge.com/2018/11/29/18097381/apple-podcast-charts-click-farm-advertiser-revenue

Listener Andrew Forbes’ real website: www.andrewgforbes.com

Justin’s Hobart series from 2013, “A Phan’s Notes”: https://www.hobartpulp.com/categories/a-phan-s-notes

Rose Metal Press’ Best of Brevity anthology, co-edited by our friend and former guest Zoë Bossiere: https://rosemetalpress.com/announcing-the-best-of-brevity-anthology/

Jamaica Kincaid’s “Girl”: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1978/06/26/girl

Scott Latta’s “On Sequencing”: https://tinhouse.com/on-sequencing/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

In Episode 5, we welcome Jess Kibler to the show to discuss the Krause Essay Prize, a $10K award given to the best essay of the year, chosen by students in Iowa’s Nonfiction Writing Program. Jess is currently getting her MFA at the NWP, and is a former student of Elena’s at OSU. We discuss the Krause Award winner for 2020, Keum Suk Gendry-Kim’s GRASS, as well as why and how the judges chose it, Jess’ path to becoming an essayist, other recent nominees (including Elena’s), and a lightning round about Jess’ home state of Oregon.

Episode links:

Follow Jess on Twitter: https://twitter.com/kiblerjess

Some of Jess’ writing from when she worked at Bitch Media: https://www.bitchmedia.org/profile/jess-kibler

The Krause Essay Prize, with info on current & past nominees: https://krauseessayprize.org/

The publisher’s page for this year’s winner, Keum Suk Gendry-Kim’s GRASS: https://drawnandquarterly.com/author/keum-suk-gendry-kim

Gendry-Kim’s website: https://suksuksuksuk.blogspot.com/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co

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In Episode 4, we welcome our spouses, David and Bonnie, back to the podcast to talk about movies that might be essays. Also: a very delayed mailbag, a story about three-thousand-dollar Pennsylvania whiskey, Arlo makes a cameo, we all do impromptu Werner Herzog impersonations, penguin suicide, essayistic film moves, and (much) more.

Links to some things we mention: (In response to the question about queer & trans essayists): T Fleischmann’s books: Time is the Thing a Body Moves Through: https://coffeehousepress.org/products/time-is-the-thing-a-body-moves-through Syzygy, Beauty: http://www.sarabandebooks.org/all-titles/syzygy-beauty-an-essay-t-fleischmann Alex Marzano-Lesnevich’s website, with links to their essays/books: http://alexandria-marzano-lesnevich.com/ Alex’s Harper’s essay, “Body Language”: https://harpers.org/archive/2019/12/body-language-genderqueerness/ Berry Grass’ website: https://berrygrass.com/ Sung Yim: https://sungliketheword.com/ Jaquira Diaz: http://www.jaquiradiaz.com/ Sandy Allen: https://www.hellosandyallen.com/ Stephanie Burt: https://twitter.com/accommodatingly Wayne Koestenbaum: https://www.waynekoestenbaum.com/bio Tommy Pico: http://tommy-pico.com/ Jennifer Boylan: http://jenniferboylan.net/ Eileen Myles: https://www.eileenmyles.com/ Michelle Tea: https://twitter.com/teamichelle

Denry’s latest episode art: https://twitter.com/denrywills/status/1311379250310574080?s=20

Commenter Andrew Forbes’ website, which Justin totally botched his plug for: https://andrewgforbes.com/

The 1993 Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107048/

Dawson City: Frozen Time, the documentary about lost films Justin almost suggested for this episode: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5215486/

The Act of Killing, the documentary about Indonesian death-squad leaders Elena almost picked for this episode: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2375605/

Abstract, the Netflix documentary series about design & art: https://www.netflix.com/title/80057883

The Writer, a very short & odd 6-minute film/trailer we watched by accident while looking for The Rider: https://www.amazon.com/Writer-Xander-Bailey/dp/B08B7QGWDS

Grizzly Man, the Herzog documentary Justin picked: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0427312/

The Rider, the Chloé Zhao film Elena picked: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6217608/

Justin looking like a serial killer on video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUL3Cp3w0xg

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In Episode 3, we talk with our friend and colleague, George Estreich--an essayist, memoirist, poet, and Renaissance man--about how essays turn into books. We discuss our own respective experiences with our books’ origins, as well as examples from books we’ve recently read. Also: writing about children, llamas vs. alpacas vs. emus, Comrade Bunny, collectionists, which Beatles we would be, and the lightning round makes its return.

Links to some things we mention: Check George’s website for more about him and his books: http://www.GeorgeEstreich.com George’s Salon essay is here: https://www.salon.com/2014/02/12/when_my_daughter_was_diagnosed/ And his NYT piece is here: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/27/opinion/i-dont-speak-for-laura.html George’s band, Mule on Fire: http://muleonfire.com/music Esmé Weijun Wang’s The Collected Schizophrenias: https://www.graywolfpress.org/books/collected-schizophrenias Eula Biss’ essay “White Debt”: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/06/magazine/white-debt.html Eula Biss’ new book, Having and Being Had: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/580422/having-and-being-had-by-eula-biss/ James Baldwin’s book The Evidence of Things Not Seen: https://bookshop.org/books/the-evidence-of-things-not-seen-reissued-edition/9780805039399 Roy Scranton’s Rolling Stone essay “Back to Baghdad”: https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/back-to-baghdad-life-in-the-city-of-doom-99814/ Scranton’s book, We’re Doomed. Now What? https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/567505/were-doomed-now-what-by-roy-scranton/

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In Episode 2, we talk about a thorny issue in nonfiction: the fact check. We discuss a recent essay on the subject by Emma Copley Eisenberg in Esquire, among other things relevant and not: our fact-checking experiences, recent controversies on the subject, John D’Agata, facts vs. truth, journalistic standards vs. creative nonfiction standards, Hanif Abdurraqib’s 68to05 project, Sylvester Stallone’s oeuvre, and more.

Links to some things we mention: Emma Copley Eisenberg’s essay: https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/books/a33577796/nonfiction-book-fact-checking-should-be-an-industry-standard/ Eisenberg’s book: https://www.hachettebooks.com/titles/emma-copley-eisenberg/the-third-rainbow-girl/9780316449205/ Benjamin Dreyer’s book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/232363/dreyers-english-by-benjamin-dreyer/ John D’Agata’s Lifespan of a Fact: https://wwnorton.com/books/The-Lifespan-of-a-Fact/ David Hayes & Sarah Weinman’s essay “The Worthy Elephant,” from Hazlitt: https://hazlitt.net/feature/worthy-elephant-truman-capotes-cold-blood Janet Malcolm’s recent essay in the New York Review of Books: https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2020/09/24/jeffrey-masson-trial-second-chance/ Hanif Abdurraqib’s 68to05 project: https://www.68to05.com/about Joe Berlinger’s Cold Blooded doc series: https://www.sundancenow.com/series/watch/cold-blooded-the-clutter-family-murders/a8eab7e25278eb00

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This week we’re talking about the real reason this podcast exists: the annual March Xness essay/song tournament, which is about cover songs this year.

Some things we mention:

March Faxness (and the previous tournaments): http://marchxness.com 

Follow March Xness on Twitter: https://twitter.com/marchxness 

March Faxness Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3rNwexRZ9dmA0nvssrPlDK 

Joan Jett’s “Crimson & Clover”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXFra7gjElw 

Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now” video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6Q3mHyzn78 

The Cover Me episode about “I Think We’re Alone Now”: https://covermepodcast.podbean.com/e/i-think-were-alone-now-tommy-james-and-the-shondells/

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To kick off Season 2, we discuss what essayistic things we’ve been up to over the summer--including our spinoff podcast--before moving on to the “Bad Idea Essay,” a term coined (we think) by S1E3 guest Ander Monson. Our example essay is David LeGault’s “On Excess” (link below), an essay we both wound up liking, for reasons we try to explain. Also: our own attempts at Bad Idea Essays, famous examples of the form, and more.

Links to some things we mention: David LeGault’s essay, “On Excess”: https://thespectacle.wustl.edu/?p=262 David LeGault’s book, 10,000,000 Maniacs: http://outpost19.com/OneMillionManiacs/ Follow David on Twitter: https://twitter.com/legaultd Sex in the Living Room: https://sex-the-living-room.pinecast.co Great Outdoors Steak Scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc_5tx7xRlg Elena’s “bad idea essay” about the Stella shouting contest: https://www.oxfordamerican.org/magazine/item/1154-this-is-yelling Justin’s “bad idea essay” about Capote: https://tinhouse.com/murder-tourism-middle-america/ Will Slattery’s essay about Elena’s March Fadness essay: https://www.essaydaily.org/2017/04/a-close-reading-of-essayist-under-self.html

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For our tenth episode extravaganza, we discuss Val Kilmer's memoir I'm Your Huckleberry (and other parts of the Kilmer corpus, including his poetry, art, and music), the movie Tombstone and related trivia, David's Old Western cocktail, Frank Stallone, fake memoirs, and much, much more.

In Episode 9, we discuss podcasts: whether they're essays, our favorites, and how they relate to creative nonfiction. Also we drink the best beer in the world, possibly start yet another podcast, and Elena coins the term "bike diapers."

In Part 2 of our episode about the Best American Essays 2003, we discuss Adam Gopnik's essay "Bumping Into Mr. Ravioli" and André Aciman's "Lavender," as well as the 2003 Billboard charts, imaginary friends, bong-hit essays, and more.

This week’s episode is a slew of firsts: a five-essay, four-microphone, three-guest, two-part show we recorded (mostly) outside on Elena’s patio. In Part 1, your co-hosts welcome regular guests David, Bonnie, and Arlo to discuss selections from Best American Essays 2003, a volume Elena happened upon in her neighborhood little free library. We talk about Atul Gawande’s essay “The Learning Curve,” Ian Frazier’s “Researchers Say”--both first published in the New Yorker--and the Rachel Cohen essay “Lost Cities,” originally from Threepenny Review. Also, David makes a 2003-specific cocktail, we discuss where we were in 2003, and more.

In Episode 6, we discuss J.D. Daniels' essay "Letter from Majorca," from Best American Essays 2013, and the concept of negation. Also the first essays we ever wrote, a literary cocktail from old San Francisco, and an outro song by Curtis Eller.

In Episode 5, we discuss recent essay-adjacent events including a major loss in the literary world, Meghan Daum's essay about leaving NYC during quarantine, and the tradition of essays about leaving New York, including Joan Didion, Eula Biss, and others.

In this episode, we discuss Zadie Smith's essay "Joy" and the Mount Eerie song "Real Death." But our conversation quickly goes off the rails after David serves his latest literary cocktail, the Cascadia Subduction Zone, a high-proof, face-heating concoction that is partly to blame for this episode being way too long.

In episode 3, we welcome the essayist, professor, and creative community-builder Ander Monson, who talked with us about his new book of essays, the movie Tron, his bygone app the Memoirizer, and much more.

In Episode 2, special guests Arlo, Bonnie, and David help us answer the question: What isn't a literary essay? Also featuring a literary cocktail, our first Blind Item, a profane joke about bears, and more.

This week we’re talking about essays that aren’t in the first person. Elena picked one example, Eliot Weinberger’s “The Rhinoceros,” and Justin picked another, an excerpt from Claudia Rankine’s Citizen. Also: the new Macbeth, the acting role Elena was recently offered, Elena recites some Lady Macbeth, some Arnold Palmer talk, and a mini-spelling bee.

Some things we mention:

Eliot Weinberger’s “The Rhinoceros”: http://www.rhinoresourcecenter.com/pdf_files/120/1206206707.pdf

Claudia Rankine’s Citizen: https://www.graywolfpress.org/books/citizen

Brian Doyle’s “Joyas Voladoras”: https://theamericanscholar.org/joyas-volardores/

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Episode Notes

On the first episode of I'll Find Myself When I'm Dead, we welcome our former MFA student, Zoe Bossiere, to discuss her matchup with Elena in the finals of March Badness, the annual essay tournament hosted by Megan Campbell and Ander Monson - http://marchxness.com/#/badness-final/ - as well as why we like the tournament format, the essay form, her promotional strategy, velvet Elvises, why we're making a podcast, and more.

This week we’re talking about this year’s edition of the Pushcart Prize anthology. We compare it to Best American, discuss the important differences, and focus on a few selections from the anthology. Also: Build-A-Bears, Paint & Wine, Burt Reynolds, male pattern baldness, egg donation, BoJack Horseman, some March Faxness warmup talk, and more!

Some things we mention:

The Pushcart Prize: http://www.pushcartprize.com

March Faxness: http://marchxness.com

Kathryn Schulz’s essay on The Great Gatsby (suggested in a listener email): https://www.vulture.com/2013/05/schulz-on-the-great-gatsby.html

“Open House” by Jeremiah Moss: https://www.nplusonemag.com/issue-36/essays/open-house/

“Gutted” by Cathryn Klusmeier: https://agnionline.bu.edu/essay/gutted 

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This week we’re talking about this year’s edition of Best American Essays. We compare it to previous years (spoiler: this one is a bummer), discuss the new subgenre of pandemic essays, and focus on a few selections from the anthology. Also: David makes us a pandemic cocktail, Justin’s dog makes a few barky cameos, we (well, one of us) question the entire Best American Essays enterprise, and we do a year-end lightning news/round. See you next year!

(Note: we don’t mention Joan Didion’s death because it occurred the morning after we recorded, but if you’d like to hear some of our previous thoughts on Didion, we did an episode about her latest book earlier this year: http://www.essaypodcast.com/s3-e2-didion-on-writing/)

Some things we mention:

Best American Essays 2021: https://www.hmhbooks.com/shop/books/the-best-american-essays-2021/9780358381754 

Assay’s interview with Robert Atwan, the series editor of Best American Essays: https://www.assayjournal.com/interview-with-robert-atwan-31.html 

Alexander Chee’s link to BAE 2022 submission guidelines: https://twitter.com/alexanderchee/status/1473391913784983553

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This week we discuss our first listener pick, Sophie Calle’s “The Address Book,” which was suggested by Will Howard. Also: lots of “Succession” talk (including a couple of potential spoilers), John McPhee’s inscrutable diagrams, more Chekhov, the kids’ music these days, whether we’d want to be address-booked, what we’d say about each other if it happened, Elena makes up a song about the 1985 Chicago Bears, and more! (Also, send us your favorite essays of 2021 for Pushcart nominations.)

Some things we mention:

Sophie Calle’s The Address Book: http://sigliopress.com/book/the-address-book/ 

David Searcy’s book of essays, Shame and Wonder: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/221652/shame-and-wonder-by-david-searcy/

The Jeremy Strong profile from the New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/12/13/on-succession-jeremy-strong-doesnt-get-the-joke

JM Tyree’s The Counterforce: https://www.fictionadvocate.com/product/the-counterforce/ 

The sad and strange case of the Wanda Tinasky letters, which apparently were not written by Pynchon: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wanda_Tinasky 

The “Claw of Shame” episode of Nathan for You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRxAkNvnxhI 

John Vaillant’s book The Tiger: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/182226/the-tiger-by-john-vaillant/

Find out more at https://i-ll-find-myself-when-i-m-dead.pinecast.co