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TitreDateDurée
Sex Education For Adult Men (with Dr. Doug Carpenter)10 Nov 202500:41:27

Why do adult men need sex education? What sexual changes do men's bodies go through as we get older? In this episode, Dr. Doug Carpenter explains what men need to know about low testosterone, urinary flow, sperm production, and more. You'll learn about the importance of prostate exams, the truth about penis size, the difference between sex in porn vs. sex in marriage, and other common misconceptions men have about sex.

Join us for sex education in person at the next Husband Material Retreat! husbandmaterial.com/retreat

Dr. Doug Carpenter is a clinical psychologist, author, and founding board member of Husband Material Ministries. Learn more at douglascarpenter.com

Buy Doug's books:

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Ten Ways To Regulate Without Porn (Grounding Techniques)03 Nov 202501:05:58

When you're triggered or tempted to watch porn, you cannot not regulate. What you can do is choose how you will regulate. In this episode, you'll learn ten powerful grounding techniques to regulate your brain and body without porn:

  1. Deep Breathing: Diaphragmatic (image)
  2. Power Breathing: Wim Hof Method (video)
  3. External Observation: 5-4-3-2-1 (image)
  4. Internal Observation: How We Feel (app)
  5. Ten Befriending Questions (PDF)
  6. Imagination: Visualize your inner world
  7. Creativity: Be a creator, not a consumer
  8. Movement: Be proactive, not passive
  9. Identity: Remember who you are (PDF)
  10. Co-regulation: Do any of these with a friend!

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What If I'm The Betrayed And The Betrayer? (with Ben Wilson)10 Sep 202500:22:12

Male sexually betrayed partners are often unseen, overlooked, and underresourced. Hear Ben Wilson's story of being the betrayed and the betrayer in his marriage. 


Ben is a Licensed Professional Counselor with 25+ years of experience. He is trained in EMDR for trauma and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couple’s counseling. Ben co-authored Betrayed and Betrayer: Rescuing Your Marriage After The Affair out of his own broken and restored marriage. Learn more about intensive counseling with Ben at restoringthesoul.com.


Read Ben's free blog with 444 posts on healing infidelity here.

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Blessing vs. Cursing Yourself & The Story Behind Your Porn (with Chris Bruno)18 Dec 202300:30:42

How do you shift from self-condemnation to self-compassion? Chris Bruno reveals how to discover the story behind your struggle with porn. You'll learn what it looks like to rediscover your true "masterpiece-ness" even in the throes of a porn relapse. Our deepest healing lies in turning to the God who knows and created us in His image.

Chris Bruno leads Restoration Project and ReStory Counseling, where he helps people come alive. He is a licensed professional counselor who has decades of experience helping men recover their hearts.

Chris is also a guest speaker at The Porn Free Man 2024 Online Conference on January 5-6, 2024! Learn more at thepornfreeman.com

Check out Chris' online courses at ReStory Labs

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How To Analyze A Sexual Fantasy (with Dr. Doug Carpenter)11 Dec 202301:00:17

What can sexual fantasies teach us? How should we analyze them? In this episode, Drew and Doug vulnerably share and analyze each other's sexual fantasies so you can understand what this work practically looks like and how to do it well.

The best place to start is Husband Material Academy.

Learn more at joinHMA.com

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Introduction To Sexual Symbolism04 Dec 202300:16:19

What desires are commonly symbolized by the penis, breasts, kissing, oral sex, nudity, diapers, and feet? Find out in this short and sweet introduction!

Related episodes:

Here is the video I mentioned: Trauma and Sexual Fetish | Where Do Fetishes Come From?

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Experience Healing Through The Immanuel Approach (with Cathy Little and Melinda Wilson)27 Nov 202300:48:14

What is the Immanuel Approach? How can it help Christian men outgrow porn? Cathy Little and Melinda Wilson unpack this amazing way to change your brain and heal your heart through connecting with Jesus experientially. You'll also hear a refreshing reminder of how Jesus relates to you with unconditional love, even in your deepest shame.

Cathy Little and Melinda Wilson are the founders of Face To Face Ministries. They are passionate heart healers who have dedicated their lives to activating and equipping men and women with tools backed by brain science to accelerate personal breakthroughs through connecting with Jesus using the Immanuel Approach.

Check out Cathy and Melinda's podcast here.

Immanuel Sessions are designed to help you connect with Jesus, receive healing from emotional wounds and trauma, and uncover lies that keep you from living out the truth of who you are in Christ. There is no agenda other than to help you connect with Jesus and allow Him to lead you into greater healing, freedom, and wholeness.

Schedule an an Immanuel Session with Face To Face Ministries here.

Books mentioned in this episode (these are paid links):

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Can Medication Help Me Outgrow Porn? (with Adam O'Neill)20 Nov 202300:32:05

What if certain kinds of medication can make it easier to outgrow porn? Adam O'Neill unpacks the benefits and drawbacks of supplementing your sexual recovery with medication such as naltrexone. You'll get wisdom about what to expect and how to decide what's right for you. Adam also addresses common objections and concerns about receiving psychiatric assistance with compassion and clarity from a Christ-centered perspective.

Here are the case reports Adam mentioned about naltrexone:

Interested in learning more? Bring your questions to our Live Q&A with Adam O'Neill on Tuesday, November 28th @ 7 PM Eastern Time inside the Husband Material Community.

Adam O'Neill is a Certified Physician Assistant who practices Christian Psychiatry in Virginia, where he is licensed to prescribe medications. Adam graduated from Thomas Jefferson University with a Masters of Physician Assistant Studies in 2019. Prior to that, he attended Wheaton College in Illinois, where he earned his Bachelors in Psychology. Learn more about Adam O'Neill & Associates at aoavirginia.com

Buy Adam's book (this is a paid link):
The Mind After Eden: Psychiatry in a Post-Fall World

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What Is A Pornographic Approach To Recovery?13 Nov 202300:33:10

How has porn impacted your approach to recovery? Learn 7 pornographic styles of recovery and what healthy recovery looks like instead.

Pornographic recovery is:

  • isolated
  • escapist
  • avoiding pain
  • impatient
  • passive/consuming
  • cold and harsh.

Healthy recovery is:

  • relational
  • embodied
  • embracing pain
  • resilient
  • proactive/creative
  • warm and kind

The idea of "a pornographic style of recovery" is based on Andrew Bauman's concept of "a pornographic style of relating" (PSR) as described here:

Other Husband Material episodes mentioned:

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Helping Men Feel Safe To Open Up And Heal From Trauma (with Dr. James Reeves)06 Nov 202300:25:08

What helps men feel safe to open up and heal from trauma? Dr. James Reeves (the pirate pastor) tells the story of facing his childhood wounds, building a hospital church, and creating the Fearless Series—which is fantastic!

The Fearless Series for Men is designed for Christian men to get the conversation started about childhood sexual, physical, or emotional trauma and how it has affected their lives.

Check it out:

Dr. James Reeves has been a pastor for more than 40 years. He nearly resigned, but chose to confront his past, and then used his newfound freedom in Christ to build a "hospital church" based on addressing emotional wounds. James is a regular speaker at conferences across America about how the local church can minister effectively to survivors of sexual trauma.

Interested? Email James at Jamesreeves68@gmail.com.

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How Porn Recovery Can Transform Your Church (with Sam Black)30 Oct 202300:32:10

What if your church was a safe space to outgrow porn? Sam Black explains how porn recovery ministry leads to less work for pastors, more generous donors, more passionate volunteers, and a legacy of health for the next generation. 

Sam Black is the Director of Recovery Education at CovenantEyes. He has edited 16 books on the impact of pornography and authored two: The Porn Circuit and The Healing Church.

Buy Sam's new book (this is a paid link):

The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography And How To Fix It.

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How To Escape Creepy Conversations Before Sexting23 Oct 202300:27:09

Have you ever felt uncomfortable or unsafe while chatting online? In this episode, I’ll share practical tips on how to escape creepy conversations… and 5 reasons why we sometimes don’t. At the end, you’ll hear real-life examples of how I have responded to unwanted sexual communication. 

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Healing From Rejection, Racism, And Betrayal (with Roy Kim)16 Oct 202300:48:43

Have you ever been rejected? Roy Kim explains how rejection and internalized racism drove him to pornography. He also opens up about what it's like to struggle with with porn as a pastor—and as a male betrayed partner. Roy offers real hope through the power of compassion and community.

Roy Kim, M.Div, CSAT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Southern California focusing on sexual addictions and betrayal trauma. He is a former pastor and enjoys partnering with pastors to educate churches about sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Roy facilitates groups for sexual addiction, and betrayed partners, and facilitates specialized groups for pastors with sexual addiction. He also hosts the SA Speakeasy Podcast, which centers around sexual addiction conversations.

Connect with Roy here...

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Top 10 Books For Men Outgrowing Porn01 Sep 202500:16:12

If you want lasting freedom from porn, consider reading one of these 10 books: 

Also mentioned in this episode: 

Buy the Outgrow Porn bundle (paperback, ebook, workbook, and free online companion course) here.

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Porn And Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (with Andrew Loyd)09 Oct 202300:28:53

Do you know what it's like to struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in addition to porn? Andrew Loyd does; he has also experienced years of freedom. In this episode, Andrew unpacks how OCD and unwanted sexual behavior can be related. With curiosity and compassion, he also highlights the path to healing. This episode is important!

Andrew Loyd is the founder of Restored Story Coaching. He is an ordained minister, Certified Enneagram Coach, and Certified Husband Material Coach. He is passionate about helping people find greater hope and healing through the power of kindness. He works with men and ministry leaders to identify and rewrite the shame scripts running their lives so they can live with greater freedom and purpose. Andrew lives with his family in Eugene, Oregon. In his spare time, Andrew loves playing guitar, songwriting, competitive axe throwing, and pairing a good cup of coffee with an excellent book.

Book a free 30-minute session with Andrew: calendly.com/restoredstory/30min

Learn more about Andrew at restoredstorycoaching.com

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David’s Sexual Story (Sermon)02 Oct 202300:49:13

Who was David—the boy, the king, the sex offender? In this episode, you’ll see David’s sexual story from a new angle. You'll also get a taste of church with Husband Material Men through the dramatic reading of Scripture, confession of sin, assurance of pardon, and Christ-centered preaching by Drew Boa.

This sermon was delivered on September 10, 2023 at the Husband Material Retreat.

"God loves all parts of you and me. He did not come to destroy our parts. He came to redeem our parts."

NOTE: Watch the video of this episode here.

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Reintegrative Therapy (with Dr. Joseph Nicolosi Jr.)25 Sep 202300:33:43

What is reintegrative therapy? Dr. Joseph Nicolosi Jr. explains his approach to treating trauma and how it can help men outgrow porn. Joseph also shares insights about sexual attraction, sexual development, euphoric recall, and the importance of being able to choose your own values and goals.

Dr. Joseph Nicolosi Jr. is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, researcher, and clinical director at The Breakthrough Clinic in Southern California. He received his Ph.D. in 2009 from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology.

Joseph is the president of the Reintegrative Therapy Association, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization in which trauma treatment is the goal, and sexual attraction change is often the byproduct. He is the author of multiple peer-reviewed, published articles on Reintegrative Therapy.

To participate in Joseph's new research study on memory recall and sexual arousal, email losangelesresearchcenter@gmail.com. Find out more information here.

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What To Do When You Feel The Urge To Watch Porn (with Dan Johnson)18 Sep 202300:47:34

How do you handle the intense urge to watch porn? This was Dan Johnson's dilemma. Dan struggled with porn for over 20 years. After re-confessing to his wife, putting filters on all his devices, joining a community of other men, and seeing a certified sex addiction therapist, he was still not experiencing the freedom he was longing for. In this episode, Dan shares the specific strategy he used to finally outgrow porn.

Dan Johnson is a husband, a father, and the creator of The P.A.T.H. Plan and The New Paths Podcast. Dan is passionate about giving guys a practical, effective plan for the frontline of the porn struggle: how to handle and process the intense urge to watch porn.

Download the free PDF: newpaths.me/plan

Listen to the podcast: newpaths.me/podcast1

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How To Heal Shame And Self-Contempt11 Sep 202300:15:27

Have you ever struggled with shame or self-contempt? In this episode, you'll learn the simple formula for healing shame through vulnerability and connection. You'll also hear a vulnerable, shame-filled part of my story I've never shared publicly.

What if shame is actually not a curse, but a clue to our hearts and what we really need?

Shame is a normal human emotion that shows us how much we care.

Instead of using shame as a weapon, let’s use it as a window into where we need to heal.

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Appropriate Touch Between Men (LIVE)04 Sep 202300:56:23

Touch is one of our most basic human needs. But many of us have been deprived. How can men outgrowing porn embrace healthy physical touch with each other—and prevent harm? Find out in this panel discussion with Certified Husband Material Coaches Drew Boa, Stephen Thomas, John Kilmer, and Mike Chapman. 

You'll learn:

  • the importance of safe touch for emotional and sexual development
  • cultural differences in physical touch between men around the world
  • rules about touch for members of the Husband Material Community
  • how to keep yourself and others safe from unwanted touch
  • why you need to listen to your body and trust your gut
  • what to do if you get a connection erection (aka "broner")
  • how to fill your "touch bucket" in a safe, healthy way

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Healing Your Marriage After Gay Porn (with Tamara Lichfield)28 Aug 202300:38:52

This episode answers unique questions for married men who have sexually acted out with gay porn or other men. You'll learn what partners go through upon discovery of gay porn, why transparency matters, and how we can pursue connection with other men while continuing to rebuild trust with our wives.

Tamara Lichfield provides support for women who have experienced betrayal trauma at Becoming Shatterproof LLC.  Tamara has been trained by APSATS (Association of Partners Of Sex Addiction Treatment Specialists). She is a Certified Trauma-Informed Coach, a Certified Trauma Support Specialist, and a Certified Resilience Professional. 

You can reach Tamara  at becomingshatterproof@gmail.com

On Facebook at  https://www.facebook.com/becomingshatterproof

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The Inner Child Challenge Workshop (LIVE)21 Aug 202300:52:59

In this workshop led by Drew Boa, you'll learn how to connect with your inner child like never before. 

To complete the exercises, you will need:

  • A piece of paper (digital documents will NOT work for this)
  • 3 different crayons or colored pencils (if not, just use a pen)
  • A posture of curiosity and willingness to try something new

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Why You Need A Recovery Action Plan (with Nick Stumbo & Trevor Winsor)14 Aug 202300:43:58

How do you take action after relapse for growth and healing without using shame or punishment? After a porn relapse, what do appropriate consequences look like?

Nick Stumbo and Trevor Winsor are members of the Executive Team at Pure Desire Ministries. Together, they host the popular Pure Desire Podcast.

Free tools mentioned in this episode:

Register for the Pure Desire Summit at puredesire.org/summit!

Nick Stumbo is the Executive Director for Pure Desire. He has been in ministry leadership for over two decades. He was in pastoral ministry at East Hills Alliance Church in Kelso, Washington for 14 years. Nick has a Bachelor's in Pastoral Studies from Crown College, an MDiv from Bethel Seminary, and is a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP). He has authored two books, Setting Us Free and Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame.

Trevor Winsor is the Marketing Director for Pure Desire. He has been in ministry leadership for 10 years. Trevor is a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP). He has a Bachelor’s in Psychology from Corban University, a Master’s in Ministry & Leadership from Western Seminary, and is a licensed pastor. Trevor is passionate about integrating trauma and addiction healing with spiritual disciplines to produce holistic healing.

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From Rock Bottom To Recovery Coach (with George Morning)07 Aug 202300:51:42

In this episode, you'll hear the inspiring story of George Morning ("Coach G"). We talk about the challenges faced by black men and men of color in outgrowing porn—and how societal pressures, misconceptions, and the normalization of addiction intensify these challenges. Coach G highlights the importance of finding relatable support and the power of positive internal dialogue.

George Morning (Coach G) is a Certified Addiction Recovery Coach. After 30+ years as an addict and losing family, finances, and faith, Coach G sought recovery in 2013 with The Mindful Habit. Since then, Coach G has helped thousands of men and women overcome their addictions, create healthier relationships, and live passionate lives.

Check out Coach G's book: HabitLand (this is a paid link)

Email: habitlandcoach@gmail.com

Website: beyondhabitland.com

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Celebrating Outgrow Porn: Drew Boa Gets Interviewed25 Aug 202500:28:41

Dr. Eddie Capparucci interviews Drew Boa about his new book, Outgrow Porn: Find Lasting Freedom Without Fighting an Exhausting Battle—A Man's Guide to Healing. You'll learn the importance of understanding sexual fantasies, processing emotions, "surfing" sexual urges, and healing the inner child. 

Outgrow Porn is available now!

Free resources for you:

Let's celebrate and spread the word!

Drew Boa is the founder and CEO of Husband Material Ministries, where he helps men outgrow porn. He is the author of Outgrow Porn and Redeemed Sexuality—and the host of the Husband Material podcast and YouTube channel. Drew is passionate about changing brains, healing hearts, and saving relationships affected by porn. In 2015, Drew received his MA in Christian Formation & Ministry from Wheaton College Graduate School. Since then, he has completed training as a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP), Certified Brainspotting Practitioner (BSP), Unwanted Guide, and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Drew offers support and guidance to outgrow porn through coaching, leading groups, hosting retreats, and speaking. Drew enjoys living in Colorado and going on adventures with his wife and kids. Connect with Drew at drewboa.com

Dr. Eddie Capparucci is a licensed professional counselor certified in treating Problematic Sexual Behaviors. He is the creator of the Inner Child Model™ for treating Addictive Behaviors, a unique approach that focuses on identifying unresolved childhood pain points and teaching individuals how to process emotional distress in healthy ways. He is the author of six books, including Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction and Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots. His latest book is Going Deeper for Betrayed Partners: Discovering Healing Through Your Inner Child.

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How My Sexual Fetish Shifted Over Time31 Jul 202300:27:12

In this episode, I'll share 7 things that shifted my sexual fetish to become less intense, less frequent, less disruptive, and less arousing. NOTE: I believe trying to alter sexual attraction is both unethical and unhelpful. My fetish has not been removed or replaced, and that is not my goal. Rather, my fetish lost its power through a series of shifts that took place as I pursued healing and freedom from porn.

Here are the 7 things that helped me:

  1. Talking about the fetish
  2. Understanding the fetish
  3. Appreciating the fetish
  4. Acknowledging the fetish
  5. Completing the action
  6. Receiving the real thing
  7. Stopping the behavior

Related episodes:

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A Story Of Healing Through Psychodrama (with Rick Carlson and Dr. Doug Carpenter)24 Jul 202300:32:48

What does psychodrama actually look like? In this episode, Rick Carlson tells the amazing story of his psychodrama process at the Husband Material Leaders Retreat.

Register now for the upcoming Husband Material Retreat at husbandmaterial.com/retreat

The early bird discount ends on August 1st.

Rick Carlson is a Recovery Pastor, Life Coach, and Certified Husband Material Coach. Learn more at comebackcoaching.org

Dr. Doug Carpenter is an author, clinical psychologist, and Certified Husband Material Coach. Learn more at douglascarpenter.com

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Experience Healing Through Psychodrama (with Dr. Doug Carpenter)17 Jul 202300:46:02

What is psychodrama? How can it help men outgrow porn?  In this episode, Dr. Doug Carpenter explains why this powerful type of therapy creates profound healing experiences and accelerates freedom from porn.

Picture this: you're on stage. You're the protagonist in your own drama, undoing and redoing the story of your life. But you're not alone. Your director is attuning to you. Your auxiliaries (other actors) are supporting you by playing the roles you need them to play. Your audience members are witnessing your process as they share in your healing. You find yourself saying things you've never said, feeling things you've never felt, and doing things you've never done. That's what psychodrama allows you to do.

Dr. Doug introduces the basics of psychodrama as well as techniques like doubling, spiraling, role reversal, and using props. We talk about the need for creativity and spontaneity while staying sensitive to the Holy Spirit and the needs of each group member. We also marvel at the beauty of inviting Jesus into this process. At the end, you'll learn how we are incorporating psychodrama into Husband Material (both online and in-person) to help men heal and outgrow porn.

For online psychodrama:
Apply to join a Level 2 Husband Material Group (space is very limited)

For in-person psychodrama:
Register for the Husband Material Retreat in Santa Barbara! (September 8-12)

Dr. Doug Carpenter is an author, clinical psychologist, and Certified Husband Material Coach. Learn more at douglascarpenter.com

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I'm Fine Syndrome (with Stephen Thomas)10 Jul 202300:44:17

Have you ever pretended to be fine when you're really not? In this episode, Stephen Thomas explains "I'm Fine Syndrome"—what it is, why we struggle with it, and how to crush it. You'll learn the importance of honoring your wants and needs...and the power of being authentic. Admitting you're not fine is an act of bravery and the first step towards true freedom.

Stephen Thomas is a husband and father who has enjoyed freedom from porn and hookup culture for over 14 years. He is a Certified Husband Material Coach who provides coaching for individuals, couples, and groups. Stephen is passionate about seeing men who feel hopelessly buried by addictions come alive and realize the strength God has placed in them.

Learn more at stephenthomasconsulting.com

Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/group

Facebook: facebook.com/stephenthomasconsulting

Email Stephen at stephen@stephenthomasconsulting.com

Text Stephen at 864-881-1749

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Secrets Of Sex And Marriage (with Dr. Michael Sytsma)03 Jul 202300:43:08

"He said at 74, I am having the best sex of my life. At 74, my penis only occasionally shows up for the party. But I am still having the best sex of my life. I wish I had known in my thirties how to have this kind of sex."

What is sex ultimately about? How can married couples enjoy sex more? How do you deal with differences in sexual desire? In this episode, Dr. Michael Sytsma offers a robust theology of sexuality AND clinical wisdom on how to unlock arousal, increase intimacy, and have fun in the bedroom.

Dr. Michael Sytsma is a licensed professional counselor, certified sex therapist, ordained minister, professor, and national speaker. He has over 30 years of clinical experience in sex therapy and is the founder of Building Intimate Marriages, Inc. and co-founder of Sexual Wholeness, Inc.

Buy Mike's new book: Secrets of Sex & Marriage: 8 Surprises that Make all the Difference (this is a paid link).

Learn more at secretsofsexandmarriage.com

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Making Sense Of Masturbation: Case Studies And Spicy Questions (LIVE)26 Jun 202300:42:12

Can masturbation ever be neutral or healthy? In this episode, I'll explore complex moral questions about masturbation. Together with a live audience, we'll analyze 10 situations you may have never considered before:

  • A toddler touches his penis to feel pleasure
  • A young boy learns to masturbate from his uncle
  • A teenager masturbates to regulate his emotions
  • A teenager masturbates while imagining a cheeseburger
  • A single man committed to celibacy discovers "core-gasm"
  • A single man who has never masturbated escapes purity culture
  • A man masturbates without lust to try to wean himself off of porn
  • A married man masturbates without his wife's knowledge or consent
  • A man getting a vasectomy masturbates to obey his doctor's orders
  • An elderly man massages his penis to warm up for sex with his wife
  • A married man masturbates to connect with his disabled wife

You'll also hear insights about how to talk with children about masturbation, how to stop masturbating, and more.

Regardless of your particular view, this thought-provoking conversation will leave you with more curiosity, more compassion, less confusion, and less shame. Listen! You won't regret it.

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Making Sense Of Masturbation: Science, Scripture, And My Story (LIVE)19 Jun 202300:47:28

What is masturbation? How does it affect the brain? What does the Bible (not) say about it? What will happen to me if I don't masturbate? In this episode, I'll share insights from neuroscience, the New Testament, and my own story of masturbation. 

I've been researching this topic for the past 13 years...so I have a lot to share! You'll learn why myelination matters (even in masturbation without fantasy). You'll hear how masturbation combined with pornography has increased widespread erectile dysfunction (including in my life). You'll find out what happens if you don't masturbate (hint: you'll be okay). You'll also learn the difference between lustful intent and simply noticing an attractive person (what purity culture didn't teach you). Most importantly, you'll ask better questions and develop a more mature perspective on masturbation!

Come back next week for part 2 of this teaching.

Resources referenced:

Bible verses referenced:

  • Matthew 5:27-28
  • 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6a
  • 1 Corinthians 6:12-20

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Porn And Third Culture Kids (with John Kilmer)12 Jun 202300:41:38

Growing up between worlds, third culture kids face unique challenges in developing their identity and sense of belonging. Can these experiences create a higher risk of struggling with pornography? John Kilmer reveals the impact of moving during crucial developmental stages, and how unprocessed grief and loss can lead to unwanted sexual behavior. Through John's story, we discover the burden AND the beauty of being a third culture man.

John Kilmer is a Mental Health Life Coach, Occupational Therapist, and Certified Husband Material Coach. He's a grateful follower of Jesus Christ who is passionate about men's inner healing work.  As a child, John traveled the world as the son of missionaries.  These early experiences deeply shaped his worldview, fostering curiosity and adventure. John lives with his wife and children at Deerhaven Farm and Retreat in the rural hills of northeastern Washington.  He enjoys canoeing, photography, hiking, and leading men's healing groups, both at his property and online.

Learn more about John at relaxedcaregiver.com.

Book a discovery call with John here.

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Porn, Autism, and ADHD: Embracing Neurodiversity (with Candice Christiansen)05 Jun 202300:37:31

How do neurodifferences like ADHD and autism relate to unwanted sexual behavior? How can embracing neurodiversity help us heal and outgrow porn? Candice Christiansen offers powerful perspectives and practical advice. This interview is delightful!

For neurodivergent individuals (and same or mixed neurotype couples) who are struggling, Candice is here to help you gain clarity to make your relationship, intimacy, and sex as enjoyable, wonderful, and pleasurable as possible!

Candice Christiansen is Autistic, ADHD, and a NeuroDifferent thought leader in the sexual recovery world. She is an "autism sexpert" who provides therapy and intimacy coaching to neurodivergent adults and mixed neurotype couples. Candice also provides EMDR and IFS therapy to complex trauma survivors with a variety of sex, relationship, and intimacy issues.

Candice is the founder of Namasté Center For Healing.

Learn more about Candice at candicechristiansen.com.

You can also email candice@namasteadvice.com.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

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How To Confront Parents With Compassion29 May 202300:22:12

Have you ever thought about confronting a parent, but you're not sure how? In this episode, you'll learn the right questions to ask yourself when considering why and how to confront your parent(s) with compassion. 

Three important questions to ask: 

  1. What happened (to them and to me)? 
  2. How do I feel about what happened? 
  3. What do I want going forward? 


Recommended reading (paid link): 

Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents, by Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson

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Healing Through Theology Of The Body (with Marco Casanova)18 Aug 202500:37:39

How did Marco Casanova go from addiction to gay porn while studying to be a Catholic priest to a life of chastity, healing, marriage, and fatherhood? This is a great story. Along the way, you'll get a beautiful introduction to Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body—particularly what Marco has learned about the dignity of women and what it means to be a man.

Marco Casanova, M.Div., serves as Associate Director of Desert Stream Ministries. His journey with the Living Waters program began during his seminary years, when he sought healing from his own experience of sexual brokenness. After eight years in priestly formation, Marco discerned a new call to join the Desert Stream team. Today, he oversees Living Waters USA, equipping lay leaders to establish and lead effective healing groups within their church communities. Marco lives in Kansas City, MO, with his wife, Ania, and their daughter, Marianna.

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Healing With My Parents (with Yvonne Boa and Sandy Boa)22 May 202300:31:56

In this episode, my parents share the good and the bad of how they raised me, and how we are healing. It's a story of vulnerability, repentance, and redemption. 

"All families have difficulties. If you bury them, you grow apart. If you get them on the table and solve them, then you can heal from that." —Sandy Boa 

"Don't be afraid to go to the person and ask for forgiveness, because God's healing you and he's gonna heal the other person too. If you truly trust Him and you go with God, it's an amazing journey. Not easy but amazing." —Yvonne Boa 

Yvonne and Sandy Boa are my parents.

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Adult Children Of Sex Addicts (with Dr. Ken Adams)15 May 202300:35:05

What happens when you grow up in a family affected by sexual addiction? In this episode, Dr. Ken Adams reveals the burdens carried by adult children of sex addicts. 

This conversation is especially helpful for those of us who inherited sexual shame from our parents. You'll learn why and how to release shame that has been passed down to you...and how to stop the cycle of generational trauma.

Dr. Ken Adams is a world-renowned therapist and expert on sexual addiction, shame, and enmeshment. Learn more at drkenadams.com

Buy the first-ever book for adult children of sex addicts (this is a paid link):

A Light in the Dark: The Hidden Legacy of Adult Children of Sex Addicts by Kenneth Adams, Mary Meyer, and Culle Vande Garde

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Three Keys To Becoming Husband Material08 May 202300:13:05

What does it mean to become husband material? In this episode, you'll learn the importance of self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-leadership. Stay until the end for special appearances by 12 Husband Material Men! 

New opportunities:

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Introduction To Outgrowing Porn (wth Dr. Robert Masters)01 May 202300:28:10

What does it mean to outgrow porn? Dr. Robert Masters unpacks this concept (which he created) with stunning depth and clarity. 

Robert Augustus Masters is a psychotherapist, group leader, and relationship expert with a doctorate in psychology. His intuitive, uniquely integral work, developed over the past four decades, blends the psychological and physical with the emotional and spiritual.

Learn more at robertmasters.com.

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Emotional Abuse (with Dr. Jake Porter)24 Apr 202300:37:40

What is emotional abuse? Dr. Jake Porter explains how to identify emotional abuse, heal from it, and stop emotionally abusing others.

Dr. Jake Porter is a Board Certified Counselor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist, and the Founder of Daring Ventures. He is also the creator of Couple–Centered Recovery, a model for overcoming attachment wounds in couples experiencing the trauma of betrayal. 

Connect with Jake at drjakeporter.com

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Directing Sexual Energy In Singleness17 Apr 202300:35:18

What do I do with my sexual energy—especially if I'm single? In this episode, you'll learn the two types of sexual energy, why singleness can feel like a curse, and God’s good design for sexuality in singleness. You'll also hear real life examples of Christian men directing their sexual energy into deeper connection, pleasure, and creativity.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

  • God & Sex (sermon series from Reality San Fransisco featuring Dave Lomas)
  • Finding Intimacy And Community As A Celibate Gay Christian (podcast and video by Preston Sprinkle featuring Art Pereira)
  • Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance In The Age Of Indulgence (book by Anna Lembke; paid link)
  • The Lord Will Fight For You (song written by Drew Boa, performed by Husband Material Men)

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How To Use The Body To Outgrow Porn (with Andrew Bauman)10 Apr 202300:23:55

In this episode, you'll learn why healing must happen in your body. Andrew Bauman reveals why talk therapy is not enough, what "the body keeps the score" actually means, how to use the body to outgrow porn and real-life examples of embodied healing. This interview is awesome!

Andrew Bauman is the founder & director of the Christian Counseling Center: For Sexual Health & Trauma (CCC). Andrew is an author and licensed mental health counselor with a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology.

Buy any of Andrew's books (these are paid links):

Also mentioned in this episode:

The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, And Body In The Healing Of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk

Interested in healing? Sign up for the upcoming virtual retreat with Andrew Bauman: Becoming Husband Material (May 5-7)

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Role Playing Betrayal Trauma (with Dr. Eddie Capparucci)03 Apr 202301:51:33

In this extended episode, you'll hear 8 dramatized examples of mistakes men make while relating to women they have sexually betrayed and traumatized. You'll learn how to offer validation, own your impact, build your confidence, and be proactive. This session from The Porn Free Man Conference will show you exactly what (not) to do to help her heal.

Dr. Eddie Capparucci is an author and therapist who specializes in the treatment of sex and porn addiction. He's also the creator of the Inner Child Recovery Process (ICRP).

Resources mentioned in this episode (including paid links):

Sign up now at husbandmaterial.com/becoming-husband-material

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How Do You Define Pornography?27 Mar 202300:07:18

In this episode, you'll learn 2 ways to define pornography, 6 pornographic styles of relating, and what it means to be sexually healthy and mature.

Resources mentioned by Andrew Bauman:

Sign up for the Husband Material Virtual Retreat on May 5-7 featuring Andrew Bauman!

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Healing From Spiritual Abuse (with Chris Inman)20 Mar 202300:36:09

In this episode, you'll learn what spiritual abuse is and how to heal from it. Chris Inman tells his story of being spiritual abused as a boy and how it has affected him into adulthood.

Chris Inman is the creator and facilitator of Porn Free Masculinity, an online intensive recovery program for men struggling with porn and compulsive sexual behavior. He invites men to consider how the blessings and trauma of their stories have curated their unwanted sexual brokenness. Chris helps men transform their addiction into abundance through story work and facilitating healthy recovery practices in a group dynamic. Professionally, Chris is a Certified Professional Recovery Coach (CPRC), a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP), and an Unwanted Certified Guide. He spent 15 years in vocational ministry as a youth pastor and currently serves as a Local Elder at the People of Mars Hill in Mobile, AL.


Learn more at pornfreemasculinity.com

Email Chris at chris@pornfreemasculinity.com

Resources mentioned (including paid links):

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Sex Tech, Chatbots, And The Future Of Intimacy (with Dr. Marianne Brandon)11 Aug 202500:39:32

What is sex tech? How is artificial intelligence (AI) changing the way people experience porn? Dr. Marianne Brandon explains how emerging technology is rapidly rewriting the script of how humans approach sex and relationships. You'll hear all about the dangers and opportunities (mostly dangers) of these trends and why imperfect human intimacy still irreplaceable. Everyone should hear this episode!


Dr. Marianne Brandon is a clinical psychologist, diplomat in sex therapy, author, and lecturer. She writes a popular Psychology Today blog, The Future of Intimacy, and co-hosts a podcast with her urologist husband, The Sex Doctors.  Dr. Brandon is the author of Monogamy: The Untold Story; and Unlocking the Sexy in Surrender: Using the Neuroscience of Power to Recharge Your Sex Life.  She co-authored Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys to Finding Your Lost Libido. You can learn more about her work at www.drbrandon.net


Article mentioned in the episode:

Why Men May Gravitate To Sex Tech

 

More resources from Dr. Marianne Brandon:

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Bullying And Same-Sex Attraction (with Jordan Castille)13 Mar 202300:35:10

How can bullying contribute to same-sex attraction? Jordan Castille tells his story of being bullied, how that impacted his sexual development, and how Jesus brought him healing and freedom from gay porn.

Jordan Castille is a Board Certified Christian Counselor, Sex Addiction Specialist, and Certified Husband Material Coach. He and his wife Cherise have two boys. Jordan loves Jesus, people, video games, working out, learning how to fix things, legos, and his church community. Jordan also does one-on-one coaching and small group coaching within the Husband Material Community.

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Unburdening Sexual Arousal (with Dr. Peter Malinoski)06 Mar 202301:19:20

In this episode, Dr. Peter Malinoski guides Drew Boa through the process of unburdening sexual arousal using the internal family systems model (IFS). This type of healing experience can bring tremendous freedom from porn and unwanted sexual behavior.

Disclaimer: This is what we call a demo, which is short for a demonstration. Demos are a common way for IFS therapists to practice with each other and to show others what IFS is like. Demos are not therapy or counseling. In sharing this demo, we are not trying to teach people how to do IFS on themselves or others, but rather demonstrating what the IFS model can look like in action. Unburdening protocols are taught in formal IFS Level 1 training from the IFS Institute. IFS Level 1 training is required to do unburdening protocols and to be called an IFS therapist.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Peter Malinoski is president of Souls and Hearts and host of Interior Integration for Catholics, a podcast helping Catholics embrace their identities as beloved sons and daughters of God. Peter specifically addresses the topics of freedom from porn and masturbation in episodes 51-56 of his podcast. Contact Peter here.

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Guided IFS Experiential Exercise (with Dr. Peter Malinoski)27 Feb 202300:32:24

In this episode, you'll be guided through an exercise using the internal family systems model (IFS). Dr. Peter Malinoski demonstrates how to connect with your "parts"—including parts that might be attached to porn and unwanted sexual behavior.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Peter Malinoski is president of Souls and Hearts and host of Interior Integration for Catholics, a podcast helping Catholics embrace their identities as beloved sons and daughters of God. Peter specifically addresses the topics of freedom from porn and masturbation in episodes 51-56 of his podcast. Contact Peter here.

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