How To Have Sex is the sex education you never got at school, and have been quietly winging ever since. Hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. One very curious host and one expert who actually knows the answers. Every episode tackles a real topic: how to improve your sex life, how to talk about intimacy without killing the mood, how to have better orgasms, how to spice things up in a long-term relationship.... you get the idea. Shame-free, refreshingly practical, and occasionally so mortifying you'll need to pause it. New episodes weekly. Hosted by:Jay-Jay Feeney - 30+ years in radio, trusted voice for Kiwi women.Melissa Vranjes - Certified Sex & Relationship Coach, featured in VOGUE & GRAZIA Together, we combine humour and expert knowledge to normalise conversations around sexual wellness.Breaking taboos. Building confidence. Supporting modern intimacy.
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How to Dirty Talk (Without Dying of Embarrassment)
mardi 7 avril 2026 • Durée 40:09
Dirty talk makes Jay-Jay want to crawl under the bed and disappear… so naturally, that’s exactly what this episode is about.
In this episode of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes tackle one of the most cringe-inducing parts of intimacy: saying sexy things out loud without dissolving into laughter. If the thought of dirty talk makes you want to do your tax return instead, this episode is definitely for you.
Melissa breaks down why dirty talk doesn’t actually have to be “dirty” at all. It can be playful, flirty, intimate, teasing, affirming, and deeply connecting — whether you’re in the same room or doing long distance. The episode covers how to start small, why texting can be the perfect gateway, how to move away from performative porn-style language, and how to find words that actually feel natural for you.
Jay-Jay, meanwhile, does what Jay-Jay does best: says exactly what everyone else is thinking. Is it awkward? Yes. Will you laugh? Probably. Will you also come away with genuinely useful tips for talking sexy without feeling ridiculous? Also yes.
In this episode, we cover:
what dirty talk really is
why so many people find it harder than sex itself
why sexy texting can be the easiest place to start
the difference between porn talk and real-life turn-on
how anticipation can be hotter than explicit language
how to talk in a way that reflects what you actually desire
how to laugh through the awkwardness instead of shutting down
why aftercare and compliments can be part of erotic talk too
Plus, Melissa gives listeners a Pleasure Practice challenge for the week… and puts Jay-Jay on the spot with a live reading exercise that is every bit as awkward and hilarious as you’d hope.
Mel mentions here Dirty Talk Cheat Sheet! You can download a copy of that here
Next episode: Melissa opens up about pregnancy, libido loss, postpartum sex, and what happens when your body feels completely different to the one you used to know.
This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.
Shop online at wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…
Pleasure Delivered.
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Talking about oral sex makes Jay-Jay wildly uncomfortable… which is exactly why this episode had to happen.
In this lesson of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get very practical about what makes oral sex actually feel good for everyone. This is not about porn moves, performance, or trying to “get it right.” It’s about confidence, communication, anatomy, connection, and learning how to give pleasure in a way that feels good for you too.
Melissa breaks down what “world-class head” really means, why so many people feel pressure around oral sex, and the biggest lies porn has taught us about blowjobs and going down on women. The episode covers hand techniques, oral techniques, sore jaw and lockjaw hacks, how to ask for what you want without dying inside, and why slowing down is often the fastest path to better sex.
You’ll also hear:
why oral sex feels so vulnerable
how to stop focusing on performance
blowjob tips and hand techniques
oral sex tips for pleasuring a vulva
why anatomy creates confidence
how to communicate during sex without killing the mood
the importance of rhythm, teasing and anticipation
why pleasure should be about connection, not pressure
And of course, Melissa gives Jay-Jay, and you, a new Pleasure Practice for the week: how to give head in a way that feels good for you as well.
Next episode:How to Dirty Talk (Without Dying of Embarrassment).
This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.
Shop online at wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…
Foreplay (Get into Bed with Jay-Jay & Mel)
mardi 24 mars 2026 • Durée 42:35
Welcome to How To Have Sex ... the podcast giving everyday New Zealanders the practical tools to have better, more confident, more satisfying sex lives.
Before we get into the good stuff, we're starting where all great sex starts: foreplay. This episode is your introduction to hosts Jay-Jay Feeney - veteran NZ broadcaster, podcaster, and self-confessed awkward sex-talker, and Melissa Vranjes, certified holistic sex and relationship coach, somatic therapist, and founder of Sex School.
We get into bed (literally), share how this podcast came to be, and start pulling back the covers on everything from the orgasm gap and sexual confidence, to why most of us learned about sex from porn, and why that's a problem.
No shame. No judgment. Just two women in bed having the conversations everyone's secretly Googling.
For adults 18+. Headphones recommended.
🎙️ Follow, subscribe, and leave us a review. It helps more people find us!
What actually separates good sex from great sex? Spoiler: it's not the positions, the toys, or the techniques.
In this episode, sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes and Jay-Jay Feeney get into the real foundations of hot sex, and it turns out most of us have been thinking about it completely wrong. Mel introduces her erotic mind mapping method, breaks down the three types of desire (and why most women experience desire very differently to men), and explains why safety, connection, and communication are the actual ingredients for the best sex of your life.
Plus: JJ gets her first Pleasure Practice assignment live on air, and it gets surprisingly vulnerable.
This is sex education for real humans in real relationships. No pressure. No porn scripts. Just honest conversation.
For adults 18+. Headphones recommended.
🎙️ New episodes every Wednesday. Subscribe so you never miss one!
This podcast was produced at PodLab Studios, Auckland https://www.podlab.co.nz/
How to Have Sex is hosted by Jay-Jay Feeney — one of New Zealand’s most recognisable voices — and Melissa Vranjes, a holistic sex & relationship coach and somatic therapist.
Jay-Jay has the questions you’re too shy to ask.
Melissa has the answers (and the experience).
From world-class head to low libido, orgasms to pregnancy sex, this podcast breaks down shame, stigma, and bedroom confusion — with humour, honesty, and zero judgement.
How to Enhance Your Sex Life with Erotic Activities
mardi 21 avril 2026 • Durée 37:38
This might be our most hilarious episode yet.
In this episode of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes set out to talk about erotic activities, erotic energy, and how to bring more play, anticipation and aliveness into your sex life… and somewhere along the way, things descend into absolute chaos. There are tears. There is wheezing. There is a completely unhinged detour into animal play that nearly takes both hosts out.
But underneath the laughter, there’s actually a really juicy conversation here. Mel explains that the erotic isn’t just about sex toys, lingerie, or trying to become some mysterious version of yourself. It’s about vitality, curiosity, self-expression, play, and creating moments that feel alive, exciting and connected.
Together, JJ and Mel unpack how to break out of routine, why anticipation matters so much, and how to start exploring erotic activities in ways that feel fun rather than intimidating. This episode is full of ideas you can actually try, whether you’re a total beginner or ready to step a little further outside the box.
In this episode:
what the erotic actually means
why routine can flatten desire
how to bring more play and curiosity into your sex life
beginner-friendly erotic activities
more adventurous ideas for couples who want to mix things up
why sex does not have to be perfect or serious to be hot
and why laughing together might be one of the sexiest things of all
You’ll hear ideas like:
showering together with low lights
pleasure mapping each other’s bodies
sensory play with touch, temperature and massage oil
reading erotica to each other
feeding each other slowly and teasingly
erotic massage
undressing each other with intention
and yes… the now-infamous animal play conversation that sends everyone off the rails.
How to Navigate Low Libido in Pregnancy and Sex Postpartum (Mel’s Story)
mardi 14 avril 2026 • Durée 42:40
Pregnancy can change everything.. your body, your hormones, your relationship to pleasure, and the way you feel about s*x.
In this deeply personal episode of How To Have S*x, Mel opens up about her first pregnancy, when she lost her libido at 15 weeks, stopped wanting s*x, and even lost the ability to have the internal org*sms she once loved.
Jay-Jay and Mel talk honestly about what happens when s*x changes during pregnancy, how scary it can feel when desire disappears, and the panic that can come with wondering whether your s*xuality will ever come back. Mel shares how different her second pregnancy has been, why her first experience felt so confronting, and what helped her and her partner stay intimately connected even when penetrative s*x was off the table for months.
This episode is for anyone who has ever felt confused, shut down, touched out, disconnected from their body, or scared that a low libido season means something is wrong. It’s also a powerful listen for partners who want to understand how to stay close, supportive, and connected without adding pressure.
In this episode, we cover:
what low libido in pregnancy can actually feel like
the difference between “I don’t want s*x” and “I don’t feel s*xual at all”
how pregnancy affected Mel’s org*sms and body confidence
how to talk about the elephant in the room with your partner
how to stay intimately connected without penetrative s*x
returning to s*x postpartum slowly, gently, and without pressure
why self-touch can help before having penetrative s*x again
pelvic floor physio, healing, and what’s actually normal after birth
why you are allowed to be in a season
why different doesn’t mean broken
Mel also shares one of the most reassuring messages of the episode: you do not need to “bounce back.” Your body has changed, your life has changed, and your s*xuality may change too, but that does not mean it is gone forever.
Next episode: how to bring the erotic back into your s*x life.
How to Have Earth Shattering Orgasms
mardi 28 avril 2026 • Durée 49:01
Earth-shattering. It sounds ambitious, but Mel reckons it's not only possible, it's absolutely learnable. And it has nothing to do with performing, faking it, or wondering if you're taking too long.
This week Jay-Jay and Mel go deep on orgasms; what they actually are, why they feel different depending on where they happen in your body, and why so many of us have been getting in our own way this whole time.
In this episode:
The difference between a clitoral, G-spot, A-spot, cervical and full-body orgasm
Why only 18-22% of women can orgasm from penetration alone, and what that means for everyone
Why your body shuts down at the worst possible moment (and how to stop it)
The oven vs gas hob arousal gap between men and women
How to get out of your head and back into your body
Why slowing down is genuinely the fastest route to a bigger orgasm
The somatic tools Mel uses with her clients: breath, movement, placement of awareness
Why crying after sex is a thing (and it's not weird)
How to create new orgasmic pathways in your body, including cervical orgasms
Mel's tip: check out https://www.beautifulcervix.com/see-your-own-beautiful-cervix/ if you want to actually see your own cervix (yes, really)
This week's Pleasure Practice: Forget about the orgasm. Just touch your body for pleasure. In the shower, on the couch, wherever. Use breath, awareness and a little movement to build sensation. The orgasms will follow.
This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.
How to Butt Play (Without Making it Weird or Scary)
mardi 5 mai 2026 • Durée 40:20
Anal play. Butt stuff. The backdoor. Whatever you call it, more people are curious than will ever admit it. So this week, Jay-Jay and Mel are going there. Literally.
Certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes joins a very nervous, very clenching Jay-Jay Feeney to unpack everything about anal and butt play, for all bodies and all genders. From the biology, to the beginner steps, to the stuff nobody talks about.
In this episode:
Why butt play is so taboo (and why that's changing)
The male G-spot (yes, the prostate) and why most men have no idea what they're missing
How women can experience orgasms from anal stimulation
The difference between external and penetrative play (you do NOT have to go all in to enjoy it)
Mel's three beginner techniques: The Doorbell, The Credit Card, and Circles
How to prepare properly, and why porn has got it dangerously wrong
The importance of lube, going slow, and communication
What NOT to do (don't cross-contaminate, don't use spit, and absolutely never surprise someone mid-sex)
How to bring it up with a partner without making it weird
Recovering from a bad experience
This week's Pleasure Practice (JJ's reaction is priceless)
Curious but nervous? That's exactly who this episode is for.
This episode is sponsored by Wild Secrets. NZ's premium pleasure destination. Use code HAVESEX for 20% off. Pleasure delivered. wildsecrets.co.nz
How to Self-Pleasure (and Why it Will Change Your Partnered Sex Life)
mardi 12 mai 2026 • Durée 52:01
Did you know your solo sex life is literally the foundation of your partnered sex life?
In this episode, Jay-Jay finally figures out why this topic makes her want to crawl under the duvet and never come out, and it's more relatable than you'd think.
Certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down everything women were never taught about self-pleasure: where the shame actually comes from, why we were never given this education, and how exploring your own body is one of the most powerful things you can do for your sex life, with or without a partner.
We cover:
Why female self-pleasure has been stigmatised for centuries (and male pleasure hasn't)
How self-pleasure builds body literacy and improves partnered sex
Why rushing is the biggest mistake most people make
How to diversify your pleasure and avoid being wired to only one pathway
Whether you can get "addicted" to your vibrator (yes, really)
Masturbating in front of your partner - hot or not?
How to handle mismatched libidos without guilt or obligation sex
Jay-Jay has an unexpected breakthrough on camera that stopped us both
Plus Mel's pleasure practice for the week, and Jay-Jay's very honest response to it.
Next episode: How to Get Your Needs Met in Bed (Without Turning It Into a Performance Review).
How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have.
This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.
