Action steps that save you money. Humor that saves your sanity. Honesty that helps you heal.
How Not to Suck at Divorce is the divorce podcast for people who want clear answers, smart strategy and support through life before, during and after divorce.
Hosted by family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill and comedian and marketing expert Andrea Rappaport, we break down the parts of divorce that can feel impossible to navigate — divorce preparation, high-conflict spouses, narcissistic behavior and manipulation, child custody, co-parenting and parallel parenting, money and property, legal strategy, negotiation, divorce anxiety and life after divorce.
You’ll hear practical advice from leading divorce attorneys, therapists, financial professionals and other experts, along with honest conversations about what divorce actually feels like.
Our goal is simple: help you avoid expensive mistakes, understand your options and make decisions you’ll still feel good about years from now.
You don’t have to figure out divorce by yourself. We’ve got you.
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Données mises à jour le 09/11/2026
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How to Survive the Divorce Week From HELL. (3 Easy Steps)
Épisode 261
vendredi 6 novembre 2026 • Durée 18:57
What should you do when you’re overwhelmed during divorce and everything else in your life is falling apart, too? Tell your attorney you’re having a difficult week and ask what genuinely needs your attention, write down what you can and cannot control, and simplify your responsibilities where possible. Before postponing legal decisions, confirm any emergencies or deadlines with your lawyer.
The car needs repairs. Work is demanding. Your kid is sick. And right on cue, another email from your divorce attorney arrives.
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport share three practical steps for managing divorce stress when you’re already stretched too thin. They explain how to communicate with your lawyer, organize competing concerns, and give yourself a break without disappearing from your case.
Along the way: takeout guilt, Morgan’s groceries arriving at her office on a Sunday, and Andrea explaining why a true-crime podcast sometimes feels more manageable than forced positivity. Some days, survival means abandoning the chicken parmesan.
Get Support for Your Next Steps
You don’t have to figure out the divorce process alone. Our Divorce Crash Course helps you get organized, prepare better questions, and understand common mistakes before they become expensive.
Explore the course, Divorce Pep Talks, practical guides, and our free community at How Not to Suck at Divorce.
What You’ll Learn
✅ How to tell your divorce attorney you’re overwhelmed with a concise update rather than a long explanation or unanswered emails.
✅ What to clarify before postponing major divorce decisions, including genuine deadlines, emergencies, and what can reasonably wait.
✅ How to organize divorce stress into two columns: what you can control and what you cannot.
✅ How to identify manageable actions without expecting yourself to solve every problem at once.
✅ Why taking a break can mean lowering everyday expectations, asking for help, or choosing an enjoyable distraction.
Episode Highlights
(00:00) When a week from hell collides with your divorce
(00:35) Andrea and Morgan’s own terrible-week inspiration
(01:51) The urge to solve everything when you’re already overwhelmed
(03:39) Tell your attorney you’re having a difficult week
(04:36) Why rushing a decision can create more work and expense
(06:05) Get competing concerns out of your head and onto paper
(07:42) Separate what you can control from what you cannot
(09:44) Give yourself permission to operate in survival mode
(11:40) Takeout, dinner expectations, and abandoning the chicken parmesan
(12:48) Morgan’s grocery delivery goes to the wrong place
(13:45) Taking a mental break with entertainment
(17:25) Your three-step recap for an overwhelming week
(18:02) Finding support through the hardest days
Key Takeaways
🔷 Communicate before going quiet. Let your attorney know you’re struggling and ask which tasks or decisions need attention now.
🔷 Confirm what can wait. A difficult week doesn’t erase legal deadlines. Work with your lawyer to identify where you have breathing room.
🔷 Write down the whole picture. List the concerns taking up your attention, then separate available actions from circumstances you cannot change.
🔷 Lower the unnecessary demands. An easy dinner or a quieter evening may be enough when your capacity is limited.
🔷 Choose a break that works for you. A walk, a show, or an entertaining podcast can give you something else to focus on. You don’t have to force yourself to feel cheerful.
Resources and Sponsors
Divorce Crash Course
Our private podcast and guidebook help you prepare for divorce and make more informed decisions. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.
Formerly our Guided Divorce Meditations, these private audio recordings put Andrea in your ear when you need reassurance, humor, and help taking your next step.
If this conversation helped, follow How Not to Suck at Divorce and share it with someone having a week from hell.
You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.
This podcast provides general information, not individualized legal or mental health advice. Consult your own professionals about your circumstances.
What to Say When People Ask You About Your Divorce | Divorce Podcast
Épisode 260
mercredi 4 novembre 2026 • Durée 12:46
What can you say when friends and family keep asking about your divorce—and you don’t want to talk about it? Tell them you’d rather discuss something else, then redirect the conversation. Try: “The divorce is still happening, and I will pay you to talk about anything else.” You can appreciate someone’s concern without giving them a personal update.
In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport explains why you deserve a break from discussing your divorce, how to handle unsolicited opinions, and what to say when someone asks a personal question at the worst possible moment—including right in front of your children.
From the sad head tilt to the school-parking-lot conversation you immediately regret, Andrea shares practical ways to set conversational boundaries without feeling like you’re being rude.
Getting support matters. So does having room to talk about something besides your ex. Pumpkin candles, questionable eyebrows, your next binge-watch—anything that reminds you there’s more to your life than this process.
Get Support for Your Next Steps
You don’t have to figure out divorce alone. Our Divorce Crash Course helps you get organized, prepare better questions, and understand common mistakes before they become expensive.
Explore the course, Divorce Pep Talks, practical guides, and our free checklist at How Not to Suck at Divorce.
What You’ll Learn
✅ Why you need breaks from talking about divorce, even when the process is still consuming your time and attention.
✅ How unsolicited divorce advice can create confusion, especially when friends and family offer conflicting opinions about your case.
✅ What to say when someone asks, “How’s the divorce?” without sharing details you’d rather keep private.
✅ How to redirect conversations around your children and avoid discussing adult conflict within earshot.
Episode HighlightsKey TakeawaysResources and Sponsors
What to do When You Want to Throat Punch Your Ex: A Guided Meditation for Divorce Anger
Épisode 259
vendredi 30 octobre 2026 • Durée 13:21
What can you do when you’re so angry at your ex that you want to scream, send a brutal text, or completely lose your shit?
Give yourself some space before responding. Put your phone down, notice what you’re feeling, and take a few minutes to settle before deciding what actually needs your attention. You can be furious without acting on that anger—and this guided divorce meditation gives you somewhere to start.
In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport walks you through a funny, profanity-filled pause for those moments when your ex has pushed every available button. Think inflammatory co-parenting texts, endless emails about pickup times, and requests for flexibility from someone who refuses to give you any.
There’s no pressure to forgive your ex, thank the universe, or pretend you’re fine. The goal is to feel a little calmer, give yourself room to think, and avoid a reaction you may regret.
This guided meditation helps you practice:
Taking a break from upsetting texts, emails, and arguments.
Grounding yourself by noticing your surroundings and physical sensations.
Recognizing tension in your hands, shoulders, and body.
Naming the anger, hurt, fear, frustration, or exhaustion you’re feeling.
Identifying the concern underneath your reaction, including parenting, money, or feeling disrespected.
Considering whether a message needs a response and whether anything is genuinely urgent.
Choosing your next step before reentering a difficult conversation.
Whether you’re navigating a high-conflict divorce, dealing with co-parenting stress, or having a Target parking lot meltdown, save this episode for the next time you need a pause.
Listen somewhere you can safely take a break. If you’re driving, keep your attention on the road and wait until you’re safely parked before closing your eyes or following the exercises.
Divorce Resources & Support
3 Divorce Tips to Avoid Expensive Mistakes
Épisode 258
mercredi 28 octobre 2026 • Durée 11:48
Get informed before your next divorce decision. Our Divorce Crash Course combines a private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process, prepare, and avoid expensive mistakes. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.
You know what you’re angry about. But do you know what you actually want from your divorce—and what it could cost to get it?
In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill shares three practical divorce tips inspired by issues she’s seeing in her cases. With Andrea Rappaport mostly sidelined by illness—but still finding a way to unmute—Morgan explains how to set useful divorce goals, prepare for financial discovery, and evaluate a proposed divorce settlement without letting frustration drive every decision.
From demanding the house when your real priority is keeping your children in their school district to spending $30,000 in legal fees fighting over a $10,000 difference, this episode helps you think through what you’re pursuing, why it matters, and whether the fight serves your goals.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to distinguish your underlying divorce goals from a particular demand.
Why ranking your priorities can help you evaluate compromises during settlement negotiations.
How clear goals help your divorce attorney focus their time.
What to review in bank statements, tax returns, credit card statements, and business records before providing them through discovery.
Why unexpected financial details deserve a conversation with your attorney—and why full disclosure still matters.
How financial disclosures can have consequences you should discuss before documents are exchanged.
What to ask your attorney about whether your proposed settlement is realistic.
Are You Ready for a Divorce? What to Do Before You Decide
Épisode 257
vendredi 23 octobre 2026 • Durée 27:11
Get informed before you make your next divorce decision. Our Divorce Crash Course combines a private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process and prepare. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.
You’ve thought about divorce. Maybe you’ve Googled it, threatened it, or whispered it to your best friend. But how do you know if you’re ready for a divorce—or exhausted and desperate for something to change?
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill and comedian and divorced mom Andrea Rappaport break down what to do before filing for divorce. From recognizing patterns in your marriage to understanding your finances and getting answers about child custody, this conversation gives you practical steps to take while you’re still deciding.
There’s no quiz, magic number, or checklist that can decide whether you should end your marriage. But you can get clearer about what’s happening, gather information, and build a support team before making your next move.
In this episode, we discuss:
Wanting to leave your marriage versus wanting your marriage to change.
Writing down recurring problems—and positive moments—to see the bigger picture.
How a therapist can support you through the decision-making process.
What to understand about income, debt, household expenses, and housing before divorce.
Why fear about custody and parenting time can lead to decisions you later regret.
Morgan’s “Chad and Brenda” example: why hiding the children’s passports is a moment to pause and call your attorney.
Why a divorce attorney consultation doesn’t commit you to filing.
Comparing attorneys before paying a retainer.
Turning to professionals for guidance and friends and family for support.
Small Wins in Divorce Count More Than You Think
Épisode 256
mercredi 21 octobre 2026 • Durée 17:14
Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. Get the private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.
Your divorce can be moving slowly while you’re making real progress.
Did you open the email you’ve been avoiding? Gather the financial paperwork? Pause before responding to a message that made you furious? Those small wins deserve credit—even if your divorce is nowhere near finished.
In this solo mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport talks about recognizing progress during divorce without waiting for the final signature. From managing divorce overwhelm to rebuilding confidence and giving your children undivided attention, Andrea shares the everyday accomplishments that are easy to overlook when you’re focused on getting through the process.
We also talk about recovering from mistakes, letting a difficult morning be just a difficult morning, and celebrating something you did well before immediately raising the bar. You don’t need to turn every accomplishment into another expectation.
If you feel stuck, exhausted, or like you’re not doing enough, this episode offers a simple way to notice what you’re handling—and give yourself a little recognition along the way.
In this episode:
Why finalizing your divorce shouldn’t be your only measure of progress.
Practical wins, from organizing documents to asking your attorney an uncomfortable question.
Emotional wins, including pausing before responding and recognizing a mistake.
Parenting during divorce and making room for meaningful moments with your kids.
Giving yourself credit without demanding more from yourself tomorrow.
Why one bad moment doesn’t have to define the entire day.
Keeping a record of your progress to revisit when you’re feeling discouraged.
Divorce: Will Going Back to Work Cost You Spousal Support?
Épisode 255
vendredi 16 octobre 2026 • Durée 44:44
Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. Get the private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the divorce process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.
You’ve been out of the workforce raising your family. Now you’re getting divorced, you’re worried about money, and everyone has an opinion about when you should get a job.
Will going back to work affect your spousal support? What if childcare costs more than you’d earn? And who pays for the training, résumé help, and work clothes you need before your first paycheck?
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill welcome Alan Feigenbaum, a matrimonial and family law partner at Blank Rome in New York City, to discuss returning to work during divorce.
Alan and Morgan explain how they evaluate work history, earning potential, caregiving responsibilities, and financial needs. They challenge the blanket advice that staying unemployed will protect your support—and discuss why accepting a job deserves a closer look than simply asking whether your support payment could decrease.
We also get into the overlooked costs of reentering the workforce, what to bring your attorney before accepting an offer, and how imputed income, vocational evaluations, and job-search records can enter the conversation. Alan shares his experience representing stay-at-home dads, including the different reactions he has encountered in court.
Expect practical next steps, a few unpopular opinions, and a very questionable conversation about what happens when a gnat lands in your coffee.
In this episode, we discuss:
Returning to work during divorce after years as a stay-at-home parent.
How employment income may affect alimony or spousal support.
How Divorce Changed My Life in 3 Unexpected Ways
Épisode 254
mercredi 14 octobre 2026 • Durée 13:11
Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. This private podcast and guidebook help you understand the divorce process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.
Can life actually get better after divorce? When you’re exhausted, worried about your kids, and trying to figure out how to support yourself, that can feel impossible to imagine.
In this solo mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport shares three unexpected ways divorce changed her life: greater confidence, a deeper relationship with her children, and the discovery that she could build a business and earn more than she once thought possible.
Andrea talks honestly about early coparenting mistakes, the memories her boys still cherish from “mommy’s apartment,” and how facing intimidating situations helped her learn to speak up in business and relationships. She also shares a fourth, deeply personal change: realizing she deserved to be loved.
This is one woman’s experience rebuilding after divorce—not a promise that the process will be easy or that everyone’s journey will look the same. If you’re wondering whether you’ll ever recognize yourself again, this conversation offers perspective, encouragement, and a reminder that the hardest chapter doesn’t have to be the last one.
In this episode:
How navigating divorce helped Andrea become more confident and advocate for herself.
Why disagreements feel different after surviving something she once thought she couldn’t handle.
How acknowledging parenting mistakes opened the door to more honest conversations with her children.
The kitchen dance parties and small moments her boys remember from life after separation.
What Andrea discovered about her earning potential and ability to build a business.
Rebuilding self-worth and recognizing that she deserved a healthier relationship.
Divorce Problem: What to do if Your Spouse Won’t Accept That the Marriage is Over.
Épisode 253
vendredi 9 octobre 2026 • Durée 36:18
Thinking about divorce? Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. Get the private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.
You’ve done the therapy. You’ve hired a lawyer. You finally say, “I want a divorce.” Suddenly, the spouse who has spent months telling you they’re unhappy wants to stay together, try counseling, or live as roommates until the kids turn 18.
Are you allowed to still feel done when they’ve decided they’re not?
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, comedian and marketing professional Andrea Rappaport and family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill answer a listener’s question about a spouse who reverses course on divorce—and leaves them feeling guilty, confused, and stuck in limbo.
We discuss how to separate emotional pressure from decisions about your divorce case, what to tell your attorney when your spouse suddenly wants to reconcile, and why promises to change deserve a closer look. Sometimes a wake-up call leads to real effort. Sometimes it buys more time. The question is what’s happening in your marriage—and what you want to do next.
We also explore discernment counseling, setting boundaries around repeated arguments, and the pressure to “stay together for the kids.” Turning 18 doesn’t make children immune to the effects of divorce, and choosing your next step deserves guidance specific to your family.
And because this is our show, we finish with an imaginary Starbucks partnership, emergency divorce support delivered by helicopter, and a DM that absolutely should have stayed in drafts.
In this episode, we discuss:
What happens when you want a divorce and your spouse suddenly wants to stay married.
How a spouse’s reversal can leave you questioning a decision you worked hard to make.
Divorce Questions Answered: A Stalling Spouse & a Lawyer Who Won’t Call Back
Épisode 252
mercredi 7 octobre 2026 • Durée 35:45
Get the Divorce Crash Course for $50
Get practical divorce guidance with our private podcast and companion guidebook. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.
Your spouse is stalling. Your lawyer isn’t calling back. And you’re worried those angry texts might come back to haunt you. What now?
In this listener Q&A episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian Andrea Rappaport answer questions from our private community about divorce delays, coparenting communication, attorney responsiveness, and telling children about divorce after infidelity.
We discuss what to do when your spouse won’t move forward—whether you’re still deciding how to leave or already navigating the divorce process. Morgan explains how attorney-guided discovery, court deadlines, and trial scheduling may help move a stalled case forward, along with the risks you need to understand before taking that step.
We also address a question many listeners quietly worry about: What if I sent the angry texts before I knew better? Taking responsibility and showing consistent improvement can matter. It doesn’t erase past behavior, but it gives you a path toward better communication.
Then we tackle the frustration of waiting weeks for your divorce lawyer to respond, when to discuss expectations, and when a second opinion may be worth considering. Finally, we talk about infidelity, protecting children from adult conflict, and getting support for difficult questions about why the marriage is ending.
Plus: meet Victoria, our newest fictional character, and hear why Morgan’s influencer-inspired hair rollers were almost grounds for divorce.
In this episode:
Podcasts Similaires Basées sur le Contenu
Découvrez des podcasts liées à How Not To Suck At Divorce. Explorez des podcasts avec des thèmes, sujets, et formats similaires. Ces similarités sont calculées grâce à des données tangibles, pas d'extrapolations !
✅ How to seek support while maintaining boundaries, so your divorce doesn’t become the subject of every interaction.
(00:00) What to do when everyone keeps asking about your divorce
(00:05) The divorce update you don’t owe anyone—and why you need a break
Andrea also covers three reasons to limit constant divorce conversations, ready-to-use responses, protecting your privacy around your children, and the new Divorce Pep Talks.
🔷 Have a response ready. “I don’t feel like digging into it today. What’s happening with you?” is enough.
🔷 Ask for the support you actually want. Suggest a funny distraction, dinner, or getting together when you don’t have the kids.
🔷 Be selective about whose guidance you invite. Friends can offer emotional support; case-specific legal questions belong with qualified counsel.
🔷 Give the rest of your life some airtime. Make space for interests, friendships, curiosity, and conversations that don’t involve your ex.
🔷 Keep your support system. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean bottling everything up. Choose trusted people and appropriate times to discuss what you’re going through.
Divorce Crash Course
Our private podcast and guidebook help you prepare for divorce and make more informed decisions. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.
Formerly our Guided Divorce Meditations, these private audio recordings put Andrea in your ear when you need reassurance, humor, and help taking the next step.
Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce for mini episodes on Wednesdays and full episodes on Fridays. Share this episode with someone who needs permission to change the subject.
You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.
This podcast provides general information, not individualized legal or mental health advice.
Guided Divorce Meditations
Want more support for the difficult moments? Explore our guided meditation library, delivered through a private podcast feed so you can listen in your preferred podcast app.
Our private podcast and guidebook help you understand the divorce process, prepare questions, and make more informed decisions. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.
Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce so the next episode is waiting for you. Share this meditation with someone who needs a breather, and leave a rating and review if the show has helped you.
You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.
This meditation offers general support and does not replace individualized mental health care or legal advice.
Why honest pushback from your lawyer doesn’t automatically mean they aren’t advocating for you.
How to weigh potential legal fees against what you might gain by continuing a dispute.
Your three action steps
Write down and rank your goals. Identify what matters most, then revisit that list when new issues or strong emotions arise.
Read your financial documents. Flag surprises and questions for your attorney so you can prepare while meeting your disclosure obligations.
Bring your settlement ideas—and listen to the feedback. Ask what’s realistic, why, and what pursuing each issue could cost.
Free pre-divorce checklist
Thinking about divorce or trying to organize your next steps? Our free printable checklist helps you review your financial picture, organize your concerns, and prepare questions for an attorney.
Find more episodes organized around the divorce questions you need answered.
Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce so you don’t miss the next episode. If this conversation helped you, leave a rating and review and share it with someone who needs it.
Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.
This episode provides general information and does not replace legal advice about your individual circumstances.
Mentioned in this episode:
Our Family Wizard
How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.
Need somewhere to start? Our printable checklist helps you organize your thoughts, review your financial picture, and prepare questions for an attorney—even if you haven’t decided to leave.
Explore tools for organizing co-parenting communication, schedules, and shared expenses.
If this episode helped you, share it with someone who’s quietly asking the same questions—and leave us a rating and review so more people can find the show.
Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.
This episode provides general information and does not replace advice from an attorney about your circumstances.
Mentioned in this episode:
Our Family Wizard
How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.
Sharing your accomplishments and letting yourself accept encouragement.
Your action steps
Start a “Things That Didn’t Suck” note.
Use your phone’s notes app to keep a running list of things you’re proud of. Include the paperwork, the hard conversations, the moments of patience, and the times you were kind to yourself.
Tell someone about a win.
You can say, “This might sound small, but it was hard for me, and I did it.” Give yourself permission to receive support and recognition.
Celebrate before raising the bar.
Take a moment to acknowledge what you accomplished. A small win doesn’t need to become a bigger assignment.
Leave room for hard days.
You don’t have to add something to your list every day. Return to it when you can, and use it as a reminder of the progress you’ve already made.
Find episodes organized around the issues you’re facing before, during, and after divorce.
Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce, leave a rating or review, and send this episode to someone who needs a reminder that their effort counts.
Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You don’t have to wait until it’s over to recognize how far you’ve come.
You have got this. And we’ve got you.
Mentioned in this episode:
Our Family Wizard
How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.
Why your former salary may not reflect your current earning potential.
Evaluating childcare costs, your children’s needs, and part-time options.
Budgeting for certifications, education, résumé services, interview coaching, work clothes, and networking.
Reviewing a job offer’s salary, bonuses, benefits, and stock options with your attorney.
What imputed income means and why a court may examine someone’s ability to earn.
Job-search diaries and vocational experts.
Stay-at-home moms, stay-at-home dads, and the stereotypes that can surface during divorce.
Rebuilding financial independence and an identity beyond the divorce process.
Three action steps to take from this episode
1. Learn what your options actually are.
Explore realistic jobs, pay ranges, schedules, and any training you would need. You can gather information without committing to a particular path.
2. Bring your attorney an itemized budget.
List the costs associated with returning to work and gather estimates to support them. Give your lawyer specifics to evaluate rather than one unexplained total.
3. Ask your lawyer to run the numbers.
Discuss how different income scenarios could affect support and your overall finances. If you have an offer, share the full compensation package—not just the salary.
Episode timestamps
00:00 — Getting divorced and realizing you may need a job.
01:37 — The gnat-in-the-coffee debate.
03:24 — Community updates: Who is Brenda’s new boyfriend?
05:17 — Meet family-law attorney Alan Feigenbaum.
05:47 — “I’ve been home with the kids. Do I have to go back to work?”
07:36 — Why an old salary doesn’t guarantee today’s earning potential.
09:06 — Will getting a job affect spousal support?
12:39 — What if you haven’t made efforts to return to work?
14:45 — Training, credentials, and the costs of getting started.
17:25 — Build an itemized return-to-work budget.
18:49 — Childcare costs and part-time work: a case example.
24:27 — Challenging assumptions about stay-at-home parents.
26:26 — A client weighs a job offer against support concerns.
28:31 — What your lawyer needs to know about a job offer.
29:36 — Stay-at-home dads and courtroom expectations.
31:28 — Imputed income, job-search diaries, and vocational experts.
33:18 — Rapid-fire questions: overlooked expenses and common mistakes.
38:16 — Action steps for evaluating your return to work.
41:25 — Using AI without letting it send you into a spiral.
42:08 — Feeling overwhelmed and hopeful at the same time.
About our guest
Alan Feigenbaum is a partner in the matrimonial and family law practice at Blank Rome in New York City. He helps clients navigate complex financial and custody disputes, with attention to their long-term financial and family needs. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and a regular contributor to the New York Law Journal.
Find episodes organized around the issues you’re facing before, during, and after divorce.
Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce, leave a rating or review, and share this episode with someone worried about returning to work during divorce.
This episode provides general information, not legal advice. Employment and support decisions depend on your circumstances and the law in your jurisdiction. Discuss your options with your own attorney.
You have got this. And we’ve got you.
Finding support and moments of humor while recovering from divorce.
Find conversations about the issues you’re facing before, during, and after divorce.
Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce, leave a rating or review, and share this episode with someone who needs a little hope about life after divorce. Visit our website for more resources and links to our social channels.
Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. Some days you’re moving forward. Some days you’re just keeping your head above water. You deserve support through both.
You have got this. And we, my friends, have got you.
What to discuss with your lawyer before pausing or withdrawing divorce proceedings.
How discernment counseling differs from couples therapy.
Looking at actions alongside promises when considering reconciliation.
Setting boundaries when your spouse keeps debating your reasons for leaving.
Using brief, informative, friendly, and firm communication.
Why “wait until the kids are 18” deserves more than an automatic yes.
Getting individual support while deciding whether to stay or go.
Episode timestamps
00:00 — You want a divorce. Suddenly, your spouse doesn’t.
01:18 — The listener’s story: “Let’s stay roommates until the kids are grown.”
02:39 — Emotional whiplash, manipulation, and feeling stuck.
05:19 — Should you keep explaining why you want to leave?
09:44 — What to tell your attorney when your spouse reverses course.
11:01 — Discernment counseling versus couples therapy.
12:19 — A genuine wake-up call—or more time to prepare?
16:21 — Stop putting your marriage on trial every night.
17:25 — Setting boundaries and keeping conflict away from the kids.
18:52 — Should you stay married until your children turn 18?
23:34 — Andrea’s experience leaving with young children.
25:59 — Planning next steps while you’re still under the same roof.
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Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ve got this—and we’ve got you.
