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Have you ever looked back at a relationship and thought, “Why didn’t I walk away sooner?” You’re not alone — and it’s not about weakness or denial. In this episode, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores seven powerful psychological reasons we tend to ignore red flags in relationships — especially in the early stages.

Drawing on schema therapy, attachment theory, and decades of clinical experience, Gemma breaks down why patterns like schema chemistry, abandonment fears, self-doubt, and people-pleasing keep us stuck in emotionally harmful dynamics — even when we know something feels off.

Whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or reflecting on the past, this episode offers deep insight and gentle guidance to help you recognize what’s really going on beneath the surface.

You’ll learn:

• What schema chemistry is — and how it hijacks your attraction radar
• Why self-doubt and schemas like defectiveness or dependence make it hard to trust yourself
• The role of the abandonment schema in keeping you hooked
• How emotional deprivation creates low expectations in love
• Why people-pleasing, guilt, and over-responsibility make it hard to leave
• What it means to rewire your “love template”
• How to start showing up for yourself in new ways

Mentioned in this episode:

• The Red Flag Project Course — our online course to help you break toxic patterns and spot red flags early
• Love Wisely Group Coaching — now closed for enrollment. Join the waitlist here for the next round starting September 2025

✨ Reminder: If this episode resonates with you, follow the show and share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Let’s break the cycle — together.

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Meet Sophie, a 37-year-old woman who spent years feeling stuck in painful relationship cycles. Like many women I work with, she kept attracting emotionally unavailable or narcissistic men — despite knowing, deep down, that something wasn’t right.

In this episode, I’ll walk you through Sophie’s journey: from identifying her relational schemas (like abandonment, emotional deprivation, and subjugation), to understanding how her childhood shaped her “love template,” to the powerful moment she made a clear commitment to change.

We’ll explore how she:

• Finally ended a 7-year relationship that drained her emotionally
• Identified red flags and stopped rationalising harm
• Rebuilt self-trust by healing her inner vulnerable child
• Let go of the idea that she had a specific “type”
• Started dating with emotional clarity, rather than fear or old patterns

This transformation is exactly the kind of work we do inside Love Wisely. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why do I keep ending up in the same kind of relationship?” — this episode is for you.

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Happy New Year! In this first episode of 2025, Gemma invites you to reflect on the life scripts and recurring patterns that no longer serve you and take intentional steps toward rewriting them. Life scripts are the unconscious stories and patterns that shape how we think, feel, and behave, often holding us back from living authentically and joyfully.

By unpacking and letting go of these outdated narratives, we create space for personal growth, healthier relationships, and a life aligned with our true selves.

In This Episode, Gemma Discusses:

• What Are Life Scripts?
  • How they differ from schemas and influence our decisions and behaviors.
  • Examples of common life scripts, such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, and self-doubt.
• The Connection Between Life Scripts and Schemas:
  • How schemas like abandonment, defectiveness, and unrelenting standards often underpin these scripts.
• Three Common Life Scripts:
  1. People-Pleasing: "I need to make everyone happy to be loved."
  2. Perfectionism: "If I don’t do this perfectly, I’m not good enough."
  3. Self-Doubt: "I’m not capable or as good as others."
• How to Let Go of Limiting Life Scripts:
  • Identify the Script: Recognize the recurring patterns or schemas that are holding you back.
  • Visualize Change: Imagine life without the script—what would it look like?
  • Create a Mantra: Use affirmations to focus your intention and remind yourself of your growth.
  • Take Small Steps: Start with achievable actions, like setting a boundary or reframing a critical thought.
• Real-Life Examples:
  • Gemma shares powerful success stories of clients who rewrote their scripts and transformed their lives.

As we begin 2025, this episode is your invitation to reflect, reset, and take steps toward letting go of the old scripts holding you back.

P.S. If you’re ready to go deeper and tackle your life scripts with focused 1:1 coaching, Gemma has limited spots available for new clients. Reach out at reception@goodmood.com.au to enquire. 

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, Gemma shares her experience and impressions of working with clients who have had the unfortunate experience of being 'diagnosed' with "treatment-resistant depression".  Gemma believes this is a dangerous and disempowering label which does nothing to help people get to the bottom of what's driving their depression. 

Gemma has been doing therapy with people in a clinical practice setting since 2001. In 2005, she finished  an eleven-year association with a tertiary referral clinic for mood disorders, where she worked in various positions in a clinical research capacity.   During those eleven years, Gemma came in contact with hundreds of people referred for depression. Many of those patients had some type of mood disorder, like major depressive or bipolar disorder, and they were often referred to as treatment-resistant.

In this episode, she shares her thoughts centering around people coming to therapy when they have been spending years struggling with a mood disorder like chronic depression or recurrent bouts of a major depressive episodes. She talks mainly about the psychological nature/risk factors and the psycho-social aspects of depression.

Recommended books: Reinventing Your Life  by Jeffrey Young and Complex PTSD by Pete Walker

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, Jen Hoey joins us as our guest on the podcast. This episode is the first in a series where we will be discussing the dangers that our kids face online. In the series, we will be highlighting some pertinent things that we need to think about and look out for in that area.

Over the years, Jen has developed a passionate interest in the topic of kids online. And she has become knowledgeable about how to protect kids in the online space. Unfortunately, her interest stems from a personal experience with her daughter. In this episode, Jen will tell us the story of that experience to highlight what goes on with kids online. 

In response to what happened with her daughter, Jen started a Facebook group called Not My Kid, where she shares lots of information about the problems with our children and their online experiences and how to protect them. Be sure to stay tuned today to hear Jen’s story and learn how to protect your kids in the online space.

Links and resources:

Jen's Story:-
Online predators: Brave mums shares her true story | North Shore Mums
https://www.facebook.com/groups/NotMyKid.parentgroup/

The Cyber Safety lady:-
https://thecybersafetylady.com.au/

Gabe Deem, Reboot Nation (discussion around pornography)
https://www.rebootnation.org/

General Recommended Books:
Glow Kids, Nicholas Kardaras, PhD
Breaking the Trance, George Lynn with Cynthia Johnson
The Collapse of Parenting, Leonard Sax, MD, PhD
Ten-Ager, Madonna King

Dateline, Digital Predators:-
https://www.sbs

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We have been getting some comments, queries, and questions in our mailbox recently. So in this episode, we will be introducing a new mailbox segment that we will have on the podcast from time to time. 

With this podcast, we strive to raise awareness about some common topics that many of us have to deal with. So, if you are struggling with something or have an issue, the chances are that many others will be in the same boat. One of the things we received in our mailbox was an email from someone who listened to our podcast about narcissistic parents. In her email, she reflected on what that podcast meant for her regarding her narcissistic parent. She has kindly permitted us to read her email out on the show today and talk about it. Be sure to stay tuned to find out what our listener had to say.

Recommended reading:

Reinventing Your Life (A self-help book for schema therapy) by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko

Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W. Brown

Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Last week, our Red Flag Project went out, and what we talk about in this episode of the podcast is related to that. We will be talking about the pleasures and pitfalls of online dating today. The dating process can be hard for some women to live through. It can be quite an emotional rollercoaster, and it can also trigger lots of schemas.

The world of online dating is the way to go right now. However, people looking for partners are doing something hard because they have to maintain a state of hopefulness and willingness. And they need to face date after date, week after week, trying to find what feels like a needle in a haystack because it is not easy to find a guy who is a good match and who can give a woman what she wants. Some women come across all kinds of problems and difficulties in themselves, and the guys they meet could also make it difficult for various reasons. That makes it very hard at times to maintain your emotional equilibrium. Be sure to stay tuned today to learn how to avoid some of the pitfalls in the current world of online dating.

Much of what we talk about in this episode pertains to both men and women. However, this podcast is geared mainly towards women to follow our Red Flag course.

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We have been talking a lot about narcissism on the podcast recently because we have found that one of the main themes that people come to therapy with falls within the realm of narcissism. Coming to terms with narcissistic parents is a big issue that many people face, and it can be hard to do.

In our last episode, we spoke about the nature of the different dynamics of relationships with a narcissistic parent. In this episode, we will be talking about getting to the point of seeing your narcissistic parents for who they are and accepting them just as they are. Acceptance does not mean approval, however. Nor does it mean condoning someone’s unacceptable behavior or letting them off the hook. Acceptance is about accepting the reality of what is. And that can be very hard to do because it brings up many emotions around grief and loss. Listen in today to learn about coming to terms with having a narcissistic parent and the process you need to go through around that.

Books mentioned:
Will I ever Be Good Enough by Caroline McBride
Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary
Children of Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

From the annoying to the serious, Justine and Gemma focus on Red Flags in the world of dating and relationships. 

In this episode Gemma and Justine introduce their new online course.  A short, affordable course for women who want to sharpen their radar for detecting early signs of emotional unavailability, relationship disinterest , narcissism and even more pathological or potentially dangerous signs in a new or potential partner.  

When getting into a new relationship, there are many signs that indicate whether it is going to work. In today’s episode, we share the most common red flags you will see when entering into a new relationship with a partner who many be not good for you.  We tend to see many women getting stuck in these relationships. Prevention is better than cure!

Some of the most common flags we see in emotionally unavailable men is ghosting or love-bombing. While both on different ends of the spectrum, both indicate the need for control and the lack of commitment. Many of these relationships have signs such as space invaders or suffocating attention in the beginning. Due to the nature of these relationships, they are often not sustainable, and can lead to physical or emotional abuse. We are very passionate about helping women avoid these cycles, and that’s why we started the Red Flag Project. The Red Flag Project is a course designed to help you improve your relationships and avoid toxic interactions. If you find yourself struggling with any of these issues, join us in this episode for more information.

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a text

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We have another podcast in our series on narcissism for you. For this episode we will stay with the topic of the narcissistic parent and discuss the types of relationships you might be having with your narcissistic parent and the kind of dynamics you might find within that relationship. Clinically, we tend to see four categories of those kinds of relationship dynamics. In this episode, we will go into some detail about each of those categories. Stay tuned for more.

The first dynamic that we see quite often is where you get stuck in constantly clashing with your parent. In the second category, you don’t fight very much with your parent, you tend to accept things as they are, and you do a lot of internalizing. The third category is the estrangement category, where we see those who have deliberately chosen to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent. And the fourth category is where you attempt to manage your narcissistic parent. Sometimes, some of those categories tend to overlap. Be sure to listen in today to find out more detail about each of the four different categories of relationship dynamics that you might find yourself in with your narcissistic parent. 

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a text

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We are continuing with our theme of narcissism, and in this episode we are focusing on relationships with narcissistic parents. People who were raised by narcissistic parents struggle with guilt. They have trouble expressing what they think and feel about things because they worry about how people will respond to them, and whether or not people will listen to what they say, and take them seriously without judging them. 

Narcissists gaslight, invalidate and dismiss people. And they are also overly critical and often play the victim. Those are things that tend to create a subjugated response from people, and as a result, narcissistic parents cause a lot of schemas in their children. In this episode, we will be looking at how your relationship with a narcissistic parent could be affecting you. We will talk about why narcissists cannot take criticism, how you would know that you got parented by a narcissist, understanding how your schemas and coping styles got shaped by a narcissistic parent, and the traumatic effects of being loved conditionally. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out how narcissistic parents operate and learn how to deal with the consequences of having grown up in a narcissistic situation. 

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a text

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about an issue related to grief and loss. Grief is a multifaceted process, and it can be influenced by many different factors. Suffering the loss of someone we love can be a life-changing experience, and after going through that, it is quite normal to feel like a completely different person. In this episode, we discuss the process of grief, and we talk about how unique it is and how much it differs for every one of us.

Grief is a complex process that we all deal with in our own way. Sometimes, however, the people in our lives don’t quite understand our process of grieving and they expect us to be able to recover and move on far more quickly than we can. They could become frustrated or irritated with us when we don’t progress according to the timeline they have in mind, and that could make us worry or become concerned that we are not doing our grieving in the right way. Stay tuned today to learn the truth about the process of grieving, and learn how to show up for someone who is grieving and lean into their loss. You will also find out why you should never compare your experience of loss with that of anyone else. 

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

As promised, we are continuing with the theme of narcissism. Some of us have no choice but to live with a narcissist or be around one at certain times. That is usually not very easy to do, so, today we will be talking about ways you can manage the narcissist in your life when you cannot escape having to spend time around them. It could be a parent, a sibling, a relative, an in-law, a boss, or even a work colleague. 

Christmas tends to be one of those times when we find ourselves having to sit around a table with someone whose company we would normally prefer to avoid. A narcissist is someone who is at the core of it, very self-absorbed, and their behavior can be challenging and difficult to deal with. Interacting with a narcissist is likely to trigger all of your schemas, so it is helpful to know what you can do to manage the situation. Be sure to stay tuned today to get some tips and find out the best course of action to take when you cannot avoid spending some time with the narcissist in your life.

Books mentioned:

Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W Brown

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T Behary

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Welcome to the final Episode for this year!  We will be back with new episodes in 2025.  

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a text

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain.

In this episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important.

Recommended Reading:
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a text

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain.

In this episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important.

Recommended Reading:
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a text

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We’re talking about something very interesting today. We’re starting a series discussion on narcissism, a topic that has come up a lot for us as clinicians over the years. Many of our clients have also nominated narcissism as a topic that they would like us to talk about.

In our practices, we see many people whose lives are affected by narcissism, and those relationships are often very preoccupying and distressing. Some people have parents, partners, friends, or even bosses who are narcissists. Today, in our first episode of this series, we will be covering what narcissism is, exactly. We will discuss the particulars in-depth, and we will also give you some examples. Going forward, we will be following on with some more specific episodes on the topic of narcissism. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out what narcissism is and the kind of impact it could have on your life.

Recommended Reading:
Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a text

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Many different reasons cause us to develop abandonment schemas, and two other schemas tend to co-occur alongside an abandonment schema. They are the self-sacrifice schema and the subjugation schema. Those can cause a lot of distress, so you need to become aware of them and the way they could affect you.

With both the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, you tend to become preoccupied with other people’s thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, and desires. And with both of them, you end up putting yourself aside, either to make the other person happy or to keep them connected to you. In today’s episode, we will be talking about the primary emotions that drive the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, how those schemas differ, how they affect your relationships, and what you can do to transform them so that they no longer affect you as much as before. Be sure to stay tuned to find out all you need to know about the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas and how to lessen the negative impact they could be having on your life.

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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An extended version of the Loving Kindness meditation 


Are you a regular listener who loves what we do on this podcast?  If so, would you consider helping us continue to put out great content by making a small monthly contribution?  If you'd like to help support the show please click the link below.

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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The loving kindness (or metta) meditation –  is a type of Buddhist meditation which focuses on sending love, care and good will to yourself as well as others.  The old name for this meditation is the  metta bhavana.  In this adaptation of the metta bhavana, I focus on the first stage - sending metta (or love) to ourselves.

These types of meditations are particularly good for helping you cultivate a deep sense of compassion for yourself and others and can help with calming down negative self-talk and negative emotional states.

The loving kindness meditation can also help with developing greater acceptance around situations over which you have no control and helping you accept reality, including other people for who they are.

These kinds of compassions focused meditations also have neurological underpinning and help us change the way we view ourselves, other people and the world in which we live.  With a regular practice we can learn to better handle the ups and downs of everyday life and to develop more positive emotional states and more prosocial or compassion based behaviours.  Research teaches us that a regular mediation practice whether that be mindfulness-based, insight-based or compassion-based, can actually change our brains for the better and can contribute to a healthier life.
 
Dr Gemma Gladstone
www.goodmood.com.au

Visit our podcast page
https://www.goodmood.com.au/a-psychology-and-schema-therapy-podcast/


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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, Gemma and Justine discuss how the abandonment schema can prevent someone from ending or leaving an unhealthy romantic relationship.  Being able to walk away from a relationship that is not good for you can be a very difficult and daunting experience.

There are some relationships which seem so familiar on a sub-conscious level because the dynamics match or replicate aspects of our earliest attachments - that is our relationships with our parents or care-givers when we were young children.  These relationships are often with partners who cannot commit, are unstable in some way and unavailable in some way.  The flavour of these relationships is that they are inconsistent, with a tenuous or insecure connection.

The 'abandoned child' part of us, feels a sense of "sameness" and stays in these relationships, hoping and longing that the unavailable partner will one day become available.

We also discuss in some detail, why it is especially hard for some people to walk away from an affair that they are having with a married person (ie, an extremely unavailable person). 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

The third in the series of our discussions on the abandonment schema and its role in romantic relationships.

In this episode we discuss the ways that an abandonment schema can play out in an otherwise stable and secure relationship and cause havoc for you and your partner. 

What are some of the ways that an unchecked or largely unhealed abandonment schema can sabotage your relationship? How can you begin to notice your abandonment triggers in this contents and use your "healthy adult" mode to help you navigate through the maze of abandonment feelings.  It's not easy but you can get there over time!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain.

In this episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important.

Recommended Reading:
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, Justine and Gemma discuss a very common issue they see in their practice.  Many of us have a pattern of being attracted to and staying with romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable.  What exactly is Unavailability anyway?

In this episode we focus at depth on this type of relationship dynamic, we give common examples and discuss the schema involved and how they are commonly triggered.  We then discuss how people can begin to change this pattern and what they need to do to start seeing their relationships more clearly and make different choices.

It's a meaty episode.  Stay tuned for further episode related to this important relationship dynamic!

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In this episode of we dive deep into the "martyr mode," a coping style often discussed in schema therapy. We explore what it means to have a martyr complex or mode, how it shows up in relationships, and the emotional dynamics that fuel this behaviour.

Key topics covered include:

• The defining traits of the martyr mode and how it may stem from deeper emotional wounds, unmet needs and emotional deprivation.
• The guilt-inducing and manipulative aspects of martyr behaviour, and its impact on relationships with children, partners, and others.
• How this mode can flip between seeking validation, playing the victim, and striving for indispensability.
• Insights into the covert ways martyrs seek emotional control and validation, often leaving others feeling resentful or guilty.
• Practical advice for recognizing and addressing martyr tendencies in yourself or dealing with someone exhibiting this behavior.

Whether you're navigating a relationship with someone in this mode or noticing these patterns within yourself, this episode offers valuable insights and strategies for creating healthier dynamics.

If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to FOLLOW the show and share it with others who might benefit from this discussion.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Are you a People Pleaser?  If so this episode is for you.

The Self-Sacrifice schema falls into the "other-directed" domain in schema therapy.  With this schema you are inclined to attend to the needs of others over and above your own needs.  Failure to do so often results in you feeling guilty about having let people down.   Self-sacrifice can be a form of severe self-suppression and left unchecked it can dominate your life and result in depression down the track.
 
Gemma discusses 6 key signs that suggests you have a major self-sacrifice schema; she discusses the typical family of origin circumstances which produce the schema and also gives advice about how to begin to change and confront this schema.  

The 6 tell-tale signs discussed are:
1. You can't say No.
2. You often feel Guilty.
3. You get validation needs met from being a self-sacrificer.
4. You attract and stay with Narcissists in relationships.
5. You carry a lot of resentment.
6. You are burnt out, feel exhausted and have various health complaints. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, Justine and Gemma dive deep into what a schema is in the context of Schema Therapy.  They discuss the role of parenting, temperament and life experience in the development of early maladaptive schemas (EMS).

Most of the schemas are reviewed and explained with examples to get you thinking.  There is also a meaty discussion of the "other-directed" schemas - such as subjugation & self-sacrifice.  The concept of schema triggering is broken down into an easy to digest explanation of trigger - urge - response (or coping style) to help you make sense of your own strong emotional triggers.  With a special mention of the abandonment schema and how it typically plays out as a relationship saboteur. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

You are not alone, hang in there.  In this episode Gemma discusses some of the psychological consequences of the pandemic and how to take care of ourselves during this difficult period of time.  

With several suburbs in Melbourne Victoria (July 3, 2020) having to go back into Lock-down, anxiety and uncertainty is again on the rise.  Covid-19 has meant that humanity is again facing large-scale collective anxiety and trauma.

This episode gets into some practical tips for coping with isolation and lock-down and asks the question "what does covid-19 trigger for you?".  Stay with this episode for some helpful ways to cope and support around how to care for yourself amidst the chaos. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode Gemma discusses the importance of having our core emotional needs met adequately in early life.  What are these needs and what can happen if our parents/primary attachment figures do not meet our needs on a regular basis.

Gemma discusses some of the psychological consequences and Schemas that can develop as a result.  

●safety, stability & predictability
●secure, loving, nurturing bond (warmth, validation, ‘being seen’)
●autonomy & growing independence
●expression of emotions, needs, thoughts (allowance of authenticity)
●spontaneity, creativity & play 
●realistic limits, self-discipline, impulse control

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

A guided meditation / relaxation exercise to help you enhance a sense of inner wisdom and confidence in your ability to cope with change and any obstacles you may be facing. 

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Feeling down, unmotivated, fearful or depressed? Here is a list of evidence-based (backed by substantial research) suggestions & behaviours to reduce depression and help relieve nervous tension and anxiety:-

• Movement & physical exercise. Exercise and physical movement, whether it be intense or gentle can help us complete the stress response cycle, activate the relaxation response and is a natural anti-depressant.
• Some form of daily mindfulness practice, meditation or applied relaxation strategy is a must for good mental health. Coping with stress and reducing anxiety levels means that you can reduce their role as contributing factors in depression. 
• Dietary modifications can absolutely help with reducing symptoms of depression, stress and anxiety. The reduction of things like sugar, alcohol and other toxins also helps with reducing brain fog & improving mental clarity also.
• Don’t underestimate the power of adequate and good quality deep sleep. Practice good sleep hygiene and go to bed earlier. Getting up earlier and getting sunlight in the morning is a mood enhancer.
• Try dealing with denied or avoided emotions. Chronic suppressed emotions serve to create a prolonged stress response in the body, which in turn can lower immune function and also increase the risk for depression.
• Avoid ‘avoiding’ – deal with the things you are avoiding, whether they be emotional, relational, social, medical/health or physical.  When all you do is ‘avoid’, you never allow yourself to learn new ways to deal with situations and master difficulties.
• Make time to schedule in joyful moments, in a deliberate way (not just decluttering – although that is pretty good!) – like meeting a friend for coffee, going to the movies, having a massage, going for a swim in the ocean – whatever provides a positive mood shift.
• Spend more time in nature. I know we hear this one a lot, but it really works. Activate as many of your senses as possible and try to be mindful to all those sensations.
• Make the effort to connect with others in small, incidental ways (eg, chat with the person making your coffee, make eye contact and smile at a fellow shopper walking by). Small but regular social contact is highly correlated with enhanced mood and is good for stress control.
• Asks for more hugs. Increase your level of physical contact with others if possible….even very small gestures count and have a mutually supportive effect . Physical touch is important for a sense of connection and nurturance.  Think about getting a pet and if you have already got one make sure you give them plenty of physical contact. It’s beneficial and therapeutic.
• Take time to stop and breathe. Rest, slow down and reduce t

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Welcome to The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Justine and Gemma introduce themselves and talk about Schema Therapy and Why this Podcast?

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Healthy Adult Daily Practice: An Intentional Reflection Tool

In this episode, Gemma introduces a practical tool called Healthy Adult Daily Practice, designed to help you strengthen and nurture your Healthy Adult mode. Building on the foundational features of the Healthy Adult mode discussed in the previous episode, this episode walks you through a simple, intentional practice that can be integrated into your daily life to promote emotional resilience, self-awareness, and healthier relationships.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• What is the Healthy Adult Mode?
  • A quick recap of its foundational characteristics: mindfulness, self-compassion, emotional regulation, and more.
  • How embodying the Healthy Adult mode supports wiser, more compassionate decision-making and self-management.
• Healthy Adult Daily Practice Tool:
  • Set Your Intention: Choose one Healthy Adult quality (e.g., patience, empathy, gratitude, self-care) to focus on for the day.
  • Daily Embodiment: Actively embody this quality in your actions, thoughts, and interactions throughout the day.
  • End-of-Day Reflection: Evaluate how you embodied this quality, reflect on challenges, and identify lessons learned for future growth.
• Why This Practice Works:
  • The importance of intentionality and repetition in developing new neural pathways.
  • How this practice builds emotional resilience and integrates Healthy Adult traits into your personality over time.

By engaging with this tool, you'll build greater self-awareness, foster healthier relationships, and develop the emotional resilience to face life's challenges with confidence and clarity.

Reflection Questions for Healthy Adult Daily Practice:

1. What Healthy Adult quality will I focus on tomorrow?
2. Why is this quality meaningful or important to me right now?
3. How do I plan to incorporate this quality into my daily life?
4. How did I embody this quality today?
5. What challenges did I face in practicing this quality?
6. How did this practice influence my interactions, decisions, or emotions?
7. What did I learn about myself during this practice?
8. Will I continue to develop this quality? If so, how?

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In this episode, Gemma dives into the cornerstone of schema therapy: the Healthy Adult mode. This is the part of us that represents balance, wisdom, and compassion—our best self that helps us navigate relationships, emotions, and life’s challenges effectively.

What You’ll Learn:

1. Mindfulness: Why mindfulness is the foundational building block for self-awareness, self-reflection, and personal growth.
2. The Healthy Adult as Executor: How this mode acts as the caretaker, director, and overseer of all other modes.
3. The Wise and Courageous Self: The importance of facing reality, leaning into discomfort, and making wise, courageous decisions.
4. The Compassionate Self: How to practice genuine compassion toward yourself and others without overextending or self-sacrificing.
5. The Good Parent: Prioritizing meaningful self-care and addressing unhealthy coping strategies to nurture yourself like a loving parent would.
6. Self-Awareness and Growth: Recognizing your schemas and embracing psychological awareness to create meaningful change.
7. Flexibility and Openness: Developing an open, adaptable mindset to navigate life’s ups and downs without rigidity.

Why This Episode Matters:

Understanding and strengthening your Healthy Adult mode is central to breaking unhelpful patterns and living authentically. Gemma shares practical insights and strategies to help you embrace this transformative aspect of yourself.

Resources Mentioned:

• Book recommendation: Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young.
• Previous episode: "You’re Not Your Diagnosis."

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In this solo episode, Gemma dives deep into the concept of trauma bonding, shedding light on why some people feel emotionally tethered to unhealthy or toxic relationships. Drawing from listener questions she explores the psychological mechanisms behind trauma bonds, including the powerful dynamic of the "good-bad ratio" and how it can replicate patterns from childhood.

Gemma also discusses how schemas—such as abandonment, mistrust/abuse, and defectiveness—can make individuals more vulnerable to trauma bonding and highlights the role of manipulative behaviors like love bombing, gaslighting, and boundary-pushing in these relationships.

If you've ever wondered why it’s so hard to leave a toxic relationship or felt stuck in cycles of abuse, this episode is essential listening. 

Topics Covered:

• What is a Trauma Bond? How emotional connections form in abusive or toxic relationships.
• The Abuse Cycle: Key stages like love bombing, boundary-pushing, and manipulation that create and reinforce trauma bonds.
• The Role of Schemas: Why unresolved schemas, such as abandonment or mistrust/abuse, make it harder to leave.
• Breaking the Cycle: How understanding the "good-bad ratio" in relationships can help you regain clarity and self-worth.
• Red Flags to Watch For: Love bombing, arrogance, and other warning signs of toxic relationships.
• How to Heal: The importance of schema work, slowing down in relationships, and taking steps toward self-reflection and recovery.

Additional Resources:

If you’re ready to explore this further, check out Breaking Free From Love-Traps, a self-paced mini-course that unpacks why we’re drawn to certain partners and how to break free from unhealthy patterns. Visit The Red Flag Project for more details.

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This episode will resonate with anyone struggling with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility to others and those who feel “stuck” in cycles of overgiving. 

In this solo episode, Gemma dives deep into the self-sacrifice schema, exploring how it manifests, its origins in family dynamics, and the toll it takes on those who constantly prioritize others over themselves. This schema, often seen in people who struggle with setting boundaries, can lead to burnout, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth.

Gemma delves into the drama triangle—the roles of victim, rescuer, and persecutor—and explains how these dynamics often shape and reinforce the self-sacrifice schema. Additionally, she examines the enmeshment schema, which often appears alongside self-sacrifice, further complicating one’s ability to differentiate personal needs from the needs of others.

Topics covered include:

• Defining the Self-Sacrifice Schema: How it drives people to prioritize others’ needs over their own, even to their detriment.
• Origins of the Schema: Common family dynamics that foster self-sacrifice, such as growing up with an over-entitled or narcissistic parent, or being cast into the rescuer role in the drama triangle.
• The Schema's Impact on Relationships: Why those with a strong self-sacrifice schema often attract self-absorbed partners and struggle to set boundaries.
• Enmeshment and Self-Sacrifice: How enmeshment can fuel self-sacrifice by creating a sense of responsibility for others’ emotions and well-being.
• Schemas and Coping Styles: Different coping modes, including surrendering to, avoiding, or overcompensating for the schema.
• The Role of Guilt and Empathic Distress: How these emotions fuel self-sacrifice behaviors and make it difficult to prioritize self-care.
• Practical Exercises: Techniques like chair work to identify core beliefs tied to self-sacrifice and to build a healthier relationship with oneself.

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• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE! Spots are limited. 
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE
• Get the FREE GUIDE - Dating with an abandonment schema

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• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE! Spots are limited. 
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE
• Get the FREE GUIDE - Dating with an abandonment schema

In this episode, Gemma explores the emotional and psychological barriers that often arise when dating. Whether you’re re-entering the dating scene or currently navigating it, this episode will help you identify and manage common sources of anxiety.

Topics discussed:

1. Fear of rejection or judgment
2. Pressure to make a good impression
3. Attachment styles and schemas
4. Overthinking and self-criticism
5. Fear of repeating past patterns
6. Cultural and societal expectations
7. Uncertainty of the unknown
8. Physical and mental effects of anxiety

Throughout the episode, Gemma offers mindset shifts and practical tips to help you feel more calm, confident, and authentic in your dating journey.

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: JustineandGemma@goodmood.com.au
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

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😊Good Mood Hub Website
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🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: JustineandGemma@goodmood.com.au
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

Summary: In this episode, Gemma and Justine explore how the Abandonment Schema impacts dating and relationships. They discuss the core beliefs tied to this schema, such as the fear of being left or replaced, and how it can cause anxiety and insecurity even in the early stages of dating. They dive into how the schema is often triggered by ambiguity in communication, delayed responses, or inconsistent behavior from partners, and how these triggers can lead to overthinking and self-doubt.

They also share practical tips for dating more mindfully with an Abandonment Schema, including identifying red flags early, managing emotional triggers, and setting healthy boundaries to avoid staying in unfulfilling relationships for too long.

Key Takeaways:

• The Abandonment Schema can make dating feel unstable and trigger fears of rejection or being left behind, even when it's not warranted.
• It’s essential to recognize early signs of emotional unavailability and avoid getting stuck in relationships that reinforce old patterns.
• Learn to manage triggers and address abandonment fears through self-awareness, setting boundaries, and focusing on your own needs and well-being.

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In this important solo episode, Gemma reflects on a disturbing real-life conversation overheard between two teenage girls — one of whom casually describes being physically assaulted by her boyfriend. What follows is a powerful deep dive into why girls and women downplay harmful, even abusive, behaviour in relationships.

From shame, trauma bonding, and fear of judgement to deeply rooted schemas like abandonment, defectiveness, and subjugation, Gemma explores the internal and social forces that keep so many women stuck — and why prevention, education, and early recognition matter more than ever.

What You'll Learn:

• Why some girls and women minimize abusive behaviour, even when it’s clearly unsafe
• The role of schemas (especially abandonment and shame) in tolerating harm
• How early emotional wounds shape our dating choices and instincts
• What trauma bonding is — and how it makes us rationalize abuse
• Key psychological and cultural reasons why walking away feels so hard
• Why we must start taking early signs seriously — for ourselves and the next generation

Gemma also shares practical reflection prompts, including:

• What would I tell my younger self?
• What would I say to a friend in this situation?

👉 If this episode resonates with you, or you wish you had trusted yourself sooner in the past — this one’s especially for you.

💡 Bonus: If you’re interested in doing the deep work to break free from painful dating patterns and build safer, more secure relationships, sign up for early access to Gemma’s new 12-week group coaching program, Love Wisely — starting Mid June 2025.

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Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: JustineandGemma@goodmood.com.au
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

Summary: In this replay of a popular episode, Gemma and Justine discuss the often-exhausting experience of dating fatigue. They explore why dating can feel so draining, particularly when navigating dating apps, dealing with rejection, or repeatedly encountering emotionally unavailable partners. Whether you're re-entering the dating world after a long-term relationship or have faced a series of short-term connections that haven’t worked out, this episode offers helpful insights into handling the ups and downs of dating.

Gemma and Justine emphasize the importance of social support and authenticity in dating, encouraging listeners to remain grounded and true to themselves. They also dive into common dating mistakes, such as ignoring red flags or putting on personas to appear "perfect" or easygoing. They remind listeners that staying true to yourself is key to building lasting, meaningful connections.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Dating Fatigue: It's normal to feel exhausted or discouraged when dating, especially after repeated disappointments or endless swiping on apps. Acknowledge that dating can be a "numbers game," but also treat it as an experiment to learn about yourself and others.
• Be Yourself: Avoid putting on a persona or hiding your needs to please someone else. Authenticity is essential, as it leads to attracting partners who value the real you.
• Recognizing Red Flags Early: Pay attention to early signs of emotional unavailability, such as inconsistent communication or avoidance of meeting in person. Spotting these red flags early

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😊Good Mood Hub Website
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theredflagproject.com

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In this episode, we explore the challenges of navigating casual sex culture and hookup culture, particularly for individuals with abandonment schemas, emotional deprivation schemas, or anxious attachment styles. Join us as we discuss common scenarios, the emotional impacts of casual encounters, and strategies for those seeking meaningful relationships.

Key Discussion Points:

• The Rise of Casual Sex Culture:
  We delve into how dating apps and societal expectations have normalized casual encounters, particularly for women who may feel pressured to conform.
• Understanding Your Emotional Triggers:
  We discuss how casual sex can activate abandonment schemas and emotional wounds, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety post-encounter.
• Common Scenarios in Dating:
  We share stories of women who experience heartache after one-night stands, leaving them questioning their worth and what went wrong.
• Reframing the Narrative:
  We emphasize the importance of recognizing that there is nothing inherently wrong with you if a casual encounter doesn’t lead to a desired relationship. It's often more about the other person's readiness for commitment.
• Strategies for Healing:
  Practical advice on how to approach dating intentionally and slowly, allowing for emotional healing and self-discovery.
• The Importance of Healthy Boundaries:
  We discuss how setting boundaries can help in finding the right partner and avoiding the pitfalls of casual relationships when seeking something deeper.
• Understanding Male Perspectives:
  Insights into how men may approach relationships differently and how this can affect women's emotional experiences in casual encounters.

Takeaway Messages:

• If you identify with having an abandonment schema, it’s crucial to question whether casual sex aligns with your emotional needs and goals in relationships.
• Building a new narrative around self-worth can lead to healthier dating practices and more fulfilling connections.
• Healing from emotional wounds requires active engagement and sometimes means saying no to casual encounters.

Navigating relationships in today's casual sex culture isn't easy, especially for those with emotional wounds. A conscious approach to dating—taking things slow and understanding your needs—is essential for fostering healthy relationships.

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🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

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😊Good Mood Hub Website
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🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!

In this thoughtful Mailbox episode, Justine and Gemma respond to a listener’s heartfelt question about navigating the confusion between green flags and subtle red flags in a relationship. 'Laura', the listener, describes her experience dating a man who seemed like a wonderful partner—kind, attentive, successful, and emotionally vulnerable. However, despite these positive qualities, Laura noticed subtle signs of emotional detachment and avoidance that left her questioning whether she was overreacting or misinterpreting the situation.

Gemma and Justine guide 'Laura' through the process of recognizing that what she saw as subtle red flags were, in fact, pretty significant signs of deeper issues. They discuss how behaviors like rushing into intimacy, oversharing trauma early on, and withdrawing during difficult conversations are often clear markers of emotional unavailability. These red flags can be easily overlooked when our schemas—particularly abandonment or anxious attachment schemas—get in the way, making us doubt our instincts or take too much responsibility for relationship challenges.

Gemma and Justine emphasize that Laura’s experience is a common one, especially for those whose schemas may cloud their ability to accurately assess a partner’s behavior. They offer practical advice on how to trust your instincts, stay attuned to how you feel in a relationship, and avoid the trap of self-blame when things don’t seem to add up.

Topics discussed:

• Emotional vulnerability vs. trauma bonding: Understanding when vulnerability feels meaningful versus when it’s used to create a quick emotional connection that isn’t sustainable.
• Rushing intimacy: Why too much attention or time too quickly can signal unmet emotional needs in the other person, rather than a healthy, steady connection.
• Emotional withdrawal: How detachment during sex, lack of affection, or avoidance of difficult topics are often red flags for emotional unavailability—even when a partner seems attentive in other areas.
• The role of schemas: How an abandonment schema can lead to self-doubt, causing us to overlook or minimize important warning signs.
• Balancing green and red flags: Why even a relationship filled with positive traits can be problematic if subtle, but significant, red flags are undermining emotional intimacy and trust

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

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theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a text

Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

In this episode, Gemma & Justine dive into a listener's question that touches on the emotional impact of casual sex, particularly for those who struggle with an abandonment schema. Using a listener’s experience with one-night stands and emotional triggers, we explore how unresolved attachment wounds can complicate what is often thought of as a carefree encounter. They discuss why casual sex may not feel so casual for individuals with abandonment wounds and offer insights into why emotional responses can be heightened in these situations.

Key Takeaways:

• Emotional Attachment During Casual Sex: Even if the intent is to keep things casual, those with an abandonment schema often experience deep emotional responses, which can make casual sex far more complicated.
• The Role of Childhood Trauma: Unmet emotional needs from childhood, such as parental abandonment or lack of care, can resurface during intimate encounters, leading to feelings of vulnerability or sadness.
• Understanding the Schema’s Influence: Individuals with an abandonment schema may unconsciously seek emotional connection and validation during casual encounters, despite knowing logically that the interaction is meant to be non-committal.
• Navigating "Situationships": Long-term casual sexual relationships may develop emotional attachments, further reinforcing feelings of rejection and abandonment when the other partner doesn’t reciprocate deeper connection.
• Healing and Moving Forward: Gemma and Justine encourage setting boundaries and communicating needs clearly, while also doing the inner work to heal the wounded child. This helps avoid reinforcing harmful emotional patterns and promotes healthier relationships.

Tips for Listeners:

• Recognize Your Emotional Needs: If casual sex leaves you feeling hurt or triggered, it’s essential to acknowledge the role your aband

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🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

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💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

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theredflagproject.com

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In this episode, we unpack the complexities of the entitlement schema—a schema that's often linked to narcissistic traits and one that rarely brings individuals to therapy. Unlike schemas like abandonment or self-sacrifice, those with an entitlement schema often believe their way of thinking is justified, which makes it hard to seek change. We explore how this schema is formed, how it manifests in relationships, and what it takes for someone to recognize and work on it. This episode is particularly useful for those in relationships with someone exhibiting entitlement or for parents wanting to avoid fostering this trait in their children.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Entitlement Schema Basics:
   • Entitlement schema involves a belief that one’s needs and desires trump others, often without consideration for reciprocity.
   • Unlike other schemas, those with entitlement often don’t recognize it as a problem, making it difficult for them to seek help.
2. Connection to Narcissism:
   • The entitlement schema is closely linked to narcissism, with individuals often displaying a lack of empathy, grandiosity, and demanding behavior.
   • People with this schema rarely self-reflect and are usually satisfied with their approach to life, making therapy engagement rare.
3. Two Main Origins of Entitlement:
   • Overindulgence in Childhood: Children who grow up without learning limits or consequences may develop a sense of entitlement.
   • Overcompensation for Emotional Deprivation: Those who felt unseen or neglected may overcompensate by developing an entitlement schema to meet their unmet needs in adulthood.
4. Entitlement in Relationships:
   • Entitlement can cause significant strain in relationships, often pairing with someone who feels under-entitled or self-sacrificing.
   • These dynamics lead to an imbalance, with the entitled partner often making decisions unilaterally and disregarding the needs of others.
5. Challenges in Therapy:
   • People with an entitlement schema may only seek therapy when their relationships are on the rocks or they are losing important connections.
   • Therapy focuses on building rapport and slowly confronting the entitlement through empathic confrontation, helping the person recognize the impact of their behavior.
6. How to Recognize Entitlement in a Partner:
   • Lack of empathy or curiosity about your needs.
   • Always prioritizing their own desires and making decisions without consultation.
   • Low tolerance for frustration, impulsivity, or demanding behavior.
7. Managing Entitlement in Relationships:

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Episode Summary:
Dr Gemma Gladstone and Justine Corry dive into the Failure Schema, a schema that is often overlooked but can be profoundly impactful in many areas of life, particularly in achievement and work-related contexts. They explore how this schema manifests, its origins, and how it often intertwines with other schemas such as defectiveness, dependence, and even unrelenting standards.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding the Failure Schema: The Failure Schema is a pervasive belief that one is destined to fail or is inherently inadequate, especially when compared to others. It often surfaces in academic, career, and achievement-related areas.
• Origins and Development: This schema may develop from childhood experiences such as being labeled as "slow," having learning difficulties, or growing up with unrealistic expectations from parents. It can also be linked to feeling inadequate compared to siblings or peers.
• Coping Styles: The failure schema can lead to various coping behaviors, including avoidance (not trying new things due to fear of failure), surrender (believing fully in the schema and setting low standards for oneself), and overcompensation (attempting to prove the schema wrong by setting unrealistic goals).
• Self-Sabotage: One of the most significant ways the failure schema manifests is through self-sabotage, where individuals might avoid challenges, procrastinate, or engage in behaviors that ensure they fail, thus reinforcing the schema.
• Interrelation with Other Schemas: The failure schema often does not exist in isolation. It may be accompanied by schemas like defectiveness (feeling inherently flawed) or unrelenting standards (setting impossibly high standards to avoid failure).

Practical Advice:

• Challenge the Schema: Start by identifying the origins of your failure schema. Reflect on past experiences that may have contributed to its development and consider alternative explanations for these experiences.
• Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Overcoming the failure schema requires pushing through the fear of failure and taking risks. Setting achievable goals and gradually exposing yourself to new challenges can help shift this deep-seated belief.
• Break the Cycle: Recognize the coping behaviors that reinforce the failure schema and actively work to change them. Whether it's avoidance, surrender, or overcompensation, addressing these patterns is key to overcoming the schema.

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Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
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theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

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Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

Episode Summary: In this episode, Gemma Gladstone tackles a listener's question about break-up recovery and the elusive concept of closure.  Drawing from her extensive experience as a therapist over the last 25 years, she provides practical advice on healing after a painful breakup, what to do and what not to do as well as managing lingering feelings.

Key Points:

1. Introduction to Listener's Question:
   • A listener, referred to as "Lisa," shares her experience of a difficult breakup with a partner who exhibited love-bombing behavior.
   • Lisa is conflicted about seeking closure by expressing her feelings to her ex versus moving on without further contact.
2. Understanding Love Bombing:
   • Gemma explains the dynamics of love bombing and its association with narcissistic traits.
   • The importance of recognizing red flags early in relationships.
3. Healing Tips Post-Breakup:
   • No Contact Rule: Avoid all forms of contact with the ex-partner, including social media, to facilitate healing.
   • Avoid Rumination: Recognize and interrupt patterns of overthinking and counterfactual thinking to prevent emotional stagnation.
   • Validate Your Emotions: Acknowledge and accept your feelings of grief and sadness as a natural part of the healing process.
4. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion:
   • Techniques to become aware of and manage unhelpful thoughts.
   • The role of self-compassion in validating and soothing your emotional pain.
5. Avoiding Rebound Relationships:
   • The dangers of jumping into new relationships or casual encounters too soon.
   • The importance of self-reflection and understanding personal patterns before starting a new relationship.
6. The Concept of Closure:
   • Differentiating between seeking resolution and seeking clo

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🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

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😊Good Mood Hub Website
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Information about private therapy/coaching with Gemma or Justine email us: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

 In today's episode, Gemma explores the impact of Defensiveness on relationships, its root causes, and practical steps to overcome it.

Key Points:

1. Defensive Phrases:
   • Common examples: "It's not my fault," "You always," "You never," "You're overreacting."
   • Recognize these as signs of defensiveness.
2. Impact on Relationships:
   • Defensiveness is a relationship killer, identified by John and Julie Gottman as one of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse."
   • High levels of defensiveness can predict relationship breakup and divorce.
3. Triggers and Responses:
   • Often triggered by low to medium-level criticisms or requests from a partner.
   • Immediate emotional responses include feelings of threat, anger, and injustice.
4. Behavioral Patterns:
   • Refusing to acknowledge wrongdoing.
   • Redirecting blame or overly justifying actions.
   • Counterattacking or withdrawing.
5. Underlying Causes:
   • Common schemas involved: defectiveness, emotional deprivation, mistrust, subjugation.
   • Often stems from childhood experiences with critical or narcissistic parents.
6. Steps to Overcome Defensiveness:
   • Reflect on defensive incidents when calm.
   • Identify triggers and feelings.
   • Recognize the part of yourself you're defending.
   • Acknowledge and validate your vulnerable inner child.
   • Reassure the defensive part of you that you're now an adult and safe.
   • Practice responding calmly and reasonably.
7. Practical Exercise:
   • Sit quietly and recall a recent defensive episode.
   • Identify your reaction and underlying feelings.
   • Visualize a conversation with your inner child and defender.
   • Reassure them and imagine a healthier response in future interactions.

Conclusion: Defensiveness is common but can be managed with self-awareness and compassionate inner dialogue. Reflect, identify triggers, and practice calm responses to improve relationship dynamics.

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🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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Reparenting is at the heart of schema therapy and you can learn how to do it yourself.
In this episode Gemma and Justine discuss how to start reparenting yourself and provide several practical suggestions for how to get started.  Reparenting is central to psychological and schema healing.  The more you practice, the easier it gets and the  psychologically integrated and connected you will feel. 

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

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💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

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Get the Free Guide on Breaking the toxic ties of Narcissistic parents

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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In this episode Gemma discusses what puts people at risk of having narcissistic friends.  What are some of the schemas that play a role in this? What can you do if you realise that you have 1 too many self-absorbed people in your life?  It can feel demoralizing and you might feel like giving up.  Gemma then discusses ways for taking care of yourself and increasing your social contact with others. 

Support the show

🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25).

🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access.

💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!

😊Good Mood Hub Website
goodmood.com.au

🚩The Red Flag Project Website
theredflagproject.com

🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!