Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast G.I.A. Guild of Inept Adventurers

Winter approaches, and the party enter a Fellowship phase, leaving Rhosgobel behind and returning to Beorn’s house. With the mysterious fifth house seeking entry into the Woodsman Federation and orcs gathering at Fenbridge, the party can’t shake the feeling that the two may be connected.

The Lonely spends the winter learning the secret language of dogs from Beorn, while Arminas explores the surrounding lands. Bungo, meanwhile, enjoys a peaceful winter at the Easterly Inn before eventually returning to the group.

Spring arrives, and the party set off for the Folkmoot with three of Beorn’s representatives. Along the road they discover orc tracks, suspicious traders and a rather questionable horse deal. The Lonely even fashions himself some portable shrubbery in an attempt to spy on the passing Leofrings.

The party eventually acquire two horses, one bearing the mysterious brand “EM”. Haldir suggests naming it Emma.

Whether Emma was stolen, suspiciously acquired or simply the worst horse deal in Middle-earth remains to be seen.

The party finally arrive at Rhosgobel, just one day before the Folkmoot. And with tensions rising, something tells them their quiet winter is well and truly over.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and dark themes, including references to violence involving children, graphic crime scenes, and ritualistic murder. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

With the creature loose somewhere on the university campus, Lucy and Alan race against time to find a way of stopping it before it can infect even more students.

Their plan involves a golf buggy, a CO₂ fire extinguisher, flammable aerosol, a strategically disabled power supply and, naturally, blowing up a car to create a giant source of heat.

What could possibly go wrong?

As two infected students emerge from the dormitory, Lucy puts her foot down and the agents find themselves fighting for their lives in one of the most ridiculous vehicle pursuits in Delta Green history. But stopping two infected hosts may already be too late…

With the infection spreading through the dormitory, the team are forced to make an impossible decision: save who they can, destroy the infected, and hope the cavalry arrives before the situation gets any worse.

Fire, ice, insanity, a helicopter extraction and some extremely questionable recovery methods follow as the surviving agents finally escape LaFontaine.

But their ordeal isn’t over.

Because Mrs. Green has something unexpected waiting for them: a spell.

And judging by what lies ahead, involving the mysterious King in Yellow, they’re probably going to need it.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and dark themes, including references to violence involving children, graphic crime scenes, and ritualistic murder. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

With Dr. Winkle incapacitated following his deeply traumatic encounter with Skip, Lucy and Vikram are left to investigate one of the remaining heated buildings in LaFontaine.

What they find is worse than expected.

A smashed-in basement, blood covering the walls, and a bloated corpse whose stomach is still moving. Naturally, Vikram’s solution is to attack it with an ice pick.

This goes about as well as you’d expect.

As a horrific creature bursts free, Vikram finds himself becoming the latest victim of its grotesque proboscis, leaving Lucy to face the monster alone. With the team rapidly running out of functional members, Lucy calls Mrs. Green for help and races back to retrieve Dr. Winkle.

Unfortunately, Dr. Winkle appears to be developing some… unusual side effects.

Together they head towards the university, where a building full of unsuspecting students may be in danger, Dr. Winkle struggles to control his increasingly bizarre urges, and one particularly attractive Buick threatens to derail the investigation entirely.

The monster is loose.

The heat is on.

And apparently, so is Dr. Winkle.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and dark themes, including references to violence involving children, graphic crime scenes, and ritualistic murder. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

The investigation into LaFontaine continues as the team delve deeper into Agent Skip’s Green Box, uncovering disturbing evidence of previous Delta Green operations, forbidden knowledge, and one particularly worrying ammo box that appears to have been opened.

As questions mount, the agents begin following Skip’s final movements around LaFontaine, leading them to one of the town’s more… unconventional establishments. Unfortunately, the owner of The Awakened Nipple proves to be about as helpful as he is unsettling.

With the temperature dropping outside, another mystery begins to emerge. A bizarre death in the snow, powered buildings scattered across town, and the unsettling realisation that whatever escaped from the Green Box may be drawn to one thing.

Heat.

Following the trail finally leads the team to Skip’s house. Inside, they discover a home consumed by unbearable heat, walls plastered with magazines, and a smell that no amount of fresh air could ever fix.

What they find upstairs is horrifying.

What they find downstairs is even worse.

As Dr. Winkle comes face to face with the missing agent, the investigation descends into body horror, panic and impossible choices. With the team split, bullets flying and something truly unnatural refusing to let go, survival suddenly becomes far more important than finding answers.

Sometimes the truth really is hard to swallow.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and dark themes, including references to violence involving children, graphic crime scenes, and ritualistic murder. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

Following the aftermath of Meadowbrook, the team welcome a new agent into the fold before receiving what sounds like the easiest Delta Green assignment imaginable.

Travel to the frozen town of Lafontaine under the cover of a FEMA inspection. Meet the caretaker of Green Box 0171. Take stock of its contents. Report back. Job done.

Simple.

Except the power is failing, communications are down, the caretaker has vanished, and the town is gripped by an unnatural cold that nobody can explain.

As the agents begin piecing together Skip Mills’ final movements, they uncover increasingly unsettling clues: disturbing browser history, strange CCTV footage, and a Green Box filled with the sort of objects that raise far more questions than answers. But perhaps the most unnerving discovery of all is a dossier cataloguing people’s hands… including those of the agents themselves.

Who’s been watching them? Why has the temperature collapsed? Where did that accent come from? And just what is waiting beneath the snow?

The G.I.A. finally discover what has been lurking beneath the docks.

And it isn’t a fish.

When two guards investigate rumours of the party’s mysterious fishing competition, they’re unceremoniously thrown into the water as bait. Their screams reveal the truth: a small, tentacled horror has been hiding beneath the town.

Darvin responds by throwing his entire fishing rod into the water. Blud manages to spear Olgrim. Eventually, the party abandon fishing altogether and resort to the tried-and-tested method of hitting things with weapons.

Beneath the dock they discover an ancient flooded dwarven chamber, complete with an elaborate water puzzle which somehow falls victim to the combined intelligence of the G.I.A.

But draining the chamber reveals something considerably worse.

A huge tentacled creature, cultists and their captain await them, and a bloody battle follows. With the monster slain and the captain refusing to talk, the party discover something far more disturbing beneath the ruins: mysterious obelisks, more of the strange white powder and unmistakable Trade Office markings.

The summoning circle is destroyed and the entrance sealed.

But one thing is now painfully clear.

The Trade Office isn’t just involved in Gallowmere’s problems.

They’re building something.

And whatever it is, it certainly isn’t a fishing boat.

Gallowmere is beginning to prosper again, but there’s still trouble down at the docks. Goods are disappearing, nobody wants to work and rumours of something lurking beneath the water have sent the dockworkers running for the hills.

The G.I.A. investigate, with Darvin delivering an official HR pep talk to the terrified dockworkers before the party decide to lure whatever is hiding below into the open. Unfortunately, none of them know the first thing about fishing.

After making peace with the previously offended blacksmith, the party acquire some fishing equipment and hatch a plan involving a fishing tournament, the town bell and a very stealthy raccoon.

Olgrim’s attempt to sneak beneath the Trade Office goes spectacularly wrong when an anti-magic field drops him into the river and leaves him standing there as a very wet and confused dwarf.

With the town placed under curfew and the bell ringing out across Gallowmere, the party retreat to the docks to wait for nightfall.

Whatever is lurking beneath them is about to discover that the G.I.A. have absolutely no idea what they’re doing.

But they do have fishing rods.

The party finally arrive at Rhosgobel, where they’re greeted by a beautiful woodland settlement, friendly faces and some much-needed healing. After their recent adventures, a little rest is very welcome indeed.

The companions meet with the council and finally have a chance to share everything they’ve uncovered: strange orcs from the Misty Mountains, the mysterious Valtir, a talking head, a horribly corrupted rabbit and the armed group pursuing Beren.

As the pieces begin to come together, a worrying picture emerges. Orcs are gathering at Castle Fenbridge, north of Dol Guldur, and with the Spring Folkmoot approaching, the leaders of the region could be walking straight into danger.

Once Beren recovers, he shares what little he knows about Mogdread and his plans. But it is their meeting with Radagast the Brown that leaves the party with perhaps the most troubling information yet. The corruption they found in the forest may be connected to something ancient and evil, while the Necromancer’s influence and the growing orc presence continue to spread.

Radagast believes the party should seek the counsel of someone far wiser than himself.

An elf.

A name is given.

Lady Irime.

And suddenly, the party’s little investigation has become something considerably more concerning..

The journey to Rhosgobel takes an unexpected turn when the party encounter a wounded traveller fleeing from the woods. He’s been bitten by a spider, but whatever is chasing him isn’t quite what they expected.

Three armed men emerge from the trees, led by the mysterious and formidable woman called Dagmar, demanding the return of something their victim has stolen. With Beren barely clinging to life, Haldir attempts some delicate diplomacy while The Lonely takes the slightly less diplomatic approach of hiding the stolen map down his pants.

A tense agreement sees the two groups travel together towards Rhosgobel, though neither side trusts the other. Their mysterious leader reveals she works for a man called Mogdread, but offers little else before the groups eventually part ways.

It isn’t long before the party discover they’ve been followed.

With Beren still in their care, the companions find themselves ambushed by the gang’s remaining men and vicious dogs. The Lonely takes a beating, but the party manage to fight their way through and make a hasty retreat towards Rhosgobel.

Fortunately, there’s still one obstacle that brings them safety.

The Brown Hay.

An impenetrable magical barrier surrounds Rhosgobel, so The Lonely and Haldir use Beren as a seesaw.

And a picnic table.

At this point, the dignity of the fellowship has officially left the building.

Whilst Harry commissions perhaps the most discreet firearm in Weird West history, the rest of the gang head to Denver’s magnificent Union Station, only to witness a mysterious man known only as Mr. Cogs sprinting through the streets.

Moments later, an enormous mechanical spider erupts from beneath the city and begins laying waste to Denver, showering buildings with acid and sending thousands fleeing for their lives.

Naturally, Philippe’s solution is dynamite.

As elite X-Squad enforcers attempt to contain the disaster, Philippe decides to “help”, with predictably catastrophic consequences. Separated from the rest of the posse and riddled with Gatling gun fire, he pays a terrible price for his enthusiasm.

Meanwhile, Red and Ruby decide a quiet drink sounds preferable to battling giant mechanical spiders…

…and Harry does what Harry does best.

Runs.

As Denver burns, the posse uncover the true architect behind the attack, but some secrets are lost forever beneath the rubble.

Returning to the cattle drive battered, bruised and one arm lighter, Sutter surprises the posse with unexpected news. The herd has grown, new hands are arriving, and the drive north is back on.

But amongst the new faces is a curious stranger with an unusual interest in Roswell.

And just when the posse think they’ve seen the last of the past…

A familiar face returns from the dead.

The posse meet the mysterious Hattie Lawton—a woman who somehow knows far more about them than she really should—the gang are offered a simple job: investigate some strange disturbances beneath the Land Basin Office and, if possible, deal with them discreetly.

Naturally, that discretion lasts all of five minutes.

What begins as a routine investigation soon uncovers a nest of tunnelling critters running wild beneath the city. Thankfully, Philippe has a plan.

With one bizarre adventure behind them, the gang settle in for a relaxing evening at Denver’s finest hotel.

Unfortunately, midnight has other plans.

Ghostly gunfights, terrified cowboys, flying furniture, one spectacularly ill-timed heart attack, and perhaps the least dignified piano incident in Weird West history leave the posse wondering if Denver might be trying to kill them after all.

And just when they think things can’t possibly get worse… Philippe receives word that someone is actually willing to build his latest invention.

May whatever higher powers still care about humanity have mercy on us all.

The road south proves anything but peaceful as the companions are ambushed by a band of orcs lurking amongst the trees.

With arrows flying and spears finding their mark, the party soon gain the upper hand, but something about these attackers doesn’t sit right. They aren’t Mirkwood orcs at all.

They’re from the Misty Mountains.

What they’re doing this far south is anybody’s guess.

After leaving a rather pointed warning for any would-be raiders, the company presses onwards, only for an uneasy night and a grim discovery the following morning to raise even more questions. A rabbit, dead without explanation, its body twisted by a strange corruption, suggests something sinister is spreading through the forest.

Knowing they’re out of answers, the companions continue to Woodland Hall to report everything they’ve uncovered. There are reunions, council meetings and welcome hospitality before the journey continues once more, this time by river towards Rhosgobel.

Arminas dreams of fresh fish.

The Lonely… catches fresh disappointment.

Back at Beorn’s Hall, the fate of Oderick finally hangs in the balance as the trial begins. With the party presenting everything they’ve uncovered on their journey, Beorn must decide whether justice lies in punishment… or mercy.

With the verdict delivered and old debts settled, the adventurers find themselves with an unexpected ally in the mighty skin-changer himself. Beorn even extends a remarkable offer to The Lonely: stay a while, and he’ll teach him to understand Lurch, opening the door to conversations with his faithful hound.

Sadly, there isn’t time for lessons just yet.

The road calls once more.

Armed with Farran’s head, troubling news for Radagast the Brown, and the growing threat of Valtir’s talking head-schemes, the companions head south towards Woodland Hall.

As night falls and camp is made beneath the trees, the journey continues… though somehow carrying a severed head is beginning to feel surprisingly normal.

The waiting is over.

As Valtir’s bandit army reaches the Old Ford, Beorn’s carefully prepared ambush is sprung. Arrows darken the sky, shield walls clash, and the company find themselves fighting for the future of Stonyford.

While Arminas rains death from afar and The Lonely carves a bloody path through the enemy ranks, Haldir pays a heavy price for holding the line. Just when the battle threatens to turn, an unlikely hero steps into the breach, proving that first impressions can be very, very misleading.

And then… Beorn unleashes his secret weapon.

With the bandits defeated and Valtir slain, the victory should be complete. Instead, a grisly discovery on the fallen warlord hints that a far darker power has been pulling the strings all along. When the cursed relic is destroyed, Haldir hears a chilling message from beyond…

“This is not the end… but the beginning.”

With questions mounting and an ancient evil stirring, Beorn offers only one course of action.

Seek the legendary wizard… Radagast the Brown.

With news of Valtir’s growing bandit army spreading across the Vales, there isn’t a moment to lose.

While Bungo races ahead to warn the people of Stonyford, the rest of the company force-march to Beorn’s Hall with Oderick in tow, hoping to convince the mighty Beorn that the threat is real. As warriors are rallied and alliances forged, unsettling questions remain. Is Valtir truly being guided by some unseen spirit… or is something far darker at work?

With Beorn’s host assembled, the company rides to the Old Ford, where a carefully laid ambush could turn the tide before the battle has even begun. Assuming, of course, they’re waiting in the right place.

As the long night drags on, nerves begin to fray. Scouts fail to return, Arminas attempts to listen to the very earth itself… and the earth responds with a resounding silence. By dawn, however, the waiting is over.

The bandits are coming.

The trap is set.

And somewhere behind Beorn’s battle line waits a secret weapon that could change everything.

The Guild’s descent into the ancient dwarven tunnels continues… and so does their questionable decision-making.

Deep beneath Gallowmere, Gerhard discovers a sinister cult attempting to summon a terrifying spiked monstrosity through a portal. The plan is simple: sneak in, strike first, save the day.

Unfortunately, Darvin is still wearing a glowing forehead.

One failed stealth attempt, one immovable obelisk, and one very angry ball of spikes later, the Guild find themselves in a fight they’d very much rather have avoided. With the Dice Gods apparently taking the evening off, things go from bad to considerably worse before the cult is finally defeated.

But victory reveals a far bigger problem. Hidden beneath Gallowmere lies a sprawling network of smuggling tunnels, evidence of a conspiracy reaching far beyond a few rogue cultists, and plans for permanent portals capable of unleashing demons into the world.

At least someone appreciates the Guild’s efforts. The grateful ghost of Brockdor rewards Olgrim with a magical tattoo, proving that occasionally—even for the Guild of Inept Adventurers—doing everything wrong somehow ends up right.

With three fresh leads on the table, the Guild do what any sensible adventuring party would do… ignore at least two of them.

Following up on a druid’s concerns, our heroes head into some long-forgotten dwarven ruins in search of suspicious tunnels that may—or may not—be linked to Gallowmere’s smuggling problem. Instead they find vandalised statues, a haunted forge, an offended dwarven ghost, and a promise of riches if they can stop whoever’s been trashing the place.

Things take a turn for the exceptionally inept when Blud turns Darvin into a walking torch, Darvin immediately rewards everyone’s confidence by pulling every mysterious lever at once, and the party spends an alarming amount of time being thoroughly outwitted by what is, in hindsight, just a lift.

As the ancient platform descends into the darkness below, strange red-glowing obelisks emerge from the shadows… along with the unmistakable sound of something moving in the dark.

The Guild have finally reached the bottom. Whether that’s the dungeon… or their luck… remains to be seen.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and dark themes, including references to violence involving children, graphic crime scenes, and ritualistic murder. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

The investigation into 1206 Spooner Avenue reaches its horrifying conclusion.

Armed with occult knowledge, mysterious antiques and a parapsychologist, the team finally enter the house itself.

They probably should have stayed outside.

Every room hides a new nightmare. Ghostly apparitions, unnatural sounds, disturbing visions and a growing sense that the house is actively attacking their minds.

Lucy finds herself compelled to drink months-old mouldy coffee.

Alan hears gunshots that never happened.

Alastair sees things lurking in mirrors, and begins to believe the most sensible course of action is to shoot the house.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t stop there.

As the investigation spirals into chaos, the agents are forced to flee the scene with Elizabeth in tow, leaving behind a burning house, a dead parapsychologist and one very unstable team member.

But the nightmare is not over.

The diary they recovered reveals the truth behind the Dark Man and the ritual needed to banish him.

There is only one problem.

The ritual requires a human sacrifice.

With Elizabeth unconscious and conveniently available, the team are faced with an impossible moral decision.

But Delta Green always has another plan.

And Mrs. Green has already decided who must pay the price.

Blood, madness, razor blades and betrayal await in the shocking finale of Operation Iago.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and dark themes, including references to violence involving children, graphic crime scenes, and ritualistic murder. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

The investigation into 1206 Spooner Avenue continues, and the team finally gain access to the full contents of Agent Donnelly's Green Box.

Inside they find notebooks, weapons, supplies... and a coffin.

A child's coffin.

While Lucy studies Donnelly's notes, Dr. Graham decides to inspect the grim discovery, and the team soon uncover a disturbing link between the stolen remains and the long history of tragedies surrounding the house.

Determined to set at least one thing right, the agents embark on an unusual side mission: returning the young boy to his proper resting place. Unfortunately, the dead rarely stay buried in Delta Green investigations.

As the team continue digging into the town's history, they encounter sceptical coroners, helpful clerks, suspicious antiques, and a parapsychologist who seems to know far more than he should.

Most unsettling of all are the objects recovered from the house itself.

A side table conceals a hidden compartment containing a diary and ritual artefacts. The piano remains stubbornly ordinary. But the antique wardrobe proves far more troubling.

Because when Dr. Graham climbs inside... Something whispers back.

With strange symbols emerging, old diaries resurfacing, and the supernatural becoming increasingly difficult to ignore, the agents finally receive a name connected to the horrors of Spooner Avenue.

Nyarlathotep.

And suddenly the mystery becomes far larger than a haunted house.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and dark themes, including references to violence involving children, graphic crime scenes, and ritualistic murder. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

A new Delta Green operation begins.

Summoned to the small town of Meadowbrook, New Jersey, the team are assigned to Operation Iago by the mysterious Mrs. Green. Their mission seems simple enough: investigate the death of Agent Arthur Donnelly, determine whether a suburban house poses a threat, and uncover the truth behind a string of suspicious deaths linked to the property at 1206 Spooner Avenue.

Simple.

Digging through decades of records reveals a disturbing pattern. Owners come and go. Accidents happen. Suicides occur. Questions remain unanswered. And the deeper the team dig, the more it appears that something is very wrong with the house.

A visit to Donnelly's Green Box proves equally unsettling. But not before the team must overcome a far greater obstacle: an unhelpful storage facility owner demanding twelve hundred dollars in unpaid rent.

The investigation then leads them to Spooner Avenue itself.

A house that feels wrong.

Neighbours who behave strangely.

An unexpected invitation to a sex party.

Piano music playing in an apparently empty house.

And a glimpse of something that should not be there.

Retiring for the evening with more questions than answers, the agents return the following morning to open Donnelly's Green Box. Inside they find guns, tools, quicklime, petrol, a collection of notebooks.

Oh, and a coffin.

The final chapter of Yuan-ti Climax is here.

With Darvin turned to stone and a deadly creature lurking in the darkness, the party quickly realise that sometimes the best strategy is not looking directly at the problem.

A lesson Darvin learns slightly too late.

After breaking the petrification curse, the party make a bold gamble and free the imprisoned creature, only to discover she was never a monster at all, but a princess held captive by Azharet the Green Dragon.

With a new ally by their side, the adventurers press deeper into the ancient ziggurat.

What they discover is horrifying.

An entire population imprisoned in an endless dream, their lives stolen away by the dragon’s twisted magic.

But at the heart of the temple waits their greatest challenge.

The traitorous Draven.

The mighty Azharet.

And a mysterious celestial being trapped within a magical orb.

Against overwhelming odds, Darvin once again chooses the most direct solution possible: jumping onto the orb, cutting it loose, and hoping everything works out.

Somehow, it does.

Empowered by a divine blessing, the party launch one final assault. Blades clash, spells fly, and old friendships are put to the sword.

With Draven defeated and Azharet brought low, the battle reaches a spectacular finale as Leadfoot is launched through the air to deliver the killing strike.

A heroic victory.

A fallen dragon.

And quite possibly the most dramatic cat throw in the history of adventuring.

Ash returns to the GM chair as the Yuan-ti Climax reaches its explosive third chapter.

With Draven apparently captured by the mysterious Green Dragon, the party formulate a daring rescue plan. Gash prepares to cause a fiery distraction while Darvin, Blud and Olgrim sneak into the Yuan-ti camp to save their companion.

Only… things don’t quite go to plan.

A chance meeting with a mysterious Tabaxi monk named Leadfoot gives the party an unexpected ally, but when they finally rescue Draven, something feels wrong.

His story doesn’t add up.

His answers are suspicious.

And somehow, against all odds, Darvin is the one who notices.

Following the trail of the magical vines into the ancient ziggurat, the adventurers overcome a puzzle of sun and moon, uncover the source of the corruption, and put their trust in the one person nobody expected to solve the mystery.

The Goliath with the Hew-Fagina.

But Darvin’s moment of brilliance comes at a cost.

Because the “Draven” they rescued was never Draven at all.

It was Azharet the Green Dragon, hiding behind a stolen face.

With the deception revealed and the dragon fleeing into the darkness, the party race deeper into the temple searching for answers before it returns.

What they find instead is a chained creature trapped in magical silence.

A creature with a gaze capable of turning flesh to stone.

And Darvin, fresh from his greatest intellectual achievement, immediately proves he is still Darvin.

The battle in the jungle rages on as the party find themselves facing far more than an angry Tyrannosaurus Rex.

With snake-like warriors emerging from the trees and a terrifying Displacer Beast joining the fray, the odds begin to stack heavily against the adventurers. Arrows rain down, magic flies, and Darvin somehow finds himself continuing his assault on the dinosaur's internal anatomy.

As flames spread through the jungle and the enemy lines begin to crumble, the surviving attackers retreat into the wilderness. Unfortunately for them, the party are feeling particularly motivated and pursue them through the jungle, determined to ensure nobody reports back to their mysterious master.

Following a brief respite, the group receive a cryptic message from an unseen voice and are presented with a riddle. After an entirely reasonable amount of confusion, the answer eventually becomes clear and the party are rewarded with a magical feather.

But the jungle holds bigger secrets.

Sneaking into an enemy camp, Draven discovers the truth behind the creatures they've been fighting. The slavers are Yuan-ti, serpent folk with plans to expand their growing network of captives. Meanwhile, strange birds continue to watch the party's every move, acting as the eyes of an unseen master.

As tensions rise and alarms begin sounding through the camp, Draven's disguise lands him in exactly the wrong place: face-to-face with the mysterious leader behind the operation.

A captive woman. A beautiful prisoner.

Or so it appears. Because appearances can be deceiving.

And some dragons prefer to wear a different skin.

The Guild of Inept Adventurers embark on a brand new adventure as Ash takes the GM chair for this Dungeons & Dragons one-shot.

Tasked with investigating the mysterious village of Tzalocan, the party set out across deserts, forests, and jungle in search of answers. Refugees have been fleeing the region, strange goods have appeared in nearby settlements, and nobody seems to know why.

What they find is a town seemingly abandoned to madness.

The streets stand empty. Buildings crumble beneath flowering vines. The few remaining inhabitants wander aimlessly through their daily routines, speaking to people who aren't there and selling goods that don't exist.

Something has gone very wrong in Tzalocan.

As the party investigate, they uncover clues pointing towards ancient magic, strange dreams, and a mysterious Dream Walker capable of entering the minds of others. But when they finally manage to question one of the afflicted priests, a far greater threat emerges.

A green dragon.

Following the trail of magical vines deep into the jungle, the adventurers soon find themselves battling for their lives against a monstrous predator lurking amongst the canopy.

And in a moment that will surely go down in Guild history, Darvin decides the most effective way to fight a Tyrannosaurus Rex is from inside its mouth.

What could possibly go wrong?

With the enemy camp located and the odds looking increasingly terrible, the party decide on a bold plan.

Or rather, a plan involving Bungo.

Which is usually the same thing.

As darkness falls, Bungo and Lurch sneak into the camp in search of Oderick. Against all expectations, they actually find him. Unfortunately, Bungo fails to realise that the man they’ve spent days tracking is, in fact, the man they’ve spent days tracking.

Even Lurch tries to tell him.

Repeatedly.

Instead, Bungo does what comes naturally and steals the man’s bag.

Sadly, it contains neither gold nor treasure, just dirty underwear.

Things take a turn when a towering figure emerges from the darkness and catches Bungo snooping around. Mistaking him for a child, the stranger tells him to return to his mother. Bungo chooses flight over conversation and escapes into the woods, returning to camp with his stolen prize and some deeply disappointing news.

After collectively facepalming, the party decide to take matters into their own hands.

Haldir infiltrates the camp himself, locating Oderick and convincing him to flee before his beloved is executed for a murder she didn’t commit.

The rescue works.

For approximately five minutes.

Because the mysterious giant from the camp has followed them.

Introducing himself as Farin, an exiled woodsman with a bloody history and a long list of people he’s killed, he makes it very clear that the party are next.

What follows is a brutal fight for survival.

One that, thanks to Bungo, the Guild wins.

With Farin defeated and his head removed for future evidence-giving purposes, Oderick finally reveals the truth behind Valtir’s presence in the woods.

This was never about one fugitive.

It’s about war.

Valtir intends to seize control of Beorn’s lands.

And suddenly the race back to Beorn becomes far more important than ever before.

The hunt for Oderick continues as the party push deeper into the forest, following the trail with the help of Lurch’s keen nose.

Before long, they hear voices.

Armed men are moving through the woods, searching for someone. But who? Oderick? The party? Someone else entirely?

Keeping to the shadows, the company observe the strangers and quickly realise they’re not locals. Their accents are unfamiliar, their appearance unusual, and they seem to have come from lands far beyond the wilderness the party now finds themselves in.

Naturally, the Guild decide the best course of action is an ambush.

The attack is successful, if not entirely tidy. While Haldir and The Lonely attempt to take one of the men alive for questioning, Bungo contributes in the only way he knows how—by shooting him with an arrow.

The opportunity for answers dies with him.

Still, the party manage to gather one valuable clue before the bodies cool: the name Valtir.

Who he is, and why these men were searching the woods, remains a mystery.

Searching the corpses yields another lead. The coins they carry bear the mark of Minas Tirith, suggesting these strangers have travelled a very long way to be here.

But the biggest discovery is yet to come.

Determined to scout ahead, Haldir climbs a tree.

Very slowly.

After spending an impressive amount of time both climbing and counting, he finally spots the enemy encampment.

And it’s far larger than anyone expected.

At least fifty men.

Suddenly, the party begin to wonder whether they’re hunting a fugitive…

Or marching straight into an army.

Fresh from their confrontation beneath the Slaughterhouse Saloon, the posse find themselves fighting for their lives. With Ruby collapsed beneath a swarm of horrific creatures and Morris Steinhouse transformed into a monstrous killing machine, Philippe takes decisive action.

By throwing dynamite.

As bullets fly, creatures fall, and Red’s whip develops a mind of its own, Harry lands the decisive blow, severing Morris’ hand and breaking the cursed scalping knife’s hold over him. With the threat finally ended, the posse emerge victorious just moments before the law arrives.

And Harry leaves with a new souvenir. John Glanton’s legendary scalping knife. A relic with a dark reputation and powers to match.

Back at the Brown Palace Hotel, the celebrations are short-lived. Strange feelings linger throughout the building and unsettling dreams plague the posse throughout the night.

By morning, they realise they’ve all dreamed the same thing. Stories of bitter feuds Arguments over water rights. Families and businesses driven to ruin. The spirits haunting the hotel seem desperate to tell their story.

Determined to uncover the truth, the posse investigate the hotel’s hidden foundations, discovering an old well buried beneath the building. But before they can piece together the mystery, another surprise awaits. Because when they visit the land office to investigate property records, they discover something even stranger than ghosts.

The clerk already knows who they are.

And nobody can explain why.

After weeks on the trail, the posse finally arrive in Denver for some well-earned rest and relaxation. Or at least, that’s the plan.

The Mile High City offers everything a weary cowhand could want: hot baths, comfortable beds, saloons, gambling, and enough people to disappear into a crowd forever.

Unfortunately, the posse quickly discover that disappearing might be necessary.

Because they’re wanted.

With their own faces staring back at them from wanted posters, the group decide discretion is the better part of valour. Naturally, this leads them to purchase more firearms, more ammunition, and an alarming quantity of dynamite.

Seeking a quiet drink, the posse make their way to Denver’s infamous Slaughterhouse Saloon, where fistfights are common, furniture is temporary, and the smell of death hangs heavily in the air.

A locked door. A suspicious cellar. Curiosity killed the cat.

Before long, the posse find themselves facing stitched-together horrors, a cursed scalping knife, and a towering killer transformed into something far from human.

As panic spreads and blood begins to flow, some members of the posse choose courage.

Others choose running away.

And Ruby’s heart chooses neither.

Denver was supposed to be a holiday.

Instead, it may become the posse’s most horrifying stop yet.

The posse return from Dog Leg expecting trouble. What they find is devastation.

The herd is gone. The steerhands are dead or missing. And Luke and Abby want revenge.

With Socrates Gault now holding all the cards, the posse face a brutal decision: ride after him immediately with little chance of success… or head to Exposition in search of help before it’s too late.

Desperation wins out.

And so the posse seek out the infamous Wichita Witches.

Instead, they find Constance Merit.

Though negotiations prove tense, one thing quickly becomes clear: she hates Gault almost as much as Red does. A deal is struck—ten Black River enforcers in exchange for thirty head of cattle—and soon the posse ride toward a final reckoning.

Because for Red, this is personal.

As old wounds reopen, more of her past comes to light. Once upon a time, this very gang rode beneath her banner, back when they were known as the Red Runners. But those days are long gone, twisted into something cruel beneath Gault’s leadership.

Now Red intends to end it. Permanently.

What follows is perhaps the Guild’s most successful plan to date.

The Black River enforcers silently scale the canyon walls and eliminate the sentries. Ruby slips into camp to rescue the captives. And Red walks openly into the heart of the enemy camp alone… facing Gault and forty-five armed raiders head on.

Words are exchanged. Old history resurfaces. And then Red challenges Gault to a duel.

One shot later, Socrates Gault lies dead in the dirt.

The gunshot signals chaos.

Philippe unleashes the herd directly into camp, turning stampeding cattle into weapons as bullets fly and the canyon erupts into pandemonium.

And somehow… The plan works.

With Gault dead and his Raiders finally destroyed, the posse collect their bounty and attempt to enjoy some well-earned rest.

But peace never lasts long in the Weird West.

Especially when mysterious telegrams start arriving.

The posse begin the trail once more beneath dark skies and heavier hearts, gathered around the grave of Amos.

Harry offers a few heartfelt words for his fallen servant.

Well… words, at least.

Then the herd pushes north.

Days later, the journey takes a grim turn when the posse discover the burnt remains of a homestead, still smouldering in places. What they find there is enough to chill even hardened trail hands: the homeowner sewn inside a sack of skins and slow-roasted over an open fire.

This wasn’t the work of raiding Indians. This was something worse.

As clues begin to mount, Red is forced to confront ghosts from her own past life. One name rises above the rest:

Socrates Gault.

A ruthless border raider with a taste for cruelty and bloodshed.

But the trail north offers little respite. The Farley Brothers block the herd’s passage, tensions rise, and only Red’s silver tongue prevents the situation from turning ugly. Eventually allowed through, the posse head toward the small town of Dog Leg in search of two missing steerhands.

And immediately discover something is very wrong.

Dog Leg is under the thumb of Socrates Gault’s men. The local marshal wears a badge he hasn’t earned, innocent men sit rotting in cells, and justice has long since left town.

Naturally, the posse respond with the only plan they truly trust:

Violence.

But even after the smoke clears, the marshal’s dying warning lingers in the air. Racing back to camp, the posse are met with devastation.

The herd is gone.

Their people are dead… or worse.

And for perhaps the first time, the Guild may have suffered a loss they can’t simply joke their way through.

The investigation in Stonyford continues as the party piece together the final moments before the murder.

Witnesses are questioned. Stories are compared. Lies begin to crack.

And at last, the truth becomes clear:

Their fugitive is no longer hiding in the village.

He’s fled west.

With little time to lose, the party commandeer a fishing boat and set off across the river in pursuit, determined not to let the trail grow cold. Once on the western bank, Lurch once again proves invaluable as the tracks are recovered and the hunt pushes deeper into the wilderness toward Mountain Hall.

But the woods hold more questions than answers.

A deserted campsite suggests the murderer passed through days earlier, meaning the party are still lagging behind. Worse still, signs of violence soon emerge along the trail—evidence of a struggle, scattered tracks, and indications that another group may have crossed paths with the fugitive.

Bandits.

Now the pursuit takes a darker turn.

Because it appears the killer may not be alone anymore… and may have been dragged south into something far more dangerous.

The hunt for the escaped prisoner continues, though the evening quickly becomes sidetracked by an extremely important discussion regarding whether elves and hobbits hibernate during winter.

No conclusions are reached.

The night, however, settles the matter of whether orcs do.

Because while the party attempt to rest, a group of hungry, desperate orcs descend on the camp looking for blood. What follows is brief, messy, and only slightly more organised than the earlier hibernation debate.

With the attackers dealt with, the company finally reach the isolated hamlet of Stonyford—where their arrival is met with suspicion, cold stares, and the lingering tension of recent tragedy.

But the deeper the party dig into the murder investigation, the stranger the story becomes.

Witness accounts don’t line up. Secrets surface. People dodge questions. Others appear terrified to speak at all.

And somewhere within the village, the party begin to suspect the killer may still be hiding.

As the Guild transform from wandering adventurers into deeply questionable detectives, graveyards are watched, homes are staked out, and theories spiral wildly out of control.

Because in Stonyford, everyone seems to know something.

The road from Beorn’s hall grows darker as the party are tasked with tracking down a dangerous escaped prisoner.

At first, the trail seems straightforward enough—until it leads them to a narrow ravine and a grim discovery waiting below: the headless body of an orc.

Suddenly, the question isn’t where the prisoner has gone.

It’s what exactly the party are chasing.

Pressing onward, the group arrive at a lonely homestead whose overly enthusiastic owner offers food, shelter, and repeated requests for a positive review of the establishment. More importantly, he confirms that a mysterious traveller matching their quarry’s description passed through only recently.

The trail is getting hotter.

And stranger.

Rumours gathered from passing travellers begin painting a clearer picture of the fugitive: a killer caught in the middle of a bitter dispute involving two men… and a woman.

As stories clash and motives blur, the party begin to realise there may be more to this hunt than they were first told.

This is the shit that happens when Justin isn’t around.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and dark themes, including references to violence involving children, graphic crime scenes, and ritualistic murder. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

The investigation in Yuma reaches its explosive conclusion.

Trapped in the decaying ghost town of Mustang, the team watch tensions spiral out of control as an armed mob descends on the streets, dragging terrified townsfolk from their homes in the dead of night.

Inside the abandoned cinema, Professor Stein follows the desperate trail of Hope, entering alone after receiving a chilling message promising the girl’s return. Outside, Dr. Winkle attempts to call in military support—but whether the message got through remains uncertain.

And then the shooting starts.

As escape plans collapse into chaos, Dr. Graham takes a bullet racing for the getaway car while Lucy hears the unmistakable scream of her daughter echoing from inside the theatre.

What follows is a desperate assault on the cinema from every direction.

Back doors are smashed in. Gunfire erupts through the halls. Flames spread through the building as Alastair sets the theatre ablaze in an attempt to delay the enemy. Outside, the mob gathers around the reconstructed fish-god idol, dragging its pieces from the burning building to worship beneath the desert sky.

Inside the projection room, the team finally find Hope—alive, and held at gunpoint.

The rescue becomes a bloodbath.

With Mustang collapsing around them and the army finally arriving overhead in Chinooks, the agents flee into the night, leaving behind burning buildings, dead cultists, and far more questions than answers.

Back at base, the Admiral provides a partial debrief on the horrifying truth behind the Yuma investigation.

But only partial.

Because Delta Green rarely gives the full picture.

And something tells the team this was not the end of their story…

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and dark themes, including references to violence involving children, graphic crime scenes, and ritualistic murder. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

The investigation in Yuma continues, and the deeper the team dig, the worse things become.

As concern grows over the disappearance of Lucy’s daughter, Hope, the agents begin tracing old connections back to the long-abandoned naval medical annex. Interviews with retired workers uncover fragments of unsettling information… though unfortunately, an alarming amount of it relates to ageing digestive systems and bowel movements.

Still, among the confusion and oversharing, the team begin piecing together a clearer picture of what may have happened.

And where Hope may have been taken.

Trading their battered sedan for a military Humvee proves to be one of the few competent decisions made so far, as the agents head out across the desert following a chilling phone call that points them toward the dead town of Mustang.

A place long abandoned.

Or so it should be.

Because when the team arrive, something feels wrong immediately. The streets are almost quiet. Many buildings stand empty. And beneath the silence, something unseen waits in the dark corners of the town.

Particularly at the old cinema.

Justin attempts to charm a nurse, Ross finally loses patience with the Handler, and Jo may have lost Hope entirely.

The truth is getting closer.

And it’s getting darker.

The investigation into the Abril family massacre deepens.

Under their FBI cover identities, the team continue pulling at the tangled threads surrounding the brutal killings in Yuma. Witnesses are questioned, timelines examined, and stories compared—but every answer seems only to raise further questions.

A priest offers uneasy insight. Construction workers speak of strange events. A postman recalls things that no longer seem insignificant. And an interview with a local masseuse briefly threatens to derail the professionalism of the entire operation.

As the case widens, attention turns toward an abandoned military annex on the edge of town. Inside, the team uncover traces of something unsettling—evidence of experiments, hidden research, and secrets that were never meant to leave the building.

A trip to the library begins connecting the pieces.

Slowly, an impossible picture starts to emerge.

Ross refuses to be touched by God, Jo makes an important phone call, and Justin finds himself collecting urine in the name of federal investigation.

Because in Delta Green, every lead matters.

Even the strange ones.

The trail offers no relief for the posse—especially not for Harry.

Still grappling with the consequences of some deeply questionable frontier medicine, he turns to Red for help removing the problem… a decision that proves just as painful as it sounds.

Elsewhere, fortune briefly smiles on the group as Ruby uncovers something far more useful: dynamite.

And in the right hands—or in Philippe’s hands—that quickly becomes a solution to many problems.

At least, for a moment.

Because the nightmares that have plagued the posse finally reveal their source.

To’Sarre.

The warrior who has stalked them since Sutter’s Flats steps out of the shadows—and he hasn’t come alone.

The night erupts into chaos.

Bats swarm. Crows descend. Figures emerge from the darkness in numbers the posse can’t hope to match. What follows is a brutal, desperate fight for survival against an enemy that knows them… and has been waiting.

Plans unravel. Lines are drawn. And when the dust settles, not everyone may still be standing.

As for Harry…

He may not be overly concerned who isn’t.

The trail pushes on as the posse drive the herd across the Canadian River… an ordeal that proves far more hands-on than anyone would like.

Especially Amos.

Faced with stubborn cattle and dwindling patience, he takes matters into his own hands—literally—earning both results and a reputation he may never outrun.

But that’s only the beginning.

When Harry finds himself dealing with a rather urgent personal issue, Amos and Philippe step in with a solution that is equal parts inventive and deeply regrettable. What follows is a piece of frontier medicine that will not soon be forgotten… or forgiven.

Harry certainly won’t forget it.

And he definitely won’t forgive it.

As the journey continues, the tone darkens. The land itself seems to press in, and rest becomes a luxury the posse can’t quite grasp. Sleep brings no comfort—only vivid, relentless night terrors that claw at each of them in turn.

Visions of fear. Guilt. Things buried deep.

Something is watching.

Something is reaching into their minds.

And whatever it is… this is only the beginning.

The road to Beorn’s house takes an unexpected turn when the party stumble across an abandoned boat drifting in uneasy silence.

Inside, they find two bodies.

Men of Beorn.

And across the bank… the orcs they themselves had slain.

What happened here—and who the fallen men were transporting—remains a troubling mystery. But for once, the Guild make a unified decision: the dead will be returned home.

What follows is a feat of ingenuity that absolutely no one saw coming.

The Lonely constructs a makeshift toboggan from the wreckage, hauling the fallen across the wilds in a display that is equal parts impressive and deeply impractical.

And somehow… it works.

Arriving at Beorn’s hall, the tone shifts. Honour is paid. A great feast is held. Mead flows freely, stories are shared, and for a brief moment, the weight of the road lifts.

Naturally, this doesn’t last.

Bungo turns his attention to the rough-looking waitresses, The Lonely embraces the mead a little too enthusiastically—and may reveal more than intended—while Haldir quietly considers the unanswered questions surrounding the dead men.

And Aramil… thinks about rope.

Morning comes with heavy heads, dry mouths, and a request from Beorn himself.

The journey continues.

The road leads back to the Easterly Inn as the party safely return Dindy—slightly worse for wear, but intact.

With familiar surroundings comes a brief moment of calm… quickly undone by Bungo, who sees an opportunity and immediately attempts to negotiate a protection deal with all the confidence of a man who has absolutely no leverage.

What follows is, naturally, a challenge.

A hunting competition.

Bungo versus The Lonely.

Simple rules. Clean stakes. And one very important clarification: butterflies do not count.

With pride now firmly on the line, The Lonely commits fully—perhaps more than necessary—determined to prove once and for all that he is, in fact, the superior hunter.

Meanwhile, Haldir offers a reminder that greater things are at play. That destiny waits. That the road ahead leads far beyond quiet inns and petty contests.

The message is clear, The Lonely is meant for more.

He takes this onboard. Briefly.

Elsewhere, Aramil spots some birds.

Still deep within the cave, the Guild attempt to regain control of a situation that already got well out of hand.

With the creatures dealt with (somehow), a new opportunity presents itself—a deal with a mysterious druid who knows far more about Gallowmere than anyone has let on. Secrets begin to surface, threads start to connect… and naturally, a puzzle blocks the way forward.

Which is where things take an unexpected turn.

Because against all odds, Darvin steps up—and solves it.

Not through careful thought. Not through logic. But through what can only be described as baffling, unstoppable luck.

Armed with new information and a growing sense that something in Gallowmere is deeply wrong, the party return to settle matters with the blacksmith… only for negotiations to deteriorate into a tense standoff.

And then things get worse.

Marta is gone.

Kidnapped.

What follows is less a rescue mission and more a full-force retaliation. With another obstacle in their path—and Darvin once again somehow the key to solving it—the Guild descend upon the Tannery in a storm of steel, shouting, and very questionable decision-making.

Blood is spilled. Scores are settled.

But in the chaos, one question remains:

Will they reach Marta in time…

and more importantly—will Darvin finally get his lunch?

The Guild return to the ever-suspicious town of Gallowmere, where reinforcements from the G.I.A. arrive just in time to make things slightly more organised… and immediately more chaotic.

Led by Brad, the party regroup over a hearty breakfast before being pointed toward honest work for once—courtesy of the town’s blacksmith. A quick trip to a nearby cave, a bit of mining, in and out. Easy coin. No complications.

Allegedly.

Because the “minor nuisance” guarding the Star Iron Ore turns out to be something rather less manageable: Owlbears.

Inside the cave, plans begin to fray as quickly as nerves. Darvin attempts to apply strategy to a rapidly deteriorating situation, Aramil prepares for a fight that may already be too close for comfort, Blud finds himself tending to a half-dressed woman, and Sir Cecil proves that even the greatest heroes can be defeated by darkness… and basic footing.

It was meant to be simple.

It never is.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and dark themes, including references to violence involving children, graphic crime scenes, and ritualistic murder. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

Delta Green: Ep3 “Where Dagon?”

The Guild step deeper into the world of Delta Green.

Under FBI cover, Mark leads the team into Yuma to investigate the brutal killing of a young marine, his fiancée, and her family—six victims in total. What initially appears to be a horrific tragedy quickly reveals signs of something far more deliberate.

And far more disturbing.

Their first stop is the local detective, where fragments of the case begin to take shape. But it’s not until the team reaches the crime scene that the true nature of the killings becomes clear.

This wasn’t random.

There are patterns. Indications of ritual. Evidence that suggests whoever—or whatever—was responsible had purpose.

As they begin to piece together what happened, the line between investigation and something far darker starts to blur.

Expect blood, missteps, and the kind of decisions that make a bad situation worse.

Because this story is only just beginning.

The Guild continue their investigation into Clyde Bauman’s cabin… and finally uncover the truth.

Or at least, something close enough to it.

What they find inside is not what anyone was expecting—least of all Justin, whose reaction to the discovery is immediate, dramatic, and involves dropping his only source of light at the worst possible moment.

Because Clyde Bauman’s wife… isn’t as dead as she should be.

What follows is less a careful operation and more a rapid descent into panic, confusion, and increasingly questionable decision-making. But orders are orders, and the team have a job to do.

So they do what any highly trained operatives would do in this situation.

They clean it.

With fire.

Ross continues an inexplicable streak of flawless competence, Jo handles a firearm with alarming enthusiasm, and Justin strokes his pussy.

The mission may be complete…

but whatever they were dealing with is far from over.

The Guild steps into the shadows.

In their first foray into the world of Delta Green, Mark leads Ross, Jo, and Justin on what should be a simple, clean operation: enter the apartment of former agent Clyde Bauman and remove anything… sensitive.

No questions. No complications. In and out.

A watchful neighbour and her suspiciously observant dog take a keen interest in proceedings, subtlety is abandoned, and the team’s search raises more questions than it answers. Questions that lead them far beyond a spartan flat… and out towards something far more isolated.

And far more unsettling.

Along the way, Justin requests a black light for reasons no one wants clarified, Jo is more concerned about breakfast timings, and Ross conducts what may be the least important fridge inspection in recorded history.

As the pieces begin to come together, one thing becomes clear:

Whatever Clyde Bauman was involved in…

it wasn’t something meant to be found.

The Guild reach the heart of the orc lair… and immediately begin to question every life choice that led them here.

What started as a bold pursuit now looks suspiciously like a terrible idea, as the full extent of the orc encampment becomes clear. Outnumbered, outmatched, and definitely underprepared, the group must decide whether to strike while the enemy are drunk and distracted… or do the sensible thing for once and leave.

Of course, things don’t stay simple for long.

An unexpected captive is discovered—desperate, talkative, and in need of rescue—which only complicates matters further. Meanwhile, a truly questionable plan begins to form: blend in.

Yes. Blend in.

With hastily assembled “orc impressions” and confidence that far outweighs their ability, the boys attempt to pass themselves off as part of the rabble. What could possibly go wrong?

As tensions rise, plans unravel, and loyalties (and accents) are tested, one question looms large over it all…

What, exactly, is going to happen to the potatoes?

Back in Middle-earth, the Guild attempt something dangerously close to competence: tracking their enemies.

Following the trail of the orcs that ambushed them at the Ring Fort, Dan leads Sam, Justin, Ash, and Mike deep into enemy territory—straight to the lair they really should have reconsidered entering.

Waiting at the mouth of the tunnels is a less-than-welcoming guardian: a spider that clearly didn’t get the memo about letting intruders pass.

Inside, it only gets worse.

The tunnels are tight. The light is scarce. Every step feels like a mistake waiting to happen. And when they finally catch up to the orc raiders, they discover something unexpected…

They’re drunk. Loud. Celebrating.

Which would be great—if the Guild weren’t about to stumble into them in the dark.

Steel clashes, plans unravel, and in the chaos, it becomes increasingly unclear whether this is a calculated assault… or just another beautifully executed disaster.

Will they make it out alive?

Or is this one truly a shot in the dark?

The Guild finds themselves in the kind of trouble that usually requires a quick escape, a clever plan… or, unfortunately, them.

After a mysterious man quite literally drops out of the sky with a rocket strapped to his back, the posse do what they do best: stand nearby and immediately look guilty. Within minutes, the U.S. Military descend, led by the ever-suspicious Captain Callahan, who decides—correctly or not—that these idiots must be involved.

Arrested, disarmed, and thrown into custody, the gang are left to plead their case… which goes about as well as you’d expect.

Red takes a bullet to the least dignified place possible, Harry talks his way out of a fight Philippe absolutely started, Ruby threatens the army with a spoon, and Phillipe begins laying the groundwork for what may be the most unnecessary revenge plot in history—featuring scorpions.

Can the Guild talk their way out of this one?

Or have they finally stumbled into consequences they can’t bumble their way through?

The trail north grows hotter, harsher, and somehow even more ridiculous as water becomes a serious problem for both the herd and the posse. Thirst sets in, tempers fray, and survival starts to look a lot less glamorous than the open frontier promised.

Philippe’s strange bond with Devil Eyes deepens as he learns to see through her eyes. Harry dreams of a far more relaxing future involving rest, recuperation, and apparently Las Vegas. Red begins to feel a little more worldly. Ruby throws a stick.

But the Weird West never lets the posse suffer in peace.

An abandoned homestead reveals signs of something far darker at work — experiments involving manitous, evil spirits capable of taking over human hosts. As the mystery deepens, To’Sarre continues to stalk the group from the shadows, water snakes strike when least welcome, and Ross breaks into song because things clearly were not tense enough already.

Will the troubles ever end?

Not if the Guild have anything to do with it.

Peace never lasts long in Middle-earth.

What begins as relief turns to chaos when a band of orcs descends upon the ring fort. With only a handful of guards — most of them barely more than frightened peasants — the Guild must help hold the line against the sudden assault.

In the confusion, Dindy is seized by the orcs and dragged into the darkness, leaving the party scrambling to defend the fort and prevent the attack from turning into a full massacre.

The Lonely takes a direct approach by chopping down trees. Arminas lights a torch. Haldir motivates the guards in his own uniquely threatening way. And Aiden chooses this exact moment to ask Dindy if he has any plans for the evening.

Steel clashes, torches burn, and the Guild find themselves thrown headfirst into their first true battle in Middle-earth.

And the night is only just beginning.