Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast Gay Men Going Deeper
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Titre
Date
Durée
300 Episodes Later: Growing, Changing & Still Figuring It Out
29 oct. 2026
00:49:31
300 episodes over six years. A lot has changed.
For our 300th episode, Michael, Matt, and Reno are back together at the mic for the first time in three months to look back at where Gay Men Going Deeper started, how we’ve changed along the way, and what we’re still figuring out.
We’re revisiting some of those early days (including the things that make us cringe now), sharing beliefs we once held strongly that we see very differently today, and getting honest about the areas in our own lives where we’re still learning and growing.
Whether you’ve been with us since the beginning or this is your first episode, thanks for going deeper with us.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
The Gay Man’s Healing Journey: What Is The Inner Work And How Do We Actually Do It
15 oct. 2026
00:39:41
Growing up gay shapes you. Even if you had a relatively good experience, many of us learned to hide parts of ourselves, seek approval, stay guarded, or adapt in order to feel safe, accepted, or lovable. Over time, those survival strategies can quietly shape our relationships, confidence, intimacy, and sense of self.
In this episode, we’re talking about the “inner work” many gay men find themselves doing as adults: unpacking old conditioning, unlearning shame, building self-trust, and learning how to live more honestly and fully as ourselves. We also share parts of our own journeys, the patterns we see in our clients, and what real growth actually looks like in practice.
We get into:
How growing up gay can shape your self-esteem, relationships, and identity
The difference between healing, self-awareness, and staying stuck in the past
Common coping strategies gay men develop to feel safe, desired, or accepted
What meaningful personal growth actually looks like in everyday life
The balance between understanding your past without making it your identity
This is a grounded conversation about growth, self-awareness, and becoming more fully yourself — not perfectly healed, but more conscious, honest, and free.
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: The Gay Man's Healing Journey
(00:03:47) - Unlearning the Shame of Being Gay
(00:09:34) - The inner work of shame
(00:10:50) - Healing Emotional Wounds and Protective Strategies
(00:13:41) - Why Does Being Gay Need to Be Healed?
(00:16:01) - What are the pain points people come to you for?
(00:17:38) - What is Self-Confidence and Self Worth?
(00:22:10) - Six things we're actually healing in our gay relationships
(00:26:53) - How to Heal From Trauma (Gay Men)
(00:32:04) - How to Get Back On Your Path
(00:32:27) - What's The Secret to Being the Man You Want to Be
(00:33:44) - How To Become The Man You Want To Be
(00:37:30) - Gay Men's Brotherhood
Growing Up Different: The Impact on Belonging
01 oct. 2026
00:55:03
Growing up different can leave a lasting impact on how we see ourselves, our relationships, and our sense of belonging. Even years later, many gay men still carry the feeling of being on the outside looking in—surrounded by people, yet not truly known.
In this episode, we're exploring the roots of belonging, why so many gay men struggle with deep loneliness, and what it actually takes to find meaningful connection.
We get into:
The difference between fitting in and truly belonging
Why you can have friends and still feel profoundly lonely
How shame and abandonment wounds shape our relationships
The role authenticity plays in creating real connection
Why belonging isn't about everyone agreeing with you—and what it actually requires
Practical ways to cultivate a deeper sense of belonging in your life
If you've ever felt like you don't quite fit, this conversation is a reminder that belonging isn't about becoming someone else—it's about finding the courage to let yourself be known.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: How Did Growing Up Gay Affect My Sense
(00:04:52) - How Growing Gay Affected My Sense of Belonging Today
(00:10:57) - Gay Men Talking About Being Gay
(00:15:28) - Michael on Being Gay and Growing Up
(00:18:56) - How to Belong as a Child
(00:20:50) - The Shame of Being Gay
(00:24:31) - What It's Like To Be Gay
(00:28:32) - How Did Growing Up Gay Affect My Sense of Belonging?
(00:29:22) - What Does Belonging Mean to You?
(00:31:26) - You Talk About Belonging To Your Sexual Pleasure
(00:35:42) - The Importance of Belonging
(00:37:57) - What Does Belonging Mean To You? Part 2
(00:39:30) - How do you find belonging in your life?
(00:42:24) - Are Gay Spaces Necessary For Dating?
(00:46:36) - A Couple's Surprise
(00:47:28) - What Does Belonging Mean To You?
(00:48:57) - Michael On The Importance Of Self-
(00:51:25) - What's the space that you feel most comfortable being yourself in?
(00:52:36) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: The Coaching Collection
When To Get Off the Apps (And When to Go Back On)
17 sept. 2026
00:35:08
Apps are a huge part of modern gay life. We delete them, reinstall them, swear them off, go back on, and keep trying to figure out whether they’re helping us connect or quietly getting in the way.
In this episode, we’re talking about app seasonality: that on-again, off-again relationship many gay men have with the apps, and the skill of knowing when they’re serving you, when they’re draining you, when to use them…and when to lose them.
We’re getting into:
Why apps can be the right choice in one season and the wrong choice in another
How to know when it’s time for a break or hiatus
When getting back on the apps can actually be the healthy choice
The difference between using apps intentionally vs. compulsively
How the apps can reveal your patterns around rejection, desire, sex, dating, and self-worth
Whether you’re on the apps, off the apps, or currently “just checking who’s nearby,” this conversation will help you bring more honesty, agency, and self-trust to the way you use them.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: Grindr On-Off-Again
(00:01:31) - Apps' On-Again, Off-Again Cycle
(00:02:14) - Matt on Why He Joined Grindr
(00:06:03) - Michael Jackson on 'Both'
(00:06:14) - On The Difference Between Grindr and Hinge
(00:08:28) - Gay Dating: Compulsivity vs Intentionality
(00:11:37) - Scruff's 'What's Behind the Paywall'
(00:13:10) - When It's Time To Take a Break From Grindr
(00:16:59) - Marriage on Grindr When You're Traveling
(00:19:23) - Gay Men on Dating Apps
(00:22:48) - Both Apps and No Apps
(00:23:17) - "No Response Is a Response" on Grindr, Hinge
(00:26:45) - When Do You Know You're Ready to Go Back On?
(00:28:15) - What Are You Looking To Experience With Your Gay Guy?
(00:32:16) - What is Your Ideal Pace of Connection?
(00:34:07) - Amino and Matt on Gay Men's Brotherhood
Why Bad Boys Feel So Good
03 sept. 2026
00:33:00
Why do the guys who are a little distant, a little edgy, and a little hard to get feel so magnetic? Is it actually attraction…or is a deeper pattern being activated?
In this episode, we unpack what’s going on underneath the pull toward “bad boys” and why it can feel so intense, compelling, and hard to walk away from.
We talk about:
What exactly is it about “bad boys” that makes them so attractive
What we’re really responding to beneath the surface
Why intensity can feel like chemistry, but isn’t always compatibility
What “bad boys” do well that “nice guys” can learn from
How to take those traits into your own dating life—without the chaos
If you’ve ever found yourself drawn to someone who felt exciting but hard to reach, this episode will help you understand why—and what to do differently.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Why Bad Boys Feel So Good
(00:01:38) - Are Bad Boy Guys Hot?
(00:03:19) - What Are We Actually Attracting To Bad Boys?
(00:07:24) - Good Boy vs Bad Boy
(00:11:08) - Good Boy Or Bad Boy?
(00:15:05) - Queer as Folk on Michael
(00:16:00) - A Neil Gaiman's Brotherhood
(00:16:43) - What Can We Learn From Bad Boys?
(00:20:36) - Is Your Bad Boy Unafraid Of Getting Cancelled?
(00:22:00) - Do Bad Boys Get Attracted To Women?
(00:24:28) - I'm The Bad Boy
(00:27:39) - Good Boy vs. Bad Boy
(00:30:45) - Good Boy vs. Nice Guy
(00:32:13) - The Gay Man Going Deeper: Nice Guys
Why Gay Men Struggle with Intimacy
20 août 2026
00:28:30
Intimacy sounds like something we all want, but being truly seen can feel terrifying.
In this episode, we talk about why fantasy often feels safer than reality, why vulnerability can feel exposing, and how the fear of rejection keeps many gay men hiding behind performance.
We also get personal about our own struggles with being seen, how this shows up in dating. This episode is about the fear beneath the fantasy: the part of us that wants closeness, but panics when closeness asks us to be honest, visible, and emotionally available.
We talk about:
Why intimacy can feel unsafe even when we crave it
The fear of being fully seen, known, and rejected
Why fantasy feels easier than real connection
How to feel safer, more grounded, and more open to intimacy
A deep, honest conversation for gay men who want connection, but sometimes find themselves pulling away when it starts to get real.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: Why Intimacy Feels Safer
(00:02:16) - What Is Intimacy Really Like?
(00:06:15) - Married People Say They're Not Attracted To Perfect People
(00:09:17) - What Are You Afraid Of Being Proactively Rejected For?
(00:12:38) - Geminis Have A Fear Of Intimacy
(00:13:24) - What Am I Afraid Of In A Relationship?
(00:17:03) - When Did You Start Naked With Your Girlfriend?
(00:17:31) - How to Love Yourself (No Fear of Intimacy)
(00:22:15) - How to Develop Secure Attachment
(00:23:50) - "I Get Scared in Intimacy"
(00:26:51) - The Gay Men's Brotherhood
From Validation-Seeking to Self-Trust
06 août 2026
00:48:51
Seeking validation isn’t just about chasing likes. It’s the part of us that needs approval, wants to belong, and feel accepted. But does it come at a cost?
In this episode, we unpack the subtle ways validation-seeking still shows up in our everyday lives, especially as gay men who learned early to scan, adapt, perform, and manage how we’re perceived. We talk about the difference between healthy feedback and outsourcing your self-worth, and what it actually looks like to build self-trust in real life.
In this episode, we discuss:
What validation-seeking actually looks like
The difference between caring what people think and letting their opinion become a verdict on your worth
Why self-trust requires tolerating discomfort, disappointment, and disapproval
How we’re each still learning to come back to ourselves in more honest, grounded ways
Self-trust doesn’t mean you stop caring what people think- it means their reaction no longer gets to decide who you are.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Coming Home To Yourself
(00:01:56) - Why Do Gay Men Seek Validation?
(00:03:43) - What Does Validation Seeking Actually Look Like?
(00:05:51) - What Does It Look Like to Be Overcomfortable?
(00:07:20) - Michael Buble on Being Validated
(00:07:57) - Michael Says He Feels Good About Himself
(00:08:45) - Validation Seeking and How It Affects Your Life
(00:13:53) - How to Stop Seeking External Validation
(00:18:10) - What does validation seeking look like in your life?
(00:18:35) - Why Is Self-Trust So Difficult For Gay People?
(00:23:26) - "People Plead"
(00:27:58) - What Makes Self Trust So Difficult?
(00:31:43) - The Importance Of Identity
(00:33:28) - Self-Trust Coaching
(00:34:08) - Michael on Coming Home To Himself
(00:35:38) - What Would I Do If I Wasn't Trying To Be Like
(00:39:35) - Coming Home to Yourself
(00:43:20) - Getting Back Home to Yourself
(00:46:26) - Why I Don't Need To Explain My Time
(00:48:06) - Coming Back Home To Yourself
When Feeling Bad Is Good For You
23 juil. 2026
00:36:14
Feeling bad is not a flaw in the human experience. It’s an essential life skill for anyone who wants a life of love, growth, satisfaction, and intimacy— all of it requires the capacity to feel discomfort without running from it.
In this episode, Michael and Matt make the case for feeling bad on purpose: when to sit with an emotion, when to change your mindset, and why emotional avoidance often costs us more than the original pain.
We get into:
Why feeling bad is a skill, not a personal failure
The difference between allowing an emotion and reframing your thoughts
How men are often taught to avoid, repress, intellectualize, or act out emotions
The ways we numb and escape through food, alcohol, sex, porn, productivity, scrolling, and distraction
Why building emotional capacity makes you braver, more honest, and more willing to live a bigger life
The goal isn’t to be happy all the time — it’s to become someone who can feel bad without abandoning yourself or shrinking your future.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Why Feeling Bad Is Good For You
(00:01:46) - Why Are People So Bad at Feeling Bad?
(00:06:06) - How to Win with Emotions
(00:08:13) - How to Love Yourself
(00:13:16) - How to Get Through Trauma
(00:16:52) - What Emotion Is The Hardest To Deal With?
(00:20:05) - How To Live A Fully Feeling Life
(00:20:54) - How to Deal With Feeling Bad
(00:23:48) - The ego takes over the body
(00:24:32) - Gay Men's Ways To Cope With Feeling Bad
(00:25:45) - How to Stop Feeling Bad
(00:29:31) - How to Love Yourself Through Fear
(00:30:38) - How to Handle Negative Emotions
(00:34:37) - People Cope With Crying
(00:35:29) - Gay Men's Brotherhood
Liked by Everyone, Chosen by No One: The Nice Guy Trap
09 juil. 2026
00:49:03
A lot of gay men pride themselves on being “nice”— easygoing, agreeable, low-drama. But what if that’s exactly why you’re not getting what you want?
In this episode, we break down the difference between being kind and being “nice,” and how approval-seeking, conflict avoidance, and over-accommodating are quietly killing attraction, respect, and real connection.
We talk about:
Why “nice” is often a strategy, not a personality
The hidden cost of being liked by everyone
How this shows up in dating and relationships
The difference between being chosen vs. being liked
How to shift from approval-seeking to self-respecting
If you’ve ever felt overlooked, under-appreciated, or stuck in the friend-zone, this one will hit.
(00:20:54) - Why Being a Nice Guy Backfires in Dating
(00:23:16) - Matt Says Being Honest In Dating Backfires
(00:28:19) - In the Elevator With Michael
(00:29:38) - Gay Men on Dating and Relationships
(00:30:19) - How to Shift From Being Nice to Being Chosen
(00:35:02) - How To Be With Yourself
(00:39:06) - Be Candid With Yourself
(00:42:15) - Michael Jackson on Not Being Like Everyone
(00:45:34) - Matt on Not Being the Nice Guy
(00:48:20) - Thank You!
How to Elevate Your Hookups
25 juin 2026
00:31:50
Hookups get a bad rap as shallow, transactional, or disconnected. But what if they could actually become a space for growth, awareness, and real connection?
In this episode, we’re advocating for shift from default, unconscious hookups to something more intentional, honest, and grounded. We explore how hookup culture can either reinforce negative patterns or become a powerful mirror for your patterns, desires, boundaries, and capacity for intimacy.
We talk about:
Why hookups aren’t the problem—but how we show up in them can be
The difference between unconscious vs. intentional hookups
How to bring honesty, communication, and authenticity into casual sex
How our own hookups have evolved over time
Practical ways to make hookups more enjoyable, respectful, and connected—for everyone involved
This isn’t about judging hookup culture or pretending it should be something it’s not. It’s about raising the standard of how you show up—so even casual encounters can feel aligned, present, and real.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - How To Elevate Your Hookup Culture
(00:02:22) - The Pros and Cons of Hookup Culture
(00:05:50) - What are the cons of hookup culture?
(00:07:12) - How Gay Men View Their Hookups
(00:11:36) - No More Sex: We Need Love
(00:13:34) - What Makes A Hookup Good For You?
(00:17:38) - "Honesty Is What Makes A Hookup Good"
(00:21:15) - Demisexual Guy On Grindr
(00:25:31) - Demisexual People Talk About Their Sexualities
(00:26:00) - Michael On His Hookups...
(00:29:59) - Elevating Your Hookups
(00:31:16) - PODCAST: Please support the community
The Daddy Issue: Our Relationships With Our Dads
11 juin 2026
00:52:21
For many gay men, our relationship with our dad is one of the most defining- and least talked about. In this episode, we explore the nuances of our relationships with our fathers through three core questions:
How did your dad react when you came out?
How do you express your gayness around him today?
Does being gay impact the level of intimacy you have with your dad?
From there, we go deeper into family dynamics, cultural expectations, and the different expressions of love and acceptance between fathers and their gay sons. We get into physical affection between fathers and sons, how much access we give them into our lives, and the boundaries we set as adults.
We also explore how these early relationships can shape the kinds of men we’re attracted to… and the patterns we carry into dating and relationships.
This is a grounded, honest conversation about the often complex and layered relationship between fathers and sons.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Going Deeper: The Daddy Issue
(00:01:47) - Did Gay Men Need Daddies?
(00:03:20) - How Did My Dad React To My Coming Out?
(00:07:49) - How Did My Dad React To My Coming Out?
(00:10:18) - Reno On Not Bringing Up Gay Issues With His Father
(00:14:24) - When My Gay Friend Comes Out
(00:14:43) - How Did My Dad React To Coming Out?
(00:18:53) - Coming Out To My Dad
(00:20:52) - How Do You Describe Your Gayness To Your Dad?
(00:27:38) - How Do I Feel Representing My Gayness To My Dad?
(00:31:14) - How My Parents Accept My Gay Love Life
(00:33:37) - Do You Hold Back Your Gayness When You're Around Your Dad
(00:37:56) - Adam Levine on Father-Son Conferences
(00:42:40) - Does Being Gay Impact How You Experience Intimate Touch With Your Dad
(00:45:32) - Does Being Gay Impact How I Experience Intimate With My Dad?
(00:47:52) - Michael Jackson on His Dad's Love
(00:51:09) - We Love You, Dads
“I Don’t Need Anyone”: Why Gay Men Struggle to Let Someone In
28 mai 2026
00:36:06
A lot of gay men take pride in being independent, self-sufficient and in control. But is there a shadow side? When the time comes to let someone in, ask for support, or even rely on others—it feels uncomfortable, exposing, even threatening.
In this episode, we explore the spectrum between dependence, co-dependence, independence, hyper-independence, and interdependence—and why so many gay men get stuck at the far end of doing life alone. We talk about:
What hyper-independence actually is (and why it’s so common)
The fear of losing yourself, your freedom, or your identity
Why intimacy feels harder than being alone
How this shows up in dating, relationships, and asking for support
What it looks like to move toward interdependence (secure attachment)
This isn’t about becoming dependent. It’s about learning how to find a happy middle ground where you can let someone in without losing yourself or pulling further away.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deeper: How to Let People In
(00:01:14) - What is Dependency and Independence?
(00:03:34) - Guys Who Are Hyper Independent or Codependent
(00:04:54) - Cocodependent and Secure Attachment: How Do You Know
(00:08:04) - How to Grow Up With Someone (Gay Men)
(00:10:49) - Insecure Attachment and The Fear That
(00:13:38) - What Are Some Boundaries That You Have For Yourself?
(00:15:23) - What's the Hardest Part of Learning To Trust Again?
(00:17:06) - How Anxious Attachers Get Out Of Conflict
(00:18:45) - How To Start Moving Toward Interdependence
(00:20:21) - Can An Avoidant Attachment Style Overcorrect Into Becoming Cod
(00:24:59) - How to Cope With Anxious Partner
(00:27:54) - The Importance of Living With Your Partner
(00:30:44) - How To Overcome The Fear Of Disappointment During Relationships
(00:34:35) - Gay Men Talk About Being Independent
Gay–Straight Bromance: Why We’re Drawn to Each Other
14 mai 2026
00:43:49
There’s something unique about friendships between gay and straight men. They often feel easy, natural, and unexpectedly intimate.
In this episode, we explore the unique reasons why gay and straight men are drawn towards each other. From male bonding and emotional intimacy to validation, and the freedom to drop the “rules” of being a man, these friendships often offer something both sides aren’t getting elsewhere.
We unpack:
Why gay men are drawn to straight men… and what they represent
Why straight men feel safe, open, and even curious around gay men
How masculinity is shifting in 2026… and where these friendships fit
What each side gives the other and how we balance each other out
This isn’t about hookups or labels. It’s about what men are craving, and what that reveals about modern masculinity.
(00:18:28) - Why Are Straight Men Drawn To Gay Men?
(00:22:43) - Damon on Why Gay Men Are Drawn to Him
(00:23:50) - Straight Men Are Desperate For Sex
(00:26:45) - Broke Male Podcast: Permission To Be You
(00:31:41) - "It's Okay to Hug Your Gay Father"
(00:33:11) - Gay Men Going Deep
(00:33:48) - Gay Men Want More Sexual Closeness
(00:39:15) - Straight Men Talk About Gay Bars
(00:41:46) - Set Free Your Gay Men!
(00:43:12) - Going Deep: Gay Men's Brotherhood
How To Deal With Haters (Without Getting Defensive)
30 avr. 2026
00:31:59
We’ve all dealt with them. And maybe we’ve probably been one too…
In this episode, we unpack what’s really going on beneath hate. Not just online trolls or obvious critics, but the subtle ways judgment, resentment, and animosity show up in everyday life.
We explore:
Why people hate in the first place (and why it’s rarely about you)
The difference between healthy disagreement and actual hate
How hate often masks insecurity, unmet expectations, or avoidance
What it actually costs you to be a hater
And how to deal with haters without shrinking, proving, or losing yourself
This isn’t about pretending to be positive or “above it.” It’s about understanding psychology so you don’t get pulled into it, or unconsciously become part of it.
If this episode resonates, join Matt for a live Connection Circle. This is an opportunity to share your story, be witnessed without judgment, and begin releasing the parts of you that learned it wasn’t safe to be fully authentic. You don’t have to carry it alone anymore.
Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gaiman Going Deeper: How To Deal With Haters
(00:01:34) - Michael Jackson on Why People Hate Him
(00:04:55) - How to Stop Criticizing Others
(00:05:35) - Haters Need to Be Seen In Their Pain
(00:09:00) - How to Disagree With a Hater
(00:14:00) - "Disengagement Is a Powerful Tool"
(00:15:51) - Michael on The Impact Of Hate On His Life
(00:20:45) - The Influences of Social Media
(00:21:12) - How to Handle Haters
(00:21:43) - How To Stop Defensiveness
(00:25:55) - Let the Haters Be Wrong
(00:29:58) - Dropping Love For The Brothers
(00:31:05) - A Connection Circle
Busy, Stimulated, and Disconnected: Gay Men & Escapism
16 avr. 2026
00:31:17
What if the things you turn to for fun, pleasure, and productivity are also the ways you avoid your life?
In this episode, we explore escapism through a grounded, real-world lens. Not necessarily as a clinical issue, but as a pattern most of us fall into without realizing it.
From constant busyness and social plans to sex, substances, and scrolling, it’s never been easier to stay stimulated- and disconnected at the same time. We break down:
Why escapism is so common (and why it makes sense)
The difference between enjoyment and avoidance
How to recognize when it shifts from choice to compulsion
The hidden costs of always staying “on”
Why a full life can still feel empty
Join us for an eye-opening episode about understanding the spectrum of escapism… and what it might be helping you avoid.
(00:03:34) - Have You Been In A Pattern of Avoidance?
(00:07:30) - Have You Ever Been In A Compulsive Loop With Something?
(00:10:49) - How To Cope After A Breakup
(00:13:26) - Talking About Relationships
(00:15:14) - What is the anxiety of working?
(00:16:24) - Burnout and Escapism
(00:20:05) - Gay Man's Brotherhood: Slowing Down Without Falling Behind
(00:22:13) - How to Stop Distract Yourself With Your Phone
(00:26:19) - What is the cost of constant numbing, avoidance of self?
(00:28:35) - How to Slow Down Your Life
(00:29:26) - A Gay Man's Four Fs
(00:30:47) - Gay Men's Brotherhood
Let’s Play! When Did Life Stop Being Fun?
02 avr. 2026
00:53:39
At what point did life stop being fun?
As kids, play came naturally. We were curious, spontaneous, and fully present. But for many adults, especially gay men who grew up navigating shame and self-consciousness, play slowly disappears.
Responsibility takes over. Image matters more. We try to be cool. And somewhere along the way, joy gets replaced with pressure, performance, and productivity.
In this episode, we explore why so many adults lose their playful side and why reconnecting with it can be one of the most powerful ways to reclaim joy, authenticity, and connection.
Some of the things we cover in this conversation are:
How shame and self-consciousness disconnect us from play
The difference between authentic play and performative fun
How western culture slowly erodes our inner child
Why playfulness is connected to vulnerability and authenticity
The role of play in intimacy, connection, and great sex
How play can protect against burnout and bring us back to life
Why joy and appreciation are skills worth intentionally developing
If life has started to feel heavy, serious, or overly effortful, this episode is a reminder that play is not childish. It may be one of the most important ingredients in a meaningful life.
(00:18:10) - How I Used To Play Both Girls And Boys
(00:21:05) - Gay Men Talk About Childhood Play
(00:23:32) - Have Your Relationships to Play Changed As You Get Older?
(00:29:03) - The Importance of Play
(00:31:01) - The Role of Play in Me
(00:36:39) - What Does Playing Bring Up For You?
(00:37:00) - What Are The Ways That You Play?
(00:40:02) - The Importance of Travel
(00:42:20) - Matt the Filmmaker on Play
(00:47:33) - Michael's Secret To Fun And Play
(00:50:39) - Play Will Save Your Life!
Masc for Masc: Preference or Internalized Homophobia?
26 mars 2026
00:51:12
When a gay man says he’s attracted to masculine men, is that simply preference… or could internalized homophobia be part of the story?
In this episode, we unpack one of the most volatile conversations in the gay community. We explore what people actually mean when they say “masculine,” the masc and fem archetypes that shape gay culture, and how social conditioning around masculinity and femininity can influence attraction and identity.
Most importantly, we tackle the question at the center of the debate: where is the line between genuine preference and internalized bias?
In this episode we discuss:
What people really mean when they say “masculine”
Masculine and feminine archetypes
How conditioning around masculinity shapes attraction
What internalized homophobia can look like in everyday life
The difference between preference and hierarchy
Where the line may exist between preference and prejudice
Join us for a nuanced conversation about masculinity, attraction, and the cultural forces that shape how gay men see themselves and each other.
(00:23:06) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: Femininity and Gay Life
(00:29:44) - Queens Talk About Their Gay Culture
(00:32:15) - Outing My Own Phobia
(00:36:08) - Gay Men Go Deep Coaching
(00:36:50) - Where Is the Line Between Real Sexual Desire and Internalized Homophobia
(00:39:58) - I Used To Be Attracted To Performative Masculinity
(00:45:24) - Reno On Gay Men's Sexualities
(00:49:08) - Blind Dating on Grindr
(00:50:14) - A Very Long Goodbye
Flakey Gays: Why is Follow-Through So Hard?
19 mars 2026
00:31:09
The guy who constantly cancels plans, keeps things vague, or disappears when something better comes along — that’s flakiness: a pattern of not following through.
In a culture of endless options and shifting feelings, has unreliability quietly become normal? And what does that actually say about us?
In this off-the-cuff episode, we talk about:
What flakiness actually is — and what it isn’t
The difference between boundaries and excuses
Common avoidance patterns in dating and friendships
Why keeping your word is about more than just social plans
What it really means to be a reliable man
This isn’t just about the inconvenience of canceled plans. It’s about self-trust, stronger relationships, and the kind of man you’re practicing becoming.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: FlAKY Gays
(00:03:24) - Gay Men Talk About Flakiness
(00:07:37) - How to run a group
(00:08:45) - Flaky Gay Men vs Avoidant Gay Men
(00:13:03) - Being Candid With People
(00:16:34) - Gay Men Talk About When They Don't Want To Connect With Me
(00:20:13) - How to Get More Out of Your Friendships
(00:21:10) - Lack of Follow Through
(00:25:50) - Matt On His Love Life
(00:29:04) - In the Elevator With Flakiness
(00:30:25) - Gaming Going Deep
Is Being Gay Your Entire Identity? (The Hidden Cost of Over-Identification)
12 mars 2026
00:25:24
What does it actually mean to identify as gay?
For many of us, claiming the word “gay” was liberating. It gave us language, belonging, community, and pride. It helped us make sense of our experiences and find people who understood us. But is there a point where identification turns into over-identification?
In this episode, we unpack some big questions:
What is identity, really?
In what ways is identifying as gay empowering?
How does it foster belonging and inclusion?
When does it start to create division, hierarchy, or limitation?
Is “gay” a culture — and if so, what does that even mean?
Where’s the line between healthy pride and rigid attachment?
We explore the benefits and the drawbacks of tying ourselves closely to any identity — and how over-identifying can sometimes shrink us rather than expand us.
This conversation isn’t about minimizing being gay. It’s about integrating it. About moving from performance to embodiment. From label to lived experience.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: Over Identifying With Being Gay
(00:00:50) - Being gay in the quest for enlightenment
(00:03:29) - Michael Buble On Over Identifying With Being Gay
(00:08:55) - On Loss of Identity
(00:13:26) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: The Gay Community
(00:18:03) - Coming Out Has Helped People
(00:21:17) - How Over Identifying Can Be a Hindrance
(00:23:05) - Is Pride Helpful or a hindrance for Gay Men?
Is Romance Dead in Gay Culture?
05 mars 2026
00:51:54
In a world of swipes, situationships, and high-intensity connections, romance can start to feel obsolete — replaced by sexual energy, emotional guardedness, or the safety of detachment.
And yet many of us still long for thoughtfulness, depth, being chosen and choosing in return.
In this episode, we explore why that part of us often gets buried under performance, fear of rejection, and modern dating norms — and what it actually takes to lead with romance instead of intensity.
We talk about:
What romance really looks and feels like in dating
Why intensity is so often mistaken for intimacy
What it means to actively bring romance into your dating life
How love languages and attachment styles shape our romantic expression
And what truly sweeps us off our feet
This conversation is both a reality check and an ode to the intentional, courageous, thoughtful part of ourselves that still believes in romance.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:05) - Gay Men Going Deeper: The Romantic Gay Man
(00:00:53) - How To Bring Romance Into Your Dating & Relationships
(00:01:56) - How To Be Romantic In Gay Culture
(00:03:47) - Michael on Romance in Gay Culture
(00:07:34) - Gay Men Talk About Romance
(00:12:44) - "I Don't Think Romance Is Romantic"
(00:18:00) - How To Start A Romance: Setting the Tone
(00:20:25) - The Gay Men's Brotherhood
(00:21:09) - How Do You Bring Romance Into Dating?
(00:25:48) - How Do I Bring Romance Into Dating?
(00:29:03) - What's The Most Romantic Thing You've Ever Done For Someone?
(00:33:40) - How To Get Out Of Your Attractor's Grip
(00:34:51) - The Most Romantic Thing Someone's Done For Me
(00:36:47) - What Do You Need To Know To Be Swept Off Your Feet
(00:39:04) - Toronto Guy Problems
(00:43:11) - Saved Off My Feet
(00:47:10) - "If I'm a 10, I'll Keep Dating"
(00:50:05) - Don't Be Afraid To Be Romantic With Your Gay Guy Friends
Sexual Authenticity: Owning Your Desires
26 févr. 2026
00:24:25
Being sexually open isn’t the same as being sexually honest. In a culture that celebrates sex, many gay men still struggle to feel aligned with what they truly want, without shame or pressure.
In this off-the-cuff conversation, we explore what it really looks like to own your desires without shame, performance, or pressure. We unpack how conditioning, fear, and expectations can quietly pull us away from what we genuinely want, and why many gay men feel disconnected from their evolving desires over time.
We talk about:
What sexual authenticity actually means (and what it doesn’t)
The subtle ways we learn to edit or override our desires
How shame, fear, and social expectations shape what we allow ourselves to want
How desire changes across seasons of life, relationships, and identity
Why authenticity, not experience or performance, is the foundation of sexual empowerment
This episode isn’t about labelling “right” or “wrong” desires. It’s about building an honest, compassionate relationship with yourself so your choices around sex feel grounded, intentional, and aligned.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deeper: Unpacking Sexual Authenticity
(00:01:30) - What Does It Mean To Be Sexual Authentic?
(00:04:32) - Kinky and Vanilla Sexual Shamers
(00:06:02) - How to Exploit Your Sexual Desire in Your 40s
(00:08:09) - Tom Brokoe on His Sexual Authenticity
(00:09:08) - Demisexuals on Being More Sexual in Their 40s
(00:12:28) - The Importance of Authenticity in Relationships
(00:15:28) - Geminis Talk Sexually
(00:18:04) - Gemini Talk About Vocal Play
(00:19:06) - Gay Men Talk Sex
(00:22:21) - Gay Mens Brotherhood: Sexual Authenticity
The Body Count Dilemma: Why Gay Men Can’t Win
19 févr. 2026
00:24:25
In gay culture, “body count” refers to how many people you’ve slept with. And whether it’s high or low, it often feels like a no-win situation. Have a low body count and you risk being seen as repressed, inexperienced, or undesirable. Have a high one and you’re either celebrated… or slut shamed.
In this off-the-cuff conversation, we unpack why gay men are stuck between purity culture and performance culture, and how both distort our relationship to sex, desire, and self-worth.
We explore:
Why body count became a stand-in for confidence and masculinity
How sex gets turned into proof of worth instead of a personal choice
The difference between sexual freedom and sexual pressure
Why sex positivity isn’t about having more sex, or less sex
What sexual empowerment actually looks like when shame isn’t running the show
This episode isn’t about judging how much sex you’ve had. It’s about reclaiming choice, agency, and a healthier relationship to desire.
Why So Many “Confident” Guys Are Secretly Insecure
12 févr. 2026
00:48:55
Gay culture rewards visibility, desirability, and dominance, so a lot of what looks like confidence is actually performance under pressure. In this episode, we unpack the myths of self-confidence gay men inherit and what real confidence looks like when no one’s watching.
In this conversation, we explore:
What traits often get mistaken for confidence in gay culture
How social media amplifies performative confidence and quietly fuels insecurity
Why confidence built on validation, desirability, or status is inherently fragile
How childhood experiences and early coping strategies shape what confidence feels safe to express
The difference between looking confident and being confident
Why real confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity and why it naturally shifts over time
This episode isn’t about fixing yourself or learning how to project confidence. It’s about understanding why the version you were taught to chase often feels exhausting, and what a quieter, more grounded confidence actually looks like in real life.
(00:00:05) - Gays Go Deep: Why So Many Confident Gay Men Are
(00:00:59) - How Confidence For Gay Men Is Decoded
(00:04:32) - What Are The Traits That Get Mistaken for Confidence in
(00:09:03) - The Gay Gay Male Hypothesis
(00:10:39) - Gay Men Reveal How Much Confidence They Have
(00:15:52) - The Need for Codependence
(00:16:48) - What Makes a Confident Person?
(00:21:58) - Is Your Confidence Dependent on Social Media?
(00:23:11) - The Need for Self-Confidence
(00:25:15) - Want to Attend a Connection Circle? Here!
(00:26:10) - What Does Real Confidence Look Like In Real Life?
(00:29:16) - What Does Real Confidence Look Like In Real Life?
(00:33:28) - Is There A Difference Between Confidence And Heart-centered Confidence
(00:35:59) - What does real confidence look like in real life?
(00:36:24) - How to Handle Failure and Defeat
(00:38:01) - Who Is The Most Confident Person That You Know?
(00:41:55) - What Is It That Gay People Get From Being Confident?
(00:47:03) - How to Build a Confidence
(00:48:20) - Thank You!!
The Slow Build in Romantic Relationships
05 févr. 2026
00:31:30
Everyone says they want a “slow build” in dating… right up until chemistry hits and judgement leaves the building.
In this off-the-cuff episode, we talk about why moving fast feels so intoxicating, what actually happens in your nervous system when you do, and how speed can quietly hijack discernment, attachment, and self-trust. We share personal stories, name the difference between excitement and regulation, and break down how slowing down isn’t about playing games, withholding sex, or killing the spark… it’s about letting something real have a chance to form.
If you’ve ever confused intensity for intimacy, this one’s for you.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gaiman Going Deeper: Slow Build In Relationships
(00:00:39) - What is the Slow Build?
(00:02:29) - How to Control the Pace of a Relationship
(00:02:50) - Falling In Love Too Fast
(00:05:57) - How To Manage Your Relationships
(00:07:43) - Why Do We Do This?
(00:11:06) - What Is A Healthy Pace For A Romantic Relationship?
(00:14:13) - What Happens to People Who Go Too Fast?
(00:15:13) - What is the Healthy Pace for a Romantic Relationship?
(00:17:01) - "We're Going Too Fast For My Own Natural System"
(00:19:23) - Knowledge Is Key to Secure Relationships
(00:23:01) - How To Slow Down Your Love Life
(00:25:02) - How To Control the Pace of Your Relationship
(00:29:48) - How To Manage Your Attachment Style
(00:30:56) - Podcast
Why Gay Men Are Talking About Heated Rivalry
29 janv. 2026
00:22:33
Gay Men Going Deeper has never done an episode about a TV show before. There’s a reason we did this one. Heated Rivalry isn’t just popular. It landed at a very specific cultural moment for gay men, and the response to it points to something bigger than whether people liked the plot.
In this off-the-cuff conversation, Michaeland Matt explore why this story resonated so strongly, what emotional needs it taps into, and why certain depictions of gay love, sex, courage, and intimacy feel especially potent right now.
This isn’t a recap or a review. It’s a conversation about why some stories carry more weight than others, and how paying attention to your reaction can become an opportunity to understand yourself more deeply.
(00:07:04) - Bait & Switch: The Gay Men's Episode 3
(00:10:53) - Pushing the Gay Culture
(00:12:53) - Coming Out: Gay People in the Closet
(00:13:36) - Matt Cooke on Coming Out In The Hockey League
(00:17:49) - The Gay Love Story
(00:21:06) - Neil Gaiman: The Book Review, Part 2
Will I Be Single Forever?
22 janv. 2026
00:49:05
It’s a question many gay men quietly carry… especially after heartbreak, disappointment, or years of trying.
In this episode of Gay Men Going Deeper, we put on our coach hats and unpack why this belief takes hold, how shame and self-protection can block love without us realizing it, and what actually helps us become more open to connection again.
This conversation isn’t about forcing positivity or dating tactics. It’s about understanding the patterns that keep us guarded, how we sabotage love unintentionally, and how to restore hope without lowering your standards or abandoning yourself.
In this episode, we explore:
Where the belief “I’ll be single forever” comes from
The most common blocks to love we see in gay men
How shame quietly shapes dating and relationships
The difference between protection and emotional availability
How to let love in while staying grounded, discerning, and self-respecting
If you want real connection but feel tired, guarded, or discouraged, this episode offers clarity, reassurance, and a grounded way forward.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Going Deeper
(00:00:34) - Gaming Gay Men's Brotherhood
(00:02:05) - Will I Be Single Forever?
(00:04:42) - Lack of role models for gay couples
(00:05:31) - Open Relationships
(00:06:19) - I'll Be Single 'Forever'
(00:12:48) - This 67-Year-Old Gay Man Found Love For the First
(00:14:47) - How To Get Out Of The Single Trap
(00:15:38) - Common Shame Blocks in Gay Men's Love Life
(00:22:07) - Gay Men Need To Heal Their Love Lives
(00:28:27) - Healing Your Shame For Dating & Relationships
(00:30:04) - How to Overcome the Blocks to Love
(00:33:26) - "My Protector Parts Are Slowly Breaking My Own Heart"
(00:36:53) - How to Love Yourself
(00:42:17) - How To Heal Your Heart From Heartbreak
(00:44:38) - Are You Ready for Your Relationship?
(00:45:58) - Gay Men's Brotherhood Podcast
How to Build Unshakeable Confidence
15 janv. 2026
00:53:43
This episode of Gay Men Going Deeper is less of a casual conversation and more of a confidence masterclass. One you’ll likely want to come back to again and again.
We break down what real, unshakeable confidence actually is (and what it isn’t). Not the loud, performative kind, but the grounded confidence that comes from self-trust, self-compassion, and emotional regulation.
We talk honestly about why confidence can feel harder for gay men, how minority stress and shame shape a harsh inner critic, and how we deal with setbacks. In this episode, we cover:
How confidence is built through action, discomfort, self-compassion
How shame and the inner critic quietly undermine self-trust
Whether “fake it till you make it” actually works… and where it falls apart
Why taking action builds confidence (and how inaction erodes it)
How self-compassion keeps confidence intact when things go wrong
What to do when confidence wobbles after rejection, embarrassment, or insecurity
If you’ve ever looked confident on the outside but felt shaky on the inside, this episode will help you understand why, and give you a clear, grounded path forward.
Save this one. It’s the kind of episode you’ll get something new from every time you listen.
(00:00:05) - Gay Men Going Deeper: How to Build Confidence
(00:01:05) - How to Build Unshakable Confidence
(00:04:35) - What Actually Build Unshakable Confidence?
(00:11:14) - How Do You Build Unshakable Self Confidence?
(00:15:18) - How to Build Confidence
(00:19:02) - Self-Compassion vs. Boastful
(00:20:16) - What helps you build confidence? Join our Connection Circles
(00:21:06) - Faking It Till It Actually Works
(00:24:55) - "Faking It" Has It Work For You?
(00:29:26) - Kinda Like Fake It Till You Make It
(00:33:30) - You Should Be More Frumpy On The Podcast
(00:33:48) - Gay Men: Unshakable Self Confidence
(00:34:53) - How To Deal With Confirmations
(00:39:15) - Reno on Being Confident
(00:41:55) - How Do You Deal With Confidence
(00:47:48) - Queens Talk About Self-Compassion
(00:52:33) - Gayman's Brotherhood: Connection Circle
Standards vs. Boundaries in Dating
08 janv. 2026
00:28:06
In this episode, we’re breaking down one of the biggest dating myths gay men love to repeat: “My standards are too high.” But sometimes the problem isn’t what you want, it’s what you allow.
We get into the real difference between standards and boundaries, why attraction wipes our memory clean, and how low boundaries quietly reveal your level of self-worth. If you’ve ever said you want emotional maturity but keep entertaining sexy chaos, this episode is going to sting a little (in a good way).
Some of the topics we cover in this episode are:
A clear explanation of standards vs boundaries (with examples)
Why our standards collapse the second a hot man gives you attention
How boundaries are actually a self-worth and self-respect practice
The “crumb diet” too many gay men settle for
Join us for this honest, relatable, and painfully accurate episode that might be the reset your dating life has been waiting for.
In this episode, Michael and Matt get personal about what we love about being single, how we knew we were ready to start dating again, and what we want to experience differently this time around. We talk about flirting on apps, dating in 2026, and all the messy, exciting parts of putting yourself back out there when you’re ready to mingle.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode are:
• Getting back into the dating world
• When your nervous system tries to hijack your dating life
• Red flags and green flags
• What we’re actually looking for in a man now (and how that has changed)
It’s cheeky, honest, and surprisingly insightful. If you’re single (or single-ish), you’ll feel right at home.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:05) - Gamin Going Deeper: Being Single & Ready To Mingle
(00:01:46) - What Is Single and Ready To Mingle?
(00:02:27) - What Do You Love About Being Single?
(00:05:02) - Mixed Messages on Dating and Singling
(00:06:02) - What's Your Favorite Stage Of A Relationship? The Honeymoon Phase
(00:10:22) - Matt on Conflicts In His Relationships
(00:12:06) - Single People Talk About The Best Things About Being Single
(00:16:13) - What I Need In A Good Relationship
(00:17:50) - What's The Non-Negotiable Item In A Relationship?
(00:20:43) - Gay Men's Brotherhood
(00:21:22) - When Are You Ready to Mingle?
(00:24:31) - Gay Men on Matching Apps
(00:28:26) - "Does It Mean I Attract a Polyamorous Partner?"
(00:31:49) - Are You Dating Gay People?
(00:33:28) - Gaiman's Going Deep: Relationships and Dating
(00:34:25) - What Would You Like To Experience The This Time Around?
(00:39:17) - What You Need To Know About Chasing
(00:43:10) - What I Want In A Relationship
(00:43:52) - Matt on His Sexual Life
(00:46:14) - I Should've Knew That My Best Friend Had Sex With Her
(00:49:28) - "That's Off-limits" For Gay People
(00:49:47) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: Connection Circle
When Attraction Fades
25 déc. 2025
00:24:47
Why does attraction fade… and what can we do about it? In this episode we get real about attraction in long-term relationships. The spark doesn’t always burn forever, and losing sexual interest doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. We talk about why attraction naturally shifts over time and how couples can ignite intimacy.
We explore:
Why attraction fades in relationships
The 4 types of intimacy (and why they matter)
Sexless marriages and normalizing libido changes
What erodes desire over time
How to bring spark, novelty, and connection back
Join us for a real conversation on attraction, intimacy, and what keeps the spark alive over time.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - When Attraction Fades in Gay Relationships
(00:04:24) - 4 Types of Intimate Relationship
(00:10:11) - How To Keep The Fire In Your Relationships
(00:15:06) - What Causes Attraction To Fizzle For You
(00:18:01) - How to Keep the Sex Fire Alive in Your Marriage
(00:21:21) - 3 Tips For Keeping Intimate Relationships Alive
(00:23:47) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: Sparking Your Love Life
What’s Really Sexy (and Nobody Talks About It)
18 déc. 2025
00:40:35
After unpacking our culture’s obsession with “perfect” bodies, this week we’re flipping the script. In this episode, we’re celebrating what’s actually hot: the things that don’t get enough love in the gay world. We’re talking dad bods, wrinkles, kindness, confidence, awkward charm, conversational skills, and all the real stuff that makes someone magnetic.
Some of the things we’re talking about:
How social media perpetuates social norms that don’t fit
The traits we find sexy that don’t get enough love
Stories of when we’ve fallen for people outside our type
The roles of dating apps in attraction and rejection
How our types have changed (and how they haven’t)
This is our love letter to all the guys out there who feel they aren’t sexy because they don’t fit the mold. It’s time to expand our definition of sexy and give some overdue appreciation where it’s due.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: What's Really Sexy?
(00:01:15) - How To Survive A Culture of Body Perfection
(00:03:42) - The Real Sexy, Unmarketed
(00:04:42) - Celebrating What's Real
(00:05:09) - What Is Something That You Think Is Sexy About Your Guy?
(00:06:02) - 5 Things That Make A Guy Sexy
(00:08:03) - What's The Sexiest Walk?
(00:08:55) - Michael's Signature Walk
(00:09:45) - Alexandra On Being Hot For Quirkies
(00:12:44) - People Compare Their Feet To Hands
(00:14:58) - What's The Non Physical Attraction Of Gay People?
(00:18:37) - Dad Bods and Big Nose
(00:21:23) - Oh, Lisps and Accents
(00:21:58) - Connection Circle
(00:22:58) - My Types Are Different
(00:27:06) - I Should've Swiped On Grindr Instead Of Dating
(00:31:10) - Are You My Type?
(00:34:44) - Matt Reno And Chris Hemsworth On Being Unorthodox
(00:37:34) - Michael Jackson On His Hotness
(00:39:37) - Thank You!!!
How to Thrive in the Culture of Body Perfection
11 déc. 2025
00:44:22
From the gym to social media, gay men are constantly surrounded by images of the “ideal” body. But what does all this perfection chasing actually cost us?
In this episode, we explore how body perfection culture impacts gay men on a deeper level: from belonging and self-worth to intimacy and identity.
We open up about our own journeys with body image— how we’ve moved from obsession to acceptance, where it still sneaks in today, and what we’ve learned along the way.
You’ll hear us unpack:
Why body image matters more for gay men
How fitness and self-worth often get mixed up
The difference between caring for your body and obsessing over it
How to stop letting your reflection decide your mood
Practical ways to reclaim confidence and self-respect
If you’ve ever felt like a “perfect” body will earn you love, attention, or belonging, this one’s for you.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gaiman Going Deep: The Culture of Body Perfection
(00:01:52) - How to Love Your Body (Without Perfection)
(00:05:50) - Does the Culture of Body Perfection Impact You?
(00:09:07) - The Help I Learned To Love My Body
(00:13:40) - What Do You Think You Need To Look To Be Attractive?
(00:16:08) - November 6: The Culture of Body Perfection
(00:16:55) - Letting Go Of Body Perfection
(00:22:08) - "Self-worth is not solely based on your body"
(00:24:42) - Body Positivity
(00:26:33) - What Have We Done To Mitigate Body Perfection Culture?
(00:30:41) - What Have I Done To Prevent Body Perfection Pressure?
(00:35:43) - Neil Gaiman on The Gay Brotherhood
(00:36:53) - The Hard Work of Being Gay
(00:37:30) - Gay People Go To the Gym
(00:41:27) - Gay culture's need for belonging
(00:43:13) - Gay Men's Brotherhood Podcast
Radical Honesty: Letting Yourself Be Known
04 déc. 2025
00:29:06
In this episode, we dive into what radical honesty really means- not the brutally blunt “telling it like it is” version, but the deeper, more vulnerable kind that lets you actually be known.
We explore why being honest is both terrifying and liberating, the subtle ways we still avoid it, and how honesty differs from harsh truth-telling. We share our own struggles with showing up honestly in dating, friendships, and community, and why the outcome isn’t always pretty… but is always worth it.
If honesty is one of your personal values (or you want it to be) this episode will give you plenty to reflect on. And if you’re enjoying these more relaxed, conversational episodes, let us know. We’ve been loving creating them.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Game & Going Deeper: The Gaiman Brothers Podcast
(00:00:26) - What is Radical HONOR?
(00:04:35) - Being Candid With My Partner
(00:06:25) - How To Talk About Jealousy In Relationships
(00:10:04) - Radical honesty can be a beautiful tool to heal intimacy
(00:14:36) - Radical Alignment: The Benefits of Real Love
(00:20:06) - Radical Honesty and the Relationship
(00:22:38) - What are some other things that you need to practice radical honesty in
(00:27:51) - Slices With Matt Maher
(00:28:20) - What's Hard for You to Share?
Twinks, Jocks, and Bears, Oh My! The Obsession with Gay Labels
27 nov. 2025
00:25:31
Today we’re diving into one of the most iconic (and hilarious) parts of gay culture: labels.
In this episode, we unpack why gay men are so obsessed with categories like “twink,” “daddy,” “masc,” “otter,” “guy next door,” and every micro-label in between… and how these identities shape the way we date, belong, and see ourselves.
We explore:
Why labels can feel empowering (and sometimes limiting)
How they create tribe, shorthand, and community
When they become boxes we get stuck in
How attraction, identity, and insecurity get wrapped into these roles
What happens when you “grow out” of a label or never fit one at all
It’s a fun, honest look at the ways we use labels to navigate gay life: where they help, where they fall short, and why they matter more than most of us want to admit.
If you enjoy these more conversational episodes, let us know… we’re trying something new.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: A Short Talk
(00:01:02) - What Gay Labels Do You Use?
(00:05:21) - Gay People Don't Like Labels
(00:08:40) - In the Gay Community's Elite Communities
(00:11:56) - Gay Men Let Go Of Their Identities
(00:17:07) - The Negative Connotations of Labels
(00:21:34) - Gay People Play With Their Identities
(00:24:54) - Spontaneous Conversation With The Gaiman's Brotherhood
The Slow Fade: When We Ghost Without Ghosting
20 nov. 2025
00:47:43
Today we’re talking about The Slow Fade: that slow, quiet drifting apart where the messages get shorter, the replies slower, and the energy shifts until one day…it’s just silence.
In this episode, we’re unpacking:
Why we quietly quit people instead of having real conversations
What’s actually happening beneath the surface for both sides — the Fader and the Fadee
Who deserves an explanation and who doesn’t
What can we do instead of fading away
If you’ve ever been on either side of The Slow Fade, this conversation will help you see what’s really going on underneath, and how to move through it with more clarity, courage, and integrity.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:05) - Gay Men Going Deeper: The Slow Fade
(00:01:12) - Why We're Always Ghosting
(00:01:53) - What Is The Slow Fade?
(00:03:17) - How To Deal With An Uncomfortable Relationship
(00:08:02) - What To Do About A faded Love Letter
(00:10:20) - What's The Slow Fade?
(00:14:06) - Gay Men Talk About Dating Apps
(00:15:05) - Matt on Slow Fade
(00:19:17) - In the Elevator With Real People
(00:20:38) - A Sense of Community With Neil Gaiman
(00:21:42) - The Fader and the Fade
(00:22:42) - The Signs That Someone Is Starting To Distance From You
(00:26:51) - When You're Not Enough, Do You Lash Out?
(00:28:44) - Fader: Being Honest With My Friends
(00:30:34) - The Slow Fade
(00:34:52) - Reno on His Heartbreak
(00:36:16) - Slow Fling
(00:37:44) - The Gay Men's Brotherhood
(00:41:30) - How to Deal With An Avoidant Partner
(00:45:32) - You Can't Force People To Tell You Things
(00:46:52) - Gaiman's Brotherhood
Nesting: Creating Platonic Spaces for Healing and Authentic Connection in the Gay Community
13 nov. 2025
00:48:11
What we want you to gain from this episode is the importance of non-sexualized, safe, and brave spaces for gay men to heal and grow together. By the end of this episode, you will be able to identify what a nest is, how you could benefit from one, and where to find or create one if you are interested in nesting.
The concepts and questions we explore in this episode are:
What is “nesting” and why is it important for gay men?
What moments in our lives require the need for nesting?
How do we know when we’re “nested” — or when we’re not?
What makes a nest truly safe?
How do you tend and protect a nest once it’s formed?
What could gay culture look like if nesting became normal?
(00:00:05) - Gaiman Going Deeper: The Need for Gay Sexual Spaces
(00:01:44) - The Nested Experience
(00:07:27) - The Neve of Gay Men
(00:10:48) - Are Gay Nests Sexual?
(00:17:38) - The Need for Self-Compassion
(00:23:32) - Exploring the Body in Gay Groups
(00:26:36) - Why are these spaces so important for gay and queer men?
(00:29:15) - How to help lone wolves
(00:31:51) - What Makes You Feel Like You're a Real Person?
(00:33:58) - What Makes Gay Men Feel Like They Deserve Their Love?
(00:39:06) - How to Connect with Others
(00:40:53) - Finding a nest
(00:44:34) - An offering to the sacred men
(00:46:52) - Let's Nest
How to Open Your Heart to Receive Love
06 nov. 2025
00:45:14
We all say we want love… but are we actually open to receiving it?
In this episode, we’re going deeper into what it really means to open your heart. From the subtle subconscious programming that keeps love at arm’s length to the sneaky ways we self-sabotage, we’re unpacking the hidden barriers that make intimacy feel unsafe (even when we crave it most).
You’ll learn:
Why receiving love can feel harder than giving it
How old conditioning teaches us to block love without realizing it
The difference between performing for love and allowing it in
Practical ways to build safety, self-trust, and openness in all forms of love—romantic, platonic, and self
If you find yourself pushing love away, deflecting compliments, or find yourself stuck in patterns that keep intimacy just out of reach—this one’s for you.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:02) - Gaiman Going Deeper: How to Open Your Heart to Love
(00:02:43) - The Secret to Feeling Love
(00:05:36) - When I Can't Receive Love
(00:10:25) - Navy Green and The Beauty of Technology
(00:10:41) - Why It's So Hard To Receive Love
(00:15:35) - What I'm Most Afraid Of
(00:18:18) - In What Ways Has It Been Difficult to Receive Love From
(00:19:33) - What Does It Look Like To Receive Love?
(00:23:04) - Letting Yourself Receive Love
(00:24:07) - Receiving Love From Others
(00:29:03) - How to Learn How to Receive Love
(00:30:35) - 5 Tips for Open Your Heart to Love
(00:34:51) - How to Open Your Heart to Love
(00:41:03) - Gay Men Talking About Love
(00:44:04) - Gayman's Brotherhood: Unpacking Love
Falling in Love With The Fantasy
30 oct. 2025
00:44:25
Some of us don’t fall in love with people, we fall in love with an idea of them. The story, the potential, the fantasy of the perfect boyfriend who finally makes everything click. But that idealized version of love often keeps us chasing what looks right instead of what feels real.
In this episode, Michael DiIorio and therapist, Michael Pezzullo, explore how fantasy, perfectionism, and external validation shape the way we love- and why chasing the ideal often keeps us from the real thing.
We’ll unpack:
What it looks like to fall in love with potential - and why we do it
How to tell the difference between healthy excitement and mental storytelling
How seeking the “perfect” partner keeps us single or dissatisfied
How to stop chasing the ideal and let love be more organic and human
Whether letting go of the fantasy means “settling for less”
If you’ve ever been in love with potential or the picture-perfect relationship, this conversation will help you come back to reality…where real connection actually happens.
(00:22:19) - What Are Some Standards That Gay People Have For Their Love Relationships
(00:27:09) - "And It's Proof To Who?"
(00:27:18) - Michael on Dating and Being Single
(00:32:08) - Michael: Don't Have A List Of Qualities For Dating
(00:34:41) - What Advice Would You Give Someone Who's Chasing Perfection
(00:40:05) - "The More Perfect My Relationship, the More Lovable I Am
(00:43:06) - How to Connect with People
(00:43:16) - Gaming Going Deeper: Falling In Love With The Fantasy
Joy Killers: How and Why We Sabotage Joy
23 oct. 2025
00:40:54
Why does joy feel so hard to hold onto? In this episode of Gay Men Going Deeper, we’re revealing the joy killers: those sneaky ways we sabotage happiness even when life is going well.
We explore:
The difference between chasing pleasure and cultivating joy
Foreboding joy (a.k.a. waiting for the other shoe to drop) and how it robs us of the present.
How trauma and disappointment condition us to expect loss
The role of protector parts and self-sabotage in keeping joy at arm’s length.
What we’re really trying to protect ourselves from when we don’t let joy all the way in.
By the end, you’ll see how internalized shame, fear, and control kill our joy- and how practicing gratitude, presence, and vulnerability can help us reclaim it.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: How and Why We Sabotage Our
(00:01:18) - Happy Life: Chasing Joy
(00:03:23) - Why Joy Is Hard
(00:04:59) - What is the biggest joy killer for you?
(00:06:57) - How To Stop Comparing Yourself With Others
(00:10:14) - Learning How to Deal With Criticism
(00:12:46) - Inside the Inner Critic
(00:14:31) - The Joy of the Game Men's Brotherhood
(00:15:39) - The 'Foreboding Joy' of Love
(00:20:06) - "Be Joy in Your 40s!"
(00:21:56) - How To Deal With The 'Other shoe To Drop'
(00:25:45) - How To Find Security and Stability Attractive
(00:28:31) - Healing Your Shame
(00:29:28) - What Are We Protecting From Joy?
(00:34:03) - Adam Levine on Being Vulnerable With People
(00:37:57) - "I Love You"
(00:38:20) - Beyond Fear: How to Love Yourself
(00:40:19) - Thank You!
Following Your Joy: A Special Solo Episode with Reno
16 oct. 2025
00:28:52
What would your day, your week, your next year, or even your life look like if you spent it following your joy? What if joy became your North Star? Your guiding light? Your compass?
What is in the way of you experiencing more joy in your life?
What if you could find joy in how you dress, what you eat, how you exercise, where you live, what you do for work, who you spend time with, and how you navigate your day to day life?
These, and more, are the questions we’ll cover in this intuitive and inspired conversation around following your joy.
True to form, you will be joining Reno on location at Sunset Beach, in beautiful Vancouver, British Columbia, where he followed his joy down to the beach where he fell in love with Vancouver, so that he could not just talk about following your joy, but embody it.
Note: You may occasionally hear some fun background noise, which actually becomes part of the conversation, so you’ll want to keep listening.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:01) - The Gay Men Going Deeper: Joy
(00:05:14) - What have you noticed in your life gets in the way of enjoyment
(00:11:35) - When You're Living Life in Joy
(00:14:34) - Follow Your Joy in Life
(00:19:21) - What Precedes Joy?
(00:21:20) - Coming into the Place of Joy
(00:26:56) - What Does Following Your Joy Look Like For You?
How to Find More Joy in Your Life
09 oct. 2025
00:47:02
Joy isn’t just fireworks and big milestones; it’s in the ordinary, everyday moments we often overlook. Yet for many of us, joy feels slippery and hard to find.
In this episode of Gay Men Going Deeper, we’re diving into what joy really feels like, how it shifts as we evolve and age, and why it’s less about chasing highs and more about cultivating presence.
We’ll explore:
The difference between joy and pleasure (and why we confuse them)
Joy-givers vs. joy-suckers (and how to spot yours)
The role of play, laughter, and lightheartedness in a joyful life
How to deepen your relationship with joy in your next chapter
Why joy is a skill you can practice, not just a mood you stumble into
If you’re ready to move beyond quick fixes and start building a life that feels nourishing, playful, and deeply fulfilling, this conversation is for you.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deeper: How to Find More Joy In Your
(00:01:44) - How to Find More Joy in Your Life
(00:03:56) - What Joy Is and What Joy Isn't
(00:07:53) - What brings you joy in life?
(00:12:20) - A Dharma Walk for the Soul
(00:14:29) - How I'm Starting to Feel Joy Again
(00:18:06) - What Does Joy Feel Like For You?
(00:19:11) - How to Develop a Relationship with Joy in the Next Chapter of Your
(00:22:30) - What about that brings you joy?
(00:27:15) - How to Prioritize Presence Over Productivity at 40
(00:31:44) - What can bring you joy in your life?
(00:33:04) - How to Find More Joy in Your Life
(00:34:31) - Matt Has A List of Joy
(00:37:21) - How to Find Joy in the Present
(00:38:21) - "Joy Can Be Vulnerable For Men"
(00:39:17) - How to Laugh at Your Inner Critic
(00:40:27) - How to Find More Joy in Your Life
(00:43:24) - Making Play a Priority
(00:45:36) - Welcome More Joy Into Your Life
(00:46:20) - Gaimans Brotherhood: Going Deep
Perfectionism, Pressure, and the Gay Overachiever
02 oct. 2025
01:05:48
You know the type — ambitious, perfectionistic, and always striving to do more and be more… yet secretly fuelled by pressure, anxiety, and fear.
In this episode, Michael is joined by special guest Scott Stirrett as they share their own stories of hustling for achievement and how they’ve learned to stay ambitious without destroying themselves in the process. Together, they unpack how perfectionism, internalized shame, and the need for external validation can be ways we attempt to outrun our insecurities — and pivot toward ambition that’s healthy, sustainable, and soul-driven.
Topics covered in this episode:
Why gay men are uniquely wired for overachievement
How perfectionism shows up in covert and overt ways
How adversity can build anti-fragility and real confidence
The difference between healthy ambition vs shame-fuelled hustle
Learning to slow down without feeling lazy, guilty, or like you’re falling behind
Rewiring your motivation so it feeds you instead of drains you
By the end of this episode, you’ll be inspired to pursue success in a way that keeps you driven and impactful — without burning yourself out — and to start measuring your worth from the inside out.
Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deeper: Overachieving Gays
(00:01:39) - How I Became A Perfect Male Athlete: The Shame
(00:08:11) - Scott on Struggles With Self-Valuation
(00:13:35) - The Need For External Validation In Gay Men
(00:19:17) - How to Get Out of Gay Workplaces
(00:21:52) - Gay Men: The Importance of Internal Validation
(00:25:30) - The Gay Men's Brotherhood
(00:26:34) - What Does Healthy Willing Look Like vs Perfectionism?
(00:31:22) - Coming Out: Don't Be Afraid of Failure
(00:36:57) - Mental Health Support for Men
(00:40:20) - Self-Motivation and the Uncertainty Advantage
(00:42:47) - What's Your Tipping Point?
(00:43:48) - Michael Jackson on His End
(00:44:24) - Healthy Work Life Balance
(00:46:47) - Michael Buble Reveals His Personal Values
(00:50:52) - How to Say No to Stuff
(00:57:00) - Developing self-efficacy through challenging times
(00:59:06) - Gabor Mate on Gay Men's Trauma
(01:03:40) - Scott Courteney on The Uncertainty Advantage
Radical Acceptance: Grief’s Final Lesson
25 sept. 2025
00:34:54
In this final installment of our 4-part series on grief, we explore the powerful practice of Radical Acceptance—what it means, why it’s so difficult, and how it becomes the turning point in your healing journey.
Whether you're grieving the person you used to be, mourning a friendship that faded, or facing the slow heartbreak of watching your parents age, grief often leaves us wrestling with reality. Radical acceptance is what allows us to stop fighting what is, and start living again with peace, presence, and purpose.
Topics we explore in this episode include:
What radical acceptance really means (and why it’s radical)
How it differs from giving up, resignation, or bypassing
Why acceptance is often the hardest part of grief
The role of faith and inner trust when you’re still hurting
Personal stories of surrender, softness, and finding peace
How to move forward when closure isn’t coming
This episode offers a hopeful, grounded perspective for anyone still sitting with loss, longing, or unanswered questions.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Going Deeper: Radical Acceptance
(00:01:08) - How to Deal With Grief
(00:04:57) - The Radical Acceptance of Suffering
(00:07:38) - Coming to Acceptance of Chronic Pain
(00:11:24) - Accepting One's Gay Identity
(00:15:41) - Do You Think Your Sexuality Is Introspective?
(00:17:46) - The Radical Acceptance of Gay People
(00:18:32) - Radical Acceptance in the Gay Men's Brotherhood
(00:19:31) - What helps you move into Acceptance while you're still hurting?
(00:22:47) - The 7 Stages of Grief
(00:26:31) - Grieving the Loss of a Friend
(00:27:21) - What is Surrender and Acceptance?
(00:30:56) - 5 of My Favorite Coping Statements
(00:32:48) - What final tips do you have for people?
(00:33:09) - A Taste of Grief
Aging Parents and Pre-Grief
18 sept. 2025
00:46:14
As our parents get older, many of us are faced with a new kind of grief- the quiet, ongoing loss that comes not from death, but from watching the people who once raised us begin to slow down and need us in ways they never did before.
In this deeply personal episode, we open up about the emotional complexity of witnessing our parents age. From role reversals and unresolved wounds, to meaningful moments and surprising lessons, we reflect on how our relationships with our parents evolve, and how it stirs up questions of our own mortality.
We explore:
The quiet grief of losing parts of who they were
The guilt, tenderness, and sometimes resentment of becoming the caretaker
How aging parents trigger our own fears about time, mortality, and purpose
Ways to heal, connect, and make meaningful memories before it’s too late
This is an episode for anyone navigating that in-between space—where love, loss, and legacy all live at once.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Going Deeper: The Grief of Watching Your Parents Age
(00:02:05) - As Your Parents Age, Do You Grieve?
(00:04:06) - What Comes Up For You When You Think About Your Parents Aging?
(00:08:28) - On How Close Is Your Parents With You?
(00:09:43) - One Empath's Thoughts On Her Parents' Aging
(00:13:23) - Who's To Be My Caregiver When My Parents Die?
(00:16:10) - How Has Your Relationship With Your Parents Changed As They Get Older?
(00:18:38) - Queens Talk About Being a Parent's Caregiver
(00:22:32) - How's My Relationship With My Parents Changed As They've Get Older
(00:24:51) - How To Develop a Better Relationship With Your Parents
(00:26:18) - What Lessons Are You Learning From Watching Your Parents Age?
(00:30:07) - What Lessons Are You Learning From Watching Your Parents Age?
(00:33:47) - What's The Age Difference With Your Parents
(00:34:40) - How To Make Meaningful Memories With Your Parents As They Age
(00:39:10) - How Do You Want Your Parents To Remember You?
(00:42:09) - The Importance of Celebrating Lives
(00:44:41) - Gay Men's Brotherhood
Grieving Relationships
11 sept. 2025
00:49:32
Not all grief is about death. Sometimes, the hardest losses are the people (or pets) who are still alive—but no longer in our lives.
In this episode, we’re talking about the heartbreak of losing relationships: romantic breakups, friendship fallouts, and the deep sadness that comes with saying goodbye to a beloved pet. We explore how grief shows up emotionally, mentally, and even physically—and the unique challenges of letting go of someone who once meant everything to you.
Together, we share personal experiences of:
The stages of grief
Grieving people who are still alive
Letting go of “what could’ve been”
Healing after a breakup
Losing chosen family or long-time friends
Learning how to let go without lingering
This conversation shines a light on the many ways we experience loss and how to move through the grief with compassion, courage, and clarity.
Grief isn’t just about death—it’s also about the quiet losses we carry as we grow and evolve. In this episode, we’re kicking off a 4-part series on grief by exploring what it means to grieve your past.
Whether it’s a version of yourself that felt more confident, more desirable, or more socially “relevant,” we often feel a deep emotional pull toward who we used to be. From aging and identity shifts to the grief of letting go of our dreams, we’re diving into the invisible grief that comes with change.
We discuss:
What grieving your past looks like
How grief can show up as you grow and evolve
Letting go of your youth, body, or social capital as a gay man
The bittersweet nostalgia of past chapters—even ones you chose to leave behind
How to know when it’s time to move on, and how to do it with self-compassion
This conversation is about honoring who you were while embracing who you’re becoming.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
How to Put Yourself Out There
28 août 2025
00:56:31
Most of us want to be seen, heard, and understood, but the fear of judgment can stop us from doing so. Whether it’s being more social, speaking your feelings, or sharing creative work, putting yourself out there can feel risky, especially when we’ve been conditioned to play it safe due to past hurt or rejection.
In this episode, we’re sharing:
Our personal journeys from shy and self-conscious to being more visible
The fears that held us back, and sometimes still do
How we want to be perceived vs. showing up authentically
What helps us keep showing up, even when it’s uncomfortable
If you’ve ever held back because you’re scared of what people might think, this episode is for you.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
The Problem With Self-Love
21 août 2025
00:35:11
We all know self-love is important, but what happens when it goes too far in the wrong direction?
In this episode, Michael DiIorio is joined by therapist Michael Pezzullo for an honest conversation about the shadow side of self-love. Together, they explore:
The difference between self-comforting and self-coddling
How emotional sensitivity can become emotional fragility
Why self-bulldozing is just as harmful as avoidance
The four zones of the Self-Love Spectrum
How trauma impacts the way we “love” ourselves
How to tell if you're truly healing…or just hiding.
You’ll learn about the Self-Love Spectrum, the signs of self-coddling and self-bulldozing, and how to practice a more empowering, growth-oriented version of self-love- without abandoning your need for care and compassion.
Join us for an episode that will help you get honest about how you love yourself, and what real self-love actually looks like.
Some of us didn’t choose to become lone wolves—we were shaped into them. Many gay men have learned to rely only on themselves, and while that self-sufficiency can feel empowering, it often comes at the cost of connection and intimacy.
In this personal and vulnerable episode, Michael and Matt open up about their own lone wolf energy—where it comes from, how it’s served them, and the moments when it became more isolating than empowering.
Together, we’re unpacking:
The origin stories of our lone wolf instincts
The protective thoughts that sound strong but hide deeper wounds
What makes us want to cut people off—and what’s really underneath that urge
How this energy shows up in dating and relationships
And how to honour your need for space without shutting people out
Whether you identify as a lone wolf or love someone who does, this episode will help you navigate the delicate balance between fierce independence and meaningful connection.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
Why Do I Keep Attracting Unavailable Men?
07 août 2025
00:58:27
In this episode, Matt speaks with queer relationship coach Lonay Halloum about why we attract unavailable men. This episode will provide you with a deeper understanding of your relationship patterns and why you might be attracting unavailable men. This episode was inspired by a deep desire to help you heal the subconscious programs that lead to self-abandonment so you can end this exhausting cycle and finally attract available men.
The concepts and questions we explore in this episode are:
Matt and Lonay both share their stories about attracting unavailable men
Why do we attract unavailable men?
How do attachment styles play a role?
What is the subconscious mind, and how does it contribute to this?
How can we work with the subconscious mind to heal?
How does low self-worth play a role in this?
How can we break this cycle and start to attract available men?