Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes – Détails, épisodes et analyse

I’ve never been a big drinker. In my early twenties, I remember having to stand up for myself to be included during drinking games, even though I was drinking water.

But at a recent gathering we hosted, I realized there were actually MORE non-drinkers than drinkers present. Making non-alcoholic options (and non-alcoholic activities) a normal part of our get-togethers has certainly been an evolution, and I’m grateful for it.

There are lots of reasons people don’t drink. Maybe it’s due to health reasons or childhood trauma regarding alcohol; maybe they’re in recovery, they have responsibilities, or they just don’t feel like it. Today’s episode is about starting conversations about friends’ boundaries regarding alcohol so hangouts can fit those preferences.

If you want to drink less or if alcohol is a trigger for you, I hope you take this episode as encouragement to talk with friends about it. Personally, I’ve found gatherings that don’t revolve around alcohol to be not only more inclusive, but also more creative and fun.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why I’ve never been a big drinker, and how my health has led me to stop consuming alcohol entirely
• Conversations about understanding friends’ boundaries with alcohol and the importance in not making it a big deal
• Different non-alcoholic activities: workout classes! Walks! Going for drives! Running errands! Etc.
• Building shared experience roots through new activities, which also makes friendships more resilient and comfortable

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 12 about emotional intimacy roots.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Ninety-four percent of people have experienced more than one friendship break-up.

Let that sink in. Nearly EVERYONE listening has been through this heartbreak multiple times – and yet, we barely even talk about it as a society! 

This statistic comes from a survey conducted by today’s guest, Meenadchi, a somatic healing practitioner, communications expert, author of Decolonization Non-Violent Communication, and TEDx Talk presenter about her own friendship break-up.

This is a conversation about the losses we don't have scripts for and why that makes the healing so much harder. We share deeply about our own experiences, we talk about Meenadchi’s research, and we dive into the grief of friendship break-ups.

I hope this conversation gives you some of what I felt during this conversation – that you are not alone in this experience. The pain of friendship break-ups is real. Give yourself the space you need to grieve.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Meenadchi’s upbringing in a Sri Lankan immigrant community, where friendships are highly valued
• Her long-term friendship that ended at age 36 and her subsequent fascination with friendship breakups
• The vulnerability and intimacy shared in childhood friendships and the impact of losing such relationships
• The concept of a "line in the sand" for setting boundaries and moving forward in relationships; when do boundaries work, and when can friendships be repaired?
• The importance of community interconnectedness in healing from friendship breakups (plus, healing strategies, from letter-writing to the internet)

Resources & Links

Visit Meenadchi’s website, see her TEDx Talk, and follow her on Instagram.

In this episode I mentioned All About Love by Bell Hooks.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever felt like everyone but you received some kind of friend-making manual?

Today’s guest, Lee Hopkins, is a social connections and business culture coach and CEO of Patterns of Possibility – but his journey to this work started with his own decades-long struggle. 

In this episode, Lee shares about navigating friendship after recently learning that he has autism, and how this revelation has impacted his relationships with friends, family, and ultimately, his way of life. 

Lee says what’s made all the difference for him in this journey of self-discovery has been boundaries, conscious conversations, and knowing himself. Once he stopped trying to fit into relationships that required him to mask who he was, it opened him up to the kinds of connection that actually nourished him. 

If you're feeling stuck in surface level relationships or tired of feeling like you're always performing to be accepted, then maybe it's time to get curious about what authentic connection looks like for you. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Lee’s life-long struggle with making friends and how he discovered he had autism later in life through TikTok
• Common misconceptions about autism and how this diagnosis impacted how he communicated with the people around him
• The importance in understanding the communication gap between neurodivergent and neurotypical people
• Mentors, intentional conversations, and why we all need to stop comparing our relationships with other people’s

Resources & Links

Listen to other episodes about being a neurodivergent person looking for connection: Episode 40 and Episode 54. 

Follow Coach Lee on Instagram, on his website, listen to his podcast, and see his free resource.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD. I didn’t know it at the time, but ADHD was affecting so many areas of my life, including my friendships.

Navigating friendships with a neurodiverse brain is tricky. I talked about it in Episode 40, and here we delve into the topic again with today’s guest, Charlotte Dover, an ADHD life coach who supports late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed ADHD women.

Charlotte herself was diagnosed with ADHD at age 36 and has spent the past two and a half years learning about it from a personal perspective.

Listening back to this episode makes me emotional, but I think there’s power in putting this stuff out there. Hopefully today’s episode will create more understanding for the neurotypical people out there and help the neurodivergent listeners feel less alone.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Charlotte’s work with women who have ADHD and her personal journey of learning about her own diagnosis later in life
• The traits and tendencies that can make friendship for people with ADHD very difficult and how Charlotte and Alex combat some of these obstacles
• Common thought patterns (and thought spirals) for people with ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dyasphoria
• “Regulating” ourselves for our neurotypical friends – which might sometimes feel necessary but can also be hard work that keeps us from important experiences
• Loneliness – the definition of it and the importance of rethinking what we actually want out of our friendships (which might not always be a big birthday party!)
• How a new neurodivergent diagnosis can be like bringing a new person into the equation

Resources & Links

Charlotte Dover is an ADHD coach – follow her on Instagram, reach out to her via her website, and listen to her podcast, This Beautiful Chaos.

Tune in to Episode 40: Strawberry Friends: Forming Supportive Friendships While Neurodivergent

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

This week, the Friendship IRL podcast turns a year old. One whole year!

I launched this podcast knowing this was an important topic, but the more work I do, the more I think it’s such a fundamental thing we don’t talk enough about. People have told me this podcast makes them feel seen, which makes me so happy.

But here’s the thing: I cannot do this alone. The only way we make an impact is by people listening, reflecting, and by then making small changes in their own lives. Then, we create a ripple effect, making the social fabric out there a little tighter.

Today I’m talking about why I need you to care about friendship. For me, friendship is foundational, since I didn’t have a strong support system growing up. Here, I go a little deeper into my story.

If this is your first time listening to the podcast, or if you’ve been here for the very beginning: thank you. I’m really excited to dive in on year two.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• A year with Friendship IRL: we’ve covered loneliness, different types of friendships, societal problems that friendship/connection impacts, lived experiences and more
• My story, growing up in an unpredictable household with substance abuse present – and why friendship isn’t just “nice to have,” but foundational for so many 
• How I relied on my friends, friends’ parents, coaches, neighbors, and people around me to learn how to get out of this and not be in survival mode anymore
• How I got  creative when I couldn’t find that “all consuming” support system and built a broader support system for myself on instinct made up mostly of friends
• Reasons to care about friendship: for the people who are rock bottom, but also for the people who need support in more simple ways
• The phrase “I’m fine, it’s fine, everything’s fine,” and the relief you can feel when you finally get the thing you need

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Last March, Erin Woodruff was walking through her neighborhood with her two-year-old daughter. It had been a long winter and it felt like spring would never come.

During the walk, Erin began wondering about her neighbors. Many were also moms of young children. Were they also depressed and tired of the cold weather? She wished she knew them better. So, she created a means to do so.

The next week, she hosted a “Favorite Things” party, a low-barrier gathering that had big effects. So much of the language regarding new friendships is about “joining” or “finding,” but here, Erin created her opportunity to get to know her neighbors better.

I was an event-planner for more than a decade, and I love helping people figure out how to pull off impactful, meaningful gatherings. In this episode, Erin and I talk in-depth about not only how to pull off an intentional neighborhood gathering, but why they’re so important.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Erin’s work as a communications coach and her resolution to make more friends that live close to her after a mid-pandemic move
• The Favorite Things party – the inspiration, the details, how she prepared for it, the intentions behind it, and why the format works well with new acquaintances
• How and why you sometimes want to keep things simple at gatherings – plus, how throwing a gathering like this creates more connection opportunities for the future
• Decision fatigue and the mantra Erin learned from her mother about focusing not on who didn’t come, but instead, at who did
• Creating intentional gatherings – thinking about what your goal is in a gathering and creating an environment in which you can reach that goal

Resources & Links

Want to throw a Favorite Things party? Here are Erin’s tips. Learn more about Erin’s coaching business and check out her podcast, the Time For You Podcast.

Want to learn more about intentional gatherings? Check out The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

What does it take for a friendship to be a constant in your life for two decades?

That’s what we’re talking about with today’s guest, Elise Enriquez, a productivity coach who gives us a behind-the-scenes look at her friendship with Andrea, which she says is one of the most meaningful relationships in her life.

Elise tells us about how she and Andrea became friends, how they built the friendship, how they stayed connected through life’s big transitions, and how they fill the time between the “bright light” moments of their friendship.

They provide so many tangible examples of how they keep in touch. A lot of the time, that’s where the magic is – in the small, simple ways we show up for each other, those mundane details that can make the biggest impact.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Elise and Andrea’s friendship: how they met, how they became close, and how they navigated through some major life changes, from divorces and kids to new marriages
• Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in friendships, which gives other people an opportunity to really see us
• “Doing life” with our friends – debriefing in real time or spending time with them – instead of spending our time together doing catch-up
• Bright light moments in friendship, the darkness between them, and the everyday touchpoints that can fill that darkness
• Creating more “roots” or strands in your friendship that make it easier to keep connections active, from a regular activity or shared interest

Resources & Links

Learn more about Elise and follow her on Instagram!

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Today’s episode is with Terri Huggins Hart, an award-winning journalist who has written for Parents, Good Housekeeping, and other major publications all over the country.

Back in 2015, she wrote an article on her blog, “What Everyone Ought to Know About Never Having a Best Friend,” that went viral. Turns out, many readers also related to never having had a best friend.

If you’ve been listening to this podcast, then you probably know I don’t like the term “best friend.” It’s too all-encompassing, and it’s too much pressure for one relationship.

Here, Terri and I talk about rewiring how we think of our closest relationships, the lack of language for friendship, and how the most important thing is creating connections that feel good to us – regardless of how society says they’re supposed to look.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The lack of language for friendships and the space between “best friend, “friend” and “acquaintance”
• Thinking about friendships in terms of how we think about physical care – there is no “one-size-fits-all” – you don’t want your dentist tending to your gynecological needs
• The wellness culture and the narrow definition of what makes somebody “well” or “fit” or “healthy,” and how it often leaves out marginalized or neurodivergent populations
• Things that are often simpler than they seem – and how it’s often us who make them more complicated than they need to be
• Why many people don’t want to talk about best friends – both because they feel ashamed and because they don’t want their own friends to feel slighted

Resources & Links

Be sure to read the viral article on Terri’s blog from 2015, “What Everyone Ought to Know About Never Having a Best Friend.”

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

If you’re getting out there and meeting new people, there’s no getting around the fact that you’re going to have to do some small talk.

I don’t think I’ve met a single person who’s told me they truly enjoy small talk. Many go to extreme lengths to avoid it. One reason people despise it? It’s Ground Zero. Our brains are wired for familiarity and certainty. Small talk is neither.

But as with most things, the more you do it, the better you get at it. I dread small talk, and I’m an extrovert – but over time, I’ve built that muscle and developed a few tricks I hope you find useful.

So that’s what today’s episode is all about. Small talk: what it is, why it’s necessary, and how to get through it fast, effectively and curiously so that you can get to those deeper and, frankly, more interesting conversations.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Small talk – what it is, who it’s with, what it’s about, and why it often feels uncomfortable
• Looking at small talk in relation to working out (it’s a warm-up) or a long run (it takes a few miles before getting to the runner’s high/deeper conversations)
• Ways to make small talk feel less awkward – for example, just being honest and acknowledging the awkwardness!
• Questions to ask yourself before going into a gathering that will involve small talk such as, why am I here? What will make this gathering a success for me?
• Finding common threads, ripping the band-aid off, and using low-priority topics as building blocks for high-priority ones
• Setting yourself up for success in small talk (and setting other people up for success, too) – plus, how to get OUT of small talk

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Moving somewhere new? Here’s some advice from today’s guest: Get stuff on your walls.

Michele Reichman is a personal trainer, health coach, mom, and, most pertinent to today’s conversation, a military spouse. Often, her family doesn’t know how long they’ll be in a place, so when they get there, they waste no time turning it into their home.

Creating community is her way of doing that, and today, we discuss actionable ways she does this, from joining local groups to using social media as a tool.

Because for Michele, it’s not even that community and friendship are NICE to have – it’s a necessity for her and her family.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How sometimes it can feel awkward asking somebody to do something with you – and how to get over that awkwardness
• The Liking Gap (which you can learn about in Episode 41) about how we assume people find interactions with us less enjoyable than they actually do
• Modeling friendship for the next generation, and the tips Michele gave her daughter about inviting a friend to hang out
• Getting stuff up on the wall – i.e., taking action on things fast, from saying that first “hello” at a party to joining local groups/events/meet-ups, especially after a move
• How Michele found people in her new home with similar interests/ideals, from hosting a boot camp and joining a church to using the “search” tab on social media
• The different kinds of relationships you can form with people in a new community – for example, Michele’s old neighbors were like second grandparents to her kids

Resources & Links

Michele can be found on her website and on Instagram.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.