Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast Foster Parent Well
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Titre
Date
Durée
The Impact of Saying Yes with Judy Wright
09 Sep 2026
00:46:47
“Would you please hold her until she dies?” That question stopped us in our tracks, and it’s where Judy Wright’s story begins. Judy and her husband foster for 12 years, welcome 55 babies, and think they’ve seen it all, until a two-month-old leaves the NICU weighing four pounds with intense medical needs and an uncertain future. What follows is a raw look at medically fragile foster care, where love and skill have to grow side by side, sometimes on no sleep and with a lot of fear.
We walk through what it actually takes to bring a fragile infant home: learning monitors, preparing for CPR, doing glucometer checks, and giving insulin injections to a tiny baby. Judy also shares the emotional side that foster parents don’t always say out loud, the tension of nurturing attachment while also doing painful but necessary care, and the steady faith that carries her through the hardest nights.
Then the story turns into a masterclass in foster parent advocacy. Judy notices patterns others dismiss, pushes for donated breast milk, finds a pediatrician willing to think outside the box, and watches dramatic changes unfold. The medical mystery deepens with a discovery that reshapes everything: Jaden is born with no pancreas. We also talk about trauma-informed care, medical trauma in the NICU, and why foster and adoptive parents often become the most accurate experts on a child’s “normal.”
We end with permanency, adoption transition, and what it looks like when adults choose the child’s best interest over their own comfort. If you’ve ever wondered whether you could handle a high-needs placement, or you’re in the thick of it right now, this conversation will give you language, courage, and hope. Subscribe, share with a foster parent friend, and leave a review to help more families find this support. What’s one area where you need courage to advocate today?
JUDY WRIGHT:
Alongside her late husband, John, Judy Wright fostered fifty-five children over twelve years, many of them medically fragile. Their home became a place where readiness was ordinary: bassinets carried up in the night, doctor visits folded into the week, and children held without any promise of what would happen next.
The work brought her inside hospitals, courtrooms, case plans, and the daily realities of caring for children whose lives were already marked by instability, medical trauma, and loss. In 2012, she and John were named Michigan Foster Parents of the Year by the Michigan Supreme Court.
She did not set out to become a writer. She became one because some things she witnessed could not go unwritten. Just Hold Her drawn from the spiral notebooks she kept during one child’s long medical vigil, is her debut memoir.
The memoir came later. The work of staying came first.
Judy speaks to foster, medical, and faith-aware communities about presence, caregiving, and the courage required to remain available.
Early Childhood Development For Foster And Adoptive Families with Dr. Trevor Carlson
27 Aug 2026
00:36:47
We talk with foster parent and pediatric physical therapist Dr. Trevor Carlson about why early childhood development still affects our kids long after infancy. We walk through practical milestone windows, red flags, and simple ways we can help our kids build skills with hope and clarity. • Why missed early milestones can show up later in regulation and connection • When to talk with the pediatrician and ask about early intervention • How to describe concerns when we do not have a full history • Gross motor milestones to watch from rolling to walking • Why crawling varies and what it can support later • How prenatal drug exposure can affect brain arousal and sleep • The difference between physical therapy and occupational therapy • Clues that suggest a neurological issue, including asymmetry • Why parent education and everyday play drive progress • Where to find Dr. Carlson’s book, blog, email, and milestone checklist Would you just take a minute to leave a review wherever you listen?
Baby Movement Milestones: A Simple Guide for Foster Parents to my website.
How Foster And Adoptive Parents Can Advocate in the School with Jennifer Jolly
20 Aug 2026
01:18:22
We talk through what it really takes to advocate for foster and adoptive kids at school without turning every meeting into a battle. We share a trauma-informed lens for reading behavior, partnering with teachers, and building plans that support nervous systems instead of rewarding or punishing survival responses. • why back-to-school transitions hit trauma-impacted kids harder • Jennifer’s adoption story and how TBRI reshaped her parenting and school work • the Four Rs of trauma-informed care and what “trauma-told” looks like • why systems protect systems and how teacher constraints affect support • fight flight freeze fawn fib as stress signals, not character flaws • why home and school can see different behaviors from the same child • co-regulation ideas to share with school staff and what to ask for • scaffolding safe alternatives for unsafe behaviors without being permissive • how progress often shows up as proximity frequency duration before intensity • compassion fatigue in both parents and educators and how gratitude helps
Before we go, make sure you check the show notes for all the links that Jennifer mentioned today.
And hey, if you missed last week's episode on transition, go back and give it a listen.
Smoother Transitions For Foster and Adoptive Kids with Dr. Brandy-Lea McCombs
12 Aug 2026
00:50:35
The fastest way to turn a peaceful day into chaos is a simple transition: shoes on, screens off, cleanup time, bedtime. For foster parents and adoptive families, those small pivots can hit like a tidal wave, and it’s easy to wonder why a child who seems “fine” suddenly spirals. We’re opening season four with a practical, hope-filled conversation on transitions and why trauma makes change feel so hard.
Dr. Brandy-Lea McCombs joins us with deep experience in education and trauma strategies, plus her own perspective as an adoptive mom. Together, we unpack what’s happening in the brain during transitions, including executive function demands and the role of the prefrontal cortex when kids have lived through stress, chaos, and loss of control. We also talk honestly about holidays, moves, school routines, and the long arc of growing up when a child’s developmental age doesn’t match the number on their birthday.
You’ll walk away with concrete, trauma-informed parenting tools you can use right away: pre-talk that doesn’t overwhelm, side-by-side “walk and talk” conversations, visual supports like calendars and checklists, countdowns and timers that build trust, predictable routines, color coding, and night-before prep to make mornings calmer. We also explore how to slowly scaffold independence without stripping away the supports that help kids succeed, and how faith can live alongside science when we’re setting expectations for obedience and regulation.
If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who needs steadier days, and leave a review so more families can find this support.
An Honest Guide To Foster Parenting with Dr. John DeGarmo and Jen Lilley
13 May 2026
00:44:27
Foster care is one of those topics people say they care about until the details feel too heavy. That’s exactly why I wanted this conversation with Dr. John DeGarmo and Jen Lilley to be unfiltered, practical, and full of hope, because foster parenting is hard, kids in care are real, and vague inspiration is not enough when a placement call comes at 10:30 at night. John brings decades of foster care advocacy and training, and Jen brings the raw, lived experience of fostering and adoption while raising kids and using her public platform to shine a light on child welfare.
We talk about their book, Call to Foster: An Honest Guide to Getting Started, and who it’s for: the person quietly wondering “Could I do this?”, the foster parent on the edge of burnout, and the social worker who needs a resource that tells the truth without scaring good people away. We name the myths that hurt families, especially the “you must be a superhero” narrative, and why it can pile on shame when you’re already stretched thin. We also dig into why awareness equals advocacy, how trauma impacts kids for years, and why this work deserves urgency in every community.
Faith is woven through the conversation in a way that stays honest about suffering and big emotions. We share what foster care has taught us about control, surrender, resilience, and finding support that actually helps. If you’re considering fostering, already in the trenches, or looking for a concrete way to support foster families, you’ll walk away with language, perspective, and next steps you can use today. Subscribe for more real foster care conversations, share this with a friend, and leave a review telling us what stood out to you.
The hardest seasons are the ones we want to hide, and they are often the ones other foster parents most need to hear about. We are coming to you from the messy middle, where trauma meets puberty, where kitchens are loud, and where you can love the people under your roof with your whole life and still feel like you have nothing left to give. If you have ever thought, “I cannot encourage anyone right now because I am barely surviving,” this conversation is for you.
May is National Foster Care Awareness Month, and we wrestle with a real question: how do we recruit, advocate, and invite others in without selling a highlight reel? Polished foster care advocacy can isolate families who are struggling and can give future foster parents unrealistic expectations. We talk about a faith-filled “both and” framework: foster care is hard and holy, grief and gift, exhausting and sacred. We also name the reality underneath adoption and reunification, and why telling the truth can actually build trust and reduce shame.
You will leave with practical, trauma-informed ways to advocate without oversharing: tell one true thing, reframe the ask so people can support through respite care, meal trains, rides, tutoring, mentoring, court advocacy, and donations, and invite questions instead of applause. We also get honest about sustainability, because rest is advocacy, and a burned-out foster parent is not a recruiter. If you are considering fostering, we share the clearest counsel we know: expect cost, expect Jesus, and do not do it alone.
Subscribe to the Foster Parent Well Podcast, share this with one person who needs it, and if it helped, leave a review so more foster, kinship, and adoptive families can find steady support.
Five Common Parenting Messages That Do Not Fit Foster And Adoptive Homes
18 Mar 2026
00:25:53
Five parenting “truths” get repeated so often they start to sound like gospel: let them be bored, they should sit through church, eat what I make, obey right away, and don’t worry because kids are resilient. But when you are fostering, adopting, or parenting children impacted by trauma, those messages can pile on pressure and leave you wondering why your home feels harder than everyone else’s. I share why that disconnect is not proof you are doing it wrong. It is often proof the advice was not made for your child’s nervous system, history, or needs.
We talk about why boredom can feel like a lack of safety, how structure and predictability can reduce chaos, and what scaffolding unstructured play can look like in real life. We also dig into faith spaces, including the unspoken expectation that kids should “perform” in big church. I explain why church should be a place of connection, how movement breaks and gradual exposure can be wise, and how spiritual formation happens far beyond the sanctuary. You will also hear a personal story that reframes what growth and sanctification can look like over time.
Then we move into two everyday battlegrounds for many foster and adoptive parents: food and obedience. We explore why food is often about trust, control, and sensory needs, plus practical ways to offer safe foods without turning dinner into a war. Finally, we challenge the idea that resilience is automatic and replace it with a trauma informed view: resilience is built through consistent care, safe relationships, and support. If you are craving permission to parent differently and still feel confident you are doing good work, press play, then subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review so more foster and adoptive parents can find this space.
Encouragement for Foster and Adoptive Parents with Pastor James Griffin
25 Feb 2026
00:38:12
Quiet, unseen moments often carry the greatest weight in foster care: packing lunches, sitting in courtrooms, driving to visits, and praying in the dark when no one’s clapping. We open with a moving reunification story—a true sending where a mom and baby are wrapped in prayer, gifts, and a promise of ongoing community—and use it to reframe what impact actually looks like over the long haul.
Pastor James Griffin of Cross Point City Church joins us to share why their church mobilized around foster care and adoption through a biblical, personal, and local lens. We talk about the call to care for the vulnerable, the role of grandparents and spiritual family in breaking cycles, and the practical reality that hundreds of kids nearby need trauma-aware, loving homes. James lays out a path for anyone discerning their role: start with prayer, seek wise counsel, and consider joining a care community to support a foster family before taking the licensing plunge. Along the way, he returns to a simple but freeing reset—our job is faithfulness; God’s job is fruitfulness.
We also get honest about the grind. Why do so many families burn out? Isolation. Together we unpack habits that protect endurance: prayer as a daily confession of weakness, leaning on a church community that refuses to let families carry the weight alone, and embracing the long game of Galatians 6:9—do not grow weary in doing good, because a harvest will come. From baptisms across foster, adoptive, and biological families to ministries reshaped by trauma-informed care, we trace how quiet yeses ripple into visible change and generational restoration.
If you’re on the fence, this conversation offers tangible first steps and a vision big enough to overcome fear. If you’re exhausted, it’s a reminder that you are seen, supplied with daily grace, and never meant to do this alone. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a review to help more families find hope and practical support.
How We Honor Birth Families While Telling The Whole Story
18 Feb 2026
00:58:35
What if the hardest conversation in your home could become one of the most healing? We sat down with licensed clinical social worker and adoptive mom Susan Paa to talk about how to speak with kids about their biological families in a way that is honest, compassionate, and hopeful. No scripts that erase pain. No platitudes that glamorize harm. Just grounded wisdom you can use tonight.
We unpack the core lens that changes everything: compassion. When we learn the wider context behind addiction, domestic violence, mental health, poverty, and generational trauma, our language shifts from blame to dignity without excusing unsafe behavior. Susan shares why phrasing like recovery is possible matters, how to honor birth family humanity, and simple ways to affirm kids daily—You have your mom’s eyes; your dad’s creativity is in you—so trust is present before heavy truths arrive.
Timing matters, too. Drawing on Erikson and Piaget, we explore why ages eight to ten can be the best window to share a child’s full story: before abstract thinking blooms and identity turbulence hits, facts land as facts and integrate with less shock. We cover how to address sexual trauma wisely by first teaching a healthy framework for bodies, consent, and God’s design, then layering detail with care. Along the way, we model both-and thinking: you can love your first family and name what wasn’t safe; you can miss them and feel secure here.
You won’t get every word right. You can still create a home where every person in your child’s story is spoken of with truth and honor. Listen for concrete language, timing cues, and a faith-shaped posture that holds dignity and safety together. If this served you, subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with a foster or adoptive parent who needs fresh courage today.
Foster Care, Infertility, And Healing with Cristiana Amato
11 Feb 2026
00:40:28
A tender, necessary conversation about where infertility, foster care, and faith collide—and how to walk that road with honesty and hope. We welcome writer and foster/adoptive mom Cristiana Amato (The Feathered Nest Blog) to share what seven years and 39 placements have taught her about grief, reunification, adoption, and the kind of love that stays when outcomes aren’t ours to control.
We start by naming the ache of infertility and why healing needs to come before fostering. Cristiana explains how an infertility diagnosis initially pointed her toward adoption, and how pre-service classes and prayer shifted her family toward fostering with open hands. Together we unpack why foster care isn’t a cure for infertility, how unprocessed grief can unintentionally sabotage reunification, and why comments like “Just adopt and you’ll get pregnant” miss the mark for families with complex medical realities.
We close with practical guidance for those considering fostering after infertility: commit to prayer and therapy, clarify motives, prepare to champion reunification, and build support systems before saying yes. If you’ve ever wrestled with calling, grief, and what’s best for kids, this conversation offers candor, nuance, and hope. If the episode speaks to you, share it with a friend, leave a review, and join us as we keep learning to foster parent well.
Why Real Self-Care Is Spiritual Warfare For Foster And Adoptive Parents
04 Feb 2026
00:32:16
Imagine standing shoulder to shoulder with women who carry the same holy weight you do—joy, heartbreak, and the unseen moments that never make a post. That’s the backdrop for a candid conversation on why self-care isn’t a luxury for foster and adoptive parents; it’s spiritual warfare that keeps us present, steady, and able to love when the storm rises.
We unpack how cultural “self-care” got hijacked by indulgence and numbing, and replace it with a clear, workable definition rooted in both faith and physiology. From the biology of stress—cortisol spikes, dopamine dips, and oxytocin drains—to the very real load of secondary and primary trauma, we name what’s happening in your body so you can train, not just try harder. Think rowboat self-care: practices you can do in the middle of meltdowns, school calls, and court dates. With scripture as your compass and community as your lifeline, small habits become supply lines for a mission that matters.
You’ll hear practical rhythms for spirit, soul, and body: short bursts of scripture and worship that anchor truth, gratitude and friendship that lower the emotional temperature, and simple body care that rebuilds capacity—hydration, three balanced meals, daily walking, and strength training to metabolize stress. We also talk about planned refuels outside your environment and how to beat the “start Monday” myth by doing the next right thing today. This is a warm, honest, first-person guide to guarding your temple and refusing the quiet drift into burnout.
If this conversation serves you, share it with a friend who needs strength for the storm, subscribe for more faith-filled tools, and leave a quick review so others can find the show. Your steady presence matters, and with the right supply lines, you can keep rowing with hope.
Inside A Faith-Driven Boys Ranch Transforming Foster Care
23 Jan 2026
00:46:42
Teen boys who’ve bounced through dozens of placements don’t need another bed; they need a family that endures. We sit down with Stacey Cooper, executive director of Goshen Valley Boys Ranch, to unpack a hybrid model that feels like home and delivers the services that help healing stick. Instead of rotating shift workers, married house parents live with the boys, building daily rhythms around school, chores, sports, and shared meals. It’s a peaceful campus with fishing ponds, basketball courts, and even a couple of donkeys—but the real difference is trauma-informed care rooted in TBRI, faith, and consistency.
Stacey walks us through the first 72 hours—medical check-ins, school placement, counseling, and a simple yet powerful ritual: boys choose their own bedding and essentials from community-made welcome baskets. That early voice and choice matters. We dig into why teens sometimes struggle in traditional foster homes, how repeated disruptions damage attachment, and how thoughtful matching places each boy with house parents whose strengths fit his needs—from career coaching and trades to special education expertise. The conversation also opens the hood on caregiver support: weekly training, respite rhythms, extra staffing, and a culture of adult connection that prevents burnout and stabilizes kids.
Faith runs through the work in everyday ways—gentle words, patient correction, showing up again tomorrow. Youth group nights, church camp, and weekly Compass Groups add community ties beyond campus. Whether permanency comes through reunification, adoption, or enduring relationships with the ranch into adulthood, the target never changes: help each young man learn to give and receive love. Curious how to help? There are many on-ramps: house parenting, respite care, fostering siblings, tutoring, therapy roles, Second Saturday service, or building welcome baskets.
If this conversation moved you, follow the show, share it with a friend who cares about foster youth, and leave a review to help more listeners find these stories. Your steady support helps boys find belonging.
Basics of Trauma and the Body For Foster and Adoptive Parents
15 Jan 2026
00:27:20
What if the outbursts, shutdowns, or “mixed signals” you see aren’t defiance at all, but a nervous system trying to survive? We pull back the curtain on how trauma reshapes a child’s brain and body, why trust feels dangerous, and what it actually takes to build safety that can be felt, not just promised. Drawing from lived experience as a foster and adoptive mom and the lens of TBRI-informed practice, I break down acute, chronic, and complex developmental trauma in simple, practical terms you can use today.
We explore how survival mode steals energy from learning and language, why a nine-year-old may function like a four-year-old socially, and how that gap should change our expectations, routines, and school plans. You’ll hear a clear explanation of stress chemistry—cortisol, adrenaline, digestion, sleep, and cravings—and why bathroom issues, sugar seeking, and mood swings persist when the body never gets the “all clear.” I share how habits like control, hoarding, or rejecting comfort are often survival strategies, not character flaws, and how repetition, predictability, and co-regulation slowly rewire the brain toward trust.
This conversation also centers the caregiver’s wellness and faith. Regulated adults regulate kids, so we walk through small, repeatable rhythms that lower stress and sustain your presence: steady routines, protein and hydration, sensory tools, movement, and time with God that refuels patience and hope. Progress is real but rarely fast; safety becomes believable only when it’s experienced over and over. If you need language to explain what you’re seeing, permission to lower demands, and encouragement to keep showing up, you’ll leave with practical steps and renewed courage for the long road of healing.
If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it today, and leave a review so more caregivers can find the support they’re searching for.
What happens when a church stops outsourcing “foster care ministry” and starts treating it as discipleship at the core of its life together? We sit down with Callie Priest, Director of Strategic Partnerships at WinShape Homes, to map a clear path from pews to practice- one that helps leaders move past hype and into habits that actually sustain families and heal kids.
We talk candidly about the real challenges pastors face: fear of the unknown, volunteer fatigue, and the myth that a few passionate advocates can carry the whole load. Callie lays out a simple framework any church can adapt—raise awareness from the pulpit, appoint a point leader, set a modest budget, and wrap each fostering household with a care team for meals, rides, respite, and prayer. Just as important, she shows how children’s and student ministries can become trauma-informed with predictable routines, calmer transitions, and volunteers who know how to co-regulate. That quiet competence makes a sanctuary feel like a sanctuary for kids from hard places.
If you’re a pastor, ministry director, or parent longing for your church to show up wisely, this conversation gives you language, tools, and next steps to begin. Subscribe, share this with a leader in your life, and leave a review so more churches can find practical, gospel-shaped help for foster and adoptive families.
Self Care Reset Guide: https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/selfcarereset
The Hope of the Gospel In Foster Care with Jamie Finn
19 Nov 2025
00:35:08
When foster care gets messy and the case plan keeps shifting, what holds you steady? We sit down with author, ministry leader, and foster mom Jamie Finn to dig into the gritty, hope-filled heart of caregiving: how to carry sorrow and joy together, how to parent from grace when strategies fail, and how to keep the gospel at the center for kids, bio families, and ourselves.
Jamie shares her family’s entry into foster care and the steady refrain that carried them—God is sovereign, God is good—through 30 placements and four adoptions. We talk about the “both/and” of this calling: real brokenness and real beauty living side by side. From kids wrestling with the idea of “father” to parents battling shame and exhaustion, we explore how a perfect Father reframes our stories and restores the capacity to hope. Jamie also introduces her new children’s book, God Loves Kids, a clear, compassionate way to tell the truth about pain while anchoring children in a bigger, unshakable love.
If you need encouragement that isn’t shallow, if you’re longing for tools that work in the real world and a vision big enough to outlast court dates and goodbyes, this one will meet you where you are. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a review to help more families find gospel-centered support.
The hardest part of foster and adoptive parenting isn’t always the paperwork or the appointments- it’s trying to care for everyone while running on fumes. We open up about a season of nonstop schedules, takeout dinners, and too much caffeine, and then step back to ask a bigger question: what if wellness isn’t found in doing more, but in returning to God’s rhythms of life? From Scripture’s picture of day and night, sowing and harvest, and Sabbath rest, we build a framework that helps weary caregivers move from survival to steady.
We break down five “kingdom rhythms” that change both mindset and body: fasting and feasting, work and rest, pouring out and being poured into, serving and being served, loving and being loved. You’ll hear how gentle intermittent fasting (like a 12-12 window) supports hormones and digestion only when paired with real nourishment, why stress-heavy seasons call for wisdom before adding spiritual or dietary fasts, and how protein, fiber, and regular meals can calm a dysregulated nervous system. We talk practical movement- why walking regulates emotions, how strength training builds resilience that transfers into parenting—and why recovery is not optional if you want strength that lasts.
Community threads through everything. We share how solitude with God, a discipleship group that speaks truth, and a church family that shows up with meals and prayer keep hearts soft and steady. You’ll find honest encouragement to receive help without guilt, model dependence in front of your kids, and keep showing up for worship even when it’s messy. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s choosing one rhythm to start—cook a nourishing dinner, take a ten-minute walk, schedule a Sabbath hour, or text a friend for prayer—and letting God set the pace as capacity returns.
If this conversation strengthens you, subscribe, share it with another foster or adoptive parent who needs a hopeful reset, and leave a review so more families can find this space. What rhythm will you start this week?
Adoption, Identity, and Belonging with Adoptee, Isaac Etter
05 Nov 2025
00:58:36
What if the most loving thing we can do for our kids isn’t to fix their pain, but to guide them through it? We sit down with Isaac Etter—transracial adoptee, educator, and founder of Identity and Parenting Different—to unpack what adoptees actually need: honest stories, practical preparation, and communities that make belonging real.
Isaac shares how identity often splits in two for adoptees: Who am I in a family where no one looks like me, and how does my race shape my daily experience? He names a trio many families miss—loss, grief, and guilt—and explains why guilt is so common when adoptees fear disappointing loving parents with honest questions. We dig into how parents can move from protection to preparation in transracial homes, offering concrete examples for talking about bias, public behavior, and safety without making the world feel hopeless. From Nerf guns in the front yard to being followed in a store, Isaac gives language to help kids understand what happened, know where we stand, and feel safe coming back to talk more.
We also map an age-appropriate path for lifelong conversations about race and adoption. Start early with everyday affirmation—books, toys, hair care, and mentors that reflect your child—and build toward practical scripts for school, friends, and authority. Belonging grows when the whole family participates in diverse communities, cultural festivals, and routines that normalize the child’s heritage. And when it comes to birth stories, we talk about sharing truth in stages—without vilifying or hiding—so kids carry a coherent narrative into adulthood.
Looking for ongoing support? Isaac’s work with Identity and Parenting Different brings post-adoption training and free resources to families, agencies, and states. Listen for the frameworks and scripts we use at home, then share the episode with someone who needs it. If this helped you, subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what’s one conversation you’ll start this week?
Fear loves to whisper what if, especially to foster and adoptive parents who carry heavy stories and real responsibilities. We open up about the moments when panic tries to take over- late-night spirals, hard court dates, and those small behaviors that feel like previews of a grim future- and we share the better way: a posture rooted in grace, curiosity, and steady faith. Nicole unpacks how 2 Timothy 1:7 offers more than comfort; it gives a blueprint for parenting with power, love, and a sound mind, even when the stakes are high.
You’ll hear a vivid story about a child’s “sticky fingers” that flips catastrophe into calling, reminding us to look beneath behaviors for gifts and needs. We talk about advocacy in the system- how to prepare, speak clearly, and hold boundaries without losing kindness- and why acting from panic rarely serves kids well. We also step into the deep waters of unsafe seasons, telling the truth about fear while describing the surprising peace that shows up in God’s presence. The picture of Stephen in Acts 7, and Jesus standing, reframes suffering with awe and invites us to trade bitterness for grace-filled courage.
Throughout, we weave in practical tools: pause before reacting, ask a curious question, pray a one-line prayer, rehearse God’s track record, and anchor your mind in passages like Isaiah 41:10 and John 14:27. If you’ve ever felt stuck in what if thinking or tempted to over-control, this conversation offers a calmer path and grounded hope. Subscribe, share with a foster or adoptive friend, and tell us: where has God turned your fear into faith? Your story may be the encouragement someone needs today.
Some days the unknowns feel louder than our confidence. So we’re naming the five big seasons of foster care- the call, the waiting, the daily work, the transitions, and the surprises- and getting honest about where fear shows up, where systems fall short, and where hope quietly grows. I share the moments that recalibrated my own heart: a gas‑station “sign” that nudged a family forward, the paper airplane that carried a thank‑you down our laundry chute, and a room full of professionals learning TBRI to serve kids better.
We unpack the practical side of faithfulness, too. Waiting turns into preparation when we build rhythms that hold under stress, from simple sensory and regulation tools to predictable routines that help our kids feel safe. Daily trauma‑informed parenting gets specific...co‑regulation before correction, choices that matter, quick repairs after missteps- because progress often hides inside small, ordinary acts. We also talk about advocating across systems with patience and precision, finding allies in schools, courts, agencies, and community groups who are ready to change how kids are supported.
Transitions and surprises test our grip on control, so we walk through reunification, adoption, grief, and the unexpected paths that follow. Trust becomes active: blessing goodbyes with dignity, keeping memory, and practicing flexible presence when plans shift. Through it all, we return to one steady truth- God’s character doesn’t wobble when outcomes do. If this conversation gives you oxygen for the week, tap follow, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who needs hope, and leave a quick review so more families can find this space.
Faith, Trauma, and the Tools That Help Families Heal with Kristin Orphan
01 Oct 2025
00:53:44
What if trauma-informed parenting isn’t a departure from biblical wisdom but a practical expression of it? That question drives a heartfelt conversation with guest Kristin Orphan, cofounder of Finally Home, a national nonprofit equipping foster, adoptive, and kinship families with education, encouragement, and community. We dig into what trauma actually does in the brain, why “traditional” parenting often assumes preexisting trust, and how compassion and clear values can peacefully coexist. The destination—raising kids who thrive in character and faith—stays the same; the route changes because our children’s starting points are different.
We share concrete ways to build trust first—connection before correction—so guidance can land. You’ll hear how to set values-based rules, avoid provoking fight/flight responses, and use developmentally appropriate expectations without compromising standards like honesty and respect. Kristen offers lived-in wisdom on launching young adults, empowering kids to self-advocate, and embracing the long game where outcomes can’t be forced and free will is real. We also talk candidly about the mirror parenting holds up: the shame, the triggers, and the grace that meets us when we admit limits and repair quickly.
Self-care takes center stage as stewardship rather than indulgence. From sleep and movement to prayer and Scripture, we outline habits that regulate our nervous systems and model healthy adulthood. Tools like play therapy and parent coaching are framed as provision, not salvation, aligning evidence-based strategies with a faith that remains front and center. If you’ve felt torn between brain-wise approaches and your convictions, this conversation will help you see how they braid together—firm values, soft hearts, steady leadership.
If this resonated, share it with a friend, leave a review so other foster and adoptive parents can find it, and subscribe for more faith-filled, trauma-informed conversations that strengthen your home.
Navigating Bedtime with Trauma-Informed Care with Allison Ezell
24 Sep 2025
00:45:54
Every foster and adoptive parent has found themselves desperately searching for sleep solutions at 2 AM, wondering why traditional methods aren't working and if they're somehow failing their child. Sleep consultant Allison Ezell brings a revolutionary perspective to this universal struggle, explaining why children from hard places face unique challenges around bedtime and offering trauma-informed solutions that actually work.
Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience as an adoptive and foster mom, Allison illuminates why sleep represents a perfect storm for children with trauma histories. "Sleep requires two things that are incredibly difficult for our kids – complete surrender of control and separation from caregivers," she explains. For children whose bodies remember neglect, abandonment, or inconsistent care, closing their eyes to sleep can trigger their deepest fears.
The conversation delves into why traditional sleep training approaches can be harmful for children who've experienced trauma, potentially reinforcing harmful beliefs that crying doesn't bring help or that adults can't be trusted. Instead, Allison offers practical strategies centered on attachment, felt safety, and meeting underlying needs. From understanding sleep associations (how a child falls asleep is how they'll return to sleep all night) to creating sensory-rich bedtime routines that prepare both body and brain for rest, these approaches honor a child's history while building healthy sleep habits.
Perhaps most powerfully, Allison shares how transformative healthy sleep can be for entire families. "People think I'm passionate about kids' sleep, but I'm not. I'm passionate about seeing families choose connection, because it's really hard to choose connection with a kid who kept you up every hour of the night." When everyone starts getting adequate rest, relationships heal, patience returns, and the capacity for joy expands. For many foster and adoptive families, solving sleep challenges becomes the breakthrough that allows them to continue their fostering journey with renewed energy and hope.
Looking for trauma-informed sleep support? Visit dwellpediatricsleep.com to explore Allison's resources, including her online course designed specifically for foster and adoptive families. Your path to better sleep—and stronger family connections—starts here.
Seeing God's Fingerprints in Foster Care with Jessica Mathisen
10 Sep 2025
00:38:04
Ever feel like your heart is being pulled in a thousand directions as a foster parent? Like you're supposed to be everything to everyone while somehow finding time to breathe? You're not alone.
In this soul-nourishing conversation, Jessica Matheson (author of "No Matter When I Go") shares her foster care journey and the freedom she found when she stopped trying to be her children's savior. With refreshing candor, she reflects on starting as a foster parent before having biological children, eventually adopting her teenage daughter, and learning that God's timeline rarely matches our own.
"Only the Spirit of God can bring healing to their lives," Jessica reminds us. "We can be an agent through which He works, but it's not our job to fix or heal." This perspective shift might be exactly what you need to hear today if you're drowning under the weight of unrealistic expectations.
We explore practical ways to help children recognize God's hand in their stories without dismissing their trauma. Jessica shares wisdom about going slow, prioritizing relationship over behavior modification, and showing kids what healthy family life looks like—sometimes that's enough.
Whether you're considering fostering, in the thick of placement challenges, or supporting someone who is, this episode offers gentle permission to release perfection and embrace obedience instead. God doesn't need us to overhaul our children's lives overnight; He simply asks us to be faithful with what's before us today.
Ready to see your foster parenting journey through fresh eyes? Listen now, and remember: you don't have to do it all. You just have to follow where He leads.
Understanding FASD in Foster Care & Adoption with Sandra Flach
03 Sep 2025
00:54:35
Sandra Flach shares her family's journey with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and provides essential knowledge for foster and adoptive parents raising children with prenatal alcohol exposure.
• FASD affects 1 in 20 children in the United States—more prevalent than autism • Only 10% of children with FASD display the facial features needed for diagnosis • Prenatal alcohol exposure permanently alters brain structure and function • There is no safe amount of alcohol during pregnancy and no safe time to drink • Symptoms often intensify during teenage years as executive function demands increase • Children with FASD may be chronologically one age but developmentally much younger • Brain-based parenting focuses on understanding behaviors as brain differences • Breaking tasks into smaller steps and creating routines helps children succeed • Helping children understand their diagnosis empowers them to self-advocate • The Justice for Orphans website and "Hope for the FASD Journey" support group provide resources
If this episode encouraged you, please share it with someone who may need it and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.
Mobilizing the Church for Foster Care with Dr. John DeGarmo
13 Aug 2025
00:38:11
Dr. John DeGarmo, founder of the Foster Care Institute and foster parent to over 60 children, takes us on a powerful journey into the heart of foster care ministry. Having witnessed firsthand the transformative impact of faith communities on vulnerable children, Dr. John makes a compelling case for why foster care represents "the next great mission field" for today's churches.
The statistics are sobering – millions of children experience domestic violence daily, and the foster care system is overwhelmed nationwide. But rather than seeing only crisis, Dr. John reveals the extraordinary opportunity standing before faith communities. "There's usually a child in crisis within a mile of every church," he explains, challenging listeners to recognize the mission field that exists in their own neighborhoods.
Drawing from decades of experience and his doctorate in foster care, Dr. John offers practical strategies for church involvement that extend far beyond direct fostering. From establishing support groups and clothes closets to creating welcoming visitation spaces for biological families, he demonstrates how congregations can become powerful agents of healing. Particularly moving are his stories of churches that wrapped around reunified families, preventing children from returning to care by providing practical support during crises.
What shines through most clearly is Dr. John's unwavering faith amid heartbreak. Having experienced four failed adoptions and cared for children with profound trauma, he speaks candidly about relying on God through exhaustion and discouragement. "I couldn't do it without my faith," he shares, echoing the experience of 85% of foster parents nationwide who draw strength from their spiritual foundations.
REWIND: When The Journey Gets Hard, Faith Is Your Lifeline
30 Jul 2025
00:33:17
Struggling to find the strength to keep going in your foster care journey? This powerful conversation with missionary and adoptive mom Mandie Summers reveals how faith becomes the essential foundation when the system feels broken and the burden feels too heavy.
Mandy never imagined herself as a foster parent until a casual dinner conversation with a social worker friend opened her eyes to the crisis within the foster care system. What began as complete naivety about trauma and fostering evolved into a profound family transformation that ultimately led to adopting two children and continuing to provide foster care.
"Foster care and adoption really found us," Mandie shares, admitting she and her husband were probably "the two most naive people to ever sign up." Her honest account of expecting a simple revolving door of short placements versus the complex reality they encountered resonates with anyone who's discovered the gap between expectations and the fostering experience.
The heart of this episode explores spiritual sustainability – how faith provides the strength to continue when burnout threatens. Mandy's practical spiritual disciplines include daily Scripture listening during walks, worship music during chaotic pre-dinner hours, and leaning into biblical narratives that suddenly take on new meaning through the fostering lens. Her identification with Moses in Numbers 11 ("Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth?") offers profound comfort to foster parents carrying trauma they didn't create.
Whether you're considering fostering, currently fostering, or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers hope that God provides exactly what's needed in each season. As Mandie beautifully summarizes: "It is the hardest thing we've done, but so worth it in the richness of life. Offering a Christ-centered home to a child is worth anything."
For more information on Mandie and Jason's missionary journey and how to support them: https://give.cru.org/0578940
Foster Parent Well Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1VeRn4AaDHThddXx/
REWIND: The Unspoken Side of Foster Care & Adoption- When Home Isn't Safe Anymore
23 Jul 2025
01:06:35
What happens when love isn't enough? When trauma runs so deep that having your child live at home becomes unsafe for everyone involved? This raw, vulnerable conversation with Anna Bernacki pulls back the curtain on one of foster care and adoption's most painful realities – the moment when residential treatment becomes necessary.
Anna brings a uniquely powerful perspective as both an adoptee herself and an adoptive mother to four children through foster care. She shares the heartbreaking journey of having two children require residential placement, walking us through the complex emotions of loving from a distance. With unflinching honesty, she describes the shame that engulfed her when realizing her home couldn't provide what her daughter needed, the PTSD she developed from traumatic experiences before placement, and the guilt that haunted her with every empty seat at the dinner table.
Yet within this painful story emerges profound wisdom. Anna explains how distance sometimes allows authentic attachment to form where proximity once created threat. She details practical strategies for maintaining connection – setting clear boundaries for phone calls, explaining unavailability in advance to ease anxiety, and showing up consistently despite verbal abuse or rejection. Her insights into how siblings process this separation will resonate with any parent navigating the impact on their whole family system.
Perhaps most valuable is Anna's candid discussion of faith through uncertainty. She wrestles openly with trusting God's plan while sometimes losing hope that healing will come in her lifetime – a tension many parents in crisis understand deeply. Her vulnerability creates space for others to acknowledge similar struggles without shame.
For those walking similar paths, this conversation offers confirmation you're not alone. For those supporting families in crisis, it provides crucial perspective on the complexity of these decisions. And for anyone connected to the foster care world, it issues a powerful call to develop more trauma-informed systems at every level.
Whether you're currently facing these impossible choices or simply want to better understand the full spectrum of foster care and adoption experiences, this episode will expand your compassion and challenge preconceived notions about what successful parenting looks like in the shadow of severe trauma.
The emotional toll of fostering and adopting can leave even the most dedicated parents running on empty. In this powerful conversation, Nicole T. Barlow welcomes Melissa Smallwood, a counselor and family coach whose perspective is uniquely informed by her experience on both sides of the foster care equation – first as a foster youth who entered the system in middle school, and later as an adoptive mother of five.
Melissa candidly shares how burnout creeps into foster and adoptive parenting when we're constantly managing complex emotional needs, navigating bureaucratic systems, and striving to heal wounds that often run deeper than our love alone can reach. She reveals the hidden impact of parental burnout through the eyes of a child: "Unfortunately, kids internalize the symptoms of our burnout as something wrong with them, or as a lack of love for them." This painful misinterpretation creates a cycle where children's behaviors intensify in response to our frazzled state, driving everyone further into distress.
Drawing from both professional expertise and lived experience, Melissa offers five practical strategies to prevent and overcome burnout, beginning with honest self-assessment. She emphasizes finding community with other foster/adoptive parents who truly understand the unique challenges, learning to ask for and accept help without shame, recognizing our personal limitations, and practicing genuine self-care focused on nervous system regulation. Her approach moves beyond bubble baths and pedicures to address the deeper work of managing our own trauma responses and expectations about parenting.
If you're feeling stretched beyond your capacity or worried you might be headed toward burnout, this conversation offers both validation and hope. Melissa reminds us that acknowledging our limitations isn't weakness—it's wisdom. And sometimes, the most powerful parenting moment comes when we admit, "God, I have given all I have to give. If anything else comes from me, it has to come from you."
For more resources, connect with Melissa on Instagram @MelissaSmallwood.
What if your entire city rallied around foster families? Rebecca from Georgia Kids Belong reveals how that vision is becoming reality through the Foster Friendly initiative, a movement transforming how communities support foster care.
Rebecca shares the powerful work of their I Belong Project, which creates advocacy videos for children waiting for adoption. These videos don't just share statistics- they amplify children's voices and help them find forever families. But the heart of our conversation explores their groundbreaking Foster Friendly initiative, which identifies businesses, faith communities, and nonprofits willing to support foster families through discounts, services, and resources.
The Foster Friendly app connects foster families with these supportive resources based on their location. What began as a small idea has grown into a movement, with entire cities now declaring themselves "Foster Friendly" and taking concrete steps to support foster families. Rebecca shares inspiring stories of how these initiatives are breaking down longstanding silos between organizations and creating organic communities where foster families find much-needed support and connection.
We dive deep into why community support is so crucial for foster families. Unlike other forms of service, fostering doesn't end when you come home- it is home. The 24/7 nature of this commitment, combined with the complexities of navigating the system, leads most foster parents nationally to quit within the first year. Community support through initiatives like Foster Friendly helps extend the longevity of foster families, directly benefiting children who desperately need stability.
Whether you're fostering, considering fostering, or simply want to support those who do, this conversation offers practical ways to get involved.
Download the Foster Friendly app today to find supportive businesses in your area and discover how you can be part of building a community where foster families thrive!
REWIND: Supporting Biological Kids in the Foster Care and Adoption Journey
02 Jul 2025
00:39:27
What happens to the children who were already in the home when foster kids arrive? Daniela Coats offers a perspective rarely heard in foster care conversations- that of the birth child.
Growing up as the oldest of three biological siblings in a family that began fostering when she was seven, Daniela experienced firsthand the complex emotions that come with sharing your parents, your space, and your family identity. From the jealousy she felt when a foster child called her father "Dad" after just meeting him to the invisibility she experienced as relatives and community members focused exclusively on the new additions to her family, her story illuminates the hidden challenges birth children often face.
Now a licensed social worker, adoptive mother of four, and founder of With Siblings, Daniela brings professional insight alongside personal experience. She challenges common assumptions about birth order and instead focuses on how roles shift within families with each placement- like a mobile that must find a new balance when pieces are added or removed.
For parents navigating this delicate balance, Daniela offers practical wisdom through her "three Rs" approach after placements end: rest to recover from the accelerated pace of life with foster children, reconnect through intentional one-on-one time with birth children, and reassess as a family whether and how to continue the fostering journey. Her children's book "The Day Lily Turned Uninvisible" further explores these themes through the eyes of a child.
Whether you're currently fostering, considering opening your home, or supporting someone who is, this conversation provides essential perspective on creating a family system where every child – both those who arrive and those who were already there- feels seen, valued, and understood. Because when we support the entire family, everyone thrives.
Raquel McLeod shares her powerful journey as a birth mother, child of kinship care, and kinship adoptive mom, illustrating how resilience can be cultivated through intentional practices and consistent support.
• The nine elements that build resilience include having one stable adult, cultivating self-worth, and prioritizing physical wellness • Physical health dramatically impacts mental wellbeing—Raquel shares how fitness transformed her life during her darkest period • Practicing gratitude and optimism builds resilience by training the brain to acknowledge both difficulty and hope simultaneously • Modeling healthy behaviors for children may not show immediate results but lays crucial foundations for their future • Involving children in daily activities (cooking, exercise, spiritual practices) builds life skills and creates opportunities for connection • Setting appropriate boundaries while maintaining family relationships is an essential skill for kinship caregivers
Join me in fostering parent well through understanding trauma, building resilience, and creating homes where both grief and gratitude can coexist.
REWIND: Being a Learner as a Foster or Adoptive Parent
18 Jun 2025
00:37:18
Ever felt like the gap between what you know about trauma and how you respond to it is impossibly wide? In this soul-nourishing conversation with Katrina Campbell, Director of Training at FaithBridgeU, we explore how continuous learning transforms not just our parenting but our spiritual lives.
"Suffering moved in with me," Katrina shares, capturing the profound reality of what happens when foster children enter our homes. The theoretical suddenly becomes intensely personal, challenging us at our core. Throughout our discussion, we unpack how this ministry reveals both our limitations and God's faithfulness in extraordinary ways.
We dive into the difference between knowledge and wisdom in trauma parenting—knowing facts versus knowing how to apply them when a child is in crisis. Katrina brilliantly explains this as "knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit basket." This practical wisdom comes through intentional learning and community support, both available through resources like FaithBridgeU.
Perhaps most compelling is our exploration of how this journey deepens faith. Those moments when we have no strength left become sacred opportunities to experience God's provision. As Katrina says, "When foster care, which is mission work, moved in with me 24-7, that's when I started to see... I had to start relying on my faith so much more."
Whether you're gathering required training hours or simply seeking wisdom for your adoption journey, this episode offers a refreshing perspective on learning as spiritual formation. The challenges may be significant, but the community, resources, and divine support available make this sacred work not just possible, but transformative.
Ready to approach your parenting journey with renewed purpose? Subscribe to the Foster Parent Well podcast for more conversations that blend practical wisdom with spiritual encouragement.
REWIND: The Marriage Behind the Mission- Navigating Foster Care as a Couple
11 Jun 2025
00:30:56
Parenting children from hard places requires an extraordinary partnership between spouses. In this candid conversation, Nicole interviews her husband Bruce about how they've navigated the challenges and joys of foster parenting as a team.
When Nicole first felt called to foster care, Bruce's immediate response was a firm "no." His journey from reluctance to acceptance reveals how important it is for both partners to independently hear God's calling rather than one spouse feeling coerced. Through vulnerably sharing their early missteps, the Barlows demonstrate how complementary differences between spouses can either strengthen or undermine trauma-informed parenting.
One of their most significant discoveries came after bringing home their sibling group of five. Bruce's natural bent toward being the "fun parent" while Nicole maintained structure created inconsistency that triggered their children's trauma responses. They learned that children with trauma backgrounds need both parents to provide high structure AND high nurture simultaneously—not the traditional "good cop/bad cop" division many couples naturally fall into.
The conversation takes a touching turn when they discuss how they support each other through parenting mistakes. Bruce shares how offering grace rather than criticism when Nicole becomes dysregulated creates space for repair—modeling for their children what healthy relationships look like, including how to mess up and make things right.
Their key advice? Both parents must become students of trauma-informed care. "It doesn't work for just one parent to do all the research and try to convey that to the other parent," Bruce emphasizes. This mutual commitment to understanding creates the unified approach that children with trauma desperately need.
Whether you're considering foster care, currently fostering, or simply wanting to strengthen your parenting partnership, this conversation offers practical wisdom for creating the consistent, loving environment where children—and marriages—can thrive.
REWIND: Staying Calm in Chaos: Tools for Foster & Adoptive Parents
04 Jun 2025
00:23:48
Ever found yourself triggered by your child's meltdown, wondering how to break the cycle of dysregulation? This summer rewind episode tackles one of the most challenging aspects of foster and adoptive parenting: staying calm when everything around you is chaos.
Drawing from personal experience as both a certified parent trainer and adoptive mom to five siblings from foster care, I share seven practical strategies that can transform how you respond in moments of intense dysregulation. Beyond just techniques, we explore the science behind why both children and adults move into fight, flight, or freeze responses, and how understanding these patterns creates pathways to healing.
The foundation of calm parenting starts before crisis hits. Most parents focus extensively on meeting their children's basic needs while neglecting their own. We dive into specific nutritional needs often overlooked (like the fact most women consume less than half the protein they require daily) and how proper self-care creates the physiological capacity for emotional regulation. From practical interventions like using cold sensations to reset your nervous system, to spiritual practices that center your heart in the storm, these strategies work in real-life situations with real kids.
What sets this episode apart is its honesty about the human limitations we all face. Perfect regulation isn't possible, and that's okay. These moments of repair actually provide powerful opportunities to model the very skills we hope to teach our children. Whether you're parenting kids from hard places or simply trying to navigate life's challenges with more grace, these insights will empower you to foster deeper connection even in your most difficult moments.
Looking for more support on your parenting journey? Connect with me on Instagram @NicoleTBarlow where we continue the conversation about fostering parent well-being alongside child healing.
Get My Newsletter: https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter
We confront the reality of injustice in foster care and explore how to effectively advocate for change without burning out or losing sight of our purpose. From recognizing that not every battle is ours to fight, to making strategic relationships within the system, these seven practical tips help foster parents navigate the broken parts of the system with wisdom and grace.
• Not every injustice is your battle to fight—ask God for discernment about which assignments are yours • Get educated before advocating—understand the reasoning behind policies before fighting to change them • Identify gaps in the system rather than just complaining about what's broken • Advocate with respect instead of rage—your voice carries more weight when delivered with grace • Build relationships with people working in the system to increase your influence • Cover everything in prayer and trust that God sees every injustice
This is the last episode of the season. We'll be taking a break for the summer and returning the first week of August with all new episodes and amazing guests. Screenshot this episode, share it to your Instagram stories, and tag me @NicoleTBarlow to let me know how you're choosing to advocate with grace in this season.
The foundations you build before welcoming foster children into your home will determine whether you merely survive or truly thrive in this challenging calling. Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience, this episode walks you through four essential preparations every prospective foster parent needs to prioritize.
How are you preparing your foundation? Your investment in these four areas will determine not just your longevity as a foster parent but your effectiveness in creating a home where healing can truly happen.
Seeing and Filling Gaps in Foster Care with Amanda Preston
07 May 2025
00:48:16
What happens when your foster care journey leads you to places you never imagined? Amanda Preston knows this path intimately - from young newlyweds dreaming of "opening an orphanage" to becoming adoptive parents of eight children, veteran foster parents of 16 years, and eventually establishing a mental health clinic supporting neurodivergent families navigating the complexities of adoption and foster care.
During Foster Care Awareness Month, this powerful conversation pulls back the curtain on the realities of fostering and adoption from someone who's experienced it from multiple angles. Amanda challenges the widespread misconception that infants adopted from birth don't experience trauma, explaining how separation from birth mothers creates deep-rooted wounds that manifest at different developmental stages despite loving, stable homes. Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience raising children with various diagnoses, she offers crucial insights into supporting children through these challenges.
The discussion takes a compelling turn as Amanda shares how recognizing gaps in the foster care system led her to pursue social work education, founding a national nonprofit, and eventually establishing specialized mental health services.
Beyond the Buzzwords: Why Trauma Knowledge Transforms Parenting with Melissa Pemberton
23 Apr 2025
00:43:06
Stepping into foster care or adoption without understanding trauma is like trying to navigate unfamiliar terrain without a map. That's why this conversation with Melissa Pemberton, a trauma-aware licensed therapist and parent coach with over 20 years of experience in child welfare, is absolutely essential listening for anyone caring for children from hard places.
Melissa shares her personal journey from being a teen mom with her own childhood trauma to becoming a powerful advocate for trauma-informed parenting approaches. She explains why traditional parenting methods often fail with children who have experienced early adversity—even those adopted at birth—and offers practical insights that transform how we understand challenging behaviors.
Whether you're already fostering or adopting, considering this path, or simply want to better support families in your community, this episode provides essential insights that will forever change how you view children's behaviors and your role in their healing journey. Download Melissa's free resource on regulating your nervous system and connect with her at mendingfamilieswa.com to continue learning these transformative approaches.
Breaking the Cycle: Parenting with Trauma Awareness with April Ficklin
09 Apr 2025
00:58:05
What happens when the romanticized dream of adoption crashes into the complex realities of parenting children from trauma? April Ficklin knows this collision intimately. From a teenage mission trip where she first felt called to adoption, to the Good Friday when her family doubled overnight with the addition of two siblings from foster care, April's journey has been one of profound transformation.
The chaos was immediate. Despite years of successful parenting with her biological children, April found herself utterly unprepared for the behaviors that emerged from her adopted children's fear responses. "I'm not the parent I used to be. I'm not the parent I thought I would be. I'm definitely not the mom I want to be," she remembers thinking during those early days.
This raw conversation peels back the layers of what trauma-aware parenting truly demands. April shares how she discovered that traditional parenting methods focused on compliance and behavior correction were failing both her children and herself. The breakthrough came when she shifted her entire approach from changing behaviors to building trust - recognizing that she needed to prove her trustworthiness before expecting her children to trust her.
Now working as an adoption professional and raising four teenagers, April offers a message of hope grounded in reality. Healing happens, but it's measured in moments like when her once fiercely independent child said, "Mama made me a peanut butter sandwich. That's what mamas do." Those small victories reveal the power of connection-based parenting that values relationship over compliance.
Whether you're considering adoption, in the trenches of foster parenting, or simply want to understand trauma-responsive approaches better, this conversation offers both practical wisdom and heartfelt encouragement. The journey may not be what you expected, but the healing – for both you and your children – is worth every step.
Please connect with April by following her growing Instagram account where she shares encouragement for stressed out moms, tips for trust-based parenting, and stories to help create hope in the overwhelm. https://www.instagram.com/april_ficklin/
God shows up in extraordinary ways for foster parents when we embrace the truth that we're participating in His holy work of restoration and redemption.
• His grace is sufficient for our weakness, covering our doubts, fears, and mistakes • New mercies arrive each morning—only when we need them, not a moment sooner • Hard things are exactly what Jesus calls us to, equipped with His strength and comfort • We are not invisible—God sees every midnight cry, pantry prayer, and moment of faithfulness • Our service is bigger than we realize—we're friends of God helping bring His plans to life
Keep saying yes, keep pressing into Him, even when your voice is shaking. This is holy ground you're walking on, and God is not finished with your story.
Beyond Behavior Management: The Parent's Journey to Felt Safety
19 Mar 2025
00:35:26
The tension between fostering deep relationships and managing difficult behaviors sits at the heart of every foster and adoptive parent's journey. In this deeply personal exploration, we uncover why our focus often shifts from connection to control—and the surprising neurological reasons behind it.
When behaviors are under control and there's order in our homes, we feel safe. But what happens when our peace becomes dependent on our children's compliance? We end up parenting from exhaustion rather than connection, creating a cycle that works against the very healing we're trying to facilitate.
Your nervous system responds to stress just like your child's does. When you don't feel safe, you move into fight-flight-freeze-fawn mode, making it neurologically impossible to parent with patience and wisdom. Even when you know better, your survival brain takes over—leading to burnout, anxiety, and disconnection.
Building felt safety from within changes everything. Through spiritual practices, predictable routines, environmental comfort, supportive relationships, appropriate boundaries, and essential wellness habits, you can create internal regulation that doesn't depend on external circumstances. Each practice—from morning prayer to consistent hydration, from soft lighting to meaningful conversations with understanding friends—sends powerful signals to your brain that you are safe.
This isn't about luxury or self-indulgence. It's about creating the neurological foundation you need to show up as the regulated, connected parent your children need. When you build felt safety from the inside out, you can finally address behavior while strengthening connection rather than damaging it.
If you're ready to break free from survival mode parenting, join our six-week wellness challenge starting March 24th, where we'll take small, doable steps toward creating lasting felt safety—for you and your whole family.
What happens in that critical moment when your child's behavior pushes your buttons? That split second before you respond determines whether your correction will actually work or simply bounce off ineffectively.
Foster and adoptive parents know the struggle all too well—the same behaviors repeating despite countless corrections. But what if the key isn't what you say during correction, but what you've established beforehand?
Drawing from neuroscience and trauma-informed approaches, this episode reveals the four non-negotiable steps required before any effective correction: regulation, trust, connection, and instruction. I break down why your nervous system must calm before you can help regulate your child's, and how co-regulation creates the biological foundation for receptive listening.
You'll discover practical techniques like "Yes Jars" that build attachment cycles with resistant children, and understand why connection feels so difficult when a child pushes away (hint: it's your brain's reciprocity response protecting you from rejection). Most importantly, you'll learn why teaching expected behaviors during calm moments is essential—because correction without instruction is just punishment.
Whether you're struggling with a child who seems to resist every boundary or simply want to make your guidance more effective, these foundational principles will transform your approach to discipline. Your patience and consistency in these four areas creates the safety necessary for lasting behavioral change.
Ready to see correction that actually sticks? Start with just one of these principles this week and watch what happens. Share this episode with another foster or adoptive parent who needs this encouragement—because even when change isn't visible yet, your impact is real.
Can You Really Help a Child If You Haven't Healed?
05 Mar 2025
00:21:26
We explore the critical importance of healing for foster and adoptive parents, emphasizing how past experiences shape our parenting. Understanding ourselves allows us to nurture our children effectively while providing the love they need.
• Exploring the concept of healing and being a steady presence • The impact of past traumas on parenting styles • The significance of understanding how childhood shapes our view of God • Strategies for prioritizing health and emotional well-being • Insights on creating a nurturing environment for children with trauma • Encouragement for listeners to start their healing journey
If you found this episode helpful at all, I'd love for you to leave a review. It helps so much for this podcast to be found by other foster and adoptive parents.
When We Aren't Enough- Navigating Out of Home Care with Anna Bernacki
26 Feb 2025
01:05:49
We explore the complexities of foster care and adoption and the emotional toll trauma takes on families, emphasizing the importance of candid conversations about these challenges. Anna Bernacki shares her personal journey through adoption and how faith has guided her family.
• The importance of discussing difficult topics within foster care • Differences between crisis hospitalization and residential treatment • Navigating shame and guilt in parenting from hard places • The role of faith in coping with challenges • How to support other family members when one child is absent • Encouragement for parents feeling overwhelmed or isolated
If you know somebody that is facing similar challenges, would you send them this episode?
The Things We Don't Say Out Loud in Foster Care and Adoption
19 Feb 2025
00:23:14
The latest episode explores the multifaceted challenges of foster care and adoption, inviting listeners to engage with the often unspoken truths of this journey. By addressing hard topics with compassion, the episode emphasizes the importance of validating the experiences of caregivers and children alike while encouraging open conversations.
• Validating the difficulty of foster care without diminishing its beauty • Acknowledging the impact of trauma on children in care • Recognizing the complexities of bonding with foster children • Balancing the goals of reunification with concerns for child safety • Navigating conflicting feelings during goodbyes • Identifying the difference between primary and secondary trauma in caregivers
Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it, and if you haven't yet, leave a review so we can keep having these important conversations.
This episode explores the spiritual warfare that foster parents face as they navigate their unique challenges. By emphasizing the importance of guarding our minds, nurturing relationships, prioritizing self-care, and cultivating gratitude, we equip ourselves to combat discouragement and support each other through this journey.
• Understanding spiritual warfare in the context of foster care • The significance of filling our minds with God's truth • Importance of nurturing marital and community relationships • Necessity of self-care for spiritual and emotional resilience • Strategies for guarding our hearts against negativity and despair
Overwhelming exhaustion is a challenge that many foster and adoptive parents experience, often without acknowledgment. This episode discusses burnout's signs, neurological impact, and practical steps toward healing and renewal. • Exploring the definition of burnout what it looks like in parents • Recognizing signs indicating a move in that direction • Addressing emotional detachment and the inclination to check out • Discussing diminished desire to connect with children • Identifying physical symptoms of burnout and health concerns • Offering practical steps to combat burnout
If this episode resonated with you, would you share it with a friend?
The episode dives deep into the challenges foster parents face, emphasizing the necessity of grace for both parents and children. It explores the importance of self-care amidst stress and the transformative power of faith through the story of the Prodigal Son.
• Sharing personal struggles with stress and parenting • The vital need for self-care among caregivers • Insights from the Prodigal Son story and its relevance • Encouragement to embrace God’s unconditional love • Strategies for managing stress and health as a parent • Invitation for community support and prayer interactions
Verses to read over: Psalm 107:8-9 Romans 5:8 1 John 4:16 Psalm 86:15 1 John 3:1 1 Chronicles 16:34 Zephaniah 3:17 1 John 4:19
Jonna Stein's "Untangling Hope" beautifully captures the intricate emotions of a foster child navigating trauma and the longing for belonging. In our discussion, we explore themes of empathy, understanding trauma, and the importance of fostering conversations about these experiences among parents, children, and their communities.
• Exploring the journey of a foster child in "Untangling Hope" • Understanding the difference between fitting in and belonging • Importance of compassion in caregiving • Insights into a child's perspective on trauma and resilience • Facilitation of dialogue about foster care in families and communities • Call for empathy and education about experiences of children in care
Fostering Connections: Using Food to Bridge Gaps and Empower Children with Chef Kibby
08 Jan 2025
00:35:38
Chef Kibby shares how he uses food and hunger as a language of connection, drawing from 25 years of culinary expertise and 16 years as a foster and adoptive dad. Discover his unique perspective on how the simple act of cooking can bridge gaps and build lasting relationships. With personal anecdotes and biblical insights, we explore how food has been historically used as a relational tool and how you can implement these practices in your own home.
The conversation uncovers the hidden emotional needs that surface at the dinner table, where food becomes more than just nourishment. We address the emotional and physiological hunger that children from challenging backgrounds experience and how parents can recognize and fulfill these needs. By focusing on inclusion rather than perfection, we can transform everyday kitchen interactions into powerful bonding moments that go beyond just eating.
Empowering children by giving them a voice in everyday decisions, like choosing pizza toppings, can significantly enhance their sense of agency and emotional well-being. We discuss practical ways parents can create environments where children feel heard and valued. As we close, we invite you to explore additional resources, including our Hunger for Connection podcast, and offer a heartfelt prayer for guidance and peace in fostering meaningful connections through the universal language of food.
Every holiday season as a foster or adoptive parent is a rollercoaster of joy and chaos. I've been there, feeling the duality of laughter and meltdowns, and I'm here to share how embracing these mixed emotions can actually enrich our lives and families. In this episode, I reflect on the past year, celebrating the laughter, acknowledging the meltdowns, and setting intentions for a more balanced 2025. Let's talk about the power of saying yes to ourselves so we can better say yes to our children, teaching them the value of self-care by living it out ourselves.
Together, we'll explore practical ways to incorporate movement and strength training into hectic lives, and the importance of nutrition in maintaining energy and preventing burnout. From the simplicity of a daily walk to the impact of choosing whole foods, every small decision counts. As we step into the new year, we'll also focus on spiritual growth, setting priorities that align with wisdom and nurture our families with love and grace. Join me in a prayer of strength and guidance, and let’s enter 2025 with renewed faith, purpose, and a commitment to self-care that supports our parenting journeys.