What does open adoption actually mean, and what happens when fear gets in the way of staying connected? Annie Iverson, adoptive mom of four and creator of Write It & Remember It, joins us to talk honestly about openness, boundaries, and the small, sustainable habits that keep birth family connections alive.
Episode Bullets
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Openness lives on a spectrum, from a card a few times a year to regular visits. There's no single "right" version of it.
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Three common misconceptions about open adoption: it means co-parenting, it's all or nothing, and it's mainly for the birth mom (it's really for the child).
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Keeping the child at the center means letting their questions, not the adults' comfort, drive the connection.
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A simple four-times-a-year rhythm (birthdays, a holiday, Birth Mother's Day, and one more) helps families stay consistent without overthinking it.
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"Something is better than nothing": an imperfect photo or a short text still counts as connection.
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Fear, of saying the wrong thing, of being judged, is often the biggest barrier, not logistics.
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If contact has faded or gone quiet, it's never too late to reach back out through the agency.
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Annie created Cards That Connect and the Birthday Interview Cards to make staying in touch simple and sustainable for other families.
Resources Mentioned
Write It & Remember It — Cards That Connect + Birthday Interview Cards
Birthday Interview Cards & Book
Digital Cards That Connect
Free Guide: Keeping the Connection After Placement (PDF)
Annie on Instagram
Promo code: CONNECT20 for 20% off (Annie's gift to ETC listeners)
Timestamps
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00:03:29 — What "openness" really means
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00:07:39 — Three misconceptions about open adoption
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00:16:20 — Keeping the child at the center (the birth mom & shoe-size story)
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00:21:43 — The four-times-a-year rhythm for staying consistent
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00:22:52 — "Something is better than nothing"
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00:32:18 — Fear as the biggest obstacle to staying connected
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00:34:06 — What to do when contact has faded
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00:41:52 — Letting go of the "hero" narrative
If this episode encouraged you, share it with another parent who needs to hear it. For more support on connected, trauma-informed parenting, check out our Connecting Practices Handbook and the Cultivate Connection course.
Chapters
- (00:00:00) - Annie Iverson on Empowered to Connect
- (00:01:45) - What is an Open Adoption?
- (00:03:04) - What Does Open Adoption Mean?
- (00:04:42) - Open adoption and biological family
- (00:07:40) - 3 Main misconceptions about Open Adoption
- (00:11:29) - What Kind of Contact Should Birthmother Have With Her Child?
- (00:16:18) - Open Adoption: Keeping the Child at the Center
- (00:20:21) - How to Keep the Open Adoption Relationship
- (00:25:52) - The Birth Mother's Cards
- (00:29:13) - Birth Mother Cards!
- (00:31:55) - Open Adoption: The Challenges
- (00:39:21) - Open Adoption: When Your Daughter Gives Up Her Story
