Elis has a hot chest and feels spacey, whilst John’s got his thrice a decade hay fever, which is a real problem now he’s in full vis. So that’s a great start to the second ever Megatisation era episode. 

Today’s a day for big questions, including and not limited to… Are their filthcentric studio sharers the antichrist? Has John nearly completed YouTube? Can he also win an Oscar with his sizzling bath content? Would you queue for a curry house before it opens in the mid afternoon? Do you like prawns? And where’s your mate?

All questions answered within. 

And if this is the carbs to fill you up at the start of a great big Elis and John buffet well the high [production] cost protein afterwards can be found over on our new Patreon. Bonus content in the bath and the first ever Adventure of Elis and John are on patreon.com/elisandjohn. And do go through the website rather than the app so that you avoid extra app charges!

And the sweet dessert of the buffet, this week’s Bureau will arrive only / exclusively on BBC Sounds on Saturday morning.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production.

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It’s a big/normal day! Everything in Elis and John world just got bigger/stayed exactly the same as before! All praise the Brave New World/status quo!

John’s dressed up in a suit and tie to mark the (non-) occasion, and there’s a 100 points on offer to the listener who can decipher John’s scripted intro.

Beyond everything changing/staying exactly the same, Elis and John try to find the best non-threatening noise to make whilst running to alert non-runners, with some very surprising suggestions. Elis tries to pick himself up after last week’s missed shot at glory in the Cymru Connection, plus there’s a return to a glorious sub-category of Mad Dads: milk.

One thing that definitely has changed is the Elis and John spiritual home: the email hub. You can now contact the show by sending your correspondence to hello@elisandjohn.com.

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John Robins feels enormous. His Christmas Day, Ryder Cup and Tax Deadline Day have all come at once. That’s right, a new supermarket has opened near his house, and he’s primed and ready to make content that no one else would dream of making. Strap in for some gonzo journalism; it’s Fear and Loathing in Rural Bucks.

Supermarket excitement aside, we tackle the big questions: Did Elizabeth I wish she’d had meal deals? Did she resent not having a fridge, or Tetris, or yoghurt? What would Henry VIII have made of an air fryer?

Plus, Elis’s Welshness gets him in hypothetical hot water.

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John and Producer Dave are back from a high after John turned 2,000 revellers up to eleven with his problematic walk in music. Elis has questions but Robins simply adds so much value to live events. And he’s been adding his own energy to another live event - that of the singles night variety. And he sure did set the vibe by diving straight in with tube station facts as an ice breaker.

The dating scene is perched on the lips elsewhere as there’s a fantastic suggestion from a listener about the best ways to judge a potential partner. Namely footwell, fridge and friend.

Plus the ball begins to be rolled on the great lilts of the globe in the UNESCO Accents World Cup.

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You’ve probably heard it whispered on the train on your way into work. You’ve likely heard mutterings about it on the concourse at the football. And you’ve almost certainly heard your grandma claim it at Sunday dinner. Well, this episode confirms the rumours; no one else is doing this.

Especially if by ‘this’ you mean an extensive chat about spare pants, an extraordinary insight into the ice cream van outside the BBC’s broadcasting hub, and an update on a boggle tournament. For this is a show that covers more topics than the world’s best stocked library. It’s the wonders of Adrian Chiles one moment, grief granola the next.

Sitting atop all these topics is a palpable sense of excitement surrounding the nation’s longest running opening set of Made Up Games. Johnny JR is currently on set point; can he channel his inner Andy Murray and secure that long-awaiting victory?

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We join our heroes during a telling off session, because someone is being a naughty boy. Has John eaten too much chocolate on the way in and he’s about to experience the mother of all choco crashes? Has Elis insisted that we scrap the proposed running order to talk instead about every conceivable permutation of the Nations League? Or could Producer Dave be the one in the firing line…?

After the air has been cleared, it’s pumped full of excitement. Elis receives quite possibly the greatest bit of post to leave Postman Dave’s sack since its creation, and John relishes the prospect of ball-by-ball cricket commentary.

There’s muscle chat, zoo chat, and a tiny bit of (sorry) worlde chat.

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Acceptance is the word on everybody’s lips today, but it has different meanings for Elis and John. For John it’s a meaningful form of accepting things as they are in life. For Elis it’s about accepting that his wife Isy will never be interested in the Nations League. Both are valid, I'm sure you'll agree.

Also getting in on the acceptance game is this week’s special guest, Harriet Kemsley, fresh from her appearance on Last One Laughing. Her form of acceptance centres around dating, and together everyone questions whether Harriet should really be hosting a dating podcast…

Elsewhere, there’s a humdinger of a Cymru Connection (complete with surprise connections left, right and centre) and John tallies up the wins and losses in the second instalment of John Wins Again.

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Elis and Producer Dave are fresh from taking breaths of the night DJ’ing. The only two people on planet Earth to become hipper as they age. But Mixmag has it that Elis spent most of it seated. Because that’s what the top DJs do. Harris, Tong, Guetta, all from a seated position whilst sucking on Werther’s Originals.

Yes Elis got a little bit tired bless him and John simply isn't willing to let him forget it. Elsewhere there’s 7 minutes of observational stand up which is hot to go to the nimblest comic, and just when you thought guff chat had tooted its last parp there’s a hall of famer piece of correspondence.

And if you root around there’s also some lovely Mallett stuff and two big daddy Mad Dads amidst some top drawer listener generated content.

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John’s managed to pick himself up after last Friday’s show. Well to a certain degree at least - thank the lord. But the collective vibe scale is nudged handsomely towards ‘winning’ as Elis has had one of his all time great days. Cycling? Check. Wales? Check. All time hero who laughs at every single one of his jokes? Check.

So it’s all the fun of the fair today. The topics of ‘banning pranks’, ‘the greatest accents of the world’ and ‘how to pad out an autobiography” float around the apple bobbing content tub, ready for the boys to sink their teeth into.

And while you’re here, check out the Bureau de Change of the Mind bonus episodes in the feed. Last time out there were some real surprise thrills. That’s only on BBC Sounds.

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We’ve hit a low ebb. The show which won Best Entertainment Podcast at the British Podcast Awards just a few years ago is dredging the bottom of the barrel. That new low being production staff researching their credit scores ‘live’ on the show. Throw in a chat with an expert on credit ratings and it’s a wall to wall credit ball.

And at such an ebb one would have thought it would lift the mood of Robins. This is him. Distilled Robins. But no. Rather, it’s broken him, because Dave has a 999 credit score without even having a credit card. Something which he simply cannot recover from. And this has affected the mood.

What ensues is a breakdown. A breakdown over being unable to nudge the needle from 999 to 1000. And a breakdown over autofilling card details on a laptop. And that’s not the end of it as we see the dangers of a John with access to a credit expert on demand. Somebody break glass for a kilo of Dairy Milk to save us for the Tuesday episode record.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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Huge news in Elis and John towers today, for Producer Dave bumped into the man, the myth, the Solero supper himself, Mr Tim Davie. Could he use this opportunity to pitch a brand new true crime podcast about dupes from Stockport who get sold fake shoes? Well that commission’s ripe for the taking if there’s a Magnum that goes the other way.

Alongside yet more DG discussion Elis really thinks he should get into juggling, for some inexplicable reason, and we have a game which makes the greatest use of a beat since the invention of the bass drum.

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The sun is shining, blossom is blooming and death and divorce are on the lips. Oh the joys of spring. For how is John going to bid farewell when he and his wheels go off to the great scrapheap in the sky? And how does the statistical likelihood of marriage breakup impact the need to draw cold hard financial lines in the sand?

It’s all cheery stuff but amidst all that joy Elis has to bring the tone down by documenting one of his great weeks in North Macedonia with the venerable Eggy. (Think ‘scenes’, ‘limbs’ and ‘Matthew The Pharmacist’).

Plus there’s a great bath-based Mad Dad to soak yourself in and John wants to get a credit expert on the show. ‘Which other comedy podcasts are doing that?’ I hear you ask. None. Precisely none.

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Palin, Chalmers, Livingstone… Robins(?!). Yes, gliding into the show today is one of Britain’s greatest travellers. An adventurer unequalled in the 21st century. Because John has been on his once per 9 months short haul trip. Naples has experienced Robins, and he it. With such pizza consumption and the undoubted oscillation between ‘hungry’ and ‘full’, Elis struggles to believe that he can actually have been a laugh there.

But filled with more pies than than all the ninja turtles combined, Robins has a pep in his step for what proves to be a Billy Belter of a show. The boys dig into the practicalities of 007 if he flew Ryanair and there’s a classic double whammy of a Shame.

Plus, there’s something new bursting through the pipes. No it’s not potable tap water or natural gas, but something far more important to John’s existence: wins.

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What do Sir Steve Redgrave, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, David Beckham and John Robins have in common? None of them were asked on QI. Elis has though, and it’s clearly going down very very well with all parties.

But today feels significant as we rope in a special guest to digest Elis hammering his friend using his fast twitch fibres. On top of that, John’s having a big day - something which others seriously doubt. “He’s probably just had too much hot sauce on his scrambled egg,” cries Dave. Wrong! In fact he’s being texted by a ghost curry house.

Elsewhere the boys ask Adrian *all* the questions you’ve ever wanted to know, and we get a bit nostalgic as John talks of the only cool thing he’s ever done.

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Tech problems aplenty behind the scenes, but none of you will notice until the boys bring immediate attention to it. No matter though because the mood is high, for John has not yet had his two squares of chocolate.

And there’s a lot flying about today. Adrian gets intense about the length of forests and some of the finest fancy dress in the region abounds.

Plus Elis has been on a historical coffee tour of London and it’s time for the final instalment of This Is Your Stand Up Life, where we uncover a camp alter ego. Ooooo.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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You join today’s show mid-crash. Mid-comedown. John Robins is 30 minutes post-butterscotch. How is he meant to broadcast at the top of his game on such a slippery downhill blood sugar slide? Do Elis and Dave need to have an intervention to get him back on the straight and narrow?

Amidst such a rut however there’s time to dig into offering business advice to local restaurants, and a Made Up Game which sees the tawdry line tested. Plus Elis now has old hands, and The Beaker People rear their neolithic heads once more.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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If content were a wrist, chat were the blood flowing through the veins of that wrist, and today’s episode of Elis and John were the finger, then all 3 would be in perfect harmony. For this is an episode with its finger firmly on the nation’s pulse.

What else is the nation talking about than mullets, Van Morrison, dressing up your kids, and a pile of tyres on a farm near Narberth? It’s an episode that really does cover the gamut of human experience; it contains multitudes.

It also contains a pink-t-shirt-wearing John Robins, who’s decided to wear a jolly colour in order to tell his subconscious that things are better than they seem. And it contains Elis going beyond the human and trying to Cymru Connect to an email.

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The Cymru Connection is officially newsworthy: we said it could be significant, and boy was it.

Sadly we didn’t get a 2000 word thinkpiece on whether opening with the question ‘where did you go to school?’ is actually harmful for Elis’s xC (expected connections), but we did get a 3 minute package on the nation’s favourite feature that will no doubt be talked about for decades to come. The boys reflect on their newfound cultural importance, and John discovers a hard truth about how his role on this podcast is viewed in Wales.

Beyond all the excitement, there’s chat about the downsides of dressing your children for World Book Day, there’s a Shame Well that’s so shameful it leads to everyone talking French, and the boys wonder why farms always have massive piles of tyres. Your usual fare, basically.

Oh, and we finally get to relive some of John's early stand up material. Brace yourselves.

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Is John having a Pep Guardiola moment? For a man who wins a lot, he’s chalked up a lot of losses this week. Firstly there’s an unprecedented Wordle catastrophe that only the language of the great Bard can summarise. And secondly, there’s a barren month on the old PB’s (premium bonds).

But worry not, for John has “lit a fire in today”. What kind of fire? A content fire. Nothing can stop the man from producing content.

Elis dives once again into the annals of history to continue a comprehensive look back at John’s 20 year stand up career. And he calls on two famous friends to colour in the details.

Elsewhere, a new facet of the Mad Dad is unearthed, a listener shares a Van Morrison story, and the boys have a chat about mullets.

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“Wales might be a country of 3.1 million people, but it seems like we all know each other. Well one broadcaster on BBC Radio 5 Live is putting that to the test.” [Roll VT]

It’s a big day for Elis. This could be significant. BBC Wales are in the house to cover the local / national news stories on everyone’s lips: The Cymru Connection. The eyes of a section of the UK are on him. Can he succeed when the nation’s local news comes to town?

As a result there’s not just one, but two bites at the succulent connecting cherry for you lucky rascals. Wipe those juices off your face, it's unbecoming.

Plus there’s a Made Up Game that once again confounds the boys’ lowly expectations of their own creativity, whilst Elis simply cannot get his head around plot when it’s sung to him.

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“I just feel ashamed and sad now.”

John’s in a bad mood. He has made this patently clear he wants nothing to catch him off guard. That’s great news for Elis when he’s got a big fun surprise for John that he’s put a load of work into. Wish him luck.

Because it’s a huge milestone week for Mr Johnny JR Robins. Two decades on the circuit. And in that time innumerable regional arts centres have felt his comedic touch in that time. So many times has John won. Again. And Again. Thus now is the time to cast a wistful eye back on 20 years of John Robins stand up, warts and all. For This Is Your Stand Up Life.

We also circle back around to sex clubs again. This time on The Wirral.

Premium bonds are like truffles in the earth. Got any truffles that you prime hogs have dug up and now stand attentively next to, waiting for us to gather?

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John’s currently penning something which will change global culture. But what if we lift the bonnet of his genius? That is what we find out on today’s show.

For in that bonce is a V8 plucking words from the ether with such vim and vigour, and combining those words to make phrases, clauses and sentences. Word constructs which then combine to make reflections and musings that will make people go “huh, that’s profound” like nothing before.

The ease with which John hammers out words at such a pace would make Jilly Cooper, professional blush causer, blush. Pages churned out with an efficiency that if this were Bob Cratchit doing office based tasks then Scrooge would offer him a raise.

Elsewhere, there is combat over the combativeness of features and where the blame for that lies, whilst once again Elis is unreasonably put under time pressure to think of things. Plus, have you ever just snogged someone constantly for an hour?

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John has eaten some chocolate just before recording and now he’s all glum. So it’s up to Elis and Dave to get him out of his funk. Their options: 1. Take his trousers off. 2. Give him a wedgie. 3. Let him tell his anecdote about going to a folk gig and sitting in front of an annoying couple. One wonders which they’ll pick?

After the chunk funk (chocolate funk) has subsided, there’s more premium bond chat, and after Elis’s poor showing around Valentine’s Day last week, dating expert LalalaLetMeExplain stops by to impart some romantic wisdom.

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Brace yourselves, because John is about to discover something massive LIVE on the podcast. This could be significant. This could change the game. This could mean that Project 2032(TM) has come early. It’s a potentially life-changing day for Robins, and somewhat like an episode of 24, it all plays out in real time. Strap yourselves in, folks.

And with John’s attention elsewhere, could this also be a game-changing day for our Elis James? Will the sense of excitement that’s pervading the studio seep into Elis’ attempt to connect to a random Welsh caller? Is a tap in on the cards for Made Up Games? It’s certainly all to play for.

So sit back and enjoy some textbook Elis and John badinage, featuring a welcome return of #HotChat, and a Made Up Game that features so many brand names it’s taken the production team 2 days to fill out all the forms.

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John is not going to dance to their tune. Who’s tune? The people who design the layouts of supermarkets, that’s who. Sure, they can play their seductive little ditties, but Johnny JR ain’t dancing.

But someone who is dancing to a tune is Elis James, and that tune is Welsh music (general). With St David’s Day having just passed, the pressure is on Elis to contribute to the national mood. Can he turn around a poor run of form in the Cymru Connection, or will he besmirch the good name of Wales around its big day?

Elsewhere, Elis dives headfirst into a cognitive decline casserole, the boys riff a future award-winning feature on the fly, and we take a welcome trip back down the Shame Well.

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Love is in the air and it’s really setting Producer Dave’s pulse racing. And not just because he’s madly in love himself. Rather it’s because Elis and John are leaning into topical content in a natural fashion without prompting. Something to get any commercial radio producer excitable.

For yes, it’s Valentine’s Day. Romance is making the studio a thick humid erotic soup. Elis will send Isy a text saying “well done”. And John’s Love Heart that says “new love” on it has broken in half; a sign that pagans would have interpreted as coming crop failure.

But John is in love. In love with a new beau... the Top Shows Podcast Chart. He’s also had the greatest match with a woman of all time… his mortgage broker. In less romantic affairs we ask “could you wake a baby for £25,000?” and there’s a clash of two ingredients that were just made for each other: Mad Dads and sat navs.

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What do the people want? Wordle Live. What do they not want? The Cymru Connection. That’s the opinion of John Robins. Just John Robins. You thought that we were out of the Wordly woods. But no, the more concern you have for the woods the more trees John will plant. PLANT being a good starter. John wants a feature substitution and he'll wage this war on Elis, listeners and production staff alike until he gets it.

Failing that, what about a daily Wordle podcast? Guys. Guys! GUUYYS!?! Don’t run off. It can’t happen anyway because they’re hard to promote and you can’t get a commercial midroll advert in if they’re too short. So it’s all fine. That door is closed.

Anyway there are larks aplenty today on the show, and not the avian sort. For Richard Herring and his singular ball are in today to talk about someone who looks like Tim Key. Plus there’s a Made Up Games which really will make TV commissioners *finally* sit up and listen to the ideas machines.

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You would think Elis and Producer Dave would be offering praise to the mood gods, for Johnny JR is in a good one, having interviewed his favourite musician of all time for a project he cannot comment on. May - check. Oldham - check. McCombes - check (but didn’t engage). Yet the fly in the ointment: with such big energy, John’s sackings flow forth like a wave.

Equally such vim it also means there’s the vigour to go in two footed on shoes. Who could expect that?

Elsewhere, we’re on other fertile ground covering topics such as tying your shoe laces. It’s all good stuff crowned off with a proper meat and drink Mad Dad.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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There’s some big goals targeted on today’s show. Firstly, ‘legacy’ is on the lips. What permanent impact can Elis and John leave?

Secondly, what can help achieve Project 2032 and allow John to retire in just 7 years?

Finally, Dave just wants to create some vaguely entertaining content and keep John busy.

The proposed options are numerous to reach the above goals. Well, everything from pottery and doing a food safety certificate. Can any of the ideas achieve all three? Absolutely not. Not even the tantalising prospect of a thousand lovely ladies or John Robins: Deal Dog.

Speaking of deal dogs, there’s a Made Up Game which lasts as long as an episode of Eastenders and really gets JR's juices flowing - Elis is also there. Also expect Elis’s questioning to be questioned... once again.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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Some of you wanted less not more Wordle chat. You pleaded even to the production team. But the team were scared. For there were Wordle emails that had come in. What if Emperor Robins found out they’d been squirreling such content away from him. It would displease him so. Thus he was presented with it all. And like a labrador at the bowl, he could feast. Feast until unwell.

So what of the pleas? With his 3.6 average word score laurel perched on his head, he peered down from his chaise longe. As the fickle thumb of fate turned down, and he yelled ‘No!’. And rather than getting less Wordle, it’s more. It’s double Wordle. Another 20 minutes 30 seconds of it all across two doses.

This’ll teach the complainers. The rioters. Eat your wordy gruel and be happy with it. Might assess ‘gruel’ as a potential for new starter words actually. Dave write that down. Elis was not consulted on today's content.

Anyway, aside from that there’s also non-etymological issues at play including Adrian Chiles’ pants and the rather frightening thought of ‘what if John was the second coming of Christ’.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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Someone’s put 50p in Johnny JR today. And it’s incredible what such loose change can enact. For since the wee hours he’s been cackling into his notebook at the output of his terrifyingly fervent mind at work. So fervent in fact, that he almost struggles to get through his own twisting creation. Strap in from the off, because when he’s in top gear it’s a mind quite unlike any other.

Beyond the bubbling crevasses of John’s imagination there’s Elis James to deal with. Because once again it’s time for his own progeny to skewer him in increasingly damning ways.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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You thought you were safe from Wordle? Hasn’t everyone else stopped talking about it? Well, you were wrong. But don’t switch off, come back, come back!

For it’s an etymological *feast* today - is that a good eliminator word?! Because alongside Old English word origins and some quite impenetrable tactics chat, there are some astonishing revelations about Johnny JR’s mental approach to the global word game.

But there’s also good news in the Robins Realm because his young bum has been signed off. A young bum that yearns for the simpler less filth-ridden times of the 1930s.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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No, this episode is not a web error. Instead it contains something else which will make the content servers explode. Yes that’s right, it’s the return of the Cymru Connection. And amidst such Cymraeg content it’s fever pitch. In fact the fervour has led to an Elis on such a high that he makes financial cheques that he might not be able to cash.

In other slightly less medium shaking happenings the lovely Lou Sanders joins the boys to offer some sartorial advice. As well as Lou's usual askance approach to the world there's a Petty Inquiry is formed to handle an orthographical issue. Also, when on earth did people start cupping their bits? And is it worse now than ever?

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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Akin to Weller in February 1980 ‘tatts entertainment’ was bouncing around the studio today as the boys hit action stations to execute one of their great TV ideas. If commissioners are listening then elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk is the place to send your multimillion pound offer.

Next on the list: Adrian and John travel round the UK feeling existential dread.

Elsewhere away from such bona fide televisual hits John gives us another peek into his fervent mind via the vehicles of brown noise and the weaknesses of Hercule Poirot.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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With Speakergate gone (we hope) in the blink of a manually adjustable eye it’s time for John to turn to one of his other favourite pastimes: cheekiness. Trying to get plugs past Producer Dave without him noticing, by increasingly layered and convoluted means? Count that checked and duly intervened on. Campaigning for the return of erotic movies? Tick, oh he's a cheeky scamp that one. And that saucy subject is one he seems to know more about than he perhaps should.

In other goings on there’s a logically watertight game which causes the usual ructions from the usual parties, and despite the lack of 35 minutes on sound systems there is a brutal time consuming neg from a listener that really derails the vibe.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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Elis is in the middle of a megaweek. He’s about to do a 100m race for charity that he wishes could be 18 yards, he’s been to 10 Downing Street because Sir Keir is in love with him, and he’s been accosted by a roomful of Welsh people wanting to connect with him.

But amongst all this he has also been betrayed. For there was a Paul McCartney-based event that he wasn’t invited to, despite another member of the team making the guest list.

But what about John? He’s been doing what he does everyday; checking the price of Bitcoin. This despite not ever having owned any.

Plus, there’s an update on the WhatsApp community and another cap in the feather of the world’s greatest invention; e-mail.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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Nobody’s making audio like this. Nobody approaching such breadth. One episode it’s half an hour discussing home audio solutions and then the next the wheels are set in motion to achieve the pilot of Britain’s Sexiest Tattoo.

The rumours are that we’ve already hit five submissions. Could ‘a breast on a knee’ make the shortlist? And the online promo strategy isn’t torpedoed as you can get away with it on socials because 'it’s art'.

And on top of that there’s a couple of majestic Mad Dads, some clownery, blue biros and special flake dust. Just imagine if you could make it into a paste. The mind boggles.

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400 not out. But plough on past Brian Lara we will. And welcome new listeners for 2025. The BBC's wide reaching podcast ad campaign has no doubt brought you here. You are likely puzzled now that you're here, because what follows today is a man spending around 35 minutes ranting about speakers and the technicalities of streaming platforms, before another 35 of a man talking about knowing people in Wales.

It’s all completely approachable stuff. Debates have rarely been more heated as John has a massive bee in his big old billy bonnet about the adjustability and accessibility of modern tech. He’s been on the forums. Dave, Elis and likely most of the audience meanwhile just don’t get his problem. It’s not The Dance but has similar levels of intensity.

And in an episode of intense chats Dave finally snaps as he’s pushed to his limits by criticism following the sun lounger controversy. But fear not, because it's an impact moment. Thus despite the three match ban there ends up being three times the Connection Content as Elis has to get his head in the game.

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The boys are kicking off 2025 with contrasting vibes: Johnny JR is feeling grateful, and the team think of 11 (slightly unusual) reasons for him to be cheerful (think white teeth, think flat ears). Poor Elis on the other hand is starting the New Year with the sniffles, so regales us of his Christmas antics down the line.

And is it a case of new year new pod? Will this chance of renewal be grasped by our podcasting heroes? Will this be the Great Reset 2.0? We’ll let you decide, but do bear in mind there are a lot of emails about guffs, there’s an argument about the Cymru Connection, and John explains how he spent Christmas Day in a Premier Inn.

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Things that can be reset: timers, bones, electronic devices. Other things that can be reset: bantercasts featuring the BBC’s youngest and most relevant broadcasters. For this year, Messrs Elis James and John Robins hit the big reset button, and changed to a groundbreaking linear podcast-first broadcast-second podcast way of broadcasting, something that most had previously thought impossible.

After John had introduced the show in cod-Shakespearean describing 5 Live’s annual social, there were flickers of hope. When Tony Blackburn stopped by ostensibly to read from his masterwork Poptastic!, but ended up laying into Dave’s latest jingle, there were tremors of belief. And when Elis explained how John was once sacked for sadness from Deal or No Deal, the writing was on the wall; this new way of broadcasting was working. The reset was complete.

So sit back and bask in the best bits of the Elis James and John Robins podcast since The Great Reset. And we’ll be back with regular programming on Friday.

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It’s a game of 3 halves as a trifecta of things looms large over today’s episode: Paul McCartney, a sun lounger, and a humdinger of a Made Up Game. Also looming large from the sidelines: a pigeon and some dog mess.

All of the above contribute to a wild rollercoaster for our Elis. One moment he’s experiencing McCartney bliss, the next he’s in the dumpiest of dumps for reasons that will become clear. Luckily John is on hand to cheer him up/make things worse.

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'Elis and John Smash Up A Bus Stop'. 'The UK’s Biggest Dog'. 'Elis and John’s Big Supper'. Just a flavour of how unstoppable the content ideas train is today. There’s no ‘out of office’ here. Not even Keanu Reeves in Speed 3: Content Never Sleeps could stop this festive content locomotive.

For alongside such a fertile ideas flow, Father Christmas has also come early, in the shape of Elis bearing gifts. The South Wales Santa leaves his traditional presents of yoghurt and a 4 month late gift for John.

Meanwhile Producer Dave’s going to *bear in mind* marathon advice from Eliud Kipchoge. But his dad is doing a good coaching job so he might ignore it. Plus there’s an intriguing mad dad that whets the tastebuds for more details.

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Fresh from their Christmas Cracker Elis and John are in a sense celebrating Boxing Day, but in another sense they’re creating linear/circular content that can be easily digested at any point this Christmas/not at Christmas at all. In short, it’s the most confusing time of the year!

But what we can guarantee there isn’t confusion about is the quality of the #content. Both Elis and John come armed with anecdotes - one involving a maps-based misjudgement, the other involving weft - ministerial banter is further discussed, and there’s a welcome return for everyone’s favourite topic: guffs.

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“Mmmh yeah Christmastime.” In a linear sense it’s Christmas Day. In a circular sense it’s some time between 13th and 25th December. Ho! Ho! Ho!

What better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus than Elis and John’s Christmas Cracker? Oh and we have festive fun. Elis and John write a Christmas song which is equal parts downbeat and administration heavy, whilst it’s the most madderful time of the year for fathers.

We’ve also got a very secret guest that Producer Dave reveals within the first 15 minutes and there’s a festive advert to rival Jean Louis that becomes far more affecting than the initially comedic idea. Whether your listening in a linear (25/12), circular (13/12 to 13/12) or any point afterwards. Merry Christmas!

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This is sierras of the papas broadcasting, and news just in: we’re all out of papas!

John’s losing his voice because of doing an extraordinary impression of an Australian in a mystical Bureau de Change for some BBC Sounds bonus content, but we plough on! And in a way, this is the definition of ‘talent’, which we discover that Tim Davie is keen to define.

Elsewhere, there’s a classic Made Up Game, Elis (Patient Father and Nice Friend) James does some keepy uppies and Dave engages in a stag where he’s actually early for Match of The Day.

The Bureau has been mentioned here already, but if you’re missing out, then you’re missing out on bonus content described by listener Kate as “Perhaps the funniest but most bizarre 15 minutes of radio I’ve listened to in 57 years.” And where can you get it? BBC Sounds of course, with episodes titled ‘Sounds Bites’ on our feed.

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“All suffering is resistance to suffering” is soon followed by “we are technically a comedy podcast” on the show today. So it’s clearly another banter filled hour or so which covers the hilarious fodder of regret, gratitude and whether you should tell your BF that you’ve got a billiard room.

It’s all good stuff as Dave is pressured into doing stand up (again as he will never give). Also an 8 year old believes the show is now a “bum surgery podcast” and the lovely Sophie Duker pops along.

There’s also some great emails from vicars. Thanks revs.

Keep your eyes peeled for the bonus episode Saturday morning, only available on BBC Sounds. And it’s a classic.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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Elis has Barrel of Eggs’ed it. Or more accurately, Isy has. The new car has met its match in the form of inner-London car park tight corners. But for a show that holds content on the highest pedestal possible, this can only be seen as a good thing.

Not only has Elis got a damaged car, but he also has a damaged connection rate in the Cymru Connection. Can youth-based listener Holly be the ticket Elis needs to do a three point turn and drive straight up Success Alley?

Elsewhere there’s an abundance of fun as both Benjamin Partridge and Lou Sanders give their two cents on hot air balloons and the glowing-up of Elis James respectively, John does some winning and losing, and a trip to the sound proof booth causes Elis to do some very strange things…

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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There are records today for pre-Cymru Connection heads in hands as Britain’s clumsiest Welsh language comic gets all sorts of muck over himself. Amidst such mess there’s only one thing that can carry Elis James through: A songwriting talent to rival Lennon & McCartney at their peak.

This brings the return of the classic 'Dorking, Leatherhead, Ryegate’ - one for the purists. And speaking of stuff for the purists - and defenders of terrestrial radio’s most divisive feature - DI Robbyns also makes a surprise appearance for one courtroom session only in a game which slightly baffles its participants.

Want to get in touch with the show with everything from ditties to deep introspective reflections to rival de Beauvoir and Wittgenstein?

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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“Purgatory is nothing. This is hell.” You’ll never guess which presenter’s mouth that inspiring line came out of today.

Well if you want a clue perhaps you might be able to tell that John has had a bum setback. But we lube up, we go again, and we create content. Though he has bifurcated into two - spiritual gas John and physical John - in order to remain zen.

But let’s not continue on that bum note, because there are other bum notes to be played, for there’s a quite astonishing email from a listener determined to break a record.

We also hear from the sisters of Stansbie and John’s widow is floated around the room along with the prospect of Elis getting hammered online for not reading his eulogy in Falkirk.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

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The term ‘firing on all cylinders’ was invented for 72 minutes of audio just like this, because your beautiful boys really are firing on every one of the Content V8 today. And that’s all despite John having some flakey skin on his elbow.

That’s eight powerful cylinders for you. On Cylinder One we’ve got 'unlocking the corporate secrets of eggs'. Cylinder Two: The Novelli Protocol. Three: More eggs. Four *&* Five: The art of navigating Buckinghamshire’s beautiful pharmacy women. Six: Dua Lipa being the youngest person John can name. Seven: A thrilling man from Burry Port. And Eight: Hawaiian themed Chinese restaurants.

If only the BBC’s in-house cylinder limits* didn’t prevent yet more powerful content thrust. But rules are rules.

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The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production 

*These limits were introduced in 2008, after one positively scorching V10 piece of content on The One Show. An unnamed presenter tried to compare all pies in the West Bromwich area all within a four minute VT which smashed all recommended safety guidelines.

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