[This episode originally aired on October 11, 2022]  The sixth and final paramita is the prajna paramita  •  the sanskrit term “prajna” means supreme knowledge: the best of knowing, the best of cognitive mind  •  even though the Buddhist tradition is widely known for non-conceptual practices such as sitting meditation, there is also a great reverence and respect for learning and for knowledge at all levels  •  prajna is not just about knowing this or that; it is seeing without bias  •  prajna is fresh and on the spot; it is sharp, and it is direct  •  prajna is a way of seeing without any capturing or storing; it is the first thought, the first insight  •  it is what our perceptions can be when we're not trying to hold onto them or put them in our bag of experiences  •  prajna is often represented by a razor-sharp two-sided sword—one that cuts through duality altogether  •  by cutting through dualistic thinking, a much fresher and clearer way of knowing is liberated. 

[This episode originally aired on October 4, 2022]  The topic of meditation reminds me of the old saying, “all roads lead to Rome”  •  in the Buddhist tradition, all teachings seem to lead to meditation  •  sometimes we think of meditation as just stillness, but as one of the six paramitas, meditation is considered to be one of the skillful actions of a bodhisattva, essential for cultivating wisdom and compassion  •  meditation helps us to settle and to open; it helps us to hold our mind steady and not simply react impulsively when we are challenged by other people and the pressures of life  •  with meditation, you can hold steady and then respond appropriately—and then you can let go and move on  •  in meditation practice, we begin to see through some of our preconceptions, and we witness how easily we solidify our experiences  •  meditation draws us out of ourselves and turns us towards others; in doing so, the inspiration to work for the benefit of others arises.

[This episode originally aired on August 2, 2022]  In Buddhism some practices are designated as meditation practices, such as working with mindfulness and awareness  •  other practices, called contemplative practices, are focused on working with the concepts in our mind  •  one of the most important of these is the contemplation of impermanence, change, and death  •  we often have difficulty accepting the reality of impermanence; we create various coverings to mask this raw, basic truth  •  but this contemplation isn’t intended to make everyone morose or obsessed with death  •  in fact, this kind of contemplation actually frees one from the fear of change, and provides a basis for being able to accommodate change  •  the following four approaches are often given for helping us to broaden our understanding of impermanence: 1) everything that is born will die;  2) every meeting leads to a parting;  3) every gathering leads to a dispersing; and  4) everything created eventually dissolves, or is destroyed. 

The topic of meditation reminds me of the old saying, “all roads lead to Rome”  •  in the Buddhist tradition, all teachings seem to lead to meditation  •  sometimes we think of meditation as just stillness, but as one of the six paramitas, meditation is considered to be one of the skillful actions of a bodhisattva, essential for cultivating wisdom and compassion  •  meditation helps us to settle and to open; it helps us to hold our mind steady and not simply react impulsively when we are challenged by other people and the pressures of life  •  with meditation, you can hold steady and then respond appropriately—and then you can let go and move on  •  in meditation practice, we begin to see through some of our preconceptions, and we witness how easily we solidify our experiences  •  meditation draws us out of ourselves and turns us towards others; in doing so, the inspiration to work for the benefit of others arises.

In the Buddhist tradition there’s a lot of talk about practice, which is connected with the paramita of exertion  •  practice is something that you do over and over again, and as you do so, hopefully you get better and better, and develop more and more understanding and sophistication about what you're doing  •  in the paramita of exertion, the development is from a kind of self-conscious or imposed approach to a more natural approach, even reaching a point where exertion is actually joyful  •  instead of making a division between when we're having fun on the one hand and doing hard work on the other, the paramita of exertion is pointing to something almost upside down from that  •  it’s suggesting that continuing our exertion in the midst of pain or obstacles or setbacks or disappointments actually increases our happiness and wellbeing  •  exertion is just keeping going, and delighting in that keeping going. 

In the English language, the words “patience” and “patient” derive from the same word, meaning “to suffer” •  the Tibetan term for patience has more of a sense of forbearance; in Sanskrit, it has more to do with a of a sense of equilibrium  •  the practice of patience has to do with boycotting our addiction to rushing through things, aggressively trying to force life to move in the ways we would like it to  •  patience is not inaction; in fact, the paramita of patience points to the possibility of addressing problems in the world more effectively because our actions are not based on anger, panic, speed, or aggression  •  three traditional guidelines for working with the paramita of patience are: 1) not getting sucked in by others’ disruptiveness; 2) understanding the causes and origins of other people's anger; and 3) examining the many little points of irritations in your life, and being willing to face your own states of mind.

Coming from the vast and expansive ground of the first paramita, the paramita of generosity, we now turn our attention to the second paramita, the paramita of discipline  •  discipline has to do with meticulousness of behavior and a sharpening of mindfulness and awareness  •  when we work with generosity and discipline, we're really working with a fundamental challenge: when do we need to tighten, and when do we need to loosen up?  •  when do we need to think large, and when do we need to draw in and pay attention to the specifics of what is right in front of our nose?  •  the challenge is not to lose the vastness in the details, and not lose the details in the vastness  •  the point of the paramita of discipline, like the point of all of the paramitas, isn’t about self-improvement; the bottom line is that it allows us to be better able to benefit others. 

[Continuing our exploration of the paramita of generosity]  •  generosity is like the expanding universe: it just keeps expanding and expanding without limit  •  the practice of generosity challenges us to stretch beyond our fear and territoriality and sense of impoverishment  •  Buddhist teachings recommend working with three dimensions of generosity: material generosity, psychological generosity, and the generosity of offering the dharma or the teachings  •  material generosity refers to giving what is needed, whether it be food or clothing or any other material object  •  psychological generosity refers to giving the gift of confidence or fearlessness; it has a tone of empowering others, supporting others, giving others the strength to face life  •  the generosity of offering the dharma means offering others inner support for their spiritual development  •  in all three cases, we are working in the realm of relationships; we are learning to tune into situations so we can respond with what is most appropriate. 

The English word “generosity” comes from the Latin meaning “noble birth”  •  in talking about the bodhisattva path, this doesn't mean elitism or nobility in the sense of being kings and queens, but nobility in terms of a noble way of being in the world—with dignity, with skill, with love and with compassion, and with a sense of respect for one's own life and the life of other beings  •  of the six paramitas, generosity is fundamental; it is about the quality of your very spirit, your inner workings, your heart and your mind  •  it refers to a sense of inner richness combined with a sense of outer connection and invitation toward other beings  •  in the practice of cultivating generosity, we’re looking at the contrast between what one could call “poverty mind”—a pinched mind, an imploded mind, a shrunken mind—and “generous mind”—a bigger mind, a more relaxed mind, a mind expanding and opening outward. 

In this episode, and in the next few episodes, we will explore the paramitas—what Trungpa Rinpoche referred to as “techniques of non grasping”  •  these techniques help us cultivate the two foundational qualities of wisdom and compassion  •  wisdom is cultivated through stillness, and compassion is cultivated through action  •  on the bodhisattva path, the six paramitas are considered supreme because they carry us from a conventional, moralistic point of view to an approach that truly expresses wisdom and compassion  •  the paramitas are generosity, discipline, patience, exertion, meditation, and knowledge  •  they are called transcendent because they take us from the world of duality to the world of non-duality, where our beneficial actions are not strangled or twisted by the needs of ego, but are free and spontaneous  •  with paramita practice, we are engaging with powerful techniques that undermine the force of grasping and allow true compassion to come forth.

Bodhisattvas are those who dedicate their lives to attaining enlightenment themselves, and to providing situations that lead to the enlightenment of everyone  •  in approaching this high aspiration, bodhisattvas do not look to some heavenly figure to provide examples of how to accomplish the goals of the bodhisattva path  •  instead, they look to the elements of this ordinary world: the elements of earth, water, fire, wind, and space  •  like the earth, we can aspire to support all life, and provide a base of support that is non-judging, strong, solid, and reliable  •  like water, we can aspire to cleanse impurities, join things together, and relieve a world thirsty for love and compassion  •  like fire, we can aspire to burn away the distinctions we cling to so strongly, and purify whatever we come into contact with  •  like wind, we can aspire to provide a cool breeze of delight, sweeping away possessiveness, egocentric clinging, and obstacles  •  like space, we can aspire to accommodate everything.

Impermanence applies not only to the world around us, but to our internal world as well  •  we assume that we are a solid reference point, and everything else around us is changing  •  in reality, it’s more like changing is observing changing  •  if we turn our attention inward, we see that there is no solid point from which to observe all of this, because our inward experience is filled with change as well  •  this becomes very obvious during sitting meditation, where we notice our mind, our body, our moods, our thoughts, and our sensations are constantly changing  •  our world is a changing and dynamic world; it is a world of birth and death, arising and dissolving  •  it is within that world—the world as it is—that we find ourselves; and it is within that world that we can find true freedom, relaxation, and awakening.

In Buddhism some practices are designated as meditation practices, such as working with mindfulness and awareness  •  other practices, called contemplative practices, are focused on working with the concepts in our mind  •  one of the most important of these is the contemplation of impermanence, change, and death  •  we often have difficulty accepting the reality of impermanence; we create various coverings to mask this raw, basic truth  •  but this contemplation isn’t intended to make everyone morose or obsessed with death  •  in fact, this kind of contemplation actually frees one from the fear of change, and provides a basis for being able to accommodate change  •  the following four approaches are often given for helping us to broaden our understanding of impermanence: 1) everything that is born will die;  2) every meeting leads to a parting;  3) every gathering leads to a dispersing; and  4) everything created eventually dissolves, or is destroyed. 

[This episode first aired on July 26, 2022]  Random labeling, or kuntak in Tibetan, is a two-step process: first we select some portion of our perception and give it a label; then, once we’ve done that, we fixate on it and make it solid  •  we make something that really doesn’t exist into something that’s seemingly solid, and we do that over and over again  •  there’s a famous saying: “Fish don’t exist”  •  there are lots of things swimming around in the sea that do exist, but “fish” don’t really exist; “fish” is just a label  •  it’s natural to group things into categories and then give those categories names  •  the problem arises when labeling leads to fixating—making what is arbitrary seemingly solid and unchangeable, something to be fought over and obsessed about  •  where did the label come from? It came from a random thought  •  random labeling is no joke; it closes up the open expanse of mind  •  it perpetuates our own suffering, and the suffering of those around us.

Random labeling, or kuntag in Tibetan, is a two-step process: first we select some portion of our perception and give it a label; then, once we’ve done that, we fixate on it and make it solid  •  we make something that really doesn’t exist into something that’s seemingly solid, and we do that over and over again  •  there’s a famous saying: “Fish don’t exist”  •  there are lots of things swimming around in the sea that do exist, but “fish” don’t really exist; “fish” is just a label  •  it’s natural to group things into categories and then give those categories names  •  the problem arises when labeling leads to fixating—making what is arbitrary seemingly solid and unchangeable, something to be fought over and obsessed about  •  where did the label come from? It came from a random thought  •  random labeling is no joke; it closes up the open expanse of mind  •  it perpetuates our own suffering, and the suffering of those around us.

The Tibetan term for compassion, karuna, can be translated as “noble heart”  •  in the Buddhist teachings, compassion is almost always linked with another quality that actually changes the sense of what it might mean  •  in this episode I will talk about three such pairings: compassion with emptiness, compassion with wisdom, and compassion with skillful means  •  linking compassion with emptiness places it in a perspective that is less dualistic and less heavy-handed; there is a sense of playfulness, spaciousness and spontaneity  •  pairing compassion with wisdom introduces a certain accuracy, and the intelligence to know when to act and when to refrain from acting  •  without wisdom, we risk falling into “idiot compassion,” where were you just launch into a situation thinking you are going to be helpful, but end up actually making it worse  •  and thirdly, compassion is often linked with skillful means, or effective action  •  this pairing emphasizes the fact that compassion is not something we just dream about, but it shows up in our actions. 

Recently I came across a disturbing study indicating that people who spend a lot of time in silent meditation practice can actually become less loving, less generous in their interactions with others  •  that made me think about the importance of balancing the simplicity of meditation with the cultivation of friendship, love, and kindness  •  my teacher, Trungpa Rinpoche, emphasized that meditation practice, at its essence, is a form of kindness: making friends with yourself  •  he stressed that making friends with yourself is the basis for making friends with others  •  basic mindfulness is the ground for doing pretty much anything; but we need more than mindfulness alone  •  we need to infuse the spaciousness that develops through meditation practice with love and warmth  •  it said that if the mind is still and clear, like a clear glass of water, even a tiny thimble full of color can change the tint of the entire glass  •  if we drop just one drop of loving kindness into that glass, it pervades the whole thing  •  by cultivating mindfulness or clarity of mind we are providing a landing spot for drops of compassion to fall and pervade throughout the entire system. 

When people go into meditation retreat, they often practice something called “noble silence” — the decision simply not to talk for a period of time, and explore how that affects one’s perceptions and way of being in the world altogether  •  through such practices, people have discovered that in order to touch the sacred, we need to be still; we need to be quiet  •  when we are still in that way, sacredness kind of descends upon us  •  silence usually means refraining from speech, but there are other kinds of silence as well: silence of movement; visual silence; mental silence; emotional silence; and spiritual silence  •  the point of such practices is to invite a kind of silence into our life altogether, so that the busy actions that we need to do to get by in the world are infused with a different kind of quality  •  you could call it “silence within action,” a quality of sacredness that is just pure, deep silence. 

The phrase, “When you lose your mind, come back” describes a lot of what happens in meditation: repeatedly losing our minds, and repeatedly bringing ourselves back  •  the moment we’ve noticed we’ve lost it is the moment we can return  •  what are we returning to? the simplicity of the present moment  •  another phrase Trungpa Rinpoche used quite a lot was, “Don’t think too much”  •  what are the benefits and what are the limits of thinking and conceptual understanding?  •  in the Buddhist tradition scholarship is highly valued  •  however, to be a realized person, to live a dharmic lifestyle, you don’t need to be a scholar; you don’t need to be all that clever  •  “coming back” in this context could mean coming back from the tangle of conceptual notes and fascinations to something immediate and basic and close to the heart  •  Trungpa Rinpoche used the term “intellect and intuition” when referring to these two streams  •  they are not in opposition or at war; there’s a sense of sophistication in the interplay between these two. 

In the dharma a great deal of emphasis is placed on integrating meditation practice and study  •  interwoven throughout is the need for discipline, the need to apply our training to the real challenges of life  •  if you look at the role of discipline in terms of meditation practice and study, it’s very simple: you have to do it  •  it takes effort and commitment to stick with study, to stick with practice  •  even when we are not studying or practicing, discipline is the thread that ties it all together  •  it’s a long-term vision, not a short-term bandage or a magic pill  • discipline in the Buddhist understanding is not a heavy-handed thing—there isn’t a set of commandments or rules; there is no particular punishment and no particular reward  •  all we have is our actions, our ability to notice the results of our actions, and our ability to learn from them and make decisions based on what we observe. 

Since we are the only ones who know what’s really going on during any session of meditation, or in life generally, we have a responsibility to be our own meditation instructors, working with the patterns that capture our particular mind from time to time  •  many years ago I was introduced to pairs of qualities that can help us in identifying different kind of traps, or extremes, we can fall into, as ways to bring ourselves back into balance  •  the first pair talks about the two poles of anxiety and tranquility  •  in this example, we are working to find a middle ground where we are not falling into anxiety, and we are not becoming overly tranquil to the point of being disengaged or blasé  •  the second pair is agility and heaviness  •  the third pair is inflexibility and pliancy  •  the fourth pair is too firm and too soft  •  the fifth pair is self-doubt/uncertainty and a rigid sense of proficiency  •  the final pair is insincerity and genuineness/uprightness.

I used to carry around a cartoon that depicted a beautifully robed monk with a Japanese shoji screen behind him, everything perfectly in its place—and behind the screen everything was complete chaos  •  it’s very tempting to create a façade of tranquility and peacefulness in our meditation practice and ignore what’s behind the screen: the roiling emotions and thoughts, the confusion and history and regrets  •  how do we unify our world so there’s not a front and a back, a side we present to ourselves and others, and a side where everything is hidden?  •  it’s tempting to think we can create some kind of pristine experience for ourselves, and just ditch the rest—the messiness, the embarrassment, the regrets—so we can hang out in a peaceful and serene place... but we still have this lingering, lurking collection behind the screen  •  but here’s the twist: to the extent that we begin to let go of clinging to our “front of the screen” experience of serenity or peace, to the extent that we loosen our attachment to a particular state of mind, we discover a deeper kind of peace and tranquility, one that comes from incorporating the whole thing  •  I call this “peacefulness in the midst.”

Emotions are a natural part of who we are  •  they can be powerful—even overpowering—or they can be subtle, almost an undercurrent  •  they can be very inspiring, or they can be very disruptive  •  if you trace negative emotions back to their source, you discover that they arise from an ongoing battle where everything is taken personally  •  if you trace that battle back to its source, you find a sense of duality  •  it’s almost like the emotions are the army of ego: the troops, the scouts, and the fortresses of defense and offense  •  because emotions are filled with energy, the ego can deploy them to further its aims  •  meditation practice is one way to  explore this emotional landscape; when we are meditating we can observe the emotional world in a more dispassionate way  •  in Buddhist practice the guideline is to honor and respect the power and energy of emotions, while neither suppressing them nor feeding them.

I recently had a problem with my computer—whatever I put in my "trash" would just stay there; I couldn’t empty it  •  I started thinking about how that could describe our personal “trash”—our freak-outs and obsessions, our worries and regrets, as well as what we read in the news  •  we can shove that stuff deep within us, and sometimes it’s not so easy to know how to let it go  •  one approach is not to take anything in: closing our hearts, closing ourselves to the pain and confusion within us and around us  •  but the notion of letting go is based on actually opening our hearts and taking something in fully, but then not dwelling or holding onto it, but releasing it  •  as we let go, we bring ourselves more completely into the situation  •  when you can let go and open to a situation, you can connect with something that is sacred and holy, something beyond our small world of self-fixation and self-absorption.

[This episode originally aired on July 19, 2022]  The Tibetan term for compassion—karuna—can be translated as “noble heart”  •  in the Buddhist teachings, compassion is almost always linked with another quality that actually changes the sense of what it might mean  •  in this episode I will talk about three such pairings: compassion with emptiness, compassion with wisdom, and compassion with skillful means  •  linking compassion with emptiness places it in a perspective that is less dualistic and less heavy-handed; there is a sense of playfulness and spaciousness and spontaneity  •  pairing compassion with wisdom introduces a certain accuracy, and the intelligence to know when to act and when to refrain from acting  •  without wisdom, we risk falling into “idiot compassion,” where were you just launch into a situation thinking you are going to be helpful, but end up actually making it worse  •  and thirdly, compassion is often linked with skillful means, or effective action  •  this pairing emphasizes the fact that compassion is not something we just dream about, but it shows up in our actions. 

The eight everyday preoccupations are eight ways we occupy our minds in order to avoid experiencing things directly  •  they act as a kind of a central filtering mechanism, separating out the things that feed our ego from the things that challenge it  •  because of this filtering mechanism, we get jerked around into a very reactive way of living and thinking  •  all of our thoughts and actions curve inwardly to a kind of self-centered preoccupation: what’s in it for me? how does it affect me?  •  the eight preoccupations are divided into four pairs:  pleasure/pain; fame/insignificance; gain/loss; and praise/blame  •  for example, why do we feel so lifted up and inspired when we are praised, but we feel so insulted and deflated when we are blamed?  •  the ego is a bit of a paper tiger: it presents itself as very strong and fierce, but in reality it is very vulnerable and weak  •  without the constant reinforcement of pleasure, gain, fame, and recognition, the ego just deflates and collapses  •  when the experiences that come to us—good and bad, up and down—are not recruited as tools to cover our anxiety, we can deal with them straightforwardly, with no agenda.

Episode 68: Genuine Effort   [May 10]

Effort plays a very important part on the Buddhist path; it’s one of the three main components of discipline, meditation, and knowledge  •  effort is where the rubber meets the road; it’s where things get tested and become real  •  Trungpa Rinpoche talked about effort in terms of combining discipline and delight  •  he used three analogies to describe three different approaches to effort  •  the first is a jack rabbit, racing along with a burst of enthusiasm and then collapsing in exhaustion  •  the second is a worm that’s eating its way through a tree, just plowing along with no vision, no sense of where it’s going  •  the third is an elephant walking through the jungle: steady and slow and dignified, with a sense of vision, mindful and aware of where it’s going  •  the walk of an elephant is an example of right effort  •  another aspect of effort is being genuine  •  someone who is genuine doesn’t say one thing and do another; their speech is true, and it manifests in how they act in the world. 

Someone recently asked me, “Am I spiritually bypassing?” •  I took that term to mean using one’s practice or spiritual path as an escape, or relief, from the responsibilities of regular life in this world  •  it is a relief in a way, to take a break from the relentless struggles of daily life  •  is it possible to practice meditation in a way that’s not bypassing all of that, while at the same time recognizing the need to have some relief from the relentlessness of life?  •  I think there is actually a parallel, or opposite, form of bypassing, something I would label “material bypassing”—avoiding our own spirituality our spiritual yearnings and insights by keeping busy and constantly occupying ourselves with an endless stream of worldly concerns  •  the challenge is to find some way of being skillfully and wholeheartedly engaged in both your life and your meditation practice—appreciating that we need to take a break from worldly concerns, but then we need to re-energize and engage fully in the world again.

Today I’d like to explore the problem of becoming an adult  •  the world of children is filled with magic and fantasy and stories, with vivid perceptions and playfulness  •  but as we grow up we’re supposed to get over all that, and develop adult-like qualities  •  gradually, year-by-year, the magical world of childhood fades away; all of that playfulness gets subsumed into the busy, “important” work of being an adult  •  yet many of the great spiritual masters say what we really need to do is to become more like children, and less like adults  •  in many ways spirituality is reconnecting with some kind of innocence and play and curiosity, and a certain kind of fearlessness that is a part of the childlike experience  •  we could take a lighthearted approach, a childlike approach  •  our spiritual practice could be less of another project that we take on with earnest determination, and more of an exploration of curiosity and interest and delight  •  I thought of a new word: “curiodyssey” (“curious odyssey”) — if we soften our earnestness, something more childlike, playful, and delightful can emerge in our meditation practice.

The word “compassion” can seem so overwhelming in the face of all the suffering in the world that it can stop us in our tracks  •  while we’re imagining all the great gestures of compassion that we might do, we can miss the small, ordinary, daily acts of compassion that really do affect our world  •  some of the hardest compassion to feel is just being present with suffering that isn't fixable  •  this is what people in the hospice setting often do: they simply sit with someone who is passing from this life  •  that simple act of being present with someone can bring about a quality of deep acceptance  •  compassion can also be a momentary thing that completely shifts the energy—a smile or a glance, a simple recognition of a human being who, like you, is suffering  •  such little moments  of connection are so subtle, but they ripple forward and can change our feeling for the whole day  •  at its core, that simple connection is really the seat of compassion; it may be even more important than the grand compassionate heal-the-world projects that we may imagine  •  it’s on the spot, it’s immediate, it’s not a big deal—but it can change everything for ourselves and for those we encounter. 

The attitude that’s encouraged whenever we embark on a spiritual journey is not to approach it simply as a means of self improvement, but to switch our normal way of operating so that we are thinking about others  •  traditionally this is talked about as beginning by raising bodhichitta and ending by dedicating the merit  •  when we sit down to practice meditation, or to begin any project, we start by connecting with tenderness of heart and the desire to use our actions in order to benefit others  •  arousing kindness and compassion is the beginning point, and it’s also the ending point  •  when we dedicate the merit, rather than regarding what we have just completed as our own private accomplishment, we take it as a further statement of commitment to all other beings  •  piece by piece, action by action, we are gathering a certain kind of power and energy that we can then turn outward  •  many of our actions, good or bad, start with little flickers of thought  •  we can work with the thinking process, deliberately shaping our thoughts in the direction of greater openness, kindness, and awareness.

We are all familiar with meditation as a way to tame and quiet the mind  •  another important aspect of meditation is clear seeing, or insight: the power of meditation to reveal the intricacies of the workings of our minds  •  a traditional image for untamed mind is that of a pond stirred up by the wind: all the silt in the pond is mixed with the water, making it murky  •  as the wind dies down—when we sit still and practice mindfulness—the water begins to clarify, and we can see more layers of what’s really going on within us  •  some things are quite beautiful, yet other things are painful to look at  •  it’s important to realize this power of meditation, because there’s a reason that we hide certain parts of ourselves  •  it’s not that easy to come to terms with the different corners of our being  •  it’s so important to be gentle and steady, and not immediately try to overcome all our hesitations about our own experience  •  step-by-step, through the practice of meditation, we are exposing who we are to ourselves  •  by removing firewalls and moats and protective mechanisms that deplete our life force and our energy, we can relax our guard and live more wholesomely and more full-heartedly.

Loneliness is a familiar experience, but it can feel very vulnerable and slightly threatening  •  we do lots of things to hide that feeling  •  my teacher, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, emphasized the value of relating to our loneliness but he also emphasized the value of being in community  •  this may seem like a contradiction, but in fact, by developing the strength to accommodate our own fundamental aloneness, we can actually be in community in a much stronger and more loving way  •  without that, if community were based solely on people leaning on one another, we could be knocked over very easily  •  loneliness is a fact  •  there are certain things in this life we have to do all by ourselves  •  we are born alone, and we die alone  •  a deep-rooted loneliness comes baked into life itself  •  one way of accommodating the reality of loneliness is to take loneliness as an ongoing default position, rather than as a mistake or a failure  •  we could recognize loneliness as a thread that runs through our life from the very beginning to the very end  •  but in order to accommodate the reality of loneliness, we have to actually get through the sometimes extreme pain of loneliness  •  showing up for our own loneliness can give us the courage we need to show up for others who are struggling with loneliness and abandonment.

The idea of teacher on the simplest level is the need to connect with people who know more than we do about something  •  in some ways a teacher in the contemplative world is more like a coach than a teacher, training people in a particular skill or role  •  a spiritual guide or teacher is someone who has actually practiced that field themselves, and understood from the inside out how to work with a particular discipline • many of us can recall people in our lives who have said the right thing at the right time, or pointed in the right direction at the right time, and even redirected the course of our lives  •  sometimes a teacher is just someone who knows a tiny bit more than you  •  the notion of teacher is not without controversy  •  I have deep gratitude for all those teachers in generations past who did the hard work of transmitting what they learned to others, thereby carrying on this amazing tradition of buddhadharma  •  I’d like to encourage you to reflect on the teachers in your life, and on how your actions and speech are teaching as well, impacting everyone you encounter.

Can you think of moments in your life when you’ve had a glimpse of something that might feel profound beyond words, and maybe slightly disturbing?  •  in those moments when we are stopped in our tracks we enter a different kind of space  •  it is as though there are two levels of reality operating at the same time  •  there is the conventional level, where we spend almost all of our time, just getting through the day  •  but underneath that is another level, some kind of underground rumbling below, that seems to be separated from conventional reality by a veil  •  there are times when that veil is lifted, and we are admitted to this other hidden reality, one that is just as real and just as true, and deeply affecting  •  such sacred moments seem to come up unexpectedly in the strangest circumstances, and also in the most ordinary circumstances  •  an interesting thing about meditation practice is that it has so many benefits on the purely conventional level, but it is also a portal, a doorway, into this second dimension — one that can heal the rift between the conventional and the profound.

[This episode was originally published on July 12, 2022]  Recently I came across a disturbing study indicating that people who spend a lot of time in silent meditation practice can actually become less loving, less generous in their interactions with others  •  that made me think about the importance of balancing the simplicity of meditation with the cultivation of friendship, love, and kindness  •  my teacher, Trungpa Rinpoche, emphasized that meditation practice, at its essence, is a form of kindness: making friends with yourself  •  he stressed that making friends with yourself is the basis for making friends with others  •  basic mindfulness is the ground for doing pretty much anything; but we need more than mindfulness alone  •  we need to infuse the spaciousness that develops through meditation practice with love and warmth  •  it said that if the mind is still and clear, like a clear glass of water, even a tiny thimble full of color can change the tint of the entire glass  •  if we drop just one drop of loving kindness into that glass, it pervades the whole thing  •  by cultivating mindfulness or clarity of mind we are providing a landing spot for drops of compassion to fall and pervade throughout the entire system. 

Aspirations like the Four Limitless Ones are based on the recognition that our actions stem from simple thoughts in our mind; so why not put benevolent thoughts in our mind and see what comes of it?  •  but aspirations also present a challenge: how do we manifest and live up to those aspirations in our daily lives?  •  we begin by looking at ourselves — looking in an honest and curious but not harsh or judgmental kind of way — to see what is blocking those qualities from manifesting in us  •  we need to make an honest assessment of our thoughts, actions, behaviors, preferences and blind spots  •  instead of trying to be perfect, we are actually inviting in and digging up and recognizing our imperfections, because the only way to be liberated from them is to address them  •  when we see a disconnect between our aspirations and our actions, it gives us something to work with; it creates a possibility of bridging that gap to allow the power of the aspirations to bubble up within us.

What are aspirations? are they just thoughts? and if so, what benefit could they possibly have?  •  we have lots of empty thoughts, dreaminess, and ideas; even in one session of sitting practice all sorts of aspirations may arise, none of which actually result in anything  •  which leads to the question: what are thoughts, what is their role, and how should we relate to them?  •  when we practice, we look at our thoughts from a different angle: we don’t get rid of them, and we don’t feed them  •  we just regard them as the environment, like the weather, and return to the technique  •  but as we go about our day we have thoughts, and those thoughts have a lot of power  •  so how do we work with thoughts in that context? that’s where the notion of aspiration comes in  •  rather than getting into a kind of battleground mentality with ourselves, we plant something positive in our mind  •  we just plant positive thoughts in our mind like little seeds, almost like providing a landing pad for positive actions to grow and flourish. 

The context for talking about happiness in the Buddhist tradition comes from an aspiration that has four parts:  •  may all beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness   •  may they be free from suffering and the root of suffering  •  may they not be separated from great happiness or joy devoid of suffering  •  may they dwell in great equanimity, free from passion, aggression and prejudice  •  in the first aspiration we want both kinds of happiness for people – we want them to be healthy and happy, but there is also a wish that they uncover a deeper level of happiness, the root of happiness  •  the second aspiration is for people to be free from suffering, but also that they find a deeper root of well-being that is not captured by suffering  •  the third aspiration is about joy, which comes about from celebrating the happiness and success of others  •  the fourth aspiration is that we wish for others equanimity—a grounded stability, like a mountain, where you don’t cover over pain and you don’t avoid pleasure; you are just settled, stable, and content  •  the final point has to do with looking at limits: what do we exclude from our loving kindness, from our compassion, from our joy, from our equanimity?

Happiness seems to be something we all want but don’t often get; and when we do get it, it doesn’t seem to last  •  the search for happiness can seem like a receding horizon: we keep trying to get there, but it keeps eluding us  •  is there such a thing as lasting happiness?  •  what is the role of happiness within the path of meditation?  •  the Buddha saw that it’s possible to be happy in this world just as it is, with all its pain and suffering  •  this is different than struggling to force some kind of happiness, which never seems to work  •  it is also different than “if-then happiness,” which puts us at the whim of circumstances  •  is there a third option, a middle way?  •  in the practice of mindfulness meditation, when we are not doing anything or trying to get anywhere, we connect with something that goes beyond the ups and downs — we are connecting with a kind of ease  •  there is a traditional Buddhist short prayer for developing loving kindness which goes like this: May all beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness  •  by making this aspiration we arouse kindness and concern for others, which puts us on the right track

Buddhist training is not just about clarifying and taming the mind; it is also about cultivating the heart  •  loving kindness is the wish that all beings enjoy happiness and the desire to remove the suffering of others  •  generally speaking, our happiness is dependent on circumstances: when circumstances are just right, we feel happy for a while; but then the circumstances change, and we don’t feel happy any longer  •  is there such a thing as happiness that is not so fickle or unreliable or temporary?  •  is it possible to not need to close off awareness of suffering and pain in order to feel happiness?  •  is it possible that actions coming from a base of happiness and love and kindness can be more effective than actions based on hatred and frustration?  •  my teacher preferred to use the word “cheerfulness” instead of happiness because happiness is so linked with unhappiness and suffering  • cheerfulness has less of a sense of the conditions needing to line up; there can be some kind of cheerfulness in the midst of pain, in the midst of suffering, in the midst of all the unsolved problems of the world. 

My own teacher liked to use the analogy of making bread when talking about living traditions versus traditions that have become dead or static  •  watching a great master making bread could be so inspiring that you decide to take one of those loaves of bread, cast it in bronze, and put it in a place of honor in your house; but that would not have any real transformative value  •  you only enter a living tradition when you yourself are making the bread; that is when the spark or transmission from one generation to the next really happens  •  but you can’t just do it once; in order to have fresh bread, you need to bake it over and over again  •  bread is made from just a few simple ingredients; in terms of our meditation practice, we also require just a few simple ingredients: our body, emotions, heart, and mind  •  our dharmic bread may be a little strange at first; it may not rise properly, it may be burnt on the bottom, it may just look kind of odd  •  but by practicing over and over, we create something that is fresh and delicious and nourishing for ourselves and others. 

A general assumption or bias about meditation is that it’s all about calming down, taming the mind, and getting more chill  •  but in fact meditation has two components: one is a sense of calming, settling, and being; and the other has to do with enhancing our clarity, our critical thinking, and our ability to question and investigate  •  critical thinking is especially helpful when we are faced with conspiracy theories of all kinds — both the ones we encounter out in the world, and the ones we ourselves cook up  •  meditation practice reveals the jungle of assumptions and thoughts and inner conspiracies that we all have; critical thinking is a way of cutting through that, cutting that underbrush down so that you get to a clearer, more straightforward, and more accurate state of mind  •  we learn to not to be caught in our thoughts, not to believe everything that pops into our mind  •  step-by-step, as we strengthen our mind, we become less gullible, less dull, less caught in negativities, and better able to relate to fresh moments as they arise. 

In the buddhist tradition, “eternalism” and “nihilism” are known as the two extreme views  •  they describe two different ways of hiding out, of removing ourselves from the rawness and intensity of immediate experience  •  eternalism is like escaping into a fantasy world where everything is OK; we choose to see only those things that make us feel secure  •  it’s kind of like living in a mental gated community where we don’t go past the gates: within the gates things are fine, and outside, who cares?  •  nihilism, on the other hand, retreats from pain by assuming nothing will work out, by not investing in or caring about anything  •  if you don’t care about anything, how can you be hurt?  •  in both cases, blindness is required  •  the path lies in facing life in all its richness and complexities without hiding out  •  we may find ourselves drawn to one extreme or the other in response to what arises, but the idea is to come back to the middle, not to hide out or be stuck in either extreme.

In the buddhist tradition, the three jewels represent the three supports for one’s spiritual journey: the buddha, the dharma, and the sangha  •  they are called jewels because they are colorful, multi-faceted, and very precious  •  the idea of buddha in this case refers to Gautama Buddha, the founder of this tradition who set the wheel of dharma in motion  •  it also refers to living teachers — those who represent the potential of awakening — as well as to the quality of awake within each of us  •  the second precious jewel, the dharma, refers to teachings  — not just the teachings in the Buddhist tradition, but any words that are true  •  it refers to the scholarly, conceptual insights and breakthroughs that can be so helpful in our practice and in our daily life  •  the third of the three jewels is the sangha, or community  •  whether you are a buddhist or not, it’s very hard to stick with any kind of discipline our training totally on your own  •  the sangha represents your fellow practitioners, those you can rely on to support you in developing the wisdom and compassion and skill needed to help this troubled world.

The practice of stopping and reflecting has to do with paying attention to the beginnings and endings of things  •  when you first wake up, taking just a minute or two to regroup yourself: what are your plans for the day? what are your aspirations?  •  a sense of pointing yourself in a direction where your life and your spiritual practice  meet  •  then, at the end of the day, instead of just collapsing, taking a moment to stop and reflect: what happened today? how much was I able to stay true so that my life was enriched by my practice, and my practice was enriched by my life?  •  having some sense of intelligence about how we spend our time, what we make our priorities  •  valuing and respecting each day, each challenge, and taking them as our guru  •  life is our teacher; if we attune ourselves, if we open our ears and our eyes, we can receive those teachings. 

The focus of this episode is listening  •  we might think of listening as something passive, but it is actually a very active process, one that is closely associated with paying attention  •  a traditional dharmic example of listening fully and properly is that of a deer in the forest: when a deer hears an unfamiliar sound, its listening becomes instantly heightened  •  listening is talked about as the first step in developing insight or prajna  •  some of the things that prevent us from being able to hear the teachings are distractedness, spacing out, not having control over our mind, and having preconceptions which filter and distort what we hear  •  true listening is based on getting out of oneself, and on not jumping to conclusions  •  true listening includes the entire atmosphere: the gestures, the quality of the day, the other people in the room, the way the room was set up, and the spaces where nothing was said  •  Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche once said, “Hearing does not mean just using your ears, it means using all your senses. For instance, when you hear a Dharma talk, you may smell the incense burning on the shrine, which inspires reverence for the lineage. After that, whenever you burn incense, you have a memory of that, and a connection with the teachings you heard in that setting. You could say that you are smelling the Dharma.”  •  so listening is our gateway into the teachings of the Dharma. 

We never know day to day what we will have to face; some days are smooth, but other days we feel completely overwhelmed  •  but there is always a chance to start fresh, to disrupt the painful pattern of feeling overwhelmed, stuck, and hopeless — as well as to disrupt the smug feeling that arises when things are going well  •  we can draw on the quality of interruption and fresh start in the middle of a situation, or in the middle of our meditation practice  •  the notion of “freshness” has a healthy and dynamic quality; the notion of “start” is that we can begin again  •  produce from the grocery store has an expiration date beyond which it’s not healthy any more  •  our experiences are like that, but the expiration date of our experiences is immediate: once you’ve experienced something, it’s no longer fresh  •  making a fresh start is like cleaning the refrigerator, throwing out the stale produce and making space so the fresh, nourishing produce of the present moment can nurture a healthy, sane, and open state of mind and heart. 

In buddhism the principle of refraining from harm is not about heavy-handed moralism  •  it’s based on mindfulness and awareness: noticing what causes us to feel good and what causes us to feel bad, what causes us to harm others and what causes us to benefit others  •  while we can’t go through life without causing a certain amount of harm, the principle of refraining is about lessening the harm we cause  •  the five precepts help bring awareness to our state of mind and heart when we cause harm  •  taking the five precepts means refraining from killing, stealing, lying, a harmful approach to sexual life, and intoxicating substances  •  it is a very straightforward and honest assessment of one’s actions: did you do an action or not?  •  this practice is based on the four supports for right action: mindfulness, awareness, refraining, and cultivating. 

Post-meditation practice focuses on how we mix the dharma with the challenges of everyday life  •  the four supports for right action provide guidelines for acting in a way that is skillful, that does not lead to further harm, and that leads to some benefit for ourselves and others  •  the first support, mindfulness, gives us the ability to insert a small pause between the trigger and the reaction; this gives us a chance to come from a more sane or positive place  •  the second support, awareness,  flows naturally from mindfulness  •  while mindfulness is focused more on our inner experiences, awareness is focused on others, on the space around us  •  we can avoid a lot of harm simply by paying attention, by being more aware of others and our surroundings  •  the final two supports work as a pair: knowing when to refrain from harmful actions, and when to cultivate beneficial actions.