Masters of the Universe (1987)
Director: Gary Goddard
Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Meg Foster, Billy Barty
By the power of Grayskull — and a budget that clearly ran out before they could build a decent set — we're diving headfirst into the gloriously broken 1987 Cannon Films fever dream that is Masters of the Universe. This week, John and Sean strap on their cosmic keys, dust off their He-Man nostalgia (well, Sean's nostalgia — John was busy being a Ghostbusters kid), and try to figure out what the hell they just watched. Oh, and we also talk about Hulk Hogan's new Netflix documentary, Real American, because apparently two massively jacked, possibly fictional characters for one episode wasn't enough.
In this episode, we discuss:
He-Mansplaining: A Franchise Left Stranded on Earth — Sean breaks down why this movie is basically unwatchable if you didn't grow up playing with Snake Mountain, and actively insulting if you did. No Prince Adam, no Battle Cat, no context — just Dolph Lundgren looking absolutely shredded and wandering around a deserted California town.
Canon Fodder: How Golan-Globus Torched Their Own Studio — The behind-the-scenes disaster is almost more entertaining than the film itself. Budget cuts, three days of filming halted because they literally ran out of money, sets being torn down mid-shoot, and props that got recycled into Jean-Claude Van Damme's Cyborg. This is the beautiful chaos of late-80s Cannon Films in full self-destruction mode.
The Puff Piece Problem: Hulk Hogan's WWE-Laundered Legacy — The guys dig into Netflix's Hulk Hogan: Real American and call out exactly what it is — a carefully sanitized, WWE-produced hagiography that glosses over the steroids, the racial slurs, the sex tape, and basically anything that would make Terry Bollea look like a human being with flaws. The first three episodes slap. The fourth one chickens out.
Skeletor Deserved Better (And So Did We) — Frank Langella shows up, chews every piece of scenery in sight, and delivers the only performance worth watching in this entire movie. James Tolkan's accented cop is deeply out of place and completely hilarious. And poor Billy Barty is buried under pounds of prosthetics as Gwildor, a character so annoying he makes Jar Jar Binks look understated.
We Also Talked About:
Hulk Hogan: Real American (Netflix, 2026) — A four-episode WWE-produced docuseries covering Hogan's rise from fat kid playing bass in a band to the most recognizable figure in wrestling history. Great archival footage, Linda Hogan telling it surprisingly straight, Jesse Ventura being selectively complimentary, and Donald Trump somehow finding time in his schedule to appear on camera. The Bubba the Love Sponge/racial slur situation? Barely mentioned.
The Many Lies of Hulk Hogan (Part 1) (Youtube)
The Many Lies of Hulk Hogan (Part 2) (Youtube)
I Come in Peace (1990, Dolph Lundgren) — Referenced as a recent pod pick, because apparently the guys can't get enough of Dolph.
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