Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast Deviants

What if the people society shames for wanting “too much” actually have something to teach us about honesty, boundaries, and self-trust? In this episode, Nyla and Cole unpack what ethical non-monogamy - and those who practice it - reveal about communication, desire, and emotional responsibility. This isn’t an argument for one relationship structure over another, but a bold look at what happens when we stop moralising desire and start relating with more clarity, care, and consent.

Here are some of the recommendations we make in the episode:

• The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
• Come As Your Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski
• Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern
• The Non-Monogamy Playbook by Ruby Rare
• The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk

To find our more about Nyla's work around Pace, Power & Pleasure visit www.unboundrelating.com and follow @unboundrelating on Instagram, TikTok & Substack.

What if the most meaningful love in your life isn’t romantic at all? In this episode, Nyla and Cole question why romantic partnership sits at the centre of everything and what we lose when friendship is treated as secondary. From the loneliness epidemic to relationship anarchy and platonic soulmates, they explore what happens when we de-centre “the one” and start valuing the relationships that actually hold us. An invitation to rethink love, closeness, and what really sustains us over a lifetime.

Dropping December 17!
Should we romance our friends just like we do our significant others? What can we learn from so-called 'ethical sluts'? What if the sexiest things about us are the things we're terrified of?
These are just a few of the questions Nyla and Cole tackle as they explore what it means to be a cultural deviant: to question the systems, the stories, and the identities that shape us, and to discover the challenges and rewards that come with going off-script.

Most of us were never taught how to design a relationship. We inherited a template, followed the script, and hoped for the best.

Ally Iseman has spent over a decade helping people do something different — actually decide what kind of relationship they want, and build toward it intentionally. As a relationship coach, erotic lifestyle consultant and founder of Passport to Pleasure, she works with couples and individuals exploring ethical non-monogamy. And she's not afraid to tell you when she thinks it's a terrible idea.

In this episode, we get into what ENM actually is (and what it isn’t), why so many people are drawn to it, and the question Ally asks every couple who comes to her considering it: are you moving toward something, or running away from something?

Because opening up won't fix a relationship that's already broken. But it might just reveal everything you've been avoiding.

In this episode:

• What “relationship design” means — and why it matters whether you're monogamous or not
• Jealousy, compersion, and what they can tell you about yourself
• The difference between moving toward ENM and using it as an escape hatch
• Why the first conversation about opening up is probably not the one you think it is
  

Take Ally's Free Relationship Style Quiz: www.myrelationshipstyle.com

Find out more: www.passport2pleasure.com | @allyiseman | @passport2pleasure

Connect with the hosts

Nyla Khan is the founder of Unbound Relating — a coaching and community space for people who've outgrown the default scripts around relationships, identity and how life is supposed to look. She works with women ready to shed the patterns still running their lives and build something meaningfully, unapologetically theirs. More at UnboundRelating.com 

Cole Paulson is a writer, cultural commentator and digital nomad who grew up in Colorado and has spent years observing — and questioning — the stories different cultures tell about how life should be lived.

We tend to picture dominance a certain way. A powerful man. A compliant woman. The script writes itself.

But what happens when that script is flipped?

In our season finale, we're joined by Dr Ruthless — doctoral researcher, lifestyle Dominant, and someone who has spent years holding power that most people assume belongs to men. Together we explore what female dominance actually looks like, why so many high-achieving men consciously choose to surrender to it, and what that reveals about masculinity, gender, and the stories we've all inherited about who gets to be in control.

We get into the psychology of surrender, the trust that has to exist before any power exchange can happen, and where the line falls between submission and self-abandonment. We also explore what feminism has to do with all of this — and why chosen power looks very different from imposed power.

If this season made you feel seen — join the community we're building at Unbound Relating. It's for people who are done with the cookie-cutter templates for love and life, and ready to write something more honest. Find us at unboundrelating.com.

We'll be back with Season 2 in the summer. Thank you for listening. 🖤

When most people hear kink, they think extreme, risky… maybe even a bit broken.

But what if most kink isn't really about pain, or even sex?

In this episode, we’re joined by Tim Richardson, House Dom at Killing Kittens, to explore what actually happens inside the world of kink, and why it might be less about extremes and more about power, trust, and the relief of letting go.

We get into myths vs reality, what first-time experiences are really like, how consent and communication actually work, and where the line is between exploration and harm.

Because maybe kink isn’t something separate from everyday life…maybe it simply takes all-too-familiar power dynamics and lets us play with them.

To find out more about Tim's Dungeons visit brightondungeon.com

What happens when the word that once set you free starts telling you how to behave?

POC. Queer. Divorced. Childless. Child-free. Single mother. Co-parent. Labels can build belonging and give language to lived experience, but they also come preloaded with expectations.

In this episode, Nyla and Cole explore how labels shape how others treat us — and how we begin to internalise them. When does identity become performance? When does belonging turn into fitting in? And who gets to decide when you’ve outgrown the words that once felt like home?

In a world where political disagreement can feel like living in completely different realities, curiosity is becoming a lost skill.

What happens when we stop trying to win conversations and start trying to understand them? Drawing on Cole’s “News Swap” experiment with his conservative brother, Nyla and Cole unpack how algorithms, outrage, and purity tests are quietly eroding our ability to stay connected across difference.

The challenge: learning how to disagree without shaming, withdrawing, or losing our humanity — in dating, families, friendships, and anywhere intimacy meets conflict.

A conversation about curiosity, containment, and what it really takes to stay in relationship when you don’t agree.

Listen to all three "News Swap" conversations between Cole and his brother here:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/news-swap/id1834581051

https://open.spotify.com/show/6ncfiIkr2gjyzJkbkhtU9N?si=50ae53731d3a4cc9

Is AI replacing human intimacy? Or is it merely exposing how lonely and connection-starved we already are?

At the centre of the episode is an extraordinary conversation with K, an AI researcher who formed intimate relationships with multiple AI companions. His experiences brought him new insight, relational complexity, and eventually a psychotic episode. His story challenges easy assumptions about what counts as “real” intimacy, and it invites us to question where meaning, vulnerability, and attachment are now being sourced.

Nyla and Cole reflect on K’s experience without sensationalising it, drawing on big thinkers like Esther Perel, Brené Brown, and Microsoft’s AI CEO, Mustafa Suleyman to explore parasocial attachment, emotional outsourcing, and the risks of connection without accountability.

This isn’t an episode about being for or against AI. It’s about what we’re reaching for, and what we might be avoiding, when intimacy gets easier than being known.

We inherit more than habits and beliefs. We inherit emotional scripts.

In this episode, Nyla and Cole explore how our emotional inheritance shapes the unwritten rules we live and love by: what’s considered attractive, what feels risky to express, and which parts of ourselves we learn to keep hidden to stay safe or accepted.

They unpack how desire, fear, and conditioning intertwine and what happens when we start questioning the scripts we never consciously chose in our relationships, our intimacy, and our sense of self.

A conversation about attraction, vulnerability, and the quiet rebellion of showing up more fully.