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"Marriage First" Makes Your Life Unstable

At the end of my life, I want to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." 

That's the goal that keeps me grounded—and I know many of you share that desire. But here's a hard truth I've learned through years of walking with couples: when our marriage or family becomes our first priority instead of God, everything starts to crumble.

Why "Family First" Doesn't Work

I once had a conversation with someone I deeply love who said, "You think God has to be first—but I think family should be first." His heart was sincere, but the fruit of that mindset showed otherwise. 

When family is first, everything depends on emotions—how your spouse treats you, how the kids behave, whether things feel peaceful at home.

That's not stability. That's shifting sand.

We see the effects of this all around us.
Divorce rates hover around 50%.
Even pastors and counselors admit they rarely had a healthy marriage modeled for them. 

Most people are doing their best, but without a biblical foundation, their "best" can't hold up when life gets hard.

The Biblical Order That Brings Stability

Scripture gives us the right order: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself." — Mark 12:30–31

That means I love my first neighbor—my spouse—because I love God.

Why do I forgive in marriage? Because God is first.
Why do I love my husband well? Because God is first.
Why do I serve my family with joy? Because God is first.

When we build our lives on that rock, we become steady—even when the storms hit. 

Illness, loss, special needs, mental health struggles—these things shake every marriage. But when God comes first, everything else finds its right place.

Feelings Aren't God—God's Word Is

We live in a "follow your feelings" culture. If you don't feel in love anymore, the world says, find someone new. But feelings aren't truth. God's Word is.

You're serving the King of Kings, and your marriage is part of that assignment. Like the Roman soldiers in Gladiator fought for the glory of Rome; as believers, we live for the glory of God. That means our choices in marriage—our words, our intimacy, our tone—should all be for His glory.

Believers are called to die to ourselves. That includes our moods and even our sexual desires. 

Scripture is clear: "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time... then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you." — 1 Corinthians 7:5

That's not about coercion or obligation—it's about love expressed God's way. 

When I choose intimacy with my husband, it's not because I feel like it every time. It's because I love God. And when I embrace His design with joy, the byproduct is a beautiful, connected marriage.

Marriage as a Path to Holiness

Author Gary Thomas famously asked, "What if marriage is meant to make us holy, not happy?" The amazing thing is—when we pursue holiness, happiness often follows.

That's why we teach the Delight Your Marriage Framework:

• Husbands need to have respect, admiration, and wholehearted intimacy.
  
  
• Wives need to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished.
  

We love our spouse in the way they receive love, not the way we prefer to give it. Because real love is about understanding and serving the other.

(You can download the full framework at DelightYourMarriage.com/framework.)

The Power of God's Word to Transform

David Wood—a former atheist and sociopath whose life was radically changed by Scripture. Even after becoming a Christian, he noticed that when he stopped reading the Bible for a few days, dark thoughts would return. That's how powerful God's Word is—it changes us from the inside out.

If you're struggling to love your spouse, to forgive, to stay faithful, start here: get your nose in the Word.

Not scrolling.
Not skimming.
Reading.
Slowly.
With a heart open to hear God.

Even one verse a day in a physical Bible can soften your heart. Make it a habit. Let the Word wash over you.

Final Thoughts

If you have put your marriage above Jesus, it's not too late to turn it around.

He is a safe person to put your trust in.
You can trust His Word and His design.

It is on purpose, for a purpose… and it is Good.

 

Blessings,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - If you are interested in taking the next step, putting God first, above your marriage, we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call and chat with one of Clarity Advisors.

PPS - Want to see this work in your churches? Our In-Person Training is launching nationwide in January and we would love for your church to be a part of it. Click here to learn more.

PPPS - Here is what a recent graduate had to say:
"The DYM program has helped me grow as a husband and learn how to better serve my wife and our relationship has been growing in all areas as a result.  She just told me this week that she used to feel tension when I came home from work and that tension is gone. Big change which has led to growth for us both. Belah's insights and coaching have been amazing and I've discovered God's purpose for us and our marriage at a new level!  Thanks DYM!"

It doesn't start with scandal. It often doesn't even start with feelings.

It starts with a smile.
A moment of connection.
A conversation that feels easy—maybe easier than the ones you've been having at home.

You walk away thinking, That was nothing.
But somewhere deep down, you also know—it could become something.

If that's where you find yourself today (or even if you've seen the warning signs in someone you love), please take a deep breath.
You're not broken.
You didn't marry the wrong person.
You haven't done an irredeemable thing with no going back.

You're human.
And this conversation is meant to bring you hope, not shame.

In my conversation with Gary Thomas today—pastor and bestselling author of Sacred Marriage—he shared that when a group of wives was asked "How many times do you think a married man has had extramarital feelings for someone?", they all responded with zero. When he asked the same question to a group of husbands, they all said somewhere from 4 to 6.

What we are saying is that attraction and feelings for someone other than your spouse are not often talked about, but are pretty common- for both husbands and wives. And we believe that bringing this into the light will take some of the shame off of these feelings and also help people not to go down a road they think has no return.

Gary Thomas on Attraction and Integrity

Gary has been married for over 40 years, and he's seen a lot—as a pastor, counselor, and husband. He told me, "The reason we make a commitment is because we know there will always be another person who draws us for a moment. Commitment means we already know what to do with it—and what not to do with it."

We don't often talk about attraction outside of marriage unless it's already turned into an affair. But Gary's heart is to normalize awareness before it becomes destruction.

In our talk, Gary referenced a romantic comedy movie where a married bus driver begins to become attracted to a girl on a bicycle. Finally, a friend of the bus driver gently confronts him and says: "There will always be a girl on the bicycle."

In other words, there will always be someone who catches your eye.

The key isn't pretending that will never happen—it's learning how to respond when it does.

Gary reminded me that having an attraction isn't the sin. Entertaining it is.

The feelings themselves don't make you unfaithful—they make you human. But where you let those feelings go next? That's where faithfulness begins.

The Subtle Steps Toward an Affair

Gary shared that most affairs don't start with a dramatic choice—they start with small, quiet ones. Little compromises that feel "innocent."

He shared with a story of a woman who did end up having a physical affair. She recounted that it wasn't just one day to the next, but that there were actually several steps that happened before they were physically intimate. She shares that she could have turned back at any of these step, had she known before. She also shares the grief after it was all done at waking up to "just a dude in her bed"– not the escape or rescue or romance the temptation had promised.

Here are the steps she shared and the pattern Gary's seen over and over again:

1. You share marriage frustrations with someone of the opposite sex.

2. You sense a spark—and feel seen or understood.

3. You start caring how you look around them.

4. You think about them when they're not around.

That's the prelude. It doesn't feel dangerous yet, but it's where hearts begin to shift.

Gary said, "If you can recognize it early, you can stop it before it ever grows."

From there, people will often begin to have an emotional affair:

     5. You fantasize about being together.

     6. Manipulating circumstances to spend more time together.

     7. You start playful banter or flirtation.

     8. Friends notice—and ask what's going on.

This is a wake-up call. Gary said, "If people around you see it, something's already happening." They're seeing what your heart is trying not to admit.

Then, comes the actual physical affair:

    9. Meeting together in secrecy.

    10. Texting or calling in ways you hide from your spouse.

    11. Physical intimacy.

This is the final step—but it's never the first.

We don't share this to shame. Maybe you've already partaken in some of these steps. We share because it is not too late to turn back. Gary said, "If you know the steps, you can stop at any one of them."

When You Have Extramarital Feelings, Here's What to Do

If you do end up experiencing feelings or attraction for someone other than your spouse—don't panic. Don't spiral into guilt.

Instead, bring it into the light.
Tell a trusted, godly friend of your same sex. Talk to your spouse if it's wise to do so. And most importantly—talk to Jesus.

Ask Him to help you see the truth: that this isn't love, it's a lure.
Temptation often feels like relief at first—but always ends in ruin.

Then, put up strong, unapologetic guardrails:

• Stop all unnecessary contact with that person.

• Don't text, call, or "just check in."

• If you work together, keep everything professional and public.

• And don't justify emotional intimacy as "just friendship."

And when your spouse asks you to stop interacting with that person, don't respond with pride. See that they are feeling threatened and care for them deeply in that. As Gary said, "You can't make your wife (or husband) feel cherished if you're protecting a relationship that threatens them."

What Makes Us Vulnerable to Affairs

Gary also reminded me that temptation doesn't appear out of nowhere—it finds cracks that already exist.
Stress. Loneliness. Unmet needs. Disappointment.

He said, "There was a time early in my marriage when everything felt like failure—our baby cried constantly, money was tight, and I felt like I couldn't get anything right. So when someone made me feel 'perfect,' it was intoxicating."

Can't we all relate to that in some way?
When life feels heavy, a moment of admiration feels like oxygen.

But the healing you're seeking isn't found in a new connection—it's found in deeper connection at home and with the Lord.

But that's why we must run to the right source for validation.
Your worth isn't in who smiles at you—it's in the God who delights in you.
That's right.
Not a perfect wife who is doing the perfect things, or a perfect husband who is saying the perfect words.
But the Lord who is constant.

Guarding Your Heart and Protecting Your Marriage

Let Gary's wisdom anchor you: "Be as faithful to your spouse as God is faithful to you. Be as committed to your marriage as Christ is committed to His Church."

That kind of faithfulness isn't built on fear—it's built on love.
When you keep Jesus at the center, attraction loses its power and intimacy becomes holy again.

So today, ask yourself:
What boundaries do I need to strengthen?
Where have I let my guard down?
And how can I draw closer—to Jesus and to my spouse—starting now?

Again, we don't share this to frighten or shame. We are sharing to let you know that if you've had feelings for someone other than your spouse- you are not alone. You are not dirty, you are not broken. It doesn't mean you married the wrong person and it doesn't mean this new person is your soulmate. It means there was attraction and you are human. That is it.

We love you and we are rooting for you!

 

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - Want to bring our material to your churches? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt to learn more about our In-Person Trainings and our January pilot programs!

PPS - Ready to take the next step for yourself? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Advisors at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.

PPPS - Here's what one of our recent graduates had to say about our program:
"My wife and I were roommates at best. I felt that she only wanted me around for a paycheck and to take care of the house. When we had sex it was duty sex where she wasn't present and there was no connection. I hated myself but I was wanting to cheat on her just to feel wanted and desired...[Now,] I have learned about how I was causing problems and putting way too much pressure on my wife...if I am not cheering her on, who is?  The truth was no one was, no wonder she was depressed, withdrawn, and suicidal.  I would be too. I now take pride in knowing that God entrusted her to me to lift her up, cheer her on, show her how good she is, encourage her, listen to her, and cherish her so she can grow...[Recently,] she told our daughters to move because she wanted to sit by me during movie night.  She has taken steps towards intimacy with me on her own without me pressuring her."

#marriagepodcast #marriedlife #marriageadvice

How a Family Life Educator Took Her Marriage from Good to Great: Jen's Story

Sometimes, the couples who join our programs aren't on the brink of divorce.
They aren't fighting all the time.
They actually have a good marriage.

But deep down, they know it could be better.
That's exactly where Jen was when she found Delight Your Marriage.

"We Had a Good Marriage… But I Knew It Could Be More"

Jen and her husband had been married nearly 15 years. They had three young kids, a busy life, and no major marital crisis. As she put it, "We were not in conflict with each other. We didn't have any major issues that we were dealing with from our past. You know, no unfaithfulness, nothing like that."

Still, something inside her longed for more. She said to us, "I think the thing that drove me into it was knowing that our marriage was good, but understanding or having this feeling that it could be better."

She remembered a pastor that had mentioned Delight Your Marriage to her and from there, took the leap of faith to schedule a Clarity Call. And what she discovered surprised her.

Through honest reflection and intentional questions, she realized that while her marriage looked peaceful from the outside, her heart was carrying something deeper: resentment.

She had no idea that this resentment had snuck into her heart, but once she saw it, she was set on rooting it out.

When Self-Pity Sneaks Into a Good Marriage

Not only did Jen identify resentment in her heart, but she discovered she had also been carrying self-pity. In listening to an episode of the podcast on self-pity before joining the program, she realized the topic was actually hitting her heart.

[For those interested: https://delightyourmarriage.com/393-the-sin-of-self-pity-aka-pride/]

In that moment, God started something new.

Through the program, Jen learned to let go of resentment and embrace gratitude. She began to see her husband not as someone who wasn't "doing enough," but as a man faithfully serving and providing for their family.

That simple—but powerful—shift changed everything.

The Power of Peace in a Great Marriage

As Jen walked through the program, she noticed a transformation in herself. Through the "heart" work, she found that her soul was also being renewed and that God was was reworking things her heart she didn't even know where there.

And the result of that heart change?
Peace.

With Jen getting rid of the resentment, putting aside the self-pity, and bringing in appreciation, compliments, and admiration- it changed the atmosphere of their homes. Jen's husband even came home one evening during his busiest season, wrapped her in a hug, and said, "Thank you. I've noticed how much more peaceful our home has been."

She hadn't been trying to get him to notice—but he did. What she considered a small change was actually impactful. "It was a change enough that he felt it too"

How God Turns a Good Marriage Into a Great One

When we allow God to transform us, our marriage begins to shift.

Jen said, "Our connection as a result of, I think just the peacefulness in the home and between us and our gratefulness for each other has brought us closer together in intimacy…"

Yes, even their physical intimacy changed! Before the program, intimacy was about once a week. Now? "Two or three times," she said, smiling. And not only has the frequency been upped, but they are enjoying each other more (a major win!)

And it wasn't a formula or manipulation—it was the result of a softened heart.

A Christ-Centered Model for Marriage Transformation

As a former family life educator in her church, Jen had led marriage classes before. So she was skeptical—could DYM really offer something new?

After completing the program, she said, "I haven't encountered anything as beneficial, and that actually works as well, as what DYM does. And I think a huge part of that is because of, well, the commitment to Scripture and actually putting it into practice."

Jen's favorite part? The women's small group.

"A place that's safe, encouraging, and honest," she said. "We prayed for each other, celebrated each other's wins, and shared struggles without fear of judgment. I've never experienced community like that."

There's Always More God Wants to Do in Your Marriage

When asked what she'd tell another wife who has a good marriage but knows there's more, Jen didn't hesitate:
"I think I would just say...wherever you are in your marriage, if you think there's room for growth, then there's probably room for growth. So go after it, go after it, go after it...I would, for sure say, do it with DYM, because I think it's... I think it's a powerful, powerful program."

Jen's words remind us that "good" isn't the goal. God desires great marriages—ones marked by peace, gratitude, and deep connection.

Wherever your marriage is at: whether you're separated and not speaking or in a good place but wanting just a little more, we know that God is still working and He can change things for good.

 

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - Ready to take the leap of faith and make that Clarity Call? Don't hesitate! Schedule a free call with one of our Clarity Call advisors at delightym.com/cc or +1 332-239-2379

PPS - Interested in having this program at your church? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt for more information on joining our Pilot Program!

PPPS - Here's is what (another) recent graduate has to say about our program:
"Coming in, I knew my wife felt that I was unsafe for her, and that she felt alone and unknown by me. On my end, I felt deeply regretful of marrying her, angry with her, and hopeless to ever have a joyful marriage... [Now] I've seen progress in almost every area. I have grown in my own perspective on my wife. This has stunned me, and given me more hope than I've ever felt...I sincerely have a delight toward her that I've not felt in over a decade."

When Your Words Actually Bring Life (And How to Avoid Death): Interview With Ann & Dave Wilson

Do you remember when you first fell in love—how easy it was to cheer him on?
You'd light up at his stories. You'd say, "You're amazing!" and mean it. You noticed everything good.

But somewhere along the way, the cheers turned into corrections. The same man who once felt like your hero now feels like your project. And instead of applause, he mostly hears... boo.

That's what Ann Wilson discovered the day her husband, Dave, vulnerably told a room full of women that marriage sometimes felt that way to him—like he'd walked off the football field to a stadium full of boos. Ann was stunned. She thought she was helping him. But in that moment, she realized how her words had chipped away at his confidence and joy.

I was so honored to talk with Dave and Ann Wilson—pastors, marriage speakers, authors of Vertical Marriage, and co-hosts of FamilyLife Today. For more than 30 years, they've led thousands of couples toward hope, healing, and connection. But their story didn't start with success.

The Power of Words in Scripture

Scripture is clear: "The tongue has the power of life and death." — Proverbs 18:21

Your words can resurrect a weary heart—or crush it. They can draw your husband home or make him quietly retreat.

And as Dave and Ann share, the transformation didn't start with more compliments or clever communication—it started with repentance.

A Night of Repentance and New Beginning in Marriage

Ten years into marriage, they were on the verge of losing everything. Dave was busy building ministry– starting a new church at home and a chaplain for the Detroit Lions, often times away traveling with the team. Meanwhile, Ann was at home with two little boys, beginning to feel lonely, angry, and done.

One night, sitting in a parked car late at night on their 10 year anniversary, she finally said, "I've lost all my feelings for you."

Dave was stunned. He thought they were great. Ann had never shared otherwise. How could she say he was disregarding her? How could she say she felt alone and he was always away?

As he reached for his planner to defend himself, the the gentle and firm voice of the Holy Spirit whispered: "Repent."

He dropped his arguments and dropped to his knees—right there in the front seat of their Honda Accord. He realized he had put himself first instead of Jesus.

In that sacred moment, Ann felt conviction too. God showed her that she'd made her husband and marriage an idol and she had been wanting Dave to fill every need, when that was never the role God was supposed to have. She got on her knees as well, surrendering her expectations back to the Lord.

That night became the beginning of something new—a vertical marriage, grounded in repentance and intimacy with Jesus first.

When You Stop Cheering on Your Spouse

Years later, when Ann shared her "booing" moment at church, she used a visual: a plant.
She explained that when you're dating, you pick a healthy, vibrant plant—your husband. But after a few years, you start noticing brown leaves. you take out the clippers, thinking it's your job to prune him. Before long, you've hacked away so much that there's barely a stump left.

After this sermon, Ann saw a couple that in the auditorium that stayed long after everyone had left. She approached them and saw an older man, head in his hands, tears dropping heavy on the ground, his wife sitting next to him bewildered. When asked what was wrong, he simply pointed at the stump and said, "That's me."

It's not that we don't love our husbands. We do. But we've forgotten that change is God's job—not ours.

Our job is to water with words that bring life.

How to Speak Life (When You Want to Yell)

Ann admits she used to "speak her mind" freely—then justify it as honesty. But over time, God taught her a new rhythm of restraint and prayer, asking "Lord, should I say this? If yes, when should I say it? And how should I say it?" Not in an anxious way, but surrendered and thoughtful, knowing how much her words matter.

Just that short prayer created space for the Holy Spirit to guide her words.

One night, when Dave mentioned getting criticism on his sermons, her first instinct was to correct him ("Maybe if you studied more…"). But instead, she prayed that quick prayer—and said, "I can't imagine the weight you carry, with thousands relying on your walk with God."

Dave turned around, pulled her close and whispered, "You are my life." Her empathy, not critique, drew him near.

Words That Heal

Ann now also prays daily, "God, show me the greatness in my husband." That prayer changes everything—because God always sees the greatness He planted there, even when we can't.

Romans 12:2 says, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." When we ask God to renew how we think about our spouse, our words follow. And when our words change, the whole atmosphere of the home begins to heal.

"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." — Proverbs 16:24

Speaking Life Doesn't Mean Losing Your Voice

This isn't about silencing yourself or ignoring real problems, but when encouragement becomes your default, your occasional hard truth carries more weight. Your words no longer sound like attack—they sound like love.

And as Dave says, "When you praise your man, he becomes better. Critique doesn't motivate—it deflates. But genuine admiration calls out his God-given potential."

Repentance Starts Revival

If you've been critical, impatient, or weary—we get it. And it's okay. The path back is repentance.
It's not a shame-filled, heavy thing. It's the most freeing thing you can do.
Start there.
Let God soften your heart again.
Ask Him to show you the greatness in your spouse.
Then, begin to speak it out—one small sentence at a time.

You can do this.

 

Blessings,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - If you're ready for the next step in healing your marriage, even if you're the only one doing the work, we're ready to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc or call +1 332-239-2379.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"I am in control of my mood by controlling my own behavior instead of letting it get set for me by my husband's behavior and what I expect of him. I have released expectations of my husband. I see him as God's son now, which means he is NOT my responsibility to fix, direct, correct, discipline, etc. and instead I love, support, encourage and pray for him.  I am less controlling of my husband and I am more content with life in general."

How a Farmer Learned to Lead & Love in His Marriage

On the outside, Jake looked like a happy-go-lucky farmer. But inside, his marriage was falling apart. Control, years of infertility struggles, alcohol abuse, and pornography created a wall between him and his wife. Even counseling couldn't break through the scar tissue of pain she carried. At one point, she said her willingness to work on the marriage was zero—she was ready to leave.

Jake was out of options. Yet, in God's kindness, what seemed like the worst day became the turning point. His confession of addiction cracked open the first door to healing.

What a Farmer Learned About Love in Marriage

As a man who worked with horses and cattle his whole life, Jake knew how to communicate safety and calm with animals. Yet God showed him—through the story of David, Bathsheba, and Nathan's rebuke—that he wasn't doing the same for his wife.

The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, "There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

4 "Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him."

5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, "As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity."

7 Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.'

- 2 Samuel 12:1-10

The revelation was life-changing: God entrusted him with His daughter. Loving her meant creating safety, trust, and gentleness. Jake realized that real leadership wasn't control—it was love.

Learned to Lead by First Laying Down Pride

When Jake finally joined the program, he discovered what he had been missing for years: a biblically based roadmap for marriage. The forgiveness modules were the breakthrough.

He had carried anger for so long that it felt like part of his identity. But through forgiveness, Jake experienced freedom he had never known. Old wounds didn't need apologies to be healed—he released them to God. His wife noticed almost immediately. For the first time in years, she felt safe with him.

From Walls to Sanctuary: A Marriage Transformed

The changes weren't just in Jake. His home transformed. He stopped reacting in anger—even when a box fell on his head in the garage. His kids froze, waiting for the outburst that never came. That moment opened his eyes to the unsafe environment his rage had created—and the freedom God was now building in its place.

His home shifted from a place of survival to a sanctuary of love. He began looking forward to coming home, slipping away with his wife for time together, and seeing joy reflected in his children.

Leading with Love in Everyday Life

Jake learned to lead as a husband and father, not by demanding respect but by modeling Christlike love.

• When walking in after a long day, he chose to bring joy instead of frustration.

• When tension rose, he chose reassurance over arguments.

• When intimacy came, it was no longer duty—it was connection, passion, and contentment.

Jake also says he has never felt so sexually satisfied, not because of more encounters, but because of the depth of love in his marriage.

A Legacy of Leadership

The transformation didn't stop with Jake and his wife. His children are being raised in a different household than they were 12 weeks earlier. His daughters now see how a husband should love his wife. His son now has a model of godly leadership to follow.

Generations are being changed because one farmer decided to learn how to lead with love in his marriage.

Final Thoughts

Marriage was never meant to be endured—it was designed to be a sanctuary of love, trust, and joy. Jake's story shows that no matter how high the walls are, God can dismantle them brick by brick. True leadership in marriage doesn't come from control but from gentleness, safety, and sacrificial love. And the care that you give in other areas of your life is worth investing your family as well.

For any husband who feels stuck, hopeless, or unsure of how to change, remember: you can learn to lead. And when you lead with love, everything changes—your marriage, your family, and your legacy.

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Ready for the next step? Our team of Clarity Advisors are ready to talk with you. Call +1 332-239-2379 or visit delightyourmarriage.com/cc to take the next step of faith in healing your marriage.

PPS - Here is what (another) recent grad has to say:
I was blindsided and stuck in my own self righteousness. He has wronged me in many ways in the past too but the course allowed me to see my own behaviour too, and I have forgiven him for the past and I feel we can really start afresh, looking at him with new eyes again. I am very hopeful for the future and I enjoy the weekends spending time with my family. Even if we may go through bad patches in the future we now have a framework to use. Nobody told us any of this before.

Arguments that spiral out of control often leave behind words no one meant and wounds that take time to heal. Escalation may feel like "getting it all out," but according to our guest today, it is actually poison to a marriage.

Dr. Kevin Downing, founder of Turning Point Counseling in Southern California, has spent decades helping couples, pastors, and families find healthier ways to connect. His insights on escalation, self-control, and parenting bring both biblical grounding and practical tools.

Why Escalation Is "Pure Poison" That Often Leads to Divorce

Research from Dr. John Gottman revealed that the type of conflict in marriage can predict divorce. The number one predictor? Escalation.

When escalation takes over, brain scans show that the logical, rational side of the brain shuts down. That's why conversations in anger lead to slammed doors, reckless words, or ultimatums. With half the brain offline, no real problem-solving can happen.

We often think that the "truth" does comes out during these heated moments of escalation, and sometimes spouses even push each other to the brink in an attempt to "get the truth out." But the reality is, this isn't so. The words spoken at the peak of anger are not reliable and usually bring regret. As Dr. Downing explained, escalation is pure poison for marriage.

The Fruit of the Spirit in Your Marriage

Scripture gives a different path. Galatians 5 teaches that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.

Self-control means more than biting one's tongue; it is the Spirit's power to respond with gentleness when provoked. It is choosing a soft answer when the flesh screams for retaliation. This is what keeps hearts tender and marriages safe.

Practical Tools for De-Escalation

Dr. Downing offered practical tools couples can use immediately:

• Use "I" language. Instead of "You're losing it," say, "I need a few minutes to calm down. I promise to return."

• Pause at night. Words like, "I love you. I'm not going anywhere. I'm sure we can work this out" create security before sleep.

• Reassure often. A 10-second "wedding-vow refresh" can melt deep insecurity: "You're my one and only—for better or worse, for life."

• Don't debate history. Replace "I remember it better than you" with "We have different recollections." Then drop it.

• Offer a new experience. Arguments rarely change minds, but kindness does. Just as a restaurant replaces a meal instead of defending reviews, a spouse can create change by responding with love instead of debate.

How to Be on the Same Page about Parenting

Conflict in parenting can be just as destructive if spouses are not aligned.

But, Dr. Downing emphasized that parenting plans should not be created in the heat of a crisis. An argument is not the time to create a parenting plan, just like the middle of a storm is not the time to create a rain plan. You want to do these things outside of the state of chaos.

Instead, couples should sit down calmly after the crisis is done and start with the big picture. What goals do you have for your children? You may ask yourselves:

• Do we want our children to be God-loving?

• Self-supporting?

• Respectful?

• Loving toward siblings and connected to church?

Agreeing on these goals allows a united front in daily decisions. One of the greatest gifts for children is seeing parents present a unified approach. Correcting a spouse in front of the kids undermines authority and invites manipulation. Behind closed doors, differences can be discussed and resolved without giving children the leverage to divide.

The Two-Minute Timeout

Dr. Downing also shared a simple, powerful discipline tool for parenting: the two-minute timeout.

When a child disobeys, responds disrespectfully, or hits a sibling, the consequence is two minutes with two questions:

1. Why were you in timeout?

2. Will this behavior happen again today or tonight?

To establish safety and connection, younger children are also given a hug afterward.

This short, consistent approach helps children take ownership while keeping parents calm. It prevents long punishments that discourage, as well as shouting matches that model escalation. In fact, the timeout often benefits the parent just as much—allowing emotions to cool so rational thinking returns.

By the time children reach their teens, the drill is so familiar that a simple question—"Do you need a timeout?"—is usually enough to prompt self-correction.

Final Thoughts

Every couple disagrees sometimes, and every parent has those chaotic moments—but they don't have to end in distance or regret. Escalation will always push hearts apart, but Spirit-led self-control and kindness can draw them close again.

The beautiful truth is that transformation doesn't always come through big, complicated steps. Often it's the small, intentional choices—pausing before speaking, offering reassurance instead of accusation, giving a child two minutes to reset—that shift the entire atmosphere of a home.

Each moment of choosing gentleness over escalation is an invitation for God's presence to flood your marriage and your family.

You can do this.

God bless you!

 

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - For more information on Dr. Kevin Downing and his work, please visit turningpointcounseling.org

PPS - Interested in some free resources? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/downing for a downloadable bundle including resources mentioned in today's podcast.

PPPS - Did you get a chance to check out the Midlife Summit? They are doing an encore presentation this weekend and it is not too late to catch it! Come check out Belah and other coaches as they share insight on hormones, intimacy, and all things midlife. Click here for more info.

PPPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"When we did talk it would often end with blaming each other and an argument.  I believed that if my wife could just be more affectionate and loving our marriage would be much better.  I quickly realized in the first few weeks of MR, that when I take the lead to make her feel safe, cherished, and heard, she responds by being kinder and more loving towards me."

Body obsession has been a toughy for me all my life. 

Wanting to be thin.

Wanting to be beautiful.

Wanting to fit into x size jeans.

Wanting to see x on the scale.

(The number of New Year's resolutions based on this makes me embarrassed.) 

And once I am triggered about thinking I'm not thin, I would eat to assuage those hard feelings. 

Or other hard feelings, I'd eat.

Was it sin? 

Was it a sin, for ME? 

Let's put a pin in that thought.

I think a major way the enemy tempts us nowadays is through distraction. 

Is distraction a sin?

Well, if God has a will for our lives and there are things that are getting in the way of that, that's what I would call sin.

We can't be ignorant of his scenes. 

If your insecurity about your body robs you of sexual desire and confidence in the bedroom -- you need to wage war against this. 

God calls you to be a spouse. 

If something about your body makes you insecure, it is robbing you of the connection you are meant to have with your spouse. Men, maybe it's your member's size, performance, or belly, ladies, maybe it's your belly, body's shape, or giggle (believe me, I get it!!)

That's why I mean to encourage you to wage war against this distraction. 

And honestly, if it's not allowing you to do God's will -- I call it sin. 

If the amount of thoughts that we give to something is greater than the thoughts we give to God (worshipping Him / His word / His tasks / His rest / delight with Him / loving His people well) 

...then might we be serving an idol? 

I definitely was. 

And it's on me to wage war against that idol of body perfection because it hinders every other good thing God wants for me; what He's called me to be about.

So, I hope you'll be encouraged that you can get freedom from this, as I believe it's a miraculous freedom I'm walking in now and have for some time. Thanking God for it!

I hope it blesses you. 

Love, 

Belah

PS -- We'd love to help you. Join a Clarity Call to help us know your situation and if we can help your marriage thrive in every area of intimacy - emotional, spiritual & physical. delightyourmarriage.com/cc 

 

When I hit "record" on the very first Delight Your Marriage podcast 10 years ago, my mic stand was a Quaker Oats container. 

I had a dream, a story, and a hope that I thought could help others. 

I just had a few loaves and fishes to offer—with a world in need.

Now—500 episodes later—we've seen Him do it: hundreds marriages restored in our programs directly, many thousands of families transformed through our podcast, lives healed all over the world. 

And yet, this milestone isn't just about what God has done at Delight Your Marriage—it's about what He wants to do next, through all of us.

Here are three lessons from this episode I believe will bless you right now:

1) Do not be overcome by evil
The world's problems can feel overwhelming, but your greatest impact is in your sphere of influence—your heart, your habits, your marriage. That's where revival begins. And it does spread!

2) Do courage enough and it becomes confidence.
At first, obedience to God feels risky and scary. But when you keep stepping forward with courage, it grows into confidence. And then it's simply confidence in who you are and how God made you to be and impact others. 

3) Live the Love Chapter at home–first.
1 Corinthians 13 isn't just for weddings—it's your daily assignment. Love is patient, kind, forgiving. Revival doesn't start on stages—it starts in your living room.

Hear how Delight Your Marriabe began and where we're heading in the next 10 years! We're going be in-person trainings (16 starting this fall!), best selling books, self-directed courses, certified coaches, live events, weekend retreats, and global impact—transforming marriages, churches, and even whole communities.

We're just getting started—and you're part of it.

With gratitude,
Belah

P.S. Even if you don't listen right away, here's how you can step into what's next:

For you 

• Book a Clarity Call to begin your own coaching transformation: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

For others

• Bring In-Person Training to your church or small group (launching January): hosting a group where marriages can heal in your community or church. Let us know if you would like to become a part: office@delightyourmarriage.com 

• Help us find the Director of Operations role – take a look or send it to a friend.

• Partner with us financially to sponsor pastors and churches in need (tax-deductible): office@delightyourmarriage.com
  
  

499-Sinful v. Holy Fierce Intimacy

I was confused.

There I was a new bride, having saved myself for marriage…

only to find out that my new husband wanted me to do SINFUL things.

Where did he get all this "inspiration" anyway?

Oh, I knew: sinful places.

So, of course, I refused. And of course, it brought mutual anger (covering each of our hurt).

What's your story?

If it's even remotely like mine, I needed to change the lens in which I was viewing sex.

I wasn't viewing sex from a biblical standpoint.

I was viewing sex from a sexually perverted lens. (Even though I saved my sex for marriage, I certainly received messages from the world that perverted the purity and unashamedness that is meant to be in the bedroom.)

I was thinking about a sinful visual I had, at some point, encountered that I knew was wrong. Instead of recognizing the COMPLETELY different and HOLY context of my marriage, I decided the act was associated with my experience that was not God's will.

Maybe you've gone through something profoundly tragic, if so, my heart goes out to you. And now you're married and there are so many things that feel hard to move towards because of the past. There is hope. Hope for healing and even hope for desire.

Be washed by truth. That's my aim in this conversation. That you will realize that our God is a God of intimacy and freedom in your marriage.

When you wash your mind with the truth of His design within the marriage bed, may you slowly wade (or dive in) into the waters of marital intimacy and find out it's nice and warm (with your spouse 🙂 )

Biblical Sexual Boundaries: What God Says Clearly

God's Word is not silent on sexuality. We're called to flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18), honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure (Hebrews 13:4), and rejoice in the wife (or husband) of our youth (Proverbs 5).

What does that mean practically? It means saying no to adultery, fornication, pornography, and lust outside of marriage. But it also means saying a big yes to intimacy within marriage.

God designed it. He delights in it. And He calls it holy.

Christian Sexual Freedom in Marriage

Here's the good news: within the covenant of marriage, you are FREE. Passion, tenderness, variety—when it's just the two of you, it's not dirty or off-limits.

Too often, we add rules God never wrote. We act like Pharisees in the bedroom, burdening ourselves with shame. But Scripture doesn't say you have to find every position or practice word-for-word in the Bible. It says to stay within God's boundaries.

That's it.

Inside those boundaries, freedom is His gift.

Masculine vs. Feminine Sexuality in God's Design

I often talk about a helpful framework: feminine sexuality tends to be calming, connective, tender—while masculine sexuality is passionate, fierce, and energetic.

Neither is wrong! In fact, both are needed! But here's the key: most wives won't feel safe to enjoy masculine passion until the feminine is deeply honored.

Gentle connection lays the foundation for fierce intimacy. When both are present, intimacy becomes the oneness God intended.

One Flesh Marriage Meaning

When Scripture says the two become one flesh (Matthew 19:5), it's not talking about shared bank accounts or chore charts. It's talking about the mystery and beauty of sexual union.

That oneness is not only for procreation—it's also for pleasure, connection, and spiritual unity.

You were designed to be "naked and unashamed." That's God's original intention for your marriage.

Repentance and Sexual Purity

Here's the challenge: what you consume shapes what you expect.

If your eyes are fixed on media that glamorizes lust, adultery, or pornography, your heart will follow. Jesus warned us—lust in the heart is adultery (Matthew 5:28).

But repentance is always available. God's kindness leads us to turn back (Romans 2:4). His grace washes us clean and empowers us to start again. Inside His boundaries, intimacy is safe, holy, and life-giving.

Healing and Hope for Your Marriage Bed

If intimacy feels impossible for you—whether because of past sin, abuse, shame, or just exhaustion—please don't give up.

You can heal.
You can rediscover joy.
You can learn how God wired you for intimacy, and how to give and receive love in your marriage bed.

I want you to know: fierce intimacy is possible, for men and women. And it is holy. Within God's design, it's not just permitted—it's celebrated.

Final Thoughts

Friend, don't let the enemy steal your freedom by pushing you into guilt—or into sin. God's Word draws the boundaries, and inside them, He invites you to DELIGHT.

We are rooting for you.

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Ready to take the next step? Schedule a free call with one of our Clarity Advisors today. This free Clarity Call will give you insight into the health of your marriage and your best next step. Whatever is hindering you from taking your next step, you are not too far gone. Sign up here for your free Clarity Call!

PPS - Need a little extra coaching on this whole holy fierce intimacy thing? Well, the timing could not be better! Our very own Belah Rose is a keynote speaker for Date Your Spouse's 2025 Sex Seminar. All the nitty-gritty questions, all the understanding and support. Check out this link to register for this seminar and catch not only Belah's teaching, but other intimacy experts as well! 🔥 (Want to catch up on the Sex Seminars from previous years? You got it. Click here to register for access for this year's panel AND previous years!)

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"Before DYM, there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs and these were replayed constantly in my head even though one of them occurred 25 years ago... After going through the program, the stress is gone... I told him I have forgiven him and intimacy is something I desire now and enjoy with my husband. We are both so much happier in our marriage! I have also started back on my spiritual journey with God, that I have been away from for many years."

Creating Better Habits for a Better Marriage: Michael's Story

You love your wife. You love your family. And you'd do anything for them.

But if you're honest… things don't feel quite the same as they used to.

Maybe you're exhausted from work, the baby, or the endless list of responsibilities. Maybe your evenings with your wife now look more like two roommates collapsed on the couch—silent, tired, and just hoping tomorrow will be better.

That's exactly where Michael found himself.

A good man. A loving husband. A dad who adored his toddler son. And yet—he noticed the spark in his marriage was fading.

Instead of ignoring it, he made a decision that changed everything.

And maybe that's where you are today.

Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations for Lasting Change

Michael wasn't looking for fluff. He wasn't looking for self-help tricks that sound nice but fall flat.

He wanted something biblical. Something that honored God's design for intimacy. Something practical enough to implement while juggling fatherhood and career.

That's when he discovered Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations.

From the very beginning, he noticed it wasn't complicated. Daily gratitude. Encouraging words. Apologies when needed. Intentional listening.

Simple? Yes. Easy? Not always. But transformational? Absolutely.

Michael said it "sparked something new." He began noticing his wife respond in ways she hadn't before. Even more surprising—she started picking up the same habits he was practicing, without ever being taught them directly.

One morning, while out on a walk, she said, "I forgot to write my gratitudes today."

Michael was stunned. Gratitudes were part of his new daily rhythm—something the program had challenged him to do. He hadn't even invited her into it. But she saw his consistency, and she was inspired to follow.

That's the power of godly leadership.

Christian Marriage Intimacy That Transforms Daily Life

Michael realized intimacy was about more than the physical.

Yes, God designed sex as a beautiful, holy gift—but intimacy starts long before the bedroom.

When a wife feels safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished, her heart opens. That's the essence of Christian marriage intimacy: a holistic connection that touches body, soul, and spirit.

For Michael, it meant slowing down. Looking his wife in the eye. Really listening when she spoke—not just nodding while his mind wandered. Offering compliments, even when it felt small. Expressing love, even in the middle of an ordinary day.

And the results?

Their evenings shifted. Instead of collapsing into silence, they began talking again. Laughing again. Rebuilding the kind of bond that made marriage joyful instead of draining.

Maybe that's what's missing in your marriage. Maybe you're craving closeness but don't know where to start. Michael would tell you—start small. Gratitude. Encouragement. Listening.

And watch how God multiplies it.

Christian Husband Leadership That Inspires Your Wife

Here's the truth: someone has to go first.

Too many men wait, hoping their wives will change before they do. But waiting is not leadership.

Michael discovered that a Christian husband's leadership is about modeling the very change you want to see.

• Choosing gratitude when negativity feels easier.

• Speaking life instead of criticism.

• Creating joy where tension used to rule.

• Surrendering pride in order to serve.

And his wife responded. Not because he pressured her. Not because he demanded it. But because love that reflects Christ is contagious.

Friend, this is the hard but freeing truth: leadership begins with you.

Your wife may or may not immediately change. But your consistent obedience to Christ's call—to love your wife as He loved the church—will never return void.

Marriage Transformation Stories That Stir Hope

When Michael first joined the program, he rated his marriage a 7 or 8 out of 10. Good. Steady. But he knew something was missing.

After stepping into these practices, his wife said something that stopped him in his tracks: "This has been transformational for our marriage."

That's not just improvement. That's restoration.

And Michael's story isn't unique. Week after week, we hear marriage transformation stories from men all over the world—young dads, empty-nesters, husbands married for two years or fifty.

The common thread? They chose to lead with love. To step into accountability. To embrace God's way, not culture's distortions.

And God met them there.

If He can do it for Michael, He can do it for you.

Final Thoughts

Let me ask you directly: where is your marriage today?

Maybe it feels "good but not great." Maybe the spark is gone, and you're worried what things will look like in five or ten years. Maybe you're exhausted from parenting and silently grieving the closeness you once had.

Friend, you don't have to settle.

Michael didn't.

And the best part? His wife followed his lead without him ever asking her to.

That's what happens when a man chooses to be the first one to change.

Michael made a decision. He chose to take a step forward. And it began with one simple action: a conversation.

That's where you can begin, too.

 

With love,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - Are you ready to take the next step in improving your marriage? We are here for you! Schedule a free Clarity Call and take the first step to transforming your marriage.

PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: 
"Our marriage was doomed to fail if we continued with the same unhealthy patterns that we had been using for years. This was a very hard process of self evaluation. My relationship with God was put at the top of my list for each day and I was able to start to feel connected to Him again and have loved being in the word. I also realized that I was taking myself and life way too seriously and have had to force myself to be more playful which has helped to keep the mood in our relationship more fun and light."

497-Living a Life of No Regrets in Marriage and Faith [Re-Release]
(Previously Titled: Changing OURSELVES in Light of Eternity)

Hello, listeners! As we continue to work on our recording our very first in-person trainings, we hope you will enjoy some of the re-releases from the past few years of the Delight Your Marriage podcast (It has certainly been sweet to us to re-listen and share some of our favorites with you!)

For this week, we hope you will enjoy a little bit of Christmas in the summertime as we talk about living life in light of eternity. Christmas is certainly a wonderful time to remember who Jesus is and why he is worthy of our lives, but we think a balmy day in August is a good time to remember that also.

Enjoy this re-release and we look forward to sharing some other favorite episodes with you soon!

God bless!

Marriage as Your First Assignment Before God

When we think about standing before Jesus one day, many of us imagine wanting to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." But how often do we connect that vision with our marriages?

The truth is, God has entrusted you with a spouse—not by accident, not as an afterthought, but as a sacred assignment. Your husband or wife is your first ministry.

Loving God by Loving Your Spouse

Jesus told us the greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength—and the second is like it: to love our neighbor as ourselves.

And who is your closest neighbor? Your spouse.

No one else can encourage your spouse like you can. No one else can pray for them, serve them, or provide safety and intimacy in the same way. Your marriage is one of the clearest ways to live out your love for God.

When you choose to love your husband or wife with gentleness, patience, and sacrificial love, you are actually loving Jesus.

Integrity, Intimacy, and Safety

Loving your spouse well isn't just about words—it's about integrity. It's about creating true safety by guarding your heart, your eyes, and your thoughts.

It's about saying no to distractions that cheapen your focus—whether that's pornography, busyness, or pouring your energy into hobbies instead of your home.

When you choose discipline, integrity, and faithfulness, your spouse experiences the safety God designed marriage to provide. And intimacy—emotional, spiritual, and physical—flows from that foundation.

A Life with No Regrets

This life is short. One day, you and I will stand before Jesus. What will we be able to say about how we loved?

Did we prioritize our marriages? Did we love our spouses as Christ asked us to? Did we make sacrifices to ensure our marriages reflected His heart?

The good news is—it's not too late. Today, you can choose to love your spouse as your first assignment before God. You can choose to realign your priorities and live with no regrets.

Your Invitation

Your marriage is not just about you and your spouse—it's about reflecting Jesus to the world. When you love your spouse well, you glorify God.

Take some time today to ask:

• What does it mean for me to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?

• How can I show that love to my spouse in practical, tangible ways?

• What do I want to be true of me when I stand before Jesus?

Friend, don't waste the life God has entrusted to you. Start with the person He's placed right by your side. Your first neighbor.

You can do this.

God bless you,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you are ready to join our Coaching Programs, we would love to chat with you! Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Call advisors and discover what your marriage needs to fully connected once again.

PPS - We are doing a pilot launch in churches this Fall! The Masculinity Reclaimed & Delighted Wife programs that you know and love are being adapted for in-person groups and we cannot wait to show them to you. If you'd like your church to be a part of our pilot program, please check out https://delightyourmarriage.com/church/

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"We were both resentful of how we treated each other. My expectations were rarely met and I could be quite cold. My moods would overflow into my parenting and even work. After 20+ years of this I had very little hope that things could change. I was not going to leave my family, but I did seek to escape through alcohol and pornography at times... [Now,] My wife has told me she feels safe. She has begun to trust that my change is not a passing fad. I have gained understanding in how to love her well. I look forward to being around her, and to pampering her and loving her well. This has overflowed into intimacy emotionally, spiritually, and physically...I didn't realize how much pain I was causing her, or how self focused I was. I was trying to get her to change and should have been working on me."

Abiding in God's Love by Living a Life of Surrender
(Formerly Titled: Real Love Takes Sacrifice)

We know the Bible says "God is love" (1 John 4:8) and that He loved us first. But if we're honest, many of us spend more time wondering, "Does God really love me?" than asking the deeper, more revealing question: "Do I truly love Him?"

That's the heart of today's message. God's love for you is unshakable, unchanging, and eternal. The real question is whether your love for Him is genuine—and if it's showing up in your life the way true love always does: through sacrifice.

When You Don't Feel God's Love

Maybe you've been a Christian for years but can't remember the last time you felt God's love. You've read the verses. You've prayed the prayers. But it's like you're in a spiritual drought.

The truth? Feelings aren't the measure of His love. But there's often a missing link when we feel disconnected from God—and it's not that He's holding back. It's that our love for Him hasn't moved from words to action.

Abiding in God's Love Requires Sacrifice

Jesus said plainly, "If you love Me, keep My commands" (John 14:15). Love isn't just warm feelings or goosebumps in worship—it's obedience. And obedience requires sacrifice.

That sacrifice may look like:

• Giving up your comfort

• Laying down your need for control

• Surrendering your demand to understand everything before trusting

• Releasing opinions that don't align with His Word

It's the same principle in marriage—love grows deeper when it's willing to lay self aside for the other's good. Our relationship with Jesus is no different.

The Pearl of Great Price and God's Love

In Matthew 13:45–46, Jesus tells of a merchant who sold all he had to buy one pearl of great value. That's what loving God looks like—letting go of everything else so you can fully hold onto Him.

You don't get the pearl without selling all. You don't experience the fullness of God's love without the surrender that real love demands.

Beyond the Honeymoon: Abiding in God's Love Daily

Some of us have had that powerful, early experience with God—a "honeymoon" season where His presence felt constant and overwhelming. But just like in marriage, the relationship matures. The emotions may not always be intense, but the love grows deeper as it's proven through daily, intentional sacrifice.

Surrender: The Path to Experiencing God's Love

If you want a fresh revelation of God's love, start here:

1. Ask Him to show you where He's calling you to surrender.

2. Choose obedience in that area—even when it costs you.

3. Trust Him with the outcome.

When you give Him your heart in this way, you'll discover what you can't manufacture through feelings alone: the deep, abiding joy of walking in step with His love.

Blessings, 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you're ready to take the next step toward real transformation in your marriage, I'd love to invite you to a free Clarity Call. It's a safe, judgment-free space to share your story, discover what's been holding you back, and see if our program is the right fit for you. Don't wait—your next season of connection, joy, and hope could start today.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent grad:
"I have daily devotions now, I practice gratitude daily now. I have more confidence and less anxiety around people or stressful situation. I feel closer to God now...what could be a bigger impact than that?"

After nearly four decades of marriage, Kim and Russ had done the hard work. They had raised five children, invested in professional counseling, read marriage books, and sought spiritual guidance.

And still, something was missing.

The breakthrough moments they experienced through the years never seemed to last. They still longed for a deeper connection and the kind of love they had always dreamed of.

The Pain of "Almost" Fixing It

Kim felt emotionally unsafe for far too long. Arguments were frequent, and intimacy had become something to endure rather than enjoy. She said, "We spent tens of thousands of dollars on counseling… but nothing stuck."

They had learned communication tools, gone on retreats, and practiced new habits—but it felt like patchwork. They both feared they'd never experience the closeness they longed for.

What Made This Marriage Transformation Different

When a close friend experienced radical transformation in her marriage through our program, Kim and Russ took notice. Russ joined the men's program first—not out of crisis, but out of conviction. He realized he hadn't been loving Kim as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5), and he wanted to grow.

As Russ surrendered his old ways, Kim noticed a clear shift. He was more present, more loving, and no longer reactive. Over time, her heart softened too.

Though initially hesitant, Kim eventually joined the women's program, encouraged by the changes she saw and her own desire to grow.

"I wanted to catch up," she shared with us.

The Breakthrough They Couldn't Find Anywhere Else

What set this experience apart wasn't just the information—it was the biblical framework, practical tools, and deep community that made lasting transformation possible.

Together, they:

• Ended their cycle of arguing

• Rebuilt emotional safety and trust

• Restored intimacy in every sense—physical, emotional, and spiritual

• Learned how to love and respect one another as God intended

Russ shared with us, "I've been in church all my life, but I never really learned how to live out Scripture in my marriage. This taught me how."

A Marriage They Never Thought Was Possible

Today, Kim and Russ say their marriage is "a 9 or 10." Not because it's perfect—but because they've been changed from the inside out.

They speak with laughter and warmth. They tease each other. They still work through conflict—but without yelling, shutdowns, or spirals that last for days or weeks.

Now? They hold hands again. They share their hearts freely. They support each other's needs—spiritually, emotionally, physically.

Russ opens the car door for Kim every time. And she waits for him to do it.

Healing Beyond Just the Two of Them

The impact of their transformation has rippled outward—into their relationships with their grown children, with friends, and even in their church.

What used to feel tense or guarded has become relaxed. Warm. Full of grace.

When asked to describe their marriage today, each responded with one word: 'Delight' (Russ) & 'Thankful' (Kim).

That's not where they began. But by God's grace—and a willingness to grow—they now live in daily gratitude.

For the peace in their home. For the tenderness in their marriage. And for the God who redeems all things.

 

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - Are you were Russ & Kim were before? 35+ years into marriage and feeling defeated and discouraged? You are not alone and your marriage story isn't over. Schedule a free Clarity Call to take the next step.

PPS - We are launching a Church Training pilot program this Fall! All the incredible material of DYM, created for weekly church trainings. It's going to change lives and we are so excited to see it! If you'd like your church to participate, check out our Church Training page for more info.

PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"Often my wife would complain that I wasn't listening, didn't understand her well, and that she was walking on eggshells all the time (that feeling was mutual). Even though we were good friends and we had regular dates and romantic times together, she didn't see any depth to 'us'...I realized that more than our intimacy, God wanted to meet me and change my heart…Finally God had my attention and He started working in many different areas of my life, that had just been swept under the carpet for far too long…[I] learned to truly put myself on the cross, to draw close to my wife and seek to minister to her needs first."

Don't Waste the Great Gift of Influence
(Formerly titled: Don't Waste Your Impact)

It's easy to underestimate just how much weight your words, actions, and attitudes carry—especially in your marriage.

But the truth is, your spouse is the person you impact most in this life. And that impact can either build up or break down. It can draw them closer to Jesus—or push them further away.

Whether you're aware of it or not, you are influencing every day. The real question is: how are you using that influence?

In today's episode, we're exploring what Scripture and research say about the power of marriage, how your smallest habits shape your legacy, and why taking your influence seriously could be one of the most important decisions you make—not just for your spouse, but for eternity.

Why Your Marriage Holds the Greatest Influence in Your Life

Research from the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale confirms it: five of the top ten most stressful life events are marriage-related. Death of a spouse. Divorce. Separation. Reconciliation. Even getting married. All of these events shape us more than we realize—impacting not only our emotions but our physical health.

That's why your role in your marriage is far from trivial. It's your greatest mission field. Beyond your spouse, your children are next in line for your influence. Their spiritual formation, character, and even understanding of Jesus may start with how they see you live.

Influence Starts with the Smallest Seeds

We often think influence must be grand—but it's the consistent, daily seeds that grow lasting fruit.

Whether it's trying to put stubborn littles to bed while keeping a joyful attitude ("count it all joy when you face trials"), or sharing a genuine compliment with your spouse that communicates admiration or safety—these small acts build a legacy.

The greatest impact comes through simple faithfulness: planting seeds of respect, encouragement, and love, again and again.

Want to Be Effective? Influence with Soft Eyes and a Gentle Tone

Influence is not control. It's not demanding. And it's certainly not harsh.

If your heart is full of conviction, but your tone is sharp, your spouse may never hear your heart. Instead, they'll hear rejection, judgment, and intensity. That shuts hearts down.

Instead, remember this:

• Soft Eyes

• Gentle Tone

• Slow Pace

No, it's not an acronym yet—but it's a powerful practice. If it matters to you, slow down. Look at them with kindness. Speak with a spirit of gentleness. Because your delivery may determine whether your words are received—or rejected.

Faith Isn't Meant to Stay Silent—So Stop Hiding It

Somewhere along the way, many of us have absorbed the idea that faith is a purely private matter. But Scripture doesn't support that.

Paul talks openly about his prayers, his tears, his awe at God's love. You don't need to boast—but you do need to be real. Share how you follow Jesus. Let your spouse and your kids see that He's not just a Sunday idea.

He's your daily King.

Character First. Ministry Second.

The Bible is clear: if you can't manage your own household, how can you lead in the church? (1 Tim. 3, Titus 1)

Your first ministry is your spouse. Your first testimony is how you treat them when no one is watching. Your first assignment is to steward the influence God has entrusted to you—in your tone, your time, and your tenderness.

Don't Waste the Great Gift of Influence

If you've ever caused your spouse to spend days mulling over a harsh word, you've influenced—for harm. That matters. God has given you the ability to heal and build up—or wound and tear down.

We won't be perfect. But we must take our influence seriously.

Let your words be seasoned with grace. Let your habits point to Jesus. Let your home be a place where His love is felt—because of you.

Because when we stand before God, how we used our influence in marriage will matter. And your spouse's eternity may just be a little brighter because of your faithfulness.

Final Thoughts

Friend, your influence is real. And it's powerful. You don't have to be perfect to make a lasting impact—you just need to be faithful with the moments in front of you.

One seed of kindness.

One soft-eyed response.

One patient, Spirit-led pause.

These small choices shape hearts, build trust, and reflect the love of Jesus. So take heart. God has entrusted you with influence, not by accident, but for a purpose. And as you lean into Him and love your spouse with intention, you are planting seeds that can grow into something beautiful—something eternal.

 

Love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Are you ready to take the next step in influencing your marriage for the better? Our Clarity Advisors are ready to talk with you! Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc.

PPS - Wish your church had a program like this? It can! We are launching our Church Training program this Fall and are still accepting churches to participate in the pilot program. Learn more at Delight Your Marriage Church Training.

PPPS - Here is quote from a recent graduate:
"There was a fair amount of discouragement, which carried over in my professional life and ministry involvements. I would not have considered leaving my wife, but hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died...[Now,] I KNOW that as intimacy grows between a husband and his wife, both are energized to do the work of the Kingdom, both shine brighter wherever they are. I have begun to feel it and see it happen!...Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now – my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!"

Don't Waste the Great Gift of Influence
(Formerly titled: Don't Waste Your Impact)

It's easy to underestimate just how much weight your words, actions, and attitudes carry—especially in your marriage.

But the truth is, your spouse is the person you impact most in this life. And that impact can either build up or break down. It can draw them closer to Jesus—or push them further away.

Whether you're aware of it or not, you are influencing every day. The real question is: how are you using that influence?

In today's episode, we're exploring what Scripture and research say about the power of marriage, how your smallest habits shape your legacy, and why taking your influence seriously could be one of the most important decisions you make—not just for your spouse, but for eternity.

Why Your Marriage Holds the Greatest Influence in Your Life

Research from the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale confirms it: five of the top ten most stressful life events are marriage-related. Death of a spouse. Divorce. Separation. Reconciliation. Even getting married. All of these events shape us more than we realize—impacting not only our emotions but our physical health.

That's why your role in your marriage is far from trivial. It's your greatest mission field. Beyond your spouse, your children are next in line for your influence. Their spiritual formation, character, and even understanding of Jesus may start with how they see you live.

Influence Starts with the Smallest Seeds

We often think influence must be grand—but it's the consistent, daily seeds that grow lasting fruit.

Whether it's trying to put stubborn littles to bed while keeping a joyful attitude ("count it all joy when you face trials"), or sharing a genuine compliment with your spouse that communicates admiration or safety—these small acts build a legacy.

The greatest impact comes through simple faithfulness: planting seeds of respect, encouragement, and love, again and again.

Want to Be Effective? Influence with Soft Eyes and a Gentle Tone

Influence is not control. It's not demanding. And it's certainly not harsh.

If your heart is full of conviction, but your tone is sharp, your spouse may never hear your heart. Instead, they'll hear rejection, judgment, and intensity. That shuts hearts down.

Instead, remember this:

• Soft Eyes

• Gentle Tone

• Slow Pace

No, it's not an acronym yet—but it's a powerful practice. If it matters to you, slow down. Look at them with kindness. Speak with a spirit of gentleness. Because your delivery may determine whether your words are received—or rejected.

Faith Isn't Meant to Stay Silent—So Stop Hiding It

Somewhere along the way, many of us have absorbed the idea that faith is a purely private matter. But Scripture doesn't support that.

Paul talks openly about his prayers, his tears, his awe at God's love. You don't need to boast—but you do need to be real. Share how you follow Jesus. Let your spouse and your kids see that He's not just a Sunday idea.

He's your daily King.

Character First. Ministry Second.

The Bible is clear: if you can't manage your own household, how can you lead in the church? (1 Tim. 3, Titus 1)

Your first ministry is your spouse. Your first testimony is how you treat them when no one is watching. Your first assignment is to steward the influence God has entrusted to you—in your tone, your time, and your tenderness.

Don't Waste the Great Gift of Influence

If you've ever caused your spouse to spend days mulling over a harsh word, you've influenced—for harm. That matters. God has given you the ability to heal and build up—or wound and tear down.

We won't be perfect. But we must take our influence seriously.

Let your words be seasoned with grace. Let your habits point to Jesus. Let your home be a place where His love is felt—because of you.

Because when we stand before God, how we used our influence in marriage will matter. And your spouse's eternity may just be a little brighter because of your faithfulness.

Final Thoughts

Friend, your influence is real. And it's powerful. You don't have to be perfect to make a lasting impact—you just need to be faithful with the moments in front of you.

One seed of kindness.

One soft-eyed response.

One patient, Spirit-led pause.

These small choices shape hearts, build trust, and reflect the love of Jesus. So take heart. God has entrusted you with influence, not by accident, but for a purpose. And as you lean into Him and love your spouse with intention, you are planting seeds that can grow into something beautiful—something eternal.

 

Love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Are you ready to take the next step in influencing your marriage for the better? Our Clarity Advisors are ready to talk with you! Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc.

PPS - Wish your church had a program like this? It can! We are launching our Church Training program this Fall and are still accepting churches to participate in the pilot program. Learn more at Delight Your Marriage Church Training.

PPPS - Here is quote from a recent graduate:
"There was a fair amount of discouragement, which carried over in my professional life and ministry involvements. I would not have considered leaving my wife, but hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died...[Now,] I KNOW that as intimacy grows between a husband and his wife, both are energized to do the work of the Kingdom, both shine brighter wherever they are. I have begun to feel it and see it happen!...Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now – my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!"

Fall in Love With Your Spouse Again: Kay's Story

Marriage is one of God's most beautiful gifts—and one of His most powerful tools for growth and sanctification. But even after decades of love and commitment, many couples find themselves asking the quiet question:

What happened to us?

Maybe you're feeling distant from your spouse.
Maybe you're still under the same roof—but it feels like you're living parallel lives.
Maybe you've stopped hoping things can change.

That's where Kay was after 33 years of marriage.
But her story is a powerful reminder: It is possible to fall in love again—and to restore love in a marriage that feels broken.

When You Feel Stuck in Your Marriage

Kay and her husband had built a wonderful life: children, a family business, retirement, and shared dreams. But beneath it all, their connection was quietly dissolving.

Kay shared with us, "We weren't arguing every day, but there was tension. There was distance. He finally told me, 'If this is what the next 20 years are going to look like—I don't want it.'"

Their marriage wasn't hostile—but it was cold.

No more playfulness.
No more laughter.
And for Kay, no clear idea of what to do next.

Christian Marriage Healing Starts in the Heart

One night, Kay came across our podcast. She listened to a wife share her story—and saw her own reflection in the words. That night, she played the episode for her husband.

Both of them ended up in tears.

That was the moment God began softening her heart. But what came next wasn't a joint effort. It wasn't couples therapy. It was one wife, taking one faithful step forward.

Kay didn't wait for her husband to change.

She didn't try to force him into a process.

She simply said yes to the work God wanted to do in her. And that's what began to heal everything.

How to Save Your Marriage Alone—One Surrender at a Time

There's a common lie in marriage restoration: If my spouse won't change, there's no hope.

But Kay's story offers a different story: Sometimes the most powerful transformations happen when one spouse surrenders first.

As she worked through the DYM program, she began seeing all the ways she had unintentionally pushed her husband away—through resentment, control, harshness, and silence.

"I didn't realize how disrespectful I had become. How little admiration I showed. I had no idea how my own attitude was closing his heart off from me."

Through prayer, scripture, and community, God began to soften her heart. And without pushing, demanding, or even explaining—it softened his too.

"He started coming home earlier. Laughing again. Helping more. And I never once asked him to."

When you let God begin with you, healing has a way of rippling outward.

Biblical Marriage Advice for Wives Who Feel Disconnected

When you've been married a long time, it's easy to assume the disconnection is just part of life.

But biblical marriage advice doesn't teach resignation—it teaches hope, humility, and the power of the Holy Spirit to change hearts.

If you're feeling distant from your spouse, here are some biblical truths and tools Kay leaned into:

• Let go of resentment. Carrying old pain closes the heart. Forgiveness opens it again.

• Replace criticism with admiration. Notice what your spouse is doing right. Thank them. Respect them—even when it feels hard.

• Spend time with God. Let His Word renew your mind and fill the empty places. Healing starts vertically before it ever flows horizontally.

• Surrender the outcome. You can't control your spouse—but you can invite God to transform you.

"I realized this wasn't just Christian wife marriage help—it was God restoring my identity and softening my heart."

How to Reconnect After Years of Marriage

When you've shared decades together, the idea of starting over may feel impossible.

But learning how to reconnect after years of marriage isn't about erasing the past. It's about allowing God to do something new with the years ahead.

Kay didn't try to recreate her early romance. She let God build something deeper, wiser, and more joyful than before.

After 33 years, their hearts are tender again. Their home is peaceful. And their future is bright.

When You Don't Feel Loved in Your Marriage—There Is Still Hope

For so many, the pain isn't anger—it's loneliness.

The ache of not being seen.
Not being pursued.
Not feeling cherished.

If that's where you are—when you don't feel loved in your marriage—you are not disqualified from healing.

Kay didn't feel loved when she started this journey. But as she learned to love God more deeply, and love her husband with grace and strength, she began to feel loved again too.

Not because she was striving. But because she was surrendered.

Christian Wife Marriage Help That Changes Everything

Kay thought she was doing this program to fix her marriage. But God used it to fix something deeper: her heart.

She discovered that Christian marriage healing isn't just about relationship tools. It's about identity. Surrender. Courage. And the quiet willingness to say, God, start with me.

Friend, if your marriage feels cold, quiet, or disconnected—you're not alone.
If you're longing for intimacy, peace, and laughter again—it is not too late.God is able.
He is faithful.
And your best years together could still be ahead.

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of you Clarity Call Advisors today.

PPS - Like what you hear? Wish your church was teaching something like this? Well, it can! To learn more about the Church Training program we are developing, check out Delight Your Marriage Church Training

PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"Lack of sexual intimacy and communication. No variety in sex...I felt like my wife did not care about me. I had stopped initiating and I felt discouraged...Unhappy and unfulfilled would be the best words to describe my feelings but I tried to keep the feelings buried. [Now, my wife] gives me joy that pours into our marriage, my love for God, my family and others. God is love and I can better comprehend it when I am loved by my wife. Belah has transformed my life. I will never be the same. She has given me joy, hope, confidence and the realization that it is OK to be a man!"

Forgiveness is Key to Better Relationships: Interview With Brian & Heather Mayer

Forgiveness can feel like the most unfair, unnatural thing in the world. When someone has wounded you—especially someone who was supposed to love you—choosing to forgive may feel like letting them off the hook.

But Brian and Heather Mayer's story reminds us: forgiveness isn't about the other person's worthiness—it's about God's mercy.

And it's the path to freedom, not just for them… but for you.

Why Christian Marriages Struggle With Forgiveness

Heather didn't realize how deeply unforgiveness had taken root. Even after their marriage began to turn a corner, her heart stayed guarded. She found herself stuck emotionally. The walls she had put up to protect herself were still up. And though they gave the illusion of strength, what they actually offered was isolation.

She said, "I didn't feel like forgiving. I didn't want to say the words. But I knew the Bible said I had to. So I chose to obey—even without the feelings."

This is what many Christian spouses experience. You know the right thing to do, but your emotions don't follow. And it's tempting to wait until you "feel ready."

But true biblical forgiveness isn't based on emotion—it's a decision of the will rooted in trust that God can heal what you cannot.

 

How Unforgiveness Destroys Connection in Marriage

Brian admitted he had been prideful and blind to Heather's needs. But what changed him wasn't just guilt—it was God's grace. He realized that he needed to ask for forgiveness, not just from Heather, but from their children, too.

"I had to go back and apologize, not just for being short or irritable—but for the way my behavior affected my family."

He humbled himself, opened his heart, and began walking out a different kind of love—one marked by patience, listening, and repentance.

That humility created space for healing. Unforgiveness doesn't just affect the person who hurt you—it poisons your heart, your communication, your marriage bed, and even your parenting.

Because where pride builds walls of resentment to isolate, humility builds bridges and invites healing.

 

What the Bible Says About Forgiveness in Marriage

God never promised forgiveness would be easy—but He did say it's essential.

Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Jesus modeled radical forgiveness on the cross. And He calls His followers to extend that same grace in our closest relationships—even in marriage.

Brian and Heather didn't wait until things "felt better." They took action. They forgave before the emotions lined up. And that obedience opened the door for healing.

 

Choosing to Forgive Even When You've Been Deeply Hurt

Forgiveness does not mean:

• Forgetting what happened

• Pretending it didn't hurt

• Ignoring necessary boundaries

But it does mean surrendering the right to punish. It means releasing bitterness so you can receive peace. It means trusting God with your pain instead of letting it define your future.

 

Healing Starts With Forgiveness

Bitterness promises protection—but delivers bondage.

Forgiveness opens the floodgates of grace—not just for your spouse, but for you. For your kids. For your home. For your legacy.

You don't have to live angry. You don't have to stay stuck.

There is freedom on the other side of obedience. There is peace that replaces pain. There is joy waiting where there used to be fear.

And best of all? You don't walk this alone. The God who forgave you will empower you to forgive—again and again.

 

Final Encouragement: Forgiveness Is the Gateway to Freedom

Brian and Heather's story is living proof that no marriage is too far gone. That even the most painful seasons can become a testimony of God's redemption.

Maybe your spouse has wounded you deeply. Or maybe you're the one who's caused the pain.

Either way, Jesus stands ready to walk you both into something new.

Today, start with one brave act of obedience: "I choose to forgive."

Even if your hands tremble. Even if your heart still aches.

God will meet you there. And the freedom you long for is closer than you think.

 

Love,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - Check out Brian & Heather's amazing Forgiveness Course at www.lovehowdeep.com/forgiveness

[Use code DYM59 to receive the Course at the special price of $59, regularly priced at $297!]

PPS - If you're ready to bring even more healing and freedom into your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our Men or Women's Program is right for you. Prices are going up after July 18th, so make the call soon!

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"I struggled with unforgiveness and bitterness, lack of joy in motherhood, emotional lability, and frequent mental trips to the past…  [Now,] I am able to self-regulate my emotions better. I have gained the ability to understand my emotions and thoughts from a more objective standpoint instead of being a victim to my thoughts and emotions... I've grown in my understanding of forgiveness and how that flushes out to my everyday life… When I joined the program, I was hoping that my work would change my husband and my marriage. I didn't realize just how much work I had for my own heart!"

Exciting news! 

We're extending a $500 savings on our coaching programs until this Friday.

Due to the wonderful services and support our coaching clients receive and the fact that we have maintained our coaching programs for 4 years though our services, technology, and results have improved, we are having to increase our coaching prices. 

But before we do, we'd like to give you a chance to get in at the lowest opportunity it'll ever!

This is your chance to transform your marriage with our proven system before prices increase.

Sign up for a clarity call at delightym.com/cc and be part of the next transformation story.

Don't miss out on this opportunity to invest in your relationship and witness the miracles happening every day. Act now and take the first step towards a thriving marriage!

Until THIS Friday 7/14/25 sign up at: delightym.com/cc
(Or if you know someone who needs this, send it to them!)

Exciting news! 

We're extending a $500 savings on our coaching programs until this Friday.

Due to the wonderful services and support our coaching clients receive and the fact that we have maintained our coaching programs for 4 years though our services, technology, and results have improved, we are having to increase our coaching prices. 

But before we do, we'd like to give you a chance to get in at the lowest opportunity it'll ever!

This is your chance to transform your marriage with our proven system before prices increase.

Sign up for a clarity call at delightym.com/cc and be part of the next transformation story.

Don't miss out on this opportunity to invest in your relationship and witness the miracles happening every day. Act now and take the first step towards a thriving marriage!

Until THIS Friday 7/14/25 sign up at: delightym.com/cc
(Or if you know someone who needs this, send it to them!)

A Fine Marriage, Now an Extraordinary Marriage: Bart's Story

Bart is a Christian leader. He's the head of a childcare agency working with traumatized children and teens. He's been married for nearly 20 years and has four beautiful kids.

And by his own admission?

He was tired. Burned out. Irritable.
Or, in his words—"crusty."

He wasn't in crisis. His marriage wasn't "on the rocks."
But it wasn't thriving either.

And Bart knew something had to change.

Christian Leaders Get Tired, Too—But That Doesn't Mean You Stay There

One Saturday morning, Bart's wife tried to be playful with him—and he snapped.

He didn't mean to. He was just worn out, juggling too many roles, feeling the pressure of leadership, family, and ministry. But his wife's gentle confrontation was a turning point.

She didn't yell. She didn't threaten.
She just called it what it was.

And Bart—rather than shutting down—responded with humility and self-reflection.
Not because he had to…
But because he wanted to grow.

Why "Good Enough" Marriage Isn't the Goal—Even for Ministry Leaders

Bart described his marriage as "a 9 on a bad day."
No major fights. No betrayals. No one was threatening to leave.

But deep down, he knew something wasn't right.
The joy was fading.
The connection was inconsistent.
And his presence at home was… thin.

Too many leaders settle for "fine" because there isn't obvious brokenness. But lack of crisis doesn't mean abundance of health.

How One Christian Husband Reconnected With His Wife (and Kids)

Bart didn't just learn new tools—he let God change his posture.

He took a long, hard look at his own heart.
He asked his wife, with full honesty, "Have I made intimacy feel transactional to you?"

She said no. But Bart still made changes.
He apologized for things from 20 years ago.
He went to his kids, one by one, and asked for forgiveness for being emotionally absent.

And the impact?
Laughter returned.
Confidence rose.
Connection was rebuilt—at home, where it matters most.

When You Lead at Work But Struggle at Home

Bart's job requires emotional intelligence, patience, and deep listening.
He gives that to kids, to employees, to families in crisis.

But when he got home?

He was depleted.
He admits, "I was giving my best to strangers—not to the people who mattered most."

The CIRQUE listening framework helped him shift.
Not just in knowledge—but in behavior.
He started seeing his wife again. Not as someone who was "doing fine," but as someone he was called to serve and cherish.

Intention Without Action Won't Heal a Struggling Marriage

One of the most striking moments in Bart's story?
The first time he walked around the car to open the door for his wife in years.

She paused.
Surprised.

It had been that long.

But it wasn't about the door.
It was about intentionality.
About pursuit.
About loving her like the daughter of the King she is.

Christian Leaders: Your Marriage Doesn't Have to Be Broken to Be Better

Friend, maybe your marriage isn't "bad."
Maybe no one knows how empty or tired you feel.
Maybe your congregation thinks everything's fine.

But you know.

You know you're not showing up the way you want to.
You know she deserves more.
You know God is calling you deeper.

Don't wait for a crisis to choose transformation.
Don't wait for regret to become your motivation.

Start now.
Invest now.
Lead your home like Jesus—by going first.

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Are you ready to take the leap? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors at delightym.com/cc

PPS - Our prices are going up after July 15th! Schedule a free Clarity Call before then to save $500+ on your Coaching program.

PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
Being in ministry together and having raised 5 children under the pressure-cooker stress of the mission field, much of our life and conversation related only to family, ministry or solving "issues"…[Now,] there have been so many [celebrations] it's hard to list the biggest! I celebrate the peace in my heart that has allowed me to be non-reactive and non-explosive in some very difficult and high-tension situations…I celebrate the new playful way that we are connecting in the bedroom…I celebrate that my wife is now telling my children that "Dad is different!"

Putting God First Will Change Your Marriage

If you're anything like me, you've found yourself caught in the swirl of responsibilities, relationships, expectations... and distractions. It's so easy to let the noise of life drown out the voice of God.

Even in marriage—especially in marriage—it's easy to start placing our hope in the wrong thing. And when we do that, even the good things, like marriage, can become shaky ground.

But what if the real anchor isn't your spouse, or your role, or your routine—but your relationship with God?

Why Putting God First Can Transform Your Marriage

We live in a world of constant input. Notifications, streaming, social media, endless to-dos. And if we're not intentional, those distractions steal our attention—and with it, our peace, our purpose, and our priorities.

I've found that when I step away from it all—when I intentionally remove the distractions—I can finally hear God clearly again. Whether it's walking in nature without my phone or sitting in a quiet space with my journal, those moments of silence are sacred. They realign me.

Because when God is clear, everything else becomes clear, too.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." —Matthew 6:33

How Husbands Can Become Spiritual Leaders in the Home

Husbands, you are called to lead your home—not because you have all the answers, but because God entrusted you with that role.

Leadership doesn't mean control. It means surrender. It means taking responsibility, laying down pride, and anchoring your identity in Christ—not in your wife's response.

If your stability is based on her reactions, your leadership will always be shaky. But when your eyes are on Jesus, you can lead with strength, consistency, and peace—even if the journey is slow.

"The wise man built his house on the rock… and it did not fall." —Matthew 7:24-25 (paraphrased)

What Biblical Respect Looks Like for Christian Wives

Wives, I get it. Maybe you feel like you've had to take the reins because your husband hasn't. Maybe you feel stronger spiritually. Maybe you're just more organized.

But leadership is about role—not ability. And when we as wives step out of our God-given role, we accidentally make it harder for our husbands to rise into theirs.

Respect doesn't mean silence or enabling. It means honoring the role God has given him, even when it's hard. And when you do? It makes your husband feel safe, trusted, and invited to lead.

Should I Still Respect My Husband If I Don't Trust Him?

If your husband has let you down—or worse, betrayed your trust—you might wonder: "How do I respect a man who hasn't earned it?"

That's real. But our motivation as believers isn't based on someone else's worthiness. It's based on God's worthiness.

You can walk in wisdom, set boundaries, and still respect the role. Because when you show honor, you're honoring God first.

(Need more on this? Search our site for our podcast: "Respect an Untrustworthy Man")

Why Most Marriages Struggle Without Spiritual Rhythms

If you've been running on empty, it may be time to return to spiritual rhythms.

Daily time with God. Weekly check-ins with your heart. Monthly reflection. These aren't just good habits—they're lifelines. They give you clarity, patience, and power to live out your role with joy.

Even if your personality makes this hard (mine does too!), it's worth fighting for. Your family's health depends on your spiritual nourishment.

What "Helper" Really Means (And It's Not What You Think)

In Genesis 2, God calls Eve a "helper"—and the original Hebrew word ezer is used most often to describe God Himself as our rescuer, protector, and strength.

Wives, this means your role is powerful, not passive. You have the God-given ability to uplift, empower, and even save your husband in ways no one else can. Not through control, but through encouragement, respect, and faith-filled love.

When Leadership in Marriage Gets Out of Order

The fall of man in Genesis didn't start with an affair or abuse. It started with misplaced leadership.

Adam was present. He knew the truth. But instead of leading, he followed. Instead of obeying God, he obeyed his wife.

Men, this is your reminder: you are responsible. And women, if you want your husband to lead, you have to let go of the wheel.

Restoring biblical order doesn't mean a power struggle—it means peace, protection, and purpose.

What to Do When You Feel Hopeless in Your Marriage

You might be reading this with tears in your eyes. Maybe your marriage is hanging by a thread. Maybe you've tried everything, and nothing has worked. Maybe you're ready to give up.

Don't.

God sees you. He hasn't forgotten you. And no matter how far things have gone, there is still hope. Even if your spouse doesn't change right away. Even if it's just you taking the first step.

Seek God first. Love your spouse like Jesus. And trust that God will do the rest.

Where there is breath in the lungs, there is hope.

 

With love,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS – Ready to take the next step and learn more about our Coaching Programs? We'd love to talk with you. Book a free Clarity Call today:
delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - To watch the full episode on YouTube, click here.

PPPS - Here's a quote from a recent graduate:

"When I started DYM, I was desperate to save my marriage. When Dana told me that I could do more than just save my marriage, but could actually enjoy it, I literally laughed at her. I had given up hope of having a happy marriage. All I wanted was to avoid divorce at all costs. Here we are a year later, expecting our third sweet baby… I did in fact, by Gods grace, do more than save my marriage!! I actually genuinely LIKE my husband!! We are happy and healing and couldn't be more grateful. God bless DYM. Thank you for having hope for my marital happiness, even when I did not."

Marriage is one of the greatest blessings — and one of the greatest refining processes — we can experience. But if we're honest, many of us carry regrets when it comes to how we've treated our spouse, how we've handled conflict, or the words we've spoken in frustration.

We don't always recognize how often harshness sneaks into our marriage, chipping away at intimacy, connection, and joy. But here's the good news: God's love can heal, restore, and transform even the most regret-filled moments in your relationship.

In a recent conversation with author and speaker Rhonda Stoppe, we unpacked the profound truth of living with "no regrets" in marriage — and the practical steps to get there.

You Can Break Free From the Regrets Holding You Back

Let's be honest — we've all made mistakes in marriage, in parenting, in life. Those regrets? They can paralyze us. Rhonda reminded us that regret is often a weapon the enemy uses to keep us from becoming the women God designed us to be.

But here's the truth — God's love washes those regrets away.

Philippians tells us to "forget what lies behind and strain toward what lies ahead." Even Paul had to lay his past down — his role in Stephen's death, his persecution of believers — yet God still used him powerfully. The same is true for you.

Whether your regrets stem from the way you've treated your spouse, parenting mistakes, or deep wounds from your own upbringing, you are not disqualified from God's call on your life.

The Destructive Power of Harshness in Marriage

Rhonda unpacked something so practical yet so convicting: how often our inner thoughts turn harsh long before words ever leave our mouth.

Ever had the entire argument with your husband in your head before he even walked through the door? I've been there! You play out the "you always" or "you never" narrative and boom — your harsh words fly the second he steps inside.

But as Rhonda beautifully reminded us, love "believes all things" (1 Corinthians 13). That means believing the best about our spouse — assuming good intentions — not assigning negative motives.

Harshness can destroy intimacy faster than almost anything else. It pushes our husband away emotionally. It makes our home a place he — and even our children — dread coming back to.

The Courage to Repent: Humility Over Pride

This hit me hard. Rhonda shared how pride keeps so many people from growth. It's painful to look back and realize we've done things wrong for so long. But friend, God already knows it all — and still loves you.

When we confess, repent, and humble ourselves before Him, He transforms us from the inside out. David's story is such an example. After his sin with Bathsheba, he didn't make excuses. He repented with a broken, contrite heart — and God restored him.

If harshness, selfishness, or regret has gripped your heart, your story isn't over. God offers freedom, but it starts with humility.

Are You a Harsh Spouse? How to Recognize & Change

Harshness is sneaky. Many of us don't even recognize when it's become part of our communication. Rhonda described it as trying to control or hurt with your words to get your way — whether out of fear, frustration, or habit.

Here are some signs of harshness in marriage:

• You regularly raise your voice or speak with a biting tone.

• Your family feels like they have to walk on eggshells around you.

• You replay your spouse's flaws in your mind more than their strengths.

• You assume negative motives for your spouse's actions.

If that's you — take heart! You can change. It starts with repentance, inviting God's Spirit to wash over you, and intentionally building new habits.

Building a No-Regrets Marriage: Practical Next Steps

Rhonda didn't just leave us with conviction — she gave such hopeful steps forward:

1. Get in the Word Daily
   God's Word renews your mind. Listen to scripture, write it out, feast on His promises like daily bread.

2. Find Godly Community
   You need women around you who love Jesus and will speak truth in love — especially older, wise women. (#OldLadiesKnowStuff — I love that!)

3. Choose to Believe the Best
   Make it a practice to assume good about your spouse. Remember how you did that when you were dating? Let's bring that mindset back!

4. Apologize & Repair
   If your harshness has caused damage — humbly ask for forgiveness. Your vulnerability can open doors for healing, even if it takes time.

5. Cling to God's Love First
   Your happiness isn't dependent on your husband's actions — it's rooted in how deeply you believe God's love for you.

The Legacy You Build Starts Today

I adored Rhonda's reminder that the home we build today — with love, forgiveness, humility — shapes our children's future marriages and their walk with God.

You don't want to look back with regret because of harshness or pride.

But even if that's part of your story, God's grace offers a reset, starting today.

We are rooting for you! May God's kind heart move your own heart to kindness today.

God bless you!

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you'd like to check out more of Rhonda's resources (She's great, isn't she?!), podcast, and books, please visit her website: https://www.rhondastoppe.com/

PPS - If the thought of being 'the harsh spouse' made you tense up in defense ("That isn't me! Besides, I wouldn't be harsh if x, y, z...") or made you tear up knowing that it's true, we invite you to a book a free Clarity Call. Kindness, patience, gentleness, and love CAN be the first response. Your marriage does not have to be filled with criticism and harshness. Your home can be light and joyful. Let us help you. We'd love to chat: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"Although on the surface, I would persuade myself I was ok, and that I was doing a good job as a husband, I knew deep down that something was wrong. My wife, though kindly and friendly (she is a lovely soul, who genuinely looks after my best interests), seemed apathetic to me at times, or unnecessarily critical...Completely unintentionally I had made my wife feel ignored, not attended to, and taken for granted… Communication was generally businesslike rather than affectionate. …As the program has gone on, huge strides have been made in our marriage. We now spend quality time together most meal times, we've started going out on dates again, we are much more playful than before and we enjoy being with each other. Most importantly, my wife has relaxed, she's begun to trust me, and her true bubbly self is coming out into the open."

Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!)

If you're a wife who feels like physical intimacy just isn't for you... this post is for you.

Maybe you've been hurt in the past. Maybe sex feels awkward, or painful, or even meaningless. Maybe it seems like something only he wants, and you just go along with it.

If any of that resonates, I want you to know: you're not broken. You're not alone. And there is hope.

When Sex Feels Disappointing or Painful in Marriage

When I first got married, I was so excited. I had saved myself for marriage and imagined physical intimacy would be beautiful and bonding. But what I experienced instead was disappointment. It was physically painful, emotionally awkward, and deeply confusing. I felt ashamed, fat, insecure, and unprepared.

My marriage at that time eventually ended in divorce. There was no biblical reason—I just couldn't take the strife and anxiety anymore. I was devastated. I had followed what I believed was the right path, and yet my marriage still crumbled. And then, I drifted. I walked away from God's design, from purity, and into promiscuity.

But God is a Redeemer.

In time, He gently brought me back. I met a kind, respectful man, and with him, God showed me what healthy, healing intimacy could look like. And it has been a journey—one filled with slow growth, freedom, and true pleasure.

Understanding God's Design for Sexual Pleasure in Marriage

Let's be honest—many wives could take or leave sex. Some even hate it. And yet, God designed physical intimacy to be good—not just for your husband, but for you.

You may have grown up in purity culture, where sex was labeled "bad," "shameful," or "off-limits." Then suddenly, you get married and are expected to flip a switch and enjoy it. That's confusing, to say the least!

But what if we started thinking of pleasure the way God does? What if we saw it as a gift?

You enjoy a clean house, right? You feel at peace, relaxed, energized. That's pleasure. So why is it so hard to believe that sexual pleasure could be just as valid, just as worthy, just as holy?

Why Christian Wives Should Value Pleasure in Intimacy

God didn't create intimacy only for reproduction or duty. He created it for joy, connection, healing, and pleasure. Even Song of Solomon celebrates sensuality—touch, smell, taste, sight, and sound.

Pleasure is part of God's design. It doesn't have to end in orgasm or even intercourse to be sacred. A simple act like cuddling, stripping down just to rest in your husband's arms, or a gentle caress can be deeply meaningful. An moment where you focus on intimacy without the pressure of a "goal." It's healing. It's freeing.

How to Begin Enjoying Intimacy Again—Even If You Feel Broken

You don't have to leap from disinterest to passion overnight. What if you started with just an inch in the direction of intimacy? A kiss. A caress. A flirty smile. That's it.

Then maybe next time, a little more.

Intimacy doesn't have to be all or nothing. It's a dance. A progression. A fluid rhythm between two people who are learning how to love and be loved.

Biblical Boundaries for Sex—and the Freedom Within Them

I've seen it time and again—wives who once hated sex now pursue it with confidence and joy. Not because they've become someone they're not, but because they've allowed God to rewrite their story.

You don't have to live stuck in shame, apathy, or duty.

You were made for more.

You were made for joy.

You were made to receive pleasure—and not just physical pleasure, but the peace and playfulness that come from deep connection. You can laugh, relax, and actually look forward to physical intimacy.

Even if you're post-menopausal.

Even if you've been through trauma.

Even if you feel like you're the one who's "just not into it."

God can change it. He's done it in me. He's done it in hundreds of wives I've coached. And He can do it in you.

 

With love & hope,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - For more information on the Connection Sessions mentioned in the podcast, check out Delight Your Marriage: Connection Sessions.

PPS - To learn more about our research on Biblical boundaries in marital intimacy, please visit Delight Your Marriage: Boundaries in Sex.

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"So much of my prayer time was trying to pray for my hubs and me and us in our marriage and lamenting over the state of our marriage...it was so hard for me to engage in intimacy with my husband...Most times I just had to turn off my heart and pray and power through, which only served to make me even more avoidant of it...[Now,] I don't feel like I need a brick wall to protect my heart from my husband...Intimacy feels like a safe place...It's not intimacy's 'for him', it's ALWAYS intimacy for 'us'."

He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story

Rebekah didn't sign up for marriage coaching.

She wasn't looking for help. In fact, when her husband first discovered us, she politely declined any involvement. He had found the podcast and was quietly listening, learning, and applying. She wasn't ready.

But he didn't push.
He didn't demand.
He just loved her.

And that—his sacrificial, consistent, Christlike love—is what eventually opened her heart.

When the Husband Leads and Goes First

"He died to himself," Rebekah said, describing her husband Noah's transformation. "He was willing to love me even if I didn't love him back."

It didn't happen overnight. Noah committed to the Men's Program during Rebekah's pregnancy, often implementing everything he learned from recordings because he was unable to attend the live Group Coaching Calls due to work.

He walked out the truth. And over time, Rebekah noticed.

"I felt deeply that he was doing that for me," she shared. "And that softened my heart."

 

Being Intimidated by Intimacy

Rebekah's journey around intimacy was painful.
It was often physically painful.
She didn't enjoy it.
She felt shy around it and blushed when the topic came up.
She felt disconnected—from herself, from her husband, even from her own body.

She also knew what was at stake.

"Intimacy was already hard… but with kids, it could disappear completely," she said. "I didn't want that. For me. Or for our son."

She began to see how her challenges weren't just affecting her—it was impacting her family. And when she realized how her own view of her body and sexuality could shape her child's experience, she knew something needed to change.

God Opened the Door for A Change of Heart in Intimacy

"I had already been recommending DYM to others," she laughed. "But I hadn't done it myself. And I realized… maybe this was my turn."

What she discovered wasn't just practical help. It was healing.

 

Learning to Feel Safe

One of Rebekah's breakthroughs came in understanding safety—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

Through the program, she learned how to identify when her body was in fight-or-flight mode—and how to speak truth over herself: "My husband loves me. I'm safe. This is how he expresses love."

By renewing her mind with Scripture and applying our tools, she started to relax, receive, and even enjoy intimacy!

And the community of women around her helped normalize what once felt foreign.

Learning Healthy Boundaries—and Becoming a Daughter

One coaching call stood out above the rest. The topic was boundaries—not as walls, but as the way we act like we truly are children of God.

"I realized I wasn't treating myself like I was God's daughter," Rebekah said, her voice trembling with tears. "And I needed to stop crossing boundaries in my own mind."

That moment launched a new season in her life—one where she no longer withheld emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Instead, she began living like someone deeply loved and worth loving.

 

Becoming More Confident in Intimacy, Growing in Emotional Maturity, and More

Here's what she now walks in:

• Confidence in intimacy with her husband

• Emotional maturity and responsibility

• Joy rooted in Christ not circumstances

• A transformed mindset aligned with truth

• A deeper value for marriage than ever before

She even said, "Going into this, I didn't value marriage like I do now. But I believe God can save any marriage. He did it for mine."

 

Final Thoughts for If You Feel It's All Too Much...

We know what it's like to feel like your marriage is hopeless. Like intimacy will never change. It will remain painful. It will remain disconnected. It will remain joyless.

We also know how it feels to be unsure of a program like this. "Will it really work for me?" "Are the testimonies actually true?" "I see it worked for them, but my marriage is different. We are too far gone."

Let us encourage you today:
Your marriage is not too far gone. Yes, these testimonies, Rebekah's included, are true. And, by the grace of God, it does work and change marriages.

Your intimacy does not have to remain joyless and painful and disconnected. It can be joyful, enjoyable, and connected.

Let's end with a prayer:
Heavenly Father, you know this one. You know who needed to hear this message and who needed to read these words. Father, would you bless them in their marriage. Would you bring them the healing they've been longing for. Would you give them divine patience, mercy, and grace for their spouses and divine ideas on how to love them well. Would you give them the inspiration and encouragement they need and remind them how deeply loved they are by you. In your holy name, we pray, Amen.

 

With love,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - If you want to know more about the Women's Program that Rebekah mentioned, that helped her go from dreading intimacy to looking forward to it with excitement, we have a free Masterclass available for you. Consider it a free sample! :) Check out Women's Masterclass: Intimacy Confidence to register.

 

PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:

"Not being able to connect or communicate well. Very little vulnerability on both sides. Perfectionism. I felt like the kids and I could never be good enough. I could not share my heart or thoughts on something without being judged so I didn't. Being cherished was something I tried not to think about because it felt too impossible... [Now,] I'm more confident, playful, happily and intentionally imperfect... I've learned to rejoice in the Lord always! I can't believe how much has changed in our marriage just by imitation! Because I have modeled imperfection, playfulness, and being easily pleased, the tension and critiquing in our marriage and home has gone way down. We are having so much more fun!"

How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun

Maybe you're a leader in your church, a high achiever at work, or a dedicated family man—but deep inside, you feel the sting of shame. Maybe it's from mistakes in your past, struggles in your present, or simply the pressure of not living up to what you think you should be.

Here's the good news: you don't have to carry it anymore.

Pastor Drew Hyun—lead pastor of Hope Church NYC and executive director of Emotionally Healthy Discipleship—shares how God's love offers a radical solution. Not just theologically, but practically. In this powerful teaching, originally given to our men's community, Drew walks us through how to eradicate shame through our identity in Christ.

These truths brought tears to the eyes of many men in our program—and it's easy to see why. Because when you truly grasp how deeply you're loved by God, everything changes.

The Root of Shame: Why Our Identity Feels So Fragile

Pastor Drew's upbringing was marked by harsh parenting, deep wounds, and religious hypocrisy. His father—who eventually became a well-known pastor and author—was emotionally and physically abusive at home, even as he preached about how to raise a godly family.

Drew grew up trying to reconcile this contradiction, and his early life was shaped by a relentless drive to succeed, perform, and hide his struggles.

Whether you've experienced something similar or not, many of us understand that tension: performing on the outside while hiding pain on the inside. And when we can't live up to the image we've created—shame creeps in.

But here's the turning point: our identity doesn't come from performance or other people's approval. It comes from Christ alone.

Emotional Health Is Spiritual Maturity

As Pastor Drew shared with us, "You cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature."

It doesn't matter how impressive your resume is, how many sermons you've heard, or how many Bible verses you know—if your wife experiences you as unloving, cold, or critical, then something is broken.

Spiritual growth isn't just what you do in public. It's who you are in private—especially with those closest to you.

The call to emotional health is not just self-help. It's a discipleship issue—and a doorway to freedom.

Public Life vs. Private Life

Social media, church culture, and cultural expectations often tempt us to present a polished version of ourselves. But that disconnect between our public image and private reality breeds shame.

Drew shares how discovering integrity—being whole and consistent, not perfect—transformed his life.

He uses this beautiful definition of humility, rooted in the Latin word humus (meaning grounded): "Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It's thinking of yourself less."

When you're grounded in God's love, you no longer need to perform. You can walk in truth, freedom, and consistency—the marks of a mature man of God.

Overcoming Shame Through Christ-Centered Identity

Shame loses its power when you know who you are in Jesus.

Culture tells you to look inside yourself or to please your family and community. But both of those paths eventually fail.

Only God's love is unchanging.

Here's a mantra Pastor Drew repeats often:

"In Jesus, I am fully loved, fully accepted. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Nothing to fear."

That's your anchor when insecurity hits. That's your firm footing when shame comes knocking. When you remember this truth, you can stop hiding and start living.

What It Means to Be a Bold Yet Humble Christian Leader

So what does healthy Christian leadership look like?

It's not puffed-up pride. And it's not self-defeating shame. It's humble boldness—a leadership style rooted in identity, not insecurity.

Drew points to Jesus as our ultimate model. He is both Lion and Lamb—powerful and gentle, bold and self-sacrificing.

When your worth is secure in Christ:

• You don't feel inferior to anyone.

• You don't feel superior to anyone.

• You can love boldly and lead without fear.

As Drew puts it, "I don't need to perform. I just need to show up as my honest self—and be a conduit of God's love."

Why Your Marriage Is a Miracle in the Making

Your marriage isn't just for your happiness—it's a sign and wonder to the world.

Ephesians 5 calls marriage a "mega mystery" that reflects the love between Christ and His Church. That means your pursuit of your wife—emotionally, physically, spiritually—is a living picture of Jesus' relentless, selfless love.

Even if things feel strained right now, even if your wife is distant or hurting—your love still matters.

Your kindness.
Your self-control.
Your forgiveness.
Your joyful pursuit.

They point to the God who never gives up on us.

Final Thoughts: You Are Deeply Loved—Right Now

You might feel like you've failed too much or that your shame disqualifies you from being a great husband. But that's not what Jesus says. As Drew puts it, "You are more sinful than you dare believe. And more loved than you dare hope."

That truth sets men free.

So if you've stuck your foot in your mouth, if your wife seems distant, if your spiritual walk feels stale…

Take a deep breath.

You are fully loved.
Fully accepted.
Nothing to hide.
Nothing to prove.
Nothing to fear.

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you're ready to be discipled and join a community of men or women that are passionately pursuing Christ and His purpose their marriage, we would love to talk to you! Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more information.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"Years ago I prayed to God for a short life. I didn't want to break my marriage vow, but I didn't see how I could be happy with him and it was getting harder as the children became adults...Now I enjoy spending time with him...Physical intimacy is better than ever. He cares about me and I feel secure. When we come together physically, we feel closer and both of us look forward to it! I miss him when he gets busy with work and would be devastated if something happened to him."

 

 

Strength from Suffering

Let me start with this: the enemy wants you to believe that when hard things happen, you're done for. You're weaker. You're broken. That you can't be used by God anymore.

But that's a lie.

The truth is—God uses the hard things. He doesn't waste our pain. In fact, Scripture tells us over and over again that it's through trials that our faith, character, and hope are built.

  The God Who Sees You and Knows You

Psalm 139 is one of my favorite passages because it's such a clear reminder: God knows everything about you.

He knows your name.

He knows what you're up against.

He even knows the number of hairs on your head.

Not only is God all-knowing and omnipresent—but He is with you in your heartache. He understands the depths of your pain. He is not far off.

 

When You're Facing Trouble-Lean in, Don't Run

In our home, we've gone through a season of back-to-back trials. Maybe you're there too. But here's what I've learned: running from pain doesn't produce growth—leaning into it does.

Jesus promised us in John 16:33 that there would be trouble in this world. But He also promised us His peace. Not peace like the world gives—but peace in the midst of chaos.

 

Endurance is Grown in the Fire

I want you to really let this truth soak in:

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials… for you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance." – James 1:2–4

Another translation puts it this way: "Consider it an opportunity for great joy." – NLT

It's not automatic joy—it's an opportunity. A choice. A lens to see your situation through.

That's why we need Scripture deep inside us—it reframes the pain.

 

What Doesn't Kill You... Can Sanctify You

Yes, this is hard. But what if you started saying: "This is hard—and I love a challenge"?

God allows us to struggle so we can grow the muscles we need—just like a good father teaching a child to walk. He doesn't always swoop in. Instead, He gives us space to build spiritual endurance.

And when endurance grows? Character grows. Hope grows. That's Romans 5. And hope, the Bible says, does not disappoint.

 

The Danger of Distraction in a Culture that Numbs

One of the biggest traps we face in hard seasons is distraction. Social media. TV. Scrolling. Escaping.

But that doesn't heal. It delays. It numbs.

If we want to grow in God's strength, we must lean in. Let the Scripture simmer in our hearts. Let the pain teach us.

 

What is the Gift in This Situation?

When things are hard, ask yourself: "What is the gift in this?"

Even if your spouse is rejecting you over and over again… what if this is the exact thing God is using to grow your spiritual resilience?

I tell my boys all the time, "You're learning perseverance right now."

And maybe, so are you.

 

You Can Grow in Love–Even When Marriage is Hard

Whether or not your spouse is loving you well right now, you can still choose to lean in. You can still love. Still serve.

Did you know that your brain actually releases happy chemicals when you serve someone else?

That means if you're hurting—serving someone can literally make you feel better.

 

Final Thoughts

You have a choice today.

You can become bitter, cynical, disappointed in God—or you can say:

"God, I trust You. There's something here I can't see yet—but I know You're good."

We don't get to tell God what He should've done. But we do get to trust that He's a good Father.

And when we do that...

We find His peace, His presence, and His purpose—even in the midst of pain.

 

We are rooting for you. We know God has good things for you. And whatever is going on right now that seems to much to bear, know that God will, He WILL, use it for good.

 

With love,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - If you're interested in healing your marriage and learning more about our programs, check out our FREE Masterclasses: Women's Masterclass & Men's Masterclass

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

"Biggest struggles were with being unhappy, feeling hopeless about a positive future with him, not feeling accepted or seen, feeling like all he needed from me was physical intimacy and admiration but didn't care to know me or care about me. I felt unhappy and hopeless... (After Delighted Wife), I have had many celebratory moments! We are having more fun together, more intimacy in our sharing, much better physical intimacy...Now I enjoy spending time with him, look forward to dates and vacations, and we laugh and work things out together. I believe we are a great team! It's a miracle that we enjoy and like each other again."

Sometimes, God answers your prayers in a way you don't expect. That's how Jennifer's journey began.

She and her husband had been married for 30 years, with three beautiful daughters. On the outside, everything seemed steady—but inside, Jennifer was silently struggling.

Depression, anxiety, deep wounds from trauma, and the weight of parenting adult children had left her feeling exhausted and emotionally distant from her husband. She was in a dark place.

But God.

Her husband was the first to find Delight Your Marriage. Quietly, he joined our men's program. At first, he didn't even tell Jennifer. She just started to notice something changing. A peace in him. A gentleness. A stronger connection to God.

Moved by what she saw, Jennifer said yes to his invitation to explore the women's program. What followed was a spiritual discipleship journey that would not only transform her marriage—it would transform her heart.

How Christian Marriage Coaching Transformed Her Heart

One line within the program touched Jennifer's heart: "I needed to love Jesus more than my pain."

It wasn't even directed at her during the call, but something about it resonated so deeply with her. She realized that in her grief and disconnection, she had allowed pain to take a front seat in her heart.

But Jesus wanted her whole heart.

She confronted lies she had believed about herself, her marriage, and her role as a mother and wife—and let God's truth replace them. She allowed God to break the chains of shame and fear, and instead chose freedom and forgiveness.

Emotional and Physical Intimacy in Marriage Restored

One of the most beautiful outcomes of Jennifer's story is the transformation in her intimacy with her husband!

"It wasn't about frequency," she said. "It was about connection. And now we're truly connecting—emotionally, spiritually, physically. We're more vulnerable, more united, and more in love."

That emotional and spiritual shift opened a door to true intimacy—something both of them had longed for but never fully accessed.

And it all started when she began to let God love her—and let herself believe it.

How Christian Marriage Help Can Impact Parenting

Jennifer is a mother to three adult daughters. And though parenting adults has its own challenges, her healing began to spill over into her family life.

With newfound clarity on how women are designed by God to be loved—safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished—Jennifer began to understand how to mother her adult daughters in a way that honors their hearts. She started recognizing what they needed emotionally, just like she had discovered in herself.

Even though parenting adult children can be complicated and painful, she now walks in hope—not shame. God is restoring what was broken.

Handling Conflict in Marriage Without Spiraling

Jennifer and her husband also found a new way to approach emotional triggers. They call it "spiraling."

This emotional awareness and God-centered communication brought a new peace to their marriage. They don't fight the way they used to. Now, they support each other through those low moments and move forward with unity.

A Message to the Wife Who Feels Hopeless in Her Marriage

When I asked Jennifer what she'd say to a woman in the same spot she once was, her answer was so honest and full of faith:

"There's hope in Jesus. Be brave. Even if your husband is the problem, you can still change your heart—and it can change your marriage."

She continued:

"This program has figured out how to help you out of crisis. Even if you're emotionally shut down, even if you feel like things can't get better—they absolutely can. God is in the business of healing, and He uses this process to restore hearts and homes."

The Power of a Women's Christian Coaching Community

Jennifer also found healing through the community of women she met through the program.

"It was such a gift to talk about things we never could talk about with friends—especially around sex and intimacy. The support, the prayer, the connection... it's unlike anything I've ever experienced. Women need this."

She felt seen, supported, and strengthened by walking this journey with other women in a safe, faith-filled environment.

Christian Marriage Healing: A Beautiful New Chapter

Today, Jennifer says her marriage is more joyful, more tender, and more united than ever before. They've always been best friends—but now they're more emotionally connected, spiritually aligned, and fully present for one another.

"There's nothing I can't share with him now," she said. "God gave us a beautiful marriage—but now we're living it with freedom, honesty, and deep love."

Final Thoughts

We are so thankful for work that God did in this marriage and the way it not only impacted Jennifer and her spouse, but their children and future generations. He truly is a God of redemption. 

With love,

The DYM Team

PS - If you're ready to take the next step and join a community of like-minded people wanting to build their marriages God's way, we would love to hear from you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:

"I was on the verge of separating from my husband. Things had taken such a turn for the worse between us that life was not sustainable for me as things were going. My husband joined the program and I noticed some changes in him. Things started improving but we had a lot of healing to do; I had a lot of healing to do...We've been to several counselors before this point and my husband wasn't interested in finding another one. He had asked me to join the Delighted Wife program before but things were too broken and I was not willing to do a program that I thought was only about getting me to have more sex with him...But, after seeing him change some and knowing we needed help, I agreed to the program. While sex was a part of Delighted Wife, there were so many other areas for me to focus on first. It laid the foundation for a better and healthier relationship overall. The intimacy part follows."

If you're a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you're wondering…

• Why don't I want sex?

• Why does my husband want it more than I do?

• Am I broken for not desiring intimacy?

…you're in the right place.

We want to remind you that you are not broken. You're not alone. And God isn't disappointed in you.

In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God's help.

What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives?

This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: "My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don't know why I don't want it. Help."

Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don't have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what's called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn't feel desire until after closeness begins. That's normal!

But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include:

• Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage)

• Body image issues and insecurity

• Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause)

• A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict

• Shame from upbringing or purity culture

• Misunderstandings about what sex is really for

Often, it's not one thing—it's several.

That's why this isn't a quick fix. It's a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it's not your fault.

What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage?

We often assume a great sex life just means "compatibility." But as Juli beautifully shared: "Great sex isn't about compatibility. It's about growing in unselfish love."

And that's biblical.

God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight.

Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches:

1. Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically?

2. Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit?

3. Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding?

4. Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing?

"I Want to Want Sex… But I Don't." What Should I Do?

If that's your heart cry, there's hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward:

1. Pray—Every Day

Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here.

2. Start with What You Do Want

Maybe you don't want intercourse—but you'd like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That's a great start.

3. Change the Inner Narrative

Rather than thinking, "I have to," begin gently rehearsing, "I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love."

4. Use Physical Support

Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore.

5. Communicate with Your Husband

If he's safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure.

But Isn't It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex?

That's a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here's what Juli shared that really struck me: "God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn't just about serving him—it's about your healing, too."

Sex is not just physical. It's emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story.

If you're avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing?

This is not about becoming a sex expert—it's about becoming whole.

A Christian Wife's Invitation to Intimacy

Whether you've been married 3 years or 30, God's not done with this part of your journey.

Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it.

Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy.

You're not "less than." You're not "too late." You're not "too much."

You're beloved.
And intimacy can become a gift again.

Resources to Help You Begin

If today's blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there.

Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service
Explore: Juli's Ministry – Authentic Intimacy
New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything

For more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com

Final Thoughts

You're not alone.

God is in this with you.

Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story.

 

With love,

The DYM Team

 

PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: God, Sex & Your Marriage 

PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit our website. We would love to connect with you!

If you're a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you're wondering…

• Why don't I want sex?

• Why does my husband want it more than I do?

• Am I broken for not desiring intimacy?

…you're in the right place.

We want to remind you that you are not broken. You're not alone. And God isn't disappointed in you.

In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God's help.

What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives?

This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: "My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don't know why I don't want it. Help."

Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don't have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what's called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn't feel desire until after closeness begins. That's normal!

But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include:

• Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage)

• Body image issues and insecurity

• Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause)

• A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict

• Shame from upbringing or purity culture

• Misunderstandings about what sex is really for

Often, it's not one thing—it's several.

That's why this isn't a quick fix. It's a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it's not your fault.

What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage?

We often assume a great sex life just means "compatibility." But as Juli beautifully shared: "Great sex isn't about compatibility. It's about growing in unselfish love."

And that's biblical.

God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight.

Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches:

1. Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically?

2. Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit?

3. Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding?

4. Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing?

"I Want to Want Sex… But I Don't." What Should I Do?

If that's your heart cry, there's hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward:

1. Pray—Every Day

Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here.

2. Start with What You Do Want

Maybe you don't want intercourse—but you'd like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That's a great start.

3. Change the Inner Narrative

Rather than thinking, "I have to," begin gently rehearsing, "I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love."

4. Use Physical Support

Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore.

5. Communicate with Your Husband

If he's safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure.

But Isn't It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex?

That's a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here's what Juli shared that really struck me: "God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn't just about serving him—it's about your healing, too."

Sex is not just physical. It's emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story.

If you're avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing?

This is not about becoming a sex expert—it's about becoming whole.

A Christian Wife's Invitation to Intimacy

Whether you've been married 3 years or 30, God's not done with this part of your journey.

Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it.

Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy.

You're not "less than." You're not "too late." You're not "too much."

You're beloved.
And intimacy can become a gift again.

Resources to Help You Begin

If today's blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there.

Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service
Explore: Juli's Ministry – Authentic Intimacy
New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything

For more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com

Final Thoughts

You're not alone.

God is in this with you.

Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story.

 

With love,

The DYM Team

 

PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: God, Sex & Your Marriage 

PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit our website. We would love to connect with you!

Loving Well When You Feel Down

Even the strongest marriages go through hard seasons. Whether you're facing emotional burnout, stress, or feeling spiritually distant, it's easy to feel like you have nothing left to give in your relationship.

So how do you love your spouse when you feel depleted?

This post is your quick "reset"—a reminder of what really matters in marriage and how to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy.

Why Your Marriage Matters in God's Eyes

Jesus gave us two commandments that anchor everything else:

1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

2. Love your neighbor as yourself.

And your closest neighbor?

It's your spouse.

Your marriage is a reflection of how you walk out our love for God. Even when it's hard.

What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Empty in Marriage

We all go through tough seasons.

• Illness

• Financial stress

• Parenting challenges

• Mental health struggles

It's in these moments that we have to boil it down to the essentials.

When you're empty, don't try to fix everything. Just focus on God's call to love—simply and sincerely.

Here's what that looks like:

Essentials for a Husband: Love Her as Christ Loves the Church

What does that mean, practically?

• Make her feel safe. Don't push, pressure, or demand. Be her steady place.

• Make her feel known. Ask her about her heart. Get curious about her thoughts, not just her to-do list.

• Make her feel cherished. Hold her. Smile at her. Take her on a walk. Celebrate her quietly and tenderly.

These don't require a perfect mood. They require intentionality. And the reward is deeper connection—even in the middle of life's mess.

Essentials for a Wife: Respect, Admiration, and Wholehearted Intimacy

This can feel especially hard when you're drained. But again, focus on the essentials:

• Use respectful words. Even if you're not in the best place emotionally, try phrases like "Thank you for working so hard," or "I admire how you handled that."

• Don't argue or snap. Let kindness guard your tongue, even when emotions are high.

• Offer intimacy with a full heart. This isn't about obligation. It's about loving your husband in a way he receives love—with joy and generosity, even if you don't initially feel it.

When You're Struggling—Love Anyway

This is the path Jesus modeled for us.

We don't love our spouse because they deserve it. We love them because Jesus asks us to love—sacrificially, tenderly, in the way the other feels loved.

When you're struggling and all you can do is offer "just the essentials," that's enough.

God sees your heart. And He blesses your obedience.

Final Thoughts

Next time you feel like you can't give anything more—come back to this. Read it again. Pray again. Take just one small action.

Unity is still possible. Even when you are down.

 

With love,

The DYM Team

 

PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc

 

PPS - Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate:
"We argued constantly! Literally almost daily. The constant arguing was mentally and physically exhausting! It felt impossible to have peace or joy if my husband was around. It was affecting me so deeply that I was struggling with intense fatigue...[After Delighted Wife], we can actually enjoy each other, we can actually focus on other things. I am not experiencing such intense fatigue all the time and am feeling like I can start getting back to being a productive human. My devotional and prayer time are spent seeking God, seeking Him in the scriptures, trying to catch His heat through His word rather than lamenting and focusing on all the bad. "

Church Scandals Aren't Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm A Funny, Painful Story (That's Actually Very Relevant)

Before we dive into heavy stuff, let me tell you a story. 4 weeks and 2 days ago...

Picture this: I'm flat on my back, in the middle of the street, 20 feet away from a car that thankfully didn't roll over me.

I'm convinced something's stabbing into my heart. Pain is shooting through my body in so many places. A kind lady rushes from her porch to help me hobble to safety while the ambulance is called.

As I wait there's constant pain, but when I move in certain ways it suddenly becomes utterly excruciating.

No idea what I hit. No idea what actually happened.

Things were going great for the two hours I was on my OneWheel before the accident. 

What the heck happened? And what is happening now?

Some neighbor kids stop and check in. I ask them to pray for me and I lead them in a prayer in Jesus name... that was a comfort from strangers.

The ambulance finally arrives -- after it seems like forever -- and load me onto a stretcher. They were sure I dislocated my shoulder and were insisting to pull me up. I knew that wasn't what was wrong.

I was embarrassingly vocal about not being helped up. I seemed to feel every single pothole on the way to hospital. 

Arriving in the hospital... the random excruciating shoots through my chest continued -- oh, and so did my resulting involuntary screams. (No recordings were taken, thank God :)

So, the morphine helped and the oxy-whatever they gave me next.

But what really changed everything was the x-rays.

They finally discover the truth:

My clavicle was snapped clean through.

Knowing what was actually wrong changed everything.

I finally had clarity.
I finally had a path toward healing — real healing — not just numbing the pain.

I finally could understand how to move in a way that avoided the excruciating pain and actually kept things in place to heal most effectively.

THIS is what's happening in the Church right now.

We have an injury. It's bad. Really, really, really bad.

But instead of diagnosing it, we often just take some spiritual "morphine" — slap on platitudes, excuses, or cover-ups — and hope healing happens.

It doesn't.

Tragically, thousands of new cases are reported yearly... in the church of Jesus Christ around the world. This is horrifying.

And the Church's sexual scandals are not random.

They are not "one-off" tragedies.
They are the result of deep, hidden roots — an injury we have to address if we want healing.

Church Hurt: Ignoring the Pain Doesn't Heal It

If I had ignored my broken clavicle, kept "powering through," or simply taken painkillers to numb it?

It would have actually healed wrong.
Permanently damaged.
Maybe even required major surgery to fix later.

The Church is at that critical moment.
If we don't stop and x-ray the damage — truly diagnose the underlying break — it won't just stay bad. It will get worse.

That's why these scandals feel endless. They are symptoms of deeper problems never addressed.

  Church Scandals Are Not Random Accidents

The fall of a pastor or leader is often treated like a shocking, isolated event.

"He must have just slipped up!"
"It was a moment of weakness!"

But the truth is, these scandals follow patterns.

Unchecked small compromises.
Isolation.
A culture that produces an environment where pastors must be superhuman. 

Double lives hidden by fear and shame.
Lack of sexual stewardship.

These are not random falls.
These are predictable results of invisible fractures left untreated.

The Enemy Wants Our Ignorance

Satan thrives when we stay ignorant.

When we don't know the roots, we can't heal them.
When we don't expose the darkness, it festers and infects the Body of Christ.

Paul makes it clear we shouldn't be ignorant of how the enemy attacks:

"In order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." (2 Cor 2:11)

Jesus warns us:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10)

When sexual sin in leadership is ignored, minimized, or hidden, it does exactly that:
Steals faith.
Kills trust.
Destroys credibility.

We must be wise.
We must stop assuming "it could never happen here."
We must learn how to recognize the roots before they bloom into ruin.

  Why Sexual Sin Wounds So Deeply & How to Heal

Sexual sin isn't "just another mistake."
Biblically, it's in a category of its own:

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18)

When a leader sins sexually, it's a double wound:

• Personal: They defile their own body, the temple of the Holy Spirit.
• Corporate: They shatter the credibility of the Gospel they once preached.

People who were already fragile in their faith see hypocrisy... and walk away not just from a leader, but from Jesus, Himself.

The wound runs deep.

But Jesus takes it seriously.

Jesus didn't say:

"Try not to look at porn if you can."

"Lust is understandable, just don't act on it."

No.

He said:

"If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out... It's better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:29)

Jesus used extreme language because sexual sin matters that much.

We should not downplay what Jesus took so seriously.

When leaders indulge in pornography, prostitution, or affairs, they are objectifying someone God created.

That woman on a screen is a daughter of the King of Kings. A daughter who He even gave His only son to save.

Cover-Ups Are Spiritual Oxycodone

It's easier to slap a spiritual Band-Aid over a scandal than face the ugly truth.

• "Let's quietly remove him."
• "Let's not make a big deal; it might hurt the church's reputation."
• "Let's just forgive and move on."

That's spiritual oxycodone — numbing the pain without healing the break.

Without truth and exposure, the infection worsens.
The pattern repeats.
More people get hurt.

 

Real love doesn't ignore cancer.
Real love demands we discover it and deal with it.

 

That's actual love.

  And Exposure Alone Isn't Enough

Here's the other mistake:
Thinking that "going public" fixes the problem.

 

It doesn't.

 

Exposure without a healing plan leaves broken people bleeding in the streets.

Just like my broken clavicle needed realignment, time, careful handling and care — fallen leaders (and hurting congregations) need intentional healing journeys.

Healing isn't automatic. It's hard. It takes time. It takes wisdom. It takes safe people. But it's possible.

Healing the Church Starts with Us

You may be a small group leader.
A volunteer.
A pastor's wife.
A youth mentor.
A faithful Sunday worshiper.

 

You are part of the Body.
And when one part is sick, the whole body suffers.

We cannot afford to shrug and say, "Not my problem."

The future witness of the Church depends on believers who are awake, wise, and willing to act.

  The Band-Aid Problem

Let me just say it plainly:

Covering up a church scandal with "just pray for him" or "let's not talk about it" is like slapping a Batman-themed Band-Aid on a bullet wound and sending the guy back into battle.

He's going to bleed out.

And so is the faith of everyone watching.

We need real surgery, not stickers.

  What Next? What Pastors and Leaders Need

If you've been wounded by a scandal —
If you're grieved by the hypocrisy —
If you're tired of seeing Jesus' name dragged through the mud —

You are not alone.

Healing is possible. But it starts with exposing the real problem and walking through the hard, beautiful journey of restoration.

Lord, help us. Heal Your Church. Give us courage to see clearly and love deeply.

  Be Part of the Solution: Discover through a Free Training

Join me for a free training:
Heal the Church: Exposing the Hidden Roots of Sexual Scandal and the Path to Healing

Let's stop putting Band-Aids on bullet holes.
Let's start real healing.

Sign up today: delightym.com/healthechurch

Healing starts with discovery.

Healing starts with understanding.
Healing starts with you.

 

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you are ready to make a change in your marriage, to be free from sexual sin, to have accountability and community, we encourage you to make the call. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"My self worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough. I questioned my leadership positions at work and at church, just never feeling like I was the right guy to lead... [Now,] I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God."

 

When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story

It's a quiet kind of bravery that often goes unseen. The kind that walks through the door not to applause, but to shame—and chooses humility instead of hiding. 

That's the kind of courage Patrick brought into this conversation. And today, I want to honor that bravery and invite you into a story that too few are willing to tell, but so many need to hear.

How Addiction and Lust Took Root in Patrick's Life

This is not just a testimony—it's a mirror for so many men. Maybe even you.

Patrick didn't set out to become enslaved. No one does. It started with what seemed like innocent attention, where his lack of parental love likely was at the root. A college-aged ego boost. A swipe here. A message there. A few flirty words on a dating app. But what he didn't know was that the enemy had planted seeds. And what felt like harmless validation from unmet needs, eventually spiraled into addiction, and eventually betrayal.

But God—

Yes, this is a story of rock-bottom moments. It's a story of a man whose addiction, lust, and even prostitution came to light in the most painful and humiliating way. 

But it's also a story of a God who meets us in our darkest, filthiest, most shameful pits—and brings us into the light.

And you'll hear how it happened for Patrick.

The Heartbreaking Wake-Up Call: What His Daughter Found

The real wake-up call came when his wife found the proof. Actually—his daughter did.

Yes. Patrick's 6-year-old daughter accidentally discovered the messages.

Gut-wrenching. Embarrassing. Devastating. 

That moment of exposure was the very thing that broke him enough to seek healing.

Now, he calls it a "blessing".

The devil thrives in secrecy. He whispers, "Keep this hidden." "It'll only hurt people if you share." and "You can fix it yourself." 

But Jesus says, "Bring it into the light. Tell safe people. Confess. I will heal you."

Patrick did. And his life changed.

Why Hiding Hurts—and Confession Heals

But let's rewind for a second.

Because this story didn't begin with healing. It began with desperation.

After that discovery, Patrick didn't know where to turn. He thought he might lose his wife. And to be honest, she had every reason to walk away.

But then, a friend—someone who had been through the program himself—spoke life. This friend had also been in the trenches and knew what it was like. 

And he offered Patrick a lifeline: "It's not over. There is hope. You should look into Delight Your Marriage."

Patrick took a Clarity Call. It wasn't a sales pitch. It wasn't about convincing him to join a program. It was a discerning process to see if we could even help. And praise God, we could.

The Hard Work of True Freedom: Identity, Humility, and Accountability

That's when the real work began.

You'll hear in this episode the specifics: how Patrick confronted the dual life he was living, how he wrestled with white-knuckling through sobriety, and how he came to reject the identity of "I'm just always going to be an addict." Because that's not how God sees us.

Patrick realized something deep and transformational: When we stay tied to the identity of our past sin, we remain bound by it. But when we accept the truth that we are a new creation in Christ, the chains begin to fall off.

That doesn't mean the road is easy. Not at all. Patrick will tell you: it was hard. It took humility. It took accountability. It took honesty. And it took work to discover what were the roots of the addiction. 

But today, Patrick is walking in freedom.

Freedom from shame. Freedom from the fear of being found out.

And his marriage? On it's healing journey. Better than ever. 

Not because everything's perfect, but because there is now a foundation of truth, transparency, and most importantly—Jesus.

He prays with his wife now. He prays for her. He opens the Bible daily. He's leading his family spiritually. He's serving his wife—not as a passive man trying to survive, but as a man who is reclaiming his God-given masculinity.

That's the kind of freedom God offers.

Hope for Families: When Betrayal Breaks Your Heart

So if you're a husband who's been hiding, hoping no one finds out, let this be your wake-up call. You are not alone. And more importantly, you are not without hope.

Or maybe you're a wife who discovered your husband's secret. Maybe your heart is shattered, and you don't know how to put the pieces back together. Let this testimony be your whisper of hope. God is in the business of redemption. Patrick's wife is living proof.

And if you're a pastor—or married to one—or you're in leadership and wrestling with the same chains, please don't think you're exempt. You're not. And that's okay. This is for you, too.

Free Resources to Help You Heal: Training and Clarity Call

That's why I want to invite you into a free training: delightym.com/healthechurch

This training is specifically for those who want to understand how deep this issue runs in our churches—and what we can do about it. Whether you're battling lust yourself or you're trying to help others—this is your equipping.

You can also take the next step like Patrick did and book a free Clarity Call: delightym.com/cc

There is hope. There is healing. And it doesn't come from trying harder or hiding longer. It comes from surrendering and allowing God to rebuild you from the inside out.

Patrick's story is not just his own. It's a glimpse of what God can do in any marriage, any man, any home.

Let this episode remind you: when lust no longer rules, love begins to lead.

Don't miss it.

Listen now. And please, if this touches you—share it. You never know who's in the dark, needing to hear there's light.

With love,

Belah

Resources:

• Free Training: Healing the Church from Sexual Sin delightym.com/healthechurch
  
  
• Free Clarity Call: Find out if one of our programs is right for you delightym.com/cc
  

Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer

There is something so incredible about a story of redemption. And, dear reader, I believe this conversation will be a turning point for you, as it has been for so many in our community.

I've walked alongside men and women wrestling with the deep pain of sexual brokenness- the battles they face in their marriage beds, their thought lives, their past, and the weight of shame. I've seen firsthand the power of God to restore what seemed utterly lost. And this conversation with Jay Stringer is an invitation to that very healing journey.

Jay is a therapist, minister, researcher, and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. His compassionate, curious approach offers a fresh lens: that the very behaviors we hate are not random. They are clues. And they point us to healing.

On this Good Friday, as we reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus, there is no better time to consider what it truly means to lay our shame at the foot of the cross.

Let's dive in.

The Cross and Your Story of Healing

We all carry wounds. Some we're acutely aware of, and others we've buried so deeply that they show up in our actions long before we recognize them in our hearts.

Jay opened our conversation by pointing us to the profound truth of the cross. Jesus knew exactly what you would do. Every mistake. Every moment of shame. And yet, He chose to take it all upon Himself. He bore your sin and your shame.

This is not a journey of trying harder to be good enough. It's about understanding how deeply Jesus loves you, even in your lowest moments, and choosing to respond to His love with a courageous step toward healing.

Unwanted Behaviors: They Are Not Random

One of the most freeing truths Jay shared is this: our unwanted behaviors are not random.

Through his extensive clinical work and groundbreaking research, Jay discovered that the specific ways we struggle are deeply connected to our stories of origin.

Jay explained that in his role as the sex addiction therapist for the city of Seattle, he began to see patterns. Men arrested for soliciting sex were not making random choices. Their actions were connected to predictable stories of pain and trauma.

Whether you grew up in a home of neglect, where your heart longed for connection and was left empty, or in a home of rigid control, where you felt powerless and unseen, these early experiences shape the way you cope and the behaviors you pursue as an adult.

Your brain, your body, your desires are all responding to unhealed wounds.

Understanding the Root: Family Systems and the Power of Priming

Jay described two primary family systems that often set the stage for future struggles:

1. The Disengaged Family System:
   
   

   • Parents were physically or emotionally absent.
     
     

   • Your longing for connection was never fulfilled.
     
     

   • When you first experienced the neurochemical bond of pornography or sex, it felt like the deepest connection you had ever known.
     
     

2. The Rigid, Authoritarian Family System:
   
   

   • Parents were hyper-controlling, using performance or religion to shape you.
     
     

   • You felt powerless and suffocated.
     
     

   • Pornography, in contrast, offered a false sense of control and power over your environment.
     
     

Both systems prime you for certain temptations. And recognizing this isn't about blaming parents or excusing behaviors. It's about gaining understanding.

Because understanding is what allows us to grieve. And grieving opens the door to healing. As Jay says, "You can't just try to stop an unhealthy behavior. You have to understand why you were drawn to that behavior in the first place."

Shame Keeps You Stuck. Curiosity Sets You Free.

As Christians, we know the seriousness of sin. But too often, we try to hate our way to holiness. We believe that if we punish ourselves enough, we'll finally change.

But, the Apostle Paul tells us that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Not our contempt. Not our loathing. Not our self-hatred.

Jay encouraged us to replace self-contempt with curiosity.

Ask yourself:

• Why am I drawn to this behavior?
  
  

• What is the pain underneath my actions?
  
  

• What does this reveal about my longing to be seen, known, and loved?
  
  

When we approach our story with curiosity, we give God space to reveal the roots of our pain.

The Shark of Shame: Swim Toward It

Jay also shared a fascinating metaphor that I just love:

Professional shark diver Andy Casagrande was once asked what to do if a great white shark is swimming toward you. His answer? Swim toward it.

If you swim away, you act like prey. But if you move toward the shark, it confuses the predator, and it backs away.

Shame operates the same way. When we run from it, it devours us. But when we confront it — facing it head on, sharing vulnerably in trusted community, seeking counseling, and naming our wounds — we rob shame of its power.

Swim toward the shark of shame.

Face it. Name it. And watch as it loses its grip on your life.

Jesus Took Your Shame to the Cross

This is where our faith becomes not just helpful, but essential.

The world offers coping strategies, but Jesus offers complete redemption. He didn't just take your sin to the cross; He took your shame.

Through His death and resurrection, we are invited into freedom.

If you've ever felt like your past disqualifies you from God's love, let me remind you: Jesus knew your struggles when He went to the cross. He went anyway. He has already made a way for you to live in righteousness, peace, and freedom.

This is the hope of Easter. The hope of the Gospel.

From Crisis to Calling: Your Story Matters

So often, the crises of our lives — the shame, the addictions, the brokenness — are actually invitations to transformation.

Jay shared that in the absence of elders to guide us through rites of passage, our souls will create crises that force us to confront our identity and our wounds.

Rather than run from the crisis, we can see it as a holy opportunity. Your struggle is not the end of your story. It's the beginning of a new chapter.

When you engage your story with honesty and curiosity, you step into the redemption God has for you. You become part of His story of restoration — not just for you, but for others.

Final Encouragement: There Is Hope for You

Dear friend, this journey is not about perfection. It's about progress. It's about engaging your story with curiosity, leaning into the kindness of God, and walking the path of healing, step by step.

Jesus took your sin. He took your shame. And He rose again to give you new life.

This Easter, may you embrace the truth that resurrection is possible for you, too.

You are deeply loved. You are seen. You are not alone.

Happy Easter.

 

With love,

 

Belah & Team

 

PS - Check out Jay's book here: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing

PPS - If you want to take the first step into freedom and healing your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call with us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"My husband and I lived parallel lives almost our entire marriage…The only thing he wanted from me in the relationship was sex. That was the last thing I wanted to give him because I was exhausted from trying to be the super mom and head of the household. This caused a rift in our relationship…After a separation in our own home we each began our own counseling…Both of our counselors questioned if a form of sex addiction might be part of the problem. I dove into trying to learn everything I could about sex addiction. I joined a 12 step group for spouses of sex addicts. That program is about avoiding unhealthy sexual behaviors. I didn't even know what healthy sexual behaviors were. After 4 years of marriage counseling and feeling stuck in a marriage that was barely hanging on, I discovered your program. I found hope for my marriage and began to see my husband in a different light"

If you have ever felt disconnected with your spouse- particularly in the area of communication- this episode is especially for you. 

Steven and his wife, Tracy, walked through more than two decades of disconnection. Twenty-five years is a long time to feel lost in your marriage. To feel like no matter what you try, you just can't find your way back to each other.

They loved God. They were raising six children together. They wanted their marriage to thrive. But somehow, they kept missing each other. Their communication felt off, and it wasn't just about words—it was about how every part of their life as a couple felt misaligned.

Marriage Problems After 25 Years: Feeling Stuck and Disconnected

Steven and Tracy did what many couples in their situation try to do. They sought help. They met with counselors and pastors. They heard wise advice. But for some reason, it just didn't seem to stick in their day-to-day lives.

They felt like they were doing all the right things, yet their relationship still felt strained. The alignment they hoped for—spiritually, emotionally, practically—kept slipping through their fingers.

It's hard to describe how wearying that becomes over time. You start to wonder if it will ever change, or if you're destined to just live alongside each other, rather than truly enjoy the beauty of partnership that marriage is meant to be.

Signs of Hope: When One Spouse Begins to Change

What began to open things up wasn't what Steven expected.

He started to notice a softness in Tracy. A new warmth in her communication. She seemed more open, more willing to engage in conversations in a way that felt safe and inviting.

And that tenderness in her sparked something in him. He realized, deep in his heart, that he wanted to experience that same kind of shift. He didn't want to keep circling the same frustrations. He wanted his heart to change too—not just so things would feel better, but because he longed to love her well.

There's something so beautiful about that. Sometimes, it's the gentle transformation in one spouse that awakens the hope in the other. And that's exactly what happened for Steven.

How Focusing on Personal Growth Can Transform Your Marriage

What truly began to move the needle for Steven was recognizing where his focus had been all along.

For many years, like so many of us, he had been looking at his wife's responses, her choices, her attitude. But when he started to reflect more deeply, he realized the bigger breakthrough would come from within himself.

That shift—from focusing outward to focusing inward—was a game changer.

Instead of waiting for Tracy to change, he opened his heart to the changes God wanted to do in him. He began to see how his own patterns of thought and communication were shaping their dynamic. And as he leaned into that growth, the atmosphere of their marriage began to change.

Learning to Communicate Better in Marriage

Steven described it as learning to dance. For years, he and Tracy were moving to different rhythms. Even when they had good intentions, they kept stepping on each other's toes.

When you don't know the steps, no matter how much you love the other person, the dance feels clumsy. Missteps are frustrating and discouraging.

But as Steven grew in understanding and grace, he began to move in rhythm with his wife. He learned how to lead with humility and gentleness. And as he did, Tracy responded. She became more willing to follow his lead—not because she was forced to, but because it felt safe and loving to do so.

Their dance transformed from awkward steps to something fluid, connected, and beautiful.

Why Humility Is Key to a Stronger Marriage

What I find so deeply inspiring about Steven's journey is the way he embraced humility. He didn't cling to pride. He didn't stay stuck in frustration, demanding that his wife change first. Instead, he knelt before God—both literally and figuratively—and opened his heart to being transformed himself.

That posture of surrender made space for God to work powerfully in his life and marriage.

And it's a reminder for all of us: no matter how broken things feel, when we choose humility and invite God into our hearts and homes, He begins to weave a story of redemption that's more beautiful than we could have imagined.

What a Healthy Marriage Looks Like After Healing

Today, Steven and Tracy still face challenges, but what's different now is how they handle them.

What used to take days, weeks, or even months to resolve now takes minutes—sometimes even seconds. They've learned to recognize when they're drifting out of alignment and come back quickly to unity and connection.

Their marriage isn't just surviving anymore. It's thriving. There's joy. There's intimacy. There's a deep excitement about what God is continuing to do in their relationship.

It's a miracle of grace, truly.

There Is Hope for Your Marriage, Too

Friend, if you find yourself where Steven once was—tired, discouraged, wondering if things will ever change—I want you to hear this clearly: there is a way forward.

Take courage. Let hope rise in your heart. Open yourself to the possibility that the story isn't over—and that the next chapter could be more beautiful than you've imagined.

 

With love,

 

Belah & Team

 

PS - Want to know more about the current health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to discover your Marital Health score and receive further insight on next steps.

PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue. She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me…Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us."

How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman

Men, have you ever wished someone had sat you down and given you the sex talk you really needed—not the awkward, surface-level version, but a conversation that spoke to your heart, your masculinity, and how all of that relates to your sexuality and how God designed you? 

That's exactly what therapist and author Sam Jolman offers in his book The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality.

I was deeply honored to have him on the Delight Your Marriage podcast for a conversation I believe every man and every wife needs to hear.

Below are some highlights from our conversation—rich truths that stirred awe, healing, and even some tears. We hope you can listen in on the podcast and check out his newest book, available everywhere books are sold.

What Does It Mean to Be a "Good Sexual Man"?

Sam shared how the term "good sexual man" often sounds like an oxymoron in our culture. If someone says a man is "very sexual," we usually don't take it as a compliment. But what if masculinity and sexuality are meant to be good—designed by God, filled with honor, love, and even awe?

Sam invites men to recover their God-given sexual goodness, not by ignoring the brokenness, but by acknowledging it and moving through it—through experiences of shame, silence, even possible harm into healing, wholeness, and holiness.

He said, "The issue isn't too much sexual desire—but too little heart." 

Your heart was meant to be connected to your sexuality, and it is something that many of the men he speaks with have trouble bringing into their sexuality.

Masculinity Reclaimed: More Than Behavior Management

Too often, conversations around male sexuality in the church revolve around "behavior management"—Am I behaving or not? Am I sinning or not?

But Sam urges men to ask deeper, more hopeful questions:

What kind of lover am I?
Do I pursue my wife emotionally, not just physically?
Have I honored the wounds in my story that made me vulnerable?
Have I mistaken my brokenness as only sin, when it's also about being wounded?

This is not about making excuses—it's about seeking healing and becoming the kind of man who loves deeply and well.

Awe, Sensuality & the Glory of a Woman's Body

This part of our conversation brought me to tears.

Sam quotes author Mike Mason who described his wife's naked body as glory. And Scripture supports this—glory is what is veiled in the Bible, not hidden out of shame, but out of reverence.

What if we, as wives, were seen like that? What if our husbands truly beheld us as the masterpiece of God—with awe, wonder, tenderness, and joy? It is what every wife is truly longing for. 

And what Sam beautifully points out is—this isn't about trying to say something simply to please your wife. It's about opening your eyes to the beauty God has already placed in front of you, for your pleasure, for your joy, and for your worship.

Jesus: The Model of the Sensual and Strong Man

Jesus was the manliest of men. He endured the cross, the lashing, the pain, all without complaint.

But He also wept over the death of His friend.

He was moved with compassion.

He made excellent wine for a wedding!

And as Sam so beautifully brought up, he received tenderness from a woman washing His feet with tears and perfume.

Jesus was both strong and sensual. He didn't run from beauty—He embraced it. And Sam encourages men to do the same.

Sex as Play, Not Pressure

One of my favorite parts of Sam's book is the idea of sex as play. (As you know, we LOVE playfulness at Delight Your Marriage!)

In the story of Isaac and Rebekah, Scripture uses the word "play" to describe their intimate interaction. Not "duty." Not "obligation." Not even "intercourse." Just play.

How different would sex feel to wives if it was simply seen as an invitation to play? To connect? To enjoy one another—without pressure or performance?

When sex becomes play, there's less fear and more room for freedom and creativity. It becomes mutually joyful and it draws both hearts closer.

We also both acknowledged that if sex is the only area right now where you play as a couple, it may not come as naturally or even feel awkward. Make sure to build a culture of play outside of the bedroom- go on playful dates, have playful jokes throughout the day- so that you can bring it into the bedroom more naturally.

A Message to Men Carrying Sexual Shame

Sam shared that many men, in the privacy of his counseling office, have revealed deep sexual shame—some of it stemming from trauma, abuse, or early exposure to sexuality that felt confusing or violating.

The enemy wants men to bury those wounds in silence.

But healing comes through truth, and through Jesus, who already knows, already sees, and already loves you. 

As Sam reminded us, your brokenness is not just your sin—it's also your wounding.

And it was wounding. 

If this is you, you're not alone. And you can heal. God makes all things new.

Final Thoughts: Why Every Husband (and Wife) Should Read This Book

Sam's book isn't just another marriage resource. It's an invitation to men to become whole, godly, good sexual beings—men who integrate their strength with their heart, their sensuality with their faith, and their desire with deep love and awe of glory.

And wives—if your husband reads this book, I believe you'll feel more seen, more cherished, and more pursued than ever before.

We hope this conversation leaves you feeling inspired to take in the beauty around you, stand in awe of God, experience the sensuality and sexuality that God gave you (that was purposefully designed, not a mistake!), and experience the fullness of God in your relationship with your spouse.

You can get The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality wherever books are sold. (And there's currently a buy one, get one free on the website so go now!) samjolman.com

Sam Jolman is a lover, father, therapist, and writer, generally in that order. His newest book, The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, has already received rave reviews, including a review and foreword from author John Eldredge (Wild at Heart). Sam also writes regularly on Substack and offers live monthly discussions with subscribers on topics like Christian sexuality, masculinity, healing from shame, and more.

With love,

 

Belah & Team

PS - If you're interested in learning more about our Masculinity Reclaimed program, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/programs/ or schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc

PPS - In case you missed it, we launched our social media channels last week! You can now get extra Delight Your Marriage content as you go about your week! Yeah, we're really happy about it too :) Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Youtube, and say hello!

The day has arrived!

We are officially on social media! And we can't wait for you to see what we have for you!

Follow Us & Subscribe on:
Instagram, Facebook, & Youtube

Now, on to the podcast!

Marital Success is Your Spiritual Responsibility

If you've been listening to the Delight Your Marriage podcast or reading these blogs for a while, you know I don't take marriage lightly. And if you're a follower of Jesus, I want to lovingly remind you: your marriage is a spiritual responsibility.

This isn't just about your personal happiness or even your kids' well-being—though those matter deeply. No, the success of your marriage speaks volumes to everyone who knows you, especially those who know you're a Christian.

Why Your Marriage Is Bigger Than You

Think about it: if people know you follow Jesus, but your marriage falls apart, what does that say about the relevance of Jesus in your life? About the Bible? About the power of God?

Yes, divorce is painful for the children—but it's also painful spiritually for everyone who witnesses it. We're supposed to be making disciples of all people, right? So when our marriage breaks down, we're tarnishing the very witness we're meant to live out.

I say this from personal experience. My first marriage ended in divorce, and I carry that pain and regret. It wasn't a biblical divorce—I had to plead the blood of Jesus over it. But I've repented, I've been forgiven, and now I've made a decision: I will never again allow my marriage to dishonor the name of Jesus.

I want the same for you.

It's Time to Prioritize Marriage—for the Gospel

If you're reading this, there's a good chance your faith is already strong. You want biblical answers, not pop psychology. Thank you. If I can help you have a great marriage, your work for the Kingdom becomes that much easier.

But let's be real. Marriage is hard. It's easy to get selfish. It's easy to get frustrated with your spouse being a messy, imperfect human (just like we are!). But we can't stay in that space. We've got to pull ourselves out of our self-centeredness and serve.

Husbands, Scripture calls you to die for your wife. Wives, we're called to submit to our husbands. I know—it's not easy. Believe me, I don't like that verse either. I've struggled with being a controlling wife. But control is rooted in fear. And fear means I'm not trusting God.

When both spouses choose to obey God, not based on their spouse's actions but based on God's call—that's where transformation begins.

We're not left wondering what marriage is supposed to be. God gave us His Word. It's the most printed, most transformative book in human history. You don't have to guess what it means to be a godly husband or wife—it's all there.

Marriage: God's Tool for Healing

Your spouse can hurt you the most—or they can be the very instrument God uses to heal you the most. I've lived both. And I want to be the kind of wife who makes my husband's meeting with Jesus even better because he was married to me.

What if that was your motivation? That your love could heal your spouse. That your encouragement could empower them into God's purpose for their life. That your gentle presence could become their safe space in this tough world.

That's the kind of love Jesus shows us—and the kind we're called to give.

Love Your Spouse the Way They Receive Love

This is one of our core teachings at DYM: love your spouse the way they receive love. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means not giving chocolate ice cream if they love vanilla. It means learning what makes them feel safe, respected, cherished.

Husbands need to feel safe, known, and cherished.
Wives need to feel respected, admired, and pursued in wholehearted sexual intimacy.

(If you'd like to learn more, we break this down in our free framework at delightym.com/framework. It's an amazing starting point to grow in loving your spouse practically and biblically.)

Growth Is the Goal

Friend, you didn't find this blog because you're failing. You're here because you want to grow. And that's beautiful. That matters. Don't give up on the hard days when it feels like no one sees your effort. God does. He sees every unseen act of love, every sacrifice, every decision to forgive.

We don't get to skip the suffering. Jesus didn't. Paul didn't. In fact, suffering is often God's tool for growth, purification, and transformation.

But you don't have to do this alone. There's help. There's hope. And there is healing.

 

With love,

Belah & Team

 

PS - If you want to learn more, we recommend you take our Marital Health Assessment. It is a free assessment that gives insight on your Marital Health and what we recommended as next steps based on your Marital Health score.

 

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"I love life and am dreaming again because God has bought healing to my marriage. It's like all the stop buttons that were pushed because I was out of alignment with God's will in my marriage have been pushed to Go/Green again... I feel more aligned, more focused, and things are moving again."

Hi friend,

This one's pretty personal.

After 10 years of podcasting, coaching, and quietly building Delight Your Marriage—without social media—we're finally stepping into a new chapter. (I'm still kind of holding my breath saying that.)

In today's episode, I share the real behind-the-scenes story of:

• Why I stayed off social all these years (and it's deeper than just "not liking it")

• The Gideon moment that confirmed my calling to do this in secret

• Publishing my book under a pseudonym—and the fears behind that decision

• How God still grew DYM to a team of 10, hundreds of clients, and millions of downloads

And most importantly—why we're trying social media now.

But! Before you go hunting down our Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube… wait just one more day.

Tomorrow (Friday), we'll be sending you all the links (if you're on our email list -- if not go to delightyourmarriage.com) so you can follow, share, and help us get this message out to the world.

For now—would you take a moment to listen to this episode? I poured my heart into it.

With love and (slightly trembling?) excitement,
Belah

P.S. I won't be reading the comments (my team will!)—but if something resonates, share it with a friend. That's how this whole thing started in the first place. :)

Freedom from The Purity Culture Half Truths

If you're anything like me, you grew up knowing that sex was something to be saved for marriage. Maybe you heard it in church, at youth group, from your parents, or maybe it was something just understood. You were told to "save yourself," and by God's grace—you did.

But now you're married. And... what gives?

Why is this thing that's supposed to be beautiful, powerful, and God-designed... still clouded with guilt? Why does it feel so hard to enjoy? Why does it feel wrong?

Friend, I get it. I was right there with you.

Why Christian Wives Struggle With Sex After Marriage

See, the problem is that many of us were given half-truths about sex. Yes, sex is meant for marriage. That's clear in Scripture (Matthew 19:5, Hebrews 13:4, and so many others). But what wasn't clear—what was never really taught—was what happens after the wedding.

We weren't told that sex could be joyful, playful, passionate, and a gift. We weren't told that it was meant to be good for you, dear wife—not just your husband. We weren't told that God is the one who designed our bodies with tens of thousands of pleasure-sensitive nerve endings. That He's not shocked by desire. He created it.

Instead, many of us internalized the message that sex is shameful, dirty, and something to be tolerated—maybe even resented. And so, we carried that shame right into our marriages.

My Personal Journey From Sexual Shame to Intimacy

I didn't grow up having "the talk." There was no open, healthy conversation about sex or my body. What I had was silence, shame, and confusion. I stumbled onto pornography while innocently doing homework one day, and curiosity turned into a struggle I couldn't shake for many years.

And even though I was a virgin on my wedding night, sex was not what I expected. It was painful—physically and emotionally. My husband and I didn't know how to understand each other. I assumed if he really loved God, he wouldn't have so many desires. I didn't understand that God made him that way—and me, too. But I didn't feel free to receive that truth.

But God brought me on a journey of healing—of discovering what His Word really says. That sex in marriage is good. That it's for unity. That it's for mutual joy. That "May you ever be intoxicated with her love" (Proverbs 5:19) is not an embarrassing suggestion—it's God's idea.

When Sex Feels Like a Chore Instead of a Gift

Even with this new desire, I still didn't (and still don't!) have the same drive as my husband. And often, I would fall into that trap of "duty sex". Yes, I know what that's like. I've done it. I've gone into intimacy just hoping to avoid conflict. But friend, that's not God's best. That's not what He dreamed up when He designed your body or your marriage.

When I engage in intimacy from a place of love and trust, I come out of it refreshed, connected, grounded. Even if I wasn't "in the mood" at the beginning, choosing to lean in with the right heart often opens the door to real pleasure—real bonding. It's a spiritual gift.

Are Your Sexual Boundaries From God—or Just Tradition?

One thing that often hindered this connection and desire was the restrictions I put on my own self, but where had these even come from? They weren't from the Bible. Sometimes, the rules we put on ourselves aren't in the Bible—they're just tradition, fear, or misunderstanding. 

I want to challenge you to ask: Is this boundary actually from God? Because Scripture gives us boundaries to keep sex holy—but it doesn't micromanage how you express love with your spouse.

God is not offended by pleasure. He invented it.

Let's stop walking past the "sunset" He painted for us in this area of our lives. Let's slow down, take a breath, and receive the beauty.

How to Heal From Sexual Shame and Embrace Freedom

Healing doesn't happen overnight. It's a step-by-step path out of shame and into joy. And yes, sometimes that means trying something a little new—changing up the lighting, experimenting with different types of touch, or even using intimacy accessories (yep, I said it!) to help bridge the gap between desire and delight.

And no, not every time has to be earth-shattering. But what if some of the times were breathtaking? What if the oneness and the joy and the laughter and the satisfaction made you say, "Wow, thank you, God"?

Because He deserves that praise. He made you for this. He wants this for you.

Final Thoughts

Sweet sister, I'm so proud of you. You've already taken a step by reading this far. Don't stop now! God made your body for beauty. He made your marriage for joy. And He made sex for you, too.

With love,

 

Belah & Team

 

PS - If you want to check out the Pre-Marriage workbooks mentioned in today's episode, check out our Amazon page. All three are available now!

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"My faith has grown. I am praying more from my heart in conversation with God instead of sending him my "wishlist" of prayers. I am desiring to read my Bible daily and hear God's message for me and know his direction and leading in my life. I am more playful and fun! Playfulness not only brings me joy and makes me feel "lighter" but I've seen it affect my husband and kids as well. We are a more joy-filled family. Our growth in intimacy is a big celebration. I better understand the freedom God gives a husband and wife in sexual intimacy and so I feel free to be creative, spontaneous, fun, and confident with my husband."

Her Marriage Was "Dissolving", Now It's Saved & Growing: Kalee's Story

Before she began the Delighted Wife program, Kalee was in a place of deep discouragement. She and her husband, Chris, had been married for eight years, built a beautiful family together, and yet, they felt utterly lost. Their marriage was dissolving, and hopelessness had settled in.

She didn't see a way out.

But God did.

In His divine intervention, Chris was introduced to the program through a friend who had experienced transformation in his own marriage. Chris took a step of faith, signed up for the program, and invited Kalee to do the same. What she didn't realize was that the biggest transformation wouldn't just be in her marriage—it would be in herself.

Finding Confidence, Finding Herself

Kalee entered the program believing that her marriage was the only problem. But as she journeyed through the teachings, she came to see something deeper. She lacked confidence. She didn't understand her worth. She had been seeking validation in others, rather than allowing God to restore her from the inside out.

Through the program, Kaylee began to see how deeply God loved her, how valuable she was, and how her identity wasn't defined by the struggles of the past.

And as she changed, so did her marriage.

A Marriage Restored

Kalee and Chris both went through the program separately, which turned out to be a gift. After years of couples' therapy, they found that what this program allowed them to do was heal separately rather than working together. 

Instead of coming at each other with blame, they were each able to focus on their own growth, healing, and the changes they personally needed to make.

The result? A marriage that was once on the brink of destruction was now filled with trust, forgiveness, and connection. The barriers of past hurts were broken down, and they began to see each other through fresh eyes.

Kalee describes it as the first time in years she didn't feel fear lingering in her mind about the future of their marriage. She and Chris were finally on solid ground, and for the first time in a long time, they had peace.

A Ripple Effect of Joy in Her Home

But this transformation didn't just stay between Kalee and Chris—it overflowed into their home. Their children, especially their oldest daughter, began to experience the difference.

Their daughter, who had been cautious and unsure about marriage because of what she had witnessed in their home, was now talking about her own future as a wife and mother. In her playtime, she began to play "Mom" and "Wife", something that Kalee had never seen before.

Where once there was tension and uncertainty, now there was joy. She saw her parents in a new light—loving, affectionate, and truly connected.

There is Hope for You

Maybe you find yourself where Kalee once was. Maybe you feel hopeless, uncertain, and afraid that your marriage won't survive. But let me encourage you—God is still in the business of restoring marriages. He still brings beauty from ashes. He still makes all things new.

If Kalee's story resonates with you, I invite you to take a step toward healing. Don't let fear or hopelessness hold you back. Your marriage can be transformed. Your home can be filled with peace and joy. It starts with taking that first step.

God bless you on your journey. 

He is able, and He is faithful.

 

Love,

 

Belah & Team

 

PS - If you're ready to take the step that Kalee made, schedule a free Clarity Call here. Not quite ready for that yet? Take our free online Marital Health Assessment to learn more about the current health of your marriage and next steps to take.

PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"I feel so much more joyful. I have learned how to be playful and silly again…I am growing in my understanding of my value based on Christ's righteousness, not my own accomplishments. My eyes have been opened to many areas where I am Martha instead of Mary…I have so much more hope for the future…We are a more joy-filled family…there is HOPE and we are healing!"

 

Getting out of your bed in the morning requires motivation. Doing your work requires motivation. Sacrificing for your spouse the way God asks us to, requires motivation.   You may be motivated by external forces like your boss, achieving certain bank account numbers, or a personal feeling of accomplishment. Those aren't necessarily bad. But if you're having trouble with motivation for the things that are most important in your life: God, marriage, kids... this episode is for you.    There are two encouragements Jesus gives us that can really help with your motivation to do what is most important:    1- The parable of the Three Servants (Matt 25: 14 - 28)   2- Come to me and I will give you rest -- the burden I give you is light (Matt 11: 28 - 30)   The parable talks of three servants entrusted with money while the master went on a long trip. One was entrusted with 5 bags of silver, another with 2 bags of silver and the last with 1 bag of silver. When the master returned, two of the three had "worked" and "invested" which doubled their silver. But the servant with just 1 bag didn't even try. He was in self-pity, covetousness and fear. The master called him wicked and lazy.    May we not fall into the trap of  a - Self-pity: aka pride, because we SHOULD have a better circumstance. God SHOULD have given us better.  b - Covetousness: looking at someone else's perceived lot in life and crave it c - Fear: Our perspective of God is harsh and unfair so we are paralyzed to try.    Instead, let us look forward to hearing our master's praise. Let us be motivated by the anticipation of seeing God on that day say "well done!" and lavish praise on us for doing what He has asked us to do with what He has entrusted to us.   If this feels like such a heavy weight right now, I want you to be encouraged by the second portion of scripture where Jesus invites us to come to Him with our burdens. And learn from Him. And gain insight on what He ACTUALLY is asking of us. Not to carry the whole world -- but to gain insight into what His burden for us to carry actually is -- which Jesus says "is light".    Come to Him with your burden.    Don't let the enemy tempt you with self-pity, coveting, or fear. Instead, come to Jesus and gain His strength so you can hear "Well done! Good. Faithful. Servant".   In the episode, I give practical outworkings of all of this and I hope it's an episode that will give you a pep in your step and a zing of motivation to do what God is asking of you in your relationship with Him, in your relationship with your spouse and those entrusted to your care.    Love and Blessings, Belah

Do you hate making mistakes?

If you're anything like me, you probably hold yourself to really high standards. 

If you're a Jesus follower, you're actually called to be perfect as He is perfect.

But because you're not Jesus, you will fail. 

So, what happens when you mess up? 

Do you feel like a failure, try to run away, numb the pain, isolate, ignore, do some negative/sinful addiction (porn/drinking/eating...) just to stop feeling the terrible failure-feelings?

The problem is, even though we know we're saved by His sacrifice, we often still struggle with shame and guilt for our mistakes. 

But here's the truth: understanding mistakes the right way can change how we view them, how we can grow from them and how they make us feel when they inevitably will happen.

Mistakes generally fall into three categories:

1. Mistake: Rebellion– When mistakes become a pattern of intentional sin consistently. This requires a lot of focus and all the advice given in #2, below.  
2. Mistake: Sin – When we go against God's Word, we need to humbly own, repent and turn back to Him. AND from that, we get to be washed by His amazing sacrifice. 
   • There may need to be actions taken to repair the situation of others involved or you need to find healing for yourself so these sins won't happen again. 
   • But because of Jesus, the actual guilt has now been paid for by the only one who can pay for sin -- someone sinless -- Jesus.  
   • So you no longer need to take the punishment of the shame/guilty feelings anymore. 
   • Action does need to happen to rectify the situation, and let any negative feelings motivate you to put the structure, healing process, boundaries, people, community, in place to walk in freedom and righteousness. 
3. Mistake: Wisdom – These are simply errors in judgment, strategy or approach. It's essentially making a mistake in walking out wisdom. A lot of times we know better and we can't seem to get ourselves to do the wise thing every time. 

• It's not an outright sin, as clarified Biblically. It just was kinda dumb (yeah, I know the feeling well.) Or you realized later how you made someone else feel and realized you did the wrong thing. Or maybe you didn't so something as perfectly as you expect of yourself and you feel ashamed.
• Even though maybe it wasn't capital S, "Sin", it can make you feel just as failure-like as if you DID something horrible. As if you ARE something horrible.
• The sad part is, sometimes that failure-feeling can make us want to run so bad that we metaphorically run and actually do something horrible (an real Sin: porn, addiction, rage... fill-in-the-blank SIN). 

But what if we didn't HAVE TO strive to achieve in perfection? 

  What if we didn't HAVE TO strive to meet our incredibly high (non-sin) standards OR feel like a failure?   And our Sin standards don't change. 
The solution?    Well, my solution is this... instead of feeling like a failure, aim to be 80% on point in the Wisdom Category.    That way, you'll stay motivated and keep improving in living out wisdom without getting stuck in discouragement/feeling-like-a-failure.    You'll get A LOT farther this way in every area of life than you would being "perfect" for a while then super discouraged (maybe even dropping into some Sin) and on and on the cycle goes. 
And sadly... often people just get so tired and give up and accept hopelessness.    Here's the plan regarding mistakes:   Keep high standards on righteousness issues, try hard to meet them---lean on Jesus for His perfection and sacrifice when we Sin. Have high standards on Wisdom things, but when we make mistakes be really happy if we aren't making that mistake 80% of the time.

When you handle mistakes in the right way, they actually help you move forward instead of holding you back. I dive deeper into this in today's episode, and I think you'll find it really encouraging—because if you're anything like me, you've made plenty of mistakes. 

And the good news? God has so much hope for you, and every single mistake has value.

Here at Delight Your Marriage, we've seen so many marriages transformed by God's grace—couples who never thought they could feel close again, now thriving in ways they never imagined. 

But here's the thing… what if we could help the next generation BEFORE they get married? What if they had the tools and the wisdom now, so they don't have to struggle the way so many of us did?

Setting the Example of a Beautiful Marriage

Before we can guide the next generation, we need to make sure our own marriages are solid. Let's be real—kids don't just listen to what we say, they watch what we do. If they see love, respect, and joy in our marriages, they'll want that for themselves. But if they see stress, distance, and unhappiness, they're going to wonder if marriage is even worth it.

So, if your marriage needs some healing, that's the best place to start. Don't wait. Your marriage is your greatest testimony to your kids.

The World Is Confusing—We Need to Speak Up First

The world is LOUD when it comes to relationships, identity, and marriage. If we're not having these conversations with our kids early and often, they're going to learn from someone else… and that's usually not going to be a source of truth.

Here are a few key things we need to be talking about:

1. Helping Them Know Their Identity in Christ

We live in a world that tells kids they need to "find themselves" by looking inward. But that leads to so much confusion! They need to know—without a doubt—that God made them exactly as they are, on purpose. We have to be proactive in these conversations, helping them stand firm in their identity before the world really tries to confuse them.

2. What Marriage Is REALLY About

Marriage isn't just about being happy—it's about fulfilling God's purpose for your life together. So many people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations and get hurt because they didn't know what to look for in a spouse. Let's help our kids understand the beauty and purpose of marriage before they start dating, so they can make wise choices!

3. Setting Healthy Boundaries in Dating

Our kids are bombarded with messages that say, "Do whatever feels good," but that's not wisdom! We need to help them understand that sex is a GIFT—but it's meant for marriage. That doesn't just mean telling them, "Don't do this, don't do that." It means giving them the tools and the why behind making those choices. When they understand the wisdom behind God's design, it makes it so much easier to live it out.

Practical Help for Young Adults Navigating Dating

One of the hardest things for young people is knowing how to date wisely. That's why we created our Pre-Dating Workbook and Video Course! It's packed with a clear vision for a God-honoring life and marriage, the four stages of pursuing a spouse (and the mistakes to avoid!), practical skills for meeting and discerning a future spouse, guidance on setting healthy emotional and physical boundaries, and more.

If you have a son, daughter, niece, nephew, or someone in your life who is dating or thinking about it soon, this resource is for them! Check it out at delightyourmarriage.com/dating

Providing Joy and Wisdom in Your Own Home

The key to influencing the next generation is NOT about forcing rules on them—it's about showing them something better. Jesus attracted people to Him because He was full of joy and truth. That's how we need to be! If we want our kids to listen to us, we need to be a source of joy, truth, wisdom, and peace in their lives.

Equipping the Next Generation for Stronger Marriages

We can't sit back and hope our kids figure it out on their own. They need us to guide them, to give them resources, and to speak truth in love. If you feel a stirring in your heart, take action. Strengthen your own marriage as a testimony to them, start having open, honest conversations about love, identity, and marriage, equip them with practical tools like our Pre-Dating Workbook and Course.

Let's raise up a generation that is confident in who they are, wise in how they date, and strong in their marriages. And most of all—let's be praying for our kids. This is a battle, but God is greater. Thank you for being part of this. We're in it together!

 

Love,

 

Belah & Team

 

I recently had the incredible opportunity to be a guest on Gary Thomas' podcast. If you've been around Delight Your Marriage for a while, you know what a dear friend Gary has been to this ministry. Not only is he a best-selling author and speaker, but he's also been so generous in inviting us to share on his platform in the past.

And this time? I got to be part of a panel alongside two truly amazing women:

Juli Slattery—President and Co-Founder of Authentic Intimacy and author of several life-changing books, including God, Sex, & Your Marriage and Rethinking Sexuality.

Debra Fileta—Creator of the #1 faith-based relationship advice blog TrueLoveDates.com and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life and Married Sex: A Christian Couple's Guide to Reimagining Your Love (among many others).

We came together for a powerful discussion about helping wives awaken to intimate pleasure—such an essential and often overlooked topic. The wisdom and insights from these women were just incredible, and I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation.

Here were some key takeaways from our panel discussion:

The Challenge of Awakening Sexual Fulfillment

For so many women, the journey toward enjoying sex in marriage isn't a simple switch—it's a process. If you've spent years saying "no"—whether because of purity culture, past wounds, or just never learning that sex is a gift—it makes sense that "yes" doesn't come easily. And you are not alone in this!

How Husbands Can Help Their Wives Awaken to Pleasure

Men, you've likely never been discipled in how to help your wife step into her own sexual enjoyment. Many husbands enter marriage assuming their wife will naturally embrace sex, but the reality is, she may feel lost, hesitant, or even afraid. This is where your role as her safe place matters deeply.

Here are some questions that Debra suggested as conversation starters on sex:

• What's something you're looking forward to in our sex life?

• What's something that makes you nervous or unsure?

• What beliefs about sex do you want to hold onto, and what do you want to let go of?

Overcoming the Weight of Purity Culture

Many women who "did everything right" and waited for marriage still find themselves struggling. Why? Because purity culture often framed sex as something to avoid, not as a gift to embrace.

As Juli Slattery puts it, "Just because I waited, doesn't mean I know how to start." That's the truth. And if this is you, grace upon grace, my friend.

Sexual wholeness isn't about following a list of dos and don'ts. It's about stepping into the fullness of what God has given and allowing Him to reframe any distorted views we carry.

The Power of Emotional & Spiritual Connection

Debra Fileta says, "What you do above the sheets paves the way for what happens under the sheets." I could not agree more. Emotional and spiritual safety fuels physical intimacy. Husbands, if your wife doesn't feel safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished, her body won't naturally respond to you with desire. So, before you think about sex, think about:

• Playfulness in everyday life (it builds intimacy!)

• How you affirm and admire her body

• How well she feels known and cherished by you

It's Not About You, It's About Her

A massive shift for many husbands is realizing that sex in marriage isn't just about "getting my needs met." If your wife doesn't feel safe, it's no wonder intimacy feels like a duty rather than a desire.

You have an opportunity to disciple your heart in a new way. Instead of seeing your wife as the "acceptable outlet" for your sexual needs, ask: "How can I be the safest place for her to enjoy intimacy?"

When she feels safe, she will want to engage. Not out of obligation, but because she feels free to.

How to Move Toward More Desire in Marriage

Wives, rather than wondering and praying, "Why am I broken?" for not wanting intimacy, instead ask, "How can I cultivate a desire for intimacy?"

Some ideas:

• Non-sexual sensual touch with no pressure

• Playfulness in your daily life (This is huge!)

• Embracing a "turning a dial" rather than "flipping a switch" approach to intimacy 

 

Addressing Past Trauma & Emotional Wounds

Even in strong marriages, past sexual trauma or unhealthy conditioning can affect intimacy. And let's be real: just having a great marriage doesn't mean sex will be effortless. For some, the body's response to past wounds will still show up. That's okay. It's part of the journey.

Healing takes time, patience, and sometimes outside help. If this is part of your story, give yourself permission to process what's needed.

The Role of Faith & Hope in Sexual Fulfillment

God is a God of hope. If your marriage has felt disconnected, there is hope. If you've never truly enjoyed sexual pleasure, there is hope.

Your story isn't over. Pursue wholeness—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—and trust that intimacy can be more fulfilling than you ever imagined.

Final Thoughts

• Husbands: Emotional and spiritual intimacy first, pleasure follows.

• Wives: You are not broken. Your pleasure matters.

• Both: Intimacy is a journey, not a destination. Keep taking steps, and trust that God is working in it all.

Friend, you are not alone. Your marriage can grow, your desire can awaken, and your intimacy can thrive. Keep leaning in, keep growing, and keep trusting that God has more for you than you even realize.

Be blessed!

Love,

 

Belah & Team

 

At Delight Your Marriage, we have the incredible privilege of witnessing God's transformative power in marriages every day. Today, we are beyond honored to share Amy's story—a testimony of healing, restoration, and redemption.

How a Podcast Sparked a Transformation in Amy's Marriage

Amy first discovered our ministry through the podcast, and in one particular episode, she felt deeply convicted about her role as a wife from a biblical principles perspective. As she listened, one question struck her to the core:

"When we stand before Jesus, will we be able to say that we loved our husbands well, or will we have a list of excuses?"

That moment of conviction was a pivotal turning point and led Amy to take a hard look at the patterns in her marriage.

Breaking the Cycle of Hurt and Rejection

Amy realized her marriage was trapped in an exhausting cycle of hurt and rejection. When her husband expressed frustration or hurt, she would respond by shutting down and shutting him out—including the area of physical intimacy. This rejection only deepened his pain, which in turn caused more outbursts, pushing them further apart. 

Round and round they went. 

Amy knew something had to change.

Seeking Help: A Life-Changing Clarity Call

That's when she reached out and scheduled a Clarity Call, where she was introduced to the heart of our coaching approach. Through the program, she came to a powerful realization: she had been so focused on her pain that she hadn't stopped to consider what loving him well actually looked like.

She learned that, regardless of her husband's actions, she was responsible for her own mindset and behaviors. This mindset shift was the beginning of a profound transformation.

Embracing Gratitude Practice, Letting Her Husband Lead, and Aligning Family Dynamics

Her first big shift? Gratitude.

 Instead of seeing her husband's contributions—like fixing things around the house or maintaining their cars—as expectations, she began to recognize them as gifts. This simple but profound change softened her heart.

She also felt convicted about how she had unknowingly taken control of their marriage and family decisions. Deep down, she wanted him to lead, but she had been the one steering the ship.

So, she changed course.

Through personal growth, she learned to step back and allow him to take his God-given role as the leader in their home.

And little by little, things changed.

The Power of Forgiveness and Apology

As Amy continued to grow, she felt convicted about her past actions. She humbled herself and apologized to her husband for ways she had contributed to their struggles. This act of forgiveness and vulnerability created space for genuine healing.

Over time, she witnessed a shift—not just in herself, but in her husband and their marriage as a whole. The relationship healing was undeniable. We were so moved by what she shared with us: "The Lord specializes in restoration and redeeming what is broken and lost."

A Testament to God's Restoration and Redemption

Today, Amy's marriage looks entirely different. The patterns of hurt and rejection have been replaced by love, intimacy, and a renewed sense of partnership. Praise God!

God is absolutely still in the business of restoration and redemption, and we are so honored to witness His work in marriages like Amy's. Let her story be a reminder that God redeems, he restores, and He can change things.

Be blessed!

Love,

 

Belah & Team

I have been a long time fan of Nathan Rittenhouse and his work at Thinking Out Loud Together and today, I had the incredible privilege of sitting down with Nathan Rittenhouse for our podcast!

Nathan is a speaker, apologist, and co-founder of Thinking Out Loud Together. Our conversation today was filled with rich insights about intimacy, humility, integrity, and the way marriage fits into God's grand design. I truly can't wait for you to hear it!

There's so much to unpack, but here are some of the biggest takeaways from our conversation:

The Bigger Purpose of Marriage: Building a Legacy That Lasts

Nathan shared how his perspective on marriage has been deeply shaped by the generations of faithful, steady relationships in his family. He reminded us that marriage isn't just about two people—it impacts generations. "What will my descendants 200 years from now say about the type of life I lived?" he asked. This long-term vision is something I would encourage every reader and listener to think about.

We often get so caught up in the day-to-day struggles of marriage, but when we zoom out, we see that every choice we make—every act of love, every moment of kindness, every decision to honor our spouse—ripples out for generations. What an incredible reason to be intentional about how we love, respect, and serve in our marriages!

Intimacy as Worship: God's Design for Physical and Emotional Connection

One of the most powerful themes we explored was how intimacy—yes, physical intimacy—can actually be an act of worship.

Nathan pointed out that God designed the physical world—including our bodies—as good. 

And when we engage in intimacy within God's design, it's not just a physical act—it's a deeply spiritual one. It's an opportunity to delight in God's creation, to experience His love, and to reflect His heart. Instead of something to be endured or achieved, it becomes something to celebrate—a way to glorify the Lord.

Sexuality & Integrity: Practicing Spiritual Discipline in Private

Nathan emphasized that our true selves are revealed in private moments. 

He highlighted Jesus' words in Matthew 6, where He speaks about the Father rewarding what is done in secret. And that's so important when it comes to things like purity, faithfulness, and battling temptations like pornography.

True integrity means being the same person in private that we present in public. Or as Nathan said, "Preach what you practice", not just practice what you preach, but actually live with such integrity that your life naturally becomes the message.

The Power of Male Friendships: Emotional Support & Community for Men

Nathan and I also talked about something that's so often overlooked: the power of godly male friendships.

He pointed out that a lot of men struggling in their marriages—whether it's loneliness, unmet expectations, or just feeling stuck—often lack deep, strong friendships with other men. And part of the problem is that our culture has sexualized everything- including strong, male friendships- making it difficult for men to form those healthy, meaningful bonds.

But here's the thing: God designed men to need other men in their lives. Just like women thrive when they have strong female friendships, men need brothers—not just surface-level friendships, but real, deep, iron-sharpening-iron relationships.

Christian Hope in Marriage: Finding Strength in God's Design

We also discussed that unity in marriage is a byproduct of a shared focus on Christ. Unity in marriage isn't found by fixing our eyes on each other—it's found by fixing our eyes on Christ.

When we try to make our spouse the center of our world, things get out of balance. But when we prioritize our relationship with God, everything else—including our marriages—falls into its rightful place. 

Encouragement for Those Struggling: Finding Strength in God's Love

And finally, for those feeling discouraged—whether it's low intimacy, unmet expectations, or loneliness—Nathan left us with this powerful reminder:

Our ultimate satisfaction must be in Christ.

Marriage is a gift. But it was never meant to replace our deepest need—to be fulfilled in God's love.

If you're struggling right now, know this: God sees you. He loves you. And He is the one who fills the deepest places of your heart.

Thank you again, Nathan, for this incredible conversation, for your joy in the Lord, and the deep, valuable insights you've shared with us! This conversation was truly such a gift.

And to you, dear listener and dear reader- may this conversation bless you, inspire you, and remind you of how deeply the Lord loves you.

Blessings,

 

Belah & Team

PS - Want to hear more from Nathan? Check out his podcast, Together Out Loud 

https://toltogether.com/podcast, and the Thinking Out Loud Together website for more. https://toltogether.com/

PPS - If the idea of a family with no drama seems like a far off dream, or the thought of your private life being revealed in public brings thoughts of shame and hopelessness, we want you to know… there is hope. Give us a call: delightym.com/cc

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways… I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage. Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible."

This episode is a Re-Release, formerly titled: If You Only Knew His Love

We hope it blesses you now as it blessed you then!

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When I look back on my life—when I see what is currently unseen—when I see Jesus face to face—when all has been revealed…

I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me.

God's Care for Every Living Thing

The Bible says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them." (Matthew 6:26)

Yesterday, I was at the park, watching birds flitting around, this way and that. And yet, the God of the universe cares for them. So much so, He FEEDS the birds!

If He cares so deeply for the birds, how much more does He care for you and me?

God Is Intimately Involved in Your Life

He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is providing far more than you may realize.

And He is intimately aware of your life and what you're going through.

In both the joys and the suffering of life, God remains good. There is so much we cannot see, and yet He is in control. 

Even in suffering, His purposes are higher than ours, and His plans are always good. He allows suffering for His reasons, only He can see.

Trusting God Through Pain and Suffering

Suffering is hard. It hurts. Deeply. But when we trust that every good gift in our lives comes from Him, it changes how we endure the hard times.

Instead of despair, we can face suffering with peace, joy, and contentment. This shift allows us to fulfill at least part of the purpose God has for our pain.

God Cares About Your Pain

Make no mistake—God sees your suffering. He knows your struggles, whether they are rejection, loneliness, or unmet needs in your closest relationships.

God cares about the pain in your marriage. He cares about the lack of intimacy, warmth, or connection. He sees the ache in your soul. And He cares.

His Goodness Never Fails

Even in the hardest moments, God is good. He loves you so much that He's willing to risk you turning away from Him because He has a bigger plan for your life.

As Isaiah 55:9 reminds us, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

We don't have to understand His reasons. But we are called to trust His goodness.

Every Good Gift Is From God

If God feeds the birds, how much more is He doing for us every day? 

He makes each breath happen and every movement possible. Every smile from your child, every sunset you see, every heartbeat you experience—these are His gifts. 

He knit you together in your mother's womb, and He continues to sustain you every moment of every day. He is still designing, directing, and causing all these things to go well for us.

When we take the time to notice, we see His hand in everything good. Even in suffering, when something breaks, it reminds us of all the days He allowed it to thrive.

Soak in the Truth of His Love

If we truly understood His love, if we only soaked in the truth of His love, we would trust Him more easily, even in the midst of pain.

If we only knew His love…

If we only knew His love…

If we only knew His love…

May you know the love of Christ today. 

And may I know it, too.

Love,

 

Belah & Team

PS - If you would like help with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our advisor. This call allows us to help you evaluate where you are in your marriage, and whether or not we are a good fit for you. Click here to schedule a free call: delightym.com/cc

We are so honored to share Dasha's incredible transformation story with you today! If you're looking for hope for your own relationship, Dasha's journey might be just what you need to hear today.

Dasha's Marriage Story

Dasha came into her second marriage with a guarded heart, carrying pain from her previous relationship. It wasn't easy; the beginning of this new chapter was rocky. She felt disconnected and had no desire for her husband. At one point, she even told him he could leave if he was unhappy.

Her Husband's Transformation

But instead of walking away, her husband chose a different path. He joined Masculinity Reclaimed, Delight Your Marriage's program for men, designed to inspire personal growth and transformation. Through this program, he was able to learn the differences between men and women and how to fully love his wife in a way that she would receive love. He began implementing what he had learned in his marriage and Dasha began noticing the changes in their home and in their marriage.

At first, Dasha was skeptical. She had seen temporary changes before, and they'd tried other methods, like counseling. But as Dasha put it, those methods "revealed" problems—they didn't heal them.

This time, something was different. The changes in her husband weren't just surface-level; they were real, lasting, and kept getting better. For the first time, Dasha began to feel emotionally safe. The walls she had built around her heart started to come down. She felt connected, relaxed, and fully free to be herself with her husband.

When she realized these changes weren't going away, Dasha decided to take her own step of faith and bravery. She joined the Delighted Wife program to do her part in their journey.

Dasha's Marriage Transformation

Through the program, Dasha found the healing she had been longing for. By embracing gratitude, forgiveness, and the biblical principles we teach, she experienced transformation—not just in her marriage but in her own heart. She connected with other women who are on the same journey as her and now has a support system that is cheering her on and encouraging her. She learned how to open up her heart, though she was afraid it might bring hurt, she found that it brought healing. Today, she describes her marriage as not just connected, but fun!

And the sweetest part? Her son gets a front-row seat to a joyful, loving, and laughter-filled home.

A Marriage (and Home) Full of Fun

We are so proud of Dasha for her courage, vulnerability, and willingness to embrace the process. Her story is a beautiful reminder that no matter how your marriage starts, you can change where it's going.

It is possible to have a marriage that's stress-free, emotionally safe, deeply connected, and full of fun.

We're rooting for you and cheering you on every step of the way!

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you are looking for this type of change in your marriage, we invite you to make a Clarity Call and learn more about the programs we have for men and women: delightym.com/cc

PPS - Here is a testimonial from (another) recent graduate of the Delighted Wife program:

"My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation. There was anger, yelling, and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed or the same room... Through the program, I realized how much healing needed to take place in my own heart. I've learned to see my husband through God's eyes and to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses. The forgiveness [module] helped me release past hurts, and I now truly feel loved."

Trust is an essential part of the foundation in your marriage, but what happens when that foundation cracks—or even shatters? 

Maybe you've been hurt by the person you thought would always protect your heart. Perhaps betrayal, harsh words, or neglect have left you questioning everything.

Can trust ever be rebuilt? Should you even try?

If you've found yourself asking these questions, you're not alone. Broken trust can feel overwhelming, leaving you guarded, uncertain, and even hopeless. 

But this doesn't have to be the end of your story. There is hope for healing, even in the deepest wounds.

Wives, we know that you have every reason to not trust your husband again:

1. You might get hurt again.
   Even if your husband is making changes, doubts linger. What if he goes back to his old ways? What if he's only changing to get something from me?

2. Emotional wounds take time to heal.
   Maybe arguments, harsh words, or emotional distance have left you wondering: If I trust him again, will the hurt just continue? [Dear wife, please know this is in reference to emotional hurt. If physical abuse is part of your story, your safety must come first. God's heart breaks for your pain, and He wants you to be safe. Please seek help from trusted organizations or individuals who can support you.

3. He has been Untrustworthy in the Past

Maybe your husband has broken your trust—whether it's with finances, responsibilities, or even his faithfulness. Perhaps he's been judgmental, leaving you feeling small and unseen. Or maybe his words have torn you down so often that you've built a wall to protect your heart.

Your feelings are valid. The wounds are real, and they cut deep.

But alongside these fears, could it also be worth asking: Are there unmet needs—on both sides—that are contributing to the pain?

Here is what we want to make sure all of our readers know: Wives & Husbands need different things to thrive in a marriage.

Wives need to feel safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished.

•  This isn't just about physical safety; it's emotional too. You need to feel that your thoughts, feelings, and dreams can be shared without fear of criticism or rejection. When this safety is missing, it's hard to open your heart.

  I wrote the above reasons why not to trust your husband or fears you might have…   Because I understand what you're going through at least to some degree. I have the privilege of walking alongside women who have "been there".   It's a painful place to live: guarded, in fear, lonely… wounded. I hear your pain.    I would love to speak with you in this episode and just see if by the end you are encouraged and even (prayerfully) gain hope that God could do a work in you.    "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him" Romans 15:13   We do serve a God that loves you, brings healing, and gives you a reason for hope.    He really loves you. He really does bring hope. 

  We love you and are praying for you.    Belah

 

PS - If you want to start making this change in your marriage but don't know how, we would love to chat with you: delightym.com/cc

 

PPS - Here is a testimonial from a recent graduate:

"Before DYM there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs, and these were replayed constantly in my head even though one of them occurred 25 years ago. I did not trust him and had not forgiven him… After going through the program, the stress is gone, and replaying the affairs in my head is pretty much gone… We are both so much happier in our marriage! I have also started back on my spiritual journey with God that I have been away from for many years."​

How do you plan to step into this year with confidence and faith?

The new year often brings a whirlwind of resolutions and lofty goals. Perhaps you've felt that familiar pull—"I'm going to do more of this," "I'll cut back on that," or "This year, I'll completely turn things around."

But maybe that's not where you are right now.

Maybe, instead of a burst of motivation, you feel unmotivated, stuck, or unsure.

What if what you're missing isn't motivation, but faith? Faith that God is with you. Faith that He has a plan. Faith that, in Him, you can walk with a new sense of purpose.

Faith is confidence.

And if you feel like you're lacking confidence, let this be an invitation to lean into Him. Here are a few ways to grow in confidence this year—because as your confidence in God grows, so does your faith.

 

1. Make Time for Intentional Moments with the Lord

Husbands, as spiritual leaders of your home, you're called to guide—not perfectly, but faithfully. Start small. Read a Bible verse to your children before bed, or take a moment to pray with your family. When you open your Bible, ask God to speak to your heart: "Lord, what do You want me to learn? Reveal Yourself to me." These simple steps will deepen your relationship with God, building faith and intimacy with Him.

 

2. Embrace Risks with Courage

Wives, stepping into the unknown—whether in your marriage or personal growth—can feel daunting. But just as thrill-seekers find exhilaration in challenges like skydiving or bungee jumping, there's a unique joy in stepping out in faith, even in intimate parts of your marriage. Confidence begins with trust—both in God and in the one He's placed by your side.

 

3. Be Useful for God's Kingdom

In Revelation 3, we're reminded that God desires us to be useful—not lukewarm. Whether it's the hot water for cleansing or cold water for refreshing, each has purpose. Empty nesters, your wisdom and experience are invaluable. There's a generation that needs your guidance and your prayers. Step boldly into the role God has for you.

 

4. Trust in His Faithfulness

No matter what you face, trust that God is working for your good. His love is steadfast, His discipline is kind, and His plans are perfect. Even in moments of waiting or trial, you can have confidence that He will see you through.

 

 

5. Look to Biblical Role Models

Scripture is filled with examples of faith under pressure. Think of Mordecai's courage, Esther's boldness, Peter's willingness to step out onto the waves, and Paul's unwavering hope even in chains. Their lives remind us that faith often requires action—and that God uses those who trust Him to do extraordinary things.

 

This year, don't wait for the perfect moment to begin. Take a step, even a small one, toward the place you feel God is calling you. A moving ship is easier to steer than one that's standing still.

We're here for you, cheering you on and praying for God to fill you with confidence—confidence that will not only transform your life but ripple out to bless your family, your community, and the Kingdom.

God delights in you. Let this truth guide you as you step boldly into what He has prepared for you this year.

God bless you!

 

Love, 

 

Belah & Team

 

PS - If you want to grow in discipleship and transform your relationship with God (and in turn your marriage), we would love to chat with you: delightym.com/cc

PPS - Here is a testimonial from a recent graduate:
"I have grown in my time with God, my intense desire to understand the Word and trust God.  I have also grown in my openness and vulnerability with my wife, I was honestly intimidated by having open conversations with her about how I felt."

How do you step into a new year with purpose?

Life can feel like a constant rush, can't it? Maybe you're juggling tasks right now, trying to get it all done before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st. 

But as we prepare to turn the page on this year, what if we paused? 

What if we took a moment to breathe deeply, to reflect, and to realign with what truly matters?

Believe it or not, you have done a lot of good this past year. Yes, there may be places where you have slipped up or there were hard lessons to learn, but look at the good. And look at the good God has done in you. God loves you. He really loves you. He delights in you! Take a moment to really let that sink in.

God delights in you.

As we step into the new year, I invite you to hold on to that truth.

So, how can you make the new year something that will honor Him and help you grow? Here are 10 things we suggest:

1. Continue to take time to reflect on this past year

Where did you see God's hand in your life and marriage? Even in the hard moments, what growth or blessings came out of them? By reflecting, you not only honor what God has done but also prepare your heart to hear what He might want to do next.

2. Start your mornings with Purpose

Your mornings set the tone for the entire day. Carve out time to meet with God—reading Scripture, praying, or journaling your thoughts and goals. It doesn't need to be lengthy or perfect, just consistent. A morning routine focused on Him can help you anchor your day in peace, purpose, and His perspective, rather than the perspective of the world.

3. Prioritize reading Scripture from a physical Bible

There's something grounding about holding a physical Bible in your hands. It slows you down, removes distractions, and helps you focus on God's Word. His truth brings clarity and wisdom, especially as you make decisions and set goals for the year.

4. Pace Yourself

It's tempting to set ambitious goals for January, but remember—life is a marathon, not a sprint. Instead of overwhelming yourself, focus on what's realistic. Break down your goals by quarter. What's most important for the first three months? Then build from there.

5. Aim for 80

Perfection is not only unattainable but also draining. Instead of striving for flawless execution, aim for steady, faithful progress. Aiming for 80% will get you much farther than burning out in pursuit of an impossible ideal.

6. Create a Life Vision

If you haven't done this in our program yet, a Life Vision is about looking at the bigger picture. Who is God calling you to be? What kind of legacy do you want to leave? Your Life Vision can guide your daily decisions, helping you prioritize what truly matters over what feels urgent.

7. Take Inventory of Your Relationship with your Spouse this past year

Your marriage is one of the most significant relationships God has entrusted to you. How was your connection this year? Are there areas where you want to grow closer—spiritually, emotionally, or physically? Taking inventory helps you identify what's working and where you'd like to improve in the coming year.

8. Remember to Defend Against the Enemy's discouragement

Discouragement is one of the Enemy's favorite tools to derail us. Be alert to his lies and counter them with God's truth. Surround yourself with Scripture and people who remind you of your worth and God's plans for your life. Remember, "Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

9. Fight the Battle of Comparison

Comparison can steal your joy and distract you from God's unique calling for your life. Just as the eye and the foot serve different purposes in the body, we each have our roles in His plan. Focus on what He's calling you to do, not what others are doing.

10. Ask yourself, "What does God want me to focus on?"

At the heart of all your planning and reflection, this is the most important question. Seek His wisdom and guidance as you set your intentions for the year. He knows the plans He has for you (Jeremiah 29:11), and they are good.

Through it all, stay rooted in God's eternal perspective. Fix your heart on Christ, let His Word transform you, and step into the good works He's prepared for you.

As we enter this new year, know that we're here for you. Whether it's helping you grow in your marriage or deepen your walk with Christ, we're rooting for you and we cannot wait to see what God has in store for you.

God bless you!

 

Love, 

 

Belah & Team