Delight Your Marriage – Détails, épisodes et analyse

There’s a profound truth that can often be overlooked: love, in its truest form, is sustainably sacrificial. This means loving your spouse in a way that endures, even when it's challenging.

If you're a spouse who is tempted towards apathy—losing hope and withdrawing—it can feel like a deep, unending chasm. This apathy might stem from various sources: exhaustion from the relentless demands of daily life, pride that blocks genuine connection, unforgiveness that creates barriers, or perhaps a combination of all these factors. Whatever the reason, it’s crucial to recognize these signs before they evolve into a dangerous pattern that jeopardizes your relationship.

There may be times when your spouse’s attempts to reach out (or lack thereof) seem ineffective or even hurtful. I encourage you to see beyond the surface and engage with the deeper purpose of marriage -- to make God proud of you.

Remember, you’re not loving your spouse for a specific result; you’re doing it because you love God. That love for God will sustain you when you’re not seeing the fruit of your efforts. He CAN fill us with all joy and peace, irrespective of our circumstances or the immediate outcomes of our actions. 

Even amidst the temptation to lose hope and become apathetic. Don't. Instead, look to the Lord. Rejoice in Him, and trust that God is a God of hope. Your perseverance is not in vain, even when it feels like you’re giving more than your fair share in loving and meeting your partner’s needs.

 

Love,

 

Belah & Team

 

PS - If you are wanting to fight apathy, fight for your marriage, or just even get some clarity for your marriage... we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.

 

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
“My biggest celebrations have been: Forgiveness- I had no idea how much resentment I had towards my wife. There is no doubt in my mind that she felt that… I learned to not only forgive her, but look at some of those things as a strength for her… Replacing bad habits with good daily habits of first thanking God for my blessings. praying for my wife, shouting my faith statement and focusing on making my marriage the best it can be. I learned that it is all up to me. I know God is with me every step of the way, but I have to be the leader of my life and my marriage.”

 

Perhaps the most heartbreaking situations I encounter are when one spouse becomes apathetic—losing hope—and decides to "pull the plug" on the relationship. When a spouse gives up hope, apathy sets in, leading them to consider divorce, an affair, or even a secret addiction because they feel their spouse isn’t meeting their needs.

I may not fully understand all the dynamics that have brought your marriage to its current state, but my hope is that you recognize the warning signs before apathy takes hold.

LISTEN to your spouse’s heartcry. Don’t let them lose hope because their attempts to communicate with you have been ignored. Yes, their communication may have been ineffective—perhaps controlling, critical, or accusatory—but underneath it all, they are expressing a hurt that you are overlooking.

If you ignore it long enough, they may stop hoping things will change. Tragically, this can lead to apathy and the potential destruction of your marriage.

As a marriage coach who genuinely cares, I urge you: please don’t wait until apathy sets in before you start paying attention to what your spouse is trying to communicate. Even if their words make you feel like a failure, could you, just possibly, listen to the deeper message? They are crying out to be loved in the way they need to feel loved, and if you don’t respond, they may become so weary that the dangerous temptation of apathy takes hold.

NOTE: If you’re the spouse who seems to be doing more than your fair share of loving and meeting your partner’s needs, know this: your reward will be great, far beyond what you might receive in this life. Don’t stop. Don’t let apathy take root in your heart. Remember, God is a God of hope, and He will fill you with hope as you trust in Him. He doesn’t want you to be hopeless. Trust in God.   Love,  Belah   PS - If you're on the verge of losing hope and becoming apathetic about your marriage, we want to help. And if you're worried that your spouse might be feeling this way, we want to help too.

Your next step is a free, "low-stakes" conversation called a Clarity Call. We'd love to hear what's going on and potentially be the lifeline that prevents disaster—God has worked miracles in situations like yours before. But it takes courage to take that first step of HOPE. Speak to a compassionate Clarity Advisor: delightyourmarriage.com/cc   PPS -- Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"I had grown so apathetic towards my husband that I KNEW this was very dangerous. I had built a case against him in my mind for the ways he did not appreciate me or accept me... I am a highly sensitive person with strong feelings, so to have little to no feeling towards my husband was intolerable to me. This is what drove me to DYM... A truly KEY realization I had to admit, was that I was a “bickering wife” and that I had been undermining him, disrespecting him, and deeply wounding him... I am so convicted of how it tore down my marriage, impacted my husband’s self-esteem, and definitely was negative example to our children... Once I admitted that, I was able to grow!"

Clarity is a Christian's speciality. 

Amidst a confused culture, a clear understanding of God's word is what we need. 

If you're a husband, I invite you to consider how Jesus led and what the Bible says about a husband's leadership in the family. 

If you're a wife, I invite you to hear what a man can be (really) so you are happy to be led. 

My story started without good role modeling. 

And then I tried to "submit" and it was soul crushing. 

Then I decided I would NOT submit, and it was stressful, frustrating, and deeply painful. 

Then I discovered God's way  (though I still make mistakes at times), and it has made both my husband and I flourish. 

I can lead in many, many ways outside of our family -- but I love that in our home I am not the leader. My husband is trustworthy and good to me and our children. 

I hope you can catch a vision of what it can mean for you as a man or a woman to empower the right order of family. 

We are to be a light on a hill for the non-believers. 

I hope you'll curiously seek to gain perspective and growth into more and more of who God wants you to be in and through your marriage so you can do more for the Kingdom of God. 

 

Love,
Belah

 

PS - We can help -- if you're a husband or a wife -- that's what we do. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.

 

PPS - Here a quote from a recent graduate:

Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program: “I had quite a few struggles when starting the program...we were arguing quite a lot, I was defensive in my responses and even blamed [her] for the issues. I also hadn't been intentional in terms of dating or cherishing her for a long time and she was feeling neglected and getting more and more upset about the situation. 

 

Neither of us was very happy. I tried to do more around the house to make [her] happy, tried to act perfectly but still failed and ended up walking on eggshells most of the time. Not feeling or acting confidently or as a leader.”

 

After MR: “I can see now that I had been both aloof and independent towards my wife...but also very dependent on her mood and feelings/actions towards me. 

 

I feel more secure now in who I am, I don't get defensive much at all any more and we rarely argue… I realized that I hadn't been a very good husband for a very long time. I didn't know the extent of it until I went through each week and realized that I hadn't really been doing the basics of knowing my wife, or making her feel safe and cherished. That was a hard realization, but actually really helped me to understand the situation and where [she] was coming from and also helped me to own my part in it. 

 

It's been a huge change for the better. I have daily devotions now, I practice gratitude daily now. I have more confidence and less anxiety around people or stressful situations. I feel closer to God now; what could be a bigger impact than that?”

Do you feel broken? Dirty? Ashamed?

These are all normal feelings for a victim of sexual trauma. 

 

Do you know what feelings Lisa now has?

Freedom. Confidence. Trust.

One in four, or even one in three women, have been victims of sexual abuse. 

One in six men have been. 

 

So, many of us need the HOPE for healing Lisa gives us. 

Was it instant?

Was it easy to confront?

Was it comfortable to start this process?

No.

 

She had to have courage to get out and join a healing process to get to the other side where God ultimately wanted her to be. 

 

You will love her story and the encouragements she gives. 

Especially the one and most important thing that she wants you to know, if you've been abused. 

 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS - If you'd like to get "vision", the opportunity for "intention" and the "means" to transformation (as Dallas Willard says)...

I invite you to sign up for a Clarity Call. You'll work with a Clarity Advisor to discern that vision. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Looking forward to seeing how God heals you!

"Betrayal to a marriage is what dynamite is to a door" says Gary Thomas.

Obliterating all trust, safety, dreams...

Could there be hope?

Could there be restoration?

And...

How could this have been prevented? 

 

This is what we discuss on today's episode. 

 

If these are your questions, Gary gives a lot of insight I think you'll want to listen in to.

What can you do as a couple to right the ship?

What can you as a couple do to come together and see how to build your marriage with strength and solidness -- keeping any explosives far, far away. 

Check out Gary's work and his new book at garythomas.com -- (also he has many other books that you'll want to check out!)

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- We'd love to help you heal your marriage no matter what the issue is, and if you're looking for a program to come alongside other men and/or women, I invite you to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to speak to a Clarity Advisor to see how we can support you. 

 

PPS -- A recent grad wrote:
"Massively improved our marriage.

Brought me closer to God. Helped me see my wife in an entirely different way. Set us on a path to healing.

Facilitate mind-blowing, real-deal sexual intimacy...

...filled with lots of explanations of what and why things need to occur, but it's also very heavy on HOW to do things, which is missing from all other marriage content out there. Plus, Belah's insight is extraordinary.

I never once questioned if what I spent on MR was worth it, because without question it was."

Husband or wife, sign up for a Clarity Call now: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Are you getting close to marriage and the looming thought of a healthy sex life gives anxiety?

I invite you to listen in to these two women who were virgins when they got engaged (one is now married) and hear how they processed through the anxiety. 

And now on the other side of the program, they have a confidence and a relaxed sense around something that used to be very difficult to even think about. 

 

Maybe you or someone you know needs insights around marriage and intimacy before they start this journey. 

 

I hope this conversation blesses and encourages you!

Belah

 

PS -- If you want to see how we can serve you in your particular situation, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

 

PPS - A woman in the Delighted Wife program shared this recently: 

This programme is Christ-centred, led by an amazing loving, wise, compassionate, trustworthy team.

They have all 'been there' in marriage challenges themselves so speak with humility and empathy. There's lots of laughter too which is so good.

This programme is about sex but so much more. If a person engages and does the work it will be deeply transformational. This may not be in the way they expect...

I wish I had this programme just before and in the early years of our marriage.

Enrollment for the program closes tonight, Masculinity Reclaimed delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

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Today's podcast episode...

If perverted masculinity is overly aggressive or on the other side, overly passive... what is it actually SUPPOSED to look like? 

What is a strong man? 

What is a true man of God?

What is the masculinity God desires of you?

 

That's the topic Kyle and I discuss today.

Lots of really fresh ideas, insights, frameworks, and also very, very old ways of viewing the nature of how God designed men. 

Kyle is super -- you're going to love his insights and heart after the Lord. 

Gosh, I'm excited for you to hear what it's all about!

 

If you've been praying about our 3-month program, Masculinity Reclaimed...

the program CLOSES TONIGHT, if you'd like to join, now is your time... 

delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Wow -- God is so good.

Men are joining the 3-month program Masculinity Reclaimed because they're ready to become the men that God has called them to be (and as it turns out... that is very attractive to their wives... the results are intimate, as you'll hear.)

I want you to listen to these transformation stories (several shortened stories that haven't been on the podcast before, so you can hear what God is doing!)

If you're ready to take the leap and say I am going to risk the money and invest the time and effort for the next 3 months to see the results that God is clearly doing in others' lives and marriages 

I invite you to check out all the details and register here. delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

 

Prayers of hope for you,

Belah & Delight Your Marriage team

 

PS -- If you are moved at all by these transformations, I encourage you to check out the details here. delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Is Jesus the Lord of your life in EVERY area? 

Are you trusting God in everything except your marriage? 

Are you saying, "Yes, I will follow," but then when Jesus says to sacrifice for your spouse, that's where you draw the line to do it your own way?

Is your emotional intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

Is your spiritual intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

Is your physical intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

 

Or, have you decided (like I too often do, sadly) "God, in this area, I can do it my way"?

 

God is really interested in your marriage.

Your spouse is the closest relationship to you.

Whom you can influence the most -- and they influence you the most.

 

So... if you decide to do marriage your own way, that's a big deal.

 

I was recently reminded that when I don't TRUST God, I suffer... often, unnecessarily. 

 

When I don't trust God, and I try to do it my own way...the work that God was in the middle of doing -- behind the scenes -- I can ROYALLY mess up! 

The lesson I invite you to learn from my fumble is: TRUST God in your situation. 

TRUST God in the way He set up marriage and your role (husband and wife) and witness God move in your 

emotional

spiritual 

and 

physical 

intimacy. 

 

He has a way. If you're suffering doing it His way, there is a reward on this side (or the other side) of eternity. 

But, as I was reminded of, we may suffer because we are doing it OUR way. And I encourage you to make sure you're doing it His way. 

IMPORTANT: Make sure you ARE doing your marriage and intimacy God's way, so you and your wife don't unnecessarily suffer.

(That's the biggest sadness I see with men I work with, they didn't have to suffer, they just didn't know...)

This is where I (shamelessly) plug our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! (Because I know it can help you!)

We are in the middle of it, but there's just enough time for you to catch up - if you sign up now. It won't be available much longer -- delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

(Also, if you already know you're going to join the 3-month Masculinity Reclaimed Program, we officially open enrollment Saturday, September 17 -- if you join the first day you get an extra Kick Start training -- where I'd love to spend time walking you through how to "win" MR and get yourself set up for amazing success -- by God's grace. You can join right away here: Masculinity Reclaimed Coaching Program) 

 

If you don't need help in your marriage -- will you pray for this free training -- that the men who need hope would sign on and witness God's transformation for many? And most importantly, that each man would draw closer to Jesus.

 

Thank you for your prayers. 

May God help you to TRUST Him in your specific situation. He continues to teach me, and I hope that encourages you!

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- The free men's training is going away soon. Sign up, and catch up here: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

**Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course is starting Monday, September 12, 2022 -- it's on-demand training but will only be available for about a week, so register now: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining**

--

I've been posting a lot of resources for men, so this one is for the ladies (and the curious men :)

I used to be very confused on what my husband needed from me. A lot of women that I have worked with feel like it comes down to a clean house, hot meals and happy kids. 

And when that's not enough for him, it feels very unfair. That she is doing ALL of this and he's still grumpy and unsatisfied. 

She may even have intimacy as a part of their lives, but he still doesn't seem to care. 

What is missing? 

Well, it took a while, but by God's grace through trial and error, learning from mentors, books and courses... now I'm at a spot where I can give you the keys I wish I had! 

And I made it into a handy acronym so it's easy to remember:

RAWS. 

 

Super simple. But, not easy.

 

See that's God kindness. I've noticed, that in order to love our spouse well, we wives have to deny ourselves and choose to love our God-given assignment (our husband).

And that choice, every day, makes us more like Him. 

 

He's not like us, he's not designed like us. God made your husband unique and special. 

And it's my privilege to let you hear from my husband and what he recommends to us. 

Also, for the curious gents who plan to listen -- he's got some GREAT advice for you too! 

 

I hope this blesses you! 

Love, 

Belah

 

PS -- Women if you want to go further in this, we have a community of women who support and love each other on this journey to heal their marriage, honor God, and love well. If you're interested to find out if this is right for you, sign up for a Clarity Call and a kind, empathetic Clarity Advisor will listen to your story and be able to give you guidance on your next steps. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

PPS -- For the men who want direction for your next steps, join the free Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course, which is starting on Monday, September 12, 2022.

It's an on-demand training but has lots of interactive bells and whistles. It'll only be available for about a week, so register now! delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining