Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship – Détails, épisodes et analyse

Episode: #111  It's another letter spotlight episode! This week's anonymous letter is from a woman with two friends who never ask about her. She's fed up doing all the listening and none of the talking. She wants to know how to handle this friendship dynamic and whether other Dear Nina listeners deal with this same issue. Let us know in our facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group.

In The Letter Spotlight series I'll be reading one anonymous letter from my inbox every six weeks or so and sharing my answer. Last month's letter was about issues between sisters-in-law.

Want to send in a letter for the show or the newsletter? You can do that at https://ninabadzin.com/dearnina/.

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* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #110: "Neurodivergent friending"

Thrilled to welcome Dr. James F. Richardson, author of Our Worst Strength: American Individualism and Its Hidden Discontents, who explains how his neurodivergent friend difficulties inspired a deeper exploration of, "how our American value of self-reliant individualism encourages us to be way too independent, undermining many relationships, including our friendships." 

Listeners will appreciate James's sense of humor, heart, and practical tips for understanding each of our friends as individuals and considering the people in our community who could use an invitation.

James, like many GenX neurodivergent people, had no diagnoses until later in adult life. He says, "In writing my recent book, I step back and connect disparate laments in public discourse (weak community, weak friendships, weak family ties, shallow approaches to fun and dating, junk food, impulse-driven diets) back to our very American, hyper-individualistic approach to life in general. We are settlers on our own personal frontiers, I like to say. We curate, personalize, and edit everything. And it's not working out too well for many of us—this unstructured, de-ritualized life of infinite opportunity and lonely stumbling. We try hard to curate our social worlds as executive editor instead of letting them build through giving and receiving our time organically. I was the worst at this in my twenties. I curated an austere, monkish life that was not good for me or anyone. Monks have far more community than I experienced! And more friends!" 

 

Meet James F. Richardson:

James F. Richardson is a Ph.D. cultural anthropologist who has studied American society for twenty years as a market research consultant. Recently, the author of a new nonfiction book – Our Worst Strength: American Individualism and Its Hidden Discontents - questions our approach to individualism as a way of life. He lives in Tucson, Arizona, where he writes a weekly Substack — Homo Imaginari — for a growing international readership.

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* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #101: It's the first official "ask me anything" episode in honor of 100 episodes!
The questions came from my anonymous inbox, my Facebook group (Dear Nina: The Group), or through Instagram and TikTok-- both @dearninafriendship.

I had a great time answering questions and I couldn't even get to everything so I will keep doing these every so often.

Some of the topics I covered in under 30 minutes:

• Be more direct with friends
• Awkwardness after ending a friendship
• Friendship trios, rectangles
• Letting friends hangout without you
• Don’t assume friends operate like you do
• “Best” friends as a difficult term
• Teens who never make plans
• Not ditching certain friends for the "popular" friend 
• Friends who dismiss a topic that you're trying to discuss 
• Some of my friendship history
• And more!

Links mentioned in the episode:

• Reconnecting with an Ex-Friend: Rebecca Kotok
• When Your Friend’s Kid is Being Mean to Your Kid: Taryn Kessel
• Friends Will Hang Out Without You: Taryn Kessel

Send us a text

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #14:  The most essential point in this episode is about creating opportunities to see the same people on a regular basis. It takes a lot of repeated time together to get more familiar and really feel CLOSE.  I think it’s why pickle ball and paddle ball leagues are getting so popular as one example.

I also discuss how keeping expectations in check might also be the key to feeling happier with the friendships we already have. 

My guest for this episode is Jessica Smock, one of the co-creators of The HerStories Project website along with Stephanie Sprenger. Jessica and Stephanie first hired me in 2014 to become their friendship advice columnist!

You can find the show notes HERE.

If you like what you're hearing,  please tell a friend!
Also, if you can rate and/or leave a review on Apple Podcasts, I'd be so grateful.

Send us a text

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #13:  Making new friends as an adult is difficult whether it’s because you moved to a new city, you’re in a new stage of life, or you’re lonely and could use more friends. It takes tons of time to make casual friends you want to see repeatedly and even more time to make close friends. But it’s not impossible.  Difficult? Yes. Takes consistent effort and work? Also yes. But it can be done.

What helped me make friends in Minneapolis when I moved 20+ years ago in my 20s was accepting that I would often have to be the one to make the effort, and I'd have to  do things out of my comfort zone. My guest, Michelle Platt, found she needed the same attitude when she moved to Minneapolis a few years ago in her 40s. This episode isn't only about Minneapolis! Moving anywhere at any age presents challenges. 

Send us a text

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #12:  How can we help a friend who’s in crisis because of illness or grief? And how can we ask for help rather than waiting for friends to know exactly what to do?

A few months ago, Alissa reached out on email to discuss a trend she saw on some of the Facebook pages and forums for widows. She wrote:  

One thing I see over and over in these groups is people complaining that friends who said they'd be there for them have disappeared or dropped off or stopped supporting them.  Now, maybe I am just lucky, but I honestly don't feel that way.  I feel like I have lots of friends who would be there for me -- all I have to do is ask.  I certainly don't expect my friends to read my mind or guess what I need from them.  And each time I see one of these complaints, I WANT to reply, "Have you asked for help? Do they know what you need? Are you expecting too much?" 

So that started a conversation between the two of us about the nature of friendships when one of the friends is experiencing a crisis. I had not started DEAR NINA yet, but I knew I would, and I knew Alissa could help so many listeners.

 You can find the show notes HERE.
 

Send us a text

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #11:  My brother-in-law, Dave Dluger, and I were talking after recording an episode, we got into a conversation about how male friendships seem to involve less drama and I realized we ought to record it as an episode. I loved getting a male perspective on some of the previous episodes.

In addition to male friendships, we talked about friends being there for Dave and my sister during hard times, being aware of our personality foibles while with good friends, thoughts on friends ignoring our social media posts, and much more.

FULL SHOW NOTES HERE.

If you like what you're hearing,  please tell a friend!
Also, if you can rate and/or leave a review on Apple Podcasts, I'd be so grateful.

Send us a text

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Last week in episode #10 with author Jessica Speer who wrote BFF or NRF, we talked briefly about her nine friendship truths. We mainly focused on truth #9— which was “You choose which of your friendships to grow. Grow the healthy ones.”  In this mini-episode I am focusing on Jessica's truth #6— "Everyone makes mistakes." If we want wiggle room to make mistakes with friends, we have to allow friends to make mistakes with us. Sounds obvious, but there are definitely people out there with a zero tolerance for others' mistakes (while allowing themselves room to mess up).

FULL SHOW NOTES HERE.

If you like what you're hearing,  please tell a friend!
Also, if you can rate and/or leave a review on Apple Podcasts, I'd be so grateful.

Send us a text

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #10:  It's not easy to say no to a friendship. And it's just as hard to help our kids do the same. How do you handle it  when you’re not interested in pursuing a friendship, but you don’t want to be unkind when subtly communicating that message to an acquaintance? And how do we help kids make decisions about which friendships to pursue? It's tricky  to simultaneously teach kids to make their own decisions about friendships while teaching them to treat people with kindness. 

I have the perfect guest to help me dissect this issue of balancing kindness and inclusivity but also boundaries and independence in friendship decisions--author, Jessica Speer.

FULL SHOW NOTES HERE.

If you like what you're hearing,  please tell a friend!
Also, if you can rate and/or leave a review on Apple Podcasts, I'd be so grateful.

Send us a text

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #9:  Accepting that friends will hang out without you is a key to happier adult friendships. My best friend Taryn Kessel and I discuss that truth. We also talked about how to balance the desire for smaller, intimate friend gatherings with the desire to never leave anyone out. If you've ever been excluded, you know how terrible it feels. But as we get older, we need to figure out how to be gracious about "letting" friends hang out without us, especially if we are also the types who value outings with a few friends at a time. In other words, everybody can't be invited to everything. Most of us know that, but it's too hard to accept.

SHOW NOTES HERE.

If you like what you're hearing,  please tell a friend!
Also, if you can rate and/or leave a review on Apple Podcasts, I'd be so grateful.

Send us a text

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question