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TitreDateDurée
296. How to Spot (and Break) the Dating Patterns Keeping You Stuck08 Sep 202600:29:27

There's a reason you keep dating the same people in different fonts: it's your dating patterns.

In this episode, I'm sharing the three patterns I discovered while tracking my own dating life, how they were getting in the way of the relationship I actually wanted, and what I did differently once I could finally see them. I'm also walking you through a simple way to identify your own patterns and turn them into experiments so you can start getting different dating results.

In this episode, you'll learn:

  • What dating patterns actually are and how they can quietly influence who you choose and how you behave
  • Common patterns like getting attached too quickly, chasing unavailable people, staying too long, or writing people off too soon
  • The three dating patterns I discovered in my own dating life
  • Why I stopped rushing physical intimacy and started approaching sex differently
  • How I realized I was trying to earn affection instead of evaluating whether someone was right for me
  • Why consistency can feel less exciting when you're used to chasing someone's attention
  • How tracking my dates helped me spot behaviors I couldn't see in the moment
  • How to turn your own dating patterns into small experiments that help you make different choices

Plus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 41-year-old man figuring out how to start dating again after a 13-year marriage—and how to avoid falling back into old people-pleasing habits.


Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link)


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Episode 277 on IRL dating

What my date tracking note looked like & the emoji key

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MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Say hi on Instagram

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295. How to Give Someone a Chance Without Settling w/ Jordanne Sculler04 Sep 202600:57:27

How do you stay open-minded in dating without settling for less than what you want? And what happens when someone treats you well, checks a lot of the important boxes, but something still feels… off?

In this episode, I’m joined by licensed therapist Jordanne Sculler to talk about the messy, nuanced parts of dating that don’t fit neatly into a set of rules. We unpack why familiar relationship dynamics can feel more attractive than healthy ones, why self-awareness alone doesn’t always break old patterns, and how to tell when you’re honoring your needs versus shrinking yourself to keep someone around.

Listen for...

  • How to be open in dating without lowering your standards
  • Why dating checklists can get in the way of real connection
  • The difference between self-soothing and suppressing a legitimate need
  • Why someone healthy might initially feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar
  • How to stop focusing so much on whether someone likes you and ask whether you like them
  • What dating disappointment can bring up about your self-worth
  • How social media can reinforce negative stories about dating
  • Grieving the relationship or life timeline you thought you’d have by now
  • Why processing disappointment is different from simply “getting over it”
  • How Jordanne met her husband after initially writing him off


And at the end, we answer a dating dilemma from a woman wondering if she made a huge mistake by ending things with a great guy who didn’t feel like her person.


THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link)

Say hi on Instagram

Submit a dating dilemma

Book a 1:1 with me



See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

294. 5 Tiny Habits That Will Transform Your Dating Life01 Sep 202600:30:55

In this episode, I'm sharing 5 tiny habits that can help you get better dating results, feel more confident and in control, and make dating a little more enjoyable. We’ll talk about how to make decisions without endlessly second-guessing yourself, learn from your dates, show interest without playing games, protect your mindset from dating negativity, and get clear on intentions early.

In this episode, we cover:

  • How being more decisive can build confidence and self-trust
  • Why tracking and reflecting on your dates can help you spot patterns and learn what actually works for you
  • How to show interest when you're interested without playing it cool or worrying about “double texting”
  • Why opting out of negative dating narratives can help you stay open and hopeful
  • How bringing up your intentions early can help you avoid confusion, situationships, and wasted time
  • Dating habits from the Dating Intentionally community that helped people stay grounded and keep going
  • A dating dilemma about bad timing, competing connections, and whether being direct after two dates was “too much”


Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link)


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Episode 286 - If they wanted to they would? The truth about effort in dating

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

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MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

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293. Why What Happens After The Date Matters Most (First Date Vibe Check)28 Aug 202600:42:46

What can you learn from a first date that was just okay? And why does what happens after the date sometimes tell you more than the date itself? This is another episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on a listener to walk me through a recent first date, from matching and messaging to the date itself, the post-date feelings, and what happened next.

This time, I’m talking to Katelyn (39), a single mom looking for a long-term relationship. She met “Trey” on Facebook Dating, moved the conversation over to Instagram, and eventually went on a two-hour dinner date.

We’re getting into:

  • Why she prefers active first dates over dinner
  • How she uses Instagram in her dating life
  • The green flags she looks for in dating app conversations
  • How she realized she wasn’t actually that excited about him
  • Why feeling safe and having a “good enough” time doesn’t automatically mean you should go on a second date
  • The post-date interaction that gave her a whole new data point
  • Her firm boundary around second dates at home
  • How she decides whether to give someone another chance
  • And how to spend less time on the apps while getting to the date faster

Plus, Katelyn shares her best advice for staying positive when dating feels like a never-ending series of almosts.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here.

Get the Date Tracker app (iOS only for now) so you can do your own vibe checks!

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod

😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65

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MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Submit a dating dilemma

Book a 1:1 with me



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292. Getting Back Into Dating? How to Start Without Losing Your Mind (Throwback)25 Aug 202600:25:14

Whether you’re newly single, coming out of a long-term relationship, or you’ve simply been out of the dating world for years, getting back into dating can feel overwhelming. The apps have changed, the dating culture has changed, and you may have changed, too. In this episode, I’m breaking down how to get back into the dating scene with less pressure, more confidence, and a whole lot more perspective. Think of this as your dating bestie’s guide to getting your feet wet again without expecting yourself to immediately find your future spouse.

Listen for:

  • How to know if you’re actually ready to date
  • Why your first goal should simply be going on a date, not finding a relationship
  • How to lower the stakes
  • Why awkward, boring, or unsuccessful dates are actually part of the process
  • The different ways to meet people to date
  • How to manage fears around rejection, inexperience, being judged, or someone changing their mind
  • Why you need to stop getting ahead of yourself
  • How journaling, setting intentions, and finding ways to feel confident can make the process feel more manageable
  • The biggest lessons I learned when I jumped back into dating after a six-year relationship


And I'm sharing a new dating dilemma at the end about trying to figure out whether someone wants kids before you date them.


THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod

😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65

🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Start tracking dates with Date Tracker (iOS)

Submit a dating dilemma

Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz)

Book a 1:1 with me

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube


See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

291. Are No Red Flags a Green Flag? (First Date Vibe Check)21 Aug 202600:35:20

If someone doesn't have any red flags, is that a green flag? This is the third episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me, from how they met and planned the date to what actually happened and how they felt afterward.

This time, I'm talking to Jenny, a 27-year-old in the UK who is relatively new to dating and using it to build confidence, meet people, and figure out what she actually wants. She met "Steve" on Breeze, an app that skips the messaging and gets you straight to the date. We're getting into her unconventional first-date setup, the venue that had absolutely no vibe, the spontaneous bar-hopping that followed, and the green flags and amber flags she noticed along the way.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here.

Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks!

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod

😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65

🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Submit a dating dilemma

Book a 1:1 with me


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290. You Don't Need Certainty to Make a Good Dating Decision (Dating Dilemmas)18 Aug 202600:27:07

How much information do you actually need before you make a decision in your dating life? In this episode, I’m answering four real dating dilemmas that all come down to that one question.

We’re talking about dating two people and not knowing who to choose, deciding whether a sexual-health disclosure is a deal breaker, trying to figure out whether a struggling relationship is still worth fighting for, and realizing in hindsight that someone wasn’t quite who you thought they were.

The common thread? You’re rarely going to get 100% certainty in early dating. Instead, you have to learn how to gather information, stay connected to your values, and make decisions based on what you actually know, not what you wish you knew.

Submit a dating dilemma

In this episode:

  • How to choose between two people without turning dating into a competition
  • What to do when someone discloses an STI and you’re unsure how you feel about it
  • How to tell when someone is overwhelmed by life versus no longer prioritizing the relationship
  • What to make of someone who seems great at first but gradually reveals a very different side of themselves
  • Why you should evaluate people against your own needs, not against each other
  • How to make good dating decisions without waiting for perfect certainty


THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod

😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65

🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Book a 1:1 with me

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube

Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz)


See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

289. Is It Bad If A First Date Feels Too Easy? (First Date Vibe Check)14 Aug 202600:40:56

What if a first date is too easy and comfortable? This is the second episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me, from how they met and planned the date to what actually happened and how they felt afterward.

This time, I'm talking to Carol Ann, a 47-year-old single mom in the Midwest who met Zach on Hinge after taking a several-month break from dating. We're getting into her dating-app approach, the messaging that led to this first date, and how she's learned to trust her body. Carol Ann also shares her thoughts on the spark, the green flags she noticed along the way, and what happened after. Stay tuned for her update at the end.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here.

Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks!

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod

😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65

🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Submit a dating dilemma

Book a 1:1 with me

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube

Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz)

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

288. Why Relationships Keep Ending at 3 Months (Is It You or Them?)11 Aug 202600:28:28

Why do so many relationships seem to fall apart at around three months? You finally feel like things are going somewhere, and then suddenly, something shifts. In this episode, I'm breaking down the “three-month cliff” and what’s really happening when a promising relationship suddenly fizzles, pulls back, or ends.

We’ll talk about:

  • The 3 biggest reasons relationships fall apart around three months
  • How to tell whether it’s a genuine incompatibility, a commitment issue, or simply a lack of chemistry
  • Signs that it's you or them (depending on the situation)
  • How to actually make it past the three-month mark
  • Why a three-month relationship that ends is NOT a failure

Plus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 43-year-old man who is worried about eventually outliving his future partner.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Episode 285 with Chris Rackliffe about codependency

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod

😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65

🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Submit a dating dilemma

Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz)

Book a 1:1 with me

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

287. When a First Date Feels More Friendly Than Flirty (First Date Vibe Check)07 Aug 202600:41:32

This is the first episode of a new series called First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me - how they met, how the date got planned, what actually happened, and how they felt afterward.

First up is Savannah, a 30-year-old middle school teacher in California who's had a wild six months, including discovering the boyfriend she'd been dating for three months had a wife. We're discussing everything from why speed dating rebuilt her dating confidence to sending the first message when nobody reaches out to the exact moment a good first date starts to get awkward. Savannah also shares the shift that took the pressure off her first dates: you don't need to feel romantic feelings on date one; you just need to feel safe and curious.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here.

Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks!

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod

😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65

🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Submit a dating dilemma

Book a 1:1 with me

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube

Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz)

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

286. If They Wanted To, They Would? The Truth About Effort In Early Dating04 Aug 202600:26:35

When you’re always the one texting first, planning the dates, and keeping a connection moving forward, it’s easy to start wondering: do they actually like me, or am I doing all the work?

In this episode, I’m breaking down the truth about effort in dating: why some people initiate more than others, what someone’s effort actually tells you about their interest, and how to stop spiraling when someone goes quiet.

Tune in for...

  • What effort and initiation actually look like in dating (and why they matter)
  • The real reasons someone might not initiate, and why the reason doesn’t change what you do next
  • The one question to ask yourself when dating feels one-sided: do you want clarity, connection, or desire?
  • The “I can’t tell” text and exactly when to send it
  • Why “if they wanted to, they would” is complicated dating advice
  • The difference between having standards, setting boundaries, and trying to control someone’s behavior
  • Why initiation chicken and wanting to be chased can keep you stuck
  • How multi-dating helped me stop investing in people who weren’t showing up
  • How to tell the difference between a normal imbalance in effort and a connection that isn’t reciprocal

Whether you’re carrying a connection for a few weeks, wondering why you’re always the one making plans, or staring at your phone trying to figure out what their silence means, this episode will help you stop decoding their behavior and start paying attention to what their effort is showing you.

At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma from a man who reconnected with someone he dated 18 years ago and has spent two months texting without ever meeting up.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Book a 1:1 with me

Close The Loop text templates

Free texting guide

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod

😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65

🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Submit a dating dilemma

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube

Get the Date Tracker app!

Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz)

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

285. Why You Lose Yourself When You Start Dating Someone w/ Chris Rackliffe31 Jul 202600:58:43

Do you tend to go all in when you like someone, to the point where you've lost touch with your own life a bit? I'm chatting with Chris Rackliffe, an anxious attachment coach and author of Needy No More: The Journey from Anxious to Secure Attachment, who's helped thousands of people heal from patterns of trauma, abandonment, and codependency. We're getting into why we lose ourselves in dating and what to do about it.

We cover:

  • The earliest signs you're starting to abandon yourself when you meet someone new
  • Why resentment is the clearest signal a compromise has tipped into self-betrayal
  • Chris's framework for codependency
  • Why guilt is proportional to how long you've been overriding your own needs
  • His concept of emotional diversification, and why spreading out your sources of connection is a protective strategy, not just something nice to have
  • How to apply this whether you're in early dating or an established relationship
  • Whether opposite sleep schedules are actually a dealbreaker

At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about whether opposite sleep schedules are a dealbreaker.


CONNECT WITH CHRIS

Find Chris on Instagram and TikTok

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally

FREE STUFF

Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY

Submit a dating dilemma

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube

Join the Date Tracker app waitlist

Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz)

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

284. Rejected? Here's How to Bounce Back Faster In Early Dating28 Jul 202600:29:20

Rejection doesn't have to destroy your confidence or convince you that you'll never find your person. In this episode, I'm sharing how to bounce back faster after getting rejected, ghosted, or hearing "there wasn't a spark." We'll talk about why rejection feels so personal, how to stop the anxiety spirals before they take over, and the mindset shifts that will help you keep your self-worth intact while continuing to date intentionally.

Tune in for...

  • Why rejection feels so much bigger than it actually is
  • How to stop telling yourself hopeless stories after a "no"
  • The 24-hour rule for bouncing back faster
  • Practical ways to stop anxiety spirals after rejection
  • What to say when someone rejects you (and what not to say)
  • Why rejection isn't a reflection of your worth
  • The questions to ask yourself instead of "What's wrong with me?"
  • My own experiences navigating rejection while dating


Whether you've been ghosted before a first date or rejected after a few months of dating, this episode will help you move forward with more confidence and resilience.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE


Instead of asking "what's wrong with me," get curious and reflect on these questions:

  • Am I consistently pursuing people who aren't available or aren't looking for the same thing?
  • Am I showing up as myself, or am I trying to earn someone's approval?
  • Am I choosing people based on mutual interest, or am I getting attached to potential before they've shown consistent effort?
  • Am I overlooking signs that someone isn't able to meet me where I am?
  • Am I being curious, showing interest, and being direct, or am I playing games to get their attention?
  • Am I owning who I am, or leading with my insecurities?



THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally

FREE STUFF

Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more

CONNECT WITH ME

Submit a dating dilemma

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube





See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

283. Relationship Compatibility: What Science Says Actually Matters w/ Paul Eastwick 24 Jul 202600:55:34

Is someone being "out of your league" even a real thing? In this episode, I'm chatting with relationship scientist and author Paul Eastwick (Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection) to unpack the science of mate value, why matchmaking based on shared traits almost never works, and what actually predicts compatibility (it's not the traits on your list).

From decoding your own dating patterns to knowing when attraction is genuinely going to grow, this conversation is packed with practical, research-backed advice for anyone who feels stuck comparing partners against a checklist.

In this episode, we cover:

  • Why what you say you want in a partner doesn't predict who you actually choose
  • The truth about mate value and dating "out of your league"
  • Why matchmaking based on shared traits and interests rarely works
  • What actually predicts long-term compatibility (hint: it's not a trait)
  • Why attraction often grows slowly instead of hitting all at once
  • Whether a strict list of dealbreakers helps or hurts you


At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about a situationship where trust was broken, and whether it's worth trying to repair it.


CONNECT WITH PAUL

Love Factually podcast

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally

FREE STUFF

Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more

CONNECT WITH ME

Submit a dating dilemma

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

282. Flaky Dates, Slow Texters and Catching Feelings When It's Casual (Dating Dilemmas)21 Jul 202600:25:33

Dating today can be a mess, and so much of that mess stems from confusion, uncertainty, and ambiguity showing up in ways that just infuriate us. In this episode, I'm answering four listener dating dilemmas that each capture a different flavor of that chaos, from the planning-phase ghost to the partner whose humor crosses a line to the slow fade that sends you spiraling over someone you barely know. These aren't rare, one-off situations either. I hear versions of these same four patterns constantly, which is exactly why I wanted to break them down together. I'm covering:

  • What to do when a guy keeps initiating dates that never actually happen
  • Why a plan without a set time, date, and location usually isn't a real plan at all
  • How to know if you're being "managerial" by helping plan a date, or just being reasonable
  • How to handle a new boyfriend whose "jokes" cross a real line
  • What it means when a partner says the only way to be with you is to suppress part of himself
  • Whether to say something when a casual connection's slow responses start to bother you
  • How much effort is reasonable to expect when you're not looking for anything serious
  • How to hold onto your sense of self when someone goes quiet after a great phone call
  • How to tell the difference between an old trigger and an actual red flag in the moment


For each one, I give you the exact tweak I'd make if I were in your shoes, along with the bigger pattern underneath so you can spot it before it drains you again. My hope is that you walk away from this episode more decisive, less likely to spiral, and a little more convinced that most of this isn't actually about you.


THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally

FREE STUFF

Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more

CONNECT WITH ME

Submit a dating dilemma

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

281. Why Closure Is a Lie (And What Actually Helps You Heal) w/ Kelsey Darragh17 Jul 202600:54:02

How do you actually get over a breakup, and why does it feel so impossible? In this episode, I'm chatting with author and mental health advocate Kelsey Darragh to unpack the science of heartbreak, why no-contact is so difficult, and what actually helps you move forward after a breakup (It's not the closure moment you think it is).

From healing after a long-term relationship to knowing when you're ready to date again, this conversation is packed with practical advice for anyone struggling to let go of an ex or rebuild trust in love.

In this episode, we cover:

  • Why the story you tell yourself about your breakup matters
  • The psychology behind no-contact (and how to stick with it)
  • The truth about where closure comes from
  • How to know when you're ready to date again
  • Heartbreak vs. mental health: when to seek extra support
  • Whether you should tell a new partner about mistakes you've made in past relationships

At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about whether you need to disclose past cheating before entering a new relationship.


CONNECT WITH KELSEY

On Instagram

Get her new book, Don't Do What I Did

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally

FREE STUFF

Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more

CONNECT WITH ME

Submit a dating dilemma

Slide into my DMs on IG

Watch the pod on YouTube

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

280. How to Vet Someone Before a First Date (Without Overthinking)14 Jul 202600:27:17

Not sure who's worthy of a first date? In this episode, I'm sharing my exact process for deciding who gets a first date, including the one screening step I wish I'd done more of before meeting people in person.

  • The 3 questions to ask yourself before meeting someone
  • What's actually worth paying attention to on a profile (and what to ignore)
  • Why over-vetting someone like a job interview backfires
  • How texting for too long creates a false sense of intimacy
  • Why a quick phone or video screening call beats weeks of DMs
  • How vetting works differently when you meet someone offline vs. on the apps


At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma from a woman whose boyfriend of three months lied about his age.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

How to nail a first date from start to finish


THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

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Love Island Lessons: Breadcrumbing, Exclusivity & Waiting for Them to Change (Week 6)13 Jul 202600:14:35

It's finale week, which means we're wrapping up this season of Love Island Lessons with five final dating takeaways from Love Island USA Season 8. In this episode, I'm breaking down why exclusivity has a place in modern dating (and why it's not the same as being in a situationship), how to recognize breadcrumbing before you get emotionally invested, and why waiting for someone to change is one of the biggest traps you can fall into. I also share my thoughts on what the compatibility challenge got wrong and why meeting the family is such a meaningful milestone in a relationship. Plus, we recap the finale couples, the winners, and the biggest dating lessons from the villa.


MENTIONED IN THIS EP

Tips for meeting the parents (and other relationship firsts)

How to tell if you're compatible before you catch feelings


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279. Dating Habits That Actually Lead to Relationships w/ Moe Ari Brown10 Jul 202600:50:34

In this episode, I sit down with Hinge's Love & Connection Expert, licensed marriage and family therapist Moe Ari Brown, to unpack what Hinge's latest LGBTQIA+ D.A.T.E. Report reveals about modern dating. We dive into why so many first dates feel like they're going nowhere, the surprising "question deficit" that's making it harder to build connection, and why clarity is becoming one of the most attractive qualities in dating today.

You'll learn...

  • Why so many people aren't asking enough questions on dates and how it's impacting attraction.
  • The best first date habits that actually lead to stronger connections.
  • What Hinge's latest dating research reveals about how dating is changing in 2026.
  • Why uncertainty is making people more intentional about what they want in a partner.
  • The difference between saying you're emotionally available and actually showing it.
  • How to communicate your intentions without killing the vibe.
  • Why consistency matters more than grand romantic gestures.
  • The case for embracing a slow burn
  • How to build attraction through curiosity, clarity, and genuine connection.
  • A listener dating dilemma: What do you do when you have a crush on your non-binary friend and can't tell if the feelings are mutual?


Whether you've been frustrated by awkward first dates, mixed signals, or conversations that never seem to go anywhere, this episode will give you practical insights—and a fresh perspective on what actually helps relationships get off the ground.


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278. Summer Dating Tips: Keep Your Momentum When Everyone's Traveling07 Jul 202600:33:41

Summer dating is the best, IMO. Vacation flings, coordinating dates when everyone's going away, dating app struggles and more - we get into it all in this guide to dating in the summer. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma about a promising Hinge connection that fizzled out after both people traveled, and how to tell the difference between someone losing interest and your own anxiety talking.

You'll learn...

  • The conversation you need to have before you/they travel
  • The biggest dating app mistake to avoid in the summer
  • My tips for getting to the date quickly even when people's schedules are crazy
  • Advice for deciding to take a break (or not) this summer
  • How to navigate a vacation romance without the heartbreak and drama


MENTIONED IN THIS EP

Ep 277 with Camille Virginia about meeting people IRL

Ep 249 with Eric Resnick about revamping your dating app profile

Ep 186 on how (and when) to take a dating break

The waitlist for Date Tracker, my new dating journaling app coming soon!


THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

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Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more


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Love Island Lessons: Bad Friend Advice, Exclusivity Tips & Broken Trust (week 5)06 Jul 202600:15:51

Movie Night brought the drama and lots of lessons to learn about dating. I’m watching Love Island USA Season 8 to draw real-life dating lessons from it. This week (Episodes 23–29), I’m breaking down why feeling stressed more often than at peace is a major red flag, why even well-meaning friends can give terrible dating advice, and why you should check in with a friend before pursuing someone they're interested in. I also get into a better way to have the exclusivity conversation, what it actually takes to rebuild trust after betrayal, and why "fixing" a relationship is never one person's job. Plus, I share my thoughts on the aftermath of Movie Night and what all the chaos can teach us about healthy relationships.


MENTIONED IN THIS EP

Tips for becoming exclusive in dating

How to define the relationship


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277. Get Asked Out & Become More Approachable w/ Camille Virginia03 Jul 202600:49:16

Approachability is a skill you can learn. I'm chatting with Camille Virginia, author of The Offline Dating Method and founder of Master Offline Dating, who went from a socially anxious introvert to one of the leading voices on meeting people in real life. I LOVE her book and this convo was so helpful.

We get into:

  • Where "high quality" like-minded single people are (and why you keep missing them)
  • The limiting beliefs holding you back more than a lack of single people
  • How to create a meaningful connection before you ever ask someone out
  • Reading the signals that someone is open to being approached
  • Sending signals that you're open to being approached

At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about how to safely and gracefully exit a date that's gone wrong.


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276. Are You Compatible? How To Tell Before You Get Too Attached30 Jun 202600:27:04

In this episode, I'm getting into how to gain more certainty in dating by figuring out if you're actually compatible with someone before you're in too deep emotionally. I'm breaking down the three tiers of compatibility (the big stuff, the important stuff, and the emotional stuff), the five things to look for in the first month of getting to know someone, and three ways to actually start building compatibility early on instead of waiting around to "discover" it. I also do a quick gut check for anyone seeing someone right now, plus why chemistry alone can never carry a relationship long-term and how Johnny and I built our own little love languages over time. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma from a woman whose date ghosted her after they slept together on date two.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Download 90+ dating questions


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Love Island Lessons: Casa Amor, Toxic Attachment & False Hope (week 4) 27 Jun 202600:17:56

Casa Amor has officially arrived, and it exposed exactly why so many dating connections fall apart. I’m watching Love Island USA Season 8 to pull real-life dating lessons from the villa. This week (Week 4, Episodes 16–21), I’m breaking down why scorekeeping is a losing strategy, what having high standards actually looks like, and why asking about someone else's dating life too early can backfire. I also get into the red flag behind "I was just joking," why toxic attachments can feel stronger than healthy connections, and how hope can keep us stuck in relationships that aren't actually right for us. There's a lot to unpack after Casa Amor.


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275. Male POV: "If he's not making plans, it doesn't mean anything." w/ Jacob Lucas26 Jun 202600:52:04

I'm chatting with Jacob Lucas, a dating coach who went from the boxing world to building a huge online following, helping people date with intention. We're discussing everything from his "love at first sight" story with his wife (and why he didn't act on those intense early feelings) to the difference between your gut instinct and your anxiety, to why some people text constantly but never actually make plans. Jacob also breaks down how to invite physical touch rather than force it, and why the right person never gets scared off by your boundaries. At the end, we tackle four listener dating dilemmas about long-distance dating with a busy partner, shooting your shot a second time, handling a too-touchy first date, and what to do when the conversation never goes below the surface.


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274. 10 Green Flags You Can Spot On The First 3 Dates23 Jun 202600:30:37

How much can you really know about someone after three dates? Not enough to know if they're your forever person, but definitely enough to spot signs that they're worth continuing to get to know. In this episode, I'm breaking down 10 green flags to look for on the first few dates that tell you to keep going! We'll talk about the difference between real green flags and behaviors that only look promising, why consistency matters more than chemistry, and how to tell whether someone's actions actually match their words.

You'll learn:

  • The #1 green flag that creates connection quickly
  • Why initiative and follow-through are different (and why you need both)
  • How to tell if someone is rushing the connection
  • The role consistency plays in building trust
  • What someone's relationship history can reveal about them
  • Why feeling calm around someone is often a better sign than feeling a spark
  • Green flags submitted by listeners from their own dating experiences
  • Behaviors that seem like green flags—but aren't


Plus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener whose partner struggles with emotional conversations and discuss how couples can navigate different comfort levels around difficult feelings.


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Love Island Lessons: Rushing Sex & Why It Won’t Work Out (Week 3)21 Jun 202600:17:02

Things are not looking good for the islander's connections, and we can learn a lot about dating just from spotting the early signs things won't work out. I’m watching Love Island USA Season 8 to pull real-life dating lessons from the villa. This week (Week 3, Episodes 10–15), I’m breaking down what happens when you rush physical intimacy too soon, why emotional repair breaks down in early relationships, and how defensiveness can quietly destroy a connection before it ever has a chance. I also get into the importance of multi-dating in early stages, why slow-burn connections built on friendship can actually be stronger than instant chemistry, and how extreme highs and lows are often a huge red flag. So much to unpack here.


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273. Limerence vs Love: Why Uncertainty Makes You Want Them More w/ Amanda McCracken19 Jun 202600:50:45

I'm chatting with Amanda McCracken, author of When Longing Becomes Your Lover, about the psychology term taking over dating culture: limerence. We're discussing everything from the difference between a crush and full-blown limerence to how ADHD can fuel the dopamine chase, why distance and uncertainty make feelings burn brighter, and how Amanda finally took her real-life crushes off the pedestal. Amanda also shares how she identified as a late-in-life virgin into her forties, and how she eventually built the secure, "boring," trusting relationship she once avoided. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about a casual hookup that turned into real feelings, right before he moved several states away.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Book: When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love

Amanda's work: www.amandajmccracken.com

Instagram: @AmandaJMcCracken

Podcast: The Longing Lab


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272. “Am I Overreacting or Are They Just Not Interested?” (Dating Dilemmas)16 Jun 202600:26:54

We have five new dating dilemmas! I'm answering listener questions about uneven effort, intense early connections, addiction recovery, confusing endings, and relationships that move way too fast.

I get into...

  • What it means when you're always the one initiating dates
  • How to tell the difference between interest and investment
  • Why we ignore red flags when we're excited about someone
  • The mistake people make after noticing a shift in someone's behavior
  • Whether it's too risky to date someone in addiction recovery
  • If sending a "close the loop" text is actually worth it
  • What to do when a new relationship is moving at lightning speed
  • Why trying to decode someone's feelings often keeps you stuck


If you've ever found yourself wondering, "am I overreacting?" or spending more time analyzing someone's behavior than evaluating whether the relationship is working for you, this episode is for you.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Free dating FAQ guide: datingintentionally.com/gift

Close the loop text templates on IG


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Love Island Lessons: Falling For Potential & Empty Promises (Week 2)14 Jun 202600:12:45

What can we learn about dating from Love Island? Turns out - a lot. I'm watching Love Island USA Season 8 to pull real-life dating takeaways from the villa. This week (episodes 5-9), I'm getting into early dating expectations, knowing your needs, and how important it is to let someone show you who they are. Actions speak louder than words every time. I also talk about how people pleasing can be harmful and why it's GOOD that secure relationships feel boring. So much to unpack here.


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271. How to Attract a Securely Attached Partner w/ Dr. Amir Levine12 Jun 202600:54:27

Have you read or heard of the book Attached? I'm chatting with Dr. Amir Levine, psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and author of Secure and co-author of Attached, a book that has indefinitely changed my life. In this episode, we break down exactly how to attract and spot a securely attached person in early dating, and how to build more security in your life (whether you're in a relationship or not). At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma from a listener who flew across the country for a guy who then changed his mind.

You'll learn...

  • All about Dr. Levine's CARP and SIMI frameworks
  • Why CARP should be your new non-negotiable dating standard
  • How to do a "CARP intervention" early without it feeling like a big emotional conversation
  • Why a secure relationship is supposed to feel boring
  • The strategy for distancing yourself from someone who isn't meeting your standards
  • Why most of us already have secure people in our lives and keep ignoring them
  • How your attachment style can be totally different with different people (yes, even your pet)


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Secure by Dr. Amir Levine

Dr. Levine's website: amirlevinemd.com

Attachment Quiz

Dr. Levine's Masterclass: The Science Of Connection


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270. How to Nail a First Date From Confirming to Saying Goodbye (throwback)09 Jun 202600:35:30

In this episode, I'm walking you through everything you need to nail a first date, from confirming the time and getting in the right mindset to navigating the conversation, handling the check, and knowing whether to go in for the kiss. This episode originally aired in January 2024/ At the end, I tackle a new dating dilemma about a woman who's dating a guy who didn't acknowledge her birthday.

You'll learn...

  • Six mindset tips for a first date
  • My fave low-pressure first date questions
  • What to do when your date isn't pulling their weight
  • Who pays for the first date?
  • Why you should NEVER plan date two on date one


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

90+ questions to ask your date!

My dating "rules" episode

Anti-Ghost text templates

Relationship Needs Masterclass - June 22 & 29


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Love Island Lessons: Being Chosen, Anxiety Meltdowns & Multidating (Week 1)07 Jun 202600:16:01

I’m Talia, host of Dating Intentionally, and I’m kicking off a six-week “Love Island Lessons” series alongside Love Island USA Season 8 (spoilers for episodes 1–4) to pull real-life dating takeaways from the villa. Tune in to hear me break down five key lessons about early dating we learned this week in the villa: why trying to be chosen keeps you stuck, how jumping to conclusions pushes people away and tips for navigating a dating culture where multi-dating is the norm. I'm sharing my biggest gripe about first interactions on the show, which can teach us how to have better first dates.

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269. Finding Love in Your 30s After 6 Years of Dating w/ Rachel Saslaw05 Jun 202600:47:56

I'm chatting with my best friend Rachel Saslaw, founder of Storytell NYC. She talks about how she spent six years actively dating before landing a committed relationship with an amazing match in an unexpected way. We're discussing everything from why she refused to subscribe to the "men suck" mentality to using dating as a training ground for self-discovery to the "flirting with life" energy that shifted everything. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about a guy who went quiet right before a planned first date, then resurfaced at the last minute with a long explanation.

YOU'LL LEARN...

  • Why hating men won't help you date men (same goes for men dating women!)
  • How to set a "minimum viable goal" for dating when your calendar is packed
  • Why the most aligned version of you is the one who attracts the right person
  • How to give a new person a blank slate after you've been burned
  • The case for grieving your single years and not racing past them
  • Why low-barrier first dates (the coffee walk) beat the high-stakes dinner


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE


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268. 3 Signs You're About To Commit To The Wrong Person02 Jun 202600:31:18

In this episode, I'm breaking down the 3 core mistakes that lead people to commit to the wrong person. It's not a broken picker or a shortage of good people out there. I'm covering why dating for potential keeps you stuck, what happens when you don't know or can't communicate your non-negotiable needs, and why ignoring your gut (which is quieter than anxiety) almost always backfires. I share my own stories from past relationships, what these mistakes actually look like in real time, and what to focus on instead, so you can choose someone you don't have to abandon yourself to keep.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Download my free dating guides (texting, reflections, FAQ)

Relationship Needs Masterclass

How To Leave Your Situationship


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267. The Unexpected Truth About Finding Love Later In Life w/ Sandy Weiner29 May 202600:56:23

I'm chatting with Sandy Weiner, a dating coach who has spent 13 years helping people date after divorce, and started her own dating journey at 52 after leaving a 23-year marriage. We're discussing everything from knowing when you're actually ready to date again to navigating the "jaded factor" in midlife dating to having the dating conversation with your kids (at any age). Sandy also shares why being picky about what matters and wide open about what doesn't is the mindset shift most people miss, plus how she creatively meets people offline through meetups, classes, and even emailing her network with her dating profile. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma from a 51-year-old single mom in a casual situation with a separated 43-year-old, and whether she should walk away or stay.


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Last First Date Radio

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266. The Check-In Questions I Swear By + Tips For Starting26 May 202600:31:35

Communication is the most important thing in a relationship, but no one tells you what good communication actually looks like in practice. In this episode, I'm getting into relationship check-ins: the structured conversations my husband, Johnny, and I have had about 70 times over three years, and the single biggest reason our day-to-day relationship is virtually tension-free. I'm walking you through the exact questions we use (based on the Gottman State of the Union method, with our own additions), how check-ins have actually changed our relationship over time, when to start doing them, how to bring it up with your partner without making it weird, what to do if things get heated, and the most common mistakes people make. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma about whether to give a great connection another shot after months apart.


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265. Yes, You Can Become More Secure While Actively Dating w/ Trevor Hanson22 May 202600:53:32

I'm chatting with Trevor Hanson, a licensed marriage and family therapist. He and his team at The Art Of Healing help people move from anxious attachment to secure attachment in a structured, results-oriented way. We get into what anxious attachment actually looks like in dating for both men and women, why you can feel totally secure when you're single but completely fall apart once a relationship starts, and what emotionally corrective experiences are, and why they're what actually rewires your nervous system, not just reading more books or gaining more self-awareness. Trevor also shares why you don't need to be fully healed before you date, how conflict, followed by repair, builds real security over time, the problem with using AI to write your texts, and more. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma from a guy who's not sure how to follow up after sending someone a rose on Hinge.


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264. Why They Seem Emotionally Available Until Things Get Real (Dating Dilemmas)19 May 202600:32:57

Emotional availability is one of the most desired traits in a partner, but it's so hard to find. In this episode, I'm walking through four real listener dilemmas that show how emotional unavailability actually shows up: from being blindsided by a breakup after a seemingly perfect relationship, to oversharing too early with someone you barely know, to getting stuck in a months-long holding pattern, to wondering if your sky-high standards are actually a wall. I'm breaking down what emotional availability really looks like, why "chasing the feeling" keeps people stuck, and how to start recognizing emotional availability so you don't miss it.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

  • Episode 152 - a deeper dive on emotional unavailability
  • Episode 217 - with Julia Kristina, a therapist and expert on emotional intelligence and maturity
  • Episode 255 - healing anxious attachment with Rebecca Ore


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Sleepless in Seattle with Talia Koren: Rom-Com Vom17 May 202600:32:05

This episode originally aired on Sex Ed with DB!

In Sleepless in Seattle, a woman hears a stranger’s voice on the radio and decides she has to be with him. A few cross-country flights, some light stalking, and one dramatic Empire State Building finale later. Was it a recipe for true love? Or just another rom-com ignoring boundaries in the name of "destiny?"

In this episode, I joined DB to unpack the film’s gender dynamics, its borderline obsessive premise, and why rom-coms always overlook the stable, reliable guy.


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263. Subtle Lies People Tell in Early Dating & How To Spot A "Dogfish" w/ The Dating Detectives15 May 202600:53:47

I'm chatting with Hanna Anderson and Mackenzie Foltz, the co-hosts of The Dating Detectives, a podcast that combines real PI work with deeply ethical storytelling about people who got conned in love. We're discussing everything from what "dogfishing" actually is (and how it's different from catfishing) to the subtle early red flags most people miss, to why love bombing feels so good even when it's a setup. Mackenzie and Hanna also share their PI-approved guide to vetting someone you're dating without feeling "crazy," including the exact line to use when you've found something on them, plus practical safety tools every single person should know about. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about a guy who keeps liking other women's photos on Instagram after being asked to stop.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

"The Origin Story" — the case that inspired the show

The crypto catfish (FaceTime sob story episode)

The "time-traveling" investor episode

The Twitter vegan episode

The "evil stepmother" episode

My guest appearance on The Dating Detectives!


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262. When You Don’t Feel Attracted Right Away (How Long To Wait)12 May 202600:42:03

In this episode, I'm covering how attraction actually works when you're dating for a long-term relationship, from how to know if you're attracted to someone and what's "enough," to how long to give it before walking away, to how attraction can grow over time and what it actually takes for that to happen. I'm also answering a few listener questions, and at the end, I tackle a dating dilemma about a confusing Bumble interaction.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE


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261. Kids vs Childfree: Dating When You're Unsure or Mismatched w/ Keltie Maguire 08 May 202600:59:57

I'm chatting with Keltie Maguire, a life coach who specializes in helping people navigate the kids-or-child-free decision — a topic we've never covered on this show before. After spending years as a fence-sitter herself before ultimately choosing a child-free life, Keltie now helps individuals and couples gain clarity on one of the most complex decisions they'll ever make. We're discussing everything from why "you'll just know" is terrible advice to why a pros and cons list won't actually help you, how to approach this decision when you're ambivalent, and why both people in a couple need to be willing to compromise. Keltie also shares how to talk about the kids question while you're dating: when to bring it up, what to put on your profile, and what to do when your person isn't sure. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about a woman who's finally found a stable, kind man she feels safe with, but she's embarrassed by how he looks.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Kids or Child Free Podcast (Keltie's pod)

We Are Child Free Podcast

The Baby Decision (book)

Amanda White's Substack, Fence Sitter


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260. How to Spot a Situationship, End It, and Move On05 May 202600:37:28

Don't let your situationship stop you from getting into a relationship. In this episode, I'm getting into how situationships happen in the first place to why leaving feels impossible to the exact words to use when you finally end it. I share my own 2-year situationship story, break down the difference between situationships and casual dating or friends with benefits, and give you a real plan for healing that works. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma about how to handle inconsistent communication early on when someone takes three days to confirm date plans.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE


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259. The 5 Stages of Dating & Why Most People Don't Make It to Commitment w/ Amy Chan01 May 202600:50:44

I'm chatting with Amy Chan, relationship expert, retreat founder, and author of the brand-new book Unsingle, about why most people are just a few strategic adjustments away from finding their match. We're discussing everything from the dating funnel (and which stage you're most likely sabotaging) to the spectrum between having no standards and over-icking yourself out of love to why dating is a personality game, but relationships are a character game. Amy also breaks down the difference between preferences and non-negotiables, why narcissists are actually great daters, and how to build intuition so you stop overriding your gut. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about taking it slow with a work crush you've known for seven months.


CONNECT WITH AMY

Get Amy's new book, Unsingle: How To Date Smarter And Create Love That Lasts

Listen to our first ep together (about break ups)


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258. Top 5 Tips To Stay Connected Between Dates (And Build Momentum)28 Apr 202600:32:34

In this episode, I'm covering one of the biggest sticking points in early dating: feeling connected between dates. I'm getting into the mindset work and how to stop the spiral, including my top practical tips for building connection between dates without overdoing it. Along the way, we talk about the role of phone calls, texting habits, and how to bring this up on a date without making it awkward. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma from a woman who's questioning her long-term compatibility with an on-and-off boyfriend of 2 years.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Ep 244: Building inner security

Epi 209: Why self-trust is key to feeling safe

Ep 138: Developing self-compassion

Texts that are better than "how are you?"

  1. What are you looking forward to this week?
  2. What was the best part of your day?
  3. What’s a win you had today?
  4. What’s the most interesting thing that happened to you this week?
  5. What did you see recently that’s living rent-free in your mind?
  6. If we could skip to the weekend right now, what's the first thing you’d do?
  7. What food are you currently craving?


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257. What Reality TV Says About Dating Culture (And What We Can Learn) w/ Dear Shandy24 Apr 202600:57:33

I'm chatting with Sharleen Joynt and Andy Levine, the husband-and-wife hosts of Dear Shandy, one of my favorite reality TV recap podcasts. We're discussing everything from what Love Is Blind contestants keep getting wrong (and how it mirrors real life) to why Andy believes online dating is the slow death of modern romance, to how to bring up the "big" topics on a first date. This episode is packed with practical dating advice from a couple who have seen it all. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma from a woman who's not sure whether her boyfriend's travel issues are a dealbreaker.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Ruby the dog: @shandyspoo

My 5 needs in a partner


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256. How To Actually Stay Motivated While Dating (throwback)21 Apr 202600:25:34

I went on about 150 dates with over 60 people in a year before I met my now husband, and don't for a second think "hope" is what got me through it and kept me motivated. In this episode, which originally aired in 2024, I'm sharing why hope is useless and what to focus on instead: your beliefs. I didn't hope I'd meet someone; I believed it was inevitable. Listen to this episode if you're ready to work on your beliefs so you don't burn out after the rejection, false starts, and ghosting (that's also inevitable if you're dating). At the end, I get into a new dating dilemma about a dramatic reaction to a last-minute date switch-up.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Episode #68 with Jackie Glaser (self-worth + beliefs)

Thank you, More Please by Lily Womble

F the Fairytale by Damona Hoffman

Breakup Bootcamp by Amy Chan

How to Identify Your Needs course


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255. Why You Feel More Anxious When You Like Someone (And What To Do) w/ Rebecca Ore17 Apr 202600:53:06

I'm chatting with Rebecca Ore, a relationship coach and former anxiously attached dater who transformed her own relationship experience after discovering thought work and coaching. We're discussing everything from why you feel totally fine when you're single but fall apart the second you start liking someone, to what it actually means to stop trying to control your partner and start coming back to yourself. Rebecca also shares her personal experience of learning to separate her self-worth from how others treat her, and how that shift changed everything in her current relationship. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma from a woman who had a five-hour first date and hadn't heard from them two days later.


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254. Breadcrumbed by a Bartender, Boring Dates & Low Attraction (Dating Dilemmas)14 Apr 202600:30:25

In this episode, I'm answering four listener dating dilemmas, from deciding whether a "boring" but stable guy is worth more dates to navigating attraction when everything else aligns, to catching feelings for a newly single college friend, to dealing with a breadcrumbing bartender. I'm sharing how to tell the difference between "boring" and "bored," a better way to think about attraction, and why "right person, wrong time" is a trap.

Want my advice on your situation? ⁠Submit your dating dilemma here.


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