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Is Fostering Going to Hurt My Kids? - Weekend Wisdom
Question: We are seriously considering becoming foster parents. We have 2 children by birth, and I am really worried about how this will affect them and what I can do to prevent some of the negative effects.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Are you often bewildered by your child's behavior? Check out this interview with Dafna Lender, a LCSW and a certified trainer and supervisor/consultant in both Theraplay and Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy. She is also an EMDR therapist. She is the author of “Theraplay® – The Practitioner’s Guide” and “Integrative Attachment Family Therapy: A Clinical Guide to Heal and Strengthen the Parent-Child Relationship.”
In this episode, we cover:
Impact of Trauma
What is trauma?
Trauma vs PTSD vs. Development Trauma Disorder
Neglect
How does trauma impact the brain?
How does this impact affect the child?
Does the age of the child, when they experienced trauma, or the type of trauma affect the degree to which the child will be impacted?
Impact of preverbal trauma- before the child has language and memory.
If a child is able to leave the abusive situation, can it lower the impact of trauma or PTSD?
Attachment trauma.
How to Best Parent a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma
What is a typical behavior for a child who has experienced trauma?
Internal working model formed with earliest caregivers that forms a template for future relationships with caregivers.
The children often “reject you before you can reject them.”
Importance of awareness of one’s own vulnerabilities and insecurities that may be triggered by caring for children with a history of trauma.
How to help our kids heal and attach? Tips and Techniques.
How to Discipline a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma
See behavior as developmental, not moral.
Don’t spin into the future by predicting the worst. Deal with your fears.
Recognize that ultimately, you can’t control your child. Understand what you can control, and you can only control yourself.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Do you worry about being scammed in a domestic infant adoption? How can you prevent scams and recognize red flags for a failed adoption match? Join us to talk with Colleen Quinn, an adoption attorney at the Adoption & Surrogacy Law Center in Richmond, VA, with 34 years of experience in adoption law. She is the co-author of the last five editions of the VA CLE Adoption Procedures and Forms.
In this episode, we discuss:
Adoption scams can fall into four general categories:
those against adoptive parents by expectant or supposedly pregnant women,
those by brokers or facilitators who are not licensed or may not be legal,
those by adoption agencies and attorneys agains adoptive parents.
those done by adoptive against expectant/birth parents.
What are the typical adoption scams perpetrated by expectant women against prospective adoptive parents or adoption agencies or attorneys?
How much can adoptive parents pay an expectant mother for living expenses, clothes, transportation, food, etc.?
What are some ways to prevent being scammed. Red flags for an adoption scam?
Insist on Video calls and then move to in-person meetings.
Ask for HiPPA release to see medical records
Don’t provide cash directly to the expectant parent.
Work with an experienced adoption agency or adoption attorney.
What should adoptive families know and ask about unidentified birth fathers?
What are ways adoptive parents can prevent becoming a victim of an adoption scam or adoption fraud?
What are warning signs that an expectant woman does not plan to go through with the adoption? Note that this is not necessarily or even commonly the same thing as an adoption scam.
Watch for the placing parents wanting to name the child.
Wanting to take the baby home for a few days.
Terms used by the expectant parent—your baby vs. my family.
If placing their 3rd or 4th child more often not to place a full sibling and the couple is still to
Secrecy Not telling her mom
Grandmom doesn’t agree with placement
How soon they fill out the forms that we send.
Slow walk the Hippa forms.
Not following through with their attorney
More fall through with adoptive parents
Not getting good adoption options counseling in person that asks the hard questions. This type of counseling really help her think through.
Overly or under-emotional about the adoption plan.
While not necessarily a scam, how common is it for expectant mothers to not be fully open about prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol?
Acts by brokers or facilitators who are not acting legally?
Acts by adoption agencies and attorneys against adoptive parents.
Adoption scams/fraud against expectant parents or birth parents? (open adoption, fertility treatment, back out of the arrangement)
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Q. We took in my cousin’s 4-year-old last month. We thought it might be temporary, but it’s looking like it will be for a long time and maybe forever. The problem is that this little boy has gone through a lot because his mom is a drug user and never really was a parent. He is very withdrawn and doesn’t seem to want to attach or let us get close in any way. Any help would be appreciated.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Are you hoping to adopt from foster care. Don't miss this discussion of adoption subsidies with Josh Kroll, Project Coordinator for the Adoption Subsidy Resource Center at Families Rising (formerly known as the North American Council on Adoptable Children).
In this episode, we cover:
What are adoption subsidies?
What other names are used for “adoption subsidies”? Adoption Agreements, Adoption Assistance, AAP, monthly stipend. Is there a difference between these?
Who is eligible for foster care adoption subsidies?
Are private adoptions eligible for adoption subsidies? What if the private adoption is of a child with special needs?
Supplemental Security Income (SSI).
Is there an income limit for receiving an adoption subsidy?
How is the dollar amount of the subsidy determined, and by whom?
Can kinship providers receive foster care adoption subsidies?
What other things can be included in an adoption subsidy agreement other than a monetary monthly stipend?
Does the money have to be spent directly and solely on the foster child, or can it be used to benefit the whole family or the foster child only tangentially—such as adding a bedroom so that kids don’t have to share or a family vacation?
What about situations where the child is either too young to be displaying needs or is not displaying needs, but the parents have reason to believe that the child will have needs as they age? How can they negotiate for future needs?
How to handle adoption subsidies when you are adopting an infant with prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs?
What other type of things might be included in adoption assistance? College tuition assistance/grant/tuition waiver?
How is residential treatment covered?
What if you face a difficult negotiation?
How can people get information about what particular states usually grant for adoption subsidies? https://nacac.org/help/adoption-assistance/
How are adoption assistance/adoption subsidies handled if I’m adopting a foster child from another state?
What should adoptive parents do if they believe that the adoption subsidy that is being offered is not enough?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Do you suspect or know that your child was prenatally exposed to alcohol or drugs? Join us to learn the best ways to advocate for that child, including how to get diagnosed. Our guest is Jenn Wisdahl, the Chief Operating Officer of FASD United and proud parent to 3 young adults with FASD. Jenn leads the FASD United federal legislative and policy agenda.
In this episode, we cover:
Why is it important to get a diagnosis of one of the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) or prenatal drug exposure for your child?
In the US, FASD is not a diagnosis but rather an umbrella term that encompasses a range of life-long diagnosable medical and mental health conditions that can occur when there is prenatal alcohol exposure, even prior to recognition of pregnancy.
Neurobehavioral Disorder Associated with Prenatal Alcohol Exposure (ND-PAE)
Why is it so hard for parents to get a diagnosis of FASD for their child?
What should parents do to get a diagnosis?
What is the average age of diagnosis of FAS or FASD?
How does getting a diagnosis or prenatal drug exposure differ from getting a FASD diagnosis?
Another opportunity for parents to advocate for their child is in the school system. What are some of the typical issues a child with prenatal substance exposure to alcohol and drugs may face in school?
What are some of the ways a parent can advocate for their child in the education system?
Another way parents can advocate for their child is through the Registry of Unmet Needs and Innovation waivers.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Carole LieberWilkins, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in reproductive medicine, adoption, and family-building options, answers this question with advice for couples.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
What do transracial adoptees think about being adopted by parents of a different race? Join us for a panel of transracial adoptees talking about all things adoption.
In this episode, we cover:
Transracial adoption includes white parents of black, biracial, Asian, and Latinx children, as well as adoptive parents of color adopting white children.
Tell us your adoption story.
How did your parents treat adoption? How did and does that make you feel about being adopted?
When did you realize that you were a different race from your parents?
How did your parents treat race, specifically your race, when you were young?
What is wrong with taking a color-blind approach to transracial adoption?
Was it a struggle for you to identify as an adult of your race?
What did your parent do to aid your racial identity formation?
Transracially adopted children need tools to maneuver through life as a member of their racial group. When they are young, they are protected from this reality, but this changes as they enter adolescence. What tools did your parents use and what tools did you need?
How can transracially adopted people or their parents find mentors and role models of color?
Were you ever embarrassed by being of a different race than your parents?
Importance of finding a community of other adopted people.
What is the most important thing, if any, your parent did to ensure/instill racial identity and pride as Caucasian parents who adopt a Black or Asian or Latina child?
Tips for parents either considering transracial adoption or already in the midst of parenting transracially adopted kids.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Q: I just recently found out my 14-year-old has stolen makeup more than once from different stores. I caught her this past weekend, and she said she did it once, but I went through her bedroom and found makeup stashed in a pillow, and I know I didn’t buy it. She gets straight A's in school, and I thought she was a trustworthy person. I just don’t know what to do.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Do you want to be part of the solution to the inequity that exists in our country? If so, one of the best things you can do is raise your child to be anti-racist. Join our conversation with Tiffany Jewell, the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller, This Book is Anti-Racist and The Anti-Racist Kid. In this episode, we cover:
At what age do kids notice race? And does this age differ in the US depending on the child's skin color?
Why not teach our kids to be colorblind?
How do the books we read, the movies we watch, the friends we make, the doctors we visit, and the conversations we have at home all shape our children’s views of race?
What’s the difference between not being racist and being anti-racist?
Is there a difference between how a White parent and a Black parent should approach raising an anti-racist child?
Diverse Book Finder is a fantastic website that allows you to search for children’s books based on specific categories (e.g., biographies, oppression/resistance; crossing divides, etc.), race/culture (e.g., African American, brown-skinned but race unidentified, Latinx, Asian, Middle Eastern, Bi/Multiracial, etc.), country, religion, etc.
The Conscious Kid is an education, research, and policy organization that promotes children’s books centered on underrepresented and oppressed groups. They have a book of the month subscription service and a terrific list of books by Black authors that center, reflect, and affirm Black children of all ages. You can also follow them on Instagram to learn about these books.
EmbraceRace.org – Resource site formed by black and multi-racial parents with tools for parenting kids of color.
One Talk at a Time – Providing support for Latinx American, Asian American, African American, and Black youth and their families to have conversations about race and ethnicity. In recognition that the issues may differ depending on the ethnicity, they have a separate section for Black, Asian, and Latinx parents.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Have you ever wondered what adult adoptees really think about adoption? Join us to hear about the Profiles in Adoption: Adult Adoptee Experiences report, based on research by the National Council for Adoption.
How satisfied are adult adoptees in general—life satisfaction?
Did they think that adoption could and did work in their best interest? In the best interest of their birth family? In the best interest of their adoptive family?
What were their thoughts on openness in adoption?
For transracial adoptions: Do you believe your adoptive parent(s) did a sufficient job at discussing issues of race/ethnicity with you?
What were their thoughts on whether to allow transracial adoptions?
Were adoptees in favor of their families having an annual recognition of adoption?
Specific questions for those adopted from foster care. P. 25
Specific questions for those adopted as infants domestically. P. 28
Specific questions for those adopted internationally P. 30
Advice for future adoptive parents. P. 32
What adoptees wish their parents had done differently. p. 41
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Q: I’m 67 years old. My niece has gotten involved bad with drugs. Her 5 and 3 year old were taken away from her and now the child welfare agency wants to know if I will take them. My niece has been doing drugs a long time and I honestly don’t know if she’s ever going to be able to get them back. I feel like I don’t have a choice.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Is your child scared of school shootings, tornadoes, climate change, and on and on? Do you want to learn how to help them not get stuck in these fears? Join us as we talk with Dr. Melissa Goldberg Mintz is a clinical psychologist based in Houston, Texas. She is the author of the book, "Has Your Child Been Traumatized: How to Know and What to Do to Promote Healing and Recovery."
In this episode, we cover:
The world feels scary.
Covid
School shootings
Police shootings
Weather event
Wildfires
Our kids are struggling.
Pediatric mental health hospitalizations have increased and intensified. More than eight in 10 public schools have seen stunted behavioral and social-emotional development in their students since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, and 57 percent of teen girls and 29 percent of teen boys reported feeling “persistently sad or hopeless” over the past year.
Many of the children being raised by the parents in our audience have experienced trauma before, but it feels like more kids are being shaken by current events.
Is there a distinction between trauma with a “T” and little “t” trauma?
How do we know if our child has been traumatized, regardless of whether it is an event outside of their personal world or an event that they are involved in?
What are the symptoms of trauma and how to they vary by age of the child? (pre-school, school-aged, adolescents)
Why do some kids seem to take all the troubling world events in stride while others struggle? And why do some kids seem to bounce back quickly from troubling events that happen to them directly? What makes a child resilient?
The top question on most parents’ mind is, “Will my child be OK?”
What can parents do to help when their child is struggling with coping with all the scary things in our world?
It’s tempting to be lenient and not enforce rules when we see our child struggling. Is this the best approach?
What life skills can parents teach that will help their child be more resilient and able to cope with scary world events?
How do we know if our child is stuck and not moving past their fears with our help?
What types of therapy are available and how can parents decide which one would be best for their child?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
How old is too young for a phone? Is gaming harmful to our kids? How much technology is too much. We talk with Dr. Jay Berk, a licensed psychologist and an expert in working with children and families. He is the author of two books: “A Parent’s Quick Guide to Electronic Addiction” and “Codeswitching: Social Skills in the Screen-Age”.
In this episode, we cover:
Parents from time immemorial have worried about the impact of the “new technology” and this goes back to our great great great grandparents worrying about the influence of novels to parents of the 50’s worry about too much time on the phone, to parents of the 80s worrying about too much TV, and on to the present where we worry about screen time, texting, and gaming.
We parents are digital “immigrants” while our kids are digital natives. How does this dynamic present challenges?
How to keep up with what our kids are doing?
What are the general best practices for elementary aged kids using digital technology?
What age should kids be given a phone?
What are reasonable rules for phone use?
How do things change as our kids each around age 11 or 12 and on into their teen years
How important is the use of digital media to socialize for this generation?
When should parents worry?
Is the child getting enough sleep?
Are they eating well?
Are they getting enough exercise?
Are they doing well in school?
Do they have real life friends?
If so, they are probably just fine.
What are the signs that our kids may be too involved with digital technology or gaming
How much screen time is too much for tweens? For teens?
Do different types of technology have different risks and benefits? Internet? Gaming? Porn?
What are some reasonable rules for families to set in regards to technology, screen time, and gaming?
How to get buy-in from our tweens and teens?
App-tell kid
A challenge particular to families adopting or fostering older children or teens is that often our kids come to us with having had little supervision or rules about internet use? How can we establish healthy habits when the rules are new to them?
Resources:
A Parent’s Quick Guide to Electronic Addiction by Dr. Jay Berk
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Q: We have 3 children by birth and want to adopt a child that really needs a home. Given our kids' ages, this will probably mean that we will disrupt the birth order of at least some of our kids. The agency we have talked with is definitely against this idea. Is this something that is harmful to kids?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Are you thinking about stopping infertility treatment and trying to adopt or foster? Join us to talk with Carole LieberWilkins,a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has specialized in reproductive medicine, adoption, and family-building options since 1986, and is the co-author of the book, Let’s Talk About Egg Donation. Carole serves on the Advisory Board of the US Donor Conceived Council, and is an active member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine Mental Health Professional Group. She is also a mom through adoption and egg donation.
In this episode, we cover:
Adoptive parenting is the same as, and very different from, genetic parenting. Ways in which raising adopted children is different. Ways in which it is the same.
Fostering has some significant differences from genetic parenting, including adopting from foster care.
What are the losses of infertility?
How to know when you are ready to stop fertility treatments and move to adoption or fostering? What are the signs of readiness?
The myth of needing to do everything that you can to become pregnant before moving to adoption or third-party reproduction.
How have the advances in infertility medicine changed the landscape of moving to adoption or fostering?
Accepting Plan B without making the child feel like second best.
How to know when you are ready to foster or adopt from foster care.
How to grieve the loss of the biological child that you never had?
Tips for coping with the losses of infertility.
Coping with the unknowns of adoption or fostering and lack of control.
Adopting while staying in treatment.
Should you go back into infertility treatment after having adopted a child?
How to find a mental health professional that specializes in infertility.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Q: My wife and I plan to adopt a child under the age of 9 from foster care. We have just started taking the classes. My wife has a 9-year-old from a previous relationship, and we want to do everything we can to prepare him in advance for this adoption. Any help is appreciated.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Do you worry about what is normal in your child's sexual development? Join us to talk with Roy Van Tassell , a Licensed Professional Counselor in Oklahoma and Director of Trauma and Evidence-based Interventions for Centene Health. He co-chairs the National Child Traumatic Stress Networks’ subcommittee on children with problem sexual behaviors.
Warning: We will be using anatomically correct words and talking about sex, so if this offends you or triggers you, you may want to skip this podcast.
In this episode, we cover:
Typical Sexual Development / Play
What is typical sexual development in children as they age?
What type of sexual play is considered “normal?”
How should parents manage a child’s natural sexual development?
Problematic Sexual Behaviors
What are Problem Sexual Behaviors in Children?
What causes kids and youth to act in socially unacceptable or destructive sexual ways? What factors influence the development of these behaviors?
Child vulnerabilities
Behavior problems
Emotional difficulties
Developmental delays
Low impulse control
Family vulnerabilities
Poor supervision
Single caregiver
Modeling of coercion
Harsh parenting practices
Physical abuse
Domestic violence
Modeling of sexuality
Sexual abuse
Modeling/exposure
Nudity or poor family boundaries
How common are problematic sexual behaviors?
Suggestions for professionals and parents and how to respond to behaviors.
What should parents and caregivers do?
Rules for younger kids
How effective is therapy?
How to find a therapist?
What training have they had in this area?
Child development expertise (including sexual development)
Resources:
Taking Action booklets (two booklets) – for children with problematic sexual behaviors (age 12 and younger) and one for 13+
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professional
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Q: I’ve applied to adopt a waiting child from foster care. We are open to all races, kids up to age 13, and sibling groups up to 3 kids. We applied and then heard nothing. We also applied through AdoptUSKids and also heard nothing. I know the social workers are busy, but this is getting to be ridiculous. How do I get their attention without making them angry at me?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Are you considering adopting a baby? Join us today to learn more. Our guests will be Karlee Wagner, a Program Supervisor for Infant Adoption and Birth Parent/Pregnancy Services at Children’s Home and LSS in Minnesota (CH/LSS); Erin Quick, the Founder and CEO of PairTree - the organization dedicated to helping families navigate private adoption in the healthiest way possible and mom of two through adoption; and Courtney Lott, the owner and founder of Faithful Adoption Consultants, a consulting service that seeks to walk adoptive families through the adoption process from beginning to end. She is a mom to eight children: six through adoption and two biologically.
In this episode, we cover:
How many domestic private infant adoptions happen in the US each year?
Average cost of adopting a baby in the US.
Average length of time prospective parents wait for an adoption match.
What is the domestic infant adoption process at your agency or organization?
How does the process differ when using an adoption attorney rather than an adoption agency?
How do domestic infant adoptions today differ from how many people think about adoptions?
What type of expectant mom considers adoption for their child?
How many adoptive parent profiles are usually shown to an expectant mom?
What do you see that expectant moms or couples look for when choosing adoptive parents?
Is it harder for single women to be selected by expectant moms or couples?
Is it harder for same-sex couples or singles to be selected by expectant moms or couples?
After an expectant mother or couple chooses an adoptive family, what is the next step?
What type of counseling is available for expectant parents both before and after the adoption is finalized?
What are the ways that different adoption agencies and attorneys handle birth parent expenses?
How early in the pregnancy do adoption agencies and adoption attorneys match expectant moms with adoptive families?
What does open adoption look like?
What percentage of domestic infant adoptions in the US are open?
What are some typical "special needs" that prospective adoptive parents may be faced with in matches? What situations are the hardest for adoptive parents to decide about?
How much information will adoptive parents have in deciding whether they should accept a match?
What factors influence the cost of adoption?
What factors influence how long families wait for an adoption match?
What’s your best advice if someone has applied to adopt an infant and is not getting selected by an expectant mom?
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Question: We have two boys, ages 10 and 12. We’ve been told that if we become a foster family, the foster children will have to have a room to themselves. Our boys can share a room for another year, but then we want to separate them. Can we just foster for one year? How long do foster kids usually stay?
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Are you considering adopting or fostering? Or taking in a relative's child? Do you suspect or know that the birth mom used drugs or alcohol during pregnancy? Join us today to learn how these substances might impact the child and how you parent. Our guest is Dr. Lisa Prock, a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician, Director of the Developmental Medicine Center at Children’s Hospital, Boston, and Clinical Director of the Translational Neuroscience Center at Harvard Medical School and Children's Hospital Boston. She is an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at Harvard Medical School.
In this episode, we cover:
Foster, adoptive, and kinship parents and caregivers often need to consider whether they are the right family to parent a child with prenatal alcohol and drug exposure.
The US government estimates that about 10% of children born in the US have been prenatally exposed to alcohol, drugs, or both. How common is prenatal substance exposure for foster and adoptive children, as well as those kids living with grandparents and other relatives?
Are there signs or symptoms with a child that may have been exposed to alcohol and drugs in utero, absent confirmation from the mother?
What is known about the amount or timing of alcohol or drug use and the impact on the baby or child?
Short-term and long-term impacts of the following substances:
Alcohol-does it matter the type of alcohol?
Methamphetamines
Adderall, Concerta, Ritalin or other ADHD medication
Opiates/opioids-prescription
Opioids-illegal
Heroin
Fentanyl
Methadone, Suboxone, Subutex, Buprenorphine
Marijuana
Ecstasy, inhalants
Tobacco-smoking cigarettes or vaping
How common is dual exposure/polysubstance exposure—alcohol and drugs?
Do children who have been prenatally exposed to alcohol or drugs have a greater risk of abusing drugs in adolescence or adulthood?
How do you get a child diagnosed with prenatal substance exposure?
What should parents consider when trying to decide if they are the right family for a child with prenatal exposure?
Creating a Family’s Prenatal Substance Exposure Trainings for Parents, Daycare/Preschool Teachers, and Afterschool Staff.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
This is a perennial question that is often asked: Help, I have an older child moving in. How do I make them comfortable and make the transition as easy as possible for us all? We offer 3 tips to help you welcome a new young person into your home.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Are you expecting the placement of a newborn? Don't miss our conversation about the latest information on baby care with Kristen O’Dell, a board-certified Family Nurse Practitioner with almost two decades of working with over 10,000 newborns and their families in her hospital practice of Neonatology and Newborn Medicine.
In this episode, we cover:
Feeding
The vast majority of adoptive parents will bottle-feed their baby. How to choose a formula.
Is liquid or dry formula better for the baby?
How to sterilize the dry formula?
Do you need to sterilize bottles?
What type of bottle is best?
Does the bottle type differ if the baby is born premature or has Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome?
Does the temperature of the formula matter?
Can you make the bottles up once a day, or do you have to make it fresh for each feeding?
When should you consider a specialized formula, and what options do you have?
How often should a baby eat?
Other feeding options: adoptive mother induce lactation to breastfeed; donated breast milk.
How do you know if your baby is getting enough food?
If your baby spits up a lot, when should you worry that they aren’t getting enough food?
When to introduce solid food?
Sleep
What is a typical wake/sleep pattern for a newborn?
When should you expect your baby to sleep for 5-6 hours?
Is the wake/sleep cycle affected by prematurity or Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome (NAS)?
At what point can you start trying to get your baby to not wake up many times for a feeding at night?
Will introducing solid food, even if watered down, help your baby sleep through the night?
How can you establish healthy sleeping habits for your baby?
When do most babies start sleeping through the night and what is “sleeping through the night”—how much sleep?
Safe sleep practices: sleeping on the back, no pillows, blankets, bumpers, stuffed animals
Sleep training
Poop
How often should babies poop? What is normal?
What does the typical healthy newborn baby poop look like?
How do you know if there is a problem?
How can you tell if your baby is constipated? And what should you do?
What type of diaper is best?
What type of baby wipes are best?
How to treat diaper rash?
How can you tell if your baby has a yeast diaper rash?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the pro
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Are you raising an internationally adopted child or a child of another race? Join our fascinating discussion with Dr. Hollee McGinnis, an Assistant Professor in the Virginia Commonwealth University School of Social Work. She focuses on mental health and identity for internationally adopted people. She is also an intercountry adoptee from South Korea.
In this episode, we cover:
How are racial, ethnic, and cultural identities different for international adoptees?
Why is racial, ethnic, or cultural identification important for the emotional development of a child adopted internationally?
At what age does cultural and racial identity develop?
For children adopted internationally, what are some of the acculturation and assimilation issues that these children face? Including those issues arising from factors such as race, ethnicity, religion, and culture.
Does this differ by race?
Does international adoption itself potentially create acculturation or assimilation issues?
How can parents walk the balance between wanting the child to fully assimilate and acculturate to their new life while also identifying with their culture of birth?
Does this change depend on the age of the child at adoption?
What is the experience like for a child whose name doesn't fit their ethnicity? Do you recommend that parents think about this when naming their child?
How to handle if a child is born into a family of one religion but adopted by a family of a different religion?
What are the long-term implications for a family that has become multi-cultural through international adoption? How does this impact each family member: adopted person, siblings, parent, or grandparents?
What does a healthy cultural identity for an internationally adopted child look like?
What does a healthy racial identity for an internationally adopted child look like?
Tips for how adoptive parents can help their children develop a healthy cultural and racial identity?
Read books about the history of your child’s culture and country, starting at a young age.
Read books to provide the language and tools to help your child deal with racism. Again, start young.
Talk about racism with your child. See resources below.
Create connections for your child to people who look like them, as well as other adoptees.
Incorporate people of your child’s race or culture into your friend group.
Consider a homeland tour.
Resources:
Also Known As The mission of Also-Known-As is to build a community that empowers the voices of adult international adoptees, while providing resources and space to acknowledge the loss of birth country, culture, language, and biological family.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Do you suspect your child has ADHD? Don't miss today's show with Dr. Tamara Rosier. She is the author of “Your Brain’s Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD.” She runs the ADHD Center of West Michigan and is president of the ADHD Coaches Organization.
In this episode, we cover: Understanding ADHD
What is ADHD?
What are the symptoms?
Are foster, adoptive, and kinship kids more prone to ADHD?
How to tell if our child’s behavior is ADHD or caused by the trauma they’ve experienced?
Treating ADHD
Importance of early diagnosing and intervention.
To medicate or not?
Should you take a medication break/holiday?
Parenting Challenges with Raising a Child with ADHD:
Managing expectations.
Emotional management is key.
Stop comparing your child and yourself to other parents and their “perfect” kids.
Self-control/Impulsiveness.
Sticking to an activity - the challenge of finding the balance between encouraging a child to persist and letting go.
Why can my child focus on a video game but take 3 hours to finish a 30-minute homework assignment? And what can I do about it?
What to let go and what to not. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Looking for the Positives of ADHD
ADHD is not a disorder but rather a trait or neurological difference.
Strength of divergent thinking.
Tips for parents raising a child with ADHD.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Do you have a child receiving special education services or one that you think may need these services? In this podcast, we talk about navigating this process. Our guests will be Lisa Eisenberg and Gaile Osborne. Lisa Eisenberg is a social worker, education advocate, and consultant. She is a member of the Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates, an organization whose goal is to secure high-quality educational services for all and to promote excellence in advocacy. Gaile Osborne is the Executive Director of Foster Family Alliance, the foster, kinship, and adoptive parent association in North Carolina. She has her masters in special education with certifications in five areas, including emotional disabilities. Gaile and her husband are parents of children adopted from foster care and have fostered over 28 children. Foster Family Alliance provides educational advocacy support for NC foster, adoptive, and kinship families.
In this episode, we cover:
What language is preferred: special education, exceptional children education, or something else?
What laws govern special education?
What are the most common acronyms that parents will see, and what do they mean?
IEPs
504s
LRE
SDI
OHI
How does trauma impact a child’s ability to learn?
How can you tell the difference between the impact of trauma from a learning disability or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?
What are the signs that a child needs to have an educational assessment?
What is involved with an educational assessment?
What are the first steps that a parent or caregiver should take to get an educational assessment?
What is the difference between an IEP and a 504 plan? Which one provides the most protection and accommodations for the child?
What accommodations should parents and caregivers be aware of that they can ask to be included in either the IEP or 504 plan?
What can foster/kin parents do if they believe the child in their care needs to be assessed? What are their legal rights?
Are they allowed to be in the IEP or 504 meeting?
Can they directly influence the IEP or 504?
How can foster or kinship parent be of the most help when working with a child with learning disabilities or other disabilities?
Tips for Parents and Caregivers when a child is struggling academically in school.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
How can parents help their transracial adoptees transition to college, and why can this transition be hard for both teens and parents? We talk with Dr. Amanda Baden, a Professor in the Counselor Education Program at Montclair State University. She is an active researcher and currently leads their Adoption Research Team. She is also a transracial adoptee and a member of the Creating a Family board.
In this episode, we cover:
Acknowledge that this will likely be a strange year for preparing anyone to go to college.
What are the major developmental milestones for all adolescents that happen during the 15-20 age frame?
What are some of the additional developmental milestones for adolescent adoptees?
What are the additional developmental milestones for transracial adoptees during the late teen years?
Why is the transition to college sometimes a difficult one for transracial adoptees?
What do you mean by “honorary whiteness”?
Is the experience of transitioning to college different depending on the race of adoptees?
Some adoptees feel like the bridge between the race/culture of their adoptive family and the race/culture of their birth. What are the issues with being the bridge?
Are there specific things parents and transracially adopted teens should look for when choosing a college?
The complexities of using the “transracial adoption story” as part of the college essay.
How can the feeling of rejection that some adoptees feel be exacerbated in the college application process?
How does the college experience impact adoptee identity development?
Can the transition to college be especially difficult for parents of transracial adoptees?
Parents are concerned about whether their child will leave and emotionally not return.
Birth parent search is usually open to adolescents at age 18, which is right during this time of transition.
How can parents help their transracial adoptees make a successful transition to college?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Everyone connected to adoption needs to listen to this show. We talk about a new research report on how birth parents experience adoption. The results will surprise you! Our guest are the two main authors: Ryan Hanlon is the Executive Director of The National Council for Adoption, the national adoption organization providing resources and education for all people and organizations in the adoption world and advocating for sound adoption policies; and Laura Bruder is the Executive Director of Brave Love, an organization dedicated to changing the perception of adoption by acknowledging birth moms for their brave decision.
In this episode, we cover: The Birth Parent Experiences report is based on the responses of 1,160 birth mothers and 239 birth fathers.
Were these all domestic infant adoption rather than adoptions from foster care?
Birth mothers who placed their child for adoption in 2010 or later were much more likely to report satisfaction with their decision than birth mothers who placed their child before or during the 1970s. Birth mothers’ levels of satisfaction with their adoption decision increased each decade since the 1970s.
The vast majority of birth mothers report experiencing stigma associated with their status as a birth parent. In fact, the percentage of birth mothers who experience some level of stigma about their decision to place their child for adoption has risen 20% since 1970.
What is the demographic of the birth moms and dads who completed the survey? (age, race, education, number of adoption placements
How has birth parent involvement in the adoption process changed?
What factors were important to expectant moms and dads when choosing adoptive parents?
What were the main concerns that birth moms had after placement?
Looking back, do birth parents believe they made the right decision?
What type of services and support do birth parents want and need post-placement?
78% of birth moms have contact with their child, and about 74% of birth fathers do. We don’t know if these are open adoptions or if the “child” is now an adult. Are they satisfied with this contact?
Are they satisfied with their decision to place a child for adoption? What factors influenced their level of satisfaction?
The research found that birth parents’ receipt of accurate information was significantly associated with adoption satisfaction for both birth mothers and birth fathers. What do you mean by accurate information?
What percentage of birth parents reported that they were actively involved in choosing the adoptive parents, and did that influence their overall satisfaction with their decision?
Three variables (receipt of accurate information, non-coerced decision-making, current contact with the child) were found to be the most strongly associated with levels of adoption satisfaction.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
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There is a huge need for foster and adoptive homes for LGBTQ+ youth in foster care. We interview Holly Harridan and Dr. Shelly Ronen. Holly is a Senior User Experience Researcher at Bloom Works and an applied Anthropologist with a background in queer and feminist studies. Dr. Shelly Ronen is a Senior User Experience Researcher at Bloom Works. She has a Ph.D. in Sociology and specializes in gender and sexuality.
In this episode, we cover:
Terminology. LGBTQ+, LGBTQIA2S+, queer. What does each of the letters mean, and what is correct?
What is the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity?
What are some of the unique challenges faced by LGBTQIA+ youth in foster care?
What does it mean to have an” affirming” home?
Some foster and adoptive parents know in advance that the child that they are fostering or adopting identifies as LGBTQ+, but other times, it is something that they find out later. If they know in advance, what are some things they can do to prepare?
Age-dependent- how to allow exploration without pigeonholing a child too soon?
How should parents handle it if they suspect their child is queer, but their child or youth does not want to talk about it?
Are the issues different depending on whether the youth or young adult is lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender?
How can parents encourage healthy romantic relationships?
What if you’ve been raised to believe that homosexuality is a sin?
How do you think agencies should balance a commitment to kinship caregivers against a commitment to the safety and affirmation of LGBTQ+ children and youth?
What is your response to people who say that since many foster parents are motivated by religious faith, requiring families to affirm LGBTQ+ children and youth would create a placement crisis?
What resources can foster parents look to for guidance on being affirming of LGBTQ+ children and youth?
Our goal is to provide a nurturing and supportive environment where LGBTQIA+ foster youth can grow, thrive, and develop a strong sense of self-worth and belonging.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Are you thinking about adopting internationally? Don't miss this interview covering the common health, developmental, and emotional issues found in kids adopted internationally. Our guests are Dr. Kimara Gustafson, M.D., M.P.H., an Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Minnesota Medical School, a Faculty Member in the Division of Clinical Behavioral Neuroscience, and a pediatrician at the Adoption Medicine Clinic at the University of Minnesota. We will also talk with Dr. Katie Stone, a postdoctoral fellow in the Department of Pediatrics at The University of Minnesota Medical School. She is part of the Psychology team at the Adoption Medicine Clinic.
In this episode, we cover: The best place to get information on the country-specific laws and the adoption process is your agency and the US State Department website on intercountry adoption, in the country information section.
Each year the US State Department prepares an Annual Report on Intercountry Adoption that includes the length of time and cost for adoptions from specific countries. The country-specific pages at the US State Department website also has some of this information.
What are some of the general characteristics and needs of kids waiting for adoption abroad?
Generally, what factors across the world lead children to be in state care and to need adoptive families?
What are the most frequent medical or psychological problems you see in children adopted internationally?
What are some common environmental toxins currently seen in the primary placing countries to the US and how might they impact children?
For the main placing countries to the US how common is:
Prenatal substance abuse
Malnutrition
Emotional issues
Genetic abnormalities
Developmental Delay
Other known health risk factors
What is the impact on a child of leaving familiar ties and surroundings?
What is the experience of most children leaving their family of origin?
How does institutional care impact children?
How does institutionalization affect child development?
What children are at the greatest risk for attachment disorders?
What are the psychological issues children who have experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma may face?
What are some of the acculturation and assimilation issues children may face post international adoption?
How does adoption itself impact children, adolescents, and adults? Resources for parents and professionals:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Join us to talk with Angela Tucker about her new book You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race Identity, and Transracial Adoption. Angela is a black woman adopted from foster care to white parents. She was the subject of Closure, a documentary that chronicles her search for her biological parents. Angela has consulted with NBC’s "This Is Us", supported the lead actor of Broadway musical "Jagged Little Pill", has over 15 years of experience working within adoption and foster care agencies, and has mentored over 200 adoptees, leading her to found the Adoptee Mentoring Society.
In this episode, we cover:
The Adoptee Manifesto
What adoptee centrism. What do you mean by that?
The complexities of loving your adoptive parents and wishing you weren’t adopted.
Why is the spoken or unspoken “you should be grateful” so hard on adopted people?
How to share the hard parts of our child’s story?
What is the Ghost Kingdom that adoptees create about their birth family?
The adoptee as the Plan B child because their parents didn’t get their Plan A child.
Colin Kaepernick: “Since the day I was born, I've never been anyone’s first choice.”
What happens when adoptees can’t talk about their feelings of loss and their feelings of longing for their birth families?
Race:
Feeling like a racial fraud.
Comfort in white spaces.
Color-evasiveness vs. color blindness.
Susan Harris O’Connor, a biracial person adopted by white parents says that transracial adoptees have 5 dimensions to their racial identity: genetic, imposed, cognitive, visual, and feeling.
White privilege by osmosis.
Have you received flack for marrying a white man? And is this common for transracial adoptees?
Search:
The fear of searching or even talking about birth family because adoptees don’t want to hurt their adoptive parents. And conversely, the fear of some adoptive parents that they will be replaced once their child finds their first parents.
Focus on birth mothers over birth fathers.
Things adoptive parents should know about the search.
Red Table Talk –Facebook Watch show with Jada Pinkett Smith, her mother, and her daughter. What were your feelings then and how do you feel about that appearance now.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Do you sometimes feel like screaming because you can't keep up with all that you think is expected of being a mom? If so, you're in good company. Join us to listen to our interview with Jessica Grose about her book Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood. Grose is an opinion writer at the New York Times. She writes a popular newsletter on parenting and was named by Glamour Magazine as a Game Changer in 2020 for her coverage of parenting during the pandemic.
In this episode, we cover:
What brought you to write this book?
The pressure to feel a certain way and do everything right feels inherent in modern motherhood, but is it new? Have things changed?
In what areas are moms in America struggling? Expense
Work and Role of Fathers:
Our society’s views of working motherhood from the 1990’s to now.
“There is the expectation for working women to want to become moms. Then when we do become parents, we are expected to be our best at work and attend to our children. I was the first call from the schools instead of my stay-at-home husband. There was a reason we had him stay-at-home. Schools still called "mom" first.”
“That’s happened to us now that we are both working from home. The other day, they needed to reach us. Three messages for me & no one called Dad. It wasn’t an emergency, but still.”
What is “radical flexibility,” and how common is it in the US.
Are women who were raised by working moms opting for a different path?
Role of social media:
“It's frustrating because so often you never see them having to deal with their kids, while trying to meal prep, help with homework, break up a sibling squabble, all the while trying to get out of the house for an appointment. I guess that doesn't make compelling viewing.”
“So! Many! Opinions! And so much facade. It’s challenging to navigate unless you are seriously self-confident or have already experienced a few ups & downs that give you perspective.
The curated reels can give such a false viewpoint and it’s easy to assume that’s their real life. But real life is not nearly as compelling as the perfectly crafted short clips.”
Is this a uniquely US issue?
Do moms in other countries feel the same pressures to be perfect and do it all?
Unique struggles of foster, adoptive, and kinship parents:
I was told recently that my feelings about how hard it was to mom my last three (adopted as a sibling set from foster care) were just a part of my “mindset”. Because all the moms she knew had the same struggles. So foster and adoptive moms also have unbelievably unrealistic expectations upon them. We aren’t allowed to struggle differently. Then another person told me that “I signed up for this.” So, the underlying meaning is when you adopt kids from hard places, you aren’t allowed to struggle.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Join us as Dr. Bruce Perry answers your questions about how trauma impacts adoptive, foster, and kinship kids and families. Dr. Bruce Perry, is a child psychiatrist and neuroscientist, the principal of the Neurosequential Network, Senior Fellow of The ChildTrauma Academy, and adjunct Professor at Northwestern University School of Medicine in Chicago. He is the author the numerous books including co-author along with Oprah Winfrey of What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, and co-author of The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog.
In this episode, we cover:
The shift in perspective from what’s wrong with you to what happened to you--the ability to understand seemingly senseless behavior by looking at what’s behind it.
What do you include as “trauma”? How severe does it have to be to impact us later in life?
We hear foster, adoptive, and kinship parents say, “she was only neglected.” Is neglect less harmful than abuse?
When siblings are separated in foster care and parents are taken completely away from seeing the children for a year at a time does this lack of contact count as trauma and how does this type of no-touch abuse effect the child's brain?
How common is trauma? ACE study.
Does trauma at a young age have longer lasting impacts?
We have a child who is chronologically 3yrs, who had a non-accidental TBI at 3 months of age. He is a sweet boy but prone to rages and is very loud. Could this be from the trauma or is it his age and frustration?
How can parents help their child manage trauma if they don’t know what the trauma was?
The times of healing are often very short but very powerful. And that the more times our kids experience healing, even in short bursts, the more their brain "re-develops" in healthier ways.
Is there is an association between trauma and sensory processing and if so, do we know why?
How do you become “unstuck” on being a victim? My daughter is 18 and is struggling to become an adult, but constantly feels and acts as though she is still a victim from her past.
Can you discuss how trauma is related to the sabotage of relationships, family events, life events, and opportunities?
Prenatal trauma—
in utero exposure to alcohol or drugs
maternal stress
Can generational trauma be passed down genetically through the various forms of DNA?
Resilience and Healing: My question is coming from the perspective as an adoptive and foster mom of some kids who have some pretty big behaviors. Can we really grow these kids and help them live happy, well-adjusted lives? Not problem free, but a life where after many years of love, they will come to find peace within themselves?
I have two children who are currently in foster care because their father was abusive and I stayed with him and allowed my children to witness the abuse. Is there any way to reverse the trauma?
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Are you thinking about adopting from foster care or adopting a child you are already fostering? Are you wondering how to help the child transition to adoption? Our guests are Hope Middlebrook, a foster parent recruiter for Arrow Child and Family Services, and Jennifer O’Brien, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Regional Director for Arrow’s Foster Care Programs.
In this episode, we cover:
Two different scenarios:
You are the foster parents of the child you are going to adopt.
You are adopting a child who is living with another foster family.
At what age do kids understand the concept of adoption and what it means in their life?
If you are adopting a child you are fostering.
How is adoption different from fostering?
What are some typical emotions (positive and negative) a child might feel? Grief is to be expected.
How far in advance should the child be informed?
What are some typical behaviors you might see?
What are some typical emotions and behaviors you might see from other children already living in your home?
If you are adopting a child living with another resource family or group home.
What are some typical emotions (positive and negative) a child might feel? Grief is to be expected.
How far in advance should the child be informed?
How long should the process take?
What can the adults do to make the process less stressful for the child?
What are some typical behaviors you might see from a child that is moving to yet another home and another parent?
What are some typical emotions and behaviors you might see from other children already living in your home?
What are the pros and cons of changing the child’s name? First name? Last name?
What are some tips for parents to help their child transition from foster child to adopted child? Some of these will apply to a child you are fostering and some to a child whom you are not fostering.
Get all the information on the child available from his file, caseworker, and previous foster parents.
Decide what type of relationship you can have with your child’s birth family. Come up with ways to help your child maintain safe connections to their biological roots.
Work with the former foster family and the child or youth to determine what type of relationship can continue with the foster family after the child moves to your home.
Go slow. Ideally, visit the child first in their foster home, then take the child out for the day, then have the child spend the night with the adoptive family, then the weekend before they finally move in.
Give the child/youth as much voice in the process as possible.
Anticipate problems and come up in advance with ways to work through them and outside resources to use.
Create a Lifebook for your child and use this book to help explain some of the differences between foster care and adoption. Get pic
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Is your child more intense and more challenging than other kids? Do you worry about the future for this child and your ability to help them learn to behave? You will love this interview with Tina Feigal, M.S., Ed., the Director of Family Engagement at Anu Family Services and founder of the Center for the Challenging Child, where she works with families throughout the US. She is the author of the book Present Moment Parenting: The Guide to a Peaceful Life with Your Intense Child.
In this episode, we cover:
What makes some kids more challenging?
What is the impact of trauma on children’s behavior?
We often parent the way we were parented. How can we overcome this?
What do we mean by “attachment,” and why is it important for children and parents?
“Parent the child in front of you in the present moment"- not the one that did ____ yesterday or the one that you fear will do or be ____ in the future.”
Ten Tenets of Parenting
How can parents work with children to improve these behaviors with different aged children while maintaining attachment?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Are you parenting a child on the autism spectrum. This interview will give you insight and hope. We talk with Dr. Lynn Koegel, a clinical professor at the Stanford University School of Medicine, and author of Hidden Brilliance: Unlocking the Intelligence of Autism. She is the Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.
In this episode, we cover:
What are some of the variations in the way autism presents in humans?
What are some of the symptoms or signs of autism at different ages?
We so often focus on the weaknesses of children with autism and overlook their strengths. Why is this a problem for children on the autism spectrum?
How is autism diagnosed, and what are the limits to this testing?
What can parents do to make sure that the testing more clearly reflects their child’s strengths as well as weaknesses?
The absence of speaking starting at around age one and struggles with communicating are common with people with autism. What can parents do to help improve spoken language?
How to teach social connectedness?
The inability to express their needs verbally can lead to behavioral issues such as screaming, aggression, and tantrums. What works to help the child and improve these behaviors?
The first question is what the behavior is trying to communicate.
Teach replacement behaviors. How do you find and teach this?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Have you thought about adopting a child of a different race or ethnicity? Are you up for the job? How can you be the best family for this child? Join us when we talk with Meggin Nam Holtz, a Licensed Master Social Worker, and a Korean adoptee. She has a private counseling practice specializing in adoption. She created an award-winning documentary film, Found in Korea, about birth search, country of origin travel, identity, and adoption.
In this episode, we cover:
If you are a White parent, are there different issues you need to consider depending on the race of the child you adopt?
Some families prefer to adopt a bi-racial child rather than a child who is all Black or all Latinx. What are the issues to consider?
Is there a difference between transracial and transcultural adoption?
What does it take to raise a child to have a healthy self and racial identity. How do they differ?
What are some of the issues parents should think about to determine if they are a family that should adopt across racial or ethnic lines?
What should parents be prepared to do in order to help their children develop a healthy sense of self?
Adoption is a family affair, so how should prospective adoptive parents prepare their extended family members for the adoption of a child of a different race or culture?
How to find role models that racially mirror your child?
Research on how transracially adopted children are doing.
What to do if you have someone in your family that you fear will not be accepting or will not treat your child fairly?
What are some issues that may come up with open adoption when adopting across racial lines?
Preparation for transracial adoption goes beyond hair care; hair and skin care are important. What should parents know?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Does your child struggle with controlling their big emotions? Do they seem angry or frustrated most of the time? We've got some answers! Join us to listen to this interview with Dr. Stuart Shanker, a Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus of Philosophy and Psychology at York University and author of several books, including Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Reframed: Self-Reg for a Just Society. He is also an adoptive dad.
In this episode, we cover:
3 basic principles of self-regulation:
There is no such thing as a bad or lazy kid.
No matter how difficult, out of control, distracted, or exhausted a child might seem, there’s a way forward: self-regulation.
All people can learn to self-regulate in ways that promote rather than constrict growth.
There is no such thing as a "fixed outcome": trajectories can always be changed, at any point in the lifespan, if only we have the right knowledge and tools.
How can parents help their children become calmer when we live in a stressful, frantic, and over-stimulating world?
How can parents calm themselves down in the hectic world?
Five-step method for managing stress
1. Reframe behavior by learning the difference between misbehavior and stress behavior and the signs of each. (Why and why now?)
2. Recognize stressors.
Some typical stressors broken out by age.
Some “hidden stressors” that their children are struggling with - physiological as well as social and emotional.
4. Reflect on what it feels like to be calm and what it feels like to be overstressed.
5. Restoration- energy, balance, and relationship.
These steps are not a program for managing a child’s behavior. Rather, these are five steps to promote understanding a child’s behavior.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Question: My husband and I want to adopt a baby. We are working with an adoption attorney, and we have to make a book about us and our lives to be shown to women and girls who are considering adoption for their baby. My husband has full-sleeve tattoos on both arms and on his neck. I am worried that it might be a turnoff for a girl choosing a family. Should we use pictures where his tattoos don’t show to up our chances?
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Do you wonder how to talk to your child about adoption? What if they don't seem interested? How do you talk about some of the hard stuff? This episode explores talking with children about adoption at different ages with Mari Itzkowitz, with the Center for Adoption Support and Education (CASE). She is an adoption-competent therapist and leader of the CASE Training Team, providing training and education to professionals and parents.
In this episode, we cover:
How does an adoptee’s understanding of adoption differ by age?
Infants
Toddlers & Preschoolers
School Age
Tweens
Teens
Young Adults
Older Adults
How to talk about adoption at different ages?
Should you wait for the child to ask questions before you tell them about their adoption story?
What if your child or youth shows little or no interest in their adoption story?
How does openness or lack of openness impact a child’s understanding of adoption?
Should adoptive parents bring up the idea of searching for birth family?
How does transracial adoption impact a child’s understanding of adoption?
Our focus is often on birth mothers. How can you talk about adoption and the role of the birth father with young children who do not understand the concept of sex?
What to say when you know very little about the birth parents? How to handle hard birth parent stories? Should you tell a child that they were conceived by rape or that their birth mother is in jail or birth father suffers from addiction? At what age should you share this information?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
We talk about raising your grandkids with Christine Adamec, coauthor with Dr. Andrew Adesman, of The Grandfamily Guidebook. She and her husband have been raising their teenage grandson since his infancy.
In this episode, we cover:
Why are grandparent led families increasing?
What are some common emotions that grandparents and other kin experience when they realize that they need to step in and raise their grandchildren or other kin?
What type of decisions should you make about legal custody or permanency? How to protect your grandchild? How to enroll them in school? How to be able to get medical and mental health care for them? How to prevent the child’s parents from removing the child from your home? Becoming a foster parent? A will?
What are some of the strains that grandparents can experience with their children (the parents of their grandchildren)?
How to navigate the relationship with your adult child?
Explaining the situation to the child? (“Why am I living with you and not my parents?”)
Raising kids that likely experience trauma, including prenatal exposure.
Adjusting to parenting in this new time.
Some of the joys of raising your grandchild.
Resources:
AARP has a Benefits QuickLINK tool to find out if you or your grandchild may qualify for 15 public benefits — 10 for adults and families and five for children.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
How does parenting an adopted teen differ from parenting teens that come to us through birth? What are some of the unique challenges adopted teens or young adults face? Check out our interview with Katie Naftzger, an LCSW, Korean adoptee, and the author of “Parenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen Years.”
In this episode, we cover:
Why is parenting an “adopted” teen any different from parenting a child who comes to you by birth?
What issues related to adoption come to the front during the teen years?
What issues that relate to early neglect or abuse, or loss come to the fore in adolescence?
In your book, “Parenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen Years,” you talk about adoptive or foster parents taking a learning stance when working with teens. What is a learning stance?
Many of our kids have experienced early life adversity and carry the scars of this early trauma. Parents often naturally feel bad for their teens because of this. How can these feelings of pity interfere with the healthy parenting of teens? When to step in and help and when to let our teens figure out how to handle things on their own?
Some adoptive parents adopt out of a feeling of needing to save the child. How does the savior narrative impact parenting teens?
Birth family issues:
Birth parents search
Handling hard birth parent situations
Identity formation-nature vs. nurture
Navigating an open adoption with teens
Identity formation as a transracial adoptee.
Transitioning into adulthood.
We hear that adopted teens are more likely to have mental health issues and more likely to commit suicide. How do adoptive parents support their adopted teens?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: