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TitreDateDurée
#124 - When You’re Doing All The Emotional Labor15 Dec 202500:46:21

In this week's conversation, Vanessa brings forward the pain of a friendship that feels increasingly one-sided. Together, we explore the difference between situational limits and structural limits in relationships, how to trust the “data” we receive when others shut down, and the grief that comes with realizing we may be doing too much emotional labor.

We explore how to discern when to keep engaging, when to step back, and how to communicate desires for mutuality without blame. We also look at why some people can talk the talk of empathy yet still struggle to walk it in relationships. And, how to honor our own boundaries when reciprocity is missing.

Listener Takeaways

•Learn how to interpret someone’s emotional shutdowns as information about capacity rather than a reflection on your delivery.

•Recognize the signs of over-functioning in friendships and how to stop carrying all the emotional labor.

•Practice asking direct but compassionate questions that clarify whether mutuality is truly present.

•Understand the developmental stages of NVC practice and why some people can use the tools for their own needs but not yet offer reciprocity.

•Embrace grief as a necessary step when relationships aren’t mutual, while keeping your heart open to future possibilities.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#123 - They Took Out the Line About Me08 Dec 202500:32:31

When Nancy learned that her niece had removed a single sentence from a family speech, one that acknowledged Nancy’s marriage and presence, it triggered a wave of old pain. What may seem like a small omission unearthed decades of erasure, advocacy, and exhaustion.

In this deeply moving conversation, we explore how one personal moment of being edited out becomes a microcosm of much larger cultural shifts. As stories of marginalized people are quietly removed from government websites, training programs, and public institutions, Nancy’s family moment reflects a collective trend: what gets remembered, and what gets deleted, is never neutral.

Together, we navigate the emotional toll of invisibility, the weight of lifelong advocacy, and the tender discernment it takes to speak up with care. Whether you’ve been left out of the story, or left someone else out, this episode offers a powerful invitation to return ourselves, and each other, to the circle.

 Listener Takeaways:

•Erasure may not be loud,but it’s deeply impactful. Small omissions can reactivate deep emotional wounds, especially for those historically marginalized.

•Silence isn’t neutral. Bystanders and witnesses have power, too. A lack of acknowledgment can deepen the harm.

•Discernment is key. Speaking up doesn’t always mean confronting the whole crowd. Often, one honest conversation is what opens the door to healing.

•Advocacy fatigue is real. Especially for elders who’ve carried this work for decades. There’s wisdom in knowing how to keep showing up in ways that preserve your energy and dignity.

•Returning non-love with love is an act of sovereignty. It’s not about people-pleasing: it’s about transforming disconnection into care without abandoning yourself.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#114 - How to Say No Without Guilt06 Oct 202500:37:54

When someone you care about is in crisis, how do you say “no” without guilt? In this episode, Julia brings a powerful, relatable question: how do I set a kind but clear boundary with a friend who wants to move into my space indefinitely?

What unfolds is a rich conversation about friendship, emotional safety, and the difference between care and over-responsibility. We explore what to say when someone “trauma dumps,” how to set boundaries without turning it into a negotiation, and how to stop absorbing others’ emotional projections.

We also talk about what happens when you’re the one being “cut off,” and how to have hard conversations earlier, before resentment builds up.

 Listener Takeaways:

•Language for setting kind, non-negotiable boundaries.

•What to do when someone guilts you for not showing up the way they want.

•How to hold your ground when someone weaponizes past generosity.

•A loving reframe for this common myth: If I can’t meet your need, I must be a bad friend.

•Tips for inviting safer, more mutual friendships (from both ends).

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#25 - Staying Connected During Difficult Conversations22 Jan 202401:02:47

Have you ever had that moment in a conversation where you just go "deer in the headlights" and aren't sure what to say next?  

And then you notice yourself having a lot of judgments about what the other person said, but you also have "rules" in your mind about being "nice" and so you stall out?

On this week's podcast we dive into three compelling topics:

  • Protecting pets and animals from abuse
  • Holding space for a friend in a harmful relationship
  • And, responding to prejudice

If you've ever wondered how to have kind but direct and honest conversations about something that matters to you, this episode is for you.  We explore what it takes to respond in courageous ways that allow us to be authentic and to show up with clear integrity, even if our authenticity and integrity might create awkwardness or discomfort for others.

Show notes:
(0:00) Intro
(1:18) After witnessing the abuse of a living being, how do I approach the person responsible?
(25:09) How do I help a friend who is ashamed because of harmful things their partner said to them?
(38:53) How do I regulate my nervous system and get in touch with needs and emotions in the moment?
(45:14) How should I respond to racial prejudice with someone who makes a negative comment?
(56:24) Instead of asking "why" questions, what is the better way of asking questions?
(59:17) Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#24 - Building Communities of Support15 Jan 202400:58:41

Have you ever found yourself wondering who your people are, and where you can find them?  Personal growth sometimes means we're surrounded by loved ones who can't receive us in the way we want to be received.

This week, we examine how we can approach imbalances with grace, advocate for our emotional needs, and communicate effectively to ensure that everyone, including ourselves, feels heard and valued.

We touch on the rawness of vulnerability, the importance of choosing companions wisely, and the sometimes painful process of letting go when the reciprocity just isn't there. 

We also discuss the complexities of seeking honest feedback and expressing our communication preferences, especially when our defenses are down. 

Show notes:
(0:00) Intro
(1:20) How do you ask a group facilitator to grant airtime to members fairly?
(20:45) How do I have others listen to me in the way that I'm listening to them?
(43:13) How do I find people with the same mindset I can connect to?
(49:36) How do I ask the people who matter for feedback without sugarcoating?
(52:25) How do I communicate my need to connect and feel heard in the moment more than finding a solution?
(56:35) Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#23 - The Difference Between Wanting Validation and Needing It08 Jan 202400:53:07

As we navigate the delicate interplay between self-expression and the quest for approval, we unravel the truth that seeking affirmation isn't the villain we often paint it to be. In this episode, we talk about setting our expectations on how people would respond to our creative output and opening our minds to the possibilities of various reactions.

Regarding therapy, things can get complicated, can't they? It's like a dance of words and emotions, where sometimes you're unsure who's leading. We strip back the layers of uncertainty that cloak the therapist-client relationship as we explore how to foster clear, assertive communication. 

Finally, we talk about honoring plans and the respect that comes with it, not just for others but for ourselves. Whether it's navigating a last-minute change of plans with grace or aligning your free spirit with the expectations of those around you, this episode provides strategies for clear, compassionate communication. 

Show notes:
(0:51) How can I enjoy my work and let go of the fact that not everyone needs to love it?
(11:29) How can I honor my need to be seen and heard even when the feedback I receive is not what I expected?
(18:20) How do I ask my therapist for a roadmap after being blown off and dealing with the fear of asking again?
(41:31) How do I deal with my friend who feels disrespected when I change my mind about our plans?
(51:08) Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#22 - The Essential Role of Self-Connection in Successful Relationships With Others01 Jan 202400:57:02

It's often said that we can only connect with others to the extent that we've connected with ourselves, first.

But what does that actually mean, and how can we use deep self-connection to actually improve our relationship with someone else?

In this week's episode, the role of self-connection comes up twice, and we discuss a method for processing through triggers outside of the relationship before bringing those feelings to our partner.

 Processing through our own emotions and reactions in a safe and calm space away from our partner allows us to determine what work is our responsibility outside of the relationship, and what work needs repairing within it.  

Being intentional about what we choose to work on in our relationships helps us create really clear requests, and allows us to calmly observe how our requests are welcomed by our partner. 

Show notes:
(1:20) I have romantic feelings for my friend who doesn't feel the same way.  What do I do?
(8:00) How to choose what to bring up to my partner
(16:10) I want my partner to grow with me.  How can I make that happen?
(18:10) How do I tell my partner I want to go to couples counseling?
(28:09) My mother dominates holiday conversations.  What can I do?
(39:18) How do I know whether to make a request or ask for feedback?
(42:46) How can I respond to someone else's negative reactions?
(54:43) Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#21 -What To Do When Talking Gets Tough25 Dec 202300:57:57

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conversation, wondering how things got so heated? 

We've all been there, and this week, we're peeling back the layers of authentic communication to help you navigate those tricky talks. We discuss the importance of personal growth and its transformative impact on how one perceives and interacts with family members. Recognizing the emotional undercurrents and approaching them with empathy and assertiveness is vital for setting boundaries and fostering healthier relationships. 

We also tackle the challenge of timely and conscious communication. Addressing issues as they arise rather than letting them fester can break the cycle of venting and regret. 

This episode emphasizes the power of asking for what we want without attachment to outcomes, paving the way for mutual respect and understanding. Through this, we underline the potential for personal growth and the cultivation of meaningful interactions.

Show notes:
(0:50) How do I prep for a mediation when I am in the dark about the nature of the upset?
(11:56) How do I improve the family dynamics and communication with a sister who bosses me around?
(28:38) How can I respond when someone tells me what I “need to” do?
(35:50) What are other options for dealing with my dad, who's in assisted living?
(53:11) How do I manage my feelings and support a young family member who says we never have enough time together?
(56:02) Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#20 - How to Apologize: Two Examples18 Dec 202300:56:50

How we impact others, matters.

In an interdependent world, our choices and actions ripple out into the lives of others - either making things better, or worse.  

Sometimes, we positively impact others through our vulnerability, our generosity, our humor - our essential and imperfect willingness to live from our shared humanity.

Other times, we fall short. Under stress or full up with our own buckets of pain, we can spill over in less kind, less connected, less vulnerable ways than we'd like.  Our unawareness, our defenses, our disconnectedness, our unavailability in those moments can act like a drain, sucking energy out of interactions, or like a hedgehog - creating prickles and bristles in the place of connectedness and softness.  

So what do we do when we've shown up in ways we now regret?  
​ 
How can we restore connection, without losing our dignity?  

When we ground ourselves in the part of ourselves that listens without judgment and connects without shame or blame, then our messier moments can become springboards for more intimate and vulnerable connections with others that actually build more trust.  

By tuning into the impact we have on one another - intentional or not - and genuinely caring about one another's needs, we can find our ways into repair work that actually reconnects and helps us all learn and grown  

As you'll discover in this week's podcast, greeting ourselves with empathy and understanding is a necessary (but not sufficient) first step if we're wanting to engage in deeper repair work with others.  

Show notes:
(0:55) I haven't shown up professionally in the ways I've wanted to? How do I share that with colleagues?
(23:52) Someone emotionally exploded all over me and now I'm left holding the emotional baggage.  What do I do next?
(48:55) What has been meaningful today?  Input from call participants.
(54:56) Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#19 - But If I Tell You No, Will I Still Matter to You?11 Dec 202301:01:17

Domination System Programming is very good at teaching us that our value lies in our ability to meet the needs of others.

To the extent that I make you feel good, I'm a pleasure to be around.

When I'm willing to override my own needs for rest or play and work instead, I am rewarded by being called "dedicated" or "motivated".

If I work hard at meeting your needs and put my needs last, I'm a "loving" and "giving" person.

It can be an absolute revelation when we realize we are not here to be used as a tool for others to meet their needs.  Instead, as we discuss on this week's podcast, we are here to be subjective, sovereign human beings who are learning how to be in interdependent relationship with one another.    

Show notes:
(1:33) Saying no feels scary but I don't want to be used.  What do I do?
(5:40)How do I reveal myself without upsetting someone else?
(12:30)An example of a soft way to say "No"
(19:15) The difference between calibrating language and surviving someone's negative judgments of us
(23:25)I want the connection to another, but I need to impose a boundary.  What should I say?
(26:26)Sometimes I lie to avoid others because it feels easier.  How can I up level that strategy?
(36:00)My Ex needs help.  Do I have to be the one to help him?
(42:15) How idealizing others can dehumanize them
(45:25) In Domination Cultures, the word "respect" is often code for "obedient"
(46:15) We are not here to be objects to be used by other people
(48:15) Tell me more about Domination  Cultures
(49:52) How can I navigate a strained situation with more lightness?
(59:12) Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#18 - You're Not What I Need, but I Don't Want to Let You Go04 Dec 202301:00:33

The richest and deepest of romantic partnerships is the type where each person is committed to a shared vision of a life together--where each person brings the best of themselves to the other.

So what do we do when we're all in, but our partner isn't feeling it?  Or, if the tables are turned, how do we kindly disengage from an ex-partner who isn't ready to let us go?

Both sides of the intimate relational coin are up for discussion on today's podcast, in addition to a handy strategy for meeting our emotional needs during a break up.

Show notes:
(0:00) Intro
(2:45) My partner wants less commitment and I want more.  What do I do?
(12:00) I'd rather have the hope of working towards a future with you than no hope at all.
(23:50) A practical strategy for redirecting emotional needs during a breakup.
(30:30) How do positive, encouraging messages fit into NVC?
(36:24) NVC as an outward performance.
(37:40) My ex wants to re-engage but I don't.  How do I disconnect kindly?
(44:40) When you are finished, you get to be done.
(49:00)  Do my needs cause others pain?
(56:00)  The function of the words "I'm Sorry"
(58:30) Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#17 - How Can I Share What I'm Learning Without Being Off-Putting?27 Nov 202300:51:39

This week's episode had several questions regarding offering Nonviolent Communication to others.  

It can be very hurtful when we believe we have a method of communication that might help strengthen our connection with others, but our loved ones aren't interested in hearing what we have to say.

A suggestion?  One of the best ways to inspire others to learn NVC is to live it.

Show notes:
[0:00] Intro
[3:40] How can I share NVC?
[8:32] What is the best way to inspire others to learn NVC?
[16:20] The importance of focusing on the process, not the content
[18:22] I want to be seen and known as competent.  What can I do?
[27:30] How to respond to a demand
[35:30] We stay connected to others as far as we can stay connected to ourselves
[42:00] How can I integrate childhood messages that no longer serve me?
[46:00] Addressing the heart of religious trauma
[48:00] How can I skillfully ask for a reflection?
[50:26] Outro


For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#16 - [Solo] The Protective vs. The Punitive Use of Force 20 Nov 202300:22:42

It's no surprise that the increase of violence in the Middle East has me contemplating the use of force.  Are we ever truly justified in using violence?

In fact, we are.  When the protective use of force is engaged as a life affirming tool used in order to increase safety and security for all, then everyone benefits.  

Do you find yourself looking for practical, on the ground ways that you can reduce your reliance on the punitive use of force and up level your skills regarding the protective use of force?   Then look no further--this 20 minute solo episode provides some clarity as to the difference between the two uses of force, and three strategies you can try today to shift your consciousness from using force as a punitive tool of punishment to a protective tool of safety.

Show notes:
[0:00] Intro
[2:45] The first line of defense in conflict management
[4:25] When is the use of force necessary?
[5:58] The intention behind the protective use of force
[6:30] The intention behind the punitive use of force
[8:08] The quickest way to reduce all violence
[10:40] The cost of submission
[12:45] What gets in the way of embracing creative, nonviolent solutions?
[16:46] The benefits of the protective use of force
[18:00] The importance of dropping enemy images
[20:34] How can I up level nonviolence in my own life?
[21:37] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#113 - How to Cope When Your Partner Isn’t Emotionally Supportive29 Sep 202500:28:05

What do you do when you’re bursting with excitement, vulnerability, or a creative new idea, only to be met with silence, critique, or defensiveness from the person you love? In this heartfelt conversation, Liza brings forward the quiet grief of being in a relationship that lacks emotional accompaniment. Together, we explore the lived experience of trying to stay joyful, expressive, and connected when your partner just isn’t available in the way your heart longs for.

We unpack the deeper patterns at play, from relational trauma to the impact of neurodivergence, and identify both internal and external resources that can bring relief. This episode offers real tools for navigating relational misattunement, protecting your spark, and finding connection even when your current environment doesn’t support it.

If you’ve ever wondered how to keep showing up with warmth and wisdom when your needs go unmet, this one is for you.

Show Notes:

•The subtle heartbreak of emotional disconnection

•Why critique from a partner can feel so deflating

•How CPTSD and autism can impact relational communication

•Tools for externalizing emotion (the power of feelings/needs sheets!)

•Why “I need acknowledgement” may not work—and what to say instead

•Turning blame into gold: Translating criticism into needs

•How financial dependence complicates emotional honesty

•Building your own sources of joy, support, and co-regulation

•What to do when your partner doesn’t “join” you emotionally

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#15 - Boundaries vs Requests; Judgments vs Discernments 13 Nov 202300:54:26

If you've been wondering what lies in the middle between judgment and observation, then this week's episode of the podcast is for you.  

When focusing on making impartial observations instead of value laden judgments, we can sometimes forget about the wisdom that comes with discernment.  

Discernment--the ability "to separate", is an essential, executive function.  A synonym for discernment is understanding.  You not only see what is in front of you, but also understand.  It is possible to discern the nature of a thing without judgment or evaluation.

The theme of discernment is at the heart of one of the questions in this week's call.  I hope you enjoy the discussion!

Show notes:
[1:45] What's the difference between a discernment and a judgment? 
[5:50] How can I navigate a relationship with a difficult superior?
[13:30] But if I love others hard enough won't this make them healthy?
[16:01] The difference between a boundary and a request
[20:15] I don't appreciate being called "lady"
[25:20] How do I unravel my own colonial tendencies?
[31:00] The polarity of precise language and the spirit behind it
[38:00] So how do I respond to others' colonial beliefs?
[40:04] How can I bring up my needs to a new friend without seeming needy?
[52:03] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#14 - How to Break Through Codependency 06 Nov 202300:48:41

Have you ever wrestled with the fear and discomfort that emerges when you want to shift your relationship dynamics? Are you grappling with codependency or struggling to express your emotions authentically with your parents? In today's conversation, we explore a daughter's heartfelt journey of wanting to honor her parents while navigating the challenges of building deeper connections. We talk about the courage it takes to invite our loved ones into new experiences and the vulnerability that comes with it. Our discussion extends to the wisdom of releasing demanding energies in our interactions, emphasizing the importance of authenticity and the freedom of letting go of specific outcomes. The latter part of our conversation is about parenting dynamics, as we observe an 8-year-old learning codependent behaviors from a mom aiming to break free from people-pleasing cycles. Together, we explore the art of expressing ourselves honestly, asking for what we need, and embracing detachment from external outcomes.

Show notes:
[1:08] Why is it so difficult to show up differently in my relationship with my parents?

[4:55] Why am I so uncomfortable when my mom says "I love you"?

[11:15] Using hindsight and foresight to heal in the present

[14:30] I'm worried this "fancy language" will alienate instead of connect us

[19:40] Where does our courage come from?

[22:15] How do I respond with empathy without sounding formulaic?

[25:16] How you react to me tells me about you AND me

[30:05] How do I prevent passing my codependency down to my child?

[36:00] How can I work on myself?

[39:00] Is it ok to ask others to show up differently?

[46:44] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#13 - What Blocks Empathy?30 Oct 202300:54:05

Navigating the complexities of relationships and communication can feel like a tightrope walk - balancing empathy with personal boundaries, all while staying true to ourselves. In this episode, we'll confront the fear of being seen as mean when declining unhealthy conversations and reveal the roots of codependency that stem from such situations. The conversation will go into untouched territories of self-shame and inner rejection. With compassion and understanding, we'll help you navigate tricky conversations and teach you how to support others without taking on their emotional baggage. We'll introduce you to pendulation and its crucial role in maintaining a healthy balance between self-protection and connection to our nervous system. Finally, with a strong focus on authenticity and self-respect, we'll explore the path to self-growth and the power of taking small steps to catalyze change. 

Show notes:
[2:23] How do you get to your heart when someone's asking for empathy and you just don't feel it? 
[4:47] What might be blocking empathy?
[6:21] How to help a sister in changing her sister's behavior and regulating their nervous system
[17:59] How to stop co-regulating
[21:54] How to the muscle of boundaries and self-regulation
[23:40] How to build a new relationship with our inner child
[28:50] How can my limitations not be harmful to other people?
[33:56] What does it mean to have conversations from the heart?
[38:33]  Needing to feel safe and connect with others without losing ourselves
[42:21] What are some strategies to shift from critical, negative, self-shaming thoughts into self-compassionate words that land? 
[44:26] How to translate judgment into compassion
[49:28] At what point is self-protection holding us back?
[51:44] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#12 - Self-Acceptance vs. Self-Improvement23 Oct 202300:58:30

In this episode, we explore emotional balance, fear, and self-blame and practical strategies that help to create a safer emotional space, neutralize self-judgment, and promote healthier attachments. Want to regain balance when your body is a fear state? Listen in!   We cover the importance of creating an open, non-judgmental spaces for children to express their feelings freely, and how empathetic listening transforms relational dynamics. We talk about how to help children bring their felt experiences into consciousness and learn to neutralize judgment. We also touch on the importance of expressing our needs without coming off as instructive. We explore balancing self-reliance and allowing for nurturance, revealing vulnerability without teaching someone how to love us, and managing expectations of predictability.

Show notes:
[1:01] How to regulate your nervous system to  find safety when triggered
[7:02] What is nervous system re-regulation?
[9:32] Why should you not empathize with fear states?
[13:01] How to reframe fault and blame in a divorce situation?
[16:49] Role-playing to learn how to explore conflicting feelings about the divorce
[25:32] How to handle self-blame in the divorce situation
[28:44] What is radical acceptance and self-improvement, and what does it mean to keep them in balance?
[30:13] What resources discuss blame and judgment being developmentally appropriate for children?
[37:25] How do you break the unhealthy attachment to comfort in chaos?
[43:28] How do you receive nurturing support from your community?
[46:30] Finding solace in shared experiences and empathic connection
[50:39] How do you teach someone how to be with you?
[56:26] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#11 - Transforming Faux Feelings16 Oct 202300:53:28

Picture this: you're engaged in a heated argument with a loved one, words are flying around, and suddenly, you find yourself saying, "I feel attacked!" But is it really an attack? Does this word accurately convey what you're feeling? This episode will take you on a fascinating exploration of true feelings versus faux feelings. We discuss how often our words fail to truly represent our emotions and delve into why words like 'attacked' or 'betrayed' may not adequately express our feelings. We also go into how mastering the accurate expression of our feelings can aid in fostering deeper connections. We share with you the best strategies for defending your boundaries without resorting to aggression and how to stay attuned to your emotions and needs. Moreover, we illuminate the importance of conversations that promote mutual understanding and connection, emphasizing the significance of recognizing and respecting our feelings, needs, thoughts, and perceptions. Listen in as we offer practical insights to help you navigate your relationships with newfound clarity and depth.

Show notes:
[0:00] Intro
[1:24] What is the impact of accusatory language
[8:31] How do you communicate clearly without triggering defensiveness?
[13:30] How to flip the  mindset and meet boundaries
[15:15] Non-violent listening and fostering connection in conversations
[19:56] Exploring systems and dynamics of self-protection
[29:52]  What two key things distort our perceptions?
[32:30] How do you stay non-violent when listening?
[35:12] How to choose growth vs. acceptance in relationships
[38:23] The reason we often stay too long in miserable relationships
[40:15] Switching therapists for different perspectives
[41:36] How do you disengage from someone being aggressive?
[46:06] How to know if a feeling is real
[48:11] How do you achieve a connection with another person? 
[51:29] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#10 - How to Reclaim Your Inner Truth09 Oct 202300:54:34

In this episode, we break down how to identify and understand your actual needs and feelings. We also demystify the power dynamics within the family system and how they can distort our perspective in relationships.  It's not about right or wrong; instead, it's about understanding and healthily managing our feelings and needs. In a society dominated by a culture of suppression, we often learn to hide our feelings and needs. We focus on obtaining favorable judgments from others; in the process, we lose touch with our inner selves. Developing literacy of feelings and needs can be transformative. It helps shift your attention from external influences to your body and mind. By tuning into our feelings and needs, we can identify what is truly important to us before we hit the "red alarm" zone. This proactive approach to personal growth helps us make informed choices about our well-being. Through our discussion, we aim to help you reclaim your sense of self and navigate conflicting narratives within your relationships.

Show notes:
[1:11] What are faux feelings and needs, and what are their differences from actual feelings and needs? 
[20:22] How do you receive someone when you sense faux feelings and then add real feelings in communication?
[27:54] How do we recognize and respond to harmful situations?
[30:31] What would a healthy culture or family system look like?
[36:03] How do you let go of resentment?
[37:11] How do you recognize if you are developing narcissistic traits?
[52:32] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#9 - Natural Giving vs. Coercion 02 Oct 202300:55:55

In our latest podcast episode, we explore the intricate dance between coerced and natural giving. I talk briefly about the spiritual underpinnings of my work and my deep commitment to helping you trust your inner authority. We dive into some real-life situations, including someone who finds it difficult to nurture herself in front of her mother and the delicate balance of giving and receiving in our relationships. We also cover resentment and how to acknowledge our needs without judging them. These conversations are as raw and real as they get! Let's journey together towards more compassion, understanding, and nonviolent communication.

Show notes:
[1:10] The difference between coerced and natural giving
[7:36] What does natural giving sound like in practice? 
[12:54] How to say no when a yes represents self-sacrifice, without harming your connection
[14:43] Scripts for saying yes or no to requests from others 
[19:15] Someone shares that they did what bothers them to another person
[22:14] How to honor your feelings and needs when you've learned to suppress them around certain people
[33:50] Where to get help with healing family systems 
[36:03] How to handle bullies
[44:43] How to have clarity on what you can and cannot change, and conflict avoidance
[46:54] How to address shame and rebuild relationships
[53:48] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#8 - What to do when you want more--or less--than someone else25 Sep 202300:57:10

Navigating relationships can feel like walking a tightrope. It's a delicate balance between understanding and respecting our own emotional needs while also being mindful of those of our counterparts. In this week’s episode, we talk about the nuances of setting boundaries and the impact of unresolved trauma on relationships. We also talked about the delicate dance between self-connection and self-responsibility amidst the intricacies of emotional needs. Join us as we highlight the significance of self-care, exploring how to manage our behavior without imposing our expectations on others and how to remain open-hearted and motivated in our relationships.

Show notes:  
[1:10] How do you navigate through a rekindled, yet somehow very different, relationship?
[19:32] How to deal with the conflict of finding out the level of relationship you want to commit to?
[24:39] How do you find balance in relationship dynamics while also putting focus on self-mattering and self-advocacy?
[32:30] Are you allowed to say no to people?
[33:33] Is it time to quit a job? And do you have authority issues? 
[42:38] How to communicate boundaries gently and respectfully?
[47:57] What is the difference between setting healthy boundaries and having a controlling behavior?
[55:18] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#7 - Fielding Judgments with Empathy18 Sep 202300:59:07

Have you ever wondered how to navigate family conversations while skillfully maintaining your dignity and compassion? Are we responsible for someone’s trigger? Or how do we defend ourselves from the judgment of others? In today’s episode, we will talk about those and more. We talk about the power of empathy and understanding in conversations that could quickly escalate into conflict. We also encourage you to voice your truth, set your boundaries, and stand firm in your beliefs, no matter what. So buckle up; this is going to be a powerful episode.

Show notes:  
[1:20] How to respond empathically to a painful text from my father? 
[10:57] What is a boundary, and how do I set it?  
[17:31] How do I defend myself from others’ judgments in empathic ways?  
[20:35] How do you field someone judging you, and how do you advocate for yourself when you’re being falsely accused? 
[29:14] How to make peace with the tension that arises between a misinterpretation and the truth of a situation
[32:31] How to interrupt someone going on and on and on
[34:34] How do I apologize for a mistake I made?
[36:30] Are we responsible for not triggering other people? 
[45:44] My marriage feels lonely - what are my options? 
[57:16] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#6 - The Dance Between Empathy, Self-Protection, and Boundary Setting11 Sep 202300:59:15

In this episode we explore the balance between setting self-care boundaries, while staying in connection with and empathizing with others.  Ever struggled with the fine line between remaining empathic, but not enabling abuse?  This episode is a heartfelt exploration of empathy, boundaries, and self-protection. Don't miss out.

Show notes:  
[1:36] When do we empathize vs setting a boundary? Some principles. 
[5:50]  What to do when money from parents comes with strings attached 
[21:30] How clarity relaxes our nervous system
[26:38] What would be an empathic response when you're being accused of gaslighting? 
[35:07] How can I get others to be less jarring to my nervous system? 
[41:34] How do you respond empathetically to demands and urgency?
[48:02] Why is self-empathy so hard for me, and what could I do about it? 
[57:23] Conclusion


For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#112 - Is it a Question or a Trap?22 Sep 202500:40:39

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a question that didn’t feel like a genuine invitation but more like a setup? In this week’s episode, we explore the subtle difference between open-hearted curiosity and covert control in our conversations.

First, we hear from Tarjia, who’s navigating interactions that leave her feeling dismissed, startled, or unsure what to say, especially when comments come cloaked in snark or when her mother’s questions feel like emotional landmines. Together, we explore how to recognize the moment you’re no longer in a shared reality and how to gently reclaim your footing without collapsing into silence or defensiveness.

Then, Selina joins with a tender dilemma: how to stay relational with a close friend whose intensity sometimes overwhelms her nervous system. She’s not trying to criticize or abandon, but she’s also trying not to lie. We unpack the inner tangle of judgment, empathy, and responsibility that arises when one person’s vulnerability feels like another’s emotional burden.

This episode is for anyone who’s ever frozen mid-conversation, questioned their own reactions, or struggled to say the true thing kindly. Listen to the end for concrete language to use when you feel trapped by tone, startled by a request, or unsure how to hold your own internal reactions with grace.

Show Notes:

•The hidden agenda behind “loaded questions” and how to name it gently.

•Why your mind goes blank when someone says something “smart-ass” in a certain tone and how to recover mid-moment.

•How to spot the difference between performance and presence in a conversation.

•One phrase you can use when someone projects their feelings onto you and expects agreement.

•How to stay kind and honest when you’re afraid the truth might hurt someone you care about.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#5 - Building Bridges through Empathy, Communication, and Self-Awareness04 Sep 202300:58:07

Ever wondered how to navigate the landscapes of empathy, self-reflection, and interpersonal communication, with grace and compassion? Prepare to be enlightened. Together, we'll explore the importance of understanding our how to separate out the external stimulus from the our internal reactions, especially irritation, and lovingly accepting them without judgment. We dive into how to trust your intuition, listen with a wider lens and absorb what feels right for you.  We talk about the importance of making the implicit, explicit and how attuning to present moment needs lead to wisdom.

Show notes:
Separating Stimulus vs. Response (2:30)
Learn the art of listening and understanding the difference between stimulus and response in conversations.

Asking Someone to "Share the Air" (5:41)
Explore effective techniques for encouraging active participation in group discussions.

"Screaming in Giraffe" (12:30)
Delve into the concept of advocating for yourself nonviolently and improving communication.

Inviting Others to Care (17:41)
Discover ways to invite empathy and support from others without making demands.

Giving Advice Mindfully (20:20)
Find out when and how to provide advice by attuning to needs and self-soothing techniques.

Seeking an Empathic Response (36:15)
Learn how to respond empathically when faced with criticism or an attack.

Dealing with Siblings and Limited Resources (49:00):
Explore strategies for managing challenging family situations when resources are limited.

Conclusion (56:12) Key ideas and insights 

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#4 - The Power of Presence in Navigating Relationships and Self-Care28 Aug 202300:57:40

Are you ready to unlock the delicate dynamics of your relationships? In this episode we talk about the importance of making implicit information explicit, and explore how compassion, proactivity, and understanding can transform your interactions. You'll get practical tools for creating more understanding and awareness, essential for effective communication and fulfilling relationships. Join us in today’s episode to learn how awareness and self-compassion practices can help you respond differently to triggers, giving you greater control and understanding. In a fun twist, we incorporate a listening quiz to evaluate our listening habits and discover how nonviolent communication can enhance these skills. 

Show notes:
[1:10] Addressing communication and relationship needs
[14:35] Navigating relational dynamics and boundaries
[21:31] Difficult conversations and self-care in relationships
[29:43] Self-care in challenging relationships
[36:42] Setting boundaries, seeking help for others
[44:16] Training to increase awareness and choices
[55:08] Check out my website for a fun listening quiz about Listening Archetypes


For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#3 - Harnessing the Power of Conscious Anger16 Aug 202301:02:07

Are your friendships and familial relationships causing you to lose sleep? Do you feel as though you're walking in a minefield when trying to communicate your feelings and needs? In this episode, we unravel the complexity of these emotional dynamics, offering practical strategies to help you navigate and cultivate healthier relationships. We talked about trauma, violence, and emotional healing. We underscore the need for openness, respect for consent, and mindful communication when seeking help. We discuss strategies to prevent the cycle of violence and ways to work towards healing consciously. The power of conscious anger, its role in expressing our human rights, and how it can be harnessed in a healthy, life-affirming manner is also mirrored in the conversation. So, tune in and equip yourself with valuable insights to navigate your emotional challenges and relationships.


Show notes:
[3:57] What do you do when your friend stops communicating with you?
[22:08] Communicating with an increasingly aggressive elder parent—how to approach this authentically
[34:43] Diving deeper into taking your problems in a professional, private setting
[49:53] Separating the difference between an expression of intensity and intense emotion expressed in a self-responsible way
[52:55] The wisdom behind anger
[57:21] Let’s talk about competition and awakening the feelings long buried
[60:16] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#2 - Healing Rifts: Building Bridges Through Communication09 Aug 202301:00:58

Are your family ties feeling like chokeholds? Is it difficult to draw a clear line in the sand with relatives without sparking a feud? This episode is your lifeline.

Join us as we venture into the labyrinth of family dynamics, charting a path towards healthier boundaries and building stronger connections. We emphasize that it's never too late to seek professional help and to redefine ourselves beyond our behavioral patterns. Whether you're grappling with the aftermath of a heated dispute or simply seeking to improve your communication skills, this episode will equip you with the insights and strategies to foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Trigger Warning: In this episode, a returning caller discusses an argument that escalated into domestic violence within a relationship. While the focus is on applying principles of nonviolent communication, connection, and compassion, sensitive topics are addressed; the episode delves into nuanced discussions about the acceptability of violence, trauma, and healing, including future explorations of different forms of force. Listener discretion is advised as descriptions of domestic violence are included, alongside conversations about setting boundaries within family and workplace contexts.  Click here for the transcript.


Show notes:
[3:02] How do you create and navigate boundaries with family 
[11:03] Setting boundaries
[14:25] On seeking reassurance 
[23:48] Healing and repair in relationships
[32:46] Healing discharge and breaking cycles
[47:15] What is violence?
[49:18] On effectively saying “no” 
[59:07] Conclusion

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#1 - What Deep Need Are You Trying To Meet02 Aug 202300:54:21

Have you ever been embroiled in a power struggle within your relationships, unsure how to navigate the tension and conflict? Welcome to the first episode of Conversations From The Heart. I am your host, Dr. Yvette Erasmus, and this week, we discuss exactly that - offering an insight into the dynamics of such struggles and providing strategies to move from a place of conflict to one of compassionate connection. We discuss attachment styles, how they can impact our relationships, and the importance of moving away from a punishment mentality to create space for connection and compassion. Join us for this exploration of maintaining compassion and understanding in challenging relationships.  Read the transcript here.

Show notes:
[0:43] Navigating power struggles in relationships
[8:42] Build the community outside of your partner
[14:33] Who are the people you need on your side?
[19:28] Create your container—what it really means
[23:53] Maintaining compassion in difficult conversations 
[30:02] Navigating conflict and seeking justice and healing
[40:04] Go for change and stand for change
[48:45] Addressing why I use pronouns
[52:30] Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

Welcome To Conversations From The Heart02 Aug 202300:06:03

Welcome To Conversations From The Heart. I am your host, Dr. Yvette Erasmus and I’m here because I long for a kinder, more honest world where most of us feel nourished, seen, and able to meet our human needs in relationships that matter.

I’m a clinical psychologist whose work is rooted in the belief that we can heal disconnection and cultivate compassion. Growing up in South Africa with a father working for the apartheid regime and a mother fighting for human rights taught me how fractured our world can be and how important it is to bridge divides. Hosting nonviolent communication practice groups while studying psychology and peacemaking sparked the conversations that eventually became this podcast.

My approach draws from NVC consciousness as well as archetypes, shadow work, somatic practices, developmental psychology, and the writings of many teachers including Diane Musho Hamilton, Marshall Rosenberg, bell hooks and Pema Chodron. 

In this space we practice heart-based courage: staying present when it’s hard, owning our feelings without blaming, and exploring new scripts for old patterns. 

My hope is that these conversations inspire and support you in living with more clarity, compassion and connection. Let’s explore what becomes possible when we stop bracing against life and begin opening to it. Let’s walk together toward a more peaceful, humane world and settle in for meaningful conversations from the heart.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#111 - What Does it Really Mean To Meet Our Own Needs?15 Sep 202500:23:14

In this touching and insightful conversation, Patrice returns to share an update on her ongoing journey of self-trust, relational clarity, and emotional healing. After creating space from a previous relationship that couldn’t meet her needs, she reflects on patterns of seeking connection in unavailable places, and the surprising grief that can arise even in the presence of new joy and ease. Together, we explore the nuanced process of discerning what it really means to meet our own needs in relationship, not in isolation.

Listen to hear a powerful metaphor about sitting in the sun to illuminate our active role in seeking strategies and environments that help us flourish, without slipping into self-blame or control. The episode highlights the paradoxical healing that can happen when joy brings our old pain into sharper focus, and reminds us that ease, play, and connection are not luxuries: they are pathways home.

Key Takeaways:

1.Self-trust is not all-or-nothing: it can be practiced on a continuum and deepened through lived experiences.

2.Grief often arises after joy, as we finally feel the contrast between past deprivation and present nourishment.

3.We are co-creators in meeting our needs, not passive recipients or isolated islands.

4.Ease and play can feel foreign at first, but are vital indicators of healing environments.

5.Healthy relationship dynamics aren’t about forcing others to change, but about choosing where we bring our longing.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#110 - When Your Adult Child Pulls Away (and You’re Left in the Dark)08 Sep 202500:39:29

What do you do when you’ve poured your heart into being a better parent, and your adult child still keeps you at arm’s length?

In today’s heartfelt (and heart-heavy) coaching conversation, we sit with Josie: a mother navigating the complex grief of feeling used, dismissed, and emotionally exiled by her daughter. 

Despite years of inner work and a deep desire to connect, Josie finds herself hurt and unsure: Should she take space? Should she block her daughter’s messages? Is silence a form of self-care, or a veiled cry to be rescued?

Together, we untangle the knot between boundaries and punishment, help her find clarity around her deeper intentions, and explore how unmet childhood needs can hijack our adult relationships. Whether you’re a parent, a child, or both, this episode will speak to the ache of misalignment and the courage it takes to stay rooted in love while protecting your own heart.

In this episode:

•How to discern the difference between setting a boundary and delivering a covert ultimatum

•Why “taking space” sometimes carries unspoken hopes for change, and how to separate them

•The ache of being the family scapegoat, even after decades of healing

•Navigating the painful realization: Nobody else sees me the way my children do.

•A metaphor for overexposure to painful dynamics: The emotional sunburn

•Why it’s essential to tend to your inner child before asking others to meet your unmet needs

•Sample scripts for taking space with clarity, not punishment

•The real purpose of pausing contact: and how to do it with integrity

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#109 - Should I Become a Psychologist? A Raw Conversation About Healing, Power, and the Path We Choose.01 Sep 202500:40:09

When the world of healing turns out to be more political than personal, more performative than compassionate, what do you do?

In this episode, we explore a powerful, vulnerable question from Katie, a listener discerning whether to pursue psychology as a profession. What unfolds is part mentorship, part memoir, and a whole lot of honest reflection on the tangled terrain of becoming a healer inside complex systems.

I share a bit of my own journey through graduate school, toxic professional cultures, disillusionment with insurance models, and the soul-stretching cost, both financial and emotional, of pursuing clinical licensure as a single mother in my 40s.

But this conversation isn’t just about psychology. It’s about discernment. It’s about staying connected to your deeper “yes” when fear, fatigue, and broken systems threaten to drown it out.

Whether you’re an aspiring therapist, a burnt-out practitioner, or simply someone trying to live with more integrity and heart, this episode is for you.

Listener Takeaways:

•Why disillusionment in helping professions is not a sign you’re broken, it’s a call for deeper discernment.

•How to honor your “yes” even when fear and power dynamics swirl.

•Why finding your people is just as important as finding your profession.

•The real cost of licensure, and what to consider before taking on debt.

•What it looks like to stay within a system without losing yourself in it.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#108 - What Do You Do When You're Ready for Kids - And Your Partner Isn't?25 Aug 202500:30:04

What do you do when you’re ready for kids… and your partner isn’t?

In this deeply honest episode, we explore one of the most tender crossroads in long-term partnership: what happens when your longing to become a parent collides with your partner’s hesitation, fear, or quiet refusal?

You’ll hear from a caller who is wrestling with the heartbreak of being in a beautiful, joyful relationship—except for one major misalignment. Together, we unpack the emotional tension, the grief, the fear of future regret, and the difficult questions that follow:

•How do you talk about children when you’re not on the same page?

•Can you name a boundary without issuing an ultimatum?

•How do you wait without betraying yourself?

This conversation doesn’t offer neat answers—but it does offer a roadmap for staying honest, kind, and courageous in the face of relational uncertainty.

Stay through to the end for practical tools, boundary scripts, and a bit of self-reflection on what I might have done even better as a facilitator.

Show Notes

In this episode, we explore:

•What to do when one partner wants kids and the other is unsure

•The difference between a boundary and an ultimatum

•How to reveal what’s true for you without shaming someone else’s pace

•The risks of toxic hope and the beauty of generative patience

•Why shared grief can be a path back to connection

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#107 - How to Change Systems Without Shaming People18 Aug 202500:42:05

What do you do when something important is broken—but the people behind it are doing their best?

In this episode, Jen is preparing to talk to a reporter about a youth program she deeply supports—and is deeply frustrated with. She wants change. She wants honesty. But she doesn’t want to shame or vilify the people running the program.

Together, we explore how to speak truth to systemic breakdowns with clarity, compassion, and courage. You’ll hear us move through raw anger, heartfelt grief, and into honest, values-aligned language that invites collaboration instead of defensiveness.

If you’ve ever tried to advocate for change without becoming the villain—or longed to tell the truth without betraying your heart—this conversation is for you.

In this episode:

•How to speak publicly about system failures without turning people into enemies

•The vital role of anger, grief, and heartbreak in values-based leadership

•How to stay self-connected when preparing to give hard feedback

•Scripts and language tools for telling the truth with dignity

•The emotional intelligence needed to shift from blame to collaboration

•How to transform outrage into a relational invitation for change

•What to do when both sides of the conflict are hurting and hopeful

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#106 - Six Principles for Peaceful Living: A Relational Framework for Inner and Outer Change11 Aug 202500:43:50

What does it actually look like to live in peace without bypassing truth, collapsing boundaries, or avoiding complexity?

In this episode, I share six powerful principles for peaceful living, not as moral prescriptions, but as relational practices rooted in the universal human needs that live inside all of us. You’ll learn how to stay grounded in love and discernment, how to co-create mutual thriving, and how to repair ruptures with clarity and care.

This conversation weaves together personal, relational, and systemic insight, offering a wise, trauma-informed, and deeply humane guide to living peace in everyday moments.

In this episode, we’ll explore:

•How to respect sovereignty without detaching

•Why control is not compassion

•When and how to speak truth with care

•What justice looks like in mutual, needs-based relationships

•How to repair without rushing

•Why paradox is the hallmark of relational maturity

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#105 - Break the Spell: Reclaiming Power After Narcissistic Fallout04 Aug 202500:51:23

Why do some people leave you feeling small, confused, or ashamed, even though they smile, laugh, and seem perfectly nice?

In this powerful coaching conversation, Jaya explores what happens when charm and condescension hide behind friendly facades. Together, we name the impact of what I call narcissistic fallout: the lingering disorientation that surfaces when unresolved trauma meets relational manipulation.

We explore:

•Why some conversations feel like being hypnotized

•The nervous system effects of subtle emotional control

•How to spot power moves disguised as “concern”

•What to say (and how to exit) when someone laughs at your pain

•The inner work of breaking free from spells of confusion and control


You’ll leave this episode with:

•Practical language to protect your power

•A somatic metaphor to stay grounded (the oak tree)

•A gentle reminder that your grief holds your clarity


This is an episode for anyone reclaiming their voice after emotional gaslighting or enmeshment, and learning to walk away from people who don’t feel safe in their nervous system.


 SHOW NOTES


•[03:10] How past trauma shows up in confusing conversations

•[07:20] What is “narcissistic fallout” and how does it hijack your power?

•[10:15] Why charming people can leave you feeling ashamed

•[14:30] Practical phrases to interrupt manipulation mid-conversation

•[20:50] “The porcupine and the ring” — a metaphor for protecting yourself

•[22:00] The Jungle Book python & the hypnotic quality of old patterns

•[26:40] What to do when you keep trying to be liked by people who harm you

•[32:10] How to support your inner teenager during relational triggers

•[37:00] Somatic tools for staying rooted in your power

•[39:00] Sample exit scripts you can use to protect your nervous system


Resources & Links:

•Join the Truth Over Comfort live workshop on August 14th (6–8pm CST): Register here.

•Free Communication Starter Kit

•Learn more about the Conversations from the Heart Membership Program


Loved this episode?

•Subscribe and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify

•Share it with a friend who’s navigating confusing relational dynamics

•Sign up for my weekly newsletter at yvetteerasmus.com for more emotional wisdom & tools

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#122 - When Correction Feels Like Criticism01 Dec 202500:43:40

What do you do when someone corrects you publicly, and their tone stings more than their words?

In this episode, Tarjia brings a deeply relatable dilemma: how to respond in the moment when someone interrupts, “clarifies,” or subtly shames you, especially when it’s someone in a leadership role. Together, we explore real-time language tools, nervous system regulation strategies, and relational repair practices.

This isn’t just about one group dynamic or one conversation: it’s about how to reclaim your voice when subtle power moves leave you feeling dismissed, small, or confused.

Whether you’ve ever felt stung by someone’s tone, shut down by an interruption, or unsure how to set boundaries without creating more conflict, this episode is for you.


SHOW NOTES

In this episode, we explore:

•What to say in the moment when someone interrupts or corrects you

•How to distinguish between your wise adult self and reactive younger parts

•Why certain tones of voice can feel shaming, even when the content seems neutral

•How to use the It sounds like… is that true? tool to re-center and clarify

•What to do when someone flips your feedback back onto you (that’s your issue)

•How to stay grounded in your dignity even when someone steps into a one-up position

•The emotional cost of always trying to care for others at your own expense

•What it really means to slow down for your most tender parts


Bonus: We also walk through a sample script for initiating a repair conversation without blame, without defensiveness, and without abandoning yourself.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#104 - How Can I Get My Therapist to Understand Me?28 Jul 202500:30:22

In this episode, I coach a listener named Julia who feels dismissed after bringing up a difficult experience in therapy. Her therapist tried to normalize it by offering logic instead of empathy and now Julia’s wondering how to bring it up without creating conflict or being misunderstood again.

Together, we explore:

•How to ask for more empathy in therapy (without blaming or shaming)

•What it means when a therapist skips emotional attunement

•A gentle script you can use when therapy feels misaligned

•What to do if your therapist can’t or won’t meet you where you are

If you’ve ever walked away from therapy feeling more alone than connected, this episode offers tools, language, and hope.

Stay till the end for a practical how-to guide on navigating these tough moments. Because asking for what you need in therapy is often the most healing work you’ll ever do.

In this episode:

  • [02:00] How do I tell my therapist she didn’t really hear me?
  • [04:00] The difference between empathy and normalization
  • [07:00] When therapists fix too fast, and why it hurts
  • [09:00] A script to name misattunement without escalation
  • [12:00] How the therapy relationship becomes the real work
  • [14:00] Post-session how-to guide: 6 steps to naming what’s not working in 

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#103 - They Say You Lied. They Call You a Narcissist. Now What?21 Jul 202500:59:18

What do you do when someone you care about paints you as the villain?

Maybe you spoke your truth, and they called it manipulation.

Maybe you set a boundary, and they called it narcissism.

Maybe you asked for something you needed, and they said you lied.

In this raw, real, and emotionally honest episode, Yvette walks two callers through the heartbreak and confusion that comes when our intentions are misunderstood and our character is questioned.

We talk about:

* How to respond with clarity and compassion when someone accuses you of lying or narcissism

* What an apology actually means, and how to offer one without self-erasing

* The difference between empathy and enabling (especially with adult children)

* Scripts for repair conversations when the other person won’t talk to you

* How to protect your nervous system while still keeping your heart open

If you’ve ever been stuck between wanting to make things right and needing to stay safe, this one’s for you.

Stay till the end for:

* A word-for-word apology template you can adapt to your own life

* How to spot the real need underneath an accusation

* Why the most generous thing you can do… might be walking away

Listen now and discover how to stay in your truth and your tenderness—even when someone else can’t see who you really are.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#102 - Happy, Even When You're Unhappy13 Jul 202501:09:07

What if joy isn’t the absence of discomfort, but something we can feel even in the thick of it?

In this episode of Conversations from the Heart, I speak with three brave callers, each grappling with the tension between what they feel and how they long to show up. From emotional resentment in a professional friendship, to the struggle to be kind and also firm, to standing up to power without collapsing in fear, these conversations are raw, real, and deeply human.

We explore how to:

•Navigate mixed feelings without needing to clean them up or figure them out.

•Stay connected to yourself in moments of not-knowing.

•Reclaim your voice without abandoning your values.

•Recognize when you’re operating from self-trust and when you’re just coping.

•Use healthy anger to build connection rather than break it down.

Whether you’re floundering in a relationship, feeling dismissed in a conversation, or being shamed for speaking truth to power … this episode invites you back to yourself.

Spoiler: It’s possible to feel at peace even in the middle of the mess. Not by fixing it, but by being in honest relationship with it.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#101 - Road Rage & Spiritual Dojos: What Your Commute Is Teaching You07 Jul 202501:09:56

In this episode, we listen as Nate opens with a deeply human inquiry:

What can I do to feel more regulated, more considerate, and less internally violent while driving?

What unfolds is a rich exploration of road rage, internalized judgment, overstimulation, and the longing for care in a world that often feels aggressively indifferent. The conversation weaves together Nonviolent Communication, inner child work, trauma-informed insight, and the power of spiritual reframing.

Takeaways:

  • Driving can surface deep, unconscious wounds about safety, visibility, and being cared for.
  • There’s a difference between coping with a dysregulating world and designing a life that actually supports you.
  • The wish to be “unaffected” is often a defensive maneuver to avoid overwhelm or pain,but true regulation requires learning how to metabolize life, not numb to it.
  • “Right and wrong” can become tyrannical ideas when inherited from domination systems. Replacing them with “what meets needs” offers deeper integrity.
  • Empathy begins by reclaiming your relationship with your own interior world.
  • Everything (yes, even rush hour) can become a spiritual dojo.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#100 - Will the Real Me Please Step Forward?30 Jun 202501:02:37

What happens when your inner life feels like a committee meeting: chaotic, conflicting, and deeply personal?

In this episode, we hold space for four courageous voices navigating the messy middle between self-betrayal and self-expression. From the tension between ambition and peace, to the heartbreak of being shut down in community, to living with a judgmental roommate, to confronting a long-lost friend after betrayal: each conversation reveals something essential about the daily work of becoming more whole.

We explore what it really takes to come home to yourself, especially when the world around you (and even inside you) feels noisy, critical, or confusing.

You’ll hear about:

•Naming and listening to the competing parts within you

•Self-regulation as a sacred practice

•How to stop outsourcing your worth to other people’s reactions

•What to say (and not say) when you’re ready to revisit old wounds

•And why you don’t have to “fix” anything before you can reclaim your voice

Whether you’re grappling with doubt, disconnection, or the longing to be seen as you truly are—this episode is a gentle invitation to let your real self rise.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#99 - Turning Guilt into Growth23 Jun 202501:04:12

Ever feel like your regret is selfish? Or worry that setting a boundary will ruin the friendship? 

In this episode, you’ll hear from Judy who wants to write a condolence letter, but struggles when her grief spirals into self-blame.  Then we turn to Georgia, who just can’t take one more last-minute cancellation from a friend, but also doesn’t want to lose her friendship over it. 

If you’ve ever wrestled with guilt, struggled to speak up in friendships, or wondered how to stay openhearted while honoring your own needs—this episode is for you.

Inside this episode:

•The regret reframe that will change your life

•A word-for-word script for naming hurt without causing defensiveness

•Why your “too muchness” might be your tenderness trying to protect you

•How to stop over-functioning and start honoring your needs

•The unexpected role of nervous system regulation in friendship repair

And as a bonus, listen for a surprising metaphor involving cloudy days, sunburns, and how to stop trying to change people just so you can stay connected.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#98 - How To Stop Overfunctioning In Relationships - And Start Listening for Fit16 Jun 202501:03:08

What if the reason your relationships feel hard isn’t because there’s something wrong with you, but rather because you’re waking up and getting more conscious?  

In this tender, truth-filled episode, we meet Carol and Paulina, two women navigating the messy terrain of rebuilding self-trust after giving too much of themselves away in past relationships.

Carol is considering reconnecting with a longtime friend who’s consistently prioritized his comfort over their mutual care. She wants reciprocity but keeps accommodating the status quo, hoping it’ll inspire change. Together, we explore the hidden cost of chronic self-abandonment and what it takes to risk doing things differently.

Paulina, meanwhile, is mourning the loss of a toxic relationship that activated every part of her attachment system. She feels flat, emotionally shut down, and unsure if she can ever love again. Her current relationship is kind, stable… and unfamiliar. We unpack the difference between trauma chemistry and real connection, and how to trust love that doesn’t feel like chaos.

If you’ve ever confused anxiety for attraction, or found yourself resentfully staying in a dynamic that doesn’t meet your needs, this episode is for you.

You’ll learn:

  • How to stop over-functioning in lopsided relationships
  • The difference between behavior and intention, and which one to trust
  • Why real love might feel boring at first (and why that’s a good thing)
  • How to reclaim your yes and no without shame
  • And how to grieve what never was without losing your capacity to love again

Listen in for practical tools, emotional wisdom, and the gentle nudge you may need to come back to yourself.


For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#97 - Bad Girl Energy: How To Play by New Rules09 Jun 202501:01:39

What do you do when someone you love keeps using emotional blunt force instead of listening? When the men in your life still believe criticism is caring, or that dominance equals dialogue?

In this week’s episode, we sit with two brave women learning how to communicate with men who are still playing by old, outdated rules where vulnerability is weakness, power is control, and connection gets sacrificed for the illusion of authority.

We explore what it means to keep our hearts open without abandoning ourselves, to name what hurts without making someone wrong, and to build bridges without betraying our own inner truth. You’ll hear real-life moments, fresh language to try, and permission to stop performing “good girl” energy just to keep the peace.

In this raw and real episode, two women ask:

How do I stay in connection with someone who keeps hurting me?

Why do I freeze or fawn when I know better?

SHOW NOTES: 

  • Why old-school masculinity often shows up as dismissal, control, or withdrawal
  • How women often internalize the pressure to stay sweet, silent, and obedient
  • What to say (and not say) when our boundaries are being ignored
  • The art of exiting a conversation with grace and power
  • How to bring “bad girl” energy back into wholeness

This episode is for anyone tired of talking to a wall, and ready to start listening to themselves.

🎧 Tune in now, and reclaim your voice, your power, and your peace.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#96 - Ghosted Your Best Friend? Here’s What to Say Now.02 Jun 202501:04:32

You pulled away. They’re still mad. Now what? In this raw and deeply human episode, we unpack exactly what to say—and how to stay grounded—when you’re ready to reconnect after silence, space, or rupture. 

Whether you were isolated by trauma or just needed room to breathe, this episode offers repair scripts, emotional insights, and the one mindset shift that changes everything.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

•How to craft a heartfelt message to reconnect after distance

•What to say when your friend is still angry (without getting defensive)

•A reframe for “running away” that honors your healing

•How to stay open when shame, fear, or guilt try to take over

•The difference between apologizing and collapsing

•What to do if the conversation doesn’t go how you hoped


You’ll hear real-time coaching with two community members navigating:

•Friendship rupture and reconciliation

•Emotional honesty without self-erasure

•The courage it takes to rebuild trust—step by step

Whether you’re the one who stepped away or the one left wondering why, this conversation is a masterclass in emotional maturity, repair, and self-responsibility.

🎧 Listen now—and don’t miss the closing tools to stay steady when the stakes feel high.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#95 - Stay in Your Lane: What’s Yours to Carry, And What Isn’t?26 May 202501:02:50

Ever find yourself carrying someone else’s emotional backpack… and wondering why your shoulders hurt?

Today we unpack four real-life questions about emotional boundaries, relational burnout, and the art of letting go of what was never yours to hold. You’ll hear raw, relatable stories, from being exiled from a beloved community group, to walking away from a relationship where you were doing all the emotional heavy lifting, to healing a strained mother-daughter dynamic, and navigating triggering conversations around money.

If you’ve ever wondered:

  • “Am I responsible for fixing this?”
  • “How do I honor my limits without hurting someone else?”
  • “Why do I feel so hooked right now?”

…this episode offers guidance, clarity, and a whole lot of compassion.

You’ll learn:

  • Why fixing is disapproval
  • How to set a boundary without bracing for a fight
  • A script for naming recurring patterns without activating defensiveness
  • What to say when someone demands emotional labor you can’t give
  • Why your triggers might be invitations (not threats)

Come for the aha moments, stay for the soul-soothing reframes. This one’s a deep dive into the messy, brave work of staying rooted in yourself—especially when it would be easier to collapse, comply, or control.

A Special Offer for My Podcast Listeners:

Get 20% off your annual NVC Library subscription using the code YVETTENVCLIBRARY at checkout at https://nvcacademy.com/registration/signup/nvc-library

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

#121- How to love a parent who rejects your help24 Nov 202500:33:23

What do we do when the person who raised us is now emotionally volatile, resistant to help, and unintentionally casting us as the villain when we try to care for them?

In this heartfelt conversation, Diana brings forward the tender, painful challenge of loving her aging mother, who struggles with emotional regulation, trauma, and shame, and the deep inner conflict between wanting to offer support and needing to protect her own nervous system.

Together, we unpack:

•The emotional cost of parentification and role reversal

•How to stop being your parent’s regulator, therapist, or emotional manager

•What boundaries look like when withdrawal isn’t abandonment

•The grief and guilt that emerge when we start living our own lives

•Why “staying kind” sometimes means stepping away

If you’ve ever struggled with guilt around setting boundaries, or felt trapped between compassion and exhaustion in your family, this one’s for you.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

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