Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl – Détails, épisodes et analyse

“If you think you have an issue, you probably do.”

That sentence from Carol McCracken gets to the heart of this week's episode. Carol didn’t fit the picture she had in her mind of what an alcoholic looked like. She was a Christian. A Bible study teacher. A ministry leader. A good mom. And for years, she told herself the same thing many of us do: I don’t have a problem—because I don’t look like that.

But slowly (like it does for many) alcohol became her primary way of coping with chronic stress from raising a special needs son, fear, control, and the pressure to perform. She shares how drinking escalated over years, how secrecy and isolation took hold, and how her understanding of addiction was shaped by cultural myths, church misunderstanding, and even well-meaning pastoral advice.

But all that came crashing down one afternoon, when a trip to get more wine ended in being arrested on the side of the road for a DUI. That moment became a surprising turning point, eventually leading to clarity, surrender, and an unexpected reconciliation after her divorce she never saw coming. (And neither did we!)

This is a conversation for anyone who has ever wondered if their drinking “counts” as a problem, for those who can stop for a while but can’t stop thinking about starting again, and for anyone who is exhausted from carrying fear, control, and unprocessed pain. Carol’s story is a reminder that freedom doesn’t begin when life falls apart—it begins when we get honest.

We explore:

– How stress, fear, and control quietly fueled Carol’s drinking
– Why performance and image management thrive in church culture
– How alcohol slowly moved from enjoyment to emotional anesthesia
– The myth that addiction has to look a certain way to be real
– Why quantity and frequency aren’t the best measures of a problem
– What happens when shame finally gives way to honesty
– The role of surrender versus willpower in recovery
– Why curiosity is often the first step toward freedom
– How alcohol promised relief but delivered deeper captivity
– What lasting healing looked like over time, not overnight
– The surprising twist after getting arrested for a DUI
– The reconciliation after her divorce she never saw coming

Carol’s podcasts: “Faith Over Fear” and “Your Daily Bible Verse”

Follow Carol: @carologlemccracken

Follow me: @jonseidl

Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic.

Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“We can think and act our way to a new feeling. We cannot feel our way to a new way of thinking and acting.”

That line from therapist and author Nicole Zasowski cuts to the heart of anxiety, addiction, and the stories we tell ourselves when life feels uncertain. Nicole is the author of What If It’s Wonderful?—a book built around a disarming and deeply important question: What if, instead of bracing for the worst, we allowed ourselves to hope?

In this conversation, Nicole shares how a season marked by loss, miscarriage, and prolonged uncertainty exposed her own coping mechanisms—performance, control, and pessimism disguised as realism. She explains why catastrophizing isn’t just negative thinking but a form of control, and why preparing for the worst often robs us of joy without actually protecting us from pain.

We also explore the connection between shame and escape, how feelings can be real without being true, and why naming what’s happening inside us is essential for healing. Nicole offers practical ways to interrupt shame cycles, retrain the brain toward hope, and steward pain without glorifying it. This episode is an invitation to tell ourselves a truer story—about who God is, who we are, and what might still be possible.

We explore:

— Why catastrophizing feels responsible but quietly fuels anxiety
— How the brain learns fear faster than hope
— The difference between feelings that are real and thoughts that are true
— Why shame often drives both anxiety and addictive behaviors
— How performance and control masquerade as faith
— What miscarriage and unresolved grief revealed about Nicole’s inner life
— Why hope is not denial, but courage
— Practical ways to retrain anxious thought patterns
— How naming internal experiences leads to healing
— What it looks like to tell a truer story about God and ourselves

Website: https://www.nicolezasowski.com

Books: What It's Wonderful? and Daring Joy

Follow Nicole on Instagram: @nicolezasowski

Follow Jon: @jonseidl

Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic.

Get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com

Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I didn’t know how to sit still with myself. I didn’t want to be alone with myself.”

That’s what Hannah Brencher realized when she was finally able to admit she was an addict. But she wasn't addicted to any substance. Instead, she suffered from an addiction much more common, much more acceptable: her phone. And so many of us share that addiction.

Hannah, one of my favorite writers and the author of The Unplugged Hours, opens up about what it took to finally put her phone down, how grief and boredom became her greatest teachers, and why building an inner life is the work we can’t outsource to our screens. We also dive into what happens when distraction becomes dependence, when we build our identity on productivity, and when silence feels like the scariest place in the world.

This is a conversation about learning to pay attention again, about how to listen to the still, small voice that says enough is enough, and especially about understanding how to be present. If your addiction is to technology, especially to your phone, this episode is important.

We explore: 

— How phone addiction mirrors other forms of addiction
— Why we can’t heal if we won’t be still
— The illusion of productivity and why our worth isn’t in our output
— How the phone amplifies anxiety, loneliness, and shame
— The spiritual discipline of paying attention
— How boredom becomes the birthplace of creativity
— What it means to build an “inner life” instead of curating an online one
— Why grace, not guilt, has to lead this journey
— The difference between honesty and vulnerability
— What “enough is enough” sounds like in everyday life

Follow Hannah: @hannahbrencher

Book: The Unplugged Hours

Hannah's website: hannahbrenchercreative.com

Get Hannah's emails here.

Free "unplugged hours" tracker.

Follow Jon: @jonseidl

Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com.

Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com

Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Once I started drinking, I didn’t want to stop until something made me.”

That’s how Stephanie Ziebell describes the grip alcohol had on her life. Stephanie got sober in Wisconsin—the capital of drinking culture. The place where not having alcohol at your wedding is like not having a bride. But as she shares, even in the middle of a state built on beer, Jesus met her in the mess and gave her freedom she couldn’t find through willpower alone.

In this episode, Stephanie opens up about her journey from college party girl to high-powered attorney, from “just wine” to 3 a.m. panic attacks and text messages to her boss that said, “I’m an alcoholic and I need help.” She talks about trying to hold everything together—career, marriage, motherhood—while secretly unraveling, and how God used a boss’s compassion, a pastor’s prayer, and Celebrate Recovery to bring her home.

This is a story for anyone who’s tried to dress up sin as "self care," negotiate with themselves over their drinking, or white-knuckle their way through life. And especially those who hit rock bottom, only to find it kept going deeper. 

We explore:

—Why Wisconsin’s drinking culture is unlike anywhere else
—How “sophisticated wine drinking” became the new disguise for addiction
—What it’s like to hit multiple rock bottoms before real change
—Why 3 a.m. panic attacks can become divine wake-up calls
—The difference between knowing and admitting you have a problem
—How shame keeps us stuck and grace sets us free
—What it looks like when a boss and a pastor respond with compassion, not condemnation
—How Celebrate Recovery and Scripture changed Stephanie’s mindset
—Why grace—not guilt—is the most powerful motivator for healing
—What life looks like now on the other side of surrender

Follow Stephanie: @radiantinbattle

Get Stephanie's sobriety guides here.

Follow Jon: @jonseidl

Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com.

Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com

Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Shame is first and foremost not a thing that begins with me thinking a certain thing about myself. It begins first as a thing that I feel literally in my body.”

That’s how Dr. Curt Thompson reframed shame in our incredible conversation—and I think he'll probably do the same for you, too. Curt is a psychiatrist, author, and speaker who has shaped the conversation around shame, vulnerability, and the stories we tell ourselves. In this episode, we talk about why addicts often feel trapped in cycles of shame, how vulnerability heals what hiding cannot, and why our deepest longings can only be met when we’re seen, soothed, safe, and secure.

This conversation weaves together neuroscience, theology, psychology, and pastoral wisdom. Curt unpacks why shame isolates, how addicts can actually become addicted to shame itself, and why bearing our wounds may be the most powerful witness of all.

If you've struggled with shame related to who you are, who you were, or what you've done, please listen to this episode. You won't regret it.

We explore:

—Why shame starts in the body, not the mind
—The connection between shame and addiction
—Why we sometimes become addicted to shame itself
—How storytelling helps us make sense of pain
—The difference between godly grief and toxic shame
—Why vulnerability is central to healing
—The role of wounds in the Gospel and why Jesus models them
—The four core needs: seen, soothed, safe, secure
—How vulnerability allows others to feel known and loved
—Why the Christian story reframes shame into redemption

Website: curtthompsonmd.com

Podcast: The Being Known Podcast

Books: The Soul of Shame, The Soul of Desire, Anatomy of the Soul

Follow Jon: @jonseidl

Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com.

Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com

Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“High performers can hold it together—but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy.”

That’s how Julie Holly describes the tension she lived in for years. On the outside, she was a successful entrepreneur, coach, and podcaster. But on the inside, alcohol was becoming her go-to solution for stress, escape, and the ache of not belonging. And like many high-performers, her success masked the weight that alcohol was starting to become round her neck.

But a doctor’s curiosity and an honest comment from one of her children gave her the reality check she had been running from.

In this conversation, Julie opens up about how drinking became tied to belonging, how craft cocktails became a nightly ritual that both connected and slowly destroyed, and how a doctor’s gentle curiosity helped her finally face the truth.

In addition, she explains the quiet midnight wrestling matches she had with God, how mining her story of origin revealed abandonment wounds, and the courage it takes to name alcohol for what it really is.

This isn’t a rock-bottom story. It’s about a high achiever learning that freedom comes not from holding it all together, but from finally letting go.

We explore:

—Why high-functioning people struggle to admit alcohol is a problem
—How Julie’s drive for belonging fueled her drinking
—The danger of comparison and the “at least I’m not that bad” trap
—Why story work and exploring our past is essential for healing
—How God patiently pursues us through small moments and people
—The role of ego and elitism in justifying drinking
—Why midnight wrestling with God reveals deeper unrest
—The moment a doctor’s curiosity, not condemnation, opened her eyes
—How money spent on alcohol can be repurposed into kingdom work
—The freedom of realizing you belong because you belong to the Father

Instagram: @thejulieholly

Julie's newsletter: Read it here

Follow Jon: @jonseidl

Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com.

Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com

Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“If I’m numbing the lows, I’m numbing the highs. And then I’m just in this nothingness.”

Here's the thing about alcohol: So many of us use it to numb the lows, but alcohol isn't a precision numbing agent. What does that mean? That while it can be useful to deal with the valleys, it also keeps you from enjoying the peaks.

That’s exactly how Sarah Zanotti describes the trap alcohol created in her life. Sarah is an actress, filmmaker, songwriter, and content creator you’ve probably seen in sketches with John Crist. But beneath the laughs is a story of drunk driving, OCD, eating disorders, and a desperate search for control that nearly cost her everything.

In this conversation, Sarah gets brutally honest about the night she drove drunk with her niece, why that wasn’t even her rock bottom, and the voice of God that told her: “The person you want to be can’t take alcohol with her.” She talks about why grace became more addicting than alcohol, how creativity was reborn in recovery, and what it means to live in peace instead of constant performance.

We explore:

—Sarah’s creative journey from Berklee to Nashville to filmmaking
—How OCD, religious scrupulosity, and eating disorders shaped her story
—Driving drunk with her niece in the backseat and why that wasn’t rock bottom
—Why addiction often grows out of perfectionism and control
—How alcohol felt like instant relief but robbed her of real peace
—The moment she realized, “the person I want to be can’t take alcohol with her”
—Learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions instead of running from them
—How sobriety rebirthed her creativity and music career
—What her relationship with God looks like now—less careful, more honest
—Why the biggest lie is believing we’re separate from God

Instagram: @sarahzanotti

Film: The Unraveling (available on Amazon)

Music: Sobering

Follow Jon: @jonseidl

Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com.

Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com

Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Forgiveness is not the goal of salvation. Fellowship with God is the goal of salvation.”

Think about that for a second. I had to. That’s how Kyle Worley reframes the Gospel in his new book, Home with God. And at first glance, it may seem...odd. Because so many of us think salvation is mainly about getting our sins forgiven so we can go to heaven. But Kyle rightly blows that up. Instead, he explains that forgiveness is just the doorway. The real point of salvation is life with God, not just in the future but here and now.

In other words, life is about abiding with Christ. And as I've come to find out, that is crucial to recovering from any addiction. 

In this conversation, Kyle—pastor, theologian, and author—helps us rethink salvation, grace, and identity. We talk about why forgiveness isn’t the finish line, why grace feels so disruptive, and how union with Christ resets the “broken compass” of our desires. If you’ve ever wondered what it really means to be saved, or felt like you were stuck chasing performance, this episode will reframe the story: salvation is about coming home.

Again and again and again.

We explore: 

—Why salvation is about fellowship, not just forgiveness
—How identity in Christ reshapes recovery and freedom
—The difference between behavior change and true transformation
—Why grace feels disruptive and hard to receive
—How Kyle counsels addicts through union with Christ
—The “broken compass” of desire and how Christ reorients it
—Faith as agreement, affection, and allegiance
—How attention and desire shape the people we become
—Why repentance is more than reflection
—The Heidelberg Catechism and the comfort of not belonging to yourself

Books: Home with God and Formed for Fellowship

Website: kyleworley.net

Newsletter: Sacred Slang

Instagram: @kyleworley

Podcast: Knowing Faith

Follow Jon: @jonseidl

Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com.

Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com

Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“There’s a part of you that drinks and a part of you that doesn’t—and that doesn’t make you crazy. That makes you human.”

What happens when your faith says one thing and your actions say another? And what do you do when the coping mechanisms that once helped you survive start controlling you? That’s where today’s conversation lives—right in the messy space where faith and psychology meet, and it answers the question, "Why do I do the things I don't want to do?"

Dr. Alison Cook is a Christian therapist and the author of two incredible books that were monumental in my own addiction recovery: Boundaries for Your Soul and I Shouldn’t Feel This Way.

In this episode of "Confessions," Alison talks about how parts of ourselves can be both hurting and helping, how to hold compassion without coddling, cognitive dissonance, and why curiosity—not shame—is what truly leads to transformation. We also explore spiritual bypassing, the New Testament idea of sozo (salvation/healing), and how Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps us make sense of the parts of us that manage, protect, and sometimes reach for the “firehose” when pain flares up. 

If you’ve ever been disgusted by your own actions, but are ready to stop beating yourself up, you'll want to listen.

We explore: 

—Why Christians often experience cognitive dissonance but don’t know how to name it
—What Internal Family Systems (IFS) is and how it helps you understand yourself
—How to tell the difference between healthy coping and numbing
—The concept of “firefighters,” “managers,” and “exiles” inside your internal system
—Why spiritual bypassing is so common in the church
—How trauma gets buried and drives our behavior
—What Scripture really means by “salvation” (sozo)
—The link between addiction and unprocessed pain
—Why medication can be a gift of common grace
—How Jacob’s limp and new name point to a holy, healed identity

Books: Boundaries for Your Soul and I Shouldn't Feel This Way

Website: dralisoncook.com

Instagram: @dralisoncook

Podcast: The Best of You

Follow Jon: @jonseidl

Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com.

Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com

Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“There are really only two kinds of people in this world—people in recovery who know they are, and people in recovery who think they're not.”

Tullian Tchividjian was on top of the Christian world. A bestselling author, megachurch pastor, sought-after speaker—and yes, the grandson of Billy Graham. Then everything imploded. 

After a very public affair and ministry collapse, Tullian disappeared from the spotlight. But it was in that wilderness season that he encountered something deeper than the shame that threatened to kill him and the people that tried to bury him: the radical, scandalous grace of God.

In this vulnerable, raw, and hope-filled episode, Tullian talks about what it’s like to fall hard and yet be caught by Jesus. He opens up about his story, shame, addiction, recovery (even for those not struggling with substances), the church's response to sanctification, and what happens when you build your life on performance. This is an episode about honesty, identity, and why real Christianity might look more like a 12-step meeting than a church service.

If you've ever wrestled with shame, questioned your standing with God, or wondered if there's grace for "someone like you," this episode is for you.

We explore:

—How Tullian went from prodigal to pastor to pariah
—Why the church often runs from grace instead of toward it
—The difference between guilt and shame—and why identity matters
—Why grace isn't soft on sin but the only real power to change
—What radical vulnerability looks like in practice
—Why churches should look more like recovery meetings
—The lifelong nature of recovery, even without substance addiction
—How grace makes us honest, and law keeps us hiding
—Why sanctification isn’t about climbing higher but falling deeper into grace
—The gift of being "uncancellable" through confession and grace

Book: Carnage and Grace

Website: tullian.net

Instagram: @tulliantch

Church: The Sanctuary

Follow Jon: @jonseidl

Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com.

Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com

Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.