This episode will be reassuring for new circle facilitators and get lots of nods of recognition from experienced ones. In this episode we talked about: - Imposter syndrome is normal when moving from 121 to group work - The difference between a leader, teacher and facilitator - How you grow capacity to hold space as you do it - That it’s normal for group process to be messy - The more you bring yourself as a person to facilitation, the more you enable others to - Having a clear intention for your circle is paramount - You don't want the inner critic driving the bus!

In this episode, Julia and Tessa introduce themselves through: * the circles they've attended, * how they met * their favourite circle stories from the book * why they wrote the book

The first episode will drop on 1st September.

This week we will be answering the question what is circle?  A circle is a tool that can be used in a whole variety of contexts, some of which you will hear about in other episodes. In its purest form it is: In person, a group of people sitting in a circle who can all see and hear each other each having the opportunity to listen and talk. Online it is a group of people who can do the same however the people tend to be in boxes rather than an actual circle. There is a structure to circle holding and usually guidelines.  We have created a whole episode about respectful listening.  The basics are that you are creating a space where all participants have the opportunity to speak and be listened to respectfully. There is usually at least one person who is taking responsibility for the group of people who have gathered.   When that happens that is when it becomes a talking circle.  You can have spontaneous talking around a fire or at a picnic.  Although the benefits of those circles can be great, what is different about a talking circle is that the space has been created with intention. If you are new to circle circle holding it can be a fantastic experience and very valuable in and of itself.  Putting simple guidelines in place for a talking circle can make a huge difference.

In this episode with Mike Irwin ([https://mankindprojectuki.org/circles](https://mankindprojectuki.org/circles)), he and Julia discussed: - the evolution of men's groups and GBTQ+ groups - how to introduce ice breakers and discussion starters - circle as a conduit for emotional breakthrough - the breadth of development opportunities through circle in the corporate world - how men's circles have changed and are addressing current challenges

In this episode, Julia and Tessa talk about creating a circle to look back over the last year and forward to the year to come. This could be with a group of friends in your home or in a special class or workshop.

In this episode, Julia and Ben covered: • How breathwork can be transformation and does involve deep feelings and going to somone’s edge • Breathwork is not regulated but you can check whether facilitators are signed up to the voluntary organisation Global Professional Breathwork Alliance (GPBA) • There are two main aspects in facilitation: framing (doing, the structure, organisation) and the felt sense, which guides you to know when to push someone, when to ease off, when to offer touch (with consent) • Breathwork session can be really different, rather than knowing the exact number of people to have in a session, the size of the venue etc, the important aspect is to have structure in place and then follow your felt sense • It’s important to think about comfort and be welcoming because people want to belong • Good to include fun at the beginning of a session to reduce awkwardness and break the ice. • Ben shares an example of a light hearted icebreaker that also is a corridor to deeper feelings.

In this episode, we look at the common fear of new circle facilitators around managing big, raw feelings and diverse personalities. We discuss the balance between all feelings being welcome and allowing time for everyone to speak, between people being they're authentic self whether they tend to talk (a lot) or be very quiet and encouraging all to speak.

In this episode we talked about: • How co-facilitation can flow • How preparation is key in forming the container to hold space and arrive empty to attune to what happens in the gathering • How holding space is a creative process that also creates a new you • A held space is a safe one, but also an emergent space for something new to happen • That inner work is an essential part of being a facilitator • Allowing your humanness is a gift to others when you are a facilitator and humanness in leadership is radical • Bringing compassion to facilitation is essential because we will make mistakes.

In this episode we will be talking about the role of the circle facilitator. When we talk to people about our book we are often asked the question:  What is circle holding or holding space? When we dreamed up the title we knew exactly of the book we wanted a step-by-step approach as you can see from the subtitle: "A Practical Guide to Facilitating Talking Circles" clarified our intention. Included in this overview is the following: *It is about having someone who takes responsibility for the space * As the facilitator you will have to make decisions about who speaks, for how long and when *Sometimes you might have to interrupt people and that is why there is a level of skill involved in the role *If you are already a teacher, group talking therapist, group coach, manager or space holder in other areas you are likely to have gained some of the skills required for talking circle and be drawn to doing this

In this episode, Julia talks to Lee Keylock of Narrative 4 and they covered: * Storytelling around controversial topics build community through revealing nuance * How exactly Narrative 4’s Story Exchange works through experiencing radical empathy in circle * That empathy starts with the courage and generosity to try to listen * Hearing your story told by someone else lets you see it in a new light * Facilitation is key to handle the emotional space and a co-facilitator helps keep the flow going * That there is nothing soft about the skill of facilitation and it improves through practice * Working with and learning from local leaders who already have people’s trust.

In this final episode of Series 1 of the Circle Holding Podcast, Julia and Tessa reflect on what they learnt from the diverse circle facilitators who were interviewed. They also look back on their own experiences of being in circle and holding space, remembering magical moments and some challenging ones!

In this episode, Julia and Andy covered: • Participatory democracy is about a deeper level of democracy e.g. Citizen’s assembly to listen to diverse voices and find common solutions • Danger of spiritual bypassing when engaged in spiritual practices at the expense of everyday relationships in society • ‘Deep democracy’ tries to draw inner voices into democratic process as microcosm of outer world • Talking in circle ‘until the obvious arises’ leads to real solutions • Facilitator balances aim of meeting with making people comfortable to take part • Appreciative enquiry to use imagination through crafts or drawing so that people have chance to express themselves through different methods • Dynamic facilitation to reflect back what you’ve heard and to create a safe space where creative solutions can emerge rather than fighting about different opinions • Diversity in facilitators to match diversity of participants and to ensure that there isn’t a power imbalance • Parliament as opposite of circle holding – paradigms that current society build on makes collaboration harder

In this episode with Liz of Becoming Mums, we covered: • The importance of having co-facilitators to support with the skills to read the room and create a permissive atmosphere • How being clear about what your demographic needs is more important than what you want to do (and will help you get funding) • Talking to existing organisations or projects that work with your demographic to see how they work and what gaps in provision there are so you’re not reinventing the wheel but creating allies • The importance of paying artists a proper fee for their time in providing a creative aspect to your circle and how creating can support talking • How you as a facilitator create the structure for the space, but then get out of the way of where the talking wants to go: it’s not about your agency but the people who are there • Having shared experience / being a peer makes all the difference when inviting speakers to a circle • How as a facilitator there might come a time when it’s right to move on because you’re no longer in the demographic • Creating community and connections is what underpins change in society

In this episode, we covered: Talking circles are called by different names, including conversation circles, listening circles, sharing circles and groups (women's groups, men's groups, girl's groups) Circle time can be very straight forward or contain lots of ceremony - it depends on the purpose and the demographic Ceremony can be missing in many people's lives and be enriching Having familiar words or practices (or rituals) can create a sense of safety and familiarity that helps settle people's nervous systems There's space for all sorts of different circles If you're unsure about going to one, contact the facilitator and ask what the circle is like

In this episode, Julia and Lee covered: • How men are often attracted to circle when they’re at crisis point • The application process for the closed group after being part of an open one • The structure of the meeting allows deep sharings to happen: ‘freedom within form’ • How he provides several opportunities to talk, with longer each time for more depth • Silence can be part of a person’s allotted time • Structure, intention and timeframe are three important aspects to consider • Rites of passage for men include grief and facing fear • Working with 14-16 year old boys involves matching then with a ‘man of trust’ who has done his own work • It’s important to attend a circle yourself as a facilitator and have your own self-practice • Toxic masculinity is toxic terminology – there is zero tolerance to sexist, racist or homophobic language, but use of it rarely happens in circle • Lee shares how to do an introduction to a men’s circle and a settling practice

In this episode, Julia and Tessa covered: The hidden costs and time spent in running a talking circle Avoiding facilitator burnout by being compensated for your time Different models for running a listening circle Getting funding to make the circle free for participants to attend Experiences of trying to run a circle by donation

In this episode with Jane Bennett, we covered: • How a circle format can work well for sensitive topics in general and to differentiate it from puberty lessons in school in particular • We talked about how having a conversation before the circle can help manage expectations of what will happen • How circle time can lessen feelings of shame or embarrassment and increase positivity around taboo subjects • When crafts or other ways of keeping hands and eyes busy can be advantageous • Why the process of normalising talking about difficult subjects is so important and how circle facilitators achieve that • How you adapt for the people attending the circle, with the example of dads attending Fathers Celebrating Daughters events • A fantastic tip for new (and old) facilitators on the importance of taking time to be present.

In this episode about listening with Julia and Tessa, we covered: The importance of the listener being attuned and not having an agenda How wonderful when listening is reciprocal and the listener isn’t trying to fix anything The signs of someone not listening to you How to do a Listening Partnership The joy of a longer term listening partnership That self-worth can grow as someone feels their voice is important

In this episode, Tessa and Julia shared their highlights of the past 14 episodes including: - the power of circles with children and young people (Roy Leighton, Sophie King-Hill and Nellie Harden) - the importance of embodiment in talking circles for the participants and as a circle facilitator (Henika Patel and Marta Fabregat) - the spectrum of circles from in your living room to an international, decades-old organisation (Nicky Yazbeck and Mike Irwin) - the gift of being authentic as a group facilitator rather than being 100% perfect or professional!

In this episode, Tessa and Nellie talk about: • Circles show up in all sorts of places like music groups and choirs • Growth happens in relationship, not isolation, which makes circles perfect for change • Modern life with devices and social media makes it hard for families to do active listening with each other • Get clarity about your child’s learning language so your message gets through e.g. pictures, words, movement • Playing loud music really helped to prepare the 12-18 year olds for listening later – think of your attendees’ needs • A clarity board enables you to write or draw what you hear the other person is saying and check you’ve got it right (up to 5 things you hear) • A facilitator can provide third-party validation where a change in relationship / communication is the goal • Aim is to create a space to develop truth and trust with the circle so that the amygdala doesn’t shut down processing too much flight and fight • Rules for Nellie’s session is ROCKS: Respect, Obedience, Compassion, Kindness, Self-discipline • Can take a break if things get heated to re-establish calm or use ‘square breathing’ (also known as even breathing) with tracing the square on the leg • Make the participants aware of defence mechanisms such as sarcasm, mocking, dismissing, interrupting, ignoring and distraction – these are destructive forms of communication and you need to take a break if it happens • In terms of time keeping, you can put a leeway / buffer for latecomers but also at the end in case you are in something deep and don’t want to interrupt the process • A firm boundary is having phones away • Acknowledging the role of hormones in relationships is important in this age group.

In this episode with Nicky Yazbeck (https://nickyyyoga.com/) and Julia, they covered: • How Nicky holds a women’s circle for those who’ve experienced plant medicine • Ayhuasca is a serious plant medicine and need to prepare through clean diet and other preparations • A circle is important for creating a container for the experience • There is a WhatsApp group important for the integration of what came up after taking the plant medicine – everyone in the group has shared experience • People are welcome whether it’s a good or bad day • Separate women and men’s circles are held because they’ve found a different level of sharing when the sexes are separated • Pre-circle phone call with Nicky to set expectations • Opening is an opportunity for someone to share – might be a chance to grow through vulnerability e.g. singing in from of the circle, teaching a meditation • She’s found that having done plant medicine, people are willing to go deeper: there’s no hesitancy about sharing • She asks people to be specific about what they want: to have space held for them, support given, reflection and / or advice. Definitely not there to rescue people. Attendees may check “Are you open to feedback?” • In a 3 hour circle, there are usually 9-14 women and Nicky doesn’t keep time for how long people speak for. • A firm guideline is that we don’t talk about people who aren’t present. • Closing is an opportunity to ask everyone how they want to close the circle to give ownership e.g. singing a song, rolling oms, holding hands

For the video interview and transcript, go to In this interview with Marta Fabregat (https://martafabregat.com/), we covered - How the practice of Focusing works - Focusing is listening from the body, but can’t separate the experience from the environment - Focusing is about the art of living rather than a method or technique - Marta and Tessa both share a short focusing practice - Focusing creates a pause and stillness through being more fully present and honouring your experience - With practice, it becomes natural to keep company with what’s happening internally all the time - Marta shares an analogy of gardening and rewilding: the former is the way we’re conditioned to communicate and be with our experience through different lenses compared to there being no imposition, judgement or belief - For ‘true’ connection to happen we need non-interventional, non-judgemental company - Through this practice with the body, this is not ‘spacey’ but very much grounded - Your own experience of a moment, of a situation makes it a totally new thing just as a poet will experience their own poem newly some time later - As a facilitator, keeping company to what comes in a group situation is crucial, ideally with a beginner’s mind without psychotherapeutic training or whatever your background may be.

A common question is trainings is how to balance the role of facilitator and the role of being an expert within a workshop context, in which a talking circle will be one activity. For example, if you run a menopause workshop and teach the first part, how will you shift to a sharing circle where everyone doesn't just turn to you for answers? How do you create an atmosphere where people feel empowered to share their experience? Julia and Tessa share some reflections and tips on how to manage this issue of expertise and power dynamics.

In this episode, Julia and Tessa covered: - The benefits of both online and in person circles - The challenges of online and additional guidelines you might put into place - The additional work that an in person circle might involve in setting up the physical space - Examples of how both online and in person circles have worked with different demographics.

In this episode, Julia and Henika talked about: - How she transformed from a lawyer into a facilitator of sensual arts after reasling she was disconnected from her body - Circle time was a catalyst for the journey: it created a space to talk about taboo topics without shame - Her ‘Shakti Circle’ focuses on the cultivation of power in the body (any body) - Safety in a circle is objective and subjective so it’s important to clearly specify who the circle is for (including in the marketing) and she spends an hour of a 2-hour circle on practices for the self before moving into sharing ie “I” to “we” - One practice she shares is Yang and Yin vision: Yang vision is how you see someone passing by (the colour of their clothes or hair) and Yin vision is looking to connect beyond the surface level - She will talk for 5/6 minutes about the container of the circle, including about any gender being welcome, looking beyond the surface level etc - Circle is a template for the rest of the world and your life: taking time to cultivate listening skills, how to express yourself in a way that feels safe in your body, develop empathy will ripple out into the rest of your day - Circle is an opportunity to educate on these skills - Social media can be a lonely experience – just you and a phone – where you can be left with shame from the gap between reality and expectations, but circle enables those experiences to be shared - Shakti circles address unrealistic expectations from porn that’s not covered by sex ed - Generally we are not taught what ‘No’ feels like in your body to then be able to communicate your ‘No’ - She is a first generation Indian woman who grew up with rituals at home - The association of tantra with sex is a neo-tantra ie a new form, traditionally it is about a whole range of practices focusing on goddesses as a reaction to Hinduism where focus was on men practising and particular castes. Tantra is not a religion, but a counter culture. - A practice she likes to include in circle is a simplified version of Nyasa - infusion divinity into the body by repeating a phrase such as “This is the beautiful hair of Julia” as you touch the hair, working around the body, with permission not to touch or giving other options - It is important when sharing a practice to name the tradition or teacher to honour the teaching and steer towards cultural appreciation rather than cultural appropriation

In this episode, Julia Davis spoke to Dr Sophie King-Hill [(https://www.birmingham.ac.uk/schools/social-policy/departments/health-services-management-centre/staff/profile.aspx?ReferenceId=170453)](https://www.birmingham.ac.uk/schools/social-policy/departments/health-services-management-centre/staff/profile.aspx?ReferenceId=170453) talked about: - Beliefs around sexuality and youth lead to discrimination against teenage parents - Young people are guarded because of the stigma around teenage pregnancy - Work to set expectations (guidelines is too formal) to create a safe space where young people can ask questions without feeling stupid or having the fear of ridicule - She meets parents ahead of group meetings to know their history and potentially upsetting issues - Key is thinking that you're equal to them, that all voices are valid, and facilitator is here to learn and prepared to be wrong - Setting is informal - no need to ask to go to the toilet, whether they can eat something, get up, have a headphone in - ['A Student's Guide to What You Don't Know' booklet](https://www.birmingham.ac.uk/schools/social-policy/departments/health-services-management-centre/research/a-students-guide-to-what-you-dont-know) was produced by young people to give to teachers and educators - Person teaching sex ed has to be comfortable with the topic - Support critical thinking about what they find online and be able to discuss in a safe space without judgement - Important to give space to think through contraception rather than making a last minute decision - Smaller groups for Sex Ed would be ideal and in a circle format - teachers can be transparent about being nervous about trying a new format - Ask anonymously what the young people want to know - same paper, pen for each person so no-one singled out - Need to be ready to be responsive to what comes up - If parents don't want their children receiving Sex Ed, gently share research with them showing how it helps kids to be safe in a highly sexualised environment

In this episode, Tessa and Roy talked about: *His involvement in Peace Circles being rooted in his childhood with Adverse Childhood Events * How circles can increase inclusion and belonging in schools – in 7 years only 7 days of exclusion across the whole school * Using the framework of the ‘Four Rooms’ – intellectual, emotional, practical and spiritual in every circle – to deal with conflict quickly through structure of ‘When you…’, ‘I feel….’, ‘because….’, ‘what can we do about it?’ * Different levels of circle from senior management – with mixed staff (dinner ladies, ground staff) and mixed year groups * Thrice weekly meetings called ‘family circles’ by children * Staff trained in holding circle and moving through restorative, chaotic and self-organising circles * Circle works to re-educate away from simple hierarchy to transcend and become more inclusive * Circles can hold conflict and prevent escalation * Intergeneration circles build maturity in younger members * Circles provide spaces where people can be called out but lead to change rather than conflict and unhealthy confrontation

In this episode, Tessa and Julia discussed the technique of Yoga Nidra relaxations within circle time: - Useful settling technique in circle - Can be used for all different audiences (e.g. pregnancy, kids, perimenopause, fatigue - The participants can lie down or sit for this technique and should be as comfortable as possible - The facilitator stays sitting and alert to deliver the nidra - for the training you do not need to be a yoga teacher - There are different components in a nidra including body mapping, opposite qualities, setting an intention and themes can run throughout, including visualisations. - You can find scripts to read out, but this does not have the same effect as a nidra you have created yourself and are delivering without reading (bullet points are fine as a reminder) - Yoga nidras can vary in length and provide a boost to energy - Circle facilitation can also support your movement / meditation classes: to check-in without the talking taking over the session, build connections, get feedback about practices and check out before the end of the session

In this episode, Tessa and Jenny Burrell (https://www.burrelleducation.com/) covered: - Learning the value of silence - How online circles can be just as powerful as in person ones but guidelines may need to be slightly different - You might think group coaching is about really cool questions but it's mostly about listening - The difference between feedback and reflection in circle - As group facilitators or circle holders we can be human rather than perfect and this makes us into more compassionate leaders and much more!

In this episode with Mike Irwin, he and Julia discussed: • It’s okay as a facilitator to be learning and not be perfect! People are looking for authenticity and not superconfident • Your nervousness can be a gift to the nervous attendees • The first part of starting the circle is to get present yourself as a facilitator • You can start with a centring question e.g. ‘What’s preventing me from feeling comfortable here?’ or ‘What do I want to feel like at the end of the session?’ • As important aspect of guidelines is to open up the requirements around confidentiality to the attendees eg.’if you see me in the supermarket ignore me’ through to ‘let’s swap phone numbers and keep in touch outside the circle’ • You may also want to discuss how the circle will deal with conflict. A ‘hygiene measure’ that might help is to make ‘I’ statements • There is a tension between what people want to talk about and what they don’t want to talk about but would be good to, like emotions! For example, relationships with parents, family, sexual relationships, with money. ‘Tell me a time when….(e.g. your relationship with money was difficult)’ • One exercise is to put an empty chair in the room and imagine putting someone in it e.g. mum, partner, • There is a tension between facilitation and participation – Mike feels you can’t fully be in the group and facilitate • The process involves understanding ‘Where am I?’ now and being in an intermediary position where you don’t want to be before you can get to ‘Where I’d love to be’. You might ask ‘Can you inhabit this inbetween place?’ • In closing the circle, you might give people a chance to say what they got out of it. • Circles are important because they counteract the influences on young men from what is on social media

In this episode you will learn how Julia set up her local women's circle. She talks about the people she thought would come and who actually came. You will hear how she adapted the circle to suit the needs of various diverse groups. Tessa and Julia compare what it is like to set up a new circle as apposed to monthly gatherings of a well established community.