Big Chat Small Talk Podcast with Louise Anderson and Vernie Bennett – Détails, épisodes et analyse

Raising boys is a unique and profound experience, one filled with love, hope and the unwavering belief in our son's potential. But as a black boy, it can also be a journey fraught with obstacles, stereotypes and systemic injustices that threaten to derail their dreams. Raising black boys in Britain comes off its own set of challenges and considerations. 

Joining us today to discuss this are Aaron Dale, father of two and podcast host of Raising Boys 2 Men and Andrez Harriott, singer in the chart-topping band Damage, a criminologist and the CEO of TLG, an organisation that works closely with disadvantaged and vulnerable children. 

We'll delve deep into the joys and triumphs of parenting black boys, celebrating their brilliance, creativity and resilience in the face of adversity. We’ll also confront the harsh realities and painful truths surrounding race, discrimination and inequalities that we as parents fear may shape their lived experiences. 

What is Covered: 

-How identity is seen and valued in Britain

-How to raise boys from Africa and the Caribbean within the British context 

-The power of popular culture and the community in creating a positive self-image of black boys

-Character before colour - how one’s character fights against structural issues

-“The Talk” that parents need to have with their children about the systemic obstacles they may encounter while growing up  

-The challenges of raising children in interracial relationships 

-How to build resilience within the community and help black boys thrive as children and young adults

-The need for safe spaces for men to be open, vulnerable and to work on handling their emotions

-How and where black boys can find positive role models for themselves     

Resources: 

-Listen to the Raising Boys 2 Men Podcast hosted by Aaron Dale https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/raisingboys2men-podcast/id1625584737 

-Connect with Andrez Harriott https://www.instagram.com/andrezharriott/ 

-Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigchatsmalltalk/  

-Subscribe to be the first to know about new content https://linktr.ee/bigchatsmalltalk 

-Send a Voice Message to Big Chat Small Talk https://www.speakpipe.com/BigChatSmallTalk

We've all heard the saying that you don't marry the individual but the family. But how true is that in real life? In-laws come in all shapes and sizes, and Viola Fields from “Monster-in-Law” illustrates just what a nightmare it can be when all parties are not happy with the partnership that's about to take place. Likewise, it doesn't just stop at the mother-in-law, but the surrounding family members can also affect the smooth sailing relationship of a new couple. 

We’ll be discussing toxic in-laws, and are they really interfering and overbearing, or just initiating you into the family way?

What is Covered: 

-Different family norms and how families ‘advertise’ themselves to new members

-Cultural differences that can cause conflicts in the extended family

-In which situations the initiation into a new family can become toxic

-Is blood thicker than water? How to deal with the interference from your partner’s family

-The role of your partner in preventing toxic interference and setting boundaries

-Should you marry at all if you identify too many red flags with potential future in-laws?

-How conflicts with in-laws are prevented and navigated in arranged marriages

Resources: 

-Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigchatsmalltalk/  

-Subscribe to be the first to know about new content https://linktr.ee/bigchatsmalltalk 

-Send a Voice Message to Big Chat Small Talk https://www.speakpipe.com/BigChatSmallTalk

We all need to belong to a group, a tribe, a sector in society And this is labelled with clear distinct language such as men, women, workers, breadwinners, homemakers etc. The point in which we join one tribe over another by initiation or otherwise can very much depend on what culture you are from.

As both mothers of sons, we have spent a lot of time thinking what kind of men our sons will be. 

Whilst girls have a very distinct transition into womanhood marked by her menstruation, the question is here: when do boys become men? Do we need to be actively engaged in this transition or should we allow it to occur naturally?

What is Covered: 

-Why boys’ transition into manhood is not so obvious in Western societies

-Examples of rituals in other cultures that mark the transition from boys to men

-Events that can be considered as marks of adulthood in Western societies

-The need for a male role model during a young man’s adolescence

-Are rituals that mark male adulthood necessary in the contemporary world?

-The psychological pressures of having to prove masculinity

-How does a female raise a man? 

-How to help create and mark a period of time when boys become men 

Resources:

-Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigchatsmalltalk/  

-Subscribe to be the first to know about new content https://linktr.ee/bigchatsmalltalk 

-Send a Voice Message to Big Chat Small Talk https://www.speakpipe.com/BigChatSmallTalk

Let’s begin with some wisdom from Instagram: “There is no amount of gifts, affirmations, courtesy or kindness you can offer to a person who has already determined they're not going to like you. Learn not to take ownership of their toxic feelings, especially when you know you haven't done anything to warrant that type of reaction. If they're determined not to like you, be determined not to care.” 

Today, we’re talking about frenemies. A frenemy is a person who pretends to be a friend, but is really an enemy. We are going to discuss how and why someone might become a frenemy, our experiences with frenemies and what you can do when you recognise one in your life.

What is covered: 

-The definition of a frenemy 

-How to transform envy and jealousy into synergy and cooperation

-Dealing with betrayal in friendships

-Why your wish to raise people up might be perceived as patronising 

-How to redefine the boundaries with someone who turned out to be a frenemy

-Can you stay friends with a frenemy? 

Resources: 

-Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigchatsmalltalk/  

-Subscribe to be the first to know about new content https://linktr.ee/bigchatsmalltalk 

-Send a Voice Message to Big Chat Small Talk https://www.speakpipe.com/BigChatSmallTalk

In this episode, we’re discussing private school versus state school education. 

Research has suggested that 7% of the population are educated privately and yet seem to form the majority of the top echelons of our corporations and political elite. For most parents, independent schools are aspirational. The decision to send a child is determined by parents' financial ability. In contrast, however, the state is publicly funded and free at the point of entry.

The question that we’re trying to answer today is, does it really matter whether your child is attending a private or state school? 

What is Covered: 

-Why Louise has chosen to send her kids to a state school

-Why Vernie decided to choose private school for her children

-How the state school system transformed over the years

-How “postcode lottery” affects the quality of state-funded education

-Implicit bias in the preschool education system 

-Parent-school connection in independent schools

-Support for children and extracurricular activities in private and state schools  

-Are children from private schools overconfident in workplaces? 

-Diversity as an opportunity in state schools

-Financial barriers and misconceptions about private schools

-Elitism and networking opportunities in private schools

-Secondary education opportunities in both the state and private system

Resources mentioned (books/services/products/websites):

-Yale News – Implicit bias may help explain high preschool expulsion rates for black children https://news.yale.edu/2016/09/27/implicit-bias-may-explain-high-preschool-expulsion-rates-black-children 

-Yale Child Study Center - Do Early Educators’ Implicit Biases Regarding Sex and Race Relate to Behavior Expectations and Recommendations of Preschool Expulsions and Suspensions? https://files-profile.medicine.yale.edu/documents/75afe6d2-e556-4794-bf8c-3cf105113b7c  

-Jahnine Davis, Adultification bias within child protection and safeguarding https://www.justiceinspectorates.gov.uk/hmiprobation/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2022/06/Academic-Insights-Adultification-bias-within-child-protection-and-safeguarding.pdf 

-Hackney schoolgirl strip-searched by Met Police was taken out of exam https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-60766891

-Educational outcomes of Black pupils and students https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-9023/ 

-Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigchatsmalltalk/  

-Subscribe to be the first to know about new content https://linktr.ee/bigchatsmalltalk 

-Send a Voice Message to Big Chat Small Talk https://www.speakpipe.com/BigChatSmallTalk

For many couples, marriage is seen as something that only death can part. But in recent  years, we have seen the rise of divorces, separations and an increase in cohabiting families.

Even strong couples who weren't facing problems before the pandemic, and who managed to avoid major shifts in the household during this time, have fallen susceptible to breakup. 

In this episode, we talk about marital breakup with the aim to answer the question: are we too quick to jump ship?  

What is Covered: 

-Louise’s experience with recent separation from a long-term partner

-How the meaning of monogamy has changed over time

-Different mechanisms couples can consider before jumping ship

-Vernie’s way of conflict resolution in marriage

-What is the biggest killer of a marriage?

-Why women are most often the ones initiating a divorce 

-Why people get married today 

-How a separation or a divorce affects men compared to women

Resources: 

- Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigchatsmalltalk/  

- Subscribe to be the first to know about new content https://linktr.ee/bigchatsmalltalk 

- Send a Voice Message to Big Chat Small Talk https://www.speakpipe.com/BigChatSmallTalk

- Divorce Counseling https://www.relate.org.uk/divorce-counselling

- Dads Unlimited - Family Separation Support https://www.dadsunltd.org.uk

- Dad’s House - Supporting single fathers, their children and families https://dadshouse.os.fan/

Dating in the 2020s has been described as a dating apocalypse, with the remaining participants picking at the carcass of somebody else's cast off in the wasteland. With the rise of dating apps exacerbated by Covid, with  quarantine dating, post the lockdowns, the landscape of dating has fostered an environment of hookup culture, ghosting, and created a breeding ground for toxic narcissistic masculinity and femininity. 

In this episode, we are going to discuss whether modern dating is as doom and gloom as some would have us believe, and is there still hope in the minefield of modern dating? We're trying to find your diamond in the rough. 

What is Covered: 

-Courting vs. dating 

-How dating looked like 20 years ago and how it looks now

-How social media culture spilled into dating apps

-The need for self-marketing in the dating market

-The irreplaceable nature of physical contact and body language in dating

-Hookup culture that is dominant in the dating apps

-Ghosting in place of courtesy and dating protocol

-How dating apps are bringing back the matchmaking element and ethos into online dating

-Our verdict - modern or traditional dating?

Resources: 

- Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigchatsmalltalk/ 

- Subscribe to be the first to know about new content https://linktr.ee/bigchatsmalltalk

- Send a Voice Message to Big Chat Small Talk https://www.speakpipe.com/BigChatSmallTalk

What does 50/50 mean in terms of sharing the load in the household? 

For many it’s equal distribution and responsibility between the partners when it comes to finance, child-rearing, housekeeping, bills, cooking and cleaning. But as you’ll hear in this episode, 50/50 means different things to us!

We discuss our experiences and views on sharing the household load, the pros and cons of 50/50, the different ways to see 50/50, as well as what 50/50 means in dating. As we challenge each other on this topic, you may find your perspective challenged as well! 

What is Covered: 

-Why Louise thinks it should be 50/50 between the partners

-Why Vernie thinks it should not be 50/50

-The challenges of having a high-flying career and running a home

-The failings of feminism when it comes to 50/50 in the household

-Why being a stay-at-home parent is a privilege in today’s world

-The equal importance of having a family and a professional identity 

-How the workplaces got better in supporting work-family balance

-What 50/50 means from a dating perspective  

Resources: 

- Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigchatsmalltalk/  

- Subscribe to be the first to know about new content https://linktr.ee/bigchatsmalltalk 

- Send a Voice Message to Big Chat Small Talk https://www.speakpipe.com/BigChatSmallTalk

Welcome to the Big Chat Small Talk Podcast! This is a show for dynamic and engaged minds, who love thought-provoking discussions about big life challenges in an approachable way. 

Who are your hosts? 

Your co-host Vernie Bennett has a professional background in the music industry and law. She is a mother, wife, barrister Called to the Bar, singer, songwriter and founding member of the music group Eternal. This podcast is a diamond opportunity for Vernie to talk candidly about the things that matter to her as a mother, a friend and a person of colour, as well as to connect with the audience in a different way.

Your co-host Louise Anderson has a professional and commercial background in the financial and banking sector. She recently separated from a long-term matrimonial relationship and is a mother of 3. She feels that people in the corporate world don't always have a platform to share or present how they see things in the world, not just as professionals, but also as fathers, mothers, wives, husbands, daughters, sons or sisters and brothers. She genuinely loves to discuss her own and other people’s perspectives on today’s life’s demands.

Some of the topics you’re going to hear discussed on this show are dating in the 2020s, marriage sustainability, pregnancy and birth, dealing with frenemies, private vs. public school education, corporal punishment at home, playdate etiquette, social media impact on our kids and much more. 

This podcast is a platform for thinkers, and for people to feel safe in expressing how they feel about something without feeling over-criticised or shut down.

So tune in and let us have a Big Chat about important issues in a Small Talk way! 

Resources: 

- Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigchatsmalltalk/  

- Subscribe to be the first to know about new content https://linktr.ee/bigchatsmalltalk  

- Send a Voice Message to Big Chat Small Talk https://www.speakpipe.com/BigChatSmallTalk

At the heart of the polyamorous versus monogamy debate lies the very fabric of human relationships, societal norms and individual freedoms. As we delve into this complex and multifaceted topic, it is imperative that we approach it with an open mind, a spirit of critical inquiry, and a deep respect for differing perspectives. 

On one hand, we have monogamy, a relationship structure deeply ingrained in many cultures and societies around the world. On the other hand, we have polyamory, a practice that challenges the conventional norms of a monogamous relationship by allowing individuals to have multiple partners simultaneously. So the question is, is polyamory on the rise and monogamy now taboo?

What is Covered: 

-How monogamy has changed over decades and why some people believe it’s now  more taboo

-The pros and cons of monogamy 

-Why polyamory is trending and what its pros and cons are

-Legal implications of monogamy and polyamory

-The issues of jealousy and trust in monogamy and polyamory

-The politics and expectations of monogamy and polyamory

-How today’s children view partnerships and what will happen when they are in their 50s and 60s

-Why weddings keep being popular

-The case for “reselling” monogamy

Resources: 

-Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigchatsmalltalk/  

-Subscribe to be the first to know about new content https://linktr.ee/bigchatsmalltalk 

-Send a Voice Message to Big Chat Small Talk https://www.speakpipe.com/BigChatSmallTalk