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TitreDateDurée
E131: Electric Play – The Spark Between Fear and Pleasure14 sept. 202601:07:45

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Today's episode is all about electric play a form of BDSM that's often misunderstood and surrounded by myths. Some people imagine it's dangerous, others think it's just a gimmick, and many have never even heard of it. So today, we're going to separate fact from fiction. We'll explore why some people enjoy electric sensation, how consent and communication are central to the experience, and why education and risk awareness matter so much. Whether you're simply curious, part of the kink community, or just interested in understanding different forms of human intimacy, this episode is about learning without judgment.

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E130: Q & A with a dominatrix07 sept. 202600:47:09

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One of the things I enjoy most about asking for your questions is that sometimes a handful of completely unrelated questions end up circling around the same idea or we just go straight off the tracks into a whole different podcast.

When I looked through the ones I wanted to answer this week, they seemed to be about completely different things. I totally have not been ADHD putting this off because of how indepth these questions can get. One was about campaigning for the decriminalisation of sex work. One was about politics. One was about BDSM. One was about whether being part of a community shapes your opinions. One was about knowing when conviction becomes arrogance.

Lets dive in

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E129: Feminisation: Why Does It Appeal to Some Men? The Psychology, Shame & Misconceptions31 août 202600:27:05

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Welcome back everyone to Behind The Paddle Podcast

Today's episode is one I've wanted to make for a long time because it's surrounded by misunderstanding, judgement and, frankly, a lot of misinformation.

We're talking about feminisation.

Now, before anyone jumps to conclusions, this isn't an episode promoting or criticising it. It's an attempt to understand it. I have my own stories which I'm going to share with you. Some of them are absolutely heartwarming and others really made me reconsider offering feminisation sessions. For some people, feminisation is a kink. For others it's an exploration of gender expression. For some it's simply fantasy. For others it becomes part of discovering who they really are. Those aren't all the same thing.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming every person interested in feminisation fits into one category. Believe me it certainly doesn't. 

Human beings are far more complicated than that.

Today I want to explore the psychology behind it, where shame comes from, how masculinity fits into the picture, the influence of the internet, and why this topic says so much about how society treats gender. Now what I'm going to discuss isn't a blanket for everyone who dresses up no not at all. Every individual person has their own reasons. Hey, I might not even hit on why some men do it. We are learning every single day, especially seeing clients as often as I do I love to be educated on what makes people tick and what really leads them to enjoy what they enjoy. 

My hope is that whether this applies to you personally or not, you'll leave with a deeper understanding of feminisation. 



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E128: An English Madam Part 1324 août 202600:31:07

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E127: BEHIND THE BADGE - Alan Greer17 août 202600:32:19

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“Laws are threats made by the dominant socio-economic ethnic group in a given nation. It’s just a promise of violence that’s enacted and the police are basically an occupying army, you know what I mean?” - Brennan Lee Mulligan

A police officer is given something that few people in society ever receive: authority.

That authority is not only the power to enforce the law. It is the ability to enter people's lives at their most vulnerable moments. A police officer may arrive when someone is frightened, injured, distressed, or in danger. People open their doors because they believe the person standing there has come to help. At least that's what they want you to think. That belief is the foundation of policing. Trust. But trust can also be broken and stepped on..

When “allegations” and i put these in quote marks because we all know these aren't "allegations emerged that a person who held that position may have abused it, the consequences reach far beyond one individual. They affect victims. They affect communities. And they affect confidence in the entire organisation.

In 2026, Police Scotland launched an investigation into former officer Alan Greer. Police say the investigation uncovered allegations of serious sexual offences involving multiple women and spanning many years. The case has become one of the most significant investigations into a serving police officer in Scotland. 

Let's talk about the abuser Alan Greer.

This episode is about the investigation, the people affected, and the wider questions raised about policing, accountability and trust.

It is about what happens when the institution created to protect people has to investigate one of its own.



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E126: An English Madam Part 1210 août 202600:36:18

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E125: An English Madam Part 1103 août 202600:45:26

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E124: An English Madam Part 1027 juil. 202600:49:56

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E123: An English Madam Part 920 juil. 202600:31:11

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E122: An English Madam Part 829 juin 202600:48:07

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E121: An English Madam Part 722 juin 202600:45:26

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E120:Confidence & Guidance15 juin 202601:16:18

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This was taken from my bimonthly Zoom event. 

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how some men don’t know either how to navigate in the bedroom, don’t have as much confidence, haven’t much experience or confidence or have trauma therefore needing some mentoring in some manner. I have started to notice in my years of being a companion that there is an increase in men using my services who either aren’t as experienced or aren’t as confident within themselves when in the bedroom. Well luckily for you I am here to guide you. I absolutely adore teaching people (not just men) how to not just pleasure a woman but also learn more facts about both bodies going into detail but not too much detail that it overloads the brain within a short time frame. I myself am talented in pleasuring people sexually. I know what I like, how I like it with a plethora of knowledge let me help you. T I’ve been working as a professional sex worker for 9yrs in that time I have grown not just personally but professionally I’m a autistic adhd pansexual switch 27yr old ive been told im open minded, an open book, easy to talk to,mind blowing knowledge about the human body, I'm patient and willing to hear you out. I’ve been practicing BDSM for over 11yrs I’m a switch so I know what it’s like to be on the flip side which personally gives me in my opinion a better insight in how to be a better dom. How to spank, how to look for indications your play partner might be freezing up, uncomfortable or just enjoying the scene.

This is something I massively specialise in and I enjoy teaching. Seeing my clients flourish.

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E119:Motherhood, Money & Morality: Sex Work While Pregnant Part 208 juin 202600:41:59

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Baby Bumps & Backlash: S*x Work and Pregnancy. 

This episode came about from hearing about Bonnie Blues pregnancy gangbang/golden shower. 

In this episode of Behindthepaddle podcast you will hear from myself who has done adult content while pregnant. I will explain why, how I felt at the time and how I currently feel and how moving forward we can help pregnant women. This experience is from somebody who has lived and breathed it and I think that’s very important when listening to what needs to change.

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E118:Motherhood, Money & Morality: Sex Work While Pregnant Part 101 juin 202601:06:07

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Baby Bumps & Backlash: S*x Work and Pregnancy. 

This episode came about from hearing about Bonnie Blues pregnancy gangbang/golden shower. 

In this episode of Behindthepaddle podcast you will hear from myself who has done adult content while pregnant. I will explain why, how I felt at the time and how I currently feel and how moving forward we can help pregnant women. This experience is from somebody who has lived and breathed it and I think that’s very important when listening to what needs to change.

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E117: An English Madam Part 625 mai 202600:29:04

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E116: An English Madam Part 518 mai 202600:43:00

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E115: An English Madam Part 404 mai 202600:39:59

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E114: An English Madam Part 327 avr. 202600:26:42

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.

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E113: An English Madam Part 220 avr. 202600:50:13

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.



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E112: An English Madam Part 126 mars 202600:22:31

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The Life and Work of Cynthia Payne 

Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.




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E111: London’s most notorious brothel keeper Cynthia Payne23 mars 202600:48:02

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Cynthia Diana Paine born 24 December 1932, she was known professionally as Cynthia Payne and nicknamed Madam Cyn, was an English madam, brothel keeper, party hostess, and media personality. She was widely considered to be Britain's best known madam. She made headlines throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when she was convicted of running a brothel at 32 Ambleside Avenue in Streatham, south London.



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E110: Ash Regan Nordic Model Bill failure16 mars 202600:47:59

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Today we are talking about the horrific lies of Ash Regan and the uneducated people who supported her bill. Mixing up consensual sex work and trafficking, making vocal sex workers ghosts who have no voice when spoken. The laughs by the supports of the Nordic model when told about the facts and evidence the Nordic model does indeed endanger not just sex workers but trafficked women. I was there at Parliament sitting in the seats as they mocked women who consented to sex work. 


Let me bring you through what trauma i/we all endured sitting there having to be in silence just like how they want our voices.

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E109: How to be you part 1212 mars 202600:18:30

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What if everything you've been taught about being "normal" is actually rooted in systems of oppression? Welcome to a thought-provoking journey through the hidden forces that shape our understanding of executive functioning and neurodivergence.

Diving into Ellie Middleton's "How to Be You," we explore how capitalism has trained us to equate our worth with productivity and independence. When profit becomes more important than people, our natural variations in planning, focus, and organization are reframed as personal failings rather than simply different ways of processing the world. We unpack how government cuts to support services have made it even harder for neurodivergent people to access the accommodations they need.

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E108: The 6888th Central Postal Directory Battalion09 mars 202600:40:04

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The men didn't think the women could do it. The 6888th Central Postal Directory Battalion were an amazing group of women who stared into the faces of inequality, racism and sexism whom defined all odds. Everyone was against the women they didn't think they could sort 17million pieces of mail. In WW2 leaders thought that low moral was the cause of so many dying so they put 6888 Battalion in charge. Please listen to the amazing story of how the fight for coloured women's rights made a mark in history. 

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E107: How to be you part 1105 mars 202600:49:26

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What if everything you've been taught about being "normal" is actually rooted in systems of oppression? Welcome to a thought-provoking journey through the hidden forces that shape our understanding of executive functioning and neurodivergence.

Diving into Ellie Middleton's "How to Be You," we explore how capitalism has trained us to equate our worth with productivity and independence. When profit becomes more important than people, our natural variations in planning, focus, and organization are reframed as personal failings rather than simply different ways of processing the world. We unpack how government cuts to support services have made it even harder for neurodivergent people to access the accommodations they need.

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E106: The Lies of the NordicModelNow - Part 2 Booklet12 janv. 202602:25:32

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In this episode of Behindthepaddle, we take a critical look at the widely circulated booklet Decriminalisation vs the Nordic Model. Rather than debating ideology, this episode focuses on how the argument is constructed — from the emotional framing in the opening pages to the way evidence from New Zealand, Germany, and Europe is later presented.

We unpack how language, selective survivor testimony, and eye-catching statistics are used to guide the reader toward a predetermined conclusion, and why this matters for anyone engaging in good-faith conversations about sex work policy. This isn’t about denying harm — it’s about asking whether harm reduction debates can be honest, nuanced, and evidence-based.

If you’ve ever been sent this booklet as a “gotcha,” this episode offers the context needed to read it more critically.

https://nordicmodelnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Decrim-vs-the-NM-booklet.pdf


BBC Episode - with myself

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m002msdj


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E105: The Lies of the NordicModelNow - Part 1 Booklet24 déc. 202501:29:13

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In this episode of Behindthepaddle, we take a critical look at the widely circulated booklet Decriminalisation vs the Nordic Model. Rather than debating ideology, this episode focuses on how the argument is constructed — from the emotional framing in the opening pages to the way evidence from New Zealand, Germany, and Europe is later presented.

We unpack how language, selective survivor testimony, and eye-catching statistics are used to guide the reader toward a predetermined conclusion, and why this matters for anyone engaging in good-faith conversations about sex work policy. This isn’t about denying harm — it’s about asking whether harm reduction debates can be honest, nuanced, and evidence-based.

If you’ve ever been sent this booklet as a “gotcha,” this episode offers the context needed to read it more critically.

https://nordicmodelnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Decrim-vs-the-NM-booklet.pdf

BBC Episode - with myself

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m002msdj

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E104 :International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers — 17th December17 déc. 202500:42:08

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Today we will be talking about International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers.

This day exists because too many people who sold sex were harmed, ignored, disappeared, and killed and because the world decided that was acceptable, or at least inevitable.

Some sex workers' deaths,assaults, disappearances aren't even accounted for.
For the people whose lives were reduced to headlines that began with “Prostitute found…” Never questioned why, why did they happen. What can we do to prevent it. 

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E103: How to be you Part 1012 déc. 202501:01:20

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What if everything you've been taught about being "normal" is actually rooted in systems of oppression? Welcome to a thought-provoking journey through the hidden forces that shape our understanding of executive functioning and neurodivergence.

Diving into Ellie Middleton's "How to Be You," we explore how capitalism has trained us to equate our worth with productivity and independence. When profit becomes more important than people, our natural variations in planning, focus, and organization are reframed as personal failings rather than simply different ways of processing the world. We unpack how government cuts to support services have made it even harder for neurodivergent people to access the accommodations they need.

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E102: Burke & Haire Edinburgh's Serial Killers & Strip Club08 déc. 202500:46:22

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Today we dive dep into the serial killers Burke & Haire learning how Edinburgh has encapsulated these killers into the modern day world 

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E101: Bettie Page01 déc. 202500:22:05

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Before BDSM had a place in the public eye, one woman stepped into the frame and smiled through the ropes. In this Behindthepaddle deep dive, Victoria explores how Bettie Page a Southern girl with a homemade fringe  revolutionised erotic culture. From her trauma-shaped childhood to the Klaw Studios era of playful bondage, from moral panic to mental-health battles, and finally to her mythical return as a feminist and fetish icon, this episode reveals the woman who made kink visible…and made consent look like joy.

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E100: How to be you Part 928 nov. 202500:53:45

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What if everything you've been taught about being "normal" is actually rooted in systems of oppression? Welcome to a thought-provoking journey through the hidden forces that shape our understanding of executive functioning and neurodivergence.

Diving into Ellie Middleton's "How to Be You," we explore how capitalism has trained us to equate our worth with productivity and independence. When profit becomes more important than people, our natural variations in planning, focus, and organization are reframed as personal failings rather than simply different ways of processing the world. We unpack how government cuts to support services have made it even harder for neurodivergent people to access the accommodations they need.

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E99: Windows of Amsterdam24 nov. 202501:25:56

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Wanna hear me go on a rant about how families should teach their kids about sex etc ? I try twice to focus back to Amsterdam the Prostitute  Museum but there are so many reasons why as a society we see sex as taboo. Please listen in on how I a sex worker of 8yrs found Amsterdams Red Light District. Decriminalisation all the way 

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E98: What's been happening ? 17 nov. 202501:11:32

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In this episode I talk about how hectic the past two months have been with BBC interviews, Parliament visits, being a single mum and my Amsterdam work trip away. Want to know what its like being a sex worker ? Its just like any other person doing a job, this one is just a little bit more interesting than most

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E97: How to be you Part 809 oct. 202500:53:44

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What if everything you've been taught about being "normal" is actually rooted in systems of oppression? Welcome to a thought-provoking journey through the hidden forces that shape our understanding of executive functioning and neurodivergence.

Diving into Ellie Middleton's "How to Be You," we explore how capitalism has trained us to equate our worth with productivity and independence. When profit becomes more important than people, our natural variations in planning, focus, and organization are reframed as personal failings rather than simply different ways of processing the world. We unpack how government cuts to support services have made it even harder for neurodivergent people to access the accommodations they need.

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E96:The Rage Before the Storm: Living with PMDD06 oct. 202500:30:50

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In The Rage Before the Storm: Living with PMDD, Porcelain Victoria delves into the raw, cyclical reality of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder a condition that turns the body’s natural rhythm into emotional warfare. Blending medical insight, feminist critique, and intimate storytelling, this four-hour episode explores the science, stigma, and survival behind PMDD. From hormonal sensitivity and misdiagnosis to relationships, rage, and reclamation.

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E95:How to be you part 702 oct. 202500:54:07

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What if everything you've been taught about being "normal" is actually rooted in systems of oppression? Welcome to a thought-provoking journey through the hidden forces that shape our understanding of executive functioning and neurodivergence.

Diving into Ellie Middleton's "How to Be You," we explore how capitalism has trained us to equate our worth with productivity and independence. When profit becomes more important than people, our natural variations in planning, focus, and organization are reframed as personal failings rather than simply different ways of processing the world. We unpack how government cuts to support services have made it even harder for neurodivergent people to access the accommodations they need.

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E94: Collars and Creatures: Inside the World of Petplay30 sept. 202500:45:44

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What happens when humans shed language, drop to all fours, and find freedom in a collar? In this deep-dive Petplay episode of Behind the Paddle, host Porcelain Victoria explores the culture, psychology, and practicalities of pet/handler dynamics from ancient animal rites to modern pup hoods and kitten ears.

You’ll hear:

  • What petplay is (and isn’t): clear consent lines, why it’s not zoophilia, and how sexuality ranges from non-sexual nurture to explicitly erotic power exchange.
  • A quick history: shapeshifting gods, shamanic rites, leather culture, and the internet boom that made pups, ponies, kittens, and fantasy creatures visible worldwide.
  • Petspace 101: the creature headspace, common triggers, and ways to enter/exit safely.
  • Rituals & training: grooming, feeding, bedtime, obedience games, and bratty play—plus discipline styles that build trust.
  • Handlers & ownership: roles (Handler, Trainer, Owner), traits of a good dominant, and what a healthy bond looks like.
  • Community & visibility: public play etiquette, pet zones at events, and finding your pack.
  • The deep emotions: shame and exposure, healing through animal role, nonverbal communication, red flags, and repair.
  • Commitment & endings: collaring ceremonies, aftercare for drop, and how to navigate breakups with care.

If you loved this episode, follow the show, leave a rating, and share it with someone who wags, purrs, or prances. 🐾


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E93:How to be you part 625 sept. 202500:53:29

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What if everything you've been taught about being "normal" is actually rooted in systems of oppression? Welcome to a thought-provoking journey through the hidden forces that shape our understanding of executive functioning and neurodivergence.

Diving into Ellie Middleton's "How to Be You," we explore how capitalism has trained us to equate our worth with productivity and independence. When profit becomes more important than people, our natural variations in planning, focus, and organization are reframed as personal failings rather than simply different ways of processing the world. We unpack how government cuts to support services have made it even harder for neurodivergent people to access the accommodations they need.

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E92: The Nordic Model vs. Decriminalization22 sept. 202500:38:20

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 Behindthepaddle podcast takes listeners inside one of the most polarizing debates in feminist and political history: the Nordic Model versus decriminalisation of sex work. With personal testimony, global case studies, and voices from sex-worker–led groups like SWARM, Scot-PEP, and Umbrella Lane, this episode dismantles myths, exposes the harms of Ash Regan’s proposed “End Demand” Bill in Scotland, and contrasts it with New Zealand’s evidence-based model of decriminalisation. From health and human rights to stigma, migration, class, and survival, Two Roads makes clear that this isn’t about abstract law it’s about dignity, safety, and the right to choose our futures. 

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E91:How to be you part 519 sept. 202501:01:06

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What if everything you've been taught about being "normal" is actually rooted in systems of oppression? Welcome to a thought-provoking journey through the hidden forces that shape our understanding of executive functioning and neurodivergence.

Diving into Ellie Middleton's "How to Be You," we explore how capitalism has trained us to equate our worth with productivity and independence. When profit becomes more important than people, our natural variations in planning, focus, and organization are reframed as personal failings rather than simply different ways of processing the world. We unpack how government cuts to support services have made it even harder for neurodivergent people to access the accommodations they need.

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E90:Burgers and Ballgags: Inside Munches and Play Parties in the BDSM World15 sept. 202500:51:16

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 From diner booths to dungeon floors, “Burgers and Ballgags: Inside Munches and Play Parties in the BDSM World” explores the social and sexual spaces where kink comes alive. Porcelain Victoria guides you through the history, the people, and the rules that shape these gatherings from the casual comfort of a munch to the charged intensity of a play party. This is not porn, not fantasy, but the real story of how community, consent, vulnerability, and desire meet in public kink. 

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E89: Secrets in the Sheets: Husbands, Fetishes, and the Cost of Silence08 sept. 202500:42:07

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Welcome to Behindthepaddle. I’m Porcelain Victoria, and this episode… is a tender one.

Today, we’re stepping into the bedroom but not just for fun. We’re pulling open the drawer of secrets. Hidden fetishes. Quiet urges. And those deeply human moments when a husband or partner finally tells the truth… to the person they love most.

We’re talking about the difference between being honest and being unfaithful. Between sharing a kink and hiding it with someone else. Between keeping secrets… and finally being real.



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E88: How to be you part 404 sept. 202500:53:58

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What if everything you've been taught about being "normal" is actually rooted in systems of oppression? Welcome to a thought-provoking journey through the hidden forces that shape our understanding of executive functioning and neurodivergence.

Diving into Ellie Middleton's "How to Be You," we explore how capitalism has trained us to equate our worth with productivity and independence. When profit becomes more important than people, our natural variations in planning, focus, and organization are reframed as personal failings rather than simply different ways of processing the world. We unpack how government cuts to support services have made it even harder for neurodivergent people to access the accommodations they need.

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E87:Crayons, Contracts, and Care: Inside the World of DDLG and Caregiver/Little Dynamics01 sept. 202500:51:44

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Behindthepaddle Podcast invites you inside one of the most tender, misunderstood, and intimate corners of the BDSM world: Caregiver/little dynamics.

We explore the acronyms (DDLG, CGL, MDLB, Littles, Middles, Brats), the psychology of regression and attachment, the rituals of rules and punishments, and the playful, sometimes erotic, worlds of diapers, pacis, and discipline.

We dive deep into:

  • What regression really is (and isn’t)
  • Why structure makes Littles feel safe
  • The brat’s defiance as a plea for love
  • Rituals of affirmation and daily caregiving practices
  • The risks of Littlespace, drop, and unsafe dynamics
  • How permission to need, regress, defy, and be loved is the heart of it all

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E86: How to be you part 328 août 202500:22:07

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What if everything you've been taught about being "normal" is actually rooted in systems of oppression? Welcome to a thought-provoking journey through the hidden forces that shape our understanding of executive functioning and neurodivergence.

Diving into Ellie Middleton's "How to Be You," we explore how capitalism has trained us to equate our worth with productivity and independence. When profit becomes more important than people, our natural variations in planning, focus, and organization are reframed as personal failings rather than simply different ways of processing the world. We unpack how government cuts to support services have made it even harder for neurodivergent people to access the accommodations they need.

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E85:Kink vs Fetish25 août 202500:41:57

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In this episode, I dive into one of the questions I hear all the time: what’s the difference between a kink and a fetish? These two words get thrown around a lot, but they aren’t the same thing and understanding the difference can change how we see ourselves and our sex lives.

I share my own experience as someone who needs BDSM in my life to feel whole and authentic, but who can still enjoy and orgasm through vanilla sex. For me, kink is the language of my desire not always required for climax, but absolutely essential for fulfillment.

We’ll also look at how fetish has been understood historically, why it was once pathologized, and how modern sex-positive approaches view it today. Along the way, I’ll reflect on how kink expands pleasure, how fetish sometimes replaces it, and why neither is something to be ashamed of.

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E84:How to be you part 221 août 202500:48:30

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Hello welcome to Behindthepaddle podcast, what happens when your brain constantly pulls you in opposite directions? When one part craves structure while another needs novelty, or when one side thrives on patterns while another demands constant stimulation? This fascinating tension sits at the heart of Ellie Middletons transformative book "How to Be You," which we explore in depth on this episode of Behind the Paddle Podcast.

The book presents a "pick-and-mix" approach to executive functioning strategies, acknowledging that no single method works consistently for neurodivergent brains. This feels revolutionary in a world where we're often made to feel broken for not fitting into neurotypical productivity models. As the author confesses to having drawers full of barely-used planners and abandoned productivity apps, many listeners will feel deeply seen and validated.

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E83: Beyond The Dungeon: Exploring SSC, RACK & PRICK in BDSM18 août 202501:09:31

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Welcome to Behind the Paddle podcast. Today we are speaking about BDSM not as a hobby, not as a kink to be giggled at behind closed doors, and not as a fleeting curiosity but as a world. A world of power, of discipline, of trust. A world of deeply human longing and deeply consensual depravity. A world some of us live in every single day.

Whether you’re new to this world or have bruises that still carry stories from years past, this episode is for you.

Let’s begin with a truth: BDSM is not about violence.

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E82:How to be you part 115 août 202500:37:34

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Hello welcome to Behindthepaddle podcast, what happens when your brain constantly pulls you in opposite directions? When one part craves structure while another needs novelty, or when one side thrives on patterns while another demands constant stimulation? This fascinating tension sits at the heart of Ellie Middletons transformative book "How to Be You," which we explore in depth on this episode of Behind the Paddle Podcast.

The book presents a "pick-and-mix" approach to executive functioning strategies, acknowledging that no single method works consistently for neurodivergent brains. This feels revolutionary in a world where we're often made to feel broken for not fitting into neurotypical productivity models. As the author confesses to having drawers full of barely-used planners and abandoned productivity apps, many listeners will feel deeply seen and validated.

Support the show

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Thank you so much for listening 💖

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